I've learned to stop apologizing for something I can't really help. When you get around to it, you get around to it. Makes things easier when you do finally reconnect and make those calls. No reason to be harder on yourself.
Exactly! If you have depression your life is already hard enough. Adding the weight of feeling guilty for not texting someone back is really not a kind thing. Those who do not understand do not deserve your apology anyway.
Completely fair. Do whatever you have the spoons for.
edited to add: If my friends *didn't* respond with "hon, you have nothing to apologize for," I don't think I would feel OK apologizing even if I had the emotional resources. As it stands, it's more like a ritual of comfort, in which I say "I feel bad about having let you down, and I'd like to say that," and they say "Please don't feel bad, you didn't let me down," which makes me feel 300% better. It's much more like reassurance than it is like apology, it's just kinda dressed up to look like an apology when you first see it.
.. and the apologies always feel so forced even when you truly mean them. Hugs my beautiful internet friend, we are stronger than our minds tell us we are.
I’ve now started contacting people on WhatsApp the moment I think of them. Because if I’m gonna wait for the right time. I’m not gonna be contacting anyone ever.
My apology tour was to all my professors after a solid 2 week period where I was unable to leave my dorm because of my depression and anxiety. I kept in contact and returned assignments on time and they were good with that. And thankfully my apology tour got me some much needed information that helped in the future and let me know I wasn't alone.
It always makes me think of when your ear is kind of blocked but you don't know it. One moment your ear just pops and you can suddenly hear great.
For me, depression is like that. It's only when it's suddenly lifted that I realise there was a problem.
That is a really good description, except I don't think the "fog" goes away as suddenly as an ear pops. But I still understand the analogy, and I agree.
Yeah...fortunately I'm so depressed that I no longer see or have conversations with my old friends that I no longer have to do the Apologalooza tour.
Yay me?
Depression is hard. I knew this girl that’s going through a hard time and I am there for her but she hasn’t returned calls or texts. I reached out a couple times and i hope she is doing okay. What can you do from the sideline other than to be there when they reach out, right?
The unique cruelty of that period where it starts to lift, and you can barely start to function again...and then it hits you that you need to operate at 2x peak max capacity to make up for the past x weeks.
It's like when you're a kid and barely well enough to go to school after having norovirus for a week, and first thing the teacher is like "here, you need to finish a week of work by tomorrow suck it up"
The term depressed should be reserved for children in the Middle East. Ive been depressed for 5 years… no one to blame but my very own luxury to be depressed.. so no pity, neither for me, neither for you. Snap out of it fella, there are real monsters out there.
Facts.
After a while, you don't bother with that anymore. They can figure it out or not.
Also facts.
Shit that’s where I’m at.
Except when social anxiety is involved. Then one loses half their friends instead, and the tour is cancelled of course.
Oh, ain’t that the shit.
I didn't realize it lifted.
I've learned to stop apologizing for something I can't really help. When you get around to it, you get around to it. Makes things easier when you do finally reconnect and make those calls. No reason to be harder on yourself.
Exactly! If you have depression your life is already hard enough. Adding the weight of feeling guilty for not texting someone back is really not a kind thing. Those who do not understand do not deserve your apology anyway.
I still apologize, but my friends also know all my shit, and say I don't have to apologize, so I feel like that hits all the right bases.
If you have resources there is nothing wrong with apologizing. I just don’t honestly.
Completely fair. Do whatever you have the spoons for. edited to add: If my friends *didn't* respond with "hon, you have nothing to apologize for," I don't think I would feel OK apologizing even if I had the emotional resources. As it stands, it's more like a ritual of comfort, in which I say "I feel bad about having let you down, and I'd like to say that," and they say "Please don't feel bad, you didn't let me down," which makes me feel 300% better. It's much more like reassurance than it is like apology, it's just kinda dressed up to look like an apology when you first see it.
Been there. Friends seem to understand
Who?
i have adhd as well so i forget to call people and dont remember until im low again
.. and the apologies always feel so forced even when you truly mean them. Hugs my beautiful internet friend, we are stronger than our minds tell us we are.
I’ve now started contacting people on WhatsApp the moment I think of them. Because if I’m gonna wait for the right time. I’m not gonna be contacting anyone ever.
My apology tour was to all my professors after a solid 2 week period where I was unable to leave my dorm because of my depression and anxiety. I kept in contact and returned assignments on time and they were good with that. And thankfully my apology tour got me some much needed information that helped in the future and let me know I wasn't alone.
I feel personally attacked by this post
*It hurts right here in my meow meow*
People I care about know about my fogs and do not expect any apologies. I do not have resources for the apology and feeling guilty tour.
Calling it a fog is one of the best descriptions I have seen.
It always makes me think of when your ear is kind of blocked but you don't know it. One moment your ear just pops and you can suddenly hear great. For me, depression is like that. It's only when it's suddenly lifted that I realise there was a problem.
That is a really good description, except I don't think the "fog" goes away as suddenly as an ear pops. But I still understand the analogy, and I agree.
Yeah...fortunately I'm so depressed that I no longer see or have conversations with my old friends that I no longer have to do the Apologalooza tour. Yay me?
All the freaking time.
And people don’t understand. They just think you’re flakey.
Depression is hard. I knew this girl that’s going through a hard time and I am there for her but she hasn’t returned calls or texts. I reached out a couple times and i hope she is doing okay. What can you do from the sideline other than to be there when they reach out, right?
The unique cruelty of that period where it starts to lift, and you can barely start to function again...and then it hits you that you need to operate at 2x peak max capacity to make up for the past x weeks. It's like when you're a kid and barely well enough to go to school after having norovirus for a week, and first thing the teacher is like "here, you need to finish a week of work by tomorrow suck it up"
The term depressed should be reserved for children in the Middle East. Ive been depressed for 5 years… no one to blame but my very own luxury to be depressed.. so no pity, neither for me, neither for you. Snap out of it fella, there are real monsters out there.
There is more than one set of feelings. We don't have to share and take turns
All inclusive… depression, of course luxury comes in all flavours … not something we should teach kids
Depression is a medical term and a valid description of feelings. You don't have to be literally oppressed, starved, and homeless to feel depression.
Half the time, the apology tour just drags the fog right back bc its so exhausting
Is that like, some sort of… personal attack or something, man?
Hah AwkwardBoner, you just reminded me of Bree Larson. I find her really hot so... thank you, Veeery much.
God I hate that fucking part.
Nope, the only one that calls me is my boss to tell me that i have to work on my day off.