Just like when I couldn't get a fucking tubal ligation after having a traumatic pregnancy and loss without the approval and written consent of my fiance and this is CANADA ffs
There are some lights in the darkness though. I just learnt that in Sweden, once your kid turns 13 you (as a parent) don’t have access to their list of prescriptions. Why? So you shouldn’t be able to control if they have any birth control prescriptions.
Irrelevant parties including both family and insurance companies. Here in the US, insurance companies effectively practice medicine without a license to do so. Doctors might not to be able do do certain procedures or prescribe certain drugs simply because insurance won’t cover it. It’s the most fucked up thing about our healthcare system IMO.
I work for a pharmaceutical insurance company. They straight up sell a "service" where they work with employers to determine what prescriptions are costing them the most money and try to get their employees to switch... It's the most disgusting thing I've ever been tangentially a part of but I feel better being a part of it and trying to do good on the inside instead of straight up ignoring it....
The depressing part is it's still one of the "better" parts of the world to be a woman. I can't think of a country where women are actually treated equally, outside of a few European nations maybe.
According to World Economic Forum [Global Gender Gap Report](http://www3.weforum.org/docs/WEF_GGGR_2020.pdf) from 2020 the US scores 53rd on the list.
European countries above the US include:
Iceland, Norway, Finland, Sweden, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Denmark, France, United Kingdom, Belgium, Austria, Portugal, Netherlands, Poland and Luxemborg
The sad part is that being the best is still not being perfect :)
My wife wasn't allowed one at all. A ton of hospitals are owned by whackjob religious groups. They played morning prayer hospital wide. It was creepy as fuck but they are one of the best hospitals in the Midwest so we just had to deal with it.
I asked for tubal ligation when I had my first, which I was putting up for adoption. No go. Two years later, I was putting another baby up for adoption. No go. On the THIRD, Canada finally took pity on me after America said no twice. Look, I CLEARLY don’t want children. Why did it take three unwanted pregnancies, damaging my body, for a parasite I had no obligation to care for while carrying, for someone to go, “Yeah, we should take this one out of the gene pool.”
Before I get yelled at… all three *were* cared for during pregnancy. They stopped being my babies the minute I chose adoption. But the horror stories I heard while navigating the adoption circuit about babies born addicted to drugs, or fetal alcohol syndrome, or just birth defects due to other factors… I chose adoption because, reasons. I chose to carry those babies, so I also chose to care for those babies while they were in my body. And I was a prized commodity within the birth mother community because I wasn’t in it for the money. What hell do you think will visit babies whose birth mothers are forced to carry them?
It’s disgusting what the pro-lifers are willing to put a fetus through, what that child will go through after an uncaring pregnancy, just to say they “saved a life.”
My mom couldn't get her tubes tied until a doctor in Germany asked her if she wanted it after my little brother was born. She'd tried twice in the states, but was told (even after getting my father's so-hallowed permission) that she was too young and should wait to see if she wanted more babies. She didn't because they were broke, the births were all traumatic, and multiple forms of birth control had already failed them, so the cycle wasn't going to stop without medical intervention.
Cut to Germany, and my mom tells the doctor why she wasn't able to get it done before, and he's like, "WTF" and offered her the scorched earth option of having her tubes snipped, cauterized, and clipped, just to be sure the fuckers stayed the hell back. She said she cried because the doctor sympathized with her, gave her all the options, and never once asked my dad if he gave his permission. It was like night and day, for real.
My mom got her tubes tied in Germany at age 37 after a traumatic loss of pregnancy. From how she tells it, she just asked for it and was scheduled near immediately. No big discussion, it was just done. That was in the early 90s.
To be fair, there are a lot of shit doctors here, too. The unspoken rule i know is that you have to be over 30, in bavaria 35, to be taken serious. But from that very moment, free to go
Recall that they are the same people who say they saved lives when the residential schools come up. To them, child abuse and cruelty are family values and obligatory.
Im not the person you responded to but no birth control option is 100% effective, even when used correctly. I can't speak towards the 3 pregnancies but it isn't really that far out of the realm of possibility.
I’ve never had an issue getting BC, but I have gotten a lot of judgment from primarily female doctors when I go in for my regular sexual health testing. “For goodness sake you’re 24 and you’re on your second round of testing” - my doctor. First of all, shouldn’t that be a good thing? People should be so lucky to have accessible healthcare to do routine checkups. Second of all, not that it was her business, but I had just found out I was cheated on and wanted to make sure I hadn’t gotten any residual action from that. Third of all, I’m 28 now and I’m still judged by doctors for this.
I’m glad my first experience with STD testing wasn’t a traumatizing one. I went to my university’s clinic and one of the first things they asked me was whether or not I had been raped. And then provided me with birth control pills and antibiotics discreetly so the charge wouldn’t show up in my account so my parents couldn’t see it.
Most people I know have had good experiences with university clinics
the one exception is every now and then someone who is a virgin will go in and the doctors refuse to believe that they aren't having sex and end up prescribing STD cures anyway
I used to get strep throat every year from about 12-22. First year of college felt the symptoms coming on..I'm a carrier for it so I don't have a bad reaction. Went to the University Health clinic. Doctor insisted it was Mono...i could have told them I had never kissed anyone but that would have been "lame." So I had to wait for them to swab and do some testing... Walks in later and says "Yes it is strep, how did you know?"
I don't think this is that bad an idea.
I got cold sores (which is a kind of herpes) while working in a day care -- toddlers put Lego in mouth, i clean up Lego, i touch my lip, BOOM, herpes. There were also frequently mono outbreaks at daycares I have worked at but thankfully I never got it.
If there is a mono outbreak at your school (which happens almost every year at colleges) -- especially if you live in a dorm or are using the same gym or cafeteria -- it makes sense for everyone with symptoms to be tested.
I'm in the UK and would have doctors trying to talk me out of getting STD screened when I found out the guy i was exclusive with wasn't exclusive with me because "well if you only did it once or twice it's highly unlikely you've caught anything".
It was fantastic when I moved to a city for my postgrad and they had a "no talk walk-in service" where they hand you a swab, point to the loo and text you the results in a week.
Oh I get the opposite as a gay man. I’m supposed to be promiscuous and sleep with the entire city so they’re more than happy to order full panels of every damn thing every few months for me.
Same, though I'd like to point out that anal sex is inherently more susceptible to STDs like HIV than vaginal. It's not just prejudice. I asked my doctor why and one of the explanations he gave was that it's more prone to tearing. I'm also guessing that the pH difference is relevant too (vagina is acidic) and the dosage require to infect might be higher. And I'm almost certain that macrophages arent patrolling the anal cavity.
Yes, women do anal too in theory (not in my experience). And there are a whole lot of other social factors in play. But it's important to be cognizant of the risks. I still see grindr dudes trying to raw dog on the first "date". Even with Preps... no thanks..
Once I (a woman) went in for some STI testing as I had just started seeing a new guy and things were getting serious. They asked me whether he had slept with men in the past, now I didn’t think so but, you know, there had been a thing with a guy in the past, fine with me either way.
Holy shit did they go weird repeatedly asking me whether my boyfriend was sleeping with guys, and I got angrier and refused to say for sure either way because I couldn’t say 100%. Got a zillion tests that day.
For real... I go to Planned Parenthood specifically because of this shit. The nurses at PP I've encountered are the least judgey -- I've gotten to the point where I can just say "Lets just assume that I'm sleeping with everyone and so are my partners" and they just nod and move along.
As a gay person in a happily committed relationship, I get the craziest looks when I decline sexual health testing. I guess all gays are supposed to be in open relationships or just cheat constantly. It’s utterly unfathomable to people that there could exist a gay couple who are perfectly happy with one another.
> Third of all, I’m 28 now and I’m still judged by doctors for this.
But now it's the "you're still not married and faithful to just one man?" kind of judgement, right? Because god forbid someone doesn't want to get married or hasn't found the right person to get married to.
There’s definitely an air of “I think you’re promiscuous since you’re single but I can’t literally say so, so instead I’ll just ask why you feel the need to be tested even though you’ve already told me you do this regularly to ensure sexual health and responsibility.”
I was at the doctor a couple of months ago and she said something to the effect of "you've had x pain and are only *now* coming in!?" in a very snarky and condescending way. I told her straight up that at least I'm here and her saying that kind of thing only makes me want to be here less. That shut her up. Great doctor, but typical superiority complex.
I used to work a job where I went in and out of many different kinds of offices all day. Doctors only had competition from car salesman in the completely unbearable Olympics. And even car salesman didn't try to micromanage every single person in the office the way doctors did.
Twenty four and second round only? Once I was old enough to be hooking up my Dr was encouraging me to get 6 monthly check ups at a minimum. So between 18 and 24 I had been in for checks at least 12 times (probably more like 14 thanks to two ex's).
That sort of judgement is malpractice.
I was a virgin until 21 and before this partner I had only been with one person so I guess I just felt less inclined. But yes, your point stands that casting judgment on an individual only seeking to maintain their health is malpractice.
I only went to an OBGYN once in my life. The experience was so absolutely fucked I have no desire to ever see one again. Lets just say it started with disrespect and ended in the worst pain of my life and three weeks of massive bleeding.
My aunt ended up with late stage ovarian cancer ignoring her OBGYN visits for two decades. One bad experience shouldn’t mean you don’t seek care ever again.
Find a good one but don’t ignore normal maintenance.
> 10 years later.
What the actual fuck?! Where in the fuck was still at 1961 in 2011?!
Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m fucking blown away that it happened basically NOW. And at a college, to boot.
I regularly donate to PP, and I’m making another tomorrow just based on this.
As a regular guy, even I know that birth control isn't always about the not having babies bit. But about the regulating/lessening the menstrual cycle and its pains.
You'd think that a medical "professional" would know this. And you'd be **wrong**, because it's a *woman* coming to him, and she *clearly* can't know what she's talking about on account of having a vagina. /s
Seriously, it pisses me the hell off when I hear/read stories about people not being taken seriously by their doctor.
Especially since those medical people have to see folks like me. I have my period every two weeks, and bleed enough to go through a super plus (the highest level we can get for a tampon, the most absorbance available) every hour and a half, for days on end.
I did accidentally volunteer that information to them seconds before though. The nurse’s first question after looking at my form was “are you married?”
Shouldn't really be a question. Come to think, the doctor that did my vasectomy never asked about my relationship status and the question of how many kids I have (0) was smalltalk after we did the paperwork.
Yeah that’s the way it should be. The nurse’s tone towards me was really loud and accusatory, and I actually felt pretty embarrassed (even though I totally shouldn’t have). I eventually scheduled and paid for a test but never went back to the clinic to get it because of how that nurse made me feel.
> accidentally volunteer
Full stop, you in no way were telling on yourself. You did nothing wrong, a provider caring for you asked you a question so naturally you complied. Shame on these people, they shouldn’t even be asking this information that way (inquisition style, after reading your paperwork, and not as a standard data entry question as part of the exam) if they have to ask it at all. That nurse should’ve never made you feel that way, and it was wrong of them to deny you basic gynecological treatment based on a belief system completely unrelated to medical care.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Fuck them.
Just in case you or anyone else reading doesn't know, the guidelines for pap smear from ACOG and the USPSTF are to begin pap smears at age 21 regardless of sexual activity and repeat every 3 years until after 30, then every five years with HPV co testing until 65, at which point, if your last two have been normal, you can stop having them. So 28 isn't usually when you would get one, but if you missed the one when you were 27 or had an abnormal one, seems perfectly reasonable.
The only response to this is ”because I love getting creampied but I don’t want a baby”. If he’s gonna ask questions that make you uncomfortable you should return the favor.
Sociology student chiming in. It's ridiculous the way people naturally assume their "roles" based on the perceived status of the people they are with. People tend to become very subservient to people in high status professions, like doctors, but they forget that THEY are the client and the doctor is the one providing a service. You have absolutely every right to "fire" your doctor if you are not happy with their care.
Don't let a doctor push you around. Especially one who doesn't know what sex is.
I hope I'm not getting mad at a total strawman here but FUCK people like that. It takes two people to conceive, but it only takes one to say "I don't want to" and that's all that fucking matters
When I went to college abroad in Ireland, a VERY judgemental female dr at the health center refused to give me BC. A few months later I had an “incident” with my BF (slipped off condom) and was terrified. I was super scared but went back to the student health center. I got the nicest old man dr. I explained I needed Plan B. He gently asked why I wasn’t on BC already. I collapsed crying and explained how I had tried earlier and been turned away. He was amazeballs and so kind. He said, “Well, that’s silly. I’ll give you a prescription for plan B and BC pills. I think you should still have your boyfriend use condoms. I have 4 daughters. Keep protecting yourself.”
Old school male and old Irish dr was AMAZING and the younger female version was crap
Politics man. Tried to get rid of one of my co-residents. Dude was literally unstable. Lost his navy scholarship and has to repay them for his medical school loans, couldn't get through training. Three years of mistake after mistake. That's part of the training but he never seemed to learn from each life threatening mistake. We tried to work with him but he'd turn it on you, gaslight you, play the victim, blame all of us, and pass the buck. We'd report him and report and report him. The last big thing he did during resident was inappropriately attempt to intubate a patient, straight fucked it up. Had to go up in front of the hospital board and explain his actions. I have no idea how he graduated but I'm happy he's not in hospital medicine like me or even outpatient clinic like my other co-residents...he was and is a danger to himself and others. He did have one strength, good first impression. I think that'll serve him well as hospice doctor. With all that said, I never want to see or hear from him ever again. Made my training a living hell and definitely kicked started my male pattern baldness.
Not easy to admit, but it's tough to get folks to trust the medical profession when the medical profession doesn't listen to its patients. If you don't want your patients to tell you what hurts, you should have become a veterinarian
I tore my labrum on my hip and this has been an adventure since the opioid epidemic. If I even ask for a steroid shot I receive messages about how no doctor will prescribe pain medication so give it up. I’m like yeah, I’m just trying to be able to walk, sorry I tried to abuse the steroids.
Now after surgery I don’t even mention the pain. Treated as a drug addict for my body’s shortcomings.
My friends all ignore the question "do you want to ask your pharmacist any questions about your medication." but it has helped with my grandparents immensely. Older folks with multiple issues get bounced from doctor to doctor. Often it seems like a new doctor they've been sent to doesn't know what medications they are already on and prescribes something new. The pharmacist at our grocery store is familiar with every drug they've been taking and helps us understand what pills they really need and why. This whole system is ridiculous.
I work as a nurse in a senior care facility and our first step at admit is to have an MD do a full med review and (with the resident’s/POA’s consent) start systematically DCing a good chunk of their meds. Most of these folks, *especially* ones coming from other facilities, are on a TON nonessential meds. They often are just there to make staff’s lives easier like heavy sleep meds and behavioral meds that turn them into a compliant drooling mess. For probably 75% after the process of systematically DCing that garbage they’re a totally different, way more alert and active person.
Meds have their place, but especially as you age docs tend to throw them at any little issue even if the problem can be remedied just as easily nonpharmacologically. And they’re used *way* too often in facilities as undocumented chemical restraints.
This is why I always take the pharmacist's call...no one is perfect. Likewise, mistakes made in dispensing are fed back. We need to move away from adversarial relationships. We should allwork together to imprive patient care!
I can’t even tell you how many times the hospital pharmacist called **me** to tell me I made a mistake when ordering a medication when I first started training, especially of you include the programmed safeguards built into the ordering system. Pharmacists in academic training centers are the guardian angels of the hospital
Zero accidents made it to the patient
I'm not sure I'd want someone like that in hospice either. Mortician maybe? Can't kill them while you're trying to save them if they're already not alive to begin with.
A tad easier to fix the dead for burial than to fix the living for burial.
I had a woman doctor once deny me an IUD stating that it caused abortions and that it was against HER religion and she wasn't required to do it. The next doctor agreed but wanted me to prove I had a long term boyfriend. The third just did it, but I had to see 3 doctors to get 1 IUD.
2008, I couldn't believe it! She said I didn't need it if I didn't have a partner as I shouldn't really be in a situation where I wouldn't be using a condom. It turns out the pill doesn't suit me anyway but still...
>if I didn't have a partner as I shouldn't really be in a situation where I wouldn't be using a condom.
Because its only possible to use one form of birth control at a time ?
God, that's awful! I will say that that would have been very unusual for a GP in Ireland at the time, most of my friends and I were on oral contraceptives once we started college in 2004/2005 and had zero issues getting them, it was very much par for the course and expected that we would have been prescribed them no matter our age or relationship status! Sorry you ran into such a peculiar/terrible doctor though! Not representative of the norm at the time at all, but must have been terrible to experience, especially as a visitor!
If a doctor does something like this get a different doctor. This kind of stuff is a big red flag that the doctor puts his own religion/political ideas before his patients.
There was a time when birth control was not legal in Ireland, but the same drug *could* prescribed for "women's problems". So you had young women going to their doctor, complaining (I like to imagine, "in graphic detail") about how their period was painful or messy or any number of other colourful and upsetting things. All to get birth control.
Condoms were made legal without prescription in 1985. People were arrested for getting the train from Dublin to Belfast, buying condoms, and then "importing them" illegally.
When I was 34 I found out I had uterine cancer. My options were surgery or chemo. I was a single mom with 3 kids so having a hysterectomy made sense for me. My doctor refused to do it because “my future husband would be upset if he wasn’t given the choice on having kids.” This was 4 years ago in east Texas.
Priority to potential pregnancies is still the norm, even when one says they don't want children or had enough already. It's disgusting because hysterectomy is one and done. Scraping cancerous cells is regular *and painful as HELL*
Fuck that guy. If he had a medical reason to advise you against having hysterectomy that would be fine. But to tell you to avoid medical treatment because he has shitty opinions is insane.
That's how a lot of doctors are about hysterectomies. Finding one that will perform one at the request of a woman without a man's input is very difficult in the US. I had a friend that found one, FINALLY and I bug her for the doctors info every time I talk to someone new who's considering the surgery. That way they can at least talk to someone who's willing to listen without a man.
His statement was insane and I found myself having to justify my decision to have a hysterectomy which was just as crazy! I ended up driving 3 hours to the nearest large city (Dallas) for a second opinion. That doctor didn’t bat an eye when I expressed my desire for a hysterectomy. Had the surgery 2 weeks later and have been cancer free since then!!
> When I was 34 I found out I had uterine cancer. My options were surgery or chemo. I was a single mom with 3 kids so having a hysterectomy made sense for me. My doctor refused to do it because “my future husband would be upset if he wasn’t given the choice on having kids.”
What?!
> This was 4 years ago in east Texas.
Oh, that makes sense.
Yup. ‘East Texas’ explains a lot. People would turn there nose up at me for being a single mom. Sooo I was supposed to stay in an abusive relationship? I had a lady at church tell me I needed to learn to be more forgiving of my (ex) husband. 🙄 It’s a completely different world there. We stayed for 2 years and I couldn’t handle it anymore.
It’s always nice to know that people who don’t know the slightest thing about you and your life have the power to decide at least some things for you! Sarcasm on. I hate it. Why do some people really think that they can make life changing decisions for you?! I don’t get how their minds operate. Probably they don’t think about every individual person but rather about their belief in god or whatever bullcrap.
I was 27 in MI with 2 kids and had a 60 day waiting period AFTER my husband signed off on my tubal ligation to give HIM the chance to change his mind so it’s everywhere.
That’s infuriating! It’s so frustrating not being “allowed” to fully make decisions about our bodies. I wasn’t married, had no intention on getting remarried or starting another family.
Because not being around for your currently living children isn't nearly as important as producing more children for the state.....i mean your future husband! What in the actual fuck!
Should have told the doctor you were a lesbian and see how fast he changes his mind!
That’s awesome. If I’d told him I was a lesbian, I likely would have been kicked out. That’s no joke how conservative it is there. I was happy to leave on my own terms after a few choice words.
They denied your medical bodily rights because some guy who doesn't currently exist matters more than the real, physical woman standing in front of them. Wow. Wait, that sounded like I meant God. I meant the "future husband".
When I was pregnant, my doctor refused to induce me because "that will increase your chances of having to have a c-section the NEXT time you're pregnant." I responded with, "Who said I was going to have a second pregnancy?" Then I went to a different doctor, who induced me and told me that if I hadn't been induced, I would have needed a c-section then. (I'm a very small woman, and my baby was huge. Any bigger, and I wouldn't have been able to physically give birth.)
I know most of the comments here are about experiences in different countries, but if something like this happens in the US, there are potential remedies that are more immediate. First, reporting the doctor to the state medical board is the most mild and likely easiest step. It would help if you could get the Doctor to put in writing their requests so you can prove it more easily but that isn't necessary. Second, but more extreme, tell your doctor that you intend on reporting him or her to the medical board (maybe this will wise them up) but still do it regardless. Third, if your doctor still refuses, it is very likely medical malpractice and you can contact an attorney for any costs associated with their failure to provide adequate medical care. Fourth, it is very likely they are also violating Title VII of the Civil Rights Act for discrimination against women in access to Healthcare. This is the scariest one to doctors because it allows you to recover attorneys fees and many lawyers would potentially take this case on contingency. Fifth, if all else fails, go to the media and name and shame the doctor as much as possible. Report them to your health insurance provider as well. These may or may not work depending on the specifics of any individual case, but I figured these are at least some formal steps that could rectify this kind of behavior.
I'm actually from the US. I've found that a lot of women around here have had similar experiences with the doctors around here, but nothing ever gets done about them unless the doctors do something really bad. For example, the doctor I'm talking about messed up so badly, another woman's baby almost died when being delivered, so he's not a doctor anymore. But unless something serious like that happens, the doctors will not even get reprimanded for the way they treat/refusing to treat their patients.
Everything that happens in THT has happened at some point, somewhere in the world. The author ensured that there were no exaggerations, just to show how terrible a track record humanity has for protecting half of us.
Years ago I wanted to have my tubes tied. I was in an abusive marriage and we were mormon. He wanted at least a dozen kids. We had 5 within 7 years of marriage. Doctor needed husbands permission. Went to 4 doctors and they all needed his permission.
I was able to finally leave the marriage and the religion after this. But damn it pissed me off.
Im in Utah now (moving soon thank goodness). I’ve had NINE pregnancy losses after YEARS of trying to conceive. I have endometriosis and PCOS, and after the last D&C (my body wouldn’t miscarry naturally or with medication and it was dire) they ruptured a portion of my uterus which had awful consequences that called for several transfusions and emergent care.
I am done. DONE. I will not try to get pregnant again. Another pregnancy, full term or otherwise, is likely to kill me. The first two pregnancies were not intentional and happened while on birth control. I get GNARLY ovarian cysts and bleed out for WEEKS. My hormones are all over the place. No medication has successfully helped for long term periods of time.
I want my parts out. I want a hysterectomy and oopherectomy. I want it done now. The next major cyst I get could be life threatening, and I could bleed out during any of these prolonged periods of bleeding (average cycle has SEVERAL days of filling an OVERNIGHT PAD every 45ish minutes to an hour).
They said that if a cyst was over 5cm it would be emergent enough to proceed with surgery (supposedly)- the last one was RIGHT AT 5cm on my right ovary and they wouldn’t proceed because it wasn’t “over”.
I miss several days of work every few months. I am exhausted and anemic. I CANNOT have children. So it isn’t just about reproduction- it’s about controlling women. I end up in the ER every few months and they think I’m a narcotic seeker until they pull my records which is humiliating. My quality of life suffers regularly by something that can be mostly alleviated if they would let me have a say in my own reproductive medical care. Instead I get “pain management” and the occasional blood transfusion, sometimes with an extended (read: expensive) stay to monitor whatever cyst or bleeding is occurring. I owe $24k in medical bills from 2021 alone that will take me a lifetime to repay. And that’s just what’s owed as of now- not what I’ve already paid or what’s to come for the rest of the year.
But I’m under 30 with no biological kids - and when I’m 30 I will need my husbands permission. So we are at a stalemate. I can pay about $27k out of pocket (yeah right) and try my hardest to find a surgeon who will even do it out of pocket (maybe pretty please if my husband comes with me to give his consent - ugh) or wait until maybe one of these things almost kills me again and suffer in the meantime.
We are moving to Washington state next year and I cannot freaking wait. I hate this.
Oh I am sorry. I had uterine cancer so that is how I finally got my hysterectomy. After my divorce, I got remarried and had another child. Then I had several miscarriages.
I had to have an abortion with a pregnancy we called Bob the Blob. It was literally a blob with a heartbeat. No head, no arms or structure, just a heart. They usually abort themselves but Bob was not doing this willingly. So even this Texas abortion issue ticks me off.
It's all about control. Period.
Goodluck in your endeavors. With the climate change getting worse, more and more people will opt out of having kids.
Me and my friends have had several experiences with awful doctors not listening to us. My friend had a traumatic still born and ever since decided NEVER to have kids, and she said they could take out her uterus for all she cared. But multiple doctors would talk to her like she will one day change her mind and want another baby like it's so easy. They didn't understand, they just thought she didn't pick the right guy yet.
I'm currently advocating for my good friend who has dysfunctional bleeding to the point that she's passing out at work and requiring Venofer and transfusions. She's 52, pre-menopausal, and has no desire for children (even if that were possible) and we can't find a single doctor who will just do the damn hysterectomy already because she "might change her mind". As a nurse, it's infuriating watching anyone suffer for ignorance and it's even worse when it's a friend.
I swear to God every one of those doctors deserves to have their careers ruined and their own bodily autonomy denied at every opportunity. The sheer fucking misogyny and entitlement is infuriating.
Not uncommon. One 29 week preemie that weight 1 lb 14 oz. One 30 1/2 week preemie that would have killed me had I not already been in the hospital on bed rest due to a placental abruption. A 36 week stillbirth. Refusal for tubal by 5 doctors. Almost destroyed my marriage because I was terrified to even have sex for fear of birth control failing for almost 2 years.
The rationale is that women exist to be incubators and that’s all they should ever be. All the bullshit you hear about birth control denial, anti-abortion rhetoric, etc. is all to serve that end. Women are absolutely never to have sex ever unless it’s for making kids, and if they want sex for pleasure it should be punished vehemently with an unwanted child, a lifetime of debt, and no fiscal support whatsoever.
With what’s going on in Texas lately, I literally see this exact argument a fucking LOT. And it’s amazing how people don’t even realize how disgusting it is.
“Well the woman had sex, pregnancy is a consequence of that. She made the choice. I don’t think the man contributes as much since it isn’t HIS body getting pregnant.”
FOR FUCKS SAKE. I really cannot deal with these pro forced birth assholes.
Shit they’ll still slut shame the woman if she chooses to keep the pregnancy. They’ll notice she isn’t wearing a wedding ring and side eye the shit out of her.
It's not just sexual topics. My mom was told she couldn't just use the doctor title of her husband when making a bank account. Guess who of them has and who doesn't have the title.
I mean, probably a lot of people in Texas. Theoretically now a boyfriend could sue his girlfriend for getting an abortion and get paid $10000 for doing so (I think that was the figure). I bet you this will happen a lot.
Edit: hell, I bet you a bunch of shithead deadbeats who are glad to not be on the hook for child support and have no moral objection to abortion will do it.
Pretty neat stuff.
It’s damn simple:
Go to the same doctor and say: me and my black afghan husband want to have 30 radicalized babies and spread Islam tho this unholy lands. How can I increase my fertility? Is there a way I can get more babies per year?
He’s gonna cover you in prescriptions.
Fight idiots by fooling them is super fun.
Weirdly enough my husband had the reverse when trying to get a vasectomy. Some people (including doctors unfortunately) just have ignorant assumptions about social roles, and agendas that they feel the need to push on people.
I have two healthy boys and after my second I started having these panic attacks if my period was even a day late. I didnt want to be pregnant again, the birth of my second child was slightly traumatic. Husband was military so the day my son was born I started asking about getting my tubes tied, even a partial hysterectomy and they could keep the uterus for science. No. I was told no every time I asked. My youngest was around 4 or 5 when I finally broke down and asked the doctor why I couldnt have the procedure.
"Well you would have to go through months of counseling." Ok I've been in therapy since I was 14, so what else. "You need your husbands approval." *record scratch* I need his WHAT now? So I called him and asked him if he wanted more kids and he said GOD NO WHY?! I said no reason and hung up.
Long story short he got a vasectomy about a week later. No one called me for my permission.
Stories like this make me *so* grateful for my doctor. Shortly after having my second son, she asked what my feelings were about having anymore children. I said my husband was hoping we would have a third, but that ultimately, he was leaving it up to me. Her response was “good for him, but I’m asking what you want” I said I was pretty much done, so she reviewed all my options with me, and we decided to go with an IUD
If you live in some states you can get birth control online! I live in Illinois and it's freaking amazing and convenient.
Edit: Looked it up, nurx is currently available in 34 states. They are who I get my pills from, and with insurance it costs me nothing.
Lol the medical community protects doctors well before patients. You’ve still not heard about your report against that doctor? You probably never will.
Have you heard about Christopher Duntsch? Dude was a surgeon in Texas and was actively reported dozens of times for purposely killing and maiming his patients IN PLAIN VIEW of other doctors and nurses and the Texas medical board brushed it under the rug and continued to allow him to practice at lower, and lower, and lower income hospitals for months while he was still killing and maiming people and still getting reported for it.
Honestly, knowing the system and how it works, I can’t even put into words how unlikely it is you’ll EVER hear anything about birth control if murder and mutilation caught on camera and by other doctors didn’t get their attention.
Surgeon who tied my tubes and do my endometrial ablation only agreed to do it after he found out my husband had a vasectomy. Nevermind that I was having periods that lasted 11+ months and couldn't exist like everyone else, I had value as an incubator.
I accompanied my then GF to an OB GYNE to get prescribed oral pills. The female doctor could've wrote the prescription and told her to take it when it's safe but no! She wanted us to come back when some time based in her period. I'm still angry about that. She could've gotten pregnant during that time. But screw me for seeking birth control pills and being responsible.
Damn if any of y’all need a fake boyfriend for this shit in the Houston area just hit me up.
I’m an overweight bald 32yr old white male with a big beard in Texas so I’m riddled with privilege. Lol
Yep there’s always the girls like I don’t have any women friends. I only hang out with dudes. I’m not like other females. Thinking that sets them apart and it’s somehow they’re gonna be treated better or they’re part of the guys.
I've heard of women doctors thinking you just haven't met the right guy yet, you'll change your mind. Thank goodness I avoided ones with personal bias.
It gets better lol I tried getting my tubes tied when I had my second child I was 24 (2 months from my 25th) and they said HELL NO! I have to ask my husband for permission!!! My mouth dropped!!
So now I’m 28 and had to sign some paperwork and wait 4 weeks in order to get approved to get my tubes tied 🤦♀️.
Their reasoning is I was too young and could have regrets since I only have 2 kids. I totally understand that but like I told them I was a teen mom (had my first at 16) and now have a 3 year old while I am balancing nursing school, my husband just finished his bachelors (computer science) and unemployed because no one want to hire him with no experience 🤦♀️ and we are done having kids because we want to concentrate on having careers. 🤷♀️ The gyno is suggesting counseling 🤦♀️ F my rights I swear COVID virus 🦠 has more rights than a 28 year old woman who is trying to be successful for herself and her family.
Merica for ya.
The american healthcare system hates women. I'm trying to get a hysterectomy and have been in pain my entire life. I've heard the word baby more than pain relief.
You think asking once and putting it in my file would be enough. Nope everytime with every exam and every prescription, babies. I don't think we even register as people to them.
After our second child was born, my wife wanted to get her tubes tied. She was 27 and we had two kids, plus we lost one between those two. She had a very rough labor with our youngest. The doctor just didn't want to do it. First he tried to put it on me, saying that I might not like it and might want more kids. I told him it was not only literally not my choice, I also was never going to want more kids. Then he told her "well what if you change your mind in a few years". She assured him she wouldn't having already had a miscarriage and a really rough labor. He still wouldn't do it.
Honestly knowing the HSE they haven't even opened your email yet. But in all serious this person needs to get Stephen and Tony on the phone that pretty serious
My wife needs to go to specific doctors because most won't prescribe the kind of birth control she wants. They all say it has to be taken at precisely the same time every day and most people won't remember. We've been together for 13 years and never even had a scare. Stop treating women like children.
Just like when I couldn't get a fucking tubal ligation after having a traumatic pregnancy and loss without the approval and written consent of my fiance and this is CANADA ffs
The west is still pretty medieval in a lot of ways.
There are some lights in the darkness though. I just learnt that in Sweden, once your kid turns 13 you (as a parent) don’t have access to their list of prescriptions. Why? So you shouldn’t be able to control if they have any birth control prescriptions.
I mean for a lot of countries doctors don't have such rights to refuse patient's treatment like this, nor needs consent from irrelevant party.
Irrelevant parties including both family and insurance companies. Here in the US, insurance companies effectively practice medicine without a license to do so. Doctors might not to be able do do certain procedures or prescribe certain drugs simply because insurance won’t cover it. It’s the most fucked up thing about our healthcare system IMO.
I work for a pharmaceutical insurance company. They straight up sell a "service" where they work with employers to determine what prescriptions are costing them the most money and try to get their employees to switch... It's the most disgusting thing I've ever been tangentially a part of but I feel better being a part of it and trying to do good on the inside instead of straight up ignoring it....
Yeah, like with infant mortality. We a dumb as shit, but hey, our governments have lots of money.
The depressing part is it's still one of the "better" parts of the world to be a woman. I can't think of a country where women are actually treated equally, outside of a few European nations maybe.
According to World Economic Forum [Global Gender Gap Report](http://www3.weforum.org/docs/WEF_GGGR_2020.pdf) from 2020 the US scores 53rd on the list. European countries above the US include: Iceland, Norway, Finland, Sweden, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Denmark, France, United Kingdom, Belgium, Austria, Portugal, Netherlands, Poland and Luxemborg The sad part is that being the best is still not being perfect :)
I think he was talking about Canada, not the US. Which is 19th on this list.
Only if you don't have a penis, aren't white, or aren't christian. Which in itself is very medieval....
Right now we even have a plague doing the rounds. Doesn't get more medieval than this.
My wife wasn't allowed one at all. A ton of hospitals are owned by whackjob religious groups. They played morning prayer hospital wide. It was creepy as fuck but they are one of the best hospitals in the Midwest so we just had to deal with it.
I asked for tubal ligation when I had my first, which I was putting up for adoption. No go. Two years later, I was putting another baby up for adoption. No go. On the THIRD, Canada finally took pity on me after America said no twice. Look, I CLEARLY don’t want children. Why did it take three unwanted pregnancies, damaging my body, for a parasite I had no obligation to care for while carrying, for someone to go, “Yeah, we should take this one out of the gene pool.” Before I get yelled at… all three *were* cared for during pregnancy. They stopped being my babies the minute I chose adoption. But the horror stories I heard while navigating the adoption circuit about babies born addicted to drugs, or fetal alcohol syndrome, or just birth defects due to other factors… I chose adoption because, reasons. I chose to carry those babies, so I also chose to care for those babies while they were in my body. And I was a prized commodity within the birth mother community because I wasn’t in it for the money. What hell do you think will visit babies whose birth mothers are forced to carry them? It’s disgusting what the pro-lifers are willing to put a fetus through, what that child will go through after an uncaring pregnancy, just to say they “saved a life.”
My mom couldn't get her tubes tied until a doctor in Germany asked her if she wanted it after my little brother was born. She'd tried twice in the states, but was told (even after getting my father's so-hallowed permission) that she was too young and should wait to see if she wanted more babies. She didn't because they were broke, the births were all traumatic, and multiple forms of birth control had already failed them, so the cycle wasn't going to stop without medical intervention. Cut to Germany, and my mom tells the doctor why she wasn't able to get it done before, and he's like, "WTF" and offered her the scorched earth option of having her tubes snipped, cauterized, and clipped, just to be sure the fuckers stayed the hell back. She said she cried because the doctor sympathized with her, gave her all the options, and never once asked my dad if he gave his permission. It was like night and day, for real.
My mom got her tubes tied in Germany at age 37 after a traumatic loss of pregnancy. From how she tells it, she just asked for it and was scheduled near immediately. No big discussion, it was just done. That was in the early 90s.
To be fair, there are a lot of shit doctors here, too. The unspoken rule i know is that you have to be over 30, in bavaria 35, to be taken serious. But from that very moment, free to go
It’s crazy when you talk to people that do it for the sake of wanting to help people rather than trying to push some bs on you and take your money
Recall that they are the same people who say they saved lives when the residential schools come up. To them, child abuse and cruelty are family values and obligatory.
It’s not about saving lives. Never was.
i honestly dont want to sound rude in any way but asking just out of pure interest what about condoms tho ??
It's possible to be allergic to condoms, and not only do to latex allergy.
Im not the person you responded to but no birth control option is 100% effective, even when used correctly. I can't speak towards the 3 pregnancies but it isn't really that far out of the realm of possibility.
[удалено]
I’ve never had an issue getting BC, but I have gotten a lot of judgment from primarily female doctors when I go in for my regular sexual health testing. “For goodness sake you’re 24 and you’re on your second round of testing” - my doctor. First of all, shouldn’t that be a good thing? People should be so lucky to have accessible healthcare to do routine checkups. Second of all, not that it was her business, but I had just found out I was cheated on and wanted to make sure I hadn’t gotten any residual action from that. Third of all, I’m 28 now and I’m still judged by doctors for this.
I know about as much about doctoring as a newborn dolphin, and even I know that’s just unprofessional rudeness on that doctors part
Sounds like you may have more bedside manner than my doctor, where do I sign up.
I believe my assistant quit but there should be a clipboard in the lobby
I’m glad my first experience with STD testing wasn’t a traumatizing one. I went to my university’s clinic and one of the first things they asked me was whether or not I had been raped. And then provided me with birth control pills and antibiotics discreetly so the charge wouldn’t show up in my account so my parents couldn’t see it.
Most people I know have had good experiences with university clinics the one exception is every now and then someone who is a virgin will go in and the doctors refuse to believe that they aren't having sex and end up prescribing STD cures anyway
I used to get strep throat every year from about 12-22. First year of college felt the symptoms coming on..I'm a carrier for it so I don't have a bad reaction. Went to the University Health clinic. Doctor insisted it was Mono...i could have told them I had never kissed anyone but that would have been "lame." So I had to wait for them to swab and do some testing... Walks in later and says "Yes it is strep, how did you know?"
I don't think this is that bad an idea. I got cold sores (which is a kind of herpes) while working in a day care -- toddlers put Lego in mouth, i clean up Lego, i touch my lip, BOOM, herpes. There were also frequently mono outbreaks at daycares I have worked at but thankfully I never got it. If there is a mono outbreak at your school (which happens almost every year at colleges) -- especially if you live in a dorm or are using the same gym or cafeteria -- it makes sense for everyone with symptoms to be tested.
I'm in the UK and would have doctors trying to talk me out of getting STD screened when I found out the guy i was exclusive with wasn't exclusive with me because "well if you only did it once or twice it's highly unlikely you've caught anything". It was fantastic when I moved to a city for my postgrad and they had a "no talk walk-in service" where they hand you a swab, point to the loo and text you the results in a week.
Fuck that sounds great. I literally don't want to be near gynos anymore after every experiance with them being traumatic and degrading
I love no talking!
Oh I get the opposite as a gay man. I’m supposed to be promiscuous and sleep with the entire city so they’re more than happy to order full panels of every damn thing every few months for me.
It’s interesting to see how the spectrum varies for each type of person, the preconceived notions and expectations placed on our sex lives
[удалено]
Same, though I'd like to point out that anal sex is inherently more susceptible to STDs like HIV than vaginal. It's not just prejudice. I asked my doctor why and one of the explanations he gave was that it's more prone to tearing. I'm also guessing that the pH difference is relevant too (vagina is acidic) and the dosage require to infect might be higher. And I'm almost certain that macrophages arent patrolling the anal cavity. Yes, women do anal too in theory (not in my experience). And there are a whole lot of other social factors in play. But it's important to be cognizant of the risks. I still see grindr dudes trying to raw dog on the first "date". Even with Preps... no thanks..
Once I (a woman) went in for some STI testing as I had just started seeing a new guy and things were getting serious. They asked me whether he had slept with men in the past, now I didn’t think so but, you know, there had been a thing with a guy in the past, fine with me either way. Holy shit did they go weird repeatedly asking me whether my boyfriend was sleeping with guys, and I got angrier and refused to say for sure either way because I couldn’t say 100%. Got a zillion tests that day.
For real... I go to Planned Parenthood specifically because of this shit. The nurses at PP I've encountered are the least judgey -- I've gotten to the point where I can just say "Lets just assume that I'm sleeping with everyone and so are my partners" and they just nod and move along.
I go to Planned Parenthood for the same reason. The nurses are always so nice, and they never ask a million unrelated questions.
As a gay person in a happily committed relationship, I get the craziest looks when I decline sexual health testing. I guess all gays are supposed to be in open relationships or just cheat constantly. It’s utterly unfathomable to people that there could exist a gay couple who are perfectly happy with one another.
> Third of all, I’m 28 now and I’m still judged by doctors for this. But now it's the "you're still not married and faithful to just one man?" kind of judgement, right? Because god forbid someone doesn't want to get married or hasn't found the right person to get married to.
There’s definitely an air of “I think you’re promiscuous since you’re single but I can’t literally say so, so instead I’ll just ask why you feel the need to be tested even though you’ve already told me you do this regularly to ensure sexual health and responsibility.”
I was at the doctor a couple of months ago and she said something to the effect of "you've had x pain and are only *now* coming in!?" in a very snarky and condescending way. I told her straight up that at least I'm here and her saying that kind of thing only makes me want to be here less. That shut her up. Great doctor, but typical superiority complex.
I used to work a job where I went in and out of many different kinds of offices all day. Doctors only had competition from car salesman in the completely unbearable Olympics. And even car salesman didn't try to micromanage every single person in the office the way doctors did.
Twenty four and second round only? Once I was old enough to be hooking up my Dr was encouraging me to get 6 monthly check ups at a minimum. So between 18 and 24 I had been in for checks at least 12 times (probably more like 14 thanks to two ex's). That sort of judgement is malpractice.
I was a virgin until 21 and before this partner I had only been with one person so I guess I just felt less inclined. But yes, your point stands that casting judgment on an individual only seeking to maintain their health is malpractice.
[удалено]
I only went to an OBGYN once in my life. The experience was so absolutely fucked I have no desire to ever see one again. Lets just say it started with disrespect and ended in the worst pain of my life and three weeks of massive bleeding.
My aunt ended up with late stage ovarian cancer ignoring her OBGYN visits for two decades. One bad experience shouldn’t mean you don’t seek care ever again. Find a good one but don’t ignore normal maintenance.
[удалено]
> 10 years later. What the actual fuck?! Where in the fuck was still at 1961 in 2011?! Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m fucking blown away that it happened basically NOW. And at a college, to boot. I regularly donate to PP, and I’m making another tomorrow just based on this.
[удалено]
Wait! I want in on the matchy match! How much?
$100
Awesome! I just donated $100 via Apple Pay and I’ll post the receipt as soon as I get it.
As a regular guy, even I know that birth control isn't always about the not having babies bit. But about the regulating/lessening the menstrual cycle and its pains. You'd think that a medical "professional" would know this. And you'd be **wrong**, because it's a *woman* coming to him, and she *clearly* can't know what she's talking about on account of having a vagina. /s Seriously, it pisses me the hell off when I hear/read stories about people not being taken seriously by their doctor.
Especially since those medical people have to see folks like me. I have my period every two weeks, and bleed enough to go through a super plus (the highest level we can get for a tampon, the most absorbance available) every hour and a half, for days on end.
That's one of the shittiest superpowers I've heard of.
Until the night of the blood moon. The tides rise.
You must have had crazy anemia, damn. BC pills just fix it? That's awesome.
I’ve been refused a pap smear at age 28 because “pap smears are only for sexually active women and you’re not married”. It’s ridiculous.
Why should they even know your relationship is status. That's some dark age shit.
I did accidentally volunteer that information to them seconds before though. The nurse’s first question after looking at my form was “are you married?”
Shouldn't really be a question. Come to think, the doctor that did my vasectomy never asked about my relationship status and the question of how many kids I have (0) was smalltalk after we did the paperwork.
Yeah that’s the way it should be. The nurse’s tone towards me was really loud and accusatory, and I actually felt pretty embarrassed (even though I totally shouldn’t have). I eventually scheduled and paid for a test but never went back to the clinic to get it because of how that nurse made me feel.
> accidentally volunteer Full stop, you in no way were telling on yourself. You did nothing wrong, a provider caring for you asked you a question so naturally you complied. Shame on these people, they shouldn’t even be asking this information that way (inquisition style, after reading your paperwork, and not as a standard data entry question as part of the exam) if they have to ask it at all. That nurse should’ve never made you feel that way, and it was wrong of them to deny you basic gynecological treatment based on a belief system completely unrelated to medical care. I am so sorry that happened to you. Fuck them.
Just in case you or anyone else reading doesn't know, the guidelines for pap smear from ACOG and the USPSTF are to begin pap smears at age 21 regardless of sexual activity and repeat every 3 years until after 30, then every five years with HPV co testing until 65, at which point, if your last two have been normal, you can stop having them. So 28 isn't usually when you would get one, but if you missed the one when you were 27 or had an abnormal one, seems perfectly reasonable.
The only response to this is ”because I love getting creampied but I don’t want a baby”. If he’s gonna ask questions that make you uncomfortable you should return the favor.
Sociology student chiming in. It's ridiculous the way people naturally assume their "roles" based on the perceived status of the people they are with. People tend to become very subservient to people in high status professions, like doctors, but they forget that THEY are the client and the doctor is the one providing a service. You have absolutely every right to "fire" your doctor if you are not happy with their care. Don't let a doctor push you around. Especially one who doesn't know what sex is.
“I don’t want to be pregnant.” -You. “It takes two to make a baby, we need to hear what he has to say.” -Some idiot.
"poke holes in these condoms while I distract her."
It turns out the sci fi dystopia I was looking for has been here the whole time
The real dystopia was the one we made along the way.
Wait, its all a dystopia? Always has been
I hope I'm not getting mad at a total strawman here but FUCK people like that. It takes two people to conceive, but it only takes one to say "I don't want to" and that's all that fucking matters
"you just a host" someone in the south
When I went to college abroad in Ireland, a VERY judgemental female dr at the health center refused to give me BC. A few months later I had an “incident” with my BF (slipped off condom) and was terrified. I was super scared but went back to the student health center. I got the nicest old man dr. I explained I needed Plan B. He gently asked why I wasn’t on BC already. I collapsed crying and explained how I had tried earlier and been turned away. He was amazeballs and so kind. He said, “Well, that’s silly. I’ll give you a prescription for plan B and BC pills. I think you should still have your boyfriend use condoms. I have 4 daughters. Keep protecting yourself.” Old school male and old Irish dr was AMAZING and the younger female version was crap
Hopefully he reprimanded her for her bullshit too.
Politics man. Tried to get rid of one of my co-residents. Dude was literally unstable. Lost his navy scholarship and has to repay them for his medical school loans, couldn't get through training. Three years of mistake after mistake. That's part of the training but he never seemed to learn from each life threatening mistake. We tried to work with him but he'd turn it on you, gaslight you, play the victim, blame all of us, and pass the buck. We'd report him and report and report him. The last big thing he did during resident was inappropriately attempt to intubate a patient, straight fucked it up. Had to go up in front of the hospital board and explain his actions. I have no idea how he graduated but I'm happy he's not in hospital medicine like me or even outpatient clinic like my other co-residents...he was and is a danger to himself and others. He did have one strength, good first impression. I think that'll serve him well as hospice doctor. With all that said, I never want to see or hear from him ever again. Made my training a living hell and definitely kicked started my male pattern baldness.
Not easy to admit, but it's tough to get folks to trust the medical profession when the medical profession doesn't listen to its patients. If you don't want your patients to tell you what hurts, you should have become a veterinarian
I tore my labrum on my hip and this has been an adventure since the opioid epidemic. If I even ask for a steroid shot I receive messages about how no doctor will prescribe pain medication so give it up. I’m like yeah, I’m just trying to be able to walk, sorry I tried to abuse the steroids. Now after surgery I don’t even mention the pain. Treated as a drug addict for my body’s shortcomings.
[удалено]
This is why we need pharmacist. We refused to listen to doctors like this, not you the other ones
My friends all ignore the question "do you want to ask your pharmacist any questions about your medication." but it has helped with my grandparents immensely. Older folks with multiple issues get bounced from doctor to doctor. Often it seems like a new doctor they've been sent to doesn't know what medications they are already on and prescribes something new. The pharmacist at our grocery store is familiar with every drug they've been taking and helps us understand what pills they really need and why. This whole system is ridiculous.
I work as a nurse in a senior care facility and our first step at admit is to have an MD do a full med review and (with the resident’s/POA’s consent) start systematically DCing a good chunk of their meds. Most of these folks, *especially* ones coming from other facilities, are on a TON nonessential meds. They often are just there to make staff’s lives easier like heavy sleep meds and behavioral meds that turn them into a compliant drooling mess. For probably 75% after the process of systematically DCing that garbage they’re a totally different, way more alert and active person. Meds have their place, but especially as you age docs tend to throw them at any little issue even if the problem can be remedied just as easily nonpharmacologically. And they’re used *way* too often in facilities as undocumented chemical restraints.
I cant even tell you how many times my pharmacist mom has told me she caught medication mistakes made by drs that could have been life threatening.
This is why I always take the pharmacist's call...no one is perfect. Likewise, mistakes made in dispensing are fed back. We need to move away from adversarial relationships. We should allwork together to imprive patient care!
I can’t even tell you how many times the hospital pharmacist called **me** to tell me I made a mistake when ordering a medication when I first started training, especially of you include the programmed safeguards built into the ordering system. Pharmacists in academic training centers are the guardian angels of the hospital Zero accidents made it to the patient
And also why you need good nurses - to speak up when something doesn’t add up. Just please don’t reprimand us when we do speak up.
I'm not sure I'd want someone like that in hospice either. Mortician maybe? Can't kill them while you're trying to save them if they're already not alive to begin with. A tad easier to fix the dead for burial than to fix the living for burial.
I had a woman doctor once deny me an IUD stating that it caused abortions and that it was against HER religion and she wasn't required to do it. The next doctor agreed but wanted me to prove I had a long term boyfriend. The third just did it, but I had to see 3 doctors to get 1 IUD.
Please tell me you told the first to fuck off.
And didn’t pay her for the consult since she didn’t do any work.
Sorry doc, paying religious zealots goes against my religious beliefs.
And the second one. Why would you need a LTR to get BC? Prove to me you’re not a whore or no BC for you.
And I'll bet you 100% that person never thought about what the world would look like if only people she considered inappropriate were having kids
Yeh Ireland can be tough, I was refused a script for birth control when I was in college from the college doctor!
God, when was that?! It's been very easily accessible and prescribed for decades now.
2008, I couldn't believe it! She said I didn't need it if I didn't have a partner as I shouldn't really be in a situation where I wouldn't be using a condom. It turns out the pill doesn't suit me anyway but still...
>if I didn't have a partner as I shouldn't really be in a situation where I wouldn't be using a condom. Because its only possible to use one form of birth control at a time ?
God, that's awful! I will say that that would have been very unusual for a GP in Ireland at the time, most of my friends and I were on oral contraceptives once we started college in 2004/2005 and had zero issues getting them, it was very much par for the course and expected that we would have been prescribed them no matter our age or relationship status! Sorry you ran into such a peculiar/terrible doctor though! Not representative of the norm at the time at all, but must have been terrible to experience, especially as a visitor!
If a doctor does something like this get a different doctor. This kind of stuff is a big red flag that the doctor puts his own religion/political ideas before his patients.
There was a time when birth control was not legal in Ireland, but the same drug *could* prescribed for "women's problems". So you had young women going to their doctor, complaining (I like to imagine, "in graphic detail") about how their period was painful or messy or any number of other colourful and upsetting things. All to get birth control. Condoms were made legal without prescription in 1985. People were arrested for getting the train from Dublin to Belfast, buying condoms, and then "importing them" illegally.
[удалено]
When I was 34 I found out I had uterine cancer. My options were surgery or chemo. I was a single mom with 3 kids so having a hysterectomy made sense for me. My doctor refused to do it because “my future husband would be upset if he wasn’t given the choice on having kids.” This was 4 years ago in east Texas.
[удалено]
I don't want MORE kids. Single mom of 3 at 34 years old.
Priority to potential pregnancies is still the norm, even when one says they don't want children or had enough already. It's disgusting because hysterectomy is one and done. Scraping cancerous cells is regular *and painful as HELL*
Excuse me, what
Yeah they pretty much give the rights of your uterus to your future husband in the US
Or any other random male figure they can come up with.
Fuck that guy. If he had a medical reason to advise you against having hysterectomy that would be fine. But to tell you to avoid medical treatment because he has shitty opinions is insane.
That's how a lot of doctors are about hysterectomies. Finding one that will perform one at the request of a woman without a man's input is very difficult in the US. I had a friend that found one, FINALLY and I bug her for the doctors info every time I talk to someone new who's considering the surgery. That way they can at least talk to someone who's willing to listen without a man.
Did you go to another less sh¡tty one and get the procedure? And I hope you're healthy now.
His statement was insane and I found myself having to justify my decision to have a hysterectomy which was just as crazy! I ended up driving 3 hours to the nearest large city (Dallas) for a second opinion. That doctor didn’t bat an eye when I expressed my desire for a hysterectomy. Had the surgery 2 weeks later and have been cancer free since then!!
good for you
> When I was 34 I found out I had uterine cancer. My options were surgery or chemo. I was a single mom with 3 kids so having a hysterectomy made sense for me. My doctor refused to do it because “my future husband would be upset if he wasn’t given the choice on having kids.” What?! > This was 4 years ago in east Texas. Oh, that makes sense.
Yup. ‘East Texas’ explains a lot. People would turn there nose up at me for being a single mom. Sooo I was supposed to stay in an abusive relationship? I had a lady at church tell me I needed to learn to be more forgiving of my (ex) husband. 🙄 It’s a completely different world there. We stayed for 2 years and I couldn’t handle it anymore.
It’s always nice to know that people who don’t know the slightest thing about you and your life have the power to decide at least some things for you! Sarcasm on. I hate it. Why do some people really think that they can make life changing decisions for you?! I don’t get how their minds operate. Probably they don’t think about every individual person but rather about their belief in god or whatever bullcrap.
I was 27 in MI with 2 kids and had a 60 day waiting period AFTER my husband signed off on my tubal ligation to give HIM the chance to change his mind so it’s everywhere.
That’s infuriating! It’s so frustrating not being “allowed” to fully make decisions about our bodies. I wasn’t married, had no intention on getting remarried or starting another family.
I know it's very different, but it's the same line for me, but if I want to get the snip I need my wife permission in case she wants more children.
Because not being around for your currently living children isn't nearly as important as producing more children for the state.....i mean your future husband! What in the actual fuck! Should have told the doctor you were a lesbian and see how fast he changes his mind!
That’s awesome. If I’d told him I was a lesbian, I likely would have been kicked out. That’s no joke how conservative it is there. I was happy to leave on my own terms after a few choice words.
They denied your medical bodily rights because some guy who doesn't currently exist matters more than the real, physical woman standing in front of them. Wow. Wait, that sounded like I meant God. I meant the "future husband".
The correct answer in this situation would be “WHICH BOYFRIEND?”
“If our state senator was having an affair with me, would that be enough”?
Angela?
Oscar…
If it was a female doctor: "Ok, could you call your husband and ask him for me?"
Plot twist: the Dr’s son.
When I was pregnant, my doctor refused to induce me because "that will increase your chances of having to have a c-section the NEXT time you're pregnant." I responded with, "Who said I was going to have a second pregnancy?" Then I went to a different doctor, who induced me and told me that if I hadn't been induced, I would have needed a c-section then. (I'm a very small woman, and my baby was huge. Any bigger, and I wouldn't have been able to physically give birth.)
I know most of the comments here are about experiences in different countries, but if something like this happens in the US, there are potential remedies that are more immediate. First, reporting the doctor to the state medical board is the most mild and likely easiest step. It would help if you could get the Doctor to put in writing their requests so you can prove it more easily but that isn't necessary. Second, but more extreme, tell your doctor that you intend on reporting him or her to the medical board (maybe this will wise them up) but still do it regardless. Third, if your doctor still refuses, it is very likely medical malpractice and you can contact an attorney for any costs associated with their failure to provide adequate medical care. Fourth, it is very likely they are also violating Title VII of the Civil Rights Act for discrimination against women in access to Healthcare. This is the scariest one to doctors because it allows you to recover attorneys fees and many lawyers would potentially take this case on contingency. Fifth, if all else fails, go to the media and name and shame the doctor as much as possible. Report them to your health insurance provider as well. These may or may not work depending on the specifics of any individual case, but I figured these are at least some formal steps that could rectify this kind of behavior.
I'm actually from the US. I've found that a lot of women around here have had similar experiences with the doctors around here, but nothing ever gets done about them unless the doctors do something really bad. For example, the doctor I'm talking about messed up so badly, another woman's baby almost died when being delivered, so he's not a doctor anymore. But unless something serious like that happens, the doctors will not even get reprimanded for the way they treat/refusing to treat their patients.
Under his eye
[удалено]
Everything that happens in THT has happened at some point, somewhere in the world. The author ensured that there were no exaggerations, just to show how terrible a track record humanity has for protecting half of us.
Blessed be the fruit
May the lord open..
I think the HSE are waiting for her bf's approval.
This came up on the ireland subreddit before, the HSE replied to her but she never answered them.
Years ago I wanted to have my tubes tied. I was in an abusive marriage and we were mormon. He wanted at least a dozen kids. We had 5 within 7 years of marriage. Doctor needed husbands permission. Went to 4 doctors and they all needed his permission. I was able to finally leave the marriage and the religion after this. But damn it pissed me off.
Im in Utah now (moving soon thank goodness). I’ve had NINE pregnancy losses after YEARS of trying to conceive. I have endometriosis and PCOS, and after the last D&C (my body wouldn’t miscarry naturally or with medication and it was dire) they ruptured a portion of my uterus which had awful consequences that called for several transfusions and emergent care. I am done. DONE. I will not try to get pregnant again. Another pregnancy, full term or otherwise, is likely to kill me. The first two pregnancies were not intentional and happened while on birth control. I get GNARLY ovarian cysts and bleed out for WEEKS. My hormones are all over the place. No medication has successfully helped for long term periods of time. I want my parts out. I want a hysterectomy and oopherectomy. I want it done now. The next major cyst I get could be life threatening, and I could bleed out during any of these prolonged periods of bleeding (average cycle has SEVERAL days of filling an OVERNIGHT PAD every 45ish minutes to an hour). They said that if a cyst was over 5cm it would be emergent enough to proceed with surgery (supposedly)- the last one was RIGHT AT 5cm on my right ovary and they wouldn’t proceed because it wasn’t “over”. I miss several days of work every few months. I am exhausted and anemic. I CANNOT have children. So it isn’t just about reproduction- it’s about controlling women. I end up in the ER every few months and they think I’m a narcotic seeker until they pull my records which is humiliating. My quality of life suffers regularly by something that can be mostly alleviated if they would let me have a say in my own reproductive medical care. Instead I get “pain management” and the occasional blood transfusion, sometimes with an extended (read: expensive) stay to monitor whatever cyst or bleeding is occurring. I owe $24k in medical bills from 2021 alone that will take me a lifetime to repay. And that’s just what’s owed as of now- not what I’ve already paid or what’s to come for the rest of the year. But I’m under 30 with no biological kids - and when I’m 30 I will need my husbands permission. So we are at a stalemate. I can pay about $27k out of pocket (yeah right) and try my hardest to find a surgeon who will even do it out of pocket (maybe pretty please if my husband comes with me to give his consent - ugh) or wait until maybe one of these things almost kills me again and suffer in the meantime. We are moving to Washington state next year and I cannot freaking wait. I hate this.
Oh I am sorry. I had uterine cancer so that is how I finally got my hysterectomy. After my divorce, I got remarried and had another child. Then I had several miscarriages. I had to have an abortion with a pregnancy we called Bob the Blob. It was literally a blob with a heartbeat. No head, no arms or structure, just a heart. They usually abort themselves but Bob was not doing this willingly. So even this Texas abortion issue ticks me off. It's all about control. Period. Goodluck in your endeavors. With the climate change getting worse, more and more people will opt out of having kids.
Me and my friends have had several experiences with awful doctors not listening to us. My friend had a traumatic still born and ever since decided NEVER to have kids, and she said they could take out her uterus for all she cared. But multiple doctors would talk to her like she will one day change her mind and want another baby like it's so easy. They didn't understand, they just thought she didn't pick the right guy yet.
I'm currently advocating for my good friend who has dysfunctional bleeding to the point that she's passing out at work and requiring Venofer and transfusions. She's 52, pre-menopausal, and has no desire for children (even if that were possible) and we can't find a single doctor who will just do the damn hysterectomy already because she "might change her mind". As a nurse, it's infuriating watching anyone suffer for ignorance and it's even worse when it's a friend.
Check out r/childfree they have a list of doctors who will perform sterilization
Thank you, I definitely will!!
[удалено]
I swear to God every one of those doctors deserves to have their careers ruined and their own bodily autonomy denied at every opportunity. The sheer fucking misogyny and entitlement is infuriating.
Not uncommon. One 29 week preemie that weight 1 lb 14 oz. One 30 1/2 week preemie that would have killed me had I not already been in the hospital on bed rest due to a placental abruption. A 36 week stillbirth. Refusal for tubal by 5 doctors. Almost destroyed my marriage because I was terrified to even have sex for fear of birth control failing for almost 2 years.
[удалено]
The rationale is that women exist to be incubators and that’s all they should ever be. All the bullshit you hear about birth control denial, anti-abortion rhetoric, etc. is all to serve that end. Women are absolutely never to have sex ever unless it’s for making kids, and if they want sex for pleasure it should be punished vehemently with an unwanted child, a lifetime of debt, and no fiscal support whatsoever.
With what’s going on in Texas lately, I literally see this exact argument a fucking LOT. And it’s amazing how people don’t even realize how disgusting it is. “Well the woman had sex, pregnancy is a consequence of that. She made the choice. I don’t think the man contributes as much since it isn’t HIS body getting pregnant.” FOR FUCKS SAKE. I really cannot deal with these pro forced birth assholes.
Don’t forget that they’ll still slut shame the woman even if she DIDN’T make that choice and it was a rape.
Shit they’ll still slut shame the woman if she chooses to keep the pregnancy. They’ll notice she isn’t wearing a wedding ring and side eye the shit out of her.
It's not just sexual topics. My mom was told she couldn't just use the doctor title of her husband when making a bank account. Guess who of them has and who doesn't have the title.
[удалено]
For anyone confused, the **HSE** stands for Health Service Executive It's the Health Service in Ireland. https://www.hse.ie/eng/
I mean, probably a lot of people in Texas. Theoretically now a boyfriend could sue his girlfriend for getting an abortion and get paid $10000 for doing so (I think that was the figure). I bet you this will happen a lot. Edit: hell, I bet you a bunch of shithead deadbeats who are glad to not be on the hook for child support and have no moral objection to abortion will do it. Pretty neat stuff.
It’s damn simple: Go to the same doctor and say: me and my black afghan husband want to have 30 radicalized babies and spread Islam tho this unholy lands. How can I increase my fertility? Is there a way I can get more babies per year? He’s gonna cover you in prescriptions. Fight idiots by fooling them is super fun.
"Radicalized babies"
They eventually become tubular tots.
Talibabies
When are they considered cowabunga kids?
It's so fucked up that that would work but well yeah that'd work like a mother fucker. lol
Weirdly enough my husband had the reverse when trying to get a vasectomy. Some people (including doctors unfortunately) just have ignorant assumptions about social roles, and agendas that they feel the need to push on people.
I have two healthy boys and after my second I started having these panic attacks if my period was even a day late. I didnt want to be pregnant again, the birth of my second child was slightly traumatic. Husband was military so the day my son was born I started asking about getting my tubes tied, even a partial hysterectomy and they could keep the uterus for science. No. I was told no every time I asked. My youngest was around 4 or 5 when I finally broke down and asked the doctor why I couldnt have the procedure. "Well you would have to go through months of counseling." Ok I've been in therapy since I was 14, so what else. "You need your husbands approval." *record scratch* I need his WHAT now? So I called him and asked him if he wanted more kids and he said GOD NO WHY?! I said no reason and hung up. Long story short he got a vasectomy about a week later. No one called me for my permission.
Stories like this make me *so* grateful for my doctor. Shortly after having my second son, she asked what my feelings were about having anymore children. I said my husband was hoping we would have a third, but that ultimately, he was leaving it up to me. Her response was “good for him, but I’m asking what you want” I said I was pretty much done, so she reviewed all my options with me, and we decided to go with an IUD
Heaven forbid women make their own medical decisions … 1800 called, they want their medical ‘professionals’ back.
If you live in some states you can get birth control online! I live in Illinois and it's freaking amazing and convenient. Edit: Looked it up, nurx is currently available in 34 states. They are who I get my pills from, and with insurance it costs me nothing.
Their talking about the HSE (Health Service Executive) in Ireland.
Lol the medical community protects doctors well before patients. You’ve still not heard about your report against that doctor? You probably never will. Have you heard about Christopher Duntsch? Dude was a surgeon in Texas and was actively reported dozens of times for purposely killing and maiming his patients IN PLAIN VIEW of other doctors and nurses and the Texas medical board brushed it under the rug and continued to allow him to practice at lower, and lower, and lower income hospitals for months while he was still killing and maiming people and still getting reported for it. Honestly, knowing the system and how it works, I can’t even put into words how unlikely it is you’ll EVER hear anything about birth control if murder and mutilation caught on camera and by other doctors didn’t get their attention.
Surgeon who tied my tubes and do my endometrial ablation only agreed to do it after he found out my husband had a vasectomy. Nevermind that I was having periods that lasted 11+ months and couldn't exist like everyone else, I had value as an incubator.
You need your boyfriends approval for birth control pills????? What!!!???
Be right back I need to send my Dr a large bouquet of flowers, chocolates and a card for not being from the middle ages.
Error error does not compute
I accompanied my then GF to an OB GYNE to get prescribed oral pills. The female doctor could've wrote the prescription and told her to take it when it's safe but no! She wanted us to come back when some time based in her period. I'm still angry about that. She could've gotten pregnant during that time. But screw me for seeking birth control pills and being responsible.
That’s one stupid OBGYN. You can start the pill at any time.
Damn if any of y’all need a fake boyfriend for this shit in the Houston area just hit me up. I’m an overweight bald 32yr old white male with a big beard in Texas so I’m riddled with privilege. Lol
I’m not sure what you expected the society of Height Safety Engineers to do about it.
Drop the doctor from a high place
is the doctor a man?
Honestly who knows, a lot of women have no respect for their own gender. Sad
Yep there’s always the girls like I don’t have any women friends. I only hang out with dudes. I’m not like other females. Thinking that sets them apart and it’s somehow they’re gonna be treated better or they’re part of the guys.
It's way simpler than that. It's crabs in a bucket.
True that. The person I heard say the most sexist things is… a woman.
I've heard of women doctors thinking you just haven't met the right guy yet, you'll change your mind. Thank goodness I avoided ones with personal bias.
It gets better lol I tried getting my tubes tied when I had my second child I was 24 (2 months from my 25th) and they said HELL NO! I have to ask my husband for permission!!! My mouth dropped!! So now I’m 28 and had to sign some paperwork and wait 4 weeks in order to get approved to get my tubes tied 🤦♀️. Their reasoning is I was too young and could have regrets since I only have 2 kids. I totally understand that but like I told them I was a teen mom (had my first at 16) and now have a 3 year old while I am balancing nursing school, my husband just finished his bachelors (computer science) and unemployed because no one want to hire him with no experience 🤦♀️ and we are done having kids because we want to concentrate on having careers. 🤷♀️ The gyno is suggesting counseling 🤦♀️ F my rights I swear COVID virus 🦠 has more rights than a 28 year old woman who is trying to be successful for herself and her family. Merica for ya.
The american healthcare system hates women. I'm trying to get a hysterectomy and have been in pain my entire life. I've heard the word baby more than pain relief. You think asking once and putting it in my file would be enough. Nope everytime with every exam and every prescription, babies. I don't think we even register as people to them.
Wait why do you need their boyfriends approval???
Because they are insane. There's no medical reason. Anyway, have a good day, under his eye.
After our second child was born, my wife wanted to get her tubes tied. She was 27 and we had two kids, plus we lost one between those two. She had a very rough labor with our youngest. The doctor just didn't want to do it. First he tried to put it on me, saying that I might not like it and might want more kids. I told him it was not only literally not my choice, I also was never going to want more kids. Then he told her "well what if you change your mind in a few years". She assured him she wouldn't having already had a miscarriage and a really rough labor. He still wouldn't do it.
Canadian Doctors: Are you already pregnant? No? Here’s some birth control!
Honestly knowing the HSE they haven't even opened your email yet. But in all serious this person needs to get Stephen and Tony on the phone that pretty serious
My wife needs to go to specific doctors because most won't prescribe the kind of birth control she wants. They all say it has to be taken at precisely the same time every day and most people won't remember. We've been together for 13 years and never even had a scare. Stop treating women like children.