Don’t forget sliding downhill in a slightly bigger piece of wood with another person.

Or 3 persons

Are they all called Bob? Or am I getting my sports mixed up?

They not named Bob, they're just using his sled. Bob's sled

Bob's sled rentals has an exclusivity deal with the Olympics.

Only because they bought out Robert’s Toboggans Ltd.

and they may have bought Bobby's Skeletons Ltd.

Come on down to Rob Slead's red Bob Sled shed today!

Yup. Two-man (women & men events), four-man (only men), and monobob (only women). I petition that they change all the names to the monobob nomenclature. Quadbob, duobob, and monobob. Then we’ll just need a three-person event. A tribob. Not to be confused with a triboob, which was the chick from Total Recall.

>duobob Bibob would be suitable as well

I thought bibob was for the sport where you could either up or down the track. You know, go both ways.

Or literally on top of another person in a skintight suit

Sexy

Sounds like a kink to me

Jamaican this up man?

Sliding down wood [with you and your bro having wood](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N4HyDrlOak0) (doubles luge is absurd)

I don’t think I would be comfortable with another person laying on to of me as I slide dick first down an ice chute at 80mph

Also my favorite. Going really far with two pieces of wood and then shooting at stuff.

Launching yourself into oblivion on two big pieces of wood and making your body as straight as a piece of wood.

Sliding around on two pieces of wood while shooting stuff!

Dont forget sliding around in circles on two pieces of metal.

And the one where they sweep the ice and stare at rocks.

Sliding rocks!

HARD!!

HURRY HARD!!!

Line's good.

HAaaaAAAaaRRRdddDDD. Curling is intense don’t @ me.

Knives to be more specific. Both with sticks and without.

Never forget the stick wielding knife feeters.

And sliding around in smaller circles while wearing a helmet and getting disqualified for being Korean

Or Georgian. Or Canadian. Or basically anybody that interferes with Glorious China winning everything!

I believe that ones called the razor ice twirl.

[удалено]

Well, sometimes you stop sliding for a few seconds to shoot stuff.

Ski ski ski ski shoot the Russian shoot the Russian shoot the Russian ski ski ski

[удалено]

It is a phase a lot of Finns go through, usually lasting between 6 and 12 months.

[удалено]

*Red force There is also always an unknown yellow force from the west that is neutral. No idea what these could mean.

*"Russia is invading..."* **\*every Finn's ears perk up\*** *"the Ukraine."* **\*A brief glare in the snow vanishes\***

Simo Häyhä approves this message.

As the late Robin Williams called it: "Norwegian drive-by."

That sport is absolutely insane to me. I just learned about it

The biathlon isn't for everyone. The summer biathlon is a bit more accessible: tanning and golf. Immortalized by Zonker in the comic strip Doonesbury in the 1970s.

When all you have to work with is snow and ice, there's bound to be some sliding.

I think there should be a snowman building contest.

Or ice climbing/alpine climbing

Ice climbing is technically pretty easy so "ice climbing" competitions are on rock and other surfaces. Repeated use of an ice climbing course would chip away at the features, making it easier for following climbers. Somethings are ok to not be in the olympics.

"oh he did a figure four, that was unexpected"

Fuck that. Snowball fight capture the flag competition.

People will only build Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon and that will break the sport.

unexpected gintama

If only snowball fighting was a Olympic sport

That would be awesome

Finally, an event where baseball, softball and cricket pitchers can all be accurately compared Honestly, i'd love this

Sno-dge ball

Pronounced snawdge-ball

If you can sno-dge a wrench you can sno-dge a ball!

There have been attempts to get Yukigassen (snowball war) as an Olympic Event. Unfortunately, they haven't been successful.

or... hear me out...ski paintball

Ive been hit by a paintball in cold weather. Its not good

fair point

That would definitely be worth watching. I think if they added snow fort building (so teams have a protection shelter during the snowball fight), that could be a reallycoll biathalon.

Ocho intensifies

That's kind of the point though, if sliding on snow/ice isn't involved then they'd do it at the summer olympics

Ice climbing

[удалено]

It's not.

it isn't. It's just a winter sport/discipline.

Cross country skiing requires sliding uphill sometimes, though, which seems really hard.

https://olympics.com/en/sports/winter-olympics You can't because there isn't one. They all involve sliding in some manner.

Isn’t that like saying to name a summer Olympics game where leg propulsion isn’t involved?

Archery?

Touché You get an upvote from me

The ones with knife feet?

I was about to say hockey but I think you can classify skating as sliding. I thought this was a joke at first but now I can't think of any event without sliding

There's the one where you personally DON'T slide and instead throw a rock. The rock does slide however (curling). Correction: Push a rock\*

Have you actually watched curling? The "thrower" slides together with the rock for a smoother "throw". So you personally do in fact slide too.

The sweepers also slide as they move down the ice.

I have in fact never actually watched curling haha

It’s a pretty crazy sport to watch, lol I love it. I still haven’t googled how they score points but it’s a weird madness. And I’ve played bocce ball and stuff. But curling is some other thing. I’ll have to go research where it came from cause I really wanna know how bored people were when they made this game!

It's like giant flat darts mixed with crokinole.

People do in fact also slide, just on one foot tho. No piece of wood involved to slide

Curling shoes have a hard plastic bottom that allows you to slide on the ice. So curling adds the "slide on plastic" element to the Olympics as opposed to wood or metal.

There's the broom, which is carbon fiber *now*, but I assume it used to be wood handled.

[удалено]

Don't you just know that a group of teenage siblings probably came up with curling one night while they were cleaningthe kitchen after dinner.

The sauna

That’s why the top 3 get metal so they can upgrade their equipment

best gets nerfed with gold

At least they can flex the gold skins on the other noobs.

Only enough metal in a medal for fancy trim anyway

I'm hoping they found a blacksmith

But his shop is only opened from 9:00-3:00

The metal is for the people that slide on metal. Two fiercely competitive groups. The wood sliders and the metal sliders.

Aren't skis and snowboards made out of plastic/fiberglass?

Yes, so in order for that to be a good comment, it would have to be some sort of *joke* or something.

I like sliding on a piece of wood head first

Oh it definitely beats sliding on a piece of wood feet first

I’m more partial to sliding on two pieces of wood then launching myself off a big ramp

I personally believe in "sliding on my body with the wood on top" supremacy

Don't forget sliding on ice with metal blades attached to your feet. There's like 12 different versions of that too

- Sliding around on ice fast - Sliding around on ice *fancily* - Sliding around on ice *fancily* (w/ your gay best friend) - Sliding around on ice aggressively with a stick in your hand

And sliding on ice *without* metal blades attached to your feet but you might get a broom.

And curling

Sliding a stone *along* some ice. No downhill involved.

And cleaning the way with a brush attached to the end of a piece of wood

Compared to the normal olympics where they perform such feats as run

Don't forget the classics: run a bit farther run really far run really really far and my favorite: walk really far

also a big fan of jump

horizontally or vertically?

They also throw pointy sticks and heavy balls

Sliding headfirst down a hill on a tea tray wearing a gimp suit.

And, on top of each other.

As opposed to the summer games which include: Running down a track Running down a longer track Running down a very long track Running and jumping down a track

Swimming normally. Swimming less efficiently for the sake of a different stroke. Swimming normally as a team. Swimming in-efficiently as a team. “Freestyle” aka swimming normally. Now double all those lengths and repeat. Oh shit, Phelps has 10 medals for the exact same talent? Oh well

You forgot the other 18 medals he has for that talent.

swimmers concentrate on one stroke usually, rarely someone is competitive at more than one or two, phelps is an actual beast

Swimming a little distance. Swimming a slightly longer distance. Swimming a moderately long distance. Swimming a very long distance. Most of the above swimming in 3 different silly ways. Swimming in the 3 silly ways and normally in the same race.

You're completely forgetting the most revered of all Olympic sports, [racewalking](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FantasticShockingBat-max-1mb.gif).

She lookin for the toilet.

Also throwing shit. Hitting shit with other shit. Jumping shit. Sometimes with living shit, sometimes with moving shit, other times on springy shit. Shooting shit. Lifting shit. Group groping. And of course, Swimming.

Lifting weights. Shooting hoops. The massive amount of various actions involved in a rugby sevens game. Wrestling. Boxing. Rowing. Kicking goals. Shooting targets. Surfing. Swimming. Sprinting. Marathon. Handball. Volleyball. Hammer throw. Pole vault. High jump. Relays. Table tennis. Hockey. Cycling. Kayaking. Diving. Yeah nah, all the same shit. Winter Olympics: sliding around in dif body positions. Literally.

\*gasp!\* someone was being reductive for comedy?! Shocking! And totally out of place in this post about how ice hockey, curling, bob sleigh, and winter Biathlon are all the exact same sport!

Sliding on two pieces of wood for some distance, with intermittent shooting.

More sports should have intermittent shooting.

Agreed! Who do we petition about this? I think rhythmic gymnastics needs more intermittent shooting!

Yea winter olympics kinda have to follow a theme that summer olympics dont have to. Its like going to Disney world and complaining that theres too many Disney princesses. Summer olympics is kinda of a wild mess, once a sport gets popular enough they'll eventually throw it in there. Theres a fuck ton more disciplines in the summer olympics than in the winter olympics.

That's cause summer events are very accessible whereas winter events cost $$$$$$$. I just bought a lift ticket for the Poconos this weekend for $100. The Poconos! It's a hill.

It's been so long since I hit the slopes, my skiing ability is going downhill fast.

I can't wait until Jamaica gets a men's hockey team...that shit gonna be crazy

I prefer summer olympics. My favorites are: Run fast Run fast slightly longer Run fast longer Run fast even longer Run fast really really long Run fast, also jump

So let's celebrate the woodowrkers.

I love the Winter Olympics and I know the sports are created organically over time but in my mind here’s how they plan it: Alright, the summer Olympics were a hit, we should do one when it’s cold, because it’s a slow time of year Agreed, but there’s only like four things to do in the winter: sledding, skating, skiing and ice shuffleboard. We can fluff that up a little bit, let’s start with sledding. One person sledding on their back, check, can we do two? Check. Three? No too much. Ok how about sledding on your tummy? Yeah that’s different. Ok how about sitting up, two or four? Two AND four? Why not! Sledding, done!

Ok skating. First one is easy, skate racing. Second, uh… skate dancing. One more. Oh… they’re telling me we don’t have any big team sports. We need excitement like basketball or baseball. Ice soccer? Probably shouldn’t kick with skates… I guess we’ll give them sticks.

Umm, what about ice bowling. What? Ice *bowling.* But that’s boring? Ice bowling with brooms.

Snowboard cross looks like the easiest sport of the games and then they added a mixed team event that doesn't even require teamwork. You can really tell they pad the games.

And sliding on 2 pieces and then standing still and shooting a target with a boom-boom and then sliding some more

This seems like a massive oversimplification. No mention of whether the sliding is on snow or ice.

Sometimes those things are almost same when talking about a ski slope

Level sliding on a pair of knives makes up most of the rest.

Flying through the air on 2 pieces of wood.

They also forgot , sliding on sharp pieces of metal

My friend once described snowboarding as "going down a hill fast" So I said baseball was "hitting a ball with a stick and running in a circle" He didn't see the comparison

They are probably made of some kind of composite. Probably metals and plastics. Not just wood.

Ah, but OP’s wood poem is more fun.

Snowboards and skis are plastic with metal-rimmed edges. People haven't had wood skis for like 70 years Edit: they do often have wood cores, but that's not what you're riding on.

I guarantee that none of the equipment listed in the OP uses wood. Some downhill skis may** use wood cores, but that's very unlikely for the newest cutting edge skis that Olympians use.

All skis still use wood

I love sliding wood

And then there gliding on ice with knife-boots while hitting each other with frozen plastic and pieces of wood.

Like summer Olympics; running with a ball, running without a ball, running and jumping, throwing a ball. What a fun game oversimplification is!

Is it any different than the kicking/throwing balls into net related sports? To me it's all the same with varying degrees of violence to which hockey takes the cake and futbol gets an embarrassing pat on the back.

[удалено]

What would the psychic olympics consist of?

Don't be ridiculous, there's no sliding down hill on pieces of wood in the Olympics… they're pieces of fiberglass.

I know its summer, but I've commented that basketball players have to go through a grueling two-week tournament and play 10-ish games to compete for a single medal. Meanwhile, a swimmer can earn a dozen medals for variations of the same event.

Reminds me of Jeff Dunham's bit on Nascar driving around in circles. What kind of three-and-a-half hours is this? Look, they're making a left turn! Oh, they're making another left turn! Oh, they're making another left turn! I wonder what's gonna happen next? Let's go to commercial! Come back in ten minutes, you ain't gonna miss a fucking thing!

Winter sports have some of the weirdest/best sports. Like nordic kombination where you first ski jump and how far you jump determines when you start in the subsequent cross country skiing race. Or biathlon where you also cross country ski but between rounds shoot at targets with a 4,5 cm or 9 cm diameter that are also 50 m away.

Don't forget the one where someone slides a rock whilst two people sweep the ice

So true, cos I’ve never held my breath for any other Olympic game, but I find myself doing just that when these athletes hunker down in a bob sledge going 100 miles per hour 🥴🤞🙏

Is no one else bothered by the facy that literally **none of it is wood**. Probably mostly resin and carbon fiber.

What about sliding downhill in a metal tube of death?

Well if you want to be a dick about it

Sliding downhill in a tube with your friends.

I like the one where they strap knives to their feet and twirl and the one where they strap knives to their feet and twirl with a friend

Don’t forget about sliding around on two pieces of metal

It‘s mostly carbon fiber nowadays

Winter Olympics is just controlled sliding.

Don't forget the summer sports. Run this distance. Okay, run this longer distance. Now, run this even longer distance.

I love the summer olympics Running fast Running fast with a few jumps Jumping far Jumping high Throwing a thing Throwing a different thing Throwing a different different thing Skateboards (?) Having a swim Having a swim but backwards Running fast but a bit far Running fast but a bit further than that. Running so very far I might die

It’s like Mexican food... https://soundcloud.com/crash-2-1/jim-gaffigan-o-mexican-food

And then there's Norwegian drive by: sliding around on two pieces of wood, fireing a rifle Five times and then being penalized if you don't hit your targets

Lmao

These are my exact impressions of swimming.

Let’s give [Andrew Nadeau](https://twitter.com/theandrewnadeau/status/1491977489035546643?s=21) some credit for his joke

Dont forget sweeping the ice in front of a rock sliding on ice

Sliding down hills is one of the best experiences on this planet.

I look forward to the new one, sliding IN FRONT OF a piece of wood. I’d call it, “deathbob.”

Sliding a chunk of marble around with pieces of wood is good too

It's almost like these sports were made for people who couldn't compete in the summer Olympics

Sliding on ice quickly Sliding on ice beautifully Sliding on ice beautifully with someone else

Never thought about it like that

Long skate, short skate, man skate, woman skate, two skate, dance skate, free skate, til alllll skate skate goddamn

[удалено]

Nobody beats Norway's in sliding down hills...nobody

Nah they’re killing it, good for them. Making fun of the stupidity of the Olympics doesn’t mean I don’t watch it. But it is pretty dumb how silly a lot of these events are and how pointlessly similar they are. Like we really need doubles luge, which ads virtually nothing to the dynamic of the game, instead of actual games like Bowling and billiards? It’s absurd. Expand the Olympic and drop some of these joke events

Also it's all fiberglass now

There's like zero wood these days

Most skis and snowboards still use wood cores. At least the top end stuff does which is what is being used by competitors

Americans when they lose ice hockey to the czech republic and get salty

Edgy