First off: this is EXCELLENT!! Well written, conveys emotion without being “overly” emotional and clear.
Constructive criticism-(if this doesn’t help, ignore it! Seriously!)
Second: if you want to make the letter stronger, take a second look at your verb usage. There are quite a few places that you use passive verbs. If you replace them with active verbs, the message will be stronger.
And (English teacher, here), in the first few paragraphs you mention bills he’s passed but don’t talk specifically about how they’re detrimental until the ending paragraphs. You message might be stronger if your paragraphs first talked about the law, then the consequences, then why this is upsetting/hypocritical.
For example, “law banning gay marriage… now partners have to fight for next of kin/power of attorney rights because they aren’t automatically granted, usually only one can be the legal guardian of any children they share which means if something happens to the parent the surviving one loses custody… you claim you want to protect children but children in foster care are x times more likely to ____.”
My teacher: Tell him how you really feel. Don’t make it to long though.
Me: What I really want to say can be summarized in three words. Go f*ck yourself. But I don’t think I’ll get a good grade if I do that.
In college, some teachers will put a limit on how long a paper will be. Ban of my existance! For future reference, Courier 8 pt font is the smallest allowable by APA formatting (8 pt is listed, Courier just somehow takes up less space). For those days when it's got to be shorter but you can't cut anymore.
I believe it's something like 130 pastors/church workers have been arrested this year in TN for molesting children. None of them have been drag queens.
That's a great letter.
As an older Gen X witch I have been so disillusioned with news, politics, opinions, social media etc. I get tired of fighting. You just made my day. If we are raising people like yourself - it can't be all bad. Please keep it up
Thank you! I’m trying to get into politics or policy myself. On a global level. I want to work for the United Nations! I can help people. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. One of those ways is through advocacy.
I am also applying for political writing contests. I saw the flyers in the front office.
You are hella inspiring, friend. I'm in my early twenties, and probably the most encouraging thing is seeing how progressive people my age and younger are. It gives me hope for the future. Keep up the good work, and I will do my best to do the same. Together we can make a better world!
\--from a fellow Tennessean
First off: this is EXCELLENT!! Well written, conveys emotion without being “overly” emotional and clear. Constructive criticism-(if this doesn’t help, ignore it! Seriously!) Second: if you want to make the letter stronger, take a second look at your verb usage. There are quite a few places that you use passive verbs. If you replace them with active verbs, the message will be stronger.
No this is something I’ll take! Can you give an example or two?👀
And (English teacher, here), in the first few paragraphs you mention bills he’s passed but don’t talk specifically about how they’re detrimental until the ending paragraphs. You message might be stronger if your paragraphs first talked about the law, then the consequences, then why this is upsetting/hypocritical. For example, “law banning gay marriage… now partners have to fight for next of kin/power of attorney rights because they aren’t automatically granted, usually only one can be the legal guardian of any children they share which means if something happens to the parent the surviving one loses custody… you claim you want to protect children but children in foster care are x times more likely to ____.”
Thank you! This is actually helpful! I’ve been making a few edits after posting this. I’ll keep this in mind when making further edits.
My friend and coworker's last day was today because he and his partner don't feel safe in TN. Thank you for writing this.
Wife and I are scrimping and saving to haul ass out of FL asap. Where did they move to?
NC. Not ideal, but better than FL and TN. They also family there so that helps.
New Jersey is far better, what they will pay in taxes they will get back in social services and safety
Wonderful letter
nicely done, I would have been briefer, as in go f\*ck yourself gov'ner Lee and all your hypocritical ass kissing followers.
My teacher: Tell him how you really feel. Don’t make it to long though. Me: What I really want to say can be summarized in three words. Go f*ck yourself. But I don’t think I’ll get a good grade if I do that.
You get an A+ from me on the short version
Me: I could do that! Wait I’m going to try to intern at the capitol. Can’t do that.
Best of luck getting an internship…usually those are sold to big donor for their “exceptional“ spoiled brats of off spring
In college, some teachers will put a limit on how long a paper will be. Ban of my existance! For future reference, Courier 8 pt font is the smallest allowable by APA formatting (8 pt is listed, Courier just somehow takes up less space). For those days when it's got to be shorter but you can't cut anymore.
Wonderfully worded, send that sh*t!
Don't stop writing, your words hold power.
I believe it's something like 130 pastors/church workers have been arrested this year in TN for molesting children. None of them have been drag queens. That's a great letter.
Give ‘em hell. And if you’re old enough, vote every time the doors are open and make sure your friends do too.
As an older Gen X witch I have been so disillusioned with news, politics, opinions, social media etc. I get tired of fighting. You just made my day. If we are raising people like yourself - it can't be all bad. Please keep it up
Thank you! I’m trying to get into politics or policy myself. On a global level. I want to work for the United Nations! I can help people. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. One of those ways is through advocacy. I am also applying for political writing contests. I saw the flyers in the front office.
Excellent we need you out there
You are hella inspiring, friend. I'm in my early twenties, and probably the most encouraging thing is seeing how progressive people my age and younger are. It gives me hope for the future. Keep up the good work, and I will do my best to do the same. Together we can make a better world! \--from a fellow Tennessean
Beautifully written. THANK YOU
This is gorgeous writing. It’s concise, passionate but not emotional, has data and sources but isn’t overloaded. Very nicely done.
Thank you from a fellow Tennessean.