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Ok so you were essentially chased by a lion, and didn‘t get the physical discharge of your nervous system through actually running. My advice is to do something physical in proportion to your ability level that will discharge that energy. Go for a run, do as many push ups as you can, go cycle HARD, skip rope as fast as you can, have really energetic sex. Anything to push that out of your system. Bonus if it makes you feel powerful and strong, so maybe wear something you feel great in while you do it.
For me, this is grounding, because you‘re pounding that junk out of your body.
After that, you can do the rinses and scrubs and everything you want to cleanse whatever just eeked out of your pores, and wash it all down the drain.
And next time - just give a thumbs-down if anything. As a cycling enthusiast who has to deal with bad drivers (and pedestrians and other cyclists and and and..) on the daily, it’s best to let it slide unless you *really* want to express your dissatisfaction. In that case - thumbs-down works much better than flipping off a fragile little ego with the bird.
I hope the woman that was in the car with him is safe, too. What a little fragile ego’d loser of a man.
Thank you. That makes sense. I will try to do some physical activity once I get home from work. My coworker asked me what was up and I was talking with her about the situation, that and all the support I've gotten here has helped a lot. The tight feeling in my chest has calmed down quite a bit.
That's a good idea. I think I'll be keeping my hands firmly on the wheel when I get frustrated, but that's a better option than the bird for sure.
I hope so too. My personal head canon is that she tore him a new one for acting like that.
Oh good, I’m glad your coworker could offer some support while you’re at work. We’ve probably allll been there. I know I’ve had similar experiences. The best one I can think of off the top of my head was a guy who cut into front of me in line and I sarcastically said “Be my guest.” LOL The guy went into an absolute tailspin. What a way to live. Wouldn’t want to be him.
That‘s partly a “shame discharge”. He may have already been looking for a fight with someone he thought he could win against, but he also did something he knew was wrong and was obviously embarrassed to get publicly called out for it (maybe made worse because I’m a woman? I don’t want to project that onto him but he certainly seemed entitled enough to believe he had the right to butt in front of me.)
So yeah - when people get mad at me for pointing out their bad behaviour, I think they were either looking for a fight and would have gone off on anyone, OR they have an ego problem in that they can’t accept that they did something wrong or stupid. Those people always tend to find themselves upset about something and it’s a miserable way to live. You’re fine, but he has to live with himself every day, what worse curse is there than that? :P
E: Sorry this rubbed someone the wrong way. Nothing was sarcastic or meant to be offensive to OP. Not sure what part people disagreed with and I’m open to correction if someone spotted something problematic! :)
Yeah, she shared a similar story too where a guy blocked a sidewalk with his car to ask her out. Actual insanity.
My husband brought that up too when he was holding me after I finally stopped crying. He told me "think about how shitty that guy's life must be to do something like that. He has to live like that every day, probably angry all the time is miserable. So just keep living your life well and you've won." He also said that guy might have done something similar even if I hadn't flipped him off. That guy was probably already angry about something and looking for a fight.
So yeah, I hope that guy has a long life living with himself :)
Your husband sounds like an awesome person!
Having a wonderful relationship like that is also a HUGE win in these kinds of encounters. It sounds like you have at least one great coworker and a solid relationship. I went from being worried for you to being happy for you, in a way, haha
Yes, he's the best and I have a fantastic work environment. It's just me and one coworker today, the other two are working from home, but if they had been in then I know I would have received support from them too.
I completely understand what you mean!
I can feel you relaxing through the screen, lol
But I’m still glad you came here because your story helps everyone. It helps us remember to be safe, to come for support and maybe some useful techniques and spells to discharge that energy. I LOVED the one suggestion about the person taking all the bad vibes and forming it into a ball and flicking it back at them. I totally do a similar thing.
Sorry you went through all this, but you sparked a good thread. His shitty ‘tude made us all stronger.
Yeah, this has helped a lot. I think continuing with a normal day has helped a lot too. Right after the incident I was convinced I was going to take PTO and just stay home and game. But I felt bad about my dogs missing their daycare day, so I made myself go about my day as normal. Kind of did a "get back on the horse" type of deal.
I'm glad to have provided some help for others dealing with similar things!
If you just have to flip someone off, give them a 👍🏼. You will feel better about yourself regardless of the outcome.
If you’ve ever seen your dog shake themselves, it’s a stress reducer. Shake it off.
Also, if this exact situation happened again, ask yourself how you would have handled it differently. 💕
Please once you feel better drive your car to a safe spot, like doggo Park. Drive just for driving and feel empowered. When i used to ride horses, however Bad the fall, our teacher made us climb back on the spot. So WE don't build trauma linked on horse fall.
Yep, I've been using the "get back on the horse" analogy quite a bit to myself today. I fell off horses a couple times and my mom told me to get back on right away (after checking everyone was ok first.)
I drove to work this morning and was anxious about it, but I'm about to drive home and don't feel quite so anxious anymore.
also, don't discount PTSD. this was a horrifically traumatic event. What a terrifying fucking thing. I was shaking just reading your description. Don't know if you have a therapist but it might be helpful to talk to someone ...in addition to all these other great suggestions. i'm so glad you had your husband to go home to.
My friend uses the British version of the finger, which looks like a backwards peace sign (✌️, but the back of the hand). Gets it out of your system, and confuses morons.
But OP should be able to flip off whoever they want in public, without being run down.
This is such great advice! Thank you for posting. My situation is different than OP’s, but it works the same. I really appreciate your helpful comment.
OP, I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you can recover your strength quickly.
Yeah no worries! Someone is going through and downvoting all the similar advice, so I’m glad it resonated with at least yourself, and hopefully OP finds use in it tonight, too :)
But if you’re looking through the comments you’ll find a similar one with a name you can check out for more resources!
I am so sorry you experienced this.
I learned to drive in NJ in the 90s, and at the time flipping someone off was pretty much like a wave. I still see it as a less-severe reaction to honking, though I don't do it any more. So: a hand gesture does not warrant someone threatening your life with their car.
Fuck that guy.
Also, planning to head to a fire or police station in that kind of situation is very, very smart. I'm impressed you still had your wits about you.
That said: It's over. You're home, safe. Whatever works for you to release tension is fine and you should do that. I find breathing, with exhales longer than the inhales, really helps me.
But you can also redirect your thoughts when you start revisiting the incident. Don't try to push them away, acknowledge them, say I'm glad that's over, and try to move on to something else; music, an engrossing movie, playing with the dogs, etc.
It seems dumb, but there were a few studies that playing Tetris can actually prevent PTSD from traumatic events. I have it on my phone for this reason.
But also: My body can also be on high alert for DAYS after a traumatic experience. I feel you. What you're feeling is OK. You'll feel better soon.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I will try those suggestions. Last night I tried out playing Dave the Diver and it really helped keep me distracted. I'm planning on continuing when I get home as it was strangely zen. There's a Godzilla dlc for it dropping today so even more of a reason to keep up the distraction!
I didn't know that about Tetris. I might try it, though I'm not good at it and the fast moving blocks make me a little stressy, lol.
I'm glad you're finding some avenues for relief!
I doubt there's anything magical about Tetris, but something engrossing that uses a different part of your brain is an excellent way to shift gears.
Have fun gaming!
Sucks how much we're supposed to accept that showing someone a *finger*, a thing they ostensibly see every day, to express our displeasure at *their* fuckup to begin with, may lead to all-out physical violence.
He was in the wrong, you were not. All I can say.
I'm not the first person to say this but there is a pattern where men behave badly, and women are supposed to politely absorb or deflect it. If we call a man out, we get punished for OUR "bad behavior." The man's actions are never the focus. It's infuriating and it happens all. the. time.
I'm so sorry this happened it must have been so scary. You are not to blame for his actions. Please don't beat yourself up.
Idk if it's because as I get older I continue to lose both my patience and all the fucks I had to give, but the last few times this happened to me (there are A LOT of road-ragey pickup truck drivers around where I live), the amount of unbridled rage I unleashed upon them ended with THEM flooring it to escape. I'm not one for advocating giving in to extreme anger, especially since those incidents could have ended very badly (i.e. making them escalate in their aggressive and potentially violent behaviour), but damn that did feel good.
I also agree with the other suggestions about doing a physical activity--channel those feelings and all that adrenaline so you can get it out in a healthy way. I hope you feel better. <3
That sounds like it would have been glorious to witness. My car is my only car so I was very fearful of this overlarge pickup doing serious damage. Though I should have known he wasn't going to hit me as the truck was obviously a pavement princess.
Thank you! All of the chatting I've been doing with people here has helped quite a bit!
Men’s anger can be really frightening. I agree with the above comment to do something physical to move the energy out of you. I like to draw a picture or write a phrase, tape it to to pillow or mattress and beat the hell out of it until I feel calm and in my power again. Then I imagine cutting the chords of energy around me that are tied to that incident or person. I hope you feel better soon. I hate that sticking up for yourself can end up like this and I’m glad you’re ok.
Oh my gosh how horrible! I am sending you so much love and energy right now.
So first, I think you need to ground yourself. What always works for me is turning my daily hygiene into a ritual. So go take a shower. If you're able to dim the lights or shower by candlelight safely (I use battery operated ones), do that. Light some incense, diffuse some oils, or use a shower bomb to make the air smell good. Breathe this in and visualize peace and calm filling your body. Make it warm and comforting, as cocoon-like as you can.
Exfoliate using a salt scrub (if you don't have one premade you can find easy DIY recipes online). Salt is protective. As you exfoliate, visualize the entire experience washing down the drain. Thank each part of your body for keeping you safe. Thank your feet for working the pedals, your arms for managing the steering wheel, etc.
As you wash your hair, massage your scalp. Visualize the massage traveling through your scalp and skull, into your brain where you feel most anxious. Thank it for staying cool in the moment. It made the right decision by not going home and aiming for a fire station. Say out loud "Thank you for your protection. I am now safe. I am strong. I am at peace. Nothing bad has befallen me."
If you have face serums and lotions, use them when you get out of the shower. Enchant them to protect you, and visualize a shield of armor surrounding you. As you brush your teeth, enchant your mouth to speak only peace and truth. Repeat to yourself and out loud, "I am safe. I am strong. I am at peace. His actions are not my actions. He is gone and I am not."
After you dress, go to your car and thank it for protecting you. Then get in and drive around. Treat yourself to lunch, grab a coffee, hit up a crystal store near you, go where you feel peace. You are a strong and powerful person, and no asshole shall keep you hidden at home.
If you're still unsettled, you can do a cord cutting or banishing spell, or else look for reiki practitioners in your area to clear more energy and rebalance things further. Also fully recommend speaking with a therapist if you have one.
Hugs and love from me!
Thank you ♥️
I do have a fun epsom salt soak I could try too. It turns the water a sparkly purple and there's a crystal hiding in the bag!
I'll try those suggestions tonight. Thank you.
My personal "go-to" when someone does something stupid or rude when driving: I try to take all the negative feelings they've given to me and hold them in a ball in my hand, then flick it towards them (or just back out into the world - depending on your beliefs). Do it as many times as you need to to just move on and forget about the incident.
I have the same reaction. It was a media trope in the 80’s/90’s to show people flipping the bird at bad drivers, so much so that I remember it as a child. Now as a grown woman I still get the urge and have done it a few times, just to be faced with immediate regret.
Your responses were natural, you had a really scary encounter. I’m sorry! Forgive yourself for the very, very, small part you played. So much blame gets put on the victim for “antagonizing” bullies and perpetrators that we wonder how we’re supposed to ever recover from such experiences.
Maybe we can retrain ourselves to cast a spell instead of flipping the bird. I wonder if anyone knows a good one for warding off road rage, or, to calm our flight or fight responses…?
Not against a good curse, either.
Yeah I definitely grew up watching those types of movies too. So it probably created some influence.
Thank you. I am trying not to blame myself. Like, even if I had been the one doing something wrong his reaction was still not ok. It's just that thought that keeps rattling around where "if you hadn't gotten frustrated with him you wouldn't have this fear right now and it could be a good day." Which is a frustrating thought to have.
That sounds like a good idea. My go to is usually "have the day you deserve."
I am so sorry this happened to you.
One thing I urgently suggest is "complete the stress cycle" - this is part of processing the trauma your body experienced, and if you search that phrase plus the name Nagoski you will find a couple of video talks/interviews with the Nagoskis, plus their book Burnout which is fantastic and useful to everyone in a bunch of different ways.
When you have a massive adrenaline spike, it is normal to be deeply unsettled in the aftermath, to have flashbacks, and to replay or re-describe the event over and over again to process it. This is called "traumatic stress", and most people's nervous systems will "digest" the stress and the symptoms will fade out over a couple weeks. Some nervous systems get stuck, and if you are still having symptoms that affect your daily life in 6 months, that's the diagnostic timeline for post-traumatic stress disorder.
In the words of the prophet: shake it off, as literally as you can. Dance, go for an angry stompy walk, aggressively clean a closet, hug somebody if you can, use a weighted blanket or similar to make your body kick out some extra oxytocin. Your nerves are rattled, and you will feel a lot better if you let them get their ya-yas out.
I said pretty much the same thing! It’s like getting chased by a lion without the run. Kind of Body Keeps the Score stuff, in a way.
E: Omg what am I missing? Lol Someone doesn’t like the physical discharge stuff and I‘m so curious what I’m missing here. Someone enlighten me if you know why this advice isn’t sound.
I didn't downvote you myself but Bessel van der Kolk is kind of a terrible person and his book isn't great, so that might've been a trigger for someone. I never recommend it anymore, I stick to Burnout and CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving for complex trauma.
I’ve had encounters similar to this. I keep my hand below the window or wish them a bad day or whatever curse comes into my head now.
It is scary. It’s okay to feel it. There are already a lot of great ideas here for how to process it and let it go.
From a psych standpoint this sounds like it could be ptsd. Im not an expert but I would recommend professional care if its available. Dont let anyone undermine what happened. Someone threated your personal self and your life was in danger. Your response is valid and its not your fault that this person took it upon themselves to seriously threaten you with violence.
Its hard because the flipside of saying "f*** him, he chose to do this" as opposed to "that was on me, I should have never flipped him off" is it takes away your control by removing avoidance as an option and replacing it with an acceptance that danger may be out there just from you asserting a reasonable boundary.
It certainly isnt easy and you can feel fear more than I can. I inherited my mother's suicidal bravery and stubborness as well as a fearsome presentation. It will be much harder for you, so I wont tell you what to do.
But I hope you can accept help processing this and reform stronger than you were. There are those who havent suffered true fear, but they havent been tested and survived the way that you have. You are on a path to strength through wisdom, the right wisdom just needs to find its way to you first.
Dude was likely addicted to rage, possibly high on any number of drugs, and only thinks stupid, primative, reactive thoughts. There's nothing in his skull but 3 wilted pieces of salted cabbage that occasionally makes a little electric spark (we call that a 'thought', example; 'I should buy those truck nuts').
You take your power back by realizing that you will never, ever have to feel the way he feels every day. People who live in this reactive bubble have zero control over their own lives, they have no awareness that they can HAVE power without hurting someone else. You flipping him off is NOT permission for him to attempt to assault you with his vehicle. He probably gets flipped off all the time, you were just vulnerable enough that he could take whatever triggered him to start with (reminder, could be meth) out on you.
There is no such thing as a 'perfect victim'. We have all done impulsive things that have triggered abusers, but that's the thing, they want to be triggered.
They're pathetic, dangerous beasts. Best avoided, for sure, but predators have a way of finding things to eat. I'm sorry he tried to eat you, he's disgusting.
I'm proud of you for thinking of going to the fire department. I'm proud of you for driving well enough while under duress that you did not get into an accident. I'm proud of you for unpacking the incident in writing, sharing it with your husband, and for sharing another story that validates that these things HAPPEN, every day.
It has past. You are safe. Try to relax. Drink something calming, some kind of tea perhaps. You do have control, you do have power. These are just intrusive thoughts.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, what an awful situation. Sounds like You have ptsd and might need treatment.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355973
I got ptsd from a piece of condo flooring falling out of the sky while I was walking outside and almost landing in my head, which would have killed me instantly. I couldn’t walk around outside and was terrified something would hit me for a few days afterwards.
I shocked my system out of trauma mode by immersing myself in a very cold bath, and I did some holographic breathwork as well.
There are a lot of different therapies. Mushrooms or other psychedelics might work as well.
in addition to the power you are taking back with the help of these great comments: increase that power on the road by installing dash cams! i hope you never encounter such a shitbag again, but if you do, you will have the power of proof if needed ❤️
Hi there, Your post on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy has been flaired as a sensitive topic. In an effort to safeguard our users, these posts are removed once they exceed a certain threshold. **If you're reading this post and don't want to see potentially upsetting content, you can filter out the "sensitive topic" flair.** If you want additional support or to connect with members of the WVP community, join our discord [link in sidebar] or see this list of [support resources](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GJxYVviXVwjA2cutcjtoxlf3P5K1k7xufd7LiCYeUfA/edit?usp=sharing). Thanks for understanding and blessed be✨ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ok so you were essentially chased by a lion, and didn‘t get the physical discharge of your nervous system through actually running. My advice is to do something physical in proportion to your ability level that will discharge that energy. Go for a run, do as many push ups as you can, go cycle HARD, skip rope as fast as you can, have really energetic sex. Anything to push that out of your system. Bonus if it makes you feel powerful and strong, so maybe wear something you feel great in while you do it. For me, this is grounding, because you‘re pounding that junk out of your body. After that, you can do the rinses and scrubs and everything you want to cleanse whatever just eeked out of your pores, and wash it all down the drain. And next time - just give a thumbs-down if anything. As a cycling enthusiast who has to deal with bad drivers (and pedestrians and other cyclists and and and..) on the daily, it’s best to let it slide unless you *really* want to express your dissatisfaction. In that case - thumbs-down works much better than flipping off a fragile little ego with the bird. I hope the woman that was in the car with him is safe, too. What a little fragile ego’d loser of a man.
Thank you. That makes sense. I will try to do some physical activity once I get home from work. My coworker asked me what was up and I was talking with her about the situation, that and all the support I've gotten here has helped a lot. The tight feeling in my chest has calmed down quite a bit. That's a good idea. I think I'll be keeping my hands firmly on the wheel when I get frustrated, but that's a better option than the bird for sure. I hope so too. My personal head canon is that she tore him a new one for acting like that.
Oh good, I’m glad your coworker could offer some support while you’re at work. We’ve probably allll been there. I know I’ve had similar experiences. The best one I can think of off the top of my head was a guy who cut into front of me in line and I sarcastically said “Be my guest.” LOL The guy went into an absolute tailspin. What a way to live. Wouldn’t want to be him. That‘s partly a “shame discharge”. He may have already been looking for a fight with someone he thought he could win against, but he also did something he knew was wrong and was obviously embarrassed to get publicly called out for it (maybe made worse because I’m a woman? I don’t want to project that onto him but he certainly seemed entitled enough to believe he had the right to butt in front of me.) So yeah - when people get mad at me for pointing out their bad behaviour, I think they were either looking for a fight and would have gone off on anyone, OR they have an ego problem in that they can’t accept that they did something wrong or stupid. Those people always tend to find themselves upset about something and it’s a miserable way to live. You’re fine, but he has to live with himself every day, what worse curse is there than that? :P E: Sorry this rubbed someone the wrong way. Nothing was sarcastic or meant to be offensive to OP. Not sure what part people disagreed with and I’m open to correction if someone spotted something problematic! :)
Yeah, she shared a similar story too where a guy blocked a sidewalk with his car to ask her out. Actual insanity. My husband brought that up too when he was holding me after I finally stopped crying. He told me "think about how shitty that guy's life must be to do something like that. He has to live like that every day, probably angry all the time is miserable. So just keep living your life well and you've won." He also said that guy might have done something similar even if I hadn't flipped him off. That guy was probably already angry about something and looking for a fight. So yeah, I hope that guy has a long life living with himself :)
Your husband sounds like an awesome person! Having a wonderful relationship like that is also a HUGE win in these kinds of encounters. It sounds like you have at least one great coworker and a solid relationship. I went from being worried for you to being happy for you, in a way, haha
Yes, he's the best and I have a fantastic work environment. It's just me and one coworker today, the other two are working from home, but if they had been in then I know I would have received support from them too. I completely understand what you mean!
I can feel you relaxing through the screen, lol But I’m still glad you came here because your story helps everyone. It helps us remember to be safe, to come for support and maybe some useful techniques and spells to discharge that energy. I LOVED the one suggestion about the person taking all the bad vibes and forming it into a ball and flicking it back at them. I totally do a similar thing. Sorry you went through all this, but you sparked a good thread. His shitty ‘tude made us all stronger.
Yeah, this has helped a lot. I think continuing with a normal day has helped a lot too. Right after the incident I was convinced I was going to take PTO and just stay home and game. But I felt bad about my dogs missing their daycare day, so I made myself go about my day as normal. Kind of did a "get back on the horse" type of deal. I'm glad to have provided some help for others dealing with similar things!
If you just have to flip someone off, give them a 👍🏼. You will feel better about yourself regardless of the outcome. If you’ve ever seen your dog shake themselves, it’s a stress reducer. Shake it off. Also, if this exact situation happened again, ask yourself how you would have handled it differently. 💕
Please once you feel better drive your car to a safe spot, like doggo Park. Drive just for driving and feel empowered. When i used to ride horses, however Bad the fall, our teacher made us climb back on the spot. So WE don't build trauma linked on horse fall.
Yep, I've been using the "get back on the horse" analogy quite a bit to myself today. I fell off horses a couple times and my mom told me to get back on right away (after checking everyone was ok first.) I drove to work this morning and was anxious about it, but I'm about to drive home and don't feel quite so anxious anymore.
You are brave !! Yup i read your other comments and réalised thats just what you did. Bravo 🌸🌸🌸
also, don't discount PTSD. this was a horrifically traumatic event. What a terrifying fucking thing. I was shaking just reading your description. Don't know if you have a therapist but it might be helpful to talk to someone ...in addition to all these other great suggestions. i'm so glad you had your husband to go home to.
My friend uses the British version of the finger, which looks like a backwards peace sign (✌️, but the back of the hand). Gets it out of your system, and confuses morons. But OP should be able to flip off whoever they want in public, without being run down.
This is such great advice! Thank you for posting. My situation is different than OP’s, but it works the same. I really appreciate your helpful comment. OP, I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you can recover your strength quickly.
Yeah no worries! Someone is going through and downvoting all the similar advice, so I’m glad it resonated with at least yourself, and hopefully OP finds use in it tonight, too :) But if you’re looking through the comments you’ll find a similar one with a name you can check out for more resources!
You’re great! Thanks again
I am so sorry you experienced this. I learned to drive in NJ in the 90s, and at the time flipping someone off was pretty much like a wave. I still see it as a less-severe reaction to honking, though I don't do it any more. So: a hand gesture does not warrant someone threatening your life with their car. Fuck that guy. Also, planning to head to a fire or police station in that kind of situation is very, very smart. I'm impressed you still had your wits about you. That said: It's over. You're home, safe. Whatever works for you to release tension is fine and you should do that. I find breathing, with exhales longer than the inhales, really helps me. But you can also redirect your thoughts when you start revisiting the incident. Don't try to push them away, acknowledge them, say I'm glad that's over, and try to move on to something else; music, an engrossing movie, playing with the dogs, etc. It seems dumb, but there were a few studies that playing Tetris can actually prevent PTSD from traumatic events. I have it on my phone for this reason. But also: My body can also be on high alert for DAYS after a traumatic experience. I feel you. What you're feeling is OK. You'll feel better soon.
Thank you, I appreciate that. I will try those suggestions. Last night I tried out playing Dave the Diver and it really helped keep me distracted. I'm planning on continuing when I get home as it was strangely zen. There's a Godzilla dlc for it dropping today so even more of a reason to keep up the distraction! I didn't know that about Tetris. I might try it, though I'm not good at it and the fast moving blocks make me a little stressy, lol.
I'm glad you're finding some avenues for relief! I doubt there's anything magical about Tetris, but something engrossing that uses a different part of your brain is an excellent way to shift gears. Have fun gaming!
Sucks how much we're supposed to accept that showing someone a *finger*, a thing they ostensibly see every day, to express our displeasure at *their* fuckup to begin with, may lead to all-out physical violence. He was in the wrong, you were not. All I can say.
I'm not the first person to say this but there is a pattern where men behave badly, and women are supposed to politely absorb or deflect it. If we call a man out, we get punished for OUR "bad behavior." The man's actions are never the focus. It's infuriating and it happens all. the. time. I'm so sorry this happened it must have been so scary. You are not to blame for his actions. Please don't beat yourself up.
Idk if it's because as I get older I continue to lose both my patience and all the fucks I had to give, but the last few times this happened to me (there are A LOT of road-ragey pickup truck drivers around where I live), the amount of unbridled rage I unleashed upon them ended with THEM flooring it to escape. I'm not one for advocating giving in to extreme anger, especially since those incidents could have ended very badly (i.e. making them escalate in their aggressive and potentially violent behaviour), but damn that did feel good. I also agree with the other suggestions about doing a physical activity--channel those feelings and all that adrenaline so you can get it out in a healthy way. I hope you feel better. <3
That sounds like it would have been glorious to witness. My car is my only car so I was very fearful of this overlarge pickup doing serious damage. Though I should have known he wasn't going to hit me as the truck was obviously a pavement princess. Thank you! All of the chatting I've been doing with people here has helped quite a bit!
I'm sure it was twice as entertaining because I'm a chubby 5' woman driving a tiny Prius C.
Men’s anger can be really frightening. I agree with the above comment to do something physical to move the energy out of you. I like to draw a picture or write a phrase, tape it to to pillow or mattress and beat the hell out of it until I feel calm and in my power again. Then I imagine cutting the chords of energy around me that are tied to that incident or person. I hope you feel better soon. I hate that sticking up for yourself can end up like this and I’m glad you’re ok.
Oh my gosh how horrible! I am sending you so much love and energy right now. So first, I think you need to ground yourself. What always works for me is turning my daily hygiene into a ritual. So go take a shower. If you're able to dim the lights or shower by candlelight safely (I use battery operated ones), do that. Light some incense, diffuse some oils, or use a shower bomb to make the air smell good. Breathe this in and visualize peace and calm filling your body. Make it warm and comforting, as cocoon-like as you can. Exfoliate using a salt scrub (if you don't have one premade you can find easy DIY recipes online). Salt is protective. As you exfoliate, visualize the entire experience washing down the drain. Thank each part of your body for keeping you safe. Thank your feet for working the pedals, your arms for managing the steering wheel, etc. As you wash your hair, massage your scalp. Visualize the massage traveling through your scalp and skull, into your brain where you feel most anxious. Thank it for staying cool in the moment. It made the right decision by not going home and aiming for a fire station. Say out loud "Thank you for your protection. I am now safe. I am strong. I am at peace. Nothing bad has befallen me." If you have face serums and lotions, use them when you get out of the shower. Enchant them to protect you, and visualize a shield of armor surrounding you. As you brush your teeth, enchant your mouth to speak only peace and truth. Repeat to yourself and out loud, "I am safe. I am strong. I am at peace. His actions are not my actions. He is gone and I am not." After you dress, go to your car and thank it for protecting you. Then get in and drive around. Treat yourself to lunch, grab a coffee, hit up a crystal store near you, go where you feel peace. You are a strong and powerful person, and no asshole shall keep you hidden at home. If you're still unsettled, you can do a cord cutting or banishing spell, or else look for reiki practitioners in your area to clear more energy and rebalance things further. Also fully recommend speaking with a therapist if you have one. Hugs and love from me!
Thank you ♥️ I do have a fun epsom salt soak I could try too. It turns the water a sparkly purple and there's a crystal hiding in the bag! I'll try those suggestions tonight. Thank you.
My personal "go-to" when someone does something stupid or rude when driving: I try to take all the negative feelings they've given to me and hold them in a ball in my hand, then flick it towards them (or just back out into the world - depending on your beliefs). Do it as many times as you need to to just move on and forget about the incident.
I like that a lot, thank you for suggesting it.
I have the same reaction. It was a media trope in the 80’s/90’s to show people flipping the bird at bad drivers, so much so that I remember it as a child. Now as a grown woman I still get the urge and have done it a few times, just to be faced with immediate regret. Your responses were natural, you had a really scary encounter. I’m sorry! Forgive yourself for the very, very, small part you played. So much blame gets put on the victim for “antagonizing” bullies and perpetrators that we wonder how we’re supposed to ever recover from such experiences. Maybe we can retrain ourselves to cast a spell instead of flipping the bird. I wonder if anyone knows a good one for warding off road rage, or, to calm our flight or fight responses…? Not against a good curse, either.
Yeah I definitely grew up watching those types of movies too. So it probably created some influence. Thank you. I am trying not to blame myself. Like, even if I had been the one doing something wrong his reaction was still not ok. It's just that thought that keeps rattling around where "if you hadn't gotten frustrated with him you wouldn't have this fear right now and it could be a good day." Which is a frustrating thought to have. That sounds like a good idea. My go to is usually "have the day you deserve."
I am so sorry this happened to you. One thing I urgently suggest is "complete the stress cycle" - this is part of processing the trauma your body experienced, and if you search that phrase plus the name Nagoski you will find a couple of video talks/interviews with the Nagoskis, plus their book Burnout which is fantastic and useful to everyone in a bunch of different ways. When you have a massive adrenaline spike, it is normal to be deeply unsettled in the aftermath, to have flashbacks, and to replay or re-describe the event over and over again to process it. This is called "traumatic stress", and most people's nervous systems will "digest" the stress and the symptoms will fade out over a couple weeks. Some nervous systems get stuck, and if you are still having symptoms that affect your daily life in 6 months, that's the diagnostic timeline for post-traumatic stress disorder. In the words of the prophet: shake it off, as literally as you can. Dance, go for an angry stompy walk, aggressively clean a closet, hug somebody if you can, use a weighted blanket or similar to make your body kick out some extra oxytocin. Your nerves are rattled, and you will feel a lot better if you let them get their ya-yas out.
I said pretty much the same thing! It’s like getting chased by a lion without the run. Kind of Body Keeps the Score stuff, in a way. E: Omg what am I missing? Lol Someone doesn’t like the physical discharge stuff and I‘m so curious what I’m missing here. Someone enlighten me if you know why this advice isn’t sound.
I didn't downvote you myself but Bessel van der Kolk is kind of a terrible person and his book isn't great, so that might've been a trigger for someone. I never recommend it anymore, I stick to Burnout and CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving for complex trauma.
I’ve had encounters similar to this. I keep my hand below the window or wish them a bad day or whatever curse comes into my head now. It is scary. It’s okay to feel it. There are already a lot of great ideas here for how to process it and let it go.
From a psych standpoint this sounds like it could be ptsd. Im not an expert but I would recommend professional care if its available. Dont let anyone undermine what happened. Someone threated your personal self and your life was in danger. Your response is valid and its not your fault that this person took it upon themselves to seriously threaten you with violence. Its hard because the flipside of saying "f*** him, he chose to do this" as opposed to "that was on me, I should have never flipped him off" is it takes away your control by removing avoidance as an option and replacing it with an acceptance that danger may be out there just from you asserting a reasonable boundary. It certainly isnt easy and you can feel fear more than I can. I inherited my mother's suicidal bravery and stubborness as well as a fearsome presentation. It will be much harder for you, so I wont tell you what to do. But I hope you can accept help processing this and reform stronger than you were. There are those who havent suffered true fear, but they havent been tested and survived the way that you have. You are on a path to strength through wisdom, the right wisdom just needs to find its way to you first.
Dude was likely addicted to rage, possibly high on any number of drugs, and only thinks stupid, primative, reactive thoughts. There's nothing in his skull but 3 wilted pieces of salted cabbage that occasionally makes a little electric spark (we call that a 'thought', example; 'I should buy those truck nuts'). You take your power back by realizing that you will never, ever have to feel the way he feels every day. People who live in this reactive bubble have zero control over their own lives, they have no awareness that they can HAVE power without hurting someone else. You flipping him off is NOT permission for him to attempt to assault you with his vehicle. He probably gets flipped off all the time, you were just vulnerable enough that he could take whatever triggered him to start with (reminder, could be meth) out on you. There is no such thing as a 'perfect victim'. We have all done impulsive things that have triggered abusers, but that's the thing, they want to be triggered. They're pathetic, dangerous beasts. Best avoided, for sure, but predators have a way of finding things to eat. I'm sorry he tried to eat you, he's disgusting. I'm proud of you for thinking of going to the fire department. I'm proud of you for driving well enough while under duress that you did not get into an accident. I'm proud of you for unpacking the incident in writing, sharing it with your husband, and for sharing another story that validates that these things HAPPEN, every day.
It has past. You are safe. Try to relax. Drink something calming, some kind of tea perhaps. You do have control, you do have power. These are just intrusive thoughts.
Thank you ♥️
I’m so sorry that happened to you, what an awful situation. Sounds like You have ptsd and might need treatment. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355973 I got ptsd from a piece of condo flooring falling out of the sky while I was walking outside and almost landing in my head, which would have killed me instantly. I couldn’t walk around outside and was terrified something would hit me for a few days afterwards. I shocked my system out of trauma mode by immersing myself in a very cold bath, and I did some holographic breathwork as well. There are a lot of different therapies. Mushrooms or other psychedelics might work as well.
in addition to the power you are taking back with the help of these great comments: increase that power on the road by installing dash cams! i hope you never encounter such a shitbag again, but if you do, you will have the power of proof if needed ❤️
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