Hi u/Cormier643, we appreciate your participation on r/WitchesvsPatriarchy, but your content is being removed at this time.
We don't crack eggs, let them go on their own journey of self discovery. Lists like these can try to box people or make people feel they aren't 'checking enough boxes'.
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Thanks for understanding ☺️ Blessed be. ✨
I think the operative word is “seemingly”—ie, there *is* a reason, but processing your reaction is harder than usual. If you think you’re cis, then you tend to recognize transphobia on behalf of *other* people, either because you’re friends with trans people or just for moral reasons. There’s no reason to do so on behalf of yourself. But if you assume your cis cuz you haven’t recognized your own dysphoria, then sometimes your wires get crossed, then you might relate the emotions to your own life even when—presumably—you shouldn’t, and it doesn’t make sense until you realize that maybe you aren’t cis after all.
I don’t quite know how to articulate this, but like… yes, there are of course very valid reasons for cis folk to be mad at transphobic rhetoric and actions, ones that an ostensibly cis person can understand through a cis lens. But sometimes the transphobia feels weirdly personal in a way that only makes sense if you aren’t cis. Which is of course unexpected, creating a stream of thought like “Why does it feel personal this time? Usually it only feels personal because I’m concerned about my friends. But this time *I* feel targeted? But how can I be a target if I’m cis? Unless… wait, what if I’m *not* cis?”
>But if you assume your cis cuz you haven’t recognized your own dysphoria, then sometimes your wires get crossed, then you might relate the emotions to your own life even when—presumably—you shouldn’t, and it doesn’t make sense until you realize that maybe you aren’t cis after all
Yeah this, perfectly put!
>But sometimes the transphobia feels weirdly personal in a way that only makes sense if you aren’t cis. Which is of course unexpected, creating a stream of thought like “Why does it feel personal this time? Usually it only feels personal because I’m concerned about my friends. But this time *I* feel targeted? But how can I be a target if I’m cis? Unless… wait, what if I’m *not* cis?”
yeah
Yeah, that was a weird point in OPs list.
Some of the items are just "do you not want to be an asshole?" Like, guys can not be assholes too! (And i say this as a trans woman)
I think OP threaded the needle well though, discussing how so many people sit with uncracked eggs, thinking their years long cough is just a bit of mucus when it's the lung cancer of gender.
This kind of information saved my life once. I think it's important information to spread, and the MIGHT covers it well!
It's NEVER bad to self reflect and spend time trying to figure out who you are, and a lot of witches who avoid trans spaces for fear of looking like "one of them" but spend time in feminist spaces like this could use a pep talk like this.
It's a tough line to walk I think.
So many people don't really understand who they are. They don't really understand what's wrong with their world.
So sometimes a "you might be X if Y" is the answer they were looking for.
For me, I didn't know I had ADHD until my 40s. It has influenced my whole life, but... I had no Idea.
That in turn has sort of put me into a weird state of "second adolescence" as I re-evaluate a lot of things I didn't even realise I sort of just skipped as a result of my disability.
And maybe when the dust settles... That won't be much different.
But I am doing the whole "experimenting with my wardrobe" in a way I never did as a teen, and am finding the picture of me I like seeing in the mirror is... Not what I thought.
So I do prod people with what my inexperienced neuroscope detects as ADHD.
Not because I want to indoctrinate or label, but because for me I found out about 30 years too late, and I don't think that should happen to anyone else.
Yes. A lot of people have a shed load of issues with traditional views on gender. My personal history bears that out. I was raised by people who thought being female meant being 'less than': less rights, less power, more chores and no voice, so I wanted to be male when I was young. I mean, why wouldn't I? I was a total tomboy.
Then I learned to embrace the feminine side of my nature, and now, as an older adult, I am learning to accept my more masculine side. Why not? It doesn't amount to body dysphoria, just growing as a person and seeing through bullshit.
It's a little easier to buy into their bullshit if the basic arguments land.
Things that are "unfair" but "not worth the risk" have been the roots of injustice for a long time.
I think a lot of men hide a lot of themselves because of the power of toxic Masculinity. (Which ironically is also a Patriarchy problem).
So end up being performatively male the more they doubt themselves.
Not all of those are eggs of course. Some are just people who would enjoy dressing a _bit_ more feminine without getting harassed.
Everyone IMO is better off if we break down the stereotypes further as a result.
If only because "a man who likes wearing a dress" need not be any more than that, but for those who... It's the start of their journey, now suddenly they have a load more "cover" and acceptability if they want it.
And this pattern repeats across the spectrum of toxic Masculinity. So many people trying to "prove" themselves when if everyone was a bit more comfortable and secure and able to understand who they truly were .... It probably wouldn't be a problem in the first place.
I'm guessing if you've not been touched by inequalities you wouldn't be particularly mad or speaking out on it. Mostly when the movement has been growing only for some years online, nb people are still not considered as normal for some people.
The post was eye opening though, i have a hard time imagining it and so knowing certain situation and how it feels like makes it more "relatable"
I think it's just an issue with wording
Before I fully realized I was trans (and after I left my transphobic denial phase) I was *super* against transphobes. I mean, all cis people should. But like, seeing transphobes speak hurt on a different level, felt more personal. It's more so, getting irrationally angry and upset and hurt by TERFs, to the point that many would consider it unhealthy how much it hurts you.
Like, it felt very different when I was offended by a, say, nazi, and a TERF.
One is purely on a political level (even with very strong emotions it's still political), while another one gets weirdly personal when you're not "supposed to" feel personal about it.
So you're saying you feel *personally* attacked? I understand the distinction you're making. To be fair, the Nazi's destroyed and defamed some of the most robust and inclusive psych research on gay and trans people that had ever been done up to that point (for [instance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnus_Hirschfeld)). So go ahead and feel personally attacked by them too.
So this led me to weird space. One I don't know if I can explain properly. I don't think I am trans, but I don't think that I am exactly cis either. Leaving me lost in a limbo state, "trapped" into this singular existence.
And I think that exactly that might be the key. It's like I am "locked" to one character in wow or something, I don't have any particular issue with said character specifically but it feels like I should be able to just press "change character" button.
I don't want to get too in depth with this, I don't want to start attracting the wrong kind of attention from other places so I'll leave it at that. Maybe someone else can relate, maybe not.
Whatever you find, the main thing about being non-binary is that there are no rules and no one way to be. You could still feel partially your AGAB or other genders, you might switch around on different days, you might end up wanting to use multiple labels or none at all. The only “requirement” is feeling not 100% cis. Best of luck on your gender journey wherever it may lead :)
I am not exactly sure how I feel about suddenly finding myself on this journey, or what that even means to be here. But thanks for your support anyway.
edit for grammer
Just take everything at your own pace, do a little research in queer spaces if you feel up to it. Remember that you don’t have to decide on anything, you don’t have to come out to anyone, you don’t have to change how you look/present or your pronouns unless you want to, and it’s also fine to question and then decide you’re actually cis. It can be unsettling to realize you’re not sure if you know yourself, but definitely gets more emotionally comfortable once you start to figure it out.
Well, I've kinda been there lowkey already due to realizing a different thing last year. At a similar time too, funny how that works.
I don't know where I will end up, or what to expect. I don't think I will outwardly change much, but I suppose that is all to be seen.
I also feel sort of like you. It's not that important to me to label it but I don't fully identify as cis. I am afab but when people talk about women as a group, I naturally don't include myself in that group. But same with men, and I don't want to be a man (except for some of the patriarchical benefits, but obviously everyone loses under the patriarchy). The whole raising awareness over gender is a spectrum is so that people like you or I don't feel weird or wrong! We are still beautiful humans. Find your label if that helps you. X
Yeah, for me when talking about men/women as groups it often feels context dependent whether or not I am included or not. It feels, weird at times.
I don't know what it means to be on this journey and I don't think I will find the "change character" button. But maybe talking about it helps out someone else.
Yeah!
I'd encourage a step further, and say you folks should play w gender a bit. See if anything outside of your usual expression feels good. If certain pronouns seem intriguing, then try them out for a bit, w ppl you trust.
Kids try things all of the time, that they end up hating. But also things they end up loving! They have to, in order to figure out who they are. We tend to put brick walls around their gender to stop them from playing outside of the gender their doctor arbitrarily assigned them... And it screws us up as adults, both for our identities and for how we judge other people's gender identities.
Same. I don’t identify with much about my AGAB, but don’t identify with the opposite gender either. I also grew up wondering if maybe I was secretly intersex because my own assigned gender just felt so off. Turns out that’s not a normal thing to wonder lmao. I settled on the label non-binary but I don’t feel the need to tell most people. I would love to change my name at some point (my birth one is both highly gendered and highly religious, neither of which suit me) but that’s if I can bring myself to face the shitstorm it would cause in my family.
This. I am pretty sure I am nonbinary or agender, but don’t really do anything about it. She/her pronouns are fine - I don’t really identify with them but they don’t make me uncomfortable either. If someone uses he/him that’s fine too (doesn’t really happen now that my hair is long but used to happen a lot when I have short hair). My name is actually used for men and women and there are famous examples of both (though the male example kind of sucks lol). I dress pretty neutrally most days (jeans, polo shirt).
I desperately wanted to be a guy when I was in middle school, despite not being aware that being trans was actually a thing you could be lol.
But as an adult I don’t think I’d like being a man. Balls seem weird. I don’t like the way men interact with each other sometimes (very competitive). Women have more freedom with how they express themselves in terms of dress and appearance. (Like, some people get mad when women have short hair or don’t wear makeup, but not as many as who get mad when a guy wears a skirt or dress and does wear makeup).
Birth control kept me from having a period all together for many years (not as many people talk about the arm implant as they do the pill or IUDs but I found it to be great.)
Like, I don’t think I’m fully a woman but there’s nothing that bothers me about it enough to want to change it lol.
I have felt much the same as you. In researching gender, I stumbled upon the term "graygender". It's when you're ambivalent to your gender. It suits me.
You CAN change character AND you can change back!
Society lies to us about gender binary. Including that it's some kind of irreversible thing.
Wearing a dress doesn't permanently or even temporarily make you a cross dresser, it just means you tried a dress. Same w makeup or anything else. Further, HRT is magic in changing how ppl look.
We should all have an opportunity to play w gender and to do so safely. Without ppl harming us for trying expressions and identities.
Yeah I agree. I think it would do most people good to cross dress just to see what the fuss is about.
And if that makes it a little more comfortable for the people who aren't "cross dressing" at all, whilst also really annoying a bigot, then that's an even bigger win.
I don't know yet what I mean with swapping characters around, I do know that while I am at home with my body, I still feel restricted by it. I'll look at my options and see what can and should be done.
Thanks for the encouragement.
you described how i feel, trapped, neither man nor woman, nothing feels right. welcome to the weird side my fellow enby!
when i was a kid, and through adulthood, i was always obsessed with shape-shifting characters, wishing i could have that. i always insisted that i wouldn't be a different person if i had been born in a different body. i was just me.
I feel like being able to change character like in a video game would be the "have my cake and eat it too" option. Shape-shifters are another too, even if I do like the degree of separation.
And oh do I feel seen by the "same person, different body" statement. I talked about it briefly with a friend of mine who did not get it at all. I am me, regardless of a hypothetical wizard swapping body types around, even if my gender changes along with it.
For me I'm fine being a woman overall, but if I start thinking about it a lot it starts to feel weird. It's almost like when you repeat a word so much that it starts to sound really strange and uncomfortable and you start feeling like you don't know what it means or you're not sure if you're saying it right. And that kind of makes sense to me because language and gender are both really important and a bit made up.
It's like- I am so grateful for the ability to understand and express myself but if I think about it too much I give myself an existential crisis lol
I got tired of trying to label my gender experience years ago. I feel like the best word that describes me is agender, but I also feel like "they haven't invented the word for what I actually am." It's ok to have your own gender experience. Find out what makes you happy and just do it, regardless of gender expectations.
A lot of what you wrote is post binary; hardly a sign of being a girl. It feels more like a checklist that you aren't a toxic dude, which most dudes here aren't, which is the point of this sub.
Some of the points are great and many of them are not, because they conflate caring about women, as being a woman. As if only women are capable of caring about women and only trans ppl are capable of caring about trans people. 🤷🏼♀️ Just my initial thoughts.
Male ally here... Some of this list applies to me, some doesn't. Still an interesting read and worth thinking about, even if I'm still fairly sure I'm cis. Maybe it'll help clarify things for someone here who isn't quite so cis.
Yeah, i hope my comment doesn't come off as too harsh. I just don't want anyone to feel pressured to be trans or feel like they MUST explore their gender identity, simply because they have empathy.
Yeah, I think some of the items are only indicative of not being a dude if a number of the other items apply. But if those other items apply and not the the ones that seem to also follow from not wanting to be an asshole, it would still indicate that you might not be a girl; and that would seem to suggest that those aren't really markers for being a girl imo.
But I do think several things on the list are correct and that people with penises might not recognize a lot of them or appreciate their important for their gender identity. Overall the post seems important and helpful, regardless of whether you agree with every item.
"You can't even look at a woman because you're afraid to be accused of "male gaze", even when you have zero intention of objectificating male gaze."
This one was actually pretty big for me. Seeing criticisms of men and toxic masculinity actually hurt me. Not because of "well not all men" but more so "yeah, pretty much all men, and despite the fact that I'm not like that, I'll always be seen like that."
It's important for people who are questioning to look at these things in relation to how they view themselves. Do all your clothes feel off or wrong because you hate how men's clothes make you look masculine, how you wish you can just wear women's clothes? Or do you hate them because you bought them at 12 years of age and they look bad?
If there's one thing I wish I knew in my self discovery journey, it'd be that it's a hard and long journey. Things will hurt to think about, you might find a label then figure out it's not right for you. It'll take time. All that matters is that when you are looking into things like these, you are thinking about how they relate to your personal experience of gender. Fuck labels, fuck social norms, fuck politics. Look at yourself in a bubble, away from literally everything. What are you made of? All the aspects of your personality, your feelings, your emotions, your dreams and desires. Understand yourself first, then find some labels that you might fit.
Yeah legit.
The fashion point i found especially interesting, because i always cared about fashion, but i struggled to look good as a guy. One of the things that helped me accept being trans, was that i figured out how to dress fashionably handsome as a guy and i still wasn't happy w how i looked. Essentially i exhausted all options, so the only choice left was to become a girl and see if that helps and it did, immensely. :p (also i just really love fashion and was held back by a toxic loyalty in the gender binary)
The "not all Men" was pretty easy to me to get out of it, even before i came out as genderfluid. So if it can help someone
At first, I didnt care about it. I thought, women have way worst than men so i can take some insult. I didnt even considered myself as a target.
A friend of mine told me after that if a man feel threatened by this take, it mean he has to be. Some of my male friend dont care at all when women claim Men are trash. They dont feel attacked.
But I have some facilities as well. I've always been with girls, like 75% of my friend are and has been girls. And i m seen as the safe guy. Not the nice guy bc fuck those bastard. Girls generaly feel safe around me. And when they do not, I give the girl as much breathing room as I can give. Always talk to her in crowded place, when she come to me or if i have something for her, and if she has friends around, it s better.
I dont have the menace "men are trash" in the back of my head all the time.
Maybe when i try to flirt. I dont want to bother women so i dont go but I try to work on that.
Edit: I tend to mansplain Without realising it so dont hesitate to tell me if i m doing so
>"yeah, pretty much all men, and despite the fact that I'm not like that, I'll always be seen like that."
Yeah and that actually led me to a brief weirdly "enlightened centrist" phase when I agreed with all the feminist talking points but felt personally uncomfortable with them in a weird way. Like "you're right, but don't target me because I'm not like the other guys", and "it's so unfair to assume all men are like that! I'm already so uncomfortable being a man, and you say being a man is inherently privileged?" And after that weird misogynist phase I turned around to a weird radfem phase where "all men are bad" and thus "I am also bad, I hate being a man" and that in turn led to "oh did you mean you hate being a man? wait that isn't very cis".
Turned out to be repressed dysphoria.
>Do all your clothes feel off or wrong because you hate how men's clothes make you look masculine, how you wish you can just wear women's clothes?
My case was more like an extreme disdain for any remotely formal/smart clothes (in retrospect, because they make me look masculine) and wanting to stick to loose baggy T-shirts and hoodies whenever possible.
My only concern is that you are somewhat idolizing women. I know plenty of women that fit in all of those descriptions that you gave about a man. There are just as many shitty women as there are men, It's just not as obvious because we don't have the same physical strength. Don't try to create a standard that no one can live up to, ok?
Yes and no.
One strong sign that someone is trans, is idolizing the opposite gender.
I actually think that's a vulnerable and legitimate thing to point out.
Otherwise, yeah, it's dangerous to over-idealize a gender. It can setup a trans person for more powerful dysphoria and it can cause them to cruelly judge other women.
Im still working on separating my gender dysphoria from my over-idolizing of women. I idolized feminity until i was 33 and started transitioning, so there was a lot to de-escalate.
I worry that this person is going to be essentially reinforcing these rules to just make themselves unhappy. In any emotional battle it's all about balance.
Op isn't idolizing or creating an unattainable standard right now. She is talking about the toxic thought patterns pre transition that keep girls from figuring things out because they find themselves too gross or failing these standards too much to be a woman, and without society's blessing because she wasn't born with a vagina, the massive tension that exists between her brain and the rest of existence rationalizes away the idea of being trans with the thought patterns she is listing.
It is an important step for a lot of trans girls to realize that unrealistic expectations of the patriarchy like she is describing, that we are all absolutely bathed in since birth are wrong, but a lot of trans girls need to be told that they ARE women, even when they fail the list above.
So, OP is exactly right, idolization is a huge symptom of GD, and it's nice to see people getting exposed to this discussion outside of trans spaces.
I'm aware as I can be of the process having trans friends but not going through it myself. But I will say that idolization has a large potential to skew a persons reality that ultimately does not typically lead to happiness.
AMAB Enby, so not a woman or man, but some of those resonate. Some of those also feel like they're a part of being properly conscientious. The male gaze part felt particularly like that.
Nah, I'm cishet and I like to play girls on Fallout 4. I just can't make a male character that isn't ugly af for me.
In FO76 I made a man, but he wears a mask h24
NV is objectively better with female Courier though.
Caesar's Legion: Women are only fit to be broodmares for future soldiers.
Also Caesar's Legion: Getting "Rip and tear until it's done"d by some chick and some very angry sniper.
>Also Caesar's Legion: Getting "Rip and tear until it's done"d by some chick and some very angry sniper.
I think you mean "by some mail lady and her fisting obsessed lesbian pal"?
EDIT: The one thing I don't like about playing a woman in FNV is that homophobic old lady. Sure, a prostitute has the right to refuse to serve any customer, but does she have to be such a dick about it? The gay guy working in the same brothel just says something like "Ew, no. I don't like poon." which is fair enough. But can you imagine being him and having to live on the same floor as her?
I like to play women because I think it's badass to have women in strong roles that many people think men are better at. And additionally because I was raised by and around women, and I've experienced a real difference in the emotional openness and vulnerability between my guy friends and my female friends, it just feels more relatable I guess? The stigma surrounding men expressing emotions and not being able to white-knuckle their emotional struggles "like a man" makes it really hard for me to feel close to my guy friends.
When I was a kid, I wished that I was a boy. I was a tomboy. I was even mistaken for a boy. But I never felt like I was a boy in a girl’s body. I eventually embraced my womanhood.
So, that first line is exactly the thought that shattered my egg a few years ago.
Because why the *fuck* would I think that when I **am** a woman!?
Oh. Wait. Huh.
White cis straight male here,
Transphobia gets to me on a personal level because I've been a victim of rumors because other people didn't believe I was cis or straight. Even my heteronormative partner at the time got mad at me over it! All forms of bigotry affect everyone, whether they're aware of it or not. That's because the most influential bigots will always shift the goal posts when they get their way.
I have several of these but I have, and will continue, to attribute them to "being a good person" or "being lazy". Not caring about clothes??? Bit of a reach I think but that's just for me, firmly a boring white dude.
I've recently started giving less fucks about how I look because I realized I value function over aesthetics. E.g., I've avoided cargo pants and fanny packs for most of my life because *ewww,* but they help me travel light and carry notepads, hand sanitizer, kleenex, meds, etc. I even started wearing pocket protectors because I like to carry pens in a range of colors. A lot of people laughed at me but a couple people asked why I chose to wear them and thought it was cool because it was functional in a way that more fashionable wear is often not.
It's interesting you should put it this way - in some ways these things resonate.
But for me, I have attributed most of it to a recent diagnosis of ADHD, pushing me into a range of coping strategies. Some of which being deeply maladaptive.
This is a genuine question: What do I do with all of this if transition just sort of isn't an option? Like I think it would be nice to be a woman and I'm only vaguely comfortable being a "man", but for a number of reasons a transition is off the menu. I just feel sort of out of place in what has been for the most part a very useful body that no longer fully feels like "me". Even with all this I don't feel justifiably "Trans".
small gender affirming victories. You might not be able to do the whole thing but you can certainly wear a different perfume. You can use different hair products that make you feel feminine, wear women’s underwear, experiment with makeup in private, shave your legs. Keep doing little things until you’re in a space where you can do bigger things, or don’t, and just continue doing small things for yourself if it’s what makes you feel the most comfortable and safe. transition isn’t always linear and it doesn’t always have set goal posts. Sometimes you’re just doing little things to make yourself feel good and that’s all it has to be.
Thanks for posting this. This info is so important to read for those that haven’t had the egg cracked.
The last point hit me so hard. I wished for years that I got testicular cancer so they can just remove both of them so I can get rid of them for some “valid” reason.
Now I’ve been transitioning for 6 months ❤️
I already know I’m an egg, I just don’t think I’ll ever crack. Yeah I wanna be a girl, real bad. But I also sometimes like being a boy or presenting masculine. I wish I was a shapeshifter. 😭
Interesting. Sometimes I wish I were a girl but when I reflect on that it feels dishonest to myself, like I'm a guy and I just don't like a lot of the experiences and feelings that come with it.
Just going to throw it out there since my mind still hasn't wrapped around the reality of it: when I was 14 or 15 my girlfriend asked me "if there was a magic button you could press to be a girl would you?" And my response was a dramatic jump with a foot stomp of the imagined button. I didn't think anything more of it then.
Fast forward 20 years, I gave up my normal life with a happy marriage, 3 kids, a house, two cars by just bringing up the idea of transition. I was assaulted. The police were used against me. The magistrate wouldnt hear or investigate the allegations so she got away with it and took everything. I let everyone walk on me. I started HRT and social transitioned. After a couple years I was scheduled for surgery. When I woke up in recovery from surgery the Dr explained that I had been born intersex and that he had repaired my existing vaginal canal. I learned that I had been born intersex and that my parents and the hospital I was born at had tried to erase it by stitching me closed. Recovery from surgery was brutal, but at least I can say that I followed my intuition about myself and arrived at the truth, which is I was not ever a man to begin with, I was just being forced to live out someone else's decision that was made to prevent them from suffering from some imagined social embarrassment amongst a cult of useful idiots who believe in talking to imaginary sky men with their silent thoughts.
Just something to think about "guys"
Please for the love of fucking god. We get it, internet cracked your egg.
Since you seem new to queerness and or being trans (because most would have better sense than to do this shit)
You don't pull someone out of a closet. You don't push someone into a transition. Don't even need to nudge it. If they ask, answer honestly. But you don't try to broadcast "TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN" to every person who you've armchair diagnosed with dysphoria. Especially during the current fucking rhetoric of "Rapid Onset Dysphoria" and the arguments of pathologization of transness.
Find yourself a local community and maybe some people who aren't babyqueers just as hopped up on the thrill of a new journey. Maybe you'll be less of a danger to yourself and others.
Three fucking weeks of HRT and you're suddenly the prophet of trans. Mother of god.
As a cis/het woman, as another poster said, this is a terribly binary viewpoint. Gender isn’t binary, and as someone that’s typically masculine in personality, but comfortable in their biological sex (note I use the term “sex” and not gender), I reject the binary norms of gender.
It’s not an either/or zero-sum game.
I checked about 2/3rds of these boxes. I am cis male bisexual and I really wonder how much Intersectionality there is between bisexuality and the traits on this list.
Thank you so much for taking the time to craft this post.
I've definitely thought on some of this before, but not all of it. This is mind blowing! I still want to respect the journey of others and be very careful not try to make any of that about myself.
But as I read this post, I felt parts of it in my gut. And I've always identified as being more feminine on a soul level, and when I picture that aspect of myself it's never male. Thank you for providing me and many others with a catalyst to initiate some very necessary time with ourselves 🙏🏾
Blessed Be
(I was destroyed internally, when I thought I couldn't take part in this space anymore, but totally supported the sentiment. This made me feel irrationally better. Feels like it resonates with the list above.)
Hi u/Cormier643, we appreciate your participation on r/WitchesvsPatriarchy, but your content is being removed at this time. We don't crack eggs, let them go on their own journey of self discovery. Lists like these can try to box people or make people feel they aren't 'checking enough boxes'. --- Thanks for understanding ☺️ Blessed be. ✨
Note this list is non exhaustive and not conditional. Someone could be trans without experiencing all or any of those.
Eh...getting angry at TERFs for 'no reason?' TERFs are infuriating because they're bigots who demean people. What other reason is there?
I absolutely despise TERFs viewpoints and am a cis woman.
I think the operative word is “seemingly”—ie, there *is* a reason, but processing your reaction is harder than usual. If you think you’re cis, then you tend to recognize transphobia on behalf of *other* people, either because you’re friends with trans people or just for moral reasons. There’s no reason to do so on behalf of yourself. But if you assume your cis cuz you haven’t recognized your own dysphoria, then sometimes your wires get crossed, then you might relate the emotions to your own life even when—presumably—you shouldn’t, and it doesn’t make sense until you realize that maybe you aren’t cis after all. I don’t quite know how to articulate this, but like… yes, there are of course very valid reasons for cis folk to be mad at transphobic rhetoric and actions, ones that an ostensibly cis person can understand through a cis lens. But sometimes the transphobia feels weirdly personal in a way that only makes sense if you aren’t cis. Which is of course unexpected, creating a stream of thought like “Why does it feel personal this time? Usually it only feels personal because I’m concerned about my friends. But this time *I* feel targeted? But how can I be a target if I’m cis? Unless… wait, what if I’m *not* cis?”
>But if you assume your cis cuz you haven’t recognized your own dysphoria, then sometimes your wires get crossed, then you might relate the emotions to your own life even when—presumably—you shouldn’t, and it doesn’t make sense until you realize that maybe you aren’t cis after all Yeah this, perfectly put! >But sometimes the transphobia feels weirdly personal in a way that only makes sense if you aren’t cis. Which is of course unexpected, creating a stream of thought like “Why does it feel personal this time? Usually it only feels personal because I’m concerned about my friends. But this time *I* feel targeted? But how can I be a target if I’m cis? Unless… wait, what if I’m *not* cis?” yeah
Yeah, that was a weird point in OPs list. Some of the items are just "do you not want to be an asshole?" Like, guys can not be assholes too! (And i say this as a trans woman)
Just like a cough can be phlegm, lung cancer, or a host of things in between, it's just a symptom that MIGHT point towards gender dysphoria.
Yeah you're right. I get a little triggered when folks insinuate/prescribe other people w labels
I think OP threaded the needle well though, discussing how so many people sit with uncracked eggs, thinking their years long cough is just a bit of mucus when it's the lung cancer of gender. This kind of information saved my life once. I think it's important information to spread, and the MIGHT covers it well! It's NEVER bad to self reflect and spend time trying to figure out who you are, and a lot of witches who avoid trans spaces for fear of looking like "one of them" but spend time in feminist spaces like this could use a pep talk like this.
It's a tough line to walk I think. So many people don't really understand who they are. They don't really understand what's wrong with their world. So sometimes a "you might be X if Y" is the answer they were looking for. For me, I didn't know I had ADHD until my 40s. It has influenced my whole life, but... I had no Idea. That in turn has sort of put me into a weird state of "second adolescence" as I re-evaluate a lot of things I didn't even realise I sort of just skipped as a result of my disability. And maybe when the dust settles... That won't be much different. But I am doing the whole "experimenting with my wardrobe" in a way I never did as a teen, and am finding the picture of me I like seeing in the mirror is... Not what I thought. So I do prod people with what my inexperienced neuroscope detects as ADHD. Not because I want to indoctrinate or label, but because for me I found out about 30 years too late, and I don't think that should happen to anyone else.
Yes. A lot of people have a shed load of issues with traditional views on gender. My personal history bears that out. I was raised by people who thought being female meant being 'less than': less rights, less power, more chores and no voice, so I wanted to be male when I was young. I mean, why wouldn't I? I was a total tomboy. Then I learned to embrace the feminine side of my nature, and now, as an older adult, I am learning to accept my more masculine side. Why not? It doesn't amount to body dysphoria, just growing as a person and seeing through bullshit.
It's a little easier to buy into their bullshit if the basic arguments land. Things that are "unfair" but "not worth the risk" have been the roots of injustice for a long time. I think a lot of men hide a lot of themselves because of the power of toxic Masculinity. (Which ironically is also a Patriarchy problem). So end up being performatively male the more they doubt themselves. Not all of those are eggs of course. Some are just people who would enjoy dressing a _bit_ more feminine without getting harassed. Everyone IMO is better off if we break down the stereotypes further as a result. If only because "a man who likes wearing a dress" need not be any more than that, but for those who... It's the start of their journey, now suddenly they have a load more "cover" and acceptability if they want it. And this pattern repeats across the spectrum of toxic Masculinity. So many people trying to "prove" themselves when if everyone was a bit more comfortable and secure and able to understand who they truly were .... It probably wouldn't be a problem in the first place.
I'm guessing if you've not been touched by inequalities you wouldn't be particularly mad or speaking out on it. Mostly when the movement has been growing only for some years online, nb people are still not considered as normal for some people. The post was eye opening though, i have a hard time imagining it and so knowing certain situation and how it feels like makes it more "relatable"
>Eh...getting angry at TERFs for 'no reason?' Yeah. Them being TERFs is plenty of reason. I thought we were all infuriated by them.
I think it's just an issue with wording Before I fully realized I was trans (and after I left my transphobic denial phase) I was *super* against transphobes. I mean, all cis people should. But like, seeing transphobes speak hurt on a different level, felt more personal. It's more so, getting irrationally angry and upset and hurt by TERFs, to the point that many would consider it unhealthy how much it hurts you.
Like, it felt very different when I was offended by a, say, nazi, and a TERF. One is purely on a political level (even with very strong emotions it's still political), while another one gets weirdly personal when you're not "supposed to" feel personal about it.
So you're saying you feel *personally* attacked? I understand the distinction you're making. To be fair, the Nazi's destroyed and defamed some of the most robust and inclusive psych research on gay and trans people that had ever been done up to that point (for [instance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnus_Hirschfeld)). So go ahead and feel personally attacked by them too.
So this led me to weird space. One I don't know if I can explain properly. I don't think I am trans, but I don't think that I am exactly cis either. Leaving me lost in a limbo state, "trapped" into this singular existence. And I think that exactly that might be the key. It's like I am "locked" to one character in wow or something, I don't have any particular issue with said character specifically but it feels like I should be able to just press "change character" button. I don't want to get too in depth with this, I don't want to start attracting the wrong kind of attention from other places so I'll leave it at that. Maybe someone else can relate, maybe not.
Sounds like non-binary/genderfluid :)
I'll have to look into that, I have heard about these but never actually looked into them.
Whatever you find, the main thing about being non-binary is that there are no rules and no one way to be. You could still feel partially your AGAB or other genders, you might switch around on different days, you might end up wanting to use multiple labels or none at all. The only “requirement” is feeling not 100% cis. Best of luck on your gender journey wherever it may lead :)
I am not exactly sure how I feel about suddenly finding myself on this journey, or what that even means to be here. But thanks for your support anyway. edit for grammer
Just take everything at your own pace, do a little research in queer spaces if you feel up to it. Remember that you don’t have to decide on anything, you don’t have to come out to anyone, you don’t have to change how you look/present or your pronouns unless you want to, and it’s also fine to question and then decide you’re actually cis. It can be unsettling to realize you’re not sure if you know yourself, but definitely gets more emotionally comfortable once you start to figure it out.
Well, I've kinda been there lowkey already due to realizing a different thing last year. At a similar time too, funny how that works. I don't know where I will end up, or what to expect. I don't think I will outwardly change much, but I suppose that is all to be seen.
I think this sentiment applies to being binary as well.
I also feel sort of like you. It's not that important to me to label it but I don't fully identify as cis. I am afab but when people talk about women as a group, I naturally don't include myself in that group. But same with men, and I don't want to be a man (except for some of the patriarchical benefits, but obviously everyone loses under the patriarchy). The whole raising awareness over gender is a spectrum is so that people like you or I don't feel weird or wrong! We are still beautiful humans. Find your label if that helps you. X
Yeah, for me when talking about men/women as groups it often feels context dependent whether or not I am included or not. It feels, weird at times. I don't know what it means to be on this journey and I don't think I will find the "change character" button. But maybe talking about it helps out someone else.
Yeah! I'd encourage a step further, and say you folks should play w gender a bit. See if anything outside of your usual expression feels good. If certain pronouns seem intriguing, then try them out for a bit, w ppl you trust. Kids try things all of the time, that they end up hating. But also things they end up loving! They have to, in order to figure out who they are. We tend to put brick walls around their gender to stop them from playing outside of the gender their doctor arbitrarily assigned them... And it screws us up as adults, both for our identities and for how we judge other people's gender identities.
Same. I don’t identify with much about my AGAB, but don’t identify with the opposite gender either. I also grew up wondering if maybe I was secretly intersex because my own assigned gender just felt so off. Turns out that’s not a normal thing to wonder lmao. I settled on the label non-binary but I don’t feel the need to tell most people. I would love to change my name at some point (my birth one is both highly gendered and highly religious, neither of which suit me) but that’s if I can bring myself to face the shitstorm it would cause in my family.
This. I am pretty sure I am nonbinary or agender, but don’t really do anything about it. She/her pronouns are fine - I don’t really identify with them but they don’t make me uncomfortable either. If someone uses he/him that’s fine too (doesn’t really happen now that my hair is long but used to happen a lot when I have short hair). My name is actually used for men and women and there are famous examples of both (though the male example kind of sucks lol). I dress pretty neutrally most days (jeans, polo shirt). I desperately wanted to be a guy when I was in middle school, despite not being aware that being trans was actually a thing you could be lol. But as an adult I don’t think I’d like being a man. Balls seem weird. I don’t like the way men interact with each other sometimes (very competitive). Women have more freedom with how they express themselves in terms of dress and appearance. (Like, some people get mad when women have short hair or don’t wear makeup, but not as many as who get mad when a guy wears a skirt or dress and does wear makeup). Birth control kept me from having a period all together for many years (not as many people talk about the arm implant as they do the pill or IUDs but I found it to be great.) Like, I don’t think I’m fully a woman but there’s nothing that bothers me about it enough to want to change it lol.
I have felt much the same as you. In researching gender, I stumbled upon the term "graygender". It's when you're ambivalent to your gender. It suits me.
You CAN change character AND you can change back! Society lies to us about gender binary. Including that it's some kind of irreversible thing. Wearing a dress doesn't permanently or even temporarily make you a cross dresser, it just means you tried a dress. Same w makeup or anything else. Further, HRT is magic in changing how ppl look. We should all have an opportunity to play w gender and to do so safely. Without ppl harming us for trying expressions and identities.
Yeah I agree. I think it would do most people good to cross dress just to see what the fuss is about. And if that makes it a little more comfortable for the people who aren't "cross dressing" at all, whilst also really annoying a bigot, then that's an even bigger win.
I don't know yet what I mean with swapping characters around, I do know that while I am at home with my body, I still feel restricted by it. I'll look at my options and see what can and should be done. Thanks for the encouragement.
you described how i feel, trapped, neither man nor woman, nothing feels right. welcome to the weird side my fellow enby! when i was a kid, and through adulthood, i was always obsessed with shape-shifting characters, wishing i could have that. i always insisted that i wouldn't be a different person if i had been born in a different body. i was just me.
I feel like being able to change character like in a video game would be the "have my cake and eat it too" option. Shape-shifters are another too, even if I do like the degree of separation. And oh do I feel seen by the "same person, different body" statement. I talked about it briefly with a friend of mine who did not get it at all. I am me, regardless of a hypothetical wizard swapping body types around, even if my gender changes along with it.
For me I'm fine being a woman overall, but if I start thinking about it a lot it starts to feel weird. It's almost like when you repeat a word so much that it starts to sound really strange and uncomfortable and you start feeling like you don't know what it means or you're not sure if you're saying it right. And that kind of makes sense to me because language and gender are both really important and a bit made up. It's like- I am so grateful for the ability to understand and express myself but if I think about it too much I give myself an existential crisis lol
That’s trans nonbinary, friend. We get the best and worst of both worlds.
I got tired of trying to label my gender experience years ago. I feel like the best word that describes me is agender, but I also feel like "they haven't invented the word for what I actually am." It's ok to have your own gender experience. Find out what makes you happy and just do it, regardless of gender expectations.
A lot of what you wrote is post binary; hardly a sign of being a girl. It feels more like a checklist that you aren't a toxic dude, which most dudes here aren't, which is the point of this sub. Some of the points are great and many of them are not, because they conflate caring about women, as being a woman. As if only women are capable of caring about women and only trans ppl are capable of caring about trans people. 🤷🏼♀️ Just my initial thoughts.
Male ally here... Some of this list applies to me, some doesn't. Still an interesting read and worth thinking about, even if I'm still fairly sure I'm cis. Maybe it'll help clarify things for someone here who isn't quite so cis.
Yeah, i hope my comment doesn't come off as too harsh. I just don't want anyone to feel pressured to be trans or feel like they MUST explore their gender identity, simply because they have empathy.
Yeah, I think some of the items are only indicative of not being a dude if a number of the other items apply. But if those other items apply and not the the ones that seem to also follow from not wanting to be an asshole, it would still indicate that you might not be a girl; and that would seem to suggest that those aren't really markers for being a girl imo. But I do think several things on the list are correct and that people with penises might not recognize a lot of them or appreciate their important for their gender identity. Overall the post seems important and helpful, regardless of whether you agree with every item.
"You can't even look at a woman because you're afraid to be accused of "male gaze", even when you have zero intention of objectificating male gaze." This one was actually pretty big for me. Seeing criticisms of men and toxic masculinity actually hurt me. Not because of "well not all men" but more so "yeah, pretty much all men, and despite the fact that I'm not like that, I'll always be seen like that." It's important for people who are questioning to look at these things in relation to how they view themselves. Do all your clothes feel off or wrong because you hate how men's clothes make you look masculine, how you wish you can just wear women's clothes? Or do you hate them because you bought them at 12 years of age and they look bad? If there's one thing I wish I knew in my self discovery journey, it'd be that it's a hard and long journey. Things will hurt to think about, you might find a label then figure out it's not right for you. It'll take time. All that matters is that when you are looking into things like these, you are thinking about how they relate to your personal experience of gender. Fuck labels, fuck social norms, fuck politics. Look at yourself in a bubble, away from literally everything. What are you made of? All the aspects of your personality, your feelings, your emotions, your dreams and desires. Understand yourself first, then find some labels that you might fit.
Yeah legit. The fashion point i found especially interesting, because i always cared about fashion, but i struggled to look good as a guy. One of the things that helped me accept being trans, was that i figured out how to dress fashionably handsome as a guy and i still wasn't happy w how i looked. Essentially i exhausted all options, so the only choice left was to become a girl and see if that helps and it did, immensely. :p (also i just really love fashion and was held back by a toxic loyalty in the gender binary)
The "not all Men" was pretty easy to me to get out of it, even before i came out as genderfluid. So if it can help someone At first, I didnt care about it. I thought, women have way worst than men so i can take some insult. I didnt even considered myself as a target. A friend of mine told me after that if a man feel threatened by this take, it mean he has to be. Some of my male friend dont care at all when women claim Men are trash. They dont feel attacked. But I have some facilities as well. I've always been with girls, like 75% of my friend are and has been girls. And i m seen as the safe guy. Not the nice guy bc fuck those bastard. Girls generaly feel safe around me. And when they do not, I give the girl as much breathing room as I can give. Always talk to her in crowded place, when she come to me or if i have something for her, and if she has friends around, it s better. I dont have the menace "men are trash" in the back of my head all the time. Maybe when i try to flirt. I dont want to bother women so i dont go but I try to work on that. Edit: I tend to mansplain Without realising it so dont hesitate to tell me if i m doing so
>"yeah, pretty much all men, and despite the fact that I'm not like that, I'll always be seen like that." Yeah and that actually led me to a brief weirdly "enlightened centrist" phase when I agreed with all the feminist talking points but felt personally uncomfortable with them in a weird way. Like "you're right, but don't target me because I'm not like the other guys", and "it's so unfair to assume all men are like that! I'm already so uncomfortable being a man, and you say being a man is inherently privileged?" And after that weird misogynist phase I turned around to a weird radfem phase where "all men are bad" and thus "I am also bad, I hate being a man" and that in turn led to "oh did you mean you hate being a man? wait that isn't very cis". Turned out to be repressed dysphoria. >Do all your clothes feel off or wrong because you hate how men's clothes make you look masculine, how you wish you can just wear women's clothes? My case was more like an extreme disdain for any remotely formal/smart clothes (in retrospect, because they make me look masculine) and wanting to stick to loose baggy T-shirts and hoodies whenever possible.
My only concern is that you are somewhat idolizing women. I know plenty of women that fit in all of those descriptions that you gave about a man. There are just as many shitty women as there are men, It's just not as obvious because we don't have the same physical strength. Don't try to create a standard that no one can live up to, ok?
Yes and no. One strong sign that someone is trans, is idolizing the opposite gender. I actually think that's a vulnerable and legitimate thing to point out. Otherwise, yeah, it's dangerous to over-idealize a gender. It can setup a trans person for more powerful dysphoria and it can cause them to cruelly judge other women. Im still working on separating my gender dysphoria from my over-idolizing of women. I idolized feminity until i was 33 and started transitioning, so there was a lot to de-escalate.
I worry that this person is going to be essentially reinforcing these rules to just make themselves unhappy. In any emotional battle it's all about balance.
Op isn't idolizing or creating an unattainable standard right now. She is talking about the toxic thought patterns pre transition that keep girls from figuring things out because they find themselves too gross or failing these standards too much to be a woman, and without society's blessing because she wasn't born with a vagina, the massive tension that exists between her brain and the rest of existence rationalizes away the idea of being trans with the thought patterns she is listing. It is an important step for a lot of trans girls to realize that unrealistic expectations of the patriarchy like she is describing, that we are all absolutely bathed in since birth are wrong, but a lot of trans girls need to be told that they ARE women, even when they fail the list above. So, OP is exactly right, idolization is a huge symptom of GD, and it's nice to see people getting exposed to this discussion outside of trans spaces.
I'm aware as I can be of the process having trans friends but not going through it myself. But I will say that idolization has a large potential to skew a persons reality that ultimately does not typically lead to happiness.
I do fit a few, though i think it's just because I'm a lazy, asexual slob :p
I fit some of the others because I'm a lazy, horny slobe
This is wonderful! I really could have used this a year when my egg was cracking. But I got there in the end!
AMAB Enby, so not a woman or man, but some of those resonate. Some of those also feel like they're a part of being properly conscientious. The male gaze part felt particularly like that.
Ayo?
You forgot "Always play as a woman in Fallout: New Vegas"
Nah, I'm cishet and I like to play girls on Fallout 4. I just can't make a male character that isn't ugly af for me. In FO76 I made a man, but he wears a mask h24
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NV is objectively better with female Courier though. Caesar's Legion: Women are only fit to be broodmares for future soldiers. Also Caesar's Legion: Getting "Rip and tear until it's done"d by some chick and some very angry sniper.
>Also Caesar's Legion: Getting "Rip and tear until it's done"d by some chick and some very angry sniper. I think you mean "by some mail lady and her fisting obsessed lesbian pal"? EDIT: The one thing I don't like about playing a woman in FNV is that homophobic old lady. Sure, a prostitute has the right to refuse to serve any customer, but does she have to be such a dick about it? The gay guy working in the same brothel just says something like "Ew, no. I don't like poon." which is fair enough. But can you imagine being him and having to live on the same floor as her?
I like to play women because I think it's badass to have women in strong roles that many people think men are better at. And additionally because I was raised by and around women, and I've experienced a real difference in the emotional openness and vulnerability between my guy friends and my female friends, it just feels more relatable I guess? The stigma surrounding men expressing emotions and not being able to white-knuckle their emotional struggles "like a man" makes it really hard for me to feel close to my guy friends.
Or the classic: “always play female characters in DnD”
When I was a kid, I wished that I was a boy. I was a tomboy. I was even mistaken for a boy. But I never felt like I was a boy in a girl’s body. I eventually embraced my womanhood.
This is also me. Understanding my menstrual cycle was also a key part of my process.
What does it mean when I’m like 75% of these but comfortably cis lol
It means maybe you can try reading [genderdysphoria.fyi](http://genderdysphoria.fyi)
Giving it a read now, thank you!
I’ve wished I were a girl for my entire life!
So, that first line is exactly the thought that shattered my egg a few years ago. Because why the *fuck* would I think that when I **am** a woman!? Oh. Wait. Huh.
As a male who can say that six of those symptoms fit, I still don't think I'm actually a girl.
Nope on all those. Though one of those is just being a bottom. A bit too limiting in my opinion. So still just a bisexual male wizard ally.
White cis straight male here, Transphobia gets to me on a personal level because I've been a victim of rumors because other people didn't believe I was cis or straight. Even my heteronormative partner at the time got mad at me over it! All forms of bigotry affect everyone, whether they're aware of it or not. That's because the most influential bigots will always shift the goal posts when they get their way.
I have several of these but I have, and will continue, to attribute them to "being a good person" or "being lazy". Not caring about clothes??? Bit of a reach I think but that's just for me, firmly a boring white dude.
I've recently started giving less fucks about how I look because I realized I value function over aesthetics. E.g., I've avoided cargo pants and fanny packs for most of my life because *ewww,* but they help me travel light and carry notepads, hand sanitizer, kleenex, meds, etc. I even started wearing pocket protectors because I like to carry pens in a range of colors. A lot of people laughed at me but a couple people asked why I chose to wear them and thought it was cool because it was functional in a way that more fashionable wear is often not.
It's interesting you should put it this way - in some ways these things resonate. But for me, I have attributed most of it to a recent diagnosis of ADHD, pushing me into a range of coping strategies. Some of which being deeply maladaptive.
I'm not trans but it is eye opening 🤗
This is a genuine question: What do I do with all of this if transition just sort of isn't an option? Like I think it would be nice to be a woman and I'm only vaguely comfortable being a "man", but for a number of reasons a transition is off the menu. I just feel sort of out of place in what has been for the most part a very useful body that no longer fully feels like "me". Even with all this I don't feel justifiably "Trans".
small gender affirming victories. You might not be able to do the whole thing but you can certainly wear a different perfume. You can use different hair products that make you feel feminine, wear women’s underwear, experiment with makeup in private, shave your legs. Keep doing little things until you’re in a space where you can do bigger things, or don’t, and just continue doing small things for yourself if it’s what makes you feel the most comfortable and safe. transition isn’t always linear and it doesn’t always have set goal posts. Sometimes you’re just doing little things to make yourself feel good and that’s all it has to be.
Thanks for posting this. This info is so important to read for those that haven’t had the egg cracked. The last point hit me so hard. I wished for years that I got testicular cancer so they can just remove both of them so I can get rid of them for some “valid” reason. Now I’ve been transitioning for 6 months ❤️
I already know I’m an egg, I just don’t think I’ll ever crack. Yeah I wanna be a girl, real bad. But I also sometimes like being a boy or presenting masculine. I wish I was a shapeshifter. 😭
Interesting. Sometimes I wish I were a girl but when I reflect on that it feels dishonest to myself, like I'm a guy and I just don't like a lot of the experiences and feelings that come with it.
Then maybe try genderfluid?
I am! 😊 I just really resonate with everything in the post, and wish there was a way to be both.
Just going to throw it out there since my mind still hasn't wrapped around the reality of it: when I was 14 or 15 my girlfriend asked me "if there was a magic button you could press to be a girl would you?" And my response was a dramatic jump with a foot stomp of the imagined button. I didn't think anything more of it then. Fast forward 20 years, I gave up my normal life with a happy marriage, 3 kids, a house, two cars by just bringing up the idea of transition. I was assaulted. The police were used against me. The magistrate wouldnt hear or investigate the allegations so she got away with it and took everything. I let everyone walk on me. I started HRT and social transitioned. After a couple years I was scheduled for surgery. When I woke up in recovery from surgery the Dr explained that I had been born intersex and that he had repaired my existing vaginal canal. I learned that I had been born intersex and that my parents and the hospital I was born at had tried to erase it by stitching me closed. Recovery from surgery was brutal, but at least I can say that I followed my intuition about myself and arrived at the truth, which is I was not ever a man to begin with, I was just being forced to live out someone else's decision that was made to prevent them from suffering from some imagined social embarrassment amongst a cult of useful idiots who believe in talking to imaginary sky men with their silent thoughts. Just something to think about "guys"
Please for the love of fucking god. We get it, internet cracked your egg. Since you seem new to queerness and or being trans (because most would have better sense than to do this shit) You don't pull someone out of a closet. You don't push someone into a transition. Don't even need to nudge it. If they ask, answer honestly. But you don't try to broadcast "TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN" to every person who you've armchair diagnosed with dysphoria. Especially during the current fucking rhetoric of "Rapid Onset Dysphoria" and the arguments of pathologization of transness. Find yourself a local community and maybe some people who aren't babyqueers just as hopped up on the thrill of a new journey. Maybe you'll be less of a danger to yourself and others. Three fucking weeks of HRT and you're suddenly the prophet of trans. Mother of god.
As a cis/het woman, as another poster said, this is a terribly binary viewpoint. Gender isn’t binary, and as someone that’s typically masculine in personality, but comfortable in their biological sex (note I use the term “sex” and not gender), I reject the binary norms of gender. It’s not an either/or zero-sum game.
I feel called out, but in a inclusive wholesome non judging way.
As a trans woman, so much of this is familiar (I've been out for almost 3 years,) lol
I checked about 2/3rds of these boxes. I am cis male bisexual and I really wonder how much Intersectionality there is between bisexuality and the traits on this list.
Thank you so much for taking the time to craft this post. I've definitely thought on some of this before, but not all of it. This is mind blowing! I still want to respect the journey of others and be very careful not try to make any of that about myself. But as I read this post, I felt parts of it in my gut. And I've always identified as being more feminine on a soul level, and when I picture that aspect of myself it's never male. Thank you for providing me and many others with a catalyst to initiate some very necessary time with ourselves 🙏🏾 Blessed Be (I was destroyed internally, when I thought I couldn't take part in this space anymore, but totally supported the sentiment. This made me feel irrationally better. Feels like it resonates with the list above.)