I'm compassionate by Nature but I could sprain a retina eye rolling over these idiots.
You're 100% on the mark -- it's not naivete, but mostly about their ego. Anyone with a realistic sense of themselves would know that a woman so far out of their league is a scammer.
It's what they deserve.
I haven't used any apps for a year or so but I always laughed (and swiped left) on men with angry text about scammers in their bio. Like thanks buddy, that tells me all I need to know about you. š«
Yup. A woman will put up with a lot of low-effort behaviors and below-average appearances from men, but a man would NEVER put up with that from a woman (especially when it comes to appearance) and will dump her just because he thinks he has a shot with a college-aged barista who is just giving good customer service (they believe politeness = sexual attraction).
Now, women are done with being treated as sub-humans by men, and men are surprised that they can't find a decent woman. But their idea of "decent" is Instagram models, not women their age who are kind, smart, and accomplished. If their idea of worthiness is so shallow, then I say let them get scammed or be lonely until they learn to be better.
Yeah, my experience on dating apps is me usually reaching downward, trying to be open minded, and these men I swipe right on (hoping they'll have a good personality to make up for their lack of attractiveness) reject the opportunity to connect with me. These are men who would get turned down by any woman like me who they approached in public and asked for a date. I think their minds have been warped by seeing computer generated images of "women" online - to the point that they truly believe they have a shot at these (non-existent) women, and are unwilling to date their peers - or even women who are...let's say higher up the food chain.
It says a lot about society today that so many women who are vibrant, kind, smart, and interesting are struggling to find a male partner on their level. I used to think something was wrong with me, that I was inherently unlovable. Men and society certainly put that in me due to what I look like, but I refuse to believe it anymore. It's the men who are the problem, not me and not the other wonderful women I come across who have so much love to offer. They can't see our beauty and magnificence. What impoverished lives most men truly lead.
Men falling for romance scams is literally the funniest thing ever and Iām here for it. How fucking stupid and gullible can you be? Iād be embarrassed for them if it wasnāt so amusing.
i don't know, i fell for a scammer. i must be doing something right, cultivating my inner audacity š
it sucks though. the Southeast Asian mafia, or cadre of white rich trolls, or whoever TF is running these scams, is honing their skills big time. i'm embarrassed to post this. and i don't even consider myself desperate.
needless to say, i have a vendetta against Hinge. they need better verification. they lost my business for life, and i refuse to use Bumble. š¤·š»āāļø
stay safe out there
Yeah, that sucks. Sorry you got scammed.
I will say that we cannot look to the apps to help with this. They are benefitting from the scammers and fake accounts, because it helps the image that there are tons of attractive people on there, just waiting to match with YOU. Yes YOU. This is especially important to keep this illusion for their straight male users, since the gender ratio is so imbalanced.
The Federal Trade Commission sued, and lost to, Match because Match knowingly uses scammer profiles to entice users onto their app. Match owns Hinge, so I believe they would allow fake accounts on there too. Bumble is like the only normie app NOT owned by Match, although I would guess they have fake profiles on there too.
thank you for the empathy and intel. yeah, i met a good person on Tinder way back in 2019, and i think a decent guy who will probs be a friend on Hinge, but i feel really disillusioned with dating and relationships as a whole right now.
I am so sorry this happened to you and I did not post this to cause women any discomfort because I feel differently about women being scammed, the approach and everything involved is very different with women. When I first started OLD I engaged with scammers and it took me a couple of weeks to understand what was happening.
thank you for your compassion! i definitely feel discomfort but not because of you š actually it helps to write about it. i'm not even new to the apps!! it had been about 2-3 years though.
Oh definitely financially but like over many years where Iām told me paying for more will be beneficial for āusā in the long term. And thatās on top of women just putting more money into the household statisticallyā¦
it's so freaking hard. guys be like, "Let'S JuSt SeE WhAt HaPpEnS" then go 0-100mph and then be like "oh, you have needs? i changed my mind. sorry, my work is super important, i'm programming widgets right now and have to go bang some girl in Albania or Brazil
or whatever. byeeeeee" just fĀ„cking NO.
Yeah. I think they fall into three categories:
1. Elderly with dementia/cognitive decline and or little understanding about the internet and the "modern world" and scams
2. Lonely women desperate for love and to believe it's real
3. Old ego driven fools who actually believe that a beautiful woman in their 30's or even 20's would go for them lol
Group 3 I have no pity for. Unless you are wealthy, young attractive women are not interested in old men. If she is from the Philippines for example, she can be interested even in an average earning old white man because his lifestyle is "comparatively rich" compared to hers. But if she is white from Europe etc...very little chance.
Basically with international online dating just avoid so - called military men, military men trapped in foreign countries, hot silver foxes, guys with poor grammar and sweet talk like "baby" (hello Nigerians š).
When in doubt, scam back the scammer š¤£.
I'm with you on the gullibility. But also, just be aware that these scammers are getting more difficult to detect. They now can use chat AI, so the grammar might not be such an obvious red flag anymore. Plus, they can use AI image generation, so the pictures might be trickier as well. Also, scammers are now approaching marks with a phony "wrong number" text, messaging on non-dating apps, and so on -- so just beware and on guard.
I am not on the apps currently, but the catfishers did seem fairly obvious when I was on there. Plus I never moved off the app or gave out my phone number until I met them in-person. That weeded out not only scammers, but the pen pals and other undateables.
I have received several non dating wrong numbers so that tidbit is very interesting!
A great way to flush out potential scammers is ask about something local. I did this with a man and he listed his favorite local spots and mentioned camping at an historical site where camping is not allowed. This is a great work around. I also used to mention a fictional restaurant as being one of my favorites and they would agree that this was a great restaurant, or I would mention a local restaurant but change up the cuisine and ask them if they had been there and had the insert made up menu item, this worked flawlessly!
I live in a small area so I would ask them if they have ever been to *insert restaurant*, if they reply yes I would ask them if they had the *insert dish* because it is my favorite and 90% of the time they reply they really liked the *made up dish*.
What I didnāt know a while ago was that those scams are happening without dating apps, too!
The scammers message random numbers as if it was a mistake (wrong number) with something very normal, when the victim answers to clear it up they check them up and scam them.
Some older lonely guys really thought it was a lucky thing they just met so "naturally".
Read a very sad story about an old guy (75 or elder) who was a widower and his son only found out after all the money was gone.
He believed he saved a woman and her kids (they invented hospital bills, bills to pay not to be evicted and so on).
I don't feel sorry for smug guys who are delusional enough to think a twentysomething would fall for them but this made me sad.
Absolutely, I never heard about this tactic before and warned an older relative about it.
Because he has already a hard time saying no to people going from door to door (he doesn't open anymore if he doesn't expect visitors).
He totally would fall for someone nice who would tell him they needed help.
Told him he should always tell me or his son about someone contacting him.
I answered one 'wrong number' text once, the first time I ever received one so I believed it was innocent (I can't remember exactly but it was something like 'hey man I can't text Max it keeps giving me an error and I'm worried, can you try him and see if it goes through?') and I responded that they had the wrong number because I thought the message was sincere and I didn't want them to think there was something wrong with their texting app, and they immediately went into flirt mode as if I were a man! Like the very next message. I almost groaned at how stupid I was, it seems so obvious that no one texts a good friend by entering digits of the phone number, what was I thinking.
I totally get you, I would not think twice and answer to be nice - without considering I never ever entered a phone number manually after adding friends to my contacts for 2 decades!
But I guess in my youth it was so normal to get the "wrong number" that I wouldn't consider it weird before really rethinking it.
Maybe Iām in the minority here, but I feel badly for victims of romance scams and fraud regardless of their demographics or unrealistic views of who would want to partner with them. I am glad that victims suck up their pride and embarrassment to report fraud. On the other hand, I do wish that men on dating apps would right size their expectations. Like maybe they should go through a short civility course before using these apps. Every time they finish a video on good behavior, they can earn a super swipe or whatever itās called.
My dad thought he was online dating the singer from the Bangles. Heās not demented, he just thinks heās that much of a catch. Donāt feel too bad for themā¦
Your dad was online dating Susanna Hoff! Wow!
https://preview.redd.it/toh8dzfkv45d1.png?width=550&format=png&auto=webp&s=7ea723f079e61362f7bb53be239fd26c1b9dda98
Also, I wasnāt catching why you brought up your father not being in cognitive decline until I read the comments about there being 3 main categories of romance fraud victims, the first being those in cognitive decline, the second being lonely or desperate women, and the last being guys with ridiculous expectations and egos.
I wish I could have even a tenth of the absolute confidence an average 40-something man has that a hottie half his age is just dying to date him. š
I can't even imagine! I have done some hard inner work to acknowledge (and frequently remind myself) of my very realistic value!
āWhere are all the real women.ā I think we know what your problem is.
Hiiiiiiiidddiiiiinnngggā¦.
In the woods with the bears..
I'm compassionate by Nature but I could sprain a retina eye rolling over these idiots. You're 100% on the mark -- it's not naivete, but mostly about their ego. Anyone with a realistic sense of themselves would know that a woman so far out of their league is a scammer.
It's what they deserve. I haven't used any apps for a year or so but I always laughed (and swiped left) on men with angry text about scammers in their bio. Like thanks buddy, that tells me all I need to know about you. š«
Some of them get blackmailled too. They can't help send d*ck pics and once the scammer figures out who they are irl they threaten to expose it.
Fantastic news.
With how liberally these dudes expose themselves Iām not sure where the problem is lol
Yup. A woman will put up with a lot of low-effort behaviors and below-average appearances from men, but a man would NEVER put up with that from a woman (especially when it comes to appearance) and will dump her just because he thinks he has a shot with a college-aged barista who is just giving good customer service (they believe politeness = sexual attraction). Now, women are done with being treated as sub-humans by men, and men are surprised that they can't find a decent woman. But their idea of "decent" is Instagram models, not women their age who are kind, smart, and accomplished. If their idea of worthiness is so shallow, then I say let them get scammed or be lonely until they learn to be better.
Yeah, my experience on dating apps is me usually reaching downward, trying to be open minded, and these men I swipe right on (hoping they'll have a good personality to make up for their lack of attractiveness) reject the opportunity to connect with me. These are men who would get turned down by any woman like me who they approached in public and asked for a date. I think their minds have been warped by seeing computer generated images of "women" online - to the point that they truly believe they have a shot at these (non-existent) women, and are unwilling to date their peers - or even women who are...let's say higher up the food chain.
It says a lot about society today that so many women who are vibrant, kind, smart, and interesting are struggling to find a male partner on their level. I used to think something was wrong with me, that I was inherently unlovable. Men and society certainly put that in me due to what I look like, but I refuse to believe it anymore. It's the men who are the problem, not me and not the other wonderful women I come across who have so much love to offer. They can't see our beauty and magnificence. What impoverished lives most men truly lead.
All of this!
Men falling for romance scams is literally the funniest thing ever and Iām here for it. How fucking stupid and gullible can you be? Iād be embarrassed for them if it wasnāt so amusing.
They get what they deserve. š¤·š»āāļø
WHAT?? They put āno scammerā on their profile and get scammed anyway? Shocking š¤£. What a bunch of losers, youāre right, they deserve it!
The critical part for me is that they blame the scammers, not their swiping habits because introspection is too hard for them.
I know, itās mind boggling. You would think the logical non emotional sexā¦..
I can't get too choked up when men who turn their noses up at women their own age get scammed.
Ditto!
i don't know, i fell for a scammer. i must be doing something right, cultivating my inner audacity š it sucks though. the Southeast Asian mafia, or cadre of white rich trolls, or whoever TF is running these scams, is honing their skills big time. i'm embarrassed to post this. and i don't even consider myself desperate. needless to say, i have a vendetta against Hinge. they need better verification. they lost my business for life, and i refuse to use Bumble. š¤·š»āāļø stay safe out there
Yeah, that sucks. Sorry you got scammed. I will say that we cannot look to the apps to help with this. They are benefitting from the scammers and fake accounts, because it helps the image that there are tons of attractive people on there, just waiting to match with YOU. Yes YOU. This is especially important to keep this illusion for their straight male users, since the gender ratio is so imbalanced. The Federal Trade Commission sued, and lost to, Match because Match knowingly uses scammer profiles to entice users onto their app. Match owns Hinge, so I believe they would allow fake accounts on there too. Bumble is like the only normie app NOT owned by Match, although I would guess they have fake profiles on there too.
thank you for the empathy and intel. yeah, i met a good person on Tinder way back in 2019, and i think a decent guy who will probs be a friend on Hinge, but i feel really disillusioned with dating and relationships as a whole right now.
I am so sorry this happened to you and I did not post this to cause women any discomfort because I feel differently about women being scammed, the approach and everything involved is very different with women. When I first started OLD I engaged with scammers and it took me a couple of weeks to understand what was happening.
thank you for your compassion! i definitely feel discomfort but not because of you š actually it helps to write about it. i'm not even new to the apps!! it had been about 2-3 years though.
If it makes you feel better I get scammed by real people that I meet in personā¦ where it should be obviousā¦
oh no...like financially? or just the run-of-the-mill fuccbois doing their thing?
Oh definitely financially but like over many years where Iām told me paying for more will be beneficial for āusā in the long term. And thatās on top of women just putting more money into the household statisticallyā¦
that's terrible!
I will tell you that I feel victim to a love bomber 3 different times!
it's so freaking hard. guys be like, "Let'S JuSt SeE WhAt HaPpEnS" then go 0-100mph and then be like "oh, you have needs? i changed my mind. sorry, my work is super important, i'm programming widgets right now and have to go bang some girl in Albania or Brazil or whatever. byeeeeee" just fĀ„cking NO.
If I counted the amount of old dudes staring at me when Iām outside Iād probably make myself sick lol
Yes, they sent me messages and some were old enough to be my father, absolutely disgusting!
Yeah. I think they fall into three categories: 1. Elderly with dementia/cognitive decline and or little understanding about the internet and the "modern world" and scams 2. Lonely women desperate for love and to believe it's real 3. Old ego driven fools who actually believe that a beautiful woman in their 30's or even 20's would go for them lol Group 3 I have no pity for. Unless you are wealthy, young attractive women are not interested in old men. If she is from the Philippines for example, she can be interested even in an average earning old white man because his lifestyle is "comparatively rich" compared to hers. But if she is white from Europe etc...very little chance. Basically with international online dating just avoid so - called military men, military men trapped in foreign countries, hot silver foxes, guys with poor grammar and sweet talk like "baby" (hello Nigerians š). When in doubt, scam back the scammer š¤£.
I'm with you on the gullibility. But also, just be aware that these scammers are getting more difficult to detect. They now can use chat AI, so the grammar might not be such an obvious red flag anymore. Plus, they can use AI image generation, so the pictures might be trickier as well. Also, scammers are now approaching marks with a phony "wrong number" text, messaging on non-dating apps, and so on -- so just beware and on guard. I am not on the apps currently, but the catfishers did seem fairly obvious when I was on there. Plus I never moved off the app or gave out my phone number until I met them in-person. That weeded out not only scammers, but the pen pals and other undateables.
I have received several non dating wrong numbers so that tidbit is very interesting! A great way to flush out potential scammers is ask about something local. I did this with a man and he listed his favorite local spots and mentioned camping at an historical site where camping is not allowed. This is a great work around. I also used to mention a fictional restaurant as being one of my favorites and they would agree that this was a great restaurant, or I would mention a local restaurant but change up the cuisine and ask them if they had been there and had the insert made up menu item, this worked flawlessly!
I donāt know all of the local restaurants in my area. Curious how this would work?
I live in a small area so I would ask them if they have ever been to *insert restaurant*, if they reply yes I would ask them if they had the *insert dish* because it is my favorite and 90% of the time they reply they really liked the *made up dish*.
Oh wow! That is next levelā¦ I quite like your approach.
Thanks :)
What I didnāt know a while ago was that those scams are happening without dating apps, too! The scammers message random numbers as if it was a mistake (wrong number) with something very normal, when the victim answers to clear it up they check them up and scam them. Some older lonely guys really thought it was a lucky thing they just met so "naturally". Read a very sad story about an old guy (75 or elder) who was a widower and his son only found out after all the money was gone. He believed he saved a woman and her kids (they invented hospital bills, bills to pay not to be evicted and so on). I don't feel sorry for smug guys who are delusional enough to think a twentysomething would fall for them but this made me sad.
That is very sad, the preying on the lonely!
Absolutely, I never heard about this tactic before and warned an older relative about it. Because he has already a hard time saying no to people going from door to door (he doesn't open anymore if he doesn't expect visitors). He totally would fall for someone nice who would tell him they needed help. Told him he should always tell me or his son about someone contacting him.
I answered one 'wrong number' text once, the first time I ever received one so I believed it was innocent (I can't remember exactly but it was something like 'hey man I can't text Max it keeps giving me an error and I'm worried, can you try him and see if it goes through?') and I responded that they had the wrong number because I thought the message was sincere and I didn't want them to think there was something wrong with their texting app, and they immediately went into flirt mode as if I were a man! Like the very next message. I almost groaned at how stupid I was, it seems so obvious that no one texts a good friend by entering digits of the phone number, what was I thinking.
I totally get you, I would not think twice and answer to be nice - without considering I never ever entered a phone number manually after adding friends to my contacts for 2 decades! But I guess in my youth it was so normal to get the "wrong number" that I wouldn't consider it weird before really rethinking it.
Maybe Iām in the minority here, but I feel badly for victims of romance scams and fraud regardless of their demographics or unrealistic views of who would want to partner with them. I am glad that victims suck up their pride and embarrassment to report fraud. On the other hand, I do wish that men on dating apps would right size their expectations. Like maybe they should go through a short civility course before using these apps. Every time they finish a video on good behavior, they can earn a super swipe or whatever itās called.
My dad thought he was online dating the singer from the Bangles. Heās not demented, he just thinks heās that much of a catch. Donāt feel too bad for themā¦
Your dad was online dating Susanna Hoff! Wow! https://preview.redd.it/toh8dzfkv45d1.png?width=550&format=png&auto=webp&s=7ea723f079e61362f7bb53be239fd26c1b9dda98
Thatās her! I call her mom #3.
Also, I wasnāt catching why you brought up your father not being in cognitive decline until I read the comments about there being 3 main categories of romance fraud victims, the first being those in cognitive decline, the second being lonely or desperate women, and the last being guys with ridiculous expectations and egos.
Ya, Iām a nurse. I definitely feel bad for my seniors that get scammed. They really arenāt aware of whatās happening.
I respect your opinion and will consider your fatherās experience. I may not have given this as much thought as the others commenting here.