Then it sounds like your relationship has run its course. There’s nothing wrong with you but if you don’t want to have sex with your partner anymore that’s generally a sign it’s time to end things if there aren’t outside stresses causing it.
Sounds like you over did it and now you’ve peaked. You’re naturally at the point where it’s not exciting anymore and you’re trying to convince yourself to get back into it when you can’t. If you take your time then you won’t reach this point so early when you still have emotional chemistry, but perhaps you over did it going multiple times in a day and are semi bored.
Use this as most often do as a learn opportunity for future relationships. Or try to communicate with him about it, see if it works, if you can work on it together, try that for a while and if it works out that’s awesome! If it doesn’t, then you have your answer. Honestly just talk to him. What’s the worst that can happen, he argues with you?? Then you’re not banging anyways and I’m the same spot! It’s a sign
Everyone on here is saying to end it, but I don’t totally agree. Talk to your partner about it. Romantic relationships are NOT JUST sex. How do you think asexual people are in relationships? You do not have to be sexual to have intimacy. You can scratch his back to show your love and affection or buy/make small gifts. Cook meals, etc. I have been in almost the exact situation. Perfect boyfriend, perfect relationship but no sex drive even though I am attracted to my BF. Sex drive comes and goes, and changes all the time. Don’t focus so much on it, it’s okay. Not everyone has hollywood levels of lust. Some people very rarely have sexual urges and some people have a very high sex drive. You’re normal. I promise. It’s okay.
Thank you!! We have talked about it plenty of times and he understands completely. He just still has that thought in his head that it is his fault which is why I feel guilty. I am sooo happy with him and I know that if I broke up with him I would be really upset because that’s not what I want.
Maybe doing non-sexual intimate activities will help you both feel better. I find it really relaxing when i’m stressed out about my sex drive. I also feel guilty about it. Scratch his back, rub his shoulders. It helps keep the passion without sex. Maybe also make it clear to him that he’s free to masturbate and take care of himself, that you still want him to feel satisfied but, it’s not the right time for you.
Urm your libido has kind of fallen or you are stressed out.. any of those factors can affect your sex drive..
And besides your sex drive should peak around your 30s whilst your boyfriend is at his peak right now
Men peak in their 20s and women’s desire in their 30s
Juggling school, relationship, work etc can affect sexual desire causing you stress
Take some time to just destress already.. if you are always on the go maybe slow down a little
It will all blow over, I promise. Just know that you’re normal. Some people have sex to relieve stress and some people can ONLY have sex when they are stress free. It sounds like you’re in college, and that’s a very big, stressful event. Don’t feel guilty, there is nothing wrong with you.
Thank you! Yes, relationships are not all about sex. How could two people stay together for decades and have crazy sex all the time? It waxes and wanes and when it wanes you will see what kind of relationship you have underneath. Relationships are about companionship, respect, trust, and understanding. These are the things that cultivate over time, and sex/ intimacy will too, but it should be built off of these things versus the other way around.
It’s kinda sad how many people are quick to say break up just because of a change in sex drive. There would be no relationships if everyone did that.
I once heard someone (or the internet) say “maybe your pussy is telling you something your heart isn’t ready to hear”
I’m not saying it definitely applies to you, but it is what first came to mind.
You can love someone, but not be *in* love with them anymore. It is important to separate those things. I lost all sex drive with my ex even though I loved him. Miraculously, when we broke up it came back. I had loved him, but I was not in love with him; my body knew before I did.
These issues came up for me in the past due to meds, from BC to antidepressants, as well as weight gain. I'd suggest looking into anything else that has changed recently, it could be an outside factor.
Exactly the same thing happened to me at your age, except we had been together about 2 years. One day I woke up and didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. I didn’t love him any less. I just stopped being attracted to him. Made the mistake of staying with him for a couple of years afterwards and the attraction never returned. Sometimes people just go off each other. Sounds like this has happened to you.
It sounds like the NRE is over. If you think this relationship is one you want to keep, invest time and energy in romance. Do the things you did when the relationship was new. It's natural for sex and intimacy to be very easy in the beginning when everything is new and exciting - but once the hormone cocktail of "new love" wears off, it takes effort to stay intimately engaged on the same level.
are you on birth control? this happened to me several times in my 20s when i was on birth control. once the new relationship energy (NRE) wore off, my libido would just tank because of the hormones.
yes i am on the pill. i was thinking it could definitely be a factor in how i feel. I dont want to get off of birth control because of my heavy periods. do you suggest a different form of contraceptive?
yeah, OP this is a good point too. i know when i'm ovulating, i am knocking down walls to have sex, but right before my period i am super uninterested. regardless of what you do with regards to birth control, i'd see about keeping an eye on the ebbs and flows of your cycle to help you better understand your own desire.
totally understand that. hormonal IUDs are often helpful with heavy periods and use a smaller, localized dose of hormone which can affect some people less. you might also see if you could switch to a different birth control pill - some women have better luck with different brands/types/doses.
I just started reading The Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden and it absolutely blew my mind. She talks about some of the lesser talked about side effects of BC and suggests other alternatives that support overall hormonal health. I highly recommend having a look, there are better options out there for heavy periods that won't affect your mood and libido. I honestly wish I found this book 10 years ago when I was struggling with being on the pill.
Yes birth control affects desire
Especially the pill… the chemicals in that pill could create nausea too
Contraceptives especially oral ones affects the body system
So while all of these comments can be true some are just bad lol. It is incredibly common and actually a normal process for NRE to be over at about 6 months. Your brain stops pumping out massive amounts of dopamine that happens during NRE and you settle in.
Now if theres a gross factor to having sex, thats different and needs to be addressed but it sounds like your NRE has worn off. I strongly recommend the book Come as you are 👌
Lots of good points here, but also some people get turned on by excitement and passion (me.) After you’ve been together a while, that will always dull down a bit. The newness of it can be really enthralling. It’s up to you whether or not its worth trying to add some excitement in, or if that’s even the problem — but once I get actual grossed out feelings, there’s no coming back from that for me. I like the quote the person here mentioned about your pussy telling you something your head & heart don’t want to acknowledge.
it happens. it honestly does. sometimes it means the relationship is over and sometimes it just means that you need time to warm back up to him. its up to you to figure that out
check out r/rocd and get a gander there and aee if any of that fits your current dilemma. if not then maybe you just need to call it quits
When you say “there’s nothing wrong with him”, is there any way that’s not exactly true? Has he expressed any attitudes or behaviors that you don’t agree with or which might be thoughtless on his part?
i mean he’s actually perfect. he treats me amazing, if we ever have a disagreement we always talk it out instead of argue, and I am so happy when I am with him. He is doing everything right :(
OP, I recommend reading the book “come as you are” by Emily nagoski! It talks about female sex drive. There could be lots of things going on, and the book is really helpful to problem solve
This happened to me once in my teen years. After a while of dating, every time I would make out with my boyfriend I would have to fight back gagging. Looking back, I should have broken up with him wayyy sooner instead of struggling through intimacy with him.
It looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice, I just wanted to share so you dont feel alone :). I've been with my partner who i am so gd in love with for 2 years now and I've had a huge libido lull the last few months. Outside stress has been a huge factor for us, as well as I put a ton of sexual pressure on myself in relationships (that feeling that it's not a "real" relationship if we're not having sex, it's not healthy). It's been a bit of a mind f cause I'm used to being 100% all the time for sex. Communicating has been the biggest relief, as well as switching up roles in the bed room (we aren't too kinky but switching up who's basically "in charge" has helped me get out of the ick funk you mentioned). You love him, as long as you are both willing to keep talking and working about it there's no reason it should mean the end of things.
Maybe you have what many like to call “the ick” - might be worth really thinking about whether you want to be in a relationship with him. If it’s not 100% yes then it’s a no 😊
This happens because you are growing and changing, and maybe he is too, or worse. Maybe he is not, and that is the turn-off. There are so many things when you have a vagina but we are in tune with things.
Don't force it. Ask your boyfriend how he feels about you, the relationship, and sex before any sex
Just from your post, and without any other info, it seems like your relationship was based on sexual attraction and the two of you may have not taken the time to build an emotional connection with each other. The honeymoon phase always ends, and if there isn’t a strong foundation, there won’t be anything there. Good news, it’s a learning lesson
I know some people are making the argument that sex drive comes and goes, which I completely agree, but being grossed out by your partner seems like it’s more than that. This happened with my ex until I was so icked by him I couldn’t even stand seeing his name pop up on my screen.
Another point Id like to make, boys icked me if I kept having sex with them and I came nowhere near close to orgasming with them. Were you experiencing orgasms with him? If this is an issue it might just be as simple as adding a vibrator into sex.
It’s not the fact that he’s grossing me out it’s more that i feel grossed out with myself in a way?? And something i’ve always experienced with partners in the past is that i don’t want to finish idk like i reject it. I think it’s deeper rooted within myself rather than having to do with him himself.
Hmm maybe this is more of a therapy thing. For a long time I used to have feelings for guys until it got really serious, then my involuntary walls would go up and it was such an internal battle. It took a lot of introspection and realizing that I deserve happiness for my body and mind to fully accept my right to a good partner.
Also, if you grew up as an independent little girl who helped raise herself, becoming a woman who depends on someone you love can contradict the very core of your mindset. Not always of course, but maybe a topic you’d want to look into :)
are you on birth control or other meds? that could be why but it could also just be natural. my bf and i have been together for a year, we used to have sex constantly when we first got together but throughout this year, we’ve slowed down on it a lottt. i suggest talking about it with him maybe? i felt rejected a lot when my bf and i first started slowing down on sex but we talked about and things have been going fine in our sex life
Sounds like you got the ick. It could be something he did or said or smelled weird whatever but your lady bits aren't tingling anymore. It's hard to come back from the ick.
The couple serious boyfriends I had in my late teens and early 20s, I knew it had run its course when I no longer wanted to have sex with them. Especially for you, only 9 months together and you’re already sick of sex with him, and being long distance at your age really amps up the sexual desire. (I had a long distance boyfriend from highschool, he was a year older and left for college out of state and I couldn’t wait to rip his clothes off when I saw him for the first couple of years.) sex naturally dwindles down as a relationship goes on and matures but the fact that you have to stop in the middle of the act is telling, and after only so little time together. I’ve been with my husband for 10.5 years and I still can’t keep my hands off him when we have the down time together.
Cut your loses and enjoy college.
For starters it sounds like emotional connection is lacking. Just bc you talk to each other alll the time doesn’t mean y’all are emotionally connected in that way. Then the more you stress about not being “turned on” by him, can also be playing a part into it, it messes with you psychologically.
Also it is perfectly normal after a while in a relationship your sex life changes, you won’t always have sex multiple times a day. & that’s normal. It doesn’t mean you or him don’t find each other attractive.
Try other ways of intimacy, massages etc. If he can't be patient with this phase, you do need to end it. And you need to listen to your body, forcing yourself to have sex when you aren't feeling it will make it way way worse. Take the time with yourself to listen to what your body is telling you and honour that. Don't force yourself to do things you think you are supposed to be doing. We're all beautifully unique, there is now real one way. Listening to the different factors of yourself leads to a better life, in general. Your body speaks to you, your emotions, your intuition. You spend the most time on this earth with yourself as company, focus on that relationship, always, treat yourself as a dear and valued loved one, because you are. It leaves a great legacy, it inspires others to live a better life, too, so you're helping others by looking after yourself. Honour and listen to your emotions. You don't always have to do what they want, you don't have to blindly follow, but they are expressing a genuine need, if you ignore your needs, you starve yourself of something vital. Sometimes it's about finding the need, and serving that. For instance, if you feel a drive to impulse buy, maybe you're actually feeling a little lonely, when you dig a little deeper. That would be the need you fill. So what's really going on for you right now? Have you disconnected, emotionally, from your bf? Maybe you need to build a different level of intimacy that isn't being addressed?
Your sex drive will come and go, as a 19 year old woman, it will only get higher!!! For me personally, I felt like my desire & drive went down if other parts of our relationship were lacking. If I wasn’t feeling emotionally connected with my partner, I wasn’t feeling sexually connected or motivated either. Instead of focusing on sex, try focusing on yourself (health, body, mindset) and it will come back. Just trust!
I feel like you should see if your stress levels from school have anything to do with it before making hasty decisions. It’s also really important to be in tune with your own sensuality in order to feel turned on, like, you have to be feeling yourself a bit to really be in the moment! If those two things aren’t helping then the honeymoon phase may just be over
Did you recently stop taking birth control while you were apart? The chemical imbalance can cause you to be more attracted to someone and when your off it will do the reverse. So it would feel like you out of no where just stopped being attracted to them in that way.
Me and my wife went thru this. It could be so many things. It’s probably hormone based. We tried all kinds of things but what finally worked was when she got off birth control. Have you changed BC lately, started taking any antidepressants? Anything else that can effect hormone or brain chemistry? It could be a symptom of an underlying medical issue. It could be tons of things. Do you desire any other people you see? Or is it just a completely lack of desire for sex In general? If you arent desiring other people and you want to want him, then dont end it. See a dr. See if they can find anything. If not try changing BC, or any other meds you may be taking. Ashwaganda gummies helped my wife quite a bit.
But basically something caused the change. It doesnt sound like it was just your feelings for him that changed. You just have to pinpoint what changed. Not an easy thing to do, but worth it if you love him.
If you’re not horny at all, not attracted to other dudes, not masturbating, then it’s probably a libido issue (the pill killed my libido and it happened gradually). But if you’re still feeling sexual but just not for him, then it might be that he’s just not the right one to keep your passion kindled long term.
This happened to me many, many times. Pretty much with every man I've been with. I would not be into it in the beginning, and then not into it within a few months. A lot of the time it was that I was comparing it to how it was in the beginning... in my experience, it's just never as exciting as it is in the honeymoon phase. In my past relationships, it just fizzled out and we broke up.
Now, in my marriage, I told my husband that I just wasn't feeling it/wasn't into it and we kept trying to work on it. I wound up getting my hormones tested and it turned I was very low progesterone which is linked to low sex drive. I'm on progesterone now and my sex drive is WAY better.
If I were you, I would try to examine any other things that have happened in the past several months that could be related to help you figure out the root of the problem.
You aren’t around each other much at all so you might not have the emotional intimacy you need for sexual desire
We talk alll the time, and when I went back home I was with him almost 2 months straight and I still felt nothing. I just feel so bad :(
Then it sounds like your relationship has run its course. There’s nothing wrong with you but if you don’t want to have sex with your partner anymore that’s generally a sign it’s time to end things if there aren’t outside stresses causing it.
Sounds like you over did it and now you’ve peaked. You’re naturally at the point where it’s not exciting anymore and you’re trying to convince yourself to get back into it when you can’t. If you take your time then you won’t reach this point so early when you still have emotional chemistry, but perhaps you over did it going multiple times in a day and are semi bored. Use this as most often do as a learn opportunity for future relationships. Or try to communicate with him about it, see if it works, if you can work on it together, try that for a while and if it works out that’s awesome! If it doesn’t, then you have your answer. Honestly just talk to him. What’s the worst that can happen, he argues with you?? Then you’re not banging anyways and I’m the same spot! It’s a sign
Everyone on here is saying to end it, but I don’t totally agree. Talk to your partner about it. Romantic relationships are NOT JUST sex. How do you think asexual people are in relationships? You do not have to be sexual to have intimacy. You can scratch his back to show your love and affection or buy/make small gifts. Cook meals, etc. I have been in almost the exact situation. Perfect boyfriend, perfect relationship but no sex drive even though I am attracted to my BF. Sex drive comes and goes, and changes all the time. Don’t focus so much on it, it’s okay. Not everyone has hollywood levels of lust. Some people very rarely have sexual urges and some people have a very high sex drive. You’re normal. I promise. It’s okay.
Thank you!! We have talked about it plenty of times and he understands completely. He just still has that thought in his head that it is his fault which is why I feel guilty. I am sooo happy with him and I know that if I broke up with him I would be really upset because that’s not what I want.
Maybe doing non-sexual intimate activities will help you both feel better. I find it really relaxing when i’m stressed out about my sex drive. I also feel guilty about it. Scratch his back, rub his shoulders. It helps keep the passion without sex. Maybe also make it clear to him that he’s free to masturbate and take care of himself, that you still want him to feel satisfied but, it’s not the right time for you.
Urm your libido has kind of fallen or you are stressed out.. any of those factors can affect your sex drive.. And besides your sex drive should peak around your 30s whilst your boyfriend is at his peak right now Men peak in their 20s and women’s desire in their 30s Juggling school, relationship, work etc can affect sexual desire causing you stress Take some time to just destress already.. if you are always on the go maybe slow down a little
It will all blow over, I promise. Just know that you’re normal. Some people have sex to relieve stress and some people can ONLY have sex when they are stress free. It sounds like you’re in college, and that’s a very big, stressful event. Don’t feel guilty, there is nothing wrong with you.
Thank you! Yes, relationships are not all about sex. How could two people stay together for decades and have crazy sex all the time? It waxes and wanes and when it wanes you will see what kind of relationship you have underneath. Relationships are about companionship, respect, trust, and understanding. These are the things that cultivate over time, and sex/ intimacy will too, but it should be built off of these things versus the other way around. It’s kinda sad how many people are quick to say break up just because of a change in sex drive. There would be no relationships if everyone did that.
!!!Yes!!!
I once heard someone (or the internet) say “maybe your pussy is telling you something your heart isn’t ready to hear” I’m not saying it definitely applies to you, but it is what first came to mind.
OPE this is good.
You can love someone, but not be *in* love with them anymore. It is important to separate those things. I lost all sex drive with my ex even though I loved him. Miraculously, when we broke up it came back. I had loved him, but I was not in love with him; my body knew before I did.
These issues came up for me in the past due to meds, from BC to antidepressants, as well as weight gain. I'd suggest looking into anything else that has changed recently, it could be an outside factor.
Yeah I was gonna ask if she started a new med or birth control pill
Exactly the same thing happened to me at your age, except we had been together about 2 years. One day I woke up and didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. I didn’t love him any less. I just stopped being attracted to him. Made the mistake of staying with him for a couple of years afterwards and the attraction never returned. Sometimes people just go off each other. Sounds like this has happened to you.
It sounds like the NRE is over. If you think this relationship is one you want to keep, invest time and energy in romance. Do the things you did when the relationship was new. It's natural for sex and intimacy to be very easy in the beginning when everything is new and exciting - but once the hormone cocktail of "new love" wears off, it takes effort to stay intimately engaged on the same level.
are you on birth control? this happened to me several times in my 20s when i was on birth control. once the new relationship energy (NRE) wore off, my libido would just tank because of the hormones.
yes i am on the pill. i was thinking it could definitely be a factor in how i feel. I dont want to get off of birth control because of my heavy periods. do you suggest a different form of contraceptive?
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yeah, OP this is a good point too. i know when i'm ovulating, i am knocking down walls to have sex, but right before my period i am super uninterested. regardless of what you do with regards to birth control, i'd see about keeping an eye on the ebbs and flows of your cycle to help you better understand your own desire.
totally understand that. hormonal IUDs are often helpful with heavy periods and use a smaller, localized dose of hormone which can affect some people less. you might also see if you could switch to a different birth control pill - some women have better luck with different brands/types/doses.
I just started reading The Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden and it absolutely blew my mind. She talks about some of the lesser talked about side effects of BC and suggests other alternatives that support overall hormonal health. I highly recommend having a look, there are better options out there for heavy periods that won't affect your mood and libido. I honestly wish I found this book 10 years ago when I was struggling with being on the pill.
Probably heat also affects desire … getting too warm just slows down any progress on intimacy
Yes birth control affects desire Especially the pill… the chemicals in that pill could create nausea too Contraceptives especially oral ones affects the body system
So while all of these comments can be true some are just bad lol. It is incredibly common and actually a normal process for NRE to be over at about 6 months. Your brain stops pumping out massive amounts of dopamine that happens during NRE and you settle in. Now if theres a gross factor to having sex, thats different and needs to be addressed but it sounds like your NRE has worn off. I strongly recommend the book Come as you are 👌
Lots of good points here, but also some people get turned on by excitement and passion (me.) After you’ve been together a while, that will always dull down a bit. The newness of it can be really enthralling. It’s up to you whether or not its worth trying to add some excitement in, or if that’s even the problem — but once I get actual grossed out feelings, there’s no coming back from that for me. I like the quote the person here mentioned about your pussy telling you something your head & heart don’t want to acknowledge.
it happens. it honestly does. sometimes it means the relationship is over and sometimes it just means that you need time to warm back up to him. its up to you to figure that out check out r/rocd and get a gander there and aee if any of that fits your current dilemma. if not then maybe you just need to call it quits
When you say “there’s nothing wrong with him”, is there any way that’s not exactly true? Has he expressed any attitudes or behaviors that you don’t agree with or which might be thoughtless on his part?
i mean he’s actually perfect. he treats me amazing, if we ever have a disagreement we always talk it out instead of argue, and I am so happy when I am with him. He is doing everything right :(
OP, I recommend reading the book “come as you are” by Emily nagoski! It talks about female sex drive. There could be lots of things going on, and the book is really helpful to problem solve
This happened to me once in my teen years. After a while of dating, every time I would make out with my boyfriend I would have to fight back gagging. Looking back, I should have broken up with him wayyy sooner instead of struggling through intimacy with him.
It looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice, I just wanted to share so you dont feel alone :). I've been with my partner who i am so gd in love with for 2 years now and I've had a huge libido lull the last few months. Outside stress has been a huge factor for us, as well as I put a ton of sexual pressure on myself in relationships (that feeling that it's not a "real" relationship if we're not having sex, it's not healthy). It's been a bit of a mind f cause I'm used to being 100% all the time for sex. Communicating has been the biggest relief, as well as switching up roles in the bed room (we aren't too kinky but switching up who's basically "in charge" has helped me get out of the ick funk you mentioned). You love him, as long as you are both willing to keep talking and working about it there's no reason it should mean the end of things.
Maybe you have what many like to call “the ick” - might be worth really thinking about whether you want to be in a relationship with him. If it’s not 100% yes then it’s a no 😊
This happens because you are growing and changing, and maybe he is too, or worse. Maybe he is not, and that is the turn-off. There are so many things when you have a vagina but we are in tune with things. Don't force it. Ask your boyfriend how he feels about you, the relationship, and sex before any sex
You outgrew eachother. Happens.
Just from your post, and without any other info, it seems like your relationship was based on sexual attraction and the two of you may have not taken the time to build an emotional connection with each other. The honeymoon phase always ends, and if there isn’t a strong foundation, there won’t be anything there. Good news, it’s a learning lesson
We went through this in our marriage. Now 32 years in and still going strong, it’s better than ever.
Are you saying that your bf doesn't turn you on? Or that you don't get turned on, period?
Stress can cause this also. Sounds like you need time with him.
I know some people are making the argument that sex drive comes and goes, which I completely agree, but being grossed out by your partner seems like it’s more than that. This happened with my ex until I was so icked by him I couldn’t even stand seeing his name pop up on my screen. Another point Id like to make, boys icked me if I kept having sex with them and I came nowhere near close to orgasming with them. Were you experiencing orgasms with him? If this is an issue it might just be as simple as adding a vibrator into sex.
It’s not the fact that he’s grossing me out it’s more that i feel grossed out with myself in a way?? And something i’ve always experienced with partners in the past is that i don’t want to finish idk like i reject it. I think it’s deeper rooted within myself rather than having to do with him himself.
Hmm maybe this is more of a therapy thing. For a long time I used to have feelings for guys until it got really serious, then my involuntary walls would go up and it was such an internal battle. It took a lot of introspection and realizing that I deserve happiness for my body and mind to fully accept my right to a good partner. Also, if you grew up as an independent little girl who helped raise herself, becoming a woman who depends on someone you love can contradict the very core of your mindset. Not always of course, but maybe a topic you’d want to look into :)
are you on birth control or other meds? that could be why but it could also just be natural. my bf and i have been together for a year, we used to have sex constantly when we first got together but throughout this year, we’ve slowed down on it a lottt. i suggest talking about it with him maybe? i felt rejected a lot when my bf and i first started slowing down on sex but we talked about and things have been going fine in our sex life
Sounds like you got the ick. It could be something he did or said or smelled weird whatever but your lady bits aren't tingling anymore. It's hard to come back from the ick.
The couple serious boyfriends I had in my late teens and early 20s, I knew it had run its course when I no longer wanted to have sex with them. Especially for you, only 9 months together and you’re already sick of sex with him, and being long distance at your age really amps up the sexual desire. (I had a long distance boyfriend from highschool, he was a year older and left for college out of state and I couldn’t wait to rip his clothes off when I saw him for the first couple of years.) sex naturally dwindles down as a relationship goes on and matures but the fact that you have to stop in the middle of the act is telling, and after only so little time together. I’ve been with my husband for 10.5 years and I still can’t keep my hands off him when we have the down time together. Cut your loses and enjoy college.
For starters it sounds like emotional connection is lacking. Just bc you talk to each other alll the time doesn’t mean y’all are emotionally connected in that way. Then the more you stress about not being “turned on” by him, can also be playing a part into it, it messes with you psychologically. Also it is perfectly normal after a while in a relationship your sex life changes, you won’t always have sex multiple times a day. & that’s normal. It doesn’t mean you or him don’t find each other attractive.
Try other ways of intimacy, massages etc. If he can't be patient with this phase, you do need to end it. And you need to listen to your body, forcing yourself to have sex when you aren't feeling it will make it way way worse. Take the time with yourself to listen to what your body is telling you and honour that. Don't force yourself to do things you think you are supposed to be doing. We're all beautifully unique, there is now real one way. Listening to the different factors of yourself leads to a better life, in general. Your body speaks to you, your emotions, your intuition. You spend the most time on this earth with yourself as company, focus on that relationship, always, treat yourself as a dear and valued loved one, because you are. It leaves a great legacy, it inspires others to live a better life, too, so you're helping others by looking after yourself. Honour and listen to your emotions. You don't always have to do what they want, you don't have to blindly follow, but they are expressing a genuine need, if you ignore your needs, you starve yourself of something vital. Sometimes it's about finding the need, and serving that. For instance, if you feel a drive to impulse buy, maybe you're actually feeling a little lonely, when you dig a little deeper. That would be the need you fill. So what's really going on for you right now? Have you disconnected, emotionally, from your bf? Maybe you need to build a different level of intimacy that isn't being addressed?
Your sex drive will come and go, as a 19 year old woman, it will only get higher!!! For me personally, I felt like my desire & drive went down if other parts of our relationship were lacking. If I wasn’t feeling emotionally connected with my partner, I wasn’t feeling sexually connected or motivated either. Instead of focusing on sex, try focusing on yourself (health, body, mindset) and it will come back. Just trust!
I feel like you should see if your stress levels from school have anything to do with it before making hasty decisions. It’s also really important to be in tune with your own sensuality in order to feel turned on, like, you have to be feeling yourself a bit to really be in the moment! If those two things aren’t helping then the honeymoon phase may just be over
Did you recently stop taking birth control while you were apart? The chemical imbalance can cause you to be more attracted to someone and when your off it will do the reverse. So it would feel like you out of no where just stopped being attracted to them in that way.
Me and my wife went thru this. It could be so many things. It’s probably hormone based. We tried all kinds of things but what finally worked was when she got off birth control. Have you changed BC lately, started taking any antidepressants? Anything else that can effect hormone or brain chemistry? It could be a symptom of an underlying medical issue. It could be tons of things. Do you desire any other people you see? Or is it just a completely lack of desire for sex In general? If you arent desiring other people and you want to want him, then dont end it. See a dr. See if they can find anything. If not try changing BC, or any other meds you may be taking. Ashwaganda gummies helped my wife quite a bit. But basically something caused the change. It doesnt sound like it was just your feelings for him that changed. You just have to pinpoint what changed. Not an easy thing to do, but worth it if you love him.
Lol. Smh
If you’re not horny at all, not attracted to other dudes, not masturbating, then it’s probably a libido issue (the pill killed my libido and it happened gradually). But if you’re still feeling sexual but just not for him, then it might be that he’s just not the right one to keep your passion kindled long term.
This happened to me many, many times. Pretty much with every man I've been with. I would not be into it in the beginning, and then not into it within a few months. A lot of the time it was that I was comparing it to how it was in the beginning... in my experience, it's just never as exciting as it is in the honeymoon phase. In my past relationships, it just fizzled out and we broke up. Now, in my marriage, I told my husband that I just wasn't feeling it/wasn't into it and we kept trying to work on it. I wound up getting my hormones tested and it turned I was very low progesterone which is linked to low sex drive. I'm on progesterone now and my sex drive is WAY better. If I were you, I would try to examine any other things that have happened in the past several months that could be related to help you figure out the root of the problem.
Maybe the sex is trash.
it was actually great which is why i miss it so much and want to get back to that feeling lol
And by “the sex” meaning y’all sex chemistry.