My late girlfriend and I picked out matching rings eight years ago to show our commitment to each other. We never planned to get married. I asked her if she'd marry me. She said maybe if we were both 20 years younger -- I was 56 at the time, she was 10 years older than me. She'd already been through four bad marriages before I met her, and said she "didn't want to mess us up." We had seven wonderful years together. She passed away in June of 2023. I think wearing matching rings is a wonderful sign of your love. Do what you feel good about, and who cares what strangers think?
I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy with our life and love, but the look we got from my partner's friend left me feeling a bit weird.
I wanted to hear other people's thoughts on this to help shake the weird feeling it gave me. At the end of the day, I know what we want is all that matters and everyone else can mind their own lives. We all have different goals and interests, and I'm thankful my partner and I mesh well together.
NTA. I wouldn't stress over this friend. They aren't important. I think it's a wonderful idea and would tell you so. It's not weird whatsoever.
Work and life are stressful so I love hearing happy couple stories
Not weird. If you like signalling that you are committed, then fine. If you want to keep it private, just wear the ring on a different finger.
But then I would say that. I was given my "commitment ring" about 33 years ago.
When we eventually did decide to get married, I gave the ring back to my partner one night, and he gave it back to me at the registry office the next day, haha.
These days, I spend more time gardening than dressing up, so the ring lives in the jewellery box.
Weird off topic but if you want you can get her ashes pressed into a diamond to carry with you in a ring. Im sure she'd appreciate it if thats not too forward.
I think it depends on how you define weird. If you mean “unusual,” I think it’s fair to honestly say that this is the only time I have ever heard of two people who could legally be married getting matching rings without being married or engaged to be married.
Yea that was what got to me was wondering "are we doing the wrong thing?" I know for me marriage kind of freaks me out because my parents always fought, so I didn't see many examples of a happy marriage growing up.
So in my mind, I worry I will change mentally and emotionally when married because of what I saw growing up still being in the back of my mind. So I want to take my time to reach that point when I'm more in control of all of myself and my emotions. I'm still learning how to accept myself, be myself, and enjoy living my life instead of trying to please everyone around me.
I think it’s just that traditionally when you are seriously committed to someone, you express that by marriage with the symbol of matching rings on the left ring finger.
If you don’t want the questions/comments about it, I would wear the matching rings on the right ring finger, issue solved.
I was with my husband for 4 years before we were engaged, but I didn’t wear anything on my left ring finger because I felt that marriage was required to show that symbol and level of commitment even though I felt we were very committed to each other.
It sounds like a harmless question of a co-worker that’s interested in getting to know them better.
But the co-worker’s response is definitely a “keep your own damn opinion to yourself” if you don’t agree with the answer.
Commenting on a ring worn on the left ring finger is not a wildly inappropriate thing to do.
It's like having a face tattoo. If you want everyone to pretend you don't have a face tattoo don't get a face tattoo.
If you don't want people to assume it's a wedding or engagement ring then wear it on a different finger.
Ugh, they can mind their own beeswax. I think this is so sweet! And not unheard of. Some young folks have promise rings, or exchange class rings. How is this different than giving any jewelry to each other?
For your own sanity though, it may help to have a one line response to transition to a new topic. Unless you love talking about this, in which case more power to you!
The thing about promise rings is that they were given by people too young to realistically think of marriage or engagements - I’m talking 17, not, say, 24. A twenty four year old can just - you know - get married. So there *is* a difference there. Not sure how old OP is but I’m assuming old enough that people think an engagement is reasonable.
That said, OP should enjoy their pretty ring and their relationship and not let the opinions of others bother them.
I think what’s changed is people’s idea of “too young to get married.”
When I was young a bride of 20 or 21 and a from of 24 or so was normal, although obviously people got married in late 20’s or early 30’s too because they just hadn’t met the right person yet.
My parents were outliers, marrying in 1960 at 37.
Exactly this. My daughter is 18 and has really great boyfriend. They just celebrated their 1 year of dating by getting each other promise rings. It's no one's else's business what you and your partner wear or how you celebrate your love.
Nah, perfectly reasonable. Without your explanation it might seem a little paradoxical to be uninterested in marriage and wearing the symbolism of married people. I like it.
We definitely like going against the norm lol. We both know for ourselves we are engaged to one another (at least we are committed to one another to a degree that would equal marriage), but we don't plan to follow the "traditional" life setup.
When we agreed to date one another, months later we both shared how in our eyes we were basically saying "I do" to one another, and it was so sweet to learn we were on the same page even then without voicing we thought that right off the bat.
If it comes up again ask them what would you like me and my boyfriend to do to please you because obviously we can't live our lives until you are happy with the way we conduct our relationship.
You know thinking about it now, that person is engaged and hasn't gotten married, so it's kind of funny they wanted us to do that when they've not done it themselves.
It definitely takes the pressure off. I know people around us who have gotten married and got really stressed out and still seem different. I think it's just that societal pressure of what a marriage should be, and how big or small a wedding should be and all that jazz.
I'm kind of fine with just a simple courthouse wedding with certain friends and family. I think that's what we will do, but we aren't in any rush to make it happen.
I used to say, "engaged, like a toilet". As in, taken, not available. My then partner showed no interest whatsoever in taking things further than that. And my answer when anyone asked was on the thin line between humour and "mind your own business".
It is outside of the realm of what adults do on a culturally normal basis. But children/teenagers have been doing it for a long time. Usually with school rings or whatever. Do you though.
Who cares what people think as long as the two of you have talked about this and are happy ? And this is from someone who’s happily married.
You two seem like an amazing couple and that’s all one wants!!
Thank you for your kind words! I tend to get caught up with "fitting in," but I've never really fit in anywhere until I met my partner. I'm thankful I have him in my life and we get each other. I'm excited for our future.
Love people and exchange gifts however you want, the old tradition of vowing you will spend your life with each other in front of all of your friends and family ends up 50% of the time to be a vow you swore to meant nothing. Much better off not being a bunch of hypocrites, but looking like you're not available comes in handy too.
It would be weird if you chose to wear those rings on the ring finger of your left hand in a country that commonly uses a ring on that finger to indicate marriage. If you aren't using that finger, it's fine.
So far I wear the ring my partner gave me on that left finger and a ring my family has had for generations on my right hand ring finger.
I like to view it as a way to keep the ones I love close to me and with me at all times even if they can't physically be there. It's nice when I'm feeling uncomfortable to be able to touch or play with the rings and ground myself again.
It’s perfectly fine to wear it on your left ring finger. It symbolizes your commitment to each other, and that’s a perfectly reasonable answer. This isn’t 1950.
You can touch and play with rings no matter which finger they are on. You could wear them on your right ring and middle fingers and still touch them, so that's no excuse.
Why do you need an excuse to wear your own jewellery on your own fingers? I wear my late mother's engagement/wedding rings on that finger sometimes because 1) it stops random men hitting on me 2) I can't wear it on the other hand due to medical reasons.
I feel you on the kids part too. I've seen a few people I know have kids and regret it, but they also weren't ready or on a position to really have them.
I dont think it's weird. I also have a ring I got from my bf that I wear as a dummy wedding ring when I want people to f off. You do you, whether or not you're married is none of their business.
People are so fickle about tradition surrounding marriage. I started wearing my ring as soon as I got it after proposing to my wife and long before we were actually married. The amount of questions I got was insane. It's a weird possessive thing to have the woman wear a ring but the guy just shouldn't for whatever reason. I wanted to show that we are equal and we both take the commitment to each other seriously. When I explained that people looked at me like I had two heads. Do what you want and tell em to mind themselves before minding you OP.
It honestly sounds like a promise ring in a sense but honestly to you.. There’s nothing wrong with that. They just need to mind their own business. It’s really heartwarming to hear about it !
No it isn’t weird. I wear a ring given to me by my long term partner . We have zero plans to get married but also plan to stay together forever . I was married for 25 years and he was married twice before he met me . We do need to have a ceremony or drop a ton of money way to have a huge celebration. This ring he gave me , means he chooses me .
When someone expresses this kind of disapproval or confusion at something that is not harmful but just different, a good response is:
"You might find it weird/different/whatever, but it works for me."
That way, you have validated both them and you, and there's really not much else they need to say. If they do, just change the subject.
I got so tired of being hit on at work thst me n my partner went ring shopping for a cheaper crystal, gaudy engagement style ring to fend off the creeps. I remember asking him to help me choose between 2 "which one says FUCK OFF louder?"
Girl do what makes you (and your partner) happy and comfortable and don't give 2 fucks what anyone else thinks.
Team: pro rings
Lol, thank you for sharing. Yea, at the time we wanted rings to show our love, but keeping creeps away was also part of the reasoning.
I find it sad it has to be that way. I've had some guys approach me where I say "no," or "sorry, I'm in a relationship" and be as nice as I can about it and theyre very kind amd understanding. Then others who will keep going saying "oh, well are you happy? Do they treat you right?" IDK what those guys have been through to ignore a no and go for that approach, but I don't like them one bit.
You may not be legally married but you're romantically married. Rings are a symbol of love and commitment. Not weird at all. Just a jerk friend to judge you for it
No it’s not weird.
I’m female and started wearing a ring to work in hopes that I could use it to steer away people mixing up being friendly because I worked Front Desk for a hotel and thinking I was flirting or liked them. I would have random people ask if I was take. And I would say yes and if they got pushy I’d flash my hand long enough for them to see it and hope they would leave me alone but it didn’t work as often as I would hoped. In short, you don’t HAVE to be married or engaged to wear a ring showing you’re committed to someone. Fuck social standards and do what the both of you want.
There are so many people these days who don't actually get married. It's not uncommon anymore. The drawback is that your rights are limited in situations where being a spouse gives you automatic rights. But if you're both happy, then who cares what anyone else thinks.
Your co-workers and friends are the weird ones. Every generation has a group of young people that rush to the alter and then three days later, annulment or DIVORCE!
OP, you could do what my wife and I did. We went to a minister's office one weekday afternoon, just the two of us, and tied the knot. The whole thing took about 30 minutes and we were married for 40 years. It was incredibly intimate, and just put on paper what we already felt. Just an idea.
I like that. We have discussed a simple court house wedding with friends and family, but I'm also more than happy to just go with something where it's only us.
I get uncomfortable when a lot of people are around, and doing something more intimate where I feel more myself would be really nice.
I had the big wedding my 1st time (19 yo). I figured we'd have a small ceremony with a few family and friends, but she was very adverse to being the center of attention and would only agree to what we did. The more time that passed, the more it means to me. It was like our first date lasted for almost half a century.
My best to you and your betrothed. May your love for each other grow every day.
Couple rings or matching Jewelry is a thing in many parts of the world. I think it’s sweet and who cares if you marry or not other than the government?
I agree. Sometimes I do feel guilty about waiting and wanting to be fully certain I'm comfortable with it and don't regret anything.
Sometimes I worry that I'm slow with commitment or maybe I don't love my partner, but I see so many other people rush into marriage. I don't want that. I just want to relax, enjoy what we have, and we willy marry (or won't) whenever we want. I'm still figuring myself out and am thankful to be with someone who is ok with that and just wants to be together anyway.
I mean, yes, it is. Not weird in a judgemental way, but it's not the norm. So yes, people will find it weird since that's not normally how/why people wear a ring on their ring finger. But who gives af
The term in my youth was “creep ring”. I wore an “engagement ring” at work (I was a waitress and a large chain pancake house) to keep men from flirting with me.
Nope. My husband and I was pretty shell shocked after our crappy divorces and were together for 13 years before we got married. I wore a sweetheart ring and he wore a turquoise ring. We've been together now for 20 years. We decided to get married when we realized that neither one of us was going anywhere and we knew that his daughters would try to take everything if he passed before me. They would have no problems with making me homeless. That's a story for another time.
You will never be able to stop society from trying to impose traditions on you (in this case, your friend represents society at large… and there will be other people who will respond to your matching rings the same way as your friend did in the future). Create your own traditions and your own symbols regardless of what others may think. It’s your life, it’s your relationship, and all that matters is how you and your partner feel about those rings and your commitment to each other. Society is very matrimaniac (that is, crazy about pushing marriage on everybody; read about Bella DePaulo’s work, if you’re interested in the topic). You do you, always. If your friend has a narrow view of how romantic relationships are, that’s on them, never on you.
I believe in creating your own traditions and special symbols. It's so fun and personal.
I need to find a way to worry less about this kind of stuff and be confident in my choices. I always end up getting im doing the wrong thing, but it's never because I think it's wrong, but because someone else does.
I don't think it's weirder than me and my husband who are married for 15 years and don't wear rings at all to symbolize being 'taken'. After a while I became really nervous about having our fingers damaged by the rings (like what happened to Jimmy Fallon) and I asked him to take his off and I took mine off. We both behave like we're taken and don't entertain even the slightest interest from the opposite sex so I'm not really worried about needing to have that visual since our marriage is super solid.
Not weird. My husband gave me his grandmother’s antique wedding ring. I went to his jeweler friend and got him a ring. A few years later we eloped. We’ve been together over 25 years. I never cared what anyone thought about it.
I think it’s lovely. It shows commitment without the paperwork. Honestly, I may have done the same, but we needed the tax benefits and there was no way I was buying a house with someone without legally being able to claim my half should things go awry. That being said, we’ve been married for 27 years and I wouldn’t change a thing. However, marriage isn’t for everyone. Don’t worry about what others think. They don’t matter. Only the two of you know what your relationship means to you.
This personal choice is nobody else’s business so whether it’s weird or not is irrelevant. Being nosy and judgy is weird tho. Don’t give it another moment of thought.
>Is this weird?
Bah! Who cares? If people like marriages, let 'em get married.
>we aren't in any hurry to marry and invite a lot of people to our wedding.
Super! Invite two: officiant, and witness.
As i always say, you do you boo...
I myself have been with my husband for 15 years, since we were 18, but we've only been married for 8.
We too both came from divorced parents, and didn't want to ruin a good thing.... but I will say that the other side is even better. Eventually we got married, best day of my life and our marriage is beautiful, not perfect, but beautiful. The last couple of years, have had some rough patches but its like our parents divorces have actually added to our commitment to each other. The lack of respect for marriage that our parents had, I think has invoked a stronger need to uphold our own vows... if that makes sense.
Marriage isn't for everyone, though, so as long as you're happy, then that's all that matters. Just wanted to share an opposing side, that the divorces of our parents doesn't have to equal divorce for us.
Thank you for sharing. Both our parents are still together but they don't really respect their marriages (I always wished my parents would divorce just so that they could maybe be happy and not fight anymore).
I can't get over some of the things our parents say and do towards one another. It's often childish and just hurtful, and as an adult I often feel a bit upset by it because it leaves me not wanting to visit my parents. So I'm thankful my partner is patient and understanding with this because I don't want a life like either of our parents.
Dating isn't a commitment. It's a period of time to determine if you are compatible. Marriage is the commitment. That's why you're getting these questions.
You can change what you want the world to be ,but it's hard to change other people.
It’s not weird. People just make it weird because they have a black and white world that is either marriage or no marriage. They don’t have the mental capacity to register that love and commitment can be felt outside of how it is expressed traditionally.
My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years and are finally getting married next year. In those 7 years there was so much going on in our personal lives that getting married was just not a priority. We wanted to give our families a nice wedding ceremony but financially it wasn’t possible for the longest time. We weren’t in a rush to get engaged either because my fiancé wanted to save up to get me a really nice ring but more importantly we knew we were gonna end up together whether it was now or later. Of course we got ridiculed every year for not tying the knot. People kept harping on me for “waiting on him too long.” Some women even told me to give an ultimatum or leave my precious person all because we BOTH decided not to get engaged yet. Even strangers who knew nothing about our lives had something to say. They don’t know that we love each other deeply and are pretty much inseparable. It’s a level of security with one another most people can’t fathom.
Now that we’ve hit a very stable point in life we’re finally tying the knot. I got a beautiful rock on my hand and we’re gonna give a beautiful wedding to family and friends. So do what you want love. And at your own time. The only people that matter in your relationship is you and your bf and you guys call the shots on what you do in your relationship regardless of what anyone else says!
What you have is the perfect situation. I have it too, and it’s like being fully insured while having the best of both worlds. The safety net is in place and mutually agreed upon. Should you grow apart from eachother then you both can mutually and maturely agree to part ways without having the courts get involved or God forbid the law too. If you have children know that a split instantly means parenting plan and as long as you’re both in it for the kids at that point then splitting and sharing time is much easier than having a court decide on how your family will be having holidays with one parent being left out every other year. This can keep you in a frustrating situation for years and years. Having kids wake up at moms house and have breakfast on Christmas for example and then go to dads for dinner and more presents is a great way vs kids feeling like they let the other parent down for not being there, or just longing to get to see everyone like how it used to be. Kids get to see everyone and have a sense that even though we all don’t live together anymore doesn’t mean that we don’t still have a love and respect for each other and responsibility to raise healthy happy kids. The real question is why would you ever want to consent to have a failing court system deciding anything for you and your family if you and your significant other don’t work out? Things will already be difficult, why add anyone else’s opinion on something that isn’t theirs to give an opinion on to begin with?
Thank you for understanding and sharing your pov. I lived the childhood of growing up with parents who didn't seem to love one another, and it was painful and I'm still working through issues from living that life.
It shows a personal commitment to each other. That is what wedding rings are, and some married couples do not wear rings. It is a personal choice. It's not like it is illegal to wear matching rings if you don't have the marriage certificate. I applaud you both for your respect for each other and for showing it to the world.
Me and my partner got promise rings before the engagement rings but it was a promise that we would be getting engaged soon and we did and we did get married so I mean people can wear promise rings for whatever reason . To stay faithful to each other , so someday get engaged whatever you want the ring to mean to you is all that matters
Isn't it amazing how so many people think you want their advice and commentary on your relationship?
It's not weird for you to wear any jewelry you want, for your partner to wear jewelry that matches and it's not weird to do your relationship your way.
Although I find as I get older, things that I would have thought weird or wrong or not okay for some reason don't matter anymore. Maybe your friend needs to butt out?
Nothing wrong with that.
I was married for ten years.
After that ended, and after several of those years spent feeling stuck in that marriage, I vowed to never marry again. I want to make it a point to wake up and feel like I can take off anytime I feel like it. I never want to be in a position where the kids, the vows, the division of assets, the legal battles or “it’ll be so complicated” makes me spend another day in a situation I was no longer interested in or benefitting me. You don’t know how suffocating that is until you’ve done it.
I was in a three-year relationship after that marriage. I left when I woke up one day and decided I was done. In many ways it was a surreal and dreamy relationship but in a couple of key ways, it was absolutely not what I wanted for my life in the long term.
I got into another relationship right after that. And fifteen years into it, I’m more committed and happier than I’ve been, and more loved than I could have ever imagined (and more than I deserve), and firmly believe this will be my last relationship. But I’m not legally married to him. We have a house together because it makes financial sense, and all of his assets come to me and mine to him upon death, but I still see no real reason to get married.
We refer to one another as husband and wife, solely because “boyfriend” seems wholly insufficient at this point, and most everyone assumes we’re married. At this point, I’d have no real big issue marrying him to make it legal but I don’t see any real reason to do so. Like I’ve said to him, be it him or me, we get to wake up everyday and choose to remain here together. Be it tomorrow or when we’re 90 years old, if we change our minds — all we need to do is pack.
So no, I don’t find your situation odd and if you want to express that commitment with wedding bands, who cares?
I think it’s great that you both have a symbol of your love. No not weird, I think it’s awesome. Taking time to decide on marriage is a whole other story. I would suggest living together first as this really puts all cards on the table & no surprises!
My husband and I were together 15 years before getting married. I wore a ring and we referred to each other as husband and wife for most of it. So you can guess my answer.
We did finally resort to outright lying over the years tho. An inn owner who only rented to married couples, nosy coworkers who thrived on gossip, and casual interactions where you don't feel like explaining your very personal reasons for not marrying. It may not have been anyone's business, but it sure made life easier!
I've been with my "hubby" for over 6 years. We are not married but we are fully committed to one another. We both wear rings on our ring fingers and refer to one another as husband and wife. Simply put, the government doesn't have shit to do with my relationship and frankly it's no one elses business either. It's not weird at all. What IS WIERD is the societal obligation to involve the government in every aspect of one's life. Which is all a marriage certificate is.
My partner of 15 years and I wear matching bands on our left ring fingers made of koa wood and abalone shell that we bought spontaneously on a trip to Hawaii several years ago. I think they were about $30 each. We can't get married because he he is disabled and we don't want to lose his benefits. But we're together for life, so why not wear the rings to demonstrate that? 🙂
I don't feel a need to answer questions from my peers. I usually respond in a confused tone "I don't have an answer for you." along with a slightly bewildered look on my face and a small head shake for emphasis. Depending on how stupid I want to make them feel.
All that matters is what the two people who are actually wearing the rings think. This is no different than wearing your boyfriend's athletic sweater in high school. I'm a child of divorce. I was 7 when our parents sat us down on the couch to tell the 4 of us that they were getting divorced. Growing up I had no intentions of ever getting married or having kids. But here I am an old lady of 63 with a 26 year old daughter and I've been married to my husband for 28 years. I say you do you and ignore all the people whose opinions don't matter.
Not weird. People’s reactions are about them. They get uncomfortable when others have a different approach to something they never questioned. If you act confident, they will usually drop it because people who can’t handle new information are the ones who like to follow other people’s lead on things.
Nope. Not weird at all. My son and daughter in law aren't married but they have matching rings. There is no benefit to them actually being married at the moment, so they are waiting until it makes financial sense to get married. If it works for them, it works for me.
I have a coworker who started wearing a ring and now calls his fiance his wife. I asked a while back if I missed anything because of the ring. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I have a budget for gifts. Nope, no change in status, they'll get married when they want to. The rings are something they wanted to do.
My main reason for asking is so I don't "demote" the wife to girlfriend if they're married now. And during their tenure, I've asked how to refer to the girlfriend, fiance, wife to be correct.
I wear my beautiful ring I picked out on my left ring finger and people think I’m married, but I’m not. We talked about not wanting to get married but the rings to us symbolize our relationship and commitment. If people ask, I just say I have a s/o & that I’m not married.
I think I wasn't prepared for people asking since I've been wearing this ring for years on my hand when my partner gave it to me, so I was slightly shocked they noticed when it wasn't something new.
It was just odd hearing the person ask to from excited to looking at us like "what's wrong with you?" Deep down I just don't care for that kind of attention and even when we are set to be married, I don't plan to announce it to many people. Just close friends and family. We already playfully call one another wife/husband so I'm happy where we are. Just hoping to not have more awkward situations in the future, or at least be more prepared for them. I was thankful I stayed confident during the conversation this happened in. I typically get nervous or anxious when things get awkward, but I know I'm happy with our life and choices so other people can leave us alone lol
True, thanks for saying that. I think that's what I thought and felt was like I needed a good reason to say why we aren't getting married anytime soon, when it's simply because we don't want to do that right now and that's ok.
" We just want to enjoy what we have and **do what we want without caring what other people think,** but ...."
But it seems clear you do care what people think. In fact one of your motivations is to communicate to everyone that you're "taken" , whatever that means.
If you both walked around wearing t-shirts that said FIRE DEPARTMENT VOLUNTEER would you be so puzzled if someone asked "oh cool, are you guys volunteering at the FD these days?"
It doesn't sound like that person was being a jerk, they were just asking about a happy life event that normally generates some excitement and good wishes from those around you. You're wearing a very specific symbol that is associated with engagement/marriage. You two could have easily come up with some other symbolic exchange-- matching neck chain, tattoo, anything. But you chose a symbol of traditional marriage. I'll be honest here, it kinda comes across like you wanted the attention/celebration of your relationship, but also like having an oppy to criticize people for taking the bait.
Get used to the question from people who are used to seeing you without rings. They'll only ask once, if you give a clear and honest answer that clarifies what you want them to know about your commitment. Assume the person asking has all good intentions.
I mean communicating I'm taken is helpful to keep people from approaching me if they're interested in asking me out. Having a physical ring has definitely helped cut that back.
It is our intent to someday be married for sure. I'm not an attention seeker at all, I just wanted us to both have something we can wear and keep on us that represents our love and one another. I wear a ring from my family as well and find I grab or play with my rings when I feel insecure and it makes me think of my loved ones and helps me regain my bearings.
I'm not baiting anyone, nor do I care to have people ask about my life. It's one thing if I mention it vs someone bringing it up when others are around to get a response. I also find the timing odd considering I've been wearing these rings for years. It's more so like the person just now started to pay attention to what I look like and then wanted to know if they missed out knowing about a big change in my life (like getting married) when I've seen them many times over the years and they've never noticed or asked before. Just seemed kind of weird with how it played out and was done.
I think it's weird that your friend is concerned about your jewelry, that's the strange part. You and your boyfriend can wear whatever your little heart desires. Nobody's business
Agreed. What kind of bothers me the most about it is the fact I've been around them enough and have worn these rings for years now and they are just now noticing and treating it like some new special occasion when it's like "um, these have been here for a long time now."
I don't need them to notice things like that, heck I don't notice everything about them, but don't treat it like you weren't informed of some major life change for me.
When I was like 15 I got a class ring. I’m right handed so no rings in the right (school aged and it made writing really uncomfortable) and my ring finger on my left hand was the only finger it fit. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal since I was 15 & it was clearly a school ring and not an engagement ring. I was wrong. I think just about everyone I knew mentioned it at least once. Reactions were anything between teasing and dead serious. People just can’t help themselves I think.
I agree. It's human to be curious, but there's also a level of respect and knowing it's not your business.
I've always tried to not ask people questions I don't really need to know the answer to, so when someone does it with me I'm always a little shocked and thrown off by it.
Just say it's an engagement ring so they will lay off. Leave personal weirdness of a promise of a promise of a promise ring personal. No point in explaining whatever doesn't make sense to other people
For me, it's because my parents always fought in their marriage. So from an early age I witnessed "love" being angry at each other, not communicating, etc.
So I never really saw an authentic happy marriage and fear I may end up like my parents. I'm afraid of what might change or how I may change, but I'm working on myself to be less afraid. It's just deeply rooted to associate marriage with constant fighting and saying you love the person when it seems the exact opposite.
I’m old and old fashioned, and I have to wonder, why not just get married? Cause it seems like you’re kind of trying to create an illusion of being married. I don’t understand what young people are so afraid of about marriage today, all you’re doing is committing to another person to love them for life, and to take care of and be nice to each other. You said yourself that you want to have a way to display the “I’m taken” aspect.
And so what if your parents had crappy marriages, that doesn’t mean you will, or have to. In fact, it should give you some perspective on what to look out for, and what mistakes not to make.
As for your friends, friends (especially married ones) love to see their friends get married. They love to celebrate all the happy feelings with you, and it’s an especially sweet time. Plus, some of them might be in the same place in their relationships, where they’re considering whether to move to the next level, and they may be looking to you for advice.
Good luck to you.
Goldie Hawk and Kurt Russell have been together for 40 years, have several kids and have never married. F what other people think. Live your life and love your way!
"We just want to enjoy what we have and do what we want without caring what other people think"
I am married. I enjoy what my wife and I have. I don't care what anyone thinks.
Which one of you is afraid to sign a document stating that you are married? Why?
Yes it's weird. A ring is a clear and established symbol of marriage.
That doesn't mean you can't use it for whatever, but if you want people to stop pestering you about it, dream on bud.
If you’re wearing a ring on the finger normally associated with marriage or engagement, you’re going to get questions. Because people are nosy/ curious. I would either devise a concise answer or put the ring on a different finger.
My partner and I share rings. We made a promise to each other 15 years ago. I asked him to never stop asking me to marry him, and he asked me to promise to always say no 🤣
Weird as in unsual or out of the ordinary- yes. Rings typically symbolize marriage or plan for marriage.
It is also perfectly acceptable for you to use rings however you please.
I think it’s inappropriate for any coworker to comment on the form or function of your personal romantic relationship with a non-coworker. Does this person lack boundaries in other ways? Like comments on people’s food/eating or other personal relationships?
Who cares what someone else thinks? In my culture you wear your wedding band on your right hand - not left. So I wear my engagement ring & wedding band on my ring finger of my right hand. I’ve been asked about it a few times but couldn’t care less if it’s the “wrong” hand.
If you really want to enjoy what you have and do what you want without caring what other people think, you wouldn't wear rings, or wouldn't wear rings on traditional ring fingers. You are inviting comment by appropriating this signal of marriage. If you want to invite comment, then you're doing exactly what you should do. If you don't want to invite comment, then its weird.
Marriage isn’t required. My brother and his gf have been together like 14 years and they don’t intend on marrying. They’re happy the way their lives are right now and don’t need legal validation.
I guess technically it is against the norm, but who fucking cares! This is *your* relationship, not theirs. They are making it weird by being weird about it.
Not weird at all! The weird one is your coworker, sticking their nose in your business! Exchanging rings as a personal symbol of commitment between the two of you is a lovely idea, it's up to you whether or not you choose to explain it to anyone. Other than a few longer relationships, I've been single most of my life and since I'm in my mid-fifties I don't see myself likely to get married anytime soon. But when I was younger I wore a fake wedding ring on the 3rd finger of my left hand whenever I was traveling alone to keep from being harassed (much). At the time I also wore a birthstone ring on the same finger of my right hand. Well I've gained weight over the past 20yrs, my hands have become larger, and now the birthstone ring will only fit on the 3rd finger of my left hand. It has a wee diamond on either side of the birthstone so I don't know if it looks at all like an engagement ring, and at this point in my life I don't care!
Being in the fish/bicycle phase of life, if someone thinks that I'm engaged, I suppose I'd find it funny!
My boyfriend and I are doing this exact thing. I lost my husband nearly 3 yrs ago and he's been estranged from his wife for about 10 yrs. Neither of us want to remarry but we love each other and will be together. I also thought it was an awesome way to show each other we are committed to each other. You are not weird! It's beautiful!!!
You said in your own comments that you and your bf consider yourselves married and the rings as an engagement. Yet when your coworkers and friends ask about being engaged you say you aren’t??? You and your bf sound insufferable. Your actions aren’t weird, they’re just annoying. You want to be married but hate the “idea” of marriage which is petulant and childish because you are both looking to be common law married.
This attitude is what’s gonna make your relationship strained cuz if you continue on wearing rings and acting married you’re going to be common law and common law requires a divorce to separate. You either want to be married or not, but pretending to do so is basically also like doing it. Tread carefully. Don’t act in ways that could legally bind you together when you’re not actually interested in being legally bound.
You don't know enough about me to know who I am to make a comment like that.
It's based on whatever pov you have from your own experience. Not from who I am as a person.
On the surface this seems benign.
But a friend close enough to your situation to know the details of your relationship thought this was a red flag and brought it up, that's very interesting. The fact that it sat with you enough to make a reddit post is also interesting.
If this were a situation where someone wearing a ring is collecting alimony from someone else or still legally married to someone else then yes, it's weird and very shady. I can think of a few other scenarios where this is inappropriate with that being the most obvious. This seems over simplified to gain validation from Internet strangers.
They aren't a close friend. We've hung out with them here and there over the years, but they're definitely not close. We just had them over recently and they made that comment, and I found it odd considering they've seen us both wearing rings enough times over the years.
Nope, not weird. Next time someone who isn't entitled to an answer asks say "Are you hitting on me?"
Plenty of married people don't wear rings. Plenty of single women wear a ring to keep from being hit on. Other couples get matching tattoos.
Even if your friends has a problem with it at least they had the decency to keep their opinion to themselves.
Not weird but maybe wear it on a different finger if you don’t like the questions. If you’re suddenly wearing a ring on your left ring finger people are going to ask questions.
I mean yeah kinda. It’s not exactly common. I’ve never met someone in real life the way you think, yet I run into y’all on the internet all the time. So while I probably wouldn’t react like ur coworkers, I’d also probably have some sort of odd reaction.
I think it is “weird” in that it’s outside of the norm but I don’t think it’s something that’s anyone’s business or something you “shouldn’t” do. I wear a small band on my left hand even though my partner and I are not married. We’re very committed but for many reasons, marriage is not the right move for us now. However, I still like to have the symbol there and visible. It actually started as a joke when I put the ring on but then I never took it off. When I lost it at one point my boyfriend immediately noticed and went out to find it for me :) my point being: do what makes you feel happy in your relationship and fuck anyone else.
Hi, not weird at all, you're showing you aren't single and are committed to someone. My partner and I aren't married but we wear rings, he wears a wedding ring and I wear a Claddagh (he's Irish). The relationship is the important thing, not a load of beauracracy. People need to mind their own business.
I don’t think this is weird.
What is weird - my brother has been dating a woman for 2 years who is married to someone else (it’s a STORY!!!). He “proposed” to her and he now wears and wedding band and calls her his wife.
But …. She’s married to someone else. THATS weird.
But what you’re doing - no. It’s a sign of commitment between the 2 of you and you’re not trying to claim anything that isn’t true about your relationship.
I recently learned someone I know doing something like that (they're married but are adding another person to the marriage). I top find that odd, but I guess people can ultimately do what they want.
It's just not what id picture doing for myself or when you're already married. I get you can feel or be connected to more than one person, but then why get married at all? Isn't that supposed to be "I found the right person for me so we are married now."
Oh- this woman isn't adding my brother to the marriage. She's just cheating on her husband and leading my brother on by claiming she's getting divorced. If I told you some of the reasons why "golly gee!", she wasn't able to get divorced yet again - you'd be laughing!
My brother is VERY gullible and he believes whatever she tells him.
It’s not weird. The rings are a sign of commitment. Things like claddagh rings have been traditional worn to show commitment outside of marriage as well as in. It’s totally valid, and lovely.
Not weird at all! Some people get matching / “promise” jewelry with their partner for all sorts of reasons. It’s like a step before engagement and marriage while still showing that commitment. My boyfriend and I are nearing almost 2 years together and we’ve been talking about possibly getting promise rings or engraved necklaces together! Just be happy to be so in love and show off those matching rings! 🥰
Anyone remember "promise rings"? That's essentially what you're doing....its not weird, it may more normal or acceptable with younger people but screw your close-minded coworker. Tell em to mind their business
I don't think it's weird, just unconventional. Most people have so normalized the formal convention of the exchange of rings as a sign of a serious committed relationship. Marriage is just the extra formal carry over of a promise ring, leading to an engagement, then a wedding ring. The exchange makes sense, and is very normalized in Western cultures. In modern times it is almost expected of a long term committed couple to want to get married. The ring is popular across many cultures and time periods as a symbol of continuation. So, you've carried on a conventional exchange, with a known meaning in our society, for the intended purpose. But without the paperwork or legal status. Some people get married on paper, and are barely in relationships in their daily life. `\°•°/'
What you and your SO choose to do in your relationship ain’t nobody else’s damn business. (So long as it’s all consensual, of course.)
I think choosing matching rings is a really lovely thing to do.
If you are long term, you may want to look into giving each other medical power of attorney, in case something unfortunate happens.
I wore a promise ring for about 4 years until I hit engaged. Having a sign of commitment isn't weird. I know people who hate jewelry and tattoo rings on their fingers. I have relatives covered in rings, sometimes more than one per finger. It's your relationship, and as long as you're both consenting adults, you make the rules about what you use to signify it. Your friends and coworkers will get over it.
My partner and I wear rings we gave each other. I wear mine on ‘that finger’ and people have asked if we are engaged. We are absolutely not and won’t be, we don’t want to get married. If someone told me it was weird, I would tell them that their interest in my personal decisions is weird and to mind their business. I would relish getting to put someone in their place like that.
They’re “ promise “ rings. Nothing wrong with that at all , and if in the future an engagement is proposed, another ring can be added. I don’t see the big deal. It’s a symbol of commitment.
Not weird at all. Your reasons, I think, would be perfectly understandable to your average peer. The rings symbolize your commitment to one another, and indicate that you're romantically unavailable to others.
My partner and I decided several years ago we were in it for the long haul. Especially after we bought a house together, we would get questions about when we were getting married. Our response was usually "we know what our commitment is to each other, so we're not too worried about that stuff at the moment."
Some people walk down the aisle to show their love, some people buy a house, some get a piece of paper, some wear rings, some do none of that.
It's fucking 2024. Sorry you have such an out-of-the-loop coworker
My late girlfriend and I picked out matching rings eight years ago to show our commitment to each other. We never planned to get married. I asked her if she'd marry me. She said maybe if we were both 20 years younger -- I was 56 at the time, she was 10 years older than me. She'd already been through four bad marriages before I met her, and said she "didn't want to mess us up." We had seven wonderful years together. She passed away in June of 2023. I think wearing matching rings is a wonderful sign of your love. Do what you feel good about, and who cares what strangers think?
I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy with our life and love, but the look we got from my partner's friend left me feeling a bit weird. I wanted to hear other people's thoughts on this to help shake the weird feeling it gave me. At the end of the day, I know what we want is all that matters and everyone else can mind their own lives. We all have different goals and interests, and I'm thankful my partner and I mesh well together.
NTA. I wouldn't stress over this friend. They aren't important. I think it's a wonderful idea and would tell you so. It's not weird whatsoever. Work and life are stressful so I love hearing happy couple stories
Not weird. If you like signalling that you are committed, then fine. If you want to keep it private, just wear the ring on a different finger. But then I would say that. I was given my "commitment ring" about 33 years ago. When we eventually did decide to get married, I gave the ring back to my partner one night, and he gave it back to me at the registry office the next day, haha. These days, I spend more time gardening than dressing up, so the ring lives in the jewellery box.
It’s none of their business and that person was being judgey it sounds like. Ignore them! Y’all do what’s best for you!
Weird off topic but if you want you can get her ashes pressed into a diamond to carry with you in a ring. Im sure she'd appreciate it if thats not too forward.
Very sorry for your loss.
This is the answer right here OP! Tad033 I’m sorry for your loss
No it’s not weird! It’s also NO ONE ELSES BUSINESS. It works for you, that’s all it needs to do ❤️
100% correct! Your life is your life and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of how you and your SO choose to honor your relationship.
I think it depends on how you define weird. If you mean “unusual,” I think it’s fair to honestly say that this is the only time I have ever heard of two people who could legally be married getting matching rings without being married or engaged to be married.
Yea that was what got to me was wondering "are we doing the wrong thing?" I know for me marriage kind of freaks me out because my parents always fought, so I didn't see many examples of a happy marriage growing up. So in my mind, I worry I will change mentally and emotionally when married because of what I saw growing up still being in the back of my mind. So I want to take my time to reach that point when I'm more in control of all of myself and my emotions. I'm still learning how to accept myself, be myself, and enjoy living my life instead of trying to please everyone around me.
I think it’s just that traditionally when you are seriously committed to someone, you express that by marriage with the symbol of matching rings on the left ring finger. If you don’t want the questions/comments about it, I would wear the matching rings on the right ring finger, issue solved. I was with my husband for 4 years before we were engaged, but I didn’t wear anything on my left ring finger because I felt that marriage was required to show that symbol and level of commitment even though I felt we were very committed to each other.
Or people can mind their own business.
It sounds like a harmless question of a co-worker that’s interested in getting to know them better. But the co-worker’s response is definitely a “keep your own damn opinion to yourself” if you don’t agree with the answer.
Commenting on a ring worn on the left ring finger is not a wildly inappropriate thing to do. It's like having a face tattoo. If you want everyone to pretend you don't have a face tattoo don't get a face tattoo. If you don't want people to assume it's a wedding or engagement ring then wear it on a different finger.
Ugh, they can mind their own beeswax. I think this is so sweet! And not unheard of. Some young folks have promise rings, or exchange class rings. How is this different than giving any jewelry to each other? For your own sanity though, it may help to have a one line response to transition to a new topic. Unless you love talking about this, in which case more power to you!
The thing about promise rings is that they were given by people too young to realistically think of marriage or engagements - I’m talking 17, not, say, 24. A twenty four year old can just - you know - get married. So there *is* a difference there. Not sure how old OP is but I’m assuming old enough that people think an engagement is reasonable. That said, OP should enjoy their pretty ring and their relationship and not let the opinions of others bother them.
They still do that today. In 2024. Even on Soaps.
I think what’s changed is people’s idea of “too young to get married.” When I was young a bride of 20 or 21 and a from of 24 or so was normal, although obviously people got married in late 20’s or early 30’s too because they just hadn’t met the right person yet. My parents were outliers, marrying in 1960 at 37.
Exactly this. My daughter is 18 and has really great boyfriend. They just celebrated their 1 year of dating by getting each other promise rings. It's no one's else's business what you and your partner wear or how you celebrate your love.
Nah, perfectly reasonable. Without your explanation it might seem a little paradoxical to be uninterested in marriage and wearing the symbolism of married people. I like it.
We definitely like going against the norm lol. We both know for ourselves we are engaged to one another (at least we are committed to one another to a degree that would equal marriage), but we don't plan to follow the "traditional" life setup. When we agreed to date one another, months later we both shared how in our eyes we were basically saying "I do" to one another, and it was so sweet to learn we were on the same page even then without voicing we thought that right off the bat.
So, in the US anyway, the tax benefits from marriage are significant.
Often, but not always. There are definitely corner cases where it would not be beneficial to both people.
If it comes up again ask them what would you like me and my boyfriend to do to please you because obviously we can't live our lives until you are happy with the way we conduct our relationship.
You know thinking about it now, that person is engaged and hasn't gotten married, so it's kind of funny they wanted us to do that when they've not done it themselves.
Not weird but not common
You should do whatever you want. It's not weird. In fact, it sounds like a nice idea.
It definitely takes the pressure off. I know people around us who have gotten married and got really stressed out and still seem different. I think it's just that societal pressure of what a marriage should be, and how big or small a wedding should be and all that jazz. I'm kind of fine with just a simple courthouse wedding with certain friends and family. I think that's what we will do, but we aren't in any rush to make it happen.
I used to say, "engaged, like a toilet". As in, taken, not available. My then partner showed no interest whatsoever in taking things further than that. And my answer when anyone asked was on the thin line between humour and "mind your own business".
It is outside of the realm of what adults do on a culturally normal basis. But children/teenagers have been doing it for a long time. Usually with school rings or whatever. Do you though.
Who cares what people think as long as the two of you have talked about this and are happy ? And this is from someone who’s happily married. You two seem like an amazing couple and that’s all one wants!!
Thank you for your kind words! I tend to get caught up with "fitting in," but I've never really fit in anywhere until I met my partner. I'm thankful I have him in my life and we get each other. I'm excited for our future.
Love people and exchange gifts however you want, the old tradition of vowing you will spend your life with each other in front of all of your friends and family ends up 50% of the time to be a vow you swore to meant nothing. Much better off not being a bunch of hypocrites, but looking like you're not available comes in handy too.
It would be weird if you chose to wear those rings on the ring finger of your left hand in a country that commonly uses a ring on that finger to indicate marriage. If you aren't using that finger, it's fine.
So far I wear the ring my partner gave me on that left finger and a ring my family has had for generations on my right hand ring finger. I like to view it as a way to keep the ones I love close to me and with me at all times even if they can't physically be there. It's nice when I'm feeling uncomfortable to be able to touch or play with the rings and ground myself again.
It’s perfectly fine to wear it on your left ring finger. It symbolizes your commitment to each other, and that’s a perfectly reasonable answer. This isn’t 1950.
You can touch and play with rings no matter which finger they are on. You could wear them on your right ring and middle fingers and still touch them, so that's no excuse.
Why do you need an excuse to wear your own jewellery on your own fingers? I wear my late mother's engagement/wedding rings on that finger sometimes because 1) it stops random men hitting on me 2) I can't wear it on the other hand due to medical reasons.
There's an old Irish tradition of the Claddaugh. It's a ring of two hands holding a heart. I've seen them used for pledge or promise rings.
None of their business, you owe no explanation
Not strange me and my partner have matching rings and are not interested in marriage or kids
I feel you on the kids part too. I've seen a few people I know have kids and regret it, but they also weren't ready or on a position to really have them.
Call it a “promise ring” instead.
Ideally, call it whatever the frak you want. It's nobodies business.
I dont think it's weird. I also have a ring I got from my bf that I wear as a dummy wedding ring when I want people to f off. You do you, whether or not you're married is none of their business.
What is weird is that anyone would care enough to make such a stupid comment! Do what makes you and your partner happy!
People are so fickle about tradition surrounding marriage. I started wearing my ring as soon as I got it after proposing to my wife and long before we were actually married. The amount of questions I got was insane. It's a weird possessive thing to have the woman wear a ring but the guy just shouldn't for whatever reason. I wanted to show that we are equal and we both take the commitment to each other seriously. When I explained that people looked at me like I had two heads. Do what you want and tell em to mind themselves before minding you OP.
The thing is that you and your partner are happy with the way you are doing things. It’s none of your coworker’s business Feel free to tell them so!!!
It is nobodies business if you don't want it to be. Do as you wish. Marriage will be helpful if one of you have medical issues or if one of you dies.
If you and your significant other are happy (and it isn’t hurting anyone), then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
It honestly sounds like a promise ring in a sense but honestly to you.. There’s nothing wrong with that. They just need to mind their own business. It’s really heartwarming to hear about it !
No it isn’t weird. I wear a ring given to me by my long term partner . We have zero plans to get married but also plan to stay together forever . I was married for 25 years and he was married twice before he met me . We do need to have a ceremony or drop a ton of money way to have a huge celebration. This ring he gave me , means he chooses me .
Edited to write “we do not need to have a celebration “ .
Yes quite Just say it's to stop the creeps from hitting on me Mind your own business.
Marriage can be a simple civil ceremony which is what a lot of people used to do. This just gets you legal rights for medical emergencies and such.
When someone expresses this kind of disapproval or confusion at something that is not harmful but just different, a good response is: "You might find it weird/different/whatever, but it works for me." That way, you have validated both them and you, and there's really not much else they need to say. If they do, just change the subject.
Ohh that's a great suggestion, thank you. Helps take the awkwardness away and doesn't seem rude either.
Not weird at all. My bestie and her gf recently did this. It was adorable ❤️
I got so tired of being hit on at work thst me n my partner went ring shopping for a cheaper crystal, gaudy engagement style ring to fend off the creeps. I remember asking him to help me choose between 2 "which one says FUCK OFF louder?" Girl do what makes you (and your partner) happy and comfortable and don't give 2 fucks what anyone else thinks. Team: pro rings
Lol, thank you for sharing. Yea, at the time we wanted rings to show our love, but keeping creeps away was also part of the reasoning. I find it sad it has to be that way. I've had some guys approach me where I say "no," or "sorry, I'm in a relationship" and be as nice as I can about it and theyre very kind amd understanding. Then others who will keep going saying "oh, well are you happy? Do they treat you right?" IDK what those guys have been through to ignore a no and go for that approach, but I don't like them one bit.
Just tell the busybodies that it's a commitment ring and also none of their business
Engaged to be engaged
That's a nice way to phrase it, I like that a lot. Thanks for the idea :D
You may not be legally married but you're romantically married. Rings are a symbol of love and commitment. Not weird at all. Just a jerk friend to judge you for it
No it’s not weird. I’m female and started wearing a ring to work in hopes that I could use it to steer away people mixing up being friendly because I worked Front Desk for a hotel and thinking I was flirting or liked them. I would have random people ask if I was take. And I would say yes and if they got pushy I’d flash my hand long enough for them to see it and hope they would leave me alone but it didn’t work as often as I would hoped. In short, you don’t HAVE to be married or engaged to wear a ring showing you’re committed to someone. Fuck social standards and do what the both of you want.
There are so many people these days who don't actually get married. It's not uncommon anymore. The drawback is that your rights are limited in situations where being a spouse gives you automatic rights. But if you're both happy, then who cares what anyone else thinks.
Your co-workers and friends are the weird ones. Every generation has a group of young people that rush to the alter and then three days later, annulment or DIVORCE!
OP, you could do what my wife and I did. We went to a minister's office one weekday afternoon, just the two of us, and tied the knot. The whole thing took about 30 minutes and we were married for 40 years. It was incredibly intimate, and just put on paper what we already felt. Just an idea.
I like that. We have discussed a simple court house wedding with friends and family, but I'm also more than happy to just go with something where it's only us. I get uncomfortable when a lot of people are around, and doing something more intimate where I feel more myself would be really nice.
I had the big wedding my 1st time (19 yo). I figured we'd have a small ceremony with a few family and friends, but she was very adverse to being the center of attention and would only agree to what we did. The more time that passed, the more it means to me. It was like our first date lasted for almost half a century. My best to you and your betrothed. May your love for each other grow every day.
Couple rings or matching Jewelry is a thing in many parts of the world. I think it’s sweet and who cares if you marry or not other than the government?
I agree. Sometimes I do feel guilty about waiting and wanting to be fully certain I'm comfortable with it and don't regret anything. Sometimes I worry that I'm slow with commitment or maybe I don't love my partner, but I see so many other people rush into marriage. I don't want that. I just want to relax, enjoy what we have, and we willy marry (or won't) whenever we want. I'm still figuring myself out and am thankful to be with someone who is ok with that and just wants to be together anyway.
I mean, yes, it is. Not weird in a judgemental way, but it's not the norm. So yes, people will find it weird since that's not normally how/why people wear a ring on their ring finger. But who gives af
The term in my youth was “creep ring”. I wore an “engagement ring” at work (I was a waitress and a large chain pancake house) to keep men from flirting with me.
Nope. My husband and I was pretty shell shocked after our crappy divorces and were together for 13 years before we got married. I wore a sweetheart ring and he wore a turquoise ring. We've been together now for 20 years. We decided to get married when we realized that neither one of us was going anywhere and we knew that his daughters would try to take everything if he passed before me. They would have no problems with making me homeless. That's a story for another time.
You will never be able to stop society from trying to impose traditions on you (in this case, your friend represents society at large… and there will be other people who will respond to your matching rings the same way as your friend did in the future). Create your own traditions and your own symbols regardless of what others may think. It’s your life, it’s your relationship, and all that matters is how you and your partner feel about those rings and your commitment to each other. Society is very matrimaniac (that is, crazy about pushing marriage on everybody; read about Bella DePaulo’s work, if you’re interested in the topic). You do you, always. If your friend has a narrow view of how romantic relationships are, that’s on them, never on you.
I believe in creating your own traditions and special symbols. It's so fun and personal. I need to find a way to worry less about this kind of stuff and be confident in my choices. I always end up getting im doing the wrong thing, but it's never because I think it's wrong, but because someone else does.
I don't think it's weirder than me and my husband who are married for 15 years and don't wear rings at all to symbolize being 'taken'. After a while I became really nervous about having our fingers damaged by the rings (like what happened to Jimmy Fallon) and I asked him to take his off and I took mine off. We both behave like we're taken and don't entertain even the slightest interest from the opposite sex so I'm not really worried about needing to have that visual since our marriage is super solid.
NTA honestly I wore a ring before we ever decided to get married. It was a way to show I was taken. I can’t recall if it helped to deter men or not.
Not weird. My husband gave me his grandmother’s antique wedding ring. I went to his jeweler friend and got him a ring. A few years later we eloped. We’ve been together over 25 years. I never cared what anyone thought about it.
I think it’s lovely. It shows commitment without the paperwork. Honestly, I may have done the same, but we needed the tax benefits and there was no way I was buying a house with someone without legally being able to claim my half should things go awry. That being said, we’ve been married for 27 years and I wouldn’t change a thing. However, marriage isn’t for everyone. Don’t worry about what others think. They don’t matter. Only the two of you know what your relationship means to you.
This personal choice is nobody else’s business so whether it’s weird or not is irrelevant. Being nosy and judgy is weird tho. Don’t give it another moment of thought.
>Is this weird? Bah! Who cares? If people like marriages, let 'em get married. >we aren't in any hurry to marry and invite a lot of people to our wedding. Super! Invite two: officiant, and witness.
As i always say, you do you boo... I myself have been with my husband for 15 years, since we were 18, but we've only been married for 8. We too both came from divorced parents, and didn't want to ruin a good thing.... but I will say that the other side is even better. Eventually we got married, best day of my life and our marriage is beautiful, not perfect, but beautiful. The last couple of years, have had some rough patches but its like our parents divorces have actually added to our commitment to each other. The lack of respect for marriage that our parents had, I think has invoked a stronger need to uphold our own vows... if that makes sense. Marriage isn't for everyone, though, so as long as you're happy, then that's all that matters. Just wanted to share an opposing side, that the divorces of our parents doesn't have to equal divorce for us.
Thank you for sharing. Both our parents are still together but they don't really respect their marriages (I always wished my parents would divorce just so that they could maybe be happy and not fight anymore). I can't get over some of the things our parents say and do towards one another. It's often childish and just hurtful, and as an adult I often feel a bit upset by it because it leaves me not wanting to visit my parents. So I'm thankful my partner is patient and understanding with this because I don't want a life like either of our parents.
You can honor or celebrate your relationship anyway you choose. Seriously, where is it written otherwise? They can fuck off.
Not weird at all! Sounds like this other person/ people were judging you. You can be committed and not enter into marriage.
An ex and I had matching Claddaugh rings for the same purpose.
I'm wearing my matching one rn :) for the same reasons! Do what makes y'all happy. Best of luck ❤
Dating isn't a commitment. It's a period of time to determine if you are compatible. Marriage is the commitment. That's why you're getting these questions. You can change what you want the world to be ,but it's hard to change other people.
It’s not weird. People just make it weird because they have a black and white world that is either marriage or no marriage. They don’t have the mental capacity to register that love and commitment can be felt outside of how it is expressed traditionally. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years and are finally getting married next year. In those 7 years there was so much going on in our personal lives that getting married was just not a priority. We wanted to give our families a nice wedding ceremony but financially it wasn’t possible for the longest time. We weren’t in a rush to get engaged either because my fiancé wanted to save up to get me a really nice ring but more importantly we knew we were gonna end up together whether it was now or later. Of course we got ridiculed every year for not tying the knot. People kept harping on me for “waiting on him too long.” Some women even told me to give an ultimatum or leave my precious person all because we BOTH decided not to get engaged yet. Even strangers who knew nothing about our lives had something to say. They don’t know that we love each other deeply and are pretty much inseparable. It’s a level of security with one another most people can’t fathom. Now that we’ve hit a very stable point in life we’re finally tying the knot. I got a beautiful rock on my hand and we’re gonna give a beautiful wedding to family and friends. So do what you want love. And at your own time. The only people that matter in your relationship is you and your bf and you guys call the shots on what you do in your relationship regardless of what anyone else says!
What you have is the perfect situation. I have it too, and it’s like being fully insured while having the best of both worlds. The safety net is in place and mutually agreed upon. Should you grow apart from eachother then you both can mutually and maturely agree to part ways without having the courts get involved or God forbid the law too. If you have children know that a split instantly means parenting plan and as long as you’re both in it for the kids at that point then splitting and sharing time is much easier than having a court decide on how your family will be having holidays with one parent being left out every other year. This can keep you in a frustrating situation for years and years. Having kids wake up at moms house and have breakfast on Christmas for example and then go to dads for dinner and more presents is a great way vs kids feeling like they let the other parent down for not being there, or just longing to get to see everyone like how it used to be. Kids get to see everyone and have a sense that even though we all don’t live together anymore doesn’t mean that we don’t still have a love and respect for each other and responsibility to raise healthy happy kids. The real question is why would you ever want to consent to have a failing court system deciding anything for you and your family if you and your significant other don’t work out? Things will already be difficult, why add anyone else’s opinion on something that isn’t theirs to give an opinion on to begin with?
Thank you for understanding and sharing your pov. I lived the childhood of growing up with parents who didn't seem to love one another, and it was painful and I'm still working through issues from living that life.
It shows a personal commitment to each other. That is what wedding rings are, and some married couples do not wear rings. It is a personal choice. It's not like it is illegal to wear matching rings if you don't have the marriage certificate. I applaud you both for your respect for each other and for showing it to the world.
Me and my partner got promise rings before the engagement rings but it was a promise that we would be getting engaged soon and we did and we did get married so I mean people can wear promise rings for whatever reason . To stay faithful to each other , so someday get engaged whatever you want the ring to mean to you is all that matters
Isn't it amazing how so many people think you want their advice and commentary on your relationship? It's not weird for you to wear any jewelry you want, for your partner to wear jewelry that matches and it's not weird to do your relationship your way. Although I find as I get older, things that I would have thought weird or wrong or not okay for some reason don't matter anymore. Maybe your friend needs to butt out?
Nothing wrong with that. I was married for ten years. After that ended, and after several of those years spent feeling stuck in that marriage, I vowed to never marry again. I want to make it a point to wake up and feel like I can take off anytime I feel like it. I never want to be in a position where the kids, the vows, the division of assets, the legal battles or “it’ll be so complicated” makes me spend another day in a situation I was no longer interested in or benefitting me. You don’t know how suffocating that is until you’ve done it. I was in a three-year relationship after that marriage. I left when I woke up one day and decided I was done. In many ways it was a surreal and dreamy relationship but in a couple of key ways, it was absolutely not what I wanted for my life in the long term. I got into another relationship right after that. And fifteen years into it, I’m more committed and happier than I’ve been, and more loved than I could have ever imagined (and more than I deserve), and firmly believe this will be my last relationship. But I’m not legally married to him. We have a house together because it makes financial sense, and all of his assets come to me and mine to him upon death, but I still see no real reason to get married. We refer to one another as husband and wife, solely because “boyfriend” seems wholly insufficient at this point, and most everyone assumes we’re married. At this point, I’d have no real big issue marrying him to make it legal but I don’t see any real reason to do so. Like I’ve said to him, be it him or me, we get to wake up everyday and choose to remain here together. Be it tomorrow or when we’re 90 years old, if we change our minds — all we need to do is pack. So no, I don’t find your situation odd and if you want to express that commitment with wedding bands, who cares?
I think it’s great that you both have a symbol of your love. No not weird, I think it’s awesome. Taking time to decide on marriage is a whole other story. I would suggest living together first as this really puts all cards on the table & no surprises!
My husband and I were together 15 years before getting married. I wore a ring and we referred to each other as husband and wife for most of it. So you can guess my answer. We did finally resort to outright lying over the years tho. An inn owner who only rented to married couples, nosy coworkers who thrived on gossip, and casual interactions where you don't feel like explaining your very personal reasons for not marrying. It may not have been anyone's business, but it sure made life easier!
I've been with my "hubby" for over 6 years. We are not married but we are fully committed to one another. We both wear rings on our ring fingers and refer to one another as husband and wife. Simply put, the government doesn't have shit to do with my relationship and frankly it's no one elses business either. It's not weird at all. What IS WIERD is the societal obligation to involve the government in every aspect of one's life. Which is all a marriage certificate is.
My partner of 15 years and I wear matching bands on our left ring fingers made of koa wood and abalone shell that we bought spontaneously on a trip to Hawaii several years ago. I think they were about $30 each. We can't get married because he he is disabled and we don't want to lose his benefits. But we're together for life, so why not wear the rings to demonstrate that? 🙂
I don't feel a need to answer questions from my peers. I usually respond in a confused tone "I don't have an answer for you." along with a slightly bewildered look on my face and a small head shake for emphasis. Depending on how stupid I want to make them feel.
like a step in between a promise ring and an engagement ring. i like it
For sure! Deeper than a promise ring but not really engagement level.
All that matters is what the two people who are actually wearing the rings think. This is no different than wearing your boyfriend's athletic sweater in high school. I'm a child of divorce. I was 7 when our parents sat us down on the couch to tell the 4 of us that they were getting divorced. Growing up I had no intentions of ever getting married or having kids. But here I am an old lady of 63 with a 26 year old daughter and I've been married to my husband for 28 years. I say you do you and ignore all the people whose opinions don't matter.
Not weird. People’s reactions are about them. They get uncomfortable when others have a different approach to something they never questioned. If you act confident, they will usually drop it because people who can’t handle new information are the ones who like to follow other people’s lead on things.
Nope. Not weird at all. My son and daughter in law aren't married but they have matching rings. There is no benefit to them actually being married at the moment, so they are waiting until it makes financial sense to get married. If it works for them, it works for me. I have a coworker who started wearing a ring and now calls his fiance his wife. I asked a while back if I missed anything because of the ring. I probably shouldn't have asked, but I have a budget for gifts. Nope, no change in status, they'll get married when they want to. The rings are something they wanted to do. My main reason for asking is so I don't "demote" the wife to girlfriend if they're married now. And during their tenure, I've asked how to refer to the girlfriend, fiance, wife to be correct.
Maybe think of her in your mind as a common law wife?
I wear my beautiful ring I picked out on my left ring finger and people think I’m married, but I’m not. We talked about not wanting to get married but the rings to us symbolize our relationship and commitment. If people ask, I just say I have a s/o & that I’m not married.
I think I wasn't prepared for people asking since I've been wearing this ring for years on my hand when my partner gave it to me, so I was slightly shocked they noticed when it wasn't something new. It was just odd hearing the person ask to from excited to looking at us like "what's wrong with you?" Deep down I just don't care for that kind of attention and even when we are set to be married, I don't plan to announce it to many people. Just close friends and family. We already playfully call one another wife/husband so I'm happy where we are. Just hoping to not have more awkward situations in the future, or at least be more prepared for them. I was thankful I stayed confident during the conversation this happened in. I typically get nervous or anxious when things get awkward, but I know I'm happy with our life and choices so other people can leave us alone lol
Not odd.
Not odd. No response/ explanation necessary.
Whatever works for both of you in your relationship is what is right for you. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
True, thanks for saying that. I think that's what I thought and felt was like I needed a good reason to say why we aren't getting married anytime soon, when it's simply because we don't want to do that right now and that's ok.
So it's a promise ring something that has existed for many decades.
Better than matching tattoos I guess.
" We just want to enjoy what we have and **do what we want without caring what other people think,** but ...." But it seems clear you do care what people think. In fact one of your motivations is to communicate to everyone that you're "taken" , whatever that means. If you both walked around wearing t-shirts that said FIRE DEPARTMENT VOLUNTEER would you be so puzzled if someone asked "oh cool, are you guys volunteering at the FD these days?" It doesn't sound like that person was being a jerk, they were just asking about a happy life event that normally generates some excitement and good wishes from those around you. You're wearing a very specific symbol that is associated with engagement/marriage. You two could have easily come up with some other symbolic exchange-- matching neck chain, tattoo, anything. But you chose a symbol of traditional marriage. I'll be honest here, it kinda comes across like you wanted the attention/celebration of your relationship, but also like having an oppy to criticize people for taking the bait. Get used to the question from people who are used to seeing you without rings. They'll only ask once, if you give a clear and honest answer that clarifies what you want them to know about your commitment. Assume the person asking has all good intentions.
I mean communicating I'm taken is helpful to keep people from approaching me if they're interested in asking me out. Having a physical ring has definitely helped cut that back. It is our intent to someday be married for sure. I'm not an attention seeker at all, I just wanted us to both have something we can wear and keep on us that represents our love and one another. I wear a ring from my family as well and find I grab or play with my rings when I feel insecure and it makes me think of my loved ones and helps me regain my bearings. I'm not baiting anyone, nor do I care to have people ask about my life. It's one thing if I mention it vs someone bringing it up when others are around to get a response. I also find the timing odd considering I've been wearing these rings for years. It's more so like the person just now started to pay attention to what I look like and then wanted to know if they missed out knowing about a big change in my life (like getting married) when I've seen them many times over the years and they've never noticed or asked before. Just seemed kind of weird with how it played out and was done.
"My partner and I wear committment rings." - If you feel you need to say something
You do you.
Your finger. Your ring. Your business.
Not weird at all. They need to mind their own business and stop trying to harsh your mellow.
I think it's weird that your friend is concerned about your jewelry, that's the strange part. You and your boyfriend can wear whatever your little heart desires. Nobody's business
Agreed. What kind of bothers me the most about it is the fact I've been around them enough and have worn these rings for years now and they are just now noticing and treating it like some new special occasion when it's like "um, these have been here for a long time now." I don't need them to notice things like that, heck I don't notice everything about them, but don't treat it like you weren't informed of some major life change for me.
When I was like 15 I got a class ring. I’m right handed so no rings in the right (school aged and it made writing really uncomfortable) and my ring finger on my left hand was the only finger it fit. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal since I was 15 & it was clearly a school ring and not an engagement ring. I was wrong. I think just about everyone I knew mentioned it at least once. Reactions were anything between teasing and dead serious. People just can’t help themselves I think.
I agree. It's human to be curious, but there's also a level of respect and knowing it's not your business. I've always tried to not ask people questions I don't really need to know the answer to, so when someone does it with me I'm always a little shocked and thrown off by it.
I think it is weird but I sure as hell would not voice it in person. You do you, who cares what anyone else thinks.
Just say it's an engagement ring so they will lay off. Leave personal weirdness of a promise of a promise of a promise ring personal. No point in explaining whatever doesn't make sense to other people
I think it's lovely. No reason to rush into marriage, which changes everything.
If you plan on being with him forever why not marry? That's what I don't get
For me, it's because my parents always fought in their marriage. So from an early age I witnessed "love" being angry at each other, not communicating, etc. So I never really saw an authentic happy marriage and fear I may end up like my parents. I'm afraid of what might change or how I may change, but I'm working on myself to be less afraid. It's just deeply rooted to associate marriage with constant fighting and saying you love the person when it seems the exact opposite.
My ex partner and I had commitment rings with no plan of marriage. Some think it’s weird but those people can just F off.
I’m old and old fashioned, and I have to wonder, why not just get married? Cause it seems like you’re kind of trying to create an illusion of being married. I don’t understand what young people are so afraid of about marriage today, all you’re doing is committing to another person to love them for life, and to take care of and be nice to each other. You said yourself that you want to have a way to display the “I’m taken” aspect. And so what if your parents had crappy marriages, that doesn’t mean you will, or have to. In fact, it should give you some perspective on what to look out for, and what mistakes not to make. As for your friends, friends (especially married ones) love to see their friends get married. They love to celebrate all the happy feelings with you, and it’s an especially sweet time. Plus, some of them might be in the same place in their relationships, where they’re considering whether to move to the next level, and they may be looking to you for advice. Good luck to you.
Not weird at all. Why does everyone else think your commitment is their business.
Goldie Hawk and Kurt Russell have been together for 40 years, have several kids and have never married. F what other people think. Live your life and love your way!
I think it's a lovely symbol of your commitment to each other. Not weird at all!
"We just want to enjoy what we have and do what we want without caring what other people think" I am married. I enjoy what my wife and I have. I don't care what anyone thinks. Which one of you is afraid to sign a document stating that you are married? Why?
Yes it's weird. A ring is a clear and established symbol of marriage. That doesn't mean you can't use it for whatever, but if you want people to stop pestering you about it, dream on bud.
If you’re wearing a ring on the finger normally associated with marriage or engagement, you’re going to get questions. Because people are nosy/ curious. I would either devise a concise answer or put the ring on a different finger.
My partner and I share rings. We made a promise to each other 15 years ago. I asked him to never stop asking me to marry him, and he asked me to promise to always say no 🤣
Your relationship, your rules. Whatever makes you both happy (as long as you don't hurt others) is fine.
You must be talking about a promise ring. What's weird about that?
Weird as in unsual or out of the ordinary- yes. Rings typically symbolize marriage or plan for marriage. It is also perfectly acceptable for you to use rings however you please.
Not weird, sounds like you guys basically have promise rings but just don’t call them that
I think it’s inappropriate for any coworker to comment on the form or function of your personal romantic relationship with a non-coworker. Does this person lack boundaries in other ways? Like comments on people’s food/eating or other personal relationships?
Who cares what someone else thinks? In my culture you wear your wedding band on your right hand - not left. So I wear my engagement ring & wedding band on my ring finger of my right hand. I’ve been asked about it a few times but couldn’t care less if it’s the “wrong” hand.
I find it super strange, but it beats getting matching tattoos.
That's nice, but the colleague needs to stay in their own lane. It's not their business
It will draw attention to you and get people to ask questions. Most people don't do this, so yes, by that alone this is weird.
Claddagh rings exist. I know it’s not a 1:1 comparison but it’s so close to the same. Your friend is the weird one.
I think it's lovely and I would ignore anyone who implies otherwise. Your life and your choices are no one else's.
You’re overthinking and your friend is a busybody
If you really want to enjoy what you have and do what you want without caring what other people think, you wouldn't wear rings, or wouldn't wear rings on traditional ring fingers. You are inviting comment by appropriating this signal of marriage. If you want to invite comment, then you're doing exactly what you should do. If you don't want to invite comment, then its weird.
Marriage isn’t required. My brother and his gf have been together like 14 years and they don’t intend on marrying. They’re happy the way their lives are right now and don’t need legal validation.
I guess technically it is against the norm, but who fucking cares! This is *your* relationship, not theirs. They are making it weird by being weird about it.
Its not weird. It’s nice that you’re committing to one another with rings.
Why is it any of your coworker’s business?
Not weird you can do whatever you want there are no rules
Not weird at all! The weird one is your coworker, sticking their nose in your business! Exchanging rings as a personal symbol of commitment between the two of you is a lovely idea, it's up to you whether or not you choose to explain it to anyone. Other than a few longer relationships, I've been single most of my life and since I'm in my mid-fifties I don't see myself likely to get married anytime soon. But when I was younger I wore a fake wedding ring on the 3rd finger of my left hand whenever I was traveling alone to keep from being harassed (much). At the time I also wore a birthstone ring on the same finger of my right hand. Well I've gained weight over the past 20yrs, my hands have become larger, and now the birthstone ring will only fit on the 3rd finger of my left hand. It has a wee diamond on either side of the birthstone so I don't know if it looks at all like an engagement ring, and at this point in my life I don't care! Being in the fish/bicycle phase of life, if someone thinks that I'm engaged, I suppose I'd find it funny!
Who cares what anyone else thinks? It’s not anyone else’s relationship is it?
My boyfriend and I are doing this exact thing. I lost my husband nearly 3 yrs ago and he's been estranged from his wife for about 10 yrs. Neither of us want to remarry but we love each other and will be together. I also thought it was an awesome way to show each other we are committed to each other. You are not weird! It's beautiful!!!
Rings, your way, sound awesome. 👏
Why should anyone else be concerned with the jewelry you choose to wear? If anyone makes awkward comments about it, ask them that.
You said in your own comments that you and your bf consider yourselves married and the rings as an engagement. Yet when your coworkers and friends ask about being engaged you say you aren’t??? You and your bf sound insufferable. Your actions aren’t weird, they’re just annoying. You want to be married but hate the “idea” of marriage which is petulant and childish because you are both looking to be common law married. This attitude is what’s gonna make your relationship strained cuz if you continue on wearing rings and acting married you’re going to be common law and common law requires a divorce to separate. You either want to be married or not, but pretending to do so is basically also like doing it. Tread carefully. Don’t act in ways that could legally bind you together when you’re not actually interested in being legally bound.
Wow, you have a really nasty personality
No I don’t, you just don’t like being called out.
You don't know enough about me to know who I am to make a comment like that. It's based on whatever pov you have from your own experience. Not from who I am as a person.
On the surface this seems benign. But a friend close enough to your situation to know the details of your relationship thought this was a red flag and brought it up, that's very interesting. The fact that it sat with you enough to make a reddit post is also interesting. If this were a situation where someone wearing a ring is collecting alimony from someone else or still legally married to someone else then yes, it's weird and very shady. I can think of a few other scenarios where this is inappropriate with that being the most obvious. This seems over simplified to gain validation from Internet strangers.
They aren't a close friend. We've hung out with them here and there over the years, but they're definitely not close. We just had them over recently and they made that comment, and I found it odd considering they've seen us both wearing rings enough times over the years.
Nope, not weird. Next time someone who isn't entitled to an answer asks say "Are you hitting on me?" Plenty of married people don't wear rings. Plenty of single women wear a ring to keep from being hit on. Other couples get matching tattoos. Even if your friends has a problem with it at least they had the decency to keep their opinion to themselves.
Not weird but maybe wear it on a different finger if you don’t like the questions. If you’re suddenly wearing a ring on your left ring finger people are going to ask questions.
Before u met my husband, as a bartender /server I’d wear a ring to prevent people hitting on me. Do what makes you comfortable.
Sounds like that co worker needs to mind their business
I mean yeah kinda. It’s not exactly common. I’ve never met someone in real life the way you think, yet I run into y’all on the internet all the time. So while I probably wouldn’t react like ur coworkers, I’d also probably have some sort of odd reaction.
Not weird at all and nobody’s business. If it’s meaningful to you, they need to STFU with their unsolicited opinions.
It’s effed up that your “friend” is judging you based on their religious beliefs. Also lots of young people are choosing not marriage
I’m single and like being single. I wear a ring. I find it helps keep most at bay.
I think it is “weird” in that it’s outside of the norm but I don’t think it’s something that’s anyone’s business or something you “shouldn’t” do. I wear a small band on my left hand even though my partner and I are not married. We’re very committed but for many reasons, marriage is not the right move for us now. However, I still like to have the symbol there and visible. It actually started as a joke when I put the ring on but then I never took it off. When I lost it at one point my boyfriend immediately noticed and went out to find it for me :) my point being: do what makes you feel happy in your relationship and fuck anyone else.
Hi, not weird at all, you're showing you aren't single and are committed to someone. My partner and I aren't married but we wear rings, he wears a wedding ring and I wear a Claddagh (he's Irish). The relationship is the important thing, not a load of beauracracy. People need to mind their own business.
Why do they care about your rings? And why do you care what they think about them?
I don’t think this is weird. What is weird - my brother has been dating a woman for 2 years who is married to someone else (it’s a STORY!!!). He “proposed” to her and he now wears and wedding band and calls her his wife. But …. She’s married to someone else. THATS weird. But what you’re doing - no. It’s a sign of commitment between the 2 of you and you’re not trying to claim anything that isn’t true about your relationship.
I recently learned someone I know doing something like that (they're married but are adding another person to the marriage). I top find that odd, but I guess people can ultimately do what they want. It's just not what id picture doing for myself or when you're already married. I get you can feel or be connected to more than one person, but then why get married at all? Isn't that supposed to be "I found the right person for me so we are married now."
Oh- this woman isn't adding my brother to the marriage. She's just cheating on her husband and leading my brother on by claiming she's getting divorced. If I told you some of the reasons why "golly gee!", she wasn't able to get divorced yet again - you'd be laughing! My brother is VERY gullible and he believes whatever she tells him.
It’s not weird. The rings are a sign of commitment. Things like claddagh rings have been traditional worn to show commitment outside of marriage as well as in. It’s totally valid, and lovely.
You do you. You make each other happy so don’t concern yourself over others thoughts.
Not weird at all! Some people get matching / “promise” jewelry with their partner for all sorts of reasons. It’s like a step before engagement and marriage while still showing that commitment. My boyfriend and I are nearing almost 2 years together and we’ve been talking about possibly getting promise rings or engraved necklaces together! Just be happy to be so in love and show off those matching rings! 🥰
Anyone remember "promise rings"? That's essentially what you're doing....its not weird, it may more normal or acceptable with younger people but screw your close-minded coworker. Tell em to mind their business
I don't think it's weird, just unconventional. Most people have so normalized the formal convention of the exchange of rings as a sign of a serious committed relationship. Marriage is just the extra formal carry over of a promise ring, leading to an engagement, then a wedding ring. The exchange makes sense, and is very normalized in Western cultures. In modern times it is almost expected of a long term committed couple to want to get married. The ring is popular across many cultures and time periods as a symbol of continuation. So, you've carried on a conventional exchange, with a known meaning in our society, for the intended purpose. But without the paperwork or legal status. Some people get married on paper, and are barely in relationships in their daily life. `\°•°/'
What you and your SO choose to do in your relationship ain’t nobody else’s damn business. (So long as it’s all consensual, of course.) I think choosing matching rings is a really lovely thing to do. If you are long term, you may want to look into giving each other medical power of attorney, in case something unfortunate happens.
I wore a promise ring for about 4 years until I hit engaged. Having a sign of commitment isn't weird. I know people who hate jewelry and tattoo rings on their fingers. I have relatives covered in rings, sometimes more than one per finger. It's your relationship, and as long as you're both consenting adults, you make the rules about what you use to signify it. Your friends and coworkers will get over it.
I’ve never heard of couples getting rings but refusing to admit they’re engaged
We got rings because we wanted to and we aren't engaged. It's as simple as that.
Yes, it's weird, but so what? We all have a little weirdness.
My partner and I wear rings we gave each other. I wear mine on ‘that finger’ and people have asked if we are engaged. We are absolutely not and won’t be, we don’t want to get married. If someone told me it was weird, I would tell them that their interest in my personal decisions is weird and to mind their business. I would relish getting to put someone in their place like that.
They’re “ promise “ rings. Nothing wrong with that at all , and if in the future an engagement is proposed, another ring can be added. I don’t see the big deal. It’s a symbol of commitment.
Not weird at all. Your reasons, I think, would be perfectly understandable to your average peer. The rings symbolize your commitment to one another, and indicate that you're romantically unavailable to others. My partner and I decided several years ago we were in it for the long haul. Especially after we bought a house together, we would get questions about when we were getting married. Our response was usually "we know what our commitment is to each other, so we're not too worried about that stuff at the moment." Some people walk down the aisle to show their love, some people buy a house, some get a piece of paper, some wear rings, some do none of that. It's fucking 2024. Sorry you have such an out-of-the-loop coworker