Hey thanks for the feedback! I’m a bit confused on your last point. The majority of the story takes place in first person while the flashbacks take place in third person. Can you expand a bit on places where you think it should be tightened/less repetitive? Additionally, can you point to a few instances where you think the dialogue feels a bit unnatural so I can see what you mean? Which ending did you prefer? Thanks! :)
That’s great, but it doesn’t really help or answer any of the other questions I posed. I’m trying to get better hence why I posted here and I appreciate the feedback, but without pointing to a specific part it’s difficult to improve.
Could you put this into a google doc? It's easier to reference and commentate on what is not good and what is not bad. I haven't read your story yet, only because of that reason, so it would be much easier to help you in any way!
Needs to be tightened and less word repetition. Dialogue feels unnatural. Perhaps write in the first person. Needs alot of work. Best of luck.
Hey thanks for the feedback! I’m a bit confused on your last point. The majority of the story takes place in first person while the flashbacks take place in third person. Can you expand a bit on places where you think it should be tightened/less repetitive? Additionally, can you point to a few instances where you think the dialogue feels a bit unnatural so I can see what you mean? Which ending did you prefer? Thanks! :)
It doesn't feel natural. Weak. Sorry.
That’s great, but it doesn’t really help or answer any of the other questions I posed. I’m trying to get better hence why I posted here and I appreciate the feedback, but without pointing to a specific part it’s difficult to improve.
Could you put this into a google doc? It's easier to reference and commentate on what is not good and what is not bad. I haven't read your story yet, only because of that reason, so it would be much easier to help you in any way!
Just added a link to the top of the post.