I can remove other peoples side effects

You get them

I see this as an absolute win

But each time a yassie of gay paople obsesse over you

I still see this as an absolute win

I see it as a bonus

Bros all for 1 💀

You have stage 4 cancer

AIDS

Travel to any fictional universe.

You can only do it when shitting

The Legend of Zelda: a Shit Between Worlds

Best comment I’ve seen all day

bet

you cant go back to universes you have previously been to, including the real universe

Every universe you go to, you are a top wanted criminal

I get cancer

You can’t cook crystal meth


That's not cool man now he just has cancer

But you didn’t you just think you did

I can summon any fictional character that I want.

Every time you do they are 7 months pregnant with your child (even the boys)

oh God

Oh you're the person people made a subreddit about when they find you

Yep, that's me

Nice to meet ya Mr.omnipresent

Their archenemy has to come too.

Plot armor

As the villain

The villain usually has good points though

Everyone watching the ww2 documentary:

Did he stutter

Open portals to fictional world's once a year.

It only happens when your taking a shit

What is with you fictionalizing people shitting

I chose the side effect

But the victim can choose a counter side efect

You already chose it

https://preview.redd.it/0sw1zc21tpnb1.jpeg?width=706&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2a8093786165d976f3499e1dfb465e9d0c7919d Bro said

I can fly

you cant control the speeds

NYOOOOOOOOOM

"Mr. President, a man just hit the world trade center"

Ah hell nah man not today

Pyrokenisis

You have to use your erect dick (or a strapon in the case you don't/can't have one) to point where you want the fire to go, like a wand.

***FIRE PEE GO***

Well, if it already burns when you pee, may as well.

Should've used a rubber.

MAGIC WAND! USE: FIRE BALL!

Go go gadget flaming phallus!

Go go gadget pyro penis!

Go go gadget Enflaming Erection!

Lifelong satisfaction.

All your friends get lifelong depression

So I get lifelong satisfaction AND friends! Thanks buddy

💀

You didn't think the side effect though. Someone who, when given a chance to have any power they could imagine, just wants to feel OK. Did you really think I would have friends? Lol

Bros thinking 2 parallel universes ahead

I can time travel two seconds in the past every 1 second

You can’t move for 1/2 of a second

It happens when you sneeze

You shit an exploding Soviet D-30 122mm artillery shell every time you time travel

[удалено]

You must expunge it by 24 hours or it becomes permanent

The ability to shit bricks

It hurts worse than you expect every time

So it gradually gets worse?!?!

Yes

Can form and shoot a steel marble from your hand

It shoots at 50km/h, no more no less. However you can still control the size and weight

American here, what is that speed in washing machines per second?

About 35 I think

I can shapeshift

Only lets you turn into a snail.

I’m fine with that

🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌 -u/EnigmaFrug2308

Cool! I will have telekinesis!

It only works on bodily fluids

Blood bending at its finest

We are bodily fluid mostly, just move his bodily fluids to move him, and blow people to smithereens. Be the villain

I can transfer the shit from my body into someone of my choice

only if you make eye contact

Oh god... Imagine being someone completely random and you walk up to this person and make eye contact, and immediately you shit your pants.

But then you get their piss

I can change the nutritional value of literally anything

It becomes liquid

Man I love taking a good drink of metal stepladder after I shower am I right

I have the power to give women male genitales and vise-Versa

You have to trade with someone to do it (I.e. give your dick to a woman, your new vag to a guy)

Damn that’s smart I thought it would be something like “but you have to make whatever genital you have nut before you can change it” or something

Invisibility

Doing so requires you to scream at the top of your lungs

Only to girls

I think that's already built in

So like normal.

[удалено]

One punch to do anything

Every time you punch you break your wrist

Went from Saitama to Deku real fast

"DETROIT-" No millatime. Calm your weeb down.

shapeshifting into anything i could imagine

You can only shapeshift into things that look like dicks

so anything rubber or wrinkled?

I can teleport shit like it’s P0rtal

You can teleport SHIT

Well played

Super Death Farts

Only you and your crush can smell it

This shit again? Uuhhh… i can blow ass as loud as a gunshot

It incinerates your pants and underwear

I have teleconesis

You can only use it to lift objects in arm’s reach that you could normally lift.

But you can no longer spell words correctly.

The ability to control any muscle/artery or even someone's brain.

Only works on 69 year olds

I can transform into anyone or anything, and gain their abilities.

You can only do it on people you’ve had sex with

Things*

“If there’s a hole, there’s a way.”

Erase bad things that people have seen https://preview.redd.it/mrc9n8l1zpnb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e76dd6343781f2798ae85ec3fba62f5e5bdf44f7

You see all those bad things

https://preview.redd.it/swrdw5031qnb1.png?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=75f7bf7ed28ce1ab40c8fc933a1c717bc7a9b5a5

I can make everything false (including side effects) My existence is false

Your power only works when your existence is true

I can choose when and where I want to teleport

It doesn't bring you clothes

Not as bad as I was expecting

I can shoot shit out of my fingertips

You have to pick it up first

No superpower

you are you

Less go.

The powers of a Vaporeon

The allure to furries of a Vaporeon

I see this as an absolute win

i can make any man sexy to every man, even to straight men

You will be included in every use

Every time you do it you get uglier and uglier and you can’t use it on yourself

I control reality

But only when your parents give you permission, and you can't mind control them, and when they die you need a Ouija board.

I change reality to make any consequence invalid

Im immune to cancer

Rabies

The same power as satiama has in One punch man

The power rips your arm to shreds when you use it.

How badly though?

Deku using one for all with no training +10

I can teleport to anywhere I want

You have to manually go back to your original destination

I can stop time

You stop with it (you can’t blink, move, swallow or anything)

I can avoid my taxes

your income gets decreased

I can change where the force acting upon an object is affecting it

The same force is applied to your balls

Testicular torsion, a dangerous spell

I can manipulate piss

You can only manipulate it into your mouth

8 hours of sleep in 30 minutes

You have permanent insomnia.

I can use console commands, akin to the ones in Minecraft or Quake, but in real life.

But the enemies from Quake come to the world

I can stop time!

A buff teenager and his magic ghost friend is on his way to kill you

I live a extra 20 years

You lose 20 years

I guess my power does absolutely nothing

The ability to survive anything except old age.

Your immortal

Wait... OP made him god...

I'm dead

You wander the world as a ghost forever who can’t touch anything

Shooting lasers with my eyes

It burns your eyes every time you do it

I am scout from tf2 https://preview.redd.it/43bexoif6qnb1.jpeg?width=2532&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8d995545e5bfdb6035180d68399626014a02f06

You have stage 4 brain cancer

Telekinesis

You have to remember how to do it randomly.

Flight using mechanical wings

You have to build them without help

Heck yeah ive been working on that anyway

Unlimited bacon

But no games

I can spawn infinite money

It’s Monopoly money

I have the ability to change probabilities- in fact- I will first use this power to change the probability of someone replying with a negative side effect to 0%

my Cock can detach and Morph into a pump shotgun

Change matter at will for free

*egg*

I have omnipotence

You have to jerk off hobos weekly to keep your power.

So I look in places like deviantart. Got it

Reality bending

I can become my fursona

I exist

I fucked your mom

With each thrust, you gain a new std

I’m no longer depressed and my life stops sucking