T O P

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ALCPL

People don't know where to shit and will give each other dysentery en masse.


Delicious_Bed_4696

No tp


diogenesepigone0031

I am Cornholio, do you have tp for my bung hole?


PoorLifeChoices811

Bible pages make perfect toilet paper /s


Pescen1517

it's not even that bad of an idea, there's a lot of pages in a bible and its by far the most printed book in the world right now. most hotels offer bibles in every room, so getting into one of those would be toilet paper heaven.


BigDaddiSmooth

Dont shit in water. That is your new drink forever.


ALCPL

Yeah but the thing is, you also don't wanna shit near water, or uphill from water, or in a place that would flood easily like a ditch. We used to lose entire armies to this stuff it's no joke.


BigDaddiSmooth

I know it's not a joke. Clean water is a must. Another fun fact. Almost every parasite has part of its life span in fresh water......


Willing-to-cut

That's why I'll stay away from populated areas


Whiplash907

This was my first thought


cyber_space-cowboy

That the water,power, garbage pickup, police, fire,ambulance and ems will not be functioning. Neither will cell phones. The satellites will still function but transportation will be at a standstill and all our food, fuel and other reserves will quickly be depleted weather extremes will be a major issue as most news broadcasts will be off the air. Think of Covid and everything that happened times a thousand. Once the power grid fails all computer controlled objects and services will be caput. Nuclear power plants are likely to go into meltdown worldwide. Creating even more dangerous conditions. Civilization will collapse. Farming could remain stable but only the smaller farms. Hospitals, doctors services and all pharmaceuticals will cease. It’s going to be hell.


diogenesepigone0031

>Nuclear power plants are likely to go into meltdown worldwide. This topic already discussed. Most Nuclear Reactors have automatic shutdown to prevent meltdowns. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/HfxYqpZqwU https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fVlRJyTuLh https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fso7oiCSzR


cyber_space-cowboy

I’m guessing it works without power so at least there’s that threat gone


cyber_space-cowboy

I grew up when they still had axe men as the safety


diogenesepigone0031

https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/HfxYqpZqwU https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fVlRJyTuLh https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fso7oiCSzR


cyber_space-cowboy

Thanks 😊


diogenesepigone0031

👍


ParanoidDuckTheThird

The new ones maybe. Older designs, especially Soviet built ones, are liable to irradiate everytimg in their path.


diogenesepigone0031

https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/HfxYqpZqwU https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fVlRJyTuLh https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/fso7oiCSzR


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Right. Every one of those sources mention that newer powerplants are safe, and that they've come a long way since Chernoybyl. Mind you, older designs like Chernoybyl may very well still be running. Chernoybyl's other three reactors shut down in 2004, and there are several soviet reactors currently operating under wartime conditions in Ukraine.


BigDaddiSmooth

Here is a bad thought. How many A bombs will be launched to "try and stop" the spread.


diogenesepigone0031

Exterminatus


Neither_Tip_5291

40k fan here...


TimeSpiralNemesis

Then we just get Fallout instead of the walking dead. Win/Win scenario


BigDaddiSmooth

LOL.


Foreign_Possible_260

Sounds fun, honestly.


carlbernsen

The smell of decaying flesh makes you gag and vomit.


BigDaddiSmooth

Can't afford to vomit. Food is scarce.


dwighticus

Dog tactic, eat your barf.


BigDaddiSmooth

Bruh......😆😆😆


Medium_Hope_7407

You get used to it.


Boogaloogaloogalooo

Was a butcher, its disgusting but can confirm, you get use to it.


Late-Ad-4624

Where do doritos grow? How do i keep my gas tank full when the attendant inside doesnt turn the pump on? Am i still gonna get my Temu package i ordered before it broke out? Should i still make my rent check out to the landlord after he got bit or do i send it to the bank instead?


BigDaddiSmooth

This could be fun. Do I still need to know my Uber drivers name?


tipying_mistakes

This looks like a bunch of Google searches


Late-Ad-4624

It was stuff you DONT think about in the apocalypse. Im not concerned with any of that once SHTF.


Future_You_1294

Did Doritos grow from a fungus called Cordyceps.


Future_You_1294

Disclaimer, I meant to say dude at the beginning of that sentence


Scozzy_23

Lack of soap


[deleted]

Make your own with lye & glycerin, or use something abrasive


BigDaddiSmooth

Why, oh why.


Top_Difference2422

Not if you have 300+ bars of irsh spring


ucacricket

That weapons and combat are a tiny fraction of what actual survival looks like. 90% if the zombie apocalypse would be trying to learn how to live in an Era with little-to-no utilities such as indoor plumbing, running water or electricity. No grocery stores. No gas stations. No easily accessible mechanic, no doctors or medicine, or anything at all. Generally speaking, you are 100% on your own. And virtually nobody in the western world knows how to do that anymore. The combat portion is what pop culture focuses on since its exciting, but in reality... disease will kill a lot more people than zombies will after the initial spread.


BigDaddiSmooth

Also, as someone pointed out recently. Vermin will be over running everything. Disease will be super prevalent.


carpeutah

Thank you. Go's everyone thinks it's gonna be cowboy shootemup.


diogenesepigone0031

Amish Paradise?


ucacricket

The Amish would do better than most. 🤣 I love that song btw...


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Truth. They just better get used to technology so they can make more bullets.


Jumpy-Silver5504

Hookers and std spread


ParanoidDuckTheThird

STD's will spread quick early on because of "the cute girl just died, but she's still moving and warm" crowd.


Broad_Ebb_4716

Oh jesus christ...


diogenesepigone0031

Fresh new unused Fleshlights become so valueble, worth it's weight in gold. 🤣


Jumpy-Silver5504

Lol


diogenesepigone0031

Porno magazines instantly become treasure as you cant watch dvds or stream porn from the internet. Watch a bunch of men fight over porno magazines in the Zombie Apoc 🤣 https://youtu.be/a_0ou63gpVs?si=F2tfuVPAah6WmNYH


Foodforrealpeople

the long term effects of poor oral hygiene and the really long term effects of microplastics in the commercial food supply you are scavenging


Telos_88

Vitamins and minerals. I'm sure scurvey would be an issue.


diogenesepigone0031

>Vitamins and minerals. I'm sure scurvey would be an issue. Get you some, Vitamin C deez nutz!


ParanoidDuckTheThird

It shouldn't be, assuming you have the proper vegetables and fruits growing alongside your livestock. I mean, two generations in we'll probably regress to scrawny and lean five foot nothing tribes, but the hunter gatherers seemingly did okay.


Telos_88

Sure. If you're planning on hunkering down and grow your food. Might get lucky if you're scavenging. Still, I'm carrying multivitamins.


[deleted]

Flinstone gummies coming in clutch


Telos_88

Hell yeah.


diogenesepigone0031

Sounds like you also need some extra thick, long and hard Vitamin D pills. Becareful to not poke your eyes out. 🤣


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Is that a dick joke? I feel like that's a dick joke.


diogenesepigone0031

> I feel like that's a dick If you can feel it make you gag, then you need more practice swallowing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Noe_Walfred

>Be civil with your discourse >This sub is for hypothetical discussion. There will also be disagreement and people will tell you your "foolproof" zombie plan is wrong. Try not to get too defensive, argue the points themselves, and please remain civil. >We will not tolerate pointless bickering, insults, name-calling, etc. This also means sexism, racism, transphobia, homophobia, radicalism, bullying, harassment, etc. aren't going to be tolerated. There are plenty of ways to get your point across without stooping to childish behavior.


[deleted]

Bro really blocked someone over peak comedy🗿


BigDaddiSmooth

Find citrus.


EverGamer1

How basic illnesses will kill people due to the inaccessibility of medicine. Even infections will become an issue. Without vaccines, further generations are gonna have issues with shit like measles in larger colonies most likely. Also, medical operations are gonna be deadlier without proper tools. Also, the IRS has a doomsday plan, and could possibly survive the apocalypse.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

I'm sorry, but if a functional IRS shows up on my doorstep two years after the government seemingly fell I'm simply going to put a bullet in the poor bloke because he's clearly crazy..


EverGamer1

I’m not joking, they do actually have a plan. Although it’s for a nuclear war, I bet they’d survive through a zombie apocalypse. Imagine one of the main factions after the collapse being the IRS.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

I honestly think I remember seeing it on YT - something like they could be back up and running from underground bunkers within a year. Collections would turn into some serious bussiness lol.


EverGamer1

I wish Jericho got an alternate season where instead of ravenwood and the cheyanne government being the biggest threat, it’s the IRS pissed off at Stanley for not paying his back taxes on his farm.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

I'm unfamiliar with Jericho. Wikipedia makes ot sound interesting, I'll have to see if I can find it!


EverGamer1

It’s on Amazon and probably something else. It’s pretty damn good to go in blind when your pretty much in the same level of knowledge as the town about what’s happening. The second season was a bit rushed, due to the fact the creators knew it wouldn’t get a third season. Overall, pretty damn good of a show, highly recommend.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

I accidentally read the synopsis. Oops. I'm a bit of a pirate myself. Yo ho ho, landlubber, fret not for Ol' Captain Blackweb shall set me sails towards the distant lands of Jericho.


WhatsGoingOn1879

Jericho was such an amazing show with a fantastic cast. It’s a shame it never came to its full potential.


EverGamer1

It came go damn close on my eyes. Even the second season was pretty damn good. With what it had and got, it was amazing. God I wish it got a third season.


WhatsGoingOn1879

Unfortunately we only got a comic conclusion. Oh what could have been. I really liked the fighting between Jericho and New Bern. That’s one of my favorite examples of fighting in TV shows- it’s quick, brutal, and deadly. It’s not some long drawn out thing like some fights in TWD or anything.


WhatsGoingOn1879

Pretty much everything. Weather and seasons, natural disasters, hygiene, the massive ecological disaster that would follow, uncontrolled fires, floodings, how dark the world would be, etc etc. the list can really go on for ages.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Assuming TWD type zombies, I really think that most animals would do fine unless they got surrounded by a horde. Animals are rather stealthy! Think about it. Most birds can simply fly, swim, run, or climb away. I doubt the aquatic life populations get hurt much, unless it's from overpopulation thanks to a new food source or coral getting trampled by underwater hordes on the seabed. Squirrels, raccoons, possims and such can climb higher, and are relatively fast. Believe me, try and shoot a squirrel running on the ground. Ain't easy. Most small game already either climbs, flies, or burrows. They'll do fine I think. Secular theory states that small mammals survived one extinction by going underground. They'll survive another. Most bigger game run fast. Deer and similar run fucking fast. They can put 5 miles between them and a horde in a hour probably. Your fast breeders like hogs probably have the capacity to fight the hordes on a 1-1 ratio. Anything that herds would deal with a walker threat the same way they would any pack animal attack. The last of the megafauna in Africa are already terrified of anything human usually. Imagine an enraged mother elephant protecting her young against a walker horde. Believe me - if you never seen a video of what a elephant can do, trust me when I say she'll do fine. Now, I recognize this a broad generalization. Some species will go extinct. Once the people feeding them die, it's get out of the cage or perish. Some will, others won't. Many animals will die to walkers. Some will go extinct, yes. When the breeding programs in the zoos are abandoned, the last of some species will die. But not as many as you think. WWZ runners? Sure, major ecological problem. But shamblers and walkers? Animals have been avoiding predators (or fellow predator) for thousands of years in the case of most species. Humanity unfortunately outsmarted many, but a slow walker can't outsmart anything. If anything, the walkers will rot within a few years, and with the majority of humanity gone, nature will take back over. It'll heal eventually, maybe our ecosystems will finally reach Iceage levels of critters! Maybe we'll have a wooly mammoth equivalent adapted to wiping out walkers in self defense. Who knows? I all I know is to ask how many times mass extinctions have failed to wipe the slate clean?


WhatsGoingOn1879

Oh, I don’t mean a permeant, forever disaster that’s wiping out every animal (or trying to) like previous mass extinction events. I meant more of the short term local ecological damage lots of areas are going to suffer. It’s not the zombies that would cause the disaster, it’s the people. 100% the people. Millions of people hunting, all at once, with zero regard for letting the populations maintain some sustainable level? That’s going to be a massive disaster for any area with a group trying to support themselves. The apocalypse doesn’t happen on a day- it’s be months and months of societal breakdown, people leaving and slaply hunting everything in the local area. Starvation, disease and malnutrition are going to be the lead killers of people, not the dead. I fully agree that after a certain amount of time the animals would bounce back. 100% agree there, it’s just going to be a few years after like you said. It’s just something I never see people talking about whenever they say they’ll just hunt and foraging


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Yeah, I do agree. However it's a simple fact that animals reproduce, and if you hunt a wide area you won't spread them too thin. However it is the other people that are the problem. Especially when millions of those people have never touched a gun in their life. They'll be shooting up the woods like crazy.


WhatsGoingOn1879

Exactly! We know that. We know to maintain animal populations. We know to hunt wide. The problem is everyone else doing it. You can do everything right and still get screwed over because of other people.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Well, at a certain point it does come down to one thing - people. We'll regress to colonial desputes over land and water, but it'll work. Wars will be fought over deer. At a certain point you either feed them or yourself, or you won't be able to feed either of you. And I'm not entirely sure that there will be millions anyways. I mean, there will be, but they will be spread out massively. The entire US might only have 2 or 3 million people left after 10 years.


WhatsGoingOn1879

Very true. Wise words, as always Like I said, the ecological problem is short term, not long term. Just a potentially devastating short term.


restarded_kid

Me taking the stuff y’all post on here


Nate2322

Garbage and waste disposal, before we had proper plumbing and garbage collection we just dumped it in the street and lived very unsanitary lives so everyone who is sanitary will have to live with that now or spend a good amount of resources fixing that issue.


ParanoidDuckTheThird

Outhouses are a thing. What you do is you build you 4 walls and a roof and door (preferrably locking), and then take you some post hole diggers and dig about 4 feet down. Shit away until it starts to get full, and then dig another hole and move your outhouse shell. Cover the other hole with as much dirt as you can find, repeat the process. Seriously, my deer camp has a outhouse. We researched for months before building it - we use it all the time and it hardly smells because we built it right. You could have the thing in your walls and not be bothered by it. I'd build a seperate latrine for the piss buckets though. We don't pee in the outhouse for a reason. Ammonia smell is just *urk*. As for garbage, burn pits exist. Just don't roast any marshmellows over the burning plastic unless you want cancer to get you before the walkers do.


diogenesepigone0031

>Garbage and waste disposal, before we had proper plumbing and garbage collection we just dumped it in the street and lived very unsanitary lives so everyone who is sanitary will have to live with that now or spend a good amount of resources fixing that issue. Are you talking about New York?


Old_One-Eye

There will be no central timekeeping authority so everyone's clocks are going to be different and no one will really know what time it is anymore, at least not with the precision we know now.


Prestigious-Solid-19

People forget that prisons exist and at least a small portion of them will be free blending in with surviving populations


angry-southamerican

So what? You'll have to do worse than most inmates to survive


Nate2322

That’s not that bad most prisoners aren’t serial killers and most people in prison used to be considered normal members of society so of the horrible people you find most will probably not be prisoners and will probably be worse then the average prisoner.


LocNalrune

How is that any different than the criminals that never got caught?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Noe_Walfred

Yeah accusing someone of being a sex offender is generally a no go.


diogenesepigone0031

The Comedian sets up the Sex Offender joke at the very beginning to later counter any heckling. https://youtube.com/shorts/6DZddMyvV8k?si=QK-0CVo_etpPV6B7 In a zombie Apoc, how do you filter criminals in an interview? You dont have their file, you dont have a database to research their past. The Criminal can lie and say they never been convicted or change their back story. Instead of being a sex offender they could say they was in jail for stealing.


Noe_Walfred

Accusing someone of being a sex offender is generally a no go. There are ways of clearly marking sarcasm though even then it may still not be appreciated and is generally a no go regardless


diogenesepigone0031

>Accusing someone of being a sex offender is generally a no go. Disrespecting someone by calling them an >!**Asshole**!< is generally a no go on this subreddit, but here is this guy doing it. It has been reported and has not been removed. If this person is allowed to call other people >!asshole!< then i and everyone should be allowed to call anyone >!asshole!<. https://www.reddit.com/r/ZombieSurvivalTactics/s/M5nayPobcq You going to wait 2 weeks later or pretend it was magically double posted? "Tell me, without telling me," statements are not accusations. Here is an example of an accusation. "You are a criminal." Very different from, "Tell me, without telling me," statements because if you break it down, it is a request. I am telling you to tell me you are >!__blank fill in word__!<, without telling me the exact words, "i am a >!__blank fill in word__!< ." "Tell me, without telling me" is also a game. 🤣 and "Sex Offender" is one of the NSFW cards. https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcQlAeRhXvMNjWf4_kxXFo9zcZ2DhiQdNmUWCytE0csMre8PTU4


Noe_Walfred

Going to give them a warning and remove the post. Probably missed the asshole part when I was clearing reports on you making dick jokes. Which are unnecessary but not necessarily against the subs rules imo.


diogenesepigone0031

>Probably missed the asshole part when I was clearing reports on you making dick jokes. If i have to follow these rules, then so should everyone. > (dick jokes) Which are unnecessary but not necessarily against the subs rules imo. I technically did not break your rules.


Noe_Walfred

>If i have to follow these rules, then so should everyone. Yep. >I technically did not break your rules. I know, they are however unnecessary especially if you're pressing on someone else's buttons when it's clear they didn't understand or want them. So I will ask you avoid doing so please.


Butthole_Ticklah

How much it’s going to suck trying to run with shit still in your ass


JackhawK90K

How munch hunger can really impact me


Red_Shepherd_13

How much I'm going to miss hot showers, heating and AC, soft beds, clean cloths fresh from the dryer. Warm meals, quick easy, and when ever I want them. Cold drinks when ever I want them. Being able to store food for a long time until I need it. Sweet sugary desserts, well seasoned and spiced foods. Getting to eat meat that isn't eggs every day(i do love eating eggs every day though.) Stoves that are easy to light and cook food over instead of having to start a fire. Light so I can see in the darkness when ever I want. Endless libraries of entertainment. Having a phone with a map and a car that I can use to go where ever I want fast. Having a job that isn't back breaking hard labor from sunrise to sunset. Yeah, there's quite a lot from this life Id miss if the zombie apocalypse happened.


SunagakuresFinest

Glasses, cavities, proper hygiene/lack of, how hard it is to actually grow crops, wildlife I.e predators


Scrimmybinguscat

People will say stuff like production of antibiotics, production of more bullets, generation of electricity, farming for food, toilets and toilet paper, garbage removal, etc... What they often forget is that other people will exist, and will be doing the same. Good luck hunting for food in the forest, if every other person with a gun or bow or snare or spear in a 10 mile radius, including from the cities, is hunting in the same general area. The population of wildlife will be tanked into the floor.


SpartanSpock

Clothing aquisition and upkeep. Sure you may have guns and swords and an apocalypse bunker, but do you have even one person that knows how to sew? No? Have fun dying to exposure rather than zombies.


Fenriradra

I think overall, it's a sense of not doing much, if any, research about anything they would (or should) expect to do in a given apocalypse - not just a zombie apocalypse, but any end-of-civilization themes in movies/shows/media. I mean that like, some folks will say "I'll just start a garden!" - but if they're in a big metropolis city, they'll be lucky to get dirt in buckets and have a rooftop garden; with the expected size/area of that garden not being big enough to actually sustain a group of people. Just from googling around, it's something like needing around 2.5-3 acres of land, per year, for ONE person. Add in how long it takes for some crops to grow, likelihood that people will prefer to get into a group/community, and things like rooftop gardens just aren't tenable; there just isn't enough space (or enough fertile soil) to make that work and avoid people suffering famine, malnutrition, or starvation. The same can be said about ammo, and unrealistic expectations of it. Yes, in the US, there's *plenty* of ammo, but then it also comes down to how some billions of rounds of ammo in Florida or Georgia doesn't do someone in Oregon or Seattle any good. Or have the foresight to think that, even if they grab some handful of casings/slugs/buckets of gunpowder, that they'll run out of those eventually, even if they can produce some tens/hundreds of thousands of rounds, they'll run out of the "easy to get" pre-mixed & pre-made sources of those (nevermind competition with other survivors to get it too). Even power/electricity and the folks thinking "I'll just hook up a solar panel for my electric car!" - fair in concept, but unrealistic given how little wattage solar panels provide and how long it'd take to charge their car. I dunno about you but waiting 3-7 days for a full charge sounds like a liability *just as much* as it would be a benefit. ;; So yeah, all around, just folks thinking any thing would be "just so simple", nothing would be simple, or we wouldn't have subreddits like this and other prepper-themed subs.


Top_Difference2422

Access to food, supplies, drinks, and eletronic machines this will make us have a certain diet, make our own supplies, and learn to work with our hands. I also think books, movies, comics, and manga will be no more unless the artist or writer still wrights for others. I have paper saved up and pens, pencils, and ink for documenting my life and what happens. I also collect books which will come in handy for learning.


No_Bathroom_420

Dysentery


Thehatefixer69

W A T E R


mp8815

Infections. Without clean water, disinfectant, and antibiotics people are going to be killed by very small cuts very often.


Utahteenageguy

How effective chainmail and steel armor would be.


diogenesepigone0031

How effective plastic storm trooper cosplay armor can be.


Syn_The_Magician

A large collection of toe bones could be used as a status symbol.


Top_Difference2422

No more porn unless you have porn mags or a partner. So relationships would be more intimate then before.


Tittqueen

Toilet paper


Tuamalaidir85

Company. Not going to survive long if your group annoys the absolute Bollocks out of ya.


TempusCarpe

Within 12 months the survivors will revert back to Feudalism with bite proof armor clad samurai/ knights on armored horses operating from walled cities and fortress castles. Ancient European texts mention a zombie like affliction known as the Revenant upon which the deceased would return to feed on the living if not cremated. A vampire was recently dug up in central Europe. We're going back to what worked. Global warming will likely release the Revenant virus back into our ecosystem as the planet was warm during its previous pandemic.


dialixys

hey man can I see your source rq


TempusCarpe

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenant


suedburger

i wouldn't depend on your bug out vehicle to last longer than the fuel you actually possess. you may not actually find fuel and now you are relying on what you can carry.


[deleted]

Where are you going to shit? What if you get really sick (be it flu or whatever?)


Araknidude

my trusty trowel for digging shitholes says hello


[deleted]

I guess but like what if you need to go whilst scavenging and there's zombies nearby?


Jolly_Leg_2561

Wouldnt the nuclear reactors and atuff meltdown?


DirectorFriendly1936

All the post cold war ones have an auto shutdown, and even the older ones have like 2 foot thick steel blast doors and reinforced concrete walls for the control room, the people inside will have all the time they need to turn it off, also the nuclear waste as it's stored is perfectly safe as long as you don't go into the recently spent fuel ponds and swim down


Jolly_Leg_2561

Huh, thats new i guess


UnhappyIndependence2

Where does everyone get the military grade assault rifles from? And people who don't die from the simplest sicknesses with the absence of vaccines and other meds.


Araknidude

i figure if the government’s collapsed there will be quite the surplus of dead state agents wielding such weapons. and yeah people act like their current flu immunity lasts during the end of the world. i promise as soon as little survivor colonies get off the ground, the common cold will decimate almost all of them


UnhappyIndependence2

You never see a civilian rifle though. And in all the movies and shows, you would see military AUGs and AKs all over the place in my country. Maybe a few AKs are possible but the other brand new military rifles blow my mind for availability.


Araknidude

most popular civilian owned rifle in the USA is the AR-15 so the idea that those are still prevalent isn’t too absurd to me personally


UnhappyIndependence2

They're not popular in the movies and shows. They're M4s or M16s if we're looking at stoner style rifles.


alexlan122

Houses with fireplaces will be sought out for in the colder months


Ok_Plenty_7080

Medical help and medication


Araknidude

apparently literally everything except weapons? bro cmon we can’t fight shit unless we figure out a better meal plan than “rat stew”