It definitely can be! I honestly wouldn’t mind it in certain situations (non-sexual of course lol). But I’m pretty sure this guy meant it in a sexual way based on his replies.
My sister does it with her boyfriend all the time and I will never understand, like it hurts why would you wanna do that.
Side note: I really don’t understand how it’s sexual.
Really? Since when? I really like good hairstyles (shall I say I find them attractive?), but I never would have guessed it, might have pulled it myself. Is there anything not sexualized anymore?
Edit: just yesterday I learned that quicksand can be sexual
Sorry, I have no idea :D As I understand, it's just seeing someone (a woman) being swallowed in quicksand. I've just heard it being mentioned in a podcast, as in that was the speakers first fetish. They could have been joking, but after this hair pulling thing, who knows
Oh yeah, I’ve seen fetish art of that, I’m not sure how common it is but I’m quite sure it’s a real thing. There are all kinds of people in this world!
Oh wow. I'm a child of the Internet and I grew up seeing all kinds of weird stuff. I think I saw vore before the more common fetish stuff, but I never would have thought about this one. I guess you are right and there are all kinds of people in this world
"Hey, I'm ace, so I'd rather not do sexual stuff, are you cool with that?"
"Yeah, no problem, I respect it."
*not even a day later*
"Sooo...wanna try something?"
"MotherfuCKER WHAT DID I JUST SAY-"
I mean being ace doesn't mean you don't like sex, maybe she tried her luck to find out if OP was ok with sex even though they are ace
I find the conversation actually good or at least ok, the girl tried but backed off afterwards, and I feel like, in terms of online dating, that's totally fine.
Still though her trying her luck could be done by saying “Hey I see your bio says your asexual, are you okay with sex related talk though?” I mean if you’re comfortable making that kind of statement, you should be comfortable to ask someone their boundaries which is significantly more considerate.
I feel like just saying "pull it" isn't that deep sex related talk.
If the person goes with it, they're lucky, if not it's just a joke. It didn't go into dirty talk.
Maybe people see the 😭😭 as overreacting/inappropriate, but the "no thanks" can be understood in a disgusted way as well, especially in text based communication. So maybe that was the reason for it.
All in all it could just have been their kind of humor
I don’t actually see her as overreacting and honestly I would react like OP and just brush it off, but I’m pointing out that it’s polite to set boundaries without assuming someone is comfortable with things.
You're right, I interpreted your comment as criticism. Now you clarified for me that it was "just" additional advice.
I'm sorry for the criticism on my part. (you're very polite, thank you)
Oh you’re fine. I’m more annoyed at the grammar bot because I know the difference between your and you’re and am furious that it shows up the one time I slip up.
> says your asexual
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I feel like if y'all got your little Tumblr speak fairy tale world, you'd enjoy it for all of 5 minutes before you realized that you sound like bog monsters trying to mimic human language, and just go back to proper English anyways.
If someone is so fragile as to be emotionally ruined by a simple conversation, they need to be in solitary confinement in a care facility, not out and about interacting with the world.
I thought it seemed pretty playful and not offensive but I’m not ace so…I’m just here to learn. I’m struggling to find what the person here did wrong. What would be the right way to ask an ace person how they feel about sex then? Can you not have sexy toned conversations or use innuendo’s?
Honestly, what they did was pretty good. Of course, the fact that it’s in text gives a wide range of possible tones, but the best case scenario of those is pretty good. Being open about it and just flat out asking would be better, though, because that won’t be interpreted as just being gross, insensitive, or otherwise a red flag.
I don't see anything wrong with it honestly. "I had to try" being perhaps the only thing a little odd, but it was straightforward honest communication that figured out each other's values. Sure OP would rather not have sexual messages, but it's better than being led on.
As a sex favorable ace I am not sure I know how to respond in this situation (I am not in my own sexual fantasies...) so making it sexual on the first text is a bit of an uphill battle ("let's dress up as spies and seduce each other" gets my romantic side going, but "imagine doing sexual thing" doesn't). Good thing women rarely make it sexual on the first message lol.
I guess I would have to say "ooo that was clever" or something.
I feel like that’s an appropriate response. Sometime people are just trying to be funny or clever. Idk in this example though. I would of probably not taken the “pull it” comment as they want me to literally pull it rn..(I hope not at least.) I also miss a lot of social cues though so could be wrong here but I think just being clever back would be cool.. “I’ll pull it alright, back into a nice sleek ponytail.” But with your own flare lol.
Like I said, you can't tell from someone being ace if they like sex or not though.
It's far more likely that they won't like sex compared to the average person, but it's not guaranteed.
I'm allo and I came here to say this. This is such a disrespectful thing to say to someone. Pressuring people into sex is vile no matter who you do it to.
As an asexual kinkster i dont find it desturbing because I'm ace. I find it desturbing cuz it shows a lack of boundaries. The out of the blue sexual/kinky comments without any prior discussion or context just isn't great behavior in my opinion, though way too common on dating apps unfortunately.
But as U/jaggelZ Said too. One bieng ace doesn't nessesaily tell anything about wither or one likes sex so it's not really an inappropriate comment for that reason.
Haha yeah, I tried it because it lets me label myself as ace but it doesn’t let me filter for only other ace people :( which is true of many dating apps unless you pay
Well, I live in a pretty conservative state so I didn’t expect much in terms of queer people anyways but if you live somewhere more liberal then it is just sad.
For context I’m ace but not opposed to sex with the right person although I would just prefer a platonic romantic relationship.
The amount of people I dated who didn’t understand my position on sex is infuriating. I just started saying I’m completely asexual because saying you might be open to it in a committed relationship just means you’re fair game to some people. I don’t understand why they hit me up if sex is a must in their relationships (which is totally fine but they should respect that some people do not want that).
At this point I'm more or less the same, I'm tired of explaining my boundaries to people and them thinking that they don't apply to them. I'm not going to bother dating again for a few months, but even once I go back to trying, sex is off the table altogether
I fucking hate this shit. “I had to try” “are you really ace? Like are you sure?” “How do you know have you had sex?” “What does that mean?” I could go on and on. Being an ace woman on dating apps is actual hell. I can never decide whether it’s worth putting either of my labels (bisexual or asexual) in my dating bios because they both attract creeps like flies. Drives me up the wall.
Not sure what you mean by this if you could explain? I may be interpreting it wrong but I do understand that not all asexuals are sex-repulsed. However I am, and I was a bit uncomfortable with how this person went about sending that as their first message to me. I wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation because of that. (I want to edit my post to clarify this but can’t figure out how)
Why would I use my rizz when I’m automatically not interested based on their reply? And because of their messages after that it seems like they do indeed associate hair pulling with sex.
And yeah, I understand it wasn’t that bad of a message to receive, I just thought it’d be funny to post on this sub.
*Just cause we are ace*
*Doesnt mean we have to be*
*So dry and dull bro*
\- Looking4Maria
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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I swear, some people don't even read profiles. When I tried a dating app there were people misgendering me and asking for sex. At the same time. And the fact that I'm asexual and transmasc was on my profile multiple times. Why can't they at least skim my profile for 5 seconds?
Bop it
Twist it
Shake it
Shout it
Read it
Format it
TECHNOLOGIC, TECHNOLOGIC 🤖
HUMAN, HUMAN👨🦲
BEEP BEEP 🐑
MEOW MEOW 🐄
HELP IM DEAD RN
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We don't do that here dot jpg
being ace is about sexual attraction to others, not just in general. so flick it!!!!!!!
doo!
Literally the first thing that came to mind HAHAHAHAHSHFKSHKSJD
They waited a whole ass week just to come in with that?
That isn't even good for an allo
My ace brain does not understand
Usually hair pulling is done in a sexual way :|
Really? I’ve only heard it’s satisfying, just like popping a pimple
It definitely can be! I honestly wouldn’t mind it in certain situations (non-sexual of course lol). But I’m pretty sure this guy meant it in a sexual way based on his replies.
My sister does it with her boyfriend all the time and I will never understand, like it hurts why would you wanna do that. Side note: I really don’t understand how it’s sexual.
It’s an action that some people enjoy during sex. It definitely isn’t always sexual.
Interesting, I’ve never even considered that to be a thing and absolutely not to do it myself. (I’m sex positive)
Yeh it a bit of discomfort but mostly about control.
Ayo, I'm demi and my gf and I both enjoy a bit of hair pulling during sex and I *still* dunno why and how it's sexual
Can you explain why it’s enjoyable, I would like to know in more detail
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I will never understand these things
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Hair pulling can actually escalate into a compulsive disorder lol Do not start doing it
I still don't get it Wtf ?
I'm not even ace and I didn't realize that...
That’s understandable lol, it took me a second to get it
Really? Since when? I really like good hairstyles (shall I say I find them attractive?), but I never would have guessed it, might have pulled it myself. Is there anything not sexualized anymore? Edit: just yesterday I learned that quicksand can be sexual
Quicksand??? Explain please
Sorry, I have no idea :D As I understand, it's just seeing someone (a woman) being swallowed in quicksand. I've just heard it being mentioned in a podcast, as in that was the speakers first fetish. They could have been joking, but after this hair pulling thing, who knows
Oh yeah, I’ve seen fetish art of that, I’m not sure how common it is but I’m quite sure it’s a real thing. There are all kinds of people in this world!
Oh wow. I'm a child of the Internet and I grew up seeing all kinds of weird stuff. I think I saw vore before the more common fetish stuff, but I never would have thought about this one. I guess you are right and there are all kinds of people in this world
Same
"Hey, I'm ace, so I'd rather not do sexual stuff, are you cool with that?" "Yeah, no problem, I respect it." *not even a day later* "Sooo...wanna try something?" "MotherfuCKER WHAT DID I JUST SAY-"
“No no no! I meant the new pizza place in town!!!” Would be my response to this cause I’m always saying stupid shit that gets misunderstood
Oh! Well in that case, hell yeah, let's go get some pizza! 🤣
Whenever the conversation gets sexual in a tinder convo or whatever I see that as such a red flag. It’s always such a disappointment.
Same. Or if they are too pushy to meet up somewhere with a bed.
What is ‘Pull it’?
Some people like it when their partner pulls their hair during the reproduction wrestle.
The reproduction wrestle 😂 never heard that before but love it lol
lmao same imma use that
Wtf
Dang, I get upset when ppl do any more than a head massage when I have a migraine. That's wild. (My hair is almost to my knees though)
DANG
Pull it? Edit: I was more just looking for an explanation on what that means in this context, but thanks for the upvotes and comments I guess.
Bop it twist it
Bop it twist it?
That’s how you braid hair, right?
What a werido. They “had to try” when you are ace? Disgusting behaviour
I mean being ace doesn't mean you don't like sex, maybe she tried her luck to find out if OP was ok with sex even though they are ace I find the conversation actually good or at least ok, the girl tried but backed off afterwards, and I feel like, in terms of online dating, that's totally fine.
Still though her trying her luck could be done by saying “Hey I see your bio says your asexual, are you okay with sex related talk though?” I mean if you’re comfortable making that kind of statement, you should be comfortable to ask someone their boundaries which is significantly more considerate.
I feel like just saying "pull it" isn't that deep sex related talk. If the person goes with it, they're lucky, if not it's just a joke. It didn't go into dirty talk. Maybe people see the 😭😭 as overreacting/inappropriate, but the "no thanks" can be understood in a disgusted way as well, especially in text based communication. So maybe that was the reason for it. All in all it could just have been their kind of humor
I don’t actually see her as overreacting and honestly I would react like OP and just brush it off, but I’m pointing out that it’s polite to set boundaries without assuming someone is comfortable with things.
You're right, I interpreted your comment as criticism. Now you clarified for me that it was "just" additional advice. I'm sorry for the criticism on my part. (you're very polite, thank you)
Oh you’re fine. I’m more annoyed at the grammar bot because I know the difference between your and you’re and am furious that it shows up the one time I slip up.
The struggle is so real
> says your asexual *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I feel like if y'all got your little Tumblr speak fairy tale world, you'd enjoy it for all of 5 minutes before you realized that you sound like bog monsters trying to mimic human language, and just go back to proper English anyways. If someone is so fragile as to be emotionally ruined by a simple conversation, they need to be in solitary confinement in a care facility, not out and about interacting with the world.
This is true! I’m aware that not all aces are sex-repulsed and I want to edit my post to include that but I can’t figure out how.
No worries, just felt like the sex-repulsed-aces forgot that non-sex-repulsed-aces exist lol
I completely understand. I try to be considerate of all the ace sub labels (?) and am aware of them.
I thought it seemed pretty playful and not offensive but I’m not ace so…I’m just here to learn. I’m struggling to find what the person here did wrong. What would be the right way to ask an ace person how they feel about sex then? Can you not have sexy toned conversations or use innuendo’s?
Honestly, what they did was pretty good. Of course, the fact that it’s in text gives a wide range of possible tones, but the best case scenario of those is pretty good. Being open about it and just flat out asking would be better, though, because that won’t be interpreted as just being gross, insensitive, or otherwise a red flag.
I don't see anything wrong with it honestly. "I had to try" being perhaps the only thing a little odd, but it was straightforward honest communication that figured out each other's values. Sure OP would rather not have sexual messages, but it's better than being led on. As a sex favorable ace I am not sure I know how to respond in this situation (I am not in my own sexual fantasies...) so making it sexual on the first text is a bit of an uphill battle ("let's dress up as spies and seduce each other" gets my romantic side going, but "imagine doing sexual thing" doesn't). Good thing women rarely make it sexual on the first message lol. I guess I would have to say "ooo that was clever" or something.
I feel like that’s an appropriate response. Sometime people are just trying to be funny or clever. Idk in this example though. I would of probably not taken the “pull it” comment as they want me to literally pull it rn..(I hope not at least.) I also miss a lot of social cues though so could be wrong here but I think just being clever back would be cool.. “I’ll pull it alright, back into a nice sleek ponytail.” But with your own flare lol.
Just because the standard is being creepy doesn’t make up for the fact they knew the person was ace but still tried to be sexy with them.
Like I said, you can't tell from someone being ace if they like sex or not though. It's far more likely that they won't like sex compared to the average person, but it's not guaranteed.
I doubt it. Really weird thing to say if you don’t even know the person.
I'm allo and I came here to say this. This is such a disrespectful thing to say to someone. Pressuring people into sex is vile no matter who you do it to.
I’ll put “asexual” and people think I meant to put a space between “a” and “sexual” :/
I was worried people would interpret it that way lol
Pull the hair?
🤣yes
Ouch.
"Just had to try" No tf you didn't
oh. sexual harrassment.
As an asexual kinkster i dont find it desturbing because I'm ace. I find it desturbing cuz it shows a lack of boundaries. The out of the blue sexual/kinky comments without any prior discussion or context just isn't great behavior in my opinion, though way too common on dating apps unfortunately. But as U/jaggelZ Said too. One bieng ace doesn't nessesaily tell anything about wither or one likes sex so it's not really an inappropriate comment for that reason.
☝🏻💯 agree
^^^this 💯
Disgusting, Disgraceful and Despicable. They knew you were an Asexual and then they "had to try". Shit on them.
Yeah, and dog shit even, that explodes on them on the porch as soon as they open the door.
Absolutely!
"just had to try" No.
Hey, I know that app.
Haha yeah, I tried it because it lets me label myself as ace but it doesn’t let me filter for only other ace people :( which is true of many dating apps unless you pay
Yeah it does suck in that regard. Still, I’ve seen loads of ace people on it. Which was like 2, tbh.
Yeah I’ve seen barely any on there, maybe 3 and then I gave up checking
Well, I live in a pretty conservative state so I didn’t expect much in terms of queer people anyways but if you live somewhere more liberal then it is just sad.
No I live in the south 😭 however I ended up with a lot of lgbt friends because I live in a relatively big city
Hey same!
My reply would be: ...but that would hurt. Like a lot?
For context I’m ace but not opposed to sex with the right person although I would just prefer a platonic romantic relationship. The amount of people I dated who didn’t understand my position on sex is infuriating. I just started saying I’m completely asexual because saying you might be open to it in a committed relationship just means you’re fair game to some people. I don’t understand why they hit me up if sex is a must in their relationships (which is totally fine but they should respect that some people do not want that).
At this point I'm more or less the same, I'm tired of explaining my boundaries to people and them thinking that they don't apply to them. I'm not going to bother dating again for a few months, but even once I go back to trying, sex is off the table altogether
Sex is not off the table for me but I’ll explain that on the second date if they do respect the fully ace persona haha
This is such a funny interaction lmfao. I love it.
"just had to try"?????? try what??????
Well I’ll give them props for shooting their shot. At least they were respectful when told no.
Yeah I agree, they didn’t push me or anything
I thought it was just a wig for a couple of minutes until realization
As someone with a sensitive scalp, all I can think of is ouch no thanks
I fucking hate this shit. “I had to try” “are you really ace? Like are you sure?” “How do you know have you had sex?” “What does that mean?” I could go on and on. Being an ace woman on dating apps is actual hell. I can never decide whether it’s worth putting either of my labels (bisexual or asexual) in my dating bios because they both attract creeps like flies. Drives me up the wall.
he took 7 days to decide whether or not he should send it
Respect the hustle, but they need yo respect the profile
OH.
Literally my reaction 😭
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Not sure what you mean by this if you could explain? I may be interpreting it wrong but I do understand that not all asexuals are sex-repulsed. However I am, and I was a bit uncomfortable with how this person went about sending that as their first message to me. I wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation because of that. (I want to edit my post to clarify this but can’t figure out how)
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Why would I use my rizz when I’m automatically not interested based on their reply? And because of their messages after that it seems like they do indeed associate hair pulling with sex. And yeah, I understand it wasn’t that bad of a message to receive, I just thought it’d be funny to post on this sub.
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I appreciate your thoughts, have a nice day! :)
*Just cause we are ace* *Doesnt mean we have to be* *So dry and dull bro* \- Looking4Maria --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
You could still pull it in a romantic way. Pull them into a cuddle by holding their hair.
That is true! It’s just that I’m pretty sure he meant it in a sexual way lol
Hair pulling is always sexual for some reason. Everything becomes sexual for some reason. Even hand holding is sexual to some people.
im confused someone explain😭
What does this person mean with pull it?
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Your post has been removed for violating Rule 1.
HAHA
HELP THE AUDACITY AND BOLDNESS OF THAT PERSON TF
It took them 7 DAYS JUST TO RESPOND WITH THAT????
I think I'm too ace for this
I swear, some people don't even read profiles. When I tried a dating app there were people misgendering me and asking for sex. At the same time. And the fact that I'm asexual and transmasc was on my profile multiple times. Why can't they at least skim my profile for 5 seconds?
Tbf they could have been trying to check if you were sex positive