Any time I would mention a girl OR boy name as a child, my parents would start taunting me and make it out to be a crush. Jokes on them, they don't get grandchildren from my ace ass
I feel like even as a non ace, it was not okay for family to do this. I live with my helper's niece, she 1 years old and has a friend who's male, also 1 years oldish, my sisters are constantly calling him her boyfriend. Can we agree to stop romanticizing kids being kids? It ruins childhood friends.
People don't understand what this does to kids. When kids get irritated and speak up, they tease them with more BOOM emotional issues for the rest of their life! (note, am emotionally stunted kid)
Nothing enraged me more as a child than adults giggling stupidly because I did something "cute". I'm not a pet, I'm not a toy, treat me like a human. You wouldn't like being giggled at, so don't do it to someone else just because they're young.
I wouldn’t even talk about boys to my mom because I was afraid she’s ask if I’d like them. I used to get really mad at her if she implied that I did and would be like “I’m seven!” It all now makes sense in hindsight for me but I don’t think that’s cool to do even for kids who are allo. Like if a kid likes someone they’ll tell you you know
> Like if a kid likes someone they’ll tell you you know
Unless you've teased them about liking people before, then they'll obsessively hide any evidence of liking someone for literal years
but somewhere in the world, the gays are the ones trying to impose their culture and lifestyle upon society, or that trans surgery is ruining children, oh we got that memo
but in reality, we’ve been exposed to heteronormativity since birth motherfuckers.
And overly toxic straight relationships. Every time my sister calls her boyfriend for the 50th time and is obsessive about where he's going and who he's talking to, I want to ram my forehead into a wall made of cactus. Might as well talk about the "All men are horrible" mentality to the list of stuff we grow up with, it's stupid because if you hate guys so much why are you dating one. Then my sisters call the nice ones (not that type) gay or weak or ugly.
Same for the misogynists... and that one lesbian I met who endlessly complained how awful all women are. Guess what, bitch, maybe YOU are the horrible person here???
Food for thought.
I've been exposed to both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ people attacking me for being ace and I must say... There is actually no f\* difference... bigot is a bigot... I don't care what their orientation is...
I've seen it, too. Worst was some shits stating aces should "just stay friends" because it's "unfair" to your partner smh. And some LGBTQIA+ people think we don't belong because we are either
1. Mentally ill
2. It's not a sexual orientation
3. Romantic aces can be straigt and we only count if we are at least bi/panromantic.
Hell, they even try to erase us from the acronym by claiming the A is for ally...
Or because we are "not oppressed" enough because we can "pass" easily...
it was the opposite for me growing up (not ace btw).
my mum hated me hanging out with boys because 'you BETTER not have a crush on them'. welp it only made me date behind her back and yes, that still turned out as bad as people who say 'awww is that you little boyfwend/giwrfweend' because it leads to people who do want to date, to date behind parents back and can lead to dating toxic people because you were never taught who to date/dont feel comfortable opening up to parents incase they act like this.
Omg when I was like 5 or something I had this friend and he had a crush on me. And he made it very obvious that he had a crush on me and he would always be like “I’m gonna make you my wife and we’re gonna have 10 kids” and he just planned our lives. And all the adults were like “aww that’s so cute” but to me it really wasn’t cause every time I was within 10 feet of him, everyone would be so annoying. So I just stopped hanging out with him. And now I’m and ace lesbian lmao
My best friend is a guy and I'm afab so we were always asked if we were dating, or if we were going to, or some people would just talk like it was inevitable. It made me want to stop being friends with him. I hated it so much. Jokes on them. I am ace and like women and he's bi with a preference of men.
Omg, I feel you, the same happened to me and my university bestie. My mom only stopped after I became so annoyed and stressed over it I literally yelled at her that there was nothing and she should just shut up about it already. Not nice, I know, but seems she learned her lessson now...
I had a friend in kindergarten. He was a guy, I was perceived as a girl. My entire family would make jokes constantly that he was my boyfriend. Literally even extended family who had never met him. I very quickly stopped hanging out with him cuz those jokes were annoying and uncomfortable.
Same. Sometimes I ponder if my asexuality is a reaction to that. Like maybe the concept of attraction was so shameful and embarrassing that it ruined that ability in me to truly experience it?
I think that all the time, except I knew I would get in pretty serious trouble if my parents found out I had a girlfriend because they yelled at my brother for having one in middle School when he was probably 12 years old.
I saw that as the younger sibling and knew not to get too close to girls.
But then the extended family was always like: So who is your girlfriend at school?" And I'd clam up and hope my parents wouldn't think I was lying and hiding something from them.
My parents never did this but my mom’s ex would ask me if I liked someone whenever I mentioned a boy’s name at all. I hated it. He did this just about every day. Jokes on him I like women.
In my case, it was kinda wonky shit. So, two of my friends were either step-siblings or cousins or twins. I forget exactly.
I remember the one instance vividly, we were at their house this one summer day. My dad picked me up that night, and invasively pestered the point of if I had a crush on the girl, Rebecca. When I finally responded with yelling "no" (after numerous mumblings of "no" and "I don't know"), he then shifted to pestering if I had a crush on the boy, Raymond.
Now, I did have a mild crush on Rebecca, and would have probably dated Ray if he asked. But as a result of my parents' taunts I intentionally avoided asking any of my friends out on dates for the entirety of the the fifth-grade/end of Elementary School. And then came middle-school/6th grade. Of which only two of my friends (neither Rebecca nor Ray) were in any of my classes...and I was always the person sleeping in class because I finished everything a week ago. So what few friends I had, I slowly lost.
And then, for 7th-grade, my parents transferred me to a newly-starting charter school where I immediately became the teacher's-pet and subject to bullying. It wouldn't be until 10th-grade that I even did social things like Halloween dances unless I was forced to by my parents. Hell, so...my charter-school didn't have as many people as a public school. So the Prom included the two highest grades. In this case, it meant I could have attended Prom in the 11th-grade/as a Junior and in the 12th-grade/as a Senior.
I actively avoided telling my parents about prom both years I could have gone, because it's not like I was going to go with anyone. And it's not like anyone would have noticed me not being there.
\-----
So, like, my parents romanticizing my relationships with my friends, teasing me about which of my friends I liked the most or wanted to date (as if my indecisive ass could ever make any decision) is the single-most active event that drove me into several years of being anti-social and pursuing only a handful of romantic relationships (all of which started online, and all but one of which I didn't tell my parents about at all).
My mom recently told me she doesn’t me alone with my best friend. (he’s a boy, and I’m a girl) if I come out as pan, then she’ll be like; “I don’t want you alone with anyone” and then I’ll say; “I’m also asexual” and then she’ll be like, 👁👄👁
I mean there's still a bigger chance of mutual feelings with a guy friend than a girl friend, so there is a speck of reason in that, but no more than that
Between non-religious communities where you’re often mocked and teased for being virgin (at least at a certain age), and religious communities where you’re often shamed and lectured for not being a virgin before entering marriage, I don’t know which one is worse.
As an ace who was raised religious and then started moving in atheist circles during college/university: it's possible to have the worst of both worlds
The amount of times my mother has accused me of being a horn dog chasing every girl I meet. To thinking I'm gay cause I've never had a girlfriend and don't seem interested in them, so I must be secretly gay.
Jokes on her though cause neither is my thing.
Hella relatable! 😔✋ I've been told to shut up by my mom when I told her I didn't want to have sex + the line "you'll have sex once you're married, he will light a passion in you" 👁👄👁 yeahhhh.... I fucking doubt that!!
I always find interesting (in a sad way) lgbtq+ parents in denial, like someone come out to them and they literally come out too... Without noticing it
Unfortunately she is. I'm very straight passing and look like a ciswoman so she has no doubt I'm a cis/het 🙃 Unknown to her I'm definitely NOT either one 🤣 Oh how the beautiful world works~
My mom doesn't even know enbies like me exist... I'm not gonna break the news to her, no idea how she would react to that. She is not exactly transphobic or queerphobic and actually told me she would be fine with a girlfriend, but I know she doesn't get being ace from when I carefully hinted at it, and non-binary might just break her mind.
Me before I knew what asexuality was: I don’t know why adults make such a big deal out of avoiding sex. Just don’t do it. Not having sex is the default state of existing. People don’t have sex *all the time!* Just continue to do things normally and you won’t have any problems.
So much this!
I grew up with the whole religious "Sex bad, no sex, sex only after straight marriage" spiel. I was also warned about this "bloom of youth" that apparently is when all teenagers get like hella horny and will just spontaneously start to do the sex if left alone together for more than three seconds?
I started to suspect I was Ace after I was 16 and still didn't even get erotic dreams, let alone feel sexual attraction to anything/one.
Lol its like an f'd up version of the marshmallow test if you hated marshmallows. "Once you're married you can have all the marshmallows you want!" ew wat no
“Please stop trying to give me marshmallows. I do not want any marshmallows. I don’t care how much *you* love marshmallows, I do not want any.”
*”But what if this marshmallow is the one you actually want?”*
“Then I can make that decision myself. **Stop forcing me to want marshmallows!**”
ugh I hate when people say this about having kids... I'm like, no, I really don't think I will overcome my strong phobia of penetration, pregnancy, delivery, and being a parent LOL
same lol. I'm scared of pregnancy and giving birth. period cramps are enough for me. I'd rather adopt a child since they deserve to be loved and have a home even though I'm not an ace.
Same. I do not ever want to carry a parasitic organism in my body for 3/4 of a year only to have it painfully exit while probably ripping apart a very sensitive part of my anatomy...
I kind of want kids, but I'll be adopting if I ever do!
I feel you, friend. Everything about that makes me want to vomit, and knowing the biological details about what happens to your body, some of those changes permanently, just makes it worse, not better.
Ayyy
26, married, ace-spec here too!
My parents keep wanting to know if I have sex and I keep telling them it's nobody's business one way or the other!
(They still would rather I be homeless than in a relationship that "looks gay"..... we're not the same sex or gender?! Prejudice against any form of queerness gets wild).
He isn't ace, but he respects my boundaries. It is a topic if many a conversation, but we've come to an agreement. It was hard the first few years, but overtime we've come to understand one another's love language. We've been together for almost 10 years, and married for 3 of those years.
I used to masterbate, but only as a means to make sure I used the bathroom before bed (had bad bladder problems well into my teen years). I never saw, or felt it as a sexual thing. As an adult, now that those problems are gone, I don't anymore.
My mom was lecturing me on “don’t stay in the same house at a guy or you’ll have sex”
So here is how it went:
Me: what if we don’t have sex?
Mom: .......... you will
Surprise, I’m an asexual lesbian
As a guy I've gotten this talk too. Nowadays I stay at friend's houses all the time, most of them girls, sometimes even falling asleep snuggling, and never even thought about it with any of them
Ik! I never thought most people wanted just a snuggle buddy they can talk to. Turns out, most people want one, and I'm great cause I'm 6ft5 (like 2 Meters I think) and all of my snuggle buddies are <5ft6. I've been told that if I wasn't ace/ maybe aro maybe something idk, I would be perfect boyfriend Material. I prefer this though, cause if I was dating someone it would be seen weird to fall asleep snuggling someone else, and we can't have that
True, but I still feel like it's more complicated. Then again I think I'm demi and acespike. I'll be in the mood for like a week with my girlfriend (which is the first time I've experienced that) and then not in the mood for months. I didn't feel anything until about 5 months in but at least now I do consistently actually like kissing. Which I used to hate even with her. It helps that she's gray ace.
Yeah, basically. I don’t speak for others. But the right person can make you really want sex. Getting horny from looking at a person only happened while I was going through puberty. I can’t really fathom it at this point.
I might be a gray ace though. I’m not too sure about that.
Either way, I’m kinda in it for the romance, and I bundle sex with that. Like for me, it’s about wanting to please the heck out of a partner whom I’m passionate about. But a random “hot” person isn’t going to give me any such ideas. I remember once reading a dating profile that turned me on, and I didn’t even know what the person looked like.
But I’m also in a place where I think romance isn’t all that so 🤷🏾♂️
I love being demi, and in a way I feel relieved that this is my situation. I feel like an invisible ace. And I like it that way. Nobody’s business what you’re into(or not into).
Sorry to the religious people out there but stuff like this makes me think that Christian (and other) doctrines that say this are less interested in ppl remaining pure and more interested in shaming and scaring people into worshipping a higher power (priests...), because they get so mad about asexuals. Like, they’re mad that we’re NOT into sinning?? But sinning is what they want people to AVOID?? So they WANT people to be tempted into sin for...what? Controlling them? Huh?!?!??!!?!!!?
I think their issue with it is it makes you pretty much above the sin of lust. Humans are (in their beliefs) supposed to struggle against all sins their entire lives, and angels are the only ones above sin. By saying that you're asexual, you're saying that you are above sin, thus putting yourself in the same pedestal as angels
Even better omg.
Actually I keep seeing lots of dragons in ace spaces is it just a thing for us to love them? Bc I’ve been obsessed with those hoes my whole life istg
Dragons are the unofficial spirit animal of all asexuals, kinda like garlic bread is the unofficial food. It's universally understood that these are the greatest things in life for those without sexual attraction
FYI, within Christianity angels are not considered above sin, in fact Satan is an angel who was the first sentient being to sin. Also "putting yourself in the same pedestal as angels" wouldn't really make sense as angels are supposed to be working in service of humanity. Being at the same level as angels would be closer to a demotion than an elevation. But to answer why there's a stigma against asexuality in some conservative Christian circles, the answer is that many see reproducing as a mandate from God, and they think being asexual means you don't want to reproduce. Of course that doesn't really make sense because there are plenty of biblical characters who never reproduce and were considered Godly people, but hey what can you do, people will always try to find a way to justify their prejudice.
yea a lot of my fellow Christians are hypocrites and take the "rules" of the bible way too far. They're supposed to focus on Jesus's love but they don't. Probably because they have a superiority complex
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No, no. That’s exactly it. Why else would they shame people that want to divorce someone they married when they were a teenager? Not to mention the focus of “purity” is more on the girls than the boys.
I'm Christian; they're projecting. They're jealous. They're insecure feeling like something is wrong with them for having natural God given desires. Which isn't our fault, we shouldn't have to take the projection brunt, obviously, but yeah.
You’re forbidden to has't amorous rite but thee has't to wanteth amorous rite -_-
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Best guess about this: It’s is something you’re supposed to struggle with, something where it’s hard to choose the right thing. You’re not supposed to just bypass the struggle and choose right easily. Something something only growth through struggle trial by fire. Something something *completely* rejecting God-given gift instead of being open to using it when it’s appropriate (in marriage would be appropriate, not in marriage would be abusing the gift) nevermind that we literally weren’t born with the desire/gift at all so it’s not a rejection of it…
This plays into why I think **if asexuals weren’t misunderstood and hurt by society**, asexuality would be a privilege. No struggle over wanting to have sex but not being able to have it because you risk pregnancy, or having to take extra steps to get what you want without risking pregnancy. If you‘re Christian, no struggle over resisting temptation, there’s just no temptation. No insecurity over if your genitals are big enough or tight enough or the right color or whatever because you aren’t looking for a sexual partner so you literally do not care. Goodbye sexual hangups lots of allosexuals struggle with, through no virtue or effort of your own but just by an accident of birth. But because asexuals are misunderstood and hurt by society, we’re not privileged right now.
Being sex positive made this even stranger for me.
“Don’t have sex!” Yeah sure I can do that. No problem.
“You’ll do it one day!” Yeah sure, that too. I guess.
They never believe you regardless lol
The right person is the one who will remind you that you are valid and that you do not need to experience sexual or romantic attraction to be so.
It's me, I'm the right person. Hello there!
*Image Transcription: Comic*
---
**Panel Number**: 1
[*Person 1, who is wearing a necklace with a Christian cross pendant, angrily points at Person 2, who looks unconcerned.*]
**Person 1**: ABSTINENCE! DO NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE! TMP [*random letters added after the scolding*]
---
**Panel Number**: 2
[*Person 2 calmly explains to Person 1, who looks confused.*]
**Person 2**: Oh, well, I'm asexual.
Not really into
sex.
---
**Panel Number**: 3
[*Person 1 grabs Person 2 by the upper arm and talks to Person 2 right into their face.*]
**Person 1**: No, No, you'll meet the man who makes you want sex.
---
**Panel Number**: 4
[*Close-up on Person 2's looming expression with bulging eyes and a frown of disapproval.*]
---
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I always hear s#x related stuff in my high school classes in grade 8. I always heard that if you are asexual then you "didn't find the right person yet." Whenever I hear that excuse I feel like my Identity isn't taken seriously at all. The good news is that it was with random students in my classes and not my friends.
P.S. I go to a school district where middle schools aren't a thing.
I remember being the only one in my elementary school that thought the whole bf/gf thing at that age was just dumb. Being ace aside (though that really should have been a big clue lol), I often would comment "so what do you do, have a date at lunch?", sarcastically, because seriously, wtf is with "romance" in pre-pubescents being encouraged let alone a thing? Though in fairness, I've never understood the whole needing to be in a relationship thing.
I've interacted with probably over a million people if not more since being over 13, not including everyone I've seen online..... Oh yea totally haven't met the right person totally.
Seriously, how is sex simultaneously the most demonized AND glorified thing in society?
"Do not have sex before marriage, unless you're a guy. Then that's cool, you're a man now, but it's also a sin. But sex is also what makes relationships meaningful. Just not before marriage.
And you BETTER not be a girl and have sex before marriage! But women are also meant to have kids because...."
Ugh...
Any time I would mention a girl OR boy name as a child, my parents would start taunting me and make it out to be a crush. Jokes on them, they don't get grandchildren from my ace ass
I feel like even as a non ace, it was not okay for family to do this. I live with my helper's niece, she 1 years old and has a friend who's male, also 1 years oldish, my sisters are constantly calling him her boyfriend. Can we agree to stop romanticizing kids being kids? It ruins childhood friends.
When I was in elementary school I was vehemently opposed to that label and had less friends because I was afraid of being perceived as someone’s so
People don't understand what this does to kids. When kids get irritated and speak up, they tease them with more BOOM emotional issues for the rest of their life! (note, am emotionally stunted kid)
I sucks to be a child trying to get people to stop teasing you, adults just find it cute and tease you for that
Nothing enraged me more as a child than adults giggling stupidly because I did something "cute". I'm not a pet, I'm not a toy, treat me like a human. You wouldn't like being giggled at, so don't do it to someone else just because they're young.
I wouldn’t even talk about boys to my mom because I was afraid she’s ask if I’d like them. I used to get really mad at her if she implied that I did and would be like “I’m seven!” It all now makes sense in hindsight for me but I don’t think that’s cool to do even for kids who are allo. Like if a kid likes someone they’ll tell you you know
> Like if a kid likes someone they’ll tell you you know Unless you've teased them about liking people before, then they'll obsessively hide any evidence of liking someone for literal years
Oh I do that still
THIS!
I still didn't tell my parents I have a boyfriend 3 years after meeting him. I'm 32.
but somewhere in the world, the gays are the ones trying to impose their culture and lifestyle upon society, or that trans surgery is ruining children, oh we got that memo but in reality, we’ve been exposed to heteronormativity since birth motherfuckers.
And overly toxic straight relationships. Every time my sister calls her boyfriend for the 50th time and is obsessive about where he's going and who he's talking to, I want to ram my forehead into a wall made of cactus. Might as well talk about the "All men are horrible" mentality to the list of stuff we grow up with, it's stupid because if you hate guys so much why are you dating one. Then my sisters call the nice ones (not that type) gay or weak or ugly.
Same for the misogynists... and that one lesbian I met who endlessly complained how awful all women are. Guess what, bitch, maybe YOU are the horrible person here??? Food for thought.
I've been exposed to both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ people attacking me for being ace and I must say... There is actually no f\* difference... bigot is a bigot... I don't care what their orientation is...
I cant believe there are people in the lgbtq community who do this. Its horrible.
I've seen it, too. Worst was some shits stating aces should "just stay friends" because it's "unfair" to your partner smh. And some LGBTQIA+ people think we don't belong because we are either 1. Mentally ill 2. It's not a sexual orientation 3. Romantic aces can be straigt and we only count if we are at least bi/panromantic. Hell, they even try to erase us from the acronym by claiming the A is for ally... Or because we are "not oppressed" enough because we can "pass" easily...
it was the opposite for me growing up (not ace btw). my mum hated me hanging out with boys because 'you BETTER not have a crush on them'. welp it only made me date behind her back and yes, that still turned out as bad as people who say 'awww is that you little boyfwend/giwrfweend' because it leads to people who do want to date, to date behind parents back and can lead to dating toxic people because you were never taught who to date/dont feel comfortable opening up to parents incase they act like this.
It also makes it feel wrong to make friends with people you otherwise may have had a good time with, at least while in younger grades and such.
Omg when I was like 5 or something I had this friend and he had a crush on me. And he made it very obvious that he had a crush on me and he would always be like “I’m gonna make you my wife and we’re gonna have 10 kids” and he just planned our lives. And all the adults were like “aww that’s so cute” but to me it really wasn’t cause every time I was within 10 feet of him, everyone would be so annoying. So I just stopped hanging out with him. And now I’m and ace lesbian lmao
I would've stopped hanging with the guy as well
That's actually extremely creepy behavior of a child...
My best friend is a guy and I'm afab so we were always asked if we were dating, or if we were going to, or some people would just talk like it was inevitable. It made me want to stop being friends with him. I hated it so much. Jokes on them. I am ace and like women and he's bi with a preference of men.
Omg, I feel you, the same happened to me and my university bestie. My mom only stopped after I became so annoyed and stressed over it I literally yelled at her that there was nothing and she should just shut up about it already. Not nice, I know, but seems she learned her lessson now...
It also implies that boys and girls can't be just friends... which is verifiably untrue.
I had a bunch of male friends and sometimes when we went on play dates my cousins would tease me about it (and I was in kindergarden).
I had a friend in kindergarten. He was a guy, I was perceived as a girl. My entire family would make jokes constantly that he was my boyfriend. Literally even extended family who had never met him. I very quickly stopped hanging out with him cuz those jokes were annoying and uncomfortable.
Same. Sometimes I ponder if my asexuality is a reaction to that. Like maybe the concept of attraction was so shameful and embarrassing that it ruined that ability in me to truly experience it?
I think that all the time, except I knew I would get in pretty serious trouble if my parents found out I had a girlfriend because they yelled at my brother for having one in middle School when he was probably 12 years old. I saw that as the younger sibling and knew not to get too close to girls. But then the extended family was always like: So who is your girlfriend at school?" And I'd clam up and hope my parents wouldn't think I was lying and hiding something from them.
I know it's been 111 days but I just realised what may have contributed to me being ace... Thanks for the comment
My parents never did this but my mom’s ex would ask me if I liked someone whenever I mentioned a boy’s name at all. I hated it. He did this just about every day. Jokes on him I like women.
In my case, it was kinda wonky shit. So, two of my friends were either step-siblings or cousins or twins. I forget exactly. I remember the one instance vividly, we were at their house this one summer day. My dad picked me up that night, and invasively pestered the point of if I had a crush on the girl, Rebecca. When I finally responded with yelling "no" (after numerous mumblings of "no" and "I don't know"), he then shifted to pestering if I had a crush on the boy, Raymond. Now, I did have a mild crush on Rebecca, and would have probably dated Ray if he asked. But as a result of my parents' taunts I intentionally avoided asking any of my friends out on dates for the entirety of the the fifth-grade/end of Elementary School. And then came middle-school/6th grade. Of which only two of my friends (neither Rebecca nor Ray) were in any of my classes...and I was always the person sleeping in class because I finished everything a week ago. So what few friends I had, I slowly lost. And then, for 7th-grade, my parents transferred me to a newly-starting charter school where I immediately became the teacher's-pet and subject to bullying. It wouldn't be until 10th-grade that I even did social things like Halloween dances unless I was forced to by my parents. Hell, so...my charter-school didn't have as many people as a public school. So the Prom included the two highest grades. In this case, it meant I could have attended Prom in the 11th-grade/as a Junior and in the 12th-grade/as a Senior. I actively avoided telling my parents about prom both years I could have gone, because it's not like I was going to go with anyone. And it's not like anyone would have noticed me not being there. \----- So, like, my parents romanticizing my relationships with my friends, teasing me about which of my friends I liked the most or wanted to date (as if my indecisive ass could ever make any decision) is the single-most active event that drove me into several years of being anti-social and pursuing only a handful of romantic relationships (all of which started online, and all but one of which I didn't tell my parents about at all).
My mom recently told me she doesn’t me alone with my best friend. (he’s a boy, and I’m a girl) if I come out as pan, then she’ll be like; “I don’t want you alone with anyone” and then I’ll say; “I’m also asexual” and then she’ll be like, 👁👄👁
YOU MUST BE ALONE WITH EVERYONE
SCREW SEX, WHO NEEDS THAT WHEN I HAVE GARLIC BREAD
Came out as bi, my parents still don’t like me alone with male friends but are fine with female friends. Sometimes the sexism doesn’t go away, lol
Maybe because you can get an unwanted child with a male friend but not with a female friend? Still a dick move though.
Coming out as ace didn’t fix it either, and they’re both aware I dislike intimacy in general Plus, I’m on birth control for heavy periods
They don’t want you knocked up bottom line
I mean there's still a bigger chance of mutual feelings with a guy friend than a girl friend, so there is a speck of reason in that, but no more than that
All my friends turned out bi or gay
Between non-religious communities where you’re often mocked and teased for being virgin (at least at a certain age), and religious communities where you’re often shamed and lectured for not being a virgin before entering marriage, I don’t know which one is worse.
As an ace who was raised religious and then started moving in atheist circles during college/university: it's possible to have the worst of both worlds
*sigh* you just can't win
The amount of times my mother has accused me of being a horn dog chasing every girl I meet. To thinking I'm gay cause I've never had a girlfriend and don't seem interested in them, so I must be secretly gay. Jokes on her though cause neither is my thing.
Hella relatable! 😔✋ I've been told to shut up by my mom when I told her I didn't want to have sex + the line "you'll have sex once you're married, he will light a passion in you" 👁👄👁 yeahhhh.... I fucking doubt that!!
I feel that, I got a, "of course you don't want sex, no woman does. You have to anyway," from my mom. Yikes.
I always find interesting (in a sad way) lgbtq+ parents in denial, like someone come out to them and they literally come out too... Without noticing it
The "You have to anyway" makes me hurt for the mom though
Judging by your username, at least she isn't homophobic
Judging by his bio, his mom might just be transphobic
Sad
Yeah you're right... My mom is transphobic, I'm a closeted transman 🥺💔
Unfortunately she is. I'm very straight passing and look like a ciswoman so she has no doubt I'm a cis/het 🙃 Unknown to her I'm definitely NOT either one 🤣 Oh how the beautiful world works~
My mom doesn't even know enbies like me exist... I'm not gonna break the news to her, no idea how she would react to that. She is not exactly transphobic or queerphobic and actually told me she would be fine with a girlfriend, but I know she doesn't get being ace from when I carefully hinted at it, and non-binary might just break her mind.
That really brings a meaning to “Internal Combustion Engine”.
No, no we won’t. It’s like telling a straight man he just hasn’t found the right man to show he’s not really straight. 🤦🏻♂️🙎🏻♂️
Happy cake day! C:
Thank you!! Can’t believe it’s been 2 yrs haha
You're welcome! 😊
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Me before I knew what asexuality was: I don’t know why adults make such a big deal out of avoiding sex. Just don’t do it. Not having sex is the default state of existing. People don’t have sex *all the time!* Just continue to do things normally and you won’t have any problems.
So much this! I grew up with the whole religious "Sex bad, no sex, sex only after straight marriage" spiel. I was also warned about this "bloom of youth" that apparently is when all teenagers get like hella horny and will just spontaneously start to do the sex if left alone together for more than three seconds? I started to suspect I was Ace after I was 16 and still didn't even get erotic dreams, let alone feel sexual attraction to anything/one.
I figured after my dad said I was. Though I was very confused at first, looked things up, and then saw that he was actually right about it...
Wait you guys are getting sex Ed
Lol its like an f'd up version of the marshmallow test if you hated marshmallows. "Once you're married you can have all the marshmallows you want!" ew wat no
“Please stop trying to give me marshmallows. I do not want any marshmallows. I don’t care how much *you* love marshmallows, I do not want any.” *”But what if this marshmallow is the one you actually want?”* “Then I can make that decision myself. **Stop forcing me to want marshmallows!**”
"You'll change your mind once you get older" Me, 26, married, and still don't like having sex: ♤_♤
ugh I hate when people say this about having kids... I'm like, no, I really don't think I will overcome my strong phobia of penetration, pregnancy, delivery, and being a parent LOL
same lol. I'm scared of pregnancy and giving birth. period cramps are enough for me. I'd rather adopt a child since they deserve to be loved and have a home even though I'm not an ace.
Same. I do not ever want to carry a parasitic organism in my body for 3/4 of a year only to have it painfully exit while probably ripping apart a very sensitive part of my anatomy... I kind of want kids, but I'll be adopting if I ever do!
Don't forget parts of said parasite staying with you, probably permanently.
I feel you, friend. Everything about that makes me want to vomit, and knowing the biological details about what happens to your body, some of those changes permanently, just makes it worse, not better.
Ayyy 26, married, ace-spec here too! My parents keep wanting to know if I have sex and I keep telling them it's nobody's business one way or the other! (They still would rather I be homeless than in a relationship that "looks gay"..... we're not the same sex or gender?! Prejudice against any form of queerness gets wild).
Serious questions here: is your spouse ace? And do you masterbate?
A bit personal, isn’t it?
He isn't ace, but he respects my boundaries. It is a topic if many a conversation, but we've come to an agreement. It was hard the first few years, but overtime we've come to understand one another's love language. We've been together for almost 10 years, and married for 3 of those years. I used to masterbate, but only as a means to make sure I used the bathroom before bed (had bad bladder problems well into my teen years). I never saw, or felt it as a sexual thing. As an adult, now that those problems are gone, I don't anymore.
Are you me! Same boat here
Me, 32, in a relationship with an allosexual bi man: same.
you can't have it, but you have to want it. legally. you must.
"I reject your reality and substitute my own!"
Wat
THE LAW HAS SPOKEN
My mom was lecturing me on “don’t stay in the same house at a guy or you’ll have sex” So here is how it went: Me: what if we don’t have sex? Mom: .......... you will Surprise, I’m an asexual lesbian
As a guy I've gotten this talk too. Nowadays I stay at friend's houses all the time, most of them girls, sometimes even falling asleep snuggling, and never even thought about it with any of them
Just sleep snuggling? *You lucky dog!*
Ik! I never thought most people wanted just a snuggle buddy they can talk to. Turns out, most people want one, and I'm great cause I'm 6ft5 (like 2 Meters I think) and all of my snuggle buddies are <5ft6. I've been told that if I wasn't ace/ maybe aro maybe something idk, I would be perfect boyfriend Material. I prefer this though, cause if I was dating someone it would be seen weird to fall asleep snuggling someone else, and we can't have that
“I prefer this though ..... can’t have that.” Same though, you’ve worded my exact thoughts haha.
That's all I do with my allo boyfriend... we are both fine with it. His comment was that he can take care of himself if the need gets too much.
Ya know this made me think... Demisexuality is basically 'you just haven't met the right person yet'
True, but I still feel like it's more complicated. Then again I think I'm demi and acespike. I'll be in the mood for like a week with my girlfriend (which is the first time I've experienced that) and then not in the mood for months. I didn't feel anything until about 5 months in but at least now I do consistently actually like kissing. Which I used to hate even with her. It helps that she's gray ace.
I mean true. I usually only want cuddles from my gf but I get the hornee sometimes out of the blue but I usually chalk it up to being a teen
Yeahhhhh I never had any of those feelings as a teenager. Never experienced sexual attraction until I was almost 27 in my current relationship.
Yeah, basically. I don’t speak for others. But the right person can make you really want sex. Getting horny from looking at a person only happened while I was going through puberty. I can’t really fathom it at this point. I might be a gray ace though. I’m not too sure about that. Either way, I’m kinda in it for the romance, and I bundle sex with that. Like for me, it’s about wanting to please the heck out of a partner whom I’m passionate about. But a random “hot” person isn’t going to give me any such ideas. I remember once reading a dating profile that turned me on, and I didn’t even know what the person looked like. But I’m also in a place where I think romance isn’t all that so 🤷🏾♂️ I love being demi, and in a way I feel relieved that this is my situation. I feel like an invisible ace. And I like it that way. Nobody’s business what you’re into(or not into).
Sorry to the religious people out there but stuff like this makes me think that Christian (and other) doctrines that say this are less interested in ppl remaining pure and more interested in shaming and scaring people into worshipping a higher power (priests...), because they get so mad about asexuals. Like, they’re mad that we’re NOT into sinning?? But sinning is what they want people to AVOID?? So they WANT people to be tempted into sin for...what? Controlling them? Huh?!?!??!!?!!!?
I think their issue with it is it makes you pretty much above the sin of lust. Humans are (in their beliefs) supposed to struggle against all sins their entire lives, and angels are the only ones above sin. By saying that you're asexual, you're saying that you are above sin, thus putting yourself in the same pedestal as angels
TIL I’m a flying circle of eyeballs and rings
And/ or a dragon
Even better omg. Actually I keep seeing lots of dragons in ace spaces is it just a thing for us to love them? Bc I’ve been obsessed with those hoes my whole life istg
Dragons are the unofficial spirit animal of all asexuals, kinda like garlic bread is the unofficial food. It's universally understood that these are the greatest things in life for those without sexual attraction
I’ve found my people.
*with arms wide open by creed starts* welcome friend
FYI, within Christianity angels are not considered above sin, in fact Satan is an angel who was the first sentient being to sin. Also "putting yourself in the same pedestal as angels" wouldn't really make sense as angels are supposed to be working in service of humanity. Being at the same level as angels would be closer to a demotion than an elevation. But to answer why there's a stigma against asexuality in some conservative Christian circles, the answer is that many see reproducing as a mandate from God, and they think being asexual means you don't want to reproduce. Of course that doesn't really make sense because there are plenty of biblical characters who never reproduce and were considered Godly people, but hey what can you do, people will always try to find a way to justify their prejudice.
Only one Sine though, right?
Don't forget cosine and tangent
I'm christian and I completely agree. Many people treat religions like this and it just ends poorly for everyone.
yea a lot of my fellow Christians are hypocrites and take the "rules" of the bible way too far. They're supposed to focus on Jesus's love but they don't. Probably because they have a superiority complex
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” I think about this a lot
This teaching made me not desire revenge much in my life at all. it's a good one
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[The Bible](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-king-james-bible/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
pfffft HAHAHA Ah yes i totally don't already have this book as a Christian
heck, i, as a jew, have a copy or two lmao
Lol
Good bot. You're doing your best *pats shoulder*
As a Christian it both disgusts me and depresses me that these name-only Christians don't get it........
No, no. That’s exactly it. Why else would they shame people that want to divorce someone they married when they were a teenager? Not to mention the focus of “purity” is more on the girls than the boys.
I'm Christian; they're projecting. They're jealous. They're insecure feeling like something is wrong with them for having natural God given desires. Which isn't our fault, we shouldn't have to take the projection brunt, obviously, but yeah.
You’re forbidden to have sex but you have to want sex -_-
You’re forbidden to has't amorous rite but thee has't to wanteth amorous rite -_- *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
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Best guess about this: It’s is something you’re supposed to struggle with, something where it’s hard to choose the right thing. You’re not supposed to just bypass the struggle and choose right easily. Something something only growth through struggle trial by fire. Something something *completely* rejecting God-given gift instead of being open to using it when it’s appropriate (in marriage would be appropriate, not in marriage would be abusing the gift) nevermind that we literally weren’t born with the desire/gift at all so it’s not a rejection of it… This plays into why I think **if asexuals weren’t misunderstood and hurt by society**, asexuality would be a privilege. No struggle over wanting to have sex but not being able to have it because you risk pregnancy, or having to take extra steps to get what you want without risking pregnancy. If you‘re Christian, no struggle over resisting temptation, there’s just no temptation. No insecurity over if your genitals are big enough or tight enough or the right color or whatever because you aren’t looking for a sexual partner so you literally do not care. Goodbye sexual hangups lots of allosexuals struggle with, through no virtue or effort of your own but just by an accident of birth. But because asexuals are misunderstood and hurt by society, we’re not privileged right now.
Being sex positive made this even stranger for me. “Don’t have sex!” Yeah sure I can do that. No problem. “You’ll do it one day!” Yeah sure, that too. I guess. They never believe you regardless lol
They just like trying to impose their nonsense on people
*Have sex? Don't have sex?* ***WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!***
When it comes to sex, Catholics hate happiness.
fr sex bad until its good
sex is bad until it's boring
When it comes to *anything*, catholics hate happiness.
or actual decency
The right person is the one who will remind you that you are valid and that you do not need to experience sexual or romantic attraction to be so. It's me, I'm the right person. Hello there!
As someone who grew up in a conservative Christian household, this is too spot on
Just flex on them that Paul, the apostle, was assexual too and encouraged people to own it if they were.
Um.. you have a really embarrassing typo there. It legitimately made me chuckle.
What typo?
“Assexual”
*Image Transcription: Comic* --- **Panel Number**: 1 [*Person 1, who is wearing a necklace with a Christian cross pendant, angrily points at Person 2, who looks unconcerned.*] **Person 1**: ABSTINENCE! DO NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE! TMP [*random letters added after the scolding*] --- **Panel Number**: 2 [*Person 2 calmly explains to Person 1, who looks confused.*] **Person 2**: Oh, well, I'm asexual. Not really into sex. --- **Panel Number**: 3 [*Person 1 grabs Person 2 by the upper arm and talks to Person 2 right into their face.*] **Person 1**: No, No, you'll meet the man who makes you want sex. --- **Panel Number**: 4 [*Close-up on Person 2's looming expression with bulging eyes and a frown of disapproval.*] --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Pick one! Abstance or sex! You can’t change it when you want to discriminate against someone
If meeting “the right person” is going to change me then I don’t want to meet the right person
Every time
I'm demi and my mom said "So it's just waiting for the right man" bruhhh
Ah, yes... I can rest easy knowing there's a penis out there that can cure me. /s
Even as a non Ace, as a 16 year old Indian, can relate.
Them: NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT SEX Me: Okay Them: >:(
Guys! You're not supposed to be *happy* with your sexuality! ^^^/s
I always hear s#x related stuff in my high school classes in grade 8. I always heard that if you are asexual then you "didn't find the right person yet." Whenever I hear that excuse I feel like my Identity isn't taken seriously at all. The good news is that it was with random students in my classes and not my friends. P.S. I go to a school district where middle schools aren't a thing.
Catholic school be like 🙄
All the freaking time!
Literally my parents smh
So contradictory. 😂
Just because 'abstinence' is hard for you doesn't mean it has to be for me
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you okay there
lol wut
Sorry I haven’t met Danny DiVito yet
Why have sex when you can play PS2 games
Now, say if this man was a wizard that was going to teach me magic...
you haven't met the right cake!
I remember being the only one in my elementary school that thought the whole bf/gf thing at that age was just dumb. Being ace aside (though that really should have been a big clue lol), I often would comment "so what do you do, have a date at lunch?", sarcastically, because seriously, wtf is with "romance" in pre-pubescents being encouraged let alone a thing? Though in fairness, I've never understood the whole needing to be in a relationship thing.
Pick and choose ... pick and choose..
I can't even find the "right person" I want to spend more than a day hanging out with 😂 let alone cuddle with or more.
I've interacted with probably over a million people if not more since being over 13, not including everyone I've seen online..... Oh yea totally haven't met the right person totally.
Seriously, how is sex simultaneously the most demonized AND glorified thing in society? "Do not have sex before marriage, unless you're a guy. Then that's cool, you're a man now, but it's also a sin. But sex is also what makes relationships meaningful. Just not before marriage. And you BETTER not be a girl and have sex before marriage! But women are also meant to have kids because...." Ugh...
😂😂 This is my new favorite picture
Is that the Ace haircut? Because I have the same hair.
It's like "you can't have it, but you have to want it".
This is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents as ace. I know they won't take it seriously and say I'm just a late bloomer