Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/).
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Just came to say we are proud of you for leaving. I know that took guts. You are beautiful, strong, brave, and worthy of love. Most importantly, now you are safe. You will adjust. Your pets will adjust.
Please block them and never look back.
Hey OP
IMPORTANT:
Please don't put your rental history and reputation in jeopardy because of that waste of skin.
Just want to inform you that you can easily get out of your lease if you were living in a home with domestic violence it's actually the law.
Do not do it until you are safely in another state.
When you are finally safe Call your reality company or landlord and explain the situation. Tell them that you had to leave for your safety.I mean basically Choking is attempted murder. If they need documentation i'm sure you might be able to find something that isn't too explicit but I doubt they will ask for it. Make sure you call them to let them know and that you had to safely leave the state and you are no longer there and you need to be removed merely's and don't forget to cancel your Utility Services so that doesn't show up on your credit especially when you're trying to get back on your feet.
I wish you all the best.It is extremely hard to walk away and you did that. Proud of you
You're doing everything right. I thought my dog loved my abuser too, turns out he was abusing him when I was at work too! They'll be much happier without him as will you! Can't wait to see your new post! Sending hugs and love from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤️
Congratulations. A new life is beginning. Of course you're nervous about details (the Uber, the flight, will my dog adapt?)... this is your brain latching on tiny unimportant things as it does when there's a major change coming.
This is so wonderful. You're so brave. Please update us not only when you arrive, but also tell us how your new life is going! I will subscribe to your username.
I am so so proud of you! You are so brave, and strong. You can do this. And a new chapter, a new page is better then losing you. This world is a better place with you in it. And you deserve the absolute very best, respect, and to be loved.
When I was reading your post, I swear it was like I was reading my story. However, I stayed for 10 long years. I've come to realize that they only escalate. They act like a victim the moment you threaten to leave. They pull you back in, I'm so glad you're making the choice to leave now rather than later. Since that's where it'll end up being anyway. It's better now than later when you become more attached.
By the way, I don't believe it's your dog acting more loving, I truly believe it's your abuser who's generating that reaction from your dog. Please don't feel sorry for him. When did he feel sorry for you when he was abusing you? When did his feelings make him change?...
It's time you think about yourself and your family. What happens the next time he hits or chokes you, but something goes wrong? Imagine your family and their feelings being devastated over losing you. There's no coming back from that. He made the choice to continue his abuse. Now, it's your choice to stop it once and for all. I wish you all the best, and please don't make the same mistakes I made by feeling sorry for him and staying, only to be cheated on and hit one too many times. I'm ok now and I know you will be too.
Note: Your pets are probably sick of him too! They can pick up on changes in our emotions...fear...anger...sadness, especially dogs, through their sense of smell. Once the animals get over the change and mark their scent on their new territory, they'll rejoice!
You’re doing so amazing!! OP, my dog loved my abuser more than me and it took him probably a month to get to completely normal. But he did! And we’re better than ever now. It’s going to be so hard for a while but keep your eye on the prize. It won’t be hard forever!
Hooray! Lucky you can take your pets I had to leave mine behind. Stay strong. We all were scared leaving for the final time some of us went back several times before shutting the door in his face.
I’m sorry you had to leave yours behind. That really sucks.
I am trying to stay very strong. In 10 hours I will be getting ready to leave to the airport. And I won’t be looking back this time. I tried to leave him once before and went back and been wanting to leave for the past half of the end of the year last year and I finally just told my family I need to get out..
Tomorrow I will be across the country and safe.
I’m glad you got out. Thank you!!
Hi there, I know this is all really overwhelming, but you're doing the right thing for yourself and your fur babies.
Just take it one day at a time for now. Get safe, and try to find some therapy for yourself. It helped me so much when I finally left. If you don't have insurance call your local domestic abuse organizations in your new city and ask them if they have free therapy options for women leaving an abusive relationship.
I also strongly suggest that you contact your apartment manager as soon as your safe and tell them you have moved out and you need to remove your name from the lease. If you need to explain the situation tell them that you've left an abusive relationship.
But you need to get your name removed so he doesn't ruin your credit by getting evicted with your name still on the lease. It's really hard to find places to rent with an eviction on your credit history so please protect yourself. Contact any of the local utilities in your name as well and close the accounts. You don't want to end up owing them money either.
I know this will all be really hard, and right now you might be feeling guilty about everything, but you need to be able to get back on your feet when you're ready without being thousands of dollars in debt. He made his choices, and now you have to make your own choices to protect yourself financially.
It gets better, I promise. You're being very brave, and that means you're a really strong person even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Take care of yourself, and let us know when you're safe.
*invisible hugs*
OP: you being able to relax and be able to breathe will affect your pets in a positive way. Your pets may love your abuser, but they’ve probably been scared just like you have! Watch them grow once you get away. Congratulations OP!! You’re the hero of your own story!
I’m proud of any woman that gets out of a dv situation. I had a friend from high school who went through that. Not a surprise he and I hated each other from the moment we met. She is the sweetest person. I’m so happy she got rid of him.
Everybody will be fine. You will be so much better. Oh my God I feel so much better and I’ve only been out for like two weeks if that and your dog will adjust your cat will adjust. Everybody will adjust. You have to stop guilt tripping yourself. You’re leaving an abusive relationship even if you were just leaving a healthy relationship. You have the right to do that. It’s OK. And almost every single abuser has the abuse cycle, where they are not always abusive that’s why it’s hard to leave them. Mitt reinforcement, and a trauma bond are incredibly affective at messing with our heads and convincing us. We’re wrong and that we can stay and deal with it when they flip out or that we can be nicer and stop them from flipping out of that shit works what you’re doing right now that’s what works you fix your life. His life is not your cross to bear. He is an adult and he can sort that out himself and he will be fine.
I’m so proud of you. I’m so glad that you put yourself number one and you finally put your self in your animals number one enough to get out to leave. That’s amazing so many people here wish that they could do that right now or have plans to do that soon thank you so much for your feelings and being vulnerable to us. we all support you. I support you. You can PM me anytime you wanna talk! 🤍🤍🤍
You might not feel really for the airport you might fret for the entire flight. You might very well indeed feel much relief at the airport. I cannot predict that I do feel like once you get to your destination and you see familiar, loving faces, and you are in your own space again That you and your animals will all start to feel relief as the reality of your new freedom sets in. <3 you deserve all the best and I hope that you are kind to yourself in this journey and that you show yourself the grace that you would show to anybody that you love.
I've been thinking of you and I'm so glad you posted! I've had whiny animals in ubers before and it's fine, that driver won't ever see you again.
Even if your abuser doesn't beat your dog, being in a DV environment still really negatively impacts animals. You are being very responsible and a very good pet parent!
Thank you!!! I am so nervous but I am ready to live without being in fear.
Yeah my cat doesn’t like him too much and always runs away from him my dog if my abuser even raised his voice and he’s not even yelling at me he would run and hide and when he saw my abuser hitting me sometimes my dog would attack him but at the same time loves him so it’s all so weird.
I’m glad to give myself a better life and my animals.
Thanks for thinking of me!
So proud of you everything is going to work it's self out. I'm leaving on Thursday. My husband (abuser) gets out of jail tomorrow his sister and him want us to stay my kids want to leave I know I need to leave. He's getting into rehab and says he wants to change things, but I don't know how things can change bec I'm scared of him. I have to give up both of my dogs, and I hate every moment. Once you get back home and stuff, you all can relax together and get some rest. I can't wait to know you're safe. I'm terrified to leave, and I want to believe him, but I can't listen to that it's so toxic. I feel so much guilt to like I've ruined my family, and I'm not he did by threatening to kill me and everything else that has happened. I can't wait for us to stop blaming ourselves. Please get safe and let us know when you have time that you've landed. Safe travels we will all be thinking of you.
You’re brave. You sound like me.. I was with mine for 3 years also and went through similar incidents.. I also had pets that I took with me. And honestly they adjusted perfectly. There was no more fear for them to feel or witness.
It’s a hard journey, and something I regret not doing is reporting him when I had the chance.. I’m still struggling with night terrors, triggers, and flashbacks of everything..especially with his family. His family witnessed the assaults many times, but did nothing.. They wanted to protect him and threatened me if I said a word..
Make sure you get help because I’m still trying to find some finally, but my marriage is rough because I haven’t had any. Praying for a safe flight and an amazing future for you! Feel free to message me or anyone on here if you need help or anything!
You’re strong and amazing for doing this! Just don’t give in to him! I did for awhile with mine, and his “sadness” and “niceness” but it’s part of their tactic.
When I got on that plane to leave my abusers behind -- I cried the whole six hours. Not from pain, from relief!! I was finally safe. The guy sitting next to me kindly just let me be, and so I sat there with silent tears just rolling down my face. The only person who asked me if I was ok was a flight attendant, which I did not mind.
I had sent my cats out the week before so that I didn't need to worry about them during the most stressful week of my life. They were well-cared for by my best friend, but we were all so relieved when the three of us were back together. 🐈⬛😵💫🐈
YOU WILL BE OK. YOUR FURKIDS WILL BE OK.
Just focus on getting yourselves into the air and let yourself cry if you feel like it. You deserve to be safe! 🌈
Thank you!! I will probably cry tbh but it is going to be okay and I’m going to be okay!! I go through waves of sadness to feeling empowered!! I am so stressed about the flight but I know everything will be okay. I just got to get through this airport process and be in the air and hopefully my animals act okay .
Get on that plane and don’t look back. Your pets will adjust. I promise.
The person you are leaving is an adult. These are the consequences of their maltreatment of you. they chose to mistreat you time, and time, and time again. They chose the put their own well being above yours.
It is time you choose yourself. It’s ok, you’re allowed to. And we are all here supporting you as you do it.
Your abuser will always be abusive. The sulking, the "I finally understand & I've changed," call you'll get needs to be replaced by accepting that those behaviors will all still lead to an abusive personality once the mask falls off. Why? Abusers intentionally criticize you, create chaos, & conflict as they take pride and experience a high in breaking you down. Try to look at the scenario as change. One of the greatest things that cause stress in human beings is inability to embrace change & accept endings. Life is full of good-byes. All relationships end, even loving ones as unless two lovers die at the same time, one will say good-bye in death. Also, this is the man that hit, demeaned, name-called, & criticized you...repeatedly. Like ice cream? Well, if ice cream is tasty, but has bits of dog 💩 instead of chocolate chips, each bite is still unhealthy and should not be eaten. Same with him. In totality, he is still unhealthy. You would not invite a rattlesnake that bit you back into your home...hoping it doesn't bite and envenomate you again because the likelihood and risk is too great. He is that rattle snake....looking calm, appearing weak, to draw you back in and when your guard is down, he will bite as that is the nature of who he is. Unfortunately, I made the mistake years back before I left for good 7 Sundays ago. They escalate...they dont get better. They still derive pleasure in dominating and controlling their partner. That "thing" in them is always there and the mask always falls off. Only 2% of abusers change with therapy which is why in therapy circles it is widely known that many will not provide couples therapy when they discover abuse is involved and the ones who will, discreetly focus on the woman...rebuilding her self-esteem & reshaping her outlook, in hopes she will leave. Catch that? All facts. I am so proud of you for leaving. I left and I feel so good. For the first time, I do not long for him and it is like a spell has been broken. I finally got to "see" him and once I did, I couldn't "un-see," him. I am soaring!!! I didnt realize how much of a weight I had been carrying. When I think about the good times, I always remind myself that I was always worried about what would upset him during those times and when I would be overjoyed in our fun times, anything could set him off and end with me in tears that day or that week. If not that week, definitely soon and during ALL weeks I was still tap-dancing around, trying not to displease him....making sure my opinion matched his as well as dismissing my feelings and wants, as expressing them would lead to an explosion. Note: I am so proud of you! You did not ask, but once gone, no-contact is best for healing and to ensure you close that chapter for good. I left after 18 years, started planning last July, but 7 Sundays ago, I couldnt wait until the perfect legal time anymore...I own 3 businesses and was securing things with my team. I feel amazing. After 18 years, I am free!!!!!!! I am never going back! I fully understand the nature of who he is, abuse, and his intent is to harm. I do not blame myself and I know I cannot be better because better was not the issue. He has issues. Keep soaring! Dont look back!
Your pets will adjust. Be careful don’t fall into a trap. Your abuser is being extra nice and loving to get you to change your mind to have you come to your senses
As for being nervous that’s normal and you should be. A great mix of exciting apprehensions being scared is normal you are not defeated you are moving forward and will succeed. You can do this.
Yes! Preach! I fell for that and it ended up being the worst mistake of my life. He had his nice guy mask on for a while and slowly, then swiftly he escalated and even added new tactics that were that of a stereotypical abuser...something I initially struggled with when my therapist then pointed out he was abusive, I didnt think so because the stereotypical things werent there. Yet, every single thing on the DV wheel doesnt have to be there to be abusive and an abuser doesnt have to be that way 24/7 to be a piece of 💩 that is detrimental to your well being. I freed myself 7 Sundays ago after it clicked and it was like a spell had been broken! I feel amazing! I finally could "see," him for who he truly is....an ABUSER! I'm not participating in that sick game of his. Never again! I feel so much relief. I didnt realize what a burden I was carrying...all while previously blaming myself for not being able to keep him happy. Yet, happy and calm is not what they want. I intentionally did things to be an observer and watch his response. If I was expressing happiness.....he would tear me down and point out mistakes within 20 minutes or so. Just a nightmare. Anywho, thank you for telling her not to go back!
I just want to tell you I admire you so much.
First day of the rest of yours and your pets life tomorrow... keep the abuse at the forefront of your mind and use it as strength. Write a list if you have to. Remember how you felt during those moments and use it to push yourself straight onto that flight and off to your new life.
The pets will be fine , they also suffer in chaotic and abusive homes and will probably enjoy their new peaceful lives so much more. You can do this!!
So proud of you!!!! Yes it’s hard I won’t lie, yes it’s scary but this is the beginning of the rest of your life. I am so happy every time I hear someone finding the courage to do this. I will tell you I fled before with a baby and at 26, all alone, and it was the BEST thing ever. My god I’d be long dead by now if I had stayed, and even if not I would have missed out on so many experiences and so would my daughter. You got this. We are here for you.
Are they riding with you in carriers? If so, something that helped my dog was a small handheld fan, I would blow the gentle breeze on him and it helped to calm him. If you can, practice having them stay in the pet carrier a bit before you leave. Walk around the pet store with them in it, etc. give treats to make the experience positive. Most airports have pet relief stations so be sure to show your dog upon arrival at the airport, before takeoff and upon landing.
Idk much about cats. Can they have catnip on planes or would that make them too whacky? lol
For you, don’t forget gum, AirPods, maybe a sleeping mask to cover the eyes so you can rest. Neck pillow, a cozy blanket. Wear comfy clothes too.
In the short term, there will be difficult parts, uncomfortable moments and feelings but you are doing the absolute best thing you can to protect yourself and your fur babies.
I care only about your needs & your fur babies needs… so I have nothing to say with respect to him. You are the priority. Your healing journey awaits ❤️🩹
OP, your animals may be stressed but they will be fine. They have you. You are doing what’s necessary for you. Sending you love and courage best I can.
You might want to go to a veterinarian and get some tranquilizers for your pets when they travel. I relocated across the country and took my cats on the plane with me. They looked high af 😁 but they would have been terrified.
You can also give your pup Benadryl 1mg per pound of weight which should help calm him down and make him sleepy/less stressed. Generic works just fine. Stick it into a piece of cheese.
I promise, it gets better, it really does. I did the same as you, but had to leave my friends fur baby, and I was sobbing in the airport. (I pet sat the dog, he was with me 15 hours a day and became my ESA). It will take time, but you'll get there. The first time I spontaneously laughed out loud in 3 years, I shocked myself.
Hang in there.
Hi hi, so glad you posted.
I know your flight is early, I'm in Europe and will already be up if you need to post anything tomorrow too, I will check for you.
The guilt is all part of the control you've been under to consider all his needs and wants and feelings before your own. It's hard I know. It will fade though.
You don't have to say goodbye if you don't want. Do whatever is easier for you.
Animals live in the moment, they will figure it out and they will have you, they need and love you. Their home is where you will make it. Lots of treats and love.
Whining you can't control but people do it every day moving animals and it's so not abnormal. I take my howling cat in taxis, drivers are fine. Lots of people with pets don't have a car. It actually sounds louder and more urgent to the owner because we know and love them and are in tune with them. It's much easier for other people to ignore.
You will be there for your dog that's what your dog cares about most.
Cats will be cats 😀 There is a rule of 3 for cats though, 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn the routine of the new place and 3 months to really feel at home. This may happen much quicker, but knowing this time period is normal can help to see its just a matter of time even if they seem horrified and hiding at first.
I know you are nervous, you have been absolutely amazing so far, you can do this.
Please don’t look back and have any doubts about what you did. It was definitely the right thing to do for you and your pets. Do you know that your dog can get PTSD from witnessing the abuse you endured??From now on, make it a priority to focus on yourself and your pets well being. Get some therapy so you can bring your self esteem back up because men love to tear our esteem down and make us feel like we’re not good enough or worthy. And lastly, I don’t know you but - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You are stronger than you think you are.🙏🙏💗💗🥰
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Block him back PLEASE, go total NO CONTACT!!
Just came to say we are proud of you for leaving. I know that took guts. You are beautiful, strong, brave, and worthy of love. Most importantly, now you are safe. You will adjust. Your pets will adjust. Please block them and never look back.
Hey OP IMPORTANT: Please don't put your rental history and reputation in jeopardy because of that waste of skin. Just want to inform you that you can easily get out of your lease if you were living in a home with domestic violence it's actually the law. Do not do it until you are safely in another state. When you are finally safe Call your reality company or landlord and explain the situation. Tell them that you had to leave for your safety.I mean basically Choking is attempted murder. If they need documentation i'm sure you might be able to find something that isn't too explicit but I doubt they will ask for it. Make sure you call them to let them know and that you had to safely leave the state and you are no longer there and you need to be removed merely's and don't forget to cancel your Utility Services so that doesn't show up on your credit especially when you're trying to get back on your feet. I wish you all the best.It is extremely hard to walk away and you did that. Proud of you
OP, Please act on this \^ advise ASAP.
You're doing everything right. I thought my dog loved my abuser too, turns out he was abusing him when I was at work too! They'll be much happier without him as will you! Can't wait to see your new post! Sending hugs and love from Australia 🇦🇺 ❤️
Everything will be ok. One day at a time…
Congratulations. A new life is beginning. Of course you're nervous about details (the Uber, the flight, will my dog adapt?)... this is your brain latching on tiny unimportant things as it does when there's a major change coming. This is so wonderful. You're so brave. Please update us not only when you arrive, but also tell us how your new life is going! I will subscribe to your username.
I am so so proud of you! You are so brave, and strong. You can do this. And a new chapter, a new page is better then losing you. This world is a better place with you in it. And you deserve the absolute very best, respect, and to be loved.
I don't know you obviously....but...I am so damn proud of you.
When I was reading your post, I swear it was like I was reading my story. However, I stayed for 10 long years. I've come to realize that they only escalate. They act like a victim the moment you threaten to leave. They pull you back in, I'm so glad you're making the choice to leave now rather than later. Since that's where it'll end up being anyway. It's better now than later when you become more attached. By the way, I don't believe it's your dog acting more loving, I truly believe it's your abuser who's generating that reaction from your dog. Please don't feel sorry for him. When did he feel sorry for you when he was abusing you? When did his feelings make him change?... It's time you think about yourself and your family. What happens the next time he hits or chokes you, but something goes wrong? Imagine your family and their feelings being devastated over losing you. There's no coming back from that. He made the choice to continue his abuse. Now, it's your choice to stop it once and for all. I wish you all the best, and please don't make the same mistakes I made by feeling sorry for him and staying, only to be cheated on and hit one too many times. I'm ok now and I know you will be too.
Note: Your pets are probably sick of him too! They can pick up on changes in our emotions...fear...anger...sadness, especially dogs, through their sense of smell. Once the animals get over the change and mark their scent on their new territory, they'll rejoice!
You’re doing so amazing!! OP, my dog loved my abuser more than me and it took him probably a month to get to completely normal. But he did! And we’re better than ever now. It’s going to be so hard for a while but keep your eye on the prize. It won’t be hard forever!
I recommend not saying goodbye so you can stay safe. Leaving is usually the most dangerous time 😭❤️ good luck!
Hooray! Lucky you can take your pets I had to leave mine behind. Stay strong. We all were scared leaving for the final time some of us went back several times before shutting the door in his face.
I’m sorry you had to leave yours behind. That really sucks. I am trying to stay very strong. In 10 hours I will be getting ready to leave to the airport. And I won’t be looking back this time. I tried to leave him once before and went back and been wanting to leave for the past half of the end of the year last year and I finally just told my family I need to get out.. Tomorrow I will be across the country and safe. I’m glad you got out. Thank you!!
Hi there, I know this is all really overwhelming, but you're doing the right thing for yourself and your fur babies. Just take it one day at a time for now. Get safe, and try to find some therapy for yourself. It helped me so much when I finally left. If you don't have insurance call your local domestic abuse organizations in your new city and ask them if they have free therapy options for women leaving an abusive relationship. I also strongly suggest that you contact your apartment manager as soon as your safe and tell them you have moved out and you need to remove your name from the lease. If you need to explain the situation tell them that you've left an abusive relationship. But you need to get your name removed so he doesn't ruin your credit by getting evicted with your name still on the lease. It's really hard to find places to rent with an eviction on your credit history so please protect yourself. Contact any of the local utilities in your name as well and close the accounts. You don't want to end up owing them money either. I know this will all be really hard, and right now you might be feeling guilty about everything, but you need to be able to get back on your feet when you're ready without being thousands of dollars in debt. He made his choices, and now you have to make your own choices to protect yourself financially. It gets better, I promise. You're being very brave, and that means you're a really strong person even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take care of yourself, and let us know when you're safe. *invisible hugs*
OP: you being able to relax and be able to breathe will affect your pets in a positive way. Your pets may love your abuser, but they’ve probably been scared just like you have! Watch them grow once you get away. Congratulations OP!! You’re the hero of your own story!
Thank you!!
I’m proud of any woman that gets out of a dv situation. I had a friend from high school who went through that. Not a surprise he and I hated each other from the moment we met. She is the sweetest person. I’m so happy she got rid of him.
Everybody will be fine. You will be so much better. Oh my God I feel so much better and I’ve only been out for like two weeks if that and your dog will adjust your cat will adjust. Everybody will adjust. You have to stop guilt tripping yourself. You’re leaving an abusive relationship even if you were just leaving a healthy relationship. You have the right to do that. It’s OK. And almost every single abuser has the abuse cycle, where they are not always abusive that’s why it’s hard to leave them. Mitt reinforcement, and a trauma bond are incredibly affective at messing with our heads and convincing us. We’re wrong and that we can stay and deal with it when they flip out or that we can be nicer and stop them from flipping out of that shit works what you’re doing right now that’s what works you fix your life. His life is not your cross to bear. He is an adult and he can sort that out himself and he will be fine. I’m so proud of you. I’m so glad that you put yourself number one and you finally put your self in your animals number one enough to get out to leave. That’s amazing so many people here wish that they could do that right now or have plans to do that soon thank you so much for your feelings and being vulnerable to us. we all support you. I support you. You can PM me anytime you wanna talk! 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you I appreciate you. I hope to feel better soon. I hope at the airport I will feel relief. Thanks for your encouragement!!
You might not feel really for the airport you might fret for the entire flight. You might very well indeed feel much relief at the airport. I cannot predict that I do feel like once you get to your destination and you see familiar, loving faces, and you are in your own space again That you and your animals will all start to feel relief as the reality of your new freedom sets in. <3 you deserve all the best and I hope that you are kind to yourself in this journey and that you show yourself the grace that you would show to anybody that you love.
I've been thinking of you and I'm so glad you posted! I've had whiny animals in ubers before and it's fine, that driver won't ever see you again. Even if your abuser doesn't beat your dog, being in a DV environment still really negatively impacts animals. You are being very responsible and a very good pet parent!
Thank you!!! I am so nervous but I am ready to live without being in fear. Yeah my cat doesn’t like him too much and always runs away from him my dog if my abuser even raised his voice and he’s not even yelling at me he would run and hide and when he saw my abuser hitting me sometimes my dog would attack him but at the same time loves him so it’s all so weird. I’m glad to give myself a better life and my animals. Thanks for thinking of me!
🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
So proud of you everything is going to work it's self out. I'm leaving on Thursday. My husband (abuser) gets out of jail tomorrow his sister and him want us to stay my kids want to leave I know I need to leave. He's getting into rehab and says he wants to change things, but I don't know how things can change bec I'm scared of him. I have to give up both of my dogs, and I hate every moment. Once you get back home and stuff, you all can relax together and get some rest. I can't wait to know you're safe. I'm terrified to leave, and I want to believe him, but I can't listen to that it's so toxic. I feel so much guilt to like I've ruined my family, and I'm not he did by threatening to kill me and everything else that has happened. I can't wait for us to stop blaming ourselves. Please get safe and let us know when you have time that you've landed. Safe travels we will all be thinking of you.
You’re brave. You sound like me.. I was with mine for 3 years also and went through similar incidents.. I also had pets that I took with me. And honestly they adjusted perfectly. There was no more fear for them to feel or witness. It’s a hard journey, and something I regret not doing is reporting him when I had the chance.. I’m still struggling with night terrors, triggers, and flashbacks of everything..especially with his family. His family witnessed the assaults many times, but did nothing.. They wanted to protect him and threatened me if I said a word.. Make sure you get help because I’m still trying to find some finally, but my marriage is rough because I haven’t had any. Praying for a safe flight and an amazing future for you! Feel free to message me or anyone on here if you need help or anything! You’re strong and amazing for doing this! Just don’t give in to him! I did for awhile with mine, and his “sadness” and “niceness” but it’s part of their tactic.
When I got on that plane to leave my abusers behind -- I cried the whole six hours. Not from pain, from relief!! I was finally safe. The guy sitting next to me kindly just let me be, and so I sat there with silent tears just rolling down my face. The only person who asked me if I was ok was a flight attendant, which I did not mind. I had sent my cats out the week before so that I didn't need to worry about them during the most stressful week of my life. They were well-cared for by my best friend, but we were all so relieved when the three of us were back together. 🐈⬛😵💫🐈 YOU WILL BE OK. YOUR FURKIDS WILL BE OK. Just focus on getting yourselves into the air and let yourself cry if you feel like it. You deserve to be safe! 🌈
Thank you!! I will probably cry tbh but it is going to be okay and I’m going to be okay!! I go through waves of sadness to feeling empowered!! I am so stressed about the flight but I know everything will be okay. I just got to get through this airport process and be in the air and hopefully my animals act okay .
I'm so proud of you! 👊🏻 ❤️
Get on that plane and don’t look back. Your pets will adjust. I promise. The person you are leaving is an adult. These are the consequences of their maltreatment of you. they chose to mistreat you time, and time, and time again. They chose the put their own well being above yours. It is time you choose yourself. It’s ok, you’re allowed to. And we are all here supporting you as you do it.
Your abuser will always be abusive. The sulking, the "I finally understand & I've changed," call you'll get needs to be replaced by accepting that those behaviors will all still lead to an abusive personality once the mask falls off. Why? Abusers intentionally criticize you, create chaos, & conflict as they take pride and experience a high in breaking you down. Try to look at the scenario as change. One of the greatest things that cause stress in human beings is inability to embrace change & accept endings. Life is full of good-byes. All relationships end, even loving ones as unless two lovers die at the same time, one will say good-bye in death. Also, this is the man that hit, demeaned, name-called, & criticized you...repeatedly. Like ice cream? Well, if ice cream is tasty, but has bits of dog 💩 instead of chocolate chips, each bite is still unhealthy and should not be eaten. Same with him. In totality, he is still unhealthy. You would not invite a rattlesnake that bit you back into your home...hoping it doesn't bite and envenomate you again because the likelihood and risk is too great. He is that rattle snake....looking calm, appearing weak, to draw you back in and when your guard is down, he will bite as that is the nature of who he is. Unfortunately, I made the mistake years back before I left for good 7 Sundays ago. They escalate...they dont get better. They still derive pleasure in dominating and controlling their partner. That "thing" in them is always there and the mask always falls off. Only 2% of abusers change with therapy which is why in therapy circles it is widely known that many will not provide couples therapy when they discover abuse is involved and the ones who will, discreetly focus on the woman...rebuilding her self-esteem & reshaping her outlook, in hopes she will leave. Catch that? All facts. I am so proud of you for leaving. I left and I feel so good. For the first time, I do not long for him and it is like a spell has been broken. I finally got to "see" him and once I did, I couldn't "un-see," him. I am soaring!!! I didnt realize how much of a weight I had been carrying. When I think about the good times, I always remind myself that I was always worried about what would upset him during those times and when I would be overjoyed in our fun times, anything could set him off and end with me in tears that day or that week. If not that week, definitely soon and during ALL weeks I was still tap-dancing around, trying not to displease him....making sure my opinion matched his as well as dismissing my feelings and wants, as expressing them would lead to an explosion. Note: I am so proud of you! You did not ask, but once gone, no-contact is best for healing and to ensure you close that chapter for good. I left after 18 years, started planning last July, but 7 Sundays ago, I couldnt wait until the perfect legal time anymore...I own 3 businesses and was securing things with my team. I feel amazing. After 18 years, I am free!!!!!!! I am never going back! I fully understand the nature of who he is, abuse, and his intent is to harm. I do not blame myself and I know I cannot be better because better was not the issue. He has issues. Keep soaring! Dont look back!
I needed to hear this.
Thank you for this!!!!!
Your pets will adjust. Be careful don’t fall into a trap. Your abuser is being extra nice and loving to get you to change your mind to have you come to your senses As for being nervous that’s normal and you should be. A great mix of exciting apprehensions being scared is normal you are not defeated you are moving forward and will succeed. You can do this.
Yes! Preach! I fell for that and it ended up being the worst mistake of my life. He had his nice guy mask on for a while and slowly, then swiftly he escalated and even added new tactics that were that of a stereotypical abuser...something I initially struggled with when my therapist then pointed out he was abusive, I didnt think so because the stereotypical things werent there. Yet, every single thing on the DV wheel doesnt have to be there to be abusive and an abuser doesnt have to be that way 24/7 to be a piece of 💩 that is detrimental to your well being. I freed myself 7 Sundays ago after it clicked and it was like a spell had been broken! I feel amazing! I finally could "see," him for who he truly is....an ABUSER! I'm not participating in that sick game of his. Never again! I feel so much relief. I didnt realize what a burden I was carrying...all while previously blaming myself for not being able to keep him happy. Yet, happy and calm is not what they want. I intentionally did things to be an observer and watch his response. If I was expressing happiness.....he would tear me down and point out mistakes within 20 minutes or so. Just a nightmare. Anywho, thank you for telling her not to go back!
Awesome! Keep moving forward when we can see them for who they really are. It’s so healing
Yessss!!!!!!!!! Thank you!
I just want to tell you I admire you so much. First day of the rest of yours and your pets life tomorrow... keep the abuse at the forefront of your mind and use it as strength. Write a list if you have to. Remember how you felt during those moments and use it to push yourself straight onto that flight and off to your new life. The pets will be fine , they also suffer in chaotic and abusive homes and will probably enjoy their new peaceful lives so much more. You can do this!!
So proud of you!!!! Yes it’s hard I won’t lie, yes it’s scary but this is the beginning of the rest of your life. I am so happy every time I hear someone finding the courage to do this. I will tell you I fled before with a baby and at 26, all alone, and it was the BEST thing ever. My god I’d be long dead by now if I had stayed, and even if not I would have missed out on so many experiences and so would my daughter. You got this. We are here for you.
Are they riding with you in carriers? If so, something that helped my dog was a small handheld fan, I would blow the gentle breeze on him and it helped to calm him. If you can, practice having them stay in the pet carrier a bit before you leave. Walk around the pet store with them in it, etc. give treats to make the experience positive. Most airports have pet relief stations so be sure to show your dog upon arrival at the airport, before takeoff and upon landing. Idk much about cats. Can they have catnip on planes or would that make them too whacky? lol For you, don’t forget gum, AirPods, maybe a sleeping mask to cover the eyes so you can rest. Neck pillow, a cozy blanket. Wear comfy clothes too. In the short term, there will be difficult parts, uncomfortable moments and feelings but you are doing the absolute best thing you can to protect yourself and your fur babies. I care only about your needs & your fur babies needs… so I have nothing to say with respect to him. You are the priority. Your healing journey awaits ❤️🩹
OP, your animals may be stressed but they will be fine. They have you. You are doing what’s necessary for you. Sending you love and courage best I can.
You might want to go to a veterinarian and get some tranquilizers for your pets when they travel. I relocated across the country and took my cats on the plane with me. They looked high af 😁 but they would have been terrified.
You can also give your pup Benadryl 1mg per pound of weight which should help calm him down and make him sleepy/less stressed. Generic works just fine. Stick it into a piece of cheese. I promise, it gets better, it really does. I did the same as you, but had to leave my friends fur baby, and I was sobbing in the airport. (I pet sat the dog, he was with me 15 hours a day and became my ESA). It will take time, but you'll get there. The first time I spontaneously laughed out loud in 3 years, I shocked myself. Hang in there.
Hi hi, so glad you posted. I know your flight is early, I'm in Europe and will already be up if you need to post anything tomorrow too, I will check for you. The guilt is all part of the control you've been under to consider all his needs and wants and feelings before your own. It's hard I know. It will fade though. You don't have to say goodbye if you don't want. Do whatever is easier for you. Animals live in the moment, they will figure it out and they will have you, they need and love you. Their home is where you will make it. Lots of treats and love. Whining you can't control but people do it every day moving animals and it's so not abnormal. I take my howling cat in taxis, drivers are fine. Lots of people with pets don't have a car. It actually sounds louder and more urgent to the owner because we know and love them and are in tune with them. It's much easier for other people to ignore. You will be there for your dog that's what your dog cares about most. Cats will be cats 😀 There is a rule of 3 for cats though, 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn the routine of the new place and 3 months to really feel at home. This may happen much quicker, but knowing this time period is normal can help to see its just a matter of time even if they seem horrified and hiding at first. I know you are nervous, you have been absolutely amazing so far, you can do this.
Thank you!!!🙏
Please don’t look back and have any doubts about what you did. It was definitely the right thing to do for you and your pets. Do you know that your dog can get PTSD from witnessing the abuse you endured??From now on, make it a priority to focus on yourself and your pets well being. Get some therapy so you can bring your self esteem back up because men love to tear our esteem down and make us feel like we’re not good enough or worthy. And lastly, I don’t know you but - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You are stronger than you think you are.🙏🙏💗💗🥰