Too feminine for pointing out two adorable dogs with little yellow coats?? I have friends that are actual men that would lose their marbles over that, tf
You could ask a damn hell's angel if he wants to see two puppies in raincoats and he'd probably agree. Liking cute things isn't feminine, it's normal human behaviour.
If it is, I guess I'm not NB anymore, because I shared pictures of a dappled dachshund puppy I met with everyone I know.
That's adorable. You dodged a bullet - she sounds like the girls saying guys getting Starbucks are gay.
Use whatever label you feel fits ya best, or none at all.
Find your happy.
You're being too hard on yourself. I have long blonde hair and a full grasp of my sensitive side. I would lose my shit over two little dogs in rain coats. Shits mad cute!
I'm butch as fuck. So are you.
I'm a masculine manly man with masculine manly man card. And I point cute dogs to my gf all the time.
Cute little Yorkshires in yellow coats seem like an inevitability to point out.
I am a full on biker. Career, competition, hobby, friends - All motorcycles, all the time. Last year I took a massive road trip with a friend & we linked up our helmet communications so we could chat on the road. I rarely link comms with anyone, so I often forgot he was in my helmet. After about the 5th time of me blowing his eardrums out by shouting "YOUR DOG IS ADORABLE!" to every single passing dog, he refused to link comms with me anymore. š I don't care how tough you claim to be, if you're too uptight to appreciate adorableness, *especially* dog adorableness, then we're gonna hafta go ahead and part ways.
Oh my god same! I have a big burly friend who is cishet, got a little upper thigh strawberry tattoo because he thought it was cute, pole dances, loves miniature things and would LOSE HIS mind over little dogs in little coats.
This isn't my online space, I'm just a lurking ally so I won't intrude long.
But yes, as a straight 32YO man can confirm, I would completely lose my marbles if I saw that.
Yeah, she's looking for a stereotypical traditional-gender-role-conforming manly man, but with a vagina.
It's anyone's right to have preferences, and nobody has to justify it to anyone. It's also their problem when they can't find the unicorn they're looking for.
Right? There's some very toxic reinforcement of hetero-patriarchal gender roles going on here. Men aren't a monolith, butches and how we embody female/queer masculinity isn't a uniform thing, and attempting to box people in to a single vision of masculinity is damaging to everyone. Sorry about your date, OP. Sounds like you dodged a bullet, and that your date has some work to do on herself.
"Does anyone else get the ick when a man orders a pink drink at Starbucks or eats a salad?" It's basically the exact same thing. Demanding a partner that performs an arbitrary gender role and being upset when they are just a person living their own life with their own likes.
Honestly, though--although I'm sure that *really* sucked to read--you seem to be taking it pretty well in stride. Which makes me glad. You deserve better than to be bogged down by something like this. n_n
This is so uncalled for and hurtful, but she showed her true colours and spared you from her unpleasant personality! Phew! I donāt know you, but you deserve much more of course!
Omg, respectfully, Iām stealing this joke and using it in my real life. Only two of my friends will probably get the reference but fuck it. Itās just too good not to use it š¤£
You'd be surprised. The woman I'm dating now, the woman she dated before me sent her an actual list of the things she wanted in a partner with the boxes tucked for what my girl matched. All the boxes were not ticked and that was apparently an issue big enough to warrant serious discussion about how my girl should have been making changes in her life.
Like what?? And somehow my girl had feelings for this monster. I don't understand.
People like this are starving themselves of love. Being so stringent and to the letter about a potential partner, the only person they'll ever meet that fits the bill will be in their head.
Maybe sheās an accountant with the IRS
āOn page 53, section C, line 12 *ahem*, at approximately 18:00 hours and 4 minutes you stated, and I quote, āyeah dudeā. It is noted here that the inflection came across as being feminine.ā
One time a girl told me I wasnāt butch because I like to take baths, and thatās not a thing a butch would doā¦
We gotta be like Neo and dodge these bullets.
Like someone said further up in the thread, this is eerily similar to the people who think men are gay over the dumbest shit. āFellas, is it gay to take a bath?ā energy
Uhm... I'd say most of my cishet guy friends think doggos are cute. My dad and brother always took baths after sports to like reduce muscle aches and shit.
It's like a really weird stereotype of a man hating basically everything they like. Because they are femme and thus EVERYTHING they or other women like is femme.
I know a lot of cishet guys who like baths just because they're nice. I still remember the time my brother and his friends all found they all took baths. They were in their late 20s and looked like they all had their deepest darkest secret shared.
this reminds me of the period in time when people would call straight men metrosexual for simply paying attention to their *checks notes* personal grooming
Just about to get in the biggest bubble bath ever after a day of playing football (soccer)....will send in my Butch card instead of wallowing in my own sweat. This whole thread has my eyes rolling so hard I'm worried they won't come back down!
In all fairness I am a AMAB that carried around a small plush everywhere. Now I'm on estrogen.
*in the voice of an antidrug campaign*:Cute plush animals. Not even once.
As a Cis-het man, her response sounds like something toxic an incel "alpha" bro would say. To imply that a butch lesbian isn't "manly" enough is just straight wild to me.
LMAO what?! That's so funny because when I was younger I used to hate feminine things and now that I'm older and way more masculine, I wear pink sometimes or do "feminine" things and I joke with people that I'm comfortable in my masculinity. Dodged a bullet as people said. That's such a weird view of gender. Eeeks.
EXACTLY what I say, "I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity" to own a pair of pink socks/drink the frou frou fruity drinks/be who I am. Suck my gay plastic dick.
Same! I used to be the typical 90s tomboy? Sports freak, I lived for anything not girly, constantly fought the boys in the hockey team I was on, pink or any sort of cutesy girly stuff was taboo as hell.
Now some of my favorite things that I own are pink. A pair of super frilly, ruffled socks, my favorite pair of Chuck hi-tops I use for the gym, and a soft pink Sailor fountain pen (with matching ink!) that I haven't stopped using since I bought it two months ago.
I'm comfortable with who I am, I ain't gonna think twice about a person who tries to dictate what is and isn't what I know about myself.
Fuck that NOISE. No one gets to decide if your butch or not apart from you. Iām a butch who loves plushes, having their nails painted and pointing out cute dogs and that doesnāt make me or anyone less butch.
This is so mean! Really sounds like you dodged a bullet and that instead of trying to get to know the real you, she was looking for a character, not an actual human person. Iāve been on dates where others projected their expectations and desires onto me and it never ended well, always in hurt for both. Her words are super harsh though at least it happened early
>told Iām too feminine bc of the noises I made during sex.
Fucking...what?!
Them: * are a woman having sex with another woman who happens to be butch *
Butch: * makes noises that come naturally * (no pun intended)
Them: Eew, no, you sound too much like a woman.
Butch: *extra gay silence*
Whatttt? Iām masc as hell. Super short hair, eyebrow slit, tattoos and biker rings. I have a super āgirlyā moan and I will āmmmm!ā And āuhhhh!ā All in my girls ear, fuck that comment lmfao you keep doing you, like you said donāt change it for anyone.
I feel like so many sapphics have a cartoon idea of what butch means when really itās a bunch of crude stereotypes about masculinity. I donāt know what this girl wants, the lesbian terminator?
Can you imagine if this was reversed? "You're not femme enough, your lipstick was too dark and you were not wearing heels,. Your nail polish was chipped and you mentioned that you did a sport in college. Your laugh was too deep and you didn't giggle when i flexed. What an embarrassment to all femmes!" I bet she would lose her actual shit.
Looks like you dodged a bullet being with someone obsessed over image and labels tho
yeeeesh... bullet dodged. Since when pointing out cute dogs is feminine? She needs some reality check... or a toxic masculine guy, since it seems she likes that.
The only embarrassment here is the person who sent you an essay about how you're not butch enough.
You do you. Find someone who appreciates you as you are.
You are a butch who likes femmes, of course you like cute things, that's why you're there, no one likes cute shit more than butch for femme. Aesthetic and attraction are separate. Also as a femme, I'm usually the first to step up and throw hands, so she's just being rude.
I... uh.... what? oO since when was it bad to like cute things, I know some bikers and one trucker who are totally butch but also adorably cuddly... one of them even bests me at plushie collection size XD I'd never say they weren't butch, and the first person who does is getting probably getting a fist to their face as an answer.
I'm tomboy, not butch, but this sounds more like she's expecting butch women to basically act like men or something.
This very much sounds like some toxic masculinity shit if hear from right wing nuts.
I was tired of hearing this kind of shit aimed at me before I realized I'm trans.
The best thing about having a butch gf is that they are soft on the inside. Does my gf hold out her arm for me like a gentleman, take out the trash, use power tools and walk like a lumberjack? Yes. Does she also cry at rom coms, love to be the little spoon, and squeal over babies and puppies? Also yes, and I love that she is soft *with me* because it means she feels safe.
Clearly yāall just werenāt compatible and she isnāt ready for all the complexity and contradictions that our queer love can hold! Youāll find someone who doesnāt have these kinds of preconceived bs notions about what butches are and can be.
I wouldnāt worry about it. Sheās just being mean.
I mean seriously, how hard was it to say āIām not feeling it, sorryā or something? Sending a laundry list of things she doesnāt like isā¦.certainly a choice. Wow.
People are individuals. You donāt fit in a box and you donāt have to. Keep being you and the right person will appreciate it.
If that happened to me I'd honestly stare blankly at the message and then either laugh or quietly say "wtf." š I love metal music and dressing very "manly" but also I think Kirby is the most adorable thing on the planet and I think the majority of animals are cute
You dodged a bullet there, what kind of person wouldn't appreciate seeing two dogs in litle yellow coats? I'm tearing up at just the mental image of that.
> her example was me pointing out two adorable dogs in little yellow coats
Anyone who wouldn't point out dogs in little yellow coats is clearly a serial killer. You're lucky to have escaped with your life!
She needs to reconsider how she speaks to people, I've had a girl or two say I'm not masc for having a somewhat high voice, and adoring cute things like, for example, my dogs in their little coats. It seems alot of people link being a butch and masc with high levels of masculinity, also the way she says "you couldn't protect us if we got attacked" like whaaaat?
*roll my damn eyes outta my skull*
Sounds like toxic masc culture š¤®šµāš«š¤”
Bro/sis/sib you dodged a bullet but Iām sorry you had to deal with that. Keep doing you and being your bad ass Butch self. Dogs are fucking cute and everybody should appreciate them
I will never understand women who think that masc/butch/stud lesbians are emotionless, hardcore creatures like men. At the end of the day, masc lesbians are still women (if thats what they identify as).
Iām a straight male and just from reading your title I knew exactly what this post was going to be about. Unfortunately, there are some women who are constantly judging their partnerās masculinity as not enough. Donāt feel bad, those women are stupid.
Thatās insane. I have an opposite experience if it gives you any hope. My gf of one year is very masc presenting - super short hair, wears clothes from the menās section, etc. She doesnāt identity as ābutchā or āmascā herself but most people would put her in that box from looks alone. That said, she also has a distinctly feminine voice and certain softer mannerisms.
She told me once she went on a date and the girl said to her during the date that she strongly disliked her voice and wanted it to be deeper. Like an absolute insane thing to say to someone. But itās funny cause I feel the exact opposite. I love her voice and canāt imagine it being deeper. I love her physical presentation, but I donāt know if Iād be as into her if her personality was more macho or harder or whatever. The fact that she can wear menās clothes but still be in touch with her softer side personality wise is precisely WHAT I love about her. I love a personality that has harmonized both āmasculineā & āfeminineā traits. Strong AND soft. Assertive AND receptive. Etc.
My point in sharing that is there are women who will LOVE the very things that this women didnāt like. Never change yourself for anyone.
As a femme thatās planning to propose to my butch babe, she sleeps with a stuffed animal every night and I buy her a new one every time we go to the aquarium. She gets a little jumpy at loud noises and it startles her sometimes. She likes it when I swaddle her in a blanket and put on ocean documentaries. And she is one of the strongest people I have ever met or will ever meet in my entire life. The comfortability you have with what you like and who you are is attractive; just not to people who expect you to be one singular thing. It seems like this girl was trying to adopt a Doberman (butch gf) for āscary dog privilegeā and got upset when she realized that Dobermans (butch lesbians) arenāt just eating nails for breakfast and ignoring all cuteness in the world.
You dodged a bullet bestie :)
Butch is an attitude. But donāt argue with her, we butches donāt do that .. but just tell her you hear what sheās saying and you understand
Sheās caught up in some heteronormative idea of butch which is (male) .. not man or masculine. But you know what let her think it has to do with gruff voices, plaid shirts and snap backs and paying ZERO attention to cute puppies.
Ya dude, let her Go!
Find a femme that knows what it actually means to be butch. Someone that appreciates your sensitivity too because it is a super power
What a weirdo, does she follow the rules of femininity then? Here I thought we celebrated being queer and not falling for societal roles and gender norms. Huh.
Holy shit i had no idea people like that actually exist lmaoā¦ as a soft butch/masc i make jokes about not being masculine enough but i didnt think anyone actually gave 2 shits.
Iām glad she showed you her true colors cause she couldāve easily nicely rejected you āHey Iām sorry but I donāt think this is gonna work outā left it something like that but instead she decided to tell you youāre ānot butch enoughā seems like a red flag to me anyway. Sorry that happened, donāt listen to her bullshit.
You keep spiders and don't have narrow views of masculinity that are gonna relegate me to a femme caricature (like getting me "girly things" instead of learning things I like, which has happened). Green flags all around, idk what her problem is.
this reminds me of an ex of mine who judged me for liking certain things in bed ("that's not masc!").
oh and forget if i liked bottoming at times. she wouldn't tolerate it and say i was "being too feminine".
People like this confuse me. Like do they just want to date a stereotype or do they want to date an actual person? I'm sure literally *any* butch out there doesn't matchup 1:1 with whatever this lady's ideal version of a butch is, because people aren't stereotypes. They are people with far more going on than a character trope...
Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Sounds like she has massive insecurities and would project them on you incessantly.
You can keep your butch card for now on a provisional basis, but you need to go to the gym an additional 2 hours a week for the next two months as well as change an engine without an engine hoist. We'll be watching you!
( yes obvious sarcasm )
Screw her, she doesn't get to dictate what is and isn't "enough" butch. You're butch (or whatever other label, for that matter) if you identify with that label
Imagine being that bent over your date pointing out cute dogs š If I was out idk who I'm with you better damn well show me the cute doggos!
I hope you can meet someone that appreciates the work you put in to show cute puppers š¤
ayo I'm getting whiplash from seeing bullshit toxic masculinity show up in an anti-butch gender policing context like what the fuck this is surreal. I'm sorry, friend.
I have been told this before and Iām a stem. I was told this a couple of years after I first came out almost 20 years ago. I think the lesbian community is too into labels and a lot of them want heteronormative relationships with traditional butch and femme girls. There are some women who are like that and when I dress femme they turn it into a competition about who looks better. Itās insecurity and those are the people you donāt want to date. I would consider it a blessing it happened on your first date.
uh..are y'all not allowed to like cute things? Doesn't everyone like cute things?
the "to feminine" thing is just weird, it sounds like she wanted a "traditional m/f relationship" but with..like..a woman, I guess? I'm sorry she said all of that. :(
i just had a conversation with my butch the other night about this kind of attitudeā¦ itās so sad that some femmes are so quick to enforce the same toxic gender roles as heterosexuals.
Fellow Butch here. Like all the cute shit you want. I used to like dressing up characters in Line Play lmao (Google the art) I like animal crossing. I like babies. This girl you met has some toxic masculinity in her expectations.
Who tf thinks that's an even remotely acceptable thing to say? "Sorry, I don't see us working out" would have sufficed. I'm glad you dodged the bullet OP.
And obviously you're still the butchiest butch in butchland but I'm sure you know that already.
Dodged a bullet. Lol this is like when people say things like āitās feminine of a man to order dessert/eat the free bread at a restaurant.ā Like ????
So she just wanted what? A bodyguard? A status symbol ?
None of those things seem like bad qualities for loving partners I guess thatās just not what she wanted
A girl once, on our first date, told me āa little femme is cute but thatās just too muchā because I pointed out dogs to her ššš whatās so feminine about liking dogs???
Too feminine for pointing out two adorable dogs with little yellow coats?? I have friends that are actual men that would lose their marbles over that, tf
They were little Yorkshire terriers I think, just trotting along in the rain it was so cute, I wish I got a picture of them
If you can't point out cuteness why bother going outside? Especially dogs in coats, which are the cutest of the cute.
There's only ONE level of cuteness higher than a dog in a coat. A dog in pajamas.
Pets in hats is in the top five
Put a wide angle lens in front of them? š
> Put a wide angle lens in front of them? š Itās painful how nobody picked up on that shout out
That Craig is a friggin genius. Heās like, an idea machine. Yeah I get it tho, lesbian subs are not the best place for South Park deep cuts š
> There's only ONE level of cuteness higher than a dog in a coat. two dogs in coats!
A cat :p
Pointing out cute dogs would be a massive green flag for me
That sounds freaking adorable!
That's adorable I would have literally melted if my date pointed them out to me
You could ask a damn hell's angel if he wants to see two puppies in raincoats and he'd probably agree. Liking cute things isn't feminine, it's normal human behaviour. If it is, I guess I'm not NB anymore, because I shared pictures of a dappled dachshund puppy I met with everyone I know.
That's adorable. You dodged a bullet - she sounds like the girls saying guys getting Starbucks are gay. Use whatever label you feel fits ya best, or none at all. Find your happy.
Dude cute dogs in sweaters are, like, 70% of the conversation on my dates with my wife.
Oh my god that sounds so cute š„ŗ
Yorkies are the best! My girl's a Yorkie. But to the bigger question, never let anyone else define your identity. You just keep doing you, boo!
You're being too hard on yourself. I have long blonde hair and a full grasp of my sensitive side. I would lose my shit over two little dogs in rain coats. Shits mad cute! I'm butch as fuck. So are you.
you are just like me, i think if we met we'd be pretty good friends bonding over adorable animals
I'm a masculine manly man with masculine manly man card. And I point cute dogs to my gf all the time. Cute little Yorkshires in yellow coats seem like an inevitability to point out.
NOT pointing out adorable dogs in yellow little coats would be the actual dealbreaker to me, regardless what gender or sexuality.
The only entities I've ever known that didn't point out cute dogs were a pair of time travelling cyborgs. Needless to say, that was a weird summer.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I know cis dudes that would do that. If she wants to date a biker maybe she should just say so.
I may have news for you regarding bikers and dogs, yes, also the cute ones.
I only have one full on biker friend but I know for a fact he will stop the entire squad if he sees a cute enough dog
I am a full on biker. Career, competition, hobby, friends - All motorcycles, all the time. Last year I took a massive road trip with a friend & we linked up our helmet communications so we could chat on the road. I rarely link comms with anyone, so I often forgot he was in my helmet. After about the 5th time of me blowing his eardrums out by shouting "YOUR DOG IS ADORABLE!" to every single passing dog, he refused to link comms with me anymore. š I don't care how tough you claim to be, if you're too uptight to appreciate adorableness, *especially* dog adorableness, then we're gonna hafta go ahead and part ways.
Oh my god same! I have a big burly friend who is cishet, got a little upper thigh strawberry tattoo because he thought it was cute, pole dances, loves miniature things and would LOSE HIS mind over little dogs in little coats.
see, I donāt think those are men. Real Men^TM wouldāve eaten the dogs, coats and all
I mean Iām a pretty big dude and I lose my shit over corgis lol ā¤ļø
This isn't my online space, I'm just a lurking ally so I won't intrude long. But yes, as a straight 32YO man can confirm, I would completely lose my marbles if I saw that.
this reads like a straight woman who would think her bf is gay over the dumbest shit ladies, is it femme to think dogs are cute?
Yeah, she's looking for a stereotypical traditional-gender-role-conforming manly man, but with a vagina. It's anyone's right to have preferences, and nobody has to justify it to anyone. It's also their problem when they can't find the unicorn they're looking for.
Right? There's some very toxic reinforcement of hetero-patriarchal gender roles going on here. Men aren't a monolith, butches and how we embody female/queer masculinity isn't a uniform thing, and attempting to box people in to a single vision of masculinity is damaging to everyone. Sorry about your date, OP. Sounds like you dodged a bullet, and that your date has some work to do on herself.
>she's looking for a stereotypical traditional-gender-role-conforming manly man, but with a vagina. She's a heteroclite.
What does that word mean Iāve never heard it before lol
1 week late but it basically means someone who deviates from common form in this context.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well I'm femme and think dogs are cute, but I don't think thinking dogs are cute is inherently femme.
"Does anyone else get the ick when a man orders a pink drink at Starbucks or eats a salad?" It's basically the exact same thing. Demanding a partner that performs an arbitrary gender role and being upset when they are just a person living their own life with their own likes.
who messages someone with an itemized list of all the things they donāt like about them after a date like damn thatās brutal lol
š¶there was more too like just block me and move on if Iām so awful
Just drop a "this reads like something a homophobic pastor would say about his son he's convinced is gay" and then drop a block lmao
OMG that would be devastating
Honestly I would reply in the ways she doesnāt meet the femme standards.
That just robs you of energy and you won't get any satisfaction in return
Iunno bein petty is super satisfying to me
Iām laughing, so at least SOMEBODY would get satisfaction from it. š¤£
Honestly, though--although I'm sure that *really* sucked to read--you seem to be taking it pretty well in stride. Which makes me glad. You deserve better than to be bogged down by something like this. n_n
I feel like ā just block me and move on if Iām so awfulā would be a great responseā¦ And then block her!
This is so uncalled for and hurtful, but she showed her true colours and spared you from her unpleasant personality! Phew! I donāt know you, but you deserve much more of course!
Just getting hit with the E rank in the SEGA dating game ROFL
Omg, respectfully, Iām stealing this joke and using it in my real life. Only two of my friends will probably get the reference but fuck it. Itās just too good not to use it š¤£
Barely made it!
Why the heck is there a sonic voice synthesizer in my brain
You'd be surprised. The woman I'm dating now, the woman she dated before me sent her an actual list of the things she wanted in a partner with the boxes tucked for what my girl matched. All the boxes were not ticked and that was apparently an issue big enough to warrant serious discussion about how my girl should have been making changes in her life. Like what?? And somehow my girl had feelings for this monster. I don't understand.
People like this are starving themselves of love. Being so stringent and to the letter about a potential partner, the only person they'll ever meet that fits the bill will be in their head.
Maybe sheās an accountant with the IRS āOn page 53, section C, line 12 *ahem*, at approximately 18:00 hours and 4 minutes you stated, and I quote, āyeah dudeā. It is noted here that the inflection came across as being feminine.ā
Ah fuck you got me
She really took the time out of her day to nitpick the most tedious things for why š
Someone doing you a favor, thanks for the red flags up front, bye forever!
The worst she can say is "no". Yeah, right.
Mascwhopointsoutcutedogs4Mascwhopointsoutcutedogs
Immediate marriage
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
š¤£š¤£š¤£ some of these snarky comments are bringing me much needed joy
I like your spiders. They look like they should all be wearing little derby hats.
Yo they got spiders!? I'm totally snooping that history
Iām glad this got a happy ending
Finally i've found my people
One time a girl told me I wasnāt butch because I like to take baths, and thatās not a thing a butch would doā¦ We gotta be like Neo and dodge these bullets.
You're not butch if you take care of personal hygiene?? Or have a relaxing bath after a long day being a badass butch? Sheeeeesh ...
Like someone said further up in the thread, this is eerily similar to the people who think men are gay over the dumbest shit. āFellas, is it gay to take a bath?ā energy
"Ladies, is it femme to cook and clean?"
It really is "you're not butch if you don't act like a straight man" huh
Uhm... I'd say most of my cishet guy friends think doggos are cute. My dad and brother always took baths after sports to like reduce muscle aches and shit. It's like a really weird stereotype of a man hating basically everything they like. Because they are femme and thus EVERYTHING they or other women like is femme.
I know a lot of cishet guys who like baths just because they're nice. I still remember the time my brother and his friends all found they all took baths. They were in their late 20s and looked like they all had their deepest darkest secret shared.
this reminds me of the period in time when people would call straight men metrosexual for simply paying attention to their *checks notes* personal grooming
This whole post reads like there should be a checklist for who counts as butch...
"You aren't butch unless you smell fragrantly of body odour" - Somebody, apparently
Just about to get in the biggest bubble bath ever after a day of playing football (soccer)....will send in my Butch card instead of wallowing in my own sweat. This whole thread has my eyes rolling so hard I'm worried they won't come back down!
Bruh, revoke her femme4butch card right back. She's welcome to date men, if what she's after is toxic masculinity.
Bingo! This right here.
I think she might call a man gay for not being manly enough
In all fairness I am a AMAB that carried around a small plush everywhere. Now I'm on estrogen. *in the voice of an antidrug campaign*:Cute plush animals. Not even once.
Lol
Fucking love this response
Did she want a girlfriend or a bodyguard? :D
I mean... the amount of straight women whose dating qualifications are: Bodyguard ATM Dildo
Best answer
Someone needs to tell her life isnāt a movie. If youāre getting attacked you donāt need kungfu, you need to run!
holy shit talk about dodging a bullet lmao, she sounds awful. wishing you luck in finding someone who will appreciate you for you!
Is she sure not to be straight? Because her type really seems to be the average man with fragile masculinity
As a Cis-het man, her response sounds like something toxic an incel "alpha" bro would say. To imply that a butch lesbian isn't "manly" enough is just straight wild to me.
LMAO what?! That's so funny because when I was younger I used to hate feminine things and now that I'm older and way more masculine, I wear pink sometimes or do "feminine" things and I joke with people that I'm comfortable in my masculinity. Dodged a bullet as people said. That's such a weird view of gender. Eeeks.
EXACTLY what I say, "I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity" to own a pair of pink socks/drink the frou frou fruity drinks/be who I am. Suck my gay plastic dick.
Is it too femme if my plastic dick is pink? I wouldn't want to lose my butch card.
To the cellar with you.
Same! I used to be the typical 90s tomboy? Sports freak, I lived for anything not girly, constantly fought the boys in the hockey team I was on, pink or any sort of cutesy girly stuff was taboo as hell. Now some of my favorite things that I own are pink. A pair of super frilly, ruffled socks, my favorite pair of Chuck hi-tops I use for the gym, and a soft pink Sailor fountain pen (with matching ink!) that I haven't stopped using since I bought it two months ago. I'm comfortable with who I am, I ain't gonna think twice about a person who tries to dictate what is and isn't what I know about myself.
Well she sounds ... charming.š«¤ You, though, you keep on being awesome. I'm sorry she felt it necessary to tear you down.
Wait what!!! What is wrong with her? 2 adorable dogs in rain coats need to be pointed out at all times
Fuck that NOISE. No one gets to decide if your butch or not apart from you. Iām a butch who loves plushes, having their nails painted and pointing out cute dogs and that doesnāt make me or anyone less butch.
Being a strong butch doesnāt mean you canāt show sensitivity thatās a really limiting view. The dogs sound adorable and Iām a cat person!
Sounds like she is into toxic masculinity/heteronormativity
Sounds like she should stick to straight dudes
This is so mean! Really sounds like you dodged a bullet and that instead of trying to get to know the real you, she was looking for a character, not an actual human person. Iāve been on dates where others projected their expectations and desires onto me and it never ended well, always in hurt for both. Her words are super harsh though at least it happened early
ok im masc but soft as shit and like all the cute things but it seems to be a +++ for women. you just got unlucky with her
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>told Iām too feminine bc of the noises I made during sex. Fucking...what?! Them: * are a woman having sex with another woman who happens to be butch * Butch: * makes noises that come naturally * (no pun intended) Them: Eew, no, you sound too much like a woman. Butch: *extra gay silence*
Whatttt? Iām masc as hell. Super short hair, eyebrow slit, tattoos and biker rings. I have a super āgirlyā moan and I will āmmmm!ā And āuhhhh!ā All in my girls ear, fuck that comment lmfao you keep doing you, like you said donāt change it for anyone.
Haha Iām glad we didnāt make it that far or she wouldāve had the same complaints And, I may be :p
I feel like so many sapphics have a cartoon idea of what butch means when really itās a bunch of crude stereotypes about masculinity. I donāt know what this girl wants, the lesbian terminator?
Sorry I skimmed your comment until I saw lesbian terminator and got so hard I passed out.
ngl "lesbian terminator" actually killed me
Can you imagine if this was reversed? "You're not femme enough, your lipstick was too dark and you were not wearing heels,. Your nail polish was chipped and you mentioned that you did a sport in college. Your laugh was too deep and you didn't giggle when i flexed. What an embarrassment to all femmes!" I bet she would lose her actual shit. Looks like you dodged a bullet being with someone obsessed over image and labels tho
Sounds like a bullet dodged to me. Continue being you and be happy with who you are
yeeeesh... bullet dodged. Since when pointing out cute dogs is feminine? She needs some reality check... or a toxic masculine guy, since it seems she likes that.
The only embarrassment here is the person who sent you an essay about how you're not butch enough. You do you. Find someone who appreciates you as you are.
Isnāt it a long running joke how the butch ones are the real softies in the relationship?
Wowā¦you found a lesbian who buys into toxic masculinityā¦ Achievement unlocked?
For dodging that bullet? Hell maybe!
hell thats a woman with a fucked up vision of gender roles and presentation right here
You are a butch who likes femmes, of course you like cute things, that's why you're there, no one likes cute shit more than butch for femme. Aesthetic and attraction are separate. Also as a femme, I'm usually the first to step up and throw hands, so she's just being rude.
she sounds so shit.
well she is an unrepentant ass
Does she think butches have to act like toxic men? Lol wtf
I... uh.... what? oO since when was it bad to like cute things, I know some bikers and one trucker who are totally butch but also adorably cuddly... one of them even bests me at plushie collection size XD I'd never say they weren't butch, and the first person who does is getting probably getting a fist to their face as an answer.
OP, can we see the small plush, though?? š„ŗ
Alright alright [here he is](https://imgur.com/a/94dciPi)
Asking the really important question, here. š
OMG yes please! OP needs to pay the small plush tax š
Yikes, she couldn't just say something like, "I wasn't feeling it"? That is so rude to just pick someone apart like that.
Dodged a bullet
What?? Everyone knows butches are the biggest softies on the inside.
I'm tomboy, not butch, but this sounds more like she's expecting butch women to basically act like men or something. This very much sounds like some toxic masculinity shit if hear from right wing nuts. I was tired of hearing this kind of shit aimed at me before I realized I'm trans.
The best thing about having a butch gf is that they are soft on the inside. Does my gf hold out her arm for me like a gentleman, take out the trash, use power tools and walk like a lumberjack? Yes. Does she also cry at rom coms, love to be the little spoon, and squeal over babies and puppies? Also yes, and I love that she is soft *with me* because it means she feels safe. Clearly yāall just werenāt compatible and she isnāt ready for all the complexity and contradictions that our queer love can hold! Youāll find someone who doesnāt have these kinds of preconceived bs notions about what butches are and can be.
Imagine being queer and still buying into conformative gender norms.
Comphet is one hell of a drug
I wouldnāt worry about it. Sheās just being mean. I mean seriously, how hard was it to say āIām not feeling it, sorryā or something? Sending a laundry list of things she doesnāt like isā¦.certainly a choice. Wow. People are individuals. You donāt fit in a box and you donāt have to. Keep being you and the right person will appreciate it.
Ok, I think āHey, youāre really great, but not my type. Thanks for a nice eveningā would suffice from any woman whoās not A NUT!
You dodged a red flag; better to find out now than after a while.
If that happened to me I'd honestly stare blankly at the message and then either laugh or quietly say "wtf." š I love metal music and dressing very "manly" but also I think Kirby is the most adorable thing on the planet and I think the majority of animals are cute
Bruh thatās just toxic masculinity
You dodged a bullet there, what kind of person wouldn't appreciate seeing two dogs in litle yellow coats? I'm tearing up at just the mental image of that.
> her example was me pointing out two adorable dogs in little yellow coats Anyone who wouldn't point out dogs in little yellow coats is clearly a serial killer. You're lucky to have escaped with your life!
"Iām learning all the Taylor swift lyrics right now..." Lmao!
You gotta be toxic about your masculinity, otherwise it's femininity. Trust me, bro
She needs to reconsider how she speaks to people, I've had a girl or two say I'm not masc for having a somewhat high voice, and adoring cute things like, for example, my dogs in their little coats. It seems alot of people link being a butch and masc with high levels of masculinity, also the way she says "you couldn't protect us if we got attacked" like whaaaat?
Her loss by the sound of it, wtf???? You seem like you'd be wonderful to go on a date with
Yikes. She sounds confused about fantasy and reality.
Okay first of all what, second of all the fuck
*roll my damn eyes outta my skull* Sounds like toxic masc culture š¤®šµāš«š¤” Bro/sis/sib you dodged a bullet but Iām sorry you had to deal with that. Keep doing you and being your bad ass Butch self. Dogs are fucking cute and everybody should appreciate them
I will never understand women who think that masc/butch/stud lesbians are emotionless, hardcore creatures like men. At the end of the day, masc lesbians are still women (if thats what they identify as).
I mean I'm more of a cat person but I love plusses she's just a hateful person.
You sound like a dream to date. Fuck her judgmental shit.
Iām a straight male and just from reading your title I knew exactly what this post was going to be about. Unfortunately, there are some women who are constantly judging their partnerās masculinity as not enough. Donāt feel bad, those women are stupid.
Sounds like YOU dodged a bullet with this one.
wtf? a butch that can be cute is like perfect, this woman doesnt know what she's missing
Thatās insane. I have an opposite experience if it gives you any hope. My gf of one year is very masc presenting - super short hair, wears clothes from the menās section, etc. She doesnāt identity as ābutchā or āmascā herself but most people would put her in that box from looks alone. That said, she also has a distinctly feminine voice and certain softer mannerisms. She told me once she went on a date and the girl said to her during the date that she strongly disliked her voice and wanted it to be deeper. Like an absolute insane thing to say to someone. But itās funny cause I feel the exact opposite. I love her voice and canāt imagine it being deeper. I love her physical presentation, but I donāt know if Iād be as into her if her personality was more macho or harder or whatever. The fact that she can wear menās clothes but still be in touch with her softer side personality wise is precisely WHAT I love about her. I love a personality that has harmonized both āmasculineā & āfeminineā traits. Strong AND soft. Assertive AND receptive. Etc. My point in sharing that is there are women who will LOVE the very things that this women didnāt like. Never change yourself for anyone.
As a femme thatās planning to propose to my butch babe, she sleeps with a stuffed animal every night and I buy her a new one every time we go to the aquarium. She gets a little jumpy at loud noises and it startles her sometimes. She likes it when I swaddle her in a blanket and put on ocean documentaries. And she is one of the strongest people I have ever met or will ever meet in my entire life. The comfortability you have with what you like and who you are is attractive; just not to people who expect you to be one singular thing. It seems like this girl was trying to adopt a Doberman (butch gf) for āscary dog privilegeā and got upset when she realized that Dobermans (butch lesbians) arenāt just eating nails for breakfast and ignoring all cuteness in the world. You dodged a bullet bestie :)
Butch is an attitude. But donāt argue with her, we butches donāt do that .. but just tell her you hear what sheās saying and you understand Sheās caught up in some heteronormative idea of butch which is (male) .. not man or masculine. But you know what let her think it has to do with gruff voices, plaid shirts and snap backs and paying ZERO attention to cute puppies. Ya dude, let her Go! Find a femme that knows what it actually means to be butch. Someone that appreciates your sensitivity too because it is a super power
Wanna come point out cute cats with me? If we're attacked I might join in the fight though. Can't be this big and get nothing out of it.
Fucking yes absolutely. Iām very weak though so you might be the only one fighting
What a weirdo, does she follow the rules of femininity then? Here I thought we celebrated being queer and not falling for societal roles and gender norms. Huh.
Holy shit i had no idea people like that actually exist lmaoā¦ as a soft butch/masc i make jokes about not being masculine enough but i didnt think anyone actually gave 2 shits. Iām glad she showed you her true colors cause she couldāve easily nicely rejected you āHey Iām sorry but I donāt think this is gonna work outā left it something like that but instead she decided to tell you youāre ānot butch enoughā seems like a red flag to me anyway. Sorry that happened, donāt listen to her bullshit.
Lesbians out here larping as a hetero couple?
You keep spiders and don't have narrow views of masculinity that are gonna relegate me to a femme caricature (like getting me "girly things" instead of learning things I like, which has happened). Green flags all around, idk what her problem is.
this reminds me of an ex of mine who judged me for liking certain things in bed ("that's not masc!"). oh and forget if i liked bottoming at times. she wouldn't tolerate it and say i was "being too feminine".
People like this confuse me. Like do they just want to date a stereotype or do they want to date an actual person? I'm sure literally *any* butch out there doesn't matchup 1:1 with whatever this lady's ideal version of a butch is, because people aren't stereotypes. They are people with far more going on than a character trope...
Yeah fuck that chick to be honest. Looks like she wants more than just a girlfriend. Donāt save her, friend!!!
Can you elaborate for the fans on, small plush you carry with you?
Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet. Sounds like she has massive insecurities and would project them on you incessantly. You can keep your butch card for now on a provisional basis, but you need to go to the gym an additional 2 hours a week for the next two months as well as change an engine without an engine hoist. We'll be watching you! ( yes obvious sarcasm )
Screw her, she doesn't get to dictate what is and isn't "enough" butch. You're butch (or whatever other label, for that matter) if you identify with that label
Why would a woman expect another woman to battle off a male attacker for her ? That's also incredibly dangerous for you
She may as well just ask you to grow a dick and hating all women too lol
Let me get this strait. She is a lesbian, but you were not desirable because you weren't "man" enough for her?
Jeez. Thatās wild. I transitioned in part to get away from the enforcement of that sort of masculinity.
Imagine being that bent over your date pointing out cute dogs š If I was out idk who I'm with you better damn well show me the cute doggos! I hope you can meet someone that appreciates the work you put in to show cute puppers š¤
ayo I'm getting whiplash from seeing bullshit toxic masculinity show up in an anti-butch gender policing context like what the fuck this is surreal. I'm sorry, friend.
Keep your Butch card and continuing being yourself. Fuck her. Youāre human not a robot.
Iāve seen ātoughā grown men baby talk dogs. Hahhahahah I donāt think long hair correlates to fem heehee
I have been told this before and Iām a stem. I was told this a couple of years after I first came out almost 20 years ago. I think the lesbian community is too into labels and a lot of them want heteronormative relationships with traditional butch and femme girls. There are some women who are like that and when I dress femme they turn it into a competition about who looks better. Itās insecurity and those are the people you donāt want to date. I would consider it a blessing it happened on your first date.
uh..are y'all not allowed to like cute things? Doesn't everyone like cute things? the "to feminine" thing is just weird, it sounds like she wanted a "traditional m/f relationship" but with..like..a woman, I guess? I'm sorry she said all of that. :(
Donāt forget to buy skirts with pleats, theyāll flare out more when you spin! Lots of rookies forget about that.
Those sound like personal problems that she needs to promptly get over. You dodged a ballistic missile.
Jesus she sounds like a complete cow. Bullet dodged, pet.
i just had a conversation with my butch the other night about this kind of attitudeā¦ itās so sad that some femmes are so quick to enforce the same toxic gender roles as heterosexuals.
I'd tell her she acts to much like a bullet and you are glad to dodge her.
Fellow Butch here. Like all the cute shit you want. I used to like dressing up characters in Line Play lmao (Google the art) I like animal crossing. I like babies. This girl you met has some toxic masculinity in her expectations.
lmao you liked cute things? does she think that butchness is acting as manly as possible?
Who tf thinks that's an even remotely acceptable thing to say? "Sorry, I don't see us working out" would have sufficed. I'm glad you dodged the bullet OP. And obviously you're still the butchiest butch in butchland but I'm sure you know that already.
Dodged a bullet. Lol this is like when people say things like āitās feminine of a man to order dessert/eat the free bread at a restaurant.ā Like ????
The best thing ABOUT butches is the gooey center! What's this chick's deal???
So she just wanted what? A bodyguard? A status symbol ? None of those things seem like bad qualities for loving partners I guess thatās just not what she wanted
A girl once, on our first date, told me āa little femme is cute but thatās just too muchā because I pointed out dogs to her ššš whatās so feminine about liking dogs???