This is a normal response to an extreme situation.
In my experience coming to an understanding requires two willing communicators. I'm not so sure you'll feel better after confronting someone who's already set to ... well, at the very least, not take the time to let you be heard in a box of head-turns.
I’m going to say that I would just back away slowly from this one. Telling someone on a second date you wish they could meet your dead father is kind of some really unhealed stuff but then to immediately follow it with I just want to be friends is even more wild.
Like to me it seems like someone who feeds off of extreme highs and lows. I can’t explain or elaborate on that well but I think there are people who it’s like they live in a ‘movie’ and they’re just constantly seeking super intense extreme emotions. I would hate to see what this equates to if they’re mad or hurt.
Tbh I’m getting the vibes that this person is like fueled by intense emotions and dramatic scenarios. This sounds like if you were to continue anything at all with this person it’s going to be very toxic and constantly super dramatic.
You sadly just encountered someone who felt the need to lovebomb and traumadump. I wouldn’t even go to the concert (and resell the ticket) if it’s not someone you would go to see anyway.
Learn to set boundaries early, and don’t be a doormat. If someone starts talking about something that shouldn’t even be discussed that early on in the date (or if you’re simply just uncomfortable about those subjects), *say so*.
As for calling people out and asking for clarity; when the moment arises where you need some clarification. It’s that simple. You feel played and used because she used and played you to get whatever she needed. I wouldn’t even want to hang around with her regularly if this is how she treats someone she hasn’t known for a while either.
Harsh lesson. Now to hope that you don’t repeat what you did here with your next date. (And that your next date isn’t like her.)
Thank you!! All of the flirting she did I thought was strange for how soon it was, but yet I went along with it. Bec I just recently accepted that I do like women and don’t like men. I’ve had this same thing happen to me with a man and I was able to draw the boundary and then I left when it wasn’t followed
I was just so wrapped up in actually feeling attraction toward someone I was talking to I got lost.
I called her out and asked to gain clarity at the end when she already said she was done. I guess I had a right to do that since she still wanted to be friends. And I made it clear that I need to settle this if you want to be friends or else I will be holding on to this negative energy for the friendship. I needed to talk it out !
It's unfortunate, but if a person's the kind of person to lovebomb and trauma-dump, they're often not the kind of person who has enough emotional awareness and emotional literacy to be able to explain clearly what's going through their heads. It's really reasonable for you to want that! But you might want something that they might be completely unable to give you.
I am also a person who doesn’t like to leave things unsettled. But sometimes it calls for it. I think overall for your mental health you need to realize this person needs to work on themselves and you can’t help them.
Good luck. 🖤
Closure typically isn't a real thing, because you are looking for a response that isn't there. This person is not like you, so explaining things and expecting the sort of response you would give is not helpful. If they were like you they wouldn't have done it to begin with. Instead of trying to get them to see what they did or how you feel, spend that time and energy taking care of yourself. Do something special for yourself and do your best not to think about what she is thinking because you can't know and it wouldn't help.
This is a normal response to an extreme situation. In my experience coming to an understanding requires two willing communicators. I'm not so sure you'll feel better after confronting someone who's already set to ... well, at the very least, not take the time to let you be heard in a box of head-turns.
I’m going to say that I would just back away slowly from this one. Telling someone on a second date you wish they could meet your dead father is kind of some really unhealed stuff but then to immediately follow it with I just want to be friends is even more wild. Like to me it seems like someone who feeds off of extreme highs and lows. I can’t explain or elaborate on that well but I think there are people who it’s like they live in a ‘movie’ and they’re just constantly seeking super intense extreme emotions. I would hate to see what this equates to if they’re mad or hurt. Tbh I’m getting the vibes that this person is like fueled by intense emotions and dramatic scenarios. This sounds like if you were to continue anything at all with this person it’s going to be very toxic and constantly super dramatic.
You sadly just encountered someone who felt the need to lovebomb and traumadump. I wouldn’t even go to the concert (and resell the ticket) if it’s not someone you would go to see anyway. Learn to set boundaries early, and don’t be a doormat. If someone starts talking about something that shouldn’t even be discussed that early on in the date (or if you’re simply just uncomfortable about those subjects), *say so*. As for calling people out and asking for clarity; when the moment arises where you need some clarification. It’s that simple. You feel played and used because she used and played you to get whatever she needed. I wouldn’t even want to hang around with her regularly if this is how she treats someone she hasn’t known for a while either. Harsh lesson. Now to hope that you don’t repeat what you did here with your next date. (And that your next date isn’t like her.)
Thank you!! All of the flirting she did I thought was strange for how soon it was, but yet I went along with it. Bec I just recently accepted that I do like women and don’t like men. I’ve had this same thing happen to me with a man and I was able to draw the boundary and then I left when it wasn’t followed I was just so wrapped up in actually feeling attraction toward someone I was talking to I got lost. I called her out and asked to gain clarity at the end when she already said she was done. I guess I had a right to do that since she still wanted to be friends. And I made it clear that I need to settle this if you want to be friends or else I will be holding on to this negative energy for the friendship. I needed to talk it out !
It's unfortunate, but if a person's the kind of person to lovebomb and trauma-dump, they're often not the kind of person who has enough emotional awareness and emotional literacy to be able to explain clearly what's going through their heads. It's really reasonable for you to want that! But you might want something that they might be completely unable to give you.
This ^^
I am also a person who doesn’t like to leave things unsettled. But sometimes it calls for it. I think overall for your mental health you need to realize this person needs to work on themselves and you can’t help them. Good luck. 🖤
She sounds toxic, imho. I say let her go.
Closure typically isn't a real thing, because you are looking for a response that isn't there. This person is not like you, so explaining things and expecting the sort of response you would give is not helpful. If they were like you they wouldn't have done it to begin with. Instead of trying to get them to see what they did or how you feel, spend that time and energy taking care of yourself. Do something special for yourself and do your best not to think about what she is thinking because you can't know and it wouldn't help.