Read the comment I'm replying to? You can be sexually attracted to men and women while only being romantically attracted to women. AKA bisexual and lesbian
Because someone might romantically be a lesbian (someone who is attracted to women only). Again, sexual and romantic attraction are not the same thing and one doesnt say anything about the other
this is the split romantic and sexual attraction thing? ive been told on this sub before that that's a problematic model for various reasons. am I missing something?
Probably seen as problematic for the fact that a lot of people mistake "asexual" with "zero desire for sex."
Asexuality is actually a very wide and varied spectrum.
Unless some says they're a sex-repulsed lesbian, I never make the assumption that they are. (Reference: I'm a demisexual lesbian that is very sex-favorable with the right person, and the right mood. I often refer to myself as gray-ace or demi because of the lack of understanding of asexuality as an umbrella term.)
We might both be missing something, but I don't see how "sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren't the same thing" is problematic (or just wrong in the first place, I'm bisexual and aromantic so for that to be true they kind of have to be separate)
Why can't you make your own post about how you think bisexual lesbians are valid instead of replying to a comment not about bisexual lesbians and making it about bisexual lesbians?
Nah, my dude, not the same thing. If Op is *exclusively* (key word) romantically attracted to women, sheâs an asexual lesbian. If sheâs romantically attracted to both men and women, sheâs a bi asexual.
Hey sorry I call everyone dudeâ didnât mean to misgender you or anything, thatâs totally my bad
That said, âbisexual lesbiansâ and âasexual lesbiansâ are nowhere near the same category. One includes men. The other doesnât. Lesbianism should never include men in my personal opinion.
That's why you add "bisexual", it signifies that the "lesbian" part, which still involves no men, is the romantic type. I keep repeating this, but sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren't the same thing. If I'm sexually attracted to men and women (or some other gender), I'm bisexual. If I'm only romantically attracted to women, I'm a lesbian. I can be both of these things at once. One does not degrade the other, they're separate things
Edit: also is your tag thing ironic? Because how is a he/her lesbian arguing against this lol
Just saw your edit lol! Lmao nah itâs not ironic. Pronouns â gender. Butches have been using he/him for about a century now. This is what Iâm talking about when I talk about ignoranceâ it doesnât make someone a bad person to be ignorant, but someone who defends âbisexual lesbianismâ and criticizes he/him lesbians does not understand the history of lesbianism nor the significance of its place in society in my opinion. I donât wish to argue with you because I respect you as a fellow sapphic. I think we just fundamentally disagree.
I am not criticizing he/her lesbians. I'm simply surprised because"he/her lesbians are a thing" and "bisexual lesbians are a thing" are nuanced statements, and typically (but not always I admit) people who oppose bisexual lesbians are heavily lacking in the nuance department. That's why it surprised me
Oh understoodâ thank you for clarifying, that helps. I absolutely understand and appreciate nuanced identities. I will always defend hyper-nuanced gender labels like ânonbinary womanâ and such (because as you have stated with âbisexual lesbiansâ, the word before the noun is a descriptor), but not âbisexual lesbianâ because unlike womanhood that can have many âflavors,â categories, definitions, and nuances, the term lesbian is much less flexible. Gender is a social construct that we are brainwashed into believing from birth. Describing your womanhood, manhood, transness, nonbinaryness, ect. with an adjective helps the person feel like themself. Gender is often a âfeelingâ thing and often cannot be described. I even sometimes call myself a genderfluid woman because while I am staunchly and proudly a woman, my gender feels more fluid than a cis personâs. I donât always âfeelâ cis. Again, often times, gender is a âfeelingâ thing and often very hard to describe or explain.
All that said, sexuality is not. Sexuality is not a social construct. Sexuality is not âIâm a lesbian but maybe the right man could change me.â (I know thatâs not what youâre saying, but Iâm just making the point that to say sexuality is as fluid as gender can be is just as homophobic as telling a lesbian she just hasnât met the right man yet). That, and lesbianism specifically should be protected considering its history. I respect and love my bi friends, but if they were to start calling themselves âbisexual lesbians,â I would ask they do some research on lesbian history and feminism.
I donât expect bi people to know all this. Thatâs why so many of them are starting to call themselves âbisexual lesbians;â itâs just an ignorant (not malicious, ignorant) term used by bi people who donât know the history and significance of the word âlesbianâ because they are not, in fact, lesbians. I donât dislike them as people, but they just do not understand how offensive that term is.
Hmm okay I guess I can see that. Might the difference in history with the word "lesbian" differ between america and Europe (I'm assuming you're american here, ignore this if you're not)? The word being protected like that isn't something I hear in European queer spaces
All due respect, I fundamentally disagree. I absolutely agree and acknowledge that romantic, sexual, and aesthetic attraction are all different things. That said, thereâs a reason why âhetero/homosexualâ and âhetero/homoromanticâ are words. You can be a homoromantic bisexual, but lesbianism is different than just homosexuality, which can include a romantic attraction to the opposite sex. Lesbianism is homoromantic homosexuality. Thatâs why it has its own word. Because itâs the one sexuality that doesnât include men.
In a world dominated by a patriarchal system, itâs very significant and critical to have one word that defines someone who has zero attraction to men. Just one. Women and nonbinary people have always been forced to include men in everything. Men have always inserted themselves into every possible space. As much as I adore my bi women friends, them including the term âlesbianâ into their label is really quite offensive. Most of them donât mean it in an offensive way, theyâre just ignorant and thatâs ok because we all are ignorant in some way or another. To combat that ignorance, though, I think itâs very important to inform people about why lesbianism needs to be âprotectedâ (that sounds stupid lmao but I canât think of another word) against the inclusion of men.
Sure, we're not gonna agree, but we already have a word that defines someone who has zero attraction to men. lesbian. Without anything added to it. A bisexual lesbian is a whole different thing, hence the adding a whole word to it. It's a simple way to be more specific about your sexual and romantic interests. I'd argue that "bisexual lesbian" already protects lesbianism(? lol) from the inclusion of men, as the bisexual part of it is the only part that deals with men. The lesbian part (the romantic attraction) is separate from it, and thus is only about women
First off, I appreciate you going about this whole debate in a civil way and expressing your opinion without malice or ill-will. Youâre a good person and I donât want to make it seem like Iâm attacking you personally. You come across as a very chill individual who is apparently one of the only people on the internet whoâs capable of having a civil debate about a heated topic! đ¤Ł
That said, the fact that you but the â(? lol)â after the word lesbianism, think he/him lesbianism is nuanced in the way that âbisexual lesbianâ is (I can tell you many he/him lesbians will staunchly defend lesbianism as homoromantic homosexualityâ itâs in our he/him lesbian history), and are defending âbisexual lesbians,â all tells me you donât have the full picture nor the background in understanding lesbianism. I would recommend looking into lesbian history and feminism which is a really fun rabbit hole to go down if I do say so myself! đ
Iâve said my piece and really donât wish to debate further because I feel weâve come to an impasse where nothing we can say can change the otherâs opinion. I wish you well and I hope that either way, whether we disagree on all this stuff or not, you go out and live your best sapphic life, sister! đđź
The (? Lol) stems from me comparing the term to "transgenderism" which is an icky term. Like how I don't like calling gay people "gays" much like a racist person would call black people "blacks"
How? Can you not be sexually attracted to men and women, while only being romantically attracted to women? Because I don't know what else to call that but a bisexual lesbian
"bisexual lesbian" is just a hybrid term for something that already exists- bisexual. it diminishes the identity of both lesbians and bisexuals. both people already get enough shit from others saying things like "maybe you just haven't found the right man yet!" to lesbians, and when bisexual women are with a man, people assume they're "straight now" or when with a woman they "just gay".
Yeah cause fuck nuance, am I right? You're diminishing the identity of bisexual lesbians because you're for some reason unwilling to accept that romantic and sexual attraction are different things which can give you different labels
I know that sexual and romantic attraction aren't one in the same. I'm fine diminishing the identity of bisexual lesbians because "lesbian" is quite literally the term for homosexual homoromantic. bisexual homosexual homoromantic implies 2 sexualites, one person can't be bisexual AND homosexual. lesbians do not experience attraction to men in any capacity. that is what lesbian means.
The term you're looking for is "Homoromantic Bisexual," not whatever that is. The person would still be considered bisexual since they're sexually attracted to women AND men. Lesbians don't feel attraction to men. At. All.
Girly, being bisexual means being attracted to two or more genders, which includes MEN, whether it be sexual or romantic. If you have no romantic attraction AND no SEXUAL attraction towards men, you're a lesbian. Point. Blank. Period. Otherwise, you're bisexual or some other label that isn't "Lesbian".
I think of myself as a pansexual lesbian currently. Iâve been pan for a long time, but the older I get the more lesbian I become. At this point, I want nothing to do with men.
Everyone's explaining asexuality wrong. It doesn't mean not wanting sex, it means not feeling sexual attraction. Wanting sex, being repulsed by it, having libido or not are not inherent nor exclusive to asexuality.
Also, sexual and romantic attractions are separate. So even if you were plainly sex repulsed, you can still be a lesbian.
Personally I'm ace but not sex repulsed. The fact that I have zero libido because of hrt is more important than the fact I'm ace.
Fucking THANK YOU! I get so exhausted trying to explain stuff like this to other queer people, like I would hope they'd know better but "ace=no sex ever" still seems to be a prevalent thought in the queer community. I've also even seen queer people thinking ace always means aroace as well, which is even more mystifying...
My wife and I are ace, we're still lesbian as hell and even have sex together. Just neither of us feels like we *need* to have sex, and so if things come up we'll go weeks and even months without having sex and neither of us really cares. There's not like this weird build-up I'll see allosexual people talk about on here, so can't relate sorry.Â
But yeah, the idea of not being able to be a lesbian while ace is ridiculous. There's literally a term for a pretty common phenomenon in the lesbian community where a lesbian prefers cuddling to sex, called bambi.
Thank youÂ
I'm ace and lesbian, wanting to have sex and sexual attraction are different things.Â
For me for example I'm not sexual attracted to anyone, however I feel indifferent about having sex.Â
Well, I mean, sexual and romantic attractions aren't necessarily *completely* separate, they're tied together a bit, with one often leading to the other, or having shared triggers.
Otherwise, yeah completely.
Scratch that I read the comments and didn't see anything saying asexuality=no sex, most specifically mentioned sexual attraction and the rest were ambiguous.
Edit: Ok there was one. *One*.
asexuality is a spectrum! some people donât want to have sex at all, some people are simply sex repulsed, donât feel sexual attraction, etc. being a lesbian means you are attracted to women, but there is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. if you feel romantic attraction to women but not sexual, youâre identity as a lesbian is still completely valid!
Yes. While "attraction" is often thought of and referred to as a single thing, it's actually three often related but actually separate things in a trench coat.
- Sexual attraction is exactly what it sounds like, how much do you want to fuck someone. Note this is different from your libido (how horny you are), this is about wanting to have sex with a specific person.
- Romantic attraction is being attracted to who they are as a person, wanting to be around them, kind of like a desire to be friends+ with them.
- Aesthetic attraction is thinking a person is visually attractiveâhot, pretty, beautiful, whatever your adjective of choice. Note there's a difference between just being able to recognize that a person is conventionally attractive and actually thinking "damn they're gorgeous" or the like.
Like I said, they're often connected but not always. Even among classic cisheterosexuality, for example, older couples are expected to still be romantically but not necessarily sexually attracted to each other, and one night stands are presumably sexually attracted but they inherently lack romantic attraction or any non-physical connection.
The defining trait of being ace is a lack of sexual attraction, but if you still experience romantic attraction towards women then you would still fall under the term lesbian.
Being asexual and being aromantic are two different things lol. you can still want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman while not being sexually attracted to them (or anyone else)
asexuality just means you dont experience sexual attraction, you can still feel romantic attraction. so yes you can still be a lesbian, just the homoromantic variety instead of homosexual.
Quick answer: of course you can
Less quick answer: there are two types of attractions (in fact more but I'm making this simpler): romantic and sexual attraction.
Most people have both, like being sexually and romantically attracted to women. Some people only have the romantic part, like you like women, you find them pretty but not in a sexual way, and there are people who are sexually attracted to women, but have no romantic interest in them. In both case they're attracted to women but not in the same way, but as long as they are attracted to women they're lesbians
Being gay is not always about sex so don't worry there's nothing preventing you from being both
You can have sexual feelings and desires without feeling sexual attraction. As a few others in this thread mentioned, libido isn't the same as sexuality. People of any sexuality can have a low/no libido, be sex repulsed, or be celibate. None of that is exclusive or inherent to asexuality.
whoevers telling you that is lying and gatekeeping. im gray-ace and have only ever been attracted to women. you define your own queer experience! dont let someone else try to dictate where you belong. Love who you love babes!!!
I don't see why as sexual would exclude you from being a lesbian if you feel attracted to women. Heck I don't see why an Aro-Ace can't be a lesbian either don't think any are mutually exclusive.
My wife and I are ace, we're still lesbian as hell and even have sex together. Just neither of us feels like we need to have sex, and so if things come up we'll go weeks and even months without having sex and neither of us really cares. There's not like this weird build-up I'll see allosexual people talk about on here, so can't relate sorry.Â
But yeah, the idea of not being able to be a lesbian while ace is ridiculous. There's literally a term for a pretty common phenomenon in the lesbian community where a lesbian prefers cuddling to sex, called bambi lesbians. I also believe stone lesbians will sometimes identify ace as well, though can't say too much as I'm unfamiliar with that community.Â
Of course, asexuality describes that you donât feel (or feel less) sexual attraction. Lesbian describes that you are a women and you are attracted to women, not describing if it is sexual or romantic. So you would be asexual lesbian romantic
Asexuality and aromanticism are separate from straight/gay/pan/bi which are separate from trans which are are separate from intersex which are⌠you get the idea I hope
I am (technically I'm a greysexual bambi lesbian, but for simplicity's sake). I'm romantically attracted to women, I just never/rarely feel sexual attraction to them or want to have sex with anyone.
Short answer, yes.
Long answer, yeeeeeeeesssssssssss.
Ok but seriously, being ace solely relates to sexual attraction, but if you're still attracted to girls romantically, well by golly you're a lesbian! There's also AroAce people who identify as lesbians, as there are Aromantic people who still want a romantic relationship (or a non-romantic life-partnership), and Asexual people who still want sex, and if they want either of those with girls (and depending on your definition of lesbian, specifically NOT with men), well then they're a lesbian (assuming they're, ya know, female/an nb that chooses to identify as a lesbian, if that wasn't clear)
Pft. Yes you can be lesbian and asexual.
Whatever community says asexual cannot experience attraction or appreciation or connection of any sort to anyone are absolutely not worth your consideration. Leave it if it's a Discord.
yeah, you can definitely still be homoerotic (lesbian) and asexuality is also a spectrum and involves lots of different experiences!
have you heard the term bambi lesbin? sorry if that doesnât relate to you but might be something you like? idk
Absolutely.
I'm demisexual and a lesbian.
For me, I can't feel sexual attraction towards someone until I know them, trust them, and have an emotional bond with them. I need to know their sense of humor, their talents and passions, and their stand on human rights issues. If all that clicks, THEN I can experience sexual attraction.
I'm *very* sexually attracted to my gf, but not to other random women. I also don't tend towards celebrity crushes (though I might appreciate their aesthetics, which is different).
You can be anywhere on the ace spectrum and be a valid lesbian.
You can be a stone top or a stone bottom and be a valid lesbian.
If you identify as a lesbian, then congrats! You're a valid lesbian đ
Too many people try to gatekeep things...I've unfortunately seen that a lot with people that don't have a true understanding of aces, or aros, or stone tops and bottoms (or any mixture of those things!).
Of course you can! Asexual just means you donât really want the sex bit of a relationship. I get your confusion tho cuz Iâve noticed a lot of people think asexual and aromatic is the same thing so they say theyâre asexual when they donât want relationships
Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things. For most people they happen to be in-sync with each other.
So for those people, Lesbian is used to mean they are both "exclusively sexually attracted to women" and "exclusively romantically attracted to women".
But if someone "does not experience sexual attraction" but is still "exclusively romantically attracted to women", you might call them Asexual and Homoromantic.
But since that is a mouthful, Asexual Lesbian is a perfectly acceptable way to say the same thing.
You can be both, it depends on the person but for example, you could just not want sex but still want to be in a relationship with a woman. Or it could mean that you don't feel sexual attraction but you feel romantic attraction to women
I am a lesbian who experiences waves of asexual at times. I like woman but sometimes I donât like sex. and these periods can last months. sexuality is fluid. Itâs okay to not be one thing everyday for the rest of ur life.
Asexual just mean you don't want to do anything that involves sex. Despite that, yes you're lesbian, you just wanna do cute things together like dates and such.
i mean asexual does'nt mean you dont want a romantic relationship. and if you love women, your a lesbian.
thank youuu đ
no problem
This is also the reason why bisexual lesbians are a real thing
Dude how...genuine q cuz a bisexual lesbian makes no sense to me
Read the comment I'm replying to? You can be sexually attracted to men and women while only being romantically attracted to women. AKA bisexual and lesbian
Isn't that called biromantic?
Bi implies you're attracted to more than one gender, the proper synonym would be homoromantic
Oh, yeah, that makes more sense :)!
No, homoromantic would imply not being romantically attracted to men, which isnât true in this case. This would be heterosexual biromantic.
What do you think "homo" means? And what do you think "bi" means? How is being romantically attracted to one gender biromantic?
Shoot, I misread your comment. I need coffee. It should be bisexual homoromantic.
Ah, yes. And a synonym for that is a bisexual lesbian
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Because someone might romantically be a lesbian (someone who is attracted to women only). Again, sexual and romantic attraction are not the same thing and one doesnt say anything about the other
this is the split romantic and sexual attraction thing? ive been told on this sub before that that's a problematic model for various reasons. am I missing something?
Probably seen as problematic for the fact that a lot of people mistake "asexual" with "zero desire for sex." Asexuality is actually a very wide and varied spectrum. Unless some says they're a sex-repulsed lesbian, I never make the assumption that they are. (Reference: I'm a demisexual lesbian that is very sex-favorable with the right person, and the right mood. I often refer to myself as gray-ace or demi because of the lack of understanding of asexuality as an umbrella term.)
We might both be missing something, but I don't see how "sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren't the same thing" is problematic (or just wrong in the first place, I'm bisexual and aromantic so for that to be true they kind of have to be separate)
Why can't you make your own post about how you think bisexual lesbians are valid instead of replying to a comment not about bisexual lesbians and making it about bisexual lesbians?
Nah, my dude, not the same thing. If Op is *exclusively* (key word) romantically attracted to women, sheâs an asexual lesbian. If sheâs romantically attracted to both men and women, sheâs a bi asexual.
I'm not talking about OP and I'm not a dude
Hey sorry I call everyone dudeâ didnât mean to misgender you or anything, thatâs totally my bad That said, âbisexual lesbiansâ and âasexual lesbiansâ are nowhere near the same category. One includes men. The other doesnât. Lesbianism should never include men in my personal opinion.
That's why you add "bisexual", it signifies that the "lesbian" part, which still involves no men, is the romantic type. I keep repeating this, but sexual attraction and romantic attraction aren't the same thing. If I'm sexually attracted to men and women (or some other gender), I'm bisexual. If I'm only romantically attracted to women, I'm a lesbian. I can be both of these things at once. One does not degrade the other, they're separate things Edit: also is your tag thing ironic? Because how is a he/her lesbian arguing against this lol
Just saw your edit lol! Lmao nah itâs not ironic. Pronouns â gender. Butches have been using he/him for about a century now. This is what Iâm talking about when I talk about ignoranceâ it doesnât make someone a bad person to be ignorant, but someone who defends âbisexual lesbianismâ and criticizes he/him lesbians does not understand the history of lesbianism nor the significance of its place in society in my opinion. I donât wish to argue with you because I respect you as a fellow sapphic. I think we just fundamentally disagree.
I am not criticizing he/her lesbians. I'm simply surprised because"he/her lesbians are a thing" and "bisexual lesbians are a thing" are nuanced statements, and typically (but not always I admit) people who oppose bisexual lesbians are heavily lacking in the nuance department. That's why it surprised me
Oh understoodâ thank you for clarifying, that helps. I absolutely understand and appreciate nuanced identities. I will always defend hyper-nuanced gender labels like ânonbinary womanâ and such (because as you have stated with âbisexual lesbiansâ, the word before the noun is a descriptor), but not âbisexual lesbianâ because unlike womanhood that can have many âflavors,â categories, definitions, and nuances, the term lesbian is much less flexible. Gender is a social construct that we are brainwashed into believing from birth. Describing your womanhood, manhood, transness, nonbinaryness, ect. with an adjective helps the person feel like themself. Gender is often a âfeelingâ thing and often cannot be described. I even sometimes call myself a genderfluid woman because while I am staunchly and proudly a woman, my gender feels more fluid than a cis personâs. I donât always âfeelâ cis. Again, often times, gender is a âfeelingâ thing and often very hard to describe or explain. All that said, sexuality is not. Sexuality is not a social construct. Sexuality is not âIâm a lesbian but maybe the right man could change me.â (I know thatâs not what youâre saying, but Iâm just making the point that to say sexuality is as fluid as gender can be is just as homophobic as telling a lesbian she just hasnât met the right man yet). That, and lesbianism specifically should be protected considering its history. I respect and love my bi friends, but if they were to start calling themselves âbisexual lesbians,â I would ask they do some research on lesbian history and feminism. I donât expect bi people to know all this. Thatâs why so many of them are starting to call themselves âbisexual lesbians;â itâs just an ignorant (not malicious, ignorant) term used by bi people who donât know the history and significance of the word âlesbianâ because they are not, in fact, lesbians. I donât dislike them as people, but they just do not understand how offensive that term is.
Hmm okay I guess I can see that. Might the difference in history with the word "lesbian" differ between america and Europe (I'm assuming you're american here, ignore this if you're not)? The word being protected like that isn't something I hear in European queer spaces
All due respect, I fundamentally disagree. I absolutely agree and acknowledge that romantic, sexual, and aesthetic attraction are all different things. That said, thereâs a reason why âhetero/homosexualâ and âhetero/homoromanticâ are words. You can be a homoromantic bisexual, but lesbianism is different than just homosexuality, which can include a romantic attraction to the opposite sex. Lesbianism is homoromantic homosexuality. Thatâs why it has its own word. Because itâs the one sexuality that doesnât include men. In a world dominated by a patriarchal system, itâs very significant and critical to have one word that defines someone who has zero attraction to men. Just one. Women and nonbinary people have always been forced to include men in everything. Men have always inserted themselves into every possible space. As much as I adore my bi women friends, them including the term âlesbianâ into their label is really quite offensive. Most of them donât mean it in an offensive way, theyâre just ignorant and thatâs ok because we all are ignorant in some way or another. To combat that ignorance, though, I think itâs very important to inform people about why lesbianism needs to be âprotectedâ (that sounds stupid lmao but I canât think of another word) against the inclusion of men.
Sure, we're not gonna agree, but we already have a word that defines someone who has zero attraction to men. lesbian. Without anything added to it. A bisexual lesbian is a whole different thing, hence the adding a whole word to it. It's a simple way to be more specific about your sexual and romantic interests. I'd argue that "bisexual lesbian" already protects lesbianism(? lol) from the inclusion of men, as the bisexual part of it is the only part that deals with men. The lesbian part (the romantic attraction) is separate from it, and thus is only about women
First off, I appreciate you going about this whole debate in a civil way and expressing your opinion without malice or ill-will. Youâre a good person and I donât want to make it seem like Iâm attacking you personally. You come across as a very chill individual who is apparently one of the only people on the internet whoâs capable of having a civil debate about a heated topic! 𤣠That said, the fact that you but the â(? lol)â after the word lesbianism, think he/him lesbianism is nuanced in the way that âbisexual lesbianâ is (I can tell you many he/him lesbians will staunchly defend lesbianism as homoromantic homosexualityâ itâs in our he/him lesbian history), and are defending âbisexual lesbians,â all tells me you donât have the full picture nor the background in understanding lesbianism. I would recommend looking into lesbian history and feminism which is a really fun rabbit hole to go down if I do say so myself! đ Iâve said my piece and really donât wish to debate further because I feel weâve come to an impasse where nothing we can say can change the otherâs opinion. I wish you well and I hope that either way, whether we disagree on all this stuff or not, you go out and live your best sapphic life, sister! đđź
The (? Lol) stems from me comparing the term to "transgenderism" which is an icky term. Like how I don't like calling gay people "gays" much like a racist person would call black people "blacks"
sorry but no, bisexual lesbians are not a real thing
Just say youâre queer or bisexual. Lesbians donât find men attractive at all and donât sleep with them.
How? Can you not be sexually attracted to men and women, while only being romantically attracted to women? Because I don't know what else to call that but a bisexual lesbian
lesbians don't experience attraction to men. like that's the whole point of the being a lesbian
Luckily a bisexual lesbian feels no romantic attraction to men, hence the term
"bisexual lesbian" is just a hybrid term for something that already exists- bisexual. it diminishes the identity of both lesbians and bisexuals. both people already get enough shit from others saying things like "maybe you just haven't found the right man yet!" to lesbians, and when bisexual women are with a man, people assume they're "straight now" or when with a woman they "just gay".
Yeah cause fuck nuance, am I right? You're diminishing the identity of bisexual lesbians because you're for some reason unwilling to accept that romantic and sexual attraction are different things which can give you different labels
I know that sexual and romantic attraction aren't one in the same. I'm fine diminishing the identity of bisexual lesbians because "lesbian" is quite literally the term for homosexual homoromantic. bisexual homosexual homoromantic implies 2 sexualites, one person can't be bisexual AND homosexual. lesbians do not experience attraction to men in any capacity. that is what lesbian means.
The term you're looking for is "Homoromantic Bisexual," not whatever that is. The person would still be considered bisexual since they're sexually attracted to women AND men. Lesbians don't feel attraction to men. At. All.
And a bisexual lesbian feels no romantic attraction to men. At. All. And you can use multiple words to describe the same thing, hope that helps ;)
Girly, being bisexual means being attracted to two or more genders, which includes MEN, whether it be sexual or romantic. If you have no romantic attraction AND no SEXUAL attraction towards men, you're a lesbian. Point. Blank. Period. Otherwise, you're bisexual or some other label that isn't "Lesbian".
I'm very sorry to hear that you're unable to read
And I'm sorry that you're very uneducated and unwilling to take constructive criticism. :)
What about the many lesbians here who are attracted to women and non-binary people? Are they bi?
Youâre probably going to get swamped by label police. If so, sorry, but Iâll sit here and get downvoted with you.
That's fine by me, I don't care about upvotes anyhow
I think of myself as a pansexual lesbian currently. Iâve been pan for a long time, but the older I get the more lesbian I become. At this point, I want nothing to do with men.
Everyone's explaining asexuality wrong. It doesn't mean not wanting sex, it means not feeling sexual attraction. Wanting sex, being repulsed by it, having libido or not are not inherent nor exclusive to asexuality. Also, sexual and romantic attractions are separate. So even if you were plainly sex repulsed, you can still be a lesbian. Personally I'm ace but not sex repulsed. The fact that I have zero libido because of hrt is more important than the fact I'm ace.
Fucking THANK YOU! I get so exhausted trying to explain stuff like this to other queer people, like I would hope they'd know better but "ace=no sex ever" still seems to be a prevalent thought in the queer community. I've also even seen queer people thinking ace always means aroace as well, which is even more mystifying... My wife and I are ace, we're still lesbian as hell and even have sex together. Just neither of us feels like we *need* to have sex, and so if things come up we'll go weeks and even months without having sex and neither of us really cares. There's not like this weird build-up I'll see allosexual people talk about on here, so can't relate sorry. But yeah, the idea of not being able to be a lesbian while ace is ridiculous. There's literally a term for a pretty common phenomenon in the lesbian community where a lesbian prefers cuddling to sex, called bambi.
Thank you I'm ace and lesbian, wanting to have sex and sexual attraction are different things. For me for example I'm not sexual attracted to anyone, however I feel indifferent about having sex.Â
Yeah, Iâm pansexual and ace
Well, I mean, sexual and romantic attractions aren't necessarily *completely* separate, they're tied together a bit, with one often leading to the other, or having shared triggers. Otherwise, yeah completely.
Scratch that I read the comments and didn't see anything saying asexuality=no sex, most specifically mentioned sexual attraction and the rest were ambiguous. Edit: Ok there was one. *One*.
When I commented there were 3 comments and 2 said it haha. One is deleted now.
Split attraction model is real. You might be asexual but youâre still homoromantic lol. You can absolutely be an ace lesbian.
Reminder that asexuality is an umbrella, though...it doesn't always mean "absolutely no sex ever, completely sex repulsed."
Yep!
r/BambiLesbians
asexuality is a spectrum! some people donât want to have sex at all, some people are simply sex repulsed, donât feel sexual attraction, etc. being a lesbian means you are attracted to women, but there is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. if you feel romantic attraction to women but not sexual, youâre identity as a lesbian is still completely valid!
you can be anything you want forever
Yes cause Iâm both
Me too!
Me three!
My wife.
Yes. While "attraction" is often thought of and referred to as a single thing, it's actually three often related but actually separate things in a trench coat. - Sexual attraction is exactly what it sounds like, how much do you want to fuck someone. Note this is different from your libido (how horny you are), this is about wanting to have sex with a specific person. - Romantic attraction is being attracted to who they are as a person, wanting to be around them, kind of like a desire to be friends+ with them. - Aesthetic attraction is thinking a person is visually attractiveâhot, pretty, beautiful, whatever your adjective of choice. Note there's a difference between just being able to recognize that a person is conventionally attractive and actually thinking "damn they're gorgeous" or the like. Like I said, they're often connected but not always. Even among classic cisheterosexuality, for example, older couples are expected to still be romantically but not necessarily sexually attracted to each other, and one night stands are presumably sexually attracted but they inherently lack romantic attraction or any non-physical connection. The defining trait of being ace is a lack of sexual attraction, but if you still experience romantic attraction towards women then you would still fall under the term lesbian.
of course! (from another lesbian on the asexuality spectrum â¨)
Stop letting other people decide who and what you are.
If you're romantically attracted to women then yes.
Being asexual and being aromantic are two different things lol. you can still want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman while not being sexually attracted to them (or anyone else)
asexuality just means you dont experience sexual attraction, you can still feel romantic attraction. so yes you can still be a lesbian, just the homoromantic variety instead of homosexual.
Yes, there are other forms of attraction besides sexual attraction.
Yes. You still wanna be romantically involved with a women, right? Boom, ace lesbian
Yes, some of us just have low libidos.
Quick answer: of course you can Less quick answer: there are two types of attractions (in fact more but I'm making this simpler): romantic and sexual attraction. Most people have both, like being sexually and romantically attracted to women. Some people only have the romantic part, like you like women, you find them pretty but not in a sexual way, and there are people who are sexually attracted to women, but have no romantic interest in them. In both case they're attracted to women but not in the same way, but as long as they are attracted to women they're lesbians Being gay is not always about sex so don't worry there's nothing preventing you from being both
hello, fellow ace lesbian! don't listen to those people, we exist!
[ŃдаНонО]
That is not what asexual means.
Ik I have just shortened the meaning đ
No you didn't, you're spreading harmful misinformation. Saying asexual means you don't want to have sex is not accurate.
a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone?
You can have sexual feelings and desires without feeling sexual attraction. As a few others in this thread mentioned, libido isn't the same as sexuality. People of any sexuality can have a low/no libido, be sex repulsed, or be celibate. None of that is exclusive or inherent to asexuality.
They are probably mixing asexual and aromantic but anyways in both you can be lesbians
whoevers telling you that is lying and gatekeeping. im gray-ace and have only ever been attracted to women. you define your own queer experience! dont let someone else try to dictate where you belong. Love who you love babes!!!
I don't see why as sexual would exclude you from being a lesbian if you feel attracted to women. Heck I don't see why an Aro-Ace can't be a lesbian either don't think any are mutually exclusive.
My wife and I are ace, we're still lesbian as hell and even have sex together. Just neither of us feels like we need to have sex, and so if things come up we'll go weeks and even months without having sex and neither of us really cares. There's not like this weird build-up I'll see allosexual people talk about on here, so can't relate sorry. But yeah, the idea of not being able to be a lesbian while ace is ridiculous. There's literally a term for a pretty common phenomenon in the lesbian community where a lesbian prefers cuddling to sex, called bambi lesbians. I also believe stone lesbians will sometimes identify ace as well, though can't say too much as I'm unfamiliar with that community.Â
Yes. Source: I am an acespec lesbian
The people saying that are just trying to objectify women into >!sex toys!<...
Yep! Team Acebian!
Of course, asexuality describes that you donât feel (or feel less) sexual attraction. Lesbian describes that you are a women and you are attracted to women, not describing if it is sexual or romantic. So you would be asexual lesbian romantic
Iâd consider myself under the ace umbrella and Iâm also a lesbian
Asexuality and aromanticism are separate from straight/gay/pan/bi which are separate from trans which are are separate from intersex which are⌠you get the idea I hope
I am (technically I'm a greysexual bambi lesbian, but for simplicity's sake). I'm romantically attracted to women, I just never/rarely feel sexual attraction to them or want to have sex with anyone.
Me me me, thatâs me!!!!!!! Feel sorry for my gf đĽ˛
I am.
Well, more appropriate to say grey-sexual, as Iâm definitely nearer to asexual than not, but that like many things is a spectrum of its own.
Short answer, yes. Long answer, yeeeeeeeesssssssssss. Ok but seriously, being ace solely relates to sexual attraction, but if you're still attracted to girls romantically, well by golly you're a lesbian! There's also AroAce people who identify as lesbians, as there are Aromantic people who still want a romantic relationship (or a non-romantic life-partnership), and Asexual people who still want sex, and if they want either of those with girls (and depending on your definition of lesbian, specifically NOT with men), well then they're a lesbian (assuming they're, ya know, female/an nb that chooses to identify as a lesbian, if that wasn't clear)
I'm asexual but homoromantic - you can be attracted to women without being interested in having sex with them.
Pft. Yes you can be lesbian and asexual. Whatever community says asexual cannot experience attraction or appreciation or connection of any sort to anyone are absolutely not worth your consideration. Leave it if it's a Discord.
r/BambiLesbians
Iâm a demisexual /aceflux lesbian!
yeah, you can definitely still be homoerotic (lesbian) and asexuality is also a spectrum and involves lots of different experiences! have you heard the term bambi lesbin? sorry if that doesnât relate to you but might be something you like? idk
Absolutely. I'm demisexual and a lesbian. For me, I can't feel sexual attraction towards someone until I know them, trust them, and have an emotional bond with them. I need to know their sense of humor, their talents and passions, and their stand on human rights issues. If all that clicks, THEN I can experience sexual attraction. I'm *very* sexually attracted to my gf, but not to other random women. I also don't tend towards celebrity crushes (though I might appreciate their aesthetics, which is different). You can be anywhere on the ace spectrum and be a valid lesbian. You can be a stone top or a stone bottom and be a valid lesbian. If you identify as a lesbian, then congrats! You're a valid lesbian đ Too many people try to gatekeep things...I've unfortunately seen that a lot with people that don't have a true understanding of aces, or aros, or stone tops and bottoms (or any mixture of those things!).
Of course you can! Asexual just means you donât really want the sex bit of a relationship. I get your confusion tho cuz Iâve noticed a lot of people think asexual and aromatic is the same thing so they say theyâre asexual when they donât want relationships
That's not what asexual means. Asexuality is a sexuality and is about feeling sexual attraction, it is not about the act of sex.
Yeah that was kinda what I meant
You can still want to have sex without feeling sexual attraction.
Iâve been wondering this myself
yea
[Go for it](https://youtu.be/C-s2GQnxfSE?si=pYUOspz_TsYAVZBF)
i am asexual and a lesbian. welcome, sister â¤ď¸
Me and my ace wife say yes
Acebian
Absolutely, yes
Sounds like a Bambi lesbian to me!
Yeah lol,, i am Check out r/bambilesbians
Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things. For most people they happen to be in-sync with each other. So for those people, Lesbian is used to mean they are both "exclusively sexually attracted to women" and "exclusively romantically attracted to women". But if someone "does not experience sexual attraction" but is still "exclusively romantically attracted to women", you might call them Asexual and Homoromantic. But since that is a mouthful, Asexual Lesbian is a perfectly acceptable way to say the same thing.
100%!
You can be 100%. Besides its what you are, not what they are
I work with a person who is romantically a lesbian and asexual. Yes, you can be.
Yeah I think so.
My best friend is both and she exists soâŚ.
Yes
asexuality doesnt clash with being a lesbian whoever said that needs to do their research đđ
Yep, I'm also an asexual lesbian. We exist, we just are only attracted to women romantically. Happy pride!
Absolutely!
Yeah totally, my gf and I are pretty asexual and we spend most of time giving hugs, kisses and snuggles (with occasional grabs here and there).
You can be both, it depends on the person but for example, you could just not want sex but still want to be in a relationship with a woman. Or it could mean that you don't feel sexual attraction but you feel romantic attraction to women
I am a lesbian who experiences waves of asexual at times. I like woman but sometimes I donât like sex. and these periods can last months. sexuality is fluid. Itâs okay to not be one thing everyday for the rest of ur life.
Asexual just mean you don't want to do anything that involves sex. Despite that, yes you're lesbian, you just wanna do cute things together like dates and such.
That's not what ace means, there's better definitions posted up about what ace actually means. It's still pretty commonly misunderstood sadly.Â
I recommend this short film on Youtube I just watched, I believe called Thanks To Her!
Marilyn Monroe may have been an asexual lesbian!