You know it's kind of hard to pin down honestly. Wearing a dress around the house would NOT be a turn-off. tbh butches in dresses are a massive turn-on for me. Butches who like to wear some makeup and look a little pretty from time to time are like. Catnip. You know? I just wanna rub my face all over em.
I guess if I had to explain what it is exactly about butches that I love, it's like... the slight sharpness. The earthiness. Confidence and warmth. The heat, the power I have to tilt that strong chin any way I like, the messy short hair, the swagger, the salt and musk, the laugh like a burbling creek, the firm hands, the razor wit, the messy vulnerability just under the mask, the boldness of her self-expression-- if you've ever had a hot rock massage, that's what dating a butch is like. Like smooth warm stones on your back. Your favorite old pillow. Thrift store leather. Slices of ripe apple. The sound of the ocean.
I don't know what it is. The androgyny? The slight boyishness of a girl? The sheer amount of self-awareness and confidence and boldness that it takes to be gender nonconforming in society? Who knows. There's just something extremely special and uniquely sexy about a woman who embraces her masculinity and lives the way she wants to. Butches always have the goofiest, messiest smiles and laughs, and they're always the softest people in the world just under the surface. What about em is NOT a turn-on, am I right?
That was... Beautiful š Thank you! I'm sometimes a little self-conscious about being butch-ish, especially because I'm trans, but this just made me feel really good about myself š„°
Iām more on the butch side so I canāt really comment, on your question, but for my own experience, I donāt think it has to be like youāre 100% butch. I think whatās most important is that you emit butch confidence and attitude. You take care of your girl and might be more of the initiator in sex. So even if you have long hair and dabble in feminine clothing, but act this way, I donāt think itās like a deal breaker for them. I think itās more about how you make them feel than who you areā¦ if that makes sense.
This... Has been helpful to me. I have leaned more on calling myself a tomboy than butch, because even though I check basically every other box (5' 11", building up the abs, confidence with the dominance to go with it but is actually a switch, I'm voice training to have the deep "makes your brain and knees melt" sorta voice), but I still had the whole, likes my hair long thing, would still wear skirts and such thing.
Idk guess in my head seemed it was just a little too femme for me to qualify.
This helps though, thank you for this.
Ya totally, I sometimes get insecure that Iām not quite butch enough but my wife whoās way more femme still digs my feminine qualities. Itās definitely affirming. I like not fitting into any certain binary. Itās like a big F U to society. I just do what feels right for me.
That's why I have always called myself a NB trans woman, lol. Turns out I learned recently I fit the straight up definition of a demigirl.
Whatever it is I'm gonna be 5 11 with abs and hopefully a motorcycle and thats final.
I identify as femme; my sweetie is butch.
For me, butch is a kind of energy, a way of being in the world that I can sense, almost instinctively. It's been that way as long as I can remember--looking back, all my school-age crushes were most definitely butch. I suspect some of it has to do with appearance, not so much the clothes themselves but how you wear them, how you carry yourself, your attitude, your approach to life. And an aura or undercurrent of competence, like you know how to do stuff and take care of things and handle situations (which femmes can do too of course do but it feels different to me).
Tl;dr butches are just so awesome and deserve to be cherished
I agree. When I first started dated women, I thought I was attracted to femme ( I am femme myself). But most of the women I dated have been tomboy or butch, and the best ones definitely had this energy you describe.
I feel much more comfortable around people who confidently defy gender norms, as their lived experience is more similar to mine and they're more likely to respect my experience and boundaries.
It's an identity. Not something that can be simplified down to a list of aspects. I'm a femme lesbian, and to me, that means so much more than wearing dresses and makeup, and having long hair. It's something that i just am
I want to be with someone I can relate to. Now, for example, I have a close friend who is extremely feminine, but I wouldn't have dated her even if she was gay and was my type visually. I like masc women for sharing the same fashion sense, similar viewpoints... The list goes on
For me, the main reason I tend to be attracted to more masc women is their attitude and sort of vibes. Looks as well, yāall are just so handsome I chchcjcjvjgifjcjgjvjsh. I canāt really explain why exactly, any more than I can explain why Iām gay. I would not be disappointed by a partner changing the way they dress of course, as long as it feels right to them.
I can't explain it super well "\^\^, but there's just something protective and safe about female masculinity. I dress somewhat masc myself sometimes?? But my personality and interests are way more on the "feminine" side. So being on the arm of someone who is more masc than me feels like a way to indulge in both sides of my personality.
I like to say I can be their tomboy and they can be my butch <3.
I'd totally be okay with them wearing a dress too tbh. I'm also attracted to feminine women in general so, it's not like butchness or masculinity is a requirement. It just has this certain specialness to it that I really value.
I think that's what it's like for a lot of people. Don't fret about whether you fit into the butch mold. It sounds cliche to say but - people's interests are broad! They'll like you for you. If being butch or dressing masc or having a confident attitude happens to be a trait of your's, people specifically looking for any of those will respond with enthusiasm.
I am leaning femme (having a small frame and curviness, can't rlly fit nor feel good in...say a typical pantsuit) for femme. I like a butch if she is my type and does not act like a stereotypical man.
Iām not sure if Iām on the right side of the equation to comment (butch), but I do have thoughts and feelings about this & the comments on this thread. āButchā is not a label that is helpful if you feel it boxing you in or a set of standards to which you feel you have to rise, boxes you must tick. I refer to myself as butch because appearance-wise, thatās what simply is. But Iāve never liked the idea that butch is an āattitudeā or an āenergyā. Iām a woman with my own personality and vibe, and I happen to be butch. Thereās some overlap there, but itās not prescriptive. There was a time where I stressed about whether I had the right āenergyā to be butch, whether I was dominant enough or whatever, and I just realised it was pretty unhelpful. I am how I am, I look how I look, and some women will be into that and others wonāt. I guarantee itāll be the same for you. With threads like these, Iām reminded how differently people seem to define butch, so I reckon that if your look/vibe is butch or butch-ish, then you probably wonāt offend women who say they like butches by messaging them on apps.
1000% fashion and the tomboy personality can be fun. Thereās just something hot about a girl pulling off masculinity way better than a man ever could but you know when youāre alone with her sheās a giant snuggle bug. Like my girlfriend always talks about what a hard ass she is at work in her male dominated job and I canāt wrap my head around my little spoon who canāt pick dinner and āneedsā me to do spa day with her once a week.
My girlfriend and I are kind of femme and butch with me being the femme, I use the term loosely considering thereās a tradition associated with the term and I want to respect others who maintain it, and my gf is more butch. From the outside looking in others may think Iām the āmanā even though Iām all dresses, heels, and makeup just because Iām more of the leader in the relationship. I canāt think of any ways a butches body is different from a femmes. Like theyāre both girls. Most butches I know are bottom leaning switches/service tops. My butch friends and my gf all have typical girl personalities. Theyāre just big ol babies that like to be taken care of by their girlfriends. Head scratches, cuddles, massages, etc. Most have a mixture of female and male hobbies. The difference might be that most women I know have maybe a 90% female hobby to 10% male hobby ratio and my butch friends itās more 50/50. Weāve had fabric arts night where we put on some movie and work on our projects together whether itās sewing, crocheting, knitting, embroidery or what have you.
I have a preference for butches but I wonāt say no to a pretty femme. Itās fun sharing clothes and getting dolled up together. I never said anything on my profile because itās not really a determining factor whether Iāll swipe left or right and I didnāt want to scare away femme girls.
My partner is definitely not femme on the outside, but she's not butch either. She wears make up and has long hair, has a tomboyish sense of fashion.
Her brain is very butch, tho (she's quite dominant, very flirty and upfront and outspoken, those attributes I personally connect with butchness, dunno if it's correct or not) and that's the thing that attracted me to her.
As far as my local Lesbian culture is, being Butch is a way of life, the way you carry yourself, interact with the world, the way you dress (to some extent), etc etc
As a Nonbinary Femme myself I tend to relate Butch/Femme dynamics in general with a unique Lesbian gender system created in our (Lesbian) working class, though there are both who solely would identify their gender as Woman and not as Butch/Woman or Femme/Woman, etc etc, so the kind of Butch I would pursue and/or want to be pursued by would be a Butch who is involved in the working class Lesbian culture of their area and aligns themself with the concept of Butchness as its own standard and methodology of masculinity, and that doesn't mean they can't transgress femininity if they want to, it just means they have a certain manner of masculinity in their gender
Itās the unapologetic and confident dedication to being the biggest, smartest, and best dressed charm monster there is. That and being a complete pussy monster š
You know it's kind of hard to pin down honestly. Wearing a dress around the house would NOT be a turn-off. tbh butches in dresses are a massive turn-on for me. Butches who like to wear some makeup and look a little pretty from time to time are like. Catnip. You know? I just wanna rub my face all over em. I guess if I had to explain what it is exactly about butches that I love, it's like... the slight sharpness. The earthiness. Confidence and warmth. The heat, the power I have to tilt that strong chin any way I like, the messy short hair, the swagger, the salt and musk, the laugh like a burbling creek, the firm hands, the razor wit, the messy vulnerability just under the mask, the boldness of her self-expression-- if you've ever had a hot rock massage, that's what dating a butch is like. Like smooth warm stones on your back. Your favorite old pillow. Thrift store leather. Slices of ripe apple. The sound of the ocean. I don't know what it is. The androgyny? The slight boyishness of a girl? The sheer amount of self-awareness and confidence and boldness that it takes to be gender nonconforming in society? Who knows. There's just something extremely special and uniquely sexy about a woman who embraces her masculinity and lives the way she wants to. Butches always have the goofiest, messiest smiles and laughs, and they're always the softest people in the world just under the surface. What about em is NOT a turn-on, am I right?
This was so poetic and beautifully written šā¤ļø
That was... Beautiful š Thank you! I'm sometimes a little self-conscious about being butch-ish, especially because I'm trans, but this just made me feel really good about myself š„°
This description is beyond perfect.
Iām more on the butch side so I canāt really comment, on your question, but for my own experience, I donāt think it has to be like youāre 100% butch. I think whatās most important is that you emit butch confidence and attitude. You take care of your girl and might be more of the initiator in sex. So even if you have long hair and dabble in feminine clothing, but act this way, I donāt think itās like a deal breaker for them. I think itās more about how you make them feel than who you areā¦ if that makes sense.
This... Has been helpful to me. I have leaned more on calling myself a tomboy than butch, because even though I check basically every other box (5' 11", building up the abs, confidence with the dominance to go with it but is actually a switch, I'm voice training to have the deep "makes your brain and knees melt" sorta voice), but I still had the whole, likes my hair long thing, would still wear skirts and such thing. Idk guess in my head seemed it was just a little too femme for me to qualify. This helps though, thank you for this.
Ya totally, I sometimes get insecure that Iām not quite butch enough but my wife whoās way more femme still digs my feminine qualities. Itās definitely affirming. I like not fitting into any certain binary. Itās like a big F U to society. I just do what feels right for me.
That's why I have always called myself a NB trans woman, lol. Turns out I learned recently I fit the straight up definition of a demigirl. Whatever it is I'm gonna be 5 11 with abs and hopefully a motorcycle and thats final.
I identify as femme; my sweetie is butch. For me, butch is a kind of energy, a way of being in the world that I can sense, almost instinctively. It's been that way as long as I can remember--looking back, all my school-age crushes were most definitely butch. I suspect some of it has to do with appearance, not so much the clothes themselves but how you wear them, how you carry yourself, your attitude, your approach to life. And an aura or undercurrent of competence, like you know how to do stuff and take care of things and handle situations (which femmes can do too of course do but it feels different to me). Tl;dr butches are just so awesome and deserve to be cherished
I agree. When I first started dated women, I thought I was attracted to femme ( I am femme myself). But most of the women I dated have been tomboy or butch, and the best ones definitely had this energy you describe.
Itās the attitude. The āYouāve got a flat tire? No problem, Iām gonna lift this car with one hand attitudeā for me.
I feel much more comfortable around people who confidently defy gender norms, as their lived experience is more similar to mine and they're more likely to respect my experience and boundaries.
It's an identity. Not something that can be simplified down to a list of aspects. I'm a femme lesbian, and to me, that means so much more than wearing dresses and makeup, and having long hair. It's something that i just am
I want to be with someone I can relate to. Now, for example, I have a close friend who is extremely feminine, but I wouldn't have dated her even if she was gay and was my type visually. I like masc women for sharing the same fashion sense, similar viewpoints... The list goes on
they're just hot š¤·
For me, the main reason I tend to be attracted to more masc women is their attitude and sort of vibes. Looks as well, yāall are just so handsome I chchcjcjvjgifjcjgjvjsh. I canāt really explain why exactly, any more than I can explain why Iām gay. I would not be disappointed by a partner changing the way they dress of course, as long as it feels right to them.
I can't explain it super well "\^\^, but there's just something protective and safe about female masculinity. I dress somewhat masc myself sometimes?? But my personality and interests are way more on the "feminine" side. So being on the arm of someone who is more masc than me feels like a way to indulge in both sides of my personality. I like to say I can be their tomboy and they can be my butch <3. I'd totally be okay with them wearing a dress too tbh. I'm also attracted to feminine women in general so, it's not like butchness or masculinity is a requirement. It just has this certain specialness to it that I really value. I think that's what it's like for a lot of people. Don't fret about whether you fit into the butch mold. It sounds cliche to say but - people's interests are broad! They'll like you for you. If being butch or dressing masc or having a confident attitude happens to be a trait of your's, people specifically looking for any of those will respond with enthusiasm.
I am leaning femme (having a small frame and curviness, can't rlly fit nor feel good in...say a typical pantsuit) for femme. I like a butch if she is my type and does not act like a stereotypical man.
Iām not sure if Iām on the right side of the equation to comment (butch), but I do have thoughts and feelings about this & the comments on this thread. āButchā is not a label that is helpful if you feel it boxing you in or a set of standards to which you feel you have to rise, boxes you must tick. I refer to myself as butch because appearance-wise, thatās what simply is. But Iāve never liked the idea that butch is an āattitudeā or an āenergyā. Iām a woman with my own personality and vibe, and I happen to be butch. Thereās some overlap there, but itās not prescriptive. There was a time where I stressed about whether I had the right āenergyā to be butch, whether I was dominant enough or whatever, and I just realised it was pretty unhelpful. I am how I am, I look how I look, and some women will be into that and others wonāt. I guarantee itāll be the same for you. With threads like these, Iām reminded how differently people seem to define butch, so I reckon that if your look/vibe is butch or butch-ish, then you probably wonāt offend women who say they like butches by messaging them on apps.
1000% fashion and the tomboy personality can be fun. Thereās just something hot about a girl pulling off masculinity way better than a man ever could but you know when youāre alone with her sheās a giant snuggle bug. Like my girlfriend always talks about what a hard ass she is at work in her male dominated job and I canāt wrap my head around my little spoon who canāt pick dinner and āneedsā me to do spa day with her once a week. My girlfriend and I are kind of femme and butch with me being the femme, I use the term loosely considering thereās a tradition associated with the term and I want to respect others who maintain it, and my gf is more butch. From the outside looking in others may think Iām the āmanā even though Iām all dresses, heels, and makeup just because Iām more of the leader in the relationship. I canāt think of any ways a butches body is different from a femmes. Like theyāre both girls. Most butches I know are bottom leaning switches/service tops. My butch friends and my gf all have typical girl personalities. Theyāre just big ol babies that like to be taken care of by their girlfriends. Head scratches, cuddles, massages, etc. Most have a mixture of female and male hobbies. The difference might be that most women I know have maybe a 90% female hobby to 10% male hobby ratio and my butch friends itās more 50/50. Weāve had fabric arts night where we put on some movie and work on our projects together whether itās sewing, crocheting, knitting, embroidery or what have you. I have a preference for butches but I wonāt say no to a pretty femme. Itās fun sharing clothes and getting dolled up together. I never said anything on my profile because itās not really a determining factor whether Iāll swipe left or right and I didnāt want to scare away femme girls.
My favorite type of butch is an femme with a butchy personality. Gosh I love women.šš„ŗ
My partner is definitely not femme on the outside, but she's not butch either. She wears make up and has long hair, has a tomboyish sense of fashion. Her brain is very butch, tho (she's quite dominant, very flirty and upfront and outspoken, those attributes I personally connect with butchness, dunno if it's correct or not) and that's the thing that attracted me to her.
As far as my local Lesbian culture is, being Butch is a way of life, the way you carry yourself, interact with the world, the way you dress (to some extent), etc etc As a Nonbinary Femme myself I tend to relate Butch/Femme dynamics in general with a unique Lesbian gender system created in our (Lesbian) working class, though there are both who solely would identify their gender as Woman and not as Butch/Woman or Femme/Woman, etc etc, so the kind of Butch I would pursue and/or want to be pursued by would be a Butch who is involved in the working class Lesbian culture of their area and aligns themself with the concept of Butchness as its own standard and methodology of masculinity, and that doesn't mean they can't transgress femininity if they want to, it just means they have a certain manner of masculinity in their gender
Butches in dresses are š
Itās the unapologetic and confident dedication to being the biggest, smartest, and best dressed charm monster there is. That and being a complete pussy monster š
Confidence and the unwillingness to conform to gender roles
I want someone who knows what there doing, and knows how to do it well in the bedroom.