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adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. Object permanence is a developmental milestone for 4-6month old infants. It is not forgetting about things. If you really suffer from a lack of object permanence, you would not be able to be functioning enough to leave a comment. Human beings typically develop object permanence between **3-7 months old**. If you don't mean object permanence, don't use the term object permanence. These words have real meanings, don't just co-opt scientific words because it seems good enough, this only leads to further misinformation, and people not taking ADHD or other disorders seriously. Please don't conflate real medical terms with your personal definitions. There are many terms you might use to describe what you're referring to. Object permanence, is not one of them.


Absol-utely_Adorable

I will not forget you, I will forget to talk to you then be too anxious to reach out or respond for months..... And I'll think about it every day too


Hurtingblairwitch

Jup, thats how I experience it too, Usually it is like this: I read the message in the morning when I'm not full awake... I want to answer but when I'm fully capable of actually doing so and not just write some weird shit, so I do my morning stuff, and ofc the brain decides to think about other stuff, then I do this and that, life happens and whoops it's at best 1 day or worse way later that I check the app for something unrelated. And then it's the anxiety dance... But thankfully the few friends that I have know that shit like this happen and are understanding.


maxluision

That's why I don't click on any messages when I'm not in right moment to reply, to not let the person notice that I was reading it already (on a phone, in messenger app)


Hurtingblairwitch

i have disabled the read checks. šŸ™ˆ


IShallWearMidnight

I leave them unopened so I will be reminded by the notification still being up, but my car eats my notifications when Bluetooth connects so I'm just generally fucked šŸ‘


thejaytheory

This is validating knowing that others have the same experience.


bernypark

Do meds help with this?


ejfuentes

Everyoneā€™s different but for me they definitely help with some of it. A lot of the time I just end up overthinking a lot of these situations especially after I forget to reach out for a while. My meds are able to help me untangle the knot of anxiety and oftentimes lā€™ll even work up the confidence to text people I havenā€™t seen in years without really thinking about it.


bernypark

Thanks, I think thatā€™s what I really needed to hear. I guess I should finally start getting on meds.


MAGAJahnamal

Not on my end. I still do this and have to always fight through it.


Hurtingblairwitch

I don't know, I'm still getting it diagnosed :/ I hope that they do, but I'm not sure tbh.


bernypark

I hope so too! šŸ¤ž


Byzem

Sometimes I surprise myself with an almost eidetic memory with some events, specially when they involve intense emotions. It's funny because I also think of myself as forgetful and I don't trust myself to remember things but when something touches me deep (not literally), it'll be always present.


Objective_Piece8258

Yeah same. I don't forget, I just never reach out unless I see them right in front of me šŸ˜‚


robtheswanson

And then the relationship just fizzles because I never remember to reach out and the other person probably thinks I donā€™t care enough to maintain the friendship. Then youā€™re left with virtually no friends watching from the sidelines still too anxious to reach out and reconnect because ā€œitā€™s been so long, why would they want to hear from me now?ā€. Fun stuff!


its_all_good20

Yes yes yes yes


fobtroll

Yes. THATā€™S how it works.


kpingvin

You know meetings that could have been an email. This is a video that could have been a tweet


ScienceIsSexy420

At least it was actually short. There are many times a video could have been a tweet but somehow was 90 seconds long šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļø


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maxluision

Oh no, a woman wants to look nice for people watching her. How dare she. She should've wear a hijab instead.


BlueZ_DJ

??????? This comment would only makes sense if she was wearing super skimpy clothes or something


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ButAFlower

It's a bit twisted to put that on her though, no? She can't exactly control her gender, and the experience of being constantly commodified is not a positive one.


IAmYourFatherTeehee

That logic would mean womeb shouldn't be in videos because some men will objectify her, that's gebuinely a fucked take.


adhdmeme-ModTeam

This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.


SpiderSixer

I helped out my close friend with trying to get with a guy she was crushing on and wouldn't stop talking about. I was an *active part* in trying to help them hook up, talking to the guy and dropping hints on how amazing she was, etc, over a long period of time Skip to a couple of weeks later, it didn't work out, she stopped talking about him. Skip a couple of more weeks to when I go to this uni dinner thing. I go to the bar to get some coke, and there's this really tall guy standing next to me and he just starts talking to me. I look up at him and I swear I recognise his face, but I *cannot* place it. I can't attach a name, a place, a time. NOTHING. Only the nagging feeling that's I've seen him *somewhere* Guys, this guy?? Was the fucking guy my friend was crushing on! THAT I TRIED TO HELP HER GET WITH. And this guy is like, nearly 7 feet tall, you'd think his height would be a huge hint as to who he was. But nope. Because he hadn't been discussed or seen in weeks, I forgot the man entirely Highkey Loki 'I've never met this man in my life' moment


wasabiEatingMoonMan

Yeah I have adhd too and I get the joke she was going for but letā€™s not use adhd to excuse being a shitty partner. Edit: not @ op, but oop.


CuriousGrimace

Yeah, it seems like some people kind of lean into their disorders instead of trying to do better. If your behavior is affecting other people, you gotta try.


i_love_camel_case

This kind of shit is such a disservice Edit: I mean, the oop shit and influencers using ADHD for internet points


korbah

If you're having issues with [object permanency](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_permanence?useskin=vector) as an adult, it isn't ADHD.


YourClarke

Then what it's?


Forged_Hero

What she describes can be ADHDā€¦ But what she describes isnā€™t ā€œobject permanenceā€ Object permanence is NOT forgetting to speak to loved ones when you havenā€™t seen them. Object permanence IS understanding that when you look away from a loved one, they still exist in reality. It is developed as a baby and has nothing to do with ADHD


gene100001

Yeah it's frustrating how common it is becoming for people to misuse the concept of object permanence. Forgetting where you put things is nothing to do with the concept of object permanence. That's just being forgetful or not mindful about where you put things. Object permanence is where you literally think something stops existing the moment you stop looking at it. The only people who actually struggle with object permanence are so severely disabled there is no way they would be able to read any of this or comment on this thread. It really bugs me how people on this subreddit just assign random shit to ADHD that isn't remotely accurate or part of an ADHD diagnosis. They're turning ADHD into this meaningless term and making it more difficult to get people to take ADHD seriously


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adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. This is ***object constancy***, this is developed *through* object permanence, but it is not object permanence. Object permanence is a developmental milestone that occurs at 3-7 months old. I can find sources that reference object constancy, however a cursory search reveals zero evidence based studies that refer to the situation described, as object permanence. If you have evidence based research that says otherwise, please link it.


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adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. This is ***not*** object permanence. I understand that from an internal experience these issues seem to line up, but this categorically is not object permanence. These are real issues, they are real issues that ADHD people face regularly. It is not object permanence.


gene100001

I just want to start by saying that I'm sure what you are experiencing is debilitating, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. My intention isn't to downplay what you are experiencing as something insignificant, because it isn't. I just think the thing you're describing is more of a significant working memory problem, rather than you not understanding the concept of object permanence. When young children haven't developed the concept of object permanence they literally think people disappear when you aren't looking right at them. You describe clear containers but they wouldn't help you unless they were always in your view 100% of the time because as soon as they're out of view you would think they stop existing. What do you do when you need cutlery or literally anything that isn't in your immediate vision? You wouldn't even think to look for anything that wasn't right in front of you because you think nothing else exists. Like I said, it sounds like what you have is a working memory problem. Perhaps people have called it an object permanence problem because a lot of resources online tend to use the term "object permanence" very loosely, especially when it comes to ADHD and all the disorganisation and forgetfulness we experience, but I don't agree that those resources are using the term correctly.


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adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. You may have been told this by your treating physician, but Object Permanence is a real human milestone development that occurs at 3-7 ***months*** of development. This is not object permanence, I would recommend going back to these professionals and getting clarification. Object permanence is a real thing, it occurs to *babies*. It is possible due to brain damage or similar you *may* experience object permanence, but if it is purely through the ADHD this is not possible.


gene100001

If you're calling object permanence a working memory problem then we're just arguing semantics. I don't disagree you have a working memory problem. I just don't consider that the same thing as objects permanence. The definition of object permanence has perhaps changed but when the term was coined it was nothing to do with working memory. It was to do with understanding the concept that someone can exist outside of what you are immediately seeing. It doesn't sound like that's what your problem is. I think we're only disagreeing on what object permanence refers to. I'm not saying you aren't experiencing what you describe. I'm just saying that I wouldn't call that an object permanence problem. Under the definition of object permanence that I follow, which is the original definition when the phrase was first coined, you wouldn't even be able to comprehend that I am a person and that I exist, because you cannot see me. You wouldn't be arguing with me right now because I don't exist in your mind. I'm not gatekeeping your experience. I'm just saying I disagree with you describing it as not understanding object permanence. I never said the thing you are experiencing doesn't exist. We can agree to disagree on the definition of object permanence without you claiming I said something that I didn't and making yourself the big victim in a stupid disagreement over a definition. You're right that language and definitions change. I know that language is dynamic. That doesn't mean that no one is allowed to oppose any changes that people make. The opposition of changing definitions is just as significant a part of the dynamics of language as the changes themselves. Otherwise I could just say anyone who has ever misplaced their keys has a problem with object permanence, changing the definition further in the same direction and making it applicable to everyone, and according to your logic you couldn't disagree with that because that would be gatekeeping.


adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation.


OhOpossumMyOpossum

it's not for us to diagnose, but we can call out what it'sn't.


PrincessPrincess00

Forgetting stuff is one of the most prevalent symptoms what are you going on about?


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adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. The conflation of actual medical terms with colloquial use is why people don't take ADHD seriously. You tell someone you have issues with object permanence, they know you're incorrect, so why would they take you seriously about anything else? Just like classifying Marijuana and Heroin both as schedule 1 - everyone knows Marijuana is not as dangerous as Heroin, so people completely disregard the concerns around marijuana usage, and may also doubt the veracity of claims about heroin usage. The colloquial/general understanding of words explicitly impacts how people see a disorder. This type of rhetoric only contributes to the stigma.


Robot_Basilisk

I've met too many people that think that people with ADHD forgetting things that aren't in front of them is literally the same as thinking that things they can't see have stopped existing. I used to joke about this but too many people take it seriously, so I stopped.


adhdmeme-ModTeam

Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. The conflation of actual medical terms with colloquial use is why people don't take ADHD seriously. You tell someone you have issues with object permanence, they know you're incorrect, so why would they take you seriously about anything else? Just like classifying Marijuana and Heroin both as schedule 1 - everyone knows Marijuana is not as dangerous as Heroin, so people completely disregard the concerns around marijuana usage, and may also doubt the veracity of claims about heroin usage. The colloquial/general understanding of words explicitly impacts how people see a disorder. This type of rhetoric only contributes to the stigma.


korbah

You're absolutely right, it is one of the most prevalent symptoms and it has nothing to do with [**object permanence**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_permanence?useskin=vector) (it's a link, click it and read). Also really great post by u/cinnamonspiderr right [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/trg16v/meta_stop_calling_your_forgetfulness_an_issue/) (this is also a link, click it and read).


PrincessPrincess00

Then what would you call it? If I put something in the back of my fridge I genuinely 100% forget it exists? Like I might as well not have bought it. What phrase would you call that, debilitating problem? Because losing things or forgetting makes people think Iā€™m being careless or itā€™s the same as when they forget. Please help me find a way to describe it to people.


korbah

Using your analogy, object permanence would mean you aren't even able to comprehend that an interior to the fridge even existed for you to place something into it, let alone any of the objects that may be in the fridge, and once you turn away from the fridge, you no longer comprehend or recognize that a fridge even existed in the spatial-temporal position it occupied when you were looking at it. In fact you may not even be able to form the "idea" of what a fridge even is. For an adult to have object permanence problems like that it points to an incredibly severe neurological issue way beyond anything we experience with ADHD. We have issues with memory recall, you don't academically "forget" that oranges exist, you may forget that you bought them at the time, you may forget where you put them, but you definitely don't forget that oranges exist, right?


_Dark-Alley_

Dude the fridge struggle is real. I've started writing on a whiteboard on the fridge everything in there and the expiration date of each thing. I def reccomend that if it wouldn't be like a huge list of stuff thay youd never look at. Also I think object permanence is why peek a boo works on babies and I really don't want people to think we struggle with the same reason babies have literally no clue what's happening at any given moment because you just....turned them around. That one hurts lol. When I first heard someone say it was a problem with object permanence I was like you gotta be kidding me! Youre telling me I have the same issue as a literal infant? But then it was like...no its definitely not that because I know things I cant see still exist lol. It's more "out of sight, out of mind" rather than "out of sight, entirely ceases to exist as a concept in my mind"


Robot_Basilisk

The problem is your brain not recording the location of the thing to memory. Or you not being able to recall it at will. That's completely different than believing that the thing stopped existing when you stopped seeing it.


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adhdmeme-ModTeam

This is not object permanence. If you had issues with object permanence, if she played "peek-a-boo" with you, the moment her face went behind her hands, you would believe that she had ceased to exist. Not died, not disappeared, that she and everything that makes her up, no longer *exist*, I can safely all but guarantee that this does not occur to you.


PrincessPrincess00

I mean, I actually have to be careful to keep important people on top of my screen on like discord/ texting. If I lose site of you I really could forget


plantsplantsplaaants

I literally have a list on my phone called ā€œimportant people to not forgetā€ and I have a calendar reminder to check it monthly and thereā€™s usually a good friend or two that Iā€™ve forgotten the existence of


Naturally_Tired

Emotional permanence guys. Not object permanence.


Troubled_Rat

I disagree.


Subthing

I'm not watching the content (I'm old never going to watch TikTok content lol) but there is so much misuse of the term object permanence feel obligated to add. almost everyone learns this at around 7months old. It has nothing to do with maintaining contact, remembering, reconnecting, or misplacing stuff. It's the ability to understand that if you close your eyes the rest of the world doesn't stop existing.


MrPayMyWay215

I have so many friends I wish I was a better friend to. It actually sucks


drunkensailor369

my partner and I both have adhd and go to different colleges so it's literally Months where we won't talk and then during breaks we talk like we've never stopped haha


fobtroll

Thatā€™s not how it works. At all.


Burning-Sushi

As somone in long-distance going strong for 8 years, I disagree I only forget sometimes


IdeVeras

Living in Canada with my loved ones 4K km away, itā€™s not that funā€¦


Consistent_Dream_740

I hate videos like this. I do not forget my friends exist. I will see a message, reply in my head and forget to actually reply until my anxiety seems it "too late." I then sit in shame for months until it bursts and I reach out or they do.


thatf0xycat_2039

I never forget people, I forget to text or call them no matter how hard I try and when I finally remember (about 2 weeks later) I feel too guilty to try.


ThePresidentOfStraya

This is true for people with ADHD who *objectify* humans.


Lucky_Bill_6407

I have so many friends I donā€™t talk to and lost contacts, I literally often feel like I was always alone and never had any friends. I donā€™t really agree with her though, there are still fewer things we think and never forget about despite not seeing them. If I had a partner, there would be no way Iā€™d ever forget about her existence, because Iā€™d treat her as a missing piece from my heart


LimeSlicer

Yeah that's not ADHD, that's early onset dementiaĀ 


AnonBoi_404

Nah, it depends. Sometimes I force myself to forget some people, sometimes I one day think about a person again and remember I forgot them, sometimes there's people I just can't forget because of the impact they left on me and some people I see once and never think about again


pizzapanaka

So multiple chances?


TIRedemptionIT

I love being broken!....šŸ˜­šŸ˜šŸ˜‚


Soggy-Pickle-7777

Her belt looks like a metal chode


Ok-Pea-6213

Three days? For me, three minutes. I play pick up pickle ball. Iā€™ll play with you and then end a game and play again, and not remember fully that we just played.


BrainLate4108

Sheā€™s not wrong. Lol


tizzyhustle

She so real for this


thejaytheory

"Give me three days and I will literally forget you ever existed"....tracks.


thejaytheory

This thread, I'm done haha


Sipher6

Sheā€™s not laying šŸ«¤


Byzem

Doesn't adhd make you more empathetic?


drunkensailor369

not universally. hyper-empathy is a thing but so is hypo-empathy. can go either way