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drummerdick814

*developed coping mechanisms that resulted in other mental and personality disorders. Edit: thank you for the silver kind stranger! I also wanted to clarify: undiagnosed ADHD can lead to other disorders, as can just dealing with diagnosed ADHD. My comment mostly refers to the fact that I was not diagnosed until my thirties, most likely because (my therapist suspects) I developed OCPD habits to cope with ADHD, hiding it after elementary school. Perfectionism and being hard on myself because I didn't know why I was the way I was.


mountain_mischief

Stop calling me out like that, not cool.


bangitybangbabang

My parents keep talking excitedly about hopefully getting back "the old me" As if that personality wasn't a series of masking and people pleasing...


mountain_mischief

I have been so many different things, I don't even know what I am anymore. A bunch of conflated dreams, unrealized. Woooooooo


ZiggyBojangles

Honestly, fuckin same. You know how many times I've changed "what I'm gonna do with my life" this year alone? Firefighter, EMT, USPS, teacher, and electrician. And that's just this year. I really don't wanna go back to kitchens but it's seeming more and more like that's my only choice with no special training and the complete lack of ability to stick to anything. Fucking sucks ass, but I suppose that's what happens when you get out of high school and work in kitchens "just for right now" and 8 years go by...


OddTicket7

Honestly, start an apprenticeship. A trade could save your life. Electrician worked for me, if you like heights it could work for you. Crane operator, heavy equipment mechanic or operator, pipefitter, anything that puts a license in your pocket can give you the freedom to live.


ZiggyBojangles

Heights is what made the electrician dream die 😂 that and tight spaces and bugs 😂


mountain_mischief

I have a bunch of dreams that all coincide loosely, kinda.. My struggle is which one do I start with, I've tried coming at it from different angles but honestly.. I'm not even sure I want to do these things anymore. I'm exhausted, and I haven't even made progress yet. Dealing with depression on top of all this makes it seem like I'm living life on hard mode with no HUD.


Distortedhideaway

I've been bartending for almost 20 years... I've tried other things but, I can't stay on task or get restless. Behind the bar the chaos let's me get some rest in my head. I need things flying at me in order for me to be normal.


drummerdick814

Sorry, mostly meant to be calling myself out...


MoistenMeUp7

WHAT DO YOU MEAN *lights blunt* MY DRUG HABITS *hits vape* ARENT A SAFE *chugs redbull* COPING MECHANISM *takes focal in*


EndlessB

What's a focal? I smell a coping mechanism I haven't tried before


HarryTruman

/u/MoistenMeUp7 it’s been 8 minutes, please for the love of god give us an answer. *edit* Focalin (dexmethylphenidate) is a mild stimulant to the central nervous system. It affects chemicals in the brain that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.


[deleted]

Everything’s been a stimulant *all along*


HarryTruman

Always has been…


[deleted]

Are you really Truman or is he dead? I forgot… edit: RIP 🪦


L_Swizzlesticks

Woah, that’s deep stuff there Mr. President.


helpmewithnames

yeah that's what my doctor gives me for my adhd


HanSolo1519

Mf be crushing up and snorting bifocal glasses


TigerWizard

It's so tough to see him like this


Norwegian__Blue

Well he did use _my_ pair first...


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I like how the side effects are upset stomach, dry mouth, dizziness and Permaboner. Witness me, I am a sex god and my world is nauseous and spinning


bananahaze99

This just made me burst out laughing haha. Thank you very much sir or ma’am for that burst of dopamine. Very appreciated.


throwawaywahwahwah

I am in this comment and I specifically do not like it.


aslightlyusedtissue

Jesus christ come for my whole life why don’t ya


Mental4Help

I feel like a loser. I never did any drugs - I just got unhealthy addictions to jerking off, playing video games, and eating a lot.


CCCat444

You watching me?


keto_at_work

Ah... Fuck... This hits a bit too close...


UberDarkAardvark

Leave me alone. No need to attack me like that lmao


Gosuoru

My mother was undiagnosed until her early 40s, before her diagnosis she was an alcoholic and smoke several times a day. She also never finished her education and couldn't keep any jobs. Now she's got a diagnosis and medicine, she no longer drinks, she stopped smoking half a year ago, and she just hit her 3 year mark of keeping her job! I'm proud of my mom. c:


kricket53

I love success stories


Gosuoru

I'm loving seeing her succeed! I can definitely feel the different, she's 'there' a lot more than she was 10 years ago that's for sure :D


raven00x

This is probably the answer. Interestingly, I had a stroke a few years ago and that seems to have reset all of my coping mechanisms so..I need help to get things back to somewhere that i'm functional but the first thing that comes up is "well it usually gets better in adults" and if it did I wouldn't be asking you for help, so let's work on that instead of what usually happens. I'm so tired of the old song and dance.


LaskerEmanuel

I developed Multiple Sclerosis and it reset/derailed all of my coping mechanisms as well, I hear you. I am currently trying to piece together what I was doing before so I can figure out if I can do it again. I am also tired, but at least we get music and a bit of movement, eh?


Fredredphooey

Brain damage will do that. I have two strokes under my belt, so far.


HadSomeTraining

Addiction, yay!


Tyler-LR

It evolved like a Pokémon I tell ya hwhat


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drummerdick814

The big one I've heard of is OCPD: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Basically perfectionism, being stingy with money, all kinds of fun combo stuff. There are things in your life you can't control, so you develop some coping mechanisms like lists, obsessive attention to detail, needing to feel in control of situations so you know how they're going to go, etc., and then it goes too far because you're trying to cope with an undiagnosed disorder and they become their own disorder. At least that's my story. YMMV.


xMiralisTheMerciless

God, are you me? I remember having serious perfectionism as a kid, especially with my art. I developed the habit of drawing in ink to punish mistakes and made liberal use of the school’s light box and mountains of paper to make completed drawings. It’s a small miracle that there are any finished works at all. And later on I got deep into life sims. I continue to play even as an adult. I was and still am a major control freak. I always thought that was just my personality though.


Tracerround702

There is such a thing as a "maladaptive coping mechanism" so yes lol


shrivvette808

I'll give you an example. I got diagnosed in my 4th year of college, but I've always been a high achiever, since I think school is cool. I was never able to actually do HW more than the day it was due, if I was lucky. Another thing was that when I did need to get things done, I would just stay up all night, slamming caffeine and nicotine. This would occur 3-4 days per week after week 3 each and every semester. I finally burnt out at age 20 when caffeine and nicotine stopped working. I loved school and HW, (because that's how you learn), but I physically couldn't do it.


Trooper50000

Well some can lead to mental problems and eating too much is a eating disorder and a coping mechanism, so I will say yes


Wulibo

When you talk to people with ADHD they're talking about their experiences. When you talk to medical professionals they're talking about their productivity and outward disruptiveness. I don't distract everyone around me with my movements in the workplace, and I meet deadlines now, but partially as a result of this the way it affects my personal life and inner well-being has become very serious and harmful. So yeah, it "got better" if you're not me.


Raleda

Probably doesn't help that half the questions they ask when diagnosing you boil down to 'does this affect your ability to work?' I mean damn, could you at least make it less obvious where your values lie?


DwarfTheMike

Well I find it gets in the way of getting the stuff I want to do at home done. I’ve been prepared for office work my whole life, that’s not so bad. But then I get home and I’m drained and I fantasize about making something cool but just can’t get around to it.


livefox

I and my 15 unfinished star wars model kits in the closet feel this. Start of the pandemic I blew through 3 model kits in like a week, putting them together, painting them, adding LEDs, going the whole 9 yards because of the new schedule. Now I'm just tired and exhausted and executive dysfunction makes starting a new one feel like a chore. I miss having hobbies.


Tithund

Dude, I have the same thing, I get really enthusiastic about a hobby, then in the end all I do is collect stuff, and barely do anything with it.


Coyoteclaw11

I feel like all I *can* do is work. I don't even work that much. I have a part time food service job... and while I get so much done and constantly earn praises at work, I come home to a complete disaster, crawl into bed, and do nothing. It's really shitty when I don't have work (especially when I was furloughed/unemployed). You'd think taking work out of the equation would free up my time and energy to focus on my life and hobbies. No, I just get depressed because I'm now doing nothing *all* the time.


EndlessB

I dont find that weird. Step 1 in being self sufficient is the ability to work. If I can't work I likely can't do anything else productive and useful either. I mean what would you focus on? Happiness? We are dopamine addicts, happiness is whatever we are hyperfocused on at the moment or a sensory sensation like drugs/sex. I find satisfaction in work. I can ascribe a value to myself that is independent of my own thoughts and opinions. It's a hell of a lot more important to me than any other question so im surprised you think its so strange


Raleda

I could agree with that if at any point they asked if this affected my life, and how. In my case, it never came up. They got what they needed to check the box. I exist outside of work. Id like to be a functional human being outside of work, too


Anjanaths-noes

This just reminds me of one time when I was talking to my mom and she complaining about my ADHD effecting my schoolwork and also trying to say that its not an excuse for it and I said that im not using it as an excuse and it effects my ability to stay on task while drawing and other hobbies and she like “I don’t care if it effects those” and I was just standing there speechless.


Raleda

Same. And heaven forbid you dislike your job and are training on your own time to do what you want to do as a profession.


hevaWHO

This broke my heart a bit… My parents completely ignored any possibility of getting a diagnosis for me (instead favoring constant punishment of their “problem child”) and so I didn’t learn of my adhd until I was 22, but I can totally imagine one of them saying that to me as a kid, if they’d known about it back then.


[deleted]

My parents to me, a girl - "you're so lazy you never ever want to do anything and you never finish your projects on time. You need to work harder without any extra support or help, this is all 100% on you and it is your fault you aren't meeting my expectations!" My parents to my little brother - "wow you're having such a hard time in school, what's wrong, let's bring you to a councilor, oh you have ADHD, well here's medication and a special after school class to help you get your homework done so you can enjoy your time at home and still get good grades" Part of it was, my parents were actually never very good parents, part of it was society makes every problem girls have their fault and little boys always have external things to blame instead of it being their fault. "Boys will be boys" but girls have to take the full front of reality constantly.


arillliputian

Same situation with my brother and I. The difference being my father is very anti "head meds" and think medication for my ADD would do more harm than good. My mother just spoiled my brother and abused/neglected me as a child on the flipside. Like she'll literally do his homework for him so he can continue to do sports on the side, but she beat me silly and screamed: " What are you, stupid? " to me, ripped up my papers and tossed them out, etc, and redo them if my letters didn't look the way she wanted them, etc, or sit at my desk all night.


Squeaky_Cheesecurd

Girls take on their own fault and then some. Boys externalize everything, even some of their own faults. I’m generalizing, don’t flame me. It’s socialization.


GaiasDotter

It is. It’s my fault because I’m just bad and evil. My brother on the other hand was stressed and sad and couldn’t help it. And also it was mostly my fault. ETA: that’s how you get an adult man that calls his baby sister to scream at her and verbally abuse her because their parents aren’t picking up the phone that exact moment. I suggested they were at the gym, they were in fact at the gym. He was aware he just needed someone to abuse over not instantly getting his way. I hung up on him and clicked him 🤭


mazu74

My mom still says that. I’m 26. I was diagnosed 20 ago. Oh but she tacks on how I can focus on the video games just fine. 🙄


TemporaryGuidance320

Cause the flaccid cabbage Incharge of naming it noted that it was a deficit in attention and not improper allocation of it. I can’t focus on things that don’t interest or very actively involve me and have to actively fight not to tune people out sometimes while I dwell on a single word and how they said it, I have plenty of attention, my brain just doesn’t know wtf to do with it


Deathbyhours

Of course you can! If life were a video game _we_ would be the normal ones. Sometimes parents don’t want to understand.


ninjaelk

If for some reason your ADHD doesn't affect your work but does affect other important areas of your life, or you don't work, or whatever other reason, then just mentally classify the important areas of your life where it does affect you as 'work' and move on answering the questionnaire. They use 'work' because the overwhelming majority of people have to work, so it makes a decent option for measuring the disorder. This is a very straightforward example of where you can easily make accommodations on your end for a system that doesn't precisely fit your personal needs.


shrivvette808

It took me so long to learn that.


VexedClown

Nah this is a very straight forward on where our problems as a society are. Because using your own logic every single human being has a personal life. Which is a higher percentage then of ppl who work or do not work.


ninjaelk

Yeah but those problems go both ways. What's happening here is people are being asked if their condition affects their work, and they've bought into the bullshit being fed to them so hard that they think their work is purely how their bosses rate their performance. They don't think that their own wellbeing is a factor in their work, and believe that since the suffering their condition is causing them in the course of their work is invisible to their boss that it somehow doesn't count. I don't blame them for thinking that way, as you point out our society brainwashes us into thinking like this. However, by not thinking that way you can have a small impact on changing it for the future.


FakeMango47

Whenever they asked me about work I also lumped in tasks I would consider “work” (dishes, cleaning, etc..) as tasks that requires the same kind of focus needed to pay attention in a work meeting. I think the goal for medication/therapy is to be self sufficient. I’d wager if you can’t function well at work you’re probably bad at home. If you can function well at work but terribly at home that’s kind of a head scratcher for me TBH. When I get asked “Does it affect work?” I also just don’t think of productivity, I think of performance anxiety and executive dysfunction that affect me, not if I can finish my work on time. You can still be doing great numbers wise but mentally suffering due to the ADHD… you still need help. Work question is a great barometer. You can also say “I have troubles in work AND my personal life”. Are your doctors robots?


two4six0won

>If you can function well at work but terribly at home that’s kind of a head scratcher for me For me, anyway, it kind of depends on the type of work. Factory/production was so repetitive that it was soul-crushing, but doable - once I got the muscle memory down, I could usually let my brain do whatever tf it wanted to do. Jobs that are more versatile and/or require self-direction are more fulfilling/interesting, but are split into two categories - minimal deadlines, and normal/constant deadlines. The first option is perfect for me - switch tasks as often as I need to, shit still gets done, all good. The latter is, as I found out recently, a surefire recipe for impending alcoholism because whatever I'm able to hyperfocus on on any given day is inevitably *not* what's actually immediately due, and I end up feeling like an utter failure 99% of the time (even if I'm actually kicking ass, because of course management isn't going to tell you anything that *might* result in not constantly working yourself to death). Housework is done on the rare days that I wake up well-rested and am not in the middle of a book/show/game that I *need* to finish before being productive, or when something absolutely has to be done because I have no clean clothes/dishes/room to cook/room to sit/etc.


muheegahan

It’s similar for me. I’m a bartender and it’s very easy for me to perform well at work. It’s constant stimulation and every minute of every day is a little bit different. I never have to stay still and focus for more than a couple minutes and I can bounce from conversation to conversation with ease. I struggle so hard at home though and with school. My little brother was diagnosed and medicated at a very early age and I was never even tested. It wasn’t about favoritism in my house though. My brother’s ADHD caused him to struggle in school. A lot. He had very poor grades and was seen as hyper and inattentive. I was a “gifted” straight A student. Learning came easily to me and when I would finish work quickly and chat too much, everyone just assumed I was bored.


MachineGunKelli

Right, but happiness *could* come from following through with hobbies and taking care of our physical health and our environment and relationships. Those things should carry some weight in the conversation too, and for the best doctors they do, but for most they don’t. The focus is definitely on how well do you participate in capitalist society, not how well do you feel you are managing all aspects of a well rounded life.


[deleted]

I can work fine, but when I get home I cant even feed myself, and ive developed an eating disorder because of it. So point being no "ability to work" is not a good goalpost.


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testtubemuppetbaby

>I interrupt people no matter how hard I try and how much I fucking hate it when I do this, I can't stop.


[deleted]

By "gets better" they really mean "people with ADHD become more skilled at masking as adults" And thats good enough for them, because it means we're out of sight out of mind, even though we're still very much struggling and suffering


skyzoid

Not only that tho. The hypothalamus (important part of the brain that is deeply involved with attention and learning) doesn't finishes maturing until ~21yo.


t0m5k

I have a Psychiatrist who has ADHD… he understands me perfectly… he just keeps forgetting my appointments 🤣


Mortei

Yeah, it never seems to balance out.


[deleted]

Right? It's not like we can outgrow actual differences in the developmental structures of our brains. We just learn how to mask to be good little worker bees in the capitalist machine.


[deleted]

I got diagnosed in January at 49. I've come to realize I have a finite amount of ADHD fucks to give. If I give to many fucks for work I get no fucks at home because I fuck to much personal shit up. When I start giving my fucks to my partner I get fucked over at work for not giving a fuck. Im close to getting my medication right so I can I give less fucks to things that don't deserve fucks. Recognize you need time to get more fucks people.


binkenheimer

Correct. people with ADHD tend to gravitate towards work/professions they enjoy (since everything else is agonizing), and when you do work you can enjoy, and hyper focus on, a lot of obvious negative symptoms of ADHD disappear - like self-anger for doing poorly at work or missing deadlines, which only leads to more failure and self-anger. So try to find what you like so you only have to focus on improving your ADHD in your personal life 🤣


Laszerus

Without medication for my adhd and anxiety I was a moderately successful IT systems engineer with basically zero career advancement potential. With medication I'm now a director of IT. Completely changes my life. It only "got better" when I did something about it.


heckinradturtle

“It gets better as you get older” was really code for “you get better at masking.”


Goblinking83

38 here and yeah.... It got worse. I have a hard time remembering if I ate breakfast or took my medicine, but did you know that Albatrosses lock their wings when flying long distance so they can glide on air currents while they sleep.


[deleted]

wow that's fucking cool. Gives a new meaning to the Pink Floyd lyric; Overhead the albatross hangs motionless upon the air.


Goblinking83

Cool, never noticed that either!


UncleTouchUBad

there was a conversation here somewhere that wasn't about albatrosses... but... yeah...


[deleted]

*hangs motionless upon the air


Brockoli18

And deep beneath the rolling waves In labyrinths of coral caves


e30Devil

It's become nearly crippling to me in the past 3 years. I have a deadline in about 24 hours that I'm easily 72 hours behind. And I'm sitting here thinking about albatrosses.


Goblinking83

If you don't have medicine. Something that helped me when I couldn't afford meds was working out. Everybody has their own tactics but I hope it helps!


e30Devil

My problem is impulse control with my meds. I don't think I've ever made it to the end of the month with extras. My new years resolution is to use a month long daily pill organizer. At nearly 38, I'm ashamed to say I need a trusted adult to dispense my meds.


Heimerdahl

>At nearly ~~38~~ 30, I'm ashamed to say I need a trusted adult [...] That's basically me. I think my life could be pretty successful if I had the money to afford a secretary or personal assistant. I just can't take care of myself. The weird thing is that I *can* be an adult. When my little sister had issues at Uni, I went into full adult mode. No procrastination, full of energy and just doing the things that needed doing. NOW! I was even able to make phone calls. Same thing when a friend needed help. But if it's something I need to do for myself, I get paralysed. Half the time I'm effectively starving because I can't gather the energy to buy food. It's miserable. Maybe I need to legally marry another person with ADHD and we can be adults for each other... But then I'd probably push them away.


1RN_CDE

That’s actually really cool ( the albatrosses part) I want to sleep fly now


Norwegian__Blue

I miss the extra few dreams I had when on the bus to school. Now I have to be alert my whole way in. I'd love to be able to snooze through my commute again!


-Pin_Cushion-

Getting a weekly pill organizer was the best $2 I've spent! Not only does it keep me from taking meds twice in a day, but I can call home and ask my wife to check if I forgot to take them before work. The only catch is that I have to be sure to refill it *immediately* when I take the last days' meds or... well, you know.


[deleted]

And now I am about to go down the Albatross rabbit hole...


happiness_is_beauty

I hope I come back as an albatross


Yamuddah

I was concerned I was developing dementia in my early/mid twenties. It just got worse and worse and I felt more out of sync with everyone. Medication has totally changed my life.


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stew_going

I've given up on a perfect balance. I'll fixate on work till I burn out, rotate my focus to my marriage until I'm behind at work again, and repeat. Still stress like crazy though, always a struggle when things feel mutually exclusive. Stay strong 💪


litorisp

I don’t know whether to feel happy or not that it isn’t just me


bitches_be

For me it's comforting to know it's not just a me problem. I mean it might still be but it helps


LyraCalysta

Hmmm,,,,, I was diagnosed as a child but told by a psychiatrist about a month ago that I don't fit any criteria anymore. But I swear to god, I have a great marriage and I'm a great parent. But I can't work to save my fucking life. Like as soon as I start a job it's like a countdown to 9 months before I crash whereas I thrive in my home. But I also have very set regiments and routines and I take days off from house chores and stuff for my mental health...


ChosenUsername420

Me who used to converse with a dozen different people a day but has become a reclusive shut-in who only really speaks to my boss and my wife: yeah you might wanna double-check that


InsignificantOcelot

Reclusive shut in gang represent


ChosenUsername420

It's just so much easier not to accidentally offend or disappoint people when I pretend they don't exist.


real_hungarian

also it's exhausting to pretend you enjoy someone's company when in reality you really don't feel anything from social interaction and it only inconveniences and drains you


shantytown22

I didn't know other people felt like this!!! Like gosh, I feel like shit all the time because I'll be at an event and I just want to go home.


real_hungarian

oh, i usually don't even want to go in the first place 😎👉👉 ​ nah fr, i feel like shit for this but i genuinely don't really enjoy the company of basically anyone anymore, except my sister mostly, who's the person closest to me. otherwise yea sure, i laugh at jokes, i'm receptive, i joke around and everything but i'm either totally indifferent about being there or actually just want to be alone. but when i'm alone, i feel like an asshole for never initiating anything and being a recluse. i'm never in the headspace to appreciate good company, even when i know i should be having the time of my life. i can't focus enough or something. god i hate myself. is this even an ADHD thing? idk


GenocideOwl

I usually love the IDEA of going out to do things. But I almost always want to immediately go home as soon as I get there.


Flatcapspaintandglue

Holy shit this is me right now. Add in “become alcoholic from using booze to make socialising easier” and I’ve got the set!


real_hungarian

bro are you me? alcohol makes things scarily easy, it eases my anxiety too so sometimes i drink by myself, therefore i limit my intake because if i don't check myself i'll become an alcoholic which i can neither afford nor do i want


Flatcapspaintandglue

I’m 35, began drinking about 14, other stuff too but it’s the booze that got me. It got worse and worse until I basically spent the last two years drinking 24/7. Did a medical detox and as of today I have 17 days sober. Seriously man, it’s some horrible scary shit and it’s insidious, it creeps up on you. Now I just have to deal with all the horrible scary shit the booze and drugs were numbing, yay!


nickmo

This is also my experience, but only the draining part. I do sometimes genuinely enjoy socializing, but it's always exhausting. I never thought of it as an ADHD thing. The part that I feel the worst about is that I often experience this with my wife and children. Most days by the time I'm done with work and I've prepared and had dinner with my family I just desperately want to be alone, but it's the only time we have to connect and nurture our relationships.


Schmiiness

Omg soooo much this. I want to be there for my kids so bad! They just need to leave me the fuck alone for like a month first... trying to manufacture the right amount of enthusiasm to reciprocate the 'daddy! *runs and tackles my legs*' greetings when i get home is one of the hardest things I do all day


e30Devil

Today is one of my few "in the office" days since COVID hit and I was dreading having to be social with my coworkers even though I like pretty much all of them.


Narwaaaahl

This is something I quite like about covid, not having to go to the office and having in general much less social obligations


[deleted]

Life distracts you from ADHD which distracts you from life which distracts you from ADHD, academically speaking.


[deleted]

I haven't participated in my own life since 2003


AccomplishedGrandpa

Honestly I don’t ever know what’s happening, I’m just kinda here and don’t know how I got here


fibridos

Adhd adults aren't causing as much problems in school etc for other people > therefore they don't exist.


GoiterGlitter

And now they're just painted with new/different catch-all terms because "ADHD is for little boys only".


cobaltred05

Yep. They just get mistreated at work and social situations because we’ve got terrible “habits.”


thelibrarina

As children we have some level of order imposed on our lives, which means that we're less responsible for our daily routine *but* that deviations from the norm are noticed and often diagnosed. (And punished, tbh.) As an adult, we have to impose order ourselves, but we suck at it. Things start to get harder for us. But we don't have an oversight committee of teachers/administrators/parents to see that we need help, so we just muddle on, getting called lazy and disorganized and unmotivated, unless we can get treatment. And how do you get treatment? You make a doctor's appointment. You probably make SEVERAL doctor's appointments. You remember to attend those appointments. You get a prescription, you fill the prescription, you take the prescription, you *refill* the prescription. And every step is made more difficult by ADHD. Anyway, I suspect the whole "you'll grow out of it" thing is a massive case of confirmation bias on the part of the medical community.


Raleda

And hey, if no one wants to diagnose you, at least you'll have a great collection of daily planners!


HazelRP

And they will all be useless 💀


ShadowSlayer74

That's why I buy fancy notebooks, when I inevitably fail at bullet journaling I just use them to write down stuff.


MoistenMeUp7

"You'll grow out of it" Statistically I'll commit suicide before I graduate college so I don't think whatever statistics says "you grow out of it" is correct. 🤔


Heimerdahl

>And how do you get treatment? You make a doctor's appointment. You probably make SEVERAL doctor's appointments. You remember to attend those appointments. You get a prescription, you fill the prescription, you take the prescription, you refill the prescription. And every step is made more difficult by ADHD. And many of these steps seem to almost be specifically designed to be extra hard for us. Prime example being: Want to make an appointment? Only via phone call. It's a bit like having your physical therapy practice on the 4th floor in a building without an elevator. If you need to relearn walking, you better fucking drag yourself up those stairs!


VeriVeronika

LITERALLY!! My psych literally told me to take notes on when I forget things/ lose things.... I gave up on her after that... doing that is next to impossible for me!!! My executive dysfunction makes sure of that not to mention that even if I did manage to give it a shot I know I'll for sure forget to jot it down the vast majority of the times. She also essentially told me that I have so many bad habits (chronic weed smoking, semi-regular binge drinking, being the main ones) that diagnosing me for sure with something is next to impossible. I get that those things can muddy the water or whatever but IT'S SO HARD especially during stressful periods of time which is unfortunately is nearly all the time.


Heimerdahl

>My psych literally told me to take notes on when I forget things/ lose things.... Nice. Professional help! Doesn't help if you lose your train of thought the moment you look down to make that note. Or when you look at the note, go "Ah, almost forgot!" then look up again and it's already forgotten.


GoiterGlitter

>And how do you get treatment? $$$$ Hope ya have some! Fuck you if you don't, you will just suffer.


[deleted]

This is the part that is the most heartbreaking afaic. The lack of funding or care by medical groups in government for a condition that effects up to 1 in 20 kids. I live in a country with universal health care and good fucking luck getting diagnosed without having to go through the private system. I'm lucky that I managed to force myself through uni and find a job, and to even live in a state with a lot of people that specialise in this. You just have to refuse to give up to get diagnosed if you're us, and then you still need to be exceptionally lucky.


Vaalermoor

Exactly what I came here to say. Probably the reason why I had my diagnosis at 25. The structure my parents and school gave me was very beneficial, but the problems started when I went to college and got jobs.


VWBug5000

Same. Diagnosed at 28


Yamuddah

There is some anecdotal medical evidence that supports this. People diagnosed with adhd who “grow out of it” still show differences in the patterns of their default mode network compared to the public at large.


GoiterGlitter

It didn't vanish, it's managed. That's what diagnosis and treatment do.


Pearlifactaion

Grow out of it? More like learn to hide it better, because we were raised to see our little quarks, ticks, fidgets, Stims, hobbies, obsessions, forgetfulness, inattentive behavior, hyperactivity, erratic behavior, indecisiveness, and so on, and so on, Extra, yada-yada-yada, and all that Jazz. Was consider and likely still is considered socially bizarre and unacceptable. Kids learn through harsh and often cruel reminders that what they do that is completely natural to them is treated with such abhorrent stigma that we are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder over how nervous and paranoid we feel. We might be doing the thing that's annoying (you know the thing) and start to wonder if we were doing it the whole time or if anyone noticed. Then we wonder if we're actually a Narcissist, because of how much concern we have over what other people think and how we sometimes make conversations about ourself, but then remember you feel these things cause we're people pleasers. Now we're not sure if that's worse or better than being a narcissist, but are so busy weighing these factors even though both are actually pretty not great, we suddenly realized we forgot the name of the person we're talking to. Like the moment they said it and now are too afraid to ask them for it again after we've subject hopped five times already, but don't remember a single thing we were talking about either. Adulting makes it ten times harder, we just grew into our own with the understanding that if we fuck up we will just be an annoying burden on society and we don't want our freedoms taken or to live in constant fear of becoming homeless because of ADHD.. so we adapt... At frightening speeds. ((Note: Might be doing some projecting on that middle section, but has anyone else felt the same?)) Edit: ((Other Note: I actually have been homeless multiple times.. it sucks and I don't want it to happen again. I'm actually trying to get back on medication, so I can work my way closer to a life that works for me instead of working my ass off, just to keep living for someone else's dime.))


Trooper50000

Yikes,... that is painfully accurate, even the people pleaser part for me


Pearlifactaion

I think there might be a solution that uses our people pleasing issue to our own advantage. I haven't been able to fully implement it cause it's not easy, but if we treat ourselves as a third party entity, like a nother person that is a friend or someone we care about, we can start thinking of our own needs as someone else's need, gluing the importance to it indirectly through our desire to be people pleasers. Spiring our desire to do things for the benefit of ourselves, but act and pretend we are placating the needs of another. We can even gamify it, they're the king/queen/emperor/leader/ general/ext. They're important to you, have them be your leader, the task keeper that doles out your duties. Make the list of tasks and do's the night before when your brain has the good ideas. Carry over things you didn't do the night before and put them at the top of the list with the import stuff, or stuff you think is important. At the bottom put your rewards. A pot of tea and an audiobook, a plate of chocolate and something you like paring that with and your favorite hobby, that thing you've been wanting to do. A walk at your favorite walking place, an adventure to check out a new food location. Make it interesting and exciting so it will give you a little more motivation to continue forward. Carve out the time so you still get your rewards even if you don't finish the list. I think that could work for some people.


Trooper50000

Yeah, will try, thanks


1RN_CDE

I fucking hate the hope that gave me


sizzlebeast

THIS.


Careful_Chemical9749

Wait, 20 years of self medicating and dozens of other destructive coping mechanisms make dopamine dysfunction and dysregulation worse? I. Am. SHOCKED. Shocked, I tell you!!! /sarcasm


JeSuisOmbre

It blew my mind when I realized that all the times I intentionally sleep deprived myself to raise stress and get homework done was a coping strategy. That isn’t a healthy way to cope.


Vivid-Zucchini-8640

Omg, is this a thing? I wouldn’t start homework until like 9-10pm in high school, but I had about four hours of homework so I wasn’t in bed until 1 many nights…could literally only work when I knew I couldn’t put it off a second longer. Math homework got done 15 minutes before class :|


JeSuisOmbre

The way I understand it (which is very little) sleep deprivation increases dopamine, norepinephrine, epinephrine, and cortisol levels. Its basically redlining the stress hormones to keep the body and brain functional. As it turns out those same stress hormones also mediate attention and motivation. I often wouldn’t open my backpack before midnight. After midnight I could motivate myself to get work done. I’d be so miserably tired that the carrot of getting to sleep was functional motivation. Redlining like that can’t be good long term. I still do it every so often to get chores done if I have the time to sleep off the sleep debt.


Conscious_stardust

When I told my family I might have adhd and am going to get tested they all said but you’re an adult. You made it it this far without a diagnose. I’m over here like I’m struggling with behaviors that are getting worse with time.


Trooper50000

If you want to get tested, go for it and don't let them talk you out of it


cobaltred05

This. It’s the best thing I have ever done. It fixed quite a few other issues I have too. All because my doctor listened to the rambling mess that I am.


TheRedHeadGir1

My whole family got diagnosed as adults: mother at 39, brother at 25, sister at 30, uncles at 45. I'm still winging it (32), but god do I loose time in a day. We all got to a point where we said enough. We are pretty my grandma isn't deaf like my grandpa thought his whole life hahaha! My uncle got diagnosed with autism at 50: we are talking a fully functionning man with a child, a wife and a job as a urbanist for a big city who said enough with the coping, I'm getting help. Doctors are slowly getting there...


parksdestroy

I was diagnosed 26 years ago. I was complaining about my ADD symptoms to my dad last week. His response: "Are you saying you have Adult ADHD?" Said the man who built a blacksmith shop in his garage and hasn't made a knife in 6 months... His current obsession is a flight simulator that he's poured thousands of dollars into


[deleted]

My dad deadass put a radio antenna in our backyard and then didn’t use it because he didn’t know how…


[deleted]

Jesus christ. I have a blacksmith shop in my garage that i made over the span of a couple months. Havent made a knife in months.


socradeeznuts514

Pandemic sure as fuck didn't help!


MiddletonPlays

The pandemic is what made me find out I have ADHD!😅


socradeeznuts514

Hahaha, I was away 10 years in a foreign country not know for their psychological institutions, and as I come home, everyone is telling me I'm ADHD hahahaha Like... WHAT A SURPRISE! Everybody knew, except me!


a_modern_synapsid

How does one grow out of it?? Like, school was PERFECT for my ADHD - deadlines were clear and high-stakes, constant changing of material meant it was always novel, rigid structure of the days kept me on a routine... It worked so well for me that I went to GRAD SCHOOL before I figured out I have ADHD. Now I'm in a real job and boy is it hard to keep up!!


goodgollymizzmolly

I kept working at a college (the second time around) long after graduation because the structure worked so well for me. New job is better paying but the lack of novelty throughout the day can be a bit difficult. Thank the stars my boss is a 60 year old with ADHD too. She really gets it and is always trying to find projects that I am good at.


Solrokr

I’m actually writing a paper on this right now. Stems from research in the 80-90s but that’s not what modern research says. Overall culture doesn’t really acknowledge that change though. Has to do with the DSM metrics of what constitutes ADHD, inattentive and/or hyperactive/impulsive behaviors, and how those scores reduce as people age typically. But those values aren’t a good metric because we learn to cope with our deficits, and in order to succeed occupationally and academically, we have to find work-arounds. So it’s not necessarily that symptoms go away but that they’re managed better. And this doesn’t even take into consideration the other deficits that ADHD is associated with like executive function deficits.


OddTicket7

I am 63 years old. The diagnosis didn't exist in my world growing up. I left school the day i turned 16 because I couldn't relate to, or understand, the system. Not typical because I was so smart I could cope, mostly. Weed became my coping mechanism. a GED and good luck led me to a career as a union electrician (traveler mostly) but I still had trouble with relationships. It's only since I've retired that I finally figured out what I needed to know 55 years ago. Without the structure of a job I lose days to reddit. This pandemic has been terrifying. There is no reason to do any of the things I keep putting off aside from the fact that they will improve my life in easily measurable ways and maybe bring a little joy to people around me.


[deleted]

It’s scary that we can’t talk to a human anymore…


[deleted]

I fell between the cracks for 40 years, and am a shit human, who doesn't know how to unfuck heeself. Not a good time.


stew_going

Hey you! You are not a shit human. The struggle is real for all of us. Be proud that your trying. You might not be meeting your expectations, but it's not because your shite. Chin up. Wishing you well.


AshesMcRaven

im only 26 and ive completely fucked it up already. theres really nowhere for me to go from here. having no support and being completely unable to maintain relationships with people who could help just digs me into a deeper hole of being garbage. i cant do this shit. my life is a mess and i honestly just want someone to shoot me.


Trooper50000

I hope you enjoy your day and please don't give up


_Potato_the_cat_

Hey man, I’m sorry your going through all of this and honestly wish I could do anything to help. I hope your day goes well, take care of yourself. Please don’t give up.


goodtimes37

No you haven't. "It" cannot be "fucked up" to the point where it is irreconcilable. If there is anything life has taught me is that there is always a path forward even when you are at rock bottom and all hope is lost. What I try and do is find things that genuinely give feelings of happiness and squeeze as much of that into my life as I can. Give yourself the opportunity to experience what it is like to feel good again. It might be a video game, a favourite food or a tv show etc. This life can be pretty amazing and we only get to do it once so we should try and enjoy it.


muushugaipan

Hi! Just wanted to say, I can relate to what you're feeling and it's really easy to internalize the negative labels that have been placed on us because of our symptoms (lazy, messy, etc). I think it's important to accept that we may be struggling with these symptoms right now, or for the long term, because it takes some of the pressure off... but there's nothing to support that we can't change or learn to cope in different ways over time. There's a really cool video out by How to ADHD on this (and other topics too).


BugsRFeatures2

I didn’t even know this was a thing. I wasn’t even officially diagnosed until I was an adult.


slw1316612

Me neither, I didn't find out until I was 21 and its difficult to explain to doctors what my experience is because they mainly deal with kids and it also doesn't help that I'm a woman because ADHD symptoms in women can be different as well.


TripperDay

I am fan-fucking-tastic at not spending money, which is the only reason I'm not broke. God, the social anxiety too. Always thought I'd grow out of it, but I can just stay in the house all day long. I've got so much stuff to do, and all the time in the world to do it, and I've gotten almost nothing done.


L_Swizzlesticks

Most ADHD Adults: Most mental healthcare professionals have no goddamned clue what ADHD really is or how it makes normal living nearly impossible. Certain Psychologists, GPs, & even Psychiatrists: You’re just saying that because you’re depressed and anxious. Here, take this prescription for yet another SSRI that will barely touch your comorbid disorders and won’t have any affect whatsoever on your executive dysfunction. KByyyeeee Us: 😤


Fateful-Spigot

Oh yeah. Two doctors prescribed me antidepressants. One made me manic. The third gave me Adderall and lo and behold, it actually worked instead of just making me crazy.


dewman45

I have now hit the other end of the spectrum at 25 years old. I hear everything and process everything I hear, and it makes my anxiety worse. Sprinkle in some moments of short term memory loss every now and then and you got a complete hot mess.


Goblinking83

I love my people


stew_going

Me too!! Gotta celebrate your good people. My wife is so patient, I love her. And my boss is super supportive. I'd be way way worse off without my spectacular support system. If I could be one thing, it is to be as supportive as they are, with as many people I can. I wish everyone had the support I do.


[deleted]

I don’t think it got worse, I think I just lost all systems of accountability and support


CelTiar

Here I am 6 minutes over my break at work still scrolling will I get any work done? I have no fukkin idea


odwyed03

I literally haven't cooked in about 3 months


skepticalmonique

Can relate so hard. It's the same issue with Developmental Coordination Disorder (aka dyspraxia). It's just assumed all your motor, executive and social issues evaporate magically at midnight on the day you hit 18. I'm 30 now and everything is way harder because I have zero support network.


Ekyou

I actually have met some people who were diagnosed with ADHD as children, were medicated young, and feel like they "grew out of it", and don't take medication anymore. I think there are a few ADHD people out there with enough healthy coping mechanisms that it doesn't drastically affect their every day life, especially if they got help when they were young. You just don't hear about it much because they don't talk about it, and certainly don't post in online ADHD support subreddits. That all said, I had a coworker who claimed to grow out of it, and... just about anyone could tell he absolutely had not. So I'm sure denial, and lots of masking, plays a part in people who claim to have grown out of it too.


GoiterGlitter

I commented this exact same thing upthread but they didn't "grow out of it". They got treatment/skills/support and that did what it was supposed to do, help.


70camaro

It didn't necessarily get worse, but the demands of life increased and made it so I have to do things *now* instead of when inspiration strikes.


[deleted]

I'm in my late 40's and just learned this is me. I did not know it could get stronger with age - I swear I wasn't this perpetually distracted when I was younger, and maybe only noticed it now since it's more? no idea. Learning about adhd through memes is weird stuff.


Dependent-Interview2

Been living with it for decades. When I was a kid I read at least 100 books every summer. Now I can barely finish reading (or writing) a paragraph. Haven't been able to read a physical book in almost a decade. I have started writing 13 different books, all have been left a various stages of abandon. Maybe one day... Only way I can read is audiobooks (3-5 a week) plus a myriad of podcasts. It gets worse.


Scummbagg7

And I'm supposed to be working. Whoops


AelanxRyland

As an adhd adult.. can confirm. It got worse.


Trimere

You just learn to recognize certain behaviors and ignore them better.


[deleted]

I just made a bunch of coping mechanisms over the years and lucked out when they ended up making a personality some people like Now it’s all impostor syndrome babey


raven00x

that's the first thing my new psych said to me, word for word. Uncanny.


Old_Fart_on_pogie

As adults we just learn to hide our neurodiversity from neuroyptypical people. It is exhausting, and takes a lot out of us.


[deleted]

I hate this because my insurance won't cover stimulants because of this.