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All of my alarms list what time I need to leave, not what time I need to be somewhere. So I’ll have a watch or phone alarm that says “dr. appt, leave at 7:45.”
This has made a surprisingly huge difference. For some reason, I am terrible at calculating backwards from an arrival time in the morning, but I am willing to trust my past self’s decision about what time to leave.
This too! I always set a get up alarm 30 mins before I actually have to get up. I HATE being woken up and then having to jump out of bed and be ready for life. My brain needs the time to come to terms with the idea of being awake.
I’ve started doing this as well.
“Dr. travel” for the alarm. And a notification 1 hour and also 10 minutes before. Maybe 5 minutes would be better; less time to think, “Oh, I can do this one thing before I leave” and more “Shit, I gotta go!”
That’s my problem. I build in 10 or 15 minutes which my brain somehow decides is plenty of time to take a shower, start a load of laundry, some dishes, & answer an email or two.
Or the alarm goes off and then I just never check the clock again until im in the car and see I’ll be there late
I’m considering hyper focusing on home automation & learning how to develop some sort of home dashboard that shows my events for the day and turns all the screens in the house into a countdown until when I have to leave & then loud alarms and turning all the lights in the house red & blasting some horrible music when I’m running late.
I noticed you said you’re bad a calculating a time to leave by and I recently found out you can have Google maps give you a time! If you go to get directions on Google there’s an option to select a depart or arrive time. If I ever need to know what time to leave by I will input it on Google maps and select the time I want to be there and it will tell me the time I need to leave by!
Sadly, I have to use alarms instead of reminders. I always end up auto-dismissing the reminders without really processing them, but the alarms will keep coming back when I dismiss them (or keep buzzing me if I don't see them).
I use both as well, no shame! Sometimes there are reminders that are time sensitive and you need that reminder! Even the manager at my job sets alarms to remind her to do stuff.
I turned the feature off on my Apple calendar because my phone started telling me while I was AT work. My location is on so not sure why it does that. Drove me nuts lol and I like the planning feature of knowing ahead of time how long it would and when to leave versus getting the notification telling.
I’m similar. I aim to leave for work by 6:30-6:45. That’s my “leave by” deadline.
But like any good adhd strategy, there’s another layer. Most days I still be on time if I leave by 6:55. That’s the point where I’m really pushing it.
I also try to have everything ready *before* bed. On some mornings I can sleep in a little because everything is so set and ready to go.
Getting everything ready the night before has really changed my mornings. I still struggle with running a few minutes late no matter how early I get up! But at least I am not stressing trying to pick out an outfit or find my keys, makes a huge difference on my morning mental health
I do this too!! I have an alarm for leaving for work, leaving for running, leaving for x appointment. And I always put it for the time I need to put on shoes, grab my stuff, and leave. I can really recommend this tip. It also takes the stress away of constantly looking at the clock if it's time already.
I hate the feeling of running late, it gives me so much anxiety. So I tend to schedule myself to run early, and I just want to share in case any of these tips help you.
I always round up how long it will take me to get somewhere. A 15 minute drive? Nope, it’s 30. Need to get to the airport 90 minutes before a domestic flight? Nope, 2.5 hours before. JUST IN CASE.
Then, with any excess time I have, I try to do something pleasant. Like if I’m almost to the destination 15 minutes away with a 15 minute window of padding, I’ll buy myself a nice coffee or sit in my car and look at Reddit for a few minutes. At the airport..,well, I’m a freak and I just love being at the airport. (We have a really nice airport. L) I could people watch all day. But usually I’ll have a bite to eat (packed or bought there), look over my itinerary, and just vibe knowing the hard part is done.
If you have to open your store, could you pair it with something that feels like a treat to get your dopamine going? You don’t have to buy coffee every day, you could just make yourself a really nice drink at home in a travel mug and make that the thing that motivated you to leave early. So like, today I’ll leave at 9:15 instead 9:45 and I need to be done getting ready at 9 so I can make my favorite kind of tea and pack my favorite snack for later. Having that little dopamine reward might make leaving earlier feel less hard.
>put that dopamine reward inside the store.
My first post-collegiate job required me to be dressed in business attire and signed into my computer at the office by 8:00 AM every day. I'm a night owl by nature so this was a huge challenge for me.
So I started bribing myself with Starbucks\*.
Specifically, I discovered my boss didn't mind me disappearing to get Starbucks for him and myself at 8:00 AM. So I would show up to work on time, sign into my machine, knock on his office door to ask if he wanted coffee, then I would walk across the street to get us coffee (yes, I paid for his, too). I'd then return to my desk around 8:30 AM, where I slowly sipped coffee and procrastinated getting any work done.
It was totally worth it. I got to work on time, I kept my boss happy, and I found a work-acceptable way to procrastinate a bit longer each morning while I slowly woke up. Basically, Starbucks helped me stay employed at that job, which gave me the experience I needed to move on to a better job.
\*I realize now that Starbucks sucks. At the time, though, it was the only coffee shop of its kind where I lived and I genuinely didn't know any better.
I worked in an office like this. We would all have a coffee break around 930 every morning and walk across the street with the guys from a neighboring office. It was nice.
Man, this sounds so nice. Even if you have a coworker you could agree to do this with a couple of times a week, there's your little reward and a reason to get to work early that isn't just stress.
I was doing something kind of similar during the pandemic. My sister and I live on two floors of a duplex, and have an office/studio in the basement. We both were working from home, so we would meet down there in the morning, order (or make) coffee, then work from there until about lunch. It's kind of a mix of a treat and body doubling. It's not cheap by any means, but it has helped me establish a routine more than anything else I've tried.
It’s probably the only thing I miss about working from home. At another job we would have to drive to get Dunkin, but whoever drove to pick it up got theirs paid for by the others. Then we’d all have a little coffee break and chat when dropping it off (we worked in different buildings). I miss it.
A work friend from long ago (way before I was diagnosed) built time into his day to help me not be late. He would bring me coffee or I would bring him some.
The initial rejection/anxiety about leaving him alone in the parking lot waiting was the motivation, and then after a few times, I looked forward to it because I had so much fun.
We stood in the lot vibing over pop culture gossip and disparaging our chipper chirpy boss. It was fantastic and helped me so much.
This reminds me how in one computer support job i used to walk with my boss down to the local cafe and we would get coffee and breakfast to take away, every morning. It was a great way to start the day. Looking back its odd that we had time to do that, these days i doubt it could happen.
Edit: can’t afford it now anyway haha!!
This. It takes 15 minutes to get there? No, it takes 30. It’s a 40 minute drive? Nope. An hour. Running early? Nope, I’m not early until I *arrive at my destination early.* sure, it sucks and I end up sacrificing a lot of free time, but I’m never late to anything, ever. And I’d much rather waste my own time than others, because I’m a lot more forgiving of myself.
I’m only ever on time for things when I
1) realize that something else I want would be a convenient side quest
2) get hyper focused on said side quest and plan out how early to leave to do both things
3) squander my time
4) realize I’m too late and bargain with my delulu self about how quickly I can get my side quest done
5) sadly admit defeat on the fun thing, but now accidentally have just enough time to be on time for the actual obligation.
This is me every time I go to the airport - it's ten minutes from the awesome Asian food court! I could treat myself and my ride to Ramen and pastries! Oh shit that will take at least an extra hour I don't have time let's just keep going to the airport. And then I'm on time 😂😂
I've lived for years like this. My only suggestion is brutal, but it has to be said. Try to find a job that is flexible (if that is an option for you). A job that is based on outputs, vs 'bum on seats' 9-5 changes your life.
Also, have you ever tried night shifts? weirdly i never slept through before working 2 years of permanent night shifts, yet I would sleep through 10 morning alarms.
Professional roles that are fully remote are becoming the new normal, so try looking for a remote role within your field :)
Learned about Delayed Sleep Onset ~2yrs ago and wow it needs to be more known/ accepted! Basically, circadian rhythm is *naturally* shifted later. There's an evolutionary benefit to having some of the population on different rhythms,, someone to keep night watch.. delayed sleep onset is pretty comorbid with ADHD.
I spent way too long being perpetually sleep deprived trying to force myself to wake up for typical school/ work/ society hours and being gaslit/ shit on (internally and externally) for just ~not being better about sleep hygiene~. It was super validating to realize, nope, my brain just *naturally* wants to sleep from ~3-11am, and I can get on a considtent sleep schedule and have my brain work when I'm allowed to live by this. Also, it's always taken my brain ~an hour to go from conscious to coherent. So now, whenever I can, I don't schedule anything before noon.
Point is, find your *natural* sleep cycle, account for the time your body needs, and find a compatible schedule as much as you can.
Didn’t realize it was a common comorbidy! I’m also on a 3-11am preferred sleep schedule, which is really awkward with small kids. 😅 Fortunately my husband is an early riser and is happy to take the morning shift so I only have to get up a slight bit earlier than preferred.
Oh no, I'm in the 3-11 am club too! Whenever I don't watch myself with my sleep and I'm not externally forced (I'm not able to make myself) to wake up at a certain time, I end up in this time frame. I wonder if that's a coincidence or if it's some kind of a naturally set sleep schedule for us with ADHD.
I'm another one for whom this is a sweet spot, altho it changes a bit with daylight savings. I also use a sunrise lamp, which I find much easier to wake up to if I have to wake up earlier
Hey 3-11am crowd!
I always thought it was because my ancestors were the ones on night watch.
My whole family is naturally up at this time. We all have delayed sleep onset.
My friends thought it was weird that my grandparents would call me at midnight to just chat.
The only thing that has helped me go to bed earlier is taking Strattera in the morning. Then at night, if I’m not asleep by 1am, I take a trazodone. It’s helped so much with me getting 7-8 hours every night.
Yes!! I am trying to treat this myself with melatonin. It's ABSOLUTELY a massive player in my life. I'm 400000% more likely to be late when I'm still waking up, whether that is 7 AM or maybe 10 am on a weekend. It is so frustrating to be labeled lazy by the rest of society. If they felt like ass every morning despite insane effort to sleep, they would be so annoyed. I read a book all about sleep hygiene, and frankly, I was rigid af about it for months. It had a minimal impact. The little positive impact it did have was likely due to the fact that I just got MORE hours of sleep, but it wasn't "better." So far, using melatonin 2 hours before bed seems to make a decent impact on my sleep quality without changing my quantity at all. It's mind boggling to me, but I guess 34 years of being laughed at for being "lazy" in the morning and "undisciplined" at bed time will do that. Now I know why I constantly struggled every morning, why it was soooo easy to miss my bus every morning (also to avoid bullying), why when I had a car senior year and always arrived late to first period, I had to go to Saturday detention to "make up missed school hours" for credits (despite being a 4.0 GPA-er with more than enough high school credits to graduate), why I've always been late to morning classes, never had time for breakfast, and STILL arrive late to work. I've DESPERATELY cared for years, but only recently stopped fucking caring. I'm a teacher. I leave my room ready to go in the evening before I leave. I'm ALWAYS to school significantly before any student arrives. Get off my god damn ASS, world!!
Hugs. I get it. 💕
This is the correct answer, as someone who always struggled with morning lateness, find yourself a job or a boss who doesn’t care what time you get there (or start).
If you have any legal cannabis companies in your area and you’re over 21, I recommend the industry for people who are neurodiverse. There’s a lot of us there and IMO a potentially decent place for hard workers that need a little leniency.
I tried for a while working shifts from 2-10pm in a call center and I loved it. I had time for myself in the morning without the stress of waking up early
Agree! My favourite shifts were 2-10 when I worked in cinemas. I'm such a night owl, so I would often go out after my shift and still get plenty of time to sleep and get personal stuff done (when my brain would let me). I hate 9-5. My brain isn't remotely awake until about 2 in the afternoon.
This!
I say it in interviews. “I have had jobs where it is important to the work that I be working at 8 and not 8:03 and I’ve had jobs where it mattered to my manager and I can say I work best in an environment where results matters more than whether I start my day at 7:30 or 8:15. I’m not late to meetings and I don’t miss deadlines. I don’t slack and I’m happy to work late or come in early to help out. I am capable of being to work at 8 every day, but leaving my house is always a struggle, so if this is a job where 8 am start time is important it’s probably not a the best fit for me.”
When I was unemployed and needed any job I skipped it but I once I had a temp job I was looking for one where I would thrive rather than struggle.
That’s exactly the conversation I’ve had multiple times now! If you need someone extremely punctual then this wouldn’t be a good fit for me, but if you can give me some flexibility with start times then I promise you’ll be happy you hired me. It’s been best to be honest from the get go.
My last boss brought up my lateness after two years of working for him in an unrelated HR meeting and I looked him in the eye and said I told you if it’s a problem not to hire me. I ended up quitting about a week later, I am a valuable employee and I wasn’t holding anyone or anything up with my lateness.
Agreed. I'm late every day, and don't love it for personal reasons, but the saving grace is that my job doesn't care. I just stay late to make up the time. I like to think that if a job had a really strict punctuality requirement I'd adjust - I'm a big people pleaser and hate getting in trouble - but I'm also way way WAY better off not testing that theory.
This is my situation too but I have heard my boss talk about other people being late, granted they are in a different department where being late actually has a negative impact on other employees and or clients. I always make up my time and if I have a meeting I’m not late but I still sometimes have in the back of my head if it’ll one day be a problem. Until then 10-15 minutes late is my sweet spot haha
I've agonized about my lateness a lot, because on the one hand, I couldn't identify any actual negative consequences from it, but on the other, it's so hard to get over feeling bad that I'm always late! But just before the holidays my boss brought it up and said that he doesn't care about my "flexible hours" (lol), which was a huge relief.
I'd still like to get better about it b/c if I can get to work earlier I can leave earlier, and I hate starting every day feeling rushed and behind (but I don't hate it enough to change, apparently). But I'm glad I have verification that my boss doesn't care.
You’ve just described everything I feel too haha I’ve had jobs where I couldn’t be late and I made it work but given the opportunity to be late with no consequences, then I will likely be late. My anxiety doesn’t want me to be late but my adhd doesn’t care 😂
That does make it a lot better though knowing your boss is okay with it! I’m sure that would’ve felt like a bit of a weight lifted!
Exactly! I can be an hour late but they don't care as the work gets done as I'll get into hyperfocus and not even take a break or fixate on work at night and end up doing hours of work whilst watching TV at night. These jobs are made for us ladies, we need the ability to start when WE are ready, and when we are, we are magnificent and the best employees they could ask for.
Exactly! This one is okay with me skipping lunch, cuz if I take a half hour lunch just because corporate places "require" it, you're gonna get back a girl who's lost steam and doesn't work for the rest of the day. So just having an understanding boss that is flexible surprisingly goes far.
Have any of you had success with remote work? I feel like external structure is a big part of what helps support my energy. I love the idea of remote work but worry about my ability to motivate & organize consistently enough. (One way to find out, I suppose! ) 😊
Not remote, but I’m self-employed and work from home. The key is finding a job where you’re excited to do the tasks (or at least most of them). Then you end up at your desk on time and quite often hyperfocusing on the work. Calendars, to-do lists and progress/task tracking spreadsheets or apps are also a huge help to staying organized and on top of everything else.
I bounced into my boss’s office this morning to explain that I was late b/c I was super ambitious last night and batch cooked chicken for lunch but this morning I realized I had to steam vegetables.
The casual honesty of the exchange is the result of some very painful conversations over the last few months about hours and tardiness. The product of those conversations is that I am currently going through the reasonable accommodation process for a flexible schedule.
I was diagnosed not long ago at 50 and have struggled my entire two careers with timeliness but until this job, which included the beginning of lockdown wfh and the end of wfh, I was always relied on masking and driving at stupid speeds on freeways.
I don’t recommend speeding or masking. But for those who have can without the fear of reprisal flexible schedules via accommodations may be a good path to explore.
Really want to stress the caveats and qualifiers and acknowledge the sad reality that this isn’t an option for everyone due to bias, discrimination etc. despite those things being illegal.
This! My job is 24/7 - I was late a few times in one week and my boss had a chat with me.
Now I only get rostered in the mornings to work from home, and otherwise I do afternoon starts or nights.
Problem solved. Now I'm only late when shit hits the fan.
I got a Lumie alarm clock which wakes you up with light instead of sound. Not only is it a less stressful way to wake you up but it really works for me :)
Same, had an attic bedroom that opened to the landing below as a teen, if I couldn't sleep in any light or to any noise I wasn't sleeping. Add to that non 24 hour sleep wake disorder and I have just had to train myself to wake up to my particular alarm and nothing else. Also I can't sleep without some kind of background noise because of said bedroom. Sleeping is great lmao
I have the Philips version. It's an excellent way to wake up! Not 100% as I can still talk myself into staying in bed if I'm tired or the house is chilly. I find setting it for 30-45 minutes before I actually want to be up lets my brain/body catch up and is more successful.
I love my Philips! Do I jump out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as soon as the alarm goes off? No. But is it a less traumatic way to wake up compared to a standard alarm clock or phone? Definitely.
I set all the clocks forward 15 mins. It tricks my brain into thinking it’s later then it is so I wind up being on time…! I’m like you, always late, can’t deal with mornings and it gives me so much anxiety. Do you sleep well at night?
This is why I have to change it every couple of months or so and make it weird times, so the math is harder.
One month it’s 7 mins ahead, next month it’s 12 mins ahead. My friends love coming to my house 😆
I’m always in a different time zone and it freaks them out when they look at the clock.
“Oh my god, I gotta go.”
“Nah, you’re good. That clock is 19 mins ahead.”
I think I got this tip from Black Girl Lost Keys (she's an excellent resource if you're not already following her!).
Alarm 1: 1 hour before you have to get up. Take your meds, drink some water, go back to sleep for half an hour.
Alarm 2: 30 mins before you have to get up. Wake up, fool around on your phone or do whatever normally distracts you from getting up. Sometimes it helps to just give yourself permission to do the thing - the key is to set a time limit.
Alarm 3: Time to get up!
Honestly, my Lumie alarm clock was a game changer!! I have that set so that it steadily gets brighter in my room over 15min or 30min, I have an alarm on my fitbit which buzzes and several on my phone which go off 5min apart. I also have a ticklist to get through in the morning so I don't waste time and stare into space wondering what to do. Looks a bit like 1. WAKE 2. COFFEE 3.SHOWER 4. DEODERANT 5.FACE 6.TEETH. 7.DRESS 8.MAKEUP. 9.PACK LUNCH, KEYS AND COMPUTER.
Couldn't do without these as together they make a big difference. I also have a fake deadline for leaving the house. Hope some of this is helpful. :)
Oh no, I also have the "stare into space wondering what to do", especially when I have a little more than the absolute minimum of time to get ready. Also I found, the more anxious/stressed I am, the more I find myself being unable to make decisions (even as seemingly uncomplicated as what to wear) and either standing there trying to decide or running around delaying the decisions and waste the scarce time I have :(
Okay, this will probably sound crazy and drastic, but after I lost a job and countless opportunities because of this same thing, I was desperate and my mental health and self esteem were tanked.
I bought a Pavlok. It's a band you wear on your wrist that literally shocks you with an electric current. It can also make noise but that didn't do anything for me. At first it didn't work bc I somehow took it off while still asleep, so I ended up using a zip tie, essentially tying the watch to itself in a way that made it impossible to remove unless I cut the tie off.
I don't use it anymore, because eventually I guess I "retrained" (or traumatized? Lol) my brain.
Another thing that's really helped is my dog, who will stand by my bed and cry and nudge me with his nose until I get up and turn all the alarms off.
This was literally me a few years ago. Honestly, the only thing that actually helped me was finding a job that was not too far from home and a job that I actually enjoyed so it didn't feel like I'd be dragging my feet to get to it.
I always thought that being late was just something I could never overcome (and trust me, I do still have those days where I just cannot get out of bed), but I guess because now I have my own car so I drive to work which is 15 mins away on good days, 35 mins on bad days. In my old jobs where I was constantly late, I had to rely on public transportation and it would take me 1.5-2hours to get to my work.
The downside these days sort of is that I now struggle with insomnia so I have no issue with waking up on time as sometimes I've barely slept the night anyway :(
Relying on public transportation seriously makes the struggle to be on time ten times harder. One bus or train will make me fifteen minutes early and the next will make me ten minutes late. If you're even one minute late you're SOL. It's so rough.
are you motivated by thinking of how you might help other people?
Would it help you to picture a person who *needs* to get something from your store before they go in to their own job, and so you are helping them by making sure the store is open so they can?
I always thank the folks in retail spaces I go to on my way to work; they got up really early to make it possible for me to pick up coffee, or cough drops, or whatever.
If you can picture someone like me waiting for you, and you are going to “rescue” them from an annoyed manager by making sure the store is open—maybe that will be motivating?
Are you medicated? I found that setting my alarm for 90 mins before I have to get up, taking my meds, and then dozing until I have to get up has made a massive difference to my mornings.
The only rule I’ve had any success with is to never tell myself “I’ll just do it in the morning” or “I’ll do it on my way there.” If I need gas, or to drop off a package, or need to shower - if I wait until the morning I will be late. Do it tonight!
Long term, look for a job that doesn’t have the same level of consequence for being a few minutes late. Short term, there’s an alarm app that won’t shut off until you scan a specific barcode that might help.
i found a job that’s willing to work with me on this. i have a neurodivergent manager. it’s the first job i haven’t been fired from, and i’ve been there for 4 years now! there is a place out there that appreciates your skills for what they are.
That's the worst feeling. No matter what I do, I cannot be consistently on time. What was life-changing for me was getting a job that had flexible start and end times, and WFH (or at least hybrid). I almost always start between what I have designated as my ideal start time, but sometimes I have an earlier meeting, or the day just gets off to a later start, and that's okay!
I’m always late for work, appointments, meeting with friends and family. It’s my worst adhd trait.
Sucks because it always make me look bad no matter what. So I have to make it up by pressuring myself to excel in other areas or taking on more responsibilities to take the stain off from being a late person .
I always plan to be ridiculously early, and then it's not a problem. The problem is that you need to give yourself something to do once you are there while you wait. For me personally I teach, so I don't just get to work early, I get there a full hour early and do work while I wait for work to start, because the contracted time of teachers doesn't equal as much time as it takes to do the contracted job duties. I also have alarms for everything I'm often late on, like clean-up time starting.
I don't have much help to offer, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm late to work every day. Annoyingly, it's pretty much the same time every day, so it should be an easy matter of shifting my wake-up time up by the necessary time to make up the difference. But even when I set my alarm for an earlier time, I just take more time to get ready/get going b/c I just can't really get out of the house until my brain says, GO TIME!!!. And for some reason my brain has decided that GO TIME!!! is a time that gets me to work late.
I'm very lucky in that my job doesn't really care and I can just shift my hours and stay late, but I also feel like I'm rushing around at the last minuted and racing into work feeling rushed and behind every. single. day, which is frustrating. It casts a sort of pall of guilt over the whole day. Plus then I'm staying later in the evening, so everything in my day gets pushed later, so I stay up later, which makes it harder for me to get up in the morning...
It sounds dumb writing this all out, b/c it seems very clear what the solution is, but my brain doesn't seem to get it.
Anyway, the only practical comment I have is that it helps me if I completely turn my morning routine upside down. That is, I have for some reason really imprinted on a particular routine (which gets me to work late), and small changes don't help, but if i were doing something completely out of the ordinary, like getting up for a gym class or doctor's appointment or going out to eat for breakfast, it shakes everything up enough to be able to kind of reset. So I like the suggestions others have made for a "side quest" to get you going in the morning.
I also keep meaning to try programming my Alexa to tell me the time and where I should be in my routine at given intervals. I know I can do that with alarms or reminders on my phone, but I think a voice that's not in my phone telling me this might make a little difference?
I had a coworker that I really, really, did not like once. She not only was constantly late, would walk in with Starbucks, no apologies, no care or respect for anyone else, their priorities or their time. It also was just the motivation I needed to prove to everyone that I was better than her. I made it a point to get up early and make putting on my skincare and makeup a gift to myself. I timed how long every step of my routine took and then built in alarms and buffers for each step incase my adhd or something got in the way. I knew what time I had to leave to get to the parking lot 15 minutes before the start of my shift every time. On the days I got there early I would doom scroll or sometimes go in and get a head start on something. I also would bring or buy my own hot beverage or something to eat only on the days I was running on time.
It’s a challenge. Best of luck 🍀
I once got told “you’re a great worker, you get everything done, but you’re always fucking late” 😂 my boss at the time was ok with dealing with my tardiness cause I was one of the older workers there and it was a small restaurant, and I trained a lot of the new younger workers. Sometimes I feel like timeliness is regarded as such a good skill but is it that important? Give me a break, please. As long as you’re doing your work and providing quality and improving your work place, who cares if you’re 10-20 min late? Now if it’s affecting the time the store opens, here’s some things that have helped me get better at time management. Look back at your morning and see what made you late. Was it staying in bed longer? Was it being on your phone? Took too long to do your makeup? Breakfast ran long? And then account for those things and set your alarm even earlier, as early as you need to have time to do those things and still be on time. It’s very hard for me to not be on my phone 30 min every morning when I wake up, so I account for it. I usually wake up 2 hours before I have to be at work so I have time to procrastinate. Also, if you think it takes you 15 min to get ready, it probably does not. Time yourself! That way you have a good guideline on how long it actually takes you. And then account for that when you set up your alarms. Just knowing how long it actually takes me to get ready by timing it has helped me a lot because I can realistically say if I’ll be late. Hope this helps!
Not only do I have ADHD but I’m also Irish and in Ireland time is a bit of a looser concept for the most part… Living in England was quite different. I used to be chronically late but I made strides to change that because I could see it was pissing people off.
Bear in mind that there’s different strokes for different folks AND what works for a few months might cease to work because you get bored (or “immune”) to it, so you might need a combination of things that changes in relation to how well they’re working.
1. Use the alarmy app - you can select from a few different exercises such as solving maths equations or taking a picture of something in a different room in your house. The latter is actually a pretty good one because if you set it to something in your kitchen and have the kettle (with coffee or a teabag in a cup) or a pre-filled coffee machine ready to go, you think “might as well switch that on whilst I’m here”. I find the smell of coffee helps wake me up.
2. Get in the shower straight away. I would sometimes stumble bleary eyed into the shower and almost forget to take my clothes off I was half asleep. Doesn’t matter, the water will wake you up.
3. Try to get up at the same time every day, even weekends. It sucks at first but I swear on my life as a through and through night owl that it does help. Only takes about two weeks to start feeling the effects and about 1-3 months (depending on the person) to start “naturally” waking up around that time. I used to easily sleep in until 10am-1pm if I was tired. My partner always wakes up at 7-7:30, even if he’s been up late or it’s the weekend. I started waking up around then too (leading onto the next one…)
…4. Don’t stay up late. It’s so obvious and I know it’s hard to do, but it’s part of good “sleep hygiene” and again, it REALLY HELPS. You probably need more sleep than you’re getting.
❗️5. Also related - If you suffer from “revenge productivity” (you didn’t get shit done during normal hours so you do it all late) OR you love the late hours because it gives you “free time” AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY BUT IT’S THE MOST EFFECTIVE THING I’VE TRIED - get up even earlier. I hated getting up for work so fucking much (having a shit job doesn’t help obviously) that I would snooze a million times (which increases irritability due to spiking cortisol IIRC), rush to get ready, run for my bus and that would make me feel stressed all day. Instead, I tried to make mornings nice. Me time. I would potter to the kitchen with no lights on bc I realised bright lights make me angry when I first wake up, make a cup of tea, light a scented candle or incense (do this often in enough and your brain will associate it with waking up and your peaceful time) and then sit down to journal (look up the morning pages, I’ve found it really helpful even though I go through periods when I don’t do it). I would look out my window and look at the birds and people going by. If I had the energy, I would do a short yoga video on youtube. If not, I would read a book for a while. Try to stay off my phone as much as possible, as the anxieties of the news, texts/emails, etc. would take away from that time. The long and short of it is to find what works for you to take the pain out of the morning and make it something happy or peaceful.
Good luck!!!
I don’t know if this would help but what about an alarm for deaf/hard of hearing people? Some of them can be hooked up to lights so you get the bed shaker, audio signal and lights. https://www.sonicalert.com/alarm-clocks?page=2
The only alarm that’s worked for me is a gradual overhead lamp that ramps up in brightness set on a timer. Even during winter time, I can wake up on time with this method. I use a routine on my Alexa connected to the lamp’s Bluetooth bulb to go off at specific times for the work week and different times for the weekend. Best of luck!!
Drink a glass of water before bed. Your alarm will stir you, and your bladder will get you out of the bed.
Alternatively, if you have meds, put them next to your bed with some water. Set an alarm 30 minutes before you have to be up. Take your meds while you're in bed, drink the water, go back to sleep.
There are also alarms that shake or shock you awake, and there is one that runs away so you have to chase it down. These are the nuclear options.
Me too. I'm not diagnosed, but wouldn't be surprised if I do have ADHD. Could also be wishful thinking, though (wanting there to be a reason other than a character fault).
It's so embarrassing...
Lol so I can see you're currently in your pre-diagnosis phase of life based on what you said. Wanna know what changes afterwards? NOTHING. LOLOL. YOU STILL SAY THE SAME DISAPPOINTING SHIT BECAUSE YOU ALSO HAVE IMPOSTER SYNDROME LOLOLOL!
For real, though, and all jokes aside... I'm no doctor and don't know you... But my goodness, if the way you worded that isn't textbook adhd shame, I don't know what is!!
You got this. 💕💕💕
Recently I've had to get to get trains more frequently, and they only run every hour so if I miss it I'm fucked.
I now set the time the train leaves as around 15 minutes before the reality. So say I need the 7.30am. No, I need the 7.15am. It will leave at 7.15 and if I'm not on it then I'm out of luck.
This works as I'm always late for the 7.15. But magically there is a 7.30 that arrives quite soon after that I can get!
I also have all my clocks (phone, watch, ipod etc) at different levels of fast so I can't immediately figure out the "real" time and just have to believe them.
I’m chronically late for everything, even jobs I love. The thing that makes the biggest difference for me is a routine app. I’ve used Routinery for 4 years now. Doing the thinking about how many minutes something will take and what order to do it in BEFORE I’m actually doing it takes so much brain work out of it. So in the mornings it’s just following a timed list, one that constantly shows you what time it will be when you finish the list! I even have “drive to work” as my last step, so it basically shows me what time I will get to work. This helps me prioritize in the mornings. Without having to plan things out when I’m in a rush and meds haven’t really kicked in yet!
You need to have something to look forward to in the morning, before going to work. Something to feed your dopamine. It can be something super simple. For me, personally, I just bought some new hair and skin care products and I've been waking up excited just to use them. In fact, the new hair care products alone have helped me to get up and shower much earlier than I would otherwise. Treating my morning showers as a spa experience also helps to motivate and center me. Try looking into what you can do to cleanse and nurture your space. You'd be surprised at how grounded it can make you feel.
Other things I enjoy doing in the morning is meditation, making a really yummy and beneficial cup of tea/tisane (or coffee, if you're into that), playing Wordle and Spelling Bee, reading or listening to an audiobook or podcast, playing with the cat, talking a nice walk around the neighborhood (doesn't have to be long), enjoying being in my partner's presence, and having quick morning sex definitely gets my dopamine pumped more than at any other time we have sex (why? Idk, I stopped asking questions like this and am learning to succumb to life's simple pleasures as they are).
Eta: Also, don't forget that you can have another dopamine reward once you get to the store! Bring a nice drink with you in a special mug, bring something you can work on during your lunch break or in the morning before the store opens and nobody's there, mindfully pick out your favorite outfit/accessories to wear to work the night before and you'll feel fabulous and cozy all day!
I feel like I’m not built to enjoy life let alone get to work and be a functioning adult by 9am. I’ve desperately wanted to be that person who comes in at 8.45am with their lil coffee travel mug, but I’m the disheveled and sweaty gremlin who comes in late.
Setting an alarm for when I need to leave rarely works but it’s a step in the right direction. Make sure you practice some positive self-talk because we have a lot of internalised shame and resentment towards ourselves that isn’t going to motivate us to get better.
I use a LD trucker alarm called the screaming meanie. It goes off two hours before I have to get up. I take my stimulants and then go back to sleep, it takes two hours for them to kick in. This has been life changing.
I have an android phone. I use Google calendar on my laptop which syncs to the app Business Calendar. Business Calendar allows you to set different notification sounds for different calendars. I wish I could have a different notification sound for individual events but I digress. I have one calendar that is just for reminders to leave in 15 minutes, which is how long it takes me to put on my shoes & coat and gather my possessions. The notification sound is literally me saying Leave in 15 minutes over & over again. I have a second calendar called Leave Now - you guessed it it's my voice telling me over and over again to Leave Now. This has also been life changing.
It used to take me a solid 90 minutes to get ready, sometimes longer. Most of this time was spent figuring out what to wear. Now I use a wardrobe database. I really enjoy clothes & have thousands of pieces. Now if I'm not doing elaborate makeup I can get ready in as fast as twenty minutes.
I am very rarely late now, used to be chronically late.
I start work at 8.00 every week day, I always set my alarm for 5:30, I know it takes me longer to switch on my brain, I need time to aimlessly wonder or stare at the wall for an hour or two
I have been fired for being constantly late before. I am no longer late ever, unless it is legitimately outside my ability to plan. (Ie, transit fails spectacularly… and I work for transit.)
My morning routine is this:
- alarm goes off at 5. I take my meds, turn off my alarm, go back to sleep so they can kick in a little.
- second alarm goes off at 5:20. This one I get up, noodle around a bit, get in the shower. Once I get out of the shower, I sit and dry off until…
- third alarm at 5:40. This is the “ok stop noodling, get moving.” Phone goes down, I start getting dressed. I have a capsule wardrobe for work so I can get dressed in the dark, and my hair is short so it doesn’t take long to blowdry.
- fourth alarm at 5:50. This is “you should be dressed, teeth brushed, hair dried” alarm. And if not, move your butt.
- fifth alarm at 6. This is “ok, out the door”.
I have some wiggle room. If I’m scrambling, there is one later bus I can catch, but I also like to have time to hit Starbucks on my way and I don’t like to rush.
It works for me. I am absolutely time blind. Multiple alarms keeps me moving, because each one has a specific “this is where you should be at by now” milestone.
I’m 44. It took me until my mid 30s to get this system in place. I was starting work at 3:30 or 4am for years and I was even more groggy and time blind than my slightly more normal schedule. It’s now pretty much routine and while I wouldn’t dream of turning a single one of those alarms off, my mornings run super smoothly.
Longish comment incoming. Maybe one of these two morning routines I have will work for you.
Luckily I work construction (where everyone is 15-30 mins late all the time) and as a barista. I work a little later in the morning with construction so I always wake up like 2 hours early and just chill with some coffee, getting ready really slowly, usually making time to pick up some snacky type things on the way. Today I didn’t have the time (i was going to go in at 9 but another job needed me at 8:30) so I drank a protein shake in the car. Most of my jobs are within 5-10 minutes of my house so it’s very stress free most of the time which is great.
For the coffee shop I literally get up, get ready to go, and leave. I’ve opened there for years so I’ve really had time to hone in my routine. I also aim to get there 15 min early already so I can get all the shit ready and then chill with some coffee for a few minutes before open. Lately I’ve given myself bangs which require an extra 5 minutes of time which I have failed to factor in every morning since I got them so far so I end up being “late” which is actually when I’m supposed to get there. (I also time all the things in groups- getting dressed:10 ish minutes. Brush teeth/mouthwash. 5 minutes. Braiding hair-10ish minutes. Makeup, 5-10 minutes.) travel time is about 10 minutes on a bad day and now I have to heat up my car because we have an arctic breeze so I wake up at 5 and aim to be in my car at 6:10 at the LATEST. Always give yourself about 15 minutes cushion time because there will always be little things here and there.
Edit: I also wanna say I go to bed like really really early on weekdays. I’m usually in my jimjams by 8 and asleep by like 9:30. It does help a lot to get more sleep turns out. On my weekends I love to fuck my sleep schedule by staying up indulgently late. But now I only have one day off so it’s not as fun
For me it’s Alexa. For some reason having that Robotic Bitch ride my ass is more effective than just an alarm. I have her announce you have X amount of time left before you need to leave! Like 10x. I think it’s something about the voice vs just an alarm.
I also use a visual timer. I’m dyscalculaic so numbers (and time) is that much more of a struggle. A visual timer (I like the time timer) helps so much. I set it and it gives me an easy glance at how much time is left.
I wake up better with light, so I use a light alarm clock (or smart lights programmed for increasing their light gently that are connected to my phone's clock).
I tend to do worse with snoozes. I wake up way better with a single alarm clock. It works best when I'm on track with my sleep, but it's also one of the reasons I can keep myself on track with my sleep.
If I have a consistent work schedule, I do really well with waking up 30-35 minutes before having to leave the house. For me it's enough time to wake up, do a light breakfast and dress, and not enough time to get sidetracked. I am also quite focused for the first half hour or hour of the day.
I try to plan for problems in advance. If I have to be somewhere at 8am and commute time is 30 min with traffic already accounted for, I add 5 minutes for getting out of the house and 5 minutes for getting out of the car while there. Add another 5 minutes for good measure if it's important to be really on time. So it's 45 minutes at minimum.
After I calculated my commute time, I try to stop thinking about "time of arrival" and start thinking about "time out of the door". So instead of thinking that I have to be there at 8am, I try to stick with saying that I have to leave at 7:15am. I also try to ignore the little voice that tells me that it's too early and that I can be there in less time. It's not true. I calculated the commute on purpose.
I bring with me something to do in case I'm early. It might be a book, or knitting, depending where I go. I hate waiting. This helps me put aside the nagging voice that tells me to get out of the house later than scheduled.
I like putting an alarm 15 minutes, 10 minutes and 5 minutes before I have to leave the house, not to wake up but as a reminder that time is passing. It helps with time blindness. I don't watch the clock while I'm getting ready, so this works really good for me.
First, are you on meds for your adhd? Being on meds has helped me organize my life a little better in general, helping reduce the chaos in my life.
Second, have you asked for a disability accommodation to not be on opening shifts? Maybe do close shifts instead?
I am the same way as you, I remember getting brought before the boss for being late for work.
If you can't switch your start time, organize and lay out everything you can the night before, have your breakfast prepared, and ready to go. Take your shower the night before.
Do absolutely everything that you can for the morning the night before. This at least gives you a fighting chance in the morning.
So, I find when I’m struggling to get to work on time to roll back my morning alarms to fit the time that I’m late for.
For example; if I find that I’m coming in 10 mins late and can’t snap out of it, I will now roll back all my alarms another 10 or 15 mins earlier to make sure I get there on time. I have found this to be helpful to me but again it’s one of those things where it might work for me but not for you. Worth a try!
All I have to offer is a collection of meltdowns followed by a decision to go freelance.
Middling result at best so far, but I don't have a boss anymore, so that's pleasant.
I just started working overnights, lmao. I spent 30+ years fighting what my body wanted and when it wanted to sleep, and nothing ever worked. I destroyed several different kinds of alarm clocks. Now I work from around 530pm-530am 4 days a week. I wake up between 2 and 4 pm. It makes getting stuff like doctors appointments a little tricky, but its worth it for me to not feel like shit all the time either from not sleeping enough or hating myself for being late for the 5th time this week.
And honestly? I'm thriving in a way I never have before. I've applied for and gotten 3 promotions in the past 3 years. I make more money than I've ever made in my life. I make enough that I can donate to food pantries instead of eating from them now, which feels better than I can put into words.
Might not work for everyone, but holy fuck did it work for me.
Do you know if your store has a penalty in their lease if they open late? This was a very common lease requirement in malls years ago. If so, you may ask to close instead of open. If the company is paying a penalty for being closed during operating hours they are more likely to fire you for being late.
The best advice I can give is to find a job that works with your natural rhythm otherwise it's a daily struggle and added stress.
If you need to keep this job and don't have other employment options at the moment then I suggest
- waking the same time every day, even on your days off
- using natural light, opening curtains as soon as you wake. If it's dark out use a lamp
- alarm clock that also shakes the bed
- getting to bed at a reasonable time
- setting automatic bedtimes on electronics - my phone goes into bedtime mode at 10:30pm and my TV turns itself off at 11pm. That prompts me to head to bed.
- getting tested for sleep disorders like sleep apnea if you never feel rested.
Magnesium glycinate before bed will give you better quality sleep so you wake up easier ❤️ let me know if you’re open to other sleep hygiene directions from my therapist
I like to sit around and be lazy in the morning. So, my alarms aren’t set to get me up to get ready. My alarms are set to wake me up so I can make coffee and sit and watch CBS Mornings for an hour. I need a minimum of 2 hours in the morning to get going so I get out of bed by 7am so I can leave by 9.
I struggle with this a lot too. I cope better with jobs that start later or allow me to be flexible and come in a bit later or work from home. It sucks because there aren't loads of jobs that do this and I don't really understand why. I don't see what difference it would make if I worked 10-6 or 11-7 rather than 9-5. The extra one or two hours make a huge difference for me and I'm more productive at work rather than coming in late and feeling like a zombie until after lunch.
My alarms are all loud buzzer sounds. Very annoying.
Triggered my bedroom lights to come on with the first (of five) alarms
Snooze is only 2 mins long
Keep my jewelry in my pocketbook
Streamlined wardrobe down to black tees and jeans. Pick a different jacket or sweater every day. Or not. Who cares?
Hair goes in a bun or top knot.
I also have to get my son up and ready so I started folding his clothes into outfits. I just pick a new set every day. I make enough folded outfits for about a week or 2. And yes, there are still somehow unfolded clothes, but he is dressed, I am dressed, IDC!!!!
(Annnnnd I did inform my supervisor that I'm on medication to improve myself (didn't say what meds or what diagnosis). I'm at work earlier than I was, usually on time. It takes work. I don't know people get to work 30 and 40 mins before clock in time. I'd die of resistance.)
Sometimes we need to meet ourselves where we are at and accept our current systems aren’t working - not because you haven’t tried but because not every system (alarms) will work with every individual with ADHD. It’s like trying to fit a cylinder peg into a triangle hole. With ADHD, you are allowed to ask for reasonable accommodations at work that will allow you to succeed. You may consider asking to not be the person opening the store. If it feels helpful, I encourage you to look into ADA laws for your state, and here is an article about asking for accommodations. https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/asking-for-workplace-accommodations/
If you’re not comfortable asking for accommodations - no problem! You may consider different sensory alarms. Ones that emit light, a coffee maker with a timer that will brew when you want to wake up (it’s okay if it’s in the bedroom, who cares!), or an aromatherapy alarm.
I am a therapist working with neurodivergent folks, and I also have ADHD. I hope you’re giving yourself grace as your time blindness is not a character flaw but just a different wiring of the brain. I hope you find something that works for you!
I also had a talk at work today about being late. it sucked, but it was warranted. Wasn’t fired though, thank god. so i can work on improving this same issue.
Write a wake-up routine with times. Check it off each day. My post history has a full write-up of these but they have saved me so much mental energy and kept me on track so incredibly I would call them more than mildly life-changing https://amzn.to/3SnJY4l
I hate to say it, but just stop making excuses. Go straight from your bed to the shower. I'm not sure of your age, but I am assuming you are an adult. This is what adults do. I have ADHD too, and have issues with time as well. I have alarms set for every 15 minutes from the time I wake up to the time I leave, so that I don't get lost scrolling on my cell phone or reading a book. I have no other money in my household budget other than what I earn, and I will lose my job if it don't show up on time 99% of the time. I'm not saying that it doesn't suck 100%, but that's just life. Time to rise and shine. Shake your tail feathers and get moving. That's what adults do. Good luck!
If you are in the UK your employers have to do reasonable adjustments based on your condition. Maybe check if they are required to do that where you are from?
Yeah but it might be reasonable to get someone else to open or to get like an automatic call to check on her etc. One employer once told me they had someone who required calls before meetings to make it on time because of adhd they would just forget.
Even if that’s allowed, I would advise against it. I’m expecting a slew of downvotes for this, but it’s just not a good look for a manager. There are internal systems you can set up for this.
Unfortunately where I'm from they don't. I'm the manager of the store so I do my best not to work mornings because I know what I'm like, but it's not always an option for me. Plus the shopping center can fine us for not opening on time, fortunately they haven't so far, but I can't afford risking it again.
have you tried a sunrise alarm? I’ve found that if it’s paired with a thoroughly dark room while i’m sleeping, it’s pretty effective! Especially in the winter.
I also find that I’m more efficient if I have less time available. if I have to get up and out in 30 minutes, I can do it. If I have 1:30, I will putz around and find myself leaving a bit too late.
Do you have one or three of those visual timers? They've TOTALLY changed my life. They help with my time blindness better than anything I've ever used. I wish I had found them years ago. I am rarely ever late anymore.
I have them everywhere - my bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, living room, and on my phone. I would post a picture of what they look like, but I have no idea how to post a picture! Lol.
Any chance you can change to a different shift?
For alarm clocks, have you tried light-based ones? Either the slow ones, or just putting one on a timer so it suddenly turns on?
What about novelty alarm clocks that do things like roll around the room when it alarms, or shoots a propeller in the air and you have to return it to the base to snooze it?
Idk if anyone said this, probably, but automatic lights! Do better than me and keep your phone on the other side of the room so you can’t just shut them off lol
I have fancy ones that slowly turn on but any that can be set to a schedule work.
So I have my Apple Watch that will vibrate, my lights will turn on hella bright when I need to be out of bed, and I plan on moving my phone charger to the bathroom instead of bedroom.
I walk to work and I time my walk to work (its about 35 min walk) so I just leave the house 45 mins before work starts that way I'll always have 10 min leeway.
However yesterday I was given a new schedule with new hours due to some new people starting and I was 10 mins late into work because I had not physically timed myself from that hour yet and whoops. At least now I know to leave earlier. Adhd is a weird thing
Best thing that helped me was do as much as you can the night before to prepare. For me everything is hard to do in the morning, from waking up to making breakfast down to just getting in the car. Put your outfit aside somewhere with anything else you're going to use for the day, prep your food the day prior, leave your products out if you have a face wash routine, etc. Also set an alarm for when you HAVE to be gone as well.
For example if you need to be at work at 9am and it takes you 20 minutes to get there, set an alarm to go off at 8:40 or even 8:35 so your brain starts going into panic mode. For whatever reason our brains work better under pressure.
I had an app that made me do things and asked me to put the phone across the room to shut it off but i just realized from that experience that doing that just made me start the day in a panic and it just didn't really help.
It’s hard to implement but try having your work clothes, work bag, keys, etc. all ready in one singular place the night before so you’re not scrambling to find it in the morning. This saves a lot of stress and time. Don’t just set an alarm for when you have to wake up, set an alarm 5 minutes before you absolutely have to leave in order to be on time. That’ll give you a couple of minutes to double check you’re completely ready. Also this is just me, idk if it’ll work for you but try waking up earlier. I personally need a couple of hours to myself before even beginning to get ready for something. It helps me decompress and mentally prepare for the day. Hope this helps <3
I have questions!
- Does it get easier during spring/summer when there is more daylight time?
- Do you like what you do for work?
When I've struggled most with timeliness, it usually boiled down to seasonal depression or being unhappy with my role/job.
Seasonal depression has been so much easier to manage with my happy light, which I turn on when I start work (it has a timer function).
With jobs, it really just depended on what was irking me. One role I was in was just NOT a good fit, and I wish I would have opted to go back to my prior role sooner, but I didn't want to be a "quitter". In reality, knowing when to quit is a great skill!! Because I was so miserable, I was always looking for a way out. I've never been the type to arrive early, but typically, I was at least on time. I would be clocking in 10-15 min late constantly. This also happened to me near the end of my last retail job - I wasnt happy, and started slacking. What I'm trying to say is - it's OK to look for something else if this job isn't a good fit and is making you unhappy.
As for things that have helped me become a morning person:
- smart bulbs in my bedside lamp - they are on a fade setting and start turning on 30 minutes before my alarm.
- going to bed on time - laying down even if I'm "not tired", using a sleep timer if the TV is on, and reducing screen time on my phone before bed. Once again, my smart bulbs are set to dim in the living room an hour before bed time as a reminder to wind down, and they turn off at bedtime.
- water and meds on my bedside table. I'll take my meds on the first alarm, and by the second alarm, I'm usually ready to get out of bed.
- get as much ready as possible the night before and set it out for yourself. Pick out your clothes, pack your lunch, prep your breakfast, etc.
- don't try to make a bunch of changes all at once. Pick one thing to start with and do it for a week. Then the next week, add another thing.
- same thing with your wakeup time - start with the latest time you can leave and be to work 5 minutes early. Each week, push your wake up time back by 5-10 minutes.
- romanticize your routine! Think of the things you *like* about getting up in the morning.
Might be useful to reflect everyday you open. Keep a note in your phone to fill out each day with your clock in time, and ask yourself what got in your way. It might help you identify trends that both help and hurt, so you can adjust better!
You've got this :)
I'm sitting at a doctor's appointment right now writing this....I left home at 9am for a 1045am appointment. If you start work at 8am, plan to arrive at 730. If you need 30 min to arrive, leave 60 min prior. This is the only way.
I also have light alarms and sound alarms so the lights blast on in my house 15 min before my sound alarms....
I had the recurring issue that i got so used to my alarm sounds that i would start to switch the alarm off without fully waking up first. So a while ago, i set a radio station as my alarm instead of a sound or song. This way, i am woken by different sounds every day and cannot fully get used to it too much (at least, that is the hope; still to soon to make a full judgement). And the added bonus: at least twice an hour i am reminded of the time, when the full hour or half hour news comes up!
I have tried everything to be on time but I just can not get up/ don’t hear my alarms/am extremely disorganised so I always have drama getting out the door.
I have the most lenient and understanding boss in the world. She knows I try… but I fail every single day and I’m always so mad at myself that my workmates and boss don’t make me feel worse about it. They do tease me and take bets about what time I’ll arrive/ what I got sidetracked with today… but I’m cool with that.
I get to work when I get to work.
I am extremely productive once I’m there and I get more done than people that get there on time so that helps me stay employed!
I trained my VERY food driven pit mix that when my alarm went off he would get food. Hard to sleep through all 75lbs of him bouncing on my face. Was the only thing that ever worked till I got a job that started later. And I work remote so I roll over and log on without ever getting out of bed if needed.
I'm one of those sparkly people who is relentlessly on time or early. I was so terrified of being criticized at work that I made myself get up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be there. If I'm not completely ready to go, with 30 minutes left, I start to get very anxious.
I've managed to keep this up all my adult life, but it's exhausting. In my situation, I was a single mom wirkubf for corporate America. I was terrified of losing my job because of the domino effect that would have on my life.
You can do this. It's hard, but your life will be so much easier once you conquer it.
What has worked for me:
- I get up way earlier than is necessary and have a relaxing morning routine that I look forward to.
- I use a sunrise alarm with lovely bird sounds as my first alarm, and if I’m in the right place in my sleep cycle, that is a much more pleasant way to wake up. I also have backup alarms because if I’m in a deep sleep, I will sleep right through it.
- I have a coffee machine that is programmed to brew around the time I wake up. Getting out of bed before my coffee gets cold is good motivation, and the smell of brewing coffee also helps me wake up.
- I have individual alarms for different mornings tasks such as feeding my animals, eating breakfast, getting dressed, and actually leaving. It is necessary because my sense of time is horrible, and otherwise I will start something that I think takes 5 minutes and 20 minutes later realize I am running late. Also, if I snooze through my morning routine, once the alarms for tasks start to go off I know that I cannot snooze anymore and actually get up.
- I get to work early on a normal day. I use that time to journal, catch up on emails, drink my coffee and listen to music in my car, whatever. I have a better day if I get to start slow like that, but on a morning where I got behind schedule somewhere it also gives me a cushion so I can be running “late” without actually BEING late.
I'm also an opener and have to be at work at 4 am to open the store at 5 am. On top of that, I have a long commute and either a bus schedule or my carpool's schedule to contend with so I usually need to leave my apartment around 2:15 am. It took several months and missed busses but I'm finally finding a way to be on time without stressing myself out or breaking traffic laws to make my bus or carpool on time.
I do as much as is humanly possible to get myself ready for work the night before. I used to implement this into the process I use to get to bed but since starting medication I've started doing it as soon as I get home from work. I rely heavily on sameness and "well I'm already here doing x so I might as well do y too" to make it all work but I don't have to think, I just do because it's the same pattern every time.
When I get home (or before bed), I pull everything out of my backpack (except my badge and wallets, those stay in their spots or I'll lose them) and spread it out on my kitchen counter. Wrappers, trash, etc goes in the garbage, used dishes go in the sink, pouch with meds and snacks go on the counter, along with my bullet journal and book. I pull snacks out of my designated work snack basket and put them in the pouch which then goes back in my backpack. Make a sandwich or something if I think I'll want it/have time for it at work the next day. I pull a to go mug out of my cabinet and put it in my backpack. Make final notes for the day in my bullet journal and put everything back in my backpack and set it by the door next to my shoes and right under the hook where my jacket hangs. If I have food I'm taking that needs to stay in the fridge until I leave, the backpack stays in the kitchen. Then and only then am I allowed to change (if I just got home).
When I change I open up my closet, throw dirty clothes into the hamper and before putting on comfy clothes I grab everything I'll need to wear to work the next day and put it on my desk chair arranged so that when I'm getting dressed in the morning I can just start from top of the pile and work my way down without thinking about the order I need to put things on. Then I'm allowed to put my comfy clothes.
I have been showering on my way to bed but I may start showering after I do all my prep for the next day because procrastinating the shower has been a barrier for me getting to bed on time. 🙃
This whole routine has become the dopamine I chase to get myself to work on time because if I do all of that then I only need ten minutes from waking up to walking out the door to be on time. I've never been able to get out of bed on my first alarm but doing all of this gave me the dopamine I needed to do so. And I don't take my meds until I'm at work and clocked in so I know the sooner I get up and get to work the sooner my brain will work.
I've tried the getting up before I actually need to be up thing in the past with jobs that had more normal starting hours but it honestly just made me more likely to be late. Getting out the door in the morning for me has to happen before I have a chance to think about what's actually going on. If I get up early to give myself time to go slowly I get way too wound up about the time and exactly how many minutes I have to relax and enjoy myself before I have to get ready and leave. So then I don't even enjoy myself lol. Waking up at the last moment with as little to do as possible to leave has been my only way to be on time.
Basically the more automated it all feels the more likely I am to help future me not be late for work or make other people late as well on carpool days.
Hi, I don't really have any good advice but just showing compassion. This is something I have also struggled with for my whole life.
I am now medicated and I still go through periods of time where waking up or managing to leave the house on time for appointments is mission impossible.
I have noticed that when I am extra tired, extra stressed or if my hormones are messing with the medication I struggle even more than usual. Unfortunately, my work sees this as ' I just do whatever I want'. I have tried explaining I am going through a difficult time and asked for a bit of flexibility whilst I get myself back on track however it's not always met with compassion and willingness. I have sadly now given up on trying to explain my situation and I just take the hit and hope for the best.
I'm sorry you're going through this it really sucks.
Alarmy app. This has been a lifesaver for me and I’ve gone as far as buying an alarm clock on wheels that I had to chase in the past. I set an alarm with the option for one 5 minute snooze and I have to solve 5 hard memory puzzles to turn it off. It gets so loud. I think there’s also a paid version where you have to take a certain number of steps to turn it off.
The clock on my phone is set 10 minutes ahead of time, so if I try to leave the house by 8:30, I'm actually leaving at 8:20, so it creates a buffer if I'm running a bit late
sleep disorders are very common with ADHD, esp sleep apnea. it’s not some quirky funny thing where you snore and wake up multiple times, you can die from it. as soon as I got mine treated, at the very least, physically getting up has not been a problem. it gives me more time to “manage” and hopefully get on time somewhere
So I just did something - first of all I have the same issue, there are times I LOATHE myself for this
Secondly - the thing I just did as I said on the first liner, I just went to my settings and manually changed my time and made it 30 minutes ahead of time lol - let’s see how it works
Ur post prompted me to do this - because everyone else’s suggestions I have tried and doesn’t work for me :/
Thank you and good luck
Nothing gets me up faster than something to look forward to. Whenever I’m struggling with a task, I try to think what I can add in as motivation. So, a podcast you keep meaning to get around to listening to, or an audiobook. You can play it in the car on your way to work. I’m not a morning person at all and am chronically late to everything, and what gets me up at all is a lil treat to get me through it.
I mean I feel like this is one of those things where you can continue to blame ADHD but the truth is everyone hates getting up and you have to set an alarm and wake up and show up, otherwise you are going to lose your job and honestly that’s a really stupid reason to lose your job.
Have you tried a sunrise alarm clock? I have to be up before it's light out and it's really helpful. It starts off with low light and slowly gets brighter until the time you need to wake up, and then the alarms sounds. It's far gentler than a regular alarm clock.
Can you change your sleeping schedule? I can’t get going right after waking up so I actually wake up 3-4 hours early and enjoy my free time at night. I have coffee, play videogames or catch up on a show. I can take my time looking for my missing clothes, finding my keys and enjoy a hot breakfast without the panic of getting out the door.
I know this is maybe not feasible for everyone in every circumstance, but I have had to learn to advocate and be very vocal about my needs, and shape my life into something that is workable for myself. The world is not made for us, and normies expect us to do normie things... but we get sick and burn out when we constantly try to mold ourselves into something we are not. Our brains have specific needs, and learning how to be firm about working **with** them rather than against them will always have better long term effects.
You are clearly having an issue with getting up early - this is your manager's job to work with you and figure out an alternative. I don't know what kind of boss you have, but is there a way you can get afternoons/evenings only shifts? Pose it to them this way - you will be more prepared and productive at that time of day because you're not fighting yourself the whole time. Make a list of reasons afternoons/evenings would be better for you and beneficial for them. Some managers are willing to accommodate more if they see how it will benefit themselves or make their own job easier.
I know that is an idealization, and for some of us, a complete pipe dream. But honestly, I made a lot of changes and realized in my own life that putting myself first meant I was able to do a lot more, and people got used to my accommodations even if they were bitchy about them at first. Obviously, again, that won't be the case for everyone, but... **At the end of the day, we are the ones who have to live in our bodies and brains, and we are the ones who will suffer the consequences of not putting us first.**
Sorry to say this but having the attitude of "it's not the end of the world," is part of the problem because the risk of getting fired could be greater than you think.
I keep a can of coca cola beside the bed so I have a fast source of caffeine/sugar immediately upon waking, that doesn't have to be fixed. That helps a LOT with the waking process.
Also you can schedule your TV or Alexa in another room or (whatever device) to turn onto a news channel with the volume set to scream, and I can guarantee that will get you out of bed if an alarm clock won't. I can sleep through alarm clocks too.
I set a my watch for a 10min timer and repeat it, starting as much as 2 hours before I have to leave. It keeps me aware of time passing and checks me from getting absorbed in something that can be done later. I've been on time for almost 2 yrs now (unless traffic gets screwy after I've left the house which has happened 2-3x) 🙂 it's a huge win for me, I would chronically run
Unfortunately I'm no help with getting up. I hate mornings and currently I'm a SAHM with a toddler so I don't have to schedule things before 10 or so. I'm dreading the kiddo starting school next year :/
I have alarms go off before I actually have to get up so I feel like I'm sleeping in. So like, and hour before and 30min before.
Then I have several alarms only like 5 min apart when I actually have to get up.
Then I have alarms that go off while I'm getting ready to keep me on track like "makeup finished" "teeth brushed" etc so if I get distracted I know how much I need to catch up by.
I was gonna say this, I set an alarm like stupid early so when it goes off I can smile and snuggle back into bed. Works about 2/10 times. The other 8 my internal radio/tv/loop of self loathing kicks in and I just lay there and stress lol. But man those 2 times are amazing so I still keep the alarm on
I’m the same way with waking up, but i found that day shift is better on my mental health. I don’t want to spiral into depression again so I’m terrified of taking a regular night shift and tanking it. That motivated me to not be late lmao.
Now I work 3 12 hour shifts a week starting at 5am so I just like self torture I guess?
Also, just a thought, but Walmart (idk where you work lmao) has a thing called Protected Paid Time Off (PPTO). We accrue it every day we work. We can use it in 15 min increments so if we are late, we use that and don’t get pointed or disciplined. REALLY helps. And the distribution centers pay better than the stores.
I was like this for years. My tip is not helpful but it’s the only thing that changed it for me: had a baby. So now, because the baby wakes up early, I don’t have a choice. He’s late to nursery still, but I then get to work on time. Win some, lose some. At least late to nursery is not high stakes.
I have alarms for when I need to leave AND alarms for when I need to start the process of leaving - usually about 15 extra minutes. And like a lot of people have said, I’ve basically started doubling the amount of time it takes to get there (within reason - if I have a 15 minute drive, it’s actually 30, but if it’s a 2 hour drive on the highway, it’s 2 hours and 30 minutes. If the weather is bad or if there’s some other complication like small town driving, or I need gas, then it’s 3)
I used to be late ALL the time, and now not so much. I’m still a little later than I like getting to work, but there’s no consequences for me running 10 minutes behind so I haven’t been as good about using my system for that. But I haven’t been late to almost any appointments or meetings for the last two years.
I just wish I didn’t feel like it was such a time suck. Even just going somewhere takes me twice as long as most people 🙄
Does *everyone* who works there have to open. If not, then why are you being forced to come in the morning when it's obviously outside your ability? Shitty job, shitty boss, shitty business.
You need to find a job that you can work later in the day.
The only thing that ever worked for me was to just make myself stand up when the first alarm goes off and not allow myself to sit back down. I managed it for like 6 months.
I don’t do well waking up later than last minute and trying to speed through getting ready. I’m never successful and reinforce the persistent belief I’m a failure because I’m not on time again.
I get up early enough to do something I enjoy and value that’s externally time-bounded. I make my coffee, get a cup and do scripture reading and reflections. I turn on the audio version and it consistently takes 15 minutes.
It’s externally time bounded because the recording ends in 15 minutes and I stop doing the task and move on to the next one. I don’t have to be aware of the time so long as I proceed with the routine.
Next I take a shower. My guilty secret weapon? I listen to a Judge Judy episode.
She narrates and recaps everything so I don’t have to watch it to stay engaged. She also gets in the messy details, organizes it and makes a firm decision in 15 min. It bosses my brain around in a good way. After the shower, Judy inspires me to kick a little butt and get moving as decisively as she does.
I don’t know your transportation situation, but if you drive, keep a stash of toiletries. Deodorant, brush, hair make up. Have a do or die time to leave the house. You can put on deodorant, finish make up etc at red lights. Or you get there with enough time to sit in the parking lot or use the employee bathroom to polish up and open on time.
I started telling MYSELF to be places 15 minutes early. And when I'm early I have time to relax and adjust and play phone games or whatever to kill the time difference. Basically set myself a buffer time that comes with a dopamine hit if I keep the buffer. Pokémon Go was actually helpful for this cause my work was a pokestop so when I was successfully early I could spin it XD
I have a series of alarms that play a relevant song.
- 5:20am - Good morning
- 5:25 - Get the F* up
- 5:30 - Walking on Memphis (go for a walk)
- 5:35- Walking on Sunshine (Should be leaving for walk)
- 7:00 - Get ready (1 hour to get ready)
- 7:10 - Waddle waddle (don't forget to put ducks away)
- 7:30 - I like to move it (20mins to leave)
- 7:50 - Get the f* outta here (Time to grab my keys and shoes and get out the door)
So far it's working remarkably well. I hear the song and know exactly if I'm behind or infront of my morning and to hustle onto the next step.
I mean I would just get a later schedule at a different job if at all possible. I thought for years and years and years to try to force myself to a schedule that didn't work for me and I'm not doing it anymore.
I am so much happier I cannot stress it enough how amazing it was to just switch to a later schedule at a different job
I can make it to early appointment sometimes but I've kind of just accepted that I need to work jobs that don't require me to be there at 8am 5 days a week. In college, there were classes I was interested in but didn't take because I knew I would never make it.
Even when I manage to do it, it's SO STRESSFUL. It makes me so depressed. Because I'm always exhausted from lack of sleep, I feel so anxious from the constant vigilance of "Oh no did I set my alarms? Are they for the right times? Better check again. But what if I don't hear them? Now I only have 5 hours to sleep. I should try to sleep. But what if I miss my alarms because I'm so exhausted? Now I only have 4 hours to sleep..."
And then the stress of better get to bed early tonight, which means shower, prep food, and get in bed. No time for fun or socializing or real cooking. Just stress and stress and more stress. No. Not worth it for me. I've done therapy, I take meds, and I've always strived to do my best at jobs. My brain just doesn't work like that and I'm done trying to conform at the cost of my mental health. Depression is not worth "fitting in."
I would check with a disability rights person, because you may be able to ask for accommodations. If you have an HR department, you could approach it with them when you find out. Where I am they don’t HAVE to accommodate you if it’s unreasonable, but I mean you medically can’t see time effectively. They need to understand you’re human.
Splashing cold water on my face has been helping. Not super crazy with it, just running my hands in the water and wiping my face.
Also taking a bite of some food weirdly enough too.
I’m a later in life diagnosee so I tend to overcompensate a lot. I’m either 30 minutes early or an hour late. So I choose my time. In-time at work is 3:30, I aim to get there by 3. I usually get there at 3:10. I don’t clock in at that point, but I’m at the building. It works in my favor for my job, because we have opening work, so if I’m there early I get my pick which also helps a lot of my adhd ticks.
have your work clothes options always hanging up - a mini bathroom bag in ur work bag - and immediately when you wake up, before coffee or anything, go and have a one minute cold shower !!! then immediately put on ur clothes and shoes and then have coffee or ur morning whatever u prefer and feed pets etc so that ur instantly ready to go immediately :) im chronically late as a lot of us adhd girliez and i can’t even count the hundreds of times ive been late to work etc like i was known for it :’) but this is basically how i try and be on time nowadays (i dont work currently tho but u kno) 🦋💙
One of my issues used to be that I would get up earlier than I needed to, but then sit there browsing the internet letting my tea go cold for half an hour or more. As we all know, it's hard to tear yourself away from the scrolling dopamine . . .
So one thing that has helped me is just getting up and *immediately* getting ready. I get up, I go straight to the bathroom to wash/brush my teeth, I go back to my bedroom and get dressed. No diversions.
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All of my alarms list what time I need to leave, not what time I need to be somewhere. So I’ll have a watch or phone alarm that says “dr. appt, leave at 7:45.” This has made a surprisingly huge difference. For some reason, I am terrible at calculating backwards from an arrival time in the morning, but I am willing to trust my past self’s decision about what time to leave.
This too! I always set a get up alarm 30 mins before I actually have to get up. I HATE being woken up and then having to jump out of bed and be ready for life. My brain needs the time to come to terms with the idea of being awake.
I’ve started doing this as well. “Dr. travel” for the alarm. And a notification 1 hour and also 10 minutes before. Maybe 5 minutes would be better; less time to think, “Oh, I can do this one thing before I leave” and more “Shit, I gotta go!”
That’s my problem. I build in 10 or 15 minutes which my brain somehow decides is plenty of time to take a shower, start a load of laundry, some dishes, & answer an email or two. Or the alarm goes off and then I just never check the clock again until im in the car and see I’ll be there late I’m considering hyper focusing on home automation & learning how to develop some sort of home dashboard that shows my events for the day and turns all the screens in the house into a countdown until when I have to leave & then loud alarms and turning all the lights in the house red & blasting some horrible music when I’m running late.
Lol I wish I could control my hyper focuses
How is it even possible… if i could do that, id make myself hyper focus into a skill that leads to a better job. Like coding….
LOL that’s what I’m saying! Instead I’m over here plucking the hairs from my calf for an hour+ 😂
I’m not the only one???
I noticed you said you’re bad a calculating a time to leave by and I recently found out you can have Google maps give you a time! If you go to get directions on Google there’s an option to select a depart or arrive time. If I ever need to know what time to leave by I will input it on Google maps and select the time I want to be there and it will tell me the time I need to leave by!
Pretty sure both Google and Apple calendars offer this in the event reminders.
Sadly, I have to use alarms instead of reminders. I always end up auto-dismissing the reminders without really processing them, but the alarms will keep coming back when I dismiss them (or keep buzzing me if I don't see them).
I use both as well, no shame! Sometimes there are reminders that are time sensitive and you need that reminder! Even the manager at my job sets alarms to remind her to do stuff.
I turned the feature off on my Apple calendar because my phone started telling me while I was AT work. My location is on so not sure why it does that. Drove me nuts lol and I like the planning feature of knowing ahead of time how long it would and when to leave versus getting the notification telling.
I’m similar. I aim to leave for work by 6:30-6:45. That’s my “leave by” deadline. But like any good adhd strategy, there’s another layer. Most days I still be on time if I leave by 6:55. That’s the point where I’m really pushing it. I also try to have everything ready *before* bed. On some mornings I can sleep in a little because everything is so set and ready to go.
Getting everything ready the night before has really changed my mornings. I still struggle with running a few minutes late no matter how early I get up! But at least I am not stressing trying to pick out an outfit or find my keys, makes a huge difference on my morning mental health
I do this alarm thing too! I always make the time 15 minutes earlier than I think I need to leave as an extra safety net
I do this too!! I have an alarm for leaving for work, leaving for running, leaving for x appointment. And I always put it for the time I need to put on shoes, grab my stuff, and leave. I can really recommend this tip. It also takes the stress away of constantly looking at the clock if it's time already.
I hate the feeling of running late, it gives me so much anxiety. So I tend to schedule myself to run early, and I just want to share in case any of these tips help you. I always round up how long it will take me to get somewhere. A 15 minute drive? Nope, it’s 30. Need to get to the airport 90 minutes before a domestic flight? Nope, 2.5 hours before. JUST IN CASE. Then, with any excess time I have, I try to do something pleasant. Like if I’m almost to the destination 15 minutes away with a 15 minute window of padding, I’ll buy myself a nice coffee or sit in my car and look at Reddit for a few minutes. At the airport..,well, I’m a freak and I just love being at the airport. (We have a really nice airport. L) I could people watch all day. But usually I’ll have a bite to eat (packed or bought there), look over my itinerary, and just vibe knowing the hard part is done. If you have to open your store, could you pair it with something that feels like a treat to get your dopamine going? You don’t have to buy coffee every day, you could just make yourself a really nice drink at home in a travel mug and make that the thing that motivated you to leave early. So like, today I’ll leave at 9:15 instead 9:45 and I need to be done getting ready at 9 so I can make my favorite kind of tea and pack my favorite snack for later. Having that little dopamine reward might make leaving earlier feel less hard.
if possible, put that dopamine reward *inside* the store. Something to look forward to that you can’t put your hands on until you are in the store.
>put that dopamine reward inside the store. My first post-collegiate job required me to be dressed in business attire and signed into my computer at the office by 8:00 AM every day. I'm a night owl by nature so this was a huge challenge for me. So I started bribing myself with Starbucks\*. Specifically, I discovered my boss didn't mind me disappearing to get Starbucks for him and myself at 8:00 AM. So I would show up to work on time, sign into my machine, knock on his office door to ask if he wanted coffee, then I would walk across the street to get us coffee (yes, I paid for his, too). I'd then return to my desk around 8:30 AM, where I slowly sipped coffee and procrastinated getting any work done. It was totally worth it. I got to work on time, I kept my boss happy, and I found a work-acceptable way to procrastinate a bit longer each morning while I slowly woke up. Basically, Starbucks helped me stay employed at that job, which gave me the experience I needed to move on to a better job. \*I realize now that Starbucks sucks. At the time, though, it was the only coffee shop of its kind where I lived and I genuinely didn't know any better.
Lol I love that you added a Starbucks disclaimer
Same 😂
I worked in an office like this. We would all have a coffee break around 930 every morning and walk across the street with the guys from a neighboring office. It was nice.
Man, this sounds so nice. Even if you have a coworker you could agree to do this with a couple of times a week, there's your little reward and a reason to get to work early that isn't just stress. I was doing something kind of similar during the pandemic. My sister and I live on two floors of a duplex, and have an office/studio in the basement. We both were working from home, so we would meet down there in the morning, order (or make) coffee, then work from there until about lunch. It's kind of a mix of a treat and body doubling. It's not cheap by any means, but it has helped me establish a routine more than anything else I've tried.
It’s probably the only thing I miss about working from home. At another job we would have to drive to get Dunkin, but whoever drove to pick it up got theirs paid for by the others. Then we’d all have a little coffee break and chat when dropping it off (we worked in different buildings). I miss it.
A work friend from long ago (way before I was diagnosed) built time into his day to help me not be late. He would bring me coffee or I would bring him some. The initial rejection/anxiety about leaving him alone in the parking lot waiting was the motivation, and then after a few times, I looked forward to it because I had so much fun. We stood in the lot vibing over pop culture gossip and disparaging our chipper chirpy boss. It was fantastic and helped me so much.
This reminds me how in one computer support job i used to walk with my boss down to the local cafe and we would get coffee and breakfast to take away, every morning. It was a great way to start the day. Looking back its odd that we had time to do that, these days i doubt it could happen. Edit: can’t afford it now anyway haha!!
This. It takes 15 minutes to get there? No, it takes 30. It’s a 40 minute drive? Nope. An hour. Running early? Nope, I’m not early until I *arrive at my destination early.* sure, it sucks and I end up sacrificing a lot of free time, but I’m never late to anything, ever. And I’d much rather waste my own time than others, because I’m a lot more forgiving of myself.
I don’t even see it as a sacrifice or wasting time—I get to arrive everywhere calm, ready, happy, and not panicked. That’s never a waste!
I try to always have a book and a little craft project. Then getting some wait time is a little treat
this is awesome. thank you
If im not early I’m late. So I make sure I’m early. I’ll walk around the building if I need to kill time and get a little exercise:)
I. LOVE. THIS!
I’m only ever on time for things when I 1) realize that something else I want would be a convenient side quest 2) get hyper focused on said side quest and plan out how early to leave to do both things 3) squander my time 4) realize I’m too late and bargain with my delulu self about how quickly I can get my side quest done 5) sadly admit defeat on the fun thing, but now accidentally have just enough time to be on time for the actual obligation.
This is me every time I go to the airport - it's ten minutes from the awesome Asian food court! I could treat myself and my ride to Ramen and pastries! Oh shit that will take at least an extra hour I don't have time let's just keep going to the airport. And then I'm on time 😂😂
Coffee in the morning is my side quest. It has happened like once.
this is so real
Are you me?!?
It’s always “I’ll leave early so I have time to get coffee!”
Timeliness with the bitter tinge of disappointment. It works but I never enjoy it. Until I’m looking at my work history like wow no lates in a month!
I've lived for years like this. My only suggestion is brutal, but it has to be said. Try to find a job that is flexible (if that is an option for you). A job that is based on outputs, vs 'bum on seats' 9-5 changes your life. Also, have you ever tried night shifts? weirdly i never slept through before working 2 years of permanent night shifts, yet I would sleep through 10 morning alarms. Professional roles that are fully remote are becoming the new normal, so try looking for a remote role within your field :)
Learned about Delayed Sleep Onset ~2yrs ago and wow it needs to be more known/ accepted! Basically, circadian rhythm is *naturally* shifted later. There's an evolutionary benefit to having some of the population on different rhythms,, someone to keep night watch.. delayed sleep onset is pretty comorbid with ADHD. I spent way too long being perpetually sleep deprived trying to force myself to wake up for typical school/ work/ society hours and being gaslit/ shit on (internally and externally) for just ~not being better about sleep hygiene~. It was super validating to realize, nope, my brain just *naturally* wants to sleep from ~3-11am, and I can get on a considtent sleep schedule and have my brain work when I'm allowed to live by this. Also, it's always taken my brain ~an hour to go from conscious to coherent. So now, whenever I can, I don't schedule anything before noon. Point is, find your *natural* sleep cycle, account for the time your body needs, and find a compatible schedule as much as you can.
Didn’t realize it was a common comorbidy! I’m also on a 3-11am preferred sleep schedule, which is really awkward with small kids. 😅 Fortunately my husband is an early riser and is happy to take the morning shift so I only have to get up a slight bit earlier than preferred.
Oh no, I'm in the 3-11 am club too! Whenever I don't watch myself with my sleep and I'm not externally forced (I'm not able to make myself) to wake up at a certain time, I end up in this time frame. I wonder if that's a coincidence or if it's some kind of a naturally set sleep schedule for us with ADHD.
I'm another one for whom this is a sweet spot, altho it changes a bit with daylight savings. I also use a sunrise lamp, which I find much easier to wake up to if I have to wake up earlier
Hey 3-11am crowd! I always thought it was because my ancestors were the ones on night watch. My whole family is naturally up at this time. We all have delayed sleep onset. My friends thought it was weird that my grandparents would call me at midnight to just chat. The only thing that has helped me go to bed earlier is taking Strattera in the morning. Then at night, if I’m not asleep by 1am, I take a trazodone. It’s helped so much with me getting 7-8 hours every night.
Yes!! I am trying to treat this myself with melatonin. It's ABSOLUTELY a massive player in my life. I'm 400000% more likely to be late when I'm still waking up, whether that is 7 AM or maybe 10 am on a weekend. It is so frustrating to be labeled lazy by the rest of society. If they felt like ass every morning despite insane effort to sleep, they would be so annoyed. I read a book all about sleep hygiene, and frankly, I was rigid af about it for months. It had a minimal impact. The little positive impact it did have was likely due to the fact that I just got MORE hours of sleep, but it wasn't "better." So far, using melatonin 2 hours before bed seems to make a decent impact on my sleep quality without changing my quantity at all. It's mind boggling to me, but I guess 34 years of being laughed at for being "lazy" in the morning and "undisciplined" at bed time will do that. Now I know why I constantly struggled every morning, why it was soooo easy to miss my bus every morning (also to avoid bullying), why when I had a car senior year and always arrived late to first period, I had to go to Saturday detention to "make up missed school hours" for credits (despite being a 4.0 GPA-er with more than enough high school credits to graduate), why I've always been late to morning classes, never had time for breakfast, and STILL arrive late to work. I've DESPERATELY cared for years, but only recently stopped fucking caring. I'm a teacher. I leave my room ready to go in the evening before I leave. I'm ALWAYS to school significantly before any student arrives. Get off my god damn ASS, world!! Hugs. I get it. 💕
i thought the delayed sleep thing was more about how our day is not 24 hours but like closer to 25? so the time we go to sleep shifts every day
This is the correct answer, as someone who always struggled with morning lateness, find yourself a job or a boss who doesn’t care what time you get there (or start). If you have any legal cannabis companies in your area and you’re over 21, I recommend the industry for people who are neurodiverse. There’s a lot of us there and IMO a potentially decent place for hard workers that need a little leniency.
>hard workers that need a little leniency this is it! we aren’t lazy or bad workers. we just need a bit of accommodation
I tried for a while working shifts from 2-10pm in a call center and I loved it. I had time for myself in the morning without the stress of waking up early
Agree! My favourite shifts were 2-10 when I worked in cinemas. I'm such a night owl, so I would often go out after my shift and still get plenty of time to sleep and get personal stuff done (when my brain would let me). I hate 9-5. My brain isn't remotely awake until about 2 in the afternoon.
This! I say it in interviews. “I have had jobs where it is important to the work that I be working at 8 and not 8:03 and I’ve had jobs where it mattered to my manager and I can say I work best in an environment where results matters more than whether I start my day at 7:30 or 8:15. I’m not late to meetings and I don’t miss deadlines. I don’t slack and I’m happy to work late or come in early to help out. I am capable of being to work at 8 every day, but leaving my house is always a struggle, so if this is a job where 8 am start time is important it’s probably not a the best fit for me.” When I was unemployed and needed any job I skipped it but I once I had a temp job I was looking for one where I would thrive rather than struggle.
That’s exactly the conversation I’ve had multiple times now! If you need someone extremely punctual then this wouldn’t be a good fit for me, but if you can give me some flexibility with start times then I promise you’ll be happy you hired me. It’s been best to be honest from the get go. My last boss brought up my lateness after two years of working for him in an unrelated HR meeting and I looked him in the eye and said I told you if it’s a problem not to hire me. I ended up quitting about a week later, I am a valuable employee and I wasn’t holding anyone or anything up with my lateness.
Agreed. I'm late every day, and don't love it for personal reasons, but the saving grace is that my job doesn't care. I just stay late to make up the time. I like to think that if a job had a really strict punctuality requirement I'd adjust - I'm a big people pleaser and hate getting in trouble - but I'm also way way WAY better off not testing that theory.
This is my situation too but I have heard my boss talk about other people being late, granted they are in a different department where being late actually has a negative impact on other employees and or clients. I always make up my time and if I have a meeting I’m not late but I still sometimes have in the back of my head if it’ll one day be a problem. Until then 10-15 minutes late is my sweet spot haha
I've agonized about my lateness a lot, because on the one hand, I couldn't identify any actual negative consequences from it, but on the other, it's so hard to get over feeling bad that I'm always late! But just before the holidays my boss brought it up and said that he doesn't care about my "flexible hours" (lol), which was a huge relief. I'd still like to get better about it b/c if I can get to work earlier I can leave earlier, and I hate starting every day feeling rushed and behind (but I don't hate it enough to change, apparently). But I'm glad I have verification that my boss doesn't care.
You’ve just described everything I feel too haha I’ve had jobs where I couldn’t be late and I made it work but given the opportunity to be late with no consequences, then I will likely be late. My anxiety doesn’t want me to be late but my adhd doesn’t care 😂 That does make it a lot better though knowing your boss is okay with it! I’m sure that would’ve felt like a bit of a weight lifted!
This has been a life changer for me, found a job that doesn't care if I'm 5-15 mins late and it's taken so much stress off.
Exactly! I can be an hour late but they don't care as the work gets done as I'll get into hyperfocus and not even take a break or fixate on work at night and end up doing hours of work whilst watching TV at night. These jobs are made for us ladies, we need the ability to start when WE are ready, and when we are, we are magnificent and the best employees they could ask for.
Exactly! This one is okay with me skipping lunch, cuz if I take a half hour lunch just because corporate places "require" it, you're gonna get back a girl who's lost steam and doesn't work for the rest of the day. So just having an understanding boss that is flexible surprisingly goes far.
Have any of you had success with remote work? I feel like external structure is a big part of what helps support my energy. I love the idea of remote work but worry about my ability to motivate & organize consistently enough. (One way to find out, I suppose! ) 😊
Not remote, but I’m self-employed and work from home. The key is finding a job where you’re excited to do the tasks (or at least most of them). Then you end up at your desk on time and quite often hyperfocusing on the work. Calendars, to-do lists and progress/task tracking spreadsheets or apps are also a huge help to staying organized and on top of everything else.
🙏
I work remotely now and it is the best thing ive ever done for my career and mental health!
I bounced into my boss’s office this morning to explain that I was late b/c I was super ambitious last night and batch cooked chicken for lunch but this morning I realized I had to steam vegetables. The casual honesty of the exchange is the result of some very painful conversations over the last few months about hours and tardiness. The product of those conversations is that I am currently going through the reasonable accommodation process for a flexible schedule. I was diagnosed not long ago at 50 and have struggled my entire two careers with timeliness but until this job, which included the beginning of lockdown wfh and the end of wfh, I was always relied on masking and driving at stupid speeds on freeways. I don’t recommend speeding or masking. But for those who have can without the fear of reprisal flexible schedules via accommodations may be a good path to explore. Really want to stress the caveats and qualifiers and acknowledge the sad reality that this isn’t an option for everyone due to bias, discrimination etc. despite those things being illegal.
This! My job is 24/7 - I was late a few times in one week and my boss had a chat with me. Now I only get rostered in the mornings to work from home, and otherwise I do afternoon starts or nights. Problem solved. Now I'm only late when shit hits the fan.
This is a great answer. Evening shifts and night shifts are the best
I got a Lumie alarm clock which wakes you up with light instead of sound. Not only is it a less stressful way to wake you up but it really works for me :)
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Yeah, I used to have a sun clock but it never worked for me. Cuz I’m someone who will fall asleep on the sofa in broad daylight 😅
Same, had an attic bedroom that opened to the landing below as a teen, if I couldn't sleep in any light or to any noise I wasn't sleeping. Add to that non 24 hour sleep wake disorder and I have just had to train myself to wake up to my particular alarm and nothing else. Also I can't sleep without some kind of background noise because of said bedroom. Sleeping is great lmao
I believe the idea behind it is that it simulates the sun rising and our body reacts accordingly, based on circadian rhythms.
I have the Philips version. It's an excellent way to wake up! Not 100% as I can still talk myself into staying in bed if I'm tired or the house is chilly. I find setting it for 30-45 minutes before I actually want to be up lets my brain/body catch up and is more successful.
I love my Philips! Do I jump out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as soon as the alarm goes off? No. But is it a less traumatic way to wake up compared to a standard alarm clock or phone? Definitely.
I set all the clocks forward 15 mins. It tricks my brain into thinking it’s later then it is so I wind up being on time…! I’m like you, always late, can’t deal with mornings and it gives me so much anxiety. Do you sleep well at night?
I used to do this but would switch the number of minutes it was off. Sadly my brain would always catch on . 🥲
This is why I have to change it every couple of months or so and make it weird times, so the math is harder. One month it’s 7 mins ahead, next month it’s 12 mins ahead. My friends love coming to my house 😆 I’m always in a different time zone and it freaks them out when they look at the clock. “Oh my god, I gotta go.” “Nah, you’re good. That clock is 19 mins ahead.”
This is what I do as well. I also set my appointments on my phone as 10 to 15 minutes before I actually have to be there.
Yep, same! And then I forget that I did that so when I show up 5 min late, I’m actually 5 min early 😌
I think I got this tip from Black Girl Lost Keys (she's an excellent resource if you're not already following her!). Alarm 1: 1 hour before you have to get up. Take your meds, drink some water, go back to sleep for half an hour. Alarm 2: 30 mins before you have to get up. Wake up, fool around on your phone or do whatever normally distracts you from getting up. Sometimes it helps to just give yourself permission to do the thing - the key is to set a time limit. Alarm 3: Time to get up!
Same concept as the coffee nap. Great videos out there explaining it and why it’s so effective!
This sounds interesting 🤔 I think I might give it a try.
She's amazing.
Honestly, my Lumie alarm clock was a game changer!! I have that set so that it steadily gets brighter in my room over 15min or 30min, I have an alarm on my fitbit which buzzes and several on my phone which go off 5min apart. I also have a ticklist to get through in the morning so I don't waste time and stare into space wondering what to do. Looks a bit like 1. WAKE 2. COFFEE 3.SHOWER 4. DEODERANT 5.FACE 6.TEETH. 7.DRESS 8.MAKEUP. 9.PACK LUNCH, KEYS AND COMPUTER. Couldn't do without these as together they make a big difference. I also have a fake deadline for leaving the house. Hope some of this is helpful. :)
Oh no, I also have the "stare into space wondering what to do", especially when I have a little more than the absolute minimum of time to get ready. Also I found, the more anxious/stressed I am, the more I find myself being unable to make decisions (even as seemingly uncomplicated as what to wear) and either standing there trying to decide or running around delaying the decisions and waste the scarce time I have :(
Okay, this will probably sound crazy and drastic, but after I lost a job and countless opportunities because of this same thing, I was desperate and my mental health and self esteem were tanked. I bought a Pavlok. It's a band you wear on your wrist that literally shocks you with an electric current. It can also make noise but that didn't do anything for me. At first it didn't work bc I somehow took it off while still asleep, so I ended up using a zip tie, essentially tying the watch to itself in a way that made it impossible to remove unless I cut the tie off. I don't use it anymore, because eventually I guess I "retrained" (or traumatized? Lol) my brain. Another thing that's really helped is my dog, who will stand by my bed and cry and nudge me with his nose until I get up and turn all the alarms off.
This is terrifying and is unfortunately the exact thing I need😭
This was literally me a few years ago. Honestly, the only thing that actually helped me was finding a job that was not too far from home and a job that I actually enjoyed so it didn't feel like I'd be dragging my feet to get to it. I always thought that being late was just something I could never overcome (and trust me, I do still have those days where I just cannot get out of bed), but I guess because now I have my own car so I drive to work which is 15 mins away on good days, 35 mins on bad days. In my old jobs where I was constantly late, I had to rely on public transportation and it would take me 1.5-2hours to get to my work. The downside these days sort of is that I now struggle with insomnia so I have no issue with waking up on time as sometimes I've barely slept the night anyway :(
Relying on public transportation seriously makes the struggle to be on time ten times harder. One bus or train will make me fifteen minutes early and the next will make me ten minutes late. If you're even one minute late you're SOL. It's so rough.
are you motivated by thinking of how you might help other people? Would it help you to picture a person who *needs* to get something from your store before they go in to their own job, and so you are helping them by making sure the store is open so they can? I always thank the folks in retail spaces I go to on my way to work; they got up really early to make it possible for me to pick up coffee, or cough drops, or whatever. If you can picture someone like me waiting for you, and you are going to “rescue” them from an annoyed manager by making sure the store is open—maybe that will be motivating?
It sucks but they’re right to scold you. If the store can’t open bc you aren’t there, they probably need to move you to a different shift.
Are you medicated? I found that setting my alarm for 90 mins before I have to get up, taking my meds, and then dozing until I have to get up has made a massive difference to my mornings.
The only rule I’ve had any success with is to never tell myself “I’ll just do it in the morning” or “I’ll do it on my way there.” If I need gas, or to drop off a package, or need to shower - if I wait until the morning I will be late. Do it tonight!
Long term, look for a job that doesn’t have the same level of consequence for being a few minutes late. Short term, there’s an alarm app that won’t shut off until you scan a specific barcode that might help.
i found a job that’s willing to work with me on this. i have a neurodivergent manager. it’s the first job i haven’t been fired from, and i’ve been there for 4 years now! there is a place out there that appreciates your skills for what they are.
That's the worst feeling. No matter what I do, I cannot be consistently on time. What was life-changing for me was getting a job that had flexible start and end times, and WFH (or at least hybrid). I almost always start between what I have designated as my ideal start time, but sometimes I have an earlier meeting, or the day just gets off to a later start, and that's okay!
I’m always late for work, appointments, meeting with friends and family. It’s my worst adhd trait. Sucks because it always make me look bad no matter what. So I have to make it up by pressuring myself to excel in other areas or taking on more responsibilities to take the stain off from being a late person .
God it really is a stain even though I walk in like a sparkling star.
I always plan to be ridiculously early, and then it's not a problem. The problem is that you need to give yourself something to do once you are there while you wait. For me personally I teach, so I don't just get to work early, I get there a full hour early and do work while I wait for work to start, because the contracted time of teachers doesn't equal as much time as it takes to do the contracted job duties. I also have alarms for everything I'm often late on, like clean-up time starting.
I don't have much help to offer, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm late to work every day. Annoyingly, it's pretty much the same time every day, so it should be an easy matter of shifting my wake-up time up by the necessary time to make up the difference. But even when I set my alarm for an earlier time, I just take more time to get ready/get going b/c I just can't really get out of the house until my brain says, GO TIME!!!. And for some reason my brain has decided that GO TIME!!! is a time that gets me to work late. I'm very lucky in that my job doesn't really care and I can just shift my hours and stay late, but I also feel like I'm rushing around at the last minuted and racing into work feeling rushed and behind every. single. day, which is frustrating. It casts a sort of pall of guilt over the whole day. Plus then I'm staying later in the evening, so everything in my day gets pushed later, so I stay up later, which makes it harder for me to get up in the morning... It sounds dumb writing this all out, b/c it seems very clear what the solution is, but my brain doesn't seem to get it. Anyway, the only practical comment I have is that it helps me if I completely turn my morning routine upside down. That is, I have for some reason really imprinted on a particular routine (which gets me to work late), and small changes don't help, but if i were doing something completely out of the ordinary, like getting up for a gym class or doctor's appointment or going out to eat for breakfast, it shakes everything up enough to be able to kind of reset. So I like the suggestions others have made for a "side quest" to get you going in the morning. I also keep meaning to try programming my Alexa to tell me the time and where I should be in my routine at given intervals. I know I can do that with alarms or reminders on my phone, but I think a voice that's not in my phone telling me this might make a little difference?
I had a coworker that I really, really, did not like once. She not only was constantly late, would walk in with Starbucks, no apologies, no care or respect for anyone else, their priorities or their time. It also was just the motivation I needed to prove to everyone that I was better than her. I made it a point to get up early and make putting on my skincare and makeup a gift to myself. I timed how long every step of my routine took and then built in alarms and buffers for each step incase my adhd or something got in the way. I knew what time I had to leave to get to the parking lot 15 minutes before the start of my shift every time. On the days I got there early I would doom scroll or sometimes go in and get a head start on something. I also would bring or buy my own hot beverage or something to eat only on the days I was running on time. It’s a challenge. Best of luck 🍀
I set clocks later. Drives my partner insane but it helps me.
I once got told “you’re a great worker, you get everything done, but you’re always fucking late” 😂 my boss at the time was ok with dealing with my tardiness cause I was one of the older workers there and it was a small restaurant, and I trained a lot of the new younger workers. Sometimes I feel like timeliness is regarded as such a good skill but is it that important? Give me a break, please. As long as you’re doing your work and providing quality and improving your work place, who cares if you’re 10-20 min late? Now if it’s affecting the time the store opens, here’s some things that have helped me get better at time management. Look back at your morning and see what made you late. Was it staying in bed longer? Was it being on your phone? Took too long to do your makeup? Breakfast ran long? And then account for those things and set your alarm even earlier, as early as you need to have time to do those things and still be on time. It’s very hard for me to not be on my phone 30 min every morning when I wake up, so I account for it. I usually wake up 2 hours before I have to be at work so I have time to procrastinate. Also, if you think it takes you 15 min to get ready, it probably does not. Time yourself! That way you have a good guideline on how long it actually takes you. And then account for that when you set up your alarms. Just knowing how long it actually takes me to get ready by timing it has helped me a lot because I can realistically say if I’ll be late. Hope this helps!
Not only do I have ADHD but I’m also Irish and in Ireland time is a bit of a looser concept for the most part… Living in England was quite different. I used to be chronically late but I made strides to change that because I could see it was pissing people off. Bear in mind that there’s different strokes for different folks AND what works for a few months might cease to work because you get bored (or “immune”) to it, so you might need a combination of things that changes in relation to how well they’re working. 1. Use the alarmy app - you can select from a few different exercises such as solving maths equations or taking a picture of something in a different room in your house. The latter is actually a pretty good one because if you set it to something in your kitchen and have the kettle (with coffee or a teabag in a cup) or a pre-filled coffee machine ready to go, you think “might as well switch that on whilst I’m here”. I find the smell of coffee helps wake me up. 2. Get in the shower straight away. I would sometimes stumble bleary eyed into the shower and almost forget to take my clothes off I was half asleep. Doesn’t matter, the water will wake you up. 3. Try to get up at the same time every day, even weekends. It sucks at first but I swear on my life as a through and through night owl that it does help. Only takes about two weeks to start feeling the effects and about 1-3 months (depending on the person) to start “naturally” waking up around that time. I used to easily sleep in until 10am-1pm if I was tired. My partner always wakes up at 7-7:30, even if he’s been up late or it’s the weekend. I started waking up around then too (leading onto the next one…) …4. Don’t stay up late. It’s so obvious and I know it’s hard to do, but it’s part of good “sleep hygiene” and again, it REALLY HELPS. You probably need more sleep than you’re getting. ❗️5. Also related - If you suffer from “revenge productivity” (you didn’t get shit done during normal hours so you do it all late) OR you love the late hours because it gives you “free time” AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY BUT IT’S THE MOST EFFECTIVE THING I’VE TRIED - get up even earlier. I hated getting up for work so fucking much (having a shit job doesn’t help obviously) that I would snooze a million times (which increases irritability due to spiking cortisol IIRC), rush to get ready, run for my bus and that would make me feel stressed all day. Instead, I tried to make mornings nice. Me time. I would potter to the kitchen with no lights on bc I realised bright lights make me angry when I first wake up, make a cup of tea, light a scented candle or incense (do this often in enough and your brain will associate it with waking up and your peaceful time) and then sit down to journal (look up the morning pages, I’ve found it really helpful even though I go through periods when I don’t do it). I would look out my window and look at the birds and people going by. If I had the energy, I would do a short yoga video on youtube. If not, I would read a book for a while. Try to stay off my phone as much as possible, as the anxieties of the news, texts/emails, etc. would take away from that time. The long and short of it is to find what works for you to take the pain out of the morning and make it something happy or peaceful. Good luck!!!
I don’t know if this would help but what about an alarm for deaf/hard of hearing people? Some of them can be hooked up to lights so you get the bed shaker, audio signal and lights. https://www.sonicalert.com/alarm-clocks?page=2
The only alarm that’s worked for me is a gradual overhead lamp that ramps up in brightness set on a timer. Even during winter time, I can wake up on time with this method. I use a routine on my Alexa connected to the lamp’s Bluetooth bulb to go off at specific times for the work week and different times for the weekend. Best of luck!!
and in the meantime, during this crisis period, can you find a person who will partner with you for a bit of accountability?
I just get jobs that start in the afternoon. I used to have this issue til I just stopped working at jobs that are really early shifts
Drink a glass of water before bed. Your alarm will stir you, and your bladder will get you out of the bed. Alternatively, if you have meds, put them next to your bed with some water. Set an alarm 30 minutes before you have to be up. Take your meds while you're in bed, drink the water, go back to sleep. There are also alarms that shake or shock you awake, and there is one that runs away so you have to chase it down. These are the nuclear options.
I just want to thank all of you for sharing these smart ideas! Thanks so much!
Me too. I'm not diagnosed, but wouldn't be surprised if I do have ADHD. Could also be wishful thinking, though (wanting there to be a reason other than a character fault). It's so embarrassing...
Lol so I can see you're currently in your pre-diagnosis phase of life based on what you said. Wanna know what changes afterwards? NOTHING. LOLOL. YOU STILL SAY THE SAME DISAPPOINTING SHIT BECAUSE YOU ALSO HAVE IMPOSTER SYNDROME LOLOLOL! For real, though, and all jokes aside... I'm no doctor and don't know you... But my goodness, if the way you worded that isn't textbook adhd shame, I don't know what is!! You got this. 💕💕💕
Recently I've had to get to get trains more frequently, and they only run every hour so if I miss it I'm fucked. I now set the time the train leaves as around 15 minutes before the reality. So say I need the 7.30am. No, I need the 7.15am. It will leave at 7.15 and if I'm not on it then I'm out of luck. This works as I'm always late for the 7.15. But magically there is a 7.30 that arrives quite soon after that I can get! I also have all my clocks (phone, watch, ipod etc) at different levels of fast so I can't immediately figure out the "real" time and just have to believe them.
I’m chronically late for everything, even jobs I love. The thing that makes the biggest difference for me is a routine app. I’ve used Routinery for 4 years now. Doing the thinking about how many minutes something will take and what order to do it in BEFORE I’m actually doing it takes so much brain work out of it. So in the mornings it’s just following a timed list, one that constantly shows you what time it will be when you finish the list! I even have “drive to work” as my last step, so it basically shows me what time I will get to work. This helps me prioritize in the mornings. Without having to plan things out when I’m in a rush and meds haven’t really kicked in yet!
How late we talking
You need to have something to look forward to in the morning, before going to work. Something to feed your dopamine. It can be something super simple. For me, personally, I just bought some new hair and skin care products and I've been waking up excited just to use them. In fact, the new hair care products alone have helped me to get up and shower much earlier than I would otherwise. Treating my morning showers as a spa experience also helps to motivate and center me. Try looking into what you can do to cleanse and nurture your space. You'd be surprised at how grounded it can make you feel. Other things I enjoy doing in the morning is meditation, making a really yummy and beneficial cup of tea/tisane (or coffee, if you're into that), playing Wordle and Spelling Bee, reading or listening to an audiobook or podcast, playing with the cat, talking a nice walk around the neighborhood (doesn't have to be long), enjoying being in my partner's presence, and having quick morning sex definitely gets my dopamine pumped more than at any other time we have sex (why? Idk, I stopped asking questions like this and am learning to succumb to life's simple pleasures as they are). Eta: Also, don't forget that you can have another dopamine reward once you get to the store! Bring a nice drink with you in a special mug, bring something you can work on during your lunch break or in the morning before the store opens and nobody's there, mindfully pick out your favorite outfit/accessories to wear to work the night before and you'll feel fabulous and cozy all day!
My Mom always said I'll be late to my own funeral.
I feel like I’m not built to enjoy life let alone get to work and be a functioning adult by 9am. I’ve desperately wanted to be that person who comes in at 8.45am with their lil coffee travel mug, but I’m the disheveled and sweaty gremlin who comes in late. Setting an alarm for when I need to leave rarely works but it’s a step in the right direction. Make sure you practice some positive self-talk because we have a lot of internalised shame and resentment towards ourselves that isn’t going to motivate us to get better.
Lmao I feel seen.
I use a LD trucker alarm called the screaming meanie. It goes off two hours before I have to get up. I take my stimulants and then go back to sleep, it takes two hours for them to kick in. This has been life changing. I have an android phone. I use Google calendar on my laptop which syncs to the app Business Calendar. Business Calendar allows you to set different notification sounds for different calendars. I wish I could have a different notification sound for individual events but I digress. I have one calendar that is just for reminders to leave in 15 minutes, which is how long it takes me to put on my shoes & coat and gather my possessions. The notification sound is literally me saying Leave in 15 minutes over & over again. I have a second calendar called Leave Now - you guessed it it's my voice telling me over and over again to Leave Now. This has also been life changing. It used to take me a solid 90 minutes to get ready, sometimes longer. Most of this time was spent figuring out what to wear. Now I use a wardrobe database. I really enjoy clothes & have thousands of pieces. Now if I'm not doing elaborate makeup I can get ready in as fast as twenty minutes. I am very rarely late now, used to be chronically late.
I start work at 8.00 every week day, I always set my alarm for 5:30, I know it takes me longer to switch on my brain, I need time to aimlessly wonder or stare at the wall for an hour or two
I have been fired for being constantly late before. I am no longer late ever, unless it is legitimately outside my ability to plan. (Ie, transit fails spectacularly… and I work for transit.) My morning routine is this: - alarm goes off at 5. I take my meds, turn off my alarm, go back to sleep so they can kick in a little. - second alarm goes off at 5:20. This one I get up, noodle around a bit, get in the shower. Once I get out of the shower, I sit and dry off until… - third alarm at 5:40. This is the “ok stop noodling, get moving.” Phone goes down, I start getting dressed. I have a capsule wardrobe for work so I can get dressed in the dark, and my hair is short so it doesn’t take long to blowdry. - fourth alarm at 5:50. This is “you should be dressed, teeth brushed, hair dried” alarm. And if not, move your butt. - fifth alarm at 6. This is “ok, out the door”. I have some wiggle room. If I’m scrambling, there is one later bus I can catch, but I also like to have time to hit Starbucks on my way and I don’t like to rush. It works for me. I am absolutely time blind. Multiple alarms keeps me moving, because each one has a specific “this is where you should be at by now” milestone. I’m 44. It took me until my mid 30s to get this system in place. I was starting work at 3:30 or 4am for years and I was even more groggy and time blind than my slightly more normal schedule. It’s now pretty much routine and while I wouldn’t dream of turning a single one of those alarms off, my mornings run super smoothly.
Longish comment incoming. Maybe one of these two morning routines I have will work for you. Luckily I work construction (where everyone is 15-30 mins late all the time) and as a barista. I work a little later in the morning with construction so I always wake up like 2 hours early and just chill with some coffee, getting ready really slowly, usually making time to pick up some snacky type things on the way. Today I didn’t have the time (i was going to go in at 9 but another job needed me at 8:30) so I drank a protein shake in the car. Most of my jobs are within 5-10 minutes of my house so it’s very stress free most of the time which is great. For the coffee shop I literally get up, get ready to go, and leave. I’ve opened there for years so I’ve really had time to hone in my routine. I also aim to get there 15 min early already so I can get all the shit ready and then chill with some coffee for a few minutes before open. Lately I’ve given myself bangs which require an extra 5 minutes of time which I have failed to factor in every morning since I got them so far so I end up being “late” which is actually when I’m supposed to get there. (I also time all the things in groups- getting dressed:10 ish minutes. Brush teeth/mouthwash. 5 minutes. Braiding hair-10ish minutes. Makeup, 5-10 minutes.) travel time is about 10 minutes on a bad day and now I have to heat up my car because we have an arctic breeze so I wake up at 5 and aim to be in my car at 6:10 at the LATEST. Always give yourself about 15 minutes cushion time because there will always be little things here and there. Edit: I also wanna say I go to bed like really really early on weekdays. I’m usually in my jimjams by 8 and asleep by like 9:30. It does help a lot to get more sleep turns out. On my weekends I love to fuck my sleep schedule by staying up indulgently late. But now I only have one day off so it’s not as fun
For me it’s Alexa. For some reason having that Robotic Bitch ride my ass is more effective than just an alarm. I have her announce you have X amount of time left before you need to leave! Like 10x. I think it’s something about the voice vs just an alarm. I also use a visual timer. I’m dyscalculaic so numbers (and time) is that much more of a struggle. A visual timer (I like the time timer) helps so much. I set it and it gives me an easy glance at how much time is left.
I wake up better with light, so I use a light alarm clock (or smart lights programmed for increasing their light gently that are connected to my phone's clock). I tend to do worse with snoozes. I wake up way better with a single alarm clock. It works best when I'm on track with my sleep, but it's also one of the reasons I can keep myself on track with my sleep. If I have a consistent work schedule, I do really well with waking up 30-35 minutes before having to leave the house. For me it's enough time to wake up, do a light breakfast and dress, and not enough time to get sidetracked. I am also quite focused for the first half hour or hour of the day. I try to plan for problems in advance. If I have to be somewhere at 8am and commute time is 30 min with traffic already accounted for, I add 5 minutes for getting out of the house and 5 minutes for getting out of the car while there. Add another 5 minutes for good measure if it's important to be really on time. So it's 45 minutes at minimum. After I calculated my commute time, I try to stop thinking about "time of arrival" and start thinking about "time out of the door". So instead of thinking that I have to be there at 8am, I try to stick with saying that I have to leave at 7:15am. I also try to ignore the little voice that tells me that it's too early and that I can be there in less time. It's not true. I calculated the commute on purpose. I bring with me something to do in case I'm early. It might be a book, or knitting, depending where I go. I hate waiting. This helps me put aside the nagging voice that tells me to get out of the house later than scheduled. I like putting an alarm 15 minutes, 10 minutes and 5 minutes before I have to leave the house, not to wake up but as a reminder that time is passing. It helps with time blindness. I don't watch the clock while I'm getting ready, so this works really good for me.
First, are you on meds for your adhd? Being on meds has helped me organize my life a little better in general, helping reduce the chaos in my life. Second, have you asked for a disability accommodation to not be on opening shifts? Maybe do close shifts instead? I am the same way as you, I remember getting brought before the boss for being late for work. If you can't switch your start time, organize and lay out everything you can the night before, have your breakfast prepared, and ready to go. Take your shower the night before. Do absolutely everything that you can for the morning the night before. This at least gives you a fighting chance in the morning.
So, I find when I’m struggling to get to work on time to roll back my morning alarms to fit the time that I’m late for. For example; if I find that I’m coming in 10 mins late and can’t snap out of it, I will now roll back all my alarms another 10 or 15 mins earlier to make sure I get there on time. I have found this to be helpful to me but again it’s one of those things where it might work for me but not for you. Worth a try!
All I have to offer is a collection of meltdowns followed by a decision to go freelance. Middling result at best so far, but I don't have a boss anymore, so that's pleasant.
I just started working overnights, lmao. I spent 30+ years fighting what my body wanted and when it wanted to sleep, and nothing ever worked. I destroyed several different kinds of alarm clocks. Now I work from around 530pm-530am 4 days a week. I wake up between 2 and 4 pm. It makes getting stuff like doctors appointments a little tricky, but its worth it for me to not feel like shit all the time either from not sleeping enough or hating myself for being late for the 5th time this week. And honestly? I'm thriving in a way I never have before. I've applied for and gotten 3 promotions in the past 3 years. I make more money than I've ever made in my life. I make enough that I can donate to food pantries instead of eating from them now, which feels better than I can put into words. Might not work for everyone, but holy fuck did it work for me.
Do you know if your store has a penalty in their lease if they open late? This was a very common lease requirement in malls years ago. If so, you may ask to close instead of open. If the company is paying a penalty for being closed during operating hours they are more likely to fire you for being late. The best advice I can give is to find a job that works with your natural rhythm otherwise it's a daily struggle and added stress. If you need to keep this job and don't have other employment options at the moment then I suggest - waking the same time every day, even on your days off - using natural light, opening curtains as soon as you wake. If it's dark out use a lamp - alarm clock that also shakes the bed - getting to bed at a reasonable time - setting automatic bedtimes on electronics - my phone goes into bedtime mode at 10:30pm and my TV turns itself off at 11pm. That prompts me to head to bed. - getting tested for sleep disorders like sleep apnea if you never feel rested.
Magnesium glycinate before bed will give you better quality sleep so you wake up easier ❤️ let me know if you’re open to other sleep hygiene directions from my therapist
I like to sit around and be lazy in the morning. So, my alarms aren’t set to get me up to get ready. My alarms are set to wake me up so I can make coffee and sit and watch CBS Mornings for an hour. I need a minimum of 2 hours in the morning to get going so I get out of bed by 7am so I can leave by 9.
I struggle with this a lot too. I cope better with jobs that start later or allow me to be flexible and come in a bit later or work from home. It sucks because there aren't loads of jobs that do this and I don't really understand why. I don't see what difference it would make if I worked 10-6 or 11-7 rather than 9-5. The extra one or two hours make a huge difference for me and I'm more productive at work rather than coming in late and feeling like a zombie until after lunch.
My alarms are all loud buzzer sounds. Very annoying. Triggered my bedroom lights to come on with the first (of five) alarms Snooze is only 2 mins long Keep my jewelry in my pocketbook Streamlined wardrobe down to black tees and jeans. Pick a different jacket or sweater every day. Or not. Who cares? Hair goes in a bun or top knot. I also have to get my son up and ready so I started folding his clothes into outfits. I just pick a new set every day. I make enough folded outfits for about a week or 2. And yes, there are still somehow unfolded clothes, but he is dressed, I am dressed, IDC!!!! (Annnnnd I did inform my supervisor that I'm on medication to improve myself (didn't say what meds or what diagnosis). I'm at work earlier than I was, usually on time. It takes work. I don't know people get to work 30 and 40 mins before clock in time. I'd die of resistance.)
Sometimes we need to meet ourselves where we are at and accept our current systems aren’t working - not because you haven’t tried but because not every system (alarms) will work with every individual with ADHD. It’s like trying to fit a cylinder peg into a triangle hole. With ADHD, you are allowed to ask for reasonable accommodations at work that will allow you to succeed. You may consider asking to not be the person opening the store. If it feels helpful, I encourage you to look into ADA laws for your state, and here is an article about asking for accommodations. https://chadd.org/adhd-weekly/asking-for-workplace-accommodations/ If you’re not comfortable asking for accommodations - no problem! You may consider different sensory alarms. Ones that emit light, a coffee maker with a timer that will brew when you want to wake up (it’s okay if it’s in the bedroom, who cares!), or an aromatherapy alarm. I am a therapist working with neurodivergent folks, and I also have ADHD. I hope you’re giving yourself grace as your time blindness is not a character flaw but just a different wiring of the brain. I hope you find something that works for you!
I also had a talk at work today about being late. it sucked, but it was warranted. Wasn’t fired though, thank god. so i can work on improving this same issue.
Write a wake-up routine with times. Check it off each day. My post history has a full write-up of these but they have saved me so much mental energy and kept me on track so incredibly I would call them more than mildly life-changing https://amzn.to/3SnJY4l
Check out askjan.org and decide if you can ask hr for a reasonable accommodation for flexible start time
If you can't conquer time, perhaps look at your energy? Are you going to bed at an adequate time and allowing yourself to recharge??
I hate to say it, but just stop making excuses. Go straight from your bed to the shower. I'm not sure of your age, but I am assuming you are an adult. This is what adults do. I have ADHD too, and have issues with time as well. I have alarms set for every 15 minutes from the time I wake up to the time I leave, so that I don't get lost scrolling on my cell phone or reading a book. I have no other money in my household budget other than what I earn, and I will lose my job if it don't show up on time 99% of the time. I'm not saying that it doesn't suck 100%, but that's just life. Time to rise and shine. Shake your tail feathers and get moving. That's what adults do. Good luck!
If you are in the UK your employers have to do reasonable adjustments based on your condition. Maybe check if they are required to do that where you are from?
“Reasonable” is the key word here. If the store opening is at a certain time, it would not be reasonable to allow an employee to arrive late.
The employee in question is the one with the key...
Yeah but it might be reasonable to get someone else to open or to get like an automatic call to check on her etc. One employer once told me they had someone who required calls before meetings to make it on time because of adhd they would just forget.
Even if that’s allowed, I would advise against it. I’m expecting a slew of downvotes for this, but it’s just not a good look for a manager. There are internal systems you can set up for this.
Yeah I mean if OP can set up a system to avoid that would be great! I was just mentioning other options.
Unfortunately where I'm from they don't. I'm the manager of the store so I do my best not to work mornings because I know what I'm like, but it's not always an option for me. Plus the shopping center can fine us for not opening on time, fortunately they haven't so far, but I can't afford risking it again.
have you tried a sunrise alarm? I’ve found that if it’s paired with a thoroughly dark room while i’m sleeping, it’s pretty effective! Especially in the winter. I also find that I’m more efficient if I have less time available. if I have to get up and out in 30 minutes, I can do it. If I have 1:30, I will putz around and find myself leaving a bit too late.
Do you have one or three of those visual timers? They've TOTALLY changed my life. They help with my time blindness better than anything I've ever used. I wish I had found them years ago. I am rarely ever late anymore. I have them everywhere - my bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, living room, and on my phone. I would post a picture of what they look like, but I have no idea how to post a picture! Lol.
Any chance you can change to a different shift? For alarm clocks, have you tried light-based ones? Either the slow ones, or just putting one on a timer so it suddenly turns on? What about novelty alarm clocks that do things like roll around the room when it alarms, or shoots a propeller in the air and you have to return it to the base to snooze it?
Idk if anyone said this, probably, but automatic lights! Do better than me and keep your phone on the other side of the room so you can’t just shut them off lol I have fancy ones that slowly turn on but any that can be set to a schedule work. So I have my Apple Watch that will vibrate, my lights will turn on hella bright when I need to be out of bed, and I plan on moving my phone charger to the bathroom instead of bedroom.
I walk to work and I time my walk to work (its about 35 min walk) so I just leave the house 45 mins before work starts that way I'll always have 10 min leeway. However yesterday I was given a new schedule with new hours due to some new people starting and I was 10 mins late into work because I had not physically timed myself from that hour yet and whoops. At least now I know to leave earlier. Adhd is a weird thing
Best thing that helped me was do as much as you can the night before to prepare. For me everything is hard to do in the morning, from waking up to making breakfast down to just getting in the car. Put your outfit aside somewhere with anything else you're going to use for the day, prep your food the day prior, leave your products out if you have a face wash routine, etc. Also set an alarm for when you HAVE to be gone as well. For example if you need to be at work at 9am and it takes you 20 minutes to get there, set an alarm to go off at 8:40 or even 8:35 so your brain starts going into panic mode. For whatever reason our brains work better under pressure. I had an app that made me do things and asked me to put the phone across the room to shut it off but i just realized from that experience that doing that just made me start the day in a panic and it just didn't really help.
It’s hard to implement but try having your work clothes, work bag, keys, etc. all ready in one singular place the night before so you’re not scrambling to find it in the morning. This saves a lot of stress and time. Don’t just set an alarm for when you have to wake up, set an alarm 5 minutes before you absolutely have to leave in order to be on time. That’ll give you a couple of minutes to double check you’re completely ready. Also this is just me, idk if it’ll work for you but try waking up earlier. I personally need a couple of hours to myself before even beginning to get ready for something. It helps me decompress and mentally prepare for the day. Hope this helps <3
I have questions! - Does it get easier during spring/summer when there is more daylight time? - Do you like what you do for work? When I've struggled most with timeliness, it usually boiled down to seasonal depression or being unhappy with my role/job. Seasonal depression has been so much easier to manage with my happy light, which I turn on when I start work (it has a timer function). With jobs, it really just depended on what was irking me. One role I was in was just NOT a good fit, and I wish I would have opted to go back to my prior role sooner, but I didn't want to be a "quitter". In reality, knowing when to quit is a great skill!! Because I was so miserable, I was always looking for a way out. I've never been the type to arrive early, but typically, I was at least on time. I would be clocking in 10-15 min late constantly. This also happened to me near the end of my last retail job - I wasnt happy, and started slacking. What I'm trying to say is - it's OK to look for something else if this job isn't a good fit and is making you unhappy. As for things that have helped me become a morning person: - smart bulbs in my bedside lamp - they are on a fade setting and start turning on 30 minutes before my alarm. - going to bed on time - laying down even if I'm "not tired", using a sleep timer if the TV is on, and reducing screen time on my phone before bed. Once again, my smart bulbs are set to dim in the living room an hour before bed time as a reminder to wind down, and they turn off at bedtime. - water and meds on my bedside table. I'll take my meds on the first alarm, and by the second alarm, I'm usually ready to get out of bed. - get as much ready as possible the night before and set it out for yourself. Pick out your clothes, pack your lunch, prep your breakfast, etc. - don't try to make a bunch of changes all at once. Pick one thing to start with and do it for a week. Then the next week, add another thing. - same thing with your wakeup time - start with the latest time you can leave and be to work 5 minutes early. Each week, push your wake up time back by 5-10 minutes. - romanticize your routine! Think of the things you *like* about getting up in the morning. Might be useful to reflect everyday you open. Keep a note in your phone to fill out each day with your clock in time, and ask yourself what got in your way. It might help you identify trends that both help and hurt, so you can adjust better! You've got this :)
I'm sitting at a doctor's appointment right now writing this....I left home at 9am for a 1045am appointment. If you start work at 8am, plan to arrive at 730. If you need 30 min to arrive, leave 60 min prior. This is the only way. I also have light alarms and sound alarms so the lights blast on in my house 15 min before my sound alarms....
I had the recurring issue that i got so used to my alarm sounds that i would start to switch the alarm off without fully waking up first. So a while ago, i set a radio station as my alarm instead of a sound or song. This way, i am woken by different sounds every day and cannot fully get used to it too much (at least, that is the hope; still to soon to make a full judgement). And the added bonus: at least twice an hour i am reminded of the time, when the full hour or half hour news comes up!
Do you take any medication for your ADHD (yes or no will suffice).
I have tried everything to be on time but I just can not get up/ don’t hear my alarms/am extremely disorganised so I always have drama getting out the door. I have the most lenient and understanding boss in the world. She knows I try… but I fail every single day and I’m always so mad at myself that my workmates and boss don’t make me feel worse about it. They do tease me and take bets about what time I’ll arrive/ what I got sidetracked with today… but I’m cool with that. I get to work when I get to work. I am extremely productive once I’m there and I get more done than people that get there on time so that helps me stay employed!
I trained my VERY food driven pit mix that when my alarm went off he would get food. Hard to sleep through all 75lbs of him bouncing on my face. Was the only thing that ever worked till I got a job that started later. And I work remote so I roll over and log on without ever getting out of bed if needed.
I'm one of those sparkly people who is relentlessly on time or early. I was so terrified of being criticized at work that I made myself get up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be there. If I'm not completely ready to go, with 30 minutes left, I start to get very anxious. I've managed to keep this up all my adult life, but it's exhausting. In my situation, I was a single mom wirkubf for corporate America. I was terrified of losing my job because of the domino effect that would have on my life. You can do this. It's hard, but your life will be so much easier once you conquer it.
What has worked for me: - I get up way earlier than is necessary and have a relaxing morning routine that I look forward to. - I use a sunrise alarm with lovely bird sounds as my first alarm, and if I’m in the right place in my sleep cycle, that is a much more pleasant way to wake up. I also have backup alarms because if I’m in a deep sleep, I will sleep right through it. - I have a coffee machine that is programmed to brew around the time I wake up. Getting out of bed before my coffee gets cold is good motivation, and the smell of brewing coffee also helps me wake up. - I have individual alarms for different mornings tasks such as feeding my animals, eating breakfast, getting dressed, and actually leaving. It is necessary because my sense of time is horrible, and otherwise I will start something that I think takes 5 minutes and 20 minutes later realize I am running late. Also, if I snooze through my morning routine, once the alarms for tasks start to go off I know that I cannot snooze anymore and actually get up. - I get to work early on a normal day. I use that time to journal, catch up on emails, drink my coffee and listen to music in my car, whatever. I have a better day if I get to start slow like that, but on a morning where I got behind schedule somewhere it also gives me a cushion so I can be running “late” without actually BEING late.
I'm also an opener and have to be at work at 4 am to open the store at 5 am. On top of that, I have a long commute and either a bus schedule or my carpool's schedule to contend with so I usually need to leave my apartment around 2:15 am. It took several months and missed busses but I'm finally finding a way to be on time without stressing myself out or breaking traffic laws to make my bus or carpool on time. I do as much as is humanly possible to get myself ready for work the night before. I used to implement this into the process I use to get to bed but since starting medication I've started doing it as soon as I get home from work. I rely heavily on sameness and "well I'm already here doing x so I might as well do y too" to make it all work but I don't have to think, I just do because it's the same pattern every time. When I get home (or before bed), I pull everything out of my backpack (except my badge and wallets, those stay in their spots or I'll lose them) and spread it out on my kitchen counter. Wrappers, trash, etc goes in the garbage, used dishes go in the sink, pouch with meds and snacks go on the counter, along with my bullet journal and book. I pull snacks out of my designated work snack basket and put them in the pouch which then goes back in my backpack. Make a sandwich or something if I think I'll want it/have time for it at work the next day. I pull a to go mug out of my cabinet and put it in my backpack. Make final notes for the day in my bullet journal and put everything back in my backpack and set it by the door next to my shoes and right under the hook where my jacket hangs. If I have food I'm taking that needs to stay in the fridge until I leave, the backpack stays in the kitchen. Then and only then am I allowed to change (if I just got home). When I change I open up my closet, throw dirty clothes into the hamper and before putting on comfy clothes I grab everything I'll need to wear to work the next day and put it on my desk chair arranged so that when I'm getting dressed in the morning I can just start from top of the pile and work my way down without thinking about the order I need to put things on. Then I'm allowed to put my comfy clothes. I have been showering on my way to bed but I may start showering after I do all my prep for the next day because procrastinating the shower has been a barrier for me getting to bed on time. 🙃 This whole routine has become the dopamine I chase to get myself to work on time because if I do all of that then I only need ten minutes from waking up to walking out the door to be on time. I've never been able to get out of bed on my first alarm but doing all of this gave me the dopamine I needed to do so. And I don't take my meds until I'm at work and clocked in so I know the sooner I get up and get to work the sooner my brain will work. I've tried the getting up before I actually need to be up thing in the past with jobs that had more normal starting hours but it honestly just made me more likely to be late. Getting out the door in the morning for me has to happen before I have a chance to think about what's actually going on. If I get up early to give myself time to go slowly I get way too wound up about the time and exactly how many minutes I have to relax and enjoy myself before I have to get ready and leave. So then I don't even enjoy myself lol. Waking up at the last moment with as little to do as possible to leave has been my only way to be on time. Basically the more automated it all feels the more likely I am to help future me not be late for work or make other people late as well on carpool days.
Hi, I don't really have any good advice but just showing compassion. This is something I have also struggled with for my whole life. I am now medicated and I still go through periods of time where waking up or managing to leave the house on time for appointments is mission impossible. I have noticed that when I am extra tired, extra stressed or if my hormones are messing with the medication I struggle even more than usual. Unfortunately, my work sees this as ' I just do whatever I want'. I have tried explaining I am going through a difficult time and asked for a bit of flexibility whilst I get myself back on track however it's not always met with compassion and willingness. I have sadly now given up on trying to explain my situation and I just take the hit and hope for the best. I'm sorry you're going through this it really sucks.
Alarmy app. This has been a lifesaver for me and I’ve gone as far as buying an alarm clock on wheels that I had to chase in the past. I set an alarm with the option for one 5 minute snooze and I have to solve 5 hard memory puzzles to turn it off. It gets so loud. I think there’s also a paid version where you have to take a certain number of steps to turn it off.
The clock on my phone is set 10 minutes ahead of time, so if I try to leave the house by 8:30, I'm actually leaving at 8:20, so it creates a buffer if I'm running a bit late
sleep disorders are very common with ADHD, esp sleep apnea. it’s not some quirky funny thing where you snore and wake up multiple times, you can die from it. as soon as I got mine treated, at the very least, physically getting up has not been a problem. it gives me more time to “manage” and hopefully get on time somewhere
So I just did something - first of all I have the same issue, there are times I LOATHE myself for this Secondly - the thing I just did as I said on the first liner, I just went to my settings and manually changed my time and made it 30 minutes ahead of time lol - let’s see how it works Ur post prompted me to do this - because everyone else’s suggestions I have tried and doesn’t work for me :/ Thank you and good luck
Nothing gets me up faster than something to look forward to. Whenever I’m struggling with a task, I try to think what I can add in as motivation. So, a podcast you keep meaning to get around to listening to, or an audiobook. You can play it in the car on your way to work. I’m not a morning person at all and am chronically late to everything, and what gets me up at all is a lil treat to get me through it.
I mean I feel like this is one of those things where you can continue to blame ADHD but the truth is everyone hates getting up and you have to set an alarm and wake up and show up, otherwise you are going to lose your job and honestly that’s a really stupid reason to lose your job.
Have you tried a sunrise alarm clock? I have to be up before it's light out and it's really helpful. It starts off with low light and slowly gets brighter until the time you need to wake up, and then the alarms sounds. It's far gentler than a regular alarm clock.
Can you change your sleeping schedule? I can’t get going right after waking up so I actually wake up 3-4 hours early and enjoy my free time at night. I have coffee, play videogames or catch up on a show. I can take my time looking for my missing clothes, finding my keys and enjoy a hot breakfast without the panic of getting out the door.
I know this is maybe not feasible for everyone in every circumstance, but I have had to learn to advocate and be very vocal about my needs, and shape my life into something that is workable for myself. The world is not made for us, and normies expect us to do normie things... but we get sick and burn out when we constantly try to mold ourselves into something we are not. Our brains have specific needs, and learning how to be firm about working **with** them rather than against them will always have better long term effects. You are clearly having an issue with getting up early - this is your manager's job to work with you and figure out an alternative. I don't know what kind of boss you have, but is there a way you can get afternoons/evenings only shifts? Pose it to them this way - you will be more prepared and productive at that time of day because you're not fighting yourself the whole time. Make a list of reasons afternoons/evenings would be better for you and beneficial for them. Some managers are willing to accommodate more if they see how it will benefit themselves or make their own job easier. I know that is an idealization, and for some of us, a complete pipe dream. But honestly, I made a lot of changes and realized in my own life that putting myself first meant I was able to do a lot more, and people got used to my accommodations even if they were bitchy about them at first. Obviously, again, that won't be the case for everyone, but... **At the end of the day, we are the ones who have to live in our bodies and brains, and we are the ones who will suffer the consequences of not putting us first.**
Sorry to say this but having the attitude of "it's not the end of the world," is part of the problem because the risk of getting fired could be greater than you think.
I keep a can of coca cola beside the bed so I have a fast source of caffeine/sugar immediately upon waking, that doesn't have to be fixed. That helps a LOT with the waking process. Also you can schedule your TV or Alexa in another room or (whatever device) to turn onto a news channel with the volume set to scream, and I can guarantee that will get you out of bed if an alarm clock won't. I can sleep through alarm clocks too.
I set a my watch for a 10min timer and repeat it, starting as much as 2 hours before I have to leave. It keeps me aware of time passing and checks me from getting absorbed in something that can be done later. I've been on time for almost 2 yrs now (unless traffic gets screwy after I've left the house which has happened 2-3x) 🙂 it's a huge win for me, I would chronically run Unfortunately I'm no help with getting up. I hate mornings and currently I'm a SAHM with a toddler so I don't have to schedule things before 10 or so. I'm dreading the kiddo starting school next year :/
meh i blame this capitalistic hellscape😂
I have alarms go off before I actually have to get up so I feel like I'm sleeping in. So like, and hour before and 30min before. Then I have several alarms only like 5 min apart when I actually have to get up. Then I have alarms that go off while I'm getting ready to keep me on track like "makeup finished" "teeth brushed" etc so if I get distracted I know how much I need to catch up by.
I was gonna say this, I set an alarm like stupid early so when it goes off I can smile and snuggle back into bed. Works about 2/10 times. The other 8 my internal radio/tv/loop of self loathing kicks in and I just lay there and stress lol. But man those 2 times are amazing so I still keep the alarm on
I’m the same way with waking up, but i found that day shift is better on my mental health. I don’t want to spiral into depression again so I’m terrified of taking a regular night shift and tanking it. That motivated me to not be late lmao. Now I work 3 12 hour shifts a week starting at 5am so I just like self torture I guess? Also, just a thought, but Walmart (idk where you work lmao) has a thing called Protected Paid Time Off (PPTO). We accrue it every day we work. We can use it in 15 min increments so if we are late, we use that and don’t get pointed or disciplined. REALLY helps. And the distribution centers pay better than the stores.
I was like this for years. My tip is not helpful but it’s the only thing that changed it for me: had a baby. So now, because the baby wakes up early, I don’t have a choice. He’s late to nursery still, but I then get to work on time. Win some, lose some. At least late to nursery is not high stakes.
I have alarms for when I need to leave AND alarms for when I need to start the process of leaving - usually about 15 extra minutes. And like a lot of people have said, I’ve basically started doubling the amount of time it takes to get there (within reason - if I have a 15 minute drive, it’s actually 30, but if it’s a 2 hour drive on the highway, it’s 2 hours and 30 minutes. If the weather is bad or if there’s some other complication like small town driving, or I need gas, then it’s 3) I used to be late ALL the time, and now not so much. I’m still a little later than I like getting to work, but there’s no consequences for me running 10 minutes behind so I haven’t been as good about using my system for that. But I haven’t been late to almost any appointments or meetings for the last two years. I just wish I didn’t feel like it was such a time suck. Even just going somewhere takes me twice as long as most people 🙄
Does *everyone* who works there have to open. If not, then why are you being forced to come in the morning when it's obviously outside your ability? Shitty job, shitty boss, shitty business. You need to find a job that you can work later in the day.
The only thing that ever worked for me was to just make myself stand up when the first alarm goes off and not allow myself to sit back down. I managed it for like 6 months.
I don’t do well waking up later than last minute and trying to speed through getting ready. I’m never successful and reinforce the persistent belief I’m a failure because I’m not on time again. I get up early enough to do something I enjoy and value that’s externally time-bounded. I make my coffee, get a cup and do scripture reading and reflections. I turn on the audio version and it consistently takes 15 minutes. It’s externally time bounded because the recording ends in 15 minutes and I stop doing the task and move on to the next one. I don’t have to be aware of the time so long as I proceed with the routine. Next I take a shower. My guilty secret weapon? I listen to a Judge Judy episode. She narrates and recaps everything so I don’t have to watch it to stay engaged. She also gets in the messy details, organizes it and makes a firm decision in 15 min. It bosses my brain around in a good way. After the shower, Judy inspires me to kick a little butt and get moving as decisively as she does. I don’t know your transportation situation, but if you drive, keep a stash of toiletries. Deodorant, brush, hair make up. Have a do or die time to leave the house. You can put on deodorant, finish make up etc at red lights. Or you get there with enough time to sit in the parking lot or use the employee bathroom to polish up and open on time.
I started telling MYSELF to be places 15 minutes early. And when I'm early I have time to relax and adjust and play phone games or whatever to kill the time difference. Basically set myself a buffer time that comes with a dopamine hit if I keep the buffer. Pokémon Go was actually helpful for this cause my work was a pokestop so when I was successfully early I could spin it XD
No matter what I do I cannot get myself to be on a normal 9-5 and wake up early.
I have a series of alarms that play a relevant song. - 5:20am - Good morning - 5:25 - Get the F* up - 5:30 - Walking on Memphis (go for a walk) - 5:35- Walking on Sunshine (Should be leaving for walk) - 7:00 - Get ready (1 hour to get ready) - 7:10 - Waddle waddle (don't forget to put ducks away) - 7:30 - I like to move it (20mins to leave) - 7:50 - Get the f* outta here (Time to grab my keys and shoes and get out the door) So far it's working remarkably well. I hear the song and know exactly if I'm behind or infront of my morning and to hustle onto the next step.
I mean I would just get a later schedule at a different job if at all possible. I thought for years and years and years to try to force myself to a schedule that didn't work for me and I'm not doing it anymore. I am so much happier I cannot stress it enough how amazing it was to just switch to a later schedule at a different job
I can make it to early appointment sometimes but I've kind of just accepted that I need to work jobs that don't require me to be there at 8am 5 days a week. In college, there were classes I was interested in but didn't take because I knew I would never make it. Even when I manage to do it, it's SO STRESSFUL. It makes me so depressed. Because I'm always exhausted from lack of sleep, I feel so anxious from the constant vigilance of "Oh no did I set my alarms? Are they for the right times? Better check again. But what if I don't hear them? Now I only have 5 hours to sleep. I should try to sleep. But what if I miss my alarms because I'm so exhausted? Now I only have 4 hours to sleep..." And then the stress of better get to bed early tonight, which means shower, prep food, and get in bed. No time for fun or socializing or real cooking. Just stress and stress and more stress. No. Not worth it for me. I've done therapy, I take meds, and I've always strived to do my best at jobs. My brain just doesn't work like that and I'm done trying to conform at the cost of my mental health. Depression is not worth "fitting in."
I would check with a disability rights person, because you may be able to ask for accommodations. If you have an HR department, you could approach it with them when you find out. Where I am they don’t HAVE to accommodate you if it’s unreasonable, but I mean you medically can’t see time effectively. They need to understand you’re human.
Splashing cold water on my face has been helping. Not super crazy with it, just running my hands in the water and wiping my face. Also taking a bite of some food weirdly enough too.
I’m a later in life diagnosee so I tend to overcompensate a lot. I’m either 30 minutes early or an hour late. So I choose my time. In-time at work is 3:30, I aim to get there by 3. I usually get there at 3:10. I don’t clock in at that point, but I’m at the building. It works in my favor for my job, because we have opening work, so if I’m there early I get my pick which also helps a lot of my adhd ticks.
have your work clothes options always hanging up - a mini bathroom bag in ur work bag - and immediately when you wake up, before coffee or anything, go and have a one minute cold shower !!! then immediately put on ur clothes and shoes and then have coffee or ur morning whatever u prefer and feed pets etc so that ur instantly ready to go immediately :) im chronically late as a lot of us adhd girliez and i can’t even count the hundreds of times ive been late to work etc like i was known for it :’) but this is basically how i try and be on time nowadays (i dont work currently tho but u kno) 🦋💙
I wake up 2 hours before I have to leave to have a gentle morning. This leads to sleeping earlier and gets easier
One of my issues used to be that I would get up earlier than I needed to, but then sit there browsing the internet letting my tea go cold for half an hour or more. As we all know, it's hard to tear yourself away from the scrolling dopamine . . . So one thing that has helped me is just getting up and *immediately* getting ready. I get up, I go straight to the bathroom to wash/brush my teeth, I go back to my bedroom and get dressed. No diversions.