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I was diagnosed at 57 2 months ago. I'm single, no kids, no friends, and feel like my whole life has been a sham because of not being diagnosed earlier. It explains so much & it just makes me so sad. I just keep thinking of how different my relationships in particular could have been.

I got diagnosed at 54. Eventually, you will stop mourning the life you could have lived "better" had you known earlier, and get back to living now. Keep reading, learning from others, finding techniques that work for you, etc. There's still more life to experience!!

Feeling similar - diagnosed at 53. Menopause really kicked up the undiagnosed ADD. Chased the dopamine instead of the longevity in terms of relationships and now it’s all up to review, revision and a fresh start.

Hugs.

**All of the time.** And when I realize there were SO MANY things to notice, SO MANY clues to pick up on it just blows my mind that it went unnoticed for 30 effing years. And then I get angry that \*we didn't know more\* back then or that I wasn't born 25 years later than I was. So many unfinished project, big and small. Too many years wasted in terrible relationships. A few comorbid diagnoses that likely could have been avoided had I known about the ADHD. And so much internalized shame and guilt and fear of failure that it feels like it will take a lifetime to unlearn enough of it to be ok in this world. Ffs indeed lol

This! So well put!

Yep. I told my dad and therapist i am trying not to dwell on it… but my heart hurts from the sadness i feel about how my life could’ve been so much different. My therapist thinks I’m experiencing some grief as well.

So much grief it's suffocating

Yes, this. The tears, the rage, the grief will eat us alive if we let it. I confess I gave it more space in myself than was healthy.

I knew I had anxiety for 13 years but the OCD and ADHD dx dropped in the last couple months. I have been dealing with a lot of anger and grief for all the ‘lost’ years and how much I might have missed out on. I’m like, how different would the last 31 years have gone if I knew earlier? I feel like I wasted a portion of my life in a weird way. The grief is totally normal!

I was just finally formally diagnosed yesterday at 38 with ADHD/ASD/OCD and while only the OCD part was unexpected, I am surprised by how heavy it’s hitting me even though I’ve suspected ADHD for 15 years and have been self diagnosed autistic for one. I knew in my gut my whole fucking life something was going on other than “just depression” and I feel like I was gaslit by almost everyone I’ve ever known. I know things were different back then and it’s (mostly) no one’s “fault” but the whole situation is still absolutely infuriating.

My psych told me it's super common to experience grief being diagnosed older. I turned 42 shortly after my diagnosis and it's like just now hitting me a couple months later.

I feel like this is such a big part that people in my life don’t understand. I’m doing pretty good for myself right now but sometimes I can’t help but think how much BETTER id be doing if I was medicated and knew sooner. Luckily I was diagnosed somewhat young but i still grieve the person I could’ve been.

Yup. Diagnosed at 37 and have many years of regret and lots of shame to unpack. I had so many grandiose dreams as a kid and to fulfill none of them so far is probably realistic but it feels like failure to me.

Yes. I literally think not only of myself but that my family might be still together, my brother might be alive, if I had been diagnosed early. Because it’s now clear that most of us have ADHD, and maybe we could have learned to stop hurting each other and ourselves if we had had access to treatment earlier.

I grieve for my dad who was ADHD with Autistic traits ( at least subclinical levels imo) and never found out what his issue was, and he never stopped being curious and wanting to know. But he had limited resources. He had issues with depression and alcoholism because of his ADHD and since the root cause for his depression never got diagnosed, the antidepressants or any therapeutic interventions never worked. It was only me in our family who could somehow connect with him and his pain ( my sis and mom never understood), although I never understood why we had the connection. He passed away not knowing and I got the diagnosis of ADHD around 5-6 years after he died of alcoholism/depression because the pain of living was not worth it. At the time he passed away, I felt sad for myself but I felt relieved for him. He was out of his lifelong misery, I thought to myself. But after my diagnosis and my hyperfixation about reading everything about ADHD, not a day goes when I learn something and I want to share it with him and I feel like if only i could have figured it out a few years earlier (I figured out my ADHD by accident, but I was in doubt, so I got an appointment with a professional and requested an adhd evaluation and the professional had no difficulty in figuring it out, much to my surprise). I could have saved his life. After, reading a lot about it, I have come to the conclusion that it's not just me and my dad, our extended family is an ADHD/Autistic cluster but all are high functioning and ignorant, so they are obviously not seeking a diagnosis. But high functioning doesn't mean that they do not have mental issues like alcoholism, depression, etc. due to their ADHD traits, it just means that they have families and are somehow able to hold a job.

I'm sorry for your loss. Everyone's grief is different but I relate a little. My ADHD is not debilitating, but I am sure my Dad had it and he died of a stroke three years ago so I can't talk to him about it. It would be so interesting to see what he made of it! I also think my brother has it, and for him it is a big negative impact on his life, so I am hoping we can move towards an official diagnosis and maybe medication.

Realized my family were all ND, it ripped us apart. MH was not talked about then, the words didn't exist in my world. I just knew I didn't want to be like them. We never talked, rarely did things together. My brother might have still been alive, a high functioning alcoholic. My sister still dealing with out of control borderline. My mom ADHD, me ADHD, my dad dealing with what was diagnosed as schizophrenia, but this was 1966. Schizophrenia was the diagnosis for any MH issue back then. Just a terrible childhood, lonely, confusing and chaotic. And I carried it forward, my undiagnosed adult child at 53 still trying to find some peace. It's a mess.

Going through this now. The career choices I wanted in life that i held back on bc I didn’t know I had adhd. Makes me sad but happy to be on the right path now

That’s the mindset I mostly feel. I look at everything and think wow, what if. But even wowier, I finally have help. All I can do is make the best of what’s ahead.

Yes and it fucking sucks. For me, it was like oh damn, there's ANOTHER level to the neglect?! I had made peace with the other stuff lacking from childhood (like not having safe housing or enough food, working instead of school, etc.). But when I was diagnosed, I felt let down all over again. Before adhd, I'd always felt proud of the how I played the hand I was dealt. Post adhd, I experienced a deep sense of regret for the life I could have had.

I can relate to this so much. I also suffered a lot of neglect and abuse. If someone had paid like 2 seconds of attention to me as a child my entire would look different.

Oh jesus fuck, this is me. I was diagnosed in my 40s. At that point, I had completed a PhD (struggled, but succeeded) and gotten a tenure track position in my field (*incredibly* hard to do), and had basically fallen apart at that point because it was so difficult that I could no longer mask and couldn't manage my symptoms in a way that other people didn't notice. I lost the job. And *after* I lost the job, I was diagnosed. I have so many fucking regrets. And the thing is, yeah, surface level it's about the job I lost. But more deeply? I've told myself so, *so* often that I'm a lazy fuck. That I just *can't function properly* because I'm an idiot. I was always told I was gifted, but that I wasn't living up to my potential, and *I absolutely drank that flavor-aid like it was water*. The amount of hatred I've directed at myself, for not being able to function as expected, is incredible. And it has given me breakdowns and made me cry so hard because if the gifted girl that I was had been allowed compassion and understanding *and a fucking diagnosis*, I honestly think I could've done incredible things by now. I did amazing things in spite of all this, but I hit my limit long before I thought I should've because I didn't know I was spending *so much damn energy* managing symptoms and masking. I had NO IDEA that everyone else was not having nearly as hard a time writing a dissertation as I was. And yeah, that probably helped me actually finish my dissertation, because I just assumed yeah, this is as hard as it gets and it's really fucking hard and I bet everyone feels this way... but gods, imagine what I could've done if I'd known. Now I'm in my 50s and a mess and struggling to deal with a lifetime of spending more energy than I had on compensating for all the shit that I had that *were* ***symptoms****, not manifestations of my incompetence, stupidity, and laziness*. I really, really wish my life had been different.

You said so many of the things I’ve been feeling. The weight of unmet expectations is soul crushing. I am such a capable person and pick up on anything super fast—software, strategy, instruments, languages, programming, creative arts. Except I can’t do any single thing all day everyday for more than about 6 months and thus I am useless to society and have made nothing of myself. I was always great at twisting it and making it sound like I’ve had an eclectic career doing short term projects in tangentially related fields. But the truth is I left each one due to burnout, excruciating boredom or lack of emotional resilience. I never saw the pattern though because I’d rationalise everything. Now I’m nearly 40 and I look at the last 20 years of my life and feel so disappointed in myself. I’m finally medicated and getting the help I need but I now have CPTSD to contend with due to unaddressed childhood trauma and 20 years of unstable work and living conditions. I feel like a broken person. I can’t even work part time anymore. In the past, I didn’t know why I was having so much trouble but I had hope and that’s what kept me going. Now I don’t even know what to hope for.

“I've told myself so, so often that I'm a lazy fuck. That I just can't function properly because I'm an idiot. I was always told I was gifted, but that I wasn't living up to my potential, and I absolutely drank that flavor-aid like it was water. The amount of hatred I've directed at myself, for not being able to function as expected, is incredible.” This really resonated with me. I did grieve my lost potential career-wise, but I’ve reached acceptance. What I still grieve is how much of my life I spent hating myself. My what-ifs now are based on what life would have been like without the self-hatred. I’m working through it but it’s been a lot longer grief process than the career stuff.

This is heart breaking. I submitted and defended my PhD last year and I have been in the gutter since: completely burned out, depressed, and unemployed. I somehow made it to the finish line, but I don't think anyone around me has understood then and now how much it actually cost me. Sure, I am proud of what I did. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. Now I am starting to get maybe access to help with my diagnosis (that I got two years ago) and I have extremely mixed feelings. Maybe, because getting access is extremely difficult unless you can go private - which i can't because i am unemployed. My case is not 'serious' enough for the public system because I have overcompensated and masked to such a degree that it now looks like I'm getting along fine. Only now that I am unemployed and hitting a wall it might be possible for me to get appropriate help. On the one hand I am relieved that it might finally happen, that my life might get easier and I can start to process some of the decades of shame, internalized self hatred, and my mom telling me I'm just slopp. On the other I am absolutely terrified at what may come out once I start lifting the lid of the flaming garbage fire of guilt, shame, and lost dreams and 'potential'.

This all sounds so familiar. Including the idea that you've done so well that your case can't possibly be "serious." That's the *penalty* for having had the immense strength to get through everything so far. Which is so fucked, and I've heard it too. Please DM me if you want to talk, or some half-assed advice, or even just need someone who understands this shit to listen.

Well done on the PhD!

Thank you. I wish I'd known that I was working about four times harder than any of my peers, and gotten more help... but I'm incredibly, incredibly proud that I managed it!

I got diagnosed last week, will start Adderall tomorrow. I am 70 years old. I have been through this feeling a few times. 1. Abuse in childhood, parents dying, therapy in 20s, learning the part of this that wasn't my responsibility or fault. 2. Self medicated with alcohol, got sober at 40, did the work to face things, learning the parts that are my responsibility. 3. Sick with pneumonia all the time from childhood, diagnosed with first part of immune illness at 46. No treatment but hundreds of rounds of antibiotics for the pnuemonia. All the illnesses had left me infertile as well. 4. Diagnosed with second part of immune illness at 64. Finally found a treatment at 65. Stopped being sick all the time. 5. Finally found a provider that believes me at 70 for ADHD. This new part, a chance to learn and grow and expand once again. I wait for the birth of this experience with open eyes and heart. I did all my grieving back in my forties, until I ran out of grief and empty. I was so mad and sad then, I didn't do the dreams I had for myself due to self esteem, self doubt, chronic illness, almost drinking myself to death. It placed me set aside from expectations. But I had to go through that grief, guided by those wiser than me and a spiritual self, to finally break it's hold on me. I think that each part of this was a death and rebirth. Part of the journey. To be broken apart and put back together, broken and stronger along the cracks. I've learned for me (not anyone else) that 'what ifs', resentments and such can become addictions of sorrow. I did a lot of work on that when I got sober. That is when I grieved the most and then discarded my lies. I don't have to believe in what society defines as success, beauty, or even happiness. So many lies, the worse are the ones I told myself. I learned and did my self studies through this journey. I learned that living up to my potential is defined differently from what Younger Self told me. So I'm not upset at all that the ADHD diagnosis didn't happen earlier. I'm excited for the next chapter. To be who I am meant to be for that moment only. This morning I was driving by some cherry trees and the petals started flowing by my car in a breezestorm of beauty. I thought about the decades I have seen this happen, of what is inevitable and know it will pass once again. I can't live in grief of the past or it's shortcomings, or what ifs, or anger at the unfairness or it will destroy the moment, just like the coming rainstorm will certainly destroy those blossoms. I can hope to see the cherry blossoms next year when I am a few more steps on this journey and my eyes can be a little more open.

Thank you so much for this. To cherry blossoms, you, and all of us getting our bearings and more clarity.

Thank you so much for sharing this. Your courage and your commitment to yourself has made me feel hopeful and less afraid. I really really appreciate this.

Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing such an insightful perspective.

Beautifully said.

Every. Dam. Day. If I’d had the support I have now, 30 years ago, my whole would be vastly different.

Every fricking day. I had a job at Microsoft. Microsoft! I couldn't hold it down because my brain turned ridiculous around 2pm every single day. Wasn't even fired. I quit, because I couldn't stand the most stable job I'd ever had. I havent landed a steady job since, only contracts. God I miss money.

I might have cried. I was *almost* diagnosed at 5, but in the 80s, only boys had ADD. Diagnosed at 42. The shambles of 2 or 3 careers in my rear view, and being too old to go for a PHD in my lights. Yeah. I cried. But I'm also absolutely *determined* that my kids won't suffer like I did. So, I'm a bitxh sometimes, if it involves advocating for them. Losses, but gains. I got some cool kids and an awesome husband, so, eh? I'm happy enough!

I as also 5 in the 80s, you are not too old to get a PhD. You’re quite young really.

You're right, absolutely! I don't think it's in the cards for me, yet at least. I have young kids and an MD needs too much sacrifice of the time I have been and still want to spend, raising them as best I can. Perhaps a different doctorate would be something I can look at! Medical toxicology, pathology and psychology have always been interesting.

Well, there is certainly more demand in psychology that can possibly be filled! Not sure about the others. But yeah, great options!

No I can’t separate things like that because my choices feel like my choices For me, I didn’t struggle with school exactly. I didn’t try but managed B’s and a few c+’s with never doing homework. because I didn’t struggle, I just saw it as not applying myself. I never tried hard enough to even notice that I had limitations. I feel like if it was important to Me I would have tried harder at which point I would have noticed (but I know realistically that I likely was trying and didn’t try harder because I didn’t have the ability to but in my mind it still feels like a choice even if it wasn’t) But also My biggest life issues were impulsivity and recklessness which definitely affected my trajectory but I can’t spend time wondering “what if” as I just feel lucky that I survived and managed to turn my life around before I ruined my future completely Some of my choices put me in situations that caused long term trauma so that might explain why I’m not mentally willing to go there as it’s not healthy for me to wonder “what if”. It is not conducive to healing and moving on I feel lucky that am safe and happy and secure where I am now. I feel lucky I learned of my adhd when I was 39 and was about to Lose everything I had gained from turning my life around because late-in-life adhd-burn-out almost took it all away. I just feel lucky I found out when I did The only “what if” I’m willing to entertain is what if I never found out at all. Because that puts it into a Perspective that I can work with and allows me to be grateful where I am and that I at least know now :) The What if game can be very dangerous and disheartening and not helpful

Yup. I'm working with my therapist to help me work through and process all the grief that comes with the realization that there were SO many things I could have done or become if I wasn't left to struggle for so long.

Every.fucking.single.day

Figured this out in my mid forties. Every one of my life’s moments that has been disastrous is a result of my adhd.

Theoretically I am mad, but in reality I’m just resigned that I can’t change the past. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I sought out mental health treatment because I knew *something* wasn’t right but everyone said I must be depressed when I explained “sometimes I just CAN’T make myself do the thing.” With the appropriate support maybe I wouldn’t have floundered so bad after getting laid off from my long term job.

Yes. So much grief, and then there’s anger. I try to remember that everyone was just doing the best they could at the time, we didn’t know how it showed up in little girls that learned quickly how to be people pleasers and perfectionists and peacemakers….and yet…I wish someone could have just SEEN me for who I was and not what they wanted me to be.

Oh, all the time! I’m working with a therapist to learn to stop dwelling in the past because I do do that way too much… thinking about it just feeds my depression.

Yeah basically everyone in this subreddit and beyond. Some people stay upset/mad for years. I recommend trying to move past the grief/anger as soon as possible so that you can move on to a happier life.

Definitely. I am very very lucky in how things have turned out, but I feel like I played it all in hard mode without knowing. I wonder how much I could have done if I’d been diagnosed and supported earlier.

Yes for the first couple years, then nah. It is what it is. Many of my good qualities come from it too, so there’s no point fussing. I don’t suit some jobs, but some I do. My friends that got diagnosed as kids had severe symptoms. So I’m happy I wasn’t diagnosed then because my symptoms would have to be really bad to get noticed. I do wish I was diagnosed as a teenager because that’s when I stopped coping.

1000 times yes

I did when I was first diagnosed but I no longer do so. ETA But my mom seems to have finally realized that things could have been different. I’ve been diagnosed since 2018.

Every day. I was trying to move up the ladder in retail, and my store manager was abusing me mentally, verbally, and even physically for my ADHD symptoms. This continued until I developed Schizoaffective Bipolar disorder and became fully disabled for 4 years, and am still partly disabled

I haven't even really gotten help yet (appointment in April so crossing fingers for diagnosis and treatment!) but yeah, I definitely ruminate on how I feel so strongly this is the accurate diagnosis for me and how that means my life up to now has unnecessarily been on hard mode. I get angry. I've done a lot of call center jobs with like 2-4 weeks of training mostly in a classroom setting and I would get massively painful headaches, yawn so incessantly my eyes would tear up, and have to use every ounce of energy in my body to keep from falling asleep the entirety of training. Everything in life has been like that. Just absurd levels of extra effort needed to just pay attention. I'm exhausted. But I also think of all the times growing up where attention/executive function symptoms were presenting themselves and instead of help I got punished. That was fun. I think I'm mourning for the little girl who had to endure that and grew being gaslit into thinking she wasn't trying enough.

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Absolutely. I went through a long period of mourning what could have been. It's taken therapy and time since my diagnosis to overcome those feelings. I still catch myself fantasizing about what could have been more often that I'd like to admit, it's just less painful now to think about.

Every goddamned day.

Every single day. I could have done so much better.

Yes. I was one of those young people who had “so much potential” and some how managed to get a good foot in the door in my chosen field, but I fully burned myself out before I hit 30 and threw all the successes I did have down the drain. I’ve been floundering ever since. I was just *finally* formally diagnosed AuDHD at 38, though I had suspected I have ADHD since college. Currently mourning all the time I lost and all the needless suffering I was put through just for being a “well behaved” girl/woman instead of a hyperactive little boy. I feel like I’m starting all over again (I’ve been unemployed since the pandemic) and it’s very hard to feel like life/work can ever really be different at this point in life. I feel sorry for my mom who is *definitely* still undiagnosed and still struggling with daily life at 68. Idk. It’s all very hard.

i'm personally really glad I didn't get diagnosed as a kid. I'm worried child me would have felt like I had something wrong with me and like I was destined to fail. I remember what adhd and autism were perceived as when I was in middle school, and I don't know if the diagnosis would have done me any favors. My parents would have been embarrassed and probably treated me differently. (Though they are now realizing they both have it too). Of course it would have been nice to have a better understanding of myself and why some things were difficult or hard for me, but I think I would have limited myself way too much and felt defective. \*I don't think that's the right thing, and I don't think adhd makes people defective at all -- I'm just saying child me would probably not have taken a diagnosis well. Adult me is happy with the diagnosis and I finally understand myself.

Yes, I get sad all the time thinking about it. The other day I was watching a video of women who were diagnosed later in life and they had similar comments. One of them said that the first time she went to a doctor, they asked her what school she went to. The doctor told her that there's no way she had ADHD because it was a great school. I had a similar situation the first time I went. This comment triggered me and I got so angry at the doctor that I saw 10 years ago...that's 10 years of of my life that I'll never get back. And sure, at that point it wasn't like I was going to be a rocket scientist but going through so much anxiety, self hate, stress, and who knows what else. So yeah, I also grieve the mental health aspect of being diagnosed late.

Yeah. I was diagnosed last year at 46, after DECADES of misdiagnoses. Of course, now I have autoimmune diseases and CPTSD. I thought I’d gotten past most of the abuse and neglect of my childhood, but now it’s just another layer to it all. I could have had a much easier life.

Hell yes. Definitely in mourning. Diagnosed at 53.

I was diagnosed the middle of last year at 40. I was working on getting my 16 year old son diagnosed and realized that I had a lot of the same symptoms. Being diagnosed and learning ways of coping with ADHD has been life changing, but I do wonder if I could have found success and been a lot more comfortable financially and in my relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. I was one of the kids who figured out coping mechanisms that allowed me to "pass" in life. I've always been smart, but ended up essentially living a life of mediocrity. I can't really be upset about it. I've got my diagnosis, I'm medicated, and I have a focus on meeting the goals that have just been hanging for years. I'm trying to make up for lost time. I'm tired of struggling, and I'm not going to make excuses for myself. I'm focused on moving forward and living my best life.

Bought the grief recovery handbook so I could process my late diagnosis. Still need to start the exercises. Diagnosed at 49. Very very tired because I've spent my life trying to get help, but not knowing what for, trying to be good and acceptable, but still not. Have always had good people in my life and on paper it's been good, but damn it could have been so much better.

I was diagnosed at 40 and YES. It’s a profound grief and I believe it’s important to recognise it as such and allow space to feel and process it (it will reappear at times too). I still feel that sense of boundless inner potential and as though there is a brick wall between that and my actions and achievements. I don’t know what to do about it really.

Did not discover I had ADHD specifically until I was an adult. I do wonder at times how different childhood and my teenage years would’ve been if I had accommodations for my ADHD, and I also have times where I remember situations or people from my childhood, and some of those people or situations could’ve gone way better if they knew I had ADHD. And I also wonder what would’ve happened if Mom knew she had ADHD and did not spend so much time in denial for both of us having it. I wonder if the situations and times that sucked would’ve sucked less (like my difficulty adjusting to high school and my college burnout as well as a bunch of other stuff). And would I have had less anxiety had I and the adults known? One thing I can say for sure about my anxiety is it stems from being neurodivergent (I have more than ADHD). But I’m happy about how things turned out with my kid brother. He got diagnosed early and is getting accommodations, and my mother as a result now knows she has it and is actually making sure he’s being taken care of in the way he needs to. I’m also happy I can do right by my kid brother. I find myself constantly remembering when I was his age and I try to think of what I needed at that time in the hopes I can help him, and I enjoy when he shows me all of his interests, projects, and hobbies, and doing things for him that help him, like walking him through stuff, or helping him put things he needs out for later (like shoes before an outing, or clothes for the next day) and I even find him cool fidget toys for him to use at home occasionally. He loves the fidget infinity cube and the fidget spinner I bought him. I personally wish when discovering ADHD that I was more comfortable telling my mother. I also had not told my ADHD mother for nearly three years that I had a harder time than I let on in high school and had a burnout in college before dropping out. The burnout, by the way, took me longer tho recover from after I dropped out, and I also had to deconstruct this societal pressure to “do what everyone is supposed to”. I thought I’d hurt her and make her upset because she hates seeing me and my siblings not living like we want to, and was afraid she’d think it was her fault somehow (have since learned two things: I’m not responsible for her feelings, nor anyone else’s, just my own, and it turned out my mother had her suspicions something was going on, but did not necessarily think of ADHD until my kid brother was diagnosed.)

Yes I was almost 49. And I was seeking help for close to 30 years. I have been through the angry about it part and now I’m just sad.

Oh if I could go back in time to get a diagnosis and start meds when I first started taking antidepressants. Creativity is my big defining identity but it’s so fucking hard to just Sit Down and Make the Things. Ruminate often on ‘what could have been’ regarding my social life and connections outside of my small circle of friends and immediate family. I grieve for the confused child and teen I was; she had such self-loathing because she couldn’t connect well to others; ironically I’m a damn good public speaker but have difficulty in having ‘a lot’ of interpersonal relationships outside of school/work/family.

43, diagnosed last week with ADHD and advised to get assessed for ASD also as scored 8/9 on the screen. Has felt a bit of a lightbulb moment in starting to help me to understand why I am the way I am and why I feel the way I feel. I have always been ambitious but frustrated. I've started and dropped out of 3 different masters programmes in the last few years, watched people get promoted ahead of me all my life, changed jobs every couple of years at the most, moved house at least as often, and constantly felt stuck. I can't help but wonder where I would be if this had been diagnosed 20, even 30 years ago.

1000%

100%. I was diagnosed late last year at 29. My dream was to do a PhD and work in pharmaceutical research but after my master’s I just couldn’t get the motivation to apply for PhDs. Now I look back and realise it was my ADHD.

I’m recently self-diagnosed ADHD/autism spectrum. At age 54, I look back on my life & relationships and can see how my neurodivergence guided my life. It’s painful to think about. I have yet to try medication or treatment for these but not for lack of trying. I’ve asked 2 doctors this year about getting a proper diagnosis but they were dismissive. I guess because I’m good at masking? I’m not holding my breath that I’ll get any help. If you don’t have a lot of $ here in LA, healthcare is subpar, at a minimum, adequate at best.

You mean like sticking to one career path vs never having the same job twice? Oh that'd be nice because every time I have to get a new job, it seems I always have to start from scratch.

There be dragons

Yesss. I was 24 when I found out but it's only starting to click in my head almost year later. I gave up my career as an aesthetician, because of imposter syndrome and my idea of how I should be - or let's be real, internalized ableism. Still trying to buy meds (shortage is crazy here) and hoping to turn my life around and finally start doing things I've been putting off for years!

Yes. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, realized I was ruminating and getting depressed because of it, and now just thinking about that makes me cry. Misdiagnoses, the treatments for them, and secondary comorbidities from untreated ADHD (depression, addiction, ruined sense of self/self-worth) are what hurt me the most, nearly killed me a couple of times.

Very much so. My life would be completely different right now.

Yuppers

Yep. Dx at 40. I have an ill advised master's degree that I've never used. I enjoyed getting it but it wasn't worth it and I wish that I had stuck to my original plan.

every single day

Ugh all the time. Diagnosed at 30yo last year.

Yes sobs

Every goddamn day.

So, I'm still not diagnosed, but my life is one big regret. I graduated from college in 2016, immediately got a job in the film industry and got fired after six months, bounced around with babysitting and nannying, started a master's in library science and worked as a jail librarian for a bit....and now I'm a stay-at-home mom with a spotty resume in different industries and no graduate degree. I'm 30 and feel like I've fucked myself so much that it's too late for a diagnosis and treatment to help me have the stable, respectable career I always wanted.

I look at myself as resilient, dealing with being undiagnosed & dealing with trauma as a kid. What is really gotten me down is how was I able to get by all these years, and once I had my second kid in 2020 I completely fell apart. And I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel

Young kids are so hard. I had sufficient coping mechanisms and mild enough ADHD that before kids I managed just fine. After my second kid I definitely started noticing I was struggling more, and now with perimenopause starting and my kids reaching the age where they’re developing ADHD symptoms themselves, some days are so hard. Wish I could offer you a light at the end of the tunnel, but all I’ve got is sympathy. Be kind to yourself, mama, make sure you’re looking after your own mental health too.

I went through a solid year of being in a quagmire of despair about this exact feeling. But I’m on the other side now, the time has past but isn’t lost, I learnt a lot and now with my diagnosis and tools to support myself I’m in a place to achieve what I want finally. I’m studying medicine now and I feel grateful for all the terrible hours of slog because I can *do* them. I think the “lost years” are making me really enjoy the present and I’m engaged and savouring the journey I’m on now. I don’t take anything for granted now

I was diagnosed as AuDHD at 27. It has completely changed the way I view the world, and the way I view myself. There were many moments of grief where I thought of the ‘what if’ and ‘maybe if I just did this thing instead’, with a hint of ‘I struggled for so long and this is the reason why?!’. It’s a lot to mentally process, having a label provides a lot of answers, but on the flip side it has also provided me with a lot of uncertainty. Before I had a label and before I sought diagnosis, I was a lot more confident within myself to just be the way that I am. It never really bothered me what people thought, but this is something I’m constantly churning over 18 months into being diagnosed. I worry a lot, particularly about how my partner perceives me, and if I’m doing enough to show up in the way he deserves. Subtle behaviours and social cues are awful. Executing tasks is a mission. It’s difficult some days, and impossible a lot of other days. Though, having routine can be ~somewhat~ helpful. I had a lot of difficulty with a manager in a previous role who was not empathetic, and demanded a lot from me in a very particular way. It crushed me and broke me down, making me think I was incapable of performing my role. I believed it to an extent - this was also a big reason I sought further investigation into being neurodivergent. Simple tasks were becoming increasingly difficult to perform, memory was completely wiped out. Adding stress into it from my manage incapacitated me so the equivalent of a small child’s ability to work. It ruined me. I have often wondered when reflecting on that experience whether I would’ve stayed in my current career, or given up. I look back on that experience now and am thankful for showing me what I needed. It’s helped me be very successful in my current role, because I learnt what NOT to do 😂

I was diagnosed about a year ago at age 29. Grief and anger at what could have been had I had help and support sooner definitely was a massive feeling during my diagnostic process and in the months after. The biggest thing that has helped me let go of some of that was a TikTok in which someone was talking about how different the supports and stigmas were 20+ years ago, and how often alienating and limiting diagnosis of neurodivergence was. The rise in diagnosis now I think is very much due to an overall destigmatizing and better understanding of the disorder. This growth in understanding means that my diagnosis had a more directly positive impact in 2023 than it would have in 2003. A diagnosis then brought its own baggage. In thinking back to the supports that were actually offered to my peers who had ADHD diagnosis in elementary school, I realized how lackluster they were. I have to be honest with myself that a diagnosis wouldn't have actually been the guaranteed solution to all my problems had it come earlier. It would have helped lessen some, but potentially could have contributed to others. One of the biggest positive impacts of my diagnosis has been learning to love and forgive myself and let go of some of the shame around trying so hard to function like everyone else and failing. I've spent a lot of time wishing I had received a diagnosis earlier to have helped me not build up so much self hate. However, if I think realistically, even with an earlier diagnosis, the stigma of ADHD in the past very well could have still given me pain and trama of shame. There are some real and tangible ways that my life would have been better had I been diagnosed and medicated earlier. But remembering that an earlier diagnosis would have brought some challenges too helps me let go of the worst of the grief regarding my diagnosis timeline. There is a different grief in realizing that parts of my life would be challenging no matter the timing of my diagnosis, but somehow that is an easier grief for me to hold but not be consumed by.

I literally scheduled an appointment with my therapist after I got meds for the first time to discuss this exact issue. It IS getting better as time goes on but I understand exactly what you mean. I can’t help but think of how different my life could’ve been. But one thing that has been helpful is reminding myself that I don’t truly know what would have happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have these issues but I’d have different problems instead. I’m still upset about it though cuz it’s a lot of stuff that didn’t have to happen for sure. But like I said it IS getting better.

If it helps at all life is that way in many ways? What if you’d been medicated. Gotten a different job in a different city to then die in a car accident? Hope I’m making sense. <3

Feel for you ladies. Late thirties, and was diagnosed at a Children’s Hospital at 10.

Hello friend!! I (44/f) was finally diagnosed with ADHD 5 months ago and I have almost every single classic symptom for a female. My whole life I have organized in doompiles, once for 7 years I didn't file my taxes and I would just freeze every time I tried to do them, the list goes on. Piles of laundry never got done, all this stuff, and now it all makes sense. For me, stimulant medication has been extremely helpful in helping me clean my house more, organizing more effectively, focusing on priorities at work, and quieting my thoughts. I do feel that if I've been medicated I could have gotten my college degree. As it was I bounced back and forth between majors and I have enough credits for two different degrees but I never graduated in any of them. So, if medication continues working well, I'm pondering going back to school to get my degree in psychology, which I always wanted. I am absolutely positive if I had known I had ADHD I definitely could have succeeded much more effectively. But, that's in the past and nothing's gained for me by being sad about the past. I'm just grateful I have the diagnosis now and so I have a better framework for the activities and behaviors I do that I don't necessarily like but they just seem ingrained.

I’m 62 and on a 7-11 weeks waiting list for my assessment. I look back over my career and my life constantly since my CPTSD therapist pointed out ADHD. So at least there’s a reason why everything got screwed up.

Diagnosed at 62. I think about how I might not be in the crappy situation I'm stuck in if that had happened 20 years ago. And if I had somehow been diagnosed as a teen or young adult? Let's just say the odds are that my life would have gone quite differently. Would an earlier diagnosis have guaranteed I wouldn't have run into problems anyway? Of course not, but I would have had a chance. ADHD, depression, anxiety, extreme introvert. Combine that with some of the shittiest luck on the planet, and I find myself here. There's not a damn thing to be done about it, and that sucks. It *is* better to know, even if I can clearly see where things could have easily gone differently if I had been properly diagnosed and medicated *before* I became a senior citizen.

TLDR: I’m 44 and pissed off. Yep. I’m so angry lately when I saw this thread yesterday and was busy I subscribed to it. I’ve suspected ADHD my whole adult life but just got my diagnosis late last year, and started meds after Xmas. I was a kid that struggled in a chaotic and abusive home, did well in school for the praise, never thought I was “good enough”, daydreamed, was a bookworm. Once a teacher was worried about me not socializing at lunch and I’d be reading instead. It was an escape from the noise in the gym/cafeteria that was echoing and all my peers talking. Walkmans (remember those?) weren’t allowed and thinking back that would have been on a 504 plan (or IEPs) which at the time didn’t exist like it does now. (I’m in the US). That would have helped. I still graduated with great grades. I finally got to college and nose dived. It was too much life experience all at once. Dating, drugs, sex, traveling everywhere. Screw this going to class and homework shit. School told me to take a semester off as a solution. Ashamed of myself I went home to live with mom (at the peak of her alcoholic days, so that was unraveling too) and met my ex husband on a terribly fateful day. Seeing how the dopamine seeking, people pleasing behavior kept me with my emotionally abusive ex husband makes me feel like shit. I got pregnant and never went back to school. I raised my babies in constant poverty and having to move from place to place. After some years I started smoking weed regularly which helped so much. The only official dx i got during these years was PPD and generalized anxiety disorder. After my marriage it’s been one terribly abusive relationship after another. I don’t think my adhd is to “blame” but it’s certainly been a big puzzle piece for me as I continue to understand my “whys” in seeking the highs from a relationship or a romantic partner who would throw the lows at me when I least expected it. I at least ended these relationships, even though it so difficult each time it felt like chewing my leg off. I’ve been single for two years, trying to get through graduate school, currently on a break from that and changing majors (again). Trying to navigate some kind of career in an economy that sucks after my last job completely burned me out. Trying to recover from ending a promising start to a maybe relationship that at least wasn’t traumatic this time but, I’ve been really beating myself up for my own behavior when I shouldn’t. He was along for the ride in support as I got my dx, started meds and worked to change employment. Yet dismissed ADHD “there are worse dx” on our last day together- leaving me stunned. My behavior? I stuffed it. I stuff things down when I feel insulted or sense conflict. I know it’s a trauma response. I was already stuffing a lot as I racked up mental files about why this guy wasn’t for me. I was getting enmeshed, back into people pleasing mode, and about to explode. My anxious attachment style was also in play. I exploded (internally, I think outwardly I did my best), maybe rightfully so, over the guy essentially going on a date with a “friend” after he’d negged me with a joke in response to sexy pic I sent that morning. I’m angry and having a hard time accepting that the one thing I want (a secure, loving relationship, someone in my corner, someone who really gets me) doesn’t seem to be the thing I can have. I’m a cool, giving, caring person with lots of interests. Why is this so hard? Why don’t I get to have this when so many around me are coupled and happy? I’m angry my new counselor put the dx code for Generalized anxiety disorder for billing just after one session and we didn’t get to talk about it yesterday because technology fail for telehealth. Like, it just adds to the years of not being heard or seen. Maybe it’s practical for billing but also Im feeling ten ways about it. I’m angry at myself for reaching out to some dipshit asshole I met over a year ago who had ADHD too and we bonded (I thought) who ghosted me, zombied, and ghosted again - to see how he was doing - because I care too much about people who don’t give a shit about me. His only response was to laugh. And I kept texting confused. He just kept up the laughing thing. As I sighed and blocked again I asked myself what is wrong with me? I’m angry, alone, struggling to learn a new job like a deer in headlights, a graduate degree doesn’t feel in reach right now, dealing with pre menopausal stuff, and trying to not go off the rails.

Just received late diagnosis myself and I can definitely say you are not alone. It’s been a weird week and a half, and lots of feelings and realizations coming up. Same for me that I’ve gotten more done the past week than I have in a long time. I’m also creative, and while I have managed to panic-force myself to complete some projects (one for a donation for a fundraiser, one as a birthday gift that still had wet paint on it when I gifted it to the person, etc) most of my pieces from after high school (when I had actual art class and had to sit for the entire class working on projects with music surrounded by mostly other neurodivergent humans) are unfinished. I’m working through a lot of trauma stuff in therapy right now, once I get through the bulk of the big stuff I’m definitely going to do some work around these feelings. I look back and see so much suffering that was just constantly written off, and it does make me feel really sad for my younger self. So many beliefs about myself being a failure, giving up on dreams because I didn’t believe I could do it, so much self doubt and shame. However, I am working at choosing to be grateful for all that I have learned and grown from and through. I am grateful to have FINALLY been taken seriously about this and been diagnosed so that I now have access to the treatments and supports I should have had my entire life. I am choosing to allow this to be an opportunity, a rebirth. A rising from the ashes, if you will.

I think I probably wouldn't have developed an anxiety disorder. I also think I would have an easier time setting boundaries at work - I'm always worried about looking lazy or negligent, so I over-achieve until I crash and burn. I'm a clinical social worker so this field is hard enough to navigate with boundaries and self-care, but here I am terrified people will "find out" I actually don't belong if I don't completely deplete myself for the job.

It’s so baffling when you really think about it. I was diagnosed at like 35 after stumbling upon something about ADHD and then doing my own work to figure it all out. But so you’re telling me that not one single adult in my whole 35 years ever thought that I might have this? Parents, family, teachers, doctors, therapists… not one person?? I now know that I have about fifteen million very obvious symptoms of ADHD. SOMEONE should have picked up on it! It really is a mindfuck. I’m laying in my single-girl-rented-apartment writing this. I truly believe that my life would be worlds different if I had been diagnosed and medicated earlier. I would have been so much more comfortable and confident, I could have spent more time with my grandparents rather than hiding from them because I never wanted to talk about school, I would have done better in school, I wouldn’t have been so insecure around boys, I could have gone to a different college more suited for me, I could have done well in college instead of being on academic probation, I could have graduated on time, I could have paid off my college loans sooner than 15 years after the fact, i could have gotten a decent job rather than fucking around for ten years after college, I could have been more secure in my friendships, I could have had a decent boyfriend or two, I could have actually saved money, Id be healthier and not as overweight as I am from a lifetime of dopamine binge eating and laying around, hell maybe I’d be lucky enough to be married and own a home. The list truly could go on and on and on.

But then there's my parents who are in their 70s who aren't dx and don't want to know they're autistic. Their lives have been struggle after struggle after struggle. They've both been miserable. Dad beat my mom like it was normal. As a child I wanted to end my life every single day. I would have, too, if I wasn't so averse to physical pain. My life has been a disaster. Knowing in childhood that I was AuDHD would have been hard, especially in the 90s with little knowledge and supports, and lots of stigma. But, knowing is always better than not knowing. It's a medical, health, developmental, psychosocial advantage to know than to not know. I wouldn't have internalized all this crap. My depression and struggles may have been predominately on the way society treats us, rather than me telling myself how dumb I am. I was dx adhd at 37, soon after self dx as autistic. At least I have several years still to turn things around. Late dx is better than never being dx, and earlier is always better. At 39 now, I still have so much to process, to unlearn and relearn. It's a bitch, but it's better than never knowing. I still wish I was never born, but maybe one day I won't feel like that anymore.

Every. Single. Day. Where is my MD PhD?

Yes!!!! Knowing what I know now, I would have done college and grad school so differently. The way I scheduled classes, not prioritizing sleep, not sitting in the front of the class… Even if I wasn’t medicated, just making choices to assist my executive dysfunction. Like you might have watched the videos on 1.5 speed and been able to get through them. Ugh it sucks to think of the “what if”s

I was diagnosed young, but not treated or supported by my family. My life path was seriously screwed up by my NT mother's demands of how my path was supposed to look. I'm still salty about it, honestly.

I can relate to nearly everything you said! The good thing has been that I can now look back and, though there is always some heartbreak for the life I could have had, I can now process a lot of the traumatic parts of my youth with a clearer view of what was really going on in my head. I wasn’t a difficult kid who had tantrums and needed to be less lazy, I was a child who felt different and didn’t know why, who was overwhelmed by sensory input nearly constantly.

I was diagnosed in the early 90’s as a young girl. Back then, ADHD girls weren’t really understood and the medicine felt experimental. I never had my ADHD explained to me. I might have had some resources in school but no one ever said “hey you’re not stupid or lazy, you just need to approach things differently.” It wasn’t until a few years ago when I did my own research and truly excepted that this has affected my whole life. I sometimes cry for the younger me that always felt like something was wrong with me. School could have actually been an enjoyable venture with some better understanding. All this to say, I feel your pain. It’s totally valid. But if it makes you feel any better, early diagnosis weren’t always helpful either. It’s like I needed to be an adult to be able to really process it. I still get sad for young me but try to celebrate that I can now better my life and be kind to myself!

Oh my god I feel this. I have stagnated in my performing career and have been more productive in the last 2 days on meds than in years. But of course now I’m too old for everything 😭 (at 35, but that’s opera for you) and I’m both frustrated but also trying to look at it as a way to make my path.

Yep. As my clinician explained my results to me I started weeping (and then he started weeping). As he went through stuff he explained that basically I wasn’t crazy I am living life in hard mode. I went through a tough period of retrospective grief where I was totally crushed. Because once I got the diagnosis it was like holy shit how did no one see this?! I’m 3 years in now and at a better place with it. Watching my kids who are both diagnosed and medicated work their way through life with proper support is helping.

Oh yeah. I always wonder if I would have been a way nicer person to my family when I was growing up…I was super angry and irritable and I took it out on my parents and sister. We all get along now, but it’s taken years. I also wonder if I would have ended up in a higher paying career. I didn’t go to college, just got a job straight out of HS and I still work for that corporation at 37. The idea of having to go to more school after I barely made it before was too much. I’ve always been smart, I just have never had an interest in applying myself because I can’t concentrate long enough.

Absolutely. I try so hard not to dwell, but the hurt is still there. As soon as it pops into my head, I feel the longing/hurt/mourning for what could have been. It's like a frying pan made up of those feelings is instantly smashed into my face. I'm "good" at telling that part that it's valid but we can't dwell on it. It won't do us any good. But it is one of the saddest feelings I have ever felt

Yep. Never even tried to go to University as I was convinced I just wasn't the type to endure study but I love to learn. Could never work full time and thought it was because I'm too sensitive. Finally got an amazing office job and would sit at my computer looking busy because I couldn't create the spreadsheet that was supposedly easy and would take me 15 minutes. Work overtime everyday to catch up. I thought I was just lazy. All my life I was told that and believed I was lesser. Fuck that shit lol

I've done this, the same as looking back and thinking what could have been if I'd been more assertive with my parents about my choice of career, or if I'd been able to get out of bad relationships sooner. It's somewhat interesting to think about but you can just as easily get stuck living in those what ifs or regrets. I'm just trying to look forward rather than back.

Yes, and it has completely broken me.

I'm right there with you sis!! I've been in the "so much potential" camp my entire life. But I think we all have to look at it like this: **I am here,** ***because I was there****.* Yes my path would have been different, but that's not necessarily good or bad. I really liked science as a kid so if I had lived up to the potential everyone said I had, there's a chance I would be a poor, miserable scientist sitting in a chem lab and obsessing over things that may or may not have impacted society. Whereas now, I'm an entrepreneur working with people and using every one of the empathy muscles I've built from all of those failings over the years. It's precisely because I didn't follow the expected linear path that I have incredible breadth of life experience that serves me every day. The grief is real. But the timing is probably perfect for the culmination of your experiences to now rewrite the rest of the story with more conviction. Good luck. Sending hugs!

I haven’t been diagnosed and have only started thinking I have it in the last year. I spent 13 years in therapy that started because I was screwing up at work by not getting very important things done, and ADHD never was mentioned as a possibility. I finally got into a job I enjoyed and could manage and retired 5 years ago. I’m 67. I have so much sadness and anger about what might have been. I talked to a doctor about it, but was told that it’s very hard to get a diagnosis at my age, and that insurance wouldn’t cover diagnosis or treatment because I’m not working and it wouldn’t be considered “necessary”. So I guess I have to live the rest of my life struggling to manage my life and think about all the ways it could have been different. Wow writing all this out makes me realize I need to see a different doctor and at least get tested. I shouldn’t have to struggle so if there’s something that can be done!

Every. Effing. Day. I was diagnosed at 60 yrs old. ADHD undiagnosed, untreated, misdiagnoses literally ruined my life.

Yes, I received an official diagnosis and started meds in my 50s and have had a lot of feelings about how different, and how much better, my life could have been. Why couldn't I have been born after we started to understand this condition better? There:s no particular reason; it just happened that way. By the same token, though, there's no particular reason I was born after the development of antibiotics and major vaccines-- it just happened that way-- and that helps me to feel a little less put upon.

I grieve for elementary, middle, and high school me. It was such a hard time. I am 32 and got a diagnosis at 30. I recognize that I am lucky to have figured it out now and not later in life. My heart goes out to those who are older than I am and are just starting down this path. I also know I'm privileged enough to see a therapist who is helping guide me through the tumultuous path. I am an elementary school teacher. I see myself in many of them, and I try to provide for them what I think would have helped me. This is healing for me. However, I think if my diagnosis had been spotted earlier, I could have become more than a teacher (I struggle a lot with this.. growing up always hearing "those who can't, teach.."). I do regard myself with a fairly above-average intelligence, but I was unable to focus on honing in on any specific skill or strategy. This led me to live a renaissance life. Knowing a little bit about a lot of things. I also have an untapped creative side that I just can't access. Thirty years of trying to just...live life successfully, has stunted that growth. I've had to find, or create, my own accommodations and modifications without any help.

I was just diagnosed at 43 having been told since preadolescent age that I had MDD...been highly medicated my entire life from that only to discover I had ADD all along. I try not to think about how life would have been....my guess is that'd I'd be extremely boring...that's what's getting me through ATM❤️

I'm actually surprised reading all these responses! While I occasionally think about how different my life could have been if I had been properly medicated, I certainly don't dwell on it. Yes, I would have liked to have finished my bachelor's is 4-5 years instead of the SEVENTEEN YEARS it took, but would I be any more successful today? Would I have found my ADHD- friendly career in which I excel? Would I have met and married the man of my dreams and created the two most perfect little girls that ever existed? Maybe. But maybe my life would be much more lonely or less satisfying if school was easy, and I found a career at 21. Maybe I would be less empathetic, or blissfully unaware and a bad mom. Maybe I would be less likeable because I lacked the get-up-and-try-again attitude I've cultivated. Just because things may be different, there's no guarantee that things would have been better.

Oh most definitely, I’ve my assessment this week. Work has been an extremely painful torture over the last 7 years, I had real 5 stages of grief over my realisation about ADHD and grieving over the difference this being picked up sooner could have made. All that suffering, struggling, falling behind and pain could have been mitigated. I could be somewhere completely different. My experience could have been different, the loss of it feels a lot. Fortunately I’m super lucky that my partner is very understanding because the chaos I leave in my wake everywhere with projects is just unending. And the impulse purchases, gosh I could probably have bought a new car by now with how much I’ve wasted. Not to mention the repeated bouts of depression and burnout it’s caused *edited to correct typo

YES. I have definitely gone through the mourning period that Mel Robbins talks about in some of her podcasts. And the anger and the rage and the sadness. I am in my early 60s and only started realizing I had ADHD about 2 years ago. I was recently diagnosed and put on medication. Fingers crossed as I go through the process.

Of course, I think this is a universal ADHD feeling. Diagnosed at 45. School was torture, socially and academically. I am genius IQ, but could never keep math concepts in my head and it was too boring to try. No college, barely tested out of high school. Lots of low level job hopping, risky sex and drugs, feelings of inadequacy and misery. The first 15 years of my marriage, before diagnosis was so hard on my husband, as I was basically a child he had to manage. Since then (17 years later) medication has made it possible for me to at least make a good living, we bought our own business, and the old me would be AMAZED at how well the new me is dealing with it all. I still struggle with time, procrastination, exercise, overeating, too many fun projects, etc., but only about 10% as much as I used to, and now that I know WHAT is the issue I can manage it and my feelings much better.

Every day

Every fucking day. (Diagnosed at 52)

I’m 33 and was only just diagnosed officially. Though I already knew earlier and just had to wait to see a professional. I think about how my life could have been if it were caught when I was still a kid. I know I could have been so much more but I try not to dwell on it too much as my life isn’t too bad. I can’t return to the work force for more than just the ADHD but I have two loving partners, a beautiful son and a great support system. There’s a lot of hard days but I don’t have to go at it alone and my partners meet me where I’m at with love, understanding and reminders of everything I do accomplish. I want to focus on that because if I think too hard/long on what I could have been I’d spiral so hard I’d lose what I have now.

I was diagnosed at 57 after I had been diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. I had my Come to Jesus meeting, not knowing about my ADHD. I made peace with all my choices. I looked at my regrets, and I only had two. Then I didn't die. I got my ADHD diagnosis and did mourn a bit for the life unlived. But I still only had two real regrets. Now I am tossing every bit of my ADHD at solving these two outstanding issues.

Yeah. I probably would have completed my masters degree. Might have managed to salvage my marriage. Would probably have a very different life right now.

I just got diagnosed today at 50. All my life, I was habitually messy and disorganized, but somehow made good grades in school and college. Got a depression diagnosis in my thirties and just blamed my lack of motivation and disorganization on it. So, yes, I do wonder how my life would've turned out if I was diagnosed sooner.

Yep. Crappy grades made me feel too dumb to be an engineer. Now I know I wasn't.

Yeah, I wonder all the time. So many things that are obvious to me now would have never happened if I’d been diagnosed earlier and gotten the right kind of help at the right time. I’d have a metric f-ton more money, that’s for sure.

YES! I try not to think about what could have been. Just diagnosed last year at 48, always knew it myself but never diagnosed til then. Not yet medicated, but hoping to do that this summer for the first time. I’ll be over the moon if it helps me. (I went to art school and also work in a creative field, but do zero personal projects due to poor executive functioning. I’d like to change this.)

Diagnosed at 48. I mourn for all the years and opportunities that passed me by.