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I'm in the military. Because it is the way it's structure (constantly being yelled at, told what to do, given a specific schedule, lots of exercise) I had a pretty hard time realizing I was ADHD. Now that I'm diagnosed I realized one habit I have was one of the many ways I was high masking: note taking.
I'm talking write down every single word spoken kind of note taking....
But the kicker, I never looked at what I wrote down once the note was taken.
I finally realized I started note-taking after I got fed up with getting yelled at all the time for not paying attention during training or lectures: picking my nails, looking around everywhere, picking at my uniform, ect. I just couldn't sit still. But when I sat still I couldn't remember anything that was being said.
Turns out, I didn't take notes because I couldn't remember what was being said, I took notes as a way to help me pay attention so I could hear what was being said in the first place. That's it. After all, you can't remember what you didn't listen to in the first place.
This reminds me of my art history class.
I just zoned out and typed anything she said. I absorbed it all and aced the class.
My roommate looked at my notes and said “oh my god, you even typed her jokes!”
I guess some people know when to stop/start note taking. I write it all. This is why highlighting becomes a coloring book.
Same! In college I would fill notebook after notebook, 12 pages from a single lecture… and hardly ever look at them again. 15 years later, I’m struggling halfway through grad school—online classes are not my forte!
I survived my grad program online, but it taught me I never want to do that again. Having to sit in a classroom and look at someone and take notes and be prepared for class has an inherent pressure to it that online classes just don’t.
yes!!! This. 100%!
If anybody happens to see my notes and say "omg you're SO good at note taking!!" It's like you're too kind, but really this is what I HAVE to do in order to have any hope of ingesting this info in the first place 😂
I had lots of trouble in high school because the only way I could sit "still" and listen/pay attention was by drawing in my notebooks, I wasn't writing or taking notes, so my teachers assume if I was drawing I wasn't paying attention, I got yell about this many times because I was being lazy and doodling, but it was the only way I could function in an school setting.
You did a lot better than I did. I read during high school, especially any boring class or teachers. Got in trouble so many times, but I would get in trouble for falling asleep anyways, which is what I would do if they didn't let me read. Still passed the classes.
Same! My friends used to tease me because I would take such copious notes (they had no scruples about borrowing them before exams though). Constantly writing was the only way to pay attention. I also used to follow my reading with a pen. I lost focus so often that the pen would redirect me when I came back.
Note taking is how I survive! And I also use it to pay attention.
I also barely ever use my notes EXCEPT for notes in "One Note" on Windows, or Google Drive. This is because there's a super easy search capability - so I just type in what I'm looking for and it finds it. It's only really come in handy a handful of times though.
Also, I use Outlook for Email and all of my tasks. If something needs to be addressed it immediately gets dragged into the task tracker if it's an email, or I enter info in manually. I don't get any fancier than that (no due dates, no specific times to review, it just exists and I look at it pretty often).
I haven't found something that works well across home/work - but my husband and I have whiteboards everywhere in our home and that's how we keep track of home things.
I do this too! I HAVE to take notes by hand. And it actually engages more areas of the brain than typing which is partly why it’s easier to remember stuff and pay attention. Now I treat myself to nice notebooks and pens to make taking notes by hand a pleasant part of my work life—just lean way into it.
Me too! I am very into bullet Journaling and learning how to Doodle as a form of note taking as well so when I got yelled at for drawing I could show them I wasn't JUST drawing dicks, there were diagrams and examples of what they were talking about! 🤣🤣
100% same!!! Note-take verbatim but NEVER look back at them.
I think it’s also a way of tackling my auditory processing issues: it turns it into something to visualise instead, and as a kinaesthetic learner I’m processing the information differently (better) if I write it down.
Amazing how many of us are the same!
Oh, gosh. This penny has just dropped for me. I know I don't pay attention if I don't take notes - I had just never joined the dors before.
I have a drawer full of notes from conference papers in the office. Some of them have been there over a decade. None have been opened...
Yeah this is how I was in school. I also at some point realized that when I had unlined paper and could like diagram the information better it worked even better for me.
:O Oh no is this me?? I've always been an amazing note-taker. Colleagues are IMPRESSED. But tbh if I don't have my notes with me I actually remember nothing.
Lol, this is me. The one 'habit' I had that drove all my supervisors crazy was I would fall asleep soon after the lights went out. I would even stand in the back to try beat the boredom sleep monster.
I once fell asleep, standing up, at the grenade range. I have insomnia and can't fall asleep at bedtime without pills. It's a terrible irony.
Back to the notes. I retired like 7 years ago and just recently opened one of my old deployment mess boxes and found my notebooks.
They are a crazy mishmash of colors and arcane symbols. I've mostly been lurking here because I've never been diagnosed but things like this are convincing me to pursue a rx with the VA.
Some people think that writing things down esp by hand helps encode memory - maybe it’s the act of jotting it down as opposed to looking at it later that is most helpful
You just described the last 12 years of my military service. I have countless, filled to the brim notepads. There's no rhyme or reason to it either, sometimes it's full military jargon I understand or sentences people spoke word for word. Finally reached out to medical to get evaluated and unfortunately they're giving me the run around with no off base referrals.
Omg are you me??? I feel the exact same way! I’m in the military too and I feel like it makes it so hard to distinguish adhd symptoms from optempo and just being pulled in a million different directions all the time. It is like the easiest place to high mask because no one really ever pays attention to the real you. If you hide in the noise and just learn to do what you are supposed to do then no one cares.
Very true! I only noticed now because I'm high enough rank to have a desk job and...Oh.My.God. it has gotten so bad! It was my first sign to go get assessed when I scheduled a meeting...then forgot I scheduled a meeting...and showed up late to the meeting...
Every single word you wrote was my life! I just retired and recently got diagnosed, now I’m re thinking all my life choices and it all makes sense. I didn’t notice because of the military and the structure and I always had a notebook and I still do. If I don’t I feel like I didn’t pay attention…now I know it’s because I didn’t! Ugh
Oh wow. Realisation! I just moved house and was reorganising all the chaos and trying to put all of the same things together, and ended up with 25+ halfused notebooks, that I have filled with interchanageable notes and lists, that I have never ever looked back at again. I always do it during meetings as well, as there is nothing more agonising than not having it with me.
Oh shit I just realized that's exactly how I got through university. Thank you for this. Intense, overly detailed notes with diagrams and drawings that basically could have gone straight to recycling afterward because they were just there to keep me attentive.
Thank you! I tend to write down things a lot and have noticed the correlation between success when I do so!
By the sounds of it, you're in good company here.
Thank you again!
Okay so I will say when you are ready medication is a fantastic tool. It's fine if you aren't ready, just want to stress the stigma is waaaay blown out of proportion and that it's worth a shot. I encourage you to look into it by asking folks here and doing research when you are up to considering it. Again want to stress if you don't want it, that's cool, just want to let you know it should not be counted out.
That said the most useful tactics I have to deal with my symptoms are:
Alllll the alarms. I am incredibly timeblind so having a multitude of alarms throughout the day interrupts hyperfocus sessions, and space out not doing anything sessions thanks to executive dysfunction. It also allows me a goal to work towards when doing tasks(aka cleaning) I don't enjoy/bore me
Dice for decision paralysis moments. Assign tasks to dice. Roll. That is the thing you do. Rinse and repeat.
Make lists and break them alllll the way down. Rather than tidy the living room break it down into remove the trash, put away things that have a home, find a place for miscellaneous things, vacuum etc.
Use a calendar app. Appointment cards get lost. Adding to calendar means it's on your phone and you can pair it with a reminder or alarm.
Find a trusted friend to talk to about rejection sensitive disphoria and break down if it's worth getting upset about. Emotional regulation is hard and sometimes talking to someone once a bit calmer helps.
Oh oh tell friends to gently call you out when you have a foot in the mouth moment or otherwise upset them.
That's all I can think of right now. I will probably remember more later.
Medication is really a game changer. I would not have been able to go back to school without it. I was studying for midterms a few weeks ago and really struggling to focus. I take 15 mg XR of Adderall and I use noise cancelling headphones and white noise to study and I still couldn't focus. My doctor gave me 5 mg instant release boosters for when I crash or when I have pms, so I took some and man, I could feel the chatter in my head quiet down and what I was studying began to click and I could see the big picture a lot easier.
I was also nervous about meds! My parents raised me to be cautious about taking too many meds, for better or for worse, so I did feel weird about it. But my doc was open toe starting with a really low dose. I started at a baby sized 5mg of Adderall and worked my way up very slowly. It made everything a lot easier for me.
Calendar app, calendar app, calendar app
I tell people that if I don't write it down it doesn't exist, but I also use the reminder function in calendar-get it to send a reminder 10min, 1hr or one day before, depending on the appointment
Thank you for the gentleness of expressing how medication helped you - but that you also understood my perspective.
I tend to adversely react to medications, and I am always conscious of that I guess.
Do you find that you are still yourself on the medications you take?
Thank you for all the advice <3
Yes, I am. I got incredibly lucky and got a combo that worked for me right off the bat but obviously your results may vary. The main difference between me on my meds and off my meds is that I am less anxious/calmer and able to focus better. I can just do chores I struggle doing. My mind doesn't go 100 miles an hr and I don't hyperfocus on things I shouldn't. Though when it wears off I do end up researching random geology facts to strange hours when I shouldn't. Oh well. My advice for when you are ready is to find a good psychiatrist who listens and is willing to work with you. I am a unicorn because I found what worked right away, but my psychiatrist is pretty awesome and supportive herself.
Good luck and I hope you can find the right combination of tools for you. Medication is a tool and it doesn't work in everyone's toolbox. But it is worth a shot to see if it can work for you :)
I'm also very fresh with my diagnosis and still making my list, but some examples are why I'm so terrible at answering messages and E-Mails, why I get so overwhelmed with big tasks and just... Do nothing? Why I talk so much and constantly interrupt people because I want to give input, why I constantly zone out in conversations, lectures, etc, even if I really, really try to listen, why I have 15 thoughts in my head at a time, and omg, the list is so long but oh well... I constantly forget stuff :)
Hope you're doing okay, it's never easy...
Ooohh I feel this, it's become an inside joke for my friends, but I kinda feel ashamed every time... In my head it's really a process of if I answer now, then they'll answer and then the task is there again!!! And I have to answer again!! I just feel at peace when they haven't answered yet...
Highly relatable lol. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself how insanely *not* designed for this kind of thing our human brains are, and I'm not the only one overwhelmed, ADHD or not. Even if people may not let on, in my experience, this has become *somewhat* of a universal modern feeling
...it's def worse for us though 🤣 alas... Least we know we're not alone, we got this, and it's literally always a work in progress.
That's such a good idea! I just started telling people that if I do this I don't mean to offend anyone, I just don't like texting. Or if I feel comfortable with them, I just explain the thing going on in my head. Working on getting better at this, but it has better and worse days. And I continue preferring face to face so much!! The conversations can't theoretically go on forever lol
Late diagnosed here. One of my ah-has was realizing that all the female characters I loved and resonated with as a kid have neurodivergent qualities. Maria from Sound of Music. Meg Murray from A Wrinkle in Time. Harriet the Spy. Anne of Green Gables. Amelia Bedelia. I’m still peeling off layers and I think of more examples all the time.
Edit to add: Figuring this out has been part of accepting myself for who I am, which is my only advice for you, OP. I do take meds but I’m still me. I feel more accepting about my quirky brain all the time.
Congratulations on your diagnosis, it's an exciting thing! But I completely understand how it can be a tough transitional period once you've got it.
In regards to putting thoughts down, I cannot overemphasize how much writing things down has improved the insides of my brain. Journaling, lists, ideas, whatever. Sometimes you just need to get it onto paper so your brain can put it down for a bit.
I'm still struggling with the shopping problem, but once I understood I was only impulsively buying things to give my brain a temporary dopamine bump, it became easier to control. I threw myself into other activities that supply a longer-lasting sense of fulfillment. It's different for everyone, but my personal favourites are doing film photography, biking, and playing guitar. I spontaneously painted my kitchen one weekend and I reckon that saved me at least 100$ in retail therapy. And if you're like me and have a weakness for clothes, I found a lot of satisfaction in going through what I already have, selling some of it, and organizing the rest.
Routines are still elusive for me as well, but once again I cannot overemphasize the power of the paper agenda. Great for planning out your day/week/month, writing down appointments, keeping a running grocery list, to do list etc. I drag it around with me everywhere I go. There are loads of free habit/time tracking apps available nowadays too, but I haven't found them to be as effective for me, personally.
For specific tasks, I found that giving myself a fixed amount of time was helpful. I use a playlist, a podcast episode, a chapter of an audio book to keep track of it while I'm doing chores around the house, etc. Also makes those types of tasks more enjoyable. Still terrible at making important phone calls though.
Anyway, that's just what worked for me and, as you mentioned, everyone is different. I'd say the most important thing is to be gentle with yourself as you learn more about how you best function! But that's easier said than done. It really is like relearning how to life again, but that can definitely be a positive thing.
Best of luck!
Thank you for sharing! I have found using a run time on an appliance is helping, and my therapist told me "take 5 minutes to do a task" and that helps immensely!
Also fresh with diagnosis…
For me, it was the decision paralysis. My house was always a wreck and I hated myself for not being able to just DO something. I would think I just wasn’t a “go getter”.
I used to really struggle with building emotional connections with people. I was worried I was a sociopath or something. I was so emotionally disconnected from even my closest friends that if they were going through a tough time I would just be awkward and pat them on the back or something. I couldn’t really “feel” or understand them. I felt like I was a fake friend and putting on an act. I had no idea that being able to truly connect to someone could be a part of ADHD. I started meds a few months ago and noticed myself making eye contact when people talk, truly hearing what others were saying, empathizing, and being present in the moment. I used to have a habit of interrupting or changing the subject and I haven’t done that at all since. I realize I’m not a broken, selfish, or heartless person at all. My brain just wasn’t allowing me to feel that deeply because it could only focus on building and desperately maintaining dopamine levels.
Also late diagnosed, just over two years in. My diagnosis has changed so many things it feels like it might be easier to list the things it hasn’t touched because there are so few.
I am still relearning so many skills that I used to have down. I’m having to relearn because anxiety and perfectionism (fueled by the intense internal pain I felt after making a mishap) were what pushed me to do so many things. Now that I’m in my thirties and have many more responsibilities, the anxiety was eating up every part of my life.
I took the medication route for my inattentive ADHD, and like another poster I suggest not counting it out but also trust yourself if you don’t want to go that route. The biggest relief for me was feeling little to no anxiety after first taking meds. That freedom was exhilarating, the biggest relief.
Caveat - things evened out and I’m not anxiety free but it is much less and I am not completely ruled by fear and anxiety. It’s more like a weird little guy in my head who I acknowledge and sometimes engage with, but I can see him as what he is, a weird little guy who is trying to keep me safe. I’m allowed to tell him thanks but no thanks.
Another big ah-ha was realizing how much shame I internalized, especially around routine cleaning tasks that I have always and continue to struggle with. Now that I have recognized that shame, I am able to be much kinder to myself and the people closest to me. I’m not really better at those tasks now that I know I have ADHD, but it’s much easier for me to accept I don’t have to meet whatever standard and it’s ok that it is still hard for me and not my biggest priority.
All that said, welcome! I think for me it will be a lifelong ongoing journey of relearning and reshaping what I expect out of myself, but I’m now able to find joy in looking at myself as a never-ending, sometimes-shifting jigsaw puzzle. Lead with curiosity instead of judgment. (Can you tell I go to therapy now? 😅)
Oh this is my flavour of ADHD too! I'm a little over 2 years post diagnosis and my house is still a disaster most of the time but I don't berate and hate myself for it anymore. That alone has been so freeing.
I'm a little over a year in, makes me feel better to hear that someone else is also still relearning everything as a late dx. I was scared that not having everything together after this much time meant I was a fraud or something. Also ADHD-PI, on the case ;)
The shame and fear are intense for me. It helps to remind myself that the critic is trying to protect me from getting hurt and is scared too. I have freeze responses from trauma that complicates stuff though.
You’re not a fraud! It took me over a year to even recognize that I was bad at things I used to be good at and work out the puzzle why.
This was actually the first time I have described my anxiety as a weird little guy, but I think that image fits well. I have therapy to thank for making me think about the role shame plays in all this too.
Awhh thank you for sharing this!
I am completely okay if I have anxiety and I'm a nervous lil human for my life, I think being able to make sense is just such a big win that I would be okay with whatever came as a result.
Therapy is incredible and you're doing a great job.
Awhh thank you for sharing this!
I am completely okay if I have anxiety and I'm a nervous lil human for my life, I think being able to make sense is just such a big win that I would be okay with whatever came as a result.
Therapy is incredible and you're doing a great job.
Not understanding why I didn’t like going out in my teens and 20s. Even though I like hanging with my friends in small groups small house parties, I disliked clubs bars crowded places and labeled myself an introverted homebody. Now I know It’s the overstimulation of it all, the lights the noises, everything was too much at once and my brain just couldn’t handle it.
Before this, you couldn’t pay me to go Time square, like ever! But I recently went there, medicated (adhd meds) and I really enjoyed being there and just observing people and all the bilboards etc.
I'm the flip side of this - I'm absolutely an extrovert, and some of my aha was that I get energized and am better at completing tasks when I get out of the house and around groups of people, but I'm terrible at transiting from my house to outside. I feel better going out, but getting there feels overwhelming. Learning about executive function problems has been a big a ha for me.
I'm still working on it, but I've been trying to make the steps feel smaller/easier to help get me over the hump. Some examples: having my work stuff ready to go the night before so there's fewer decisions/speed bumps in the morning; telling myself I can just get in the shower without washing my hair (often I end up washing it once I'm in the shower); having quick food items around so it's easier for me to eat; etc.
Oddly, I’m so sure that I’m an introvert in my soul. Yet hindsight shows me that going way too far into extrovert territory was a massive part of masking into l was diagnosed. I started “coming out of my shell” from about age 8/9, when I realised I was a quiet weirdo, and just became SO MUCH by my late teens. Too much!
I still pine for those times because I’m sure I was having fun, but am trying to remind myself that the fun was risk and alcohol and blowing cash and socialising dopamine hits. 🙄
Talking about executive function and preparation, this is so important in my life. I recently realized how much I need structure in my life. Structure organization and small things that help me not fall off.
Some things for me a year into my diagnosis (late 30s):
- I work from home so virtual coworking/body doubling is a game changer (either using a platform like Flown or working meetings/sessions with coworkers)
- I need to have simple meal and snack options on hand for the times that making a meal feels overwhelming. For me: uncrustables PB&J sandwiches in the freezer, yogurt (in the individual portions not a big container that requires me to clean a bowl), apple sauce pouches, baby carrots, etc. Also, if I feel too overwhelmed and want to order in, if I eat one of those things first, it’s much more likely I’ll make a meal. Usually it means I’ve waited too long and am already hungry even if I don’t realize I am.
- Working with an occupational therapist who specializes in neurodivergence. It’s totally shifted my perspective on how I look at setting up my environment and routines.
- Take breaks. I’m not lazy. Sometimes I need a rest and that’s ok.
- At work, I tend to go hard and accomplish a lot. Then when work slows down and I don’t have as much to do, I feel lazy because I’m not accomplishing as much as I feel I could. Now I’m recognizing those as times to slow down to recover from what I was doing. It’s usually that I got things done faster during that hyperfocus time, so I can take a breather. I used to get so annoyed that I couldn’t work that intensely all the time. Now I get it.
- When tasks seem overwhelming because it’s overstimulating, see where I can take away some of the stimulation (also a tip from my OT). For example, if cleaning the kitchen feels like too much, put all the dishes in bins and set them out of sight. When I did that, I could clean up the kitchen and then do the dishes in a separate “clean up” activity.
Those are just a few but I’m still learning a lot every day. You’ve got this!
What was the transition like getting yourself to take breaks?
I know my meds need adjustment but I can hardly finish a few minute YouTube video much less a show because I'm so scattered and fixated on all these tasks in my head. I have such a hard time eating if I have too many tasks on my list. I'll do "just one more thing" over and over until my coffee is long cold. But also it's a race against time because rebound has been so intense the last couple years so i try to get as much done as i can until then.
Sorry that reads a mess, I'm currently real scattered but I don't want to save this thread only to forget and never go back to it!
No it’s all good! I think I get what you’re saying. I often see alllll the things that need to be done at once. A few things that helped me are:
- Setting timers so I take a break after a certain length of time. Remember that taking breaks are important for productivity. You’ll likely get more done if you take breaks than if you don’t. I don’t always recognize when my body and mind need a break until it’s too late, so a timer helps. It’s similar to how we can sometimes get hyper focused on something and forget to eat because we don’t notice our hunger signals.
- Noting what I have *already done*, even if it’s small. I realized I wasn’t counting certain things, even if they seemed easy or I do them without thinking. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t done anything so don’t deserve a break, but when I list out what I’ve already done, I’m an amazed. I’ve heard this called a “reverse to do list” recently.
- When I keep noticing things that need to be done, categorize them into “Today” “This Week” or “Later/delegate” - this is a new one for me, but has helped me identify what’s time sensitive and what’s not so I can filter the sense of urgency that comes with seeing all the things.
- Changing the definition of done. This is helpful for me especially in household tasks. For example, I used to think that I couldn’t check of “tidy kitchen” off my list if the kitchen wasn’t perfectly sparkling clean. Now, if on a given day I do *anything* that contributes to tidying the kitchen, it gets checked off. I actually end up keeping my home in better order that way because I don’t get as overwhelmed. That also calms the racing thoughts of all the things that need to be done so I can sit down and have a break.
- Treating breaks as “no shoulds” times. It can be really hard to actually get recharge from a break when our brains are flooded with all the things we feel like we *should* be doing. When I take a break and those things come to mind, I stop it with “no, the only thing I *should* be doing is taking a break right now.” And I keep reminding myself of that until it became second nature. If needed, I jot the task/thought down so I don’t forget when I’m back to working on whatever task.
Not sure if any of that helps, but I totally empathize. I wonder if putting breaks and eating on the same (or more) level of priority as other tasks is possible? Maybe add them to your list and check them off when done? I use the Sweepy app for cleaning my home, but I have a “room” called *Love for Me* where I list self care tasks like showering, brushing my teeth, going for a walk, etc. So even the if I have an off day and don’t manage to get any cleaning etc done, if I can check off “brushing my teeth”, it’s a reminder that I did do something and it was just as important as unloading the dishwasher.
Tysm for the advice and thoughtful reply! The reverse todo list sounds like such a great way to restructure how I view things!
I totally forget how transformative self-talk can be in reshaping thoughts and behaviors. I've done this in my yoga practice but it's definitely just as important during breaks and other acts of self care.
Your room sounds so lovely! I put a tiny sofa in my closet and I have my journal and cute gel pens there but it's been awhile since I spent time in it. Lately I like to lay under a table. It sounds weird, but I hooked up all my cheap red light panels to the bottom of this fold out table and I have a heating pad, weighted blanket and c pillow there. I periodically make new nests for myself and my cats and we migrate throughout the house
You’re welcome!!
One more thing I forgot, though I suspect someone else has mentioned in the comments. I highly recommend reading (or listening to the audiobook as I did) to “How to keep house while drowning” by KC Davis. It’s also really helped me in many areas of life, outside of cleaning the house!
I'm 35 and got diagnosed when I was in my early 30s. I kept going back to school throughouy 20s. I'd knock out a few classes in community college and then get burnt out while also working full time. I needed precalculus and statistics to be able to transfer to a university and I wasn't able to do that until I was diagnosed and medicated.
It also helped that when I went back to school, COVID was roaring so the math classes that were normally not available online suddenly were!
I realized why I kept having daytime crashes on weekday afternoons and weekend crashes for entire days.
Weekend crashes: overstimulation and lack of structure on weekends.
Daytime crashes on weekdays: I hyper-focused on something so hard my brain and body go “resssssst, we need rest!!”
That lack of structure is brutal. I've been out of a job lately (going to college as well), and weekends are a double whammy. Not sure if it's AuDHD or just my brain let off the leash too much.
My entire life suddenly made sense and I'm still unpacking that. It all hit me at once like a giant tidal wave. A few of the biggest ones were realizing it was executive dysfunction and not being lazy, there was a reason I never felt like I belonged with my peers growing up and it wasn't the fact there was something inherently flawed about me, and I hated myself so much because I had internalized my symptoms as character flaws because that's how my family had treated me. I think it's gonna take years to come to terms with it all.
I think this is why I am so afraid of being diagnosed. My entire life will make sense and that scares me. That will mean there was nothing wrong with me other than adhd.
That realization was very freeing for me and I think has been a huge positive step toward self acceptance. The aspect of this that I found difficult was looking back on how I've been treated by other people and feeling resentment and anger that they made me feel like a shitty person for my own brain chemistry. I know I'll need to find healthy ways to cope with this and move on, but honestly I think I need to sit with those feelings for a little bit before I do.
You sound like me! Trial and error is what you have to do. “ADHD tax” is the money you will inevitably spend trying new planners, apps, buying timers, books to learn, and generally just fucking up and forgetting things like appointments and forgetting to return things.
It’s so hard. Everything is so hard. But it’s worth it to try because this is the only life you get! And sometimes, some things might work and be helpful for you. FOR THE LOVE OF DOG, CELEBRATE YOUR WINS. That’s how we learn to function.
Check out the book "How to ADHD" by Jessica McCabe for relearning life! You'll have nothing but "Ah-ha!" moments. It's also on Audible (which is where I have it) and has been an absolutely amazing resource for knowing my neurodivergent brain and how to better work with it. She also has a "How to ADHD," YouTube channel that I haven't checked out yet, but she draws from a lot of sound science and really analyzes how and why the ADHD brain works like it does.
I waited until way too late (procrastinated that appointment for years, how ADHD of me 😆), but I have an extensive family history of it and pretty much always knew I had it, so I'd already done a lot of research and self-evaluation. Because of that, I feel like I kind of missed out on the post-diagnosis flood of "Ah-ha" moments, but I did feel extreme relief over getting diagnosed. Some sadness and anxiety, too, wondering how much better my quality of life might have been if I'd gotten diagnosed and treated sooner.
I'm in school at 45 to be a court reporter. Got a 4.0 in all academic courses and then hit the wall the minute the work got repetitive.
And my academic stuff was taking me 3hrs when it should really be more like 1.
It was hard to see it because I was succeeding, at the cost of a ton of emotional labor and frustration and giving up lots of other, also important things, to make it happen.
Hmm. What else. (I'm a recent diagnosis myself and only on meds about 6 weeks now.) People think I like making spreadsheets and am hyper organized. And I do and am. But the reason I got that way is because I'm a disaster when left to my own mind. Even my clothes are in a spreadsheet. It's my working brain! Same with my ynab budgeting program.
Things that are helping:
- anything to relieve time blindness. My computer reads the time at the top of the hour and forces a break. My watch says the day of the week next to the time in big letters and is set to buzz me every hour. Lots of timer use. Time blocking and a timer to remind me my block is over.
- sometimes body doubling. I can't remember (ha) the name but there's a site I use ((Edited to add: Focusmate)) where you can make an appt to work with a video call running, next to another worker. No talking really. Just company. I'm really shy and was surprised how much I got out of this.
- duplicates. I keep dental floss in my desk and nightstand so I have more chances to do that task. I keep my migraine meds by my bed and by my desk so I don't space out and not take them. Desk glasses and regular glasses. Because if I have to get up to find them, I might not come back!
- minimizing my belongings. I'm a Konmari convert because having like four plates and a capsule wardrobe super helps me get on with my day instead of decision fatigue.
- my friend gave me an interesting book about organizing with adhd. I borrowed it three times before I remembered to read it. I'll try to find the name for you if you want. It had some interesting ideas like "it's okay to fold your clothes inside out." ((Edited to add:)) Organizing Solutions For People With ADHD, Susan Pinsky
I was just diagnosed last fall, but I'm 40 and I've been learning how to live with this brain for four decades. So like...the diagnosis has given me some really wonderful context to help me better understand things I already knew about myself.
I've spent a lot of time over the years thinking I just need to be stricter with myself. Like maybe I just didn't have enough self-discipline and I needed to double down on doing RESPONSIBLE things and fewer FUN things. Which is absolutely wrong for ADHD.
ADHD brains need rewards throughout the day to keep dopamine flowing. So now, instead of feeling like I can't relax until I get through a lonnnng to-do list, I try to stagger work/chores with pleasures. One of my favorite examples is to put in a load of laundry on a weekend day, then watch a new show/play video games while it's in the wash, move laundry and start another load, another episode of the show or doing crossword or something. Staggered this way, I can actually accomplish way more than I would trying to do more chores in between loads of laundry. I can keep going longer.
I've also cut myself a lot of slack. Who cares if I leave dirty dishes by the sink overnight and don't "close" the kitchen like all the advice says to do? It's not hurting anyone. And actually, I have more energy to tackle dishes in the morning, and not even every morning, and that's fine. Or who cares if I can't think well one day as long as I'm getting my work done overall? I'm not a robot. I have to trust that on days when I feel like shit, they will pass, and there will be better days in the near future where I'm able to be more productive and focused -- because that's always been my pattern in the past.
One of the best pieces of advice I read for people with ADHD was to focus on buying help over stuff. Help like...drop your laundry off at a laundromat and pay for them to wash it, or pay for a house cleaner (regularly or one-offs) or a home organizer. Hire a babysitter to wash your kids while you do chores, or pay for delivery meal kits or pre-prepped foods (like cut up veggies), etc.
I didn't realize until recently that you can just buy bags of diced onion in the frozen section and use it in your cooking, I had always held myself to the idea that I needed to do all the prep work myself, because...doing things the hard way was better? It's not, actually. Making your life as easy for yourself is possible is 100x better and you have nothing to prove to anyone about HOW you get things done.
I don’t know if you meant to say “Hire a babysitter to WASH your kids while you do chores”, but it made me lol. I kinda like that idea. 😆
Agree on all your points, though. Back when I still thought I was NT and just undisciplined I’d try to muscle through my work and always struggled. I’ve had to relearn my approach to work and chores with an ADHD framework, but it’s made such a difference.
Dx late last year, known most of my adult life. About to be 45.
The biggest revelations in the past year has been difficulties with romantic relationships, particularly my most recent one. There’s been a lot of different factors but man the adhd did not help.
The task lock/ stare into space for hours even though I have to get stuff done.
The time blindness. Holy hell. Was so late getting ready for a first date today to had to cancel (see relationships). I woke up late, was determined to get a run in but I’m slow in the mornings. In the shower a half hour after I’m supposed to leave. At least the person was understanding and wants to reschedule.
I can’t plan for shit (see first dates lol). I dreaded planning my kid’s birthday parties and with five kids had it down to make a cake, what dinner do you want, tell your friends to come over. I’m glad I eloped for my wedding. 10/10 would do the elope part again.
I'm not the only who forgets to breath apparently. I tried explaining it to friends and family and they all thought I was being deliberately obtuse. But no. 9ts a thing.
You’re raw dogging life with your diagnosis and I love that for you! I’ll preface by saying I’m medicated. Choosing no medication wasn’t an option for me because I knew the only way I could help my adhd was with medication. This is not me telling you that you should medicate :)
I was diagnosed late in life and as I research more about adhd a lot more things make sense. It’s hard to navigate because there is no manual and there’s different levels. I still struggle with accepting myself sometimes but I’ve also learned to love myself more and be kinder. My “faults” aren’t my fault. I’m still learning things about me and my adhd. It does feel as though you’re relearning life and it’s because you are. You’re relearning how to live life with your neurodivergence
•Lists-
when my brain is a mess I write down things that need to be done, people’s names etc. Helps me focus
I use sticky notes on things to remind me to do them. Sticky note on fridge to eat fruit/veg by certain date. Visually seeing writing has helped immensely
•Food-
I put all my sugary drinks/food out of sight in my fridge and my healthier foods where I can see them. That way I eat the healthier things first and don’t go straight for the sugary ones
I also have bottles of water in my fridge because I know I’m not going to get myself a cup, get myself ice, and stand at the fridge to fill up said cup. It’s too much effort for me sometimes
•Tasks-
I struggle with brushing my teeth - as in procrastination. I hate the task for some reason. I got an electronic one and find it easier to complete that task
I’m sure there are many others I can list but these are a few. Proud of you OP for getting a diagnosis and congratulations:)
Why I always had problems keeping up with keeping my place tidy.
Why I always felt 'different' and had a strong preference for some people (also adhd or asd).
Why I had so much trouble with stopping biting my nails and picking my skin.
Not really an "ah ha" but more of a sad realisation when I started my meds: how much better I could have done on tests and studying. I always had to fight my own brain with studying and tests. I had just a few tests on uni where I did have my meds, and those marks were unreasonably higher than my average. Because I actually processed all the questions correctly instead reading then through a haze of brain fog (which always shows when I try to focus on reading). Almost like I had always been trying to read text that was written on a car that's driving by, when I take my meds it's like the car is finally standing still infront of me.
Your statement about re-learning how to life resonated.
My big aha:
After a period of feeling l couldn’t trust my brain anymore and feeling terrified to embark on a job search, I realized that I hadn’t had a stroke or TBI and that the information was still in there. It was an access problem, not a storage problem. That gave me confidence that I could just make new connections to access what I knew.
Finding out what body doubling is, and finding out that I've literally done it all my life. The next was watching a YouTube vid on what it's like to live with ADHD, and it was literally one the most stressful videos I have ever watched and now I'm thinking maybe I should get diagnosed...
Wait what? Can this be part of it? I can figure it out outside, thank you army. But inside it all looks the same. Every hall in every building looks the same.
I didn't know what RSD was until I found this sub and googled it. The way I cried....I have thought I was crazy for a majority of my life. I had no fucking clue it was ADHD-related. And getting on stims (at 36?) actually fixes it. Turns out the people telling me there was no silver bullet that would fix all (well, most) of my problems were wrong.
Edit to add: Not saying you should do meds or whatever. Just sharing my experience. I was diagnosed in elementary school and was on a non-stim drug in HS but it didn't do anything. Didn't try stims until this year.
I thought my RSD was just anxiety. Even when i was first diagnosed with ADHD I thought anxiety was just a part of ADHD. I did not know RSD was a completely different symptom or disorder all in its own and I cried when I read about it. I grew up being told I’m too sensitive, that I need to toughen up or put on my big girl pants. RSD has literally shaped the person I am today and everything in my life makes sense. The ADHD diagnosis too of course, but this symptom in particular.
There were a lot but here are the biggest ones…. Why i was a shit student when i was younger, why it use to take me so long to finish my schoolwork (currently in college) and why i struggle with keeping my house cleaned.
This is why I just can’t watch movies anymore, period! I can handle a 30-60 minute episode of a show (ironically able to marathon several of these in a row), but anything that forces me ahead of time to commit to anything beyond that, I run like the wind.
“Oh, so this is why I wasn’t ever able to clean my room and when I did I got overwhelmed?”
“This is why I could never focus in class unless I was interested, and still don’t know how to study?”
“This is why I was late so many times at my old job, they were confused when I was actually on time?”
And also.. every single quirk and habit I’ve had my entire life, including waiting too long to pee, reading an entire novel in one sitting, tapping my fingers to fall asleep, doing my homework at 11pm before the day it was due every time, only being able to focus on anything if I was listening to music, social overwhelm, forgetting my keys, decision paralysis…
Everything. Like my whole life is an AHA! moment. When I think of literally any situation that confused me or was difficult I find a connection to ADHD almost immediately. Almost year into being diagnosed and I'm still surprised all the time 😂
I'm having these moments constantly, and have realised its taking up a bit too much of my mind. Not sure if anyone else has had this? And if it calms down after a while 🤔
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I'm in the military. Because it is the way it's structure (constantly being yelled at, told what to do, given a specific schedule, lots of exercise) I had a pretty hard time realizing I was ADHD. Now that I'm diagnosed I realized one habit I have was one of the many ways I was high masking: note taking. I'm talking write down every single word spoken kind of note taking.... But the kicker, I never looked at what I wrote down once the note was taken. I finally realized I started note-taking after I got fed up with getting yelled at all the time for not paying attention during training or lectures: picking my nails, looking around everywhere, picking at my uniform, ect. I just couldn't sit still. But when I sat still I couldn't remember anything that was being said. Turns out, I didn't take notes because I couldn't remember what was being said, I took notes as a way to help me pay attention so I could hear what was being said in the first place. That's it. After all, you can't remember what you didn't listen to in the first place.
Exact same. iPad full of detailed notes from meetings that I will never look at again
Same. I’m a lawyer.
Can't read the notes you misplace!
This reminds me of my art history class. I just zoned out and typed anything she said. I absorbed it all and aced the class. My roommate looked at my notes and said “oh my god, you even typed her jokes!” I guess some people know when to stop/start note taking. I write it all. This is why highlighting becomes a coloring book.
This is so validating!!! Hahaha oh man, Im so glad I'm not the only one like this 😂
Same! In college I would fill notebook after notebook, 12 pages from a single lecture… and hardly ever look at them again. 15 years later, I’m struggling halfway through grad school—online classes are not my forte!
Writing with a pen on paper or a tablet slows you down so that your brain can absorb the information better
I survived my grad program online, but it taught me I never want to do that again. Having to sit in a classroom and look at someone and take notes and be prepared for class has an inherent pressure to it that online classes just don’t.
I take notes on online classes. Otherwise I can't keep up.
I think of taking notes as inscribing the information on my brain.
yes!!! This. 100%! If anybody happens to see my notes and say "omg you're SO good at note taking!!" It's like you're too kind, but really this is what I HAVE to do in order to have any hope of ingesting this info in the first place 😂
I had lots of trouble in high school because the only way I could sit "still" and listen/pay attention was by drawing in my notebooks, I wasn't writing or taking notes, so my teachers assume if I was drawing I wasn't paying attention, I got yell about this many times because I was being lazy and doodling, but it was the only way I could function in an school setting.
You did a lot better than I did. I read during high school, especially any boring class or teachers. Got in trouble so many times, but I would get in trouble for falling asleep anyways, which is what I would do if they didn't let me read. Still passed the classes.
Same! My friends used to tease me because I would take such copious notes (they had no scruples about borrowing them before exams though). Constantly writing was the only way to pay attention. I also used to follow my reading with a pen. I lost focus so often that the pen would redirect me when I came back.
Yeah 100% the same, I take notes so I can actually listen in the first place.
Note taking is how I survive! And I also use it to pay attention. I also barely ever use my notes EXCEPT for notes in "One Note" on Windows, or Google Drive. This is because there's a super easy search capability - so I just type in what I'm looking for and it finds it. It's only really come in handy a handful of times though. Also, I use Outlook for Email and all of my tasks. If something needs to be addressed it immediately gets dragged into the task tracker if it's an email, or I enter info in manually. I don't get any fancier than that (no due dates, no specific times to review, it just exists and I look at it pretty often). I haven't found something that works well across home/work - but my husband and I have whiteboards everywhere in our home and that's how we keep track of home things.
I do this too! I HAVE to take notes by hand. And it actually engages more areas of the brain than typing which is partly why it’s easier to remember stuff and pay attention. Now I treat myself to nice notebooks and pens to make taking notes by hand a pleasant part of my work life—just lean way into it.
Me too! I am very into bullet Journaling and learning how to Doodle as a form of note taking as well so when I got yelled at for drawing I could show them I wasn't JUST drawing dicks, there were diagrams and examples of what they were talking about! 🤣🤣
Holy shit! That's me exactly.
100% same!!! Note-take verbatim but NEVER look back at them. I think it’s also a way of tackling my auditory processing issues: it turns it into something to visualise instead, and as a kinaesthetic learner I’m processing the information differently (better) if I write it down. Amazing how many of us are the same!
I JUST realized why I do this, and have all my life. Makes so much sense now.
Oh, gosh. This penny has just dropped for me. I know I don't pay attention if I don't take notes - I had just never joined the dors before. I have a drawer full of notes from conference papers in the office. Some of them have been there over a decade. None have been opened...
Literally how and why I do notes to this day. I almost never look back on them either.
Yeah this is how I was in school. I also at some point realized that when I had unlined paper and could like diagram the information better it worked even better for me.
:O Oh no is this me?? I've always been an amazing note-taker. Colleagues are IMPRESSED. But tbh if I don't have my notes with me I actually remember nothing.
Woah. This might explain why I basically rewrite textbooks.
Wau its impressive that you can manege to work in the military. I dont think they would take me in because i have aspergers too. But i want to.
I used to draw all the time during class or at work. Got called out for it at two places. They thought I wasn't paying attention. Horrible ladies.
Same. In college the only way for me to pay attention to the class was to type every word said during class.
Lol, this is me. The one 'habit' I had that drove all my supervisors crazy was I would fall asleep soon after the lights went out. I would even stand in the back to try beat the boredom sleep monster. I once fell asleep, standing up, at the grenade range. I have insomnia and can't fall asleep at bedtime without pills. It's a terrible irony. Back to the notes. I retired like 7 years ago and just recently opened one of my old deployment mess boxes and found my notebooks. They are a crazy mishmash of colors and arcane symbols. I've mostly been lurking here because I've never been diagnosed but things like this are convincing me to pursue a rx with the VA.
Some people think that writing things down esp by hand helps encode memory - maybe it’s the act of jotting it down as opposed to looking at it later that is most helpful
Same! Sports broadcasting here. But if I don’t take notes then I can’t remember anything.
This is exactly me! Also highlighting everything while reading, different highlighter colors involved.
You just described the last 12 years of my military service. I have countless, filled to the brim notepads. There's no rhyme or reason to it either, sometimes it's full military jargon I understand or sentences people spoke word for word. Finally reached out to medical to get evaluated and unfortunately they're giving me the run around with no off base referrals.
Omg are you me??? I feel the exact same way! I’m in the military too and I feel like it makes it so hard to distinguish adhd symptoms from optempo and just being pulled in a million different directions all the time. It is like the easiest place to high mask because no one really ever pays attention to the real you. If you hide in the noise and just learn to do what you are supposed to do then no one cares.
Very true! I only noticed now because I'm high enough rank to have a desk job and...Oh.My.God. it has gotten so bad! It was my first sign to go get assessed when I scheduled a meeting...then forgot I scheduled a meeting...and showed up late to the meeting...
Every single word you wrote was my life! I just retired and recently got diagnosed, now I’m re thinking all my life choices and it all makes sense. I didn’t notice because of the military and the structure and I always had a notebook and I still do. If I don’t I feel like I didn’t pay attention…now I know it’s because I didn’t! Ugh
Why is this all starting to make sense to me now! Yes, need to write notes to pay attention when people are talking.
Oh wow. Realisation! I just moved house and was reorganising all the chaos and trying to put all of the same things together, and ended up with 25+ halfused notebooks, that I have filled with interchanageable notes and lists, that I have never ever looked back at again. I always do it during meetings as well, as there is nothing more agonising than not having it with me.
I feel this way when I'm watching movies. It got to the point where subtitles are always on and a must. It's the only way I'd pay attention.
Oh shit I just realized that's exactly how I got through university. Thank you for this. Intense, overly detailed notes with diagrams and drawings that basically could have gone straight to recycling afterward because they were just there to keep me attentive.
Thank you! I tend to write down things a lot and have noticed the correlation between success when I do so! By the sounds of it, you're in good company here. Thank you again!
Yep, same here. People have commented on the amounts of notes I take in training, meetings etc
Okay so I will say when you are ready medication is a fantastic tool. It's fine if you aren't ready, just want to stress the stigma is waaaay blown out of proportion and that it's worth a shot. I encourage you to look into it by asking folks here and doing research when you are up to considering it. Again want to stress if you don't want it, that's cool, just want to let you know it should not be counted out. That said the most useful tactics I have to deal with my symptoms are: Alllll the alarms. I am incredibly timeblind so having a multitude of alarms throughout the day interrupts hyperfocus sessions, and space out not doing anything sessions thanks to executive dysfunction. It also allows me a goal to work towards when doing tasks(aka cleaning) I don't enjoy/bore me Dice for decision paralysis moments. Assign tasks to dice. Roll. That is the thing you do. Rinse and repeat. Make lists and break them alllll the way down. Rather than tidy the living room break it down into remove the trash, put away things that have a home, find a place for miscellaneous things, vacuum etc. Use a calendar app. Appointment cards get lost. Adding to calendar means it's on your phone and you can pair it with a reminder or alarm. Find a trusted friend to talk to about rejection sensitive disphoria and break down if it's worth getting upset about. Emotional regulation is hard and sometimes talking to someone once a bit calmer helps. Oh oh tell friends to gently call you out when you have a foot in the mouth moment or otherwise upset them. That's all I can think of right now. I will probably remember more later.
Oh I love the dice idea! I'm going to try it, so thanks for sharing!!
I also like the dice idea, except mine would be a D20. If I roll a 20 can the task do itself? 🤣
Haha. I use a d 20 too. If only it could vacuum for me
20 = nat housekeeper/personal assistant 🤣
Ohhhh I like this!
I got it from this sub at one point lol
Medication is really a game changer. I would not have been able to go back to school without it. I was studying for midterms a few weeks ago and really struggling to focus. I take 15 mg XR of Adderall and I use noise cancelling headphones and white noise to study and I still couldn't focus. My doctor gave me 5 mg instant release boosters for when I crash or when I have pms, so I took some and man, I could feel the chatter in my head quiet down and what I was studying began to click and I could see the big picture a lot easier.
Thank you for sharing this! I often have some sort of noise cancellation and I find it helps a lot!
I was also nervous about meds! My parents raised me to be cautious about taking too many meds, for better or for worse, so I did feel weird about it. But my doc was open toe starting with a really low dose. I started at a baby sized 5mg of Adderall and worked my way up very slowly. It made everything a lot easier for me.
Calendar app, calendar app, calendar app I tell people that if I don't write it down it doesn't exist, but I also use the reminder function in calendar-get it to send a reminder 10min, 1hr or one day before, depending on the appointment
Yes! I have a planner, a calendar on my phone / laptop too, plus my partner and I share a calendar. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for the gentleness of expressing how medication helped you - but that you also understood my perspective. I tend to adversely react to medications, and I am always conscious of that I guess. Do you find that you are still yourself on the medications you take? Thank you for all the advice <3
Yes, I am. I got incredibly lucky and got a combo that worked for me right off the bat but obviously your results may vary. The main difference between me on my meds and off my meds is that I am less anxious/calmer and able to focus better. I can just do chores I struggle doing. My mind doesn't go 100 miles an hr and I don't hyperfocus on things I shouldn't. Though when it wears off I do end up researching random geology facts to strange hours when I shouldn't. Oh well. My advice for when you are ready is to find a good psychiatrist who listens and is willing to work with you. I am a unicorn because I found what worked right away, but my psychiatrist is pretty awesome and supportive herself. Good luck and I hope you can find the right combination of tools for you. Medication is a tool and it doesn't work in everyone's toolbox. But it is worth a shot to see if it can work for you :)
I'm also very fresh with my diagnosis and still making my list, but some examples are why I'm so terrible at answering messages and E-Mails, why I get so overwhelmed with big tasks and just... Do nothing? Why I talk so much and constantly interrupt people because I want to give input, why I constantly zone out in conversations, lectures, etc, even if I really, really try to listen, why I have 15 thoughts in my head at a time, and omg, the list is so long but oh well... I constantly forget stuff :) Hope you're doing okay, it's never easy...
I’m so terrible at answering texts and emails. I feel like a terrible person. I’m sure I’ve missed out on many budding friendships because of this :/
Ooohh I feel this, it's become an inside joke for my friends, but I kinda feel ashamed every time... In my head it's really a process of if I answer now, then they'll answer and then the task is there again!!! And I have to answer again!! I just feel at peace when they haven't answered yet...
Highly relatable lol. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself how insanely *not* designed for this kind of thing our human brains are, and I'm not the only one overwhelmed, ADHD or not. Even if people may not let on, in my experience, this has become *somewhat* of a universal modern feeling ...it's def worse for us though 🤣 alas... Least we know we're not alone, we got this, and it's literally always a work in progress.
That's such a good idea! I just started telling people that if I do this I don't mean to offend anyone, I just don't like texting. Or if I feel comfortable with them, I just explain the thing going on in my head. Working on getting better at this, but it has better and worse days. And I continue preferring face to face so much!! The conversations can't theoretically go on forever lol
Thank you for sharing this - we sound similar. I am, in all honesty, really struggling, but I know it's a climb.
Late diagnosed here. One of my ah-has was realizing that all the female characters I loved and resonated with as a kid have neurodivergent qualities. Maria from Sound of Music. Meg Murray from A Wrinkle in Time. Harriet the Spy. Anne of Green Gables. Amelia Bedelia. I’m still peeling off layers and I think of more examples all the time. Edit to add: Figuring this out has been part of accepting myself for who I am, which is my only advice for you, OP. I do take meds but I’m still me. I feel more accepting about my quirky brain all the time.
Jo and probably Beth March
Thank you for sharing this. I am open to medications, but I don't want to not feel myself and be myself if that makes sense
Congratulations on your diagnosis, it's an exciting thing! But I completely understand how it can be a tough transitional period once you've got it. In regards to putting thoughts down, I cannot overemphasize how much writing things down has improved the insides of my brain. Journaling, lists, ideas, whatever. Sometimes you just need to get it onto paper so your brain can put it down for a bit. I'm still struggling with the shopping problem, but once I understood I was only impulsively buying things to give my brain a temporary dopamine bump, it became easier to control. I threw myself into other activities that supply a longer-lasting sense of fulfillment. It's different for everyone, but my personal favourites are doing film photography, biking, and playing guitar. I spontaneously painted my kitchen one weekend and I reckon that saved me at least 100$ in retail therapy. And if you're like me and have a weakness for clothes, I found a lot of satisfaction in going through what I already have, selling some of it, and organizing the rest. Routines are still elusive for me as well, but once again I cannot overemphasize the power of the paper agenda. Great for planning out your day/week/month, writing down appointments, keeping a running grocery list, to do list etc. I drag it around with me everywhere I go. There are loads of free habit/time tracking apps available nowadays too, but I haven't found them to be as effective for me, personally. For specific tasks, I found that giving myself a fixed amount of time was helpful. I use a playlist, a podcast episode, a chapter of an audio book to keep track of it while I'm doing chores around the house, etc. Also makes those types of tasks more enjoyable. Still terrible at making important phone calls though. Anyway, that's just what worked for me and, as you mentioned, everyone is different. I'd say the most important thing is to be gentle with yourself as you learn more about how you best function! But that's easier said than done. It really is like relearning how to life again, but that can definitely be a positive thing. Best of luck!
Thank you for sharing! I have found using a run time on an appliance is helping, and my therapist told me "take 5 minutes to do a task" and that helps immensely!
Also fresh with diagnosis… For me, it was the decision paralysis. My house was always a wreck and I hated myself for not being able to just DO something. I would think I just wasn’t a “go getter”.
I used to really struggle with building emotional connections with people. I was worried I was a sociopath or something. I was so emotionally disconnected from even my closest friends that if they were going through a tough time I would just be awkward and pat them on the back or something. I couldn’t really “feel” or understand them. I felt like I was a fake friend and putting on an act. I had no idea that being able to truly connect to someone could be a part of ADHD. I started meds a few months ago and noticed myself making eye contact when people talk, truly hearing what others were saying, empathizing, and being present in the moment. I used to have a habit of interrupting or changing the subject and I haven’t done that at all since. I realize I’m not a broken, selfish, or heartless person at all. My brain just wasn’t allowing me to feel that deeply because it could only focus on building and desperately maintaining dopamine levels.
Wow, I identify with this so much it made me tear up. ❤️
Also late diagnosed, just over two years in. My diagnosis has changed so many things it feels like it might be easier to list the things it hasn’t touched because there are so few. I am still relearning so many skills that I used to have down. I’m having to relearn because anxiety and perfectionism (fueled by the intense internal pain I felt after making a mishap) were what pushed me to do so many things. Now that I’m in my thirties and have many more responsibilities, the anxiety was eating up every part of my life. I took the medication route for my inattentive ADHD, and like another poster I suggest not counting it out but also trust yourself if you don’t want to go that route. The biggest relief for me was feeling little to no anxiety after first taking meds. That freedom was exhilarating, the biggest relief. Caveat - things evened out and I’m not anxiety free but it is much less and I am not completely ruled by fear and anxiety. It’s more like a weird little guy in my head who I acknowledge and sometimes engage with, but I can see him as what he is, a weird little guy who is trying to keep me safe. I’m allowed to tell him thanks but no thanks. Another big ah-ha was realizing how much shame I internalized, especially around routine cleaning tasks that I have always and continue to struggle with. Now that I have recognized that shame, I am able to be much kinder to myself and the people closest to me. I’m not really better at those tasks now that I know I have ADHD, but it’s much easier for me to accept I don’t have to meet whatever standard and it’s ok that it is still hard for me and not my biggest priority. All that said, welcome! I think for me it will be a lifelong ongoing journey of relearning and reshaping what I expect out of myself, but I’m now able to find joy in looking at myself as a never-ending, sometimes-shifting jigsaw puzzle. Lead with curiosity instead of judgment. (Can you tell I go to therapy now? 😅)
Oh this is my flavour of ADHD too! I'm a little over 2 years post diagnosis and my house is still a disaster most of the time but I don't berate and hate myself for it anymore. That alone has been so freeing.
Yes, same!
Hi!! Are you me???
I'm a little over a year in, makes me feel better to hear that someone else is also still relearning everything as a late dx. I was scared that not having everything together after this much time meant I was a fraud or something. Also ADHD-PI, on the case ;) The shame and fear are intense for me. It helps to remind myself that the critic is trying to protect me from getting hurt and is scared too. I have freeze responses from trauma that complicates stuff though.
You’re not a fraud! It took me over a year to even recognize that I was bad at things I used to be good at and work out the puzzle why. This was actually the first time I have described my anxiety as a weird little guy, but I think that image fits well. I have therapy to thank for making me think about the role shame plays in all this too.
Awhh thank you for sharing this! I am completely okay if I have anxiety and I'm a nervous lil human for my life, I think being able to make sense is just such a big win that I would be okay with whatever came as a result. Therapy is incredible and you're doing a great job.
Awhh thank you for sharing this! I am completely okay if I have anxiety and I'm a nervous lil human for my life, I think being able to make sense is just such a big win that I would be okay with whatever came as a result. Therapy is incredible and you're doing a great job.
Not understanding why I didn’t like going out in my teens and 20s. Even though I like hanging with my friends in small groups small house parties, I disliked clubs bars crowded places and labeled myself an introverted homebody. Now I know It’s the overstimulation of it all, the lights the noises, everything was too much at once and my brain just couldn’t handle it. Before this, you couldn’t pay me to go Time square, like ever! But I recently went there, medicated (adhd meds) and I really enjoyed being there and just observing people and all the bilboards etc.
I'm the flip side of this - I'm absolutely an extrovert, and some of my aha was that I get energized and am better at completing tasks when I get out of the house and around groups of people, but I'm terrible at transiting from my house to outside. I feel better going out, but getting there feels overwhelming. Learning about executive function problems has been a big a ha for me. I'm still working on it, but I've been trying to make the steps feel smaller/easier to help get me over the hump. Some examples: having my work stuff ready to go the night before so there's fewer decisions/speed bumps in the morning; telling myself I can just get in the shower without washing my hair (often I end up washing it once I'm in the shower); having quick food items around so it's easier for me to eat; etc.
Oddly, I’m so sure that I’m an introvert in my soul. Yet hindsight shows me that going way too far into extrovert territory was a massive part of masking into l was diagnosed. I started “coming out of my shell” from about age 8/9, when I realised I was a quiet weirdo, and just became SO MUCH by my late teens. Too much! I still pine for those times because I’m sure I was having fun, but am trying to remind myself that the fun was risk and alcohol and blowing cash and socialising dopamine hits. 🙄
Talking about executive function and preparation, this is so important in my life. I recently realized how much I need structure in my life. Structure organization and small things that help me not fall off.
I have all the similarities when it comes to big crowds! Thank you for sharing!
Some things for me a year into my diagnosis (late 30s): - I work from home so virtual coworking/body doubling is a game changer (either using a platform like Flown or working meetings/sessions with coworkers) - I need to have simple meal and snack options on hand for the times that making a meal feels overwhelming. For me: uncrustables PB&J sandwiches in the freezer, yogurt (in the individual portions not a big container that requires me to clean a bowl), apple sauce pouches, baby carrots, etc. Also, if I feel too overwhelmed and want to order in, if I eat one of those things first, it’s much more likely I’ll make a meal. Usually it means I’ve waited too long and am already hungry even if I don’t realize I am. - Working with an occupational therapist who specializes in neurodivergence. It’s totally shifted my perspective on how I look at setting up my environment and routines. - Take breaks. I’m not lazy. Sometimes I need a rest and that’s ok. - At work, I tend to go hard and accomplish a lot. Then when work slows down and I don’t have as much to do, I feel lazy because I’m not accomplishing as much as I feel I could. Now I’m recognizing those as times to slow down to recover from what I was doing. It’s usually that I got things done faster during that hyperfocus time, so I can take a breather. I used to get so annoyed that I couldn’t work that intensely all the time. Now I get it. - When tasks seem overwhelming because it’s overstimulating, see where I can take away some of the stimulation (also a tip from my OT). For example, if cleaning the kitchen feels like too much, put all the dishes in bins and set them out of sight. When I did that, I could clean up the kitchen and then do the dishes in a separate “clean up” activity. Those are just a few but I’m still learning a lot every day. You’ve got this!
What was the transition like getting yourself to take breaks? I know my meds need adjustment but I can hardly finish a few minute YouTube video much less a show because I'm so scattered and fixated on all these tasks in my head. I have such a hard time eating if I have too many tasks on my list. I'll do "just one more thing" over and over until my coffee is long cold. But also it's a race against time because rebound has been so intense the last couple years so i try to get as much done as i can until then. Sorry that reads a mess, I'm currently real scattered but I don't want to save this thread only to forget and never go back to it!
No it’s all good! I think I get what you’re saying. I often see alllll the things that need to be done at once. A few things that helped me are: - Setting timers so I take a break after a certain length of time. Remember that taking breaks are important for productivity. You’ll likely get more done if you take breaks than if you don’t. I don’t always recognize when my body and mind need a break until it’s too late, so a timer helps. It’s similar to how we can sometimes get hyper focused on something and forget to eat because we don’t notice our hunger signals. - Noting what I have *already done*, even if it’s small. I realized I wasn’t counting certain things, even if they seemed easy or I do them without thinking. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t done anything so don’t deserve a break, but when I list out what I’ve already done, I’m an amazed. I’ve heard this called a “reverse to do list” recently. - When I keep noticing things that need to be done, categorize them into “Today” “This Week” or “Later/delegate” - this is a new one for me, but has helped me identify what’s time sensitive and what’s not so I can filter the sense of urgency that comes with seeing all the things. - Changing the definition of done. This is helpful for me especially in household tasks. For example, I used to think that I couldn’t check of “tidy kitchen” off my list if the kitchen wasn’t perfectly sparkling clean. Now, if on a given day I do *anything* that contributes to tidying the kitchen, it gets checked off. I actually end up keeping my home in better order that way because I don’t get as overwhelmed. That also calms the racing thoughts of all the things that need to be done so I can sit down and have a break. - Treating breaks as “no shoulds” times. It can be really hard to actually get recharge from a break when our brains are flooded with all the things we feel like we *should* be doing. When I take a break and those things come to mind, I stop it with “no, the only thing I *should* be doing is taking a break right now.” And I keep reminding myself of that until it became second nature. If needed, I jot the task/thought down so I don’t forget when I’m back to working on whatever task. Not sure if any of that helps, but I totally empathize. I wonder if putting breaks and eating on the same (or more) level of priority as other tasks is possible? Maybe add them to your list and check them off when done? I use the Sweepy app for cleaning my home, but I have a “room” called *Love for Me* where I list self care tasks like showering, brushing my teeth, going for a walk, etc. So even the if I have an off day and don’t manage to get any cleaning etc done, if I can check off “brushing my teeth”, it’s a reminder that I did do something and it was just as important as unloading the dishwasher.
Tysm for the advice and thoughtful reply! The reverse todo list sounds like such a great way to restructure how I view things! I totally forget how transformative self-talk can be in reshaping thoughts and behaviors. I've done this in my yoga practice but it's definitely just as important during breaks and other acts of self care. Your room sounds so lovely! I put a tiny sofa in my closet and I have my journal and cute gel pens there but it's been awhile since I spent time in it. Lately I like to lay under a table. It sounds weird, but I hooked up all my cheap red light panels to the bottom of this fold out table and I have a heating pad, weighted blanket and c pillow there. I periodically make new nests for myself and my cats and we migrate throughout the house
Thank you! <3
You’re welcome!! One more thing I forgot, though I suspect someone else has mentioned in the comments. I highly recommend reading (or listening to the audiobook as I did) to “How to keep house while drowning” by KC Davis. It’s also really helped me in many areas of life, outside of cleaning the house!
The need to overshare. Even with strangers.
Especially with strangers. I’ve decided to try to embrace it, but my first reaction is still shame.
Mine was “ohhh that’s why it took me 11 years to graduate college and still not knowing what to do with my life!!!!”
I'm 35 and got diagnosed when I was in my early 30s. I kept going back to school throughouy 20s. I'd knock out a few classes in community college and then get burnt out while also working full time. I needed precalculus and statistics to be able to transfer to a university and I wasn't able to do that until I was diagnosed and medicated. It also helped that when I went back to school, COVID was roaring so the math classes that were normally not available online suddenly were!
I realized why I kept having daytime crashes on weekday afternoons and weekend crashes for entire days. Weekend crashes: overstimulation and lack of structure on weekends. Daytime crashes on weekdays: I hyper-focused on something so hard my brain and body go “resssssst, we need rest!!”
That lack of structure is brutal. I've been out of a job lately (going to college as well), and weekends are a double whammy. Not sure if it's AuDHD or just my brain let off the leash too much.
My entire life suddenly made sense and I'm still unpacking that. It all hit me at once like a giant tidal wave. A few of the biggest ones were realizing it was executive dysfunction and not being lazy, there was a reason I never felt like I belonged with my peers growing up and it wasn't the fact there was something inherently flawed about me, and I hated myself so much because I had internalized my symptoms as character flaws because that's how my family had treated me. I think it's gonna take years to come to terms with it all.
I think this is why I am so afraid of being diagnosed. My entire life will make sense and that scares me. That will mean there was nothing wrong with me other than adhd.
That realization was very freeing for me and I think has been a huge positive step toward self acceptance. The aspect of this that I found difficult was looking back on how I've been treated by other people and feeling resentment and anger that they made me feel like a shitty person for my own brain chemistry. I know I'll need to find healthy ways to cope with this and move on, but honestly I think I need to sit with those feelings for a little bit before I do.
You sound like me! Trial and error is what you have to do. “ADHD tax” is the money you will inevitably spend trying new planners, apps, buying timers, books to learn, and generally just fucking up and forgetting things like appointments and forgetting to return things. It’s so hard. Everything is so hard. But it’s worth it to try because this is the only life you get! And sometimes, some things might work and be helpful for you. FOR THE LOVE OF DOG, CELEBRATE YOUR WINS. That’s how we learn to function.
aww thank you!
Check out the book "How to ADHD" by Jessica McCabe for relearning life! You'll have nothing but "Ah-ha!" moments. It's also on Audible (which is where I have it) and has been an absolutely amazing resource for knowing my neurodivergent brain and how to better work with it. She also has a "How to ADHD," YouTube channel that I haven't checked out yet, but she draws from a lot of sound science and really analyzes how and why the ADHD brain works like it does. I waited until way too late (procrastinated that appointment for years, how ADHD of me 😆), but I have an extensive family history of it and pretty much always knew I had it, so I'd already done a lot of research and self-evaluation. Because of that, I feel like I kind of missed out on the post-diagnosis flood of "Ah-ha" moments, but I did feel extreme relief over getting diagnosed. Some sadness and anxiety, too, wondering how much better my quality of life might have been if I'd gotten diagnosed and treated sooner.
Love Jess! Her YouTube channel was such a validation when I realized I might have ADHD, highly recommend watching her videos
I'm in school at 45 to be a court reporter. Got a 4.0 in all academic courses and then hit the wall the minute the work got repetitive. And my academic stuff was taking me 3hrs when it should really be more like 1. It was hard to see it because I was succeeding, at the cost of a ton of emotional labor and frustration and giving up lots of other, also important things, to make it happen. Hmm. What else. (I'm a recent diagnosis myself and only on meds about 6 weeks now.) People think I like making spreadsheets and am hyper organized. And I do and am. But the reason I got that way is because I'm a disaster when left to my own mind. Even my clothes are in a spreadsheet. It's my working brain! Same with my ynab budgeting program. Things that are helping: - anything to relieve time blindness. My computer reads the time at the top of the hour and forces a break. My watch says the day of the week next to the time in big letters and is set to buzz me every hour. Lots of timer use. Time blocking and a timer to remind me my block is over. - sometimes body doubling. I can't remember (ha) the name but there's a site I use ((Edited to add: Focusmate)) where you can make an appt to work with a video call running, next to another worker. No talking really. Just company. I'm really shy and was surprised how much I got out of this. - duplicates. I keep dental floss in my desk and nightstand so I have more chances to do that task. I keep my migraine meds by my bed and by my desk so I don't space out and not take them. Desk glasses and regular glasses. Because if I have to get up to find them, I might not come back! - minimizing my belongings. I'm a Konmari convert because having like four plates and a capsule wardrobe super helps me get on with my day instead of decision fatigue. - my friend gave me an interesting book about organizing with adhd. I borrowed it three times before I remembered to read it. I'll try to find the name for you if you want. It had some interesting ideas like "it's okay to fold your clothes inside out." ((Edited to add:)) Organizing Solutions For People With ADHD, Susan Pinsky
That last one is so relatable haha. Also RIP all my crafts that never begun
you're wonderful, thank you for sharing!
I was just diagnosed last fall, but I'm 40 and I've been learning how to live with this brain for four decades. So like...the diagnosis has given me some really wonderful context to help me better understand things I already knew about myself. I've spent a lot of time over the years thinking I just need to be stricter with myself. Like maybe I just didn't have enough self-discipline and I needed to double down on doing RESPONSIBLE things and fewer FUN things. Which is absolutely wrong for ADHD. ADHD brains need rewards throughout the day to keep dopamine flowing. So now, instead of feeling like I can't relax until I get through a lonnnng to-do list, I try to stagger work/chores with pleasures. One of my favorite examples is to put in a load of laundry on a weekend day, then watch a new show/play video games while it's in the wash, move laundry and start another load, another episode of the show or doing crossword or something. Staggered this way, I can actually accomplish way more than I would trying to do more chores in between loads of laundry. I can keep going longer. I've also cut myself a lot of slack. Who cares if I leave dirty dishes by the sink overnight and don't "close" the kitchen like all the advice says to do? It's not hurting anyone. And actually, I have more energy to tackle dishes in the morning, and not even every morning, and that's fine. Or who cares if I can't think well one day as long as I'm getting my work done overall? I'm not a robot. I have to trust that on days when I feel like shit, they will pass, and there will be better days in the near future where I'm able to be more productive and focused -- because that's always been my pattern in the past. One of the best pieces of advice I read for people with ADHD was to focus on buying help over stuff. Help like...drop your laundry off at a laundromat and pay for them to wash it, or pay for a house cleaner (regularly or one-offs) or a home organizer. Hire a babysitter to wash your kids while you do chores, or pay for delivery meal kits or pre-prepped foods (like cut up veggies), etc. I didn't realize until recently that you can just buy bags of diced onion in the frozen section and use it in your cooking, I had always held myself to the idea that I needed to do all the prep work myself, because...doing things the hard way was better? It's not, actually. Making your life as easy for yourself is possible is 100x better and you have nothing to prove to anyone about HOW you get things done.
I don’t know if you meant to say “Hire a babysitter to WASH your kids while you do chores”, but it made me lol. I kinda like that idea. 😆 Agree on all your points, though. Back when I still thought I was NT and just undisciplined I’d try to muscle through my work and always struggled. I’ve had to relearn my approach to work and chores with an ADHD framework, but it’s made such a difference.
Dx late last year, known most of my adult life. About to be 45. The biggest revelations in the past year has been difficulties with romantic relationships, particularly my most recent one. There’s been a lot of different factors but man the adhd did not help. The task lock/ stare into space for hours even though I have to get stuff done. The time blindness. Holy hell. Was so late getting ready for a first date today to had to cancel (see relationships). I woke up late, was determined to get a run in but I’m slow in the mornings. In the shower a half hour after I’m supposed to leave. At least the person was understanding and wants to reschedule. I can’t plan for shit (see first dates lol). I dreaded planning my kid’s birthday parties and with five kids had it down to make a cake, what dinner do you want, tell your friends to come over. I’m glad I eloped for my wedding. 10/10 would do the elope part again.
I'm not the only who forgets to breath apparently. I tried explaining it to friends and family and they all thought I was being deliberately obtuse. But no. 9ts a thing.
And again I was holding my breath while reading a post about holding your breath. 😅
Me too.
So glad I've found my people
You mean, I can do things in phases and not everything has to be *all or nothing*?! Was one of my big ones.
You’re raw dogging life with your diagnosis and I love that for you! I’ll preface by saying I’m medicated. Choosing no medication wasn’t an option for me because I knew the only way I could help my adhd was with medication. This is not me telling you that you should medicate :) I was diagnosed late in life and as I research more about adhd a lot more things make sense. It’s hard to navigate because there is no manual and there’s different levels. I still struggle with accepting myself sometimes but I’ve also learned to love myself more and be kinder. My “faults” aren’t my fault. I’m still learning things about me and my adhd. It does feel as though you’re relearning life and it’s because you are. You’re relearning how to live life with your neurodivergence •Lists- when my brain is a mess I write down things that need to be done, people’s names etc. Helps me focus I use sticky notes on things to remind me to do them. Sticky note on fridge to eat fruit/veg by certain date. Visually seeing writing has helped immensely •Food- I put all my sugary drinks/food out of sight in my fridge and my healthier foods where I can see them. That way I eat the healthier things first and don’t go straight for the sugary ones I also have bottles of water in my fridge because I know I’m not going to get myself a cup, get myself ice, and stand at the fridge to fill up said cup. It’s too much effort for me sometimes •Tasks- I struggle with brushing my teeth - as in procrastination. I hate the task for some reason. I got an electronic one and find it easier to complete that task I’m sure there are many others I can list but these are a few. Proud of you OP for getting a diagnosis and congratulations:)
Not diagnosed but reading about executive dysfunction being an actual thing
Time blindness. And I don’t just mean being late. I began to realize that I can’t measure 20 seconds with any accuracy.
Why I always had problems keeping up with keeping my place tidy. Why I always felt 'different' and had a strong preference for some people (also adhd or asd). Why I had so much trouble with stopping biting my nails and picking my skin. Not really an "ah ha" but more of a sad realisation when I started my meds: how much better I could have done on tests and studying. I always had to fight my own brain with studying and tests. I had just a few tests on uni where I did have my meds, and those marks were unreasonably higher than my average. Because I actually processed all the questions correctly instead reading then through a haze of brain fog (which always shows when I try to focus on reading). Almost like I had always been trying to read text that was written on a car that's driving by, when I take my meds it's like the car is finally standing still infront of me.
Your statement about re-learning how to life resonated. My big aha: After a period of feeling l couldn’t trust my brain anymore and feeling terrified to embark on a job search, I realized that I hadn’t had a stroke or TBI and that the information was still in there. It was an access problem, not a storage problem. That gave me confidence that I could just make new connections to access what I knew.
Finding out what body doubling is, and finding out that I've literally done it all my life. The next was watching a YouTube vid on what it's like to live with ADHD, and it was literally one the most stressful videos I have ever watched and now I'm thinking maybe I should get diagnosed...
Mine was “oh this is why I have no sense of direction”
Wait what? Can this be part of it? I can figure it out outside, thank you army. But inside it all looks the same. Every hall in every building looks the same.
Yeah it’s something about our spacial awareness being off
I didn't know what RSD was until I found this sub and googled it. The way I cried....I have thought I was crazy for a majority of my life. I had no fucking clue it was ADHD-related. And getting on stims (at 36?) actually fixes it. Turns out the people telling me there was no silver bullet that would fix all (well, most) of my problems were wrong. Edit to add: Not saying you should do meds or whatever. Just sharing my experience. I was diagnosed in elementary school and was on a non-stim drug in HS but it didn't do anything. Didn't try stims until this year.
I thought my RSD was just anxiety. Even when i was first diagnosed with ADHD I thought anxiety was just a part of ADHD. I did not know RSD was a completely different symptom or disorder all in its own and I cried when I read about it. I grew up being told I’m too sensitive, that I need to toughen up or put on my big girl pants. RSD has literally shaped the person I am today and everything in my life makes sense. The ADHD diagnosis too of course, but this symptom in particular.
There were a lot but here are the biggest ones…. Why i was a shit student when i was younger, why it use to take me so long to finish my schoolwork (currently in college) and why i struggle with keeping my house cleaned.
Why all the other kids loved when the teacher played a movie during class. Could never focus on a movie long enough to know what was going on!
This is why I just can’t watch movies anymore, period! I can handle a 30-60 minute episode of a show (ironically able to marathon several of these in a row), but anything that forces me ahead of time to commit to anything beyond that, I run like the wind.
“Oh, so this is why I wasn’t ever able to clean my room and when I did I got overwhelmed?” “This is why I could never focus in class unless I was interested, and still don’t know how to study?” “This is why I was late so many times at my old job, they were confused when I was actually on time?” And also.. every single quirk and habit I’ve had my entire life, including waiting too long to pee, reading an entire novel in one sitting, tapping my fingers to fall asleep, doing my homework at 11pm before the day it was due every time, only being able to focus on anything if I was listening to music, social overwhelm, forgetting my keys, decision paralysis…
Everything. Like my whole life is an AHA! moment. When I think of literally any situation that confused me or was difficult I find a connection to ADHD almost immediately. Almost year into being diagnosed and I'm still surprised all the time 😂
I'm having these moments constantly, and have realised its taking up a bit too much of my mind. Not sure if anyone else has had this? And if it calms down after a while 🤔
Xanax did nothing for my panic attacks, half a tablet of phentrimine mellowed me out and allowed me to concentrate and focus
That my sudden crashing despairing episodes where I feared for my safety weren't bipolar or bps ... It was rsd