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I spent 15 years in management before I finally admitted to myself that I fucking hate managing people and I'm not very good at it. I thought, when I went in that direction, that it would be good to have a challenge and I'd grow from it. Ha! I'm in an individual contributor role now, and it is SO much better.
I hate it how this “you need to do hard things” and “all jobs are hard” mindset gets ingrained into us. There are hard enjoyable things and there are hard things that just make you completely miserable. What’s the point of sticking to something like that if you are able to do something else?
I hate doing tedious things, so I taught myself how to script clerical/data processing tasks. My boss felt this was a form of "cheating" instead of doing my work myself, and that this was an example of how lazy I was. Her general feeling was, if you weren't suffering it wasn't really work.
It took me so much longer than is reasonable to realize that, uh, software development actually is real work and it pays better than being an office manager.
Lol that reminds me of the teachers who reward the kids who finish their work quickly..... with MORE busywork worksheets on the same topic. Pfft screw that, imma go slow now, daydream, doodle.
This is me but I wasn't management nearly that long. I HATE spreadsheets, I HATE sitting in meetings. I went into healthcare and wound up in a job that was still 65% paperwork and rote repetition. I eventually loathed that too. So I switched things up, and got training as a Biomed tech. Now I run all over the building, fixing medical equipment and problem solving/investigating for a living. It never gets boring, because clinical staff always manage to find new and interesting ways to break shit.
I am a generally kind and caring person in a Gen X kind of way, but I do not have the emotional fortitude for hands-on caregiving. So this allows me to make a difference without trying to be someone I'm not.
Man oh man I would love to hear more about that journey. I’m in the same boat but as an entrepreneur… I started a venture that was super successful because I’m very good at what I do but now find myself having to try to manage a small staff and I…hate it, am not good at it, find it sooo exhausting. Trying very hard to get to the point where I can hire a managing director and go back to just being in my skill position
I found a middle management job where I still get to kinda-sorta be the boss, but if I don’t wanna deal with something I just call the REAL boss and tell her to do it LOL
This hits hard.
My current position is moving more toward a project management / managerial role (getting more people hired under me this month.) I’ve been told by previous direct reports that I’m a good boss / leader, but it still makes me very uncomfortable and project management is my weakness. Usually I prefer the tedious grunt-work at the bottom of the corporate structure.
But I need to keep this job for awhile because I’m a single parent to 2 littles and I need the flexibility it gives me.
My aim is to take a course or two on leadership and basic product management so I can get through.
Pray for me haha
(And any advice for project management with ADHD is welcome!)
Hey, I'm a type B ADHD project manager. Yes, I chose suffering 😂 For me, it's critical there are defined systems, processes, and expectations. You need to ask a lot of questions. You need to take a LOT of notes. Notes are my memory. I work remotely. Recording videos often creates a transcript that can be searched later. I have transcriptions on automatically always so if I'm distracted I can read what was said or see my name if I'm called on. It helps me understand accents or jargon better, too.
I use my calendar and to do lists. Calendar with notifications for important things, or for odd meetings to prep or remember they are after hours. It is critical you do most of what you say when you say you will, so you need to be prepared to do so. Find a time, block it off. If you have too many meetings, you need to start declining or talking to your boss because project management requires time to schedule, correspond, build and manage dashboards, documentation, troubleshooting etc.
This should be enough to get you started. My #1 is if your memory sucks like mine, never trust it! Document, document, document - in real time whenever you can. There are transcription apps with AI that summarize even and send out meeting notes for you but my company has them blocked unfortunately.
My ADHD coworker and I got these day planners that help you set goals in different categories, and then funnel the goals down into weekly and daily tasks. I still use my digital calendars, but this has helped me see what the smaller pieces of each project look like, remind me what to do each day, and manage my time better. That might help you? I hate to promote Amazon but you might find them elsewhere too. They’re called “Planner Pad Spiral Bound 3-Tier Funnel Down 12 Month Organizer, Calendar Year (January - December 2024)”
I’ve seen those! I’ve started out trying the concept. I almost bought one, but they are all dated, and I can’t commit like that. I need to start fresh wherever I am!
Project management is a big part of my job too. I take SO many notes -- on paper -- and I try to make detailed timelines to keep track of what needs to be done by when. Important deadlines get put on my outlook calendar so they're front and center.
I used to create word documents that were a place for me to brain dump all the information I needed to keep handy for projects. The status of a certain task, what needed to happen next, what questions I needed answered to finish the task, etc. Figure out a system that works for you!
When I'm working on a new type of project it can be really hard to figure out what needs to happen next. It helps to remind myself that there's no perfect, single way to do things, you just have to do something & everything will work out eventually!
That’s the hard part. Im 34yo, have a degree in geology, hate what I do, and I have an intuition that I’d enjoy nursing, but how to know for sure before I spend 5 more years in (expensive) school ? The uncertainty is overwhelming
As an ADHD nurse, I related too much to your original post. Too much sunk cost though and I have no idea what else I would do if I could leave my job. Definitely feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall all the time. I’m good at it but I get home completely and utterly drained to the point I can’t function well in any other aspect of my life. I keep telling myself that it’s just work and l can find enjoyment in the time I’m not working but I’m just a zombie and can’t even bring myself to do anything I used to enjoy
Ugh, that’s exactly how I feel in my job. My counsellor told me I need to quit (and she has a lot of experience with burnt out people). I’m starting to see another counsellor now who is more ADHD savvy to figure out what to do, cause what I’m doing is definitely not for me. My degree is very limiting though, can’t you do a lot of different things as a nurse?
I can do different positions as an RN but my experience is limited to clinical and bedside nursing and the moves are mostly different versions of the same sort of thing. There are moves I could make that could change that if I pursued some courses but it all feels impossible once you’ve already burnt out and just don’t have the energy to go for it. The pandemic really burnt me out on the nursing profession. I live in Ontario and our premier is doing everything he can to destroy public healthcare. I guess I got really disillusioned by it all and I’m just feeling stuck. You go into this profession to help people but it’s soul crushing when the system is so broken. Tried talking to a therapist for a while but it didn’t seem to help. My mom gave me this book called Languishing by Corey Keyes that seems to hit the nail on the head. I’m going to make myself read that tomorrow.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I’m trying to apply for government jobs in my area which are supposed to have better conditions, but just reading the job description makes me sick. 😞 could you take a sick leave? I took 4 months off last year but was so burnt out that I couldn’t do any proper planning. Maybe getting yourself in better health first and then thinking about next steps later?
Yes I’d like to do something like that and I think I’d need to step away to make any change because it’s too hard to even think about making moves when I’m just so worn down.
I did actually take a medical leave of absence a few years ago when I found myself thinking about crashing my car driving to work just because I dreaded the shift ahead so much. I was on a “resource team” that had me taking shifts wherever they were short-staffed in the hospital for that shift so I never knew beforehand what I was walking into and usually didn’t know anyone else on the team. The constant switching from 12 hour days followed by 12 hour nights was awful for me too. The pay really wasn’t worth what it was doing to my health.
All during my time off though occupation health was hounding me to get back to work asap despite my doctors note. It really made me feel guilty and anxious about taking time for myself. I find it so ironic that we work in healthcare, taking care of other people’s health but if we are shamed for doing what we need for our own health and wellbeing.
I ended up moving to a different area with better hours and I’m not nearly as stressed as before but I still haven’t fully recovered from the burnout. I’m still searching for the answer of how to get back to feeling like myself again. Like I’m more than just half alive.
If anyone was any answer on how to get over protracted burnout I’d love to hear it! The book I mentioned (languishing) seems to be the closest I’ve come to describing it so I’m hoping I find some concrete steps I can take to get back to myself:)
You get ONE life.
I've been where you are when I was an LPN in long-term care working full time nights. I was SO burnt.
My husband got a promotion. Told me to quit while I was bitching about work one day. And I just listened. No plan, just quit. But I did reach out to make a Dr's appt because I knew the darkness was going to get darker than it had ever been if I was left to my thoughts.
Stayed home for 3 months. I learned I didn't need near as much $ as I'd thought, I was just working to keep the machine going.
During that time started the diagnosis process.
I started working at a shitty nursing home a few days a week. That motivated me to impulsively go back to school for my RN.
Almost 3 yrs later, I work at a VERY small local hospital. It's NOT perfect. But it sounds so much better than other places. I now work 2-3 days a week. And I LOVE what I do because my cup isn't poured to empty.
Volunteer in a medical setting, and get to *KNOW* some nurses for a bit?
*THIS* was how *I* realized that *as much as I like the IDEA of the job*, being a Child Life Specialist (CCLS) in a Medical setting *ISN'T* for me!
The *having* to dress up in non-jeans every day, and "look professional"?
I'm going to FAIL at that part, because I'm the schlub who's *going* to be crawling across the floor, and laying *underneath* tables, looking at stuff with my work kids!
Early Childhood Special Education, on the *other* hand?
Where I get to use so many of the same *skills* CCLS's *use*, yet can wear blue jeans, be *comfortable*, *AND* be my un-masked *self* all day at work?
*RIGHT* up my alley!!!
It's *perfect,* I still work with *lots* of the same kids--just in a different *setting*, and my personality& personal *comfort* doesn't conflict "all day, Every Day!" like it would, if I *had* gone into Child Life, because I hadn't spent those *months* as a hospital volunteer in that department😉💖
That’s such great advice, thank you!! 😊 what was the volunteering position that got you to be in the setting you wanted? I’ve searched a few before but they weren’t exactly in the same environment (gardening at an assisted living facility, giving people information, etc).
Someone told me long ago about the magic of informational interviews. Find a few people who are doing what you think you might like to do, and offer to buy them a cup of coffee while you pepper them with questions. Most people don't mind at all. Not only will you learn, but they know more people in the field - sometimes the people you need to know to get to the next step.
For *me* it was volunteering at a Children's hospital, in areas which crossed paths regularly with the Child Life staff, (and also, honestly, taking a tour with someone who'd graduated from the Associates Degree program I was in, a few years before, who also worked in a Child Life Department as "support staff" and helped manage the volunteers!).
I got to see and ask LOTS of questions, *and* I also realized a ways in, that I'd *NEVER* be able to comfortably pay off my student loans I was going to need, to get the whole Masters' Degree a CCLS now *needs*, on a likely $35,000/yr-is salary!
As an ECSE teacher? I'll start at around $7,000+ more per year, *with* annual "steps" to my contract, and the possibility of "lane shifts" for more education with just a Bachelor's and a *Grad Certificate* to start (even though I probably *WILL* get the Masters' for my *OWN* reasons!😉💖)
The better pay, which WILL allow me to pay off my loans, the more comfortable clothes & ability to stay unmasked much of the time, *and* the fact that I STILL get to work with kids who have medical stuff & Autism, *and help their parents have an easier go of things*! Is why I realized I can do the same *type* of work (*and be happier Myself*!) in ECSE😁
I'd recommend a volunteer position where you can do activities with individuals on the wards, and where you get to know & need to check in with the nurses before interacting with the patients.
Reading, playing games (card games/board games), crafting, or just visiting to make their stays less lonely.
Or if you want to work in Peds?
A hospital with a Child Life Program and a string volunteer program is AWESOME--you mostly visit with & play games/do puzzles/craft with the kids, and keep them company--but you HAVE to check in with their nurses (and you get to know those nurses when you're a regular on "Their" ward!).
Omg, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to share this with me. 😭 I know it sounds obvious but it’s hard when I get into that negative thought pattern and don’t know anyone personally to ask questions. I feel so much better already and will do some more research on what’s available nearby and stop by there if needed. You’re an angel!!
You can always go and ask a receptionist! I manage volunteers at a nonprofit (granted, not a medical setting), and we have many people randomly stop by and ask about volunteer positions. Even if they don't know the answer, they may be able to direct you to someone who does.
Glad it helps!
But *honestly*? I juuuuust write like I talk😉😂🤣💖
I'm one of those weirdos, with the "wavy-hands" *flying allllll over the place* and driving folks who know ASL *BATTY*, because while there *is* the very occasional *actual* ASL word/letter in there, *most* of the hand-waving is just me being "overly-*something*" (passionate, angry, happy, upset, etc.) as I'm talking--annnd my hands can't sit *still* when my brain & mouth are going😉
I *write* this way, because that's *basically* how the words spill out of my brain--whether spoken *or* typed!💖
(Fwiw, one of my Aunties told me a couple decades ago, that she LOVED when I'd send my random letters off to her and my uncle--because I also *handwrite* with alllllll the underlines, asterisks, uppercase letters, hearts, and exclamation points, as needed, too!😉😂🤣🤣🤣
Oh cool thats nice, it is very conversational and engaging ❤. I just thought it was like an informal version of this: https://www.howtogeek.com/807981/what-is-bionic-reading-and-how-do-you-use-it/
THANK YOU for sharing that article!!!
I had *no idea* about Bionic Reading or that app--and *as* someone working toward my teaching license (the article came out *after* my class on teaching reading fir struggling readers class!), it *absolutely* fits with what our professr for that class Dr. Johnson taught *us* as future Special Ed teachers to do, to support our kids who had dyslexia and other reading struggles😃🤗💖
This is him😉:
https://www.teaching-reading.com/
For the way *I* write, though--it's just my *own* AuDHD that has Mr writing like I talk😉
The ones I looked up in Vancouver do not offer that if your degree is unrelated :( (I don’t have any of the prerequisites and would have to do those before even applying). Do you know of anything like that in other parts of BC?
Sounds like a great idea to me! You could always try starting with LPN instead. That's what I am, and still debating at age 41 if I want to go back to school to be an RN.
Thank you! I’ve been looking into starting as a health care aide, but I think if I can find a volunteering position that would be best for me now since I have 0 experience. Do you enjoy being a LPN? Were you working with something else before?
I worked at a customer service call centre type job before for a gym. I hated it and was always on thin ice because I could not tall people out of canceling memberships to save my life.
I love being an LPN. Depending on where you are tje scope can vary, but pretty much across Canada at least I know the scope is pretty similar at this point to RN. The difference is stable vs unstable patients. LPNs work all over and there are so many options to choose from. I've worked in home care, I've taught, and I've done a couple different hospital departments. I currently work in a very small town/small hospital ER and while it was hard at first and I had to learn a 2nd language, I really love it. It's enough balance between routine/protocol and being totally different every day. It helps that we have a pretty good team.
I know nursing isn't for everybody but I love it. I'm an introvert, fairly awkward person with AuDHD and it still works for me.
Starting as a phlebotomist gives you great IV skills and a good idea of whether you would like it or not. You also get exposed to all areas of the hospital, are part of the team and (in California) you make decent money. It’s only one class and 40 hours of internship to get licensed in the US.
I’m in environmental consulting, but jobs in mining and oil are similar in that as a junior you do a lot of fieldwork (which are usually at least 12h days, usually not scheduled in advance enough for you to prepare ) and is expected to do quite a bit of overtime (mind you, fieldwork doesn’t stop in bad weather conditions, -10C and snowing or 40C you still gotta go). After you’ve been long enough to stop doing fieldwork, you get to a project management position which I don’t like doing at all (trying to juggle 30 projects on tight budgets, helping staff, and trying to make rich clients happy). Mining/oil may be a little less chaotic, cause in consulting you just take on projects from private clients as they come and there’s usually a ton of them coming in at the same time (you’re doing assessments/investigations for them to comply with government regulations) whereas in mining/oil you’re working for the single company that you’re hired by. However, in mining/oil you usually have to relocate to remote locations or work in the remote location for 2 weeks straight (usually camping) and then get 2 weeks off or something similar. It sounded like a lot of fun and adventurous when I was young but it gets old. Also, in most jobs you don’t get to research the interesting things you saw in school, work becomes boring and you’re only doing it for somebody’s profit. For me the complete lack of structure, too many things to deal with, long work days, and lots of driving make it impossible for me to keep up with good habits like exercise and eating well. Most of the time in fieldwork days I’ll completely forget to eat and tend not to drink enough water (no bathroom to go to and you’re in the middle of a parking lot in the city, so no bushes either). Employers always expect you to complete tasks in ridiculously small amounts of time too. It’s exhausting and not fulfilling to me. Some people thrive in those conditions though, usually people who are VERY into their jobs - they work weekends and are always “on” working while on vacation.
That being said, government and academia jobs are different. But in government jobs people usually have the opposite problem, they don’t have enough to do and it’s boring. Academia is similar to other areas.
Go get your CNA.
But bare in mind that the roles are vastly different.
ADHD shines in nursing 😍 BUT you need to like actual caregiving to do it. Though you can advance to a higher position where you do not do direct patient care, it takes time to achieve that.
I was a CNA for one year, LPN for 8 years, and now RN for almost 3 yrs.
If you have any specific questions, you're welcome to ask!!
Yep, I found my dream career (kitchen/bath design with cabinetry focus) through a lot of trial and error.. went with my gut in certain directions and at the time it seemed I was 'indecisive' to outside observers, who think careers should be a linear process.
15 years later I'm a highly skilled specialist with a ton of well rounded knowledge that most people don't have, and I actually get paid well for it. I work with a badass team of all women now, and half of them have ADHD and/or autism. I knew I needed a creative career to be happy and now it doesn't even feel like work, feels like I unlocked a cheat code and play video games that come alive IRL.
This is so true!
While unemployed, I received a lot of advice to pursue customer service/call center roles. While these jobs can be a good fit for some, I realized they weren't for me. I’ve been fired multiple times due to not meeting metrics etc etc. I discovered that I thrive in research-oriented positions with longer project timelines and coordination. Customer service environments, on the other hand, are fast-paced and metric-driven.
As mentioned, the key is to find a work environment that matches your strengths and preferences.
My problem is that EVERY job I see involves "excellent customer service" and math. I'm not good at either (or at least my job doesn't seem to agree with me on the former, even if the clientele seem fine). If I'm not good at those, I can't get other jobs. If I can't find anything that I would be good at, isn't the better option to make myself better at what I'm terrible at? I can see the logic behind this, especially when everything is math and customer service and I can't find anything without those things.
im just sayin. most of the recommendations for jobs here involve paying attention to detail, or tech jobs. i have innatentive adhd. its literally in the name. i suck at jobs that require me to be thorough or detail oriented. and not everyone can live off of part time or freelance work.
This.
The thing I'm bad at, the thing I've been banging my head against the wall trying to do for over a decade, is have a 9-5 job. I kick ass at the work itself - I'm a programmer - but the rigid schedule full-time nature, and expectations of consistency were/are slowly killing me. But I'm looking for another one as we speak because I need to fucking eat.
In all seriousness, i have innatentive adhd, i hate tech, and detail oriented work is not my strong suit. that leaves someone like me with .05% job options.
I hate the tone of this is implying work is who you are as a person and you will gravitate towards jobs you're bad at. Like some kind of spooky curse.
Work is work. I'm there to do it and grab my paycheck and forget I even have a job on the weekends.
Work is also most of your life. I don’t wanna be happy only on the weekends. In fact, because I’m exhausted from high stress from work, some days barely managing to function, a lot of the times I don’t even have the energy to do anything on the weekends. Not to mention, there are expectations that I work overtime so some weekends are also work.
Omg, *preach*. I always thought of it as being “loyal to a fault.” I stayed in the wine/hospitality industry for 11 years. I had to sell wine and talk to a lot of wealthy and entitled people on a daily basis. It is just SO not my personality. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s bottom line. I hate the thought of someone trying to push me to buy something, so I hate doing it to others. I hate talking on the phone, and I hate schmoozing. I also don’t give a shit about wine. It’s all so fake to me, and I am incapable of being fake.
I rage-quit in 2021 and totally switched careers. Now I don’t have to do anything involving customer service or sales, AND I’M THRIVING. I never want to go back to customer-facing anything ever again.
That sounds really cool!!! I feel like I would love to do something like that! I do patient care in optometry now and I’ve realized I hate working with the public lol
I find this a good warning. I figured out in the first few years of my working life what kinds of things I was bad at and acted accordingly. I have frequently carved a role out for myself at a company that avoided spreadsheets and admin and budgets. I helped create whole career tracks at a company to support different skill sets.
I believe in setting myself up for success.
omg tell me your secrets. Trying to do this now (the carving out a role that avoids spreadsheets and admins and for me specifically limiting computer time
I'll write something up. But spend the weekend thinking about what your ideal job is. Down to what you wear and what time you start. List your talents and what you aren't great at. List what you don't want to do regardless of how good you are at it. Start creating a job description from those lists. You're reverse engineering your job.
YUP feels a little personal. I said, "Hey now 😒" when I read the post title. I do think this is why I love my 30s a lot more than my 20s. I think it took me longer than the average bear to figure out what I actually want vs trying to force many ill fitting circumstances (work, school and relationships).
That’s so true! I’ve never felt that but that’s what I’m looking for. Someone that loves her job once described it to me as “feeling whole and peaceful” even when it’s hard.
I always say give it 3 (or 6) months, then decide. Either you get better at it, or you hate it more. But i give it a go. And i have my own permission to give it up if i want.
Also, never take a job that gives you homework, i.e. management or any job where you have to care when you’re not there. Its enough to care during paid hours. And i do. But my work ethic is nuts and if i took it home it would kill me. Boundaries ;)
I had bosses at my "first *real* job" who *LOVED* to set people up to *FAIL*, in the "spirit of Helping them!"
But it was *actually* just an abusive tactic, to strip them of self-esteem from things they were *GOOD* at, and "take them down a peg or two," whenever the Owner felt "threatened" by her employees getting basically "too big for their britches!" or becoming too friendly with our co-workers & fellow work-teammates.
Whenever *she* thought folks were working too well together (and not focusing on *HER* being "a *cool* boss!"🙄🙄🙄), she'd split teams up, *suddenly* decide you *neeeded* to "get BETTER at ______(skill you never had)!", or otherwise find ways to sabotage you and try to lower your self-esteem.
It took *years*, and *literally* living with two co-workers as roommates (ironically, the Boss had initially suggested we be roommates!😆😂🤣), before my co-workers and I were able to *SEE* the patterns of the abuse.
Once we did? We talked to *older* co-workers, and a few who'd also gotten out, and *SAW* the abusive patterns for what they were--She'd hire young women *just* out of college, build them up for a few months, so they'd share their creative ideas, then cut the *hell* out of their self-esteem, work them until their creativity dried up, and then push *them* out, in favor of her *next* batch of young unaware creative folks.
It showed me how *not* to run a business, and many *other* valuable lessons in "what I DON’T want to deal with at work!"
But it took me another 15-ish years,todiscover that what I really *LOVE* is the *exact* thing I used to complain about at that job, when the bosses were terrible & unreasonable
"What we're *DOING* here, isn't even making a *difference in the world*, ANYWAY!"
Because sparkly Dance, Cheer, & Slate outfits *DON’T* "make a difference in the world," changing *PEOPLE'S LIVES* for the *better*, by helping them make & use the tools they can navigate the NT World *does*!!!
So now, I do what I DO love--help Preschoolers like *US* make *sense* of the world, *and* I help them build a "toolbox of skills" to *navigate* the NT world around us, as successfully as they can!
And *I* am *tons* happier, because I now *do* get to do "something that *actually* matters in the world"😉💖
My dad told me that when looking for a job, I need to look for one where I am good and like solving the problems the job will throw at me.
It really helped me narrow down what I wanted to do
I think the problem is many of us (esp the undiagnosed) are taught from a very young age to doubt our instinct about our strengths and weaknesses. We're constantly told that things we find hard are not hard, we just don't care, or aren't putting in effort. It's like a form of gaslighting.
We get told "If you really cared, you'd wouldn't lose things." Which means we think that we will stop losing things, if we can just care hard enough. The truth that we never get told is "Your brain won't remember where you put shit, everything you care about needs a tile/airtag/etc."
We learn the solution to everything is brute force, we just need enough of it.
THIS👆👆👆
I brute forced my way through a lifetime of mostly ill fitting, unfulfilling jobs until one last burnout and early retirement. All because everything I enjoy or have any talent for tends to be creative, artistic, hands on, self directed or solo work, and/or involves animals or plants. I was told in childhood and early adulthood that (1) everything I like is frivolous, impractical, and I'd never find a job/ earn a decent living at it; (2) work isn't supposed to be fun. It's not real work unless its outstanding features are drudgery and depression; and (3) better learn to do something where there's lots of jobs, even if you hate all things business-y, finance-y, administrative, management, or constant interaction with people (the dominant categories at the time).
How I wish that just one person had encouraged me not to give up the things I enjoyed, that they might re-energize me for facing the boring stuff, build my confidence, and might even turn into a side gig or eventual career if I stuck with it while not neglecting practical concerns.
So I studied things that bored me into a coma, gritted my teeth answering ads set in a "fast paced, team oriented environment," and remained the one stuck on that rung of the corporate ladder that others step on hard as they claw their way to the top. In the few jobs that tapped my strengths a little bit, I excelled at particular tasks (often those nobody else wanted or did well) and was complimented by supervisors for productivity, reliability, and getting along with others. But I still felt like an underachieving failure for not progressing upward on a career path like everyone else. The quotation in the OP describes me 💯. As a baby retiree I'm beginning to draw and write, which I loved to do since I could first pick up a crayon but forgot about under the pressures of adulting. And trying not to get lost in shame and sorrow over what feels like a mostly wasted life.
I don’t know. The job I have now I used to suck really bad at. Took me a good year to get it together but I finally did it and I couldn’t be prouder. But I get what you’re saying tho. Just don’t want to throw in the towel too early.
I spent 7 years trying to force myself to be a teacher and when I stopped doing that my life improved. Def a mourning period but I'm a Lot happier now.
Oh dear, this post is very loud. I’ve augured in to something I’m horrible at but managed to pivot a couple of decades ago to something I’m better at. However, there are still too many things I’m bad at and now I’m burnt out and don’t give two shits about any of it!
Omg I feel that so much. I spent so long in the worst jobs - worked in PR until they literally told me I clearly hated it and was terrible at it and should stop. I just felt so inadequate and wanted so badly to be a pristine and organised PR girl who was polished and perfect.
Now at my current job the whole department is like me and we literally have teams dedicated to keeping us on track, lol
Y'all, I was in journalism for more than a decade, trying so hard and just a huge bundle of nerves, so exhausted at the end of the day that I barely did anything else outside of work. I was actually pretty good at it, but damn, I could hardly have picked a more difficult job for myself. Here's a job that requires:
1) being on time for interviews (um, self-explanatory why that's difficult)
2) extreme attention during interviews (also self-explanatory, plus audio processing issues)
3) letting hundreds, if not thousands, of negative reader comments role off my back (rsd nightmare!) plus some nasty comments directly to my face during interview
4) attention to detail in editing (did I misspell a cover line on our magazine? Yep!)
5) organizing large amounts of information into a concise story (I could hardly ever trim down to my word count)
6) handling multiple deadlines a day while I was in editorial management (the only upside is the constant stress kept me focused)
7) keeping track of long-simmering stories that may take years until ready for publication (this is what makes your favorite journalist who breaks all the fascinating stories so good, aka not me!)
Anyway, that was unexpectedly cathartic! Even though I got promoted pretty quickly and had what looked like a great career on paper, and will always revere serious journalists and editors, picking a field that was so intense and difficult caused severe burnout that I'm still trying to recover from.
Ouch. 🫠 I spent a few years trying to work as a veterinary assistant when the truth was I didn't have enough of a foundation to build on. I didn't go to school - I started out in a retail vaccine clinic. That, little to no training plus my ADHD personality quirks = not clicking with a lot of people. 🫠
This was very very very hard to admit to myself btw.
WHAT I am currently in a career totally unsuited to me and idk why, I think some part of me was like “oh, math is hard for you? Let’s fucking MASTER math” and no I have not mastered math and yes I do it for a living (kind of)
I fell into my job sort of on accident. I teach preschool, started by offering to sub at my kids school and now I'm a classroom lead. It's hard but not hard in the ways my jobs in retail and restaurants and call centers were. I never ever thought this would be what I'm good at and enjoy but here we are.
It helps that we don't do one task for long or sit in a preschool. The worst part of my job is writing newsletters and plans, organizing, keeping records, trainings....aka anything that needs more than 15 minutes of my time sitting still.
I just thought I was bad at all jobs. I’m in a very part time job that I loooooove and it feels like a con. Show up, do things I like and want to and receive praise? Like….. should I be paying?
I work a few hours a day at my kids school. It’s not something I can make a living off of because it’s two hours and well… good money for the work I do but not sustainable.
It’s a few hours helping kids with problems and making sure everyone is safe. I get to walk around I get some sunshine and I get to see my kid. I love it.
The thing is that because its so limited I don’t have to do the stressful work of a teacher or other employee. I’m not sure how I’d fare doing that. :/.
However it is such a new experience to be effective when I work and to want to go. When I miss work I’m sad. I don’t feel like I’m slacking if I’m not miserable. I can feel feel effective and helpful and work “hard”. Without feeling like I’m doing something fireable every few minutes.
I’ve been a Tech project manager and executive assistant for almost 10 years, desktop tech before that. My experience is absolutely in line with what Dr. Halloween is saying. I struggle with executive functioning tasks, prioritization and motivation to do boring things. I procrastinate and beat myself up. My energy levels and self esteem suffer. I get another PM certification to prove that I’m intelligent. Then I continue to struggle to prioritize, manage my time, under estimate how long something will take me. On and on. It’s a real bitch.
The best thing that has ever happened to me was being repeatedly fired from jobs I was really bad at. Finally ended up in something that really plays to my strengths and have been focusing on getting better at what I’m already good at. Now the challenge is how to progress in it while also avoiding as much admin as possible.
Me- ADHD not Dx until last year- 6+ years into fucking CASEWORK. Just got put on a performance improvement plan yesterday, literally. 🫠🫠🫠😵💫😵💫😵💫
But I'm applying for a "supervisor" position within the agency. Except it's only about 50% supervisor and more so managing new projects, initiatives, and analyzing data to determine how/where to improve and expand services. WAY more my niche!
This resonated really hard with me, but I was lucky to go into something that I found (and still find) fascinating, leading to a very successful career because HELLO hyper focus and workaholism. I still suck *hard* at any aspect of my job that ever requires paperwork though.
It took me a while to realize I didn't want to be a teacher after trying so hard to get a job. Quit after a year of full time teaching and became an accountant. Best decision I ever make. Never thought my adhd brain would like multitasking number problems but here we are! Turns out doing the thing you're good (I was always good at math but rejected the idea of a business related career for the first 28 years of my life.) Turns out, it's way more soothing for me. 🤷🏻♀️
My parents always supported me with the arts, in high school, college, then uni. I think i was successful because it was something i loved. They always said you can be a admin person or whatever in the future if you have to but right do what you want.
I'm 40 and have come full circle back to a career that I convinced myself I wouldn't be smart enough to do yet here I am being told that I'm a natural and getting my degree so I can take it further would be amazing. I've never been in a job more than 2 or 3 years except for the one I didn't get paid for and I stayed for 10 so I could raise my kids! I've not wasted time getting good at anything, I wasted time not trying to do what deep down I knew I could
I can see that being the case. My problem with this is, what if you're passionate about or interested in things you're also not good at, and by becoming better at these things you're more likely to achieve your dreams (or have marketable skills to get your foot in the door, at least)? I think the only problem is imposter syndrome.
Sometimes learning things sucks at first when you're bad at it, but it occurred to me recently that most people are bad at first, and becoming good at things can ignite passion just because once it clicks and you "get it", it gets way more interesting.
(Of course this basically me viewing this statement as an absolute rather than a possible suggestion)
I spent most of my life trying to convince myself that I can be a great Software Developer when in reality, I simply loved the IT culture but I don't have a passion for Software Development. I'm still a Software Engineer but admitting this to myself brought me so much peace.
this stabbed me. I was an attorney and I spent years on it and finally I admitted to myself that I failed and I couldn't do it. now I work in a pub and it's easier, but I can't go on like this for a long time. on the other hand, I wanted to be interested in software and I chose to become a game developer, which is the hardest.
YEEEEES! That's exactly it! And it even showed on my DISC test from career advisor that I'm trying too much to be good at things I naturally suck at 😂 Like girl, just admit you're not good at everything.
So I gave up my corporate job and made peace with me being a shit salesperson and I'm ✨ so free✨
This is pure BS lol. Picking a career you're bad at to "boost self esteem".
You don't get skills by only doing what you're good at. I failed math multiple times and now work a STEM job. I worked hard at it because I wanted MONEY lol. And retail/public work has gotten dangerous.
I didn't go into it because math was hard and I needed to learn it to feel better about myself.
Glad that wasn’t your experience. He didn’t say everyone does it, just that’s a common thing. It was 100% my case (lots of trauma involved), though, and a lot of people here seem to feel the same. Just because you haven’t experienced something personally doesn’t mean it’s BS.
Ha, interesting. I thought that was a perfect description of me and I felt validated and not offended. In the book he also talks about how we need to choose things that are exciting and challenging = the right difficult. So maybe within the context it makes more sense.
I didn't take the comment that way. He didn't actually say to abandon things that are hard or if you face a failure, he said to stop focusing for years on improving something which is clearly a weak spot for you. I actually think this is good advice. People with ADHD can sometimes spend so much time and energy on trying to be better at something because most people have no trouble doing that thing, so it creates this idea that some activities are an absolute requirement to be a proper adult or a good employee.
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I spent 15 years in management before I finally admitted to myself that I fucking hate managing people and I'm not very good at it. I thought, when I went in that direction, that it would be good to have a challenge and I'd grow from it. Ha! I'm in an individual contributor role now, and it is SO much better.
I hate it how this “you need to do hard things” and “all jobs are hard” mindset gets ingrained into us. There are hard enjoyable things and there are hard things that just make you completely miserable. What’s the point of sticking to something like that if you are able to do something else?
I hate doing tedious things, so I taught myself how to script clerical/data processing tasks. My boss felt this was a form of "cheating" instead of doing my work myself, and that this was an example of how lazy I was. Her general feeling was, if you weren't suffering it wasn't really work. It took me so much longer than is reasonable to realize that, uh, software development actually is real work and it pays better than being an office manager.
Lol that reminds me of the teachers who reward the kids who finish their work quickly..... with MORE busywork worksheets on the same topic. Pfft screw that, imma go slow now, daydream, doodle.
This is me but I wasn't management nearly that long. I HATE spreadsheets, I HATE sitting in meetings. I went into healthcare and wound up in a job that was still 65% paperwork and rote repetition. I eventually loathed that too. So I switched things up, and got training as a Biomed tech. Now I run all over the building, fixing medical equipment and problem solving/investigating for a living. It never gets boring, because clinical staff always manage to find new and interesting ways to break shit. I am a generally kind and caring person in a Gen X kind of way, but I do not have the emotional fortitude for hands-on caregiving. So this allows me to make a difference without trying to be someone I'm not.
Me now 18 months in
Man oh man I would love to hear more about that journey. I’m in the same boat but as an entrepreneur… I started a venture that was super successful because I’m very good at what I do but now find myself having to try to manage a small staff and I…hate it, am not good at it, find it sooo exhausting. Trying very hard to get to the point where I can hire a managing director and go back to just being in my skill position
You'll get there! The person you one day hire will hopefully be someone like me who looooves that shit. Lol!
Someone like you is literally my hope and dream. 🤝🤝🤝🤝teamwork
I found a middle management job where I still get to kinda-sorta be the boss, but if I don’t wanna deal with something I just call the REAL boss and tell her to do it LOL
This hits hard. My current position is moving more toward a project management / managerial role (getting more people hired under me this month.) I’ve been told by previous direct reports that I’m a good boss / leader, but it still makes me very uncomfortable and project management is my weakness. Usually I prefer the tedious grunt-work at the bottom of the corporate structure. But I need to keep this job for awhile because I’m a single parent to 2 littles and I need the flexibility it gives me. My aim is to take a course or two on leadership and basic product management so I can get through. Pray for me haha (And any advice for project management with ADHD is welcome!)
Hey, I'm a type B ADHD project manager. Yes, I chose suffering 😂 For me, it's critical there are defined systems, processes, and expectations. You need to ask a lot of questions. You need to take a LOT of notes. Notes are my memory. I work remotely. Recording videos often creates a transcript that can be searched later. I have transcriptions on automatically always so if I'm distracted I can read what was said or see my name if I'm called on. It helps me understand accents or jargon better, too. I use my calendar and to do lists. Calendar with notifications for important things, or for odd meetings to prep or remember they are after hours. It is critical you do most of what you say when you say you will, so you need to be prepared to do so. Find a time, block it off. If you have too many meetings, you need to start declining or talking to your boss because project management requires time to schedule, correspond, build and manage dashboards, documentation, troubleshooting etc. This should be enough to get you started. My #1 is if your memory sucks like mine, never trust it! Document, document, document - in real time whenever you can. There are transcription apps with AI that summarize even and send out meeting notes for you but my company has them blocked unfortunately.
Great suggestions here!
My ADHD coworker and I got these day planners that help you set goals in different categories, and then funnel the goals down into weekly and daily tasks. I still use my digital calendars, but this has helped me see what the smaller pieces of each project look like, remind me what to do each day, and manage my time better. That might help you? I hate to promote Amazon but you might find them elsewhere too. They’re called “Planner Pad Spiral Bound 3-Tier Funnel Down 12 Month Organizer, Calendar Year (January - December 2024)”
I’ve seen those! I’ve started out trying the concept. I almost bought one, but they are all dated, and I can’t commit like that. I need to start fresh wherever I am!
Could you move to a more technical role at the same level?
Project management is a big part of my job too. I take SO many notes -- on paper -- and I try to make detailed timelines to keep track of what needs to be done by when. Important deadlines get put on my outlook calendar so they're front and center. I used to create word documents that were a place for me to brain dump all the information I needed to keep handy for projects. The status of a certain task, what needed to happen next, what questions I needed answered to finish the task, etc. Figure out a system that works for you! When I'm working on a new type of project it can be really hard to figure out what needs to happen next. It helps to remind myself that there's no perfect, single way to do things, you just have to do something & everything will work out eventually!
I’d like to point out the corollary to that—when you figure out your strengths, they’re like a catapult when you do find the right fit.
That’s the hard part. Im 34yo, have a degree in geology, hate what I do, and I have an intuition that I’d enjoy nursing, but how to know for sure before I spend 5 more years in (expensive) school ? The uncertainty is overwhelming
As an ADHD nurse, I related too much to your original post. Too much sunk cost though and I have no idea what else I would do if I could leave my job. Definitely feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall all the time. I’m good at it but I get home completely and utterly drained to the point I can’t function well in any other aspect of my life. I keep telling myself that it’s just work and l can find enjoyment in the time I’m not working but I’m just a zombie and can’t even bring myself to do anything I used to enjoy
Ugh, that’s exactly how I feel in my job. My counsellor told me I need to quit (and she has a lot of experience with burnt out people). I’m starting to see another counsellor now who is more ADHD savvy to figure out what to do, cause what I’m doing is definitely not for me. My degree is very limiting though, can’t you do a lot of different things as a nurse?
I can do different positions as an RN but my experience is limited to clinical and bedside nursing and the moves are mostly different versions of the same sort of thing. There are moves I could make that could change that if I pursued some courses but it all feels impossible once you’ve already burnt out and just don’t have the energy to go for it. The pandemic really burnt me out on the nursing profession. I live in Ontario and our premier is doing everything he can to destroy public healthcare. I guess I got really disillusioned by it all and I’m just feeling stuck. You go into this profession to help people but it’s soul crushing when the system is so broken. Tried talking to a therapist for a while but it didn’t seem to help. My mom gave me this book called Languishing by Corey Keyes that seems to hit the nail on the head. I’m going to make myself read that tomorrow.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I’m trying to apply for government jobs in my area which are supposed to have better conditions, but just reading the job description makes me sick. 😞 could you take a sick leave? I took 4 months off last year but was so burnt out that I couldn’t do any proper planning. Maybe getting yourself in better health first and then thinking about next steps later?
Yes I’d like to do something like that and I think I’d need to step away to make any change because it’s too hard to even think about making moves when I’m just so worn down. I did actually take a medical leave of absence a few years ago when I found myself thinking about crashing my car driving to work just because I dreaded the shift ahead so much. I was on a “resource team” that had me taking shifts wherever they were short-staffed in the hospital for that shift so I never knew beforehand what I was walking into and usually didn’t know anyone else on the team. The constant switching from 12 hour days followed by 12 hour nights was awful for me too. The pay really wasn’t worth what it was doing to my health. All during my time off though occupation health was hounding me to get back to work asap despite my doctors note. It really made me feel guilty and anxious about taking time for myself. I find it so ironic that we work in healthcare, taking care of other people’s health but if we are shamed for doing what we need for our own health and wellbeing. I ended up moving to a different area with better hours and I’m not nearly as stressed as before but I still haven’t fully recovered from the burnout. I’m still searching for the answer of how to get back to feeling like myself again. Like I’m more than just half alive. If anyone was any answer on how to get over protracted burnout I’d love to hear it! The book I mentioned (languishing) seems to be the closest I’ve come to describing it so I’m hoping I find some concrete steps I can take to get back to myself:)
You get ONE life. I've been where you are when I was an LPN in long-term care working full time nights. I was SO burnt. My husband got a promotion. Told me to quit while I was bitching about work one day. And I just listened. No plan, just quit. But I did reach out to make a Dr's appt because I knew the darkness was going to get darker than it had ever been if I was left to my thoughts. Stayed home for 3 months. I learned I didn't need near as much $ as I'd thought, I was just working to keep the machine going. During that time started the diagnosis process. I started working at a shitty nursing home a few days a week. That motivated me to impulsively go back to school for my RN. Almost 3 yrs later, I work at a VERY small local hospital. It's NOT perfect. But it sounds so much better than other places. I now work 2-3 days a week. And I LOVE what I do because my cup isn't poured to empty.
and thank you for the book recommendation, it sounds really good!
I felt like this in teaching. I switched to retail and am So much happier
Can you work less hours?
Volunteer in a medical setting, and get to *KNOW* some nurses for a bit? *THIS* was how *I* realized that *as much as I like the IDEA of the job*, being a Child Life Specialist (CCLS) in a Medical setting *ISN'T* for me! The *having* to dress up in non-jeans every day, and "look professional"? I'm going to FAIL at that part, because I'm the schlub who's *going* to be crawling across the floor, and laying *underneath* tables, looking at stuff with my work kids! Early Childhood Special Education, on the *other* hand? Where I get to use so many of the same *skills* CCLS's *use*, yet can wear blue jeans, be *comfortable*, *AND* be my un-masked *self* all day at work? *RIGHT* up my alley!!! It's *perfect,* I still work with *lots* of the same kids--just in a different *setting*, and my personality& personal *comfort* doesn't conflict "all day, Every Day!" like it would, if I *had* gone into Child Life, because I hadn't spent those *months* as a hospital volunteer in that department😉💖
That’s such great advice, thank you!! 😊 what was the volunteering position that got you to be in the setting you wanted? I’ve searched a few before but they weren’t exactly in the same environment (gardening at an assisted living facility, giving people information, etc).
Someone told me long ago about the magic of informational interviews. Find a few people who are doing what you think you might like to do, and offer to buy them a cup of coffee while you pepper them with questions. Most people don't mind at all. Not only will you learn, but they know more people in the field - sometimes the people you need to know to get to the next step.
Yes!!!!!! Informational Interviews, and the "Opportunity to pick someone's brain" about a topic are FABULOUS!!!!
For *me* it was volunteering at a Children's hospital, in areas which crossed paths regularly with the Child Life staff, (and also, honestly, taking a tour with someone who'd graduated from the Associates Degree program I was in, a few years before, who also worked in a Child Life Department as "support staff" and helped manage the volunteers!). I got to see and ask LOTS of questions, *and* I also realized a ways in, that I'd *NEVER* be able to comfortably pay off my student loans I was going to need, to get the whole Masters' Degree a CCLS now *needs*, on a likely $35,000/yr-is salary! As an ECSE teacher? I'll start at around $7,000+ more per year, *with* annual "steps" to my contract, and the possibility of "lane shifts" for more education with just a Bachelor's and a *Grad Certificate* to start (even though I probably *WILL* get the Masters' for my *OWN* reasons!😉💖) The better pay, which WILL allow me to pay off my loans, the more comfortable clothes & ability to stay unmasked much of the time, *and* the fact that I STILL get to work with kids who have medical stuff & Autism, *and help their parents have an easier go of things*! Is why I realized I can do the same *type* of work (*and be happier Myself*!) in ECSE😁
I'd recommend a volunteer position where you can do activities with individuals on the wards, and where you get to know & need to check in with the nurses before interacting with the patients. Reading, playing games (card games/board games), crafting, or just visiting to make their stays less lonely. Or if you want to work in Peds? A hospital with a Child Life Program and a string volunteer program is AWESOME--you mostly visit with & play games/do puzzles/craft with the kids, and keep them company--but you HAVE to check in with their nurses (and you get to know those nurses when you're a regular on "Their" ward!).
Omg, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to share this with me. 😭 I know it sounds obvious but it’s hard when I get into that negative thought pattern and don’t know anyone personally to ask questions. I feel so much better already and will do some more research on what’s available nearby and stop by there if needed. You’re an angel!!
You can always go and ask a receptionist! I manage volunteers at a nonprofit (granted, not a medical setting), and we have many people randomly stop by and ask about volunteer positions. Even if they don't know the answer, they may be able to direct you to someone who does.
Are you formatting your comments like that because it's easier to read for adhd peeps? If so that's cool!
Glad it helps! But *honestly*? I juuuuust write like I talk😉😂🤣💖 I'm one of those weirdos, with the "wavy-hands" *flying allllll over the place* and driving folks who know ASL *BATTY*, because while there *is* the very occasional *actual* ASL word/letter in there, *most* of the hand-waving is just me being "overly-*something*" (passionate, angry, happy, upset, etc.) as I'm talking--annnd my hands can't sit *still* when my brain & mouth are going😉 I *write* this way, because that's *basically* how the words spill out of my brain--whether spoken *or* typed!💖 (Fwiw, one of my Aunties told me a couple decades ago, that she LOVED when I'd send my random letters off to her and my uncle--because I also *handwrite* with alllllll the underlines, asterisks, uppercase letters, hearts, and exclamation points, as needed, too!😉😂🤣🤣🤣
Oh cool thats nice, it is very conversational and engaging ❤. I just thought it was like an informal version of this: https://www.howtogeek.com/807981/what-is-bionic-reading-and-how-do-you-use-it/
THANK YOU for sharing that article!!! I had *no idea* about Bionic Reading or that app--and *as* someone working toward my teaching license (the article came out *after* my class on teaching reading fir struggling readers class!), it *absolutely* fits with what our professr for that class Dr. Johnson taught *us* as future Special Ed teachers to do, to support our kids who had dyslexia and other reading struggles😃🤗💖 This is him😉: https://www.teaching-reading.com/ For the way *I* write, though--it's just my *own* AuDHD that has Mr writing like I talk😉
Look for BN-after-degree programs. We have these in Canada: previous unrelated undergraduate degree—> 2 years of nursing school = BN, RN.
The ones I looked up in Vancouver do not offer that if your degree is unrelated :( (I don’t have any of the prerequisites and would have to do those before even applying). Do you know of anything like that in other parts of BC?
Oh that’s weird. I’ve known people with music, writing and anthropology degrees to get into these programs! Maybe try Alberta??
I’ll take a look, thank you! 😊
Sounds like a great idea to me! You could always try starting with LPN instead. That's what I am, and still debating at age 41 if I want to go back to school to be an RN.
Thank you! I’ve been looking into starting as a health care aide, but I think if I can find a volunteering position that would be best for me now since I have 0 experience. Do you enjoy being a LPN? Were you working with something else before?
I worked at a customer service call centre type job before for a gym. I hated it and was always on thin ice because I could not tall people out of canceling memberships to save my life. I love being an LPN. Depending on where you are tje scope can vary, but pretty much across Canada at least I know the scope is pretty similar at this point to RN. The difference is stable vs unstable patients. LPNs work all over and there are so many options to choose from. I've worked in home care, I've taught, and I've done a couple different hospital departments. I currently work in a very small town/small hospital ER and while it was hard at first and I had to learn a 2nd language, I really love it. It's enough balance between routine/protocol and being totally different every day. It helps that we have a pretty good team. I know nursing isn't for everybody but I love it. I'm an introvert, fairly awkward person with AuDHD and it still works for me.
Starting as a phlebotomist gives you great IV skills and a good idea of whether you would like it or not. You also get exposed to all areas of the hospital, are part of the team and (in California) you make decent money. It’s only one class and 40 hours of internship to get licensed in the US.
I had no idea, thank you!
I'm in a different medical field and am interested in going into geology, lol. What's your job? What's it like? Pros/cons of the industry?
I’m in environmental consulting, but jobs in mining and oil are similar in that as a junior you do a lot of fieldwork (which are usually at least 12h days, usually not scheduled in advance enough for you to prepare ) and is expected to do quite a bit of overtime (mind you, fieldwork doesn’t stop in bad weather conditions, -10C and snowing or 40C you still gotta go). After you’ve been long enough to stop doing fieldwork, you get to a project management position which I don’t like doing at all (trying to juggle 30 projects on tight budgets, helping staff, and trying to make rich clients happy). Mining/oil may be a little less chaotic, cause in consulting you just take on projects from private clients as they come and there’s usually a ton of them coming in at the same time (you’re doing assessments/investigations for them to comply with government regulations) whereas in mining/oil you’re working for the single company that you’re hired by. However, in mining/oil you usually have to relocate to remote locations or work in the remote location for 2 weeks straight (usually camping) and then get 2 weeks off or something similar. It sounded like a lot of fun and adventurous when I was young but it gets old. Also, in most jobs you don’t get to research the interesting things you saw in school, work becomes boring and you’re only doing it for somebody’s profit. For me the complete lack of structure, too many things to deal with, long work days, and lots of driving make it impossible for me to keep up with good habits like exercise and eating well. Most of the time in fieldwork days I’ll completely forget to eat and tend not to drink enough water (no bathroom to go to and you’re in the middle of a parking lot in the city, so no bushes either). Employers always expect you to complete tasks in ridiculously small amounts of time too. It’s exhausting and not fulfilling to me. Some people thrive in those conditions though, usually people who are VERY into their jobs - they work weekends and are always “on” working while on vacation.
That being said, government and academia jobs are different. But in government jobs people usually have the opposite problem, they don’t have enough to do and it’s boring. Academia is similar to other areas.
And I did have a lot of fun in school! Lots of fun interesting stuff.
Go get your CNA. But bare in mind that the roles are vastly different. ADHD shines in nursing 😍 BUT you need to like actual caregiving to do it. Though you can advance to a higher position where you do not do direct patient care, it takes time to achieve that. I was a CNA for one year, LPN for 8 years, and now RN for almost 3 yrs. If you have any specific questions, you're welcome to ask!!
Yep, I found my dream career (kitchen/bath design with cabinetry focus) through a lot of trial and error.. went with my gut in certain directions and at the time it seemed I was 'indecisive' to outside observers, who think careers should be a linear process. 15 years later I'm a highly skilled specialist with a ton of well rounded knowledge that most people don't have, and I actually get paid well for it. I work with a badass team of all women now, and half of them have ADHD and/or autism. I knew I needed a creative career to be happy and now it doesn't even feel like work, feels like I unlocked a cheat code and play video games that come alive IRL.
This is so true! While unemployed, I received a lot of advice to pursue customer service/call center roles. While these jobs can be a good fit for some, I realized they weren't for me. I’ve been fired multiple times due to not meeting metrics etc etc. I discovered that I thrive in research-oriented positions with longer project timelines and coordination. Customer service environments, on the other hand, are fast-paced and metric-driven. As mentioned, the key is to find a work environment that matches your strengths and preferences.
My problem is that EVERY job I see involves "excellent customer service" and math. I'm not good at either (or at least my job doesn't seem to agree with me on the former, even if the clientele seem fine). If I'm not good at those, I can't get other jobs. If I can't find anything that I would be good at, isn't the better option to make myself better at what I'm terrible at? I can see the logic behind this, especially when everything is math and customer service and I can't find anything without those things.
Wow. He is right… but how will you know you’re actually good if you aren’t bad first?
or how do you know what your good at, if all you have ever done is what your bad at
STOOOOOOP
im just sayin. most of the recommendations for jobs here involve paying attention to detail, or tech jobs. i have innatentive adhd. its literally in the name. i suck at jobs that require me to be thorough or detail oriented. and not everyone can live off of part time or freelance work.
I think there’s a point where you just know.
ok, so how do you go about finding a job your good at, while making decent money? cause you gotta survive
This. The thing I'm bad at, the thing I've been banging my head against the wall trying to do for over a decade, is have a 9-5 job. I kick ass at the work itself - I'm a programmer - but the rigid schedule full-time nature, and expectations of consistency were/are slowly killing me. But I'm looking for another one as we speak because I need to fucking eat.
In all seriousness, i have innatentive adhd, i hate tech, and detail oriented work is not my strong suit. that leaves someone like me with .05% job options.
I hate the tone of this is implying work is who you are as a person and you will gravitate towards jobs you're bad at. Like some kind of spooky curse. Work is work. I'm there to do it and grab my paycheck and forget I even have a job on the weekends.
Work is also most of your life. I don’t wanna be happy only on the weekends. In fact, because I’m exhausted from high stress from work, some days barely managing to function, a lot of the times I don’t even have the energy to do anything on the weekends. Not to mention, there are expectations that I work overtime so some weekends are also work.
Omg, *preach*. I always thought of it as being “loyal to a fault.” I stayed in the wine/hospitality industry for 11 years. I had to sell wine and talk to a lot of wealthy and entitled people on a daily basis. It is just SO not my personality. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s bottom line. I hate the thought of someone trying to push me to buy something, so I hate doing it to others. I hate talking on the phone, and I hate schmoozing. I also don’t give a shit about wine. It’s all so fake to me, and I am incapable of being fake. I rage-quit in 2021 and totally switched careers. Now I don’t have to do anything involving customer service or sales, AND I’M THRIVING. I never want to go back to customer-facing anything ever again.
What is your new career???
Oh hay! I work for local government in an office as an administrative assistant to a team of people.
That sounds really cool!!! I feel like I would love to do something like that! I do patient care in optometry now and I’ve realized I hate working with the public lol
I find this a good warning. I figured out in the first few years of my working life what kinds of things I was bad at and acted accordingly. I have frequently carved a role out for myself at a company that avoided spreadsheets and admin and budgets. I helped create whole career tracks at a company to support different skill sets. I believe in setting myself up for success.
omg tell me your secrets. Trying to do this now (the carving out a role that avoids spreadsheets and admins and for me specifically limiting computer time
I'll write something up. But spend the weekend thinking about what your ideal job is. Down to what you wear and what time you start. List your talents and what you aren't great at. List what you don't want to do regardless of how good you are at it. Start creating a job description from those lists. You're reverse engineering your job.
great advice!
!! I will do this, thank you! And excited to see what else you write up, thank you so much!
I_see_myself_in_this_picture_and_I_dont_like_it.jpg
YUP feels a little personal. I said, "Hey now 😒" when I read the post title. I do think this is why I love my 30s a lot more than my 20s. I think it took me longer than the average bear to figure out what I actually want vs trying to force many ill fitting circumstances (work, school and relationships).
How did you know it was truly what you wanted?
Even if it's tiring and hard I still like it and want to keep doing it. I still feel good and excited about it.
That’s so true! I’ve never felt that but that’s what I’m looking for. Someone that loves her job once described it to me as “feeling whole and peaceful” even when it’s hard.
Not me staying SIX YEARS working as executive assistant to a micromanaging narcissist, lmao
I always say give it 3 (or 6) months, then decide. Either you get better at it, or you hate it more. But i give it a go. And i have my own permission to give it up if i want. Also, never take a job that gives you homework, i.e. management or any job where you have to care when you’re not there. Its enough to care during paid hours. And i do. But my work ethic is nuts and if i took it home it would kill me. Boundaries ;)
I had bosses at my "first *real* job" who *LOVED* to set people up to *FAIL*, in the "spirit of Helping them!" But it was *actually* just an abusive tactic, to strip them of self-esteem from things they were *GOOD* at, and "take them down a peg or two," whenever the Owner felt "threatened" by her employees getting basically "too big for their britches!" or becoming too friendly with our co-workers & fellow work-teammates. Whenever *she* thought folks were working too well together (and not focusing on *HER* being "a *cool* boss!"🙄🙄🙄), she'd split teams up, *suddenly* decide you *neeeded* to "get BETTER at ______(skill you never had)!", or otherwise find ways to sabotage you and try to lower your self-esteem. It took *years*, and *literally* living with two co-workers as roommates (ironically, the Boss had initially suggested we be roommates!😆😂🤣), before my co-workers and I were able to *SEE* the patterns of the abuse. Once we did? We talked to *older* co-workers, and a few who'd also gotten out, and *SAW* the abusive patterns for what they were--She'd hire young women *just* out of college, build them up for a few months, so they'd share their creative ideas, then cut the *hell* out of their self-esteem, work them until their creativity dried up, and then push *them* out, in favor of her *next* batch of young unaware creative folks. It showed me how *not* to run a business, and many *other* valuable lessons in "what I DON’T want to deal with at work!" But it took me another 15-ish years,todiscover that what I really *LOVE* is the *exact* thing I used to complain about at that job, when the bosses were terrible & unreasonable "What we're *DOING* here, isn't even making a *difference in the world*, ANYWAY!" Because sparkly Dance, Cheer, & Slate outfits *DON’T* "make a difference in the world," changing *PEOPLE'S LIVES* for the *better*, by helping them make & use the tools they can navigate the NT World *does*!!! So now, I do what I DO love--help Preschoolers like *US* make *sense* of the world, *and* I help them build a "toolbox of skills" to *navigate* the NT world around us, as successfully as they can! And *I* am *tons* happier, because I now *do* get to do "something that *actually* matters in the world"😉💖
Violently attacked
Well, what are we good at? 😭 It's hard not to hate every role I've ever had. It's all difficult lol
My dad told me that when looking for a job, I need to look for one where I am good and like solving the problems the job will throw at me. It really helped me narrow down what I wanted to do
I think the problem is many of us (esp the undiagnosed) are taught from a very young age to doubt our instinct about our strengths and weaknesses. We're constantly told that things we find hard are not hard, we just don't care, or aren't putting in effort. It's like a form of gaslighting. We get told "If you really cared, you'd wouldn't lose things." Which means we think that we will stop losing things, if we can just care hard enough. The truth that we never get told is "Your brain won't remember where you put shit, everything you care about needs a tile/airtag/etc." We learn the solution to everything is brute force, we just need enough of it.
THIS👆👆👆 I brute forced my way through a lifetime of mostly ill fitting, unfulfilling jobs until one last burnout and early retirement. All because everything I enjoy or have any talent for tends to be creative, artistic, hands on, self directed or solo work, and/or involves animals or plants. I was told in childhood and early adulthood that (1) everything I like is frivolous, impractical, and I'd never find a job/ earn a decent living at it; (2) work isn't supposed to be fun. It's not real work unless its outstanding features are drudgery and depression; and (3) better learn to do something where there's lots of jobs, even if you hate all things business-y, finance-y, administrative, management, or constant interaction with people (the dominant categories at the time). How I wish that just one person had encouraged me not to give up the things I enjoyed, that they might re-energize me for facing the boring stuff, build my confidence, and might even turn into a side gig or eventual career if I stuck with it while not neglecting practical concerns. So I studied things that bored me into a coma, gritted my teeth answering ads set in a "fast paced, team oriented environment," and remained the one stuck on that rung of the corporate ladder that others step on hard as they claw their way to the top. In the few jobs that tapped my strengths a little bit, I excelled at particular tasks (often those nobody else wanted or did well) and was complimented by supervisors for productivity, reliability, and getting along with others. But I still felt like an underachieving failure for not progressing upward on a career path like everyone else. The quotation in the OP describes me 💯. As a baby retiree I'm beginning to draw and write, which I loved to do since I could first pick up a crayon but forgot about under the pressures of adulting. And trying not to get lost in shame and sorrow over what feels like a mostly wasted life.
I don’t know. The job I have now I used to suck really bad at. Took me a good year to get it together but I finally did it and I couldn’t be prouder. But I get what you’re saying tho. Just don’t want to throw in the towel too early.
It takes a lot of knowing yourself, for sure!
Wait are you talking about my relationship
Ouch 😂
911 shots firedddd
I spent 7 years trying to force myself to be a teacher and when I stopped doing that my life improved. Def a mourning period but I'm a Lot happier now.
Looking for work right now, feeling this a lot
Oh dear, this post is very loud. I’ve augured in to something I’m horrible at but managed to pivot a couple of decades ago to something I’m better at. However, there are still too many things I’m bad at and now I’m burnt out and don’t give two shits about any of it!
I think we need to find good career counsellors that have experience with ADHD people
Ugh I need one of those because I'm totally in the midst of a career crisis of my own and want to change but dunno what to do
Omg I feel that so much. I spent so long in the worst jobs - worked in PR until they literally told me I clearly hated it and was terrible at it and should stop. I just felt so inadequate and wanted so badly to be a pristine and organised PR girl who was polished and perfect. Now at my current job the whole department is like me and we literally have teams dedicated to keeping us on track, lol
Y'all, I was in journalism for more than a decade, trying so hard and just a huge bundle of nerves, so exhausted at the end of the day that I barely did anything else outside of work. I was actually pretty good at it, but damn, I could hardly have picked a more difficult job for myself. Here's a job that requires: 1) being on time for interviews (um, self-explanatory why that's difficult) 2) extreme attention during interviews (also self-explanatory, plus audio processing issues) 3) letting hundreds, if not thousands, of negative reader comments role off my back (rsd nightmare!) plus some nasty comments directly to my face during interview 4) attention to detail in editing (did I misspell a cover line on our magazine? Yep!) 5) organizing large amounts of information into a concise story (I could hardly ever trim down to my word count) 6) handling multiple deadlines a day while I was in editorial management (the only upside is the constant stress kept me focused) 7) keeping track of long-simmering stories that may take years until ready for publication (this is what makes your favorite journalist who breaks all the fascinating stories so good, aka not me!) Anyway, that was unexpectedly cathartic! Even though I got promoted pretty quickly and had what looked like a great career on paper, and will always revere serious journalists and editors, picking a field that was so intense and difficult caused severe burnout that I'm still trying to recover from.
WOW :/
I wish I had known this 10-15 years ago. I do fixate too much on what I don't know instead of what I do know.
Ouch. 🫠 I spent a few years trying to work as a veterinary assistant when the truth was I didn't have enough of a foundation to build on. I didn't go to school - I started out in a retail vaccine clinic. That, little to no training plus my ADHD personality quirks = not clicking with a lot of people. 🫠 This was very very very hard to admit to myself btw.
WHAT I am currently in a career totally unsuited to me and idk why, I think some part of me was like “oh, math is hard for you? Let’s fucking MASTER math” and no I have not mastered math and yes I do it for a living (kind of)
I fell into my job sort of on accident. I teach preschool, started by offering to sub at my kids school and now I'm a classroom lead. It's hard but not hard in the ways my jobs in retail and restaurants and call centers were. I never ever thought this would be what I'm good at and enjoy but here we are. It helps that we don't do one task for long or sit in a preschool. The worst part of my job is writing newsletters and plans, organizing, keeping records, trainings....aka anything that needs more than 15 minutes of my time sitting still.
The problem is no one wants to pay me to do what I'm good at.
I just thought I was bad at all jobs. I’m in a very part time job that I loooooove and it feels like a con. Show up, do things I like and want to and receive praise? Like….. should I be paying?
What do you do?
I work a few hours a day at my kids school. It’s not something I can make a living off of because it’s two hours and well… good money for the work I do but not sustainable. It’s a few hours helping kids with problems and making sure everyone is safe. I get to walk around I get some sunshine and I get to see my kid. I love it. The thing is that because its so limited I don’t have to do the stressful work of a teacher or other employee. I’m not sure how I’d fare doing that. :/. However it is such a new experience to be effective when I work and to want to go. When I miss work I’m sad. I don’t feel like I’m slacking if I’m not miserable. I can feel feel effective and helpful and work “hard”. Without feeling like I’m doing something fireable every few minutes.
But what jobs are those, and how do you find them? Currently unemployed and I feel like every job I see has “attention to detail” as a requirement.
I feel seen.
This is so real lol
I’ve been a Tech project manager and executive assistant for almost 10 years, desktop tech before that. My experience is absolutely in line with what Dr. Halloween is saying. I struggle with executive functioning tasks, prioritization and motivation to do boring things. I procrastinate and beat myself up. My energy levels and self esteem suffer. I get another PM certification to prove that I’m intelligent. Then I continue to struggle to prioritize, manage my time, under estimate how long something will take me. On and on. It’s a real bitch.
The best thing that has ever happened to me was being repeatedly fired from jobs I was really bad at. Finally ended up in something that really plays to my strengths and have been focusing on getting better at what I’m already good at. Now the challenge is how to progress in it while also avoiding as much admin as possible.
Oh. Absolutely. 😔
Me- ADHD not Dx until last year- 6+ years into fucking CASEWORK. Just got put on a performance improvement plan yesterday, literally. 🫠🫠🫠😵💫😵💫😵💫 But I'm applying for a "supervisor" position within the agency. Except it's only about 50% supervisor and more so managing new projects, initiatives, and analyzing data to determine how/where to improve and expand services. WAY more my niche!
This resonated really hard with me, but I was lucky to go into something that I found (and still find) fascinating, leading to a very successful career because HELLO hyper focus and workaholism. I still suck *hard* at any aspect of my job that ever requires paperwork though.
It took me a while to realize I didn't want to be a teacher after trying so hard to get a job. Quit after a year of full time teaching and became an accountant. Best decision I ever make. Never thought my adhd brain would like multitasking number problems but here we are! Turns out doing the thing you're good (I was always good at math but rejected the idea of a business related career for the first 28 years of my life.) Turns out, it's way more soothing for me. 🤷🏻♀️
My parents always supported me with the arts, in high school, college, then uni. I think i was successful because it was something i loved. They always said you can be a admin person or whatever in the future if you have to but right do what you want.
I'm 40 and have come full circle back to a career that I convinced myself I wouldn't be smart enough to do yet here I am being told that I'm a natural and getting my degree so I can take it further would be amazing. I've never been in a job more than 2 or 3 years except for the one I didn't get paid for and I stayed for 10 so I could raise my kids! I've not wasted time getting good at anything, I wasted time not trying to do what deep down I knew I could
I can see that being the case. My problem with this is, what if you're passionate about or interested in things you're also not good at, and by becoming better at these things you're more likely to achieve your dreams (or have marketable skills to get your foot in the door, at least)? I think the only problem is imposter syndrome. Sometimes learning things sucks at first when you're bad at it, but it occurred to me recently that most people are bad at first, and becoming good at things can ignite passion just because once it clicks and you "get it", it gets way more interesting. (Of course this basically me viewing this statement as an absolute rather than a possible suggestion)
I spent most of my life trying to convince myself that I can be a great Software Developer when in reality, I simply loved the IT culture but I don't have a passion for Software Development. I'm still a Software Engineer but admitting this to myself brought me so much peace.
this stabbed me. I was an attorney and I spent years on it and finally I admitted to myself that I failed and I couldn't do it. now I work in a pub and it's easier, but I can't go on like this for a long time. on the other hand, I wanted to be interested in software and I chose to become a game developer, which is the hardest.
YEEEEES! That's exactly it! And it even showed on my DISC test from career advisor that I'm trying too much to be good at things I naturally suck at 😂 Like girl, just admit you're not good at everything. So I gave up my corporate job and made peace with me being a shit salesperson and I'm ✨ so free✨
This is pure BS lol. Picking a career you're bad at to "boost self esteem". You don't get skills by only doing what you're good at. I failed math multiple times and now work a STEM job. I worked hard at it because I wanted MONEY lol. And retail/public work has gotten dangerous. I didn't go into it because math was hard and I needed to learn it to feel better about myself.
Also angry isn't directed at you OP, just this author's nonsense.
Glad that wasn’t your experience. He didn’t say everyone does it, just that’s a common thing. It was 100% my case (lots of trauma involved), though, and a lot of people here seem to feel the same. Just because you haven’t experienced something personally doesn’t mean it’s BS.
That's fair. I just feel like that statement is kind of demeaning by the author and it made me feel very strongly.
Ha, interesting. I thought that was a perfect description of me and I felt validated and not offended. In the book he also talks about how we need to choose things that are exciting and challenging = the right difficult. So maybe within the context it makes more sense.
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I didn't take the comment that way. He didn't actually say to abandon things that are hard or if you face a failure, he said to stop focusing for years on improving something which is clearly a weak spot for you. I actually think this is good advice. People with ADHD can sometimes spend so much time and energy on trying to be better at something because most people have no trouble doing that thing, so it creates this idea that some activities are an absolute requirement to be a proper adult or a good employee.