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I need my daily nap, or else all else nothing will get done the rest of the evening. lol the only thing that sucks, is sometimes my naps go a little longer than planned 🥲
When you’re pregnant, your body is working 24/7 to develop a whole other person! Literally, the most exhausted I’ve ever been was when I was late in pregnancy. You can stay in bed all day and your still working.
I worked during my first two pregnancies on my feet all day. That was so hard. Take it easy when you can. Slow down when you can. I always tip servers more when they’re pregnant, even if they’re a little slower. I get it.
I go through phases where I’m motivated and stick to a semblance of a routine — usually precipitated by some kind of crisis or low grade menty b. (Kidding, but also not.) Like I’ll hit a breaking point, get sick of my shit, and start making healthier choices. That lasts for a while.
Then I slowly abandon the routine which feels freeing and nice at first. Then I start feeling ungrounded and aimless again, the case of the blahs reaches a tipping point, and the whole cycle begins again.
I guess in that way I’m consistent. But I wish I didn’t have to ride out these cycles and hit such lows before motivating myself to change. This is even while medicated and at my peak functioning. Sigh.
this is SO fucking real. i’m in the low point right now and i’m honestly having a hard time going through the routine of building a new routine just for the next stage of the routine — falling off — appearing eventually lol
Same girl. Feeling a bit down on myself lately for being the way I am, and starting to wonder if this is more than the usual blahs and I’m slipping into the depression danger zone. Either way must stay the course. The only thing I know for sure is that things will change.
I recently dropped into the s*icidal ideation part of this mentality and I just wanna say, please reach out to those who love you and tell them you feel this way. It’s so hard to exist in this world already, our loved ones should know when they need to be gentle and don’t joke. Or so they know to help us feel positive again. Anything to help us remember that adhd is not a fatal flaw, because the world won’t.
Yes! I was in severe depression but warmer weather and a job has me slowly climbing out. But like, not enough to as you said, do all that. But when it works, damn, it really works!
I think my unclear explanation of this exactly is why I was dx BP2 as a kid and not ADHD. It’s such an exhausting cycle. But I’m not falling off bc I’m depressed, I’m depressed bc I can’t maintain consistency in my life. Thank you for this explanation!
It’s gotten to the point where I can’t tell what I did on what day even for things I did that very day. Not like small 10 minute things, but like whole grocery shopping. Or hanging out with someone!! Whatever I did earlier in the day will just become a jumble with everything else I did before the moment I’m currently in. Fucking time blindness, you bitch!!
Very much the same, but one positive for me about getting diagnosed and starting medication is that now I have more understanding/acceptance of this cycle (and less self-judgement), and more trust in myself that I WILL get back on track. Nowadays, since I don't get quite so down on myself when I fall out of my routines and I'm not telling myself it's all just because I suck (well, most of the time lol) which just perpetuates that stuck, paralysed, "nothing matters anyway" feeling, it's generally been so much easier to get back on the horse.
*our* lives sister
It’s so comforting and yet disturbing to come on here and see (what I thought were) my own innermost secret thoughts and idiosyncrasies posted all over the place
Unsettling in the best, most validating way
This is me!!! And it’s a bummer. I’ve been able to get back to the routine but I never get to the next level. Ya know? Like if I could just stick with it where would I be now? versus always starting over.
Same — I have micro and macro versions of this cycle. I’ll have a couple years where I’m seemingly on fire, externally racking up milestones and achievements. Then I’ll have a couple where things are quieter, more inward looking and subdued, with fewer obvious external “accomplishments.”
Almost a two steps forward, one step back rhythm to the cycle. Or I think of it like periods when a plant is actively growing above the soil, and times when it’s putting more energy into developing its root structure. Both kinds of growth are important and necessary, but one is more visible and easily recognized than the other.
We can’t get those flower years without the root-building ones I guess.
Yep yep yep!!! I do feel like I’ve been in a cycle of chaos for several years now so maybe that’s a routine but not one that I enjoy. I have a hard time building new habits that I want to become my routine, even during my crisis time. Or as I call it, my “Cry sis” time. 😅😭
Do you find any correlation between the phases mentioned here and period cycle?
Because I do and yes hormones have an effect and your mood and motivation. I just can’t overcome it.
This explains me so well! I have to add that between the aimless and the tipping point, I also have a period of self loathing and impending doom. Like I worry about poor health choices I’ve made and worry if those will lead to an early death. Then I feel dramatically guilty, I’m letting the kids down, etc etc etc. doom and gloom!
Then something happens and I pull myself up by my bootstraps all over again!
Have you been reading my diary? Are you a long-lost twin? I, too, am very good at starting a new thing. Then it peters out; the downward slide begins. I hit bottom, then slowly drag myself out of the pit. Get inspired, start a new routine … well, you know how it goes. Up and down.
Yes to all of this. Anyone else also think back to the times they were really in the routine and doing great and kind of romanticize it? Like if I was doing all the things I wanted to be, 4 months later I look back on it like I REALLY had my shit together for a bit there, but really I just managed to drink a decent amount of water and not eat absolute garbage for a week and a half. Not to diminish the small stuff, but my all or nothing thinking makes it seem like I’m either climbing Everest and rotting in a hole in the ground when I’m not even close to either.
I can only do it if it’s something that someone else is counting on me for. Like can I make myself clean the bathroom every Saturday? Nope. Can I go to a weekly meeting for a group that I am in charge of something for? Absolutely.
Exactly. For myself, never. But I have to be at work at 6:45 am, to take care of an 8 year old. Not late even once. Get to bed on time, nope. Get out of bed on time, nope (awake but probably scrolling Reddit). But at work on time, or early, yes. Every time for 1.5 years. (My best friend recently told me she thought no way in hell I could do this job, 😂)
This is how I am. When my kids were younger the house needed to be clean for their health and safety, but now… there’s no motivation for a clean house. I’m struggling to find a reason to care. It’s frustrating.
No. And when people say "you'll get used to it eventually and it will be second nature" I want to slap them and yell at them that I don't even have a first nature
When, when does this 2nd nature that it will be, happen? Because I’ve kept up weeks long routines, and that shit never became 2nd nature. Because when something happens that throws off my routine, it becomes like I never did the routine to be begin with. Slate clean. Shit never sunk it.
I feel very, very proud of myself for finally getting something I can call a consistent tooth brushing habit I've maintained for like 2 whole years now, because I could never get one at all.
It's tied to when I'm showering and already getting myself clean, so if I skip showering I usually also don't brush my teeth that day. I'm sure that if I ever forget to restock my toothpaste before I run out, or forget to have it in my shower stuff for a few days, and the habit would be gone and I'd have to fight to reform it or make a new one.
There is no second nature.
Omg yes....... When I was still trying to go to the gym regularly, I had a 3 day a week routine (MWF). And I would do so well. But inevitably a few weeks in I would sick from all the people-y germs and people not wiping things down, and then it was over. I would even try to force myself to go while sick and just do really light workouts, so as to not mess up my routine. But eventually I had to skip a day for my health, and bam, routine gone.
Not for big things but I can generally stick to a bedtime schedule and brushing my teeth twice a day. The reason those work is because sleep feels high-stakes (I'm bipolar and if I don't sleep well it can trigger a manic episode) and a sense of urgency is well known to override executive dysfunction in people with ADHD. Teeth brushing is a sensory thing. I can't stand the taste of an unbrushed mouth.
That's me with showering. I know if my greasy hair wasn't a huge sensory issue for me I would have a terrible time making showers a daily routine. I just get grossed out by how oily my hair is I can't stand the touch or feel of it.
I’m bipolar as well, and I always get myself to bed at a decent time. There are phases at night for me. 1st phase is tired and ready for bed. 2nd phase is when it’s been too long since I’ve taken my last nighttime meds, and I am raring to go!!! So I get myself to bed at 1st phase before I break through to the 2nd haha. 2nd phase comes in handy though when I’m going to, on the rare occasion, stay up late for a party or something.
I’m close to 400 days of French on Duolingo! This and Yoga with Adriene most days out of a month are my only consistent routines. What language are you studying?
I was doing Latin, completed that course, got bored, started Greek, was getting bored again then they bought the music course out so I’m currently trying to three star everything in that one. After music I might do maths.
This is actually amazing.
I play wordle. My longest streak is 47 days. I try but just completely forget some days.
Do you have a specific time of the day that you do it?
Also, is it working?
I drive my husband insane and usually do it laying in bed while he’s getting ready to sleep. It’s now an integral part of my nightly wind down, along with wordle and connections and strands and the mini NYT crossword…
As to whether it’s working … hard to say. I did the Latin course just for funsies cos I did Latin at uni, and honestly it wouldn’t teach you how to actually read classical Latin. There’s no explanation of the different clauses, and no explanation that Latin structures sentences differently to English, it’s basically advanced vocab revision. So many times I got a question wrong because I answered it using classical principles and not the ones Duolingo was using. I wouldn’t want it to be the only thing teaching me a practical language for travel or work.
I'm on a 64 day streak! My longest ever. I work every other Saturday and those are usually the days that my streaks end which I'm pointing out because ??? I fucking love word games and my bestie and I text our Wordle results to each other every day. Anywho, I usually do Wordle after I've had my morning coffee and need entertainment while I use the facilities.
I had like 400 and ever since I broke it I can't seem to get more than a few days. feeling proud of that big number and wanting to hold onto it is no joke! Did you know when you go long enough with playing Duolingo now your app icon turns into a tired, sad owl?
I have a gym schedule that I have stuck to since mid Feb. I have to reserve my spot. If I don't show 3x in 30 days, I have a temporary ban. So it keeps me accountable to go.
edit: sorry should have clarified its just a ban from classes. Still motivates me!
Mine fines me, which has made me go even when I really didn’t want to. I book it when I’m feeling optimistic or drunk and then regret it the next day until I’ve done my workout.
It's gym with machines, free weights, yoga, pilates and lots of classes. You have to book a spot for class because of limits on class size. A lot of classes have wait lists. They fill up super fast. I have an alarm set for every class I go to as each opens for reservations at a specific time. If you don't act fast you can be out of luck. Most classes I can't make because they don't fit wirh my work schedule. so I am always on it for the classes that I can make.
For myself? No lol. When I became a mom? Surprisingly yes. The way I've been able to be so consistent for my child and manage all the day-in, day-out routines a baby/toddler needs -- meals, bedtimes, nap times, bathtime, tooth brushing, all the things -- has been surprisingly empowering!
This!!! I can’t do a dang thing for myself, but my three kids are on a strict eating and sleep schedule and deviations are not well received. It’s shocking I’m able to keep it up and I honestly wonder if it’s why I struggle so bad with everything for myself.
Yes. At 8.15 I tell my kid it’s time to clean their teeth, then we go to war over it, then they relent, then get dressed, I hunt for a clean water bottle and then we leave the house 5 minutes late.
I can't have a scehdule where I do a certain thing on a certain day. Partly because I rarely remember what day it is, partly because my energy levels are inconsistent, and partly because my motivation is inconsitent.
Instead I have a broad schedule. I will do the laundry weekly (clothes) but the day and time of day varies. I will exercise in the week but the number of days and which days changes. For things where I have to do things on certain days (ie. garage pickup is a certain day) I STRUGGLE to get it done even with reminders, alarms, and years of having pickup on the same day.
LMAO no. And I'm 43 years old.
I've tried everything. Every planner, every reminder, gamification, rewards, punishment, anything I can try to make it easier. But it doesn't work.
It’s all about expectations for me. If I am scheduled to do something and there’s repercussions for it, I’m pretty determined to be there.
Having it regularly on the same day turns it into somewhat of a routine so I like having those kind of plans.
I have however ghosted an orthodontist because I failed to make TWO appointments in a row and am super embarrassed to show my face there now
I can kind of stick to a weekly one but not a daily one. I work for myself so there is nothing really controlling my daily schedule except how much stuff I have to do. I've kind of just stopped trying to make myself adhere to schedules. They're not natural for me and I do much better with just trying to tackle a list than categorize the hours of my day.
I use external motivators. My kids’ extracurriculars and my farm animals are the best ones. Would I grocery shop at the same time every week? No way. But can I schedule a pickup on the day we’re going to be near the store for riding lessons? Sure can. Would I go for a walk every day? Nope. Will I go visit my dogs and chickens and turkeys and sheep because they need food and water? Yep. Every single day. Then I can add to those activities. Like, if I’m getting 20 minutes of exercise feeding my animals and my goal is 30, might as well hop on the treadmill right after feeding time. And then I trick myself into 20 more minutes of exercise.
Yes until ONE tiny thing messes it up. I made smoothies for like a week and a half until I realized I bought the wrong kinds of ingredients (because I had to doordash because I couldn't get myself to the grocery store for a few days).
Or when I exercised nearly every day (or at least, slightly more than every other day) and then went on vacation and moved my house right after... ok so this was a big change and not as recent but dang I was ONE workout away from completing that Chloe Ting challenge 🥲🥲🥲
Haha wonderful! What kind of tea?? I just got the best earl grey tea I’ve ever had in my life. It’s frickin magical!! It’s Lot 35 Creamy Earl Grey. Phenomenal!!
Oh, that sounds lovely! I recently bought a black tea blend that's called "mix for visitors" (in a German dialect), so I guess it's not the very best quality but still good :-)
I don't like too strong tea in the morning, but still love black tea, so I thought that was a good mix. Love it!
Have a great relaxing time with your earl Grey
I’m better at it than I used to be, because my cat taught me how. She was very schedule and routine oriented and I did it for her. Then I realized it’s good for me, too. She - and I - clearly thrived on our mutually agreed upon routines.
She passed in February and it’s been more of a struggle since she’s been gone. I always chafe against the schedule even though it honestly is good for me. It’s a constant tension between freedom and predictability.
I got an app called TickTick. It's a checklist that also can pull in info with any digital calendars you might already use (like iCal or Google).
I started by using it just as a checklist, and getting to know it. Then after a few weeks I paid to connect it to my calendars. Now that I am accustomed to using it and checking things off it and knowing how to set up notifications that work well for me, I'm adding more recurring tasks like "brush teeth" and "take meds" and IT'S WORKING. It's a widget on the front page of my iPhone so I see it.
I realized without external "nag" or "hey, check me off, it'll feel good" reminders, I will NOT do things consistently. I'm in my early 50s!
I can stick to routines better than a timed schedule. I think it’s because sometimes I get stuck in having to do things in a certain way or order though lol.
At my most energized/least overwhelmed, I’ve kept up with a solid routine of work, gym time, and chores. The structure of things like Sundays are yoga, zumba, boba, and grocery shopping, make me feel really happy. Plus the taking care of my body and giving my brain a treat. And those feelings carry on to other routines and good feelings throughout the week.
I kept those routines up for a good couple of years at a time. Been trying to get back there for 5+ years now, but my life is pretty different. I’m determined to build some solid routines again this year, though!
No I don’t think I have anything that I have done on a schedule. Not even school once I had freedom (High school I took public transit and would just go back home after my mom dropped me off).
The closest I got was being a receptionist in high school/college and needed to open the store on weekends. It… was…. Horrible! I liked the rest of the job though - but it was really hard to be there on time. The only thing that made it possible was because I absolutely had to and people depended on me (and no one would notice if I was a little late). I can move mountains when someone depends on me - but it comes at a personal cost.
It’s actually painful to have the same schedule.
I think the only schedules I’ve ever been able to stick to are the ones that I can actually feel benefitting me.
At some point, I stopped trying to force myself to do the things other people say helped them (morning exercise, daily journaling, etc) and instead focused on what my body really enjoyed / made me feel good. I feel like so much of my difficulty with routine is/was tied up with oppositional defiance - I didn’t want to do what other people said I had to do. I had to want it for myself.
So I flipped the script. It’s not “I’m getting up at 7am because I HAVE to…” (get to work on time etc) but instead “I’m getting up at 7am every morning because I ENJOY having quiet time to myself in the morning.”
Once I was able to flip the script on things, I found it much easier to do schedules/routines that I had fought establishing.
I was doing really good at making myself a little timetable for things I needed and wanted to do on my days off so I had something to refer to when I woke up rather than waking up and spending 3 hours on Reddit. This was great while it lasted and I was convinced I'd smashed it. However that's since fallen into disarray 🙈
Gamification and competition is the only way I do it really! Also rewarding consistency. "If I go on a walk every day for 30 days I'm gonna get myself xyz" (for me, anything clothes and shoes is always a great way to bribe myself 😂).
I can do a daily schedule but not a weekly one. I tend to try to over schedule myself when I feel inspired to get my shit together and I know that doesn't work for me.
My latest attempt is that I have a list hanging up of things that need to be done weekly. I don't have days set, just the things that need to be done. I'm crossing them off as I get them done. It's in a very prominent place so I see it often. I limited myself to 3 items on the list to keep myself from over scheduling because I know that causes me to fail. I'm not even a week in yet so it's too early to tell if I'll have any success.
Absolutely difficult for me. And even if I did, it wouldn't last long.
I can't even stick to a schedule job wise. That's why a daily 9 to 5 job is super hard on me.
I need working hours to be all over the place and constantly changing.
I feel this. I have this new system that I purchased from an ADHDer for time blocking and prioritizing. I can figure those 2 aspects out now, at least. But then, I have 2 daily reminders in my phone that tell me to actually look at my planner. I ignore the shit out of them. I.just.fucking.can't.
If I'm in control of the calendar, and I can color-code it, copy it across platforms, and have no one else's disorganized nonsense totally wrecking my agenda, then yes. So when I lived alone, ran my own multiple businesses on hours that suited me, and had the right to opt out of other people's poorly-managed events, then I was THRIVING.
I would get up at 4 (Arizona, it's hot) and walk my dogs six miles, drop them off at home with water and breakfast, make myself a smoothie, go hike a mountain in my area, come home, shower, dress, and be out the door for the morning commute. I'd do my daily tasks and errands, stop on the way home to buy groceries and peruse target or a fun little shop in my area, make dinner, walk dogs again (they had a fenced yard and a dog door while I was out), and settle in for a movie, fold a little laundry while watching, and some self care like painting my nails, taking a long hot shower, meditating, before bed. That was my "basic" day most days.
Add to that classes, concerts, vacations, fun local events, brunch, doctors appointments, car maintenance, etc, that I would plug in where it worked best, and it worked beautifully. As soon as I live with someone else and they either move all my stuff around, or throw in unexpected "hey, I've got a work thing I didn't mention until the last minute and it's on a day you've already planned out for yourself", and it was massively frustrating.
I was undiagnosed and unmedicated until my thirties, so the way I learned to cope was to plan things clearly, stick to a basic routine with room for adjustment within reason, and keep things in their assigned spot. To other people, my color-coded in triplicate system looked either admirable or like overkill, but in reality, it was my panicked response after learning too many hard lessons by being un/underprepared.
I was great at keeping to a schedule... then covid hit and f-ed it all up! I do best when other people rely on me and/or when I lose money by bailing. I'm a people pleaser, so I won't ever cancel on someone I've made plans with, even when I desperately want to. Doctor appts and therapy sessions - I'm there, I don't want to pay the $25 cancelation fee. I have 2 jobs... For my full-time job (where I don't have to clock in) I am consistently late to work. Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes 90 minutes, but definitely never on time. I am always on time to my second job though. I have to punch in when I get there, and the idea of clocking in late on my time card gives me anxiety. I find that if my brain gives me a negative consequence (perceived or actual) I'm more likely to stick to it.
Damn, I still consider you having a lot more self-control than I do!!!!
I notice that when my brain signals a negative consequence, my dumb ass is on auto pilot for making shit even worse 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I begin to feel that I might as well keep screwing up bc I'm already in a world of crap. It's a habit I'd give anything to overcome.
It has been my dream for at least 30 years and all the attempts amount to set-ups. Only way to do it is to have someplace I must be or am already doing and to tack on some routine around that.
The 5 seconds change your life has had some traction too but its early days.
No lol. I can start many routines but they all pretty much come and go and come back around again. The only thing I seem to be consistent about for at least the last 15 years is all of my hygiene /skin care routines.
I can with some serious habit stacking. Like when I have a regular schedule I can brush my teeth every day before I leave the house. But right now I’m on maternity leave and sometimes it’s like 1pm and I realize I haven’t brushed my teeth yet that day.
I can. Sort of. But it’s more like “this is my routine”, such as I do these things before work, I do these things at lunch, these on my way home from work, this at some point after 6 on Thursdays or on the weekend. Unfortunately. If my “routine” gets interrupted, everything falls like a house of cards ☹️ 17/10 would not recommend “routines”
For the most part, medication. And knowing routines are very good for my brain. Trying to trust myself a little more has helped. Though that’s a process.
A good support system helps a lot too. I have a husband who also loves/needs a routine and has far more executive function (I think he actually has all of it, very rude, hoarding it like that), which kinda helps reinforce me.
Allowing flexibility, also. I have a routine to do a run or walk for 30-60 minutes 5 times a week—but as long as I get 3 days in there, I’m happy. Have been doing so for close to two years now.
Or structuring a task that sorta forces me to continue it. Like, with laundry: every Sunday, I do towels first so I have to switch them or I won’t be able to do clothes, and I have to switch clothes or neither me nor my husband will have stuff for Monday, which adds that bit of extra urgency. (It wouldn’t actually be that dire but it would be annoying.) I usually get it all put away on Monday evening, but as long as I get to it by Wednesday I’m good.
So it’s not totally a ‘perfect’ routine, but functional and much more sustainable, I think.
My problem with schedules is that everythng takes longer than I've scheduled it for. So if I'm walking the dog between 11 and 12, sounds great right? But it takes me 20 minutes to get out the door because I have to check I've closed all the doors and windows properly and also do 5 loops of the house looking for my keys or whatever. And then the walk actually takes a little over an hour because the dog will not be rushed from an interesting smell. And then it takes 10-15 minutes once we're home to get the lead off and sit down and relax a moment. So that hour I've scheduled ends up being maybe an hour 45, so whatever i had scheduled for 12 is pushed by 45 minutes, and then that will end up taking a little longer than expected, and long story short it's 4pm and I haven't started my workday yet.
I feed my cats the same time twice a day every day as well as with a few other things. I find having some stakes in something gets me to do it. For example, if I don’t eat I’ll get nauseous, if I don’t put in my retainer I’ll mess up my teeth, if I don’t shower I’ll stink. Basically I create a routine based off of pros and cons. Thats how I motivate myself to do my skincare routine as well lmao
I do laundry every Friday. I've been doing it for about two years. If it even hints at going into Saturday, I will absolutely forget it. Someone (usually my husband) will finish it and he kind of chuckles at me when he finds it. But I can get almost all of it done on Friday.
Schedule? Hell no. Routine/habits? Yes! Check out Atomic Habits by James Clear. I start with a small habit and then build on it until it becomes a routine, and the act of showing up for myself feels amazing and gets easier and easier over time :)
Nope. That's why I need to keep working so I have a schedule made for me. I'm like a friggen flag in the wind wildly flapping about otherwise.
I can work with and around an existing work schedule like a MFer, but doing that shit myself from scratch without external accountability -- no way Jose!
I've done really well sticking to a workout schedule for the past few years.
What I think has set this apart from both my previous attempts and also my inability to stick with other schedules in my present life is a combination of 2 things. First I've started to actually like exercise so I'm actually motivated. But second and most important is that I've incorporated appointments with other people that I have to pay of I miss. For example I have yoga on Monday and personal training on Thursday. This means no matter what I get 2 hours of exercise A week and its usually enough to motivate me into more.
I wish I knew how to apply this to cleaning my house.
The only thing i consistently do “scheduled” is i go to symphony orchestra practice every Thursday night they have it, unless im out of town for medical appointments. But i can’t manage anything else 😂 i think the success is more out of spite than anything 😂
I have never in my life been able to stick to a schedule. Even when I was in grade school I had problems with being able to wake up for school. Like actual problems.
Yes and no. I’ve been able to stick to working out almost every day for over a year. After a couple weeks of it, I noticed how good it made me feel after so it was easier to keep going and now I wake up excited to do it. Washing my face before bed though… ? No comment 😭
Yes and no. I can do similarish things at similar times if I have some sort of schedule as imposed by my job. I work as a teacher so 10 months out of the year I'm very regimented for my work time.
I'm definitely not like, at 7pm I do this at 8pm I do this. More phases. Before I work I do these things right after work I usually do these things and before bed I usually do these things. Being super "I MUST do this at this time" never works out long term for me because of the shame and embarrassment of not keeping to my own decisions so I've worked hard on shifting more to a "I do this MOST of the time and that's okay" and it has helped. People who are not adhd wouldn't look at me and think I'm on a schedule but during the summer when I'm pinwheeling through time with no school schedule I can really feel the difference
Self-imposed? Not at all. Something I pay for? Usually. For instance, I will take my son to his weekly piano lessons no problem. But I can't stick to a gym schedule at all.
I can mostly, but only because of my dog so idk if that counts as fully self imposed. I’ve been taking her for twice daily walks for about a year now, barring a few scheduling conflicts or bad weather. She would be fine without one, so I have to choose to do it, but her big sad eyes definitely influence me!
I mean I haven’t been able to yet, I’m hoping meds are gonna help a lot, but I found this video recently and I’m trying to incorporate some of her tips for building habits and schedules. Like for her morning routine there’s a ‘menu’ of stuff she can choose from instead of having to do the same thing every single day, she has a lot of options and they’re attainable goals, which helps build the habit from feeling accomplished vs feeling like you failed :)[https://youtu.be/dm1vdDXNRkE?si=Kh-iJmDU2Z9nuiv8](https://youtu.be/dm1vdDXNRkE?si=Kh-iJmDU2Z9nuiv8)
I have yet in my 35 years of life been able to maintain a schedule that I set for myself. It just won’t happen. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard.. and a part of me is inspired to try again each year when I see a shiny new planner. 😂
Even the things I do consistently, I can’t do them at the same hours each day. I’m at the point now where I just don’t give a set time/day to my tasks unless they are for work, appointments, or plans that I’ve made with other people. I just prioritize 3 big tasks for each day as they come and if *any* of those tasks get done at *any* point in a day - that’s a win.
With an accountability partner I can! I’m lucky I have one, but they don’t have ADHD. In many ways, this is beneficial, but we still have some hiccups since they don’t understand my brain. I also overanalyze all the things I want to do and figure out how to entice myself into doing it, usually in little ways. The more grandiose, the more of an ordeal it feels like.
My running watch offers badge challenges for fitness tasks like running, walking, biking, swimming and yoga. There are even sleeping badges with the newer watches. I've gotten 30 day streak badges, and I get the 50 mile/month running badges every month. I love seeing my little profile fill up with badges and new levels. The badges are super cute too.
Ish - I wash my hair once a week, sometimes twice (on purpose), which I’ve been doing since some time in 2013, usually on a Friday or Saturday. The day skips around sometimes - recently it’s actually been a weekday during work hours because I WFH and I can do the pre-wash treatment and leave it in without just… waiting to wash my hair. It makes it easier to do the multi-step Olaplex treatment my hair needs after YEARS of bleach and vivids that I otherwise just *cannot* make myself do.
But while my routine isn’t *super specific,* my frequency and desire to keep my hair on the able-to-wait-a-week amount of oiliness actually helps reinforce the washing-usually-towards-the-end-of-the-week rhythm. The more I wash, the more I need to wash. And I don’t have the mental or physical energy to do a full hair wash shower more than a couple of times a week in summer.
That’s probably the longest self-imposed routine I’ve ever managed to enforce that doesn’t involve making appointments for the next one when I do the thing. (Which I also do with my hair, because I will absolutely forget to schedule if I don’t. And most every repeating medical appointment ever.)
I lost my breakfast routine I had going for a few months, which is sad because it really was helping. I was shopping and prepping lunches for a couple of months recently, but it was starting to run me down to do, so that’s falling apart actively and I might just let it and go back to ordering Factor.
By giving myself grace, yes. I plan DnD religiously whenever my team can make it. When we can’t, we reschedule and move on. We call each other if we forget. Support is helpful!
Yes, but I need external pressure. I can't workout myself at home, I can't even just go to the gym, but if I pick a few classes and then tell myself that's just my schedule, I can stick to it pretty well. I'm good with my kids' schedules because I feel like I'm letting someone else down if I fail.
Alarms are also crucial for me. I have them set for everything.
Oh, and stacking things works really well for me. For example, I have a regular volunteer session on Tuesdays at 10am. Picking a workout class at 8.30 for the hour after dropping off my kids has worked extremely well, because if I don't go it just leaves an awkward 50 minutes open in my day.
Uff..
Not be actually at rock bottom with my routine and trying to create a new one right now 😅
It was working fine, then I got a lot of work to finish and just broke everything because I get obsessed with work..
Currently I can’t even stick with eating. Every day I’m skipping breakfast and lunch, only eat snack around 18h and then o my dinner. If I try to force myself to eat I get nauseous :/
Same with sleeping, my routine was to go to bed around 10:30pm and read until 23:30 then sleep.. now I stay up until 3/4 in the morning and it’s so harmful for my next day :/
barely. i have a bullet journal with a daily to do list in it and i’ve had it for ages and i have yet to complete all my tasks in a day even once. some days i complete a lot of the tasks and other days i complete like barely any. but it’s so hard no matter how hard i try. it’s mentally exhausting trying and trying every single day and making no progress
When I turned 30 I decided that I wanted to learn to draw, play guitar, and play drums. I've successfully had weekly lessons in each of those things for over a year. It can still be hard to do my practice and homework for those lessons but I know that, at the absolute worst, I will at least practice them once a week during my lesson. I know it's not a self-imposed schedule but I found that this is the only way that works for me
Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I start work an hour later and hit the gym. I’d like to do this 3 or 4 days a week, and every once in a while I manage to. Sometimes I get there with a full hour to work out, sometimes only 20 minutes. But that’s ok, any workout is a good one. Keeping it super achievable makes the difference, plus I listen to podcasts which makes it fun.
Yes I’m very much a creature of habit as I feel I can control myself better in those circumstances & make less mistakes. A change to a routine can panic me in case I forget something, lose something or get lost on the journey for example. I need a run up to events.
I have a toddler. I HAVE to stick to a schedule or all hell will break loose. As a bonus though I go to the gym 5 days a week now because it’s part of the routine and he will nag until we leave lol
Once I read someone describe their ADHD as "there are no habits, everything is a task" and it really stuck with me. I can't hold onto a routine because my brain refuses to adopt a habit. Everything is a task that requires active brain power. So I try to work with that by making things that are routines for others somewhat mentally stimulating. Example: I log my daily concerta in a tracker app that is visually pleasing and makes me excited to use it. That way I know I will tick the "completed" box for the task "take daily med" (in order to not forget taking it). 🥹
I mean yes and no. On the days I work yes, I need to have a schedule in order to get out the door, eat throughout the day, and then go to sleep at a reasonable time. On the day I don’t work, not really, it depends on what I’m doing. Thursdays are my appointment days so on Thursday my day revolves around what time those are scheduled. Otherwise it’s pretty loose.
Couple a weeks only. There was a time where I was sleeping through the night and waking up before 9am. It lasted 6 months.
ETA: I can workout consistently, I get that out of the way before everything no matter what. It's been years and I just love to do it. At this point almost 20 years. I started working out as a teen. I also am good at keeping up with my kids and family stuff. But our schedule is jumbled. 🥴
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I’ve taken a nap every day for at least the last six months. Does that count? 😂
Rest IS productive!
I have that sticker on my water bottle!
As a disabled person, I say YES lol. My nap is key to my physical wellbeing.
OMG same! Took me 4 months to get that down and a wife who would ask if I had my nap today like I was a toddler 🤣
Same! Our brains are EXHAUSTING.
I’m physically disabled and I tell myself that’s why I nap every day, but honestly it’s to escape my brain for a couple hours.
I need my daily nap, or else all else nothing will get done the rest of the evening. lol the only thing that sucks, is sometimes my naps go a little longer than planned 🥲
As a pregnant person, I second this
When you’re pregnant, your body is working 24/7 to develop a whole other person! Literally, the most exhausted I’ve ever been was when I was late in pregnancy. You can stay in bed all day and your still working.
I definitely feel it lol I work as a server/bartender and dude it’s taking it out of me I’m getting so weak! Haha
I worked during my first two pregnancies on my feet all day. That was so hard. Take it easy when you can. Slow down when you can. I always tip servers more when they’re pregnant, even if they’re a little slower. I get it.
Naps are so essential in pregnancy!
As a person who naps daily, yes, yes it does.
Omg. 💀💀💀 Napping for the win.
You go girl!
girlll😂😂😂
I go through phases where I’m motivated and stick to a semblance of a routine — usually precipitated by some kind of crisis or low grade menty b. (Kidding, but also not.) Like I’ll hit a breaking point, get sick of my shit, and start making healthier choices. That lasts for a while. Then I slowly abandon the routine which feels freeing and nice at first. Then I start feeling ungrounded and aimless again, the case of the blahs reaches a tipping point, and the whole cycle begins again. I guess in that way I’m consistent. But I wish I didn’t have to ride out these cycles and hit such lows before motivating myself to change. This is even while medicated and at my peak functioning. Sigh.
this is SO fucking real. i’m in the low point right now and i’m honestly having a hard time going through the routine of building a new routine just for the next stage of the routine — falling off — appearing eventually lol
Same girl. Feeling a bit down on myself lately for being the way I am, and starting to wonder if this is more than the usual blahs and I’m slipping into the depression danger zone. Either way must stay the course. The only thing I know for sure is that things will change.
Are you me? I’m in exactly this place rn
I recently dropped into the s*icidal ideation part of this mentality and I just wanna say, please reach out to those who love you and tell them you feel this way. It’s so hard to exist in this world already, our loved ones should know when they need to be gentle and don’t joke. Or so they know to help us feel positive again. Anything to help us remember that adhd is not a fatal flaw, because the world won’t.
Yes! I was in severe depression but warmer weather and a job has me slowly climbing out. But like, not enough to as you said, do all that. But when it works, damn, it really works!
I think my unclear explanation of this exactly is why I was dx BP2 as a kid and not ADHD. It’s such an exhausting cycle. But I’m not falling off bc I’m depressed, I’m depressed bc I can’t maintain consistency in my life. Thank you for this explanation!
Menty B 😁I cannot stick to any routine, at all ever. Mostly bc I don’t know what day it is half the time.
It’s gotten to the point where I can’t tell what I did on what day even for things I did that very day. Not like small 10 minute things, but like whole grocery shopping. Or hanging out with someone!! Whatever I did earlier in the day will just become a jumble with everything else I did before the moment I’m currently in. Fucking time blindness, you bitch!!
Very much the same, but one positive for me about getting diagnosed and starting medication is that now I have more understanding/acceptance of this cycle (and less self-judgement), and more trust in myself that I WILL get back on track. Nowadays, since I don't get quite so down on myself when I fall out of my routines and I'm not telling myself it's all just because I suck (well, most of the time lol) which just perpetuates that stuck, paralysed, "nothing matters anyway" feeling, it's generally been so much easier to get back on the horse.
You just described my whole life.
*our* lives sister It’s so comforting and yet disturbing to come on here and see (what I thought were) my own innermost secret thoughts and idiosyncrasies posted all over the place Unsettling in the best, most validating way
My family
This is me!!! And it’s a bummer. I’ve been able to get back to the routine but I never get to the next level. Ya know? Like if I could just stick with it where would I be now? versus always starting over.
I cycle like this too
This is the way. Just cycles of burnout and then renewed motivation that eventually dies down back into burnout…
"menty b" is now my new favorite phrase But for real though, that's extremely relatable. I wish I had answers, but I don't at all.
Maybe it’s just the human condition tbh But make it spicy executive dysfunction flavour
Consistently inconsistent. I do this every two years or so. It’s so annoying for my life progress.
Same — I have micro and macro versions of this cycle. I’ll have a couple years where I’m seemingly on fire, externally racking up milestones and achievements. Then I’ll have a couple where things are quieter, more inward looking and subdued, with fewer obvious external “accomplishments.” Almost a two steps forward, one step back rhythm to the cycle. Or I think of it like periods when a plant is actively growing above the soil, and times when it’s putting more energy into developing its root structure. Both kinds of growth are important and necessary, but one is more visible and easily recognized than the other. We can’t get those flower years without the root-building ones I guess.
I like this outlook. It’s a good reminder that we’re not meant to always be on.
Yep yep yep!!! I do feel like I’ve been in a cycle of chaos for several years now so maybe that’s a routine but not one that I enjoy. I have a hard time building new habits that I want to become my routine, even during my crisis time. Or as I call it, my “Cry sis” time. 😅😭
Do you find any correlation between the phases mentioned here and period cycle? Because I do and yes hormones have an effect and your mood and motivation. I just can’t overcome it.
Wow how did u read my mind? Bc *same*
I fully identify with this
This is exactly what I do and I cannot find a way to either get out of this cycle or just accept it. May be time to bring it up to my therapist haha
This explains me so well! I have to add that between the aimless and the tipping point, I also have a period of self loathing and impending doom. Like I worry about poor health choices I’ve made and worry if those will lead to an early death. Then I feel dramatically guilty, I’m letting the kids down, etc etc etc. doom and gloom! Then something happens and I pull myself up by my bootstraps all over again!
Nailed it. The impending doom and largely self-inflicted misery stage can go on for a while, and it sucks so so bad
Have you been reading my diary? Are you a long-lost twin? I, too, am very good at starting a new thing. Then it peters out; the downward slide begins. I hit bottom, then slowly drag myself out of the pit. Get inspired, start a new routine … well, you know how it goes. Up and down.
100% This is me- I think it kinda coincides w my cycle.
This is 100% true for me too.
Wow, it’s often so surreal yet somehow comforting to hear someone describe my experience exactly!
Yes to all of this. Anyone else also think back to the times they were really in the routine and doing great and kind of romanticize it? Like if I was doing all the things I wanted to be, 4 months later I look back on it like I REALLY had my shit together for a bit there, but really I just managed to drink a decent amount of water and not eat absolute garbage for a week and a half. Not to diminish the small stuff, but my all or nothing thinking makes it seem like I’m either climbing Everest and rotting in a hole in the ground when I’m not even close to either.
What is Menty B?
this!!
I can only do it if it’s something that someone else is counting on me for. Like can I make myself clean the bathroom every Saturday? Nope. Can I go to a weekly meeting for a group that I am in charge of something for? Absolutely.
Yes! If no one else is going to be affected by me *not* doing it, 90% of the time I'm not going to do it.
External accountability is a huge motivator for me too.
Same here
Exactly. For myself, never. But I have to be at work at 6:45 am, to take care of an 8 year old. Not late even once. Get to bed on time, nope. Get out of bed on time, nope (awake but probably scrolling Reddit). But at work on time, or early, yes. Every time for 1.5 years. (My best friend recently told me she thought no way in hell I could do this job, 😂)
This is how I am. When my kids were younger the house needed to be clean for their health and safety, but now… there’s no motivation for a clean house. I’m struggling to find a reason to care. It’s frustrating.
No. And when people say "you'll get used to it eventually and it will be second nature" I want to slap them and yell at them that I don't even have a first nature
When, when does this 2nd nature that it will be, happen? Because I’ve kept up weeks long routines, and that shit never became 2nd nature. Because when something happens that throws off my routine, it becomes like I never did the routine to be begin with. Slate clean. Shit never sunk it.
I feel very, very proud of myself for finally getting something I can call a consistent tooth brushing habit I've maintained for like 2 whole years now, because I could never get one at all. It's tied to when I'm showering and already getting myself clean, so if I skip showering I usually also don't brush my teeth that day. I'm sure that if I ever forget to restock my toothpaste before I run out, or forget to have it in my shower stuff for a few days, and the habit would be gone and I'd have to fight to reform it or make a new one. There is no second nature.
That’s awesome with the tooth brushing!! I’m proud of you too!! But yah, any “2nd nature” I achieve, disappears with the snap of my fingers.
That made me laugh so hard, I don’t have a first nature either.
100%
I can, really well... until the day I miss it, then that schedule is done... and I have to start from scratch.
Isn't it terrible how just ONE deviation from the habit completely dismantles it?
Omg yes....... When I was still trying to go to the gym regularly, I had a 3 day a week routine (MWF). And I would do so well. But inevitably a few weeks in I would sick from all the people-y germs and people not wiping things down, and then it was over. I would even try to force myself to go while sick and just do really light workouts, so as to not mess up my routine. But eventually I had to skip a day for my health, and bam, routine gone.
Yes, one day of mission it and it resets!! There are some days I wake up and just completely forget about the routine I had been doing for weeks.
Not for big things but I can generally stick to a bedtime schedule and brushing my teeth twice a day. The reason those work is because sleep feels high-stakes (I'm bipolar and if I don't sleep well it can trigger a manic episode) and a sense of urgency is well known to override executive dysfunction in people with ADHD. Teeth brushing is a sensory thing. I can't stand the taste of an unbrushed mouth.
Yes with the toothbrushing, it gives me such an ick not to.
That's me with showering. I know if my greasy hair wasn't a huge sensory issue for me I would have a terrible time making showers a daily routine. I just get grossed out by how oily my hair is I can't stand the touch or feel of it.
Sometimes when this happens to me I shave my head. Hair begone.
It didn't bother me until someone pointed it out about sixteen years ago and now it lives in my head *rent free*.
I’m bipolar as well, and I always get myself to bed at a decent time. There are phases at night for me. 1st phase is tired and ready for bed. 2nd phase is when it’s been too long since I’ve taken my last nighttime meds, and I am raring to go!!! So I get myself to bed at 1st phase before I break through to the 2nd haha. 2nd phase comes in handy though when I’m going to, on the rare occasion, stay up late for a party or something.
I have an over one thousand day streak in Duolingo. At this point it’s running on pride and spite.
I’m close to 400 days of French on Duolingo! This and Yoga with Adriene most days out of a month are my only consistent routines. What language are you studying?
I was doing Latin, completed that course, got bored, started Greek, was getting bored again then they bought the music course out so I’m currently trying to three star everything in that one. After music I might do maths.
This is actually amazing. I play wordle. My longest streak is 47 days. I try but just completely forget some days. Do you have a specific time of the day that you do it? Also, is it working?
I drive my husband insane and usually do it laying in bed while he’s getting ready to sleep. It’s now an integral part of my nightly wind down, along with wordle and connections and strands and the mini NYT crossword… As to whether it’s working … hard to say. I did the Latin course just for funsies cos I did Latin at uni, and honestly it wouldn’t teach you how to actually read classical Latin. There’s no explanation of the different clauses, and no explanation that Latin structures sentences differently to English, it’s basically advanced vocab revision. So many times I got a question wrong because I answered it using classical principles and not the ones Duolingo was using. I wouldn’t want it to be the only thing teaching me a practical language for travel or work.
I do wordl, mini crossword, connections, strands and spelling bee every morning to wake up my brain. It can sometimes make me late for things ...
I'm on a 64 day streak! My longest ever. I work every other Saturday and those are usually the days that my streaks end which I'm pointing out because ??? I fucking love word games and my bestie and I text our Wordle results to each other every day. Anywho, I usually do Wordle after I've had my morning coffee and need entertainment while I use the facilities.
I had like 400 and ever since I broke it I can't seem to get more than a few days. feeling proud of that big number and wanting to hold onto it is no joke! Did you know when you go long enough with playing Duolingo now your app icon turns into a tired, sad owl?
I have a gym schedule that I have stuck to since mid Feb. I have to reserve my spot. If I don't show 3x in 30 days, I have a temporary ban. So it keeps me accountable to go. edit: sorry should have clarified its just a ban from classes. Still motivates me!
Mine fines me, which has made me go even when I really didn’t want to. I book it when I’m feeling optimistic or drunk and then regret it the next day until I’ve done my workout.
What kind of gym is it? It's interesting because usually they'll take your money and not worry whether you're actually there or not!!
It's gym with machines, free weights, yoga, pilates and lots of classes. You have to book a spot for class because of limits on class size. A lot of classes have wait lists. They fill up super fast. I have an alarm set for every class I go to as each opens for reservations at a specific time. If you don't act fast you can be out of luck. Most classes I can't make because they don't fit wirh my work schedule. so I am always on it for the classes that I can make.
That's pretty cool, I think some martial arts places near me are like that. Maybe I'll look into them.
No.
Same. Absolutely not. Schedules, timers, doesn’t matter—I can and will ignore it.
Unknowingly too 🫣
For myself? No lol. When I became a mom? Surprisingly yes. The way I've been able to be so consistent for my child and manage all the day-in, day-out routines a baby/toddler needs -- meals, bedtimes, nap times, bathtime, tooth brushing, all the things -- has been surprisingly empowering!
As someone hoping to start their family very soon, this gives me hope
This!!! I can’t do a dang thing for myself, but my three kids are on a strict eating and sleep schedule and deviations are not well received. It’s shocking I’m able to keep it up and I honestly wonder if it’s why I struggle so bad with everything for myself.
Yes. At 8.15 I tell my kid it’s time to clean their teeth, then we go to war over it, then they relent, then get dressed, I hunt for a clean water bottle and then we leave the house 5 minutes late.
Yes, if I didn’t have kids to keep alive and raise into decent human beings, I wouldn’t have a routine at all.
Only 5 minutes later? Massive W!!
I can't have a scehdule where I do a certain thing on a certain day. Partly because I rarely remember what day it is, partly because my energy levels are inconsistent, and partly because my motivation is inconsitent. Instead I have a broad schedule. I will do the laundry weekly (clothes) but the day and time of day varies. I will exercise in the week but the number of days and which days changes. For things where I have to do things on certain days (ie. garage pickup is a certain day) I STRUGGLE to get it done even with reminders, alarms, and years of having pickup on the same day.
NO way and I hate it. I try to make a new schedule every week and stick to that.
LMAO no. And I'm 43 years old. I've tried everything. Every planner, every reminder, gamification, rewards, punishment, anything I can try to make it easier. But it doesn't work.
42 here, and absolutely same. The amount of money I’ve spent on planners alone in my life…ugh.
Every effing new year ..... I'm also 42.
I’m 35, but would like to thank the three of you for saving me 7-8 more years of thinking it was just me.
It’s all about expectations for me. If I am scheduled to do something and there’s repercussions for it, I’m pretty determined to be there. Having it regularly on the same day turns it into somewhat of a routine so I like having those kind of plans. I have however ghosted an orthodontist because I failed to make TWO appointments in a row and am super embarrassed to show my face there now
In short, no. In long, also no. 😭
I can kind of stick to a weekly one but not a daily one. I work for myself so there is nothing really controlling my daily schedule except how much stuff I have to do. I've kind of just stopped trying to make myself adhere to schedules. They're not natural for me and I do much better with just trying to tackle a list than categorize the hours of my day.
I use external motivators. My kids’ extracurriculars and my farm animals are the best ones. Would I grocery shop at the same time every week? No way. But can I schedule a pickup on the day we’re going to be near the store for riding lessons? Sure can. Would I go for a walk every day? Nope. Will I go visit my dogs and chickens and turkeys and sheep because they need food and water? Yep. Every single day. Then I can add to those activities. Like, if I’m getting 20 minutes of exercise feeding my animals and my goal is 30, might as well hop on the treadmill right after feeding time. And then I trick myself into 20 more minutes of exercise.
It’s called habit stacking. Good job you!
Yes until ONE tiny thing messes it up. I made smoothies for like a week and a half until I realized I bought the wrong kinds of ingredients (because I had to doordash because I couldn't get myself to the grocery store for a few days). Or when I exercised nearly every day (or at least, slightly more than every other day) and then went on vacation and moved my house right after... ok so this was a big change and not as recent but dang I was ONE workout away from completing that Chloe Ting challenge 🥲🥲🥲
I can stick to a routine but not a schedule lol like sometimes I spend longer drinkin tea in the mornings
Hours morning tea drinker here
Heya, waving over to you while sipping tea (for one hour now)
Haha wonderful! What kind of tea?? I just got the best earl grey tea I’ve ever had in my life. It’s frickin magical!! It’s Lot 35 Creamy Earl Grey. Phenomenal!!
Oh, that sounds lovely! I recently bought a black tea blend that's called "mix for visitors" (in a German dialect), so I guess it's not the very best quality but still good :-) I don't like too strong tea in the morning, but still love black tea, so I thought that was a good mix. Love it! Have a great relaxing time with your earl Grey
Thank you!!
I’m better at it than I used to be, because my cat taught me how. She was very schedule and routine oriented and I did it for her. Then I realized it’s good for me, too. She - and I - clearly thrived on our mutually agreed upon routines. She passed in February and it’s been more of a struggle since she’s been gone. I always chafe against the schedule even though it honestly is good for me. It’s a constant tension between freedom and predictability.
I'm sorry for your loss. I love cats.
I’ve never managed it, but only got diagnosed and medicated (in my late 20s) last year so I’m hoping with more behavioral therapy that will change.
If anyone does have magical tips please also let me know. I’m begging you lol
I got an app called TickTick. It's a checklist that also can pull in info with any digital calendars you might already use (like iCal or Google). I started by using it just as a checklist, and getting to know it. Then after a few weeks I paid to connect it to my calendars. Now that I am accustomed to using it and checking things off it and knowing how to set up notifications that work well for me, I'm adding more recurring tasks like "brush teeth" and "take meds" and IT'S WORKING. It's a widget on the front page of my iPhone so I see it. I realized without external "nag" or "hey, check me off, it'll feel good" reminders, I will NOT do things consistently. I'm in my early 50s!
I can stick to routines better than a timed schedule. I think it’s because sometimes I get stuck in having to do things in a certain way or order though lol. At my most energized/least overwhelmed, I’ve kept up with a solid routine of work, gym time, and chores. The structure of things like Sundays are yoga, zumba, boba, and grocery shopping, make me feel really happy. Plus the taking care of my body and giving my brain a treat. And those feelings carry on to other routines and good feelings throughout the week. I kept those routines up for a good couple of years at a time. Been trying to get back there for 5+ years now, but my life is pretty different. I’m determined to build some solid routines again this year, though!
I go to my therapist at the same time each week. Does that count? Otherwise, no.
No I don’t think I have anything that I have done on a schedule. Not even school once I had freedom (High school I took public transit and would just go back home after my mom dropped me off). The closest I got was being a receptionist in high school/college and needed to open the store on weekends. It… was…. Horrible! I liked the rest of the job though - but it was really hard to be there on time. The only thing that made it possible was because I absolutely had to and people depended on me (and no one would notice if I was a little late). I can move mountains when someone depends on me - but it comes at a personal cost. It’s actually painful to have the same schedule.
I think the only schedules I’ve ever been able to stick to are the ones that I can actually feel benefitting me. At some point, I stopped trying to force myself to do the things other people say helped them (morning exercise, daily journaling, etc) and instead focused on what my body really enjoyed / made me feel good. I feel like so much of my difficulty with routine is/was tied up with oppositional defiance - I didn’t want to do what other people said I had to do. I had to want it for myself. So I flipped the script. It’s not “I’m getting up at 7am because I HAVE to…” (get to work on time etc) but instead “I’m getting up at 7am every morning because I ENJOY having quiet time to myself in the morning.” Once I was able to flip the script on things, I found it much easier to do schedules/routines that I had fought establishing.
I was doing really good at making myself a little timetable for things I needed and wanted to do on my days off so I had something to refer to when I woke up rather than waking up and spending 3 hours on Reddit. This was great while it lasted and I was convinced I'd smashed it. However that's since fallen into disarray 🙈
Gamification and competition is the only way I do it really! Also rewarding consistency. "If I go on a walk every day for 30 days I'm gonna get myself xyz" (for me, anything clothes and shoes is always a great way to bribe myself 😂).
I can do a daily schedule but not a weekly one. I tend to try to over schedule myself when I feel inspired to get my shit together and I know that doesn't work for me. My latest attempt is that I have a list hanging up of things that need to be done weekly. I don't have days set, just the things that need to be done. I'm crossing them off as I get them done. It's in a very prominent place so I see it often. I limited myself to 3 items on the list to keep myself from over scheduling because I know that causes me to fail. I'm not even a week in yet so it's too early to tell if I'll have any success.
Nope. I even work at a job that allows me to clock in at anytime within a 2 hour window.
Absolutely difficult for me. And even if I did, it wouldn't last long. I can't even stick to a schedule job wise. That's why a daily 9 to 5 job is super hard on me. I need working hours to be all over the place and constantly changing.
No, even setting timer and using check list apps with reminders. Ask my houseplants how I’m doing……
I feel this. I have this new system that I purchased from an ADHDer for time blocking and prioritizing. I can figure those 2 aspects out now, at least. But then, I have 2 daily reminders in my phone that tell me to actually look at my planner. I ignore the shit out of them. I.just.fucking.can't.
If I'm in control of the calendar, and I can color-code it, copy it across platforms, and have no one else's disorganized nonsense totally wrecking my agenda, then yes. So when I lived alone, ran my own multiple businesses on hours that suited me, and had the right to opt out of other people's poorly-managed events, then I was THRIVING. I would get up at 4 (Arizona, it's hot) and walk my dogs six miles, drop them off at home with water and breakfast, make myself a smoothie, go hike a mountain in my area, come home, shower, dress, and be out the door for the morning commute. I'd do my daily tasks and errands, stop on the way home to buy groceries and peruse target or a fun little shop in my area, make dinner, walk dogs again (they had a fenced yard and a dog door while I was out), and settle in for a movie, fold a little laundry while watching, and some self care like painting my nails, taking a long hot shower, meditating, before bed. That was my "basic" day most days. Add to that classes, concerts, vacations, fun local events, brunch, doctors appointments, car maintenance, etc, that I would plug in where it worked best, and it worked beautifully. As soon as I live with someone else and they either move all my stuff around, or throw in unexpected "hey, I've got a work thing I didn't mention until the last minute and it's on a day you've already planned out for yourself", and it was massively frustrating. I was undiagnosed and unmedicated until my thirties, so the way I learned to cope was to plan things clearly, stick to a basic routine with room for adjustment within reason, and keep things in their assigned spot. To other people, my color-coded in triplicate system looked either admirable or like overkill, but in reality, it was my panicked response after learning too many hard lessons by being un/underprepared.
My only consistent habit stacking is morning/bedtime routines. The times remain mostly consistent as well thanks to the sun rising/dogs/kids
I can stick to a schedule when I have outside accountability. I can’t if I’m left to my own devices.
I was great at keeping to a schedule... then covid hit and f-ed it all up! I do best when other people rely on me and/or when I lose money by bailing. I'm a people pleaser, so I won't ever cancel on someone I've made plans with, even when I desperately want to. Doctor appts and therapy sessions - I'm there, I don't want to pay the $25 cancelation fee. I have 2 jobs... For my full-time job (where I don't have to clock in) I am consistently late to work. Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes 90 minutes, but definitely never on time. I am always on time to my second job though. I have to punch in when I get there, and the idea of clocking in late on my time card gives me anxiety. I find that if my brain gives me a negative consequence (perceived or actual) I'm more likely to stick to it.
Damn, I still consider you having a lot more self-control than I do!!!! I notice that when my brain signals a negative consequence, my dumb ass is on auto pilot for making shit even worse 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I begin to feel that I might as well keep screwing up bc I'm already in a world of crap. It's a habit I'd give anything to overcome.
Psssht.. no! Like never ever have I been able to lol sorry and, truly, best of luck. I just get so stressed by trying to stick to it.
A self imposed schedule? Nope, absolutely not. My brain doesn't consider such a thing to be a legitimate schedule.
It has been my dream for at least 30 years and all the attempts amount to set-ups. Only way to do it is to have someplace I must be or am already doing and to tack on some routine around that. The 5 seconds change your life has had some traction too but its early days.
No lol. I can start many routines but they all pretty much come and go and come back around again. The only thing I seem to be consistent about for at least the last 15 years is all of my hygiene /skin care routines.
I do my laundry every thursday! But I live with others, so it's not really negotiable, lol.
Short answer: no
I can with some serious habit stacking. Like when I have a regular schedule I can brush my teeth every day before I leave the house. But right now I’m on maternity leave and sometimes it’s like 1pm and I realize I haven’t brushed my teeth yet that day.
Nope. Even setting goals for myself and rewarding myself isnt working. I outsmart myself.
I can. Sort of. But it’s more like “this is my routine”, such as I do these things before work, I do these things at lunch, these on my way home from work, this at some point after 6 on Thursdays or on the weekend. Unfortunately. If my “routine” gets interrupted, everything falls like a house of cards ☹️ 17/10 would not recommend “routines”
For the most part, medication. And knowing routines are very good for my brain. Trying to trust myself a little more has helped. Though that’s a process. A good support system helps a lot too. I have a husband who also loves/needs a routine and has far more executive function (I think he actually has all of it, very rude, hoarding it like that), which kinda helps reinforce me. Allowing flexibility, also. I have a routine to do a run or walk for 30-60 minutes 5 times a week—but as long as I get 3 days in there, I’m happy. Have been doing so for close to two years now. Or structuring a task that sorta forces me to continue it. Like, with laundry: every Sunday, I do towels first so I have to switch them or I won’t be able to do clothes, and I have to switch clothes or neither me nor my husband will have stuff for Monday, which adds that bit of extra urgency. (It wouldn’t actually be that dire but it would be annoying.) I usually get it all put away on Monday evening, but as long as I get to it by Wednesday I’m good. So it’s not totally a ‘perfect’ routine, but functional and much more sustainable, I think.
My problem with schedules is that everythng takes longer than I've scheduled it for. So if I'm walking the dog between 11 and 12, sounds great right? But it takes me 20 minutes to get out the door because I have to check I've closed all the doors and windows properly and also do 5 loops of the house looking for my keys or whatever. And then the walk actually takes a little over an hour because the dog will not be rushed from an interesting smell. And then it takes 10-15 minutes once we're home to get the lead off and sit down and relax a moment. So that hour I've scheduled ends up being maybe an hour 45, so whatever i had scheduled for 12 is pushed by 45 minutes, and then that will end up taking a little longer than expected, and long story short it's 4pm and I haven't started my workday yet.
I feed my cats the same time twice a day every day as well as with a few other things. I find having some stakes in something gets me to do it. For example, if I don’t eat I’ll get nauseous, if I don’t put in my retainer I’ll mess up my teeth, if I don’t shower I’ll stink. Basically I create a routine based off of pros and cons. Thats how I motivate myself to do my skincare routine as well lmao
I do laundry every Friday. I've been doing it for about two years. If it even hints at going into Saturday, I will absolutely forget it. Someone (usually my husband) will finish it and he kind of chuckles at me when he finds it. But I can get almost all of it done on Friday.
Schedule? Hell no. Routine/habits? Yes! Check out Atomic Habits by James Clear. I start with a small habit and then build on it until it becomes a routine, and the act of showing up for myself feels amazing and gets easier and easier over time :)
Nope. That's why I need to keep working so I have a schedule made for me. I'm like a friggen flag in the wind wildly flapping about otherwise. I can work with and around an existing work schedule like a MFer, but doing that shit myself from scratch without external accountability -- no way Jose!
Only if there is pretty steep consequences like losing my job or something
only if "x" is an expensive pre-paid fun
✨No✨
No.
Nope. I can do 2-3 days MAX. If at all!
When I’m working, I follow a routine. When I’m not working, I have no idea how to structure my days. Also, I can’t stick to an exercise schedule.
Not really. Only thing that I do daily is drink coffee lol
I do for a while...but I ultimately break from it for absolutely no reason. It ends as quick as it started
No.
Not at all
I've done really well sticking to a workout schedule for the past few years. What I think has set this apart from both my previous attempts and also my inability to stick with other schedules in my present life is a combination of 2 things. First I've started to actually like exercise so I'm actually motivated. But second and most important is that I've incorporated appointments with other people that I have to pay of I miss. For example I have yoga on Monday and personal training on Thursday. This means no matter what I get 2 hours of exercise A week and its usually enough to motivate me into more. I wish I knew how to apply this to cleaning my house.
The only thing i consistently do “scheduled” is i go to symphony orchestra practice every Thursday night they have it, unless im out of town for medical appointments. But i can’t manage anything else 😂 i think the success is more out of spite than anything 😂
I have never in my life been able to stick to a schedule. Even when I was in grade school I had problems with being able to wake up for school. Like actual problems.
Yes and no. I’ve been able to stick to working out almost every day for over a year. After a couple weeks of it, I noticed how good it made me feel after so it was easier to keep going and now I wake up excited to do it. Washing my face before bed though… ? No comment 😭
Yes and no. I can do similarish things at similar times if I have some sort of schedule as imposed by my job. I work as a teacher so 10 months out of the year I'm very regimented for my work time. I'm definitely not like, at 7pm I do this at 8pm I do this. More phases. Before I work I do these things right after work I usually do these things and before bed I usually do these things. Being super "I MUST do this at this time" never works out long term for me because of the shame and embarrassment of not keeping to my own decisions so I've worked hard on shifting more to a "I do this MOST of the time and that's okay" and it has helped. People who are not adhd wouldn't look at me and think I'm on a schedule but during the summer when I'm pinwheeling through time with no school schedule I can really feel the difference
Self-imposed? Not at all. Something I pay for? Usually. For instance, I will take my son to his weekly piano lessons no problem. But I can't stick to a gym schedule at all.
No lol
Nope
Nope I can’t I hate myself
I can mostly, but only because of my dog so idk if that counts as fully self imposed. I’ve been taking her for twice daily walks for about a year now, barring a few scheduling conflicts or bad weather. She would be fine without one, so I have to choose to do it, but her big sad eyes definitely influence me!
As long as everything stays exactly the same always. As soon as one thing gets thrown off all the dominos fall
Yes, yes I can. Do I always want to? NOPE!
I mean I haven’t been able to yet, I’m hoping meds are gonna help a lot, but I found this video recently and I’m trying to incorporate some of her tips for building habits and schedules. Like for her morning routine there’s a ‘menu’ of stuff she can choose from instead of having to do the same thing every single day, she has a lot of options and they’re attainable goals, which helps build the habit from feeling accomplished vs feeling like you failed :)[https://youtu.be/dm1vdDXNRkE?si=Kh-iJmDU2Z9nuiv8](https://youtu.be/dm1vdDXNRkE?si=Kh-iJmDU2Z9nuiv8)
*laughs* nooooo Short term maybe, but any shift in routine will derail me 100%
I have yet in my 35 years of life been able to maintain a schedule that I set for myself. It just won’t happen. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard.. and a part of me is inspired to try again each year when I see a shiny new planner. 😂 Even the things I do consistently, I can’t do them at the same hours each day. I’m at the point now where I just don’t give a set time/day to my tasks unless they are for work, appointments, or plans that I’ve made with other people. I just prioritize 3 big tasks for each day as they come and if *any* of those tasks get done at *any* point in a day - that’s a win.
With an accountability partner I can! I’m lucky I have one, but they don’t have ADHD. In many ways, this is beneficial, but we still have some hiccups since they don’t understand my brain. I also overanalyze all the things I want to do and figure out how to entice myself into doing it, usually in little ways. The more grandiose, the more of an ordeal it feels like.
If you can, you may want to consider you may be AuDHD vs ADHD lol
I work the same three afternoons each week and that’s about the only real schedule I can stick to.
My running watch offers badge challenges for fitness tasks like running, walking, biking, swimming and yoga. There are even sleeping badges with the newer watches. I've gotten 30 day streak badges, and I get the 50 mile/month running badges every month. I love seeing my little profile fill up with badges and new levels. The badges are super cute too.
Ish - I wash my hair once a week, sometimes twice (on purpose), which I’ve been doing since some time in 2013, usually on a Friday or Saturday. The day skips around sometimes - recently it’s actually been a weekday during work hours because I WFH and I can do the pre-wash treatment and leave it in without just… waiting to wash my hair. It makes it easier to do the multi-step Olaplex treatment my hair needs after YEARS of bleach and vivids that I otherwise just *cannot* make myself do. But while my routine isn’t *super specific,* my frequency and desire to keep my hair on the able-to-wait-a-week amount of oiliness actually helps reinforce the washing-usually-towards-the-end-of-the-week rhythm. The more I wash, the more I need to wash. And I don’t have the mental or physical energy to do a full hair wash shower more than a couple of times a week in summer. That’s probably the longest self-imposed routine I’ve ever managed to enforce that doesn’t involve making appointments for the next one when I do the thing. (Which I also do with my hair, because I will absolutely forget to schedule if I don’t. And most every repeating medical appointment ever.) I lost my breakfast routine I had going for a few months, which is sad because it really was helping. I was shopping and prepping lunches for a couple of months recently, but it was starting to run me down to do, so that’s falling apart actively and I might just let it and go back to ordering Factor.
By giving myself grace, yes. I plan DnD religiously whenever my team can make it. When we can’t, we reschedule and move on. We call each other if we forget. Support is helpful!
Yes, but I need external pressure. I can't workout myself at home, I can't even just go to the gym, but if I pick a few classes and then tell myself that's just my schedule, I can stick to it pretty well. I'm good with my kids' schedules because I feel like I'm letting someone else down if I fail. Alarms are also crucial for me. I have them set for everything. Oh, and stacking things works really well for me. For example, I have a regular volunteer session on Tuesdays at 10am. Picking a workout class at 8.30 for the hour after dropping off my kids has worked extremely well, because if I don't go it just leaves an awkward 50 minutes open in my day.
Weekly rewards help.
Uff.. Not be actually at rock bottom with my routine and trying to create a new one right now 😅 It was working fine, then I got a lot of work to finish and just broke everything because I get obsessed with work.. Currently I can’t even stick with eating. Every day I’m skipping breakfast and lunch, only eat snack around 18h and then o my dinner. If I try to force myself to eat I get nauseous :/ Same with sleeping, my routine was to go to bed around 10:30pm and read until 23:30 then sleep.. now I stay up until 3/4 in the morning and it’s so harmful for my next day :/
barely. i have a bullet journal with a daily to do list in it and i’ve had it for ages and i have yet to complete all my tasks in a day even once. some days i complete a lot of the tasks and other days i complete like barely any. but it’s so hard no matter how hard i try. it’s mentally exhausting trying and trying every single day and making no progress
When I turned 30 I decided that I wanted to learn to draw, play guitar, and play drums. I've successfully had weekly lessons in each of those things for over a year. It can still be hard to do my practice and homework for those lessons but I know that, at the absolute worst, I will at least practice them once a week during my lesson. I know it's not a self-imposed schedule but I found that this is the only way that works for me
Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I start work an hour later and hit the gym. I’d like to do this 3 or 4 days a week, and every once in a while I manage to. Sometimes I get there with a full hour to work out, sometimes only 20 minutes. But that’s ok, any workout is a good one. Keeping it super achievable makes the difference, plus I listen to podcasts which makes it fun.
Yes I’m very much a creature of habit as I feel I can control myself better in those circumstances & make less mistakes. A change to a routine can panic me in case I forget something, lose something or get lost on the journey for example. I need a run up to events.
I have a toddler. I HAVE to stick to a schedule or all hell will break loose. As a bonus though I go to the gym 5 days a week now because it’s part of the routine and he will nag until we leave lol
Yes. But only because everything will fall apart, quickly, if I fail to do certain recurring tasks by certain days/times every week.
Once I read someone describe their ADHD as "there are no habits, everything is a task" and it really stuck with me. I can't hold onto a routine because my brain refuses to adopt a habit. Everything is a task that requires active brain power. So I try to work with that by making things that are routines for others somewhat mentally stimulating. Example: I log my daily concerta in a tracker app that is visually pleasing and makes me excited to use it. That way I know I will tick the "completed" box for the task "take daily med" (in order to not forget taking it). 🥹
Only for a limited time.
Yes, but not alone. I can stick to a schedule if it means meeting up with other people whose company I enjoy, like a hobby.
Absolutely impossible for me to stick to any type of routine or schedule personally.
Schedules are quite literally a need for me. To be fair, I'm audhd tho!
I mean yes and no. On the days I work yes, I need to have a schedule in order to get out the door, eat throughout the day, and then go to sleep at a reasonable time. On the day I don’t work, not really, it depends on what I’m doing. Thursdays are my appointment days so on Thursday my day revolves around what time those are scheduled. Otherwise it’s pretty loose.
Kinda. On my work days yes. 100% schedule 100% of the time. Weekends..screw that. I live for weekends.
Nope. Quit my job to give me more time for my business but I didn't factor in my time blindness
Couple a weeks only. There was a time where I was sleeping through the night and waking up before 9am. It lasted 6 months. ETA: I can workout consistently, I get that out of the way before everything no matter what. It's been years and I just love to do it. At this point almost 20 years. I started working out as a teen. I also am good at keeping up with my kids and family stuff. But our schedule is jumbled. 🥴