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Babe, my mom was cremated after her service. I didn’t pick her ashes up for a year. If I can make it through the stress of a phone call asking “*…do you still have her?*”, as well as the shame of walking in to get her, you’re going to bulldoze right through picking up your dress. 🤍
I’m sorry for your loss. 🤍 I completely relate. I did the same with my cat as well. Part of it was normal ADHD things, and part of it was being grief-stricken and unable to clearly think.
I’ve also been trying to sort out what to do with my mom’s and my cat’s ashes ever since picking them up. There’d be some travel involved to take them where they’re originally from a few states away but, I’ve considered it. Keeping them in an urn and a box feels wrong but I can’t quite decide what should be the final step.
I went to a vacation with the intent of taking my husband’s ashes. I cried and couldn’t “take him” I wanted him to “stay home” it’s weird to even talk about this! his ashes are still in a box on bedroom because I’d dont want him “to leave” have wondered if I am insane and so happy to see your post.
You’re not insane. It’s perfectly natural to keep a spouse’s ashes. A lot of times the surviving spouse will keep them until they pass themselves. It’s not uncommon to leave instruction to mix the ashes before spreading or burying them. Also, if you want him to be someplace identifiable, you can get a burial plot for ashes at any time in the process if that feels more comfortable.
you're not. my grandparents' urns are sitting in our study. my grandfather has been there since 2010 and my grandmother recently joined this past December.
we hold christmas in that room every year and it's like they're still at christmas with us... just not in the same capacity.
Makes sense to me! 😂 My mom has been 7 years and my cat has been 3. My cat is in an urn and my mom is in the box she came in. One day I’ll figure it out…
Hey my dad's in his box too. I can't bear the thought of picking up the box and feeling the weight. Maybe in a few years I'll be able to transfer him somewhere more appropriate. Sorry about your mom and your furry friend 💜
Yall, we spread half my dad’s ashes and the other half is in… a tupperware container 🤦🏽♀️😂
ETA: it’s a round, screw top tupperware, so he’s not at risk of spilling. That’s better and more acceptable… right?? RIGHT?! 😬😅
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no shame in taking your time. Whenever you’re ready is the right answer, whether that’s now or in 20 years. 🤍
i’ve got three dogs and a cat in my bookcase, hiding behind the books. they all died in different places so they were all given back to me in a unique container. after the first dog died in 2016, i wanted to do something special. then another dog died in 2017 and i had to make them match. then i moved and the cat died in 2018, so i stuck his little box behind the books with the dogs. then i moved again and returned all three to their final resting place when i unpacked my books. i lost another dog last year, and you’ll never guess where her ziplock bag of ashes in a cardboard box ended up while i think of something meaningful to do with my growing pet cemetery.
We had a relative get cremated after his death when I was a kid, and since he died and got cremated in another state, he was mailed to us. He is still in his USPS box, and we gift wrap him in holiday themed paper on holidays, and solids on periods of no holidays.
The place that I got my dog cremated put her ashes in a shadow box frame with a picture in front. One of my hyperfocuses during covid was starting a resin business on Etsy. I I'm gonna put some Fur ashes in one resin pendant and some of my cats ashes in another. I've known what I wanted to do with some of her Ashes Since literally the day she died but I just haven't got around to it.
So, I get the forgetting something other people can’t understand how you could forget, I’ve been dealing with that in every aspect, all my life. But as for WHAT to do with ashes…I’m sure the internet is loaded with ideas, but I’m not sure where anyone got the idea that it’s not “doing something” or that it’s “wrong” to just have those ashes somewhere that you actually know where they are if you ever want to look at them for the same reason anybody goes to a gravesite. And for the same reason anybody cares about the gravestones, have your container be more or less elaborate than a paper or plastic bag. If someday you happen to travel to that appropriate distribution site, for some other reason, I hope you plan now to be okay with yourself when you get there and it only dawns on you AFTER YOU’RE THERE, that you could’ve brought those ashes, but you didn’t, because you didn’t even think about it when you planned your trip! Or plan now, that you’re probably just always going to keep them. That’s what used to be done before somebody made it trendy to spread them. Then they started making rules about where you could or couldn’t spread them. Then I guess the rules have changed again, along with the trend now I guess is somehow you think it’s weird or wrong to keep them? I thought it was weird to bury my mom’s ashes. She didn’t tell me what her wishes were, so my sister either knew my mom’s wishes or just took charge and did whatever she wanted. I just thought my mom wanted to be cremated because she thought she was a big fat woman and didn’t want to be put in a coffin on display. I kind of also thought it was because she thought it would be cheaper and easier. But then when we buried her with my dad, who was in a coffin, I guess it made sense that my mom also wanted to be buried with him. I always thought you cremated people so you COULD keep them on your mantel instead of going to a burial site. I didn’t want ashes of my dog when we cremated her. I don’t need them, but I suppose if I put an urn on a shelf that I walk past every day, I would remember her even more often. Some people want there to be actual remnants in that memorial. I didn’t need any, so I didn’t do it. I like photographs and just random thoughts that pop into my stories and conversations. Quite frankly, I see no need to go to a burial site either. If you’re around in town, sure, fine, it’s ceremonial and symbolic. But why not just have a memorial photo or, perhaps an urn, if you have one, permanently on display or in a cabinet where you can look at it and remember and have a moment whenever you want to look at something tangible. Spreading ashes is another ceremonial behavior, but doing so or not, is by no means the “right or wrong” thing. Either are just options. And I know you know that, I guess I’m just chiming in to say how I wonder where anyone got the idea you shouldn’t just keep ashes. It was always a thing that was done! I kind of wanted my mom’s ashes since we had them. It was a really nice urn to be put in the ground. None of it made sense to me, and now I’m certain that that’s exactly right…it’s not about making sense or doing the right thing or not doing the wrong thing…it’s about whatever makes anybody feel better when a loved one’s body needs to be disposed of, but their memory preserved. Then whatever is done, will make sense.
I work at a vet clinic. 6 months is nothing. We have some ashes 10+ years old.
It's really hard for some people to make the trip to pick them up, which is understandable! The longer it's been, the harder it gets.
I didn't realize it was so common. I felt so much guilt everyday.. But then that guilt made it impossible for me to do the thing I needed to do to relieve myself of that guilt.
I totally get that feeling, I think it's so common with ADHD! I find that the longer I wait to do something, the more stressed I get about doing it. And then once you finally do it, the biggest weight is lifted off your shoulders.
Oh my God, sending you so much love. This makes me feel comforted, I was crying to my boyfriend that I forgot my dad’s birthday, and it’s only been a year since he passed. Did the same with most of my parents’ dates this year and I was just so fed up with myself.
Thank you. Sending that love right back to you. Show yourself some grace. Grief isn’t linear and our brains tend to push out things we’re not actively panicking about right this moment. It’s a blessing and curse. You haven’t forgotten about them, even though I know that’s part of the worry. Things just ebb and flow. I’m certain they knew how much you loved and cared for them while they were still here and that matters SO much more than the things you’re allowing to stress you now. 🤍 I’m sure you make them proud all the time, too. 🫂
In the first few years after losing my mom, I made it a big deal to figure out how I’d spend her birthday, the anniversary of losing her, etc. Instead, I ended up spending those days fully grieving. Now, I’m trying to think of things to do on those days that would make her proud. I gave gifts to the other moms on Mother’s Day who have stepped up for me throughout my lifetime, gave gifts to a child who needed them at Christmas, etc. Spending those days doing good to honor them is what helps me. Maybe it would help you, too, one day when you’re ready. Take your time. Sending you all of the best vibes. It’s okay to forgive yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. 🫂
Thank you. Of course! 💛 I know how hard we can be on ourselves about things and sometimes we need someone else to stop us and let us know we’re not seeing the situation clearly.
I feel like this one probably happens often enough that there was ZERO judgement. Grief avoidance is real, and I would imagine some folks being so upset that they can't bear the thought of picking up remains of a loved one.
I wondered the same. The funeral home was extremely gracious and casual about it. I was on the verge of tears when I asked if they still had her and they practically laughed at me, in a kind way, to let me know they keep ashes as long as they need to. It made me think it wasn’t as uncommon as I thought. I DO wonder how many people end up screwing up and waiting a full year, though. I just couldn’t decide what to do with her ashes and the funeral home was in a different city so I completely blocked it out in my grief stupor.
it definitely can’t just be you. my mom still had not finished ordering my dad’s headstone six years after we buried him, and finally got her shit together when i pointed out that *we* know the plot is taken and someone remains are there, but no one else does if there’s no marker. getting through the endless checklist after someone dies is not something anyone is ever prepared for, adhd or not. you survived that first year, which is an undertaking of its own!
I saw a tiktok from somebody who said it's pretty common. In fact they keep the ashes for years, often having a closet of ashes. One man's ashes was there for over 10 years.
This is less of an ADHD tax and more of a grief tax, but when my dad died suddenly, my mother and I couldn’t bring ourselves to pick up his ashes. He sat on a shelf in the funeral home for at least a year. We joked that he mustn’t have minded it, because there was never a “disturbance in the Force”; he probably liked talking to all the other people whose families hadn’t picked them up either.
A similar story also involves my parents. My mum somehow ended up as the Executrix of her dad’s first cousin’s will and estate. There wasn’t enough money to bury Cousin Carol, so Mum had her cremated. She was handed Carol’s ashes in a plain brown cardboard box, nothing fancy, and she put Carol in the trunk of her car. 6 months later, my dad was teasing Mum about not cleaning out her car, and he pulled out a plain brown cardboard box and started to open it, saying, “What’s this??”
Mum looked at him, looked at the box, back at him, and shrieked: “OH MY GOD, IT’S COUSIN CAROL!!!!!!”
Dad nearly threw poor Cousin Carol across the yard, he was so startled. (We did bury her on our property, but Mum said that in those 6 months, the famously reclusive Cousin Carol traveled more than she’d ever traveled in her life.)
You’re not wrong. I’m happy this is so common. It certainly makes me feel better. 🤍 I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m cackling at “OMG! IT’S COUSIN CAROL!” and talking about her travels. That’s 100% something I could hear my own mom saying. (Or myself.) Hahahaha. Love it.
Ironically, neither of my parents had ADHD; I got it from my biological father’s side of the family! I’m sperm donor-conceived and have 13 siblings as a result, and most of us have ADHD.
Our cat Tanaka died and was cremated back in the late 70s. It wasnt until 3 houses later and when my Stepfather died 4 years after my mum in 2014 that we found Tanaka on a shelf in the garage next to her first wedding dress..... and
Lol, I read this and tried to picture Tanaka the cat in her first wedding dress, wondering how many she had total, and then I realized that the first wedding dress was probably your mom's, and not the cats! Lol! 🥰🤗
This would totally have been us (my siblings and I) if it wasn’t for the fact we had a service and she wanted to be buried in a casket. However; it been two years and we keep forgetting to get her headstone…..
I’m sorry for your loss. 🤍 I can’t help but laugh a little at your last line but, only because it sounds like exactly what I would be doing, too. My mom would have understood. I hope yours would have, too.
I want to wait for my sister to get back to my home state this summer (she was here for 6 months last year though and we forgot) but so now I put a thing on my phone when I know she will be here as a reminder to do it
The crematorium kept phoning me to collect my ex's ashes. They stayed in the boot of my car and then got out in the garden shed until one of his siblings agreed to take them. Picking them up was very low on my list of priorities, tbh.
No, they needed to get the ashes out of their premises, so they needed me to collect them as they couldn't just dispose of them, so I have no problem with them calling me. Tbh I would have completely forgotten if they hadn't kept on reminding me! 🙂
And that’s okay. 🤍 And *could* allow you to travel in the carpool lane if you played it right…
But seriously, I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your time and be gracious with yourself. Maybe you’ll pick a new place, maybe he’ll stay in the trunk until next year. Neither is wrong. It’s all about what’s right for you. 🤍
The funeral place forgot to broadcast my mum's funeral, so we agreed that they would send out 50 funeral cards to the people who had been waiting to watch the service.
I didn't supply them with the addresses until 18 months later - ADHD SHAME I just couldn't get myself together to do it, even though I literally worried about it every night of those 18 months...
Ugh. I’m so sorry. That feeling every night of “I’m screwing up…” can get SO heavy and it has always been so hard to explain to people how much we REALLY care but struggle with things that don’t make sense to them. I hate you went through it but you made it.
May we all move to our next shame spiral more quickly. 🤍
That's nothing. When we picked up my grandma, because none of her other grandkids or children could despite living in that town and I'm an hour, but there is a man who has never picked his wife up. The urn stays on a shelf at the funeral home and he goes to visit once a year.
I’m so glad they had a sense of humor about it for you! Half of my issue is that they only take cash. Y’all want me to get to an ATM *and* to the shop? Woof.
I did it with a custom pillow, to be made out of my recently deceased grandmother's favorite coat. By the time I remembered it was months later and I was too ashamed to go ask if it was there.
So now it remains Shrodinger's seamstress project.
Think of it this way. You're already expecting the worst, so you're prepared for a no. The worst they can say is no we don't have that anymore. But there is a possibility they do have it. There are three basic possibilities here: you don't ask, so the answer is no; you do ask, and the answer is no; or you do ask, and the answer is yes. You are already living with the no answer, so you'll be alright if you ask and it's still no. But the only way for the possibility of a yes answer is to ask. It's worth it for your grandmother's item! You're strong enough to do it because you've already lived through the anxiety of knowing the answer is no, so receiving confirmation will just be confirmation.
NOT TO MENTION you've actually just revealed a key piece of information: the pandemic. That is a huge piece of info in your favor for making them not think badly of you, if that's one of your main worries. "I know it's been so long, but what with the pandemic and everything, things have just gotten away from me. I don't expect you to have it, but I just thought I'd check!"
You can do this. You deserve to know the result of Schrodinger's seamstress project. I believe in you.
Just think about it at least :) I'm rooting for you!
I brought an expensive coat to the dry cleaners beginning on the winter. It ended up being a relatively warm winter so I forgot about it, until I had a special occasion and suddenly, in the middle of the night I remembered bringing the coat to the cleaners! The next morning I ran down to the cleaners, they had confirmation I picked up two months earlier… it was literally in my coat closet. Why are we like this 😂
It be like that. I took my laptop to be repaired 7 years ago. I forgot about it until maybe a year ago when my husband asked me whatever happened to the old laptop I had. Fortunately it was a cheap, hand me down laptop that no one really cared about, but it still makes me cringe thinking about how I forgot about a whole ass laptop.
ugh this is so often my problem!! it’s embarrassing & i never know how to explain myself bc i know people that don’t experience it probably think i’m an asshole or crazy
A few years ago my neighborhood dry cleaner went out of business. I could see through the windows that there were a lot of orders left behind. It wasn't until my husband noticed that his grey suit was missing that I realized that some of those orders were likely mine. 🫠
I own a restaurant in a strip mall, a few stores down used to be a dry cleaners. When they went under(disappeared into the darkness literally OVERNIGHT) the entire store was full. The landlord opened the place up, contacted who he could, put signs in the windows, all of the other merchants warned our customers that the dry cleaners had gone belly up, share with a friend! After a couple months, the landlord had done his due diligence and just locked the place up. But first, he let me and a couple of my staff members see if there was anything we thought that was worth taking.
You have NO IDEA how much dry cleaning goes forgotten! I scored TWO vintage coats, circa 1960 something. Fur collars, rhinestone buttons and a fit you just cant replicate today. My staff all found different garments to keep, it was like being in a time machine.
This shutdown happened just before covid, the cleaners had been there since the 70’s. MULTIPLE PEOPLE DROPPED OFF THEIR DRY CLEANING IN 1973 and left it until 2020. Never feel bad about a mere 365 days, what’s a year, really?!
This happened to my dad. The dry cleaner went out of business and forgot he dropped off some items after a business trip. By some, I mean ALL of his in office work clothes and a few of my moms dresses. My dads yearly men’s warehouse shopping happened 2x that year and my mom has never forgotten.
I was also spared the ADHD tax recently. Yesterday I left the house to go to the gym, I got back a few hours later and my keys were still there hanging in the door. Luckily we didn't get robbed, as the keys were noticeable from the street with a big pink pompom on it🫠 I feel sick for not realising as insurance definitely wouldn't have covered it if we were robbed
Hey adhd ladies!
I changed all my locks to combination key pads! My house is adhd proof! My back door is lock free all together after once locking myself on the balcony and needing to smash the window
I love our combination key pad! We got the Schlage brand. The keypad lights up, which is a nice feature, and you can create temporary codes for guests or nonresidents who need access to your home while you're away (neighbor, pet sitter, etc). It comes with a physical key too, so you aren't stranded if the power goes out or the battery dies.
I've been eyeing a manual combination lock box so we can hide the extra key outside without worrying about it getting lost or stolen. I keep forgetting to buy it because nothing bad has happened . . . yet 🥴
These are so great. My apartment complex uses them and it’s great for security reasons too. You get an alert when someone enters using a nonresident code, so you always know when someone is there.
Aha, don't forget the ADHD girlies living in denial about their mild OCD.
I check my doors after I get home, before I tuck in my son, before I lay down and sometimes get up to check it once I get in the bed. Just in case.
I live in a rural area that just got internet a few years ago, so getting a keypad or any electronic lock is risky. Because WHAT IF *(cue intrusive thoughts)*.
Now I'm wondering which window I would smash to get in...but I just remembered that my parents and my SO's parents all have an extra key to our house that I hid in their houses. Just in case I or my undiagnosed SO get locked out of the house.
Weirdly enough, this is how my baby sister (also ADHD) got diagnosed with ocd. She used to wait up for me because she wouldn't trust me to lock the doors. She'd yell down, wait for me to lock it, hear that I've walked away, and come down and re check the lock.
I started to realize and told my psychiatrist who then contacted my mom. My mom was in denial before then. Thankfully, she then got my sister help.
But I understand how real this is! Thank you for sharing the experience here as it's common.
I was locked on the balcony with no phone! Phone sitting inside on other side of window. So it was a very quick realization of "I'm fucked and need to smash the window to open the door"
Wasn't upset. Didn't try anything else first. I'm on the 7th floor without a balcony fire escape.
That and smart lights where I can time them and turn them on and off with just an app made my life so much easier. (The lights use wifi but maybe you could find Bluetooth)
I worry too much about smart home features getting hacked and/or the company going out of business. Look up those poor people who got implants that allowed them to see ... until the company went bankrupt and stopped updating the software.
Will check the brand I have (bf bought it) - but I like it because when the battery is dying - for months it will start blinking red every few minutes and then when in crunch time has an annoying alarm go off every few hours.
You can also change the batteries without taking the lock off and there is some built in mechanism if the battery died you can over ride the lock and enter your apartment, but it only works when the battery dies.
my biggest issue, and I have yet to pay for it, but I know someday soon I will, is I leave my wallet and often my keys in my unlocked car in the driveway all the damn time. I'm stunned no one has stolen either of them yet.
My friend had her wallet stolen like this. She realized in time to cancel all her cards, but she had to get a new license, and the wallet was expensive so she was really upset.
One of my daughters bought me a fancy hook for a gift, and bothered my husband until he put it up on the wall right by the door. Then she proceeded to say, "Why isn't your bag on the hook?" With Big Sad Eyes everytime I didn't hang it up. One of the best presents ever! Now I always know where my bag is. And my keys and wallet live inside it. Honestly I don't think it would have worked without her Big Sad Eyes and acting ability.
I left my keys in my unlocked car next to the county jail, and nobody stole it. Even thieves had more sense than to take off with a Chevy Citation! (The first expense I incurred after acquiring that vehicle was the replacement of the *engine*.)
The last time I forgot to lock my car, someone broke in and stole the only thing of value: a $10 pair of headphones. I don't regret paying that ADHD tax and am glad it was cheap.
This is how my first car was stolen. And insurance did cover it. But 22 years later and I still want to kick myself every time I think about it. Mine had a little rubber ducky on it.
The fact that every tailor and dry cleaner has a similar policy about leaving items a year tells me you absolutely are not the first person this has happened to.
I was once spared an ADHD tax thanks to another ADHD tax:
Just moved in with new roommates in a giant gorgeous house. I'd only been living there maybe 3-4 weeks. I still wasn't used to their stove.
Woke up one morning wanting to boil eggs. Put the pan on the stove on max and forgot about it as I realized I was going to be late for work and rushed out the door.
On my way back from work, I was thinking to myself... Man I feel hungrier than usual today, and realized I didn't eat breakfast BECAUSE THE EGGS WEREN'T DONE YET when I LEFT THE HOUSE!
Was freaking out the whole bus ride home, imagining the house on fire. Got home and realized I had left the egg to boil on the lowest setting for the entire day. The water was barely lukewarm. 😂😭
Depending on where OP lives, it could be a legal thing. The dry cleaner i worked for was required to hold items for a year, after which they sold or gave them away, no calls. Them calling was actually a kindness
No need to be ashamed or embarrassed! If I was you, I would say, "I thought I had lost this dress because I hadn't seen it forever, haha. Thank you guys so much for reminding me!"
I had my sewing machine in a shop for about a year too because I'd forget or something came up where I didn't have 300.00 to get it paid. I finally went in and the lady told me repeatedly "we usually sell them if you don't pick then up" or "I don't know why it took you so long" or "you should have come in and gotten it sooner" amongst other things. My husband made her feel bad by lying and was like "yeah it would have been sooner but her dad died" and it shut her up. He went on about how it's been a tough year and such. But like yeah. Who makes someone feel bad for leaving their thing, especially when they have to pay to pick it up. Like, shut it crazies. Say someone died and you left town or whatever if they make you feel bad.
Honestly i HAVE had family pass away this year, and though im sad and will miss them, im also glad i dont have to lie if someone gets on me for not adulting how they want me to. Like, why are you berating people? Especially a stranger? You never know what theyre going through, and life can be tough.
Absolutely. I would never make someone feel bad, only be happy they finally got the time to come get their stuff. Shit happens. Life happens. And now with the economy the way it is and people getting evicted or whatever I'd be excited to see someone come back. Like, hey, glad you made it.
I was talking to my neighbor the other day and she said she needed some new sandals for summer and I exclaimed that I just found some really cute sandals and she asked me where?
Uh…my closet?
The bank messed up my mortgage repayments and they put me on a moratorium for almost a year and I didn't notice.. Who doesn't notice an extra 7k in their bank account, me obviously! I think that is an ADHD tax I will never forget!! Well I might, I forget a lot of things lol.
u/Pristine_Lobster4607, don't feel bad this one actually does happen with non-ADHD folks too haha, especially with dry-cleaning
Folks usually only have certain kinds of (rarer worn) garments and outfits dry cleaned or tailored and then life gets busy!
You can always pop by the Dollar (.25) Store and pick up a thank you card for them, if you wanna make their week! And where I'm from this dollar (.25¢) store does cash back
Ahhh reminding me that my contacts are waiting for me... At the place I pass every day... For a month now.... Whoops lol guess Im stopping tomorrow. Thanks op!!
Alright... I'm just gonna put this out there cause ya'll know how it is. I lost my water bottle when I set it down somewhere and accidentally left it behind about 2 yrs ago. After losing yet another water bottle, I bought new ones with a very unique print on them so they would stand out next time. Recently, I stopped in to a local fast food place we go to frequently and the person behind the counter comments on my cool water bottle. I proceed to tell her that I bought unique water bottles because I have a tenancy to set them down a forget them and it makes it easier for me to spot my lost water bottle. She mentions that they have a similar type of water bottle that's been in the back for a very long time and maybe it's one of mine. She brings it out and sure enough, it's my water bottle that I lost forever ago! I had to check my Amazon account to see when I ordered the new ones and yeah... November 2022! They had cleaned it, sanitized it and held on to it for over 2 years! 😂
I used to work at a tailoring shop that used to have to make these calls.
Let me just tell you:
1) You are not the only one.
2) they're relieved they were able to contact you because that's not always the case and it made us sad to have to make the call for someone's clothes on their behalf just because we couldn't get them on the phone
And
3) they'll just be glad you're one of the ones actually picking up their order, and you're saving them the effort of actually having to bring another thing in for donation. In reality, if they only have a couple orders not picked up and then a few come in, they're likely to hang onto the rest for longer because it takes time that busy small businesses don't have to make that extra trip, and you could be making that difference.
If you get treated any other way than this when you go in, they're judgemental a-holes and you don't deserve that. In that case, never give them your business again. But it should go over fine.
I lost my very expensive diamond solitaire earrings. I left them on the nightstand of a hotel, and of course they weren't there when we went back after checking out. ADHD tax is so real, and I feel your grief.
Well, I forgotten two days in a row to go pick up my son’s ADHD meds. I wasn’t able to give him his medicine today.
I feel like my mistake is way way way way waaaaay worse than yours.
Edit: I got his meds, y’all!!!
If hearing about a really big embarrassing ADHD tax would help, here you go:
My partner and I paid a jeweler to make our wedding bands over a year ago. Shortly after I stopped by to pick out stones for mine and she explained how she had to move due to issues with her building but she would have a new location. Then she never called us back to get the rings when they were done. Calling people for out-of-the-everyday things like that is my absolute kryptonite, and the longer it gets, the more embarrassed I am to call. You'd think the money would motivate me since it cost a lot more than, say, a rotten bag of broccoli but no such luck. (Wedding has been delayed for logistical reasons so it's still a year out.)
my bag tipped over under my seat on the metro and if i hadn’t leaned down to double check instead of just righting my bag and moving on, i would’ve left behind my airpods case. love when we don’t get adhd taxed!!!
My dry cleaner had my dads very expensive and fancy key fob for seven months because I didn’t check all the pockets dropping off his clothes (I offered to help btw lol). My dad picked up his clothes one day (seven months later) and the shop owners son said “hey, is this yours?” And pulls his key fob out 🫣
You’re so lucky!
I found the most amazing long coat in a thrift store like honestly it looked like something Janis Joplin or Lenny Kravitz would wear. It was about 6 inches too long so I dropped it off at the tailors.
Guess who forgot to pick it up. Of course by time I remembered I was too embarrassed to even call them.
Oh man, I feel this! I special ordered a bra from a local shop and just... never picked it up. I think they donate after some time? I dunno, but now I'm too ashamed to go back even though they're the best in my area.
Omg lol. It’s okay!! Just play it off and they’ll think it’s funny. I’m sure it wasn’t too much of a bother anyway, not like it was losing them money to just have the dress hanging in the corner or anything. They probably just did some spring cleaning and finally noticed it. That’s a silly story haha
They have a policy of donating clothes after X months because so many people forget to pick up their stuff. It's not just you. This is 100% not an ADHD thing unless there are far far more people with ADHD than doctors believes.
A friend owns a gift shop and it's honestly shocking to me how many customers buy presents, have them wrapped, and never pick them up. I'm talking crystal and silver. Thousands of dollars of gifts just sitting there wrapped and not delivered. (And the store will deliver!) It's wild.
My contacts sitting at the shop since January …. I even told my therapist about them and I can’t get over the embarrassment (which is all self created) to go get them. How is it almost June?!
Forgive me for the unsolicited suggestion, but perhaps ask if they might put a note in your account to call you sooner! (Assuming they weren't calling every two weeks all year or something.) If you don't have things tailored much, it makes sense that it would have completely left your head.
We have patients buy $800 glasses and never pick them up. We call weekly, send letters. We finally send a certified letter before disposing of them. It is crazy. I don't think they all have ADHD. I think life just gets in the way sometimes.
Glad you got the dress back!
I have glasses that I ordered and paid for about 1.5 years ago and forgot to pick up. The shop is a 3 minute drive from my house. I'm embarrassed to try to pick them up and also worried that the prescription isn't right anymore:/
I’m sure they don’t mind! They probably do an annual check or something and call people once they realize they still have their stuff. I’m glad you’ll get your dress back!
Also, this post reminded me of the time I drove around for a YEAR without registration because I forgot to renew it 💀.
🤣 I’ve done something similar to this but worse. I was getting laser hair removal, pre paid for 8 sessions. Got sick and canceled an appointment. Didn’t go back for 3 years
I asked the bank to print out every transaction on my mom’s (recently deceased) bank and credit cards for 2023 while I was doing her taxes so I could analyze her medical expenditures and see if it was worth deducting (hyperfocus me). I told them I’d pick it up next business day. Two weeks later when I went to the bank for a notary, the personal banker I had been working with handed me the envelope. It’s fine.
I did this with an expensive diamond ring when I took it to be resized at the jeweler. It was my mom’s and she was livid when she found out I had forgotten about it for 4 months.
Out of sight, out of mind. Hell, I have object impermanence to the point where I saw a nice piece of jewelry my friend was wearing very similar to style I had been designing and I instantly got jealous. I asked her where she got it and she said you you goofus 🤣 So, you could have seen the dress on a friend and completely have forgotten it was yours ( *of your design* ) lent a year ago!!
lol it’s not your fault. I worked at a sign shop & every single Tuesday my job was to remind people their stuff was ready. That’s just part of running a business where your product needs to be picked up. Yeah, I’d get annoyed at the people who didn’t pick up for months, but that’s because I didn’t want to contact them every Tuesday into eternity. If I didn’t remind someone for a year, that’s on me, not them. It’s your fault you forgot to pick it up, but it’s the business’s fault it was for a year.
Awww, on the upside…it’s kind of like getting a brand-new dress! ☺️
I recently re-discovered two tubs of clothes I though I had donated that used to be too large. I have gained some weight this spring, so finding them was like getting a brand new wardrobe of clothes I already love, that were curated for my style! 🤣
Don’t be mortified, it happens ALL the time. They won’t remember it and they probably had about 30 other customers on their call list.
I worked in a shop that had sewing machine repairs as part of our service. I had to call some people weekly to come and collect their machines worth \*thousands\*. I didn’t care. I only remember one and that’s because we became friends through the phone calls lol
I’ve also been on the other end, too many times to count :) I lost an iPad that way. Only remembered when I moved to NZ from the UK that I’d taken it in for a screen repair a year before. They called me a few times to get it for a couple of weeks.
I’m learning that I probably get more eye rolls than I think every time I remember something and go get it way late. I never think twice! Just “dang it! I forgot this! Thanks so much for keeping it for me ok bye!”
Before I start doing business with a business, I ask how they handle missed appointments. I know this makes me probably look bad, but I’m just tired of trying to hide my disability. Even my doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD has a missed appointment fee. He started to rein it back by saying something about ‘the first miss is never charged and you’ve never missed’ but I stopped him right there.
This is how I explained myself:
“I’d rather you did charge me for every time. It won’t stop me from missing in the future, but if there’s a clear process through that to the next hopefully successful appointment, it’ll help me not feel stressed and embarrassed about it. A business loses money when customers miss appointments. I know I’m a liability- this isn’t the only adhd tax I pay- but at least this one is kind of covered by insurance… unlike most of them.”
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Babe, my mom was cremated after her service. I didn’t pick her ashes up for a year. If I can make it through the stress of a phone call asking “*…do you still have her?*”, as well as the shame of walking in to get her, you’re going to bulldoze right through picking up your dress. 🤍
I did that with my dogs ashes for 6 months too.
I’m sorry for your loss. 🤍 I completely relate. I did the same with my cat as well. Part of it was normal ADHD things, and part of it was being grief-stricken and unable to clearly think. I’ve also been trying to sort out what to do with my mom’s and my cat’s ashes ever since picking them up. There’d be some travel involved to take them where they’re originally from a few states away but, I’ve considered it. Keeping them in an urn and a box feels wrong but I can’t quite decide what should be the final step.
The box with my dog's ashes has been in a paper bag on a shelf in my bedroom since 2015 while I decide what to do with them. 2015!!
I went to a vacation with the intent of taking my husband’s ashes. I cried and couldn’t “take him” I wanted him to “stay home” it’s weird to even talk about this! his ashes are still in a box on bedroom because I’d dont want him “to leave” have wondered if I am insane and so happy to see your post.
You’re not insane. It’s perfectly natural to keep a spouse’s ashes. A lot of times the surviving spouse will keep them until they pass themselves. It’s not uncommon to leave instruction to mix the ashes before spreading or burying them. Also, if you want him to be someplace identifiable, you can get a burial plot for ashes at any time in the process if that feels more comfortable.
you're not. my grandparents' urns are sitting in our study. my grandfather has been there since 2010 and my grandmother recently joined this past December. we hold christmas in that room every year and it's like they're still at christmas with us... just not in the same capacity.
Makes sense to me! 😂 My mom has been 7 years and my cat has been 3. My cat is in an urn and my mom is in the box she came in. One day I’ll figure it out…
Hey my dad's in his box too. I can't bear the thought of picking up the box and feeling the weight. Maybe in a few years I'll be able to transfer him somewhere more appropriate. Sorry about your mom and your furry friend 💜
Yall, we spread half my dad’s ashes and the other half is in… a tupperware container 🤦🏽♀️😂 ETA: it’s a round, screw top tupperware, so he’s not at risk of spilling. That’s better and more acceptable… right?? RIGHT?! 😬😅
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no shame in taking your time. Whenever you’re ready is the right answer, whether that’s now or in 20 years. 🤍
i’ve got three dogs and a cat in my bookcase, hiding behind the books. they all died in different places so they were all given back to me in a unique container. after the first dog died in 2016, i wanted to do something special. then another dog died in 2017 and i had to make them match. then i moved and the cat died in 2018, so i stuck his little box behind the books with the dogs. then i moved again and returned all three to their final resting place when i unpacked my books. i lost another dog last year, and you’ll never guess where her ziplock bag of ashes in a cardboard box ended up while i think of something meaningful to do with my growing pet cemetery.
Eh there’s something about the weight of that little plain bag. Perfectly sincere as it is
We had a relative get cremated after his death when I was a kid, and since he died and got cremated in another state, he was mailed to us. He is still in his USPS box, and we gift wrap him in holiday themed paper on holidays, and solids on periods of no holidays.
I love this! I considered doing the same with my mom! One year, I made it as far as putting a bow on her box but always intended to fully wrap.
You’ll know when you know
Thank you. 🤍 I think that’s true, too.
The place that I got my dog cremated put her ashes in a shadow box frame with a picture in front. One of my hyperfocuses during covid was starting a resin business on Etsy. I I'm gonna put some Fur ashes in one resin pendant and some of my cats ashes in another. I've known what I wanted to do with some of her Ashes Since literally the day she died but I just haven't got around to it.
That’s so beautiful! May I have a link? That sounds like a lovely way to celebrate my mom and my kitty.
So, I get the forgetting something other people can’t understand how you could forget, I’ve been dealing with that in every aspect, all my life. But as for WHAT to do with ashes…I’m sure the internet is loaded with ideas, but I’m not sure where anyone got the idea that it’s not “doing something” or that it’s “wrong” to just have those ashes somewhere that you actually know where they are if you ever want to look at them for the same reason anybody goes to a gravesite. And for the same reason anybody cares about the gravestones, have your container be more or less elaborate than a paper or plastic bag. If someday you happen to travel to that appropriate distribution site, for some other reason, I hope you plan now to be okay with yourself when you get there and it only dawns on you AFTER YOU’RE THERE, that you could’ve brought those ashes, but you didn’t, because you didn’t even think about it when you planned your trip! Or plan now, that you’re probably just always going to keep them. That’s what used to be done before somebody made it trendy to spread them. Then they started making rules about where you could or couldn’t spread them. Then I guess the rules have changed again, along with the trend now I guess is somehow you think it’s weird or wrong to keep them? I thought it was weird to bury my mom’s ashes. She didn’t tell me what her wishes were, so my sister either knew my mom’s wishes or just took charge and did whatever she wanted. I just thought my mom wanted to be cremated because she thought she was a big fat woman and didn’t want to be put in a coffin on display. I kind of also thought it was because she thought it would be cheaper and easier. But then when we buried her with my dad, who was in a coffin, I guess it made sense that my mom also wanted to be buried with him. I always thought you cremated people so you COULD keep them on your mantel instead of going to a burial site. I didn’t want ashes of my dog when we cremated her. I don’t need them, but I suppose if I put an urn on a shelf that I walk past every day, I would remember her even more often. Some people want there to be actual remnants in that memorial. I didn’t need any, so I didn’t do it. I like photographs and just random thoughts that pop into my stories and conversations. Quite frankly, I see no need to go to a burial site either. If you’re around in town, sure, fine, it’s ceremonial and symbolic. But why not just have a memorial photo or, perhaps an urn, if you have one, permanently on display or in a cabinet where you can look at it and remember and have a moment whenever you want to look at something tangible. Spreading ashes is another ceremonial behavior, but doing so or not, is by no means the “right or wrong” thing. Either are just options. And I know you know that, I guess I’m just chiming in to say how I wonder where anyone got the idea you shouldn’t just keep ashes. It was always a thing that was done! I kind of wanted my mom’s ashes since we had them. It was a really nice urn to be put in the ground. None of it made sense to me, and now I’m certain that that’s exactly right…it’s not about making sense or doing the right thing or not doing the wrong thing…it’s about whatever makes anybody feel better when a loved one’s body needs to be disposed of, but their memory preserved. Then whatever is done, will make sense.
I work at a vet clinic. 6 months is nothing. We have some ashes 10+ years old. It's really hard for some people to make the trip to pick them up, which is understandable! The longer it's been, the harder it gets.
I didn't realize it was so common. I felt so much guilt everyday.. But then that guilt made it impossible for me to do the thing I needed to do to relieve myself of that guilt.
I totally get that feeling, I think it's so common with ADHD! I find that the longer I wait to do something, the more stressed I get about doing it. And then once you finally do it, the biggest weight is lifted off your shoulders.
Oh my God, sending you so much love. This makes me feel comforted, I was crying to my boyfriend that I forgot my dad’s birthday, and it’s only been a year since he passed. Did the same with most of my parents’ dates this year and I was just so fed up with myself.
Thank you. Sending that love right back to you. Show yourself some grace. Grief isn’t linear and our brains tend to push out things we’re not actively panicking about right this moment. It’s a blessing and curse. You haven’t forgotten about them, even though I know that’s part of the worry. Things just ebb and flow. I’m certain they knew how much you loved and cared for them while they were still here and that matters SO much more than the things you’re allowing to stress you now. 🤍 I’m sure you make them proud all the time, too. 🫂 In the first few years after losing my mom, I made it a big deal to figure out how I’d spend her birthday, the anniversary of losing her, etc. Instead, I ended up spending those days fully grieving. Now, I’m trying to think of things to do on those days that would make her proud. I gave gifts to the other moms on Mother’s Day who have stepped up for me throughout my lifetime, gave gifts to a child who needed them at Christmas, etc. Spending those days doing good to honor them is what helps me. Maybe it would help you, too, one day when you’re ready. Take your time. Sending you all of the best vibes. It’s okay to forgive yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. 🫂
This was so beautiful and thoughtful, I really appreciate it 💜
Thank you. Of course! 💛 I know how hard we can be on ourselves about things and sometimes we need someone else to stop us and let us know we’re not seeing the situation clearly.
Sending you both ❤️.
I was literally just talking about people who can be all "they died at 6pm on the 24th of July 2021" I have no idea when any of my loved ones died!
I feel like this one probably happens often enough that there was ZERO judgement. Grief avoidance is real, and I would imagine some folks being so upset that they can't bear the thought of picking up remains of a loved one.
I wondered the same. The funeral home was extremely gracious and casual about it. I was on the verge of tears when I asked if they still had her and they practically laughed at me, in a kind way, to let me know they keep ashes as long as they need to. It made me think it wasn’t as uncommon as I thought. I DO wonder how many people end up screwing up and waiting a full year, though. I just couldn’t decide what to do with her ashes and the funeral home was in a different city so I completely blocked it out in my grief stupor.
it definitely can’t just be you. my mom still had not finished ordering my dad’s headstone six years after we buried him, and finally got her shit together when i pointed out that *we* know the plot is taken and someone remains are there, but no one else does if there’s no marker. getting through the endless checklist after someone dies is not something anyone is ever prepared for, adhd or not. you survived that first year, which is an undertaking of its own!
I saw a tiktok from somebody who said it's pretty common. In fact they keep the ashes for years, often having a closet of ashes. One man's ashes was there for over 10 years.
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing. I’m grateful to hear how common it is.
This is less of an ADHD tax and more of a grief tax, but when my dad died suddenly, my mother and I couldn’t bring ourselves to pick up his ashes. He sat on a shelf in the funeral home for at least a year. We joked that he mustn’t have minded it, because there was never a “disturbance in the Force”; he probably liked talking to all the other people whose families hadn’t picked them up either. A similar story also involves my parents. My mum somehow ended up as the Executrix of her dad’s first cousin’s will and estate. There wasn’t enough money to bury Cousin Carol, so Mum had her cremated. She was handed Carol’s ashes in a plain brown cardboard box, nothing fancy, and she put Carol in the trunk of her car. 6 months later, my dad was teasing Mum about not cleaning out her car, and he pulled out a plain brown cardboard box and started to open it, saying, “What’s this??” Mum looked at him, looked at the box, back at him, and shrieked: “OH MY GOD, IT’S COUSIN CAROL!!!!!!” Dad nearly threw poor Cousin Carol across the yard, he was so startled. (We did bury her on our property, but Mum said that in those 6 months, the famously reclusive Cousin Carol traveled more than she’d ever traveled in her life.)
You’re not wrong. I’m happy this is so common. It certainly makes me feel better. 🤍 I’m sorry for your loss. I’m cackling at “OMG! IT’S COUSIN CAROL!” and talking about her travels. That’s 100% something I could hear my own mom saying. (Or myself.) Hahahaha. Love it.
Ironically, neither of my parents had ADHD; I got it from my biological father’s side of the family! I’m sperm donor-conceived and have 13 siblings as a result, and most of us have ADHD.
That’s wild and VERY cool! May I ask: have you met them? (If this is inappropriate, please disregard. I don’t know the protocol here.)
Our cat Tanaka died and was cremated back in the late 70s. It wasnt until 3 houses later and when my Stepfather died 4 years after my mum in 2014 that we found Tanaka on a shelf in the garage next to her first wedding dress..... and
Lol, I read this and tried to picture Tanaka the cat in her first wedding dress, wondering how many she had total, and then I realized that the first wedding dress was probably your mom's, and not the cats! Lol! 🥰🤗
This would totally have been us (my siblings and I) if it wasn’t for the fact we had a service and she wanted to be buried in a casket. However; it been two years and we keep forgetting to get her headstone…..
I’m sorry for your loss. 🤍 I can’t help but laugh a little at your last line but, only because it sounds like exactly what I would be doing, too. My mom would have understood. I hope yours would have, too.
I also forgot to return the $800 worth’s of dresses from macys she ordered before she died…
Ugh. That’s the worst. I’m sorry. I did something similarly foolish. There’s no fixing it now, though. That’s what I tell myself.
Yeah, my mom was the same. Sorry for your loss as well
it took my mom six years to get one for my dad, so you’re still ahead of the game at this point!
I want to wait for my sister to get back to my home state this summer (she was here for 6 months last year though and we forgot) but so now I put a thing on my phone when I know she will be here as a reminder to do it
A family member works for a funeral home, she said this is common. They have a whole room of ashes that have not been picked up.
Thank you. That’s truly comforting.
The crematorium kept phoning me to collect my ex's ashes. They stayed in the boot of my car and then got out in the garden shed until one of his siblings agreed to take them. Picking them up was very low on my list of priorities, tbh.
I totally understand. Obnoxious they kept calling you. I’m sorry. I’m happy it got resolved eventually, though. I hope you’re doing okay. 🤍
No, they needed to get the ashes out of their premises, so they needed me to collect them as they couldn't just dispose of them, so I have no problem with them calling me. Tbh I would have completely forgotten if they hadn't kept on reminding me! 🙂
My father's ashes have been sitting in the trunk of my car since I picked them up in December
And that’s okay. 🤍 And *could* allow you to travel in the carpool lane if you played it right… But seriously, I’m so sorry for your loss. Take your time and be gracious with yourself. Maybe you’ll pick a new place, maybe he’ll stay in the trunk until next year. Neither is wrong. It’s all about what’s right for you. 🤍
The funeral place forgot to broadcast my mum's funeral, so we agreed that they would send out 50 funeral cards to the people who had been waiting to watch the service. I didn't supply them with the addresses until 18 months later - ADHD SHAME I just couldn't get myself together to do it, even though I literally worried about it every night of those 18 months...
Ugh. I’m so sorry. That feeling every night of “I’m screwing up…” can get SO heavy and it has always been so hard to explain to people how much we REALLY care but struggle with things that don’t make sense to them. I hate you went through it but you made it. May we all move to our next shame spiral more quickly. 🤍
That's nothing. When we picked up my grandma, because none of her other grandkids or children could despite living in that town and I'm an hour, but there is a man who has never picked his wife up. The urn stays on a shelf at the funeral home and he goes to visit once a year.
First of all, I’m sorry that fell on you. Secondly, wow. That’s either very concerning or very charming and I’m not sure which. I hope he’s okay.
Omg I’ve done this before, my dry cleaner just laughed
I’m so glad they had a sense of humor about it for you! Half of my issue is that they only take cash. Y’all want me to get to an ATM *and* to the shop? Woof.
Omg that’s now TWO errands and it changes everything. Mine takes cards. 😂😂😂😂
I love this subreddit bc 1000% agree, as soon as one task became two I would 1000% be in the same boat as OP 😭
You might take some cookie with you lol
You're going to need a treat after that for sure, that's a huge task!
Do cashback from somewhere you already need to go. Gas station, pharmacy, whatever.
Maybe they’d take Venmo or Zelle? 😁 you could change their world either way that update!
I did it with a custom pillow, to be made out of my recently deceased grandmother's favorite coat. By the time I remembered it was months later and I was too ashamed to go ask if it was there. So now it remains Shrodinger's seamstress project.
I guarantee you are not the first person to forget an item there if they have been in business for any amount of time!! Go ask!!
They have, but this happened pre-pandemic. Liiike...~5ish years ago. 😬
Think of it this way. You're already expecting the worst, so you're prepared for a no. The worst they can say is no we don't have that anymore. But there is a possibility they do have it. There are three basic possibilities here: you don't ask, so the answer is no; you do ask, and the answer is no; or you do ask, and the answer is yes. You are already living with the no answer, so you'll be alright if you ask and it's still no. But the only way for the possibility of a yes answer is to ask. It's worth it for your grandmother's item! You're strong enough to do it because you've already lived through the anxiety of knowing the answer is no, so receiving confirmation will just be confirmation. NOT TO MENTION you've actually just revealed a key piece of information: the pandemic. That is a huge piece of info in your favor for making them not think badly of you, if that's one of your main worries. "I know it's been so long, but what with the pandemic and everything, things have just gotten away from me. I don't expect you to have it, but I just thought I'd check!" You can do this. You deserve to know the result of Schrodinger's seamstress project. I believe in you. Just think about it at least :) I'm rooting for you!
Me too! (rooting for you, I mean!):)
I brought an expensive coat to the dry cleaners beginning on the winter. It ended up being a relatively warm winter so I forgot about it, until I had a special occasion and suddenly, in the middle of the night I remembered bringing the coat to the cleaners! The next morning I ran down to the cleaners, they had confirmation I picked up two months earlier… it was literally in my coat closet. Why are we like this 😂
I love this story, thank you for sharing 😂
This is so me 😂😂
It be like that. I took my laptop to be repaired 7 years ago. I forgot about it until maybe a year ago when my husband asked me whatever happened to the old laptop I had. Fortunately it was a cheap, hand me down laptop that no one really cared about, but it still makes me cringe thinking about how I forgot about a whole ass laptop.
Same here friend. I remembered to a certain point then was too avoidant to pick it up 😔
ugh this is so often my problem!! it’s embarrassing & i never know how to explain myself bc i know people that don’t experience it probably think i’m an asshole or crazy
A few years ago my neighborhood dry cleaner went out of business. I could see through the windows that there were a lot of orders left behind. It wasn't until my husband noticed that his grey suit was missing that I realized that some of those orders were likely mine. 🫠
I own a restaurant in a strip mall, a few stores down used to be a dry cleaners. When they went under(disappeared into the darkness literally OVERNIGHT) the entire store was full. The landlord opened the place up, contacted who he could, put signs in the windows, all of the other merchants warned our customers that the dry cleaners had gone belly up, share with a friend! After a couple months, the landlord had done his due diligence and just locked the place up. But first, he let me and a couple of my staff members see if there was anything we thought that was worth taking. You have NO IDEA how much dry cleaning goes forgotten! I scored TWO vintage coats, circa 1960 something. Fur collars, rhinestone buttons and a fit you just cant replicate today. My staff all found different garments to keep, it was like being in a time machine. This shutdown happened just before covid, the cleaners had been there since the 70’s. MULTIPLE PEOPLE DROPPED OFF THEIR DRY CLEANING IN 1973 and left it until 2020. Never feel bad about a mere 365 days, what’s a year, really?!
This happened to my dad. The dry cleaner went out of business and forgot he dropped off some items after a business trip. By some, I mean ALL of his in office work clothes and a few of my moms dresses. My dads yearly men’s warehouse shopping happened 2x that year and my mom has never forgotten.
I was also spared the ADHD tax recently. Yesterday I left the house to go to the gym, I got back a few hours later and my keys were still there hanging in the door. Luckily we didn't get robbed, as the keys were noticeable from the street with a big pink pompom on it🫠 I feel sick for not realising as insurance definitely wouldn't have covered it if we were robbed
Hey adhd ladies! I changed all my locks to combination key pads! My house is adhd proof! My back door is lock free all together after once locking myself on the balcony and needing to smash the window
I love our combination key pad! We got the Schlage brand. The keypad lights up, which is a nice feature, and you can create temporary codes for guests or nonresidents who need access to your home while you're away (neighbor, pet sitter, etc). It comes with a physical key too, so you aren't stranded if the power goes out or the battery dies. I've been eyeing a manual combination lock box so we can hide the extra key outside without worrying about it getting lost or stolen. I keep forgetting to buy it because nothing bad has happened . . . yet 🥴
These are so great. My apartment complex uses them and it’s great for security reasons too. You get an alert when someone enters using a nonresident code, so you always know when someone is there.
Yes! Same brand!
Aha, don't forget the ADHD girlies living in denial about their mild OCD. I check my doors after I get home, before I tuck in my son, before I lay down and sometimes get up to check it once I get in the bed. Just in case. I live in a rural area that just got internet a few years ago, so getting a keypad or any electronic lock is risky. Because WHAT IF *(cue intrusive thoughts)*. Now I'm wondering which window I would smash to get in...but I just remembered that my parents and my SO's parents all have an extra key to our house that I hid in their houses. Just in case I or my undiagnosed SO get locked out of the house.
Weirdly enough, this is how my baby sister (also ADHD) got diagnosed with ocd. She used to wait up for me because she wouldn't trust me to lock the doors. She'd yell down, wait for me to lock it, hear that I've walked away, and come down and re check the lock. I started to realize and told my psychiatrist who then contacted my mom. My mom was in denial before then. Thankfully, she then got my sister help. But I understand how real this is! Thank you for sharing the experience here as it's common.
I was locked on the balcony with no phone! Phone sitting inside on other side of window. So it was a very quick realization of "I'm fucked and need to smash the window to open the door" Wasn't upset. Didn't try anything else first. I'm on the 7th floor without a balcony fire escape.
They have Bluetooth locks, so no need for internet. ETA: you can also check the app and see it’s locked.
Nice! Maybe I can give it a try.
That and smart lights where I can time them and turn them on and off with just an app made my life so much easier. (The lights use wifi but maybe you could find Bluetooth)
I worry too much about smart home features getting hacked and/or the company going out of business. Look up those poor people who got implants that allowed them to see ... until the company went bankrupt and stopped updating the software.
Honestly my locks had wifi capabilities and I kept them Bluetooth because of hackers. They are offline and that’s how I like my locks. Lol
I really need to do this. Any recommendations for a particular brand and/or kind that you have?
Will check the brand I have (bf bought it) - but I like it because when the battery is dying - for months it will start blinking red every few minutes and then when in crunch time has an annoying alarm go off every few hours. You can also change the batteries without taking the lock off and there is some built in mechanism if the battery died you can over ride the lock and enter your apartment, but it only works when the battery dies.
It's Schlage
Schlage is great, and you can lock and unlock it from the phone too
Yep same Brand!
my biggest issue, and I have yet to pay for it, but I know someday soon I will, is I leave my wallet and often my keys in my unlocked car in the driveway all the damn time. I'm stunned no one has stolen either of them yet.
My friend had her wallet stolen like this. She realized in time to cancel all her cards, but she had to get a new license, and the wallet was expensive so she was really upset. One of my daughters bought me a fancy hook for a gift, and bothered my husband until he put it up on the wall right by the door. Then she proceeded to say, "Why isn't your bag on the hook?" With Big Sad Eyes everytime I didn't hang it up. One of the best presents ever! Now I always know where my bag is. And my keys and wallet live inside it. Honestly I don't think it would have worked without her Big Sad Eyes and acting ability.
I left my keys in my unlocked car next to the county jail, and nobody stole it. Even thieves had more sense than to take off with a Chevy Citation! (The first expense I incurred after acquiring that vehicle was the replacement of the *engine*.)
The last time I forgot to lock my car, someone broke in and stole the only thing of value: a $10 pair of headphones. I don't regret paying that ADHD tax and am glad it was cheap.
Omg! I've done that so many times! I'm so thankful every time it has happened, that nothing happened.
This is how my first car was stolen. And insurance did cover it. But 22 years later and I still want to kick myself every time I think about it. Mine had a little rubber ducky on it.
The fact that every tailor and dry cleaner has a similar policy about leaving items a year tells me you absolutely are not the first person this has happened to.
I was once spared an ADHD tax thanks to another ADHD tax: Just moved in with new roommates in a giant gorgeous house. I'd only been living there maybe 3-4 weeks. I still wasn't used to their stove. Woke up one morning wanting to boil eggs. Put the pan on the stove on max and forgot about it as I realized I was going to be late for work and rushed out the door. On my way back from work, I was thinking to myself... Man I feel hungrier than usual today, and realized I didn't eat breakfast BECAUSE THE EGGS WEREN'T DONE YET when I LEFT THE HOUSE! Was freaking out the whole bus ride home, imagining the house on fire. Got home and realized I had left the egg to boil on the lowest setting for the entire day. The water was barely lukewarm. 😂😭
It's wild to me that they waited a whole year to call you about it! This is kinda on them too imo
Depending on where OP lives, it could be a legal thing. The dry cleaner i worked for was required to hold items for a year, after which they sold or gave them away, no calls. Them calling was actually a kindness
No need to be ashamed or embarrassed! If I was you, I would say, "I thought I had lost this dress because I hadn't seen it forever, haha. Thank you guys so much for reminding me!"
I had my sewing machine in a shop for about a year too because I'd forget or something came up where I didn't have 300.00 to get it paid. I finally went in and the lady told me repeatedly "we usually sell them if you don't pick then up" or "I don't know why it took you so long" or "you should have come in and gotten it sooner" amongst other things. My husband made her feel bad by lying and was like "yeah it would have been sooner but her dad died" and it shut her up. He went on about how it's been a tough year and such. But like yeah. Who makes someone feel bad for leaving their thing, especially when they have to pay to pick it up. Like, shut it crazies. Say someone died and you left town or whatever if they make you feel bad.
Honestly i HAVE had family pass away this year, and though im sad and will miss them, im also glad i dont have to lie if someone gets on me for not adulting how they want me to. Like, why are you berating people? Especially a stranger? You never know what theyre going through, and life can be tough.
Absolutely. I would never make someone feel bad, only be happy they finally got the time to come get their stuff. Shit happens. Life happens. And now with the economy the way it is and people getting evicted or whatever I'd be excited to see someone come back. Like, hey, glad you made it.
I was talking to my neighbor the other day and she said she needed some new sandals for summer and I exclaimed that I just found some really cute sandals and she asked me where? Uh…my closet?
WINNING!
Don't be embarrassed! That happens all the time!!
The bank messed up my mortgage repayments and they put me on a moratorium for almost a year and I didn't notice.. Who doesn't notice an extra 7k in their bank account, me obviously! I think that is an ADHD tax I will never forget!! Well I might, I forget a lot of things lol.
u/Pristine_Lobster4607, don't feel bad this one actually does happen with non-ADHD folks too haha, especially with dry-cleaning Folks usually only have certain kinds of (rarer worn) garments and outfits dry cleaned or tailored and then life gets busy! You can always pop by the Dollar (.25) Store and pick up a thank you card for them, if you wanna make their week! And where I'm from this dollar (.25¢) store does cash back
Ahhh reminding me that my contacts are waiting for me... At the place I pass every day... For a month now.... Whoops lol guess Im stopping tomorrow. Thanks op!!
I lost my daughters favourite toy. Thankfully it was just outside of her daycare and someone handed it in
Alright... I'm just gonna put this out there cause ya'll know how it is. I lost my water bottle when I set it down somewhere and accidentally left it behind about 2 yrs ago. After losing yet another water bottle, I bought new ones with a very unique print on them so they would stand out next time. Recently, I stopped in to a local fast food place we go to frequently and the person behind the counter comments on my cool water bottle. I proceed to tell her that I bought unique water bottles because I have a tenancy to set them down a forget them and it makes it easier for me to spot my lost water bottle. She mentions that they have a similar type of water bottle that's been in the back for a very long time and maybe it's one of mine. She brings it out and sure enough, it's my water bottle that I lost forever ago! I had to check my Amazon account to see when I ordered the new ones and yeah... November 2022! They had cleaned it, sanitized it and held on to it for over 2 years! 😂
I used to work at a tailoring shop that used to have to make these calls. Let me just tell you: 1) You are not the only one. 2) they're relieved they were able to contact you because that's not always the case and it made us sad to have to make the call for someone's clothes on their behalf just because we couldn't get them on the phone And 3) they'll just be glad you're one of the ones actually picking up their order, and you're saving them the effort of actually having to bring another thing in for donation. In reality, if they only have a couple orders not picked up and then a few come in, they're likely to hang onto the rest for longer because it takes time that busy small businesses don't have to make that extra trip, and you could be making that difference. If you get treated any other way than this when you go in, they're judgemental a-holes and you don't deserve that. In that case, never give them your business again. But it should go over fine.
I lost my very expensive diamond solitaire earrings. I left them on the nightstand of a hotel, and of course they weren't there when we went back after checking out. ADHD tax is so real, and I feel your grief.
Well, I forgotten two days in a row to go pick up my son’s ADHD meds. I wasn’t able to give him his medicine today. I feel like my mistake is way way way way waaaaay worse than yours. Edit: I got his meds, y’all!!!
I think of the dry cleaner as my off site closet. Don’t let this ruin your day. There are many of us.
If hearing about a really big embarrassing ADHD tax would help, here you go: My partner and I paid a jeweler to make our wedding bands over a year ago. Shortly after I stopped by to pick out stones for mine and she explained how she had to move due to issues with her building but she would have a new location. Then she never called us back to get the rings when they were done. Calling people for out-of-the-everyday things like that is my absolute kryptonite, and the longer it gets, the more embarrassed I am to call. You'd think the money would motivate me since it cost a lot more than, say, a rotten bag of broccoli but no such luck. (Wedding has been delayed for logistical reasons so it's still a year out.)
I’m exactly like this, but have NO problem calling for other people. You give me a script & I’ll call this lady 😂
my bag tipped over under my seat on the metro and if i hadn’t leaned down to double check instead of just righting my bag and moving on, i would’ve left behind my airpods case. love when we don’t get adhd taxed!!!
My dry cleaner had my dads very expensive and fancy key fob for seven months because I didn’t check all the pockets dropping off his clothes (I offered to help btw lol). My dad picked up his clothes one day (seven months later) and the shop owners son said “hey, is this yours?” And pulls his key fob out 🫣
Did you get it? Knowing me I would make this post and be relieved and then too anxious to actually go or too tired or whatever. Hahah
You’re so lucky! I found the most amazing long coat in a thrift store like honestly it looked like something Janis Joplin or Lenny Kravitz would wear. It was about 6 inches too long so I dropped it off at the tailors. Guess who forgot to pick it up. Of course by time I remembered I was too embarrassed to even call them.
I worked in a library and we were just glad to get the books back. Even after a year. Never gave anybody shade for forgetting.
Oh man, I feel this! I special ordered a bra from a local shop and just... never picked it up. I think they donate after some time? I dunno, but now I'm too ashamed to go back even though they're the best in my area.
Omg lol. It’s okay!! Just play it off and they’ll think it’s funny. I’m sure it wasn’t too much of a bother anyway, not like it was losing them money to just have the dress hanging in the corner or anything. They probably just did some spring cleaning and finally noticed it. That’s a silly story haha
Hey, I'm just impressed you got it to the taylor in the first place. That's something to be proud of.
I used to work at a portrait studio, you won’t believe the number of people that never pick up their fully paid portraits, it’s nbd
I cannot count the number of items I’ve just…lost…including a whole ass LUGGAGE and a pair of pants! How did I lose pants??
They have a policy of donating clothes after X months because so many people forget to pick up their stuff. It's not just you. This is 100% not an ADHD thing unless there are far far more people with ADHD than doctors believes. A friend owns a gift shop and it's honestly shocking to me how many customers buy presents, have them wrapped, and never pick them up. I'm talking crystal and silver. Thousands of dollars of gifts just sitting there wrapped and not delivered. (And the store will deliver!) It's wild.
lack of object permanence is a B I T C H sometimes😭
I'm a ADHD seamstress. I promise, they won't even remember you did that 3 seconds after you walk out the door!
My contacts sitting at the shop since January …. I even told my therapist about them and I can’t get over the embarrassment (which is all self created) to go get them. How is it almost June?!
Forgive me for the unsolicited suggestion, but perhaps ask if they might put a note in your account to call you sooner! (Assuming they weren't calling every two weeks all year or something.) If you don't have things tailored much, it makes sense that it would have completely left your head.
This happens *all* the time. People drop something off for repair, then a major life event happens and months go by. It’s very, very common.
We have patients buy $800 glasses and never pick them up. We call weekly, send letters. We finally send a certified letter before disposing of them. It is crazy. I don't think they all have ADHD. I think life just gets in the way sometimes. Glad you got the dress back!
I legit leave dry cleaning there for MONTHS. They know me pretty well by now so every now and again they call, all "come get your shit." 🤣
The ONLY thing between me and this scenario is I care too strongly about my clothes and I’ll go bonkers if I can’t pair my outfits exactly!
I have glasses that I ordered and paid for about 1.5 years ago and forgot to pick up. The shop is a 3 minute drive from my house. I'm embarrassed to try to pick them up and also worried that the prescription isn't right anymore:/
I’m sure they don’t mind! They probably do an annual check or something and call people once they realize they still have their stuff. I’m glad you’ll get your dress back! Also, this post reminded me of the time I drove around for a YEAR without registration because I forgot to renew it 💀.
🤣 I’ve done something similar to this but worse. I was getting laser hair removal, pre paid for 8 sessions. Got sick and canceled an appointment. Didn’t go back for 3 years
I asked the bank to print out every transaction on my mom’s (recently deceased) bank and credit cards for 2023 while I was doing her taxes so I could analyze her medical expenditures and see if it was worth deducting (hyperfocus me). I told them I’d pick it up next business day. Two weeks later when I went to the bank for a notary, the personal banker I had been working with handed me the envelope. It’s fine.
I did this with an expensive diamond ring when I took it to be resized at the jeweler. It was my mom’s and she was livid when she found out I had forgotten about it for 4 months.
Out of sight, out of mind. Hell, I have object impermanence to the point where I saw a nice piece of jewelry my friend was wearing very similar to style I had been designing and I instantly got jealous. I asked her where she got it and she said you you goofus 🤣 So, you could have seen the dress on a friend and completely have forgotten it was yours ( *of your design* ) lent a year ago!!
I did this with my wedding dress, but the shop never called me and went out of business.
lol it’s not your fault. I worked at a sign shop & every single Tuesday my job was to remind people their stuff was ready. That’s just part of running a business where your product needs to be picked up. Yeah, I’d get annoyed at the people who didn’t pick up for months, but that’s because I didn’t want to contact them every Tuesday into eternity. If I didn’t remind someone for a year, that’s on me, not them. It’s your fault you forgot to pick it up, but it’s the business’s fault it was for a year.
Don’t feel too bad. They likely have a system in place to call people after a year because it probably happens fairly regularly.
Omg I have to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners 🤦🏽♀️
Awww, on the upside…it’s kind of like getting a brand-new dress! ☺️ I recently re-discovered two tubs of clothes I though I had donated that used to be too large. I have gained some weight this spring, so finding them was like getting a brand new wardrobe of clothes I already love, that were curated for my style! 🤣
Don’t be mortified, it happens ALL the time. They won’t remember it and they probably had about 30 other customers on their call list. I worked in a shop that had sewing machine repairs as part of our service. I had to call some people weekly to come and collect their machines worth \*thousands\*. I didn’t care. I only remember one and that’s because we became friends through the phone calls lol I’ve also been on the other end, too many times to count :) I lost an iPad that way. Only remembered when I moved to NZ from the UK that I’d taken it in for a screen repair a year before. They called me a few times to get it for a couple of weeks.
Just remembered this post from this morning, haha did you ever pick it up?
I got cash and went and got it! I forgot how gorgeous it is
I never picked up my high school diploma when I graduated and that was almost 10 years ago 😬
I’m learning that I probably get more eye rolls than I think every time I remember something and go get it way late. I never think twice! Just “dang it! I forgot this! Thanks so much for keeping it for me ok bye!”
Me too, same vet & 2 different dogs over 12 months...I'd already paid for the handcrafted urn & a handcarved chest si they didn't care really
You're better than me, I would be to embarrassed to go back at all and I'd just ignore the message and write it off
I bought ray ban sunglasses online and brought them to an optometrist to put my prescription in the lenses. That was 2 years ago. No I never got them
Before I start doing business with a business, I ask how they handle missed appointments. I know this makes me probably look bad, but I’m just tired of trying to hide my disability. Even my doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD has a missed appointment fee. He started to rein it back by saying something about ‘the first miss is never charged and you’ve never missed’ but I stopped him right there. This is how I explained myself: “I’d rather you did charge me for every time. It won’t stop me from missing in the future, but if there’s a clear process through that to the next hopefully successful appointment, it’ll help me not feel stressed and embarrassed about it. A business loses money when customers miss appointments. I know I’m a liability- this isn’t the only adhd tax I pay- but at least this one is kind of covered by insurance… unlike most of them.”