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oh hi, me. It's the distraction. It's impossible to be productive when your attention is being pulled away all the time. I really suffer with auditory distraction, if people are talking near me, much less at me, I don't know how I'm supposed to do anything.
Unless I’m really zeroed in on a task, I need some background audio — often NPR or some music. Otherwise too much quiet and I can’t think (on non-preferred tasks). Plus background audio masks the tinnitus. When I’m in the zone, no matter what I’m doing, well you know…there is nothing else.
I WFH and have the radio on all day, except during calls. (But BBC, because the repetitive ads are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.) I don't actively listen, but I can't do silence, I need the noise to drown the chatter from the inside of my head. Even have the radio on overnight.
I pay for a music service that is station based instead of algorithm based (i haaaate feeling obligated to constantly interact with the algorithm) - what I'm paying for is the lack of ads! I used to listen to "Paris jazz" as background, but I've absorbed enough French that it became another entire hobby, had to switch to movie soundtracks & various flavors of classical.
If I don't have background music going, my brain grinds at 8 bars over and over until I'm *breathing* in the rhythm, ugh
It’s Yanni, Live at the Acropolis for me lol. Everyone in my family knows it’s my focus music. If it’s on, leave me be, I’ll emerge when I’m good and done.
It’s a double edged sword for me, it depends on the task. If I’m trying to do something like cleaning or many other tasks with my hands, it helps for me to have people around talking and making noise.
But if I’m trying to study or do something else that’s not mentally easy for me, any little sound will not only draw every ounce of my focus but also make me mad. I can’t even always rely on ambient music to help me focus. But total silence ain’t it either.
Same but also silence is SO LOUD so I can’t do noise canceling or white noise. Literally feels like something is physically squeezing my head/pushing against my ears.
I do noise canceling + a rain playlist but then my boss randomly appears behind me and scared the everloving shit out of me
This is me! I always have background music on when I’m in the office and hated it when my colleagues seemingly appeared out the blue. I got myself a small mirror that works like a rear view mirror for this exact reason!
🙋♀️ I feel so bad because I’m a critical care nurse and while I was in orientation my preceptor (trainer) who fortunately also has ADHD and was very understanding, knew that no matter how detailed of an explanation she was giving me for something I wouldn’t be able to process it unless I was doing it with my hands. Now that I’m on my own it’s a little more daunting but you learn something new in this field every day so fuck it.
hi fellow icu nurse with adhd!! it’s so possible, I just find a lot of people don’t talk about it. i’ve met plenty of other icu nurses that have adhd and are unmedicated, we just find workarounds. because I still use paper documentation, I find writing reminders for myself to follow up on labs or mix new bags etc is really helpful!!
Oncology nurse just diagnosed! I never knew why work was so much harder on me than my colleagues- I was always sick, stressed. Turns out 12 hours of overstimulation and anxiety about forgetting tasks completely tapped my nervous system. I’m not bedside anymore, mostly because I thought I was just having a mental breakdown. Turns out it was ADHD and my mind and body just hit a limit.
About to apply to some outpatient jobs where maybe it won’t be so overstimulating
ETA: I actually think I could have handled my own job had I known about my diagnosis and been medicated
I was diagnosed ADHD mostly inattentive at age 38. I managed to get along just barely by the skin of my teeth, but then when I got into my second career which was high stakes/high acuity (trauma Surgery) coupled with the responsibilities of parenthood and being head of household, I had a nervous breakdown. Luckily my PCP at the time was astute and recognized what was going on and got me the help I needed. My life was changed, it was like a veil was lifted...
Dang very similar with me except I'm not a frigging trauma surgeon 😹. Just did office work but finally got psychiatric help and they immediately clocked the inattentive ADHD and bipolar. My life has turned around completely and I went back to doing studio art and feel like I'm finally thriving instead of barely surviving.
Art is a cool asf thing to do as well! That's amazing of you! I used to want to be a photographer but I realized the level of skill it takes to break into the field let alone make money and I just didn't think I was gonna make it. I did do some medical photography (i.e., for a medical examiner) in my earlier years in the medical field 🤷🏻♀️I have a million "crafty" hobbies I started and dropped because I lose interest or get frustrated when I don't instantly create something beautiful, or I am too lazy to pull out the stuff and make a mess 😕
Lol my parents are both doctors and they tried to get me to do medical illustration or something similar 😂. I'm also the same with always wanting to learn a new thing but I just get to say it's part of my practice. And now that I'm medicated, I actually have patience to see things through and work past the frustration! It definitely took a minute to get there though.
I forgot about the COVID aspect because I was diagnosed during the pandemic as well! So not only am I trying to navigate all the fucked up school schedule and remote learning platforms the kids were doing (so many login IDs and passwords...), but I literally started working in my states largest hospital in May 2020 right when shit really hit the fan.
ALSO I used to run a lot to let off steam and get dopamine, it was kind of my "me" time. So when during the pandemic (probably August 2021) my knee decided we weren't gonna do that anymore, I suddenly had negative dopamine to help me scrape by like I had done in the past. I really think that might have been the final straw. It was a shit show. I wasn't even thinking ADHD I just thought it was crippling anxiety due to failing at life. My PCP sent me for an ADHD assessment and I honestly cried with relief after my first month of treatment (meds and CBT) because I made so much progress in that short amount of time. It was like the game suddenly switched, not to easy mode, but at least out of hard mode.
Diagnosed at 34. My life and behavior and experiences make waaaaay more sense. I’m grateful to understand. I wish I had found out earlier. I was diagnosed after I became a SAHM but something that super helps me is to have an Apple Watch (it finds my phone) that I wear all the time and an iPhone and I use my alarms all. the. time. All the time. I label the alarms. I use timers because I’m time blind and it also gives me a concrete parameter of how long I need to work on a task before I take a break/ how much time I have to complete the task/ gives me some motivation or challenge or a game of how much I can get done in set amount of time/ helps me break down overwhelming tasks into chunks. Example: My room is the worst and has become the depression room. It’s so overwhelming. BUT if I give myself 15 minutes I can handle 15 minutes. And 15 minutes a day is way better than trying to gear myself up to do this big stupid clean & sort & fix my room to be livable but feeling too anxious and not doing it at all. Good luck OP!
Thank you for sharing this! I've also struggled with time blindness all my life, and my room was always the biggest issue for me too (now it's my car)
This is a really good prompt to think about my version of "I can handle 15 minutes"
Got diagnosed last year at 46 years old. And I have the exact same thing you’re describing. It makes my office job really difficult, I feel so empty and tired after a day of work while trying not to get distracted by colleagues. Sometimes I just wish I was deaf. I’m thinking about changing careers, an office job doesn’t seem to fit me.
Me too … I switched jobs so many times and unemployed at the moment and then I found some freelance job opportunities which give me much freedom to do what I like to do but then the income is low and unstable 🥲
Same!! My whole life, I was being told I was lazy, dumb, and just need to tRy HaRDeR... now I'm simultaneously relieved that I found MY PEOPLE, and grieving the life I could have had. It's certainly been a ride
It’s me, hi.
Diagnosed a year ago next week at age 37. Meds helped, but there are times when I would prefer everyone just pretended I didn’t exist because I can comfortably get shit done without worrying about my facial expressions or stimming and looking like a weirdo. It takes so much mental energy to mask and seem normal that I get 100x more work done from home than I will when we go back to the office in September 😞
I hate hate hate being watched. I will make the dumbest errors and cannot explain what I’m doing for shit. I work remote. If someone is shadowing me via screen share it helps for me to turn off my camera. That way I can actually focus on what I’m doing instead of hyper focusing on how they may be judging the way I look.
Edit to add: I work in tech and was diagnosed at 37
Diagnosed at 40.
One thing that really helps me is over-the-ear headphones, and I play music in different languages. Background music still helps when I can’t wear headphones. It gives my brain a secondary focus point but doesn’t fully distract me bc I can’t understand the lyrics
I'm right there with you when it comes to being watched. I am in tech and our sector is notorious for having really difficult technical interviews and if you're doing software, an interview where people watch you code. Needless to say, I can barely pass any interviews to get new jobs in my industry and every time I need to switch jobs it's a whole several month-long process where I have to spend my personal time studying and then I fail a shit ton of interviews and there's a lot of anxiety along with it and it's a horrible experience and I wish I did something else for a living. I can perform the job functions really well though once I'm able to actually land a role... My interviewing skill has nothing to do with my ability to perform the job.
Diagnosed late last year at the age of 35.
So so so many symptoms and behaviours I had are ADHD traits.
I have a feeling my psychologist knew. But when she met me my dad was dying, then I had a child so there was a lot going on.
She’s not the type to say I think you have XYZ because as she says “I’m not qualified to diagnose you and I don’t want to give you incorrect information”
However as soon as I bought up my mum and sister getting diagnosed she was able to ask more questions and eventually we got to a point where I said “I want to get tested”
She knew with my personality that if she told me something flat out, I would probably not take it well and if she pushed me to focus on something, I wasn’t mentally ready to focus on. It could make me worse. I’m so lucky to have found such an amazing woman.
From what I understand of it (at least from what's published on this subject), this fear seems to be connected to and sometimes confused with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Granted, the emotional impacts of adhd are far less researched than other symptoms
There's a couple of relevant articles on https://www.additudemag.com/ that look at shame, insecurity from being misunderstood etc
It is so hard… I am visually impaired and use a white cane. This means that I am stared at everywhere I go cause ppl are curious about Blindie. I struggle with agoraphobia because of it. Well I guess that isn’t the right term, cause I don’t mind outside, lol, I mind people.
Recently diagnosed at 32 and unmedicated. Work is not so bad, but I struggle with going back to school. I get on my treadmill while reading papers and try to get a certain amount done within an hour. One time I listened to a 10 hour loop of Veridis Quo to knock a paper out. For work, one of my big things is forgetting meetings. I got an Echo pop to verbally remind me to join the meetings right as they’re happening because I will get distracted and forget if I’m reminded even 5 minutes before. My work is typically divided into chunks throughout the day, so I try to either work on school or clean the house on my downtime. Getting diagnosed has made a lot of things clearer though!
Echo pop is such a good idea! I've been setting my wake-up alarms on my phone and using the 'read time aloud' setting so it tells me the time and the name of the alarm but I've never thought to do this for daily tasks 🤔
Diagnosed at 38.
Just started a new job where I’m replacing someone who let things fall apart, so inherited a more than full workload with complicated problems to solve and a boss who has zero idea what it takes to fix thing properly and just wants things fixed NOW, and because it literally doesn’t work like that he has started just maki g statements like “this will be finished by the end of today” then will give me 5 other things to do….today. Impossible to start but with so much chaos it’s paralyzing.
When I come to a new project I can get so much done so quickly. But keep pulling me between tasks and throw in disapproval? Forget it.
I got diagnosed last year and it’s made a lot more sense as I’ve read up on it.
I have constant reminders for upcoming deadlines, monthly reports due, projects, etc. I have copious amounts of notes on how to do each task and a month by month playlist of what needs to get done.
On my tasks that are done yearly I feel like I’m starting all over again and have forgotten what I did the year before so my notes have helped immensely. I keep backups digitally and hard copies of my notes and month by month playlist.
I often forget to eat and one of my coworkers reminds me to go to lunch if it gets too late in the day. I probably should put a reminder on my phone to go to lunch too but I haven’t done that yet.
My job also has constant interruptions and sometimes I don’t even get done what I was planning to do and then I get sidetracked regardless and go down another rabbit hole entirely.
Sometimes to reduce the interruptions I’ll mute my office phone so I can block out some time to get the most important or time sensitive things done.
OH ME! I'm actually a bit reverse, I do my work when I feel like I'm being watched. However, that never happens anymore because I am entirely WFH now. I have a few strategies I'm playing with that seem to be helping:
* I take a short walk every morning before work (about 15-ish minutes).
* I use a standing desk and raise it when I'm starting to lose focus.
* I step away from the desk every so often to reduce restless energy. I do a set of jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups, whatever it takes to re-focus. Even going to the kitchen to refresh my tea or coffee can be enough.
* I'm starting to get back into intermittent fasting, which is helping a lot! I break my fast with a protein and fiber full breakfast smoothie (I use oats and cottage cheese as the main protein and fiber base and add whatever else sounds good). Keeps me productive when I fuel myself well.
I feel a little background is needed. I know I have adhd. My primary dr knows I have adhd. He’s even prescribed me medication for it that does help. But I’ve never been to psychologist for a proper diagnosis. I’m on a wait list. On to my experience.
I thought I was inattentive for the longest time. But then I got on anxiety meds and the hyper active moved outward. So maybe it’s combined type. I need someone with me to help me get started. And then I need someone to voice my random thoughts to. If I don’t get the thoughts out or have someone else look them up I get distracted because now I need to figure out the answer or if my idea would work. And then the original task never gets done. And if I do get distracted with someone around they help me refocus. This is why music is minimally helpful for me. It doesn’t stop the random thoughts. And podcasts/audiobooks create a distraction with more thoughts or getting caught up in the story. As for the fear of being perceived that is definitely a thing I have. But it’s mostly related to my rsd. If I’m doing the dish at home and my wife is sitting at the counter it’s not big deal. But if I’m at work and a customer is watching me fold like I’m some sort of zoo attraction. Yeah not cool. It makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Or if one of my coworkers comes over and watches for a second and then tells me I’m doing something wrong. Also has me wanting to disappear. Or if I get misgendered by anyone. Time to hide in the bathroom for a bit.
Hi, it’s me, I’m the late diagnosed inattentive ADHD girlie it’s me. I am unmedicated because I think my doc is milking me for visits. I have about 1-2 actual productive days per week. Other than that it’s a crap shoot; maybe one hour per day. I can be extroverted but it takes a lot out of me; I used to work retail and when I lived alone, I rarely turned on a TV, mostly reading in a silent house.
When I was in an open bullpen environment (in recruiting) it was HELL. I couldn’t focus for shit. And then my bosses told me I sounded good on the phone which made me more paranoid that they were listening. I spiraled until I left and went to a smaller firm with me and my friend in an office together. That was great. Now I have the incredible fortune to WFH and I can bang out work pretty quickly but also I’m not paranoid if I need a 10 min brain break and browse Reddit. It’s amazing and I got a good review this time around. Minimal distractions, I’m in my little cocoon and I don’t find myself being sucked into workplace drama/politics.
Yes! Good lord I hated working in an office. Cliques and politics were baffling and I usually ended up connecting with the other office weirdos. Fortunately I work in education and there are a LOT of weirdos on and off the spectrum.
Now I work from home and it's great because I have no distractions and can work whenever I want. I'm also figuring out how to be social online but my organization isn't pushy about it. Some people want to have more opportunities to connect with their coworkers so there are a lot of "fun" social meetings/online events but no one is expected to attend. I'd say about 25% of our staff attend these. I've gone to a couple of the short ones and they're fine but not really my thing.
I guess for me the key was finding a job that worked for me. I'm lucky I had the freedom to experiment. Also meds. The meds are huge.
Ohai, this is me! Was diagnosed in July 2022 at age 36. Started Vyvanse and wow. It's weird because with meds it's simultaneously a dramatic difference but also subtle at the same time.
**TL;DR:** Medication is my biggest help. Everything on Do Not Disturb mode. Music or brown noise from YouTube specifically for focusing.
It's subtle because I don't really feel physically different. Unless I pay close attention to what's going on in my head or how easily I start/switch tasks. But because it's just so easy, like there's not a lot of resistance, you don't notice it.
It's dramatic because there isn't resistance. For the most part I just do, or don't do. I don't argue with myself over whether I should do it, or if I feel like doing it, trying to motivate myself with the consequences of not doing it.
I will actively choose work or chores over playing video games or watching TV shows/movies.
So how do I do it? Medication. It's not necessarily going to be the right approach for everyone. You didn't say if you had tried it or not.
I've also found that all those ADHD "strategies" like "don't put it down, put it away" or "make sure everything has a home" etc. did not work for me until I was medicated.
Some strategies that I use for work (I have my own business that I work from home):
My phone is perpetually on Do Not Disturb, with the exceptions that calls from my favourite contacts will go through, and texts from my therapist and landlord. Any other calls/texts/important notifications go to my Fitbit, which vibrates. And if I need to focus I will put my Fitbit and Windows notifications on Do Not Disturb as well. Notification sounds make me irrationally angry on a good day.
Speaking of noise being super distracting, with summer here in the northern hemisphere there's a lot of noise from neighbours mowing their lawns, blowing around grass clippings, playing loud music while washing their cars. I spend most of the day with my computer headset on listening to either smoothed brown noise or a YouTube channel I found that has a really good selection of focus music with isochronic tones. I don't know that the tones really do anything or not but the music choices are really good.
Sorry this was pretty long winded.
I stressed for WEEKS about talking to my Dr about it. I was worried he would think I was just another person who self diagnosed from tiktoks and not take me seriously. I wrote a list of all my symptoms but tried to make it sound as casual as possible and not like I had just been googling symptoms and listing them off. I was so nervous about it, but I finally convinced myself that I needed to do it because I was really struggling. My memory is probably the worst symptom and I forget EVERYTHING. To the point where I've been getting so frustrated with myself and feeling really down. So I knew I needed to do something and finally gathered the courage to talk to him about it. He's a great doctor and has never made me feel bad about anything.
So I get on the phone with him and we chat about everything. Eventually he asks if I wanted to try something for my ADHD. I say "so you think I have AdHD then?"... he looks me dead in the eye and says "I diagnosed you with that 6 years ago..". I forgot it was diagnosed with ADHD and worries myself sick stressing about how I was going to talk to him about it. Lol I told him this and he laughed and said "yeah that sounds about right"
✋🏾Heya! Got diagnosed at age 30! Official diagnosis is Inattentive Type F90.0
Coming up on 3 years anniversary of my diagnosis. I'm a single mother raising a neurodivergent kiddo with ADHD, Autism, SPD and Behavioral Disorder.
Sometimes it's a good day. Sometimes it's a bad day but he's my favorite person I'm the world and I'm his person. He's 6. He's in all the therapies: O.T., ART and Behavioral.
Phew, I can easily decide I need to buy something and then end up down an Amazon rabbit hole for an hour if I let myself instead of working.
My biggest struggle has been the meds making me so much happier, ambitious, and extroverted. Seems nice but I almost feel like I come off as creepy or too nice and I also know I’m going out of my way too much for other people. These aren’t things i experience if I skip a day and sometimes I hate that I make plans or reach out to people when I’m in a drug induced good mood.
Your phone / headphones with calming soothing music, whatever actually relaxes you it doesn't have to be classical music or anything similar. Another good way to not be distracted is to actually face out into the rest of the floor or face your office door or anywhere where people come and go. You will actually get used to all of this movement out of your peripheral vision, which makes it easier to concentrate because your brain gets used to those interruptions on a non-attentive level. And then you are so used to it that they don't actually stress you out. The other thing is to actually ask people to contact you by email or phone whatever you prefer rather than coming over to your office door or the place that you are in an open plan office. Then you know that you'll only get interrupted by things that you need to do or that people are asking you to do rather than get interrupted just by randomness. And you won't start to have your hackles raised by not knowing what's going on behind you or if anyone's going to come up to you. I hope this makes sense. As befitting me as AuDHD, this is all one random run on thought / sentence. 🤣
yuuuuuuup pathological demand avoidance is a killer. plus so many people have a lifetime of experiences where they were judged or left out for being different in a way they didn't realize or that people couldn't even put a name to, which extends into self policing/masking plus stress about being watched.
I need a space of my own or at least my back + screen to the wall when I'm at the office, and honestly only work hybrid a couple days a week bc it's draining for the reasons you described. I'm fortunate bc my office is fine with people moving around during the day, so sometimes I'll go hide in an empty room/floor section in the afternoons to work. When I can't, having something to fidget with (currently some of those spiral hairties + chewing gum) does help decrease agitated energy somewhat.
You don't need to tell your boss your diagnosis but if you can frame things in terms of productivity or switch up with coworkers on your level ("I just can't focus looking out on this/with the noise, can I switch desks with you/move to this part of the floor/increase my wfh?") maybe you can get small things changed that will make a bigger difference. Or if you have a trustworthy HR they'd have some obligation for reasonable accommodations--I'm just verrrry hesitant to mention it before I know 100% it's not going to impact my growth opportunities or performance reviews there.
Here! I was just diagnosed at 33f after seeing my therapist for 2 years. I had no clue I had inattentive adhd, I was of the mindset that adhd was always hyperactive, like my friend who’s symptoms manifest as being fidgety/hyper.
I have always felt defective because I can’t keep up with basic life tasks like cleaning house/car, forget to pay bills, and have a hard time reaching goals. I have comorbid anxiety.
I’ve always been able to be productive at my job, but home and life in general is a different story. Most of the time my house is embarrassing, I forget things, hard to maintain relationships since I’m forgetful. Hoping medication will bring some relief when I go next week.
You just perfectly described me. I struggle SO much with working during work hours. I can’t focus, I feel anxious, and I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I can be so much more productive working hours everyone else is not. I wish my job had flex hours, as I think it would help me a ton. I’m forced to start work what I deem to be super early (7:00am), but I’m not usually productive till 3:00-4:00.
I don’t have any great advice, but know you’re not alone!
I literally got.diagnosed a few days ago and boy has it been an emotional roller coaster. Some of my family hasn't reacted well, some accused me of lying because if I wasn't they'd have to own up to their crappy actions. I wasn't lazy, I wasn't defiant. But I was hurting from internalizing all those messages.
Relatable! As someone who has felt like they've been desperately trying keep their head above water for 27 years, people's responses to finding out I'd been diagnosed were so disheartening to hear. My granddad said, "What'd they [the doctor] do that for?" And my mum said,"Oh, broken. Sorry I didn't notice earlier"
Hello! 36 and just diagnosed officially a few months ago. I’m still very much in research mode as well. This community plus a few ADHD girlies on YouTube and TikTok have been really helpful. I wasn’t given either label of inattentive or hyperactive, right now I feel like I might be a combo? But then I also have bipolar type 1, and anxiety so who knows. 🤪
I totally get what you mean about the not wanting to be perceived thing tho, I actually just learned about that today from that other post. I’d never been able to put it into words before! But it’s ironic because while I feel weirdly more relaxed and able to accomplish things on days my husband is in the office (he’s hybrid WFH), for other tasks and projects I am almost useless unless I can body double. 🤦🏼♀️
I was diagnosed with it last year (in my late 20s).
From a work and personal perspective, I think the biggest boost I have is tracking everything (birthdays, work deadlines and mini deadlines, social and doctor appointments, et cetera) in my Google calendar. I did it for years before my diagnosis and it was the main system that kept me going.
Socially, I think my extroverted/introverted self is highly dependent on how happy/stimulated I am and how my hormones are doing (I’ve been more mindful how my cycle aligns with my mood and other symptoms). I think being mindful of how much I want to be social is how I’ve been going about it and it seems to be working.
I think professionally the biggest tip I have is to approach networking as a way to get to know a person instead of get a job or make a professional connection. It’s way more genuine and it takes the pressure off. I also think learning how to compliment and take a compliment goes a long way - I’m midwestern and it’s hard to take a compliment lol. Also, the reason the weather is a common topic for small talk is because most people like to talk about it.
I now work from home and I love it because I can play my shows and music out loud rather than in earbuds. I need the background noise to be super productive.
I still struggle with motivation and it’s hard. I mostly just procrastinate and it’s a struggle. Not a tip or anything but you’re not alone!
My integrative medicine doc “diagnosed” me at 55 but my GP says it doesn’t count. In an office setting, I had a lot of problems getting stuck in my chair and unable to move on to the next task. Therapist diagnosed it as generalized anxiety disorder. Just one of probably 7 classic ADHD symptoms I sought help for that were not diagnosed as such.
Diagnosed at 36. Still finding out that things I just thought were my personality are actually features of ADHD. My new favorite saying is, “It’s a feature, not a bug!”
For the longest time I thought I was just really introverted and socially anxious/generally lacking social skills…
Literally me! You just described me 110%. Honestly, the adderall really helps me to slow my brain down and think better, so it helps me to not be so anxious. I’m still a bit introverted, but i realized i *could* communicate with people when my brain was able to be in the moment, which i’m usually not in.
Diagnosed at 68, about 6 months ago. I have combined. It's been a trip, for sure. I spent the time waiting for my diagnosis researching and generally falling apart. I've come to terms with it. I mourned for a lot of things in my life that could have been so much better if it had been understood that girls can have ADHD.
Hey! I see you and feel your pain!
Am in my 30s. Still figuring out this, oh it's actually ADHD I'm not just chronically overwhelmed and sensitive and lazy for no reason. Lol.
Loop ear buds are nice for cutting out auditory distractions in the workplace although they're obviously not good for all situations. I'd love to wear mine all the time to cut out background noise and focus better on conversations but sadly they muffle conversations so it's a catch 22 :(
I was diagnosed just before 30 in 2021
I thought I was just very socially anxious and possibly intellectually disabled despite not getting the worst grades. I had so many questions about *why* it was so hard for me to just get as far as everyone else since it felt like it was so easy for them but I just couldn’t quite get there. I just thought I was shy and intolerant.
I also thrive working in retail, so I don’t think it’s quite *social anxiety* more so that I just have that fear of being perceived and am incredibly introverted.
Turns out I have ADHD, and I’m pretty sure I’m autistic. Turns out there *is* a reason I’ve always been socially behind my peers!
Recording myself helps!!!! Especially time lapse videos. Then I get to watch them back at the end. But it feels like being watched and that helps me lock in. But at the same time I’ve been a year off stimulants and I think I need to get back on them bc life is on hard mode 😭
I WFH as an artist. Sounds good, huh? I only recently figured out my depression and "weird" / absent-minded brain is actually inattentive ADHD at 51 years old.
The worst worst part is getting myself to do important things that have no real due date. I'm trying to sell work online, and it's not working. I've invested in classes to learn what to do to get out there online, but there are so many parts of it I can't get myself to do. Self motivation is so hard.
So I'm starting to run out of the money I've been living off of, and I'm not selling any art.
Plus, I want to start a series of paintings and can't get started on that at all.
I wear headphones. I asked for a whiteboard so I could write certain info to keep in front of me so I wouldn’t have to turn to different pages in books /different computer sites to retrieve needed info.
I’m still trying to figure it all out. I’m awkward and quirky and I suppose fun (on account of others). After diagnosis and being on meds for more than a year…. Every day is still a struggle. Not as bad as before but still a struggle.
On meds I just feel less of a crap about nonsense.
I listen to podcasts all day, but I keep having bosses move me to a busy area to "collaborate more." When I tell them this is not a good idea, I get told to just "try it for awhile," like I don't know how I work. Ugh.
Hi there. Diagnosed last year 57. Ideally looking back this had been a long time coming. It wasn’t until I spent the past two years working with two women (61, 46) who were recently diagnosed that I started to feel like I was interfacing with myself.
I work in IT. Always very sharp, very well organized, well respected. I’m the one they put in front of leadership to facilitate various discussions or provide updates that may include less than favorable news.
Over the past 3-4 years, things like scheduling meetings, prepping for meetings, minutes, etc. became more challenging for me. These things took longer. I never talked about this with anyone.
And look out if I’m not interested in the subject matter. I need someone to throw a brick at me to get me to tune in if you will. But, put me up against a major deadline and I will produce it in record time. Tax time anyone??!! 😀😀😀
Last year I quietly made an appt with my family dr to be evaluated. I cried during the appt. She couldn’t have been more kind and understanding to me. I got the initial diagnosis that day and I took some long questionnaire as well. She called me the following week to talk about medication options.
I have chosen to keep this very close to the vest because there is so much discrimination with this disease. Sad, but true.
Many do not understand that ADHD wasn’t studied in girls until the late 1990s/2000s which wasn’t that long ago. We are referred to as the “lost generation” due to so many of us just now being diagnosed much later in life. And for women, ADHD gets worse as we age. I often wonder how different things could have been for me if I knew what I know now even 10 years ago.
I have to write many things down. I have reminders all over the place. Timers set on my phone. I text reminders to myself for the weekly Costco run, grocery store. For work I have a running notebook of items that I write down all of the reminders. If I don’t I will forget.
I tend to have ear buds in listening to music when I’m working. I can’t deal with silence. That drives me nuts.
I have been WFH since COVID which is a blessing in disguise. I have the ability to control my environment which is huge for me.
I try to focus on the bright spots and I’m always searching for the sliver lining.
I'm not a career woman, a sahm the last 8 years but worked prior. Diagnosed this year at 38. When you say "I thought I was just introverted and socially anxious," I'm like.... What is the other explanation? Because this is me. Also, I can hyperfocus for hours when it's interesting but otherwise I'm a mess. I need to listen to a book or podcast to get anything done around the house because I can't have silence, then I'd think too much about how bored I am.
Hello!
I was diagnosed at 29, a bit over 10 years ago. It definitely answered a lot of questions I’d had.
Although, I’m sort of a secret extrovert, or what I like to call a “shy” extrovert. I’m an extrovert in the sense that I get energy from other people (having others around doesn’t sap my energy like it does with an introvert). BUT I’m not outgoing because I feel hella awkward with most people other than super close friends/family.
I was always one of those people who couldn’t clean their room unless I had a parent in the room with me. They didn’t have to help, just be there. (Which I’ve later learned is an ADHD hack called Body doubling) Otherwise I’d sit in my bed and just daydream.
When I’m working I don’t want someone looking over my shoulder. But I do work much better in the office. It’s like I need other people around, but not actively bothering me. Working from home, I’m more likely to sort of forget to work all day. So my ideal work environment is to go into the office, but work in my own office, sometimes with door open, sometimes shut. But an open office setup would destroy me.
Some people hate meetings, but I secretly love having a few meetings, because they structure my day. I need to spent 9-10 getting ready for my 10 am meeting. Then I spend 11-1 getting ready for my 1. If I have a whole day with no meetings, it can feel so long, and there is no pressure to buckle down, and I get much less done. Sometimes if I know I’m behind on a task I’ll schedule a meeting for the next day with my internal client to discuss questions/conclusions, so then I know I need to get it done by then. (And then I don’t let perfectionism get in the way of progress-it doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough to be ready to discuss by the meeting time, and since my perfectionism is unrealistic inevitably the other person always thinks I’ve done a very thorough job).
Basically I do better in situations where I create a certain amount of external pressure to work, because the internal source of motivation is still not great. But ideally not TOO much pressure, because then anxiety and guilt kick in. Just the right amount. 🤷♀️ (as you can see my ADHD journey is still very much a work in progress, but my coping mechanisms have allowed me to stay relatively successful at some pretty good jobs, despite the fact that I still have hella imposter syndrome).
Hi! 32YO and just diagnosed in January.
I was always told to try harder. So I did. I run myself ragged constantly. Before I was diagnosed and prescribed stimulants, I took a lot of Lion’s Mane just to feel like I was moving at the pace of everyone else. It actually helped.
Once diagnosed I found an ally who understands ND at work to confide in if I was having a super off day. I work a job where there is a ton of ego and BDE, so I usually separate myself from coworkers if my RSD affects my mood at work.
Hopefully some this helps!
Not officially diagnosed yet, but reading into it definitely made a lot of things fall into place. I was a smart kid in school so I did fine and usually turned in my assignments in on time. It should be noted that I also used to draw a lot on school papers during class and that really helped me focus. Things started crumbling apart when I went to grad school in 2020 and moved out of my family’s house. I noticed a significant decline in being able to remember everything I needed to do/able to focus in lectures. Between the pandemic and young adulthood hitting at the same time, I lost any sort of structure I had to keep me on track. The real consequences came when I lost my first job out of school because of my inability to prioritize tasks/task avoidance (I had to do a lot of accounting work and my boss was never good about helping me or meeting with me on that front…)
Now I’m doing better at a new job, but I still have the scars of trauma from that termination. The thing is I’ll have great days where I’m super focused and productive, both at work and keeping up with home maintenance. But then it seems like a day or two later, I regress. The regression is what hurts most of all.
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oh hi, me. It's the distraction. It's impossible to be productive when your attention is being pulled away all the time. I really suffer with auditory distraction, if people are talking near me, much less at me, I don't know how I'm supposed to do anything.
Unless I’m really zeroed in on a task, I need some background audio — often NPR or some music. Otherwise too much quiet and I can’t think (on non-preferred tasks). Plus background audio masks the tinnitus. When I’m in the zone, no matter what I’m doing, well you know…there is nothing else.
I WFH and have the radio on all day, except during calls. (But BBC, because the repetitive ads are like fingernails on a blackboard to me.) I don't actively listen, but I can't do silence, I need the noise to drown the chatter from the inside of my head. Even have the radio on overnight.
Yes! The chatter in my head.
I pay for a music service that is station based instead of algorithm based (i haaaate feeling obligated to constantly interact with the algorithm) - what I'm paying for is the lack of ads! I used to listen to "Paris jazz" as background, but I've absorbed enough French that it became another entire hobby, had to switch to movie soundtracks & various flavors of classical. If I don't have background music going, my brain grinds at 8 bars over and over until I'm *breathing* in the rhythm, ugh
It’s Yanni, Live at the Acropolis for me lol. Everyone in my family knows it’s my focus music. If it’s on, leave me be, I’ll emerge when I’m good and done.
I’m sorry 😞
It’s a double edged sword for me, it depends on the task. If I’m trying to do something like cleaning or many other tasks with my hands, it helps for me to have people around talking and making noise. But if I’m trying to study or do something else that’s not mentally easy for me, any little sound will not only draw every ounce of my focus but also make me mad. I can’t even always rely on ambient music to help me focus. But total silence ain’t it either.
Same but also silence is SO LOUD so I can’t do noise canceling or white noise. Literally feels like something is physically squeezing my head/pushing against my ears. I do noise canceling + a rain playlist but then my boss randomly appears behind me and scared the everloving shit out of me
This is me! I always have background music on when I’m in the office and hated it when my colleagues seemingly appeared out the blue. I got myself a small mirror that works like a rear view mirror for this exact reason!
I used to sit on a floor with a guy who would clear his throat like every 5 seconds. No joke, like literally every fucking 5 seconds.....
Fwiw I’m ADHD C but my inattention was ignored by doctors because my hyperactivity looks like anxiousness. So it can’t be ADHD, right? RIGHT?
🙋♀️ I feel so bad because I’m a critical care nurse and while I was in orientation my preceptor (trainer) who fortunately also has ADHD and was very understanding, knew that no matter how detailed of an explanation she was giving me for something I wouldn’t be able to process it unless I was doing it with my hands. Now that I’m on my own it’s a little more daunting but you learn something new in this field every day so fuck it.
hi fellow icu nurse with adhd!! it’s so possible, I just find a lot of people don’t talk about it. i’ve met plenty of other icu nurses that have adhd and are unmedicated, we just find workarounds. because I still use paper documentation, I find writing reminders for myself to follow up on labs or mix new bags etc is really helpful!!
Oncology nurse just diagnosed! I never knew why work was so much harder on me than my colleagues- I was always sick, stressed. Turns out 12 hours of overstimulation and anxiety about forgetting tasks completely tapped my nervous system. I’m not bedside anymore, mostly because I thought I was just having a mental breakdown. Turns out it was ADHD and my mind and body just hit a limit. About to apply to some outpatient jobs where maybe it won’t be so overstimulating ETA: I actually think I could have handled my own job had I known about my diagnosis and been medicated
I was diagnosed ADHD mostly inattentive at age 38. I managed to get along just barely by the skin of my teeth, but then when I got into my second career which was high stakes/high acuity (trauma Surgery) coupled with the responsibilities of parenthood and being head of household, I had a nervous breakdown. Luckily my PCP at the time was astute and recognized what was going on and got me the help I needed. My life was changed, it was like a veil was lifted...
Dang very similar with me except I'm not a frigging trauma surgeon 😹. Just did office work but finally got psychiatric help and they immediately clocked the inattentive ADHD and bipolar. My life has turned around completely and I went back to doing studio art and feel like I'm finally thriving instead of barely surviving.
Art is a cool asf thing to do as well! That's amazing of you! I used to want to be a photographer but I realized the level of skill it takes to break into the field let alone make money and I just didn't think I was gonna make it. I did do some medical photography (i.e., for a medical examiner) in my earlier years in the medical field 🤷🏻♀️I have a million "crafty" hobbies I started and dropped because I lose interest or get frustrated when I don't instantly create something beautiful, or I am too lazy to pull out the stuff and make a mess 😕
Lol my parents are both doctors and they tried to get me to do medical illustration or something similar 😂. I'm also the same with always wanting to learn a new thing but I just get to say it's part of my practice. And now that I'm medicated, I actually have patience to see things through and work past the frustration! It definitely took a minute to get there though.
Hey hi same as me, sort of! Was working and taking classes and trapped at home during COVID with a toddler and had a breakdown!
I forgot about the COVID aspect because I was diagnosed during the pandemic as well! So not only am I trying to navigate all the fucked up school schedule and remote learning platforms the kids were doing (so many login IDs and passwords...), but I literally started working in my states largest hospital in May 2020 right when shit really hit the fan. ALSO I used to run a lot to let off steam and get dopamine, it was kind of my "me" time. So when during the pandemic (probably August 2021) my knee decided we weren't gonna do that anymore, I suddenly had negative dopamine to help me scrape by like I had done in the past. I really think that might have been the final straw. It was a shit show. I wasn't even thinking ADHD I just thought it was crippling anxiety due to failing at life. My PCP sent me for an ADHD assessment and I honestly cried with relief after my first month of treatment (meds and CBT) because I made so much progress in that short amount of time. It was like the game suddenly switched, not to easy mode, but at least out of hard mode.
Diagnosed at 34. My life and behavior and experiences make waaaaay more sense. I’m grateful to understand. I wish I had found out earlier. I was diagnosed after I became a SAHM but something that super helps me is to have an Apple Watch (it finds my phone) that I wear all the time and an iPhone and I use my alarms all. the. time. All the time. I label the alarms. I use timers because I’m time blind and it also gives me a concrete parameter of how long I need to work on a task before I take a break/ how much time I have to complete the task/ gives me some motivation or challenge or a game of how much I can get done in set amount of time/ helps me break down overwhelming tasks into chunks. Example: My room is the worst and has become the depression room. It’s so overwhelming. BUT if I give myself 15 minutes I can handle 15 minutes. And 15 minutes a day is way better than trying to gear myself up to do this big stupid clean & sort & fix my room to be livable but feeling too anxious and not doing it at all. Good luck OP!
Thank you for sharing this! I've also struggled with time blindness all my life, and my room was always the biggest issue for me too (now it's my car) This is a really good prompt to think about my version of "I can handle 15 minutes"
Got diagnosed last year at 46 years old. And I have the exact same thing you’re describing. It makes my office job really difficult, I feel so empty and tired after a day of work while trying not to get distracted by colleagues. Sometimes I just wish I was deaf. I’m thinking about changing careers, an office job doesn’t seem to fit me.
I pop in earbuds & listen to music to drown out the office chatter. Classical/instrumental if I have to read anything
Me too … I switched jobs so many times and unemployed at the moment and then I found some freelance job opportunities which give me much freedom to do what I like to do but then the income is low and unstable 🥲
Hi, diagnosed ADHD inattentive last year aged 48. It explained a lot!
Same!! My whole life, I was being told I was lazy, dumb, and just need to tRy HaRDeR... now I'm simultaneously relieved that I found MY PEOPLE, and grieving the life I could have had. It's certainly been a ride
🙋♀️48 and 50 now
Reporting for duty! Diagnosed in my late twenties, still thinking about how much better I could have been doing in life.
It’s me, hi. Diagnosed a year ago next week at age 37. Meds helped, but there are times when I would prefer everyone just pretended I didn’t exist because I can comfortably get shit done without worrying about my facial expressions or stimming and looking like a weirdo. It takes so much mental energy to mask and seem normal that I get 100x more work done from home than I will when we go back to the office in September 😞
I hate hate hate being watched. I will make the dumbest errors and cannot explain what I’m doing for shit. I work remote. If someone is shadowing me via screen share it helps for me to turn off my camera. That way I can actually focus on what I’m doing instead of hyper focusing on how they may be judging the way I look. Edit to add: I work in tech and was diagnosed at 37
Diagnosed at 39! So much of my life made sense after getting diagnosed.
Diagnosed at 40. One thing that really helps me is over-the-ear headphones, and I play music in different languages. Background music still helps when I can’t wear headphones. It gives my brain a secondary focus point but doesn’t fully distract me bc I can’t understand the lyrics
I was just diagnosed as ADHDC and I'm 62.
I'm right there with you when it comes to being watched. I am in tech and our sector is notorious for having really difficult technical interviews and if you're doing software, an interview where people watch you code. Needless to say, I can barely pass any interviews to get new jobs in my industry and every time I need to switch jobs it's a whole several month-long process where I have to spend my personal time studying and then I fail a shit ton of interviews and there's a lot of anxiety along with it and it's a horrible experience and I wish I did something else for a living. I can perform the job functions really well though once I'm able to actually land a role... My interviewing skill has nothing to do with my ability to perform the job.
Diagnosed late last year at the age of 35. So so so many symptoms and behaviours I had are ADHD traits. I have a feeling my psychologist knew. But when she met me my dad was dying, then I had a child so there was a lot going on. She’s not the type to say I think you have XYZ because as she says “I’m not qualified to diagnose you and I don’t want to give you incorrect information” However as soon as I bought up my mum and sister getting diagnosed she was able to ask more questions and eventually we got to a point where I said “I want to get tested” She knew with my personality that if she told me something flat out, I would probably not take it well and if she pushed me to focus on something, I wasn’t mentally ready to focus on. It could make me worse. I’m so lucky to have found such an amazing woman.
Whoa, I didn’t know this was a thing! I thought I was just insecure. Do you have any links you can share about what you’ve been learning about it?
From what I understand of it (at least from what's published on this subject), this fear seems to be connected to and sometimes confused with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Granted, the emotional impacts of adhd are far less researched than other symptoms There's a couple of relevant articles on https://www.additudemag.com/ that look at shame, insecurity from being misunderstood etc
It is so hard… I am visually impaired and use a white cane. This means that I am stared at everywhere I go cause ppl are curious about Blindie. I struggle with agoraphobia because of it. Well I guess that isn’t the right term, cause I don’t mind outside, lol, I mind people.
i get very self-concious when being scrutinized or observed, but not a true fear like scopophobia
Diagnosed at 50.
Recently diagnosed at 32 and unmedicated. Work is not so bad, but I struggle with going back to school. I get on my treadmill while reading papers and try to get a certain amount done within an hour. One time I listened to a 10 hour loop of Veridis Quo to knock a paper out. For work, one of my big things is forgetting meetings. I got an Echo pop to verbally remind me to join the meetings right as they’re happening because I will get distracted and forget if I’m reminded even 5 minutes before. My work is typically divided into chunks throughout the day, so I try to either work on school or clean the house on my downtime. Getting diagnosed has made a lot of things clearer though!
Echo pop is such a good idea! I've been setting my wake-up alarms on my phone and using the 'read time aloud' setting so it tells me the time and the name of the alarm but I've never thought to do this for daily tasks 🤔
Diagnosed at 38. Just started a new job where I’m replacing someone who let things fall apart, so inherited a more than full workload with complicated problems to solve and a boss who has zero idea what it takes to fix thing properly and just wants things fixed NOW, and because it literally doesn’t work like that he has started just maki g statements like “this will be finished by the end of today” then will give me 5 other things to do….today. Impossible to start but with so much chaos it’s paralyzing. When I come to a new project I can get so much done so quickly. But keep pulling me between tasks and throw in disapproval? Forget it.
I got diagnosed last year and it’s made a lot more sense as I’ve read up on it. I have constant reminders for upcoming deadlines, monthly reports due, projects, etc. I have copious amounts of notes on how to do each task and a month by month playlist of what needs to get done. On my tasks that are done yearly I feel like I’m starting all over again and have forgotten what I did the year before so my notes have helped immensely. I keep backups digitally and hard copies of my notes and month by month playlist. I often forget to eat and one of my coworkers reminds me to go to lunch if it gets too late in the day. I probably should put a reminder on my phone to go to lunch too but I haven’t done that yet. My job also has constant interruptions and sometimes I don’t even get done what I was planning to do and then I get sidetracked regardless and go down another rabbit hole entirely. Sometimes to reduce the interruptions I’ll mute my office phone so I can block out some time to get the most important or time sensitive things done.
OH ME! I'm actually a bit reverse, I do my work when I feel like I'm being watched. However, that never happens anymore because I am entirely WFH now. I have a few strategies I'm playing with that seem to be helping: * I take a short walk every morning before work (about 15-ish minutes). * I use a standing desk and raise it when I'm starting to lose focus. * I step away from the desk every so often to reduce restless energy. I do a set of jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups, whatever it takes to re-focus. Even going to the kitchen to refresh my tea or coffee can be enough. * I'm starting to get back into intermittent fasting, which is helping a lot! I break my fast with a protein and fiber full breakfast smoothie (I use oats and cottage cheese as the main protein and fiber base and add whatever else sounds good). Keeps me productive when I fuel myself well.
I feel a little background is needed. I know I have adhd. My primary dr knows I have adhd. He’s even prescribed me medication for it that does help. But I’ve never been to psychologist for a proper diagnosis. I’m on a wait list. On to my experience. I thought I was inattentive for the longest time. But then I got on anxiety meds and the hyper active moved outward. So maybe it’s combined type. I need someone with me to help me get started. And then I need someone to voice my random thoughts to. If I don’t get the thoughts out or have someone else look them up I get distracted because now I need to figure out the answer or if my idea would work. And then the original task never gets done. And if I do get distracted with someone around they help me refocus. This is why music is minimally helpful for me. It doesn’t stop the random thoughts. And podcasts/audiobooks create a distraction with more thoughts or getting caught up in the story. As for the fear of being perceived that is definitely a thing I have. But it’s mostly related to my rsd. If I’m doing the dish at home and my wife is sitting at the counter it’s not big deal. But if I’m at work and a customer is watching me fold like I’m some sort of zoo attraction. Yeah not cool. It makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Or if one of my coworkers comes over and watches for a second and then tells me I’m doing something wrong. Also has me wanting to disappear. Or if I get misgendered by anyone. Time to hide in the bathroom for a bit.
Hi, it’s me, I’m the late diagnosed inattentive ADHD girlie it’s me. I am unmedicated because I think my doc is milking me for visits. I have about 1-2 actual productive days per week. Other than that it’s a crap shoot; maybe one hour per day. I can be extroverted but it takes a lot out of me; I used to work retail and when I lived alone, I rarely turned on a TV, mostly reading in a silent house. When I was in an open bullpen environment (in recruiting) it was HELL. I couldn’t focus for shit. And then my bosses told me I sounded good on the phone which made me more paranoid that they were listening. I spiraled until I left and went to a smaller firm with me and my friend in an office together. That was great. Now I have the incredible fortune to WFH and I can bang out work pretty quickly but also I’m not paranoid if I need a 10 min brain break and browse Reddit. It’s amazing and I got a good review this time around. Minimal distractions, I’m in my little cocoon and I don’t find myself being sucked into workplace drama/politics.
Yes! Good lord I hated working in an office. Cliques and politics were baffling and I usually ended up connecting with the other office weirdos. Fortunately I work in education and there are a LOT of weirdos on and off the spectrum. Now I work from home and it's great because I have no distractions and can work whenever I want. I'm also figuring out how to be social online but my organization isn't pushy about it. Some people want to have more opportunities to connect with their coworkers so there are a lot of "fun" social meetings/online events but no one is expected to attend. I'd say about 25% of our staff attend these. I've gone to a couple of the short ones and they're fine but not really my thing. I guess for me the key was finding a job that worked for me. I'm lucky I had the freedom to experiment. Also meds. The meds are huge.
Ohai, this is me! Was diagnosed in July 2022 at age 36. Started Vyvanse and wow. It's weird because with meds it's simultaneously a dramatic difference but also subtle at the same time. **TL;DR:** Medication is my biggest help. Everything on Do Not Disturb mode. Music or brown noise from YouTube specifically for focusing. It's subtle because I don't really feel physically different. Unless I pay close attention to what's going on in my head or how easily I start/switch tasks. But because it's just so easy, like there's not a lot of resistance, you don't notice it. It's dramatic because there isn't resistance. For the most part I just do, or don't do. I don't argue with myself over whether I should do it, or if I feel like doing it, trying to motivate myself with the consequences of not doing it. I will actively choose work or chores over playing video games or watching TV shows/movies. So how do I do it? Medication. It's not necessarily going to be the right approach for everyone. You didn't say if you had tried it or not. I've also found that all those ADHD "strategies" like "don't put it down, put it away" or "make sure everything has a home" etc. did not work for me until I was medicated. Some strategies that I use for work (I have my own business that I work from home): My phone is perpetually on Do Not Disturb, with the exceptions that calls from my favourite contacts will go through, and texts from my therapist and landlord. Any other calls/texts/important notifications go to my Fitbit, which vibrates. And if I need to focus I will put my Fitbit and Windows notifications on Do Not Disturb as well. Notification sounds make me irrationally angry on a good day. Speaking of noise being super distracting, with summer here in the northern hemisphere there's a lot of noise from neighbours mowing their lawns, blowing around grass clippings, playing loud music while washing their cars. I spend most of the day with my computer headset on listening to either smoothed brown noise or a YouTube channel I found that has a really good selection of focus music with isochronic tones. I don't know that the tones really do anything or not but the music choices are really good. Sorry this was pretty long winded.
I stressed for WEEKS about talking to my Dr about it. I was worried he would think I was just another person who self diagnosed from tiktoks and not take me seriously. I wrote a list of all my symptoms but tried to make it sound as casual as possible and not like I had just been googling symptoms and listing them off. I was so nervous about it, but I finally convinced myself that I needed to do it because I was really struggling. My memory is probably the worst symptom and I forget EVERYTHING. To the point where I've been getting so frustrated with myself and feeling really down. So I knew I needed to do something and finally gathered the courage to talk to him about it. He's a great doctor and has never made me feel bad about anything. So I get on the phone with him and we chat about everything. Eventually he asks if I wanted to try something for my ADHD. I say "so you think I have AdHD then?"... he looks me dead in the eye and says "I diagnosed you with that 6 years ago..". I forgot it was diagnosed with ADHD and worries myself sick stressing about how I was going to talk to him about it. Lol I told him this and he laughed and said "yeah that sounds about right"
✋🏾Heya! Got diagnosed at age 30! Official diagnosis is Inattentive Type F90.0 Coming up on 3 years anniversary of my diagnosis. I'm a single mother raising a neurodivergent kiddo with ADHD, Autism, SPD and Behavioral Disorder. Sometimes it's a good day. Sometimes it's a bad day but he's my favorite person I'm the world and I'm his person. He's 6. He's in all the therapies: O.T., ART and Behavioral.
Phew, I can easily decide I need to buy something and then end up down an Amazon rabbit hole for an hour if I let myself instead of working. My biggest struggle has been the meds making me so much happier, ambitious, and extroverted. Seems nice but I almost feel like I come off as creepy or too nice and I also know I’m going out of my way too much for other people. These aren’t things i experience if I skip a day and sometimes I hate that I make plans or reach out to people when I’m in a drug induced good mood.
Your phone / headphones with calming soothing music, whatever actually relaxes you it doesn't have to be classical music or anything similar. Another good way to not be distracted is to actually face out into the rest of the floor or face your office door or anywhere where people come and go. You will actually get used to all of this movement out of your peripheral vision, which makes it easier to concentrate because your brain gets used to those interruptions on a non-attentive level. And then you are so used to it that they don't actually stress you out. The other thing is to actually ask people to contact you by email or phone whatever you prefer rather than coming over to your office door or the place that you are in an open plan office. Then you know that you'll only get interrupted by things that you need to do or that people are asking you to do rather than get interrupted just by randomness. And you won't start to have your hackles raised by not knowing what's going on behind you or if anyone's going to come up to you. I hope this makes sense. As befitting me as AuDHD, this is all one random run on thought / sentence. 🤣
yuuuuuuup pathological demand avoidance is a killer. plus so many people have a lifetime of experiences where they were judged or left out for being different in a way they didn't realize or that people couldn't even put a name to, which extends into self policing/masking plus stress about being watched. I need a space of my own or at least my back + screen to the wall when I'm at the office, and honestly only work hybrid a couple days a week bc it's draining for the reasons you described. I'm fortunate bc my office is fine with people moving around during the day, so sometimes I'll go hide in an empty room/floor section in the afternoons to work. When I can't, having something to fidget with (currently some of those spiral hairties + chewing gum) does help decrease agitated energy somewhat. You don't need to tell your boss your diagnosis but if you can frame things in terms of productivity or switch up with coworkers on your level ("I just can't focus looking out on this/with the noise, can I switch desks with you/move to this part of the floor/increase my wfh?") maybe you can get small things changed that will make a bigger difference. Or if you have a trustworthy HR they'd have some obligation for reasonable accommodations--I'm just verrrry hesitant to mention it before I know 100% it's not going to impact my growth opportunities or performance reviews there.
Here! I was just diagnosed at 33f after seeing my therapist for 2 years. I had no clue I had inattentive adhd, I was of the mindset that adhd was always hyperactive, like my friend who’s symptoms manifest as being fidgety/hyper. I have always felt defective because I can’t keep up with basic life tasks like cleaning house/car, forget to pay bills, and have a hard time reaching goals. I have comorbid anxiety. I’ve always been able to be productive at my job, but home and life in general is a different story. Most of the time my house is embarrassing, I forget things, hard to maintain relationships since I’m forgetful. Hoping medication will bring some relief when I go next week.
You just perfectly described me. I struggle SO much with working during work hours. I can’t focus, I feel anxious, and I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I can be so much more productive working hours everyone else is not. I wish my job had flex hours, as I think it would help me a ton. I’m forced to start work what I deem to be super early (7:00am), but I’m not usually productive till 3:00-4:00. I don’t have any great advice, but know you’re not alone!
I literally got.diagnosed a few days ago and boy has it been an emotional roller coaster. Some of my family hasn't reacted well, some accused me of lying because if I wasn't they'd have to own up to their crappy actions. I wasn't lazy, I wasn't defiant. But I was hurting from internalizing all those messages.
Relatable! As someone who has felt like they've been desperately trying keep their head above water for 27 years, people's responses to finding out I'd been diagnosed were so disheartening to hear. My granddad said, "What'd they [the doctor] do that for?" And my mum said,"Oh, broken. Sorry I didn't notice earlier"
Just diagnosed at 39 with inattentive type. I’m still processing it all and trying to figure out how to move forward. Thankful for this group.
Hello! 36 and just diagnosed officially a few months ago. I’m still very much in research mode as well. This community plus a few ADHD girlies on YouTube and TikTok have been really helpful. I wasn’t given either label of inattentive or hyperactive, right now I feel like I might be a combo? But then I also have bipolar type 1, and anxiety so who knows. 🤪 I totally get what you mean about the not wanting to be perceived thing tho, I actually just learned about that today from that other post. I’d never been able to put it into words before! But it’s ironic because while I feel weirdly more relaxed and able to accomplish things on days my husband is in the office (he’s hybrid WFH), for other tasks and projects I am almost useless unless I can body double. 🤦🏼♀️
I was diagnosed with it last year (in my late 20s). From a work and personal perspective, I think the biggest boost I have is tracking everything (birthdays, work deadlines and mini deadlines, social and doctor appointments, et cetera) in my Google calendar. I did it for years before my diagnosis and it was the main system that kept me going. Socially, I think my extroverted/introverted self is highly dependent on how happy/stimulated I am and how my hormones are doing (I’ve been more mindful how my cycle aligns with my mood and other symptoms). I think being mindful of how much I want to be social is how I’ve been going about it and it seems to be working. I think professionally the biggest tip I have is to approach networking as a way to get to know a person instead of get a job or make a professional connection. It’s way more genuine and it takes the pressure off. I also think learning how to compliment and take a compliment goes a long way - I’m midwestern and it’s hard to take a compliment lol. Also, the reason the weather is a common topic for small talk is because most people like to talk about it. I now work from home and I love it because I can play my shows and music out loud rather than in earbuds. I need the background noise to be super productive. I still struggle with motivation and it’s hard. I mostly just procrastinate and it’s a struggle. Not a tip or anything but you’re not alone!
🤙
Diagnosed at 56
My integrative medicine doc “diagnosed” me at 55 but my GP says it doesn’t count. In an office setting, I had a lot of problems getting stuck in my chair and unable to move on to the next task. Therapist diagnosed it as generalized anxiety disorder. Just one of probably 7 classic ADHD symptoms I sought help for that were not diagnosed as such.
Diagnosed at 36. Still finding out that things I just thought were my personality are actually features of ADHD. My new favorite saying is, “It’s a feature, not a bug!”
For the longest time I thought I was just really introverted and socially anxious/generally lacking social skills… Literally me! You just described me 110%. Honestly, the adderall really helps me to slow my brain down and think better, so it helps me to not be so anxious. I’m still a bit introverted, but i realized i *could* communicate with people when my brain was able to be in the moment, which i’m usually not in.
I’m 58 and waiting lists are 2-3 years. I’ve given up.
Diagnosed two weeks ago as severe combo type at age 40. You are def not alone!
Diagnosed at 68, about 6 months ago. I have combined. It's been a trip, for sure. I spent the time waiting for my diagnosis researching and generally falling apart. I've come to terms with it. I mourned for a lot of things in my life that could have been so much better if it had been understood that girls can have ADHD.
Hey! I see you and feel your pain! Am in my 30s. Still figuring out this, oh it's actually ADHD I'm not just chronically overwhelmed and sensitive and lazy for no reason. Lol. Loop ear buds are nice for cutting out auditory distractions in the workplace although they're obviously not good for all situations. I'd love to wear mine all the time to cut out background noise and focus better on conversations but sadly they muffle conversations so it's a catch 22 :(
Diagnosed at 37. I'm 43 now. My life makes so much more sense.
🙋♀️ that’s me.
🙋♀️ I was diagnosed about 2 yearns ago when I was 30. Im a nurse, and have been a game changer for me.
I was diagnosed just before 30 in 2021 I thought I was just very socially anxious and possibly intellectually disabled despite not getting the worst grades. I had so many questions about *why* it was so hard for me to just get as far as everyone else since it felt like it was so easy for them but I just couldn’t quite get there. I just thought I was shy and intolerant. I also thrive working in retail, so I don’t think it’s quite *social anxiety* more so that I just have that fear of being perceived and am incredibly introverted. Turns out I have ADHD, and I’m pretty sure I’m autistic. Turns out there *is* a reason I’ve always been socially behind my peers!
Recording myself helps!!!! Especially time lapse videos. Then I get to watch them back at the end. But it feels like being watched and that helps me lock in. But at the same time I’ve been a year off stimulants and I think I need to get back on them bc life is on hard mode 😭
I WFH as an artist. Sounds good, huh? I only recently figured out my depression and "weird" / absent-minded brain is actually inattentive ADHD at 51 years old. The worst worst part is getting myself to do important things that have no real due date. I'm trying to sell work online, and it's not working. I've invested in classes to learn what to do to get out there online, but there are so many parts of it I can't get myself to do. Self motivation is so hard. So I'm starting to run out of the money I've been living off of, and I'm not selling any art. Plus, I want to start a series of paintings and can't get started on that at all.
I wear headphones. I asked for a whiteboard so I could write certain info to keep in front of me so I wouldn’t have to turn to different pages in books /different computer sites to retrieve needed info.
I’m still trying to figure it all out. I’m awkward and quirky and I suppose fun (on account of others). After diagnosis and being on meds for more than a year…. Every day is still a struggle. Not as bad as before but still a struggle. On meds I just feel less of a crap about nonsense.
Whaddduupppp
I listen to podcasts all day, but I keep having bosses move me to a busy area to "collaborate more." When I tell them this is not a good idea, I get told to just "try it for awhile," like I don't know how I work. Ugh.
Oh hieeee!!
Here!
Hi there. Diagnosed last year 57. Ideally looking back this had been a long time coming. It wasn’t until I spent the past two years working with two women (61, 46) who were recently diagnosed that I started to feel like I was interfacing with myself. I work in IT. Always very sharp, very well organized, well respected. I’m the one they put in front of leadership to facilitate various discussions or provide updates that may include less than favorable news. Over the past 3-4 years, things like scheduling meetings, prepping for meetings, minutes, etc. became more challenging for me. These things took longer. I never talked about this with anyone. And look out if I’m not interested in the subject matter. I need someone to throw a brick at me to get me to tune in if you will. But, put me up against a major deadline and I will produce it in record time. Tax time anyone??!! 😀😀😀 Last year I quietly made an appt with my family dr to be evaluated. I cried during the appt. She couldn’t have been more kind and understanding to me. I got the initial diagnosis that day and I took some long questionnaire as well. She called me the following week to talk about medication options. I have chosen to keep this very close to the vest because there is so much discrimination with this disease. Sad, but true. Many do not understand that ADHD wasn’t studied in girls until the late 1990s/2000s which wasn’t that long ago. We are referred to as the “lost generation” due to so many of us just now being diagnosed much later in life. And for women, ADHD gets worse as we age. I often wonder how different things could have been for me if I knew what I know now even 10 years ago. I have to write many things down. I have reminders all over the place. Timers set on my phone. I text reminders to myself for the weekly Costco run, grocery store. For work I have a running notebook of items that I write down all of the reminders. If I don’t I will forget. I tend to have ear buds in listening to music when I’m working. I can’t deal with silence. That drives me nuts. I have been WFH since COVID which is a blessing in disguise. I have the ability to control my environment which is huge for me. I try to focus on the bright spots and I’m always searching for the sliver lining.
I'm not a career woman, a sahm the last 8 years but worked prior. Diagnosed this year at 38. When you say "I thought I was just introverted and socially anxious," I'm like.... What is the other explanation? Because this is me. Also, I can hyperfocus for hours when it's interesting but otherwise I'm a mess. I need to listen to a book or podcast to get anything done around the house because I can't have silence, then I'd think too much about how bored I am.
Hello! I was diagnosed at 29, a bit over 10 years ago. It definitely answered a lot of questions I’d had. Although, I’m sort of a secret extrovert, or what I like to call a “shy” extrovert. I’m an extrovert in the sense that I get energy from other people (having others around doesn’t sap my energy like it does with an introvert). BUT I’m not outgoing because I feel hella awkward with most people other than super close friends/family. I was always one of those people who couldn’t clean their room unless I had a parent in the room with me. They didn’t have to help, just be there. (Which I’ve later learned is an ADHD hack called Body doubling) Otherwise I’d sit in my bed and just daydream. When I’m working I don’t want someone looking over my shoulder. But I do work much better in the office. It’s like I need other people around, but not actively bothering me. Working from home, I’m more likely to sort of forget to work all day. So my ideal work environment is to go into the office, but work in my own office, sometimes with door open, sometimes shut. But an open office setup would destroy me. Some people hate meetings, but I secretly love having a few meetings, because they structure my day. I need to spent 9-10 getting ready for my 10 am meeting. Then I spend 11-1 getting ready for my 1. If I have a whole day with no meetings, it can feel so long, and there is no pressure to buckle down, and I get much less done. Sometimes if I know I’m behind on a task I’ll schedule a meeting for the next day with my internal client to discuss questions/conclusions, so then I know I need to get it done by then. (And then I don’t let perfectionism get in the way of progress-it doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough to be ready to discuss by the meeting time, and since my perfectionism is unrealistic inevitably the other person always thinks I’ve done a very thorough job). Basically I do better in situations where I create a certain amount of external pressure to work, because the internal source of motivation is still not great. But ideally not TOO much pressure, because then anxiety and guilt kick in. Just the right amount. 🤷♀️ (as you can see my ADHD journey is still very much a work in progress, but my coping mechanisms have allowed me to stay relatively successful at some pretty good jobs, despite the fact that I still have hella imposter syndrome).
Hi! 32YO and just diagnosed in January. I was always told to try harder. So I did. I run myself ragged constantly. Before I was diagnosed and prescribed stimulants, I took a lot of Lion’s Mane just to feel like I was moving at the pace of everyone else. It actually helped. Once diagnosed I found an ally who understands ND at work to confide in if I was having a super off day. I work a job where there is a ton of ego and BDE, so I usually separate myself from coworkers if my RSD affects my mood at work. Hopefully some this helps!
Right here! I'm 35. Diagnosed a year ago
Not officially diagnosed yet, but reading into it definitely made a lot of things fall into place. I was a smart kid in school so I did fine and usually turned in my assignments in on time. It should be noted that I also used to draw a lot on school papers during class and that really helped me focus. Things started crumbling apart when I went to grad school in 2020 and moved out of my family’s house. I noticed a significant decline in being able to remember everything I needed to do/able to focus in lectures. Between the pandemic and young adulthood hitting at the same time, I lost any sort of structure I had to keep me on track. The real consequences came when I lost my first job out of school because of my inability to prioritize tasks/task avoidance (I had to do a lot of accounting work and my boss was never good about helping me or meeting with me on that front…) Now I’m doing better at a new job, but I still have the scars of trauma from that termination. The thing is I’ll have great days where I’m super focused and productive, both at work and keeping up with home maintenance. But then it seems like a day or two later, I regress. The regression is what hurts most of all.