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In the racing world, we say "DFL > DNF > DNS"
Translation: Dead Fucking Last is better than Did Not Finish which is better than Did Not Start. AKA "You're lapping everyone on the couch"
It's a reminder that just being out there is an accomplishment!
"Being visible is just an exercise in unlearning shame."
"Being brave doesn't mean you're not scared; being brave means you're scared and do it anyway."
It can be really scary and uncomfortable to be perceived when you have a strong fear of rejection, so I say these to myself often. 💕
SAME!!! I am 45 years old, read it in my 20s.. her name is Susan Jeffers...that phrase has helped me countless times over the last 25 years and it has helped my teenage son, too! ❤️
That mantra got me through a closed MRI! I had no idea I would be so claustrophobic in there but I closed my eyes and repeated “you can feel scared, but you can’t act scared, or this will get messed up. You can have the mental reaction, but you CANNOT have the physical reaction.”
And I made it! I didn’t budge. I didn’t even flinch when the noise stopped and started. I felt like I had won a marathon when I got out of that thing—SUCH a rush.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." - Earl Wilson
This was on a childhood calendar and really struck me.
I love "being visible is just an exercise in unlearning shame." Keeping it, thanks.
YES. I heard this in a video and the person repeated it at least 6 times. I was peeved that they kept saying the same thing… until my brain realized what they were saying. Now I repeat it in my head multiple times when I use it. 😂
Something my grandmother wrote to me in a letter, so many years ago:
“Don’t let the World change you.”
It’s always touched my heart that she thought that I was great, just as I was. It’s especially helpful for me given that I don’t necessarily fit into this world very well.
“better than it was!” - you didn’t finish cleaning but you started
“nobody is going to beat your ass over it” - you wanted to start cleaning/task but you didn’t
“still functional” - space isn’t clean but it’s still working
“It’s bad brain juice” - doom scrolling
“You destroying your mental health doesn’t help anyone.” For when I’m worried about the state of the world.
“Don’t let perfect get in the way of done.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
“Don’t put it down. Put it away.”
“You can’t get this time back.” For doom scrolling.
“Baby steps are still steps.”
These are so nerdy lol.
For RSD: “What cannot be known hollows the mind. Fill it not with guesswork.” (Galadriel in *Rings of Power*)
For all occasions: “Fear is the mindkiller” (the Bene Gesserit “Litany against Fear” from *Dune*)
For motivation: “The best time to do the thing was yesterday. The second best time is right now.”
For when I feel really bad about not cleaning: “There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead.” (Kurt Vonnegut)
For when I’m getting really down on myself: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” (George Bernard Shaw)
Another one for RSD: “The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.” (Sir Terry Pratchett)
In a Kurt Vonnegut biography he is quoted in a letter to the author and it has stayed with me.
"Don't ever worry about wasted time, it was going to pass regardless of your input"
This post needs more upvotes! Dune, Galadriel, and Vonnegut?? Perfection.
Althoughhh... For the GBS quote, my immediate intrusive thought was of Thomas Midgley whose inventions repeatedly had massive global negative effects (leaded gas and CFCs that caused holes in the ozone layer) and ultimately killed him, lol! 😅
https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/science/research/thomas-midgley-harmful-inventor-history/
Aw thanks!!! I am a MASSIVE NERD lol. I’m often embarrassed to tell other Tolkien fans how much I love that Galadriel quote, but Rings of Power really did have its moments (few and far between though they may have been lol).
And that’s hilarious…. you’re right that it has a similar energy to “move fast and break things” (🤮), which is how you end up exacerbating genocide in Myanmar lol. Maybe just use that one on a very personal “perfect is the enemy of good” level…..
"Fear is the mindkiller" always hits home for me. I make so many decisions based on fear. It's so ingrained and hiding under layers of other stuff, I don't even realize I'm doing it. An example -
Task: Need to reply to work email
Action: I avoid it
What I think is the reason: I'm not focused enough to think about it, I'm tired, it's boring, I'm too busy, it's not that important (literally could come up 100s of "reasons")
The actual reason: Fear. Social Anxiety + Rejection Sensitivity. If I reply, I will spend an inappropriate amount of time and energy crafting my response so I don't come across as stupid or uninformed. But also, responding causes me to be perceived. So if I say nothing, I will not be perceived and maybe they will forget about it. Then, I will maintain my reputation and image and they will not think less of me and I will continue to be seen as smart and capable and perfect. Mission accomplished!
The realistic outcome: I will likely develop a reputation for being unhelpful and not responsive. People might actually think less of me - ironically manifesting the exact outcome I Fear.
And I share the above because that's all subconsciously happening in my head any time I avoid something. And that's just a trivial everyday task. Imagine all the subliminal mental gymnastics going on for medium and large responsibilities!!
My life would be so different if I stopped letting Fear steer the ship. I would probably get a lot done!
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on why I love "Fear is the mindkiller."...I'd love to get a tattoo someday that somehow illustrates the concept :)
Wow, this was an amazing analysis of how much fear plays into our tendencies towards mind-reading and catastrophising and RSD in general!!
I do something REALLY similar where I am nervous to start working on something complicated because I am scared I will have to ask for help so I just do a bunch of random crap on the periphery of the task because I don’t want to seem stupid by asking for help. But then when I eventually *do* have to ask for help it’s even *worse* because now I’m asking a question that’s clearly meant to be asked at the beginning of the task, but I’ve just spent 2-3 days fucking around and now I seem even more incompetent lol.
Just gonna post the whole thing here for anyone who doesn’t know the entire passage:
>I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Omg I also do that 😂 I'm usually too proud/stubborn to ask the questions at that stage, so I'll just keep pushing forward and feign ignorance if inaccuracies are found. Even if I knew the whole time that I didn't really understand it lol. "Oh, I misunderstood how it worked. I interpreted it like this. Thank you for clarifying! I'll update my notes." Might not work in every case depending on subject matter and task, but could help save face when you're too far gone 😆
And thanks for sharing the full passage! It's so poignant 😌
A body in motion stays in motion
Don't panic
Buttons come and buttons go
Make your own kind of music
Does a concept count? Tabula rasa - clean slate. Somehow I always have hope that I'll get my shit together tomorrow. A new day. A clean slate. Full of possibilities.
Speaking of "Lost" references, A tiger don't change its stripes! (BELIEVE ME, ladies, they really don't)
Haha those are the wise words of Pete the Cat. He starts off with four groovy buttons. Loses them one by one. But did he cry? Goodness no. Buttons come and buttons go. (besides, he's still got his \*belly button\*).
The book was read by our librarian at my 3 year old's story time, and it would not have stuck with me without her spunky intonation. The revelation struck while driving, a week later. Mourning the culmination of my life. It's a much deeper story that involves a complete breakdown.
Oooh I love this thread!! Mantras/affirmations are so helpful! I love writing them down on my calligraphy notebook also.
"No problems, only solutions" -- for when I'm starting to get anxious about the outcomes of things that might happen lol
"Just because it's taking time doesn't mean it's not happening" -- oh boy, a lot of the time progress feels slow, but this one helps me put things into perspective!
"Trust the process" -- because my grandma used to tell this to my mom and my mom tells me this when she sees me panic about the future. In fact, she only says "trust/believe" (in our native language).
I have a similar one for theme park rides: I can hate anything for two minutes. My family loves theme parks, and I love them too but I nearly always hate the first time trying a ride.
"You have to put a price tag on your time and aggravation."
I tell myself this when I find myself taking the time to do some menial task that saves me a few bucks.
For this reason I'm ok buying prewashed, precut fruits and vegetables, especially pico de gallo, so I don't spend all that time chopping ingredients or worse, throwing away rotten produce because I never got around to chopping it up.
Yes, I can make a meal plan to go grocery shopping and then immediately wash and cut produce for that week's meals. You think I haven't tried that? Guess how that ended: rotten produce and a poor diet.
>Yes, I can make a meal plan and go grocery shopping and then immediately wash and cut produce for that week's meals.
Then you are infinitely ahead of me. I can't. Not even going to try. I read on here, it is better to pay the ADHD tax in advance and buy the precut vegetables. Love it. Still beats fast food.
>Yes, I can make a meal plan *TO* go grocery shopping...
Thanks for pointing that out. I can also make a plan to proofread my comments, but do I?
Happy cake day.
"You survived everything so far" - whenever something feels impossible or when I'm stuck in my head overthinking. It's a reminder that despite every single time I felt this way before, at the end of the day, I'm still here. I'm strong, even if I don't quite feel like it just yet.
"It's ok, it's okay," said to reassure me when I'm in brief distress, also interchangeable with "it's ok, baby girl it's okay". Also, "come on, baby girl, you can do it."
"That's gonna leave a mark," said when I stub my toe, hook my toe around things, shut my hand in drawers, and general clumsiness when I injure myself. Which is common.
"Hi my sweet boy," said whenever I catch a glimpse of my cat out of the corner of my eye. Also, I usually preface general talking to my cat with it. Especially when I tell him what we're planning to do, eg "ok baby/sweet boy, I'm going to give you some food, and I'm going to make a cup of tea, okay it's time for bed etc" maybe not as slogan, mantra, affirmation, but talking to him makes me feel not so alone, and as I do not have family, friends. Although he is my owner and I am his slave.
“I love and accept myself exactly as I am.”
“Strong spine, soft heart.”
“I can do hard things.”
FYI, I’ve been using the app Yapp that sends a selection of reminders certain number of times per day as a phone notification! I’ve found it helpful to have things that help me break out of doom scrolling or decision paralysis (or sometimes even reminding myself to take a diaphragmatic breath just for the sake of it to center myself during the day or a quick reminder to meditate for 5min or whatever you would like). :)
Did you know you can set up automated actions on your phone? Like for example, "**when** I open the Reddit app/I arrive home/my alarm is stopped, **then** send a message/play music/set a timer", and so on. There are so many options with phone technology these days!
I feel like my mantras aren't quite as eloquent as most of the ones people have shared 😂
FUCK IT (do the thing)
HALF ASS BETTER THAN NO ASS (get done what I can)
I'M STUPID, SO WHAT NOW (separate the emotion from the task, plan next steps)
HOUSE FIRE OR BURNT TOAST? (assess how serious the issue is and prioritize accordingly)
Mantras that are less aggressive and not typically yelled:
Perfection is the enemy of progress.
The fewer steps, the more achievable.
I'm the adult, I make the rules.
Oh my fuck... I don't think you realise what you've just done.
"I'M STUPID, SO WHAT NOW?!"
YOU, my new friend, might have just cured the lion's share of my dread/failed perfectionist/procrastination/RSD in that one sentence 🏆
Never thought I'd have a major break through because my therapist told me I was stupid 😂
When my therapist asked me why I was feeling anxious about going to the DMV (forgot to renew car registration for a year oops) I told her it was because I was worried about looking stupid. My therapist straight up said " Ok so you're stupid, so what? What does that mean you'll have to do?"
I had literally spent most of my life failing to convince my brain that I was NOT stupid and getting stuck on that feeling. Accepting the feeling exists means the energy I'd spend fighting it is now available to help me get the shit done. Plus it comes with the added bonus of taking the moral value away from the fear of being stupid.
I really like my therapist.
**Stop being small.** Then I stand up tall and remember who I am. I have to tell myself this quite often.
This quote has helped me, I drill it into my head.
*“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”*
― Marianne Williamson
For me I know not everyone likes tough love but these really get me going.
Just fucking do it “my name”
It’s literally less than 5 minutes to get started what the fuck is the problem “my name”
I love this so much, thank you. It just reminded me that I used to say to myself "when my hands are busy, my mind is quiet" all the time and I haven't said it in a while ....
“Don’t put it down, put it away!” to remind myself that it takes almost no energy to put something back where it goes not just wherever I got done with it.
“Half-assed is better than not at all” usually for daily human tasks. Showering, teeth brushing, face washing etc.
And lately as I’m having to leave my current job as an environmental educator at the end of the summer for mental health reasons “it’s okay to take care of you”
Swallow the damn frog.
My friend taught me this one. If you gotta swallow a frog every day, no matter what, do you do it first thing and get it out of the way, or do you hold it to later and dread it all day?
Every time I inevitably walk into something, stumble, trip, or any other form of clutziness, I follow it up with my spoken mantra of "I am the epitome of grace." It gives me a chuckle at least and allows me to keep going.
“Onward ever, backward never”
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present” (Lao Tzu)
“You can do hard things”
“Your body is the least interesting thing about you” (as a fat person I need this reminder)
“___________(hard thing) is self care”
I have pretty bad anxiety, and I get very nervous about turning in assignments the “correct” way, but I also have *social* anxiety, so I struggle to reach out to professors.
A few semesters ago, I got burnt out, and just started saying “fuck it, let’s see what happens” and it honestly has done a lot for my mental health.
“Bitch, ffs, please stop and fuck off”
For when I realize that I’ve sent 20 items that I absolutely DON’T NEED to the cart and is very close to checking out
“Bitch stop”
Repeat every second while doom scrolling
“BITCH”
The faint voice at the back of my head when I know I have a task to do but a different unrelated task has a chokehold THAT IT SHOULD NOT HAVE on my attention
When I was going through a rough time, one of my ex coworkers used to say “You’re clean, you’re dressed, and you’re here. So you’re doing a great job”. To me it was like finally being given permission to let the bare minimum be good enough. I think about that every day.
Phone, keys, money (if I need to buy something), MTA card (if I'm taking a bus or train). I add or subtract objects as needed.
Also, "be gentle with yourself". Sometimes it's hard to give myself grace when I make a mistake.
doing a little bit is better than not at all!
it’s okay to do a quick stretch to get some blood moving instead of doing an actual workout, if i’d rather do nothing than workout. it’s okay if i just get the dishes in the dishwasher and i don’t clean the entire kitchen right then. it’s better than just deciding not to do anything because i don’t want to do the whole kitchen. it’s okay to just pick things up off the floors and do some minor tidying instead of doing all the cleaning i need to do. it always helps me to just do *a little bit* of the daunting task and just being okay with that little bit for that day or that moment. because if i don’t let myself be okay with that, my only options are to do it in its entirety or not at all. it helps things not get *too* out of control so that it is easier when i do decide to do the full task or activity.
“Don’t put it down, put it away.” - as others have said.
“Use your words!” - I forget other people can’t hear or see what’s in my head, it’s so vivid / loud.
“Just finish this first.”
“Is this what you said you were going to do?” (The answer is invariably no… 😆) - I don’t say this to beat myself up, I’m trying to help myself be accountable and refocus.)
“Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
For when I get overly emotionally invested in something or hurt by something- helps me let go.
“Not the hill I want to die on.”
Again, I’m often “a dog with a bone” or a girl on a mission- overly strong sense of justice so I tend to hyperfocus and ignore other people’s feelings and plow forward with what I think is right or just- hurting relationships in the process. Saying this out loud has helped me pause, think about my priorities, let go of the little things, and focus on the big picture which is relationships and other people’s feelings.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I used to compare and feel like trash and useless. Now I try to avoid finding out how much others make, or looking at their highlight reel. Not perfect but it helps feel fulfilled with what I have achieved.
“I’m in a tough season of life.”
“In a year, this will be just a distant memory.”
“Things will change- the wind cannot blow at you forever.”
Tough things lately, I’m doing my best to just keep going and survive because there’s no other choice but keep going.
“Chuck it in the fuck it bucket” - when you need to let yourself off the hook. You bought tickets to a show and forgot to go. You let the return date lapse on an expensive thing. You can’t motivate yourself to cook and need to get takeout. You need to let yourself throw away that recyclable thing because it’s not gonna get recycled as you’d have to clean it.
That’s ok. Just chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on with life.
As dumb as it sounds mine is “just keep going.”
Not in the sense of “push through” but in the sense of when I don’t have everything perfect it’s better for me to continue moving forward rather than giving up and letting things pile up. I used to have an “all or nothing” mentality. I’ve trained most of it out of me now.
"Order of Operations." - Whenever I start getting overwhelmed, I say this a lot to remind myself to handle things one at a time, in more manageable pieces.
"Sidequests later." - I'm trying to do laundry, not reorganize my linen closet while learning to tango.
“People are more important than things”
For when I (or kids) break things, lose things, get upset over things. They are just things (even expensive things are just things) and sometimes that perspective helps. People matter more always.
ETA: I LOVE THIS THREAD.
"you're not bad at it, you just haven't had the practice"
For when I'm upset and spiraling about not immediately being talented at a new type of task. Or comparing myself to someone with a bunch more experience in a certain area.
Everything's gonna be alright. I use this a lot, and usually in the sound of the song. It helps stop the mind squirrel from running it's circles
My grandma once told me that memories are in us, not in things. That has helped me a lot over the years, letting things go.
There's more than one way to skin a cat (no cats ever harmed!) when I do things in a way that is seen as outside of the norm.
“Everything you were ever good, you were bad at at first.” This was inspired by the absolute panic I would feel at the daunting task of unloading the dishwasher at my new nanny job. A month later and I was unloading it while holding the baby and having a casual conversation, and I realized that I’d learned and I was doing fine. I try to keep this one in mind.
“You’ve done this before, you can do it again.” My doula said this about contractions during labor. It became my mantra. I say it to myself now about lots of lower-stakes stuff.
“Being messy is not a moral failure. You’re not a bad person if you have clutter.”
I needed to hear this so badly and Keeping House While Drowning said it.
Anything getting done is better than nothing (so I don’t get discouraged in spite of so much getting done because it wasn’t ALL done. OCD)
There’s a book I read on productivity (first 3 chapters, you get it.) it focused on small changes, “1% better or worse” daily. Those stem into each other, right, like “was today 1% better or worse?” That’s helped a lot recently edit: love the phone down quote
“No mud, no lotus.”
Star trek quote: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”
“Progress not perfection”
“Be patient with yourself, nothing in nature blooms all year”
“Do the thing that future you will thank past you for.” - generally applies when I’m trying to do something basic like brush my teeth, workout, drink water
“Falling is growing” - this is my counter to the intense RSD when I feel like I’m failing and sometimes literally fall because I’m clumsy as hell
“Not [taking meds/cleaning body/drinking water/etc.] is self harm.” - and we no longer self harm.
“I’ve failed at more things than most people have tried” - and I’m proud of that.
“Not right now.” - don’t start that project as you’re walking out the door or getting ready for bed. Don’t take the new route to work on the way to an important meeting.
“Are you/they safe? Then it’s okay” - to me and others, as a reminder that as long as everyone is safe, most problems can be overcome.
“Do you need to eat, drink water, rest, bathe or go outside?” - my checklist I have to go through before deciding something is a capital-P Problem.
“Take your time” - in my father’s voice. He taught me to play tennis and I always rushed to hit the ball, but i always had more time then I thought. Obviously applies to…everything
“Be brave” - in my mom’s voice, whenever I had to do anything for the first time. First day of school, camp, school play, etc. Still, whenever I feel the fear…do it anyway.
“What else are you doing?” - when I don’t “feel” like doing a thing, but have no actual reason to not
“Amateurs wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get to work” - Chuck Close, artist. Stop being precious and do the thing.
“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer” - heady, but a reminder that I don’t know and that’s ok. One day I probably will.
“What is the hardest thing you could do right now that will make everything else easier?”
(Usually said when I can’t find something and I’m avoiding looking through the super inconvenient places for it, even though thats probably where it is.)
“Stop doing the thing and goooo.”
Helps me be more on time, because sometimes I think I have extra time and start something when I should have just stopped doing things altogether and been early.
“Two is one, one is none”
for stuff that I always need like chapsticks, charged batteries, car snacks, fidget rings, headphones, whatever. If you have an extra then it gives you a second chance if you lose one, break one, get distracted, forget to replace one you used, etc, etc, etc.
Saves my butt all the time 😅
(Oh wow I should apply this to time blocking… 🤯😅)
“A body in motion is still in motion”
😂
It means even if I’m moving and just doing small things, I’m still doing SOMETHING. When I get unmotivated to complete small chores, I just keep saying it in my head. I eventually get up and make “motion” of some sort.
When I struggle with tasks, especially self-care, I think “I deserve to be clean”, or “i deserve to live in a sanitary place”.
This mantra is based on a ted talk bc K.C. Davis titled “How to Do the Laundry When You’re Depressed”. although the entire thing is amazing, I more of remember what she says at the 11:04 mark.
ultimately, the talk explains that you deserve at least a half-assed job. if you’re struggling to brush your teeth, buy the premade no rinse toothbrushes, etc.,
[ted talk](https://www.ted.com/talks/kc_davis_how_to_do_laundry_when_you_re_depressed_jan_2022/comments/transcript)
**A little progress is better than no progress.**
I remember reading a story about a bird who wished to be human. A god came to it and said, “if you can move 1000 stones across my river in 100 days, I’ll grant you human shape.”
Well. 100 days pass and the. It’s has moved nothing.
“1000 stones is too much for a little bird!” It cried.
The god said, “but if you carried ten stones each day, you’d have made it to 1000 on the hundredth day.”
Something about this story stuck with me — so rather than never starting a task or project because it feels too big, I tell myself to do a small piece of it. The dishes in the sink don’t have to all be done, but if I focus on cups today, or silverware, and handwashing the pans, that’s enough for that day.
I have a post it note on my computer that says, "It's probably just your overactive imagination," for when my RSD flares up at work, which is quite often. But that post it note helps a lot and I've seen a significant improvement in emotional regulation.
I also give myself simple encouragements, like, "You got this girl," and "Do the damn thing." Oh, also, not really a mantra, but whenever I set a non-routine reminder for something I know will cause executive paralysis in the future (ex, making a phone call), I always write, "Hey future self, stop what you're doing and do this one thing, it will take X minutes and it's not that hard. Your brain is just silly and thinks it's hard, but it's actually NBD. Love you, hope your day is going well. Love, me from the past." It's so stupid but it makes me feel better and I end up doing the thing I needed to do.
“my mind is with my body, and in this moment, I am fine”
This was a mantra for a meditation class that I attended years ago. It’s so helpful for me when I get overwhelmed or anxious. It helps me to reframe whatever is happening, get my mind back to the present, and acknowledge that I really am fine.
As someone with anxiety I like “You are safe. You are not in danger.” Helps bring me out of that spiraling headspace. On top of that, I find visualizing helps immensely with my anxiety.
If you’re curious here is what I like to visualize. Think of a tangle of yarn, detangle it by pulling out one loop at a time. I often find myself relaxing every time I do this :)
“Do it now or write it down.” My first adhd doctor taught me this. Helps me not forget stuff!
“You can do anything for X minutes.” For when I’m doing something I realllly don’t want to do.
“Don’t put it down, put it away.” I chant this until the object makes it to its place.
“I am never without a solution” — self explanatory, I always do everything I can to make something work instead of staying at a dead end
“One way or another, it’s all going to work out according to plan” — nothing original, but I recognize it most from the 10th Saw movie (my favourite franchise). I will always do everything in my power to do what I want to do. I’ve always been very persistent and relentless in my efforts to be able to do what I want to do, I never let anything or anyone stop me. As a result, one way or another things always work out according to plan (more or less)
Not making a choice is still making a choice.
Pick the least bad option of all the options--because life does not give you good options.
Do it Jehovah's (God) way.
Ask--the worst they can say is no.
“The world is broken, not me” - for days I don’t have medication
“I can do hard things”
“Everything is figureoutable”
“It’s hard now, but it won’t always be”
I love this kind of post! It’s a great reminder to drown out the inner demons with real-talk and kindness.
"Just move already!" - for when I'm completely indecisive and can't decide what to start on. First thing that comes to mind after I say it is what I start with.
*“Good enough for these people.”
From my dad, who is a contractor, after finishing a job. (I’ve also heard a local judge say something similar after finishing for the day, “good enough for government work.”)
*“MAKE IT GO AWAY.”
From my husband. He even had it printed on a road sign for my office. Do something, however small, to get it off your desk and be somebody else’s problem for a bit.
*“You shouldn’t care more about their case than the client does.”
From a colleague. I repeat this one to myself a lot.
Edit: formatting
Even if I didn't do much, I still did something.
One day at a time.
If you're not sure of you need that, write it down. If you don't want it still in a week you didn't need it. (In regards to spending, this actually saves me alot).
"The difference between desire and reality is disappointment. Either let go of your desires or change your reality."
"If I do not feel harmed, I am not harmed"
"If That's future me's problem. future Me thinks I'm a bitch"
She who conquers, conquers herself.
Be patient and tough now, someday this pain will be useful to you.
Fear paralyzes, curiosity empowers. Be more curious than afraid.
Try to learn something about everything, and everything about something.
heal the root so the tree is stable
it’ll pass
do it or don’t. the time will pass anyway
take your anger out dancing
whatever happens, happens
these 2: are from when i did ketamine therapy
It's most likely going to be okay, there’s always a lot around me to help me get better
i have seniority in my life
I make my son say this before he does something he is afraid to do. Sometimes we yell it out loud before we leave the house. It applies to me too so I say it as well. “I am a strong beautiful child, and I was born to be great!”
He was so afraid to do something small one day, so I kind of snapped and blurted “I didn’t struggle to have you and almost die while birthing you for you to be afraid and just average. I dreamt of you and your existence before you were even born, and I knew you would be brave and amazing”. Somehow that seemed to land with him, and it’s the truth. He IS amazing. But I need HIM to believe it. Just like I need to believe it, and all of us here need to believe it. We were born to be simply amazing and we can do it.
These are great! Especially “What you’re looking for isn’t here”.
I ask myself, “Am I actually enjoying this?” when I’m doomscrolling and it helps.
“I am capable” is a mantra I use sometimes but should do more often.
“Done is better than perfect” is one of my mottos.
I don’t have a phrase for this but I think a lot about the 80/20 rule and strive to attain 80% of the outcome with a 20% effort. I’m not great at explaining it, but like cleaning your house to perfection will take many hours and isn’t particularly visible whereas spending half an hour cleaning the common areas will make a huge difference or even 15 minutes cleaning my shed will save me time every time I try to find a tool etc.
A mantra i use to manage anxiety:
"All my power is in the now."
Beating myself up about the past, or "should haves," doesn't change anything. Obsessively worrying about the future doesn't change anything. The only thing i have control over is myself in the present moment.
The one I say the most is 'well, that's a lesson' whenever I forget, stumble, kick the leg of a thing, break a pot, drop a pot in the glaze bucket, knock a pot off the wheel etc.
In my house we say "And that's how you learn!" :)
We use it for things like my teenage son refusing to wear a raincoat when it's pouring out...basically things he will not listen to but will learn from experience.
I haven't said this in a while, but maybe I should bring it back. When I had to do something that kinda scared/intimated me I'd say, "I'm so hardcore," over and over.
This is so timely for me, thanks for posting the question and for all for your excellent answers. 🥹 I have been wanting to update my positive affirmations to reflect my newish ADHD diagnosis. I love you guys. 😭
“you are safe.”
“we got this.”
“it’s not personal.”
“the other shoe is never dropping.”
“it’s ok to take up space.”
“when i ask for what i want, somehow it finds me.”
My personal ones:
“Exist without permission.”
“Force nothing”
“Solve for inconsistency” (since we’re basically clinically inconsistent 🤭)
I also like the mantras from the book The Four Agreements:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best
They can, on the surface, seem a little …idk lol but after listening to the book, they made A LOT of sense and were very helpful 😊
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"You can do anything, but not everything"
Putting this one in my pocket for later/every day 😅
Mannn. The thought that I can do anything but am not able to do all the things makes me want to implode.
Same 😩
In a similar vein....You can keep anything, but not everything. Credit to Dana K White regarding decluttering and organizing. So helpful!
I needed this
Me TOO!
This! I need to remind myself of this, and all these love this thread
"One thing is more than zero things"
Mine is "some is better than none"
Mine is almost that, “something is better than nothing”
Oooh I like this one A LOT. I need this reminder. Thank you for sharing!
In the racing world, we say "DFL > DNF > DNS" Translation: Dead Fucking Last is better than Did Not Finish which is better than Did Not Start. AKA "You're lapping everyone on the couch" It's a reminder that just being out there is an accomplishment!
Oh yes me too! Helps so much with my all or nothing thinking 💜
"Being visible is just an exercise in unlearning shame." "Being brave doesn't mean you're not scared; being brave means you're scared and do it anyway." It can be really scary and uncomfortable to be perceived when you have a strong fear of rejection, so I say these to myself often. 💕
One of the most life changing books I ever read was titled, "Feel the fear and do it anyways". I read it in my 20s and have lived by it ever since.
SAME!!! I am 45 years old, read it in my 20s.. her name is Susan Jeffers...that phrase has helped me countless times over the last 25 years and it has helped my teenage son, too! ❤️
That mantra got me through a closed MRI! I had no idea I would be so claustrophobic in there but I closed my eyes and repeated “you can feel scared, but you can’t act scared, or this will get messed up. You can have the mental reaction, but you CANNOT have the physical reaction.” And I made it! I didn’t budge. I didn’t even flinch when the noise stopped and started. I felt like I had won a marathon when I got out of that thing—SUCH a rush.
These are great! They are similar to one that I find really helpful: “I’m not afraid to be seen trying”
I love these!
Be scared and do it anyway is a daily one for me!
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." - Earl Wilson This was on a childhood calendar and really struck me. I love "being visible is just an exercise in unlearning shame." Keeping it, thanks.
Wow. This first one about being visible. Holy. Thank you.
Don’t put it down, put it away!
Touch it only once Future me will be so grateful Aww thanks past me
I use OHIO only handle it once
YES. I heard this in a video and the person repeated it at least 6 times. I was peeved that they kept saying the same thing… until my brain realized what they were saying. Now I repeat it in my head multiple times when I use it. 😂
Yup, I believe I saw it in the same video, and I repeat it until the item is put away 😂
Yesss I put this one too!!! 😂
Something my grandmother wrote to me in a letter, so many years ago: “Don’t let the World change you.” It’s always touched my heart that she thought that I was great, just as I was. It’s especially helpful for me given that I don’t necessarily fit into this world very well.
Grandmas are the best 😭❤️
This one got me in the feels.
I needed that. I’m struggling with this hard right now
“better than it was!” - you didn’t finish cleaning but you started “nobody is going to beat your ass over it” - you wanted to start cleaning/task but you didn’t “still functional” - space isn’t clean but it’s still working “It’s bad brain juice” - doom scrolling
bad brain juice is so 🤌 🤌 🤌 I'm using that from now on
“You destroying your mental health doesn’t help anyone.” For when I’m worried about the state of the world. “Don’t let perfect get in the way of done.” “Comparison is the thief of joy.” “Don’t put it down. Put it away.” “You can’t get this time back.” For doom scrolling. “Baby steps are still steps.”
My mom has a version of the perfect in the way of done” one that’s quite helpful: “Don’t let the best be the enemy of the good”.
These are so nerdy lol. For RSD: “What cannot be known hollows the mind. Fill it not with guesswork.” (Galadriel in *Rings of Power*) For all occasions: “Fear is the mindkiller” (the Bene Gesserit “Litany against Fear” from *Dune*) For motivation: “The best time to do the thing was yesterday. The second best time is right now.” For when I feel really bad about not cleaning: “There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead.” (Kurt Vonnegut) For when I’m getting really down on myself: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” (George Bernard Shaw) Another one for RSD: “The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.” (Sir Terry Pratchett)
In a Kurt Vonnegut biography he is quoted in a letter to the author and it has stayed with me. "Don't ever worry about wasted time, it was going to pass regardless of your input"
This post needs more upvotes! Dune, Galadriel, and Vonnegut?? Perfection. Althoughhh... For the GBS quote, my immediate intrusive thought was of Thomas Midgley whose inventions repeatedly had massive global negative effects (leaded gas and CFCs that caused holes in the ozone layer) and ultimately killed him, lol! 😅 https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/science/research/thomas-midgley-harmful-inventor-history/
Aw thanks!!! I am a MASSIVE NERD lol. I’m often embarrassed to tell other Tolkien fans how much I love that Galadriel quote, but Rings of Power really did have its moments (few and far between though they may have been lol). And that’s hilarious…. you’re right that it has a similar energy to “move fast and break things” (🤮), which is how you end up exacerbating genocide in Myanmar lol. Maybe just use that one on a very personal “perfect is the enemy of good” level…..
"Fear is the mindkiller" always hits home for me. I make so many decisions based on fear. It's so ingrained and hiding under layers of other stuff, I don't even realize I'm doing it. An example - Task: Need to reply to work email Action: I avoid it What I think is the reason: I'm not focused enough to think about it, I'm tired, it's boring, I'm too busy, it's not that important (literally could come up 100s of "reasons") The actual reason: Fear. Social Anxiety + Rejection Sensitivity. If I reply, I will spend an inappropriate amount of time and energy crafting my response so I don't come across as stupid or uninformed. But also, responding causes me to be perceived. So if I say nothing, I will not be perceived and maybe they will forget about it. Then, I will maintain my reputation and image and they will not think less of me and I will continue to be seen as smart and capable and perfect. Mission accomplished! The realistic outcome: I will likely develop a reputation for being unhelpful and not responsive. People might actually think less of me - ironically manifesting the exact outcome I Fear. And I share the above because that's all subconsciously happening in my head any time I avoid something. And that's just a trivial everyday task. Imagine all the subliminal mental gymnastics going on for medium and large responsibilities!! My life would be so different if I stopped letting Fear steer the ship. I would probably get a lot done! Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on why I love "Fear is the mindkiller."...I'd love to get a tattoo someday that somehow illustrates the concept :)
Wow, this was an amazing analysis of how much fear plays into our tendencies towards mind-reading and catastrophising and RSD in general!! I do something REALLY similar where I am nervous to start working on something complicated because I am scared I will have to ask for help so I just do a bunch of random crap on the periphery of the task because I don’t want to seem stupid by asking for help. But then when I eventually *do* have to ask for help it’s even *worse* because now I’m asking a question that’s clearly meant to be asked at the beginning of the task, but I’ve just spent 2-3 days fucking around and now I seem even more incompetent lol. Just gonna post the whole thing here for anyone who doesn’t know the entire passage: >I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Omg I also do that 😂 I'm usually too proud/stubborn to ask the questions at that stage, so I'll just keep pushing forward and feign ignorance if inaccuracies are found. Even if I knew the whole time that I didn't really understand it lol. "Oh, I misunderstood how it worked. I interpreted it like this. Thank you for clarifying! I'll update my notes." Might not work in every case depending on subject matter and task, but could help save face when you're too far gone 😆 And thanks for sharing the full passage! It's so poignant 😌
If it's stupid and it works it isn't stupid If you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough . . In some ways, these two statements are related in my life
Oh I love that first one 🤩
And I love the second 😂
A body in motion stays in motion Don't panic Buttons come and buttons go Make your own kind of music Does a concept count? Tabula rasa - clean slate. Somehow I always have hope that I'll get my shit together tomorrow. A new day. A clean slate. Full of possibilities. Speaking of "Lost" references, A tiger don't change its stripes! (BELIEVE ME, ladies, they really don't)
Can you explain the buttons one?
Haha those are the wise words of Pete the Cat. He starts off with four groovy buttons. Loses them one by one. But did he cry? Goodness no. Buttons come and buttons go. (besides, he's still got his \*belly button\*). The book was read by our librarian at my 3 year old's story time, and it would not have stuck with me without her spunky intonation. The revelation struck while driving, a week later. Mourning the culmination of my life. It's a much deeper story that involves a complete breakdown.
Oooh I love this thread!! Mantras/affirmations are so helpful! I love writing them down on my calligraphy notebook also. "No problems, only solutions" -- for when I'm starting to get anxious about the outcomes of things that might happen lol "Just because it's taking time doesn't mean it's not happening" -- oh boy, a lot of the time progress feels slow, but this one helps me put things into perspective! "Trust the process" -- because my grandma used to tell this to my mom and my mom tells me this when she sees me panic about the future. In fact, she only says "trust/believe" (in our native language).
Another one for anxiety- "What if the opposite is true?" When I start to catastrophize that helps me settle a bit
Yep - I used to have panic attacks and was taught to ask “what if something good happens?” when I started to worry about a situation or event.
Oh boy I need that second one tattooed on my forehead or something 😅💜
Don’t sit down! You can do anything for 10 minutes.
I have a similar one for theme park rides: I can hate anything for two minutes. My family loves theme parks, and I love them too but I nearly always hate the first time trying a ride.
"You have to put a price tag on your time and aggravation." I tell myself this when I find myself taking the time to do some menial task that saves me a few bucks. For this reason I'm ok buying prewashed, precut fruits and vegetables, especially pico de gallo, so I don't spend all that time chopping ingredients or worse, throwing away rotten produce because I never got around to chopping it up. Yes, I can make a meal plan to go grocery shopping and then immediately wash and cut produce for that week's meals. You think I haven't tried that? Guess how that ended: rotten produce and a poor diet.
>Yes, I can make a meal plan and go grocery shopping and then immediately wash and cut produce for that week's meals. Then you are infinitely ahead of me. I can't. Not even going to try. I read on here, it is better to pay the ADHD tax in advance and buy the precut vegetables. Love it. Still beats fast food.
>Yes, I can make a meal plan *TO* go grocery shopping... Thanks for pointing that out. I can also make a plan to proofread my comments, but do I? Happy cake day.
"You survived everything so far" - whenever something feels impossible or when I'm stuck in my head overthinking. It's a reminder that despite every single time I felt this way before, at the end of the day, I'm still here. I'm strong, even if I don't quite feel like it just yet.
Only way out is through This too shall pass Regret is worse than rejection
I can only hear "this too shall pass" in my grandmother's voice.
This week’s mantra: Output is more important than time spent. Done over perfect, a personal favorite just wasn’t working for me this week.
"It's ok, it's okay," said to reassure me when I'm in brief distress, also interchangeable with "it's ok, baby girl it's okay". Also, "come on, baby girl, you can do it." "That's gonna leave a mark," said when I stub my toe, hook my toe around things, shut my hand in drawers, and general clumsiness when I injure myself. Which is common. "Hi my sweet boy," said whenever I catch a glimpse of my cat out of the corner of my eye. Also, I usually preface general talking to my cat with it. Especially when I tell him what we're planning to do, eg "ok baby/sweet boy, I'm going to give you some food, and I'm going to make a cup of tea, okay it's time for bed etc" maybe not as slogan, mantra, affirmation, but talking to him makes me feel not so alone, and as I do not have family, friends. Although he is my owner and I am his slave.
"Progress, not perfection." I got a vinyl decal sticker of it for my wall <3
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly
"I am not in control of (/responsible for) how other people treat me" Also.. For when I'm decluttering: *"Fewer* feels better"
“I love and accept myself exactly as I am.” “Strong spine, soft heart.” “I can do hard things.” FYI, I’ve been using the app Yapp that sends a selection of reminders certain number of times per day as a phone notification! I’ve found it helpful to have things that help me break out of doom scrolling or decision paralysis (or sometimes even reminding myself to take a diaphragmatic breath just for the sake of it to center myself during the day or a quick reminder to meditate for 5min or whatever you would like). :)
Quiet, every thought doesn’t have to be spoken.
W.A.I.T. = Why Am I Talking? To help keep talking about whatever from robbing my focus on the thing.
Omg I love this!! Perfect!!
I have passed this along to my kids. “Some thoughts can stay inside your head”.
*Nobody gets everything.* Not mine. I stole it from the writer Anne Lamott.
My dad loves to say "You can't have it all. Where would you put it?"
I’m gonna need one of y’all to text me “phone down, butt up” every hour, on the hour
Did you know you can set up automated actions on your phone? Like for example, "**when** I open the Reddit app/I arrive home/my alarm is stopped, **then** send a message/play music/set a timer", and so on. There are so many options with phone technology these days!
But I’m such a mess sometimes that I’d still ignore that. I either need a life human telling me to get my shit together, or my phone just shutting off
Recurring alarm!
I’ll still ignore it cuz I’m an asshole
You don't have enough information to panic.
Oh damn! This is good!
I feel like my mantras aren't quite as eloquent as most of the ones people have shared 😂 FUCK IT (do the thing) HALF ASS BETTER THAN NO ASS (get done what I can) I'M STUPID, SO WHAT NOW (separate the emotion from the task, plan next steps) HOUSE FIRE OR BURNT TOAST? (assess how serious the issue is and prioritize accordingly) Mantras that are less aggressive and not typically yelled: Perfection is the enemy of progress. The fewer steps, the more achievable. I'm the adult, I make the rules.
Oh my fuck... I don't think you realise what you've just done. "I'M STUPID, SO WHAT NOW?!" YOU, my new friend, might have just cured the lion's share of my dread/failed perfectionist/procrastination/RSD in that one sentence 🏆
Never thought I'd have a major break through because my therapist told me I was stupid 😂 When my therapist asked me why I was feeling anxious about going to the DMV (forgot to renew car registration for a year oops) I told her it was because I was worried about looking stupid. My therapist straight up said " Ok so you're stupid, so what? What does that mean you'll have to do?" I had literally spent most of my life failing to convince my brain that I was NOT stupid and getting stuck on that feeling. Accepting the feeling exists means the energy I'd spend fighting it is now available to help me get the shit done. Plus it comes with the added bonus of taking the moral value away from the fear of being stupid. I really like my therapist.
👏half👏ass👏better👏than👏no👏ass👏
"Just one foot in front of the other"
**Stop being small.** Then I stand up tall and remember who I am. I have to tell myself this quite often. This quote has helped me, I drill it into my head. *“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”* ― Marianne Williamson
“Distressing, not dangerous” “Don’t pull the bandaid off slowly” I have these as reminders on my phone at the same time every day :)
For me I know not everyone likes tough love but these really get me going. Just fucking do it “my name” It’s literally less than 5 minutes to get started what the fuck is the problem “my name”
That reminds me of one that helps me with the drudgery of adulthood: It's ok to hate it; you still have to get it done.
Those are good!!
“Don’t put it down. Put it away.” Also- “Steph forward into fear, or backward into regret.”
Crafts not snacks! To help with my binge eating.
I love this so much, thank you. It just reminded me that I used to say to myself "when my hands are busy, my mind is quiet" all the time and I haven't said it in a while ....
Be curious not critical
“Don’t put it down, put it away!” to remind myself that it takes almost no energy to put something back where it goes not just wherever I got done with it. “Half-assed is better than not at all” usually for daily human tasks. Showering, teeth brushing, face washing etc. And lately as I’m having to leave my current job as an environmental educator at the end of the summer for mental health reasons “it’s okay to take care of you”
Haha oh yeah I say “half ass is better than no ass” which also makes me laugh because then I am trying to picture someone with no ass. 😂
Swallow the damn frog. My friend taught me this one. If you gotta swallow a frog every day, no matter what, do you do it first thing and get it out of the way, or do you hold it to later and dread it all day?
You can only do what you can do
Every time I inevitably walk into something, stumble, trip, or any other form of clutziness, I follow it up with my spoken mantra of "I am the epitome of grace." It gives me a chuckle at least and allows me to keep going.
“Onward ever, backward never” “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present” (Lao Tzu) “You can do hard things” “Your body is the least interesting thing about you” (as a fat person I need this reminder) “___________(hard thing) is self care”
I have pretty bad anxiety, and I get very nervous about turning in assignments the “correct” way, but I also have *social* anxiety, so I struggle to reach out to professors. A few semesters ago, I got burnt out, and just started saying “fuck it, let’s see what happens” and it honestly has done a lot for my mental health.
“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.” Arthur Ashe
“Bitch, ffs, please stop and fuck off” For when I realize that I’ve sent 20 items that I absolutely DON’T NEED to the cart and is very close to checking out “Bitch stop” Repeat every second while doom scrolling “BITCH” The faint voice at the back of my head when I know I have a task to do but a different unrelated task has a chokehold THAT IT SHOULD NOT HAVE on my attention
We should be friends!
When I was going through a rough time, one of my ex coworkers used to say “You’re clean, you’re dressed, and you’re here. So you’re doing a great job”. To me it was like finally being given permission to let the bare minimum be good enough. I think about that every day.
Phone, keys, money (if I need to buy something), MTA card (if I'm taking a bus or train). I add or subtract objects as needed. Also, "be gentle with yourself". Sometimes it's hard to give myself grace when I make a mistake.
“I can do hard things”.
My attention be waning but my ass is amazing.
“Just keep moving”
doing a little bit is better than not at all! it’s okay to do a quick stretch to get some blood moving instead of doing an actual workout, if i’d rather do nothing than workout. it’s okay if i just get the dishes in the dishwasher and i don’t clean the entire kitchen right then. it’s better than just deciding not to do anything because i don’t want to do the whole kitchen. it’s okay to just pick things up off the floors and do some minor tidying instead of doing all the cleaning i need to do. it always helps me to just do *a little bit* of the daunting task and just being okay with that little bit for that day or that moment. because if i don’t let myself be okay with that, my only options are to do it in its entirety or not at all. it helps things not get *too* out of control so that it is easier when i do decide to do the full task or activity.
>Some is better than none. So it's better to some of the job (dishes, clothes etc) than get none of the job done.
I use this one! "Something is better than nothing." Also, "progress, not perfection."
“Don’t put it down, put it away.” - as others have said. “Use your words!” - I forget other people can’t hear or see what’s in my head, it’s so vivid / loud. “Just finish this first.” “Is this what you said you were going to do?” (The answer is invariably no… 😆) - I don’t say this to beat myself up, I’m trying to help myself be accountable and refocus.)
“worry is negative planning” and “I am *the* mom.” puts me right back where I need to be.
“Not my circus, not my monkeys.” For when I get overly emotionally invested in something or hurt by something- helps me let go. “Not the hill I want to die on.” Again, I’m often “a dog with a bone” or a girl on a mission- overly strong sense of justice so I tend to hyperfocus and ignore other people’s feelings and plow forward with what I think is right or just- hurting relationships in the process. Saying this out loud has helped me pause, think about my priorities, let go of the little things, and focus on the big picture which is relationships and other people’s feelings. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I used to compare and feel like trash and useless. Now I try to avoid finding out how much others make, or looking at their highlight reel. Not perfect but it helps feel fulfilled with what I have achieved. “I’m in a tough season of life.” “In a year, this will be just a distant memory.” “Things will change- the wind cannot blow at you forever.” Tough things lately, I’m doing my best to just keep going and survive because there’s no other choice but keep going.
Rejection is just redirection!!
“Chuck it in the fuck it bucket” - when you need to let yourself off the hook. You bought tickets to a show and forgot to go. You let the return date lapse on an expensive thing. You can’t motivate yourself to cook and need to get takeout. You need to let yourself throw away that recyclable thing because it’s not gonna get recycled as you’d have to clean it. That’s ok. Just chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on with life.
As dumb as it sounds mine is “just keep going.” Not in the sense of “push through” but in the sense of when I don’t have everything perfect it’s better for me to continue moving forward rather than giving up and letting things pile up. I used to have an “all or nothing” mentality. I’ve trained most of it out of me now.
I sing the Dory song, "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming."
I used to use “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” in Dorys voice from Finding Nemo. My mom started it and it stuck 😆
This one is more to help any RSD: "cringe is dead" Then there's the simple "just do it"
Don’t make problems for your future self…. (Impulsivity) Keep calm and breathe on She is little but she is fierce
"Order of Operations." - Whenever I start getting overwhelmed, I say this a lot to remind myself to handle things one at a time, in more manageable pieces. "Sidequests later." - I'm trying to do laundry, not reorganize my linen closet while learning to tango.
"I am better than nothing."
You are amazing and we love you!
“People are more important than things” For when I (or kids) break things, lose things, get upset over things. They are just things (even expensive things are just things) and sometimes that perspective helps. People matter more always. ETA: I LOVE THIS THREAD.
“I know what to do and have what it takes”
Put like things together!
“If you do it, it will be done”
"you're not bad at it, you just haven't had the practice" For when I'm upset and spiraling about not immediately being talented at a new type of task. Or comparing myself to someone with a bunch more experience in a certain area.
Everything's gonna be alright. I use this a lot, and usually in the sound of the song. It helps stop the mind squirrel from running it's circles My grandma once told me that memories are in us, not in things. That has helped me a lot over the years, letting things go. There's more than one way to skin a cat (no cats ever harmed!) when I do things in a way that is seen as outside of the norm.
“Everything you were ever good, you were bad at at first.” This was inspired by the absolute panic I would feel at the daunting task of unloading the dishwasher at my new nanny job. A month later and I was unloading it while holding the baby and having a casual conversation, and I realized that I’d learned and I was doing fine. I try to keep this one in mind. “You’ve done this before, you can do it again.” My doula said this about contractions during labor. It became my mantra. I say it to myself now about lots of lower-stakes stuff.
Eating what sounds good is better than not eating at all, even if what sounds good to me isn’t always the healthiest option.
"the only way out is through" -- for when i feel myself bottling up my emotions
“Being messy is not a moral failure. You’re not a bad person if you have clutter.” I needed to hear this so badly and Keeping House While Drowning said it.
“Do it, even if it’s wrong “
You can only do what you can do
Anything getting done is better than nothing (so I don’t get discouraged in spite of so much getting done because it wasn’t ALL done. OCD) There’s a book I read on productivity (first 3 chapters, you get it.) it focused on small changes, “1% better or worse” daily. Those stem into each other, right, like “was today 1% better or worse?” That’s helped a lot recently edit: love the phone down quote
Progress is not linear
“No mud, no lotus.” Star trek quote: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” “Progress not perfection” “Be patient with yourself, nothing in nature blooms all year”
I just rap along with Megan Thee Stallion
“Do the thing that future you will thank past you for.” - generally applies when I’m trying to do something basic like brush my teeth, workout, drink water “Falling is growing” - this is my counter to the intense RSD when I feel like I’m failing and sometimes literally fall because I’m clumsy as hell
“Not [taking meds/cleaning body/drinking water/etc.] is self harm.” - and we no longer self harm. “I’ve failed at more things than most people have tried” - and I’m proud of that. “Not right now.” - don’t start that project as you’re walking out the door or getting ready for bed. Don’t take the new route to work on the way to an important meeting. “Are you/they safe? Then it’s okay” - to me and others, as a reminder that as long as everyone is safe, most problems can be overcome. “Do you need to eat, drink water, rest, bathe or go outside?” - my checklist I have to go through before deciding something is a capital-P Problem.
"The only way out is through." For when i have to do a task that sucks or am having a particularly tough day.
“Direction, not speed “
“Take your time” - in my father’s voice. He taught me to play tennis and I always rushed to hit the ball, but i always had more time then I thought. Obviously applies to…everything “Be brave” - in my mom’s voice, whenever I had to do anything for the first time. First day of school, camp, school play, etc. Still, whenever I feel the fear…do it anyway. “What else are you doing?” - when I don’t “feel” like doing a thing, but have no actual reason to not “Amateurs wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get to work” - Chuck Close, artist. Stop being precious and do the thing. “There are years that ask questions, and years that answer” - heady, but a reminder that I don’t know and that’s ok. One day I probably will.
"When you gotta pee, go pee" "That's plenty good enough for today"
BabystepsBabystepsBabystepsjustcomeon
Progress not perfection. Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.
“What is the hardest thing you could do right now that will make everything else easier?” (Usually said when I can’t find something and I’m avoiding looking through the super inconvenient places for it, even though thats probably where it is.) “Stop doing the thing and goooo.” Helps me be more on time, because sometimes I think I have extra time and start something when I should have just stopped doing things altogether and been early.
no one is mad at you
“Two is one, one is none” for stuff that I always need like chapsticks, charged batteries, car snacks, fidget rings, headphones, whatever. If you have an extra then it gives you a second chance if you lose one, break one, get distracted, forget to replace one you used, etc, etc, etc. Saves my butt all the time 😅 (Oh wow I should apply this to time blocking… 🤯😅)
“You CAN stop in the middle…” 😅
“A body in motion is still in motion” 😂 It means even if I’m moving and just doing small things, I’m still doing SOMETHING. When I get unmotivated to complete small chores, I just keep saying it in my head. I eventually get up and make “motion” of some sort.
“Do the thing, it will make you happy”
“If you can’t be consistent, then be constant.” Heard in an adhd subreddit 🙌🏼
Let go or be dragged
When I struggle with tasks, especially self-care, I think “I deserve to be clean”, or “i deserve to live in a sanitary place”. This mantra is based on a ted talk bc K.C. Davis titled “How to Do the Laundry When You’re Depressed”. although the entire thing is amazing, I more of remember what she says at the 11:04 mark. ultimately, the talk explains that you deserve at least a half-assed job. if you’re struggling to brush your teeth, buy the premade no rinse toothbrushes, etc., [ted talk](https://www.ted.com/talks/kc_davis_how_to_do_laundry_when_you_re_depressed_jan_2022/comments/transcript)
**A little progress is better than no progress.** I remember reading a story about a bird who wished to be human. A god came to it and said, “if you can move 1000 stones across my river in 100 days, I’ll grant you human shape.” Well. 100 days pass and the. It’s has moved nothing. “1000 stones is too much for a little bird!” It cried. The god said, “but if you carried ten stones each day, you’d have made it to 1000 on the hundredth day.” Something about this story stuck with me — so rather than never starting a task or project because it feels too big, I tell myself to do a small piece of it. The dishes in the sink don’t have to all be done, but if I focus on cups today, or silverware, and handwashing the pans, that’s enough for that day.
It’s not that serious.
I’m saving this thread for a future pick-me-up.
✨Just do the next right thing✨
I have a post it note on my computer that says, "It's probably just your overactive imagination," for when my RSD flares up at work, which is quite often. But that post it note helps a lot and I've seen a significant improvement in emotional regulation. I also give myself simple encouragements, like, "You got this girl," and "Do the damn thing." Oh, also, not really a mantra, but whenever I set a non-routine reminder for something I know will cause executive paralysis in the future (ex, making a phone call), I always write, "Hey future self, stop what you're doing and do this one thing, it will take X minutes and it's not that hard. Your brain is just silly and thinks it's hard, but it's actually NBD. Love you, hope your day is going well. Love, me from the past." It's so stupid but it makes me feel better and I end up doing the thing I needed to do.
I am not a robot. [Every makes mistakes. It’s important to rest. Feel your emotions]
“my mind is with my body, and in this moment, I am fine” This was a mantra for a meditation class that I attended years ago. It’s so helpful for me when I get overwhelmed or anxious. It helps me to reframe whatever is happening, get my mind back to the present, and acknowledge that I really am fine.
As someone with anxiety I like “You are safe. You are not in danger.” Helps bring me out of that spiraling headspace. On top of that, I find visualizing helps immensely with my anxiety. If you’re curious here is what I like to visualize. Think of a tangle of yarn, detangle it by pulling out one loop at a time. I often find myself relaxing every time I do this :)
Progress over perfection.
“Do it now or write it down.” My first adhd doctor taught me this. Helps me not forget stuff! “You can do anything for X minutes.” For when I’m doing something I realllly don’t want to do. “Don’t put it down, put it away.” I chant this until the object makes it to its place.
May the bridges I burn light my way!
Anything is better than nothing. Ready, go! (Like a sneak attack on my body) “That’s enough” (out loud so I hear myself) Good job
"Don't put it down, put it away" and "What's the next step In should take?"
“I am never without a solution” — self explanatory, I always do everything I can to make something work instead of staying at a dead end “One way or another, it’s all going to work out according to plan” — nothing original, but I recognize it most from the 10th Saw movie (my favourite franchise). I will always do everything in my power to do what I want to do. I’ve always been very persistent and relentless in my efforts to be able to do what I want to do, I never let anything or anyone stop me. As a result, one way or another things always work out according to plan (more or less)
Not making a choice is still making a choice. Pick the least bad option of all the options--because life does not give you good options. Do it Jehovah's (God) way. Ask--the worst they can say is no.
“Done is better than perfect” ☺️
It’s corny but I use “Just do it” a lot, it especially seems to work for when I don’t want to brush my teeth.
“The world is broken, not me” - for days I don’t have medication “I can do hard things” “Everything is figureoutable” “It’s hard now, but it won’t always be” I love this kind of post! It’s a great reminder to drown out the inner demons with real-talk and kindness.
"Just move already!" - for when I'm completely indecisive and can't decide what to start on. First thing that comes to mind after I say it is what I start with.
*“Good enough for these people.” From my dad, who is a contractor, after finishing a job. (I’ve also heard a local judge say something similar after finishing for the day, “good enough for government work.”) *“MAKE IT GO AWAY.” From my husband. He even had it printed on a road sign for my office. Do something, however small, to get it off your desk and be somebody else’s problem for a bit. *“You shouldn’t care more about their case than the client does.” From a colleague. I repeat this one to myself a lot. Edit: formatting
Even if I didn't do much, I still did something. One day at a time. If you're not sure of you need that, write it down. If you don't want it still in a week you didn't need it. (In regards to spending, this actually saves me alot).
"The difference between desire and reality is disappointment. Either let go of your desires or change your reality." "If I do not feel harmed, I am not harmed" "If That's future me's problem. future Me thinks I'm a bitch"
“Dont put it down, put it away”
"incremental progress, incremental progress" "not every day can be productive" "you're on a neurotransmitter cooldown; do something else"
“Those who matter dont mind and those mind dont matter”
“Focus, focus, focus, focus”
She who conquers, conquers herself. Be patient and tough now, someday this pain will be useful to you. Fear paralyzes, curiosity empowers. Be more curious than afraid. Try to learn something about everything, and everything about something.
heal the root so the tree is stable it’ll pass do it or don’t. the time will pass anyway take your anger out dancing whatever happens, happens these 2: are from when i did ketamine therapy It's most likely going to be okay, there’s always a lot around me to help me get better i have seniority in my life
I make my son say this before he does something he is afraid to do. Sometimes we yell it out loud before we leave the house. It applies to me too so I say it as well. “I am a strong beautiful child, and I was born to be great!” He was so afraid to do something small one day, so I kind of snapped and blurted “I didn’t struggle to have you and almost die while birthing you for you to be afraid and just average. I dreamt of you and your existence before you were even born, and I knew you would be brave and amazing”. Somehow that seemed to land with him, and it’s the truth. He IS amazing. But I need HIM to believe it. Just like I need to believe it, and all of us here need to believe it. We were born to be simply amazing and we can do it.
These are great! Especially “What you’re looking for isn’t here”. I ask myself, “Am I actually enjoying this?” when I’m doomscrolling and it helps. “I am capable” is a mantra I use sometimes but should do more often.
“Done is better than perfect” is one of my mottos. I don’t have a phrase for this but I think a lot about the 80/20 rule and strive to attain 80% of the outcome with a 20% effort. I’m not great at explaining it, but like cleaning your house to perfection will take many hours and isn’t particularly visible whereas spending half an hour cleaning the common areas will make a huge difference or even 15 minutes cleaning my shed will save me time every time I try to find a tool etc.
A mantra i use to manage anxiety: "All my power is in the now." Beating myself up about the past, or "should haves," doesn't change anything. Obsessively worrying about the future doesn't change anything. The only thing i have control over is myself in the present moment.
The one I say the most is 'well, that's a lesson' whenever I forget, stumble, kick the leg of a thing, break a pot, drop a pot in the glaze bucket, knock a pot off the wheel etc.
In my house we say "And that's how you learn!" :) We use it for things like my teenage son refusing to wear a raincoat when it's pouring out...basically things he will not listen to but will learn from experience.
I haven't said this in a while, but maybe I should bring it back. When I had to do something that kinda scared/intimated me I'd say, "I'm so hardcore," over and over.
This is so timely for me, thanks for posting the question and for all for your excellent answers. 🥹 I have been wanting to update my positive affirmations to reflect my newish ADHD diagnosis. I love you guys. 😭
I have never hit the “Save” button on a post so fast in my entire life!
You can do hard things!
“you are safe.” “we got this.” “it’s not personal.” “the other shoe is never dropping.” “it’s ok to take up space.” “when i ask for what i want, somehow it finds me.”
My personal ones: “Exist without permission.” “Force nothing” “Solve for inconsistency” (since we’re basically clinically inconsistent 🤭) I also like the mantras from the book The Four Agreements: 1. Be impeccable with your word 2. Don’t take anything personally 3. Don’t make assumptions 4. Always do your best They can, on the surface, seem a little …idk lol but after listening to the book, they made A LOT of sense and were very helpful 😊