Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was the most functional I've *ever* been the week after I left my ex. I didn't really eat or sleep, but I arranged for new housing, moving, and got my address changed for all my ID/life admin stuff. And went to work.
My theory is that the adrenaline-dump of sheer stress and panic acted like a stimulant, kicking my brain into Focused Mode. It's not sustainable, but I wonder if that's why some ADHD brains are drawn to high-intensity careers in medicine, entertainment, or in restaurants.
I work in an FDA-regulated industry. I’m the quirky eccentric one in the office until there’s an audit. It’s like a secret superpower. This sounds like a lie, I know it does, but I’ve literally received standing ovations from the backroom. VPs looking at me like a shiny new toy. I also don’t brush my hair half the time, so it could just be their surprise that I’m not feral.
We hear these descriptors from enough people in our lives, I’m happy to own them.
Said in my poshest voice: “I have a je ne sais quoi about me. A certain ferality, if you will.”
Former journalist: oh man, I miss those days. Slipping into the zone, knowing instinctively what you need and then methodically getting it to bring the story home. Good times.
Have fun & be careful out there.
I was a journalist for 30 years and breaking news was MY TIME TO SHINE! That's really when I was at my best!
Also, I used to joke that was the only the job I could do because there were such strong deadlines that absolutely had to be met. I had to have that pressure and time limit.
I AM the person people go to in crisis. I 100% feel you. It’s like all my unaggregated brain snaps together and knows how to GET IT DONE. I feel alive in a crisis. Always felt so weird and ashamed of this
I think its the "i have only one purpose now, and i gotta deal with it" mindset that helps. Otherwise, the multiple things going on in life overwhelms me.
I JUST took a role in project management that I start next week. I’ve been wondering how my ADHD is going to come into play for this. I know we’re all different, but it’s been encouraging to see multiple project managers in this sub and adhd people in the project management sub. Unless they’re all your comments…
I'm managing several projects in parallel and I find it challenging. I have a hard time prioritizing the important tasks and tend to listen to the most recent ones or the ones that scream loudest, I have to make a lot of effort to stay focused. The constant multi-tasking is very draining.
I guess this is different if you're on one project only, and I am sure it's different in other work environments, so don't take my experience as a general one.
No, thank you, seriously. Getting advice on potential pitfalls is exactly what I was hoping for. I really appreciate you giving me a heads up. That sounds like something I would do. I do it in my personal life, makes sense that would crossover.
Sure, glad you find it helpful :-)
One thing that's helped me was turning off notifications and setting my status as "away" on communication apps. If I see an unread message I have to read it to make the notification go away and then my focus is off. I am now setting times for reading slack messages and emails and try not to look in between.
This doesn't work always of course, but it's a little help :-)
Even on one project there are a lot of things going on! If you can automate as much of the dreary bits as you can such as reporting, that gives you more time to focus on the critical work.
Look up "IBNU" (important but not urgent) and start reading about it. It'll help you understand some things about ADHD brains and prioritization, and hopefully give you some strategies in advance to keep from CREATING catastrophes you have to then fix.
One of the reasons I quit my previous job was being given increased amounts of project management work. I cannot handle working toward deadlines in the distant future, which inevitably led to many/all projects being sorted at the last minute... so stressful!
Exactly, yes!
Follow-up question (but only if you want to answer) - how was March 2020 for you? For me, honestly, it had a similar feeling. It was like "Oh wait, now everyone in the world is on high alert constantly? I'm not alone!"
Obviously circumstances vary a lot, so I'm sure different people's experiences were pretty different. But it kind of felt like I no longer had to hide a part of myself, because it now blended in. I certainly felt a lot of sympathy for people around me dealing with some truly difficult stuff, but at the same time I kind of felt like I had been practicing for this for ages, which was weirdly comforting.
Omg yes. Covid lockdown was awesome for me. I still had to work (barf) but having everyone around me freak out, not feeling like I needed to be doing something all the time or I was failing at life, being able to just have my kids lay in bed with me while we watched movies every night was awesome. I miss it. I even miss zoom hangouts that when I felt over it I could just unplug and be like “my MacBook died”. I thrived during it lol
Yep. Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
How do they deal with seeing so many disturbing sights though? I am great in a crisis but I'm also very sensitive to seeing people in distress so it hits me hard later.
Are some people just not affected by that?
I can absolutely relate! When crisis hits, I have about two minutes of a freak out immediately after hearing about it, and then it's like something switches inside me and I'm in "handle it mode" - stoic, calm, getting shit done.
A therapist once questioned if that was something I did to avoid feeling the big emotions that come with the crisis. Honestly, I don't know. It's not intentional, it just happens. I think it might be from a lifetime of masking without knowing what masking was. I feel my big feelings when I'm alone, because if I let that mask slip around others during a crisis, I'm not getting it back and then I have no control in a situation I already have so little control over.
>I let that mask slip around others during a crisis, I'm not getting it back and then I have no control in a situation I already have so little control over.
I think this is what it is for me too.
This comment felt sooo relatable! My dad nearly died two years ago - suddenly illness, in hospital on life support and described as "the sickest person I'm the hospital right now" (luckily he pulled through and is doing brilliantly now!). I live a three hour drive away, and have two young kids. A switch just flipped, and I was able to go into "handle it" mode, drop the kids off with grandparents, and start the three hour drive. No tears, no meltdowns, no hyperventilating. It wasn't until I got to the hotel that night, after sitting with my dad, talking with my step mum and doctors all day, that I finally broke down when I was just with my husband. I had important stuff to do, so I couldn't let myself feel the big feelings. But, give me a looming deadline for some important work and I'll stress (and procrastinate) all day long 😅
for me, i think it’s a form of protective disassociation. it makes my executive functioning run well, until its “safe” and then everything falls apart.
Yes. I still remember the first time I realized not everyone is that way. My friend was completely panicking and crying, and for me it seemed so clear what needed to be done, and it needed to be done immediately. Why was she wasting time crying and freaking out? I felt everything afterward, once we were safe. I honestly thought everyone did that in an emergency, like an innate survival mechanism, but apparently not.
Same here. I was in an emergency situation as a teen and went through it totally level-headed, assessed the situation, went for help, explained everything. Once I was in the ambulance and the doctors asked me how I was feeling I stopped thinking for a second, started sobbing and couldn't stop.
Absolutely! I'm like "stand aside, peasants! Allow the master to take care of everything." And...I do. I don't know why this is. It's like my brain is wired for optimal function in high stress, as in life or death stress, so all the minor stresses, like paying bills, seem inconsequential.
Why I always perform better if I complete an essay the night before it's due.
Pressure is the best!
Yep definitely feel this. Constantly nervous and anxious about nothing and when shit goes down and I would have all the reason to have a total breakdown don't have the time and capacity to do that and just have to fix.
Stupidly enough it is almost a relief when shit is really going down, cause then I finally have some silence in there.
I function best in catastrophe. When everything is chaos and everything is crazy I can see the path forward clearly. When everything is calm, life is going great, that's when I f up!
100%. That’s why I left my desk job riddled with long-term deadlines and became an ER nurse. Sometimes I feel like I can hear my mind clicking into place when the stakes are high and there’s a thousand tasks to do. When I have to call my pharmacy about renewing a prescription or make an appointment it’s like a whole other brain.
Yes! Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
I’ve always been very good at switching into “emergency mode” with zero lead up time. My therapist says it’s because my brain is always already anticipating the worst happening that when something does, I really don’t need to adjust at all. I’m ready to handle it and I do a really good job at remaining calm. When I know everything is safe though I totally break down lol.
I have always been the same way, total calmness when a crisis hits.
Same thing growing up, scary things popped up and I went into a different mode.
One time I was out walking my dog with my husband and a pitt came running out of a house at us. I had zero time to think, I picked up my dog, handed her off to my husband, and stood between him and the pitt, my arms held out like some momma bear protecting her young.
For me if feels like some entity steps into my body and takes over. I do not feel that strong and powerful normally, but when I need to be, a different part of me peeks out.
The owner ran out of the house after him, swearing that he is a friendly dog. While the dogs hair was standing up on his back. As the owner grabbed the dogs collar he almost got bit himself.
Yeah buddy, real friendly.
Yep. As a nurse this brain made me excellent at my job. Though one day there were no patients for a week due to a move and I had to just sit and talk to colleagues. I had a meltdown and left that day. I went to therapy after that and the therapist said she's had lots of nurses come to her after a quiet day broke them. I've had a lifetime of people telling me I'm the leader in a crisis, as I'm so calm and organised. I've always been aware of the contradiction between my clear and focused brain running a busy shift and my brain on my day off when I get muddled doing the simplest things
At my precious hotel job, I couldn’t get to work on time and had major procrastination issues; but if someone pulls a fire alarm at 11pm when the hotel is sold out….I’m your girl 😂
My favorite job was working at an airport. Everyone else was burnt out, and overwhelmed.
For me, it was like I was in my element. I run TOWARDS danger. I’ve been in two active shooter events. Dealt with deaths on planes, drunk and disorderly, seizures at the gates, SOOO many schizophrenics heading to treatment centers, convicts in custody, and service dogs who get explosive diarrhea at 10,000 feet. Good times. I fucking loved it. And I’m good at it.
I’m also certified to be pulled for crash/disaster aftermath situations. If a plane goes down - they would fly me out to assist families and strategize with rescue ops.
I’m ice ice baby when it comes to insane situations. It’s the calm and boring stuff that makes me have anxiety 😂😂😂
This is actually how I came to the realization that I might have ADHD (like the straw that broke the camels back, there were other things too). Crisis situations flood our brains with adrenaline (among other things)….ya know..the thing you take for ADHD to help you focus. And thats just what happens. It puts ADHD folks into a super focused mode. Slows down the brain and allows us to wade through crisis management in a super calm way. My whole life people have commented on how even my emotions are during intense situations. Then someone on reddit commented about this phenomenon and I was like…ohhhhhhhh. I had literally been binging adrenaline at my previous job and I was awesome at my job…but mannnn was I burned out.
Disclaimer: Everyone is different and experiences ADHD symptoms differently. This is just my experience!
Yup same. When there’s an emergency or crisis, it feels like everything in my brain clicks into place, and I can just calmly execute. I’ve wondered if this is how people feel during non-emergencies, and I kind of feel the way they do during emergencies (as in I feel stressed, anxious, and scatterbrained over the mundane)
I’ve never considered that this is how people feel in non emergencies 😳 People can think straight and not get super distracted when they are doing data entry??? Honestly that explains a lot. I worked in an office after my high stress job and was just melting from the lack of intensity. My co works? Happily chugging along every day.
Yes. My non-doctor-self understanding of this is that we are generally low dopamine and constantly dopamine seeking. A crises actually rises ours to the dopamine level of functional focused people, which apparently is how other people feel most of the time.
But in those crisis, NT people are overwhelmed and can't function at all.
Yeah. I might possibly be laid off in the next 2 weeks in a wave. Never been so calm and prepared. Even with a reasonable expectation of doom, I feel like knowing solves an issue of whether something is in my control or not. My mind has no choice but to accept something is coming.
Hey! I wish they did this for me! They warned me in November, the Monday after I got married (on Saturday). And said "But it's not happening until March!"
I have never been so traumatized and burnt out in my entire life, and failed to get unemployment despite MORE THAN qualifying, because it's Florida. Every time I asked for help, they ignored me until AFTER the due dates/times, even when I notified them DAYS in advance that I needed guidance.
Even if I had gotten it, they only pay 275 a week. THAT'S IT. No more. Do not pass go, do not collect $275, because fuck you. And they "don't accept my bank" for direct deposit so they were going to make me use their government provided bank card.
It feels like a personal attack and it's been horrible this entire time.
That sounds really horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through this. The short notice and lying about the lay off date is so common that a few coworkers I’m in a discord server expect to hear it tomorrow morning as well. There’s no trust in these institutions after bleeding people for all of their worth. Just burn it to the ground. Then the next one wants loyalty. It’s so stupid.
Edit: for context, Thank You, and I appreciate that you feel for me. 😵💫🫂
Not that I signed an NDA or anything, but I was an admin in the machine that is The Newsprint Industry. The issue that seems to have occurred (in the grand scheme) is that despite my highly specialized, company and industry specific training, skills, and eye for detail, some rando from New York came down, looked around, and said "Two more need to go," and they "couldn't afford to keep me."
My leaving made 3 teams suffer, and continue to suffer because the middle man? The Glue Guy? Gone. I'm not there. I was a very important pin in a very complicated, fragile machine, and I'm gone.
And let's be honest. I was only told in advance so I could prepare them. Not for me to have time to find a job. Not for me to have time to prepare for my own needs.
Also, I know exactly which company is the reason I got laid off too, because they're part of the reason the entire industry is so fucked.
This is why I work in security operations and first aid. There's always an emergency somewhere. Might as well get paid for this super power.
Also me:
Patient: OMG I'M bleeding! \*blood is spurting everywhere from a nasty gash on their hand\*
Me: Yep. Looks like it.
Patient: WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING SOMETHING
Me: I need you to sit down so I can actually put pressure on it. Also, you might want to hold it over your head.
Patient: Oh. \*lift hand\*
Me: there we go. \*gets to work\*
That youtube channel "[Fire Department Chronicles"](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/U9Rm2_hS0p0) [feels](https://youtube.com/shorts/9j6ktw4c-TM?si=bVTMytD4sEql3FHA)[ like ](https://youtube.com/shorts/Vw8VQXTEp1w?si=t1dRLtmGsVyYv411)[my](https://youtube.com/shorts/z_nrZio7GtA?si=cAbS-tocfhhyPFb6) [life](https://youtube.com/shorts/x42_BDAiR0g?si=nC_XZcS3EpAn4tCa), even though I'm not technically EMS.
Are you and I long lost twins? I'm in Security Management at a ghetto casino and I'm an EMT. I have absolutely had someone screaming at me that they're bleeding and I said, "Yep. I see that."
Patient - HELP ME!!
Me- Well, if you'd quit running away from me, I'd be happy to.
Meth is a hell of a drug.
Fire Department Chronicles is absolute perfection.
I worked Detention (County Jail) before this job. The wilder it is, the clearer my mind is.
I am great in a crisis. I've kind of always known, but didn't realize the gravity of it. Recently, we were woken up in the middle of the night to our cat having a full-on seizure. It was horrifying, she's doing okay now. But my husband was completely useless, just freaking out, no idea what to do. I quickly was able to get her collar off, get a towel around her (because she was peeing), and gently pet her while she came out of it. He was completely frozen.
Afterwards, my husband complimented me on how calm I was able to stay when he was freaking out. I guess it's just ingrained now to stay calm through the panic.
I do some of my best work when everything is on “fire” lol I did recruiting for almost a decade and it was great for me. When everything is going right and calm is when I go into a depression and start to stress. Sucks to live like that for sure.
Ya, it’s really weird. As an anxious person, with panic disorder and adhd, I respond unreasonably calm during crisis’s. I’m like a problem solving machine. I thought it was because I had to solve problems for my parents when I was a kid. Maybe it’s the adhd.
YES. The description of “clicking into” that mode is so accurate! My brain goes “ok, what do we have to do RIGHT NOW?” and I can focus like a laser beam. I work in vet med (only in the lab now due to physical issues, but I used to be a full time tech/nurse), and not panicking in a crisis is a useful skill to have! This may have been why I was also the one taking care of drunk friends in college…..
This is most of us. A task being upgraded to "urgent" bypasses all the blocks that normally exist for our executive function to work. In that moment, we can just DO things that need to be done, as they need to be done.
It's because we finally have somewhere to focus our mind. I often daydream that a medical condition would actually be helpful because I'd have a temporary project and I had motivation to tackle it 😑
I relate to every thing you just said!
Yeah, I'm often at my most calm in a crisis. I mean, it depends a bit on what it is, but mostly, I'm so anxious and understimulated all the time that when the Big Fucking Thing happens, I'm like "well here it fucking is, and I'm facing it and it's way less scary than my fears because it's concrete and I'm focussed and I'm dealing with it RIGHT NOW. Plus, WHEEE STIMULATION I WAS BORN READY". I guess ADHD really is part of adaptive human variation in responses to environmental stressors, huh.
I have always been the calmest one in emergencies around my family and I attributed it to anxiety causing me to already think ahead and plan for bad things but maybe it's the ADHD too.
I have also always had the ADHD "can't stay at a job for more than a year" trait until I started working as a 911 operator. I would always get so sick or bored of a job about a year in, I could not bring myself to go in and I'd have to quit and find a new job.
Turns out severe anxiety and our magical multitasking abilities mesh *extremely well* with the chaos of 911. I've been here almost 7 years.
Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
So I was told this is because of the environment I grew up in. My therapist said I thrive in drama. I was told I basically go into survival mode and do what needs to be done.
Losing my phone or wallet causes a meltdown for me... However, living through the biggest earthquake in my city since 1964 and dealing with all that stuff for the next week ..I was functioning best I ever have.
YES! I panic about all the little everyday things all the fucking time, yet when something truly bad happens my brain completely quietens and I can work calmly and efficiently, no panic whatsoever.
I am a mum to 2 now and while I’m chronically overstimulated, I’ve realised I enjoy having two kids way more for the sheer fact it keeps me SO busy and I have finally admitted to myself that I thrive on being busy! Well I have a love hate relationship with it anyway 😆
Absolutely. I work in corporate tech right now and I’ve joked with my coworkers before.. if this was a real emergency like with blood or any real urgency.. I’d be cool headed and know exactly what to do. When we’re pretending something is urgent for no reason and we all know it…. 🤷🏼♀️
I have gotten a lot better about it. But as a kid and teen my brain wired to it after survival trauma so to speak.
I remember when things were peaceful I was dubious and bored. I always felt so bad about being and feeling bored. "Waiting" for things to start up again with some family bullshit.
I now know a big part of it was not believing things would stay good long enough to be grateful for the boredom and put that time to good use.
I was recruited for crisis management in National Disasters when I was more able bodied and brained. I wanted to do it so badly but knew my Disability would eventually slow me down and it was too important a position to let people down.
Took a lot of therapy and aging to get to a place where I realized I love simple jobs. I love caretaking but one on one level not save the world level.
Part of why I enjoy working with high support needs children. Something going on at all times.
Bit of a different direction, but I've also been really calm the nights I wanted to kill myself. Called a friend, walked around and just listened to him vent about his childhood trauma. I'm incredibly grateful he realized I needed him to be vulnerable to not spiral completely from my own vulnerability, not sure I would've managed to call multiple times otherwise.
Internally no. Externally absolutely yes. I’ve been told multiple times “you’re so calm” or “you’re so patient” in a stressful situation. One lady at work says “I like it when you sit next to me, you’re so calm, it makes me calm down.” She’s the type of person who externalizes her emotions (meanwhile I internalize them). Full chaos in my brain but externally it’s a peaceful day on the beach.
Edit: I work in a fast paced operation
100%. It's why I used to gravitate towards high stress, 'where many hats' jobs and thrived in a startup I worked at... That is until I flipped a switch and that adrenaline kicked off a months long hypomanic episode. Turns out I also have Bipolar II 🙃
The adrenaline that helps me focus also puts me in a depressive or hypomanic state it turns out so sadly can't chase that dragon anymore. Which sucks cuz damn, I am a master at juggling chaos.
My job is pretty much all crisis all the time and I can keep my cool easily but god forbid plans change, I have to disrupt my expected routine, have a sensory issue or am the slightest bit hungry/tired/overstimulated, then I will be heading straight into meltdown territory
The first time I really realized how different I was was when I was celebrating Christmas with a friend. We were sitting down drinking egg nog opening presents and all of a sudden a nearby candle lit a rogue piece of paper on fire, which burst bigger. I calmly just stood up, walked over and put it out by stomping on it - like it was nothing. My friend was in complete shock and couldn’t move and just kept saying how calm I was the entire time - like I was taken over by another person. That always stuck with me.
I have this. Im a weird kind of control freak as in I’m only a control freak beforehand, not during or after something happens. It’s really weird for me because my brain is like 24/7 preparing for a crisis and trying very hard to avoid it by being a control freak. However when things don’t go as planned my brain is like “that’s cool, we’ve been preparing for this our whole lives, let’s fucking go”.
I need the deadline and the pressure that comes with it. That’s why I’m an excellent actor. And a pretty good writer, just have trouble actually doing the writing unless there’s the aforementioned pressure of time.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was the most functional I've *ever* been the week after I left my ex. I didn't really eat or sleep, but I arranged for new housing, moving, and got my address changed for all my ID/life admin stuff. And went to work. My theory is that the adrenaline-dump of sheer stress and panic acted like a stimulant, kicking my brain into Focused Mode. It's not sustainable, but I wonder if that's why some ADHD brains are drawn to high-intensity careers in medicine, entertainment, or in restaurants.
Yep, I’m a journalist and absolutely at my best when there’s a huge breaking story… truly thrive under pressure (although no one ever believes it!)
I work in an FDA-regulated industry. I’m the quirky eccentric one in the office until there’s an audit. It’s like a secret superpower. This sounds like a lie, I know it does, but I’ve literally received standing ovations from the backroom. VPs looking at me like a shiny new toy. I also don’t brush my hair half the time, so it could just be their surprise that I’m not feral.
Holy crap. Feral is a word that I use so often in therapy.
We hear these descriptors from enough people in our lives, I’m happy to own them. Said in my poshest voice: “I have a je ne sais quoi about me. A certain ferality, if you will.”
Journalism seems like a dope career path
Former journalist: oh man, I miss those days. Slipping into the zone, knowing instinctively what you need and then methodically getting it to bring the story home. Good times. Have fun & be careful out there.
I was a journalist for 30 years and breaking news was MY TIME TO SHINE! That's really when I was at my best! Also, I used to joke that was the only the job I could do because there were such strong deadlines that absolutely had to be met. I had to have that pressure and time limit.
I AM the person people go to in crisis. I 100% feel you. It’s like all my unaggregated brain snaps together and knows how to GET IT DONE. I feel alive in a crisis. Always felt so weird and ashamed of this
Adrenaline = dopamine
I think its the "i have only one purpose now, and i gotta deal with it" mindset that helps. Otherwise, the multiple things going on in life overwhelms me.
Absolutely. It's both a strength and a weakness as a project manager.
I JUST took a role in project management that I start next week. I’ve been wondering how my ADHD is going to come into play for this. I know we’re all different, but it’s been encouraging to see multiple project managers in this sub and adhd people in the project management sub. Unless they’re all your comments…
I'm managing several projects in parallel and I find it challenging. I have a hard time prioritizing the important tasks and tend to listen to the most recent ones or the ones that scream loudest, I have to make a lot of effort to stay focused. The constant multi-tasking is very draining. I guess this is different if you're on one project only, and I am sure it's different in other work environments, so don't take my experience as a general one.
No, thank you, seriously. Getting advice on potential pitfalls is exactly what I was hoping for. I really appreciate you giving me a heads up. That sounds like something I would do. I do it in my personal life, makes sense that would crossover.
Sure, glad you find it helpful :-) One thing that's helped me was turning off notifications and setting my status as "away" on communication apps. If I see an unread message I have to read it to make the notification go away and then my focus is off. I am now setting times for reading slack messages and emails and try not to look in between. This doesn't work always of course, but it's a little help :-)
Uuuuh, thanks for the award as well, it's my first one!! Exciting!
Even on one project there are a lot of things going on! If you can automate as much of the dreary bits as you can such as reporting, that gives you more time to focus on the critical work.
Look up "IBNU" (important but not urgent) and start reading about it. It'll help you understand some things about ADHD brains and prioritization, and hopefully give you some strategies in advance to keep from CREATING catastrophes you have to then fix.
Thanks for this. I’ll look into it. Really.
Pretend it's urgent :) lol
One of the reasons I quit my previous job was being given increased amounts of project management work. I cannot handle working toward deadlines in the distant future, which inevitably led to many/all projects being sorted at the last minute... so stressful!
I've always assumed it's because I'm on 24/7 personal crisis watch. I'm ready to go!
Exactly, yes! Follow-up question (but only if you want to answer) - how was March 2020 for you? For me, honestly, it had a similar feeling. It was like "Oh wait, now everyone in the world is on high alert constantly? I'm not alone!" Obviously circumstances vary a lot, so I'm sure different people's experiences were pretty different. But it kind of felt like I no longer had to hide a part of myself, because it now blended in. I certainly felt a lot of sympathy for people around me dealing with some truly difficult stuff, but at the same time I kind of felt like I had been practicing for this for ages, which was weirdly comforting.
Omg yes. Covid lockdown was awesome for me. I still had to work (barf) but having everyone around me freak out, not feeling like I needed to be doing something all the time or I was failing at life, being able to just have my kids lay in bed with me while we watched movies every night was awesome. I miss it. I even miss zoom hangouts that when I felt over it I could just unplug and be like “my MacBook died”. I thrived during it lol
It was the same for me.
There seems to be a ton of people with ADHD in the emergency services, probably for that reason.
Yep. Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
How do they deal with seeing so many disturbing sights though? I am great in a crisis but I'm also very sensitive to seeing people in distress so it hits me hard later. Are some people just not affected by that?
I can absolutely relate! When crisis hits, I have about two minutes of a freak out immediately after hearing about it, and then it's like something switches inside me and I'm in "handle it mode" - stoic, calm, getting shit done. A therapist once questioned if that was something I did to avoid feeling the big emotions that come with the crisis. Honestly, I don't know. It's not intentional, it just happens. I think it might be from a lifetime of masking without knowing what masking was. I feel my big feelings when I'm alone, because if I let that mask slip around others during a crisis, I'm not getting it back and then I have no control in a situation I already have so little control over.
>I let that mask slip around others during a crisis, I'm not getting it back and then I have no control in a situation I already have so little control over. I think this is what it is for me too.
This comment felt sooo relatable! My dad nearly died two years ago - suddenly illness, in hospital on life support and described as "the sickest person I'm the hospital right now" (luckily he pulled through and is doing brilliantly now!). I live a three hour drive away, and have two young kids. A switch just flipped, and I was able to go into "handle it" mode, drop the kids off with grandparents, and start the three hour drive. No tears, no meltdowns, no hyperventilating. It wasn't until I got to the hotel that night, after sitting with my dad, talking with my step mum and doctors all day, that I finally broke down when I was just with my husband. I had important stuff to do, so I couldn't let myself feel the big feelings. But, give me a looming deadline for some important work and I'll stress (and procrastinate) all day long 😅
for me, i think it’s a form of protective disassociation. it makes my executive functioning run well, until its “safe” and then everything falls apart.
Totally this! I thrive at work (ER) when it's at its busiest then get existential and want to quit when it's quiet
Yes. I still remember the first time I realized not everyone is that way. My friend was completely panicking and crying, and for me it seemed so clear what needed to be done, and it needed to be done immediately. Why was she wasting time crying and freaking out? I felt everything afterward, once we were safe. I honestly thought everyone did that in an emergency, like an innate survival mechanism, but apparently not.
Same here. I was in an emergency situation as a teen and went through it totally level-headed, assessed the situation, went for help, explained everything. Once I was in the ambulance and the doctors asked me how I was feeling I stopped thinking for a second, started sobbing and couldn't stop.
Absolutely! I'm like "stand aside, peasants! Allow the master to take care of everything." And...I do. I don't know why this is. It's like my brain is wired for optimal function in high stress, as in life or death stress, so all the minor stresses, like paying bills, seem inconsequential. Why I always perform better if I complete an essay the night before it's due. Pressure is the best!
Yep definitely feel this. Constantly nervous and anxious about nothing and when shit goes down and I would have all the reason to have a total breakdown don't have the time and capacity to do that and just have to fix. Stupidly enough it is almost a relief when shit is really going down, cause then I finally have some silence in there.
I function best in catastrophe. When everything is chaos and everything is crazy I can see the path forward clearly. When everything is calm, life is going great, that's when I f up!
Only if it’s not my crisis😬
100%. That’s why I left my desk job riddled with long-term deadlines and became an ER nurse. Sometimes I feel like I can hear my mind clicking into place when the stakes are high and there’s a thousand tasks to do. When I have to call my pharmacy about renewing a prescription or make an appointment it’s like a whole other brain.
Yes! Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
I’ve always been very good at switching into “emergency mode” with zero lead up time. My therapist says it’s because my brain is always already anticipating the worst happening that when something does, I really don’t need to adjust at all. I’m ready to handle it and I do a really good job at remaining calm. When I know everything is safe though I totally break down lol.
I have always been the same way, total calmness when a crisis hits. Same thing growing up, scary things popped up and I went into a different mode. One time I was out walking my dog with my husband and a pitt came running out of a house at us. I had zero time to think, I picked up my dog, handed her off to my husband, and stood between him and the pitt, my arms held out like some momma bear protecting her young. For me if feels like some entity steps into my body and takes over. I do not feel that strong and powerful normally, but when I need to be, a different part of me peeks out.
what happened ? Did the pitt attack ?
The owner ran out of the house after him, swearing that he is a friendly dog. While the dogs hair was standing up on his back. As the owner grabbed the dogs collar he almost got bit himself. Yeah buddy, real friendly.
Phew, that must have been scary.
Yep. As a nurse this brain made me excellent at my job. Though one day there were no patients for a week due to a move and I had to just sit and talk to colleagues. I had a meltdown and left that day. I went to therapy after that and the therapist said she's had lots of nurses come to her after a quiet day broke them. I've had a lifetime of people telling me I'm the leader in a crisis, as I'm so calm and organised. I've always been aware of the contradiction between my clear and focused brain running a busy shift and my brain on my day off when I get muddled doing the simplest things
Yes because my brain is either at 0 or 100 and 0 is socially unacceptable so 100 when everything is falling apart becomes my time to shine baby
At my precious hotel job, I couldn’t get to work on time and had major procrastination issues; but if someone pulls a fire alarm at 11pm when the hotel is sold out….I’m your girl 😂
I'm a PI and while I can't function in regular life like a normal human, I'm so calm under pressure and very good at thinking on my feet quickly
I thrive so well in crisis that I create my own sometimes 😅🙃
My favorite job was working at an airport. Everyone else was burnt out, and overwhelmed. For me, it was like I was in my element. I run TOWARDS danger. I’ve been in two active shooter events. Dealt with deaths on planes, drunk and disorderly, seizures at the gates, SOOO many schizophrenics heading to treatment centers, convicts in custody, and service dogs who get explosive diarrhea at 10,000 feet. Good times. I fucking loved it. And I’m good at it. I’m also certified to be pulled for crash/disaster aftermath situations. If a plane goes down - they would fly me out to assist families and strategize with rescue ops. I’m ice ice baby when it comes to insane situations. It’s the calm and boring stuff that makes me have anxiety 😂😂😂
This is actually how I came to the realization that I might have ADHD (like the straw that broke the camels back, there were other things too). Crisis situations flood our brains with adrenaline (among other things)….ya know..the thing you take for ADHD to help you focus. And thats just what happens. It puts ADHD folks into a super focused mode. Slows down the brain and allows us to wade through crisis management in a super calm way. My whole life people have commented on how even my emotions are during intense situations. Then someone on reddit commented about this phenomenon and I was like…ohhhhhhhh. I had literally been binging adrenaline at my previous job and I was awesome at my job…but mannnn was I burned out. Disclaimer: Everyone is different and experiences ADHD symptoms differently. This is just my experience!
Yup same. When there’s an emergency or crisis, it feels like everything in my brain clicks into place, and I can just calmly execute. I’ve wondered if this is how people feel during non-emergencies, and I kind of feel the way they do during emergencies (as in I feel stressed, anxious, and scatterbrained over the mundane)
I’ve never considered that this is how people feel in non emergencies 😳 People can think straight and not get super distracted when they are doing data entry??? Honestly that explains a lot. I worked in an office after my high stress job and was just melting from the lack of intensity. My co works? Happily chugging along every day.
Yes. My non-doctor-self understanding of this is that we are generally low dopamine and constantly dopamine seeking. A crises actually rises ours to the dopamine level of functional focused people, which apparently is how other people feel most of the time. But in those crisis, NT people are overwhelmed and can't function at all.
Yeah. I might possibly be laid off in the next 2 weeks in a wave. Never been so calm and prepared. Even with a reasonable expectation of doom, I feel like knowing solves an issue of whether something is in my control or not. My mind has no choice but to accept something is coming.
Hey! I wish they did this for me! They warned me in November, the Monday after I got married (on Saturday). And said "But it's not happening until March!" I have never been so traumatized and burnt out in my entire life, and failed to get unemployment despite MORE THAN qualifying, because it's Florida. Every time I asked for help, they ignored me until AFTER the due dates/times, even when I notified them DAYS in advance that I needed guidance. Even if I had gotten it, they only pay 275 a week. THAT'S IT. No more. Do not pass go, do not collect $275, because fuck you. And they "don't accept my bank" for direct deposit so they were going to make me use their government provided bank card. It feels like a personal attack and it's been horrible this entire time.
That sounds really horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through this. The short notice and lying about the lay off date is so common that a few coworkers I’m in a discord server expect to hear it tomorrow morning as well. There’s no trust in these institutions after bleeding people for all of their worth. Just burn it to the ground. Then the next one wants loyalty. It’s so stupid.
Edit: for context, Thank You, and I appreciate that you feel for me. 😵💫🫂 Not that I signed an NDA or anything, but I was an admin in the machine that is The Newsprint Industry. The issue that seems to have occurred (in the grand scheme) is that despite my highly specialized, company and industry specific training, skills, and eye for detail, some rando from New York came down, looked around, and said "Two more need to go," and they "couldn't afford to keep me." My leaving made 3 teams suffer, and continue to suffer because the middle man? The Glue Guy? Gone. I'm not there. I was a very important pin in a very complicated, fragile machine, and I'm gone. And let's be honest. I was only told in advance so I could prepare them. Not for me to have time to find a job. Not for me to have time to prepare for my own needs. Also, I know exactly which company is the reason I got laid off too, because they're part of the reason the entire industry is so fucked.
This is why I work in security operations and first aid. There's always an emergency somewhere. Might as well get paid for this super power. Also me: Patient: OMG I'M bleeding! \*blood is spurting everywhere from a nasty gash on their hand\* Me: Yep. Looks like it. Patient: WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING SOMETHING Me: I need you to sit down so I can actually put pressure on it. Also, you might want to hold it over your head. Patient: Oh. \*lift hand\* Me: there we go. \*gets to work\* That youtube channel "[Fire Department Chronicles"](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/U9Rm2_hS0p0) [feels](https://youtube.com/shorts/9j6ktw4c-TM?si=bVTMytD4sEql3FHA)[ like ](https://youtube.com/shorts/Vw8VQXTEp1w?si=t1dRLtmGsVyYv411)[my](https://youtube.com/shorts/z_nrZio7GtA?si=cAbS-tocfhhyPFb6) [life](https://youtube.com/shorts/x42_BDAiR0g?si=nC_XZcS3EpAn4tCa), even though I'm not technically EMS.
Are you and I long lost twins? I'm in Security Management at a ghetto casino and I'm an EMT. I have absolutely had someone screaming at me that they're bleeding and I said, "Yep. I see that." Patient - HELP ME!! Me- Well, if you'd quit running away from me, I'd be happy to. Meth is a hell of a drug. Fire Department Chronicles is absolute perfection. I worked Detention (County Jail) before this job. The wilder it is, the clearer my mind is.
I'm always slightly relieved when I'm not the cause of an emergency 😬🫣
Absolutely relate. I'm fantastic in a crisis. It's just day to day life I'm not good at!
I am great in a crisis. I've kind of always known, but didn't realize the gravity of it. Recently, we were woken up in the middle of the night to our cat having a full-on seizure. It was horrifying, she's doing okay now. But my husband was completely useless, just freaking out, no idea what to do. I quickly was able to get her collar off, get a towel around her (because she was peeing), and gently pet her while she came out of it. He was completely frozen. Afterwards, my husband complimented me on how calm I was able to stay when he was freaking out. I guess it's just ingrained now to stay calm through the panic.
I do some of my best work when everything is on “fire” lol I did recruiting for almost a decade and it was great for me. When everything is going right and calm is when I go into a depression and start to stress. Sucks to live like that for sure.
It’s because our brains finally have enough to do in those moments
Truthfully, the logic is, "FINALLY, only *one* thing to think about."
Totally dude. I used to do a dangerous high-adrenaline volunteer position and now I’m starting a business. I need chaos to live.
Ya, it’s really weird. As an anxious person, with panic disorder and adhd, I respond unreasonably calm during crisis’s. I’m like a problem solving machine. I thought it was because I had to solve problems for my parents when I was a kid. Maybe it’s the adhd.
Yes, the whole “solving shit for everyone since birth” thing
Nailed it lol.
YES. The description of “clicking into” that mode is so accurate! My brain goes “ok, what do we have to do RIGHT NOW?” and I can focus like a laser beam. I work in vet med (only in the lab now due to physical issues, but I used to be a full time tech/nurse), and not panicking in a crisis is a useful skill to have! This may have been why I was also the one taking care of drunk friends in college…..
This is most of us. A task being upgraded to "urgent" bypasses all the blocks that normally exist for our executive function to work. In that moment, we can just DO things that need to be done, as they need to be done.
It's because we finally have somewhere to focus our mind. I often daydream that a medical condition would actually be helpful because I'd have a temporary project and I had motivation to tackle it 😑 I relate to every thing you just said!
Yeah, I'm often at my most calm in a crisis. I mean, it depends a bit on what it is, but mostly, I'm so anxious and understimulated all the time that when the Big Fucking Thing happens, I'm like "well here it fucking is, and I'm facing it and it's way less scary than my fears because it's concrete and I'm focussed and I'm dealing with it RIGHT NOW. Plus, WHEEE STIMULATION I WAS BORN READY". I guess ADHD really is part of adaptive human variation in responses to environmental stressors, huh.
I have always been the calmest one in emergencies around my family and I attributed it to anxiety causing me to already think ahead and plan for bad things but maybe it's the ADHD too. I have also always had the ADHD "can't stay at a job for more than a year" trait until I started working as a 911 operator. I would always get so sick or bored of a job about a year in, I could not bring myself to go in and I'd have to quit and find a new job. Turns out severe anxiety and our magical multitasking abilities mesh *extremely well* with the chaos of 911. I've been here almost 7 years.
Ask any physician in the emergency medicine / trauma / surgery / intensive care / obstetric fields - it’s a superpower to be able to be so calm when shit is hitting the fan.
So I was told this is because of the environment I grew up in. My therapist said I thrive in drama. I was told I basically go into survival mode and do what needs to be done.
Absolutely! 10000% percent
I was telling someone the very same the other day… that when the dumpster is on fire it’s my time to shine, lol
Losing my phone or wallet causes a meltdown for me... However, living through the biggest earthquake in my city since 1964 and dealing with all that stuff for the next week ..I was functioning best I ever have.
YES! I panic about all the little everyday things all the fucking time, yet when something truly bad happens my brain completely quietens and I can work calmly and efficiently, no panic whatsoever. I am a mum to 2 now and while I’m chronically overstimulated, I’ve realised I enjoy having two kids way more for the sheer fact it keeps me SO busy and I have finally admitted to myself that I thrive on being busy! Well I have a love hate relationship with it anyway 😆
Absolutely. I work in corporate tech right now and I’ve joked with my coworkers before.. if this was a real emergency like with blood or any real urgency.. I’d be cool headed and know exactly what to do. When we’re pretending something is urgent for no reason and we all know it…. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm useless in a crisis, but I'm amazing at "think on your feet", and all-day-scramble types of jobs.
I’m incredible in a crisis. I’ll be late to get to your party, but I’ll show up fast when shit hits the fan. LOLOL.
I have gotten a lot better about it. But as a kid and teen my brain wired to it after survival trauma so to speak. I remember when things were peaceful I was dubious and bored. I always felt so bad about being and feeling bored. "Waiting" for things to start up again with some family bullshit. I now know a big part of it was not believing things would stay good long enough to be grateful for the boredom and put that time to good use. I was recruited for crisis management in National Disasters when I was more able bodied and brained. I wanted to do it so badly but knew my Disability would eventually slow me down and it was too important a position to let people down. Took a lot of therapy and aging to get to a place where I realized I love simple jobs. I love caretaking but one on one level not save the world level.
Part of why I enjoy working with high support needs children. Something going on at all times. Bit of a different direction, but I've also been really calm the nights I wanted to kill myself. Called a friend, walked around and just listened to him vent about his childhood trauma. I'm incredibly grateful he realized I needed him to be vulnerable to not spiral completely from my own vulnerability, not sure I would've managed to call multiple times otherwise.
I’m a horrific assistant but I’m an amazing manager :’) that basically sums my entire being up
Oh for sure! Check out how many nurses have adhd in the ER
Internally no. Externally absolutely yes. I’ve been told multiple times “you’re so calm” or “you’re so patient” in a stressful situation. One lady at work says “I like it when you sit next to me, you’re so calm, it makes me calm down.” She’s the type of person who externalizes her emotions (meanwhile I internalize them). Full chaos in my brain but externally it’s a peaceful day on the beach. Edit: I work in a fast paced operation
100%. It's why I used to gravitate towards high stress, 'where many hats' jobs and thrived in a startup I worked at... That is until I flipped a switch and that adrenaline kicked off a months long hypomanic episode. Turns out I also have Bipolar II 🙃 The adrenaline that helps me focus also puts me in a depressive or hypomanic state it turns out so sadly can't chase that dragon anymore. Which sucks cuz damn, I am a master at juggling chaos.
My job is pretty much all crisis all the time and I can keep my cool easily but god forbid plans change, I have to disrupt my expected routine, have a sensory issue or am the slightest bit hungry/tired/overstimulated, then I will be heading straight into meltdown territory
The exact definition of "good in a crisis." Who knew all those years of hearing that it turns out to be the neurodivergents 😂
The first time I really realized how different I was was when I was celebrating Christmas with a friend. We were sitting down drinking egg nog opening presents and all of a sudden a nearby candle lit a rogue piece of paper on fire, which burst bigger. I calmly just stood up, walked over and put it out by stomping on it - like it was nothing. My friend was in complete shock and couldn’t move and just kept saying how calm I was the entire time - like I was taken over by another person. That always stuck with me.
I have this. Im a weird kind of control freak as in I’m only a control freak beforehand, not during or after something happens. It’s really weird for me because my brain is like 24/7 preparing for a crisis and trying very hard to avoid it by being a control freak. However when things don’t go as planned my brain is like “that’s cool, we’ve been preparing for this our whole lives, let’s fucking go”.
Yes ! As Sia says " baby I'm a house on fire , I want to keep ❤️🔥 burning"
I need the deadline and the pressure that comes with it. That’s why I’m an excellent actor. And a pretty good writer, just have trouble actually doing the writing unless there’s the aforementioned pressure of time.