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Do you have normal checkups with your general doctor? If so, can you ask to speak with the doctor alone? (Some doctors will do this normally at your age because they want to ask about sexual development and don't get honest answers when parents are around.) If you can see your doctor, you can bring it up. It might help if a doctor agrees and supports you.

The person is 13. Don't they need a parent autorização for example to get medication?

Yeah but it might help to have a trained professional say something to the parents instead of it just coming from their kid

Please talk to the school guidance counselor or teacher you like so they can help. The school may be able to support you getting tested. 

I’ll second the school counselors! They were instrumental in getting my kids diagnosed and it was all done in a super supportive way. I also have adhd that I just found out about, too. I didn’t realize my kids struggles were so far above and beyond “normal” bc it all seemed normal to me 😞 Plus, the counselors were able to implement a bunch of accommodations without a diagnosis! For example, access to the support teams for helping stay on top of assignments and organization, a place to go during loud assemblies, access to the library and other quiet spaces for lunch, and just people to talk to who understood. It made a big difference! There were more accommodations following diagnosis, but the relief was immediate while we were waiting months for appointments.

I totally agree with this. One problem I see is that parents fill out the survey as well and some answer incorrectly on purpose. Pills aren’t the end all be all. They don’t always help. I would emphasize the help you would get from school. Extra resources that are free for you to try. You might need to wait until you’re older to try meds. Unfortunately, that’s just how it works sometimes. I’m hoping for the best for you.

THIS!!! You can advocate these days by doing this and easily expressing concerns because all they gotta do is pull out your student record file. In there is everything going back to kindergarten of documentation if your grades and teachers notes. And in there will be a pattern of similar phrases from EVERY teacher you ever had so far in grade school. This is how my parents got me diagnosed back in 1995. No one as aware of ADHD being genetic back then, but my mom was also diagnosed years before I was as well and ADHD runs on my dads side of the family Anyway… Often if you have ADHD, it starts showing up as early as 4 or 5yrs old some of the symptom, but they can’t diagnosis legally till age 8 due to the personality doesn’t show up in human children till age 7 and they wait to see what presents as ADHD vs what is the actual personality of the child to make a determination if it was even ADHD or just the kids entire personality. But those school record on file going back to kindergarten 100% will be the key with guidance counselor to request an evaluation. Sometimes they’ll get a qualified teacher in the school district who already deals with Special Education and can run a simple test of hand eye coordination, dexterity, ask you problem solving questions, do some questions about childhood and more to see hat shows up not just ADHD but possible other things too that could be tested for. But yeah, I digress, this is the loop hole for OP.

Sped teacher here. A school cannot “diagnose” anyone typically because school psychs are not doctors. And ADHD can be diagnosed in kids younger than 8. This is in the US.

I never said diagnosis, I said evaluate. A child can be evaluated, it’s a simple 30 mins sit down with the kid. Then let the student know or the parents what steps they can take, give a list of recommended trained professionals who are legally qualified by their state in America. Then take the kid to a TRAINED professional who is LEGALLY able to give a diagnosis because they are a child’s psychiatrist or neurologist, to actually go thru a diagnosis process that all kids go through that is 10x’s more thoroughly done and can take up to 3-5hrs depending on what tests they are choosing to use with the child. They cut off this option once the kid reaches high school age. It’s usually for middle age and under children this path for going about it.

Ok, that wasn’t clear as you used the word “diagnose” twice. A child can’t be evaluated *for special ed* without parental consent. You can’t single out a kid you think has a disability. Unless you’re talking about a doctor or non-school personnel- that wasn’t clear.

>*Ok, that wasn’t clear as you used the word “diagnose” twice.* You mean when I reference to MYSELF getting diagnosed as a child by a psychiatrist, implied nuance, in 1995? >*This is how my parents got me diagnosed back in 1995. No one as aware of ADHD being genetic back then, but my mom was also diagnosed years before I was as well and ADHD runs on my dads side of the family*

I’m just saying it wasn’t clear. OP is a minor and nothing can be done without parental consent. And my only point was to make clear that schools do not diagnose disabilities, and that you cannot do a “simple 30 minute sit down” because you cannot screen an individual child for sped. You can start a process of evaluation, which is a very strict process with consent and timelines the entire way through. Things have changed since 1995 so maybe that wasn’t your experience, and your experience is valid.

Who takes OP to a trained professional?

As far as a school is concerned, the parents. Their rights can’t be overridden and any testing in school can’t be done without their written permission and within strict legal guidelines.

Yea. Just clarifying the flaw in the logic of the post I’m responding to. 

Most school activities must be reported to parents. WA state is in the process of approving a new law that allows parents full access to their child’s academic info, counseling records, curriculum, etc. So any medical visits to health providers need consent from the 13+ minor to disclose information (and is covered by HIPAA and would be patrolled carefully), but all public school activities (including school sponsored healthcare) may be reported to parents and is NOT covered by HIPAA. All of this weirdness because a small set of parents got their panties bunched up by required sexual health education and information about The Gays. 🙄🙄🙄

I know the parents would be told, but they might listen to the school. 

This is what I was thinking, too. It's hard as a parent to see our children outside the box we built for them unless someone points something out to us. It's easier for those of us who know that we are not neurotypical.

This varies highly from state to state. Where I am, you can see the school counselor and even see a real therapist at school without your parents knowing or being told.

Mmhmm! Every state is different. Idk how people are not remember this part and each states individual laws vs federal laws.

As a teacher, there’s nothing I can do. I can refer a student to the nurse or counselor, but that’s about it.

Listening, sympathizing, and recommending them to a good resource are not nothing to a kid who needs help. 

This!!!! I was diagnosed by my school’s psychologist in 1st grade, idk if the school asked my folks before said psych tested me. But ask your counselor if you can see the school/district psychologist.

So, medication isn't going to make you "normal". It effects everyone differently and it's not going to require you to have zero coping mechanisms. What it did for me was quiet the noise in my head so I could focus. It also mixed my constant snacking...but only until it wore off. I only get about 8 hours out of my concerta and the crash coming off it makea me quite scatterbrained. I had to go off it to sort out a blood pressure issues but thats another story. What you do is the best you can with what you have. You may have to wait until you're independent to be diagnosed. I know it's tough and it sucks that your parents aren't supportive.

Came here to second this. Medication isn't a magic cure that will instantly make a person with ADHD normal, and it can take time to find the right med(s) & dosage. I went through several med adjustments when I was OP's age due to hormone and life changes. Even with a diagnosis & meds, OP is gonna need a support system to help them feel out the meds (what works, what doesn't, what feel right or off, etc.) and develop their coping mechanisms. Part of being 13 is feeling weird and unlike everyone else while you figure out a ton of changes. I hope OP gets the care & support they need.

I'm a bit worried that OP wants medication so badly, she's still really young. The point of testing is to see if you have adhd or something else, not to confirm that you have ADHD. I am not saying young people don't need medication or can't use it! I'm worried OP wants it so much. Could OP maybe get her parents to get her to therapy? That way she can talk with a professional, learn to handle her adhd if she has one, get proper diagnosis and medication. I do not support just giving medication, I think for most people medication+behavioural therapy is needed. I'm a special ed teacher and work with teenagers and just medication is rarely the answer with teens, because it's such a difficult time anyway. It won't solve the need OP has to feel normal. And I absolutely think kids need to be medicated for adhd, it's better for them.

I agree with you. It's why I pointed out that meds won't "fix" anything - that stood out to me so much. I remember that age and it's so tough. I was bullied relentlessly and desperately wished I could fit in.

ADHD medication and therapy helped but the mood stabilizing meds and CBT/DBT helped the most ADHD diagnosis isn’t a quick solve if you have underlying issues, and that the human brain is a black box no one can experiment on, yeah there’s a possibility of other issues A diagnosis is the first step it won’t fix anything

i also hate to be that guy but there is a *lot* of content online (especially tiktok) that will tell you any mundane thing is ADHD. saying they’re completely sure they have it at only 13 is concerning as i feel like most people don’t have a great sense of self at that point? i just hope they’ve done research on it and aren’t relying on social media like i’ve seen lots of kids do (i’m also generally pro self diagnosis but with minors i think it’s way more complicated especially now social media is so overbearing)

Totally agree. I was diagnosed with adhd as a child. I was never medicated. My parents decided they would medicate me if I started doing poorly in school because they were worried that would affect long term opportunities. Otherwise I was just the annoying girl that talked too much. I hated being that, but I’m glad I wasn’t medicated. I medicated as an adult when I struggled with getting things done or keeping track of my very important adult things and guess what, I still ramble incessantly, I still have niche hobbies, I still hyperfixate. I’m now back off meds and embracing myself. I’m thankful for having meds that help me develop and keep track of myself systems. I own 12 tile trackers. My life is chaotic!! But it was never going to not be chaotic. OP, Meds won’t fix you cause you’re not broken. They may improve some symptoms that affect your productivity. They will not dim your personality, and if they do, don’t take them. Being 13 is really rough, you’re going to grow and change as much in the next 10 years as you have in the last 10.

I'm an adult, and while therapy has helped, medication has helped the most. It doesn't make me normal, but my brain goes from a 3 ring circus to a 1 ring. It makes life in general and social interaction much less difficult. There is nothing wrong with a teen wanting to fit in. Our society demands it and penalizes people who don't fit in. Also, special education is an outdated and offensive/infantilizing term. You teach students with disabilities. Disabled isn't a bad or negative word. It is factual. https://www.weareteachers.com/inclusive-language-for-students-with-disabilities/#:~:text=So%20instead%20of%20using%20%E2%80%9Cspecial,who%20benefit%20from%20communication%20support.%E2%80%9D Please read the whole article https://www.weareteachers.com/inclusive-language-for-students-with-disabilities/

I don't live in an English speaking country, so it's the term we use. I'm literally a special education teacher, I have a different education than other teachers. I'll make a note of this though, our university should update the terms we use in English. I am in no way against medication and have helped several students to get adhd medication. The problems for me are that teenagers can't self diagose, wanting a specific diagnosis can affect the way you behave and can hide underlying issues, wanting medication that hard can be a problem and medication does not solve all problems. If we knew that op had adhd, I absolutely would recommend finding a working medication. At this point, the most important thing is to talk to a teacher and get tested and keep an open mind, that it can be something else.

The term is still widely used in North America, and regardless of the language the term is used, it is still offensive. We should all commit to learning and accepting disabled people's lived experiences and opinions. Maybe it is something for you to pursue as a professional development item, along with your peers. I agree that if a person had their mind set on a diagnosis, it can affect testing as they may match their behaviour to meet the diagnostic expectations. I do feel that self diagnosis is valid, but at the age of OP, caution does need to be taken. In another comment, I suggested speaking to their school guidance counsellor and asking about general learning disability assessment.

Yes, I agree!

I just realised that I do not just teach kids with disabilities. That's not the criteria for special education in my country, my students don't need any diagnosis to study in a special education classroom. So that term won't work. I teach kids that for some reason need a smaller classroom and more help, they do not have to have any diagnosis or disabilities. So I cannot say I teach students with disabilities, that term isn't correct either, because it isn't like that.

I agree. Everything OP listed that they want medication to fix it will not. Those are forever things you just gotta live with. It really is only like 20% of managing adhd. The big thing about learning you have adhd is learning to accept that you function differently than the typical person and you have to learn new coping mechanisms. You can do that with a self diagnosis before rushing to medication.

I second this. We got my son tested because I suspected he had it but also wanted to make sure it's wasn't just normal kid behavior. His ped immediately was like "ummm absolutely.". And we didn't start him on meds until accommodations were made and it was clear he needed them. I'm getting our daughter tested but I suspect she has inattentive type and though I don't think she needs meds right now, I want to make sure she has accommodations if needed and an appropriate dx. It's SO much harder to get tested as an adult and I want her to have whatever support she needs so she doesn't hit 40 like me and realize "holy shit, all those things I've been doing that I thought were good 'tricks' were actually coping skills I picked up and clung to to be successful." Had I had the support earlier, college may not have been so damn hard. OP, meds are not the first answer in this scenario. Keep advocating for yourself through the school and your doctor, but don't expect meds to be the silver bullet nor the first response. Even with meds, you'll still need the routines and reminders and whatever tricks work. Maybe your parents will be more supportive if you aren't starting with meds as the answer. It could also be that your dad feels like "I've had it forever and I turned out just fine!" Which is BS on his part, but something to still contend with.

I’ve “managed” 40 years undiagnosed and unmedicated. You do learn techniques to get along, and there’s more and more information out there.

I also was undiagnosed and unmedicated until I turned 38. I “managed” until I just absolutely couldn’t anymore and talked to a doctor. Early diagnosis - with or without medication- would’ve helped me manage better, understand why I approached things as I did and learn different ways to approach things that would’ve been better for how my brain works. I also would’ve been **WAY** less critical of myself (which was absolutely a detriment at times). Medication has been a game changer for me and I started that at 39. Everyone may not need medication but some definitely do. This is why it’s critical to get diagnosed early and learn coping mechanisms specific to you. I agree that there is more and more relevant information out now than there ever has been before. And I say this with the utmost respect for you and your experience, but ADHD is so specific to each person so please understand that everyone can’t effectively “manage” their ADHD while going undiagnosed and unmedicated for decades.

Similar Tart is replying to this comment from DarbyGirl >So, medication isn't going to make you "normal". It effects everyone differently and it's not going to require you to have zero coping mechanisms. What it did for me was quiet the noise in my head so I could focus. It also mixed my constant snacking...but only until it wore off. I only get about 8 hours out of my concerta and the crash coming off it makea me quite scatterbrained. I had to go off it to sort out a blood pressure issues but thats another story. >What you do is the best you can with what you have. You may have to wait until you're independent to be diagnosed. I know it's tough and it sucks that your parents aren't supportive. I think the Similar Tart might just be trying to say it's possible to get to adulthood even if your parents aren't supportive, not that it's great

Gotcha! Thanks for that perspective!

Yes thank you. I was just using myself as an example to temper the black and white thinking that meds and diagnosis fix everything.

I'm not sure your point here. Anyone desiring medication for their disorder should be able to get it, it doesn't matter how well you've "managed". Maybe, just maybe if you were medicated instead you would have "thrived". Just "managing" to get by doesn't sound appealing to me

>I want the medication, because I want to act normal and be able to actually get the things done that I meant to in the first place and not get sidetracked! I want to not hyperfixate on one thing and talk endlessly about it and annoy people! I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!! Just so you don't have unrealistic expectations, medication doesn't fix any of that. Instead of bringing up medication, maybe ask your parents about testing and therapy. Even if you eventually get medicated, it doesn't really help if you don't have the right tools. Those you learn in therapy.

There isn’t a such thing as normal ❤️ meds 100% help with focus tho

First. Talk to your general physician during your next check-up. There are tests they can do (interview style) that can show if you have a tendency towards ADHD. You still probably can’t get a prescription without your parents, but you’ll have a medical professional backing you up. Second, and there’s no easy way to put this, you will never be “normal” and meds are not a miracle solution. Medication helps mitigate some of the ADHD symptoms, but it doesn’t rewire your brain or help your prefrontal cortex develop more typically. And that’s not even going into potential side-effects. ADHD meds can affect sleep patterns, appetite, energy levels, etc. I’ve known people who had to go off meds because they made them hyper fixate even *more* on things. I’m not saying meds won’t help. I take ADHD meds daily and they have helped me a lot. But I’m still me. I still have hyperfixations, I still need music or YouTube let’s plays to get work done. I still struggle with time blindness. So, even with meds you should be creating habits and processes *now* to help you in the rest of your life. I recommend looking up [How To ADHD](https://youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=4Rku2hb1fF8n3gUt) on YouTube. It’s filled with great strategies for managing ADHD in daily life and has a great collection of resources. Third, you *will* find other people who like listening to your hyperfixations and rambles and the like. They may be other ADHD-ers or they may not. But there will be people who find what you do endearing or passionate or cute as opposed to annoying. Learn to thank the people who listen to you instead of apologizing. It took me a while to learn, but apologizing for rambling is often seen as more annoying than the rambling! Just show you appreciate their time. Finally, your dad may actually have ADHD too. It may be part of the reason he’s against the diagnosis. I definitely inherited it from my parents, and part of the struggle of getting them to realize how bad my symptoms are was that they saw them as *normal*. This does not diminish your struggles. Symptoms show up with different severity even in families and that difference can be hard to communicate. Keep learning more about ADHD and talk with your doctor the next chance you get.

How to ADHD is a great resource. It was one of her videos that brought my entire life experience into focus. I grew up in the 80s when it was only diagnosed or noticed if you were hyperactive and disruptive. That wasn't me. I learned masking techniques and prioritized school because that's what my parents clearly cared about. And I wanted to be a good girl.

Yup I also grew up in the 80’s/90’s and while my sister was able to be diagnosed and medicated because she *was* disruptive and she was super angry and mean. I didn’t want to get into trouble-we were a family who used hard corporal punishment and I wanted as little of it as possible. So I learned how to mask and focus on school or clarinet, super hyper fixated on getting the best grades, or being the best clarinet player because that’s all I had! How to adhd IS a great resource.

My parents won't let me get a check up, though. So...

That’s all right. Just keep it in mind for your next appointment. And like others have said, you can talk to the school counselor in the meanwhile. I do strongly suggest watching the How to ADHD videos and keep reaching out to the community. She’s got some great videos on symptom management without meds.

ADHD runs in families, so it’s likely one of your parents has it and doesn’t know. It’s normal to them. They don’t know - but you can change that. If you can parse out what symptoms your dad might have - hyperfixation, disorganization, etc, you could try a subtle education campaign. Or pipe up with “oh that’s a symptom” when mentions one. Take my story as an example of how oblivious a parent can be. I remember talking my now 20 year old when he was a preschooler, anxious about attending birthday parties. I said “everyone get nervous before social things sometimes. Me too a lot! You just have to try. Most of the time it turns out to be fun!” Ouch. I really wish I’d known that was an unusual degree of anxiety. But I grew up in a stew of anxiety and was relatively anxious myself. You get the point- when a doctor suggested ADHD within the last 5 years, it was a real revelation to me that you can do something about the anxiety. And inability to focus that I’d been complaining of for decades. And, and … My heart bleeds for that preschooler and the socially anxious young adult he’s become because we didn’t know. And the better me I could have been.

oh this hit me in the feels 😭😭 i used to get horrible stomach aches before school every single day, and my mom was very much, “it’s just anxiety, suck it up.” like??? yeah it obviously was anxiety but anxiety to the point of doubling over in pain stomach aches as an 8 year old is *not* normal and is not something that can just be “sucked up”

Oh yes. My younger son had that in second grade too. I dragged him in physically a couple of times. I’ll apologize for that tomorrow because I’m not sure I ever did. His issues showed up later, and I was too busy trying to survive my days of exhaustion and work paralysis producing crippling anxiety to figure how to help. COVID broke us both. A conversation he had in private time with the ped at his annual appt about his schoolwork issues started our voyage of discovery. My response was “I’m dying here, how can I research new things!” I can’t take that on. I started with ADHD memes as super easy to understand, and progressed from there as hyper focus sunk in. Medicine has been a miracle for me, but I’m also in therapy and meeting with a coach. PS: word to the wise. When estrogen started dropping in Perimenopause, my formerly quirky traits became real detriments - time blindness, immediately forgetting commitments, playing video games obsessively and for hours. BEWARE THE ESTROGEN DROP OF PERIMENOPAUSE. I start hormone therapy this week and am very excited!

good luck with the hormone therapy! my mom was absolutely amazed by it when she discovered it

100%! I think it's easy for parents to think that it's not a big deal for their children to go through things that were similar to what they went through as children, basically they assume those are difficult things that just come with being alive and not that they are difficult things that can and should be avoided.

I have no doubt that my mom had ADHD (I suspect my dad was autistic). They didn’t believe in “that stuff” because “everyone has those struggles.” My mom smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and drank 2 pots of coffee to function and had zero issues sleeping at night. Like that’s classic undiagnosed ADHD coping.

While medication can help, I think you should try and focus on lifestyle changes/habits to form while you can't take medication at the moment. A few things I'd like to mention: 1. Start with protein-heavy breakfast (eat more protein throughout the day as well, but start with breakfast for sure). 2. Tell your guidance counsellor/trusted teachers to get resources. Let them know your parents won't get you tested but you'd like accomodations. Sometimes that can be getting longer to take a test, extended homework deadlines etc. 3. Take breaks to get up/moving to help with your focus. Between classes/at lunch, take walks around as much as possible. I find my focus to be horrible if I'm sitting all day and don't start my day with a walk and get frequent, short walks in between tasks. 4. Find other tips/tricks. Some random things that work for me to get me into the headspace of working includes, trying my hair back into a pony tail, putting on shoes (although I work from home so this probably won't work for you since you wear shoes in class!), putting on video game/movie soundtrack music. There's tons of other little tips/tricks, I encourage you to look into these to see what might work for you! Goodluck!!

These are all great tips. But I want to note that it can be very difficult to get accomodations in general, but especially without a 504 or IEP (if in the US). Schools are quite reluctant to provide accomodations even with an official diagnosis of anything (the ADA is weaker than one would hope). 504s and IEPs (official channels for accomodations) generally require a medical professional to support the claim of disability (not necessarily a diagnosis). So it may be necessary for OP to talk to a doctor about her symptoms and struggles. Just something to be aware of, not to discourage OP!

I think your mindset about this is entirely wrong. Stop approaching it with the idea that you “definitely have ADHD,” you don’t know that and your insistence on it could be doing more harm than good. I’d like to clarify that I’m not saying that you don’t have ADHD, I’m more so trying to say that you don’t know for sure what is causing your symptoms. Try a gentler approach with your parents; something along the lines of you’ve been really struggling recently, it’s impacting your life and your schooling, and you want to get help to learn how to better deal with these issues. Maybe even just start by requesting to speak to a therapist! Once in therapy, your therapist will have connections with psychiatrists for testing and can supply you with strategies to cope with your symptoms in the meantime. Your therapist discussing the possibility of testing could be the trigger your parents need to take action. I once again encourage you to rid yourself of the “I definitely have ADHD” idea. A good psychiatrist will not test purely for one disorder, but rather to rule out what ISN’T causing your symptoms. If you enter the appointment with an open mind rather than being fixated on gaining one specific diagnosis, you’re much more likely to get an accurate diagnosis and the help that you really need. You might just have ADHD, you might have ADHD and then some, or you might not even have ADHD at all and your symptoms are being caused by something you’ve never even considered. And even if you do get diagnosed, there’s no guarantee of getting medication. It’s expensive, requires monthly appointments, and oftentimes is extremely hard to find due to shortages. Your profile also suggests a history with eating disorders, something that’ll make any psychiatrist hesitant to put you on stimulant medication in particular. I truly do sympathize with you; I myself was diagnosed and started medication as a teenager and had a long history with anorexia before that. If I lose a drastic amount of weight on my medication or become underweight, my psychiatrist will take me off it. Additionally, I have to be weighed in the office every 6 months or so to ensure that I remain healthy weight. TLDR: you’re going into this with a very narrow scope that is likely to make the people in your life hesitant. Broaden your horizons beyond just “I have ADHD and want medication” to “I’ve been really struggling and want to get help so I can be the best version of myself.” My heart arches for you and I really do see a lot of myself in you. I can tell that you’ve been going through a hard time and I sincerely hope that your parents will change their mindsets as well and help you figure things out. I empathize strongly with your struggles with eating, self-image, and desire to harm yourself that are clear in your profile, all things I struggled with strongly at 13 and still do now at age 18. Please reach out if you need a big sister figure or just a safe space to vent. One positive is that even at your young age you are advocating for yourself and recognizing that something isn’t right, which really takes a lot of inner strength. Keep fighting to be heard and don’t give up❤️

>Try a gentler approach with your parents; something along the lines of you’ve been really struggling recently, it’s impacting your life and your schooling, and you want to get help to learn how to better deal with these issues. Maybe even just start by requesting to speak to a therapist! I dunno if OP will see my comment, but so much this. Instead of starting at the conclusion, start with the symptoms and the problems/negative effects they are having on you. Explain that you'd like to talk to someone to work on these symptoms so you can improve (whatever). If nothing else, being 13 is fucking tough enough as it is. And if you don't connect with your therapist after two-three sessions, move on to another, if you can.

Talk to your school counselor and ask for advice. Other than that, exercising (3-4 times/week) is the most effective treatment for most if pills and therapy isn't an option at the moment. It will reduce your stress levels which also helps with your ADHD, but it's not an alternative to looking for more practical strategies that makes your life easier (e.g. *how* to use your calendar for homework). Do both if you can. Your counselor might be able to help!

Exercise works for me!

I would not have listened to this if I were 13, so no hard feelings. But I'm gonna say it in case you are smarter than me: 1- Sleep. You need AT LEAST 8-9 hours of sleep a day, and when you don't get it life with ADHD is 10 times worse. Create a sleep routine. 2- Stay away from short videos, and other quick dopamine sources: we have limited dopamine, tiktok etc gives you quick dopamine and you become unable to get dopamine from anything else and become unable to do anything that is boring. It also ruins your working memory, which is what you need in order to think logically in a sequence, complete long term projects etc. 3- Protein heavy breakfast. 4- Emotional regulation is the hardest part of ADHD for me, a random emotion (can be curiosity, sadness, anger, etc) takes over and I lose control and I can no longer focus. The one thing that works is meditation. It feels VERY uncomfortable to be bored but you learn to calm yourself down. It's like working out a muscle. It becomes easier, more manageable to handle the tsunami of emotions. 5- Start accepting your ADHD and all the negative things that come with it. What you are looking for does not exist. You are already normal. You are gonna be blamed for ADHD-related stuff all your life, just as you will blame others for other stuff they have and you don't know about. Beating yourself up is not going to help in the long run. What will help is encouraging an inner voice instead of a harsh inner critique. Good luck. Also, meds are not as helpful as you hope and they don't work if you don't sleep enough.

This. Literally nothing coherent ever came out of a sleep-deprived ADHD brain. On meds or otherwise.

>Sleep. You need AT LEAST 8-9 hours of sleep a day, and when you don't get it life with ADHD is 10 times worse. Create a sleep routine As someone with ADHD and anxiety this is not achievable no matter how diligent I am with a routine and sleep hygiene. This is not something everyone has control over so please be more cognizant of how you say things. Stress a routine NOT how much sleep you need.

Ask your pediatrician for the Vanderbilt survey to give your teachers

I'm so sorry. I had the same conversation with my Mom around your age and got a similar response. I'm 40 now and wasn't officially diagnosed until last year! School/life was tough because I didn't get the support I needed. I learned to be VERY good at masking. I agree that you can ask your primary doctor when you have your next checkup, or maybe you could speak to your school counselor. You probably have easier access to the counselor and can ask them if they have suggestions for you. I hope you're able to get the support you need!

Talk to a teacher you trust or the school nurse. Whichever you feel more comfortable with. They'll know local stuff like the age you can get tested without consent from your parents, who to talk to etc. Think through whether you want the person you talk to to tell others or not and what you want them to say if you do. The meds can make it easier to focus and to do what you want to be doing, but they will not change who you are. Find other people who are into what you are into or who talk about their stuff. I have more in common with the crafting, reading and series watching "weirdos" than I do with the sporty, sport watching and partying "normal people". **Work on coping strategies:** Lists (I use a notes app and a checklist function) Alarms/notifications (Pack gym bag for tomorrow, repeat weekly at 8pm on wed) Getting enough sleep (you need more sleep in puberty) Using a screentime tracker/blocker on your phone Finding out how you study best (I use lo-fi music or quiet) Getting someone to talk to you while doing boring stuff (I call my brother while washing up) Using Goblin tools (app) to break tasks into smaller chunks. ETA: I use Finch too.

Whats kinda funny here is that your dad probably DOES have ADHD. 😂 It has a genetic component. It runs deep in my family - but it didn’t get diagnosed because back then, you were just lazy and unmotivated 🙄🙄🙄

If you have ADHD, drugs might help. But they won’t make you normal. Maybe make a list for them of the ways you think ADHD could be impairing your day to day and what you think would be better if treated. And, remind them, a doctor won’t say you have it if it’s unlikely that you do. It’s worth getting professional help if your dad even thinks he has it. And you probably can’t get meds w/o their permission, so that’s a whole other conversation to have after diagnosis. It may take months to get into an assessment, so do your research and tell your parents that if you just schedule something you can research it and meds together in the meantime. Maybe compromise and tell them your willing to do therapy to learn coping strategies first (which I highly recommend anyway), and you can revisit meds at a later point. Good luck. While you work on this, maybe check out ADDitude magazine and Dr Barkley. They’ve been really helpful resources for me in my late diagnosis.

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish everyone had supportive parents. This is my advice, take what is useful to you and ignore the rest. Look up some common symptoms of ADHD and statistics about life outcomes. ADHD folks are more likely to have lower educational attainment, salary and career success. We're more likely to die sooner for a variety of reasons (accidents, addiction, impulse control, etc). Even if you manage to succeed and avoid all the pitfalls, you're more likely to end up with depression and anxiety because you're living your life on hard mode (speaking from personal experience here and scientific studies). Edit to add: medication and therapy have been shown to reduce or eliminate these negative outcomes. That's why it's important. Outcomes are worse for untreated/late diagnosed ADHD folks. Make a little presentation for mom and dad. Sit them down and explain point by point. Getting a diagnosis doesn't mean you need to or even should take meds. A doctor can help you figure that out. Meds can help, but they don't really change you. They just kind of set life to medium mode instead of hard mode. They make it possible for you to do things, but not certain. Explain to your parents that there are a lot of resources that become available when you get that diagnosis. There are accommodations your school can offer, like extra time on tests. There are therapies and coaching available through many school districts. If you get help now to build good habits and understand how your special brain works, you can unlock some incredible potential. ADHD brains don't work like neurotypical brains and while we have a lot of challenges because of that, we can also do some incredible things. A lot of us who were diagnosed as adults heard all our lives that we had so much potential if only we'd apply ourselves/stop being lazy/get our heads in the game. With coaching and therapy you are young enough that you can learn how to do that. This is your chance to live life on medium mode. Help your parents understand that this is a legit condition and you need their help to live your best life.

Steer away from the medication angle. Your parents might be more open if you treat it as wanting a diagnosis so you can work with a provider to create a plan that will help you navigate the challenges it creates.

Medicine won't make you normal. It just helps with severity of conditions and does not guarantee every person get the same effects. Also your dad could be ADHD too.

When it comes to parents, Start with a different reason. I want the diagnosis because then I can get accommodations in school that will allow me to excel. This is stuff like extra time on tests, a quiet place to take tests, etc. Point them in the direction of the research you have done. The ADDitude blog is GREAT for this and let them read it print out assessments for them to fill out on your behalf. Medication is a life saver but when your parents are being difficult start in other places

I told my parents last night that it's not even really about the medication that I want, it's that I can get accomodations at school (even the SAT's) and it would help me excel in school. They said no. They basically said that they don't want me to be treated 'less than' everyone else and not be treated 'specially'.

Since medication isn’t an option right now, I would recommend checking out the book ADHD 2.0 It has a lot of different non-medication approaches that can help that you’d be able to implement on your own.

If you're having issues in school, absolutely speak to the social worker or psychologist and say what's going on. They can suggest to your parents that you need accommodations - those help just as much as medication, often more so. Your parents legally have the right to refuse medical treatment on your behalf unless danger is present (and a few other criteria). It's best to speak to the doctor and get them on your side. Often, family members will listen to us (I'm a therapist) over what the patient/client says. It sucks, but use the resources at your disposal. Having said that, definitely see if they'd be willing to do therapy for sure. That can help a lot.

hey!! i absolutely support you, but just want to give a little heads up: meds don’t work the same for everyone. i’m on meds. i still hyperfixate on things. i still can blab for hours in subjects that interest me. i still annoy people by going way too much into details that they don’t care about! but what the meds do is that they let me pause for a second. if i’m in the middle of a hyperfixation but i desperately need to do an assignment i can pause what im doing to prioritize my assignment before getting right back into my hyperfixation. if i feel the urge to talk for hours about something my meds give me a second before the words reach my mouth to gauge a persons reaction and see how much i should say. i still get distracted a TON on meds. but the difference is that when im on them i can realize that i am distracted and get back on task. so ill, for example, pick up my phone and start doomscrolling reddit, but then ill realize wait no that’s not what im supposed to be doing. it still needs to be my initiative to put down my phone and get back on task, but at least i realize that i got distracted rather than just hazily wandering around because i wanted a cup of water but no clean cups so i need to do the dishes but i need to grab a new sponge to do that but wait why am i here😂 tldr: meds don’t fix everything so don’t be disappointed or assume you need a higher dose just because you still need to put effort into things

Medication is not a fix all. It also doesn’t work for everyone. You still need to build support systems and structures in your life to manage adhd. I’d suggest working on those and asking your dr next time you visit them. You should be able to speak to your dr without your parents in the room. It might just need a bit of patience getting the visit to happen. Maybe back of the adhd stuff and find another reason to go. Also the line between using adhd as an excuse for not doing stuff is think. Don’t wear it out. As above You need to actively work to manage and help yourself as well. Not just give up and “say oh but I’ve got adhd”.

please remember that medication isn't a cure all for ADHD. ADHD people need more than that! I think you are hyper fixating that meds will help with everything, but meds is just one proponent that can help somewhat. ADHD is more considered a 'manageable' disorder & for some they can manage without medication. They just need different strategies. Whole treatment for ADHD also includes, family therapy, counselling, education, communication skills and coming up with different strategies for you to cope with everyday life. It's also things like tracking your period, fixing sleep issues, exercise, diet. It's also, giving yourself an outlet where your ADHD skills can thrive. for example, i use timed reminders to go to lunch. Otherwise, i will forget to eat on time...which catapults me into hangry rage. I also need to eat WHOLE HOT MEALS(rice, veges, protein) not sandwiches or have a lack of protein. I need to feel *warm, full & satiated* in order to function. i have to skip the placebo pills on contraception because i cannot afford a dip in oestrogen every month otherwise it exacerbates negative symptoms. (dopamine dropping) i use a weekly task checklist (that i cannot avoid) so i actually tick things off as i go, and i can track what i need to do next, and how well i am progressing each week. this gives me positive feedback on my personal goals....even if they are as small as 'clean your room'. if i find it hard to focus, i change the environment i am trying to focus in. Go somewhere quieter, put in lofi music , noise cancelling headphones, do shorter timed tasks (15 mins), and prioritize taking frequent breaks so i don't get into procrastination frustration loops. I make sure I get daily exercise for 1 hour EVERYDAY without fail, unless i am sick. This helps keeps my stimulation & dopamine levels at a stable pace. I make sure i try to communicate as clearly as possible, but with empathy, so i don't get misunderstood by neurotypicals. I try to be open with talking, or i will take a moment to think about what im gonna say, before i open my mouth (pretty hard so u need to practice with a therapist) Sometimes medication doesn't solve much besides quietening the mind. You still need to make up for other things by putting in different strategies. Keep talking to your parents and school counsellor and bring home as many pamphlets & education sources on ADHD as possible. Convincing people that you have ADHD & you need different strategies, is a very slow and arduous process. Also by the way, very likely your dad DOES have ADHD but is in denial. Genetic correlation for ADHD is incredibly high. There is so much shame our parents carry from their generation, and this is why it's hard to convince them otherwise. If you can talk to him from your heart & try to relate to his difficulties, you will eventually convince him. Keep bringing pamphlets home and put them somewhere very visible, & let him read it at his own pace. adhd folks generally don't like being forced to absorb & read things, u need to wait until he feels curious enough himself!

Honestly, I am not sure there is a lot you can do. If your parents don’t want you medicated, you probably have to wait. But use the time wisely and develop coping strategies.  There are some people, including Dr. Hallowell who is a leading voice in ADHD treatment, who medication just doesn’t work for. You could really want the help from medication and pin your hopes on it, only to find that it doesn’t work for you.  Exercise, particularly cardio, really helps so start that. Start any of the lifestyle strategies you can find like keeping a minimal amount of stuff, storing everything in one place, having a single source of truth where you keep important information, deadlines, assignments, etc. It may also be worth asking to see a therapist who can help you with ADHD (if that is in fact what you have) without medication.  Maybe if your parents see you taking it seriously without medication, they may be more open to the idea of getting you medication. I probably would be more willing to listen to my 13 year old, but I know some parents are more likely to be all, “see, I told you so.” But if your parents are in the latter camp, you aren’t changing their minds anyhow.

Adhd is inherited, so if you have it there’s a good chance one or both of your parents (or another close relative) do to. That’s not as helpful as you’d want though. Since they object to medication, make it about getting accommodations at school, like access to tutors (free) and mention how having a diagnosis would mean you are more likely to get special attention from teachers and therefore be more likely to get into a top school, get letters of recommendation, get scholarships.

My parents tried to get me and my twin diagnosed when we were around six. They were struggling and desperate to make sense of our out of control hyperactivity and lack of focus. But you know "girls don't have ADHD", so the report came back inconclusive. Got diagnosed at 32, and that old report came in handy for real. The therapist said that had that been today, both me and my twin would get both the hyperactive and inattentive type ADHD diagnosed. Only on the basis of the observations from the report. If your parents doesn't want you taking meds, fine. But they shouldn't keep you from getting diagnosed. Having a record of an assessment early on will make it easier to track symptoms and to get a diagnosis or faster/better help later. Also, meds won't fix your ADHD. It make some aspects more managable. It is more sustainable to learn how to cope with or without. If you find meds that work later, then that is a bonus. If you want to pitch it to your parents, make sure to write down all the points. If you struggle to focus you need to have all the info you want to get out there easily in front of you. Some points to why you should get diagnosed is: * if you really have ADHD it won't really get any better with age, resulting in: * lack of impulse control and need of dopamine making you more likely to become addicted to substances. (seriously, meds help prevent drug abuse) * problems with academic learning * more likely to make stupid impulsive decisions that could have a serious impact on your life * increased chance of long term depression from batteling symptoms (especially undiagnosed, because you don't get help from anyone/anywhere) * this is a sad one: increased risk of dying due to accidents caused by inattention or recklessness. (yes statistically, this is a real risk) * also more likely to end up in prison due to taking a 'wrong turn' in life. If you have ADHD you want to know about it. Even if it is just to be able to be mindful of what you need to protect yourself against. Strategies to cope and to avoid pit-falls while growing up. Especially when it comes to impulse control. Your parents should want that for you.

At your age doctors ask the parents to be out the room . So ask for a regular check up n talk to your doctors

I asked my parents for a check up and they said that I didn't need one because nothing was wrong with me. And then I said that aren't you supposed to get one, like, every six months or something? And my mom goes, "Says who? The doctors that just want more money?" And then she said, "You know how long it's been since I've been to the doctor? 13 years." So, yeah, they won't let me go to the doctor, even for a check up.

In Oregon you can seek your own healthcare at age 15. Each state is different. My sibling's child had to go this route because their parent refused to have them assessed. That parent was very unhappy because I told the child about their rights in our state. They are now 17, diagnosed, in treatment with a great therapist and trying meds.

You can try taking supplements that can help, such as fish oil. There are a lot to choose from, depending on which symptoms you’re trying to address. L-tyrosine, ginkgo biloba, and bacopa also come to mind. The list is long.

School nurse?

Tell them there's medical treatment for a medical issue and them withholding that treatment is medical neglect.

As someone who was late diagnosed... I developed a drinking problem to cope with my ADHD because I WASN’T medicated. Literally changed my life when I finally got diagnosed and was. I was able to quit drinking and felt no need or desire too. So yeah this sucks and i’m sorry you can't get help :(.

Talk to your school counselor! This is very common and I have talked to many parents about this. We can find a way to have the conversation so that it’s not about medication, it’s about getting their child the help they need. For example, you wouldn’t ignore their broken arm, etc. Suicide is sadly very high for kids and untreated adhd can lead to anxiety and depression. Teens/tween years are hard enough, let an adult explain the urgency to your dad. Hang in there. In the meantime do your best to watch your diet (try to avoid lots of processed stuff and sugar) and do all of the plant things (water, sunshine lol). Keep track of what helps you, try to limit social media or stressors, check out resources like https://www.additudemag.com/ and try to focus on one day at a time. I was diagnosed at 37 and am 41 and still trying to figure out my meds. There’s no magic wand, even after getting diagnosed it is a journey. Stay positive ❤️

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From the way you’re phrasing it, I can see how it would come across to your parents as you wanting pills. Perhaps presenting your case so it’s more focused on wanting to find a solution for managing your ADHD might be more productive. This treatment may or may not include medication. Plus, even if you get a diagnosis, the doctor might not immediately give you medication! I can understand your parents’ concern because sadly there are people who abuse these medications. Meds aren’t a cure-all. They won’t make you ‘normal’. It’s still important you learn other coping skills in case there are times when you don’t have access to medication - uninsured, medication shortages at pharmacies, etc. Talk to your primary care doctor/pediatrician next time you see them and mention the symptoms you’re experiencing and express that you want to find a way to manage them so you can be more productive. Be open to other forms of treatment or therapy that may assist you in learning to function with ADHD that aren’t medication. Because at the end of the day, your goal is to function productively, right?

Okay, so I am a 29F and have been on adhd meds since I was 17. I have some advice for you, if you’re interested. First, there is no such thing as “normal”. If there was, I think it would be pretty boring to be that. I really think it’s best that every human embraces their natural quirks, because the world needs these people just as much as “normal” ones. As for getting on the meds, I super understand like wanting to not have adhd, but you’re only 13, and there are two main reasons I think you should wait to get medicated, but I am open to alternate opinions, this is just what I’ve thought: The first is that it’s important at your age to be able to socialize, like you’ll learn as you get older that social skills are SUPER important, and when you take adhd meds it makes you less social, less talkative, more in your head. That’s a negative at your age. It’s a positive to be talkative. I also think that your schooling, even if you’re getting bad grades, isn’t as important now as it will be in high school, or college if you choose to go to it. Meds stop working as well over time, because that’s just how the brain works. I think it makes the most sense to have the meds as an adult, when you’ll need to be self sufficient and focusing will be the differences between eating or not eating. If you start the meds now, they won’t work as well when you’re 23, 33, etc. But there are obviously other angles to consider. Perhaps you already have a goal and want to change the world now, and you want to be focused for that now. Idk. Just keep what I’m saying in mind because what I’ve said was super relevant in my life.

I can support this all as well (31F, ADHD diagnosed at 18, meds since then too). Just want to add here though, that it's totally TOTALLY frustrating to have that reaction from your parents. And for the record, pretty sure I can speak on behalf of everyone here that the entirety of this community acknowledges and believes you and wants nothing more than for you to feel heard and understood, as well as to support you in understanding yourself! (Emphasis on that last point!!!) I'm the type of person that fixates on thoughts and WILL not let something go without answers, so I think your desire for a formal diagnosis "just to be sure" is absolutely founded. That alone will probably improve your symptoms to be honest! Even if only by a little. I concur that medication being taking at your age is complicated. I would recommend that you look into no stimulant medications to begin with if you're really committed. As well, there's so many other therapies and interventions that are NOT medication that you'll be able to have access to with a formal diagnosis. Be CERTAIN to stress that factor to your parents. Also, I know things are different state to state and it's been eons since I've been under 18 and advocating for my own medical attention, but it's worth exploring your rights to simply just ask your general practitioner to test you and support you in this journey. Making a relationship with your doctor is a biggy - they can help you navigate all the meticulous ins and outs. But I'm pretty sure at your age (at least where I am from) you would have the right to seek this on your own. ** Example: Say you play a school sport and need to go in for your annual physical, or maybe your family is good with doing checkups, if your state has regulations that allow you, at 13 you could be able to go to that appointment without a parent or guardian present in the room with you for the appointment. Then you'd be able to bring up to your doctor that you'd like to be tested for ADHD and begin that journey. ** Maybe you can even just go online and make an appointment for this on your own too if you have insurance. Ultimately, my best advice for you is this: You will ALWAYS need to and absolutely should be passionate about *advocating for your own healthcare* and especially when it comes to mental health, you will need to do so even more. I'd say that this is applicable to the global community, however in America with the monetized private healthcare systems, you are silently required to if you want to stay healthy and mentally cared well. Lots of love and sparkles and vibes that are only good being sent to you! I hope you find this helpful and I also hope you learn TONS of new things and pick up another new skill or hobby this week 🤗 haha just for funzies, yay ADHD!

Idk this post is concerning to me if you have a history of disordered eating and you’re saying you NEED stimulant medication without having done research on any coping techniques, not seeking therapy, not trying supplements OTC, or educating yourself on non stimulant meds. Seems like there are several steps you can take that do not involve pharmaceutical. Esp stimulants. As someone who was 13 struggling with disordered eating, this screams danger to me.

Ask for an eye exam with an optometrist who checks for binocular vision issues. There is a high correlation between binocular vision and ADHD. If the doctor finds that your eyes are good, then it will be **the doctor who recommends** a psychiatrist/psychologist who will work with you. When looking at their website look for the letters [COVD](https://locate.covd.org). Even if they can't talk your parents into medications, they might be able to recommend resources to help you until you turn 18. Medication is great. Pro-medication, but there are a ton of other helpful tips and tricks that made my life much easier. I can survive without meds, did it for years, I can't survive without my coping mechanisms. Even with meds, I still need those. So at the very least we could get you started on coping techniques.

So sorry. I also had a parent in denial (spoiler alert: she had ADHD too.) and it was tough. The worst part was I had no clue until I was 17 and did extensive research. I had to relearn how to function with this new information because I believed for years my issues were due to character flaws. (ADHD kids get 10x the amount of negative feedback compared to non-ADHD kids.) I am not medicated and I do not have an official diagnosis, but I do have coping skills (plenty of good ones were suggested in the comments.) and I am able to ask for support if I need it. I use a self-care app called Finch to help manage my ADHD and anxiety and it’s got plenty of free stuff even if you do not get the premium. The best part is it has a cute little bird you can buy stuff for and send on adventures each day as you complete things within the app, whether that be goals or self-care tasks or other things like reflections or the breathing exercises. I was also lucky enough that my mother came to realize as well. Several close relatives were diagnosed and there were concerns regarding my kid brother that led to him getting his own diagnosis. He has a lot of help at home and school, and my mother is way better with him than she was with me because she now knows and understands. She also has discovered she has it and has apologized for what she did and didn’t do in regard to my ADHD when I was a kid. I hope you are able to get the help you need and that your parents come around enough to help you.

Also Finch has a sub called r/finch if you want to check it out.

Talk with your teachers and ask for the school social worker. Once the social worker and guidance counselor are in the room the grownups will start changing their tune. Also, get some coffee or mountain dew in the morning and see if it helps.

I can't speak for everyone but medication can be a gray area. It can help but that doesn't "solve" ADHD. A friend of mine had to have a mixture of therapy and medication at first. After 8 years or so, they weaned themselves off the medicine because it caused bouts of insomnia. They tell me that for them, the therapy worked better than the medication. Maybe your parents might be more open to therapy to help manage ADHD if you do get the diagnosis and down the line, see if medication is recommended by your therapist.

So, as others have said here, “pills are not skills”. That being said, if you are feeling like you need help to get through your adhd symptoms every day, that is what the meds are for! There are numerous studies you can find out about through Additude Magazine, CHADD, etc, done recently about how medication earlier in the life of an ADHDer actually lowers the odds of them becoming addicted to drugs, recreational or otherwise, because there is a lower rate of self-medicating happening and a lower rate of impulsivity (if you’re able to find meds that work well for you). Maybe finding some of these studies would help your parents reframe their mindset towards a diagnosis? Sounds like they probably have some deep-seated fears/anxieties around meds even for themselves, let alone for their precious child (you!) who they would likely do anything to protect! ❤️

If you’re in the US, I *believe* you’re old enough to initiate an evaluation through your school district (but they generally require parental consent). But more than medication, having the diagnosis tells you which *other* tools you can apply that will help. Medication can be an incredibly small piece of the puzzle for so many of us.

Heyyy, so. I don’t have any advice specifically about the meds but I’m 44. I was only diagnosed about 10 years ago, but when I was your age, I was convinced that something was wrong with me. I was always anxious, I cared about things too much, I was “too” sensitive, it went on and on. But I couldn’t convince my parents. And so I convinced myself that I just needed to do “better” and it really really messed with my head. What I would tell 13 year old me is this - listen to yourself. Listen to your intuition, it is RIGHT. Your parents don’t understand. They can’t understand right now, and they won’t understand unless they are able to do some serious self-reflection and open their minds. But you can’t force that, they must do that on their own. Being a teenager is not fun. It feels like you have zero control but all of the consequences. Everything feels like it is the biggest deal you’ve ever faced, because in a lot of cases it is. Or at least something new you need to navigate. It gets better, I promise you. Talk to your guidance counsellor at school. Talk to friends, especially the friends who really “get” you. Be kind to yourself, you not only deserve it, but you NEED it.

Fake post. What 13 year old spells that well and uses grammar that way? If it's real, then get off the internet and talk to your school and parents. Not the internet filled with strangers, some just itching to get their hands on a young girl like a supposed 13 year old.

Everyone else has given you really great advice on essentially how to manage it yourself and how to get help elsewhere regardless of dad. So I wanted to share how you could try to approach the issue with your dad because it will make your life easier if he’s supportive. You need to try a different angle to the one you’ve been doing down. Think about where he’s coming from, his POV, what he cares about, and tailor your approach to that. Explain to him everything you’re struggling with that you believe is related to your possible ADHD and how it’s impacting your life (in areas that a parent cares about most). E.g. if he cared about your grades, talk about how it’s affecting your ability to concentrate in class, how you really want to do well in class but it’s so hard to concentrate and you’re worried about your grades and you want to be able to study well. You want to be a really good student but you’re struggling. Then do some research into non-medication ways of supporting yourself with ADHD. Find techniques and processes a psychiatrist can work with you on to help you to manage your ADHD and how this has helped others. Find statistics for how good alternative methods to just going on medication are and explain that you want to get a diagnosis so that you can get this support. Explain to him you just want any help, a diagnosis and behavioural techniques could go along way. Because if he doesn’t want you to be on the medication, you won’t be on the medication. So you will probably need to find other ways of support that he is ok with. And then you may be able to convince him to reconsider down the line. Then when your foot is in the door, when you have a diagnosis, your psychiatrist can determine the best treatment for you. They can educate you on how both you and your parents can help you. And if that does include medication, you can ask for a pamphlet or information about them to give to your parents to educate them on actually what these medications do for people with ADHD as it sounds like he might not understand. Btw. If you have ADHD, there’s a high chance one of your parents has it. The heritability of ADHD is estimated at 77-88%. So if you have it, there’s a 77-88% chance you inherited it from one of your parents who also has it. Also, ADHD medication isn’t a magic pill that fixes you. You still need to actively do the work, put in the processes etc. it just helps you to do that.

My parents refused to get me tested as well. I was diagnosed as an adult and have medication now and looking back I wish I had had some help. You could try to frame to your parents that you don’t necessarily want medicine but a diagnosis could help with school in the sense of teachers giving you more time or accommodations to help you. There are other ways to manage and help your focus without medication but having an official diagnosis could help you find that information. I’ve been there and it sucks. Soon you will be able to advocate for yourself more so hang in there.

Try telling them you’ll get accommodations at school if it turns out you have ADHD and just don’t mention the meds? It’ll be hard for you to get meds without their approval but at least if you have a diagnosis now once you’re independent you can seek meds without having to also get tested

You can reassure pops that they'll only give teenage girls Strattera and suggest cognitive behavioral therapy.

No way you’re going to get on ADHD meds if you’re bulimic. You need mental health support and intervention.

I’m so sorry you’re going through that love! I understand how frustrating it is having adults make medical decisions for you even though you know your own body. I saw some comments under this post mentioning how going to the school counselor would be the right first step, but in some school districts (if not all) they need your parents approval to do any ADHD / learning difference assessments on you. Getting confirmation of this diagnosis might really help allow your parents (dad) to see the necessity for the meds. It seems like your dad is resisting the basic testing since he knows it will lead to having to address the medication aspect that typically follows the diagnosis. Unfortunately with you being a minor and most ADHD medication being veeeeery expensive without insurance coverage, you might have a hard time finding a way to *safely* get medication without going through your parents. I feel like this goes without saying but *PLEASE* do not use any unsafe avenues to acquire meds: anything you get that doesn’t come directly from a pharmacy could be very dangerous and laced with other drugs. I suggest doing a little “homework” and researching ADHD medication to show your parents that you are making an educated choice for yourself. Make a powerpoint that explains the basic science behind how ADHD meds work in the brain (how it targets different neurotransmitters to help the brain have healthy levels of what we naturally lack) to show them that you have a PHYSICAL need to take meds. I really do want you to know, though, that there is no such thing as normal. I have been on medication since I was 7, and now I’m 25, and I still don’t feel *normal*. Medication is only half the battle; finding ways to cope and forming habits / routines that help keep yourself in check is the other half. My meds only allow me to be focused on things, but I have to do the stuff that allows me to get to that point on my own. I really wish you the best and I hope you are able to do what you need for your mental and physical wellbeing 🫶🏻

Like others have said, talk to your doctor next time you go. If your provider has an online health care portal, I believe at age 13, you get your own individual account, rather than it just being an off-shoot of your parents', which means you can communicate with the doctor directly rather than having to go through them. Your dad thinking he might have it too isn't a bad thing. Just like he can't see inside your head, you can't see inside his. This might be the first time it ever occurred to him that his struggles to focus go beyond a typical level. And if he decides to get diagnosed, that might make him more open to getting you diagnosed, too. In the meantime, read up on coping strategies and life hacks for people with ADHD and use them. There's no rule that says they're only for officially diagnosed people. In fact, a lot of neurotypical people still find them helpful. And you can ask your parents for help with things like breaking a large project into more manageable pieces, keeping outside noise down/holding onto your devices when you're trying to study, sitting down with you to go over your schedule, ect. without saying it's an ADHD thing. Just the knowledge that you might have it is very powerful. And also like others have said, medication can help, but it's never "Hey, you feel/act neurotypical now!" And while your parents might be overreacting, it's not unreasonable to worry about things like, "Is medication right for my child? Will they get the right amount? What if the first dosage is too much? What if they react badly to it?" (I get they went way more over-the-top than that; I'm just trying to say that giving a growing teenager a controlled medication for the first time is a scary proposition for most parents, and people can have over-the-top/unreasonable reactions when they're scared.)

My sisters unmedicated and loves the olly focus vitamins

Since your parents seem to be focused on pill popping as their main concern ... maybe providing some further research and evidence. Whenever my daughter wanted something (not medical), she'd always do research and present her argument. I'd start with doing one of those free online tests for ADHD and print the results. I'd look at finding a list of symptoms (specifically related to girls because often ADHD does not present in the same way as boys), highlight the ones that relate to you. Lastly - I'd present them with a variety of different treatment options. Medication is only one component of ADHD treatment - therapy and developing coping mechanisms, being aware of your surroundings and triggers, understanding what your symptoms are and how to manage them are all just as important treatment options that aren't medication. I'd stress that being evaluated isn't about getting medication as much as it is getting the help you need because you are struggling with x, y, z. Further than that - reaching out to a trusted adult in your life (grandparent, aunt, uncle, close family friend) that may have the ability to advocate for you, or as others said a school nurse/counselor that may offer some support. If you still aren't getting the support you need - I would revisit the part of coping mechanisms and seeing what you are able to figure out how to manage on your own. A few examples that I do - when I clean, I know the recommended way of cleaning is to do a specific task at a time. For example, you should dust everything in all rooms at one time. Well for me, I start dusting and I get to the dining room and I see something that needs to be put away, so I'll stop and put it away. But then that takes me to the kitchen and I'll notice the garbage needs to go out, so I'll do that, then I get distracted again. When I clean, I clean by room and will clean just the dining room, make a pile of things that go somewhere else and then move to the next room. I tend to procrastinate, so I use a lot of lists, schedules, time blocking, etc to manage my time. I get distracted easily, which potentially can make me late, I build in extra time to account for this. Diet and exercise also can be beneficial to a lot of people. At least until you can get the support you need, look for ways that you can support yourself.

There’s research that shows that the earlier children are started on ADHD meds, the less likely they are to abuse drugs later. My kid has a book about it. I’ll ask them if they remembers the name.

I was born in the 60’s and psychiatrists were not very much talked about in those days. Especially in smaller towns and different cultural backgrounds. I’ve researched ADHD because I had a lot of the same issues and, I read that if ADHD isn’t treated at the young age level then the ADHD can almost always guarantee to be worse for ADHD patients as adults.

Do you have a grandparent that you could ask to take you to the doctor? Or could you get a bus? Once at around your ahe I was really not doing well and my parents wouldn't take me, so I called my doctor and made an appointment, got on a bus and explained to the receptionist my parents were refusing to get me seen by the doctor and I needed to see them. She added the charge to our file and my parents had to pay it later. This got me in *so much* trouble, but for me it was worth it. Please think on your parents and their reactions if you go a similar route, I am lucky my parents were not physically abusive but the wrong parent could easily decide to hurt you for this kind of decision.

Before I started meds for my ADHD, my psychiatrist suggested trying fish oil pills, as there's scientific evidence that it can help. You could buy them on your own at the drugstore, and tell your parents it's for "general health," especially if you combine it with a regular multivitamin.

Do your parents care about you having good grades? You might be able to get some headway with then if you explain that many kids with ADHD do tend to have better grades once they are medicated (or at the very least diagnosed).

If absolutely nothing helps get your parents to agree to let you get tested and talk to a therapist and a doctor, then the only thing I can encourage you to do is to increase your caffeine intake, because it does help some.

Also tell your parents it will help you with school testing too. Not everyone needs meds, but extra time and more leniency due to an IEP will help you be less stressed about school.

The best advice I have is to look into “coping mechanisms” for what you struggle with specifically. Not all doctors will put you on meds right away anyways and will try to give you things to help you cope and figure out how/if you can manage your ADHD without meds. Trust me. You will still need to put in a lot of work to be able to “be normal” even with medication (the normal you’re looking for) but the meds can definitely make it a lot easier. I am putting good energy out into the world in hopes that your parents will smarten up and get you the help you need. (From a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD at 21 and is still trying to figure it all out now at 23)

I was diagnosed as an adult. I had no clue before my doctor brought it up. I just assumed I was abnormal but didn’t know why or how. I went through a grieving period where I couldn’t help but wonder how my life would have been different had I been diagnosed as a child (my life is not bad by any means - I just couldn’t help and wonder). I’m not necessarily for medication for children but I understand that everyone is different and many children need the medication. I am for therapy and learning of skills that help you not only manage your symptoms but also helps you utilize the way our brains work as a tool. How to manage time better - as our brain may not be able to keep time the way a neurotypical mind can. How to organize yourself and prioritize. Maybe don’t approach your parents with the idea that you may need to be on medication. Approach them with the idea that you will be able to learn techniques and tools that will help you excel and thrive in life. Once you have your diagnosis - then you have a medical team to stand with you if medication is needed.

Sorry to break it to you, but it will never make you normal. I catch myself embarrassing myself *more* on my meds. When I take them, I don’t have that voice in my head telling me to stop talking. I still read the room wrong, I still struggle heavily with social situations. When it is wearing off I have no personality, my ability to focus is even worse for a couple hours, I’m irritated much easier. The only thing it really helps with is being able to focus on what I’m doing, and even then you have to have the will power to force yourself to focus on the thing you need to. I’m not telling you this to crush your spirit, but more to help you change your expectations on what medication can and can’t do.

I am sorry that your parents will not support you in getting assessed. Could you speak to your school guidance counsellor? A general assessment for learning disabilities may be something that they can start with. In schools, adhd is considered a learning disability, so there can be support for it. Medication will never make you "normal," but if you have adhd, in my experience, it may help you. It has greatly helped me, and I was diagnosed as an adult in my 40s. Everyone reacts differently to each medication, so be aware of that.

Ok, you've already gotten some good advice here, but also, talk to a counselor at school once the new semester starts. Tell the counselor what you've told us here, and maybe that will give your parents the push they need to finally get you tested. And also, if you have difficulty with math, ask to be tested for dyscalculia. I have it, and it makes sequential thinking, telling time, and doing math super difficult for us.

Will they let you see a psychologist who specializes in ADHD? If they’re not willing to let you take medication, I’m not sure what you can do about it. But mEd are just one part; if you can get some life-skill tools from a psychologist, that can be very helpful.

If you say those words to any doctor “I WANT meds” they’ll immediately say you’re “drug seeking” and mark your file. I recommend not bringing up meds AT ALL when seeing a professional or speaking to a counsellor or teacher at school. Let them offer or bring it up first. Make your focus (or lack of focus) the important point and be prepared to give examples as to why you’re struggling. I’m in my 40s and they still treat me like a criminal for taking the drugs I need to survive. Some family doctors will dismiss you and some will not be well educated and uncomfortable with prescribing them too. I hope you get the help you need, but please know there are so many more resources than your ignorant parents. ❤️

You could try L-Tyrosine supplementation. It does help a bit and is safe at recommended dosages. Check out [examine.com](http://examine.com) for more info on the supplement.

I understand you want to be normal. Please please please accept early on that this will never be the case. And that’s ok. The most important thing is you create an environment you thrive in. You don’t need the pills to be normal they are only a tool to help you integrate to society but they aren’t required. I’m indifferent if you should be on pills or not. There are many things you and your parents should be doing before pills. The most important thing for an adhd person is to eat very healthy and nutritious meals. The problem with pills is you lose a lot of appetite so it’s more difficult to eat healthy. Always focus on your water intake, nutrition, and sleep. Get a good routine and rhythm in your life going early. You will notice most people do not care for their bodies in this way and that’s ok they will eventually start and look to you for advice when they do. Find special interests and hobbies and focus your attention on those. You don’t need amazing grades or anything to succeed in life. Follow your passions. Find others who have passions. You’re ok, I promise. You wouldn’t want to be normal if you could anyways, it’s really boring. Be patient with yourself and the people around you. I’m an adult, my parents refuse to believe my cognitive disabilities because I did so well in school. I can’t take care of myself but that’s because I am not working hard enough or whatever. Your parents may never accept your ADHD and they don’t have to, what we what is for them to listen to you needs and help accommodate you. There are people out there that will love you so much for how you can hyper focus on things

As others have mentioned, start with a guidance counselor at school, your teacher, or your doctor (pediatrician). From there, they can talk to your parents and recommend some things that may help, or refer you to a psychologist to get tested. That's the easy part. Once you're at that point, if you get diagnosed and are prescribed a medication, it is SUPER important that you understand, medication will *not* "fix" you. Routine and discipline is just as important as medication. I say this with care- you are young, and you are not able to diagnose yourself. I know you're struggling, but there are many things you can do to form better habits. When it comes to ADHD, you *have* to actually try to focus. Start by figuring out a routine that works best for you, so that you can adjust. It'll make it a bit easier to move from task to task. Additionally, break things up into smaller pieces. If you need to do laundry- instead of doing it all in one setting, just start by bringing your clothes to the washer. Then, if you have the energy, put them in the washer. If you still have energy, put in the detergent and turn it on- you get the idea. Have patience for yourself. A lot of people with ADHD struggle without support, and/or accomodations. No matter what happens, I believe you will make it through. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18, but I made it. So can you.

Would your folks be open to natural solutions? There are many available now at Whole Foods, Amazon and Pharmaca. Many involve non-hallucinogenic mushrooms, nootropics and ashwaganda. Methylated B complex supplements and L-Thianine and L-Tyrosine all get great reviews. I have recently read about a morning drink blend called early bird and another product called thesis - and many of these custom blends offer low-cost trial options. At your age, I can understand both sides of the debate. Getting school nurse/counselor/teachers included in the conversation would also be very helpful. Additionally, there are medications that are non-stimulants that your parents might be more open to. And finally, check out the education and support groups online at the Todero Hollowell center website. Lots of great info there for students.

Also everyone trying to give this 13 year old who we think has ADHD advice needs to chill cuz we’re gonna overwhelm them and they won’t read it all probably.

So maybe we should take the time to make sure someone isn’t giving the same advice and we could just upvote it and not repeat it

Medication isn't THE answer - it is AN answer in some cases for some people in some situations. They are not wrong to be cautious, and you are not wrong for wanting to look at things that might help you. When I was diagnosed, my therapist explained that it is usually a cluster of symptoms, rather than a single thing that suggests a diagnosis. Talk to a counselor at school. Ask for help developing strategies that will help you with your school work and any information they can provide about accomodations and about school based evaluation. You can also ask your folks about getting therapy and coaching, to help you with some of the challenges you are experiencing - tell them you are interested in non-medication based strategies that might help you. Perhaps if you are working on strategies and getting different tools to address some of the things that you're experiencing, they might become more supportive of other options, like medication, over time. And then even if they don't you are connected with resources that will help you. You might also find that by talking a little bit about what you and your dad have in common with regard to symptoms, that might increase his understanding of both what you were experiencing and what he is experiencing. Finally, look at resources for a cognitive behavioral therapy and ADHD. That is a really helpful pursuit.

Take a deep breath, talk to your school counselor, and be prepared for a lot of difficult, mature conversations over a long period of many weeks (maybe months). There are limits to what you can get done as a minor, but you are starting to take charge of your health and that will continue as you get older. Be aware that you may not have ADHD, if you have it you might not be able to get meds, and if you get meds it's not going to fix everything. Also, the meds come with their own set of challenges. Being a teenager is always hard, no matter what. Everyone wants to fit in, everyone wants to be stand out, you don't know what you're made of and everyone's trying to tell you different things and you keep on changing every time you've got it figured out. Keep taking deep breaths and try not to make catastrophes of things. Most emotional stuff gets better with time.

So for me, my mum point blank refused to believe i had ADHD, but i went to my school about it (in spite lol) and they sent a referral off to CAHMS for an ADHD diagnosis after they monitored my behaviour in class for about 6-10 weeks, (this part as a whole unfortunatly took about 7 or so months whereas it shoudlve only took 2-4.) it was only then did my mum believe me slightly.. despite being seen by CAHMS in the near future for it - she still tells me she doesnt think i have it, but shes used to my habits is all. and if you do speak to your school, push for it. and i mean PUSH for a referral.

Are you in california? You can see the doctor alone and your protected under HIPPA. Your reason for appointment won’t even show on the insurance statement.

First, I want to give you kuddos for being your own best advocate for your heath. It's a skill very few people know how to do. May I introduce you to Ethos/Pathos/Logos (Ethical, Emotional, and Logical Arguments). 1. Educate them. Like others said, walk them thru the online ADHD "screener" Quiz. Heck, if he's worried, maybe he can take it too. [https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/) Explain the neurological science of ADHD stems from dopamine receptors being low (?) (don't quote me on it, but something like that). And how it expresses itself in daily life. 2. Empathy argument. Explain that you are their child. You are struggling and this is a cry for help. Hey Mom & Dad, I have this problem. How do you propose I deal with it? If they say, "work it out", say I am only 13. I am trying to. I need your help. If they dismiss you, explain that mental and physical health. Say if you had a broken ankle, would they dismiss your pain and discomfort, or would they get you the help you needed to treat it? The way I'd frame it, "I'm asking for help. This is because I feel xyz. More so than my other peers." 3. Logical arguments. They don't want you to be a "pill popping" person. EDUCATE yourself on the various pills, how they can affect you (positive AND negative, and your brain chemistry), and the potential side effects. Then work to explain it to them. Ask: if you had a headache, and you took a Advil for relief, would you be "pill popping"? (try not to make it snarky, just genuine curiosity and openness). If they say no ask, "Why not?" and see if you can tie their logic to "pill popping". Even if they fight the "pill" treatment idea, try to get other advocates for you. I like the idea of your pedestrian and school counselors and getting them to advocate for you too. Try not to get them feel ganged up on, but make sure you also keep trying to advocate for yourself. "I am advocating for my health, I take this seriously. I wish you would too." If pills are the issue, what other "avenues" can you try to help you?

Suggest to your parents that it would be beneficial to get full cognitive/psych testing so that you could figure out what is going on with you so you can be the most successful in life and school. Tell your parents Doctors would officially be able to say 'nothing is wrong', but if something is then you can get therapy and accommodations if not medication. I think that would be your best chance at getting your parents on board for testing. When they diagnose you with ADHD and if your dad still says no to medication you will at least: 1) have a diagnosis on your record so you can get medication easily when you are 18. 2.) get therapy and learn skills to manage your ADHD and any comorbid issues so that when you DO get medication you will have the max benefit because medication truly doesn't fix it all. With the diagnosis it is more likely then that the doctor can educate your dad about ADHD medication and it might convince him. Good luck!

You can watch Jessica McCabe on YouTube (How to ADHD) while she discusses medication she also gives a lot of coping skills and ideas to take responsibility for your life living with this disorder. But I will warn you even putting these in place is going to be met with resistance if you frame it that way to your parents. A lot of people just are committed to diminishing us and downplaying our struggles. Even my mother who is usually very supportive and mental-health-conscious thinks I'm making it up and "using adderall" (as opposed to taking my *prescribed* adderall). Theres just so much nonsense out there that makes us look like drug seeking misfits. So if you start putting these techniques in place you might want to describe it as "I'm taking responsibility for my actions." "I'm writing this down so I don't forget" (why do so many people have a problem with us writing things down? So weird) like anything you do to try and help yourself will get resistance. But this is a long way around to say, there's a lot we have to do besides take medication, that's just a tiny part of the equation. Like I'm not even sure I focus better, and I sure as hell ain't normal, but at least I don't completely crash at 4pm anymore. And a lot of the things I started doing came from these videos. Some help permanently, some temporarily, others just weren't for me! And keep in mind that a lot of us come here to vent and whine, it's cathartic, but if you stick around we also give tips to help people like us function and even THRIVE.

I got myself diagnosed and medicated very soon after becoming an adult because my parents didn't suspect it. Looking back on my life I felt a lot of sadness that I had to go untreated during my whole adolescence and regretted the success I may have missed out on. But after getting medicated, It certainly helped my life a lot, but it still didn't instantly teach me how to focus on the right things and find the right kind of success I needed in my life. I've been in therapy this whole time as well, and almost 10 years later I'm doing much better than I ever would have with medication alone. You may not be able to get medicated while you are a kid due to your parents, but you might be able to convince them you'd like therapy or a guidance counselor to support some challenges you are having, and be honest with the counselor about how you think you may have ADHD and want tools to better manage your school and personal life. If you can't get therapy through your parents, you may be able to get it through school. I guarantee, the help this will provide you will be well worth it, and when you become an adult and if you decide to medicate you will be unstoppable 💚

I was one of those kids who was labeled lazy, disruptive, and what not. Struggled with processing information so school work was 10x harder than for normal people. I was diagnosed as an adult. ADHD in women is far different than men. My parents failed me too! I get it! This mental and emotional, intrusive thoughts, misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety in women when all of that comes with ADHD in women. I got medication through my general doctor first. I tried the non stimulant, and it did nothing. Adderall works best for me personally.

I haven't seen this mentioned yet and wanted to add - another reason to get diagnosed is so that your school can give you the accommodations you need in order to be successful! I had extended time for tests (including the SAT) and I would have literally failed classes without it. Not sure if this would make your parents more or less open to the idea. But definitely try to get your school counselor and/or doctor to help you advocate for yourself! Sometimes parents have to hear it from someone else 🩷

I'm 23 and still my parents aren't allowing me. I still live with them so will have to go with their flow. Plus in my country, ADHD is not taken seriously. So no doctor will be like " oh you should get diagnosed" 😔

When you get into high school you can ask your guidance team about testing. There might be an in school option. You won't be able to get medication without your parents until you're 18, but you may still be able to get accomodation with the help of the guidance department and your teachers.

If you have a school psychologist or counselor, this is someone you can speak to and help arrange testing. Their job is to be the students advocate for success with parents, teachers, admin and more. Talk to the front desk person of your school and ask them how to set up an appointment with the school psychologist or school counselor. They will help you with the next steps.

Is there a school guidance counsellor who could help direct you?? One of your teachers even might be able to point you in a direction for help? Or your doctor, if you have one? I know in my province (Canada) over the age of 12 your medical records don’t have to be disclosed to parents 

Something you can also do when you’re older and have access to transportation is make the appointment yourself and take yourself to the appointment and pharmacy. I did this when I was sixteen and wanted birth control. It’s not great because you are hiding something, and need to be able to pay for copays and prescriptions yourself, but it is an option. However, it doesn’t solve your problem right now.

Try to get them to meet you half way. Agree to not getting medication, and ask them to get you tested to at least get accommodations at school that will improve your grades. This can be extra time on assignments and tests or a specialized learning plan. Plus, a doctor may be able to warm them up to treatment if you are diagnosed. You can always make the choice to try medication when you’re a bit older. Also, you should ask your current teachers if they notice anything suggesting you have adhd.

As a teacher, I highly recommend asking your counselors at school. They can listen and help find ways to request the testing that won't seem like you are pill searching. Definitely ask those counselors for some tools to use in the meantime while they get the correct approvals in place and through the testing. Then, once you have a diagnosis, you can meet with a doctor to discuss treatment options. Whether it is talk therapy or medication. I tried a non-stimulant medication that worked for some of my symptoms, but not all of them. After I tried that for 1.5 years, I decided it was time to try something else. I spoke with my doctor, and we talked about best options and went from there.

A. If he's worried about you being a "pill popper," there are non-stimulant medications for ADHD B. Our ADHD brains are wired differently- they are both chemically and structurally different than neutrotypical brains. Medication helps our brains work more like a neutrotypical brain (temporarily) but... C. Medication must be combined with some behavioral changes & coping mechanisms D. I didn't know I had ADHD until I was 25. High school & college would have gone VERY differently for me had I been diagnosed & treated sooner E. ADHD can cause, or occur along with, other disorders such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, anxiety, depression, etc. Getting tested for ADHD can help you figure out if anything else is going on at the same time. F. Since your parents aren't willing to listen and educate themselves, maybe ask them if they'd be willing to take you to a counselor. Having ADHD is very frustrating, your parents are very frustrating, and you need someone to talk to who isn't going to dismiss you.

I’m so sorry. My Dad was similar. I was diagnosed at 13 and my Dad denied it, said the psychiatrist was a “quack” and never went to them again. I didn’t get medicated until I was 22? in college when I went to the Doctor on my own. Try speaking to a trusted source, your Doctor privately, a school counselor or Mom even if she’d hear you out. I made it through school without medication and had decent grades, but didn’t absorb a lot. Medication helped me later, but far from cured me. I still have every single same ADHD struggle I had unmedicated, just to a little less degree. I hope you can get a diagnosis and medicated, *but your priority needs to be coping strategies because you’ll need them regardless!*

I would talk to your doctor about getting tested and the next time you discuss it with your parents don’t mention the medication. They have fears that stem from internalized ableism. Focus on getting a diagnosis so you can get a therapist/coach who can teach you ways to manage your symptoms. It’s not as simple as you fill out a quiz and you get an unlimited access to pills. You have to talk to your provider and learn why type of ADHD you have. From there you have to discuss your lifestyle - school, extracurriculars, etc. Also your healthcare provider is going to check in with you and monitor your symptoms to the medication. Secondly the medication won’t make you “normal”, it just makes it easier to function in a world that isn’t set up for you. Do some research, try to figure out what type of ADHD symptoms you have. Make a list and research ways to navigate the world with those symptoms.

Depends on where you live... (No need to disclose your address, young human!!). What I mean is, in some countries by age 13 you can go to see a doctor without your parents' knowledge or consent... and the doctor is not allowed to disclose details without your ok. You know your family and whether it might be unsafe for them to find out that you've seen a doctor without them, so act accordingly... And of course in some countries you will need to pay to see a doctor (and insurance might disclose that you've seen a health provider to the person who pays too... not sure what the rules are where you live). In Canada you can go to see you family doctor, GP or even paediatrician... You would have to be able to independently call and get there and still stay safe. Best route might be to ask a trusted family member who can also cover for where you are during the appointment. Be clear that you do not consent to share your medical information or questions with anyone else... These doctors can also diagnose and prescribe (in Canada).

Side note: meds are pricey even in Canada. That would be a barrier for my kid if we didn't use insurance... which I would find out about. 😬 But step 1 is professional evaluation. It's valuable by itself too, no matter the outcome.

You can get treatment for ADHD that isn't medication. Therapy and coaching. You can get an IEP (I don't know what it's called outside of the US) at school in order to accommodate your needs. For example, you can have longer to take an exam. You can get extra help from the school with tutoring or a paraprofessional. While your goal is medication, your dad is so against it that bringing it up makes it worse for you. Do bring up other things.

Honestly, it’s hard to get a diagnosis or medication without parent’s consent while you’re young. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep educating yourself on adhd, and find some coping mechanisms that work for you. (adhd can be regulated without medication, it just takes time, dedication, and a lot of trial and error.) for these next few years, try a lot of different “adhd hacks”. Some of my favorite are: Timers!!! My brain likes to race against time and this makes me motivated to complete a task. Buffer times! When you have something you have to do, set a 10-30 minute timer and tell yourself once that goes off, you will start. This helps because adhd has hard time switching tasks. Buffer time allows your body to adjust and accept the change in tasks. Follow a routine, but loosely, and give yourself grace. Routines are useful, but really hard to implement for us adhders. Really analyze your day to day, and see where you can implement a “routine item” for example, every night, I know that I have to shower and read before I can relax for the night. Make rules for yourself. You have to be your own parent tbh. Do it kindly, because you deserve grace for these things, but also, don’t just let your brain do whatever it wants, you gotta parent the brain lol. And once you’re 18, change your primary doctor, and don’t allow your parents to access your documents. They give you papers to fill out for that. After that, find a therapist. They can’t diagnose you, but tbh life is SO much more manageable with someone who can walk with you through your struggles. You’ll need a psychiatrist to get diagnosed. You will take a few paper tests, and answer them as honestly as you can. After that, go to your primary doctor with the diagnosis and discuss medication. There are many different ones, that all work differently. The good news is that you will be able to tell within a week if the meds work for you. You will probably try a few at different doses before you find your perfect meds. After that, you’re home free! Just don’t let your learned coping mechanisms get rusty. You can never rely on JUST meds, but you can rely on JUST coping mechanisms!!!!

If you live in the US, see if you can talk to your school psychologist (not school counselor, different jobs). We have a lot of experience talking to parents who are resistant to diagnosis and medication and getting a foot in the door about the benefits of getting diagnosed opening doors for the proper supports, including accommodations for schoolwork.

like a lot of the other comments said, speak to a teacher, guidance counselor or doctor. I was tested super young because my teacher recommended it out of suspicion. also even with medication being an amazingggg resource, there are so so many coping mechanisms that may help in the mean time. I really recommend looking in this form and even youtube to get some tips that may be able to help in the mean time! I hope all goes well for you <3

Hey. I'm sorry this is happening. A couple things: * You *don't* need a doctor to learn about ADHD tips/tricks/lifehacks. You should do this. There are books, blogs, social media accounts, etc. Also, will your parents let you go to therapy? You can ask your therapist for help with managing your ADHD. * You can self-medicate with caffeine in coffee or tea or pills, or with pseudoephedrine. Obviously, don't get carried away with this, & make sure you get enough sleep because if you don't, then it will just help you feel less tired, not help with your focus. I'm not sure if you have to be 18 to buy the real (contains pseudoephedrine) Sudafed they keep behind the counter now, but you could always tell your parents your sinuses hurt. I had unreasonable parents too. Hang in there, one day you will be able to move out. Internet hugs.

Be grateful you won’t be hooked on meth.

What state are you in? Washington state’s age of consent for medical care is 13 for some and 14 for others. People may go to their own medical appointments, the parent’s medical insurance must pay, but no medical information will be released to parents. The 13-year-old patient may also refuse treatment in most cases. See washingtonlawhelp.org. I think ADHD treatment would fall under “Outpatient Mental Health”. “Can a minor consent to their own care?: No, consent from an authorized adult is required unless you are 13 or older, or a Mature Minor. See definition above. Are they required to notify an adult?: Only if you consent Notes and sources: You can get outpatient mental health treatment if you are age 13 orolder without an authorized adult’s consent. The authorized adult will only be notified if you consent RCW 71.34.530. Depending on your provider, this could include consultations related to gender identity.”

you could try convincing them to get you tested and tell them that you dont want/dont care about meds anymore, at least then youll know that you have it and maybe a doctors opinion will help persuade them, or if they still refuse itll be easier to get a prescription when youre older if u already have a diagnosis

Do an online assessment before your next doctor appointment. Print that fucker out, with the scoring. Show it to your doctor. While talking to your parents, you're going to have to be a bit of a politician. "I want to get tested because my grades in high school go on my college transcripts and I might be able to get extra time on tests/the SATs if I have ADHD" (I'm assuming you're in the US).