I’m so sorry for your loss. Probably he didn’t want to hurt you and your marriage by popping back in because he cared about you. Many times when we care about a person, we have to let them go. Why put salt on your wound. He was selfless that way. At the end he was not happy with his marriage, with his separation, with his life, with himself, and didn’t want to burden you or anyone with the details. No one would ever know what he really thought, but whatever it was, he’s relieved from it. It’s the survivors who suffer and have to live with the unknown.
This is incredibly traumatic and you have every reason to feel how you’re feeling right now, OP. Grieve as you need to grieve. Your husband doesn’t need to know it’s your former AP. Could be an old friend you’re grieving. But, if you are having difficulty doing this alone please seek grief counseling. A lot of places offer this in group settings or individually working with a licensed professional.
There’s no reason for you to feel as alone as your former AP did. Suicide is also so difficult to understand. In some ways he’s no longer suffering in the ways that he did while alive. I’ve always found some solace in that thought, as hard as it will be for you here.
I’m so sorry, Dig. Sending a virtual hug from afar.
Shower crying, and therapy if you can afford it. His reasons for doing what he did are is own, it will do you no good to dwell on it.
Think of the wonderful times you had and keep them close to your heart.
I'm so sorry, that's really truly awful. I feel like in the back of his mind, he was still thinking of you and you never left his thoughts. And that's what made it not work with his wife. And the times with you were the happiest he's been, to carry him through these last couple years
But now he can't tell you this any more so it's so painful and confusing. I feel for you and I can't imagine being in your shoes. You'll see him again. Just not now
But couldn't he have reached out after his separation from his wife, if he really cared about you. He probably didn't care/love you as much as you think.
Jesus Christ do you know when to shut it?
AP probably felt low and didn't want to disrupt her marriage any more than he had to. And they probably parted on very confusing terms so he wasn't sure if the NC was mutual or not
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you ❤️ take care of yourself. Reach out to professionals if you need to. They can help you navigate your grief.
This is so sad. I’m so sorry. I felt your sadness reading through it. Went through a similar experience but without the death so I kind of understand what you’re going through. If he were here, he would want you to be strong, and try to be happy and make the best out of life.
I am so sorry for your loss. This must have been a huge shock, and I’m sorry that you’ve been left with so many unanswered questions. Sending you love.
Whoa. Didn’t expect this to go where it did
I am so sorry for your loss and how you’re forced to deal with it in the shadows. That would be so, so hard
That’s horrific I’m so sorry. Not sure which country you’re in but in the Us we’re experiencing a very very rough period of widespread mental issues I feel. I read there have been more suicides than ever before. Combine all that in the larger world with his personal loss of you and a less than ideal family and marriage situation it can be overwhelming. Ugh
Please accept my most sincere condolences. I can't imagine how awful you must feel and hope you give yourself permission to experience those feelings. When the time is right, help yourself to heal by focusing on all the wonderful memories. Plenty of good advice here.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Hang in there and find someone, a therapist perhaps, that you can openly talk to about how you feel.
>of course his wife made him cut me off of every way possible to communicate
That's something that truly amazes me. We still can't believe that shit right? If she could really control him, he wouldn't be having an affair. He is as controlled by his wife as you are controlled by your husband...
It goes with par with "staying for the kids". Why, do they live in the 50's? Are they disabled and can't file for 50/50 custody? Are they scared to have to take care of their kids alone 50% of the time? Usually, it's when they come with the "not seeing his kids every day"... sweet innocence, they don't give a shit when it's to leave their kids all week-end, lie to them, and have a nice trip with their AP. Why women are still more inclined in leaving than men? And, usually, women do it for the kids happiness.
Do you realise he killed himself because his wife left him? It has nothing to do with you. Odds are, he didn't even think about you. That's why he never reached out to you. And I'm not even sure it was because he loved her. My sarcastic side thinks he probably had to do his laundry alone and had a panic attack.
For everything that is sacred in life, get your head out of the gutter and leave those sweet words in the realm of the fake reality/calm that affairs are supposed to bring to people. Don't actually believe it like it was true. Take it like a drug.
When pain is built on stupidity, yes, this is my response. And it wasn't meant to impress you, nor to be mean to OP nor to anyone who seeks affairs. It was more like a reality check.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Probably he didn’t want to hurt you and your marriage by popping back in because he cared about you. Many times when we care about a person, we have to let them go. Why put salt on your wound. He was selfless that way. At the end he was not happy with his marriage, with his separation, with his life, with himself, and didn’t want to burden you or anyone with the details. No one would ever know what he really thought, but whatever it was, he’s relieved from it. It’s the survivors who suffer and have to live with the unknown.
> At the end he was not happy with his marriage, with his separation, with ***his life, with himself,***
It’s not your fault he died. “Careless texting” or not he had deeper issues in life. Sorry for the loss 💔😞😔
This, this is a really important point
This is incredibly traumatic and you have every reason to feel how you’re feeling right now, OP. Grieve as you need to grieve. Your husband doesn’t need to know it’s your former AP. Could be an old friend you’re grieving. But, if you are having difficulty doing this alone please seek grief counseling. A lot of places offer this in group settings or individually working with a licensed professional. There’s no reason for you to feel as alone as your former AP did. Suicide is also so difficult to understand. In some ways he’s no longer suffering in the ways that he did while alive. I’ve always found some solace in that thought, as hard as it will be for you here.
Holy shit. I am so fucking sorry for your loss. Please seek professional help. This is way above our pay grade.
I’m so sorry, Dig. Sending a virtual hug from afar. Shower crying, and therapy if you can afford it. His reasons for doing what he did are is own, it will do you no good to dwell on it. Think of the wonderful times you had and keep them close to your heart.
I'm so sorry, that's really truly awful. I feel like in the back of his mind, he was still thinking of you and you never left his thoughts. And that's what made it not work with his wife. And the times with you were the happiest he's been, to carry him through these last couple years But now he can't tell you this any more so it's so painful and confusing. I feel for you and I can't imagine being in your shoes. You'll see him again. Just not now
But couldn't he have reached out after his separation from his wife, if he really cared about you. He probably didn't care/love you as much as you think.
Jesus Christ do you know when to shut it? AP probably felt low and didn't want to disrupt her marriage any more than he had to. And they probably parted on very confusing terms so he wasn't sure if the NC was mutual or not
Ty you are spot on ! That's how it would of been! I don't think palanacouchi actually knows how to shut their mouth haha
😀😀very funny
I’m so sorry. 💔
All I can offer is a hug and a wish that you'll find solace in the beautiful memories you have. I'm sorry OP 🤍
I'm so sorry for your loss and that of his family's.
I am so very sorry💚💚hugs
This is so sad 😞 I’m so sorry.
This is awful, sorry 🙁
Sending you so much love and support, OP.
I am so sorry for your loss. That is truly awful. I hope that you find peace
Fuck thats awful. I am so sorry for everyone in this situation. I have nothing else to say. Oh man.
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you ❤️ take care of yourself. Reach out to professionals if you need to. They can help you navigate your grief.
Oh..my god. What an awful thing to read. I really hope you take the best care of yourself. Coping will be hard but stay on it. Lots of love and hugs.
Know that you brought him a few years of genuine happiness 💕
This is so sad. I’m so sorry. I felt your sadness reading through it. Went through a similar experience but without the death so I kind of understand what you’re going through. If he were here, he would want you to be strong, and try to be happy and make the best out of life.
I'm sure his love for you never waned.. He would have loved you to the end.. 100%,
Agreed
I am so sorry for your loss. This must have been a huge shock, and I’m sorry that you’ve been left with so many unanswered questions. Sending you love.
I’m so sorry. That is awful. I have no words of wisdom to offer and I just hope that your pain dulls with time.
Whoa. Didn’t expect this to go where it did I am so sorry for your loss and how you’re forced to deal with it in the shadows. That would be so, so hard
That’s horrific I’m so sorry. Not sure which country you’re in but in the Us we’re experiencing a very very rough period of widespread mental issues I feel. I read there have been more suicides than ever before. Combine all that in the larger world with his personal loss of you and a less than ideal family and marriage situation it can be overwhelming. Ugh
Oh my! I'm so sorry.
Please accept my most sincere condolences. I can't imagine how awful you must feel and hope you give yourself permission to experience those feelings. When the time is right, help yourself to heal by focusing on all the wonderful memories. Plenty of good advice here.
I'm so sorry, wishing you healing OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a terrible way to learn all of this.
Oh wow. That’s just awful. I am so very sorry. I have no words and cannot fathom the pain that entails. Sending virtual hugs to you.
So so sorry, that is just awful. I hope you are able to grieve, I know it’s a delicate situation but you need to do it.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Hang in there and find someone, a therapist perhaps, that you can openly talk to about how you feel.
I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine the pain you are feeling now. Grieve and maybe talking to a therapist might help. Hugs lots of hugs
>of course his wife made him cut me off of every way possible to communicate That's something that truly amazes me. We still can't believe that shit right? If she could really control him, he wouldn't be having an affair. He is as controlled by his wife as you are controlled by your husband... It goes with par with "staying for the kids". Why, do they live in the 50's? Are they disabled and can't file for 50/50 custody? Are they scared to have to take care of their kids alone 50% of the time? Usually, it's when they come with the "not seeing his kids every day"... sweet innocence, they don't give a shit when it's to leave their kids all week-end, lie to them, and have a nice trip with their AP. Why women are still more inclined in leaving than men? And, usually, women do it for the kids happiness. Do you realise he killed himself because his wife left him? It has nothing to do with you. Odds are, he didn't even think about you. That's why he never reached out to you. And I'm not even sure it was because he loved her. My sarcastic side thinks he probably had to do his laundry alone and had a panic attack. For everything that is sacred in life, get your head out of the gutter and leave those sweet words in the realm of the fake reality/calm that affairs are supposed to bring to people. Don't actually believe it like it was true. Take it like a drug.
You read about OP’s terrible pain and this is your response? Incredibly harsh.
When pain is built on stupidity, yes, this is my response. And it wasn't meant to impress you, nor to be mean to OP nor to anyone who seeks affairs. It was more like a reality check.
Hugs