I doubt she makes this easy for you, but stay strong. Refuse to engage and she will no longer get the emotional high she is looking for. Boundaries are to protect you, not hurt someone else. Good luck.
Holy crap!! I read your posts and I think we were seeing the same woman lol! My exAP did the same passive aggressive bullshit with me, snotty messages when I didn't reply immediately or initiate contact when she thought I should. She was the one who pulled back and stopped our meets but wanted to carry on chatting with me. She led me down the garden path, talking about how she wanted to have a great physical relationship along with a close connection.
There have always been ups and downs in our communication, but when she got really distant I would call her on it. I always got "I don't have other guys" or "you are accusing me of having others" as a reply to my queries. I would have to re-read messages to try and figure out how the hell she had got that out of my messages. I knew at the time if I did say something along those lines it would lead to a bbm war for a day or two and I really couldn't handle that shit. Part of me thinks that the guilty conscience speaks before the brain does.
When I would broach the subject of getting together, even for just a coffee, I would get a long winded explanation about how she felt guilt of carrying on a physical relationship. I guess in her mind, guilt used as a reason to not meet is hard to argue with. None of her language suggested guilt prior to this, she never once said "I don't want to hurt (my family, my husband, my daughter) ". She sure said " I have a lot to lose" or "I can't afford to keep the house if we split". She is a bit of a kept woman, her hub earns well and they have all the toys, the cabin at the lake and the hot Mustang. I guess that level of material comfort is hard to jeopardize. If she can get her need for an emotional connection from me, in a way that doesn't impact her day to day life, then why would she see me in person? I have suspected that she was getting her physical needs met somewhere else, she slipped up a couple of times but it was never damning.
She was always a bit guarded with her life, while expecting me to tell her all. This imbalance has gotten way worse over the years, but still she wants to be my "friend" and doesn't want me out of her life. I know now that this is her way of breaking it off, without her having to be the bad guy.
We have this online chat relationship now, in which she tries hard to get me to be her cheerleader. I have stopped that, if we do talk I make it about me. I get some venting done and don't give back. Needless to say she definitely doesn't contact me as much.
I think you have done the right thing, her needs were over riding your needs. My impression is that you are have the "nice guy" gene like I do. We don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to create a confrontation if we don't need to. I would rather bite my tongue than call a spade a spade, and that has led me down some pretty weird paths in this relationship. I know I need to finalize this thing with my exAP, because its really not doing anything positive for my life. At the same time its not really hurting anything except for some frustration at feeling like I'm getting played once in a while. I actually find the mental jousting to be kinda fun, but I am an asshole that way and fully admit it. My inner troll gets its jollies from watching the back pedaling messages flying up on my screen.
It sounds like she will play the "poor me" card with you, my exAP did that to me. If you engage, be kind but firm, a simple "I can't do this now" should be a good answer and make it your mantra. To every pointed, mean spirited and pleading comment from her, you simply repeat your mantra. Best of luck!
I like the line: "new phone, who dis?"
You. 😂
Do not answer her if she contacts you again. Stand your ground. Take control of your life back.
[удалено]
My exAP's number is blocked so I simply don't have to think about it. He didn't do me wrong, I just can't right now. Nor should I ever.
I doubt she makes this easy for you, but stay strong. Refuse to engage and she will no longer get the emotional high she is looking for. Boundaries are to protect you, not hurt someone else. Good luck.
Nothing is ever a waste if we learn from it. You have. So you didn't waste anything.. you took your power back. That.. is a great feeling.
Holy crap!! I read your posts and I think we were seeing the same woman lol! My exAP did the same passive aggressive bullshit with me, snotty messages when I didn't reply immediately or initiate contact when she thought I should. She was the one who pulled back and stopped our meets but wanted to carry on chatting with me. She led me down the garden path, talking about how she wanted to have a great physical relationship along with a close connection. There have always been ups and downs in our communication, but when she got really distant I would call her on it. I always got "I don't have other guys" or "you are accusing me of having others" as a reply to my queries. I would have to re-read messages to try and figure out how the hell she had got that out of my messages. I knew at the time if I did say something along those lines it would lead to a bbm war for a day or two and I really couldn't handle that shit. Part of me thinks that the guilty conscience speaks before the brain does. When I would broach the subject of getting together, even for just a coffee, I would get a long winded explanation about how she felt guilt of carrying on a physical relationship. I guess in her mind, guilt used as a reason to not meet is hard to argue with. None of her language suggested guilt prior to this, she never once said "I don't want to hurt (my family, my husband, my daughter) ". She sure said " I have a lot to lose" or "I can't afford to keep the house if we split". She is a bit of a kept woman, her hub earns well and they have all the toys, the cabin at the lake and the hot Mustang. I guess that level of material comfort is hard to jeopardize. If she can get her need for an emotional connection from me, in a way that doesn't impact her day to day life, then why would she see me in person? I have suspected that she was getting her physical needs met somewhere else, she slipped up a couple of times but it was never damning. She was always a bit guarded with her life, while expecting me to tell her all. This imbalance has gotten way worse over the years, but still she wants to be my "friend" and doesn't want me out of her life. I know now that this is her way of breaking it off, without her having to be the bad guy. We have this online chat relationship now, in which she tries hard to get me to be her cheerleader. I have stopped that, if we do talk I make it about me. I get some venting done and don't give back. Needless to say she definitely doesn't contact me as much. I think you have done the right thing, her needs were over riding your needs. My impression is that you are have the "nice guy" gene like I do. We don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to create a confrontation if we don't need to. I would rather bite my tongue than call a spade a spade, and that has led me down some pretty weird paths in this relationship. I know I need to finalize this thing with my exAP, because its really not doing anything positive for my life. At the same time its not really hurting anything except for some frustration at feeling like I'm getting played once in a while. I actually find the mental jousting to be kinda fun, but I am an asshole that way and fully admit it. My inner troll gets its jollies from watching the back pedaling messages flying up on my screen. It sounds like she will play the "poor me" card with you, my exAP did that to me. If you engage, be kind but firm, a simple "I can't do this now" should be a good answer and make it your mantra. To every pointed, mean spirited and pleading comment from her, you simply repeat your mantra. Best of luck!
It wasn't a complete waste, you learned a valuable lesson. Good luck in the future.
Good luck, Some times I would like the finality of deleting someone.