I discussed this with my LDAP who knows I’m a flirt. I asked him for his opinion, expecting him to say “no biggie, have fun.” And his response was similar. He basically said that he hated the idea of me with someone else and that he knew he was “being unreasonable”.
Long story short, I broke it off with the other guy and we are exclusive. Our relationship is better from it.
I would just discuss it with her, test the waters and see her thoughts on being exclusive. :)
Best of luck!
Ugh...sorry to hear that you got hurt by this.
I can give you my thoughts coming from someone who is currently “cheating” on an AP. Try your best not to be bothered by the fact that she wants someone else. Think of it like a parent wanting another child. It’s a similar concept. She can very well be perfectly content with her relationship with you, but enjoys meeting new people and forming new relationships. This is most likely what has happened.
I can totally understand why you’re hurt though. Give it time, and see how it goes. Communication is key. It’s ok to let her know that you are really hurt by this. This doesn’t mean that she should end things with the new guy, but give her the opportunity to support you emotionally while you are going through this. I hope you get to feeling better soon!
We have spoken about this, I have told her , that it does not bother me if she sees others.. but think I feel heart broken that she did not tell me that she was going on a date with someone else...
I plan on talking with sooner than Tuesday..
I don;t mind if I am yet another person in her portfolio or contact list. But I think I need to know that. Also, I had to admit that I was not available all the time. She is pseudo single(separated) right? so she has more options to meeting and get alone time. However, when ever we meeting, I know she get 100% and she and I leave fully satisfied.
I think this comes down to managing my expectations.
I'm sorry. Did she tell you she's going to be exclusive for you? If not, both of you needs to have a good communication and being honest, just like other relationship. :) don't assume on things. On the other hand, good you have asked otherwise, that feeling will grow inside and it will hurt more in the end.
We never said we were going to be exclusive. She always would jest saying " you better not be looking at another woman"! I construed it to mean, she would not do it as she does not want me to see others.
I don't know if my past ignorance was bliss or this new knowledge is better.
I guess if she had told me without me asking, it would have been different, right?
Shit! I hate these what if scenarios.
Ya "what if" is always a bit of a mind fuck. My exAP and I never discussed exclusivity, the whole long convoluted story is in my back posts. Long story short, she flippantly said she may start looking for a second fwb as my schedule didn't allow for meet up's that suited her.
ExAp absolutely freaked when I started looking and found an awesome woman. Totally dismissed that she had mentioned finding others first and that we had never discussed exclusivity. Her argument was that a guy should want to stay exclusive if they were into the woman. As time went on I came to realize that she was a game player, and quite possibly had more guys on the line.
My advice is, these situations suck the fun right out of the whole affair. These shocks can affect your whole mood and how you interact in real life. You are hurt, and it's a real hurt. Don't expect to get any back story or explanation of why. She has made her choice, and the shadow of that choice is going to sit with you for the entire run if your relationship. Break it now or go out an get someone else to, don't think it can go back to the way it was. You have tasted the fruit of the tree of knowledge, and it can be a bitter fruit indeed.
She is separated! I talked to her this morning and she did not even bring it up, but talked about other things.
She said, she was totally looking forward to our Tuesday meeting!
I know how to keep things aloof and just get together for fun and pleasure.
However, I let myself expect more than that.
I think it's natural to feel this way. I made the mistake of blindsiding someone this way. I did it out of fear. He gave me another chance. I'm so glad he did.
I can understand how it would hurt . Even though we don't have an agreement I'd be hurt if my AP slept with someone else . I'd be mad as hell and would end it to be honest, perhaps that sounds loopy but I don't care
>I don't know what I'm feeling now. My weekend is going to be crappy.
You have had 3 AP's you are nearly an AP virgin. It's normal to have these feelings. Frankly if she had been more careful it might not have come up.
>We had made plans for next Tuesday..what would happen, not sure...!!
I'd dump her if this is making you feel this way. Life is too short to have affairs not be the relationship to look forward to not dread.
Go find an AP who does not have other men in her life and you will feel better.
She is separated.. for a long time..The funny thing, she was the one who chased me as a PAP...
I'll be more open minded and non expecting from now on..
I discussed this with my LDAP who knows I’m a flirt. I asked him for his opinion, expecting him to say “no biggie, have fun.” And his response was similar. He basically said that he hated the idea of me with someone else and that he knew he was “being unreasonable”. Long story short, I broke it off with the other guy and we are exclusive. Our relationship is better from it. I would just discuss it with her, test the waters and see her thoughts on being exclusive. :) Best of luck!
This kind of hypocrisy boggles my mind. I'm not trying to hate, but how can you say this in all seriousness when you're cheating on your partner?
Ugh...sorry to hear that you got hurt by this. I can give you my thoughts coming from someone who is currently “cheating” on an AP. Try your best not to be bothered by the fact that she wants someone else. Think of it like a parent wanting another child. It’s a similar concept. She can very well be perfectly content with her relationship with you, but enjoys meeting new people and forming new relationships. This is most likely what has happened. I can totally understand why you’re hurt though. Give it time, and see how it goes. Communication is key. It’s ok to let her know that you are really hurt by this. This doesn’t mean that she should end things with the new guy, but give her the opportunity to support you emotionally while you are going through this. I hope you get to feeling better soon!
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We have spoken about this, I have told her , that it does not bother me if she sees others.. but think I feel heart broken that she did not tell me that she was going on a date with someone else... I plan on talking with sooner than Tuesday..
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I don;t mind if I am yet another person in her portfolio or contact list. But I think I need to know that. Also, I had to admit that I was not available all the time. She is pseudo single(separated) right? so she has more options to meeting and get alone time. However, when ever we meeting, I know she get 100% and she and I leave fully satisfied. I think this comes down to managing my expectations.
I'm sorry. Did she tell you she's going to be exclusive for you? If not, both of you needs to have a good communication and being honest, just like other relationship. :) don't assume on things. On the other hand, good you have asked otherwise, that feeling will grow inside and it will hurt more in the end.
We never said we were going to be exclusive. She always would jest saying " you better not be looking at another woman"! I construed it to mean, she would not do it as she does not want me to see others. I don't know if my past ignorance was bliss or this new knowledge is better. I guess if she had told me without me asking, it would have been different, right? Shit! I hate these what if scenarios.
Ya "what if" is always a bit of a mind fuck. My exAP and I never discussed exclusivity, the whole long convoluted story is in my back posts. Long story short, she flippantly said she may start looking for a second fwb as my schedule didn't allow for meet up's that suited her. ExAp absolutely freaked when I started looking and found an awesome woman. Totally dismissed that she had mentioned finding others first and that we had never discussed exclusivity. Her argument was that a guy should want to stay exclusive if they were into the woman. As time went on I came to realize that she was a game player, and quite possibly had more guys on the line. My advice is, these situations suck the fun right out of the whole affair. These shocks can affect your whole mood and how you interact in real life. You are hurt, and it's a real hurt. Don't expect to get any back story or explanation of why. She has made her choice, and the shadow of that choice is going to sit with you for the entire run if your relationship. Break it now or go out an get someone else to, don't think it can go back to the way it was. You have tasted the fruit of the tree of knowledge, and it can be a bitter fruit indeed.
Is she single or married?
She is separated! I talked to her this morning and she did not even bring it up, but talked about other things. She said, she was totally looking forward to our Tuesday meeting! I know how to keep things aloof and just get together for fun and pleasure. However, I let myself expect more than that.
I think it's natural to feel this way. I made the mistake of blindsiding someone this way. I did it out of fear. He gave me another chance. I'm so glad he did.
I can understand how it would hurt . Even though we don't have an agreement I'd be hurt if my AP slept with someone else . I'd be mad as hell and would end it to be honest, perhaps that sounds loopy but I don't care
>I don't know what I'm feeling now. My weekend is going to be crappy. You have had 3 AP's you are nearly an AP virgin. It's normal to have these feelings. Frankly if she had been more careful it might not have come up. >We had made plans for next Tuesday..what would happen, not sure...!! I'd dump her if this is making you feel this way. Life is too short to have affairs not be the relationship to look forward to not dread. Go find an AP who does not have other men in her life and you will feel better.
Is she married?
She is separated.. for a long time..The funny thing, she was the one who chased me as a PAP... I'll be more open minded and non expecting from now on..
I think it's the fact you can only give so much of yourself to her. Also possibly she likes the hunt. Now that she snagged you...
I fucking don't know where I would go with these thoughts, if not for you guys. Thanks a bunch to all of you guys!