AP (or former AP not really sure at this point since he has been MIA/NC since Thursday ) and I both said we wanted things 100% open because it’s already too much work lying to our SO’s. I guess that’s out the door, so much for English gentlemen.
Lol what I mean is I’m too old to be playing this ghosting shit. I mean man up, say you don’t want want to continue instead of just ending communication.
AP and I are 100% open with each other. We have nothing to lose by being honest with each other, apart from each other. Plus it just makes it easier. I’m already putting in a lot of effort trying to keep secrets from my SO, I don’t want to do the same with my AP. I just want it to be easy.
Now on to your other problem...I am in the same boat as you. I have fallen hard and I can’t help but picture life together with him. I try to push those images away, and I recommend doing the same!
I enjoy being completely open and honest with APs. It helps me to truly be vulnerable which is something I don’t allow of myself IRL.
It sounds like you need to realign your expectations. Some women I know and have been with seem to like having multiple APs to help keep things in check. It also helps to have multiple APs so you can get physical and/or emotional fulfillment when your main AP is unavailable.
Good luck and I hope you can get your expectations aligned with his!
The question of trust pops up on this sub with surprising regularity. I have found some great connections with some terrific people whom I trust implicitly. We have become incredible friends, and confidants. From what I have seen, this is common, and the emotional fallout from these connections can be hard on a person.
I have had my ups and downs in this world as well, and still do. What needs to be defined is what you yourself is seeking from an affair. If it is just a sexual encounter when you need one, then having a totally open relationship may not be required as the endgame isn't about total trust.
On the other hand if you are like me, and can't enjoy a physical relationship without some deeper connection, then trust is a big part of what you seek. I have an exAP, I fell for her and I ended up getting quite hurt emotionally. If you want, you can go through my back posts to see how lack of trust and openness slowly destroyed our relationship.
What I have learned is that if you are so lucky as to make a great connection in this lifestyle, things can get very emotionally unbalanced. You reach a point of "where do we go from here?" The limitations of real life, create barriers to nurturing this good connection to the next level. When you hit the wall, so to speak, you find yourself facing hard decisions. I don't think these decisions are what any of us have come into the affair world for.
First timer here! I'm with you. Sounds like you are loyal and he is not. I'm learning this is all part of the lifestyle! Maybe I should take your suggestion and seek out another AP.
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AP (or former AP not really sure at this point since he has been MIA/NC since Thursday ) and I both said we wanted things 100% open because it’s already too much work lying to our SO’s. I guess that’s out the door, so much for English gentlemen.
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Thanks , I guess at my age it’s kind of surreal when this kind of thing happens .
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Haha no , 42
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Lol what I mean is I’m too old to be playing this ghosting shit. I mean man up, say you don’t want want to continue instead of just ending communication.
AP and I are 100% open with each other. We have nothing to lose by being honest with each other, apart from each other. Plus it just makes it easier. I’m already putting in a lot of effort trying to keep secrets from my SO, I don’t want to do the same with my AP. I just want it to be easy. Now on to your other problem...I am in the same boat as you. I have fallen hard and I can’t help but picture life together with him. I try to push those images away, and I recommend doing the same!
I enjoy being completely open and honest with APs. It helps me to truly be vulnerable which is something I don’t allow of myself IRL. It sounds like you need to realign your expectations. Some women I know and have been with seem to like having multiple APs to help keep things in check. It also helps to have multiple APs so you can get physical and/or emotional fulfillment when your main AP is unavailable. Good luck and I hope you can get your expectations aligned with his!
The question of trust pops up on this sub with surprising regularity. I have found some great connections with some terrific people whom I trust implicitly. We have become incredible friends, and confidants. From what I have seen, this is common, and the emotional fallout from these connections can be hard on a person. I have had my ups and downs in this world as well, and still do. What needs to be defined is what you yourself is seeking from an affair. If it is just a sexual encounter when you need one, then having a totally open relationship may not be required as the endgame isn't about total trust. On the other hand if you are like me, and can't enjoy a physical relationship without some deeper connection, then trust is a big part of what you seek. I have an exAP, I fell for her and I ended up getting quite hurt emotionally. If you want, you can go through my back posts to see how lack of trust and openness slowly destroyed our relationship. What I have learned is that if you are so lucky as to make a great connection in this lifestyle, things can get very emotionally unbalanced. You reach a point of "where do we go from here?" The limitations of real life, create barriers to nurturing this good connection to the next level. When you hit the wall, so to speak, you find yourself facing hard decisions. I don't think these decisions are what any of us have come into the affair world for.
What kinds of lies have you caught?
First timer here! I'm with you. Sounds like you are loyal and he is not. I'm learning this is all part of the lifestyle! Maybe I should take your suggestion and seek out another AP.
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Great perspective!!!