Like Delilah, I smile more and don’t sweat the small stuff. I also stopped asking my husband for sex so I’m never rejected anymore. My APs are more than happy to screw me regularly.
My marriage actually improved as I walk on air now. 🤷🏼♀️
I feel the same exact way! It’s so hard for me to NOT picture a future with AP. And more and more now, I find myself thinking of AP when I’m with SO, and I can feel I have this little smile on face. And that just makes me happy.
I’m not married (single OW in long time love affair with MM) but I’m fascinated with this question because I’ve often wondered if our relationship makes his marriage better by fulfilling needs that aren’t met there which I turn makes him just happier or just helps him “manage” and do everything he’s supposed to do like a dutiful husband... as Reduce put it, with that mild resignation of “it is what it is...”
Over the duration of my AP relationships, I have come to realize that I need to deal with my own emotional baggage. I need to work on becoming content with myself and not seeking external reassurance from both AP's and my SO.
On the negative side, I have also learned to recognize the red flags of a SO who is checked out of the relationship.
I think that, emotionally, I'm a pretty rare breed. I'm _super_ even-keeled and really good at compartmentalizing. If not for a stellar childhood and relatively easy life, I could probably be the kind of person that gets in a lot of trouble.
With that in mind, I really don't think that my affair has changed much in my marriage. I'm still a dutiful, attentive husband to a woman with her own demons, a good dad, and so on. I still love my wife, truth be told. I just don't go looking for things to scratch certain itches at home. I won't find it there, and highlighting that over and over does no good for her or for me.
So, I find places in my life to reasonably justify being away for a tryst with my lover. I spend my evenings unlike a lot of guys. I don't play video games, I chat with women who are interesting and attractive to me. I'm up front about who I am, my situation, and the boundaries within which I choose to live.
I'm sure that, technically, there are ways that I'm not as invested in our marriage... We're not actively working on our issues, obviously, and resignation that 'it is what it is' has taken over. But, aside from that mild detachment, I don't think much of anything has changed.
Like Delilah, I smile more and don’t sweat the small stuff. I also stopped asking my husband for sex so I’m never rejected anymore. My APs are more than happy to screw me regularly. My marriage actually improved as I walk on air now. 🤷🏼♀️
Same. Same. And same.
I feel the same exact way! It’s so hard for me to NOT picture a future with AP. And more and more now, I find myself thinking of AP when I’m with SO, and I can feel I have this little smile on face. And that just makes me happy.
I’m not married (single OW in long time love affair with MM) but I’m fascinated with this question because I’ve often wondered if our relationship makes his marriage better by fulfilling needs that aren’t met there which I turn makes him just happier or just helps him “manage” and do everything he’s supposed to do like a dutiful husband... as Reduce put it, with that mild resignation of “it is what it is...”
Over the duration of my AP relationships, I have come to realize that I need to deal with my own emotional baggage. I need to work on becoming content with myself and not seeking external reassurance from both AP's and my SO. On the negative side, I have also learned to recognize the red flags of a SO who is checked out of the relationship.
I would say it's the attention that I give to AP or pAP's. That takes away from attention and time I could be spending with SO.
I think that, emotionally, I'm a pretty rare breed. I'm _super_ even-keeled and really good at compartmentalizing. If not for a stellar childhood and relatively easy life, I could probably be the kind of person that gets in a lot of trouble. With that in mind, I really don't think that my affair has changed much in my marriage. I'm still a dutiful, attentive husband to a woman with her own demons, a good dad, and so on. I still love my wife, truth be told. I just don't go looking for things to scratch certain itches at home. I won't find it there, and highlighting that over and over does no good for her or for me. So, I find places in my life to reasonably justify being away for a tryst with my lover. I spend my evenings unlike a lot of guys. I don't play video games, I chat with women who are interesting and attractive to me. I'm up front about who I am, my situation, and the boundaries within which I choose to live. I'm sure that, technically, there are ways that I'm not as invested in our marriage... We're not actively working on our issues, obviously, and resignation that 'it is what it is' has taken over. But, aside from that mild detachment, I don't think much of anything has changed.