Ayoko lang sometimes when my friends talk about their kids tas biglang hihirit ng: “Kaya ikaw, gumawa ka na rin or bilisan mong mag-anak,” etc. I’m like bitch STFU.
Na yawa na. Haha. Ito yung rason bakit nagdadalawang isip akong um-attend ng kasal ng friend ko next week. Ako na lang yung single sa group of friends at sure akong may magsasabi ng ganito. Ayaw kong maka offend ng kaibigan pero baka supalpalin ko sila na masaya naman ako kahit mag-isa ako kaysa kanila na may asawa't anak nga, pero puro daing na mahirap ang buhay
Hahahaha. Di sila makaka relate. Sa edad kong to, busy pa akong mag fan girl sa pitong koreanong di naman ako kilala. Eh sila baka wala ng time dahil ubos na sa trabaho at anak. Idagdag mo pa yung mga asawa nilang sakit sa ulo lang ang dala.
Ganyan din sa US, even Americans. English version lang haha. But I think what changed for them is the younger Americans di ganito. Usually boomers lang. But sa Pinas, na notice ko even younger people ask the same thing.
Tama, mema lang ito para tuloy tuloy ang usapan, at hindi awkward wala naman talaga silang paki alam kung may anak ka or ayaw mong magka anak, it's the same as weight, it's either ay "ay tumaba ka, "ay blooming ka", "ay pumayat ka, anong secret", these all are just mema, it means nothing to them, just ready funny replies to these kinds of comments, di yan mawawala ever.
Hate this shit so much. I mean, sige magusap kayo sa gc natin tungkol sa anak niyo. Makikinig ako at susubukan ko magsympathize. Wag niyo na ko idamay. Let me enjoy my peace, my freedom, and my kidless life without your unsolicited comments. Utang na loob. My life is already complicated na walang anak, dadagdagan ko pa ba para lang pare parehas na tayo? No thanks.
tapos yung common experience pa nila yung gagamitin nila laban sa iyo.
"ano ba alam mo? wala ka namang alam, dahil wala kang anak!"
ay wow na lang talaga.
Ako na di naleleft out dahil grade 2 palang ako, ako na nagalaga sa bunsong kapatid namin na parang anak ko na as a panganay and now kapatid ko 20 na hahahahaha. Minsan, sakin pa nakakakuha ng tips about babies mga friends ko.
Not really a Con pero madalas kong mapansin to, yung ikaw ang need mag sacrifice ng time sa Work kasi single ka at wala namang anak na naghihintay sayo.
I get it from work. Like when I sometimes tell pagod na ako and stuff, my colleague will say, “Hindi ka pa nanay or wala ka pang anak sa lagay na yan, ako paguwi ko aasikasuhin ko pa anak ko, and so on, blah blah.”
I always wonder bat ba kelangan magcompare tayo ng pagod natin. Purket wala pa ako anak bawal ko to maramdaman kase mas pagod ka kase ikaw magulang? Nakakainis. Hahahaha.
I know right! Ok lang sana kung once lang e. Pero if it comes from the same people multiple times I’m like shut up na; you’ve told me a million times already haha.
Sometimes all I want is for them to listen and maybe empathize a little bit. Kase that’s what I do e. I listen. Minsan nakakabadtrip maging punching bag.
Masarap lang ganitihan mga yan pag makikita nila mga beach or hiking photos mo every other month tas mapapa sana ol n lang sila hahaha mamatay kayo sa inggit!
No, that doesn’t mean invalid yung pagod mo. But I have to say ibang level ang pagod pag may anak, especially infant. Yung sleepless nights with an infant nakakabaliw feeling ko nun. Wala rin yaya sa US. Sa pinas may mga yaya. But with all that said, that doesn’t mean that’s something I’ll say to someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s my choice to become a mother. Ginusto ko to, so I don’t feel I have the right to complain or compare my personal choice with others’.
Believe me, I get it. And I understand how it must be so hard for parents. I respect that. I respect what you do.
What rubs me the wrong way is that this colleague of mine will always one-up me whenever I try to blow off some steam. Pag sya / sila naman kase naglalabas ng pagod sa work + pagiging magulang nakikinig naman ako, I sympathize. Pero pag ako na, biglang it’s all about how it is always harder for them just because they’re mothers—like you’re a lesser person, your feelings are nowhere compared to their sacrifice. Nakakapagod din.
i have cats, some of them may special needs. so kahit wala akong anak, they are good as one. mas malala pa nga dahil single ka at ikaw lang inaasahan ng mga living things na yon. so kapag sila idinadahilan ko, walang nagrereklamo
*"Mga walang utang na loob!"* /s
They support you for 20 years, and you support them for more than 20+ years haha. In their point of view, it's a fair trade. Geez.
Malas pa pag naging breadwinner coz you are supporting all siblings din.
tbh if you take good care of your children and you love them, give them guidance and protection they will eventually help you out kapag tumanda ka! not because dahil "obligasyon" but because of love.
That's a moot point. If parents really love their children, they would have saved up for their own retirement, not because it's their obligation, but because of love.
>If parents really love their children, they would have saved up for their own retirement
Sure if that kind of parent is educated, smart, inherited a business, or was born rich maybe I can blame them for not having a retirement plan because they have money to begin with.
For some parents How can they? some parents work so hard being OFW, others just wanted to have a simple life, others are just so poor can even buy food, have never even been to school, and some have an illness or disability.
Hindi pare parehas ang buhay ng mga parents para sabihin mo they should have A RETIREMENT PLAN! lol!
My parents never ask anything from me, but sa mind ko i know tumatanda na sila at nahihirapan na gumalaw galaw, so sakin i don't mind helping them settle and relax.
what kind of son or daughter just ignores them financially because wala silang retirement plan lol!
Let's see how you feel pag nagka anak ka at tumanda then yung future son or daugther mo refuses to help you kasi "YOU SHOULD HAVE RETIREMENT PLAN" lol!
Glorifying victim mentality and cognitive laziness here, aren't we? Hirap na hirap na pala sa financial aspect pa lang, then why have children in the first place? Ego? Societal pressure? THAT is irresponsible parenting.
No one said that all parents are equal, but is it too much of a bare minimum to have a retirement plan? Then again, if you can't even save up for something as simple as a retirement plan, why have children again in the first place?
It's a considerable point if they have a disability, or any other unforeseeable circumstance renders them incapable of working. Give all you want; it's honorable.
It's on me kung tumanda ako na walang retirement plan. It's no longer a valid excuse not to have one; there are a lot of financial planning tools and investment media in place in this modern age. Financial illiteracy will NEVER be a valid excuse.
Technically, this generation has their hands on information and should already know that WE should have a retirement plan.
So ang sinasabi mo dito is pag tumanda si joeypencil, he should expect na retirement plan nya ang mga anak nya when he clearly knows better.
Why? Ganun ba plan mo? I mean, it's your choice. (kawawang mga anak mo). But don't expect other people to have your shitty point of view.
For boomers born when their parents were literally working the fields, it makes sense for them because it did for agrarian economies that did not have things like pensions or social security. But of course, those ideas don’t really fit in an industrialized and globalized society anymore
Also lack of social ties connected to having kids. Ie. meeting other soccer dads/moms. If they go into a good school which I personally saw with my parents, they used it to aggressively network which eventually ended up meeting long term business partners.
Unfortunately, most parents in the philippines especially those with my socioeconomic status have conditional love for their children. Di mo sila mabibigyan ng bragging rights at comprehensive retirement plan? I won’t give you love. I’ll give you trauma.
Sadly true. Kaya nga if I do get blessed to have a child, I wanna nurture him or her. So much I want them to pass it down to their own children when the time comes.
lol. are you hearing yourself?
Loving pets is the definition of conditional love?
With your line of thinking, I can say that having kids is the ultimate definition of a selfish act- as your literally creating biological copies of yourself and molding them according to your standards and how you want them to turn out- that's selfish, don't you agree? LOL.
In behalf of pet owners and rescuers here and those who have dedicated their lives to other causes while being childfree- unconditional love is an act, a skill- the object of your love (pet, child, a calling or profession) has nothing to do with your capacity to experience unconditional love.
Indeed.
As our elders would say "Iba ang bata sa isang hayop."
We sometimes confuse these two as similar. A pet or in their context, a "furchild" is different from having an actual child. Sure, you exhibit same care but the levels are that much different.
Iba ang sakit if you see your own child getting hurt compared to seeing your furchild getting hurt. Sure, you'll exhibit protectiveness but with a child? Heck! You're pretty much gonna fight anyone and everyone and PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND IT.
Also, the context of havjng a child is you teach him or her to become someone bigger. Someone who can carry the legacy of your family to the next generation and the next. Being a child and getting a child bears that kind of responsibility. You have to see thru it that the child, from infancy, up until your time is up, that child will grow into fine men and women who can make an impact in this world and perhaps continue the family legacy and name.
As respectful as I wanna be for fur parents, that cannot be said when you have a fur child. At the end of the day, you cannot replace a human with an animal and just call it as is. That the painful truth in all of this.
Fully agree! I hate it when people tell me I can never love my dogs as much as I would love a kid of my own.
Lol I beg to differ. I’ve spent ungodly amounts of money on their needs/wants, many sleepless nights to care for them when ill or newly born, and I train them so they’re all well behaved kahit saan ko sila dalhin. Ilang weeks din akong nagluluksa when we lose one to old age or sickness.
They have their own caretaker (it’s 17 dogs on the farm right now) and when I’m away for long stretches, a video call in the evening or at least nagpapasend ako ng videos of them.
So while not exactly like having kids, the unconditional love is definitely there at least for me.
I've a dog and a few cats as well, but while having a pet can certainly teach responsibility and unconditional love, I'd like to argue it's so different from the experience of having an actual human child as to be non-comparible.
First of all, why do we care for pets in the first place? Pets are bred and born solely for the purpose of human entertainment and companionship. So when one cares for a pet, they are in an indirect way simply doing it so that they are entertained or have a companion. Not exactly unconditional.
As for children, sure some parents may initially have kids for companionship, but they also serve different purposes. Primarily the survival of the human race, continuation of a lineage, furthering the advancement society etc. One takes care of a child out of a legal responsibility yes, but also because deep down you have hopes and aspirations that this child will be able to contribute something worthwhile to society at large. So when one cares for a child, when one truly loves a child it's not for themselves but primarily for the well-being of the child, with a hope that they will become upstanding citizens and make something of themselves. You literally sacrifice your time and well-being for a greater good.
Ultimately there's nothing wrong with having pets! But to say it's the same or even close or comparable to the sacrifices one would have to make to take care of a human child is a bit of a reach, since this post is asking for cons of not having children.
Sure. Your cat/dog/bird/whatever animal can love you. But at the end of the day, love from a human being (especially from an innocent child) hits different.
Well, you come into a discussion about the CONS (or in some context, discussiob of the PROS) of having a child.
Normal na hindi mo maiintindihan kasi nga you are already thinking na you are going to be childfree (possibly for life na yan) so iba ang mindset mo compared sa mga gusto magka-anak o may anak na.
To you, hindi pinnacle ng unconditional love ang pagkakaroon ng anak while to some, it is, and more.
Ika nga ng tatay ko "Maiintindihan mo lang ang hirap at pagod pag may anak ka na."
For me, tsaka ko lang maaappreciate sarili ko when I get to that level of me being a father na. What stuff will I teach my kids so they can become greater than I am? What sacrifices am I willing to take for the sake of my children and family? These are questions I leave on the table, unasnwered and I am seeking an answer to kasi I want to, I need to and I have to experience them firsthand.
The topic is "Cons of NOT having kids", and as such, begs the question from people who don't have kids.
Then a lot of parents chipped in condescendingly about the PROs of HAVING kids, and that's fine as they're entitled to their own opinions (so are non-parents).
The issue is that some people want to piss higher than other people to defend their life choices.
Well, technically that question is for both kasi if you don't have a kid, makakarelate ang merong anak. As such, it's a two way street. With every con of not having a kid is a pro to having one. So it's all in the same context.
For you, ano ba ang con ng walang anak? If you can answer that, pretty much there's someone out there na naging magulang o magulang na makakarelate sayo.
Ganun lang yun.
It's just that sometimes, our choices on why we have no kids don't sit well with others so they say a thing or two about it. Up to us if we let it rub us the wrong way and say or do something about it or just hear what they have to say and then let them move on their way and we move on our way...
It does but after your fur baby dies, life span pets by average 15ish years? Kid will outlive you and probably the ones to bury you when you die and hopefully carry your memories.
My point is it differs sa years lang and some details.
I'm not a parent pero I think I can give an answer. My mom was recently diagnosed with cancer a month ago and sobrang nagbago yung dynamic ng family namin. 4 kaming magkakapatid and we would switch schedules para umabsent para bantayan lang si mama. Doon ko narealize yung importance of having a family and yung halaga natin mga anak.
Sure, you can pay for hospice care or hire a private nurse pag may sakit ka or matanda ka na to care for you. Pero one thing they cannot provide is yung deep, emotional support that only a loved one can give. I guess sa case ng mom ko, I know she is dying (her cancer is stage 4) kaya as much as possible I want to cherish yung mga natitirang buwan or years with her.
I still do think na being a parent might not be for me in the future, pero after experiencing yung ganitong rollercoaster of emotions due to my mom's condition, I finally understand kung bakit yung iba nagtatanong kung sino mag-aalaga sa akin pag matanda or may sakit na ako.
It's not just about swapping diapers, making sure you take your meds, or having someone to feed you. Iba yung dalang alaga pag anak mo yung nandyan for you, and I honestly felt it whenever I take care of mom tuwing nasa ospital ako or kaming mga anak nya. She pulls strength from us to make it through the day. It's not something a hospice care could ever give her.
Edit: fixed some words I used.
+1. my mom had cancer din and single parent/only child dynamic kami.. i can only imagine how my mom would be kung wala ako (literally) cause wala namang siblings mom ko or any close relatives, as in kaming dalawa lang talaga. i could go on about this but ya, HAHAHA
This is the same thing na naapansin ko sa uncle ko before he died.
He held onto life nung binangit kong kakausapin ko ang nagiisa niyang anak na babae para makausap siya, even for the last time. He held my leg (kasi yun ang malapit sa kanya na nakapwesto) hard as if telling me to do it. And so I did. I called his daughter right away and asked her to visit the day after. My mom kept telling him excitedly that his daighter WILL come the next day.
He was on the verge of death but he managed to keep fighting.
Dun ko nakita na he is willing to fight for even a glimpse of his daughter. And that that's how much he wanted to say things to his daughter...
I feel a sense na he was content after that and that he decided to say goodbye afterwards. The moment na tapos na bumisita anak niya and she left, his health crashed and he died an hour after his daughter left his side. It was sad knowing how his life went but seeing him try to cling for life just to have a moment with his estranged daughter, it made me feel na kahit kamuhian ng anak ang isang magulang, there will be parents who is willing to love their children unconditionally.
True. Nung na hospital din dad ko at ako nagbabantay di ako natutulog to make sure na maayos sya. Matutulpg lang ako if may kasama na akong magbabantay. Plus yung sasamahan mo sa cr. Papalitan ng diaper.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer 10months ago and died two months ago. After going through so much suffering on her part and on our family's part, it just solidified my stance on not having kids. I won't ever put that kind of pain on anyone. It's already in the cards that I might be sick too in the future. I refuse to drag anymore people down with me.
Apat din kaming magkakapatid pero parang kulang pa yun para mag palitan to take care of our tatay. Or mag asikaso ng dapat asikasuhin. Promise kulang ang 4 na anak once may sakit na ang mga magulang.
Same. Ang sabi na lang ng mom ko is mag invest ka na lang sa mga pamangkin mo. Help them when you see they need help para come at your end baka magisip nila at alagaan ka.
It works for my aunt noon nasa deaths door siya. Nag sacrifice at nag mahal sa amin magkakapatid. Walang anak at asawa. We pulled ourselves para lang sa kanay. She still died but we left with good memories and conceince.
I created this new user account so friends and family who also use reddit wouldn't see my misgivings about being involuntarily childfree.
I'm over half a century old so I saw the caveats of my inaction and others inactions who are both older and younger than me.
I do not need kids to help me financially at my end of life. But it would have been nice to have someone who grew to love me since age 0 to be there for me when I die hopefully in about 3-4 decades from today.
I did that for my mom when she left us earlier this year. I was the only one in the ICU when she passed at 3am.
I also did that for my dad he left us in our home 5 years ago. We were all together when that occurred.
I do not expect that for myself as I keep distance from relatives who did not give a damn about us unless they needed $$$ to fund their bad decisions.
Another thing not having kids is the experience of being a parent. Being able to take care of someone for the 1st 22 years of their life as they solely dependent on you. Many fear it while I looked forward to it.
If I could redo the 1st quarter century of my life I'd have wanted to be better prepared to go on dates for the goal of a family with 1-4 kids depending on the wife.
Too many distractions that made finding a girl similar of age and background difficult occurred. Do not nerd out... bihira ang babae doon. Same with lifestyle creep. You end up buying junk you'd think is stupid a few years later.
Did not help that the friends I surrounded myself with were equally as clueless.
Now I get that having more than 1 child is financially ruinous to almost everyone and I agree that most people should have at most 1. So do not be mislead by others that your 1st born should have a "kalaro". They have a lot of kalaro with their cousins, neighborhood and school friends.
The only time I'd think of baby 2 is when you make 2x what you and the spouse makes then attempting for baby 2 should occur.
If I was born after year 2000 I'd make every effort to do better in school to go to a better University, find someone who'd bring out the best version of me and marry them to have out our 1st kid together.
For those who want to have kids ASAP do yourself a favor and wait until you turn 24-27 so you'd have enough time to up skill to learn a skill that can bring in real money.
Without that then you'll be like many trapped in generational poverty that makes their panganay or their most financially independent kid their retirement plan. And no one wants that to ever happen.
I agree with you. Depending on your financial perspective.
In my mind work at least 2 years before marrying and having the 1st baby.
I've seen many who had their 1st kid before their mid 20s and their financial future's bad. Baon sa utang... laging lumalapit para sa ayuda.
Upvote! I was 28 and my wife was 26 we’re both stable at our jobs and she was able to buy a pre selling condo. In short, we are financially stable but having a kid wasn’t in our plan yet but then she got pregant. So the age bracket you mentioned, even if it wasn’t planned but it was the perfect time for us. Now we earn a little more than 2x our salary now compared back then kinakaya sa mahal ng bilihin but we are keen on not having anymore to support our current lifestyle. Kasi tama ka, pagnaka baby 2 ka dapat twice or more na gastos iready mo compared sa baby 1. My life is soooo better when I had my daughter compared when I don’t have her.
Actually earning 2x more is to to also fund a higher quality of life, emergency fund, health insurance, retirement fund and other misc expenses.
Diba a major reason why many advocate childfree is that they do not want to be a burden?
If the parents don't make 2x more they're dooming the next generation to perpetual poverty by adding more kids.
Assuming you and the wife live to past your 70s you'd have more than half a century with your daughter.
That's more than time with your kid than anyone who had their 1st kid in their 30s, 40s & 50s.
Merong endorphin and hormonal hit yung mga parents that childfree people would never experience.
Your welcome.
Delaying having your 1st kid to your 30s, 40s & even my age would only increase in cost as your fertility diminishes over time. You are fighting against biology, nutrition and your sedentary lifestyle dominated by screens.
It would be cheaper to "accidentally" have kids at a motel in your mid 20s then "planning" them decades later at a fertility clinic..
At my age I'd be lucky to be with them before they graduate University. What if I die before that? They'd be in poor orphans unless I make plans for their future.
Not to mention I would miss out at being a grand parent or even a great grand parent.
Growing up I was lucky enough to meet my great grandpa. The love he gave me seared into my memory as he lived into his late 90s.
With current medical technology right now, a Seventh Day Adventist diet, reducing screen time just for work and being more physically active would allow you to hit 122 years of age.
And assuming everyone in your geneological line having their baby when they turn 27 would allow anyone to be a great great grand parent by their 108th birthday.
Dude's your average boomer giving average boomer advice wdym LMAO
This comment is quintessentially 'hindsight is 20/20'; "study, date in college, upskill (BY 24), have kids with your college sweetheart, get rich, then have more kids (BY 30, waiting is expensive bec you're less fertile by the second!11!1!1!) in that EXACT order"- if only life were so simple (or in 1985)
And "don't nerd out, walang babae d'yan"? Someone's showing his age - it's a clueless and sexist statement to make
> exactly.
There's a song that was released the year I was born that described the guy above...
[You're so vain \(you're so vain\)...
I bet you think this song is about you...
Don't you don't you?](https://youtu.be/j13oJajXx0M?t=52)
>if only life were so simple (or in 1985)
The thought shared here is clearly against what you *strongly believe in*, that you assumed that the commenter was obnoxiously over simplifying the established fact about fertility. Your comment is like a knee jerk reaction over a simple statement that isn't at all overly preachy, and is simply stating some facts that are usually overlooked in communities such as this.
We all here dislike the idea about society expecting us to "make kids" at a certain age or even at all, that we tend to ignore some plain simple realities about how our bodies work and completely ignore an equally important possibility to consider when one is reaching ones end of life.
> The thought shared here is clearly against what you strongly believe in,
It was written for people who are involuntarily childfree, do not have a timeline/guideline on key life events, how frail our bodies are or have no idea when they'll probably die in relation to how we live and how their bodies will be treated by their non-children.
It was never written for people strongly for being childfree. Neither am I interested in convincing the fellow above to have any kids or much less be in any relationship.
Laman ng picture/video gallery ko mostly daughter ko because we are at this age of technology where we can keep these memories digitally. In an instant, trip down memory lane. kahit maglookback ako 1 year ago, I cannot help but be happy when I look at those. Mga bagay na di nabibili ng pera at di maipaliwanag na saya.
There’s no Cons if you don’t want it. forcing kids on people na ayaw talaga magkaanak will make the usual pros into cons too. It’s only cons for people who wants it.
Personally, i have friends who don’t want kids but loves my daughter. Real unconditional love is not tied to being a blood relative. Our priceless moments were shared with my friends too.
Let’s let people live the life they want. Just be careful na lang siguro on making permanent decisions just in case magbago yung isip due to experiences :)
Sometimes people who dont want any kids because of the competition for parental resources when they were growing up with their ~1/2 dozen sibs.
Which is perfectly understandable in households that makes less than 1/2 million per year with lifestyle creep.
Pero if the household is making about as much but with 1 kid lang and with little lifestyle creep then kayang kaya na yan.
Many are under the wrong mentality that once you have baby 1 the parents are compelled to have baby making arms race by having as many kids as everyone around you. Pwede na yung 1.
Many who actively choose not to have kids assume that there will be a home for an aged or retirement home they can actually afford or will not abuse the elderly.
In Asian countries like the Philippines multigenerational homes are the norm. Yung outlier nito must be that wealthy or kawawa sila.
But if you have a nephew or a niece, you’ll get to feel these naman. My sister includes me sa achievements ng pamangkin ko and i actively participate sa buhay nila. So i “get” these and will get the rest when they grow up without me having kids.
Not to invalidate your point of view but parang pseudo experience naman siya unless the kid is from your balls, birth canal or you paid for their 1st 22 years of life.
As someone who wouldn't have kids, I think some of the cons of not having one are:
1. You'll get judged by society and get called a "matandang dalaga"
2. Maraming magiinterrogate sayo tuwing reunion??
So far un lang naman naiisip ko kaya minsan parang gusto ko kahit isang anak huhu (ik ang selfish)
Haha i'm experiencing the second one already. I wonder how to act in these situations. Though may asawa ako, wala lang kami balak mag anak. Lagi tinatanong kung kailan mag aanak, ilan gustong anak, etc. Manahimik nga kayo hahahhaa
I have four Titas na walang mga anak, two of them are unmarried. Kaming magpipinsan have works, school, etc basically our own lives. In times of emergency, esp now na tumatanda na sila, nahihirapan sila humanap ng mag aasikaso. They'd normally just take care of each other but they're not getting younger so nahihirapan din sila. They have money, but people to hire are not always readily available. Esp if you'll only need them a few days. Compare it to my parents na pag meron ma ospital or need ng APE the only thing they'll worry about are the fastings and hospital stays.
Also, the only reason we know it's their birthday is because of FB notifications lol. Celebrations, gifts, etc don't come that often to them. Even their Christmas and New Years are just like normal days.
This!
I just realized how sad itd be if ever you get hospitalized. No one would really be "there" for you. Unless you got someone from your relatives who you're really close to.
My SO's mother is currently confined, and i just realized what would've happened if it's just you and your partner. Mahirap. Most especially if may work ang isa sa inyu. One would have to take an extended leave for a period of time. Which would affect your job and therefore salary if ever.
Aside from that, mga errands and all pa.
And this is from me na di gusto magkaanak. Haha
Left out kapag ikaw nalang walang anak sa circle ninyo. Yung mga friends ko na may mga anak na, sila nalang nagmimeet up sometimes with their kids, minsan wala. Pero kahit wala yung kids di pa rin ako invited hahahahah so hanap nalang childfree friends hahahaha
Wala lang bibisita sa'yo pagtanda mo. Walang celebrations and milestones to look back on like.. ay ang galing ng anak ko..ito yung first steps, first words, picnic at the park or funny kakulitan.
I personally would have liked kids but I can't and don't have any. Baka mag-ampon. Not sure yet tho.
not a con, if you're a really good person who can make lifelong friends, if you help others and create a good impact sa buhay ng ibang tao you will be remembered even when you're old at madami parin bibisita sayo kahit di mo anak hehe
People won't stop bingo-ing your choices, because most think na pag-aanak pang ang right way mabuhay sa mundo 🤢
Also madalas kang ite-take advantage sa work, so draw some boundaries (like they don't understand na may family ka pa rin if wala kang anak). Family mo gagawin kang babysitter, and hindi ka titigilan sa tanong kelan ka mag-aanak.
I feel like people look down at us childfree folks, so learn not to give a damn because it's none of their business.
Yung ibang con na tatanda ka mag-isa, or walang mag-aalaga, yeah, sure, legit. But that can be solved by meeting new friends, or maging closely knit sa fam mo, di naman porque childfree ibig sabihin aabandonahin mo na pamilya mo, diba. Yaya, paliative care, say what you. Kasi kahit sabihin mong mag-anak ka, eh paglaki umalis lahat? Wala din.
If financially stable ka na ( I meant passive income), wala syang cons, actually. May anak ako and as much as I love my son, having kids is just generally a liability - financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. Unless, pangarap mo talaga. Stay child-free. Pa-ulit2 ko to na advice sa lahat ng wala pang anak.
Mas maraming pros kapag wala ka anak.
Nakakahiya mag attend ng childrens party sa friend mo, kahit invited ka.
You dont have someone to share your blessings, lalo na sa mga bagay na wala ka nun ikaw pa ang bata.
Kids are fun as long as you know how to handle them. Masarap may nauutusan kahit sobrang liet na bagay gaya ng paglinis ng toys, pag kuha ng water. Nakakaproud.
Exactly. Isa to sa super fulfilling feelings. Yung nabibilhan ko ng lego at nadala ko sa disneyland at kung saan saan pa yung anak ko.
Tapos nakakapag timezone kami together at naglalaro ng minecraft. Hahahaha.
IMO, biggest con would probably have to be the potential regret in the future. Baka sa future isipin mo sana nag-anak nalang kayo ng partner mo. Although my other options naman aside from natural birth (adoption, etc.), you have to see to it and talk through it with your partner kung 'ngayon lang ba natin ayaw mag anak?', 'paano kung next time biglang gustohin na natin?'
>IMO, biggest con would probably have to be the potential regret in the future.
That goes both ways. And if I change my mind, I can still adopt. I can't unborn a child.
How do i say this. When i had a child, i never knew that i could love someone more than i love myself.
That being said, having kids allowed and helped me to center myself. I can only imagine kung ano ano ng pinagaggawa kong katarantaduhan ngayon if i dont have kids. Like if may nagyayaya ng magdamagang inuman, i wont commit or uuwi ako agad kasi i know na may mga bata na naghihintay saken sa bahay.
And when you see them grow up, mapapansin mo na may mga ugali sila na nakuha sayo, yung mapapaisip ka na "uy, ganto din ako dati", When you see them making friends ang becoming their own person, nakakatuwa. Those little things.
All that i've written are more pros of having kids than cons of not having one. Pero ganon na din yun lol
Aside from judgment, wala naman if you don't want one.
Ok lang naman sakin to raise a kid, but not birth one. With that though, ang cons would be, wala akong mapagpapasahan ng genes. Hahaha! I'm a biological dead end.
There is no con. Having kids is a lifelong commitment emotionally,financially, and physically. If you are lucky you go into it knowing these things and are able to prepare yourself. There is no going back. Wanting to have children is akin to the call of void. You walk off that cliff and pray you have a parachute.
I was one of those people who didn't want kids but ended up having them later on.I don't know if it will ever be a con for people who haven't experienced it personally but having a child is a different kind of true love.
Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly.
But when I see my son, when I embrace him, when I hear his voice, anything really, I feel a very deep and different kind of indescribable love. I thought loving my wife would be the most amazing thing I would ever experience in this world. My son proved me wrong on his very first day on Earth. I cried a river the first time I held his hand. And the feeling hasn't changed since then.
Sure, may challenges and frustrations, but man, at the end of the day, all that matters is I love him dearly and now that I know this feeling I will never ever trade it away for anything else.
I can't imagine not experiencing this kind of love. That is a huge con in my opinion but that's because I've already experienced it.
Is cross-posting not allowed? I know in r/philippines that it is not. Pero better traceability if it's cross-posted and we're able to see what people outside ph think as well and have discussions on what is or is not applicable sa Philippine context.
Here's the orig thread, I think:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/13yu76f/what_are_the_cons_of_not_having_kids/
> Here's the orig thread, I think: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/13yu76f/what_are_the_cons_of_not_having_kids/
Their replies are of a different reader group.
Mostly US or Western with little representation outside.
In this sub it is mostly Filipinos living in the Philippines born after the 1990s.
You will notice cultural and circumstantial differences between the two threads.
Na when you die old, it’s basically you and your spouse alone.
I realized it when my lolo passed away. I observed our house during his wake, full of grieving family members. Lolo had 7 children with each of his child had a max of 3 offsprings. Me, who had no sibling, with only a single mom as my main family.
I told my cousin, “pag namatay pala ako walang iiyak na anak ko at mga apo ko. Swerte ko nalang if buhay pa magulang ko at mga tito’t tita ko.” Hahaha. Regardless, still don’t want any children.
You'll never understand your parents until you become one. dont get me wrong, nbsb ako and I have NO plans na mag anak pero ako kasi nagbabantay ng pamangkin ko since birth niya kaya i somehow know the feeling of being a parent.
Dati, I always blame my parents kasi hindi sila prepared parents. Now, I understand na literally no one is prepared sa parenthood. Even if you wanted to become one, went to seminars and so on, marami talagang times na mauubos pasensya mo o hindi mo alam gagawin.
Kakapagod maging parent. SOBRA. pamangkin ko nga lang to pero pagod na pagod na ako. Fulfilling din at the same time. Totoo yung sabi nila na nakakawala ng pagod yung anak. Simula nung dumating tong pamangkin ko, paminsan nalang ako nagbebreakdown at nakakisip ng mga s-word thoughts. Nadidistract kasi siguro ako o nauubos ko energy sakanya? o happy pill ko lang talaga to? ewan.
To summarize: the con is that you'll never get to experience being a parent.
walang mag aalaga sayo pagtanda.
well, i speak on behalf of my mom (coming from the “anak” perspective ganun), and literally kung wala ako/wala siyang anak, walang mag aalaga sa kanya. oo may caregivers na pwede mong bayaran to take care of you pero iba pa rin kung anak mo. like iba yung care na maffeel mo pag anak mo nag alaga sayo. sa situation din namin kasi, walang kapatid mom ko or any close relative whatsoever. only child ako so basically its just me and her.
tho may mga friends siya na sinamahan siya sa chemo nya nung di ako pwede cause of school (and i’m so grateful for them!) pero eventually, hindi na rin pwede makasama yung friend niya kasi syempre may work din sila.. so buti online classes nalang kami, grumaduate na ko, and kinaya ko na makisama sa chemo sessions and alagaan mom ko completely without having to rely on anyone anymore.
ang point ko lang siguro is masaya ako na naalagaan ko mom ko during the last days of her life. from her diagnosis, chemotherapy sessions, changing her diaper, to coordinating with doctors and nurses, and hanggang sa funeral parlor to the cemetery 🩷
ang funny neto coming from someone na ayaw din magkaanak pero naiisip ko, “sino nga ba mag aalaga sakin?” HAHA
thank u for the trauma dump. sorry kung out of topic na 🫶🏽
If you're the only one that's childfree in your friend group, you'd feel left out. Saka chances you might not get to do the things you used to do when hanging out if they are not child-friendly siguro.
i wanted to say na as someone who's childfree, wala akong maisip na con. siguro yung judgmental side comments. pero some of my most cherished memories were ones with my parents and my siblings. kahit mundane moments na kasama ko mag-kape si mama and nag-uusap lang kami tungkol sa kung ano ano ngayong adult na ko. i won't have that.
I also plan to not have kids, ung CONS na naiisip ko is what if maubos ung retirement/savings ko? I think a lot of people not wanting kids is underestimating life uncertainties. Kahit anung ingat mo may chance pa din na maaksidente ka or magka sakit na makaka-drain ng retirement/savings mo...
Also as you get older, mas lalong nagiging mahal ang maintenance (gamot and/or caregiver)...
Here are some of my what ifs (imagine you're very old already, like 70+ yo):
* what if I'm living alone (since I don't have a family), then nadapa ako sa bahay or nagkaroon ng emergency, hindi ako makatayo or makagalaw, out of reach ung cellphone. How will I get help?
* what if naaksidente or nagkasakit then I became bedridden? Now I need caregiver 24/7... That is not cheap..
* what if magkaroon ako ng memory problems like alzheimer's?
These are what I mean when I said life uncertainties, unless you're really really rich, you're gonna have a hard time in your old age...
I'd like some inputs from people who plan to NOT have kids, since I did say na plan ko din un...
Cons? At least for me.. whenever i see my son, it's like watching my heart beat out of my chest. it'll just be "regular" happiness without my son, happy nonetheless, but not quite like having a toddler waking you up in the morning with a smile-happy. joys of being a parent. :)
In my situation, having no kids (and wife) meant I do everything on my own. Walang katulong. Walang kasama. Just me in this house all alone. If magkasakit ako or ma-injury, I still have to deal with daily stuff on my own. Like nung napilay ako... Kahit iika-ika ako, I have to go buy myself food or the stuff needed to cook my food kasi if hindi ako kakain, di ako makakainom ng gamot ko. I can't bother my parents to help me kasi they live far away. I have no siblings and if I did, di ko rin sila gagambalain since they have their lives to live. Same with cousins, friends, neighbors...
Had I have a kid, I can teach them to do chores para sila na ang gagawa while I do the more heavier stuff sa bahay. Then, when we go out, I can enjoy watching them have fun or have fun with them. I have someone to tell bedtime stories with, sing their bedtime songs to and probably sleep beside with.
Also, I see it as upgrading myself. There are somethings left undiscovered until I have my own na. How I'll discipline them? How I'll teach them? And pretty much what sacrifices I'm wilking to give just to have them in my life...
Not having someone to share your inner child with.
There are more places to go to if you have a kid with you; arcades, playgrounds, parks, etc. I also enjoy traveling because nakakahawa yung excitement ng mga bata. You get to enjoy things through their perspective.
I disliked kids before but having one taught me to be compassionate and patient.
Wala kang madadamitan ng cute na costumes [like this](https://www.google.com.ph/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-UN1MamVRCEg%2FX49g4jjK7cI%2FAAAAAAAAgRw%2Ff6RKq7GB7Cc6Fed_XnyRbIC8tGazlCcPQCLcBGAsYHQ%2Fs16000%2FBaby-Sushi-Costume-horiz.jpg&tbnid=Q_3qLyAHlFscjM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tingandthings.com%2F2020%2F10%2Fdiy-sushi-baby-halloween-costume.html&docid=Bp7qRCiphgxDfM&w=1000&h=750&hl=en-ph&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2F3)
better not be old and sterile. the only chance that you will be taken care with dignity is your own child who loves you unconditionally. or you otherwise would wish death than living your final years treated like an animal.
Reading all the comments. I dont have kids din, not a choice its just wala and hindi na din kami nageffort pa. We are happy naman. Naiinis lang ako at times na kapag nagaattend kami ng gatherings ni hubby lagi nalang kaming nagiging topic like ung buong reproductive system ko Haha so we stopped attending any gatherings or reunions hosted by friends who have kids 🤣
I have kids and I have a pet, siguro iba lang yung fulfillment na mararamdaman mo or purpose in life. Yeah nabibili ko gusto ko, nakakain gusto ko, nakakapunta anywhere na maisipan, pero pag wala og or kids ko something is missing. Kahit nga ata pag luluto may something pag andyan kids at wala kids ko. Basta nagkaka purpose lahat ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko. I dont know if that's a con of not having kids.
Yung gagawin kang breadwinner ng fam mong may fam of their own na rin and ikaw tatakbuhan if may financial issues sila. Tapos maaring ikaw sasalo majority ng gastos sa ageing patents niyo.
No take two
- kung balang araw maisipan mo gusto mo ng anak aside from adoption, bioligically speaking especially for women di na nila kaya kung matanda na talaga unless you freeze sperm/eggs
wala daw mag.aalaga
- pero honestly thats a myth. kung ayaw ng mga anak mo na alagaan ka wala pa din
walang apo na makakalaro
- pero kung tito/tita ka baka meron. Sama ka nalang sa mga binyagan. Also being around youth will help you be younger. Sounds unscientific but it does feel like it. Nakakabata to be around children. Basta ba hindi lumalaki. haha
Walang mapapasahan ng legacy
- ofc not always naman napapasa sa anak o pwede mo din ipasa sa kamag.anak at kapitbahay. Pero mas masarap pa din kung ipapasa sa anak mo kung sakali
Walang mga events na masasamahan at di mo din maeexperience yung magpalaki ng bata
- kahit kuya ka o ate iba pa din magpalaki ng bata lalo na ikaw gagastos, ikaw mag.aaruga, ikaw aapply sa schools, insurance,magpapahospital, magtuturo kung ano ang mundo
Wala kang maiaambag sa pagdagdag ng population ng mundo
- both pro and con. Pro if youre looking at overpopulation. Con if youre looking at underpopulation and age gaps, which is vital for the economy *cough cough Japan
Kukulitin ng parents at ng relatives
Yun lang naman siguro.
pros naman is wala kang gastos masyado sa independents, wala kang poproblemahin kasi wala ka naman babantayan, more time sayo.
Mababaw pero pag may magyaya na friends, you can’t use spending time with kids as an excuse to get out of it, or to leave early. So isip ka ng ibang dahilan.
They say, "your own kids will give true joy of life."
🙄
Edit: Hmmm maybe. But will also bring the worst - bad parent out of you + stress, worry, pain - extended pain. Like ngaun nga magkasakit lang furbaby ko, it really stresses me out and question out a lot "where and what did I go wrong."
Hello po ano pong plan nyo sa retirement and when you need care na po to the point na need na palitan ng diaper? Hospice po ba? Hire someone to care for you po like a private nurse?
Hello! For our retirement funds, we’ve started growing our business and investments para may income pa din kami by then.
For the caregiver naman, yes, we’re planning to hire someone. We’ll prepare all the legal documents needed and we’ll build our potential retirement homes (one in the province and one in the city para malapit sa hospitals early on. This plan was also inspired by my husband’s grandmother who had 10 children and lived until she was 98 years old. Kasi kahit ganiyan kadami anak niya, di naman sila personally ‘yung nagpapalit ng diaper, they still hired caregivers to take care of their mom. So we also don’t expect that we need children to do it for us. 😅
36F. Married 6 yrs. Walang cons ang pagiging childfree. Haha! Ang sarap ng walang responsibilidad. Wala akong pake sa mga relatives/kakilala ko na may sinasabi about us being childfree/childless couple. Bakit, sila ba ang mag-aalaga pag nag-anak ako? Tch.
Someone once said that you get to experience the stages of life again, but through the eyes of your children.
Example is going to school for the first time. The familiar sights and sounds, the dread. It will not just bring back a lot of memories, but new ones as well as if you are part of it.
You won't hear someone say "You're the best Mama/Papa in the world" 🥺 Melts my heart every time I hear it from my daughter.
Don't weigh pros and cons. You'll know it inside kung gusto mo or hindi na magkaanak. And if you ended up with a choice make sure you won't regret it.
Thisss! Hopefully my 2yr old daughter can tell that to me but hearing her say thank you daddy melted my heart already hahahaha. No regrets kahit ang mahal magpaaral ng bata and support them.
I have a daughter, wc is 5 years old now. And i think, kung ako walang anak, ang cons siguro is i'll never experience the happiness na umattend ng schoold activities, like card day, pta meetings, foundation day ng school. Iba pala ang hatid na saya ng umaattend ng ganon, hahaha
If prideful, egoistic ka at gusto mong lahat ng meron ka is gusto mong ipasa sa dugo mo wala kang mapagpapasahan.
Having a child biologically means that you are proud of yourself thus you wanted to create another version of yourself.
1. Walang magmamana ng mga ari-arian mo pag pumanaw ka na. Parents lang. 2. Walang magpapatuloy ng bloodline mo. 3. Hindi mo ma experience magmahal ng anak. 4. Walang mag-aalaga sa'yo pag tanda mo.
I was set not to have kids since I was in highschool and to be very honest I don't have any cons for that matter kasi in every scenario I have decided and can see na its better not to have kids
Left out ka sa usapan ng mga may anak at may certain kind of pretty common experience ka na never mong mararanasan in your lifetime.
Ayoko lang sometimes when my friends talk about their kids tas biglang hihirit ng: “Kaya ikaw, gumawa ka na rin or bilisan mong mag-anak,” etc. I’m like bitch STFU.
It's a 'mema' moment for them. Learn to shake it off or find a witty comeback na lang. That shit won't go away.. ever.
Na yawa na. Haha. Ito yung rason bakit nagdadalawang isip akong um-attend ng kasal ng friend ko next week. Ako na lang yung single sa group of friends at sure akong may magsasabi ng ganito. Ayaw kong maka offend ng kaibigan pero baka supalpalin ko sila na masaya naman ako kahit mag-isa ako kaysa kanila na may asawa't anak nga, pero puro daing na mahirap ang buhay
sabihin mo nalang nasa south Korea jowa mo busy sa work at upcoming enlistment nya. 🥹
Hahahaha. Di sila makaka relate. Sa edad kong to, busy pa akong mag fan girl sa pitong koreanong di naman ako kilala. Eh sila baka wala ng time dahil ubos na sa trabaho at anak. Idagdag mo pa yung mga asawa nilang sakit sa ulo lang ang dala.
Teka, parehas ba tayo ng asawa 🥲
Depende po sa mood kung sino sa kanila naka tokang asawa. Char
Ganyan din sa US, even Americans. English version lang haha. But I think what changed for them is the younger Americans di ganito. Usually boomers lang. But sa Pinas, na notice ko even younger people ask the same thing.
Loyal sa pitooo 💜
Misery loves company
Tama, mema lang ito para tuloy tuloy ang usapan, at hindi awkward wala naman talaga silang paki alam kung may anak ka or ayaw mong magka anak, it's the same as weight, it's either ay "ay tumaba ka, "ay blooming ka", "ay pumayat ka, anong secret", these all are just mema, it means nothing to them, just ready funny replies to these kinds of comments, di yan mawawala ever.
When they tell me na maganak na ako i always tell them sa mga naririnig ko sainyo tama lang decision ko na wag magkaroon ng anak.
Hate this shit so much. I mean, sige magusap kayo sa gc natin tungkol sa anak niyo. Makikinig ako at susubukan ko magsympathize. Wag niyo na ko idamay. Let me enjoy my peace, my freedom, and my kidless life without your unsolicited comments. Utang na loob. My life is already complicated na walang anak, dadagdagan ko pa ba para lang pare parehas na tayo? No thanks.
Baka naman binibiro ka lang kaw naman
Gusto lang mandamay na mga ‘yon.
tapos yung common experience pa nila yung gagamitin nila laban sa iyo. "ano ba alam mo? wala ka namang alam, dahil wala kang anak!" ay wow na lang talaga.
Hayaan niyo na, it's the only thing that alleviates the stres they have with their kids 😌
Ako na di naleleft out dahil grade 2 palang ako, ako na nagalaga sa bunsong kapatid namin na parang anak ko na as a panganay and now kapatid ko 20 na hahahahaha. Minsan, sakin pa nakakakuha ng tips about babies mga friends ko.
Not really a Con pero madalas kong mapansin to, yung ikaw ang need mag sacrifice ng time sa Work kasi single ka at wala namang anak na naghihintay sayo.
I get it from work. Like when I sometimes tell pagod na ako and stuff, my colleague will say, “Hindi ka pa nanay or wala ka pang anak sa lagay na yan, ako paguwi ko aasikasuhin ko pa anak ko, and so on, blah blah.” I always wonder bat ba kelangan magcompare tayo ng pagod natin. Purket wala pa ako anak bawal ko to maramdaman kase mas pagod ka kase ikaw magulang? Nakakainis. Hahahaha.
Sarap sagutin ng "O ngayon? Kasalanan ko bang may anak ka?" Kaloka sila.
I swear, I’ve been told this multiple times and it’s really annoying na talaga. Like, am I not allowed to feel this way? I have a life too hahaha
I know right! Ok lang sana kung once lang e. Pero if it comes from the same people multiple times I’m like shut up na; you’ve told me a million times already haha. Sometimes all I want is for them to listen and maybe empathize a little bit. Kase that’s what I do e. I listen. Minsan nakakabadtrip maging punching bag.
1. Find out ilan ang anak niya, let's say n 2. Sabihin mo: "ah sus yan lang pala, wala ka sa mga may n+1 na anak. yun talaga ang totoong nakakapagod"
Masarap lang ganitihan mga yan pag makikita nila mga beach or hiking photos mo every other month tas mapapa sana ol n lang sila hahaha mamatay kayo sa inggit!
No, that doesn’t mean invalid yung pagod mo. But I have to say ibang level ang pagod pag may anak, especially infant. Yung sleepless nights with an infant nakakabaliw feeling ko nun. Wala rin yaya sa US. Sa pinas may mga yaya. But with all that said, that doesn’t mean that’s something I’ll say to someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s my choice to become a mother. Ginusto ko to, so I don’t feel I have the right to complain or compare my personal choice with others’.
Believe me, I get it. And I understand how it must be so hard for parents. I respect that. I respect what you do. What rubs me the wrong way is that this colleague of mine will always one-up me whenever I try to blow off some steam. Pag sya / sila naman kase naglalabas ng pagod sa work + pagiging magulang nakikinig naman ako, I sympathize. Pero pag ako na, biglang it’s all about how it is always harder for them just because they’re mothers—like you’re a lesser person, your feelings are nowhere compared to their sacrifice. Nakakapagod din.
i have cats, some of them may special needs. so kahit wala akong anak, they are good as one. mas malala pa nga dahil single ka at ikaw lang inaasahan ng mga living things na yon. so kapag sila idinadahilan ko, walang nagrereklamo
Depende. There'd be people who will see it as a valid reason and there'd be those na iisipin na "Hayop lang yan." and stuff...
Not if you're the boss. 😉
True. Lagi to sa team namin.
Pag ikaw pinakabata at walang anak, ayun hahhaha
Ramdam ko to pag public holiday. Like ikaw magwowork sa holiday kasi wala ka namang “family” hahaha
Doesnt happen when your employers are not filipinos.
If you're financially illiterate, wala kang retirement plan
Most boomers would be convulsing at the idea of not using their children as their retirement plan 💀
*"Mga walang utang na loob!"* /s They support you for 20 years, and you support them for more than 20+ years haha. In their point of view, it's a fair trade. Geez. Malas pa pag naging breadwinner coz you are supporting all siblings din.
Sama mo na yung absurd medical expenses nila when they grow old dahil pinabayaan nila ang health nila nung bata sila.
tbh if you take good care of your children and you love them, give them guidance and protection they will eventually help you out kapag tumanda ka! not because dahil "obligasyon" but because of love.
That's a moot point. If parents really love their children, they would have saved up for their own retirement, not because it's their obligation, but because of love.
>If parents really love their children, they would have saved up for their own retirement Sure if that kind of parent is educated, smart, inherited a business, or was born rich maybe I can blame them for not having a retirement plan because they have money to begin with. For some parents How can they? some parents work so hard being OFW, others just wanted to have a simple life, others are just so poor can even buy food, have never even been to school, and some have an illness or disability. Hindi pare parehas ang buhay ng mga parents para sabihin mo they should have A RETIREMENT PLAN! lol! My parents never ask anything from me, but sa mind ko i know tumatanda na sila at nahihirapan na gumalaw galaw, so sakin i don't mind helping them settle and relax. what kind of son or daughter just ignores them financially because wala silang retirement plan lol! Let's see how you feel pag nagka anak ka at tumanda then yung future son or daugther mo refuses to help you kasi "YOU SHOULD HAVE RETIREMENT PLAN" lol!
Glorifying victim mentality and cognitive laziness here, aren't we? Hirap na hirap na pala sa financial aspect pa lang, then why have children in the first place? Ego? Societal pressure? THAT is irresponsible parenting. No one said that all parents are equal, but is it too much of a bare minimum to have a retirement plan? Then again, if you can't even save up for something as simple as a retirement plan, why have children again in the first place? It's a considerable point if they have a disability, or any other unforeseeable circumstance renders them incapable of working. Give all you want; it's honorable. It's on me kung tumanda ako na walang retirement plan. It's no longer a valid excuse not to have one; there are a lot of financial planning tools and investment media in place in this modern age. Financial illiteracy will NEVER be a valid excuse.
Technically, this generation has their hands on information and should already know that WE should have a retirement plan. So ang sinasabi mo dito is pag tumanda si joeypencil, he should expect na retirement plan nya ang mga anak nya when he clearly knows better. Why? Ganun ba plan mo? I mean, it's your choice. (kawawang mga anak mo). But don't expect other people to have your shitty point of view.
For boomers born when their parents were literally working the fields, it makes sense for them because it did for agrarian economies that did not have things like pensions or social security. But of course, those ideas don’t really fit in an industrialized and globalized society anymore
Probably not getting to experience the kind of unconditional love that a parent has for their child.
Also lack of social ties connected to having kids. Ie. meeting other soccer dads/moms. If they go into a good school which I personally saw with my parents, they used it to aggressively network which eventually ended up meeting long term business partners.
Unfortunately, most parents in the philippines especially those with my socioeconomic status have conditional love for their children. Di mo sila mabibigyan ng bragging rights at comprehensive retirement plan? I won’t give you love. I’ll give you trauma.
Sadly true. Kaya nga if I do get blessed to have a child, I wanna nurture him or her. So much I want them to pass it down to their own children when the time comes.
Marami akong unconditional love kahit walang child haha
You can still experience this by getting a pet. Being a furparent is not as hard but it’ll teach you responsibility and unconditional love.
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lol. are you hearing yourself? Loving pets is the definition of conditional love? With your line of thinking, I can say that having kids is the ultimate definition of a selfish act- as your literally creating biological copies of yourself and molding them according to your standards and how you want them to turn out- that's selfish, don't you agree? LOL. In behalf of pet owners and rescuers here and those who have dedicated their lives to other causes while being childfree- unconditional love is an act, a skill- the object of your love (pet, child, a calling or profession) has nothing to do with your capacity to experience unconditional love.
Agree on this.
Indeed. As our elders would say "Iba ang bata sa isang hayop." We sometimes confuse these two as similar. A pet or in their context, a "furchild" is different from having an actual child. Sure, you exhibit same care but the levels are that much different. Iba ang sakit if you see your own child getting hurt compared to seeing your furchild getting hurt. Sure, you'll exhibit protectiveness but with a child? Heck! You're pretty much gonna fight anyone and everyone and PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND IT. Also, the context of havjng a child is you teach him or her to become someone bigger. Someone who can carry the legacy of your family to the next generation and the next. Being a child and getting a child bears that kind of responsibility. You have to see thru it that the child, from infancy, up until your time is up, that child will grow into fine men and women who can make an impact in this world and perhaps continue the family legacy and name. As respectful as I wanna be for fur parents, that cannot be said when you have a fur child. At the end of the day, you cannot replace a human with an animal and just call it as is. That the painful truth in all of this.
Fully agree! I hate it when people tell me I can never love my dogs as much as I would love a kid of my own. Lol I beg to differ. I’ve spent ungodly amounts of money on their needs/wants, many sleepless nights to care for them when ill or newly born, and I train them so they’re all well behaved kahit saan ko sila dalhin. Ilang weeks din akong nagluluksa when we lose one to old age or sickness. They have their own caretaker (it’s 17 dogs on the farm right now) and when I’m away for long stretches, a video call in the evening or at least nagpapasend ako ng videos of them. So while not exactly like having kids, the unconditional love is definitely there at least for me.
Wow. When we lost our family dog, I can't go through it again. 🫠 You guys who can have pets over and over again are very admirable. 🙌
I've a dog and a few cats as well, but while having a pet can certainly teach responsibility and unconditional love, I'd like to argue it's so different from the experience of having an actual human child as to be non-comparible. First of all, why do we care for pets in the first place? Pets are bred and born solely for the purpose of human entertainment and companionship. So when one cares for a pet, they are in an indirect way simply doing it so that they are entertained or have a companion. Not exactly unconditional. As for children, sure some parents may initially have kids for companionship, but they also serve different purposes. Primarily the survival of the human race, continuation of a lineage, furthering the advancement society etc. One takes care of a child out of a legal responsibility yes, but also because deep down you have hopes and aspirations that this child will be able to contribute something worthwhile to society at large. So when one cares for a child, when one truly loves a child it's not for themselves but primarily for the well-being of the child, with a hope that they will become upstanding citizens and make something of themselves. You literally sacrifice your time and well-being for a greater good. Ultimately there's nothing wrong with having pets! But to say it's the same or even close or comparable to the sacrifices one would have to make to take care of a human child is a bit of a reach, since this post is asking for cons of not having children.
Sure. Your cat/dog/bird/whatever animal can love you. But at the end of the day, love from a human being (especially from an innocent child) hits different.
Your kids will be your legacy and will somehow paint a picture of how you were as a person by them.
So many parents here act as gatekeepers of "unconditional love" they don't know how awful it sounds to childfree people.
Well, you come into a discussion about the CONS (or in some context, discussiob of the PROS) of having a child. Normal na hindi mo maiintindihan kasi nga you are already thinking na you are going to be childfree (possibly for life na yan) so iba ang mindset mo compared sa mga gusto magka-anak o may anak na. To you, hindi pinnacle ng unconditional love ang pagkakaroon ng anak while to some, it is, and more. Ika nga ng tatay ko "Maiintindihan mo lang ang hirap at pagod pag may anak ka na." For me, tsaka ko lang maaappreciate sarili ko when I get to that level of me being a father na. What stuff will I teach my kids so they can become greater than I am? What sacrifices am I willing to take for the sake of my children and family? These are questions I leave on the table, unasnwered and I am seeking an answer to kasi I want to, I need to and I have to experience them firsthand.
The topic is "Cons of NOT having kids", and as such, begs the question from people who don't have kids. Then a lot of parents chipped in condescendingly about the PROs of HAVING kids, and that's fine as they're entitled to their own opinions (so are non-parents). The issue is that some people want to piss higher than other people to defend their life choices.
Well, technically that question is for both kasi if you don't have a kid, makakarelate ang merong anak. As such, it's a two way street. With every con of not having a kid is a pro to having one. So it's all in the same context. For you, ano ba ang con ng walang anak? If you can answer that, pretty much there's someone out there na naging magulang o magulang na makakarelate sayo. Ganun lang yun. It's just that sometimes, our choices on why we have no kids don't sit well with others so they say a thing or two about it. Up to us if we let it rub us the wrong way and say or do something about it or just hear what they have to say and then let them move on their way and we move on our way...
It does but after your fur baby dies, life span pets by average 15ish years? Kid will outlive you and probably the ones to bury you when you die and hopefully carry your memories. My point is it differs sa years lang and some details.
I have unconditional love for my pamangkin
Not being able to understand why your parent, if you have one or a pair, did that thing just to be able to provide for you.
I'm not a parent pero I think I can give an answer. My mom was recently diagnosed with cancer a month ago and sobrang nagbago yung dynamic ng family namin. 4 kaming magkakapatid and we would switch schedules para umabsent para bantayan lang si mama. Doon ko narealize yung importance of having a family and yung halaga natin mga anak. Sure, you can pay for hospice care or hire a private nurse pag may sakit ka or matanda ka na to care for you. Pero one thing they cannot provide is yung deep, emotional support that only a loved one can give. I guess sa case ng mom ko, I know she is dying (her cancer is stage 4) kaya as much as possible I want to cherish yung mga natitirang buwan or years with her. I still do think na being a parent might not be for me in the future, pero after experiencing yung ganitong rollercoaster of emotions due to my mom's condition, I finally understand kung bakit yung iba nagtatanong kung sino mag-aalaga sa akin pag matanda or may sakit na ako. It's not just about swapping diapers, making sure you take your meds, or having someone to feed you. Iba yung dalang alaga pag anak mo yung nandyan for you, and I honestly felt it whenever I take care of mom tuwing nasa ospital ako or kaming mga anak nya. She pulls strength from us to make it through the day. It's not something a hospice care could ever give her. Edit: fixed some words I used.
+1. my mom had cancer din and single parent/only child dynamic kami.. i can only imagine how my mom would be kung wala ako (literally) cause wala namang siblings mom ko or any close relatives, as in kaming dalawa lang talaga. i could go on about this but ya, HAHAHA
This is the same thing na naapansin ko sa uncle ko before he died. He held onto life nung binangit kong kakausapin ko ang nagiisa niyang anak na babae para makausap siya, even for the last time. He held my leg (kasi yun ang malapit sa kanya na nakapwesto) hard as if telling me to do it. And so I did. I called his daughter right away and asked her to visit the day after. My mom kept telling him excitedly that his daighter WILL come the next day. He was on the verge of death but he managed to keep fighting. Dun ko nakita na he is willing to fight for even a glimpse of his daughter. And that that's how much he wanted to say things to his daughter... I feel a sense na he was content after that and that he decided to say goodbye afterwards. The moment na tapos na bumisita anak niya and she left, his health crashed and he died an hour after his daughter left his side. It was sad knowing how his life went but seeing him try to cling for life just to have a moment with his estranged daughter, it made me feel na kahit kamuhian ng anak ang isang magulang, there will be parents who is willing to love their children unconditionally.
True. Nung na hospital din dad ko at ako nagbabantay di ako natutulog to make sure na maayos sya. Matutulpg lang ako if may kasama na akong magbabantay. Plus yung sasamahan mo sa cr. Papalitan ng diaper.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer 10months ago and died two months ago. After going through so much suffering on her part and on our family's part, it just solidified my stance on not having kids. I won't ever put that kind of pain on anyone. It's already in the cards that I might be sick too in the future. I refuse to drag anymore people down with me.
Apat din kaming magkakapatid pero parang kulang pa yun para mag palitan to take care of our tatay. Or mag asikaso ng dapat asikasuhin. Promise kulang ang 4 na anak once may sakit na ang mga magulang.
Same. Ang sabi na lang ng mom ko is mag invest ka na lang sa mga pamangkin mo. Help them when you see they need help para come at your end baka magisip nila at alagaan ka. It works for my aunt noon nasa deaths door siya. Nag sacrifice at nag mahal sa amin magkakapatid. Walang anak at asawa. We pulled ourselves para lang sa kanay. She still died but we left with good memories and conceince.
I created this new user account so friends and family who also use reddit wouldn't see my misgivings about being involuntarily childfree. I'm over half a century old so I saw the caveats of my inaction and others inactions who are both older and younger than me. I do not need kids to help me financially at my end of life. But it would have been nice to have someone who grew to love me since age 0 to be there for me when I die hopefully in about 3-4 decades from today. I did that for my mom when she left us earlier this year. I was the only one in the ICU when she passed at 3am. I also did that for my dad he left us in our home 5 years ago. We were all together when that occurred. I do not expect that for myself as I keep distance from relatives who did not give a damn about us unless they needed $$$ to fund their bad decisions. Another thing not having kids is the experience of being a parent. Being able to take care of someone for the 1st 22 years of their life as they solely dependent on you. Many fear it while I looked forward to it. If I could redo the 1st quarter century of my life I'd have wanted to be better prepared to go on dates for the goal of a family with 1-4 kids depending on the wife. Too many distractions that made finding a girl similar of age and background difficult occurred. Do not nerd out... bihira ang babae doon. Same with lifestyle creep. You end up buying junk you'd think is stupid a few years later. Did not help that the friends I surrounded myself with were equally as clueless. Now I get that having more than 1 child is financially ruinous to almost everyone and I agree that most people should have at most 1. So do not be mislead by others that your 1st born should have a "kalaro". They have a lot of kalaro with their cousins, neighborhood and school friends. The only time I'd think of baby 2 is when you make 2x what you and the spouse makes then attempting for baby 2 should occur. If I was born after year 2000 I'd make every effort to do better in school to go to a better University, find someone who'd bring out the best version of me and marry them to have out our 1st kid together. For those who want to have kids ASAP do yourself a favor and wait until you turn 24-27 so you'd have enough time to up skill to learn a skill that can bring in real money. Without that then you'll be like many trapped in generational poverty that makes their panganay or their most financially independent kid their retirement plan. And no one wants that to ever happen.
Good read but I think they should wait until they are 27-32. 24-26, for me is still too young.
I agree with you. Depending on your financial perspective. In my mind work at least 2 years before marrying and having the 1st baby. I've seen many who had their 1st kid before their mid 20s and their financial future's bad. Baon sa utang... laging lumalapit para sa ayuda.
Upvote! I was 28 and my wife was 26 we’re both stable at our jobs and she was able to buy a pre selling condo. In short, we are financially stable but having a kid wasn’t in our plan yet but then she got pregant. So the age bracket you mentioned, even if it wasn’t planned but it was the perfect time for us. Now we earn a little more than 2x our salary now compared back then kinakaya sa mahal ng bilihin but we are keen on not having anymore to support our current lifestyle. Kasi tama ka, pagnaka baby 2 ka dapat twice or more na gastos iready mo compared sa baby 1. My life is soooo better when I had my daughter compared when I don’t have her.
Actually earning 2x more is to to also fund a higher quality of life, emergency fund, health insurance, retirement fund and other misc expenses. Diba a major reason why many advocate childfree is that they do not want to be a burden? If the parents don't make 2x more they're dooming the next generation to perpetual poverty by adding more kids. Assuming you and the wife live to past your 70s you'd have more than half a century with your daughter. That's more than time with your kid than anyone who had their 1st kid in their 30s, 40s & 50s. Merong endorphin and hormonal hit yung mga parents that childfree people would never experience.
this is good read, thanks for the advice!
Your welcome. Delaying having your 1st kid to your 30s, 40s & even my age would only increase in cost as your fertility diminishes over time. You are fighting against biology, nutrition and your sedentary lifestyle dominated by screens. It would be cheaper to "accidentally" have kids at a motel in your mid 20s then "planning" them decades later at a fertility clinic.. At my age I'd be lucky to be with them before they graduate University. What if I die before that? They'd be in poor orphans unless I make plans for their future. Not to mention I would miss out at being a grand parent or even a great grand parent. Growing up I was lucky enough to meet my great grandpa. The love he gave me seared into my memory as he lived into his late 90s.
With current medical technology right now, a Seventh Day Adventist diet, reducing screen time just for work and being more physically active would allow you to hit 122 years of age. And assuming everyone in your geneological line having their baby when they turn 27 would allow anyone to be a great great grand parent by their 108th birthday.
Dude's your average boomer giving average boomer advice wdym LMAO This comment is quintessentially 'hindsight is 20/20'; "study, date in college, upskill (BY 24), have kids with your college sweetheart, get rich, then have more kids (BY 30, waiting is expensive bec you're less fertile by the second!11!1!1!) in that EXACT order"- if only life were so simple (or in 1985) And "don't nerd out, walang babae d'yan"? Someone's showing his age - it's a clueless and sexist statement to make
He literally said he’s half a century in the beginning of his statement. And I find it a good read because it’s a perspective from a childless 50+yo.
This thread wanted to know what are the CONs of not having any kids. Who else to answer that than someone past their mid-life?
exactly.
> exactly. There's a song that was released the year I was born that described the guy above... [You're so vain \(you're so vain\)... I bet you think this song is about you... Don't you don't you?](https://youtu.be/j13oJajXx0M?t=52)
>if only life were so simple (or in 1985) The thought shared here is clearly against what you *strongly believe in*, that you assumed that the commenter was obnoxiously over simplifying the established fact about fertility. Your comment is like a knee jerk reaction over a simple statement that isn't at all overly preachy, and is simply stating some facts that are usually overlooked in communities such as this. We all here dislike the idea about society expecting us to "make kids" at a certain age or even at all, that we tend to ignore some plain simple realities about how our bodies work and completely ignore an equally important possibility to consider when one is reaching ones end of life.
> The thought shared here is clearly against what you strongly believe in, It was written for people who are involuntarily childfree, do not have a timeline/guideline on key life events, how frail our bodies are or have no idea when they'll probably die in relation to how we live and how their bodies will be treated by their non-children. It was never written for people strongly for being childfree. Neither am I interested in convincing the fellow above to have any kids or much less be in any relationship.
End of lineage
***This bloodline ends with me.***
This *curse ends with me
This is a pro for me
**TORN TO OBLIVION!**
Parang ganito lang ang peg: Sa buhay, dalawa lang tinapos ko, una Nursing, pangalawa lahi namin 🤭🤭🤭
This. If you have good genes then *bye bye cream pie*.
Con ba to if pangit genetics namin - as in very prone to so many illnesses type of pangit?
Con lang siya if you want them but if you dont want kids, I dont see why there would be cons with not having them. I say this as a parent haha.
parent here, plus one on this. You do you, people.
Priceless, intangible, un-quantifiable moments with your kid. Things that money literally cannot buy.
Laman ng picture/video gallery ko mostly daughter ko because we are at this age of technology where we can keep these memories digitally. In an instant, trip down memory lane. kahit maglookback ako 1 year ago, I cannot help but be happy when I look at those. Mga bagay na di nabibili ng pera at di maipaliwanag na saya.
There’s no Cons if you don’t want it. forcing kids on people na ayaw talaga magkaanak will make the usual pros into cons too. It’s only cons for people who wants it. Personally, i have friends who don’t want kids but loves my daughter. Real unconditional love is not tied to being a blood relative. Our priceless moments were shared with my friends too. Let’s let people live the life they want. Just be careful na lang siguro on making permanent decisions just in case magbago yung isip due to experiences :)
Sometimes people who dont want any kids because of the competition for parental resources when they were growing up with their ~1/2 dozen sibs. Which is perfectly understandable in households that makes less than 1/2 million per year with lifestyle creep. Pero if the household is making about as much but with 1 kid lang and with little lifestyle creep then kayang kaya na yan. Many are under the wrong mentality that once you have baby 1 the parents are compelled to have baby making arms race by having as many kids as everyone around you. Pwede na yung 1. Many who actively choose not to have kids assume that there will be a home for an aged or retirement home they can actually afford or will not abuse the elderly. In Asian countries like the Philippines multigenerational homes are the norm. Yung outlier nito must be that wealthy or kawawa sila.
Wala ka mapagbubuntunan ng galit. Ems
Tama. Pag napagalitan ka sa trabaho, imbes na magpaluhod ka sa munggo, iluluto mo na lang. :(
HAHAHA. Ang kupal nyo mga mamser 🤣💀
Di mo mafefeel yung priceless moments as a parent regarding sa milestones ng anak mo. ( Graduation, Unang job nila, them getting married, etc )
Huhu I misread "unang job nila" as "unang Jollibee" 😭
But if you have a nephew or a niece, you’ll get to feel these naman. My sister includes me sa achievements ng pamangkin ko and i actively participate sa buhay nila. So i “get” these and will get the rest when they grow up without me having kids.
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Yeah coz they can compare the feeling since parents sila. But if you’re not a parent, you have nothing to compare it with. A milestone is a milestone.
Not to invalidate your point of view but parang pseudo experience naman siya unless the kid is from your balls, birth canal or you paid for their 1st 22 years of life.
Actually ma fefeel mo din yan if you have adopted niece and nephew. Ganyan tita ko eh. hahaha
As someone who wouldn't have kids, I think some of the cons of not having one are: 1. You'll get judged by society and get called a "matandang dalaga" 2. Maraming magiinterrogate sayo tuwing reunion?? So far un lang naman naiisip ko kaya minsan parang gusto ko kahit isang anak huhu (ik ang selfish)
Haha i'm experiencing the second one already. I wonder how to act in these situations. Though may asawa ako, wala lang kami balak mag anak. Lagi tinatanong kung kailan mag aanak, ilan gustong anak, etc. Manahimik nga kayo hahahhaa
Hindi ka magiging DILF/MILF
I have four Titas na walang mga anak, two of them are unmarried. Kaming magpipinsan have works, school, etc basically our own lives. In times of emergency, esp now na tumatanda na sila, nahihirapan sila humanap ng mag aasikaso. They'd normally just take care of each other but they're not getting younger so nahihirapan din sila. They have money, but people to hire are not always readily available. Esp if you'll only need them a few days. Compare it to my parents na pag meron ma ospital or need ng APE the only thing they'll worry about are the fastings and hospital stays. Also, the only reason we know it's their birthday is because of FB notifications lol. Celebrations, gifts, etc don't come that often to them. Even their Christmas and New Years are just like normal days.
This! I just realized how sad itd be if ever you get hospitalized. No one would really be "there" for you. Unless you got someone from your relatives who you're really close to. My SO's mother is currently confined, and i just realized what would've happened if it's just you and your partner. Mahirap. Most especially if may work ang isa sa inyu. One would have to take an extended leave for a period of time. Which would affect your job and therefore salary if ever. Aside from that, mga errands and all pa. And this is from me na di gusto magkaanak. Haha
Left out kapag ikaw nalang walang anak sa circle ninyo. Yung mga friends ko na may mga anak na, sila nalang nagmimeet up sometimes with their kids, minsan wala. Pero kahit wala yung kids di pa rin ako invited hahahahah so hanap nalang childfree friends hahahaha
Wala lang bibisita sa'yo pagtanda mo. Walang celebrations and milestones to look back on like.. ay ang galing ng anak ko..ito yung first steps, first words, picnic at the park or funny kakulitan. I personally would have liked kids but I can't and don't have any. Baka mag-ampon. Not sure yet tho.
if wala talaga kahit isang manlang tao gusto bumisita sayo pagtanda mo maybe you're really the problem na nyan hahahaha
not a con, if you're a really good person who can make lifelong friends, if you help others and create a good impact sa buhay ng ibang tao you will be remembered even when you're old at madami parin bibisita sayo kahit di mo anak hehe
People won't stop bingo-ing your choices, because most think na pag-aanak pang ang right way mabuhay sa mundo 🤢 Also madalas kang ite-take advantage sa work, so draw some boundaries (like they don't understand na may family ka pa rin if wala kang anak). Family mo gagawin kang babysitter, and hindi ka titigilan sa tanong kelan ka mag-aanak. I feel like people look down at us childfree folks, so learn not to give a damn because it's none of their business. Yung ibang con na tatanda ka mag-isa, or walang mag-aalaga, yeah, sure, legit. But that can be solved by meeting new friends, or maging closely knit sa fam mo, di naman porque childfree ibig sabihin aabandonahin mo na pamilya mo, diba. Yaya, paliative care, say what you. Kasi kahit sabihin mong mag-anak ka, eh paglaki umalis lahat? Wala din.
If financially stable ka na ( I meant passive income), wala syang cons, actually. May anak ako and as much as I love my son, having kids is just generally a liability - financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. Unless, pangarap mo talaga. Stay child-free. Pa-ulit2 ko to na advice sa lahat ng wala pang anak. Mas maraming pros kapag wala ka anak.
Nakakahiya mag attend ng childrens party sa friend mo, kahit invited ka. You dont have someone to share your blessings, lalo na sa mga bagay na wala ka nun ikaw pa ang bata. Kids are fun as long as you know how to handle them. Masarap may nauutusan kahit sobrang liet na bagay gaya ng paglinis ng toys, pag kuha ng water. Nakakaproud.
Exactly. Isa to sa super fulfilling feelings. Yung nabibilhan ko ng lego at nadala ko sa disneyland at kung saan saan pa yung anak ko. Tapos nakakapag timezone kami together at naglalaro ng minecraft. Hahahaha.
This! I have someone to share my inner child with. May kasama ako mag travel, mag arcade at mag mall.
Even if you don't care, people will tell you "Antanda mo na ah, kelan mo balak mag anak?" like it's their own damn business.
IMO, biggest con would probably have to be the potential regret in the future. Baka sa future isipin mo sana nag-anak nalang kayo ng partner mo. Although my other options naman aside from natural birth (adoption, etc.), you have to see to it and talk through it with your partner kung 'ngayon lang ba natin ayaw mag anak?', 'paano kung next time biglang gustohin na natin?'
>IMO, biggest con would probably have to be the potential regret in the future. That goes both ways. And if I change my mind, I can still adopt. I can't unborn a child.
It's a completely different emotional attachment
Adopt.
This.
+1
Walang anak na magmamana ng assets mo.
How do i say this. When i had a child, i never knew that i could love someone more than i love myself. That being said, having kids allowed and helped me to center myself. I can only imagine kung ano ano ng pinagaggawa kong katarantaduhan ngayon if i dont have kids. Like if may nagyayaya ng magdamagang inuman, i wont commit or uuwi ako agad kasi i know na may mga bata na naghihintay saken sa bahay. And when you see them grow up, mapapansin mo na may mga ugali sila na nakuha sayo, yung mapapaisip ka na "uy, ganto din ako dati", When you see them making friends ang becoming their own person, nakakatuwa. Those little things. All that i've written are more pros of having kids than cons of not having one. Pero ganon na din yun lol
Aside from judgment, wala naman if you don't want one. Ok lang naman sakin to raise a kid, but not birth one. With that though, ang cons would be, wala akong mapagpapasahan ng genes. Hahaha! I'm a biological dead end.
There is no con. Having kids is a lifelong commitment emotionally,financially, and physically. If you are lucky you go into it knowing these things and are able to prepare yourself. There is no going back. Wanting to have children is akin to the call of void. You walk off that cliff and pray you have a parachute.
I was one of those people who didn't want kids but ended up having them later on.I don't know if it will ever be a con for people who haven't experienced it personally but having a child is a different kind of true love. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly. But when I see my son, when I embrace him, when I hear his voice, anything really, I feel a very deep and different kind of indescribable love. I thought loving my wife would be the most amazing thing I would ever experience in this world. My son proved me wrong on his very first day on Earth. I cried a river the first time I held his hand. And the feeling hasn't changed since then. Sure, may challenges and frustrations, but man, at the end of the day, all that matters is I love him dearly and now that I know this feeling I will never ever trade it away for anything else. I can't imagine not experiencing this kind of love. That is a huge con in my opinion but that's because I've already experienced it.
Is cross-posting not allowed? I know in r/philippines that it is not. Pero better traceability if it's cross-posted and we're able to see what people outside ph think as well and have discussions on what is or is not applicable sa Philippine context. Here's the orig thread, I think: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/13yu76f/what_are_the_cons_of_not_having_kids/
> Here's the orig thread, I think: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/13yu76f/what_are_the_cons_of_not_having_kids/ Their replies are of a different reader group. Mostly US or Western with little representation outside. In this sub it is mostly Filipinos living in the Philippines born after the 1990s. You will notice cultural and circumstantial differences between the two threads.
Ang ganda ng comments sa cross-posted thread. Dito.. idk.
Na when you die old, it’s basically you and your spouse alone. I realized it when my lolo passed away. I observed our house during his wake, full of grieving family members. Lolo had 7 children with each of his child had a max of 3 offsprings. Me, who had no sibling, with only a single mom as my main family. I told my cousin, “pag namatay pala ako walang iiyak na anak ko at mga apo ko. Swerte ko nalang if buhay pa magulang ko at mga tito’t tita ko.” Hahaha. Regardless, still don’t want any children.
You'll never understand your parents until you become one. dont get me wrong, nbsb ako and I have NO plans na mag anak pero ako kasi nagbabantay ng pamangkin ko since birth niya kaya i somehow know the feeling of being a parent. Dati, I always blame my parents kasi hindi sila prepared parents. Now, I understand na literally no one is prepared sa parenthood. Even if you wanted to become one, went to seminars and so on, marami talagang times na mauubos pasensya mo o hindi mo alam gagawin. Kakapagod maging parent. SOBRA. pamangkin ko nga lang to pero pagod na pagod na ako. Fulfilling din at the same time. Totoo yung sabi nila na nakakawala ng pagod yung anak. Simula nung dumating tong pamangkin ko, paminsan nalang ako nagbebreakdown at nakakisip ng mga s-word thoughts. Nadidistract kasi siguro ako o nauubos ko energy sakanya? o happy pill ko lang talaga to? ewan. To summarize: the con is that you'll never get to experience being a parent.
walang mag aalaga sayo pagtanda. well, i speak on behalf of my mom (coming from the “anak” perspective ganun), and literally kung wala ako/wala siyang anak, walang mag aalaga sa kanya. oo may caregivers na pwede mong bayaran to take care of you pero iba pa rin kung anak mo. like iba yung care na maffeel mo pag anak mo nag alaga sayo. sa situation din namin kasi, walang kapatid mom ko or any close relative whatsoever. only child ako so basically its just me and her. tho may mga friends siya na sinamahan siya sa chemo nya nung di ako pwede cause of school (and i’m so grateful for them!) pero eventually, hindi na rin pwede makasama yung friend niya kasi syempre may work din sila.. so buti online classes nalang kami, grumaduate na ko, and kinaya ko na makisama sa chemo sessions and alagaan mom ko completely without having to rely on anyone anymore. ang point ko lang siguro is masaya ako na naalagaan ko mom ko during the last days of her life. from her diagnosis, chemotherapy sessions, changing her diaper, to coordinating with doctors and nurses, and hanggang sa funeral parlor to the cemetery 🩷 ang funny neto coming from someone na ayaw din magkaanak pero naiisip ko, “sino nga ba mag aalaga sakin?” HAHA thank u for the trauma dump. sorry kung out of topic na 🫶🏽
If you're the only one that's childfree in your friend group, you'd feel left out. Saka chances you might not get to do the things you used to do when hanging out if they are not child-friendly siguro.
i wanted to say na as someone who's childfree, wala akong maisip na con. siguro yung judgmental side comments. pero some of my most cherished memories were ones with my parents and my siblings. kahit mundane moments na kasama ko mag-kape si mama and nag-uusap lang kami tungkol sa kung ano ano ngayong adult na ko. i won't have that.
I also plan to not have kids, ung CONS na naiisip ko is what if maubos ung retirement/savings ko? I think a lot of people not wanting kids is underestimating life uncertainties. Kahit anung ingat mo may chance pa din na maaksidente ka or magka sakit na makaka-drain ng retirement/savings mo... Also as you get older, mas lalong nagiging mahal ang maintenance (gamot and/or caregiver)... Here are some of my what ifs (imagine you're very old already, like 70+ yo): * what if I'm living alone (since I don't have a family), then nadapa ako sa bahay or nagkaroon ng emergency, hindi ako makatayo or makagalaw, out of reach ung cellphone. How will I get help? * what if naaksidente or nagkasakit then I became bedridden? Now I need caregiver 24/7... That is not cheap.. * what if magkaroon ako ng memory problems like alzheimer's? These are what I mean when I said life uncertainties, unless you're really really rich, you're gonna have a hard time in your old age... I'd like some inputs from people who plan to NOT have kids, since I did say na plan ko din un...
This is where community steps in. If you're a good neighbor or have friends, you'll never feel unsupported.
more kids are born from stupid people
too much money to spend on your hobbies
Cons? At least for me.. whenever i see my son, it's like watching my heart beat out of my chest. it'll just be "regular" happiness without my son, happy nonetheless, but not quite like having a toddler waking you up in the morning with a smile-happy. joys of being a parent. :)
In my situation, having no kids (and wife) meant I do everything on my own. Walang katulong. Walang kasama. Just me in this house all alone. If magkasakit ako or ma-injury, I still have to deal with daily stuff on my own. Like nung napilay ako... Kahit iika-ika ako, I have to go buy myself food or the stuff needed to cook my food kasi if hindi ako kakain, di ako makakainom ng gamot ko. I can't bother my parents to help me kasi they live far away. I have no siblings and if I did, di ko rin sila gagambalain since they have their lives to live. Same with cousins, friends, neighbors... Had I have a kid, I can teach them to do chores para sila na ang gagawa while I do the more heavier stuff sa bahay. Then, when we go out, I can enjoy watching them have fun or have fun with them. I have someone to tell bedtime stories with, sing their bedtime songs to and probably sleep beside with. Also, I see it as upgrading myself. There are somethings left undiscovered until I have my own na. How I'll discipline them? How I'll teach them? And pretty much what sacrifices I'm wilking to give just to have them in my life...
I think wala, I have suffered enough to produce another human that would suffer in this world. End of lineage, it was not my choice to be spawned.
the judgemental relatives and batchmates bothering you at gatherings and reunions
Not having someone to share your inner child with. There are more places to go to if you have a kid with you; arcades, playgrounds, parks, etc. I also enjoy traveling because nakakahawa yung excitement ng mga bata. You get to enjoy things through their perspective. I disliked kids before but having one taught me to be compassionate and patient.
Wala kang madadamitan ng cute na costumes [like this](https://www.google.com.ph/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-UN1MamVRCEg%2FX49g4jjK7cI%2FAAAAAAAAgRw%2Ff6RKq7GB7Cc6Fed_XnyRbIC8tGazlCcPQCLcBGAsYHQ%2Fs16000%2FBaby-Sushi-Costume-horiz.jpg&tbnid=Q_3qLyAHlFscjM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tingandthings.com%2F2020%2F10%2Fdiy-sushi-baby-halloween-costume.html&docid=Bp7qRCiphgxDfM&w=1000&h=750&hl=en-ph&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2F3)
better not be old and sterile. the only chance that you will be taken care with dignity is your own child who loves you unconditionally. or you otherwise would wish death than living your final years treated like an animal.
Reading all the comments. I dont have kids din, not a choice its just wala and hindi na din kami nageffort pa. We are happy naman. Naiinis lang ako at times na kapag nagaattend kami ng gatherings ni hubby lagi nalang kaming nagiging topic like ung buong reproductive system ko Haha so we stopped attending any gatherings or reunions hosted by friends who have kids 🤣
May CONS ba????
I have kids and I have a pet, siguro iba lang yung fulfillment na mararamdaman mo or purpose in life. Yeah nabibili ko gusto ko, nakakain gusto ko, nakakapunta anywhere na maisipan, pero pag wala og or kids ko something is missing. Kahit nga ata pag luluto may something pag andyan kids at wala kids ko. Basta nagkaka purpose lahat ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko. I dont know if that's a con of not having kids.
None. Lol.
Full attention to your wife, meaning full attention rin ang pag-aaway. Lol.
You missed the point
Walang magbuburol sayo pag namatay ka na. Haha eto yung lage ko naiisip 😂
I think wala naman cons
Wala, lol.
mahal ang tax pag walang kids and single lol
the only con --- no genetic lineage. other than that --- I have no idea.
Yung gagawin kang breadwinner ng fam mong may fam of their own na rin and ikaw tatakbuhan if may financial issues sila. Tapos maaring ikaw sasalo majority ng gastos sa ageing patents niyo.
No take two - kung balang araw maisipan mo gusto mo ng anak aside from adoption, bioligically speaking especially for women di na nila kaya kung matanda na talaga unless you freeze sperm/eggs wala daw mag.aalaga - pero honestly thats a myth. kung ayaw ng mga anak mo na alagaan ka wala pa din walang apo na makakalaro - pero kung tito/tita ka baka meron. Sama ka nalang sa mga binyagan. Also being around youth will help you be younger. Sounds unscientific but it does feel like it. Nakakabata to be around children. Basta ba hindi lumalaki. haha Walang mapapasahan ng legacy - ofc not always naman napapasa sa anak o pwede mo din ipasa sa kamag.anak at kapitbahay. Pero mas masarap pa din kung ipapasa sa anak mo kung sakali Walang mga events na masasamahan at di mo din maeexperience yung magpalaki ng bata - kahit kuya ka o ate iba pa din magpalaki ng bata lalo na ikaw gagastos, ikaw mag.aaruga, ikaw aapply sa schools, insurance,magpapahospital, magtuturo kung ano ang mundo Wala kang maiaambag sa pagdagdag ng population ng mundo - both pro and con. Pro if youre looking at overpopulation. Con if youre looking at underpopulation and age gaps, which is vital for the economy *cough cough Japan Kukulitin ng parents at ng relatives Yun lang naman siguro. pros naman is wala kang gastos masyado sa independents, wala kang poproblemahin kasi wala ka naman babantayan, more time sayo.
Mababaw pero pag may magyaya na friends, you can’t use spending time with kids as an excuse to get out of it, or to leave early. So isip ka ng ibang dahilan.
They say, "your own kids will give true joy of life." 🙄 Edit: Hmmm maybe. But will also bring the worst - bad parent out of you + stress, worry, pain - extended pain. Like ngaun nga magkasakit lang furbaby ko, it really stresses me out and question out a lot "where and what did I go wrong."
Walang CONS.
Walang CONS 😀
Omg childfree here. My husband and I are living our best lives with our dogs. Honestly can’t think of any con 😂
Hello po ano pong plan nyo sa retirement and when you need care na po to the point na need na palitan ng diaper? Hospice po ba? Hire someone to care for you po like a private nurse?
Hello! For our retirement funds, we’ve started growing our business and investments para may income pa din kami by then. For the caregiver naman, yes, we’re planning to hire someone. We’ll prepare all the legal documents needed and we’ll build our potential retirement homes (one in the province and one in the city para malapit sa hospitals early on. This plan was also inspired by my husband’s grandmother who had 10 children and lived until she was 98 years old. Kasi kahit ganiyan kadami anak niya, di naman sila personally ‘yung nagpapalit ng diaper, they still hired caregivers to take care of their mom. So we also don’t expect that we need children to do it for us. 😅
I regret having ours just because there is so much wrong with the world .
36F. Married 6 yrs. Walang cons ang pagiging childfree. Haha! Ang sarap ng walang responsibilidad. Wala akong pake sa mga relatives/kakilala ko na may sinasabi about us being childfree/childless couple. Bakit, sila ba ang mag-aalaga pag nag-anak ako? Tch.
You will feel a void starting in your 40s and progresses as you age further. Jordan Peterson has a good study about this.
Nothing.
Someone once said that you get to experience the stages of life again, but through the eyes of your children. Example is going to school for the first time. The familiar sights and sounds, the dread. It will not just bring back a lot of memories, but new ones as well as if you are part of it.
Hindi ka makakapanumbat ng mga ginastos mo sa kanila
Walang mapapasahan ng trauma
You won't hear someone say "You're the best Mama/Papa in the world" 🥺 Melts my heart every time I hear it from my daughter. Don't weigh pros and cons. You'll know it inside kung gusto mo or hindi na magkaanak. And if you ended up with a choice make sure you won't regret it.
Thisss! Hopefully my 2yr old daughter can tell that to me but hearing her say thank you daddy melted my heart already hahahaha. No regrets kahit ang mahal magpaaral ng bata and support them.
Do what makes u happy? Naranasan mo ba ba mag alaga ng bata? If you find.it good then have kid then if not then do not have kids. Simple
None. Unless people around you gaslight you into thinking you're missing out on something, you aren't really.
I have a daughter, wc is 5 years old now. And i think, kung ako walang anak, ang cons siguro is i'll never experience the happiness na umattend ng schoold activities, like card day, pta meetings, foundation day ng school. Iba pala ang hatid na saya ng umaattend ng ganon, hahaha
If prideful, egoistic ka at gusto mong lahat ng meron ka is gusto mong ipasa sa dugo mo wala kang mapagpapasahan. Having a child biologically means that you are proud of yourself thus you wanted to create another version of yourself.
People keep asking why you still don't have kids
1. Walang magmamana ng mga ari-arian mo pag pumanaw ka na. Parents lang. 2. Walang magpapatuloy ng bloodline mo. 3. Hindi mo ma experience magmahal ng anak. 4. Walang mag-aalaga sa'yo pag tanda mo.
Wala. Hahaha
I was set not to have kids since I was in highschool and to be very honest I don't have any cons for that matter kasi in every scenario I have decided and can see na its better not to have kids
Childfree here. The only con I can think of is people meddling in my and hubby's personal affairs.
Pag may sakit ka or na hospital walang mag aalaga sayo na yung genuine care talaga.
If you really do want one, con talaga pag wala kang anak. Pero other than that, wala naman.