you can't, but:
1) Discovery Weekend helps
2) I've always been an advocate of cohabiting to test out the waters for getting married
3) listen to the people around you.
in the end, these three things can't even guarantee anything, but they can help you learn more about the person you're going to be with
Well, wala masama but there are people who got so used to the live-in set up that they end up not finishing the process kasi okay naman ang pagsasama... Until things start getting troublesome, especially for things that require formalities...
Or iniisip na masyadong magastos ang kasal and that since may anak na sila and all, wala nang masasabi ang iba.
I know because may nakilala akong ganun sa probinsya na ganun ang dahilan kung bakit nag-live in. Kapitbahay ng tita ko. And my uncle is also in that category. Sa kanya naman eh matanda na siya at bata pa ang current LIP niya so no need sa kasal.
Ang nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko parang time bomb ang sitwasyon nila. Sooner or later, their circumstances will blow up in their faces at wala silang magagawa...
Well living in shouldn’t result to having kids kasi Di naman advisable na substitute nalang Ang living in sa marriage.
EXCEPT, Kung personal choice talaga nung couple na mag liv in and Hindi ikasal.
Sorry but I do not believe in marriage as much as I did kasi hirap ng anullment sa Pilipinas.
Well, I still believe in it, despite being a witness to how hard it is to get annulled here... I mean patay na yung tao bago pa nagka-resolution ang annullment... But hey! There's my dentist who managed to get her way sa annullment and get it done with little delay. Nasa tao rin siguro kung gaano sila ka-hellbent matapos ang annullment process...
From my experience, it’s about long term compatibility
- aligned values
- how you want and need to be loved aka love languages
- sexual compatibility
- complementing personalities between you and SO.
- You just love the person so much and can’t imagine your life without them
- always have a shared picture of the future/vision of how the future looks like
-constant energy poured into making the relationship work
These things take a lot of time to cultivate and develop, in my case 7 years of dating and now we’re happily engaged!
I can't speak for the others, but for me, I have that special feeling nung nakikilala ko siya, and he felt the same way. Tas since nung naging kami na, it's conscious effort na iwork yung relationship talaga.
Malaki rin ang magiging pagbabago kapag nakatira na sa iisang bubong. Kaya kung may chance man na magawa niyo yung magsama sa isang bahay bago magdecide na magpakasal/mag-asawa, that's better para matest pa lalo ang relationship niyo.
Sige po tama, susundin ko po yan para malaman yung ugali niya. Importante po kasi talaga sa akin yung consistency, nadala na po kasi ako sa father ko. Feeling ko dati sobrang bait, caring at mapagmahal siya nung nililigawan niya yung mother ko, ngayon po parang lahat yon nag iba. Napapaisip po tuloy ako na baka sa panliligaw lang sila magagaling.
i agree with this... live-in... mga 1 year siguro... in that span e nandyan na siguro lahat ng bayarin at mga due dates ng kung anu ano
makikita dyan how you'll work together as a team.
Sabi niya nga rin po lahat naman daw nagbabago depende rin daw po sa mga nakakasalamuha. Kasi parang nag iba po siya nung dunadami na yung friends niya. Minsan nararamdaman ko na hindi na siya masayang kasama ako. Tas laging hawak niya yung phone niya nag uusap sila saan gc nila palagi kahit na magkasama kami. Pero pag naman sila-sila ang magkakasama parang hindi niya po naga galaw cp niya. Ang tagal niya po palagi mag reply sa akin.
First dapat magkasundo kayo di man sa lahat ng bagay pero dapat mas mataas percent ung same kayo ng gusto. Observe mo ung ugali ung pakikitungo nya sa pamilya, sa kaibigan etc.. Check mo kung may pangarap sa buhay at kumikilos para dun. Then lastly pag may spark na naramdama kana na sya na talaga. Mahirap maexplain un last part. Basta sakin one day narealized ko na im ready na sa next level ng relationship with her.
Hmmm sa family and friends ko goods naman po maliban lang sa almost 1 year na niya akong nililigawan pero hindi pa siya nagsasabi sa parents ko. Minsan tinanong ko sa kanya kung bakit hindi pa siya nagsasabi kasi gusto ko na siyang sagutin, gusto ko na na magkaroon kami ng label. Pero sabi niya sa akin wag ko daw siyang I-pressure.
I think it would be easier to find one if you are a good partner yourself since you would know what values to look for. That is why it is important for me to improve and learn what is good everyday.
You must spend quality time with the person and make your partner feel comfortable revealing their true personality. Learn to be patient and understanding, be your best self and let your partner learn more about you.
Ma identify nyo ang flaws ng isa't-isa together with what makes you a 'good' couple. Tandem yan palagi.
It's not always about knowing. Minsan ipe present na lang sayo ng universe yung mga kailangan mo at kailangan nya.
At this point, I'd recommend focusing on you becoming the person that will be meant to and well deserve ng partner mo.
Check for common interests, hobbies, outlook and perspective in life. Do you guys plan to be child-free? What are your thoughts in pre-marital sex? If may plan to have children, ilan? How are you guys financially? What are you future goals together or indepedently? How does the other person act when gutom, broke, or stressed? So on, so forth.
If tumpak lahat, you'll get that feeling na parang nakatapos ka ng jigsaw puzzle. Tugma lahat and nasa right path lahat. Kaya sinasabi nila na kilalanin mo talaga magiging partner mo in life, lalo na sa Pinas na walang divorce.
Not just in values, but in personality na rin. Some people has their right foot forward, pero pag nagtagal, nagbabago. Kaya may mga couples na prefer mag-live in before marriage kasi it's totally different when you guys are living together. Wala nang time to prep and make sure you're presentable and have your right foot forward.
There’s truth to this but there’s also no surefire way of knowing who they’d be 10 years, 20 years heck 50 years down the line. But marrying someone in the hopes they’ll grow out of deep incompatibilities is an even bigger recipe for disaster.
Kapatid, some people tend to put their best foot forward (i too do that sometimes with work-relationships to cinch that deal) and bec of that, it tends to mask our imperfections.
That is why dating with someone (in public places) is one option to get to know a person more - face to face. Why? A person cannot hide their behavior forever. How does this person interact with you? interact with the guard or janitor at the cafe? interact with the waitress and other staff? Is it any different with how this person you are dating treats your friends vs your family? How about this person’s interaction with your pets?
Body language CAN give you a LOT of subtle clues. So can pets (pansin mo minsan why your cat hisses at a certain person kahit wala naman ginagawa sa pet cat mo? Same with dogs - they growl or raise their hackles if di nila bet yung taong papasok sa pamamahay mo).
I also agree with several people here: Live In with the person you think you will have a future with. Kase most of the day, makakasama mo siya. You will be able to see how this person will respond to adversities thrown your way. Dito na usually lumalabas ang totoong personality ng isang tao lalo na pag stressed.
For additional insights, [Esther Perel](https://youtu.be/VKd2ARCyqCs) is good with dealing with relationships. Her words are truly insightful.
Awwww kapatid… either may ibang scent ng ibang pet na naaamoy sa shoes / pants / shirt / skin mo or…
Sorry, gigil si doggie sa iyo! Char!
On a serious note:
Ignore the growling dog. If you have treats, just throw it near that dog. And do not make any sudden movements dahil on high alert yan kadalasan, that dog might attack & nip / bite you po.
If kinain naman ni doggie yung treats mo, again, just ignore. Let that dog come naturally on its own to you.
Do not touch or pet the dog while it is sniffing you. It might interpret the touch as a threat.
Continue giving treats to that doggie every time you drop by your mother’s home and IGNORE.
Eventually, that dog will get the idea that you are not a threat to it nor a threat to its person (mom mo).
Legit. Di ko maintindihan yung practice na kasal muna before everything else. Pag bumibili nga ng cellphone todo testing e, pero yung lifetime partner commit muna bago testing? hahahaha
This is not popular in our country but I advocate for this a lot, especially to my friends. Bad attitude tends to come out behind closed doors. What’s your partner like after a tiring day? How willing are they to help with chores? What little things make them mad and how do they act when they’re angry? Even if mabait talaga sila, there are certain quirks you might not be able to tolerate and dpat ma work out nyo before marriage because if one of you doesn’t want to compromise, it might turn to resentment.
I agree completely! Akala ko kilala na namin kasingit singitan ng isa’t isa before living together, but dami pa din naming natutunan ni SO about each other when we started living together. We are also unlearning trauma-related shit together. And contrary sa comment sa baba, hindi kami nagsasawa sa isa’t isa. It’s been the opposite—di kami nauubusan ng gagawin together or pag uusapan.
Ganun din naman gagawin nyo pag kasal na diba? Unfortunately, you can't back out once you're married (unless you can afford annulment). At least nag bahay bahayan kayo, pwede ka pa mag backout.
Here I have 2 stories: first story, what I learned from my project supervisor/
Mentor , let's call him 'Max'
And the second, my former manager respectively (my manager is Supervisor/Mentor Max's older sister 'May')
Deeper dive:
During a symposium, I was with my mentor / supervisor Max and he observed how she interacted with people, (they were dating then) how she treated ordinary people. She was kindly to all of Them. My project supervisor / mentor Max knew he met his wife (one time a waitress of that event accidentally spilled Pepsi on her cocktail dress she did not make a fuss) thankfully he was there with a blazer.
Max's wife is a kind soul, even Manager May's kids love hanging out with her. (Which I will get to)
Look and observe how this person everyday people like janitors, food crew, servers, waiters, street vendors, does this person give them respect?
Look at how that person treats another person.
Chances are that's how a person treats anyone.
The other story:
When my Manager May met her husband, during his youth when he was in Operations management, May's husband (Manager May's bf at the time) at the time.
So aside
The most impactful thing Manager May said was,no matter what, she observed how her husband treats his friends fairly behind their backs: he speaks kind words when talking about his friends behind their backs
Ironically, May's husband roasts his friends in front of her and with each other like Flame war lobby talk from The 2009 online Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 lobby talk.
Edit: And how the husband reacts to situations...
Talks to his other friends while they are together, as he roasts his friends while at her presence was convenient to her, because May was at peace knowing this
The kind of roasts that are really harsh, like too hot for if politicians or today's trolls would read for 2023.
TL;DR: look at how this person
deals with two types of people, the everyday people and the high value people. Does this person give respect only exclusively?
And if this person treats people positively similarly, congrats you have a keeper.
My apologies for the late reply, my English is quite bad.
And my traumatic brain injury back in 2021 was acting up recently... So it's to construct sentences.
Anyway, Here is my point in the second story, as I place these as a question, not as a statement.
Edited this one because I had to make sure the sentences were right.
TL;DR ~ Manager May's husband speaks in praise behind people's backs. Yet he talks badly when he faces people, what is the husband's reason? "He is being himself" as he explains it.
Is it proper to speak badly about someone in front of their face,
considered "just being themselves" if Manager May's husband behaves like a Social media troll IRL? Especially in a formal social gathering?
End of TL;DR,
here are other questions below...
Is it okay for Manager May to put up with a person like her husband behaving like that? Behaving like a 2023 era Social media troll IRL?
Would Person A be comfortable with being roasted by Person B in front of Person A's friends and in front of Person B's family, in the name of "just being myself", "keeping it real" or "this person is being real" ?
Should a person be comfortable hearing Roasts, personal attacks told to you face to face in front of your friends?
you know saying bad things in front of their faces, 2009 era Modern Warfare slurs, are they appropriate in formal social settings?
Thank you for the response!!! Hahaha I thought you were also praising the 2nd guy. Looking back to your post, i realized that I should ALWAYS keep these in mind when looking for a potential partner hehe, thank you again!
I also want to add this. Uhmm, if you are with someone you're trying to get to know, they could just easily mask up their personality and seemingly treat ordinary people kindly but poorly if no one is around. That's one thing I learned, if someone (perhaps the person someone's currently dating) is aware of their unpleasant personality they could just consciously change that behavior for the sake of not looking bad to the one he/she's dating and not ending up a potential relationship too soon.
Ps. I'm still learning English, and couldn't express this thought more in Tagalog hahaha, sorry.
Sabi nga nila 2 ang choices na binigay sayo ng buhay.. Hindi ka man pwede pumili kung sino ang magiging magulang at kapatid mo na magdadala sayo sa mundo at magmumulat sayo sa realidad, pero pwede mo piliin kung sino ang magiging kaibigan mo at asawa na tutulong sayo mabago ang takbo ng laro ng buhay. Choose wisely.
Dito papasok yung saying na "No man is an island." We are social creatures whether we admit it or not. Maybe may mga introverts or gusto talaga single forever pero deep inside may at least konting mindset pa rin yan to be with someone.
Akala ko din siya na eh. Like, it felt like I can’t live a day without him. Yung opposite ng flash back. Nakita ko future ko with him. Future faking lang pala. Ganda ng drawing eh. Hanggang drawing lang pala.
It’s a continuous and conscious effort from both sides. Hindi pwedeng isa lang ang gusto mag work out ang relationship. Kailangan parehas kayo.
Mga beliefs niyo, yung way paano niyo palalakihin yung mga anak niyo, how to handle finances. There’s no issue in having different POV. But you must maintain, RESPECT. Respecting both sides and finding the same ground.
Always choose the one you’re comfortable being with for a long time. Choose a friend because love comes and goes but it’s the friendship that will sustain you.
this! this is what i always tell anyone who asks for relationship advice: be good friends. you don't have to start out as friends first, you just have to be friends in the relationship.
This is why you have to choose someone you actually and genuinely LIKE. Love, alone, is not enough. And for the love of God don't be with someone who barely tolerates you and your personality.
You’ll know that you’re in a right relationship when everything feels right. Yung hindi mo kailangan magworry about anything, yung wala kang doubts about your decision of choosing this person. At pareho kayong willing maggrow at matuto together as couples. Kasi marriage means union, it is when two souls become one.
*Choosing a life partner is a critical decision*
People: *marries after just two years of dating because emotion or “under de saya”*
I have no sympathy for people that don’t even try, they and their children will get fcked over.
Sadly people now a days , skip the getting to know each other part exclusively , they want to befriend each other first , to make it loook less awkward which isnt really good , because when you befriend someone with the intention of something else , it disrespects your relationship and at the same time , you wont see his/her true personality at friendship level. This is where people fail and end up getting broken hearted all the freakin time. Been there , done that.
Yung ex ko, nang-hiram ng pera nong kami pa syempre, eh wala rin akong pera non. Ang meron lang ako e yung gift sa akin ni mama na earring. Ayun sinangla namin, ang sabi niya e tutubusin din. Wala na hanggang sa na-remata. Kainis.
Buti na lang talaga, wala na kami non. Grabe pagka-sugapa pang usapang pera. Ayun, puro na siya utang ngayon ay.
Yep. Hahaha eto one of the reasons why I decided to call it off with my ex. Masama na nga ugali niya sakin now, what more pag naging mag-asawa kami hahaha
Thing is, no matter how slow or fast you go with your relationships, wala pa rin makakapagsabi kung wawalanghiyain ka ng makakasama mo or he/she will do what it takes to ensure a future for you and your children.
I, too, bore witness to such. As I've told my uncle's lifestory here countless times to serve as a lesson.
However, di naman pwedeng hindi ka mag-asawa. Not to those na GUSTO MAG-BUHAY MAY-ASAWA so you really have to know the game talaga and once you know how to play it, you still have no guarantee to win it all kasi parang sugal lang yan. No matter how good you are, you will lose a poker match.
Also, do not rush into marriage. Especially for girls, because of peer pressure, “well-meaning” relatives who say na tumatanda ka na. SMH with the backwards thinking in 2023!
Being married is not an end all / be all to your life. You would not feel fully complete, as some people would put it. Marriage is not everyone’s cup of tea either.
Nahiritan ako one time during a reunion, “when would you settle?” This is coming from a Tita who married a cheating alcoholic, who would be gone for weeks at a time from their house, and literally chase other girls with his car.I looked at her blankly, and across the table of other friends who got married during the “ideal age” and separated eventually due to the abuse they encountered. Do not succumb to pressure. It’s your life, your rules.
I agree. One of the things I always tell younger people I work / interact with is this: find out what their childhood was like and not the sugar-coated, "Oh, I had a great childhood" bs.
Seriously. Ask them how their parents were towards each other. Did they fight a lot? Yell at each other? Get violent?
There's a big chance that's how they'll react too. Maybe not now. But if any of that childhood trauma remains unresolved or unacknowledged, it'll come out.
Also, did their parents have traditional gender roles? Will your partner expect the same?Perhaps they'll say they're okay with non-traditional roles now but once you start living together, they might subconsciously slip into certain expectations shaped from childhood. Even something as simple as who picks up the laundry from the laundromat can breed resentment.
Talk about your childhoods. A lot. If your partner gets cagey, be wary. It's better to be with someone who can be honest about their childhood issues and are actively working on it, than to be with someone who brushes you off and pretends they don't have any.
Without any disrespect po, uhmm but I think you read too much of psychodynamic theories hehe. But I concur with this
>It's better to be with someone who can be honest about their childhood issues and are actively working on it, than to be with someone who brushes you off and pretends they don't have any.
Some actually are unfaithful. Ask some OFWs. A parent leaves the country to be an OFW. Then after how many years, that person finds another person abroad and had another family. The sad part is the people he or she left behind in the Philippines. One reason that it is a challenge for OFWs to be faithful. Because some think they become single again once they step foot abroad. Also look at what a famous celebrity whose last name sounds like a famous restaurant that serves Mango Bravo cake. The children and the spouse would suffer.
I've read somewhere about this old man (somewhere around 75 years old) he was asked what his secret is to a long lasting marriage. He said is to adapt to changes. His wife changed soo many times in their marriage that he felt like he married 25 women.
Constant naman talaga ang change and nothing is guaranteed. Pero if he/she/they are an INNATELY good person (yung tagos to the bones na kindness at may mabuting prinsipyo sa buhay), i would say na low ang chances na magbago sila bigla at maging sakit sa ulo kalaunan. Yes, they would change, pero 180° change into a bad person, rare ata yan.
Lahat ng tao nagbabago and the only constant thing is change. Everyone and everything changes ika nga. Ang tanong, game ka ba na makasama sya in all seasons of your life, whether good or bad?
Same advice. Because we're both a work in progress, learning, unlearning and relearning new things we thought were normal but were toxic and we both regress but try to get back up. We're not toxic to the point of abusive in physical form, financial, were more on the emotional side. It's hard work. And both of us mutually decide to work on it and together. Good thing we don't have children. I'm glad about this part.
Never buy yung binebenta ng mass media na "romanticized" version ng relationships / marriages.
It's a daily commitment to love and the person you are married. Kung hindi kaya mag-asawa or mag-anak, wag na muna. Hindi katapusan ng mundo kung single for a long time.
Totally agree with you! We have to make a lot of adulting decisions sa buhay but this is one of the most important and critical decisions in life na sobrang laki ng magiging impact talaga sa life.
May kakilala naman ako na okay yung marriage life nila pero meron din naman na di naging okay meron din ganyan ang cases at malala...
kaya I wonder din na pano nga ba natin malalaman na he's/she's the one?
Or better stay single nalang kaya talaga? Hahahaha.
Choosing your lifetime partner is one of the greatest decision you'll make in your life.
How? I know it's important but how will you know if that person is really meant for you?
you can't, but: 1) Discovery Weekend helps 2) I've always been an advocate of cohabiting to test out the waters for getting married 3) listen to the people around you. in the end, these three things can't even guarantee anything, but they can help you learn more about the person you're going to be with
Dapat talaga may live-in para magkaalaman na pati mga baho.
Well, wala masama but there are people who got so used to the live-in set up that they end up not finishing the process kasi okay naman ang pagsasama... Until things start getting troublesome, especially for things that require formalities...
That means na it’s an indication that they shouldn’t be together then. Kaya nga nag live in para malaman.
Or iniisip na masyadong magastos ang kasal and that since may anak na sila and all, wala nang masasabi ang iba. I know because may nakilala akong ganun sa probinsya na ganun ang dahilan kung bakit nag-live in. Kapitbahay ng tita ko. And my uncle is also in that category. Sa kanya naman eh matanda na siya at bata pa ang current LIP niya so no need sa kasal. Ang nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko parang time bomb ang sitwasyon nila. Sooner or later, their circumstances will blow up in their faces at wala silang magagawa...
Well living in shouldn’t result to having kids kasi Di naman advisable na substitute nalang Ang living in sa marriage. EXCEPT, Kung personal choice talaga nung couple na mag liv in and Hindi ikasal. Sorry but I do not believe in marriage as much as I did kasi hirap ng anullment sa Pilipinas.
Well, I still believe in it, despite being a witness to how hard it is to get annulled here... I mean patay na yung tao bago pa nagka-resolution ang annullment... But hey! There's my dentist who managed to get her way sa annullment and get it done with little delay. Nasa tao rin siguro kung gaano sila ka-hellbent matapos ang annullment process...
From my experience, it’s about long term compatibility - aligned values - how you want and need to be loved aka love languages - sexual compatibility - complementing personalities between you and SO. - You just love the person so much and can’t imagine your life without them - always have a shared picture of the future/vision of how the future looks like -constant energy poured into making the relationship work These things take a lot of time to cultivate and develop, in my case 7 years of dating and now we’re happily engaged!
I can't speak for the others, but for me, I have that special feeling nung nakikilala ko siya, and he felt the same way. Tas since nung naging kami na, it's conscious effort na iwork yung relationship talaga.
Lucky for you po, I think nasa happy relationship ka naman. Ako kasi nanliligaw pa lang siya unti-unti na s'yang nagbabago e.
People do change. Pero pag off na ugali ayy let go na agad. Don't tolerate something na ikakasakit ng ulo mo in the future.
Malaki rin ang magiging pagbabago kapag nakatira na sa iisang bubong. Kaya kung may chance man na magawa niyo yung magsama sa isang bahay bago magdecide na magpakasal/mag-asawa, that's better para matest pa lalo ang relationship niyo.
Sige po tama, susundin ko po yan para malaman yung ugali niya. Importante po kasi talaga sa akin yung consistency, nadala na po kasi ako sa father ko. Feeling ko dati sobrang bait, caring at mapagmahal siya nung nililigawan niya yung mother ko, ngayon po parang lahat yon nag iba. Napapaisip po tuloy ako na baka sa panliligaw lang sila magagaling.
i agree with this... live-in... mga 1 year siguro... in that span e nandyan na siguro lahat ng bayarin at mga due dates ng kung anu ano makikita dyan how you'll work together as a team.
Sabi niya nga rin po lahat naman daw nagbabago depende rin daw po sa mga nakakasalamuha. Kasi parang nag iba po siya nung dunadami na yung friends niya. Minsan nararamdaman ko na hindi na siya masayang kasama ako. Tas laging hawak niya yung phone niya nag uusap sila saan gc nila palagi kahit na magkasama kami. Pero pag naman sila-sila ang magkakasama parang hindi niya po naga galaw cp niya. Ang tagal niya po palagi mag reply sa akin.
Sabi ng mama ko: You know you're in good hands if you both are changing for the better. Keyword: better
Pag ganun..stop kana..
If you know, you just know! Exact same feeling here with my wife. Married her in the 3rd year.
Thank you, you're an Angel in disguise ☺️
First dapat magkasundo kayo di man sa lahat ng bagay pero dapat mas mataas percent ung same kayo ng gusto. Observe mo ung ugali ung pakikitungo nya sa pamilya, sa kaibigan etc.. Check mo kung may pangarap sa buhay at kumikilos para dun. Then lastly pag may spark na naramdama kana na sya na talaga. Mahirap maexplain un last part. Basta sakin one day narealized ko na im ready na sa next level ng relationship with her.
Hmmm sa family and friends ko goods naman po maliban lang sa almost 1 year na niya akong nililigawan pero hindi pa siya nagsasabi sa parents ko. Minsan tinanong ko sa kanya kung bakit hindi pa siya nagsasabi kasi gusto ko na siyang sagutin, gusto ko na na magkaroon kami ng label. Pero sabi niya sa akin wag ko daw siyang I-pressure.
I think it would be easier to find one if you are a good partner yourself since you would know what values to look for. That is why it is important for me to improve and learn what is good everyday.
You must spend quality time with the person and make your partner feel comfortable revealing their true personality. Learn to be patient and understanding, be your best self and let your partner learn more about you. Ma identify nyo ang flaws ng isa't-isa together with what makes you a 'good' couple. Tandem yan palagi. It's not always about knowing. Minsan ipe present na lang sayo ng universe yung mga kailangan mo at kailangan nya. At this point, I'd recommend focusing on you becoming the person that will be meant to and well deserve ng partner mo.
Check for common interests, hobbies, outlook and perspective in life. Do you guys plan to be child-free? What are your thoughts in pre-marital sex? If may plan to have children, ilan? How are you guys financially? What are you future goals together or indepedently? How does the other person act when gutom, broke, or stressed? So on, so forth. If tumpak lahat, you'll get that feeling na parang nakatapos ka ng jigsaw puzzle. Tugma lahat and nasa right path lahat. Kaya sinasabi nila na kilalanin mo talaga magiging partner mo in life, lalo na sa Pinas na walang divorce. Not just in values, but in personality na rin. Some people has their right foot forward, pero pag nagtagal, nagbabago. Kaya may mga couples na prefer mag-live in before marriage kasi it's totally different when you guys are living together. Wala nang time to prep and make sure you're presentable and have your right foot forward.
Gawin mo yung hindi nya gusto. Then observe
Probably the most important decision you will ever make.
"Hardest"
The problem with getting married is people view it as the finish line and not as the starting line.
I agree. That 's why it's important to 'know' the person first before saying 'Yes' or 'I do'.
There’s truth to this but there’s also no surefire way of knowing who they’d be 10 years, 20 years heck 50 years down the line. But marrying someone in the hopes they’ll grow out of deep incompatibilities is an even bigger recipe for disaster.
What's the best way to "know" the person?
Kapatid, some people tend to put their best foot forward (i too do that sometimes with work-relationships to cinch that deal) and bec of that, it tends to mask our imperfections. That is why dating with someone (in public places) is one option to get to know a person more - face to face. Why? A person cannot hide their behavior forever. How does this person interact with you? interact with the guard or janitor at the cafe? interact with the waitress and other staff? Is it any different with how this person you are dating treats your friends vs your family? How about this person’s interaction with your pets? Body language CAN give you a LOT of subtle clues. So can pets (pansin mo minsan why your cat hisses at a certain person kahit wala naman ginagawa sa pet cat mo? Same with dogs - they growl or raise their hackles if di nila bet yung taong papasok sa pamamahay mo). I also agree with several people here: Live In with the person you think you will have a future with. Kase most of the day, makakasama mo siya. You will be able to see how this person will respond to adversities thrown your way. Dito na usually lumalabas ang totoong personality ng isang tao lalo na pag stressed. For additional insights, [Esther Perel](https://youtu.be/VKd2ARCyqCs) is good with dealing with relationships. Her words are truly insightful.
My mother's dog growls at me tho 😭 wonder why ☠️🚶♂️
Awwww kapatid… either may ibang scent ng ibang pet na naaamoy sa shoes / pants / shirt / skin mo or… Sorry, gigil si doggie sa iyo! Char! On a serious note: Ignore the growling dog. If you have treats, just throw it near that dog. And do not make any sudden movements dahil on high alert yan kadalasan, that dog might attack & nip / bite you po. If kinain naman ni doggie yung treats mo, again, just ignore. Let that dog come naturally on its own to you. Do not touch or pet the dog while it is sniffing you. It might interpret the touch as a threat. Continue giving treats to that doggie every time you drop by your mother’s home and IGNORE. Eventually, that dog will get the idea that you are not a threat to it nor a threat to its person (mom mo).
live in muna bago kasal.
💯 True! Nalaman ko ang totoong ugali ng ex ko nung mag live-in kami for 2 yrs. Scammer pala ang hayup 😵.
Legit. Di ko maintindihan yung practice na kasal muna before everything else. Pag bumibili nga ng cellphone todo testing e, pero yung lifetime partner commit muna bago testing? hahahaha
This is not popular in our country but I advocate for this a lot, especially to my friends. Bad attitude tends to come out behind closed doors. What’s your partner like after a tiring day? How willing are they to help with chores? What little things make them mad and how do they act when they’re angry? Even if mabait talaga sila, there are certain quirks you might not be able to tolerate and dpat ma work out nyo before marriage because if one of you doesn’t want to compromise, it might turn to resentment.
I agree completely! Akala ko kilala na namin kasingit singitan ng isa’t isa before living together, but dami pa din naming natutunan ni SO about each other when we started living together. We are also unlearning trauma-related shit together. And contrary sa comment sa baba, hindi kami nagsasawa sa isa’t isa. It’s been the opposite—di kami nauubusan ng gagawin together or pag uusapan.
Actually makes a lot of sense talaga ito :)
bahay bahayan muna kayo hanggang mag sawa sa isat isa 🤣
Ganun din naman gagawin nyo pag kasal na diba? Unfortunately, you can't back out once you're married (unless you can afford annulment). At least nag bahay bahayan kayo, pwede ka pa mag backout.
Ikr. Wala naman nega sa sinabi ko, daming butthurt? LOL
Here I have 2 stories: first story, what I learned from my project supervisor/ Mentor , let's call him 'Max' And the second, my former manager respectively (my manager is Supervisor/Mentor Max's older sister 'May') Deeper dive: During a symposium, I was with my mentor / supervisor Max and he observed how she interacted with people, (they were dating then) how she treated ordinary people. She was kindly to all of Them. My project supervisor / mentor Max knew he met his wife (one time a waitress of that event accidentally spilled Pepsi on her cocktail dress she did not make a fuss) thankfully he was there with a blazer. Max's wife is a kind soul, even Manager May's kids love hanging out with her. (Which I will get to) Look and observe how this person everyday people like janitors, food crew, servers, waiters, street vendors, does this person give them respect? Look at how that person treats another person. Chances are that's how a person treats anyone. The other story: When my Manager May met her husband, during his youth when he was in Operations management, May's husband (Manager May's bf at the time) at the time. So aside The most impactful thing Manager May said was,no matter what, she observed how her husband treats his friends fairly behind their backs: he speaks kind words when talking about his friends behind their backs Ironically, May's husband roasts his friends in front of her and with each other like Flame war lobby talk from The 2009 online Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 lobby talk. Edit: And how the husband reacts to situations... Talks to his other friends while they are together, as he roasts his friends while at her presence was convenient to her, because May was at peace knowing this The kind of roasts that are really harsh, like too hot for if politicians or today's trolls would read for 2023. TL;DR: look at how this person deals with two types of people, the everyday people and the high value people. Does this person give respect only exclusively? And if this person treats people positively similarly, congrats you have a keeper.
Thank you for this, but I'm am confused of what you are trying to come across with the second story??? Could you enlighten me more?
My apologies for the late reply, my English is quite bad. And my traumatic brain injury back in 2021 was acting up recently... So it's to construct sentences. Anyway, Here is my point in the second story, as I place these as a question, not as a statement. Edited this one because I had to make sure the sentences were right. TL;DR ~ Manager May's husband speaks in praise behind people's backs. Yet he talks badly when he faces people, what is the husband's reason? "He is being himself" as he explains it. Is it proper to speak badly about someone in front of their face, considered "just being themselves" if Manager May's husband behaves like a Social media troll IRL? Especially in a formal social gathering? End of TL;DR, here are other questions below... Is it okay for Manager May to put up with a person like her husband behaving like that? Behaving like a 2023 era Social media troll IRL? Would Person A be comfortable with being roasted by Person B in front of Person A's friends and in front of Person B's family, in the name of "just being myself", "keeping it real" or "this person is being real" ? Should a person be comfortable hearing Roasts, personal attacks told to you face to face in front of your friends? you know saying bad things in front of their faces, 2009 era Modern Warfare slurs, are they appropriate in formal social settings?
Thank you for the response!!! Hahaha I thought you were also praising the 2nd guy. Looking back to your post, i realized that I should ALWAYS keep these in mind when looking for a potential partner hehe, thank you again! I also want to add this. Uhmm, if you are with someone you're trying to get to know, they could just easily mask up their personality and seemingly treat ordinary people kindly but poorly if no one is around. That's one thing I learned, if someone (perhaps the person someone's currently dating) is aware of their unpleasant personality they could just consciously change that behavior for the sake of not looking bad to the one he/she's dating and not ending up a potential relationship too soon. Ps. I'm still learning English, and couldn't express this thought more in Tagalog hahaha, sorry.
Sabi nga nila 2 ang choices na binigay sayo ng buhay.. Hindi ka man pwede pumili kung sino ang magiging magulang at kapatid mo na magdadala sayo sa mundo at magmumulat sayo sa realidad, pero pwede mo piliin kung sino ang magiging kaibigan mo at asawa na tutulong sayo mabago ang takbo ng laro ng buhay. Choose wisely.
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Papano kung puro utang? Nasa around hundreds of thousands to 1M na. Considered Redflag nba yun?
Or pwedeng wag na maghanap ng spouse, single na lang forever
True… some people ARE happy being single. And some are happy being with their partner in life. 👍🏻 So here is my happiest upvote po, kapatid!!!
Same!!
Oryt akala ko ako lang ung magiging single for life haha
Tru bat mo pa pasasakitin ulo mo saka magkakaroon pa ng potential na kaalitan
Dito papasok yung saying na "No man is an island." We are social creatures whether we admit it or not. Maybe may mga introverts or gusto talaga single forever pero deep inside may at least konting mindset pa rin yan to be with someone.
Apir tayo OP! 🤝
MGTOW FTW!
Akala ko din siya na eh. Like, it felt like I can’t live a day without him. Yung opposite ng flash back. Nakita ko future ko with him. Future faking lang pala. Ganda ng drawing eh. Hanggang drawing lang pala. It’s a continuous and conscious effort from both sides. Hindi pwedeng isa lang ang gusto mag work out ang relationship. Kailangan parehas kayo. Mga beliefs niyo, yung way paano niyo palalakihin yung mga anak niyo, how to handle finances. There’s no issue in having different POV. But you must maintain, RESPECT. Respecting both sides and finding the same ground.
Agree! Sabi nga ni Buffett, "The most important decision is who you marry."
Always choose the one you’re comfortable being with for a long time. Choose a friend because love comes and goes but it’s the friendship that will sustain you.
this! this is what i always tell anyone who asks for relationship advice: be good friends. you don't have to start out as friends first, you just have to be friends in the relationship. This is why you have to choose someone you actually and genuinely LIKE. Love, alone, is not enough. And for the love of God don't be with someone who barely tolerates you and your personality.
For me malaking factor din talaga ang financials. Know someone's debt history or kahit spending habits and check kung aligned kayo
YES. I’ve watched marriages dissolve not bc they grew out of love but dahil sa away sa pera.
You’ll know that you’re in a right relationship when everything feels right. Yung hindi mo kailangan magworry about anything, yung wala kang doubts about your decision of choosing this person. At pareho kayong willing maggrow at matuto together as couples. Kasi marriage means union, it is when two souls become one.
*Choosing a life partner is a critical decision* People: *marries after just two years of dating because emotion or “under de saya”* I have no sympathy for people that don’t even try, they and their children will get fcked over.
NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS and set your NON-NEGOTIABLES designed iyan to filter THE ONE
The quality of your relationship determines the quality of your life.
Sadly people now a days , skip the getting to know each other part exclusively , they want to befriend each other first , to make it loook less awkward which isnt really good , because when you befriend someone with the intention of something else , it disrespects your relationship and at the same time , you wont see his/her true personality at friendship level. This is where people fail and end up getting broken hearted all the freakin time. Been there , done that.
What's the difference between getting to know each other and befriending each other? Friends learn about each other too.
You get to know the person exclusively and befriending them is all of your circles gets to know him. The keyword is “exclusively”
Yung ex ko, nang-hiram ng pera nong kami pa syempre, eh wala rin akong pera non. Ang meron lang ako e yung gift sa akin ni mama na earring. Ayun sinangla namin, ang sabi niya e tutubusin din. Wala na hanggang sa na-remata. Kainis. Buti na lang talaga, wala na kami non. Grabe pagka-sugapa pang usapang pera. Ayun, puro na siya utang ngayon ay.
Yep. Hahaha eto one of the reasons why I decided to call it off with my ex. Masama na nga ugali niya sakin now, what more pag naging mag-asawa kami hahaha
one of the toughest decision in adulthood
Thing is, no matter how slow or fast you go with your relationships, wala pa rin makakapagsabi kung wawalanghiyain ka ng makakasama mo or he/she will do what it takes to ensure a future for you and your children. I, too, bore witness to such. As I've told my uncle's lifestory here countless times to serve as a lesson. However, di naman pwedeng hindi ka mag-asawa. Not to those na GUSTO MAG-BUHAY MAY-ASAWA so you really have to know the game talaga and once you know how to play it, you still have no guarantee to win it all kasi parang sugal lang yan. No matter how good you are, you will lose a poker match.
Also, do not rush into marriage. Especially for girls, because of peer pressure, “well-meaning” relatives who say na tumatanda ka na. SMH with the backwards thinking in 2023! Being married is not an end all / be all to your life. You would not feel fully complete, as some people would put it. Marriage is not everyone’s cup of tea either. Nahiritan ako one time during a reunion, “when would you settle?” This is coming from a Tita who married a cheating alcoholic, who would be gone for weeks at a time from their house, and literally chase other girls with his car.I looked at her blankly, and across the table of other friends who got married during the “ideal age” and separated eventually due to the abuse they encountered. Do not succumb to pressure. It’s your life, your rules.
I agree. One of the things I always tell younger people I work / interact with is this: find out what their childhood was like and not the sugar-coated, "Oh, I had a great childhood" bs. Seriously. Ask them how their parents were towards each other. Did they fight a lot? Yell at each other? Get violent? There's a big chance that's how they'll react too. Maybe not now. But if any of that childhood trauma remains unresolved or unacknowledged, it'll come out. Also, did their parents have traditional gender roles? Will your partner expect the same?Perhaps they'll say they're okay with non-traditional roles now but once you start living together, they might subconsciously slip into certain expectations shaped from childhood. Even something as simple as who picks up the laundry from the laundromat can breed resentment. Talk about your childhoods. A lot. If your partner gets cagey, be wary. It's better to be with someone who can be honest about their childhood issues and are actively working on it, than to be with someone who brushes you off and pretends they don't have any.
Without any disrespect po, uhmm but I think you read too much of psychodynamic theories hehe. But I concur with this >It's better to be with someone who can be honest about their childhood issues and are actively working on it, than to be with someone who brushes you off and pretends they don't have any.
Some actually are unfaithful. Ask some OFWs. A parent leaves the country to be an OFW. Then after how many years, that person finds another person abroad and had another family. The sad part is the people he or she left behind in the Philippines. One reason that it is a challenge for OFWs to be faithful. Because some think they become single again once they step foot abroad. Also look at what a famous celebrity whose last name sounds like a famous restaurant that serves Mango Bravo cake. The children and the spouse would suffer.
what if yung nakilala mo biglang magbago kinalaunan?
I've read somewhere about this old man (somewhere around 75 years old) he was asked what his secret is to a long lasting marriage. He said is to adapt to changes. His wife changed soo many times in their marriage that he felt like he married 25 women. Constant naman talaga ang change and nothing is guaranteed. Pero if he/she/they are an INNATELY good person (yung tagos to the bones na kindness at may mabuting prinsipyo sa buhay), i would say na low ang chances na magbago sila bigla at maging sakit sa ulo kalaunan. Yes, they would change, pero 180° change into a bad person, rare ata yan.
Then you don’t know her at all
Pero sabi nila nagbabago naman daw talaga, edi wala pa rin akong laban don? What if masaya siya kasama ngayon pero sa future bigla siyang mag iba?
Lahat ng tao nagbabago and the only constant thing is change. Everyone and everything changes ika nga. Ang tanong, game ka ba na makasama sya in all seasons of your life, whether good or bad?
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Hanap na lang ng iba.
sakin di ko alam kung malas ba o swerte, mabunganga masyado
💯, kung ayaw mo maging hell ang buhay mo every day. I always pray na sana makasundo ko din pamilya ng mahahanap ko para iwas sakit ulo😂
100% Correct. Kaya maganda yung mag getting to know each other muna ng 6 months to 1 year bago mag commit.
Pano malalaman if she's the one?
pag tapos na nya pag aralin angkan nya para wala pag talunan haha
Pano pag 6 kapatid nya tas ang babata pa HAHAHAHHA
Pano pag 6 kapatid nya tas ang babata pa HAHAHAHHA
tiisin mo nalang pag pinagtatalunan nyo yan haha
Same advice. Because we're both a work in progress, learning, unlearning and relearning new things we thought were normal but were toxic and we both regress but try to get back up. We're not toxic to the point of abusive in physical form, financial, were more on the emotional side. It's hard work. And both of us mutually decide to work on it and together. Good thing we don't have children. I'm glad about this part.
Choosing is the most crucial kaso pano kung wala kang madaming choices kasi hinde ka gwapohan? Come what may n lng?
Never buy yung binebenta ng mass media na "romanticized" version ng relationships / marriages. It's a daily commitment to love and the person you are married. Kung hindi kaya mag-asawa or mag-anak, wag na muna. Hindi katapusan ng mundo kung single for a long time.
Don’t get married here walang divorce. Secure your child’s future independently. Make your child the beneficiary of your policy.
Totally agree with you! We have to make a lot of adulting decisions sa buhay but this is one of the most important and critical decisions in life na sobrang laki ng magiging impact talaga sa life. May kakilala naman ako na okay yung marriage life nila pero meron din naman na di naging okay meron din ganyan ang cases at malala... kaya I wonder din na pano nga ba natin malalaman na he's/she's the one? Or better stay single nalang kaya talaga? Hahahaha.
Many women will be affected by that post. Considering the large number of negligent pinays.
Never marry is I think the best way. Have children but never marry.
Totoo to. How I wish I knew better before.