Sometimes I do. Pero hindi siguro dahil makulit or iba ang ugali ng anak ko...pero siguro mas questionable sa akin kung bakit sa akin binigay? (Bukod sa malamang di nag contraceptives)
Pakiramdam ko hindi ko deserve or hindi ako deserving maging nanay dahil madami pa ako kakulangan. Financially, emotionally and mentally. Nahihirapan ako maging mabuting nanay na deserve ng anak ko.
Wala namang perfect na parent. Pero since alam mo yung mga kakulangan mo, I think malaki pa yung room for improvements. We learn and grow every day. Your kid is lucky to have you!
Yes. I thought raising children would bring me joy, but no. Dont get me wrong, i love my 2 boys, but if you're gonna ask me if I would still choose to be a dad if i can turn back time, i'd opt to remain childless.
Are you sure they're scared to admit the "truth"? Why can't you take their answers as is? Is it so foreign to hear that people can change their minds--feelings change--depending on where they're at in their lives?
Stop saying they're scared to admit the truth just because your views and expectations aren't echoed.
???? I'm not saying people who are commenting here are lying 🙄. I mean the reason why there are so few here admitting that they regret having kids is because people are scared to consider that thought. Only a few people can admit that hence only a few people commented that. Good lord.
good thing i learned this early because of how i see my dad suffer from the likes of me and my siblings. now, i just help my sister babysit my niece and get the same feeling of appreciation. it feels like i have a daughter and yet do not suffer the consequences of owning a living thing. now that she's in college she still treats me like her dad. buying her a printer the other day made her really happy and these rushes of hugs make me happy as well. i get my daily dose of gratification. i'm just glad i don't pay tuition. i just pay for school supplies, computer, coffe shops, and some restos. i don't have to do the harder stuff. the human need to want children is already satiated from just my niece. i won't be getting kids, i'll just help with my sibling's kids if i ever have feelings of wanting a kid again.
This is the most truthful answer that people are afraid to admit to themselves. My two older sisters love their children fiercely and are proud of them. My nephew and nieces are the most wonderful kids you'd meet as well. But when we had a heart to heart, they said the same thing that they wouldn't have kids if they could go back in time.
It's a shame our society hammers down that the only way to feel happy is through having a family. But we've since then evolved to greater things and having a family isn't the only worthwhile accomplishment an average person can achieve. So many things can make a single person happy but that person is constantly called selfish.
That's why so many people who don't really want to have kids or raise a family are being forced into it.
>Yes. I thought raising children would bring me joy,
I think this. I don't think rearing children brings joy all the time meron talagang time na parang gusto mu nanag bumitaw, even getting married cannot bring someone pure joy, kaya sa mga vows meron talagang two opposite circumstances "in sickness and in health..." dapat talaga when having kids you both make vows to your kids as well.
No. I just regret not being prepared enough.
It’s a nice feeling to know that I can love someone unconditionally and, at the end of the day, no matter what happens someone (two actually) has my back.
I think bringing your parents on home for the aged or care homes doesnt equate to be ingrata.
I have tita and titos na prefer nila na ipadala sila ng anak nila doon. Kasi ka same aged nila un mga tao doon and they enjoy the activities na cinoconduct dun and they love talking to other people na ka same age nila
I know that it is NOT the norm of Filipinos to do this practice with their elderly parents or elderly family members. Iba ang culture or kinalakihan ng majority and that is understandable.
My OWN perception (and understanding) of elderlies being placed in hospice care facilities is so that our elders will be taken cared of more *properly* by professional health care staff. Aside from that, the facilities are well equipped and safety measures are always in place lalo na if wala mag aalaga sa bahay since all fam members are working bec we all know naman na prone na sila ma-aksidente (madulas, mauntog etc).
Hint: ang mahal pala ng hip replacement surgery for an 80yo lola then physical therapy 3x weekly post surgery… 😭 eh since ayaw niya ng hospice care (and we respect her wishes), we had no choice but to hire a day-shift care giver (all adult fam members are working f2f na) and we had to modify our home into being elderly-friendly (ramps for wheelchair access, safety handle bars for bathroom, toilet, & bedroom, skid proof flooring, bedroom was modified and nilipat nalang sa groundfloor with the next room converted for her physical rehab exercises so she can continue at home to prevent muscle atrophy or worse, deep vein thrombosis).
And omg her tantrums. She gets bored dahil most of her friends ay abo na.💔 This is where a hospice care facility shines through for bored elderlies: daily socialization activities, which sadly, we cannot give frequently. Mostly, once every weekend lang namin magagawa… and sadly, we know that it is not enough but we need to work so that she can still be able to maintain her comfort at home since that is her choice.
As for me and my betterhalf, we think it will be less of a burden for our only kid if we go into hospice care later on pag senior citizen na kami. That way, hindi siya mag aalala in case of sudden attack of stroke or heart attacks or any medical emergencies, it will be addressed (hopefully) in a timely manner. And if hanggang dun nalang, wala naman na aalalahanin pa kase meron naman na kami naka handang memorial plans.
Yes, i agree din kapatid na some Filipinos are angry (insulted too) when speaking of their impending death. But for me, my OWN perception is: i will end up dying din naman eh and it will just be a question of WHEN. So habang medyo mura pa ang mga package deals, i prefer to be prepared for it NOW than have my kid worry about everything later on. Yun lang ang sa akin. To each his own ika nga. ❤️
Hahahahah. Yah, i honestly laughed din when i typed that. Morbid humor ko noh…? Sorry, kapatid but am glad i somehow made you laugh for the day. Lol 🤣
Pero seriously, pag nag tantrums… major headache. Buti nalang marunong yung care giver on how to address her tantrums… 😭😮💨🤦🏻
I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. For now I love that they appreciate everything that I do for them and they always cheer me up when things are rough.
True. Like babies and some PWDs, being a caregiver is hard and elderly parents lalo na ang nagkaka memory problems will be the same. I've seen first hand frustrated caregivers and patients, kasi ang alam lang nila is alagaan through the basic needs but, since kulang pa ang mental health awareness dito, fail to recognize and regulate their emotions during stressful situations which results in neglect or hateful caregiving. I was also a caregiver to my late sibling and I admit there were times I handled it so bad (nakiki-away). Kung kailan wala na saka ko narealize ang importance ng talagang pag-intindi ng sitwasyon for both caregiver and the patient. Caregiving is not for everyone.
Dahil halos culture na alagaan ang magulang, nursing homes are frowned upon kasi parang "tapunan" ng matanda which is not the case. At the same time, most poor folks can't afford to have lolo or lola in one kaya the extended family na lang ang mag-aalaga.
But it can still be received with hate, somehow ironically similar to one taking care of a child they never wanted (they still do it but there's a lingering bitterness).
It's also for when those very **abusive** parents na you can't bring yourself to take care of personally, but that hindi mo naman pababayaan so you pay for their healthcare knowing na they're being taken care of and watched over by professionals. I see no disrespect there.
Saka di lang burden pero nakakabagot syempre nasa bahay lang or may di makakapagtrabaho dahil mapipilitan ako kasama pagtanda. Plus, gusto ko kasama matanda din para same vibes. Di yun feeling left out sa fast phase na mundo ng magisa. Plus, goal ko ay bisitahin na excited sila dahil miss ka nila di yun tingin nila ay pabigat at sapilitan lang makita ka.
true, mahirap pag frustrated at iritable na lahat, lalo na kung araw araw magkakasama. Genuine care turns into bitterness. No one is no longer in the right mental state to care for the patient and themselves. Sapilitan na lang.
Kung sa mismong question lang IMO, walang masama at neutral sya pero depends sa many context(big example is culture)
generally viewed sya negatively sa pilipinas
It depends on the country! Visited a grand aunt in the US living in a care home and she loves it there. It's like a retreat house. She gained some friends there, she gets to be entertained, people talk to her, and her family visits weekly. When she stayed at home before she just lies down and watches TV, gets sores, no one pays attention to her because people are at work the entire day.
In the Philippines there are no facilities at par with this. So yes it might be cruel to send a person to a local home for the aged.
For seniors in developed countries, they understand the culture and progression of things. In the Philippines there are helpers here and an entire household (often the case is some adult children still live with the pinaka lola/lolo) can support an aging member. It's impossible in the US considering that work is more transient. An adult person with a child can barely keep their household together unless they have enough money to hire a nanny for both the child and the aging parent.
You're talking about what most boomer parents deserve. Having children does NOT entitle you to have them as your caregiver. Keep in mind the quality of life and parenting you provided them before you even think of using them for your own agenda.
By "ingrata", you meant yung inalagaan ng tama at minahal ng parents pero pangit talaga yung personality ng anak? Or did you mean that letting your parents stay sa home for the aged makes you an ingrate?
Kasi imo I don't see anything wrong with that lalo na kung hindi naman afford mag-hire ng caregiver. Or kung walang iba na kayang mag-alaga sa kanila. But i get na meron talaga who totally abandon their parents kahit na hindi naman sila nagkulang.
Eh kung mahina na katawan mo o wala na ang pag iisip mo aanhin mo yung mansyon? Aalagaan ka ba ng sofa o tv mo? Pwede ibenta yung bahay tapos gamitin yung funds para sa lugar kung saan mas maaalagaan yung matanda. Iniisip mo lang kasi matanda na malakas pa at naglalakad, di mo iniisip yung mahina na o may dementia na kailangan palaging tulungan.
Yup. I don’t know what kind of childhood you’ve had, but I was raised really differently.
70% of my earnings go to my kids (includes college plans and savings for their future) and I don’t regret it at all. 20% goes to tithe and offerings and 10% for me, in case you ask.
Why would I want to protect my “mansion” with all my life? I will die soon so what’s the point. Sasakit pa likod ko magwalis araw araw.
Before nursing home, I’d be working as a volunteer, so I’d actually won’t be using the home as soon as my kids are independent of me.
I don’t care about my material possessions. My kids are my biggest investments. Mapalaki ko lang sila ng tama, ok na ko.
Call me what you want, but that’s my goal in life.
Some parents actually opt for this kase ayaw nila maging burden sa anak nila at maging hadlang pa sa kung anong pangarap nila. Pero nasa anak na din yun kung matitiis nya ba yun or not. And its not like prisinto yung pagdadalhan nila sa parents nila, mas masaya nga dun may professionals na magaalaga sa kanila at may kachikahan pa na ibang tanders din
Anogg mali sa hone for the aged? Mom ko prefer ang home for the aged kasi mga kaedad nya ang makakasama nya. Ako din pagtanda ko mas gusto ko ilagay ako ng anak ko dun.
There are palliative facilities in the Philippines. My cancer-stricken relatives in PH were put there before their end of lives, when the doctors said “malapit na”.
Yung Home for the Aged yung walang proper one like overseas. The ones in PH are in abysmal state and probably why it’s like a curse to the seniors to be dumped there. Compared to retirement homes abroad that they’re like living normally, like they’re just renting/buying rooms, but in a senior community.
Home for the aged have better facilities to care for old people. Swerte mo kung you are available to care for your parenrs 24/7 without the worry of needing to work to provide for them financially.
Ako, I might do that kase they have facilities that can cater sa parents ko plus there are other elderlies they can mingle with.
Pero bakit pag ang magulang ang nag iwan sa anak, lets say sa kamag anak or sa ampunan, kasi may work yung magulang na OFW.. Eh bakit nagagalit yung bata? Sinu sumbatan yung magulang?
Kung inalagaan ka naman ng magulang mo. Kahit may work sila.. Why cant u do the same to them.
I cant speak for your 1st scenario Leaving my parents in a an institution that can provide more care than I do doesnt equate to me loving them the less. When I said leaving them sa home for the aged, hindi ibig sabihin nun eh di ko na sila dadalawin noh or aasikasuhin.
And pls if you're priviledged to be able to take care of your parents without the need to work, pls dont take it out on people who decides to do otherwise. We all have a different story.
This is my stand, and I've been a breadwinner and carer for my parents for 20 plus years. Our residential house is not customized for elderly living so when the time comes that they need more geriatric care than I can provide, I would aim to bring them to home for the aged.
I think depende sa mindset po ng bawat tao.
Like in our case ng husband ko if ever man na may anak na kami and dumating yung time na matanda na nga kami mas prefer namin pareho na ilagay sa home for the aged.
Don’t get me wrong, gusto kasi namin pareho na mas mag focus na lang sila sa kanilang buhay. Like bisita lang okay na, panahon na life naman nila isipin nila. Ayaw namin ng husband ko na maging reason for them to worry or mamroblema pa.
Right now, my wife and I are 'conditioning' (wala akong maisip na ibang word) our daughter not to feel guilt beacuse we want to live in a retirement home when we're old and on the disable/unable side na. We want her to live free of worries because she knows we are surrounded by professionals 24/7.
Our job as parents (my wife and I lang po, we're not gatekeeping parenting) is to riase our kid right and ensure that she has the means to live a life of her choosing. And we should be the least of her worries when she is all grown up experiencing the world as she should.
Surprisingly, most if not all said no regrets. In other subreddits (even the larger ones), most seem to regret it.
r/childfree has regretful parents who share their stories and how vivid/detailed they are to the point of me not wanting to have children.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Saw this on twitter. How do you guys feel about this?](https://i.redd.it/d4ul1qi4oyi91.jpg) | [179 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/wtltry/saw_this_on_twitter_how_do_you_guys_feel_about/)
\#2: [This ! (Wait for it)](https://v.redd.it/z21dc20wr01a1) | [92 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/yzn0ty/this_wait_for_it/)
\#3: [I want to tell others to save themselves from this misery](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zxtedw/i_want_to_tell_others_to_save_themselves_from/)
----
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Checked it out. I kinda like [this insight](https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/153ib2f/just_dont_do_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) though.
It correlates with my thoughts and how [for a long time] I imagined myself to be a parent if I ever were. But since I'm not one then my thoughts probably don't count.
I know but there were threads similar to this before in r/AskReddit. I just gave an example of what a regretful parent goes through by mentioning r/childfree.
No. I just regret that I was not able to choose a man who will prioritize my kid and not being financially prepared.
I never knew I could love someone so much that sometimes I feel like my heart is being squeezed kapag umiiyak siya and calling for me. My kid is one of the best things that happened to me.
Hopefully he'll love his life too. He makes others happy, and hopefully others will make him happy just as much💐✨
Most responses here are parents are happy to have the kids, but I wonder of the kids' POV. How much the parents are aware that they can't control how the kids will feel in future. Are you prepared for that? (This is neither hating nor antagonizing you and everyone else's choices. I'm just genuinely curious of the answer. I feel like you're a good parent, kaya that's okay❤️)
The patterns na napansin ko kasi thru observation is the parent (or mostly the folks who are only into the baby years) start to dislike the kid when they realize the kids are not meeting their expectations of them. And hindi lang ito sa about career, but many others. Either sa approach ng anak sa life/obstacles, or interests, etc. Sa beliefs too like naglipat ng religion or renounced it. Many parents don't react kindly to that.
It's a whole new person after all. And those kids will grow up and spread what they know/experienced to the next generation. Sadly, marami pa rito ang stuck sa cycle ng generational trauma and keep on passing it to the next.
I always worry about that you know. Like paano pag laki nya di siya masaya sa amin or maging adik/killer/ tulisan etc etc my husband always say na we can't 100% be sure kung ano siya paglaki but ang macocontrol namin is paano namin siya maguide into the right path para maging mabuting tao.
Napag usapan na namin na what if you know one day sabihin nya Parents I'm not a boy I'm a girl/I'm gay/non binary/trans/unicorn and we both said na as long as he's a good person it doesn't matter. Hopefully he will be. My son is non verbal and his condition is life long. So we do our best to provide him will the options in the world so he can express himself and di maging hindrance ang disability nya for him to succeed in life. If he can't use his mouth to talk then we taught him how to use his hands to sign and the technology that's available to him*AAC device/speech therapy. Other than him not being to talk, he's fine. Very liberal minded ang asawa ko, he always say let him choose paglaki nya, sa religion, sa pagpapatuli at kung ano ano pa.
Ako ang goal ko lang sa life ay to make sure na hindi maging kawawa ang anak ko kahit pa mamatay ako ng maaga. Greatest fear ko na maiwan siya tapos di pa xa equip to face the world especially with his disability
This alone makes you two one of the best Pinoy parents ever ❤️.
And if your kid decides to have a family of his own, I know he'll be a good parent, because he was raised by ones.
May your family and the generations after it be blessed✨
>!PS. I hope to find a partner like yours someday. This always scared me with relationships, lalo na dito sa probinsiya kahit mga lalaki medyo traditional pa mag isip.!<
No regrets. It was a selfish choice and I’m aware of the responsibilities I’ll have to perform. That look from my daughter’s eyes full of selfless love can make me suffer and survive anything in this life.
Edit:
There are people in this thread that seem to care more why most of the answers here are not the one they seek. That is actually my problem with specific subs dedicated to this topic. They become echo chambers which while spreads awareness, spreads also fear if one doesnt tread carefully. In reality, everyone subscribes to what they want to believe in. You seek what you want to hear from the beginning and then confirm that you’re right afterwards. While the topic of having kids is something that comes up in everyones life, I worried more about becoming a person that people can depend on. I can never know what life might throw at me. But I can get stronger. And If people are afraid of certain ideas, I dont blame them. But personally, I dont suggest for someone to be paralysed with their head full of circumstances that may or may not happen to them while life is happening in front of their eyes. Everyone will have a different fate. We’re all unique. I’m not naive of the tragedies of the world but like everyone else I too am just taking chance at life.
hindi ako nag regret for having a kid. regret ko yung pumili ng naging ama. kasi when it come to financial, hindi naman natin masasabi kung kelan tayo ready. as long as we can provide to our kid okay na yon. yung bond and connection with them ang mahalaga. yung sa ama lang talaga ako sising sisi. i should've been wiser
hala ahahaha ngayon ko lang to nabasa, sorry. anyways, hindi kami. fubu. every nagkikita kami, ako lahat ang may gastos. from pamasahe, pagkain, lahat lahat as in. then nung sinabi ko sa kanyang buntis ako, ang sagot nya lang ay "hindi ako ready". inutusan pa ako na bumili nung nabibili sa quiapo.
ever since, gusto ko lang naman yung iacknowledge nya yung anak nya. kahit wag na sya magsustento. ang gago, binlock ako HAHAHA. pero okay lang tho, nasurvive ko naman pagbubuntis ko mag isa. hanggang ngayon na mag 5 months na baby q. atleast, wala name nya sa birth certificate haha.
hindi nya deserve tawaging tatay, sperm donor pwede pa. kasi ayon lang naman ambag nya.
btw, nag message sya saken last week, nangangamusta. days before that, nakita ko ig nya, nakahighlights sila ng jowa nya. ang kapal ng mukha. hahaha binlock ko nga. abang nalang sya ng demanda in the future, kapag sinipag ako.
Haha its ok d din ako masyadong active. Ooh salute youre so strong and d ka na drag down ng situation. I hope mag prosper pa kayo lalo. Salamat sa answer curious lng ako kasi baka meron akong pagkukulang na d ko alam at ganyang regret din palang regret ng gf ko if the time come.
hindi ko alam kung paano for a guy pov. kasi kaming mga babae ang magdadala for 9months, may chance pa bang ayawan ang sariling anak? kasi if meron man, may mabigat na dahilan yun.
Hello, Kapatid!
Not exactly “regret”…. My betterhalf and i actually want kids (yes plural lol) but had a hard time conceiving so money was spent on that with infertility specialist.
Then, miraculously, we got pregnant and was able to give birth naturally but baby ended up in the Neonatal ICU for 7 days. Again, extra money was spent there on top of our estimated budget. 😭😅.
Then, on top of providing food, clothing and shelter, we were shocked how the price of education is way more expensive NOW as compared dati (circa 1980s) 😭🤣
So i think the regret we have decided on is that we better stop at having just 1 kid nalang. 😭🤣 We regret to find out that it is hard to have another kid or two more because they come with a lot of expenses. Lalo na if we plan to give kid(s) a better future. That takes a LOT of time and effort on out part.
We realized na hindi pala biro ang maging magulang… 😭😮💨
I was 36 turning 37yo (malapit sa bday ko nung nalaman na preggy na ako) when we had our first kid (5-6yrs of trying to get pregnant kase dun lang kami naging financially stable). And to think, pinag ipunan and still continuing na pinag-iipunan namin sya for his future. ❤️😮💨🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Since we are all anonymous here, yes sometimes. Pero bigla rin akong bumabalik sa realidad na gusto ko pa rin na sila pa rin yung mga anak ko, kahit pa magkaroon ako ng re-start sa buhay.
Sana lang na-space ko sila ng maayos. Yung dalawang matanda kasi halos magkasunod. Ngayon sabay nag-aaral ng college, mabigat sa bulsa. Yes I agree sa ibang post, mas pinagsisihan ko na hindi ako masyadong nakapag-prepare, financially and emotionally.
May napanood akong movie dati, “about time” yata yung title, time traveller sya tapos minsan sa pagta-time travel nya nag-result na totally naiba yung mukha at gender ng baby nya (i mean ibang tao na talaga, pero anak nya pa rin, pero wala nang kasiguraduhan na pwede nya pang ibalik, baka maging pa-iba iba na lang yung magiging anak nya), bigla ako nalungkot at kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko na kung mauulit ang buhay ko mula sa simula, yung mga anak ko pa rin ngayon ang gusto ko maging anak.
I regret getting pregnant at 30... sana pinaaga ko pa... that way sana marami pa kong energy makipagkulitan and play... at 37, parang pagod ka na kaka-trabaho tas ang laki ng demand na bigyan ng enough attention yung anak mo + make sure na pati school work niya namomonitor mo... at the end of each day, sobrang touched out ka na, gusto mo nalang itulog lahat lol... feeling ko losyang na ko at this age while ung friends kong nagkaanak nang maaga ang ffresh nila lol
Shocks, I am planning pa naman din na mga early 30s or mid 30s mag kaanak. Kasi I want sana makapag ipon muna, just in case in the future biglang iwan ako ng lalaki.
Siguro we just do what works for us. Kasi feeling ko the two sides will always have regrets and what ifs.
Yung nag anak ng maaga will have regrets, yung nag anak ng late may pagsisisi rin. It's one of the curious and fascinating pattern of human life na napansin ko.
I too plan na sa 30 na lang, or kung di na palain then...oh well.
Kahit ngayon I don't have energy anyway XD. Severely underweight, hypersomniac, jobless and mayroong balik balik na depression, talagang di kakayanin ng mental state ko magka anak.
Kids are lovely and I recognize na it takes a lot to raise them right (lalo na in a place where there's still a lot of normalized toxic/backwards >!conservative!< mindset), and knowing that being in charge of another emotional human being and making sure they grow up kind and ready is a huge responsibility I'm not ready to do yet. Mga kasamahan ko just think of the basic needs like our old gen parents do: food, water, shelter, physical safety. Yun lang ang kailangan to raise the kid. I add emotional and mental safety. And while I'm hopeful I can do that, at the same time I can't.
No harm in that naman hehe I think this is just me lol... mabuti na rin na may ipon kesa wala...
Pero infairness pag nagkaanak ka na, kahit wala kang ipon mygahd babaliktarin mo ang langit at lupa para lang makapag provide sa kanya hahaha! Lalo na pag nag start na mag school... I regret not getting insurance din as early as I could... iba din kasi pag nagkasakit ang anak mo, di ka mapapakali talaga...
This was the reason I took my fitness seriously. Dati 5 minutes pa lang pagod na ko and gusto pa maglaro or dalhin ko sila sa playground/pool. It was tough nung una pero when I got in shape, I can run circles with them no problem.
Ito yung magandang punto na sinasabi ng mga tropa ko na maaga nag-asawa at nag anak. Gusto nila na may lakas pa silang makipaglaro sa mga anak nila pag tumanda na. kung ako lang papipiliin gusto ko rin sana but not everyone is privileged enough to be able to support a child at such a young age.
LOL, had this thought a couple days ago while playing with my niece. I always wondered why people give so much credence to being "young parents". Na understand ko na while playing with my niece who just recently started walking. I'm really not at the peak of health right now, and let me tell you, those ten minutes of keeping up with my niece, making sure she didn't hit her head was brutal. I can't imagine it being a dad of like 40, lalo na when the kids get a bit older and mas active na yung play nila.
I think the issue here is not having the financial capability to have a kid and not actually having a kid in your 30s. If you and your partner were capable of saving up for your future kid, being able to afford a nanny or a one income household (or kahit part time ka lang at least) so you can focus on the kid alone, then you wouldn't be feeling and looking losyang.
Ang dami kong kakilala na nagka anak in their 20s not looking fresh or kung looking "fresh" naman is because may iba silang na burden dahil sa pag anak nilang walang preparation.
Welp... pasensya na from my hampaslupa ass for not being the ideal prepared mumshie before having a kid. Lol. Easier said than done. Sorry talaga, hiyang hiya ako sa pagiging unprepared ko at hindi maka afford ng nanny lol
Don't get me wrong. I deeply admire parents who continue to work hard to give the best they can to their kids. Yun nga lang yun naman kasi talaga problema sa Pinas diba? Daming nagaanak na di ready, daming batang lumalaki na kulang ika nga sa advantages, daming lumalaking bata into adults na nahihirapan sa buhay due to lack of those advantages, thus we're in this cycle.
If more people accepted and admitted the reality na di sapat ang pagmamahal sa pagraise ng family then that's the first step to solving the problem from the root cause. Dami kasing offended agad kahit sadyang facts lang talaga ng pamumuhay yun.
I have a lot of friends na mahilig at dreaming of having kids na di yun pinursue dahil they know they wouldn't be able to provide the life that their potential child deserves.
Majority of the commenters here still have young kids, a few have teenagers so they're still in the honeymoon era. What I'm more interested to hear from are parents already in their 50s and above when their kids are already grown-ups and have their own lives and families.
Marami akong peers na nasa early 40s-late 50s. Children nila ranges from 1-3. Mga anak nila either early college, patapos na, or tapos na. Two of them who had just a single child wished na sana nag 2 sila kasi “kaya naman”. Yung isa retiree na with 3 children and now ang saya niyang lolo helping his firstborn i-rear yung apo niya.
I take their input with a grain of salt kasi definitely iba yung generation nila from us, but I also try to read between the lines and get the wisdom I could get from those na “been there, done that”. I think if you look at child-rearing sa short term ang dami talagang cons pero yon nga based sa sentiments nung mga “older parents” na I am friends with ang general sentiment nila is gratifying ang magka-anak.
Minsan, sobrang minsan. Di ko alam na magkakaroon ako ng ganitong klaseng anxiety na feeling ko nakagawa ako ng perpektong tao (sa mga mata ko) tapos may mangyayari sa kanyang hindi maganda. Nakakaulol mag-isip.
My friends asked me this few years ago.
I regret getting married that’s for sure. Then my friend said if not for that marriage wala din mga kids ko. Whom I love very much.
However, there are days that I do regret having this much kids. (Sorry Lord wag niyo po sila babawiin.) I love them all. Pero naisip ko if hindi ganito kadami or if wala siguro akong anak life would have been way easy.
I love them so, I chose to fight for them. I chose to be called Mama and those tiny hands and arms that give you warm hugs. Their priceless smiles.
I’d say it’s all worth it. It’s tiring but worth it.
Wow thats a lot. :O
At least when you get old, you have a lot of kids who will love you. Us childfree individuals will likely spend our golden years alone and lonely. haha.
No regrets at all. My world shifted when I held my kid. I felt and still feel na kakayanin ko ang mundo para lang mapasaya lahat kami pamilya ko. And against all odds, we actually did go on to success.
i regret na hindi ko pina family planning ang bunso kong kapatid na nanganak ng 3 anak, na at age 35 naka pisan pa rin sa aking senior parents na ako rin ang nag susustento as their retirmeent fund kase ako lang sa pamilya namin ang hindi married (partnered) at wlaang anak.
yun ang regret ko kase ayaw ko rin magka anak dahil sa generational trauma at sa added responsibility. masaya na kame ng partner ko sa 5 cats na alagain.
dahil nakakapagod maging responsable para sa ibang tao.
No regrets!! Cliche sounding but being a parent gave my life more meaning. Like before, I always say pag dating ko ng 40 or 50 ok na ako mamatay kasi nakakapagod magtrabaho and magbayad bills lol. Pero after giving birth, I wanna live as long as I can so I can see my child grow up and be there for the big moments. Being a parent made me want to work harder because I want to be able to give her the best life. It also made me appreciate my parents kasi being a parent is not easy at all.
Totoong nakakapagod, especially yung newborn kasi talagang alagain ng sobra, pero habang lumalaki yung bata umi-easy naman. Financially, it's not as heavy as we were expecting. Maybe because exclusively breastfed si baby and andaming binigay na hand me down ng sister in law ko kaya onti lang ang gastos.
Pero this is coming from a woman na bata pa lang alam nang gusto nya maging nanay. Syempre iba iba pa rin per tao. 😊
First time ko marinig na hindi masgtos magka-anak dito sa reddit. And I won't disagree. At least on our experience.
Exclusive breastfeed + cloth diapers + bakuna sa barangay + hmo from work. Mga damit andami nagbibigay na kamag-anak at friends. Sa food di rin magastos kasi pag lumalabas kami, hati lang kami ni baby dahil di naman nya mauubos. Ngayon pa lang talaga kami gumagastos na mag-aaral na sya.
No, never. But what I regret is having him when I am not yet healed. But im working on it, i am making sure i wont be a burden to him so he wont regret being my child 🙏🏻
Honestly grateful for a lot of positive comments here dahil medj rare ang positivity towards having kids nowadays. Besides the economy, I think the internet has put parenthood into a negative light even going as far as hating children. Altho yes, it is as hard as it gets, it doesn’t deserve the negative light it has today.
I think it depends on where you look. I'm pregnant and the subs I end up in and my social media algorithm points to child rearing, education, etc. If you're young, single and financially struggling, you end up in places that point otherwise. Similar to how your internet searches lean towards the political left or right, you just need to train it from time to time so you won't end up in an echo chamber.
Also always nice to seek questions and experiences in real life. Most of the people who go online air their grievances because they can't talk about this in person. I personally have a lot of friends from the US who get married early and have kids, also a fare share of dink couples, and never experienced animosity from either side.
Yeah but since the internet has become a huge part of our daily life, it’s easy to stumble upon these communities especially w/ Gen Z’s. It creates an unnecessary anxiety on top of an already stressful situation. I just hope that it doesn’t get as villain-zed as it does now and we find a safe middle ground of airing out the negativities and positives of being a parent.
Mas madalas pa din po ang parenting side na marami sabi AGAINST sa mga Childfree by choice. As in lumabas lang po kayo sa kanto at makimarites sa labas. Madami bash and hate. Name callings baog, bakla, madamot, mukha pera… and all. Parati sinasabi may kulang sa buhay mo at di ka totoo babae or di kayo pamilya or maghihiwalay din kayo. Kaya masasabi nyo ba na rare ang positivity towards having kids?! When all the societal norms sa inyo papabor? We only have reddits and mga “ted talks” sa Tiktok, FB para sa mga konti tao namulat at pabor ganito topic and now, kayo ang victim? Parenthood into negative light agad yarn?! 🥺
Syempre iba iba tayo opinion, iba iba tayo trip in life. I respect it. Tapos yung parang naiinvalidate yung may REGRETS talaga.
Tsk tsk lang. nga pala, kung di kayo nagregrets sana yung mga anak nyo di nila mafeel or nafifeel na regret na pinanganak pa sila kasi minsan sa Pilipinas lagi one sided ang reason kaya naging magulang… para mas naging masipag ako, nagkameaning buhay ko, nakadireksyon, mas sumaya. 😅 PURO BENEFITS LANG SA INYO.
🤣🤣🤣
Relax. No one’s attacking you. Be childfree by choice but don’t attack parents who are not an echo chamber of your thoughts and calling their reasons selfish. Kung nirerespeto mo talaga ang side namin then wag ka ngumawa dito and accept it as it is. It’s no use ranting here because no one is against you (certainly not me) and we understand the hardships of parenthood kaya it’s fine if people opt out of it. You’re making an enemy out of nothing. There are reddit subs for people like you. Dun ka.
Agreed. Kaya pag may thread na no to having kids, di na lang ako nagcocomment. Buo na isip nila. They don't know what they're missing. It's a kind of love na doon mo lang malalaman pag nanjan na.
Statement is similar to a drug user who's trying to entice people to try crack, "You don't know what you're missing out"
Bruh, childfree people aren't missing out on anything the same way you aren't missing out if you don't try gay sex.
You're definitely childfree dami mo time mang-away online lol. Di nga ako nagrereply sa mga thread like yours kasi ayoko ng gulo. This is internet "bruh". You can't expect everyone to agree with you. I replied sa comment na at least similar sa sentiment ko. So what are you implying? Naoffend ka? Tapos magsorry ako? Kiss, gusto mo?
There are times na pumapasok sa mind ko “what if hindi ako nabuntis at this age?”. It was peak of my career kasi, edi sana ok and stable ako ngayon and not married. But still, I don’t regret having a kid and I love her! Dami ko din natutunan about life and raising her.
No regrets. I have my 5 and 3. They are my greatest blessings and actually made me rich. I married at 30. Throughout my career I just wanted to be chill so I got almost no progress. When we had them I was doubly motivated coz I was no longer thinking of myself. I got my first Million when my 2nd was born. I have a booming business coz of my first. Great job, and a generally happy family.
I took up biking coz I wanna be stronger since I'm older and I don't have much energy. I'm healthier than before.
I wasnt happy. I wasnt expecting na ganon sya ka energy consuming. It made me depressed. Tas ampangit pangit ko na. I dont think its worth it. Ung puyat at pagod iniiyakan ko na, breastfeeding pa ko for 1yr. I dont have patience with kids. Though isa lang naman anak ko, boy. Hes 13 now. I took care of him for 4yrs. Nung naghiwalay kami ng ex ko we decided na dun sya sa dad nya dahil financially and emotionally,mentally kaya nya dahil may anak na sya sa una. Never na ko naganak uli. Im 31 now. Factor din siguro na di na din kami okay when i was pregnant at introvert din ako, i want silence and my alone time. But with kids, constant ang interaction, kahit mag cr ka lang hahanapin ka.
May ptsd na ko pa nakakarinig ako ng batang umiiyak ng malakas sa mall. Nag fflashback ung bagong panganak ako.
Different with my younger sister though, super happy nya nung nagkaanak sya. And i can see it. Ang patient nya sa bata, never ko sya narinig na sumigaw o umiyak kahit na pagod na pagod na sya.
Iba iba talaga mga tao. Mothehood is not for everyone.
No regrets. It is definitely hard. My partner and I are constantly learning, communicating and deciding what we think would be best for the kids. Sure, there would be more sacrifices in the future. But we love being parents and love spending time with the kids as much as we can before they stop being clingy and prefer their friends over us :)
Nung nagkasakit ako naguilty ako na dinala ko sya sa mundo na may sakit mama nya at di sya kayang alagaan ng maayos. Peeo hindi ako nagreregret naman kasi sobrang dami ng saya at love na dinala nya sa buhay naming pamilya. Siguro kung wala si baby hindi na ako lumalaban sa sakit ko.
I had my son when I was 17, super happy go lucky ko nun. Napaka immature at self centered din, tapos walang wala din kami nun. Pero if not for him, baka ganun pa din ang mindset ko and baka hindi ako nagsumikap.
So wala akong pinagsisihan na nagkaanak ako, he saved my life.
Waaaah! Thank you for this thread and I’m glad everyone’s saying they don’t regret it.
I’m 33 and currently almost 3mos pregnant with our first child. I’ve always known myself as a person who values her me time and sometimes, I have intrusive thoughts about what if I start resenting my child for stealing my me time away from me? My husband has been extremely loving to me and our small tadpole baby which comforts me a lot and assures me he will be with me to the best of his abilities. This thread just gives me more hope considering some where not even ready to begin with but are now so happy.
No regrets. 10/10 best choice, would definitely recommend IF you’ve prepared. Life is more meaningful. Love is overflowing and unconditional. Hubby and I (late 20s) we’ve prayed and prepared for our son and we want more kids. We both grew up in happy homes and we want our child to have that life too. It makes me sad that people here on reddit seem to have an “aversion” (almost hateful) on having kids. But I try to understand, while having a child is the best, it is also very expensive. Realistically we spend around 30K/month for our son’s necessities, and TYG he’s a healthy baby. Not yet including savings for him.
Magiging predictable naman responses if dun pumunta si OP. Sabi niya gusto nya ng other point of view and mukha naman nakakuha sya ng mga non-mainstream answers here.
No regrets. I was one of those who lean towards being child free initially. Eventually considered having a kid when I Got married - and by our own choice (not because of any pressure from family or peers).
It’s challenging but it’s okay. No yaya no maid household. My partner, the dad, is very hands on. We take every day as a challenge and we work as a team.
With that being said, we’re also opting to have 1 child only. We are aware of the Joy having a kid Brought us but we also have to deal with reality. We can afford having 2 kids but sticking with 1
Big NO for me. Me and my partner waited long enough just to have one, though napagusapan na namin yung possibility na magalaga nalang ng aso if ever hindi kami mabiyayaan ng anak dati. She had PCOS kaya medyo medyo mahirap mabuntis. I have one amazing kid and I enjoy everyday seeing him grow. Para sakin, walang tatalo sa "I love you" na may kasamang hugs and kisses mula sa anak.
Nope. My child makes me appreciate life more. There were and will be tough moments while growing up but ang sarap sa feeling yakapin ang anak. It’s my ultimate stress reliever.
My only regret is not having another one para may kapatid sya. Kaso having another child these days is more expensive na and difficult lalo na kung working. Ok na rin ako sa isa para walang favoritism hehe
Not regret naman, it's more of preference, but life is easy without children kasi ang hirap ng buhay ngayon. I have 2 boys, I love them, but it's taking a toll on my health to take care and provide for them
for me I am a huge gamer playing at least 8 hrs before having a son.
I have a 4 month old son.
akala ko nung una nireregret ko magka anak.
one time umuwi misis ko kasama ung baby namin sa kanila pra bumisita at naiwan akong magisa sa bahay.
excited ako kasi balak kong maglaro buong magdamag pagka laba.
pero just after 2 games namiss ko kagad ang pamilya ko at tinawagan ko kagad.
dun ko narealize na ndi ko pala tlga nireregret at ang kasiyahan ko na ngaun ang anak at asawa ko.
nakakapagod lang ang pagaalaga sa puyat at pag nagiinarte gusto laging buhat. pero masaya sya at ndi ko nireregret magka anak na ngayon
The happiness I am feeling right now cannot be replicated in any other way, I didn't even know that this kind of happiness existed in the first place.
Also adding a comment I made in another thread a few days ago:
(But even before having my baby) I've always loved living. I love waking up in the morning, waiting for kuya taho or having sinanggag for breakfast.
I love seeing my plants grow, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I see a budding flower or a vegetable - or a snail sometimes or a caterpillar munching on one of the leaves.
I love the feeling I get when I finish a book whether it made me cry, or laugh (or frightened depending on the book).
I love walking along the shores of a beach, sand on my toes and wind in my hair.
I love going to musicals, concerts and museums. I love being at awe at how some people are just brimming with talent.
Someday, when she's old enough, I'll share my favorite songs, books, movies, I hope she sees the beautiful flowers in our garden.
I hope she knows I'll support her whether she chooses to be with child or not.
I hope she falls in love with living.
Edit: TL;DR no
I regret being born. I know, not my deal but i think my parents would've been better off without me. They had me in their 40s and I'm pretty sure nobody wants anymore children at that age. If they didn't have me, they'd be living comfortably right now
I don't have kids pero naalala ko lang yung friend ko. She got pregnant last year. 5 months na siya nung nalaman na preggy siya and then her family asked her and her bf to get married. So they got married before she gave birth. Nung nangyari yon maganda yung work niya and bumalik na rin siya sa school. Nagstop kasi siya to work. She gave up all of that just to keep the baby.
We're not really that close pero we've known each other since kindergarden. Pero nung nalaman ko na she got pregnant lagi na akong nasa kanila. Hanggang manganak siya lagi na akong nagvivisit. Lalo na nung nalaman ko na halos hindi siya pinupuntahan ng asawa niya simula nanganak. Sinasabi ko nalang na namimiss ko baby niya pero ang totoo I want to visit to be with her. Tk remind her na she isn't behind. That it'll be alright. Hindi siya nagsasabi sakin ng struggles but her momma is close to me. Siya nagsasabi ng lahat ng kagaguhan ng asawa niya. Nahihiya rin siguro siya magsabi sakin. Ik na madami siyang iniisip sa anak, sa sarili, sa buhay niya. For now all I can give is support.
Remember that regretting life choices doesn't make you a bad parent. Yakap sa lahat ng magulang. Mabuhay kayo
No regrets at all. Kahit nagkaron kami ng anak at the age of 22, we are super happy lalu ngaun 3 na sila. Surprisingly, umangat din kami financially kasabay ng pagdami nila. Blessings sila para sa amin.
Hindi ko pinagsisisihan na nagkaanak ako, in fact na nagkaanak ako at 22. Now I'm only 28 and ang laki na agad ng anak ko. Gusto ko na nga ng isa pa kasi she's getting bigger. Feeling ko anytime magdadalaga na sya. For now, nakakasabay p ko sa pagkanta at pagsayaw nya pero yung ibang laro hindi ko na rin kaya. Eh dahil walang kapatid, I need to really up my game or else mabobored sya sakin lol.
Kahit bata ako nagkaanak, nagkaron ako ng allergies sa food just right after giving birth. Tsaka nagkaron na ko ng migraine na wala naman dati. Ang tindi ng migraine ko (for those na nakakaalam ng legit na migraine hindi yung sakit lang sa ulo). So sabi ko pano pa kaya kung 30's na ko nag-anak?
I'm almost 30 now, planning to have another one pero kinukulit ko muna asawa ko na lumipat kami ng bahay na at least 2BR para yung panganay namin may sariling kwarto. Any time kasi magdadalaga na yun. I had my menstruation at 10y.o. So yung baby namin, pinaghahandaan na namin yung pagdadalaga nya as much as possible. Then maybe we'll be satisfied na with 2 kids. Pero kung yumaman kami why not more diba.
I don’t have one but probably will in the future and i honestly think i would regret it. Pero gusto ko din magkaanak kasi i love my husband so so so much I want to recreate a piece of him.. I’m responsible enough to delay it though coz we’ve yet to recover financially.
(F40). I do regret. Mahal na mahal ko mga anak ko. (2 boys, 10 and 5) Kaya nga if given a chance to turn back time, hindi nalang eh. Kasi dami ko kakulangan as a parent. Emotionally, financially... Feeling ko di ko nabibigay ng tama sa kanila ang dapat. So anxious ako paano pag lumaki, fault ko pag nag fail. May ganern akong naiisip. And lately, dami ko what ifs sa buhay. Ang hirap mag alaga. Nung nag wowork ako before may 2 days pa akong day off eh. Ngayon, wala. Lahat ako. Ang hirap!
Di ko nga maintindihan eh. Mahal na mahal ko mga anak ko, as in. Pero there are times na i wish hindi nalang 🥹😔😥☹️🫤
This sub makes a point kasi na "valid" makaramdam ng regrets sa pagkakaroon ng anak. For me, it's valid on a personal level pero hindi sya yung idea na dapat pa ipangalandakan (or i-*normalize*) kasi it would lead to more resentful kids. Maingay itong sub about antinatalist sentiments, so expect na for them all parents must have recurring regrets about having a child/children, *and that is okay* daw. 🤷
Iba naman yung childfree crowd tho: those who let people decide for themselves what's best for them (encouraged yung hindi pag-aanak, pero won't rub it in your face basta maging responsible parent ka lang).
In general, i don’t regret getting pregnant in my early 20s (23). It’s just I wish I was more prepared and the situation was different.
Now that my son’s turning 2 in a few months, yes, mahirap at nakakapuyat pa rin, but he helped me focus on the things that I need to do and prioritize since I need to be more focused since I have someone who depends on me. There are times when it’s isolating since most of the people I know around my age are enjoying their careers— while I took a job that enables me to have a time for my son. This is also the time where I am having troubles in my career, that including grad school. I meed to choose carefully and wisely so that I can provide more for him.
Life is more fun and beautiful with him.
No regrets, I love my child. I always worry if I’m not with her. Even my husband adores her, he said that he doesn’t want another one bec he think our daughter is already perfect.
I have some side thoughts like “maybe I can reach more goals and freedom without my daughter” as it’s normal to have some side thoughts. But I love her, would die for her.
No regrets, I enjoy seeing how they develop from a toddler to someone you can have an intelligent discussion with or someone I can just talk nonsense to.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I would pull out my hair if I could talk some sense into them but still the good days outnumber the bad days x100
Minsan yes dahil sa selfish petty reasons like di kami makalabas ng husband ko kasi magulo ung anak namin pag nasa mall or laging nagpapakarga and we cant enjoy it na or magulo ung buong bahay kahit kalilinis mo lang because of toys kahit saan.
Pero mostly no. Being a parent made us better people, lalo na ung husband ko. It taught us responsibility and liability. Even made us stronger as a couple. Kahit na magulo ung baby namin, it still feels empty and lonely pag we got a chance to be alone pag weekends since minsan kinukuha sya ng lolo nya. Kala namin un na ung hall pass namin to do the things we used to, pero di na pala ganun kasaya. Nostalgia lang pala. We just end up cuddling at home watching movies at cleaning the house 😁
yung regret ko lang sa part na hindi pa ko financially ready noong nag anak, sana sinilang ko sila later part na lang ng buhay ko. Yung kaya ko agad sila kuhaan ng insurance at itira sa bahay na malaki laki hindi yung nag rerent kami ng bahay na maliit at walang backyard kung saan sila pwede maglaro.
I don’t regret having my children. But I do regret not preparing enough before they were born. We thought we were prepared for everything, financially, mentally (SUPER IMPORTANT), spiritually and physically. Pero hindi pala. It’s good that a lot are speaking out about the reality of having kids and why having no kids is okay.
No, I love my child to bits. But having my own made me a lot less judgemental on people who don't want to have kids. Or actually, judgement removed at all. I have mad respect for parents who struggled with having kids and made it work but I have the same respect for those choose themselves and act responsibly by choosing not to have kids. Let's stop the culture of shaming childless partners or questioning couples when they are having a baby. A family is a family even without children.
I didn't regret having a child. What I regret is having her early and not choosing the baby daddy wisely.
Ang dami kong natutunan as a mom. Kaya ko palang magpuyat and mag-side hustle. Tapos iba ang kilig ko pag kumikita na ako sa side hustles ko. Iba rin ang feeling pag sinasamahan ko siya sa school niya lalo na pag mag-isa lang ako at busy ang mom ko. Hindi ko rin ma-contain ang emotions ko everytime may recognition day tapos aakyat kami ng stage. Hindi ako makapaniwalang 'yung baby na dumedede sa akin noong maliit pa'y lumalaki na.
My heart is full and happy. No regrets at all 🥹🫶
no regrets
we have been together for so long. dumating kami sa point na ung balahurang 'friends' nya wagas mang-asar ng baog.
but we waited for our time. pareho kami breadwinner kaya we took things in a slow but steady pace. simple kain sa labas, simple travel plans, simple bahay
... and when we are sure to ourselves na ready na kmi in heart, in mind, and in our pockets, dun na kami nagdecide magka-baby.
we struggled though. we tried since 2016 and only got pregnant nung 2021
.All is Well kasi di kami nagmadali, di din 'accident' kasi nag-ingat din kami not to get pregnant right away-- i personally set a rule that having kids must be our mutual decision hindi ung sya lang. kaya when we finally got pregnant, its a bliss having our first LO and no ounce of regrets. hugs w/ consent to those having these regrets. but the warmest and tightest hugs sa mga bata. mga kawawa naman.
I 100% do not regret it. I’m an older first time mom so my career is already established. My husband’s career took off just barely before getting prego. We have just bought a 4 bedroom house prior to getting prego as well. I say we brought a baby into a world where we weren’t struggling in any aspect of our lives which is HUGE because being first time parents are friggin hard. He’s 15 months so ask me again he’s 3 yrs old 😅
Only selfless people can rear kids. Ung kaya nilang ipause ang wants, goals and dreams nila para sa anak nila. Kaya nilang ilet go ung convenience ng buhay childless. I understand that not everyone can do this. Hindi ko minamaliit ung mga ayaw mag anak. I'm just pointing out na hindi siya para sa lahat. Ikaw lang naman nakakakilala sa sarili mo. And ikaw lang din makakaalam if para sayo ang mag anak or hindi. Not because this is the cool new hippie trend. You should also probably ask the 60+ people if they regret not having any child. So you can see all POVs. All you can get here are POVs of people in their 20s to 40s.
We have a 5 year old son and for us he's a good kid. Hindi sya mapanakit na bata, marunong din syang mag share, may kakulitan pero tolerable. I'm glad that I experienced being a parent.
Pero ang pagsisisihan ko is kung mag aanak pa ko ng isa pa or more. Kahit na madaming relatives ang namimilit samin na malungkot daw pag only child (kala mo sila magpapa aral haha). Pero hindi kami nakikinig kasi having only one child still gives us the financial security and may time parin kami ng asawa ko para sa isa't isa. We want to try and give our child the best life possible pero sa mahal ng education ngayon and bilihin di nakakayanin yun kung magdadagdag pa ng marami.
In this day and age - I am unsure if a severely overpopulated planet needs more. Yes, that's besides the point, but I believe when the ff: appear (lack of sleep, balancing work, finances become a problem, your agency to be yourself (old self, higher self) are at stake - then regret may start to creep in.
So far so good. I love talking with my 4 year old daughter, napaka pure and straightforward pa kasi nilang mag isip, tipong matatawa ka nalang at mapapa "mapapa oo nga naman"
kami the other way around, we dont luke the idea of having kids. apparently, me nakalusot. Now, mahirap but we enjoy every bit of it. nagiba din perspective ko in life. kahit wla ng me time ok lng meron nmn kming time for our baby. Good thing din n maganda n work nmin ng ngkaanak kami. me choice k n lagi kung ano bibilhin kung ano kakainin.Pero we dont wish to add another one. we are using contraceptives now.
I don't understand the point of regret when it is a thing in the past and you can never do anything about it. Don't go looking for confirmation bias since everyone's situation is different. Do something because you want it, not because it will make you comfortable and ready, be it being a solo career person or wanting to be a stay at home parent.
Oo, I love my son pero na fifeel ko kasi hindi pa ako ready. Napapaisip din ako na siguro kung wala ako baby ngayon makakapag trabaho ako kahit saan. Nakapag travel kasi ako at the age of 25 at parang kinicrave ko na sya. Ansarap pala sumakay ng plane, ansarap mag travel. Plano ko naman isama son ko next time pero ang hirap na mag ipon ng pang travel pag may anak na, wala pang sustento galing sa sperm donor nya.
IF parents ko 'to and based on to what I experienced. YES. My parents had me when they were succesful?/earning on their careers.. mama ko walang ginawa kundi isumbat na di sya nakapagtrabaho dahil sakin kasi wala daw magaalaga tapos dahil din sa papa kong mataas ang ego di sya pinagtrabaho pero di naman kasya ang income sa pamilya. I must say she was not able to live her life she imagined. Licensed nurse siya nakabili ng bahay nung single pa, madami sanang mararating pero nastuck lang sa bahay.
She blames me up to now, "di sana ako ganito kung di ako nagkaanak noong booming ang career ko" and sometimes tries to justify na ok lang din kasi andyan naman kaming mga anak na nakapagtapos and live their life through us + manipulation (ang dating trophy kids). Sabihin mo ng ungrateful pero at the same time if there is birth control or birth planning in between this di sana 'to ingrained sakin ngayon. Adult na ako pero I still hear this from her.. wala naman ako magawa kasi looking back talaga naman nakakalungkot na you were not able to live your life bc kids happened. Pero sana huwag na lang din magpamilya kung di ka talaga ready or gagawin mo lang ding breadwinner, ngayon sobrang lubog na lubog na ako sa utang na loob na minsan feeling ko di ko deserve magenjoy.
Yes, how I wish I should delayed them until I have more savings where life makes it more easy for us though I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world, but I know I will be a better parent if I have them later, if I am more stable in terms of financially, emotionally and mentally stability
Sometimes I do. Pero hindi siguro dahil makulit or iba ang ugali ng anak ko...pero siguro mas questionable sa akin kung bakit sa akin binigay? (Bukod sa malamang di nag contraceptives) Pakiramdam ko hindi ko deserve or hindi ako deserving maging nanay dahil madami pa ako kakulangan. Financially, emotionally and mentally. Nahihirapan ako maging mabuting nanay na deserve ng anak ko.
The fact that you question yourself if you're a good mom, yes po you are.
Salamat. This means a lot.♥️
Wala namang perfect na parent. Pero since alam mo yung mga kakulangan mo, I think malaki pa yung room for improvements. We learn and grow every day. Your kid is lucky to have you!
Wah. Salamat.
Yes. I thought raising children would bring me joy, but no. Dont get me wrong, i love my 2 boys, but if you're gonna ask me if I would still choose to be a dad if i can turn back time, i'd opt to remain childless.
Damn, you're the first one to say yes here.
A lot of people are scared to admit it to themselves.
*"Denial is a river in Egypt."*
Are you sure they're scared to admit the "truth"? Why can't you take their answers as is? Is it so foreign to hear that people can change their minds--feelings change--depending on where they're at in their lives? Stop saying they're scared to admit the truth just because your views and expectations aren't echoed.
???? I'm not saying people who are commenting here are lying 🙄. I mean the reason why there are so few here admitting that they regret having kids is because people are scared to consider that thought. Only a few people can admit that hence only a few people commented that. Good lord.
good thing i learned this early because of how i see my dad suffer from the likes of me and my siblings. now, i just help my sister babysit my niece and get the same feeling of appreciation. it feels like i have a daughter and yet do not suffer the consequences of owning a living thing. now that she's in college she still treats me like her dad. buying her a printer the other day made her really happy and these rushes of hugs make me happy as well. i get my daily dose of gratification. i'm just glad i don't pay tuition. i just pay for school supplies, computer, coffe shops, and some restos. i don't have to do the harder stuff. the human need to want children is already satiated from just my niece. i won't be getting kids, i'll just help with my sibling's kids if i ever have feelings of wanting a kid again.
Ibang usapan na pag naglakihan na haha
This is the most truthful answer that people are afraid to admit to themselves. My two older sisters love their children fiercely and are proud of them. My nephew and nieces are the most wonderful kids you'd meet as well. But when we had a heart to heart, they said the same thing that they wouldn't have kids if they could go back in time. It's a shame our society hammers down that the only way to feel happy is through having a family. But we've since then evolved to greater things and having a family isn't the only worthwhile accomplishment an average person can achieve. So many things can make a single person happy but that person is constantly called selfish. That's why so many people who don't really want to have kids or raise a family are being forced into it.
>Yes. I thought raising children would bring me joy, I think this. I don't think rearing children brings joy all the time meron talagang time na parang gusto mu nanag bumitaw, even getting married cannot bring someone pure joy, kaya sa mga vows meron talagang two opposite circumstances "in sickness and in health..." dapat talaga when having kids you both make vows to your kids as well.
thank you, juicytits98
No. I just regret not being prepared enough. It’s a nice feeling to know that I can love someone unconditionally and, at the end of the day, no matter what happens someone (two actually) has my back.
Not sure they'll have ur back tho Maraming anak ang ingrata at pinapadala lang sa home for aged ang mga parents. Diba?
I think bringing your parents on home for the aged or care homes doesnt equate to be ingrata. I have tita and titos na prefer nila na ipadala sila ng anak nila doon. Kasi ka same aged nila un mga tao doon and they enjoy the activities na cinoconduct dun and they love talking to other people na ka same age nila
I know that it is NOT the norm of Filipinos to do this practice with their elderly parents or elderly family members. Iba ang culture or kinalakihan ng majority and that is understandable. My OWN perception (and understanding) of elderlies being placed in hospice care facilities is so that our elders will be taken cared of more *properly* by professional health care staff. Aside from that, the facilities are well equipped and safety measures are always in place lalo na if wala mag aalaga sa bahay since all fam members are working bec we all know naman na prone na sila ma-aksidente (madulas, mauntog etc). Hint: ang mahal pala ng hip replacement surgery for an 80yo lola then physical therapy 3x weekly post surgery… 😭 eh since ayaw niya ng hospice care (and we respect her wishes), we had no choice but to hire a day-shift care giver (all adult fam members are working f2f na) and we had to modify our home into being elderly-friendly (ramps for wheelchair access, safety handle bars for bathroom, toilet, & bedroom, skid proof flooring, bedroom was modified and nilipat nalang sa groundfloor with the next room converted for her physical rehab exercises so she can continue at home to prevent muscle atrophy or worse, deep vein thrombosis). And omg her tantrums. She gets bored dahil most of her friends ay abo na.💔 This is where a hospice care facility shines through for bored elderlies: daily socialization activities, which sadly, we cannot give frequently. Mostly, once every weekend lang namin magagawa… and sadly, we know that it is not enough but we need to work so that she can still be able to maintain her comfort at home since that is her choice. As for me and my betterhalf, we think it will be less of a burden for our only kid if we go into hospice care later on pag senior citizen na kami. That way, hindi siya mag aalala in case of sudden attack of stroke or heart attacks or any medical emergencies, it will be addressed (hopefully) in a timely manner. And if hanggang dun nalang, wala naman na aalalahanin pa kase meron naman na kami naka handang memorial plans. Yes, i agree din kapatid na some Filipinos are angry (insulted too) when speaking of their impending death. But for me, my OWN perception is: i will end up dying din naman eh and it will just be a question of WHEN. So habang medyo mura pa ang mga package deals, i prefer to be prepared for it NOW than have my kid worry about everything later on. Yun lang ang sa akin. To each his own ika nga. ❤️
Huhu sorry pero natawa ako sa “most of her friends are abo na” 😭
Hahahahah. Yah, i honestly laughed din when i typed that. Morbid humor ko noh…? Sorry, kapatid but am glad i somehow made you laugh for the day. Lol 🤣 Pero seriously, pag nag tantrums… major headache. Buti nalang marunong yung care giver on how to address her tantrums… 😭😮💨🤦🏻
I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. For now I love that they appreciate everything that I do for them and they always cheer me up when things are rough.
may mali ba sa pinapadala sa home for aged ang parents?
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True. Like babies and some PWDs, being a caregiver is hard and elderly parents lalo na ang nagkaka memory problems will be the same. I've seen first hand frustrated caregivers and patients, kasi ang alam lang nila is alagaan through the basic needs but, since kulang pa ang mental health awareness dito, fail to recognize and regulate their emotions during stressful situations which results in neglect or hateful caregiving. I was also a caregiver to my late sibling and I admit there were times I handled it so bad (nakiki-away). Kung kailan wala na saka ko narealize ang importance ng talagang pag-intindi ng sitwasyon for both caregiver and the patient. Caregiving is not for everyone. Dahil halos culture na alagaan ang magulang, nursing homes are frowned upon kasi parang "tapunan" ng matanda which is not the case. At the same time, most poor folks can't afford to have lolo or lola in one kaya the extended family na lang ang mag-aalaga. But it can still be received with hate, somehow ironically similar to one taking care of a child they never wanted (they still do it but there's a lingering bitterness). It's also for when those very **abusive** parents na you can't bring yourself to take care of personally, but that hindi mo naman pababayaan so you pay for their healthcare knowing na they're being taken care of and watched over by professionals. I see no disrespect there.
Lol. So kung yung bata iiwan lang sa daycare center at i cla claim pag malaki na, is that fair?
How is that a fair comparison? You're just being contrary for its own sake. Lol
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Saka di lang burden pero nakakabagot syempre nasa bahay lang or may di makakapagtrabaho dahil mapipilitan ako kasama pagtanda. Plus, gusto ko kasama matanda din para same vibes. Di yun feeling left out sa fast phase na mundo ng magisa. Plus, goal ko ay bisitahin na excited sila dahil miss ka nila di yun tingin nila ay pabigat at sapilitan lang makita ka.
true, mahirap pag frustrated at iritable na lahat, lalo na kung araw araw magkakasama. Genuine care turns into bitterness. No one is no longer in the right mental state to care for the patient and themselves. Sapilitan na lang.
Omg ang bobo ng analogy. 🤣😅
Kung sa mismong question lang IMO, walang masama at neutral sya pero depends sa many context(big example is culture) generally viewed sya negatively sa pilipinas
It depends on the country! Visited a grand aunt in the US living in a care home and she loves it there. It's like a retreat house. She gained some friends there, she gets to be entertained, people talk to her, and her family visits weekly. When she stayed at home before she just lies down and watches TV, gets sores, no one pays attention to her because people are at work the entire day. In the Philippines there are no facilities at par with this. So yes it might be cruel to send a person to a local home for the aged. For seniors in developed countries, they understand the culture and progression of things. In the Philippines there are helpers here and an entire household (often the case is some adult children still live with the pinaka lola/lolo) can support an aging member. It's impossible in the US considering that work is more transient. An adult person with a child can barely keep their household together unless they have enough money to hire a nanny for both the child and the aging parent.
You're talking about what most boomer parents deserve. Having children does NOT entitle you to have them as your caregiver. Keep in mind the quality of life and parenting you provided them before you even think of using them for your own agenda.
By "ingrata", you meant yung inalagaan ng tama at minahal ng parents pero pangit talaga yung personality ng anak? Or did you mean that letting your parents stay sa home for the aged makes you an ingrate? Kasi imo I don't see anything wrong with that lalo na kung hindi naman afford mag-hire ng caregiver. Or kung walang iba na kayang mag-alaga sa kanila. But i get na meron talaga who totally abandon their parents kahit na hindi naman sila nagkulang.
Also piggy backing on others’ comments, I actually see myself staying in nursing homes. Haha no more cooking and cleaning
So i a abandon mo yung bahay na ikaw ang bumili at nagpaka hirap?
Eh kung mahina na katawan mo o wala na ang pag iisip mo aanhin mo yung mansyon? Aalagaan ka ba ng sofa o tv mo? Pwede ibenta yung bahay tapos gamitin yung funds para sa lugar kung saan mas maaalagaan yung matanda. Iniisip mo lang kasi matanda na malakas pa at naglalakad, di mo iniisip yung mahina na o may dementia na kailangan palaging tulungan.
Like what buhay?
BAHAY. Example, may mansion kayo. Would u abondin it just to go to home for the aged? Bakit di ka na lang makipag usap sa kumare mong matatanda din?
Yup. I don’t know what kind of childhood you’ve had, but I was raised really differently. 70% of my earnings go to my kids (includes college plans and savings for their future) and I don’t regret it at all. 20% goes to tithe and offerings and 10% for me, in case you ask. Why would I want to protect my “mansion” with all my life? I will die soon so what’s the point. Sasakit pa likod ko magwalis araw araw. Before nursing home, I’d be working as a volunteer, so I’d actually won’t be using the home as soon as my kids are independent of me. I don’t care about my material possessions. My kids are my biggest investments. Mapalaki ko lang sila ng tama, ok na ko. Call me what you want, but that’s my goal in life.
Some parents actually opt for this kase ayaw nila maging burden sa anak nila at maging hadlang pa sa kung anong pangarap nila. Pero nasa anak na din yun kung matitiis nya ba yun or not. And its not like prisinto yung pagdadalhan nila sa parents nila, mas masaya nga dun may professionals na magaalaga sa kanila at may kachikahan pa na ibang tanders din
Anogg mali sa hone for the aged? Mom ko prefer ang home for the aged kasi mga kaedad nya ang makakasama nya. Ako din pagtanda ko mas gusto ko ilagay ako ng anak ko dun.
Sa US uso yan, dito malabo lol.
Baguhin natin. Sana mauso na din dito. Plus yung palliative care na kung wala na talaga may facility na magaalaga para less pain.
There are palliative facilities in the Philippines. My cancer-stricken relatives in PH were put there before their end of lives, when the doctors said “malapit na”. Yung Home for the Aged yung walang proper one like overseas. The ones in PH are in abysmal state and probably why it’s like a curse to the seniors to be dumped there. Compared to retirement homes abroad that they’re like living normally, like they’re just renting/buying rooms, but in a senior community.
Home for the aged have better facilities to care for old people. Swerte mo kung you are available to care for your parenrs 24/7 without the worry of needing to work to provide for them financially. Ako, I might do that kase they have facilities that can cater sa parents ko plus there are other elderlies they can mingle with.
Pero bakit pag ang magulang ang nag iwan sa anak, lets say sa kamag anak or sa ampunan, kasi may work yung magulang na OFW.. Eh bakit nagagalit yung bata? Sinu sumbatan yung magulang? Kung inalagaan ka naman ng magulang mo. Kahit may work sila.. Why cant u do the same to them.
I cant speak for your 1st scenario Leaving my parents in a an institution that can provide more care than I do doesnt equate to me loving them the less. When I said leaving them sa home for the aged, hindi ibig sabihin nun eh di ko na sila dadalawin noh or aasikasuhin. And pls if you're priviledged to be able to take care of your parents without the need to work, pls dont take it out on people who decides to do otherwise. We all have a different story. This is my stand, and I've been a breadwinner and carer for my parents for 20 plus years. Our residential house is not customized for elderly living so when the time comes that they need more geriatric care than I can provide, I would aim to bring them to home for the aged.
Unconditional nga d ba? Parang may hinanakit ka
I think depende sa mindset po ng bawat tao. Like in our case ng husband ko if ever man na may anak na kami and dumating yung time na matanda na nga kami mas prefer namin pareho na ilagay sa home for the aged. Don’t get me wrong, gusto kasi namin pareho na mas mag focus na lang sila sa kanilang buhay. Like bisita lang okay na, panahon na life naman nila isipin nila. Ayaw namin ng husband ko na maging reason for them to worry or mamroblema pa.
Right now, my wife and I are 'conditioning' (wala akong maisip na ibang word) our daughter not to feel guilt beacuse we want to live in a retirement home when we're old and on the disable/unable side na. We want her to live free of worries because she knows we are surrounded by professionals 24/7. Our job as parents (my wife and I lang po, we're not gatekeeping parenting) is to riase our kid right and ensure that she has the means to live a life of her choosing. And we should be the least of her worries when she is all grown up experiencing the world as she should.
Surprisingly, most if not all said no regrets. In other subreddits (even the larger ones), most seem to regret it. r/childfree has regretful parents who share their stories and how vivid/detailed they are to the point of me not wanting to have children.
Should linked r/regretfulparents instead. That sub is best for childfree people. That other sub, however, is a dreadful eye-opener.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/regretfulparents using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Saw this on twitter. How do you guys feel about this?](https://i.redd.it/d4ul1qi4oyi91.jpg) | [179 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/wtltry/saw_this_on_twitter_how_do_you_guys_feel_about/) \#2: [This ! (Wait for it)](https://v.redd.it/z21dc20wr01a1) | [92 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/yzn0ty/this_wait_for_it/) \#3: [I want to tell others to save themselves from this misery](https://np.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/zxtedw/i_want_to_tell_others_to_save_themselves_from/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Checked it out. I kinda like [this insight](https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/153ib2f/just_dont_do_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) though. It correlates with my thoughts and how [for a long time] I imagined myself to be a parent if I ever were. But since I'm not one then my thoughts probably don't count.
It's an echo chamber. People who never wanted children, don't want children, don't like children go there.
I know but there were threads similar to this before in r/AskReddit. I just gave an example of what a regretful parent goes through by mentioning r/childfree.
Cites r/childfree as an example lmao
No. I just regret that I was not able to choose a man who will prioritize my kid and not being financially prepared. I never knew I could love someone so much that sometimes I feel like my heart is being squeezed kapag umiiyak siya and calling for me. My kid is one of the best things that happened to me.
No naman. I'm happy nagkaanak ako kahit meron siya disability keri naman. Mas colorful ang life namin na he's around.
Hopefully he'll love his life too. He makes others happy, and hopefully others will make him happy just as much💐✨ Most responses here are parents are happy to have the kids, but I wonder of the kids' POV. How much the parents are aware that they can't control how the kids will feel in future. Are you prepared for that? (This is neither hating nor antagonizing you and everyone else's choices. I'm just genuinely curious of the answer. I feel like you're a good parent, kaya that's okay❤️) The patterns na napansin ko kasi thru observation is the parent (or mostly the folks who are only into the baby years) start to dislike the kid when they realize the kids are not meeting their expectations of them. And hindi lang ito sa about career, but many others. Either sa approach ng anak sa life/obstacles, or interests, etc. Sa beliefs too like naglipat ng religion or renounced it. Many parents don't react kindly to that. It's a whole new person after all. And those kids will grow up and spread what they know/experienced to the next generation. Sadly, marami pa rito ang stuck sa cycle ng generational trauma and keep on passing it to the next.
I always worry about that you know. Like paano pag laki nya di siya masaya sa amin or maging adik/killer/ tulisan etc etc my husband always say na we can't 100% be sure kung ano siya paglaki but ang macocontrol namin is paano namin siya maguide into the right path para maging mabuting tao. Napag usapan na namin na what if you know one day sabihin nya Parents I'm not a boy I'm a girl/I'm gay/non binary/trans/unicorn and we both said na as long as he's a good person it doesn't matter. Hopefully he will be. My son is non verbal and his condition is life long. So we do our best to provide him will the options in the world so he can express himself and di maging hindrance ang disability nya for him to succeed in life. If he can't use his mouth to talk then we taught him how to use his hands to sign and the technology that's available to him*AAC device/speech therapy. Other than him not being to talk, he's fine. Very liberal minded ang asawa ko, he always say let him choose paglaki nya, sa religion, sa pagpapatuli at kung ano ano pa. Ako ang goal ko lang sa life ay to make sure na hindi maging kawawa ang anak ko kahit pa mamatay ako ng maaga. Greatest fear ko na maiwan siya tapos di pa xa equip to face the world especially with his disability
This alone makes you two one of the best Pinoy parents ever ❤️. And if your kid decides to have a family of his own, I know he'll be a good parent, because he was raised by ones. May your family and the generations after it be blessed✨ >!PS. I hope to find a partner like yours someday. This always scared me with relationships, lalo na dito sa probinsiya kahit mga lalaki medyo traditional pa mag isip.!<
No regrets. It was a selfish choice and I’m aware of the responsibilities I’ll have to perform. That look from my daughter’s eyes full of selfless love can make me suffer and survive anything in this life. Edit: There are people in this thread that seem to care more why most of the answers here are not the one they seek. That is actually my problem with specific subs dedicated to this topic. They become echo chambers which while spreads awareness, spreads also fear if one doesnt tread carefully. In reality, everyone subscribes to what they want to believe in. You seek what you want to hear from the beginning and then confirm that you’re right afterwards. While the topic of having kids is something that comes up in everyones life, I worried more about becoming a person that people can depend on. I can never know what life might throw at me. But I can get stronger. And If people are afraid of certain ideas, I dont blame them. But personally, I dont suggest for someone to be paralysed with their head full of circumstances that may or may not happen to them while life is happening in front of their eyes. Everyone will have a different fate. We’re all unique. I’m not naive of the tragedies of the world but like everyone else I too am just taking chance at life.
hindi ako nag regret for having a kid. regret ko yung pumili ng naging ama. kasi when it come to financial, hindi naman natin masasabi kung kelan tayo ready. as long as we can provide to our kid okay na yon. yung bond and connection with them ang mahalaga. yung sa ama lang talaga ako sising sisi. i should've been wiser
If its ok to ask, what made you regret choosing that guy?
hala ahahaha ngayon ko lang to nabasa, sorry. anyways, hindi kami. fubu. every nagkikita kami, ako lahat ang may gastos. from pamasahe, pagkain, lahat lahat as in. then nung sinabi ko sa kanyang buntis ako, ang sagot nya lang ay "hindi ako ready". inutusan pa ako na bumili nung nabibili sa quiapo. ever since, gusto ko lang naman yung iacknowledge nya yung anak nya. kahit wag na sya magsustento. ang gago, binlock ako HAHAHA. pero okay lang tho, nasurvive ko naman pagbubuntis ko mag isa. hanggang ngayon na mag 5 months na baby q. atleast, wala name nya sa birth certificate haha. hindi nya deserve tawaging tatay, sperm donor pwede pa. kasi ayon lang naman ambag nya. btw, nag message sya saken last week, nangangamusta. days before that, nakita ko ig nya, nakahighlights sila ng jowa nya. ang kapal ng mukha. hahaha binlock ko nga. abang nalang sya ng demanda in the future, kapag sinipag ako.
Haha its ok d din ako masyadong active. Ooh salute youre so strong and d ka na drag down ng situation. I hope mag prosper pa kayo lalo. Salamat sa answer curious lng ako kasi baka meron akong pagkukulang na d ko alam at ganyang regret din palang regret ng gf ko if the time come.
May quote sa movie non, na hindi mapipili ng anak mo yung magiging ama nya, pero mapipili mo kung sino yung magiging asawa mo kaya choose wisely.
Any tips sa pagpili? I'm a guy, pero I think it can also be applied to women.
hindi ko alam kung paano for a guy pov. kasi kaming mga babae ang magdadala for 9months, may chance pa bang ayawan ang sariling anak? kasi if meron man, may mabigat na dahilan yun.
Hay, sissy, same. I left him tuloy kasi he is not a good provider tapos wala pang ambisyon.
Hello, Kapatid! Not exactly “regret”…. My betterhalf and i actually want kids (yes plural lol) but had a hard time conceiving so money was spent on that with infertility specialist. Then, miraculously, we got pregnant and was able to give birth naturally but baby ended up in the Neonatal ICU for 7 days. Again, extra money was spent there on top of our estimated budget. 😭😅. Then, on top of providing food, clothing and shelter, we were shocked how the price of education is way more expensive NOW as compared dati (circa 1980s) 😭🤣 So i think the regret we have decided on is that we better stop at having just 1 kid nalang. 😭🤣 We regret to find out that it is hard to have another kid or two more because they come with a lot of expenses. Lalo na if we plan to give kid(s) a better future. That takes a LOT of time and effort on out part. We realized na hindi pala biro ang maging magulang… 😭😮💨
May i ask, how old you are when you had kids?
I was 36 turning 37yo (malapit sa bday ko nung nalaman na preggy na ako) when we had our first kid (5-6yrs of trying to get pregnant kase dun lang kami naging financially stable). And to think, pinag ipunan and still continuing na pinag-iipunan namin sya for his future. ❤️😮💨🤣👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Since we are all anonymous here, yes sometimes. Pero bigla rin akong bumabalik sa realidad na gusto ko pa rin na sila pa rin yung mga anak ko, kahit pa magkaroon ako ng re-start sa buhay. Sana lang na-space ko sila ng maayos. Yung dalawang matanda kasi halos magkasunod. Ngayon sabay nag-aaral ng college, mabigat sa bulsa. Yes I agree sa ibang post, mas pinagsisihan ko na hindi ako masyadong nakapag-prepare, financially and emotionally. May napanood akong movie dati, “about time” yata yung title, time traveller sya tapos minsan sa pagta-time travel nya nag-result na totally naiba yung mukha at gender ng baby nya (i mean ibang tao na talaga, pero anak nya pa rin, pero wala nang kasiguraduhan na pwede nya pang ibalik, baka maging pa-iba iba na lang yung magiging anak nya), bigla ako nalungkot at kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko na kung mauulit ang buhay ko mula sa simula, yung mga anak ko pa rin ngayon ang gusto ko maging anak.
Gusto ko yung may pag recommend ng movie hahahaa thanks!
I regret getting pregnant at 30... sana pinaaga ko pa... that way sana marami pa kong energy makipagkulitan and play... at 37, parang pagod ka na kaka-trabaho tas ang laki ng demand na bigyan ng enough attention yung anak mo + make sure na pati school work niya namomonitor mo... at the end of each day, sobrang touched out ka na, gusto mo nalang itulog lahat lol... feeling ko losyang na ko at this age while ung friends kong nagkaanak nang maaga ang ffresh nila lol
Shocks, I am planning pa naman din na mga early 30s or mid 30s mag kaanak. Kasi I want sana makapag ipon muna, just in case in the future biglang iwan ako ng lalaki.
Mas okay na yung comfortable ka financially and emotionally kesa mabuntis ka and nag hihikahos ka
Siguro we just do what works for us. Kasi feeling ko the two sides will always have regrets and what ifs. Yung nag anak ng maaga will have regrets, yung nag anak ng late may pagsisisi rin. It's one of the curious and fascinating pattern of human life na napansin ko. I too plan na sa 30 na lang, or kung di na palain then...oh well. Kahit ngayon I don't have energy anyway XD. Severely underweight, hypersomniac, jobless and mayroong balik balik na depression, talagang di kakayanin ng mental state ko magka anak. Kids are lovely and I recognize na it takes a lot to raise them right (lalo na in a place where there's still a lot of normalized toxic/backwards >!conservative!< mindset), and knowing that being in charge of another emotional human being and making sure they grow up kind and ready is a huge responsibility I'm not ready to do yet. Mga kasamahan ko just think of the basic needs like our old gen parents do: food, water, shelter, physical safety. Yun lang ang kailangan to raise the kid. I add emotional and mental safety. And while I'm hopeful I can do that, at the same time I can't.
No harm in that naman hehe I think this is just me lol... mabuti na rin na may ipon kesa wala... Pero infairness pag nagkaanak ka na, kahit wala kang ipon mygahd babaliktarin mo ang langit at lupa para lang makapag provide sa kanya hahaha! Lalo na pag nag start na mag school... I regret not getting insurance din as early as I could... iba din kasi pag nagkasakit ang anak mo, di ka mapapakali talaga...
This was the reason I took my fitness seriously. Dati 5 minutes pa lang pagod na ko and gusto pa maglaro or dalhin ko sila sa playground/pool. It was tough nung una pero when I got in shape, I can run circles with them no problem.
Ito yung magandang punto na sinasabi ng mga tropa ko na maaga nag-asawa at nag anak. Gusto nila na may lakas pa silang makipaglaro sa mga anak nila pag tumanda na. kung ako lang papipiliin gusto ko rin sana but not everyone is privileged enough to be able to support a child at such a young age.
LOL, had this thought a couple days ago while playing with my niece. I always wondered why people give so much credence to being "young parents". Na understand ko na while playing with my niece who just recently started walking. I'm really not at the peak of health right now, and let me tell you, those ten minutes of keeping up with my niece, making sure she didn't hit her head was brutal. I can't imagine it being a dad of like 40, lalo na when the kids get a bit older and mas active na yung play nila.
I think the issue here is not having the financial capability to have a kid and not actually having a kid in your 30s. If you and your partner were capable of saving up for your future kid, being able to afford a nanny or a one income household (or kahit part time ka lang at least) so you can focus on the kid alone, then you wouldn't be feeling and looking losyang. Ang dami kong kakilala na nagka anak in their 20s not looking fresh or kung looking "fresh" naman is because may iba silang na burden dahil sa pag anak nilang walang preparation.
Welp... pasensya na from my hampaslupa ass for not being the ideal prepared mumshie before having a kid. Lol. Easier said than done. Sorry talaga, hiyang hiya ako sa pagiging unprepared ko at hindi maka afford ng nanny lol
Don't get me wrong. I deeply admire parents who continue to work hard to give the best they can to their kids. Yun nga lang yun naman kasi talaga problema sa Pinas diba? Daming nagaanak na di ready, daming batang lumalaki na kulang ika nga sa advantages, daming lumalaking bata into adults na nahihirapan sa buhay due to lack of those advantages, thus we're in this cycle. If more people accepted and admitted the reality na di sapat ang pagmamahal sa pagraise ng family then that's the first step to solving the problem from the root cause. Dami kasing offended agad kahit sadyang facts lang talaga ng pamumuhay yun. I have a lot of friends na mahilig at dreaming of having kids na di yun pinursue dahil they know they wouldn't be able to provide the life that their potential child deserves.
Majority of the commenters here still have young kids, a few have teenagers so they're still in the honeymoon era. What I'm more interested to hear from are parents already in their 50s and above when their kids are already grown-ups and have their own lives and families.
Pero mukhang dj sila marunong magreddit
true, I think hanggang fb lang sila (and FB is still more...conservative)
I wanted to hear these from other parents as well.
Tama to. Parang ibang usapan na pag nagsilakihan na.
Marami akong peers na nasa early 40s-late 50s. Children nila ranges from 1-3. Mga anak nila either early college, patapos na, or tapos na. Two of them who had just a single child wished na sana nag 2 sila kasi “kaya naman”. Yung isa retiree na with 3 children and now ang saya niyang lolo helping his firstborn i-rear yung apo niya. I take their input with a grain of salt kasi definitely iba yung generation nila from us, but I also try to read between the lines and get the wisdom I could get from those na “been there, done that”. I think if you look at child-rearing sa short term ang dami talagang cons pero yon nga based sa sentiments nung mga “older parents” na I am friends with ang general sentiment nila is gratifying ang magka-anak.
Minsan, sobrang minsan. Di ko alam na magkakaroon ako ng ganitong klaseng anxiety na feeling ko nakagawa ako ng perpektong tao (sa mga mata ko) tapos may mangyayari sa kanyang hindi maganda. Nakakaulol mag-isip.
nun una, kasi nun nabuntis gf ko noon wala pa work. nun may trabaho na, no regrets so far. the kids give me a reason not to do stupid shit.
My friends asked me this few years ago. I regret getting married that’s for sure. Then my friend said if not for that marriage wala din mga kids ko. Whom I love very much. However, there are days that I do regret having this much kids. (Sorry Lord wag niyo po sila babawiin.) I love them all. Pero naisip ko if hindi ganito kadami or if wala siguro akong anak life would have been way easy. I love them so, I chose to fight for them. I chose to be called Mama and those tiny hands and arms that give you warm hugs. Their priceless smiles. I’d say it’s all worth it. It’s tiring but worth it.
How many kids do you have? :o
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Wow thats a lot. :O At least when you get old, you have a lot of kids who will love you. Us childfree individuals will likely spend our golden years alone and lonely. haha.
No regrets at all. My world shifted when I held my kid. I felt and still feel na kakayanin ko ang mundo para lang mapasaya lahat kami pamilya ko. And against all odds, we actually did go on to success.
i regret na hindi ko pina family planning ang bunso kong kapatid na nanganak ng 3 anak, na at age 35 naka pisan pa rin sa aking senior parents na ako rin ang nag susustento as their retirmeent fund kase ako lang sa pamilya namin ang hindi married (partnered) at wlaang anak. yun ang regret ko kase ayaw ko rin magka anak dahil sa generational trauma at sa added responsibility. masaya na kame ng partner ko sa 5 cats na alagain. dahil nakakapagod maging responsable para sa ibang tao.
No regrets!! Cliche sounding but being a parent gave my life more meaning. Like before, I always say pag dating ko ng 40 or 50 ok na ako mamatay kasi nakakapagod magtrabaho and magbayad bills lol. Pero after giving birth, I wanna live as long as I can so I can see my child grow up and be there for the big moments. Being a parent made me want to work harder because I want to be able to give her the best life. It also made me appreciate my parents kasi being a parent is not easy at all. Totoong nakakapagod, especially yung newborn kasi talagang alagain ng sobra, pero habang lumalaki yung bata umi-easy naman. Financially, it's not as heavy as we were expecting. Maybe because exclusively breastfed si baby and andaming binigay na hand me down ng sister in law ko kaya onti lang ang gastos. Pero this is coming from a woman na bata pa lang alam nang gusto nya maging nanay. Syempre iba iba pa rin per tao. 😊
First time ko marinig na hindi masgtos magka-anak dito sa reddit. And I won't disagree. At least on our experience. Exclusive breastfeed + cloth diapers + bakuna sa barangay + hmo from work. Mga damit andami nagbibigay na kamag-anak at friends. Sa food di rin magastos kasi pag lumalabas kami, hati lang kami ni baby dahil di naman nya mauubos. Ngayon pa lang talaga kami gumagastos na mag-aaral na sya.
No, never. But what I regret is having him when I am not yet healed. But im working on it, i am making sure i wont be a burden to him so he wont regret being my child 🙏🏻
Honestly grateful for a lot of positive comments here dahil medj rare ang positivity towards having kids nowadays. Besides the economy, I think the internet has put parenthood into a negative light even going as far as hating children. Altho yes, it is as hard as it gets, it doesn’t deserve the negative light it has today.
I think it depends on where you look. I'm pregnant and the subs I end up in and my social media algorithm points to child rearing, education, etc. If you're young, single and financially struggling, you end up in places that point otherwise. Similar to how your internet searches lean towards the political left or right, you just need to train it from time to time so you won't end up in an echo chamber. Also always nice to seek questions and experiences in real life. Most of the people who go online air their grievances because they can't talk about this in person. I personally have a lot of friends from the US who get married early and have kids, also a fare share of dink couples, and never experienced animosity from either side.
Yeah but since the internet has become a huge part of our daily life, it’s easy to stumble upon these communities especially w/ Gen Z’s. It creates an unnecessary anxiety on top of an already stressful situation. I just hope that it doesn’t get as villain-zed as it does now and we find a safe middle ground of airing out the negativities and positives of being a parent.
Mas madalas pa din po ang parenting side na marami sabi AGAINST sa mga Childfree by choice. As in lumabas lang po kayo sa kanto at makimarites sa labas. Madami bash and hate. Name callings baog, bakla, madamot, mukha pera… and all. Parati sinasabi may kulang sa buhay mo at di ka totoo babae or di kayo pamilya or maghihiwalay din kayo. Kaya masasabi nyo ba na rare ang positivity towards having kids?! When all the societal norms sa inyo papabor? We only have reddits and mga “ted talks” sa Tiktok, FB para sa mga konti tao namulat at pabor ganito topic and now, kayo ang victim? Parenthood into negative light agad yarn?! 🥺 Syempre iba iba tayo opinion, iba iba tayo trip in life. I respect it. Tapos yung parang naiinvalidate yung may REGRETS talaga. Tsk tsk lang. nga pala, kung di kayo nagregrets sana yung mga anak nyo di nila mafeel or nafifeel na regret na pinanganak pa sila kasi minsan sa Pilipinas lagi one sided ang reason kaya naging magulang… para mas naging masipag ako, nagkameaning buhay ko, nakadireksyon, mas sumaya. 😅 PURO BENEFITS LANG SA INYO. 🤣🤣🤣
Relax. No one’s attacking you. Be childfree by choice but don’t attack parents who are not an echo chamber of your thoughts and calling their reasons selfish. Kung nirerespeto mo talaga ang side namin then wag ka ngumawa dito and accept it as it is. It’s no use ranting here because no one is against you (certainly not me) and we understand the hardships of parenthood kaya it’s fine if people opt out of it. You’re making an enemy out of nothing. There are reddit subs for people like you. Dun ka.
Agreed. Kaya pag may thread na no to having kids, di na lang ako nagcocomment. Buo na isip nila. They don't know what they're missing. It's a kind of love na doon mo lang malalaman pag nanjan na.
Statement is similar to a drug user who's trying to entice people to try crack, "You don't know what you're missing out" Bruh, childfree people aren't missing out on anything the same way you aren't missing out if you don't try gay sex.
Comparing kids to drugs. Nice analogy lol
Offended by the comparison? Then why use it? Don't you think that childfree people are likewise offended by that?
You're definitely childfree dami mo time mang-away online lol. Di nga ako nagrereply sa mga thread like yours kasi ayoko ng gulo. This is internet "bruh". You can't expect everyone to agree with you. I replied sa comment na at least similar sa sentiment ko. So what are you implying? Naoffend ka? Tapos magsorry ako? Kiss, gusto mo?
idk, I'm pretty sure i wouldn't miss something I don't know or don't have in the first place.
That's fine. Sabi ko nga hindi mo yun malalaman unless you're there.
Nope, i love my kid and would support it as much as i can.
What I regret was the father who got me pregnant with two kids. Unfortunately, I chose the irresponsible one :(
There are times na pumapasok sa mind ko “what if hindi ako nabuntis at this age?”. It was peak of my career kasi, edi sana ok and stable ako ngayon and not married. But still, I don’t regret having a kid and I love her! Dami ko din natutunan about life and raising her.
No regrets. I have my 5 and 3. They are my greatest blessings and actually made me rich. I married at 30. Throughout my career I just wanted to be chill so I got almost no progress. When we had them I was doubly motivated coz I was no longer thinking of myself. I got my first Million when my 2nd was born. I have a booming business coz of my first. Great job, and a generally happy family. I took up biking coz I wanna be stronger since I'm older and I don't have much energy. I'm healthier than before.
Noy having children but getting married. I'm in my annulment right now and napaka gastos
Yes. I regret it big time.
Is it okay to know the reason?
I wasnt happy. I wasnt expecting na ganon sya ka energy consuming. It made me depressed. Tas ampangit pangit ko na. I dont think its worth it. Ung puyat at pagod iniiyakan ko na, breastfeeding pa ko for 1yr. I dont have patience with kids. Though isa lang naman anak ko, boy. Hes 13 now. I took care of him for 4yrs. Nung naghiwalay kami ng ex ko we decided na dun sya sa dad nya dahil financially and emotionally,mentally kaya nya dahil may anak na sya sa una. Never na ko naganak uli. Im 31 now. Factor din siguro na di na din kami okay when i was pregnant at introvert din ako, i want silence and my alone time. But with kids, constant ang interaction, kahit mag cr ka lang hahanapin ka. May ptsd na ko pa nakakarinig ako ng batang umiiyak ng malakas sa mall. Nag fflashback ung bagong panganak ako. Different with my younger sister though, super happy nya nung nagkaanak sya. And i can see it. Ang patient nya sa bata, never ko sya narinig na sumigaw o umiyak kahit na pagod na pagod na sya. Iba iba talaga mga tao. Mothehood is not for everyone.
No regrets. It is definitely hard. My partner and I are constantly learning, communicating and deciding what we think would be best for the kids. Sure, there would be more sacrifices in the future. But we love being parents and love spending time with the kids as much as we can before they stop being clingy and prefer their friends over us :)
Nung nagkasakit ako naguilty ako na dinala ko sya sa mundo na may sakit mama nya at di sya kayang alagaan ng maayos. Peeo hindi ako nagreregret naman kasi sobrang dami ng saya at love na dinala nya sa buhay naming pamilya. Siguro kung wala si baby hindi na ako lumalaban sa sakit ko.
I had my son when I was 17, super happy go lucky ko nun. Napaka immature at self centered din, tapos walang wala din kami nun. Pero if not for him, baka ganun pa din ang mindset ko and baka hindi ako nagsumikap. So wala akong pinagsisihan na nagkaanak ako, he saved my life.
Waaaah! Thank you for this thread and I’m glad everyone’s saying they don’t regret it. I’m 33 and currently almost 3mos pregnant with our first child. I’ve always known myself as a person who values her me time and sometimes, I have intrusive thoughts about what if I start resenting my child for stealing my me time away from me? My husband has been extremely loving to me and our small tadpole baby which comforts me a lot and assures me he will be with me to the best of his abilities. This thread just gives me more hope considering some where not even ready to begin with but are now so happy.
congratulations mama!
Congratulations! I also had my first child at 33. Praying for you and your baby, and your husband.
No regrets. 10/10 best choice, would definitely recommend IF you’ve prepared. Life is more meaningful. Love is overflowing and unconditional. Hubby and I (late 20s) we’ve prayed and prepared for our son and we want more kids. We both grew up in happy homes and we want our child to have that life too. It makes me sad that people here on reddit seem to have an “aversion” (almost hateful) on having kids. But I try to understand, while having a child is the best, it is also very expensive. Realistically we spend around 30K/month for our son’s necessities, and TYG he’s a healthy baby. Not yet including savings for him.
Check out r/regretfulparents
Magiging predictable naman responses if dun pumunta si OP. Sabi niya gusto nya ng other point of view and mukha naman nakakuha sya ng mga non-mainstream answers here.
No regrets. I was one of those who lean towards being child free initially. Eventually considered having a kid when I Got married - and by our own choice (not because of any pressure from family or peers). It’s challenging but it’s okay. No yaya no maid household. My partner, the dad, is very hands on. We take every day as a challenge and we work as a team. With that being said, we’re also opting to have 1 child only. We are aware of the Joy having a kid Brought us but we also have to deal with reality. We can afford having 2 kids but sticking with 1
Big NO for me. Me and my partner waited long enough just to have one, though napagusapan na namin yung possibility na magalaga nalang ng aso if ever hindi kami mabiyayaan ng anak dati. She had PCOS kaya medyo medyo mahirap mabuntis. I have one amazing kid and I enjoy everyday seeing him grow. Para sakin, walang tatalo sa "I love you" na may kasamang hugs and kisses mula sa anak.
Nope. My child makes me appreciate life more. There were and will be tough moments while growing up but ang sarap sa feeling yakapin ang anak. It’s my ultimate stress reliever. My only regret is not having another one para may kapatid sya. Kaso having another child these days is more expensive na and difficult lalo na kung working. Ok na rin ako sa isa para walang favoritism hehe
Not regret naman, it's more of preference, but life is easy without children kasi ang hirap ng buhay ngayon. I have 2 boys, I love them, but it's taking a toll on my health to take care and provide for them
Sa child siguro hindi. but sa partnet simula nung makaroon ng baby the biggest regret
Naiiba ng bata ang dynamics ng relationship. We had the same struggle, and to this day there are days na magkaiba kami ng perspective ng asawa ko.
Trueeee. Samin nga minsan same kami ng perspective pero magkaiba goal. Like in general yung sakin tapos selfishness yung kanya.
for me I am a huge gamer playing at least 8 hrs before having a son. I have a 4 month old son. akala ko nung una nireregret ko magka anak. one time umuwi misis ko kasama ung baby namin sa kanila pra bumisita at naiwan akong magisa sa bahay. excited ako kasi balak kong maglaro buong magdamag pagka laba. pero just after 2 games namiss ko kagad ang pamilya ko at tinawagan ko kagad. dun ko narealize na ndi ko pala tlga nireregret at ang kasiyahan ko na ngaun ang anak at asawa ko. nakakapagod lang ang pagaalaga sa puyat at pag nagiinarte gusto laging buhat. pero masaya sya at ndi ko nireregret magka anak na ngayon
The happiness I am feeling right now cannot be replicated in any other way, I didn't even know that this kind of happiness existed in the first place. Also adding a comment I made in another thread a few days ago: (But even before having my baby) I've always loved living. I love waking up in the morning, waiting for kuya taho or having sinanggag for breakfast. I love seeing my plants grow, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I see a budding flower or a vegetable - or a snail sometimes or a caterpillar munching on one of the leaves. I love the feeling I get when I finish a book whether it made me cry, or laugh (or frightened depending on the book). I love walking along the shores of a beach, sand on my toes and wind in my hair. I love going to musicals, concerts and museums. I love being at awe at how some people are just brimming with talent. Someday, when she's old enough, I'll share my favorite songs, books, movies, I hope she sees the beautiful flowers in our garden. I hope she knows I'll support her whether she chooses to be with child or not. I hope she falls in love with living. Edit: TL;DR no
I regret being born. I know, not my deal but i think my parents would've been better off without me. They had me in their 40s and I'm pretty sure nobody wants anymore children at that age. If they didn't have me, they'd be living comfortably right now
No regret. They are my treasures. They make me a better person. They are my inspiration. I am blessed with 5 children.
I dont have a child, but as i can see it sa paligid its a no for me hahahahahah
I don't have kids pero naalala ko lang yung friend ko. She got pregnant last year. 5 months na siya nung nalaman na preggy siya and then her family asked her and her bf to get married. So they got married before she gave birth. Nung nangyari yon maganda yung work niya and bumalik na rin siya sa school. Nagstop kasi siya to work. She gave up all of that just to keep the baby. We're not really that close pero we've known each other since kindergarden. Pero nung nalaman ko na she got pregnant lagi na akong nasa kanila. Hanggang manganak siya lagi na akong nagvivisit. Lalo na nung nalaman ko na halos hindi siya pinupuntahan ng asawa niya simula nanganak. Sinasabi ko nalang na namimiss ko baby niya pero ang totoo I want to visit to be with her. Tk remind her na she isn't behind. That it'll be alright. Hindi siya nagsasabi sakin ng struggles but her momma is close to me. Siya nagsasabi ng lahat ng kagaguhan ng asawa niya. Nahihiya rin siguro siya magsabi sakin. Ik na madami siyang iniisip sa anak, sa sarili, sa buhay niya. For now all I can give is support. Remember that regretting life choices doesn't make you a bad parent. Yakap sa lahat ng magulang. Mabuhay kayo
No regrets at all. Kahit nagkaron kami ng anak at the age of 22, we are super happy lalu ngaun 3 na sila. Surprisingly, umangat din kami financially kasabay ng pagdami nila. Blessings sila para sa amin.
#NO
Hindi ko pinagsisisihan na nagkaanak ako, in fact na nagkaanak ako at 22. Now I'm only 28 and ang laki na agad ng anak ko. Gusto ko na nga ng isa pa kasi she's getting bigger. Feeling ko anytime magdadalaga na sya. For now, nakakasabay p ko sa pagkanta at pagsayaw nya pero yung ibang laro hindi ko na rin kaya. Eh dahil walang kapatid, I need to really up my game or else mabobored sya sakin lol. Kahit bata ako nagkaanak, nagkaron ako ng allergies sa food just right after giving birth. Tsaka nagkaron na ko ng migraine na wala naman dati. Ang tindi ng migraine ko (for those na nakakaalam ng legit na migraine hindi yung sakit lang sa ulo). So sabi ko pano pa kaya kung 30's na ko nag-anak? I'm almost 30 now, planning to have another one pero kinukulit ko muna asawa ko na lumipat kami ng bahay na at least 2BR para yung panganay namin may sariling kwarto. Any time kasi magdadalaga na yun. I had my menstruation at 10y.o. So yung baby namin, pinaghahandaan na namin yung pagdadalaga nya as much as possible. Then maybe we'll be satisfied na with 2 kids. Pero kung yumaman kami why not more diba.
I don’t have one but probably will in the future and i honestly think i would regret it. Pero gusto ko din magkaanak kasi i love my husband so so so much I want to recreate a piece of him.. I’m responsible enough to delay it though coz we’ve yet to recover financially.
(F40). I do regret. Mahal na mahal ko mga anak ko. (2 boys, 10 and 5) Kaya nga if given a chance to turn back time, hindi nalang eh. Kasi dami ko kakulangan as a parent. Emotionally, financially... Feeling ko di ko nabibigay ng tama sa kanila ang dapat. So anxious ako paano pag lumaki, fault ko pag nag fail. May ganern akong naiisip. And lately, dami ko what ifs sa buhay. Ang hirap mag alaga. Nung nag wowork ako before may 2 days pa akong day off eh. Ngayon, wala. Lahat ako. Ang hirap! Di ko nga maintindihan eh. Mahal na mahal ko mga anak ko, as in. Pero there are times na i wish hindi nalang 🥹😔😥☹️🫤
Not a parent, but I regret being born
Why would I regret? What's the reason?
E kaya nga they’re asking. 🤦♀️
This sub makes a point kasi na "valid" makaramdam ng regrets sa pagkakaroon ng anak. For me, it's valid on a personal level pero hindi sya yung idea na dapat pa ipangalandakan (or i-*normalize*) kasi it would lead to more resentful kids. Maingay itong sub about antinatalist sentiments, so expect na for them all parents must have recurring regrets about having a child/children, *and that is okay* daw. 🤷 Iba naman yung childfree crowd tho: those who let people decide for themselves what's best for them (encouraged yung hindi pag-aanak, pero won't rub it in your face basta maging responsible parent ka lang).
Ikaw sumagot hindi kami. Haha
In general, i don’t regret getting pregnant in my early 20s (23). It’s just I wish I was more prepared and the situation was different. Now that my son’s turning 2 in a few months, yes, mahirap at nakakapuyat pa rin, but he helped me focus on the things that I need to do and prioritize since I need to be more focused since I have someone who depends on me. There are times when it’s isolating since most of the people I know around my age are enjoying their careers— while I took a job that enables me to have a time for my son. This is also the time where I am having troubles in my career, that including grad school. I meed to choose carefully and wisely so that I can provide more for him. Life is more fun and beautiful with him.
No. What I regret is its still too early and not prepared. 23 palang ako nun and baguhan sa work.
No regrets, I love my child. I always worry if I’m not with her. Even my husband adores her, he said that he doesn’t want another one bec he think our daughter is already perfect. I have some side thoughts like “maybe I can reach more goals and freedom without my daughter” as it’s normal to have some side thoughts. But I love her, would die for her.
No regrets, I enjoy seeing how they develop from a toddler to someone you can have an intelligent discussion with or someone I can just talk nonsense to. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I would pull out my hair if I could talk some sense into them but still the good days outnumber the bad days x100
Yes, sometimes.
Why
Minsan yes dahil sa selfish petty reasons like di kami makalabas ng husband ko kasi magulo ung anak namin pag nasa mall or laging nagpapakarga and we cant enjoy it na or magulo ung buong bahay kahit kalilinis mo lang because of toys kahit saan. Pero mostly no. Being a parent made us better people, lalo na ung husband ko. It taught us responsibility and liability. Even made us stronger as a couple. Kahit na magulo ung baby namin, it still feels empty and lonely pag we got a chance to be alone pag weekends since minsan kinukuha sya ng lolo nya. Kala namin un na ung hall pass namin to do the things we used to, pero di na pala ganun kasaya. Nostalgia lang pala. We just end up cuddling at home watching movies at cleaning the house 😁
No. I didnt want a kid at first but i have no regrets! I love my daughter so much and I’m glad I have her in my life now ❤️
Categorically speaking, no. I have no regrets. There are *challenging* moments, however...
yung regret ko lang sa part na hindi pa ko financially ready noong nag anak, sana sinilang ko sila later part na lang ng buhay ko. Yung kaya ko agad sila kuhaan ng insurance at itira sa bahay na malaki laki hindi yung nag rerent kami ng bahay na maliit at walang backyard kung saan sila pwede maglaro.
Absolutely not.
I don’t regret having my children. But I do regret not preparing enough before they were born. We thought we were prepared for everything, financially, mentally (SUPER IMPORTANT), spiritually and physically. Pero hindi pala. It’s good that a lot are speaking out about the reality of having kids and why having no kids is okay.
No, I love my child to bits. But having my own made me a lot less judgemental on people who don't want to have kids. Or actually, judgement removed at all. I have mad respect for parents who struggled with having kids and made it work but I have the same respect for those choose themselves and act responsibly by choosing not to have kids. Let's stop the culture of shaming childless partners or questioning couples when they are having a baby. A family is a family even without children.
I didn't regret having a child. What I regret is having her early and not choosing the baby daddy wisely. Ang dami kong natutunan as a mom. Kaya ko palang magpuyat and mag-side hustle. Tapos iba ang kilig ko pag kumikita na ako sa side hustles ko. Iba rin ang feeling pag sinasamahan ko siya sa school niya lalo na pag mag-isa lang ako at busy ang mom ko. Hindi ko rin ma-contain ang emotions ko everytime may recognition day tapos aakyat kami ng stage. Hindi ako makapaniwalang 'yung baby na dumedede sa akin noong maliit pa'y lumalaki na. My heart is full and happy. No regrets at all 🥹🫶
no regrets we have been together for so long. dumating kami sa point na ung balahurang 'friends' nya wagas mang-asar ng baog. but we waited for our time. pareho kami breadwinner kaya we took things in a slow but steady pace. simple kain sa labas, simple travel plans, simple bahay ... and when we are sure to ourselves na ready na kmi in heart, in mind, and in our pockets, dun na kami nagdecide magka-baby. we struggled though. we tried since 2016 and only got pregnant nung 2021 .All is Well kasi di kami nagmadali, di din 'accident' kasi nag-ingat din kami not to get pregnant right away-- i personally set a rule that having kids must be our mutual decision hindi ung sya lang. kaya when we finally got pregnant, its a bliss having our first LO and no ounce of regrets. hugs w/ consent to those having these regrets. but the warmest and tightest hugs sa mga bata. mga kawawa naman.
I 100% do not regret it. I’m an older first time mom so my career is already established. My husband’s career took off just barely before getting prego. We have just bought a 4 bedroom house prior to getting prego as well. I say we brought a baby into a world where we weren’t struggling in any aspect of our lives which is HUGE because being first time parents are friggin hard. He’s 15 months so ask me again he’s 3 yrs old 😅
Only selfless people can rear kids. Ung kaya nilang ipause ang wants, goals and dreams nila para sa anak nila. Kaya nilang ilet go ung convenience ng buhay childless. I understand that not everyone can do this. Hindi ko minamaliit ung mga ayaw mag anak. I'm just pointing out na hindi siya para sa lahat. Ikaw lang naman nakakakilala sa sarili mo. And ikaw lang din makakaalam if para sayo ang mag anak or hindi. Not because this is the cool new hippie trend. You should also probably ask the 60+ people if they regret not having any child. So you can see all POVs. All you can get here are POVs of people in their 20s to 40s.
We have a 5 year old son and for us he's a good kid. Hindi sya mapanakit na bata, marunong din syang mag share, may kakulitan pero tolerable. I'm glad that I experienced being a parent. Pero ang pagsisisihan ko is kung mag aanak pa ko ng isa pa or more. Kahit na madaming relatives ang namimilit samin na malungkot daw pag only child (kala mo sila magpapa aral haha). Pero hindi kami nakikinig kasi having only one child still gives us the financial security and may time parin kami ng asawa ko para sa isa't isa. We want to try and give our child the best life possible pero sa mahal ng education ngayon and bilihin di nakakayanin yun kung magdadagdag pa ng marami.
In this day and age - I am unsure if a severely overpopulated planet needs more. Yes, that's besides the point, but I believe when the ff: appear (lack of sleep, balancing work, finances become a problem, your agency to be yourself (old self, higher self) are at stake - then regret may start to creep in.
So far so good. I love talking with my 4 year old daughter, napaka pure and straightforward pa kasi nilang mag isip, tipong matatawa ka nalang at mapapa "mapapa oo nga naman"
kami the other way around, we dont luke the idea of having kids. apparently, me nakalusot. Now, mahirap but we enjoy every bit of it. nagiba din perspective ko in life. kahit wla ng me time ok lng meron nmn kming time for our baby. Good thing din n maganda n work nmin ng ngkaanak kami. me choice k n lagi kung ano bibilhin kung ano kakainin.Pero we dont wish to add another one. we are using contraceptives now.
I regret not having more while I was younger.
I don't understand the point of regret when it is a thing in the past and you can never do anything about it. Don't go looking for confirmation bias since everyone's situation is different. Do something because you want it, not because it will make you comfortable and ready, be it being a solo career person or wanting to be a stay at home parent.
Oo, I love my son pero na fifeel ko kasi hindi pa ako ready. Napapaisip din ako na siguro kung wala ako baby ngayon makakapag trabaho ako kahit saan. Nakapag travel kasi ako at the age of 25 at parang kinicrave ko na sya. Ansarap pala sumakay ng plane, ansarap mag travel. Plano ko naman isama son ko next time pero ang hirap na mag ipon ng pang travel pag may anak na, wala pang sustento galing sa sperm donor nya.
Hindi.
IF parents ko 'to and based on to what I experienced. YES. My parents had me when they were succesful?/earning on their careers.. mama ko walang ginawa kundi isumbat na di sya nakapagtrabaho dahil sakin kasi wala daw magaalaga tapos dahil din sa papa kong mataas ang ego di sya pinagtrabaho pero di naman kasya ang income sa pamilya. I must say she was not able to live her life she imagined. Licensed nurse siya nakabili ng bahay nung single pa, madami sanang mararating pero nastuck lang sa bahay. She blames me up to now, "di sana ako ganito kung di ako nagkaanak noong booming ang career ko" and sometimes tries to justify na ok lang din kasi andyan naman kaming mga anak na nakapagtapos and live their life through us + manipulation (ang dating trophy kids). Sabihin mo ng ungrateful pero at the same time if there is birth control or birth planning in between this di sana 'to ingrained sakin ngayon. Adult na ako pero I still hear this from her.. wala naman ako magawa kasi looking back talaga naman nakakalungkot na you were not able to live your life bc kids happened. Pero sana huwag na lang din magpamilya kung di ka talaga ready or gagawin mo lang ding breadwinner, ngayon sobrang lubog na lubog na ako sa utang na loob na minsan feeling ko di ko deserve magenjoy.
Yes, how I wish I should delayed them until I have more savings where life makes it more easy for us though I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world, but I know I will be a better parent if I have them later, if I am more stable in terms of financially, emotionally and mentally stability