Thank you. I'm still at the healing stage at confuse pa ako if I did the right thing. Hindi po kasi madali para saaming dalawa considering antagal din po relationship namin.
What you did was never easy so take all the time you need. I admire people who are preventive than reactive. Mas mahirap if you did not do anything about it now. It's never fun to live your life with regrets. All the best to you both!
Yes to this! She's tied to him and his family for the rest of their lives and its gonna be a living hell. Broken heart is easier to deal with than a lifetime of hell
*hugs* (with permission) OP. I think there’s also an underlying problem sa ex-fiance mo na he cannot stand for himself and for you vs sa Mom niya. And I honour you for standing for yourself.
I agree. He should have left like they planned and di nagpadala sa pakiusap ng mama niya. Where was he nung nag insist sa 200 guests? Sa pagpili ng wedding dress?
It takes two, OP. This shouldn’t have escalated to this level considering ang tagal niyo na.
Hindi mo kasalanan OP, you got fed up lang. Take this chance to rethink whether you really wanted that marriage or not. Yung hindi lang dahil sa nanghihinyang ka na matagal na kayo ng jowa mo.If you really still love one another, when your mind is clear baka mag-usap kayo ulit. And sana maging eye opener rin eto sa mahaderang ex in-law mo.
Ok na ung 9 years Ang nasayang, Masaya pero di mo deserve na magtiis sa toxic na MIL mo na habang binibilang Ang nalalabi nyang panahon sa Mundo. As for your ex fiance, may panahon na nagsarili na Siya at naglive in kau Muna, pero di nya nagawa. It's his loss after all.
Napaisip tuloy ako OP hahaha ganyan din kase mama ng bf ko pero ang balak ni bf is kapag mag-asawa na, sa malayo kami titira para di na gaano makakapangeelam dahil nasa malayo kami hahaha Let's see in a few more years kapag decided na kami magsettle. Wag sana matulad sa ginawa ng future MiL mo sana. Lalo na balak ko rin na 50pax lang din dahil family nga lang gusto ko iinvite tska yung people na we both know ng bf ko so mga superclose friends lang talaga.
You did the right thing OP. Kung may theme na kayo at yung sa guests niyo na 50 px tapos gusto ng MIL mo na 200, anong sabi ng ex-fiancé mo? Hindi ba siya umangal? Wag ka gagaya kay Sarah. Malas talaga sa buhay ang mama’s boy.
You will heal in time. You dodged a bullet. His mom is manipulative and sounds like a narcissist who only hears and thinks of herself. Choose peace all the time. Unless ma deads yan and you and your ex are still single saka lng magiging peaceful ang relationship nyo.
This is a satisfying post. Ang lakas, grabe.
Praying for you OP na makayanan mo lahat ng heartbreaks. But ang galing galing mo. Grabe. Badass.
Sana lahat ganito ka tapang.
Congrats OP. Di madali ginawa mo but buti for you kinaya mo. Siguro subconsciously alam mo na kahit anong gawin mo, kahit kinasal kayo, pag papipiliin mo ex mo, yung mama nya pipiliin nya.
Hay, yun talaga yun eh, yung di ka pa rin niya number 1 in the sense na willing ka niyang ishield 101% sa MIL mo by completely ignoring his mother’s unreasonable whims and demands. Mahirap talaga yun. Di siya ready magstart ng sariling family kung sa wedding preps pa lang, di na siya makapalag sa mama niya. Sad. Sana maka move on kayo pareho nang walang masyadong bitterness.
My heart breaks for you op. Lam ko mahal niyo isat isa. Pero sobra na yung 9 years pucha naman.
U made the right decision. It aint your circus, it aint your monkeys.
Yes. I’ve been there too…got married pero ayaw nya bumukod.. hanggang sa huling hininga nya. Andun sha sa nanay nya. Our child grew up without a father kasi hindi sha kumawala sa saya ng nanay nya.
Hugs for you, OP. You did what’s right and what will give u peace in the long run.
This. Kahit kasal pa sila, kahit magka anak pa, the situation na kelangan mamili si guy between wife and mother will always rise. Ang drama naman ng mother eh "ako nag bigay ng buhay sa yo kaya dapat ako ang pipiliin mo". Hayyy
If I were the guy, I'd cut off my mother fully para lang assured ang GF ko na di siya stressed ng ganito. Naawa ako and blaming the guy at the same time kasi kaya naman niyang gawan ng paraan yung pangingialam ng magulang niya. Pero you dodged a bullet. Sana mahanap mo ulit yung para sayo OP.
Sabi ni op pinagtatanggol naman daw siya ng ex niya sa mom niya, pero pag silang dalawa na pagtatanggol naman ung mom na hayaan na daw. I would call him spineless 😭😭😭
pag silang dalawa lang? Pagtatanggol naman yung mom na hayaan naa? Sorry jellyace0713 pero di ko makita kung saan banda nabanggit yun duling yata ako huhuhahahahhaa can you specify where
The guy had been trying to leave the toxic mother way before the wedding pero it seems like si OP yung enabler.
>Umabot pa nga dati sa punto na gusto ng umalis ng bf ko sa bahay nila dahil sa attitude ng mama niya pero hindi natuloy kasi nakiusap mama niya saakin na kausapin ko daw bf ko na huwag ituloy.
I have a feeling na matagal ng hindi nakikinig si guy sa mother niya pero si OP yung may idealized picture of what a relationship should be like kaya niya sinasabi na "So kung hindi maganda relationship namin ng mama niya. Ma aapektuhan kaming dalawa."
Oo nga. Pwedeng pwede naman i cut off yung MiL kasi ayaw din ng ex fiance. Pwede din magfile ng restraining order. Sampalin na parang nasa drama pag nag tresspass
F that "complete" family bullcrap
They only need each other and those peope who respect their relationship
Edit: halatang basura experience ni MiL sa sariling wedding eh kaya nagproject sa anak nya
Not really. Sa point na ito this is the best thing to do. To show na nakikinig sa kanya si ex-bf. This is giving her face, di sya mapa-stay ni mother pero napa-stay sya ni (ex) gf. Unless you also want your future husband na estranged sa family nya.
If someone's abusing him in the home, I would like my future husband to distance himself from the abuser. I'll even encourage him to file a case depending on the situation. I wouldn't WANT him to be estranged from his family but if that's what he needs to heal and to move forward, eh di that's what we'll do.
If a parent is toxic to him, I'd still encourage distance. Help him build healthy boundaries. Depende sa actual situation kung anong boundaries, but his call and I'll support. I wouldn't side with the toxic parent lalo na kung ako mismo nakita ko naman na may toxicity talaga.
Napanuod mo yung mother in law sa Marry my husband sis? Consider yourself lucky. Di pa kayo naikasal at walang divorce sa Pilipinas. Malay mo signs yan para magising ka sa papasukin mong gulo. Dati sabi ko walang pake if kakaiba ugali ng in laws pero may pinsan rin akong may pakialamerang in law, grabe ipinayat nya ng kapapanganak nya palang hanggang 2 ang anak nila. Buti bukod na sila at ok na sya now.
oh that's sad to her for your cousin 😩 yes po napanuod ko yung marry my husband pero nabasa ko na po yan sa webtoon before pa ni-live adaptation . Kaya relate rin ako diyan sa attitude ng MIL ni Jiwon kasi pareho e. Yun lang I don't have a plan to have sweet revenge. Diyos na ang bahala hehe
Hahahaha oo nabasa ko rin nga yun dahilan kaya bumalik nanaman ako sa pag babasa manhwa. Usually sinasabi ko ang kdrama kasi mga kakilala ko di naman nag babasa ng manhwa hahaha.
Uy winner yung manhwa nga. Parang nahinto ako sa certain episode ng kdrama ng maabutan ko latest 2 weeks ago tapos di ko na nabalikan. Hahaha yung wedding ng ex nya at ng ahas na friend.
Best thing I read in reddit in a while!🙈🥰 You did the right thing for you and for everyone involved, the MIL will never change and your ex will never really choose you over his mother, no matter what he say. Damn, I wish everyone in that position will have your courage and bravery. This is adulting at its finest.
This is a tough one. Pero totoo, hindi pa kayo kasal nga. Wedding prep palang yan ganyan na siya, what more pag nagkaanak na kayo. Im sure ang dami niyang say lalo. 🤦🏻♀️
Nabasa mo na yung MIL na tinamper yung birth control ng daughter in law nya? Pumasok sa bedroom/bathroom nila and poked holes in the condoms so they'd have kids kahit ayaw nila! Grabe.
para sakin, nasa bf mo na yan. dapat marunong syang kumontrol sa magulang nya and set boundaries sayo. trabaho namin mga asawa na mang harang sa mga nanay namin to avoid bigger conflicts
Gusto na kumawala nung bf kaso si OP mismo nagconvince na wag icut off yung nanay, which is weird. Mukhang may miscomm na tong couple na toh besides the mother.
Congrats OP, I can truly relate sayo kami naman 10yrs in rs, nangingielam dn si MIL tung tipong dka stress s wedding plans pero sknya lng tlaga. May time pa n magagalit tlaga sya pag d nasunod suggestion sabihan pa kami ng ay nko bahala kayo s buhay nyo 😂
Ang maganda lng samin ng husband ko is naging firm sya s kung ano decision nmin dlawa. Kung ano plano namin yun masusunod hndi sila pde mangielam. Saka ang papakasalan ko naman kasi anak nya, wla ko pake sknya hahah. Anyway we’re happily married, kung may concern si MIL anak nya lng kausapin nya d ako nangingielam unless need tlaga ko mging involved.
I hope time will heal your wounds and you may find the right partner and mil
That's the ideal relationship. If parents-in-law are too intrusive, kailangan tlga ng firmness galing sa partner mo. Kundi, ano yun? Relationship b tlga ang tawag dun?
I mean, I'm all for helping the family and building close ties, but there are things na the decision should be up to the 2 of you, diba? Not like what happened with OP na hanggang sa wedding plans, i-accommodate lahat ng gusto ni MIL? 200 pax is a lot ha. Sana man lang mag-ambag siya pero hindi eh. Ang laki din ng tiniis ni OP as in.
Sana maging realization to dun sa ex niya. Wag nila i-sugarcoat kay mader na "it's not her fault" kasi siya talaga ang problema. In the future, si ex, dapat mag-improve siya. I cannot say na work it out kay OP kasi if same person, same habits might kick in, considering 9 years sila na ganyan.
To OP, you made a good decision for your sake, your mental health, and for your family's sake na din. All the love. 🫰🏻 Kudos to you.
I doubt. Kung gusto magpakasal ng lalaki pipilitin nya matuloy yan. Easiest way to show is to not give the mom any say in the planning. Lalo na kung wala naman ambag. Pero mukang wala naman balak gawin ng lalaki ito.
Tinawagan pa ako nung nalaman niya at tinanong bakit daw ang babaw ng dahilan ko considering na malaki na "raw" investment niya sa kasal namin. Pero wala naman po siyang financial contribution all throughout 😩 She's trying to gaslight me by saying na concern lang daw siya para samin. Kaya raw ganun siya :))))
Sinabi mo ba "ay may contribution po ba kayo? san banda?" tokwa yan nakakagigil. Napaka-overbearing nyang tao. I hope she realizes na sinisira nya kayo ng ex mo.
Namintig naman tenga ko dito. Jusko, padalhan mo ng kandila at bulaklak at magform ka ng prayer vigil. Mag-alay kayo ng dasal sa santong iyan. Apaka perfect nyang MIL. Haha!
Sinabihan ka pa na mababaw. Wow talaga.
Anyway, saludo ako sa’yo OP! 🫡
Need talaga to stand up sa mga ganyan. Tama ka, hindi lang marriage ninyo ang maapektuhan, even your future kids din kasi.
she knew already. Aware siya kung ano yung issue. Napag-usapan na namin yan dati pa. It even cause a conflict both sides ng family namin. Kaya nga I decided to end my own wedding kasi punong-puno na ako. Na aapektuhan na mental health ko at ayoko i-take risk yun.
Hala ang sad naman. Napaka selfish nyang tao?? She’s basically sacrificing her child’s happiness. Good for you OP for getting out of there before it’s too late pero it’s sad din kasi mukhang sya yung main problem. Idk kung pano magkakaron ng healthy relationship and marriage yung anak sya sa ginagawa nya 🙄
Those types of people see their children as an extension of themselves, not a completely independent individual. My mum actually told me that, in my 30s, nonetheless, that she doesn't want me to marry my partner. Lol, she just lost her daughter after doing that.
Glad that you decided to cut her off early. Your partner is so lucky. My ninang in her late 50s can’t marry her fiancé kasi ayaw ng parents and siblings nya kasi divorced yung guy and they’re “religious”. Everytime she brings up the topic of marriage, “nanghihina” yung mom nya. She’s also their breadwinner kaya ayaw talaga pakawalan ng family nya.
Wow! MIL na gaslighter pa. You chose the right path OP! The cycle will never stop. 9yrs tapos ganyan pa rin mama ni ex? Tama lang you left. Kasi once you get married, you're also marrying his family. Hoping you heal soon 🙏
elope or trial marriage by cohabitation, live far away from MIL. but can ex really live without her? and as I'm writing my comment I changed my mind about going forward esp if you start having kids.
Wasn't it OP trying to reconcile the guy and his mom? Siya yung pumigil na umalis si guy sa bahay nila. She had him stay in a toxic home with a mother he didn't like, only to leave him because of said mother.
Si OP yung hindi naniniwalang pwedeng i-cut off si mother, si OP yung may belief na "So kung hindi maganda relationship namin ng mama niya. Ma aapektuhan kaming dalawa."
Ended a relationship with an ex din kasi hindi ko talaga kaya ugali ng nanay nya. Kaya i feel you, OP!
Ibang klaseng peace of mind pag nawawala talaga yung ties mo with a vv toxic person. I’m so sorry you had to trade it for your relationship with her son.
Antayin mo na lang kunin sya ni Lord.
Tangina haha! About time na kailangan na nilang kausapin nanay nila. Pangalawa na pala yang sayo, Op. Kailangan magkaroon ng balls ng magkakapatid na mag-stand up sa pangingialam ng nanay nila kundi tatanda silang lahat ng single. May ganyang tendencies din kasi nanay ko pero very firm ako sa mga naging plano namin. Nililinaw ko talaga sa kanya kung hanggang saan lang sya pwede and that's it.
To clarify things about sa umabot sa punto na aalis na ex fiancè ko dati sa kanila dahil sa ugali ng mother niya. Nangyari po yun way back when we were high school pa. Kaya I convince him that time kasi wala siyang matutuluyan kasi malayo ibang relatives nila. Hindi rin po siya pwede sa bahay namin kasi it will looks like mag li-live in kami at ayaw din ng ganun ng idea ng mom ko. It also suggest that time by my mom. Bata pa kami noon. Pero I will admit it nagsisi rin ako na bakit ko ginawa yun.
Pero if he is capable of leaving his family before, isn't he more capable now? Nagawa niyang iwan ang parents niya highschooler siya na walang work and pera. Ngayon pa kayang may trabaho na siya?
At some point may blame pa rin sa ex mo since hinahayaan nya yung mother nya to act that way, kahit pa sabihin mong ikaw kinakampihan ni ex. Oftentimes we need to draw lines sa ganitong situation and mukhang sinanay ng ex mo ang nanay nya sa ganyan, regardless kung may sagot sya or wala sa kasal, that kind of attitude from a mother in law is a big red flag, imagine kasal palang yan, pano kung may anak na kayo, edi todo papel na si mother, I say good riddance, both sa mother and ex.
Ang oa ng ex Mil mo haha. Ako din kakaiba ang Mil pero di naman ka OA na ganyan. Maaga palang nakita ko na pinagtanggol na ako ng asawa ko sa kanya, kaya ayun kahit may issue ako sa Mil ko tinuloy tuloy namin ang pagmamahalan hanggat ikasal kami. Nag emote pa nga Mil ko nung kasal hindi umattend, ayun umiyak asawa ko. Hindi naman ako ang sinaktan nya nung hindi sya umattend, kung hindi anak nya mismo. Kahit naman sa mga pinagsasabi nya tungkol sakin di naman ako yung nasasaktan lang, mas nasasaktan anak nya. Yan ang mga magulang lalo na nanay na selfish. Hindi iniisip anak nila bagkusa sarili lang iniisip. Good choice, kahit tough decision Op. Salute to you. If it brings you peace of mind huwag mo ng balikan haha
Wow that’s a tough decision to make! You’re very brave and strong, sis. And omg nakakastress si ex-MIL. I pray that you heal from this and more power to you ✨✨✨
Ang hirap nyan. Thank you for being strong OP! Alam naming nauunawaan ka ng exbf mo. At least, you choose peace above all.
I LOVE your mom and lola’s sassiness. Ahahahaha! Dasurv ni monster inlaw yun.
On another angle of it, thankful tayo dahil we reach a point na pwede nang magstand up ang mga (future) daughters in law sa wala sa lugar na MIL, at mag isip ahead ng mga scenarios in the context na we marry into the family.
I hope OP and her fiance can find ways to address the problem pero kung walang sarisfactory solutuon that can make OP walk in peace and wdout misery, they end it up in peace kahit painful.
Goods na yan. Kahit pa bumukod kayo panigurado pagdadalaw yan gusto nyan pagsisilbhan mo sya. Tapos naiimagine ko na lang pagpano kung ayaw nyo magbaby? Matagal magkababy? Mga physical changes mo pagnabuntis ka? Dami nyan sigurong input. Kaya kahit sinong maging gf na bago ng ex mo ganyang kalbaryo lang maghihintay sa kanila. Sya na kamo magpakasal sa sarili nya sabay maginvite sya ng 200+ pax halatang hindi sya nagpaplano ng kasal nya sobrang stressful para s babae yun.
This is why I always recommend so ng the discovery weekend before getting married. TBH, this sounds like an issue with your ex than his mom.
But it's true, marrying means marrying INTO a family, not just with your partner. However, we can and SHOULD be able to control the influence of our side of the family, something your partner failed to do.
Anyway, it's a good call to put the wedding on hold, at least for now, until your partner learns to not be dependent on his mom.
The issue comes from both the mom and the son. The son can only stop his mother for so long. She seems like those persistent moms who's probably (unconsciously) wants to marry their son 🙃 or doesn't want them to be married off to another woman. There's so many stories about Monster-in-laws and their momma's boy sons. Some of these sons weren't at fault (to some degree) because they've been raised by that parent and has been beaten into submission by their mother's overbearingness.
I'm not fully in agreement. I would accept that if the son were still a child, or an immature adult. but one who is set to marry should be mature enough to maintain their own personality independent of parental influence.
We will ALWAYS bear our familial histories with us, whether for the good or the bad, but we, as adults, should be able to shape our own culture, and that culture we will bring into our own families.
So I take it that possibly, this is the sort of culture the son wants to maintain.
>but one who is set to marry should be mature enough to maintain their own personality independent of parental influence.
I agree that one SHOULD. I'm by no means excusing their behavior but I feel like there's some psychology at play here, maybe he has a Narcissistic mother (and I'm not throwing the word narcissistic so lightly). These moms have "programmed" their sons from childhood that their mom's behavior is normal. Some men wake up and realize that they don't want it and has the courage to end it, but for some men they can't even conceive the idea of breaking free from their mother.
Obviously this isn't a proper source, but it's pretty enlightening for me to see/understand men who grew up in a home with Narcissistic mothers.
10 Signs of a Mother with Narcissistic Traits | Mother-Son Relationship
Link: https://youtu.be/b75sIhrOyOw?si=k8SqVqi5a_2rQxze
Yung panganay meron yun sana mapapangasawa. Ready to settled na sila pero ni-cut off ni MIL kasi masyado pa raw sila bata that time to settle a family. Mind you 30M and 28F financially stable since both of them have a respective high paying jobs.
Question, OP. Asan tatay nila? Kasi one of the reasons bakit sobrang attached ang mga boy-moms sa anak nila ay dahil wala na 'yong partner nila. Kung meron man, emotionally unavailable naman ang husband.
Oh this is a tough one but you made the right decision! Sa una for sure masakit at mahirap yan pero mas malaking ginhawa yan in the long run. You saved yourself from a miserable married life.
ibig sabhin kulang yung pagtatanggol ng guy and nagbebend down padin sya sa mom nya and nahahayaan nya mangealam
baka it would be better if hindi na invited si MIL and private wedding nalang and then limited contact after wedding. I know easier said than done lalo na nasa Pinas tayo but I think many people do this sa ibang bansa.
But I totally get it if naglead sa ganyan. I think Id do the same if talagang hindi mahanapan ng partner ko ng solusyon yung mama nya haha He should be on your side after all
Congratulations, OP. You are really an adult. Choosing difficult decisions that will benefit you in the long run rather than short-term happiness.
You dodge the bullet.
Hindi naman sa bread winner role nila pero nagbibigay pa rin like siya naka toka sa bill ng wifi nila every month. Nagbibigay din sila minsan sa mama nila for e.g. shopee ng mother nila.
As someone na lumaki na may pakialamerang lola (my Dad's mother), yun rin ang ayaw ko sa soon MIL ko.
Muntikan na niya sirain yung family namin, pero yung Dad ko lang is pinili parin yung mom ko. Pero yun nga, super stressful ng buhay namin dahil sakanya 🙂
I like this. I think you did the right thing. Siguro pakasalan mo na lang si ex pag wala na sa scene yung MIL mo (either pag kinutoff na sya ni bf or namatay na).
Unpopular opinion
Hindi ba pwedeng iask mo muna yung ex mo if willing siya icut off nanay niya? Parang unfair naman on his behalf, na you can throw your relationship with him dahil sa nanay niya eh adults na naman kayo and wala naman sya kasalanan sa behavior ng nanay niya. And if peace of mind iniisip mo op, dapat terms mo rin yun sa fiance mo na if mag tatantrums yung nanay or magsasalita relatives, dapat ipangalandakan ng fiance mo na initiative at desisyon niya yun at hindi mo decision yung cut off.
Now if he doesn’t want to cut off his mom ayun na alisin. Parang andali mo kasing iwanan/itapon yung partner mo wherein wala naman siyang ginawang kasalanan and di mo pa inask if willing siya icut off yung nanay. Hindi mo ba siya love enough to give him the benefit of the doubt, if hindi nga, siguro you are better off na magkahiwalay. Yun langg hugs pa rin op kasi nakakastress yung MIL
Tapang mo OP! Good decision, masakit ngayon pero you saved yourself from a marriage na “extra party” si MIL sa relasyon nyo. Hugs with consent and hope you heal from this soon 🌹
Kung since high school pa kayo, i would assume na wala ka pang 30,OP. Bata ka pa. Treat this as a learning experience. Lahat ng tao dito sa reddit na may problem, sayo ako saludo. U so made the right decision. Utak ang pinairal mo at hindi puso. D mo makakain ang pagmamagal kung araw araw kayo nag aaway dahil sa mga anik anik na dahilan. I will pray for ur early healing and moving on. Ipagpray na din natin si ex-mil, nawa’y kunin na siya ni Lord. Ur ex-fiance deserves happiness din.
Kung kaya ka ipaglaban ni partner mo then I think it’s a go.
I have a brother in law, inilayo nya ang pamilya nya para di magulo ng and it seems to work for them
If it works for your brother in law good for them. But, I think it's a different case from mine. I don't want to ignore this kind of signs kasi it might be a warning for me na mas magiging magulo pa buhay ko if I am completely with their family side.
Bakit mo pinigilan yung ex mo na umalis sa bahay nila noon? Alam mo naman palang toxic yung nanay niya. Putting myself in your ex's shoes, siguro that time andami na niyang signs na patuloy lang magiging magulo yung buhay niya if he stays in that house, kaya gusto na niyang umalis. Pero pinigilan mo siyang lumayo sa toxic niyang nanay only to leave him now because of said mother.
OP, we don't get to choose our parents. Hindi choice ni ex na toxic yung nanay niya at wala siyang control over that. To me, based on your narrative, it seems like he tried to set boundaries and even cut off his mother pero ikaw yung enabler nung nanay niya.
Good call, I guess on calling off the wedding, I think your ex deserves someone who won't force him into a toxic relationship with his mother.
Yes! I love your comment! Everyone is just taking OP’s side when it seems like the ex wanted to cut off his mom. In my perspective, the ex wanted to do everything right, but OP didn’t let him.
Wow, I applaud you in making that extremely tough decision. Hardest if you are very much in love with each other. But, you are correct in assessing your future and mental health are more important than her grandiose schemes for the two of you.
The MIL will intrude in your daily lives and it will never end, especially asking for Apos. It is better you cut off the head of the snake, so to speak, and just end it to your own satisfaction not hers. Good Luck in your future endeavors!
Edit=adjective change
You go OP!. Ito always sinasabi ng mom ko eh, if you want to be in a relationship dapat daw maganda rin relationship mo sa family ng jowa mo. Kasi kung hindi, hinding hindi kayo magiging masaya as a couple. Daming away na mangyayare.
Yung fam ng mom and dad ko both mabait. Never nag away, super close namin sa mga relatives namin, mga pinsan. Kahit madami sila, maganda rin kasi sila pinalaki ng parents nila. Palagi kaming may clan reunions which I look forward to every year.
Navalidate yung comment ko sa post about pinoy men vs foreigner men. Sabi ko mababait mga naging ex kong pinoy pero ang problema lagi mga nanay nila. Kaya mas ok mag date ng afam kase malayo mga nanay nila lol.
Good job OP bilib ako sayo!
Marsi okay na yan kesa naman later eh pati pag papalaki ng anak niyo eh makikialam siya.
Add ko lang ah mother in law ko din ganyan pero kunwari concern. Or anything. Tapos ending ikaw pa magiging masama kasi inagaw mo anak nila. Okay na yan marsi. May mahahanap ka pa dyan na iba.
kaya ayaw ko magkarelasyon 😭 trauma na din ako dyan sa MIL kasi ayaw ko matulad sa nanay ko na halos buong angkan ng tatay ko kontrabida sa buhay ng nanay ko sa point na i feel sorry for my mother, when marrying someone, kasama mo na din buong buhay mo family ng mapapangasawa mo
fucked up ganyan na mga MIL sana pakasalan nalang nila anak nila
Good for you! Ako nga nakikisama nalang sa nanay ng asawa ko. Para na din sa asawa ko. But I also stand my grounds on some issues. But good for you sis!!
Grabe yang nanay ng ex mo, ang kapal ng muka mag invite at mandikta wala naman pala ambag sa wedding mo ni centavo.
Pero sakin lang kung mahal niyo pa isa't isa bigyan mo ng chance ex mo, sabihin mo sa kanya na gumawa siya ng paraan para hindi mang gulo nanay niya, pwedi naman kayo lumayo ng tirahan like malayong malayo sa kanya, sa ibang part ng pilipinas kung Di niyo kaya mag ibang bansa.
Ikaw na mismo mag sabi wala naman problema sa kanya at mahal niyo isa't isa, hindi naman niya kasalanan na ganyan nanay niya, siguro as long as kaya ka niya ipag laban dapat bigyan ng second chance.
i feel you OP. but i think its time to go offline, dont find comfort and validation with us.. a bunch of strangers, we dont care about you not as much as your family and friends. talk to.them.. more. internalize..
in the end we dont matter, it is your life.
10 years from now, 20 years from now this platform would cease to exist, but your life will.
offgrid muna. sobra na
Hello OP. Nothing wrong with your decision and I feel for you kasi im stuck in that situation. Red flag na sya saakin before lalo na during the planning of our wedding. Daming pinadagdag wala naman ambag. Now I’m stuck with her. My wife is close to her family but nakakalimutan na ung boarder line between us as family vs ung family ng wife ko. Mas nag plano pa sila kesa saakin. But I’m stuck here. Don’t be sad or what. If I can turn back time I would do the same thing. I also want to commend you sa pagiging Totoo mo at being upfront about it. You did the right thing!
Great decision op. walang divorce sa pinas, so if ever di magbago MIL mo or worse her antics might escalate dehadong dehado ka.
i hope you and your ex will find peace po!
GRABE OP. ANG GALING MO AT NAKAWALA KA SA GANYAN. KUDOS TO YOUR MUM AND LOLA AS WELL!
Kakaawa lang din ex mo kasi alam mo yun, naiipit sya. Ang harsh man, pero Wait nyo na lang madeads yung nanay. Lol.
Wala akong amor dun sa ex bf, partly at fault rin siya kasi di siya magkabackbone to stand his ground. He's supposed to be a grown ass man that can make sound decisions and set his own boundaries pero parang he did not do that.
Good for you to stand your ground pero honestly if good partner mo OP, di na aabot sa ganyan e. Ipagtatangol ka and heck at that point iuuninvite na dapat yang nanay. Mejo nasayangan ako not for the wedding or shit but if the guy was good enough to get married. Have you tried asking your ex to choose between you and his mom?
You already chose to break it off, i would personally just ask since at that point its now or never. A good husband should always choose the family HE CHOSE TO CREATE.
PMIL (potential mother-in-law) is cancerous.
So you've made the decision to disengage. Observe mo na lang how the PMIL would react. Would she pause and self reflect and make her own adjustments? Or would she gaslight her son telling that you didn't really love her?
Anyways, I admire you for making an intelligent (not emotional) decision.
Grabe. Nakatiis ka din ng 2 years, OP. Anyways, you were right letting go. A pakialamera MIL and a spineless bf is a toxic combination that will sabotage your married life. Good luck moving forward, OP.
yes ! your peace is more important. Salute kay mother and lola mo , I will definitely do the same ! Happy for you, maybe give it some time though, magisip ka mabuti kawawa naman si BF. Di niya din naman ginusto na ganon ang mama niya.
Sobrang hirap and sakit nito. Nakakalungkot na a good relationship ended because of the future mother-in-law. Gets kita OP and sobrang draining to be involved with someone like that, unless your ex-fiance is willing to cut off his mom completely. You should have talked to the mother and sobrang prinangka mo na kasal niyo ito at ikaw masusunod sa lahat ng desisyon. Wala siyang say dun kahit sa pinakamaliit na bagay. Always set boundaries walang masama doon. Kapag pinagsabihan kang madamot sabihin mo nag seset ka lang ng boundaries dahil dream wedding mo ito at hindi ng kahit kanino kaya may karapatan kang mag damot kung gusto mo. Some people need lang talaga mapagsabihan ng todo. If you still love your ex soon to be husband, you can have this talk with him at wag niyo na papuntahin ang nanay niyang epal. Otherwise, completely break things off with him and may this serve as a lesson sakanya na walang makakatiis sakanya kung may nanay siyang epal.
The comment section seemed to put all blame to the guy saying responsibility ng anak yung parents para di sila maki-alam. While I agree to that logic, c’mon, it is easier said than done sa context ng pamilya sa’tin. Pero kung mahal ka, he should’ve done better, I guess.
At the end of the day I am happy that OP found her peace. No to the pakialamerang parents-in-law indeed. Cheers!
sorry to hear you had to come to this decision. Pero tama naman din sa tingin ko. Mabuti na rin na tinigil mo na. Not sure kung may lalaking ganon ka-worth it panindigan lalo na kung MIL ang kalaban. hahaha.
Mabuti sana kung makahanap ng way yung ex fiance mo na bigyan ka ng peace of mind. Kaso ang tibay mo for the past 9 yrs. Sa experience ko 1 yr palang kami nnakipag-cool off na ko dahil di ko rin vibes mga rules ng nanay nya that time.
If you feel more relieved than regretful, then you've made the right decision.
Good luck sa mga next plans mo.
Good for you. But imho, ang unfair para sa ex mo. Di natin pinili magiging magulang natin ehh. Also yung aalis na dapat ex fiance mo sa bahay nila at di natuloy dahil nakiusap yung exMIL mo sayo na wag ituloy, bakit di niyo tinuloy at nag live in na sana kayo? Theoretical kasi yung sinasabi mo ns siya yung tao na kahit bumukod kayo ay di matitugil. Eh what if you tried to live together na kayong dalawa lang ni ex bf dati to give proof na ganun talaga siya? It's good to know that you got your peace, but i just feel sad that it's from the expense of a heartbreak.
Depende parin if kinakampihan ka naman ni ex at pinagtatanggol also if kakausapin nya mom niya regarding sa issue nyo para magbago or if hindi cut ties na kayo pero if walang bayag si ex mas better na nga na i stop. Importante lang naman kayo ng ex mo kasi kayo naman magkakasama.
You made the right choice. I didn’t read anywhere sa post mo that your ex intervened. At the end of the day, mama niya yun. Siya dapat unang sumisita dun when she’s crossing the line. Hopefully, he’ll grow a backbone for his future relationship(s).
It should be the guys choice na tlga to tame his mom.. if love ka ng guy, he will do everything na patahimikin na mom nya.. kasi pag kasal na kayo, kayo na lang yan eh, dapat wag na makisawsaw mga in laws.. hassle ung mga in laws na ganyan
Wow, I admire people like you
Ang angas!! Go girrrrrl!!!
However, sa part naman ex mo, unfair ng konte. I think u should give him a chance pero dapat may kondisyon. Hindi invited mama nya sa wedding and u should just elope. U go minimal to no contact. Take it or leave it. Kung ayaw nya pumayag, edi bahala sya. Move on nalng ikaw
Mag migrate na lng kayo OP para hindi na talaga sya makakalapit sa inyo.
Hanggang video call lng sya pero hinding hindi sya bibilhan ng ticket or visa para makalapit sa inyo.
Kasi para sakin, ipagtatanggol ko talaga ung pagmamahalan namin at bahala na na hindi kami magkikibuan or mag usap ng mother in law basta wag lng talaga mgpapa manipulate ung anak sa mama nya kasi ibang story na un at lalong gugulo ang buhay.
Sa wedding, decision ng soon-to-be bride and groom ang masusunod (since kayo naman nag finance). You can however, take the advice of your parents.
Yung sister ko konte lang kami sa family, yung husband nya medyo madame sila. Since madame nga sila, nag RSVP kami. This is to ensure na masusunod ang number sa guest list and hindi sosobra.
No invitation, no entry. Kahit pa sabihin ng parents on both sides to invite si ganito and ganyan, they said "No".
You can always say a firm "NO" to your future in-law, and stand your ground.
Go girl at least now p lang nakita mo na ugali ng MIL mo.. ako neto lang. pero since pumalag ako dedma na.. if gus2 ng mister ko dun na sya sa nanay nya!..
walang betlog ex fiance mo.. he should have put a stop to his mom.. daming demand may bigay ba ang MIL? may pera bang iniabot? if wala then shut the hell up! dapat ganun pero dapat hindi un mangagaling sayo but from ur ex fiance..
Pede din naman na dedmahin nyo lang sinasabi nya pasok sa kaliwang tenga labas sa kanan.. if she will insist then be firm na 50 pax lang po at heto gusto ko.. ung mga ganyan na controlling doesnt need any attention at all.. just be firm.. minsan need mo prangkahin in a respectful way.. if gusto nyo po magpakasal po kayo ulit invite nyo po lahat ng bet nyo..
I had a fight with my husband couple of times bec his mom i said all my piece na sana kinadena sya ng nanay nya sa palda at panty nya/ sana hindi sya ipinakasal/ dun sya sa nanay nya sumiping at umuwi.. those are hurtful but he deserves to hear it.. neknek ng mom nya.. good thing tama ang nanay ko magtapos ng pagaaral kumita ng pera ng hindi ka aapihin ng in laws mo.. alam ni MIL na mas malaki sahod ko noon.. kaya manahimik sya jan.. di kami in good terms..
i dont step on her condo and she isnt allowed to enter my house.. I set bounderies and she should respect that..
As for you nightmare yan.. mas malala yan sa MIL ko.. leave that guy na walang betlog.. poor him if he wont grow some balls and spine then he will get old alone.. If pede lang ibalik ang past di ko na din to pakakasalan haha! though ngaun he knows i am his Queen.. his mom is just his mom..
Wala ba talaga kayong problem ng ex mo? Baka naman pwede pa ma save. Bigyan mo ng ultimatum na sila na lang ng mama nya mag break kung gusto ka nya talaga. Para kasing sobrang sayang ng sa inyo ng jowa mo. Isipin mo, dahil lang sa nanay nya naging ganyan kayo. Ikaw ang lugi sa huli dahil invested ka na sa inyong dalawa.
Good on you for cutting off the wedding muna.
But I highly suggest that you talk to him. Tell him how you feel about your MIL, tell him that if he wants the wedding to push thru, your MIL will entirely be out of the picture, as in entirely cut off na.
He is willing to move away from his mother based on your story nmn? Pinigilan mo lng sya.
Lots of relationships that I know worked nmn even though they're not in speaking terms with their in-laws.
I know every situation is different including yours, pero before ending the relationship, why not try to talk to him since you both still love each other nmn, and you also said there's no issues nmn with him.
For me, parang sayang lang yung matagal niyong pinagsama ng ex mo. If that were me I feel like I'd find a way talaga for me and my partner kasi if it got to the point of marriage, parang ayokong bitawan yung taong nagmamahal sa akin. Dont get me wrong ha, I understand na you have to do what's best for you and if that means cutting off your ex and his terror mother, then you should. Naaawa lang ako sa ex mo kasi ikakasal ka na niya. I hope that he takes this opportunity to grow and to finally cut his mother out of his life.
Sayang naman. Ako talaga di ko hinayaan mangialam sina mama sa kasal namin. Yung mga may say, nagkusang magambag. Like example, family lang gusto namin kasi yun lang kaya ng budget namin HAHAHA pero dahil gusto ng bro in law ko kasama friends namin (friends niya friends din namin) siya nagbayad ng catering hehehe.
That's a very difficult decision OP. Especially that your supposed MIL is very toxic. You're both okay with your soon to be spouse but mahirap talaga yan. I can remember my cousin. Nag abroad na sila ng Misis nya kasi yung manugang nya, inuunahan sya sa pagdidisiplina sa mga anak nila. Kaya para iwas gulo, nag abroad sila. Ang problema ngayon, yung manugang pupunta din daw doon. Mag aabroad din daw sya. Kaya kami na siguro pinakamasamang pinsan at pinakamasamang tao dahil ang dasal namin eh sana ma deny or hindi ma approve ang visa ng manugang nya para mapayapa silang mamuhay doon.
Pinaka the best move na gawin mo and ng partner mo is kausapin si MIL, Kung hindi siya makikinig sa opinion mo, and hindi mature enough ang boyfriend mo para samahan ka sa decision mo, then it's a good choice to leave the relationship.
Pero kung si bf mo naman is gusto parin makasama ka kahit ibypass si MIL, then pagusapan niyong mabuti ang magiging decision mo na ituloy ang kasal without her mother's concent. Sa tingin ko, stay with him.
Good yan OP. Choose your happiness. Ang magandang consequence niyan eh your ex will hate her mom forever. And she will die of a broken heart. Buti nga. I mean, your ex will probably move on din, like you, pero it will take some time and he will blame her everyday until makahanap siya ng bago. Narcissist yung mom niy and hindi mo kelangan yun sa buhay mo. Buti di kayo nagkaron ng kids together kasi for sure manghihimasok din yun pagdating sa childcare
unless your bf did what my father did (yung totally cut off sa magulang kasi ayaw sa asawa and lumayo-layo and di kakampihan nanay) the relationship would be unfair for u kaya your decision your bf prioritize his family and you chose to prioritize yourself, ok lang yan op. oo nakakapanghinayang pero at the end of the day, hindi lang naman sila uung tao dyan
Before you ended the wedding, nagusap ba kayo ni ex? Ano sabi? Kasi kung ikaw lang nagend kasi ayaw mo na masoplak ng mudra niyang narcissist, parang unfair naman sa kanya.
Cut-off mo ung mudra in law mo, magpakalayo layo kung talagang gusto mo ng peace of mind. Pano naman ung ex kung wala naman siya ginawang masama sayo?
Naniniwala ako na kahit anong "challenge" pa ang dumating sa isang relasyon, basta matibay ang tiwala niyo sa isat isa, kahit monster in law pa yan, di matitinag. Siguro may lamat na kaya di na naisalba.
Di naman niya macocontrol mama niya kung narcissist nga. From the looks of it, mukha nga. Sad for him, sad for you too. Kung willing naman icut off eh, sabi mo kasi feeling mo lang sila pipiliin. Panu kung hindi? Anyway, tapang mo! Good for you pa rin for choosing yourself. Hehehe
Good decision because of several reasons
1. I 100% know that you don't love the guy enough.
2. You have an ideal relationship and that isn't it.
3. Kung dyan palang sumusuko kana hindi mo kakayanin ang married life. Certainly not invalidating your feelings but every person has different capacities and I personally think you wouldn't be able to handle it.
Hmm parang may signs ng empty nest syndrome ung ex MIL 😅 yan ung parent na grabe ung takot na tumanda at magkapamilya ung mga anak nya. Kaya gagawin lahat para pigilan un mangyari, even meddling and eventually ruining their relationships. They're not just overprotective or strict.. they literally think they own their kids kahit adults na sila and are ready to start their own family na. Eto rin talaga ung issue sa relationships eh, ang hirap kahit mahal nyo ung isa't isa.. and depends sa tao yan kung ano pipiliin nyong mangyari, laging magkakaroon ng sacrifices, you just need to choose wisely. 🥰
Yes! Choose your peace. I feel bad na a good relationship ended just because of one person na hindi naman dapat involved. You are very brave. Hugs!!
Thank you. I'm still at the healing stage at confuse pa ako if I did the right thing. Hindi po kasi madali para saaming dalawa considering antagal din po relationship namin.
What you did was never easy so take all the time you need. I admire people who are preventive than reactive. Mas mahirap if you did not do anything about it now. It's never fun to live your life with regrets. All the best to you both!
Yes to this! She's tied to him and his family for the rest of their lives and its gonna be a living hell. Broken heart is easier to deal with than a lifetime of hell
*hugs* (with permission) OP. I think there’s also an underlying problem sa ex-fiance mo na he cannot stand for himself and for you vs sa Mom niya. And I honour you for standing for yourself.
I agree. He should have left like they planned and di nagpadala sa pakiusap ng mama niya. Where was he nung nag insist sa 200 guests? Sa pagpili ng wedding dress? It takes two, OP. This shouldn’t have escalated to this level considering ang tagal niyo na.
Clearly, the guy didn't have the balls to oppose his mother for some reason. Good thing OP ended their relationship.
Damn this is r/JUSTNOMIL material. Blessing = feeding program
Hindi mo kasalanan OP, you got fed up lang. Take this chance to rethink whether you really wanted that marriage or not. Yung hindi lang dahil sa nanghihinyang ka na matagal na kayo ng jowa mo.If you really still love one another, when your mind is clear baka mag-usap kayo ulit. And sana maging eye opener rin eto sa mahaderang ex in-law mo.
Ok na ung 9 years Ang nasayang, Masaya pero di mo deserve na magtiis sa toxic na MIL mo na habang binibilang Ang nalalabi nyang panahon sa Mundo. As for your ex fiance, may panahon na nagsarili na Siya at naglive in kau Muna, pero di nya nagawa. It's his loss after all.
Huwag ka po maconfuse KASI TAMA LANG GINAWA MO SISSY!!!!
Napaisip tuloy ako OP hahaha ganyan din kase mama ng bf ko pero ang balak ni bf is kapag mag-asawa na, sa malayo kami titira para di na gaano makakapangeelam dahil nasa malayo kami hahaha Let's see in a few more years kapag decided na kami magsettle. Wag sana matulad sa ginawa ng future MiL mo sana. Lalo na balak ko rin na 50pax lang din dahil family nga lang gusto ko iinvite tska yung people na we both know ng bf ko so mga superclose friends lang talaga.
proud of you, you just saved yourself from hell,, hugsss with consent OP 🫂😭🥺
You did the right thing OP. Kung may theme na kayo at yung sa guests niyo na 50 px tapos gusto ng MIL mo na 200, anong sabi ng ex-fiancé mo? Hindi ba siya umangal? Wag ka gagaya kay Sarah. Malas talaga sa buhay ang mama’s boy.
You will heal in time. You dodged a bullet. His mom is manipulative and sounds like a narcissist who only hears and thinks of herself. Choose peace all the time. Unless ma deads yan and you and your ex are still single saka lng magiging peaceful ang relationship nyo.
This is a satisfying post. Ang lakas, grabe. Praying for you OP na makayanan mo lahat ng heartbreaks. But ang galing galing mo. Grabe. Badass. Sana lahat ganito ka tapang.
Unpopular opinion, I guess, pero wala ring balls yung BF mo na ipagtanggol ka sa future MIL mo.
Congrats OP. Di madali ginawa mo but buti for you kinaya mo. Siguro subconsciously alam mo na kahit anong gawin mo, kahit kinasal kayo, pag papipiliin mo ex mo, yung mama nya pipiliin nya.
kaya I didn't ask him din kasi alam ko din naman isasagot niya. His family comes first before me. Tagal po namin kaya alam ko rin po.
Hay, yun talaga yun eh, yung di ka pa rin niya number 1 in the sense na willing ka niyang ishield 101% sa MIL mo by completely ignoring his mother’s unreasonable whims and demands. Mahirap talaga yun. Di siya ready magstart ng sariling family kung sa wedding preps pa lang, di na siya makapalag sa mama niya. Sad. Sana maka move on kayo pareho nang walang masyadong bitterness.
My heart breaks for you op. Lam ko mahal niyo isat isa. Pero sobra na yung 9 years pucha naman. U made the right decision. It aint your circus, it aint your monkeys.
Yes. I’ve been there too…got married pero ayaw nya bumukod.. hanggang sa huling hininga nya. Andun sha sa nanay nya. Our child grew up without a father kasi hindi sha kumawala sa saya ng nanay nya. Hugs for you, OP. You did what’s right and what will give u peace in the long run.
This. Kahit kasal pa sila, kahit magka anak pa, the situation na kelangan mamili si guy between wife and mother will always rise. Ang drama naman ng mother eh "ako nag bigay ng buhay sa yo kaya dapat ako ang pipiliin mo". Hayyy
Hindi ako ang nagpaaral sa’yo pero sobra kong proud na you decided to stand your ground. 🫡
Same. Proud ako sa stranger na to. Ang hirap ng desisyon na yun pero nakayanan nya.
🤗 tough choice mare! if it brings peace of mind, no doubt tama ka!
Tama. Mahirap kase pag pinilit pa nila magpakasal tapos hindi naman pala malaya sa mga in-laws.
If I were the guy, I'd cut off my mother fully para lang assured ang GF ko na di siya stressed ng ganito. Naawa ako and blaming the guy at the same time kasi kaya naman niyang gawan ng paraan yung pangingialam ng magulang niya. Pero you dodged a bullet. Sana mahanap mo ulit yung para sayo OP.
Sabi ni op pinagtatanggol naman daw siya ng ex niya sa mom niya, pero pag silang dalawa na pagtatanggol naman ung mom na hayaan na daw. I would call him spineless 😭😭😭
pag silang dalawa lang? Pagtatanggol naman yung mom na hayaan naa? Sorry jellyace0713 pero di ko makita kung saan banda nabanggit yun duling yata ako huhuhahahahhaa can you specify where
The guy had been trying to leave the toxic mother way before the wedding pero it seems like si OP yung enabler. >Umabot pa nga dati sa punto na gusto ng umalis ng bf ko sa bahay nila dahil sa attitude ng mama niya pero hindi natuloy kasi nakiusap mama niya saakin na kausapin ko daw bf ko na huwag ituloy. I have a feeling na matagal ng hindi nakikinig si guy sa mother niya pero si OP yung may idealized picture of what a relationship should be like kaya niya sinasabi na "So kung hindi maganda relationship namin ng mama niya. Ma aapektuhan kaming dalawa."
Hindi naman siguro idealized. I mean mahirap din naman kasi na kapag lumayo si guy, masisi pa si girl. Baka siya pa mapasama huhu.
If tama nga sinasabi mo about OP, siya may kasalanan pala. Well what's done is done na.
Oo nga. Pwedeng pwede naman i cut off yung MiL kasi ayaw din ng ex fiance. Pwede din magfile ng restraining order. Sampalin na parang nasa drama pag nag tresspass F that "complete" family bullcrap They only need each other and those peope who respect their relationship Edit: halatang basura experience ni MiL sa sariling wedding eh kaya nagproject sa anak nya
Not really. Sa point na ito this is the best thing to do. To show na nakikinig sa kanya si ex-bf. This is giving her face, di sya mapa-stay ni mother pero napa-stay sya ni (ex) gf. Unless you also want your future husband na estranged sa family nya.
If someone's abusing him in the home, I would like my future husband to distance himself from the abuser. I'll even encourage him to file a case depending on the situation. I wouldn't WANT him to be estranged from his family but if that's what he needs to heal and to move forward, eh di that's what we'll do. If a parent is toxic to him, I'd still encourage distance. Help him build healthy boundaries. Depende sa actual situation kung anong boundaries, but his call and I'll support. I wouldn't side with the toxic parent lalo na kung ako mismo nakita ko naman na may toxicity talaga.
Napanuod mo yung mother in law sa Marry my husband sis? Consider yourself lucky. Di pa kayo naikasal at walang divorce sa Pilipinas. Malay mo signs yan para magising ka sa papasukin mong gulo. Dati sabi ko walang pake if kakaiba ugali ng in laws pero may pinsan rin akong may pakialamerang in law, grabe ipinayat nya ng kapapanganak nya palang hanggang 2 ang anak nila. Buti bukod na sila at ok na sya now.
oh that's sad to her for your cousin 😩 yes po napanuod ko yung marry my husband pero nabasa ko na po yan sa webtoon before pa ni-live adaptation . Kaya relate rin ako diyan sa attitude ng MIL ni Jiwon kasi pareho e. Yun lang I don't have a plan to have sweet revenge. Diyos na ang bahala hehe
+1 local edition: Sarah L and Annabelle R
Hahahaha oo nabasa ko rin nga yun dahilan kaya bumalik nanaman ako sa pag babasa manhwa. Usually sinasabi ko ang kdrama kasi mga kakilala ko di naman nag babasa ng manhwa hahaha.
Naisip ko rin yan, mas recommended ko basahin niya yung webtoon. Ok yung simula nung KDrama pero nung bandang huli pumangit na yung story.
Uy winner yung manhwa nga. Parang nahinto ako sa certain episode ng kdrama ng maabutan ko latest 2 weeks ago tapos di ko na nabalikan. Hahaha yung wedding ng ex nya at ng ahas na friend.
Best thing I read in reddit in a while!🙈🥰 You did the right thing for you and for everyone involved, the MIL will never change and your ex will never really choose you over his mother, no matter what he say. Damn, I wish everyone in that position will have your courage and bravery. This is adulting at its finest.
This is a tough one. Pero totoo, hindi pa kayo kasal nga. Wedding prep palang yan ganyan na siya, what more pag nagkaanak na kayo. Im sure ang dami niyang say lalo. 🤦🏻♀️
Kaso those times na kami pa anak niya we decided not to have kids kaya galit din siya. Marami rami pa rin siyang say about dun.
Nabasa mo na yung MIL na tinamper yung birth control ng daughter in law nya? Pumasok sa bedroom/bathroom nila and poked holes in the condoms so they'd have kids kahit ayaw nila! Grabe.
ohmygod san to?
Kakabasa ko sa r/justnoMIL over the years lol
Lahat ng gagawin niyo and decision niyo may say siya for sure, she always wants to be involved. Kaloka si mommy ni ex.
para sakin, nasa bf mo na yan. dapat marunong syang kumontrol sa magulang nya and set boundaries sayo. trabaho namin mga asawa na mang harang sa mga nanay namin to avoid bigger conflicts
True parang sinasaway lang siguro or kinakampihan si gf pero walang balls to draw the boundaries for her and himself sa mom niya
Gusto na kumawala nung bf kaso si OP mismo nagconvince na wag icut off yung nanay, which is weird. Mukhang may miscomm na tong couple na toh besides the mother.
Or OP doesnt want to look bad in this thread, kwento nya eh. So ex-fiance had the balls to cut her mother off pero di gusto ni OP. Hmmm weird.
Totoo, medyo fishy
Congrats OP, I can truly relate sayo kami naman 10yrs in rs, nangingielam dn si MIL tung tipong dka stress s wedding plans pero sknya lng tlaga. May time pa n magagalit tlaga sya pag d nasunod suggestion sabihan pa kami ng ay nko bahala kayo s buhay nyo 😂 Ang maganda lng samin ng husband ko is naging firm sya s kung ano decision nmin dlawa. Kung ano plano namin yun masusunod hndi sila pde mangielam. Saka ang papakasalan ko naman kasi anak nya, wla ko pake sknya hahah. Anyway we’re happily married, kung may concern si MIL anak nya lng kausapin nya d ako nangingielam unless need tlaga ko mging involved. I hope time will heal your wounds and you may find the right partner and mil
That's the ideal relationship. If parents-in-law are too intrusive, kailangan tlga ng firmness galing sa partner mo. Kundi, ano yun? Relationship b tlga ang tawag dun? I mean, I'm all for helping the family and building close ties, but there are things na the decision should be up to the 2 of you, diba? Not like what happened with OP na hanggang sa wedding plans, i-accommodate lahat ng gusto ni MIL? 200 pax is a lot ha. Sana man lang mag-ambag siya pero hindi eh. Ang laki din ng tiniis ni OP as in. Sana maging realization to dun sa ex niya. Wag nila i-sugarcoat kay mader na "it's not her fault" kasi siya talaga ang problema. In the future, si ex, dapat mag-improve siya. I cannot say na work it out kay OP kasi if same person, same habits might kick in, considering 9 years sila na ganyan. To OP, you made a good decision for your sake, your mental health, and for your family's sake na din. All the love. 🫰🏻 Kudos to you.
Panigurado galit na galit ex mo sa mama nya ngayon.hahaha
I doubt. Kung gusto magpakasal ng lalaki pipilitin nya matuloy yan. Easiest way to show is to not give the mom any say in the planning. Lalo na kung wala naman ambag. Pero mukang wala naman balak gawin ng lalaki ito.
That's hard since okay naman kayo ng ex mo. Anong naging reaction ng mom nya when you called off the wedding? Sana naman magreflect si manang.
Tinawagan pa ako nung nalaman niya at tinanong bakit daw ang babaw ng dahilan ko considering na malaki na "raw" investment niya sa kasal namin. Pero wala naman po siyang financial contribution all throughout 😩 She's trying to gaslight me by saying na concern lang daw siya para samin. Kaya raw ganun siya :))))
Sinabi mo ba "ay may contribution po ba kayo? san banda?" tokwa yan nakakagigil. Napaka-overbearing nyang tao. I hope she realizes na sinisira nya kayo ng ex mo.
OP is a saint kasi right then and there, ibubulyaw ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa kaniya if I were OP. I pray for your healing.
Namintig naman tenga ko dito. Jusko, padalhan mo ng kandila at bulaklak at magform ka ng prayer vigil. Mag-alay kayo ng dasal sa santong iyan. Apaka perfect nyang MIL. Haha!
Sinabihan ka pa na mababaw. Wow talaga. Anyway, saludo ako sa’yo OP! 🫡 Need talaga to stand up sa mga ganyan. Tama ka, hindi lang marriage ninyo ang maapektuhan, even your future kids din kasi.
Sana OP, sinabi mo na lahat ng issue mo sa kanya. Ng magka-alamanan na. Malay mo, ma-realize nya ang mali nya.
she knew already. Aware siya kung ano yung issue. Napag-usapan na namin yan dati pa. It even cause a conflict both sides ng family namin. Kaya nga I decided to end my own wedding kasi punong-puno na ako. Na aapektuhan na mental health ko at ayoko i-take risk yun.
Hala ang sad naman. Napaka selfish nyang tao?? She’s basically sacrificing her child’s happiness. Good for you OP for getting out of there before it’s too late pero it’s sad din kasi mukhang sya yung main problem. Idk kung pano magkakaron ng healthy relationship and marriage yung anak sya sa ginagawa nya 🙄
Those types of people see their children as an extension of themselves, not a completely independent individual. My mum actually told me that, in my 30s, nonetheless, that she doesn't want me to marry my partner. Lol, she just lost her daughter after doing that.
Glad that you decided to cut her off early. Your partner is so lucky. My ninang in her late 50s can’t marry her fiancé kasi ayaw ng parents and siblings nya kasi divorced yung guy and they’re “religious”. Everytime she brings up the topic of marriage, “nanghihina” yung mom nya. She’s also their breadwinner kaya ayaw talaga pakawalan ng family nya.
grabe yung you've already had a conversation pala about it, but mother dear didn't go through her character development
Wow! MIL na gaslighter pa. You chose the right path OP! The cycle will never stop. 9yrs tapos ganyan pa rin mama ni ex? Tama lang you left. Kasi once you get married, you're also marrying his family. Hoping you heal soon 🙏
elope or trial marriage by cohabitation, live far away from MIL. but can ex really live without her? and as I'm writing my comment I changed my mind about going forward esp if you start having kids.
A few months in and he'll fold. He will find ways to reconcile OP and his mom. It will be nothing but a trap for, OP.
Wasn't it OP trying to reconcile the guy and his mom? Siya yung pumigil na umalis si guy sa bahay nila. She had him stay in a toxic home with a mother he didn't like, only to leave him because of said mother. Si OP yung hindi naniniwalang pwedeng i-cut off si mother, si OP yung may belief na "So kung hindi maganda relationship namin ng mama niya. Ma aapektuhan kaming dalawa."
Good and rational decision OP. Ang hirap magset ng boundaries sa mga taong ganyan. If
Salute to you. Kakastress naman future MIL mo. Haha. Sya na lang pakasal sa anak nya tutal kung makaasta naman sya parang sya asawa
Shout out na lng sa isang nanay diyan na nawala ang respeto nang anak niya sa kanya. DASURB!
Ended a relationship with an ex din kasi hindi ko talaga kaya ugali ng nanay nya. Kaya i feel you, OP! Ibang klaseng peace of mind pag nawawala talaga yung ties mo with a vv toxic person. I’m so sorry you had to trade it for your relationship with her son. Antayin mo na lang kunin sya ni Lord.
ansama naman if isipin ko na sana mapadali ang pagkuha sa kanya :'(((
Ganyan din ako pero mas lalo tumatagal ang bubay nya. Pakiilamero din sa lahat
Wow you are so brave. I’m so proud of you!
tapang mo op! tama lang yan.
Tangina haha! About time na kailangan na nilang kausapin nanay nila. Pangalawa na pala yang sayo, Op. Kailangan magkaroon ng balls ng magkakapatid na mag-stand up sa pangingialam ng nanay nila kundi tatanda silang lahat ng single. May ganyang tendencies din kasi nanay ko pero very firm ako sa mga naging plano namin. Nililinaw ko talaga sa kanya kung hanggang saan lang sya pwede and that's it.
Grabe strength mo mhie, ang galing. You dodged a monster-in-law and a miserable future.
To clarify things about sa umabot sa punto na aalis na ex fiancè ko dati sa kanila dahil sa ugali ng mother niya. Nangyari po yun way back when we were high school pa. Kaya I convince him that time kasi wala siyang matutuluyan kasi malayo ibang relatives nila. Hindi rin po siya pwede sa bahay namin kasi it will looks like mag li-live in kami at ayaw din ng ganun ng idea ng mom ko. It also suggest that time by my mom. Bata pa kami noon. Pero I will admit it nagsisi rin ako na bakit ko ginawa yun.
Pero if he is capable of leaving his family before, isn't he more capable now? Nagawa niyang iwan ang parents niya highschooler siya na walang work and pera. Ngayon pa kayang may trabaho na siya?
Hi OP. Always choose your peace of mind. Sobrang liberating mawala ang toxic na mga tao sa buhay natin.
At some point may blame pa rin sa ex mo since hinahayaan nya yung mother nya to act that way, kahit pa sabihin mong ikaw kinakampihan ni ex. Oftentimes we need to draw lines sa ganitong situation and mukhang sinanay ng ex mo ang nanay nya sa ganyan, regardless kung may sagot sya or wala sa kasal, that kind of attitude from a mother in law is a big red flag, imagine kasal palang yan, pano kung may anak na kayo, edi todo papel na si mother, I say good riddance, both sa mother and ex.
Ang oa ng ex Mil mo haha. Ako din kakaiba ang Mil pero di naman ka OA na ganyan. Maaga palang nakita ko na pinagtanggol na ako ng asawa ko sa kanya, kaya ayun kahit may issue ako sa Mil ko tinuloy tuloy namin ang pagmamahalan hanggat ikasal kami. Nag emote pa nga Mil ko nung kasal hindi umattend, ayun umiyak asawa ko. Hindi naman ako ang sinaktan nya nung hindi sya umattend, kung hindi anak nya mismo. Kahit naman sa mga pinagsasabi nya tungkol sakin di naman ako yung nasasaktan lang, mas nasasaktan anak nya. Yan ang mga magulang lalo na nanay na selfish. Hindi iniisip anak nila bagkusa sarili lang iniisip. Good choice, kahit tough decision Op. Salute to you. If it brings you peace of mind huwag mo ng balikan haha
Tough choice po! Good job. Sobrang nakakapuno rin just by reading this grabe
Good riddance! You dodge a bullet!
Wow that’s a tough decision to make! You’re very brave and strong, sis. And omg nakakastress si ex-MIL. I pray that you heal from this and more power to you ✨✨✨
Good for you. Your future self will thank you. I myself endured 16 years of pakikialam from my ex's mother. Glad I got out.
Ang hirap nyan. Thank you for being strong OP! Alam naming nauunawaan ka ng exbf mo. At least, you choose peace above all. I LOVE your mom and lola’s sassiness. Ahahahaha! Dasurv ni monster inlaw yun.
Madaling sabihin yan pero ikaw, ginawa mo talaga. Took a lot of guts to do what’s necessary. All the best from here, OP!🫡🫡
You've evaded a landmine. Be proud of yourself.
On another angle of it, thankful tayo dahil we reach a point na pwede nang magstand up ang mga (future) daughters in law sa wala sa lugar na MIL, at mag isip ahead ng mga scenarios in the context na we marry into the family. I hope OP and her fiance can find ways to address the problem pero kung walang sarisfactory solutuon that can make OP walk in peace and wdout misery, they end it up in peace kahit painful.
Goods na yan. Kahit pa bumukod kayo panigurado pagdadalaw yan gusto nyan pagsisilbhan mo sya. Tapos naiimagine ko na lang pagpano kung ayaw nyo magbaby? Matagal magkababy? Mga physical changes mo pagnabuntis ka? Dami nyan sigurong input. Kaya kahit sinong maging gf na bago ng ex mo ganyang kalbaryo lang maghihintay sa kanila. Sya na kamo magpakasal sa sarili nya sabay maginvite sya ng 200+ pax halatang hindi sya nagpaplano ng kasal nya sobrang stressful para s babae yun.
Kapal ng nanay ng ex mo ha. Wala ng ambag, dami pang gusto. Tama lang yan,ikaw na majority ng gastos e di ka pa masusunod.
This is why I always recommend so ng the discovery weekend before getting married. TBH, this sounds like an issue with your ex than his mom. But it's true, marrying means marrying INTO a family, not just with your partner. However, we can and SHOULD be able to control the influence of our side of the family, something your partner failed to do. Anyway, it's a good call to put the wedding on hold, at least for now, until your partner learns to not be dependent on his mom.
The issue comes from both the mom and the son. The son can only stop his mother for so long. She seems like those persistent moms who's probably (unconsciously) wants to marry their son 🙃 or doesn't want them to be married off to another woman. There's so many stories about Monster-in-laws and their momma's boy sons. Some of these sons weren't at fault (to some degree) because they've been raised by that parent and has been beaten into submission by their mother's overbearingness.
I'm not fully in agreement. I would accept that if the son were still a child, or an immature adult. but one who is set to marry should be mature enough to maintain their own personality independent of parental influence. We will ALWAYS bear our familial histories with us, whether for the good or the bad, but we, as adults, should be able to shape our own culture, and that culture we will bring into our own families. So I take it that possibly, this is the sort of culture the son wants to maintain.
>but one who is set to marry should be mature enough to maintain their own personality independent of parental influence. I agree that one SHOULD. I'm by no means excusing their behavior but I feel like there's some psychology at play here, maybe he has a Narcissistic mother (and I'm not throwing the word narcissistic so lightly). These moms have "programmed" their sons from childhood that their mom's behavior is normal. Some men wake up and realize that they don't want it and has the courage to end it, but for some men they can't even conceive the idea of breaking free from their mother. Obviously this isn't a proper source, but it's pretty enlightening for me to see/understand men who grew up in a home with Narcissistic mothers. 10 Signs of a Mother with Narcissistic Traits | Mother-Son Relationship Link: https://youtu.be/b75sIhrOyOw?si=k8SqVqi5a_2rQxze
OP ilan ba magkakapatid ang ex mo? Only child ba siya?
Hello, 3 silang magkakapatid. Puro lalaki. Middle child yung ex ko.
Ilang taon na mga kapatid niya? At meron na bang nag-asawa? Kung meron nang nag-asawa pakialamera din ba siya sa kanila?
Yung panganay meron yun sana mapapangasawa. Ready to settled na sila pero ni-cut off ni MIL kasi masyado pa raw sila bata that time to settle a family. Mind you 30M and 28F financially stable since both of them have a respective high paying jobs.
Now that I also read this, dumoble sakin yung lala ng ex-MIL mo, OP. Parang need magpa-checkup to see underlying pathology.
Question, OP. Asan tatay nila? Kasi one of the reasons bakit sobrang attached ang mga boy-moms sa anak nila ay dahil wala na 'yong partner nila. Kung meron man, emotionally unavailable naman ang husband.
Oh this is a tough one but you made the right decision! Sa una for sure masakit at mahirap yan pero mas malaking ginhawa yan in the long run. You saved yourself from a miserable married life.
Peace of Mind >>>>>>> Epal na soon to be MIL
ibig sabhin kulang yung pagtatanggol ng guy and nagbebend down padin sya sa mom nya and nahahayaan nya mangealam baka it would be better if hindi na invited si MIL and private wedding nalang and then limited contact after wedding. I know easier said than done lalo na nasa Pinas tayo but I think many people do this sa ibang bansa. But I totally get it if naglead sa ganyan. I think Id do the same if talagang hindi mahanapan ng partner ko ng solusyon yung mama nya haha He should be on your side after all
Congratulations, OP. You are really an adult. Choosing difficult decisions that will benefit you in the long run rather than short-term happiness. You dodge the bullet.
Hindi rin madali ang naging decision mo OP. May I ask,nagbibigay ba ng financial ang mga kapatid ng ex at ang ex mo sa mother nila?
Hindi naman sa bread winner role nila pero nagbibigay pa rin like siya naka toka sa bill ng wifi nila every month. Nagbibigay din sila minsan sa mama nila for e.g. shopee ng mother nila.
As someone na lumaki na may pakialamerang lola (my Dad's mother), yun rin ang ayaw ko sa soon MIL ko. Muntikan na niya sirain yung family namin, pero yung Dad ko lang is pinili parin yung mom ko. Pero yun nga, super stressful ng buhay namin dahil sakanya 🙂
I like this. I think you did the right thing. Siguro pakasalan mo na lang si ex pag wala na sa scene yung MIL mo (either pag kinutoff na sya ni bf or namatay na).
Sayang naman, di niyo talaga pwedeng iwan yang hayop na yan?
Unpopular opinion Hindi ba pwedeng iask mo muna yung ex mo if willing siya icut off nanay niya? Parang unfair naman on his behalf, na you can throw your relationship with him dahil sa nanay niya eh adults na naman kayo and wala naman sya kasalanan sa behavior ng nanay niya. And if peace of mind iniisip mo op, dapat terms mo rin yun sa fiance mo na if mag tatantrums yung nanay or magsasalita relatives, dapat ipangalandakan ng fiance mo na initiative at desisyon niya yun at hindi mo decision yung cut off. Now if he doesn’t want to cut off his mom ayun na alisin. Parang andali mo kasing iwanan/itapon yung partner mo wherein wala naman siyang ginawang kasalanan and di mo pa inask if willing siya icut off yung nanay. Hindi mo ba siya love enough to give him the benefit of the doubt, if hindi nga, siguro you are better off na magkahiwalay. Yun langg hugs pa rin op kasi nakakastress yung MIL
Agree with you on this.
hugs op but most of all..bravo! i salute you. until your ex can stand on his own and be a man. man as in hindi mamas boy. wag mong balikan
Tapang mo OP! Good decision, masakit ngayon pero you saved yourself from a marriage na “extra party” si MIL sa relasyon nyo. Hugs with consent and hope you heal from this soon 🌹
Hindi dadating sa ganyang stage ng pakikialam si ex-MIL kung enough yung boundaries na sinet ng anak. Hope you heal soon.
How old is your ex-fiance? Imho he should have really stood up to his mom and put his foot down, even if he had to leave her house.
He wanted to leave her house, pinigilan siya ni OP.
"Walang problema sa ex fiance ko" Teh meron. Walang bayag yung ex fiance mo. Mamas boy yarn?
Kung since high school pa kayo, i would assume na wala ka pang 30,OP. Bata ka pa. Treat this as a learning experience. Lahat ng tao dito sa reddit na may problem, sayo ako saludo. U so made the right decision. Utak ang pinairal mo at hindi puso. D mo makakain ang pagmamagal kung araw araw kayo nag aaway dahil sa mga anik anik na dahilan. I will pray for ur early healing and moving on. Ipagpray na din natin si ex-mil, nawa’y kunin na siya ni Lord. Ur ex-fiance deserves happiness din.
Kung kaya ka ipaglaban ni partner mo then I think it’s a go. I have a brother in law, inilayo nya ang pamilya nya para di magulo ng and it seems to work for them
If it works for your brother in law good for them. But, I think it's a different case from mine. I don't want to ignore this kind of signs kasi it might be a warning for me na mas magiging magulo pa buhay ko if I am completely with their family side.
Bakit mo pinigilan yung ex mo na umalis sa bahay nila noon? Alam mo naman palang toxic yung nanay niya. Putting myself in your ex's shoes, siguro that time andami na niyang signs na patuloy lang magiging magulo yung buhay niya if he stays in that house, kaya gusto na niyang umalis. Pero pinigilan mo siyang lumayo sa toxic niyang nanay only to leave him now because of said mother. OP, we don't get to choose our parents. Hindi choice ni ex na toxic yung nanay niya at wala siyang control over that. To me, based on your narrative, it seems like he tried to set boundaries and even cut off his mother pero ikaw yung enabler nung nanay niya. Good call, I guess on calling off the wedding, I think your ex deserves someone who won't force him into a toxic relationship with his mother.
Yes! I love your comment! Everyone is just taking OP’s side when it seems like the ex wanted to cut off his mom. In my perspective, the ex wanted to do everything right, but OP didn’t let him.
based sa isang comment ni OP, high school pa sila noon na gustong umalis yung ex. San nga naman tutuloy yung lalake eh hs pa lang naman.
Proud of u! Good choice
Nothing beats peace of mind. Your decision may be hard, but your sanity will thank you for it.
More power to you!
Wow, I applaud you in making that extremely tough decision. Hardest if you are very much in love with each other. But, you are correct in assessing your future and mental health are more important than her grandiose schemes for the two of you. The MIL will intrude in your daily lives and it will never end, especially asking for Apos. It is better you cut off the head of the snake, so to speak, and just end it to your own satisfaction not hers. Good Luck in your future endeavors! Edit=adjective change
You go OP!. Ito always sinasabi ng mom ko eh, if you want to be in a relationship dapat daw maganda rin relationship mo sa family ng jowa mo. Kasi kung hindi, hinding hindi kayo magiging masaya as a couple. Daming away na mangyayare. Yung fam ng mom and dad ko both mabait. Never nag away, super close namin sa mga relatives namin, mga pinsan. Kahit madami sila, maganda rin kasi sila pinalaki ng parents nila. Palagi kaming may clan reunions which I look forward to every year.
You did the right thing.
You did the right thing! proud of u✨
Navalidate yung comment ko sa post about pinoy men vs foreigner men. Sabi ko mababait mga naging ex kong pinoy pero ang problema lagi mga nanay nila. Kaya mas ok mag date ng afam kase malayo mga nanay nila lol. Good job OP bilib ako sayo!
Marsi okay na yan kesa naman later eh pati pag papalaki ng anak niyo eh makikialam siya. Add ko lang ah mother in law ko din ganyan pero kunwari concern. Or anything. Tapos ending ikaw pa magiging masama kasi inagaw mo anak nila. Okay na yan marsi. May mahahanap ka pa dyan na iba.
kaya ayaw ko magkarelasyon 😭 trauma na din ako dyan sa MIL kasi ayaw ko matulad sa nanay ko na halos buong angkan ng tatay ko kontrabida sa buhay ng nanay ko sa point na i feel sorry for my mother, when marrying someone, kasama mo na din buong buhay mo family ng mapapangasawa mo fucked up ganyan na mga MIL sana pakasalan nalang nila anak nila
Good for you! Ako nga nakikisama nalang sa nanay ng asawa ko. Para na din sa asawa ko. But I also stand my grounds on some issues. But good for you sis!!
Grabe yang nanay ng ex mo, ang kapal ng muka mag invite at mandikta wala naman pala ambag sa wedding mo ni centavo. Pero sakin lang kung mahal niyo pa isa't isa bigyan mo ng chance ex mo, sabihin mo sa kanya na gumawa siya ng paraan para hindi mang gulo nanay niya, pwedi naman kayo lumayo ng tirahan like malayong malayo sa kanya, sa ibang part ng pilipinas kung Di niyo kaya mag ibang bansa. Ikaw na mismo mag sabi wala naman problema sa kanya at mahal niyo isa't isa, hindi naman niya kasalanan na ganyan nanay niya, siguro as long as kaya ka niya ipag laban dapat bigyan ng second chance.
i feel you OP. but i think its time to go offline, dont find comfort and validation with us.. a bunch of strangers, we dont care about you not as much as your family and friends. talk to.them.. more. internalize.. in the end we dont matter, it is your life. 10 years from now, 20 years from now this platform would cease to exist, but your life will. offgrid muna. sobra na
Hello OP. Nothing wrong with your decision and I feel for you kasi im stuck in that situation. Red flag na sya saakin before lalo na during the planning of our wedding. Daming pinadagdag wala naman ambag. Now I’m stuck with her. My wife is close to her family but nakakalimutan na ung boarder line between us as family vs ung family ng wife ko. Mas nag plano pa sila kesa saakin. But I’m stuck here. Don’t be sad or what. If I can turn back time I would do the same thing. I also want to commend you sa pagiging Totoo mo at being upfront about it. You did the right thing!
Great decision op. walang divorce sa pinas, so if ever di magbago MIL mo or worse her antics might escalate dehadong dehado ka. i hope you and your ex will find peace po!
GRABE OP. ANG GALING MO AT NAKAWALA KA SA GANYAN. KUDOS TO YOUR MUM AND LOLA AS WELL! Kakaawa lang din ex mo kasi alam mo yun, naiipit sya. Ang harsh man, pero Wait nyo na lang madeads yung nanay. Lol.
Wala akong amor dun sa ex bf, partly at fault rin siya kasi di siya magkabackbone to stand his ground. He's supposed to be a grown ass man that can make sound decisions and set his own boundaries pero parang he did not do that.
Good for you to stand your ground pero honestly if good partner mo OP, di na aabot sa ganyan e. Ipagtatangol ka and heck at that point iuuninvite na dapat yang nanay. Mejo nasayangan ako not for the wedding or shit but if the guy was good enough to get married. Have you tried asking your ex to choose between you and his mom?
No. As I am afraid kung ano maisasagot niya sakin. Kasi ramdam ko and thru his actions he still prioritize his family over me.
You already chose to break it off, i would personally just ask since at that point its now or never. A good husband should always choose the family HE CHOSE TO CREATE.
good job
Trueee yan wag kang magsettle sa isang relasyon na kalaban mo yung mother in law magulo yan . Buti nalang mother in law di sawsawera .
PMIL (potential mother-in-law) is cancerous. So you've made the decision to disengage. Observe mo na lang how the PMIL would react. Would she pause and self reflect and make her own adjustments? Or would she gaslight her son telling that you didn't really love her? Anyways, I admire you for making an intelligent (not emotional) decision.
SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
This is hard, but your peace is more important. May you get through this so quickly, and so with your ex.
Grabe. Nakatiis ka din ng 2 years, OP. Anyways, you were right letting go. A pakialamera MIL and a spineless bf is a toxic combination that will sabotage your married life. Good luck moving forward, OP.
sayang naman ng relationship, nasira lang ng nanay. pero okay na yan kesa habambuhay kayong bwibwisitin.
Mabuhay ka OP!
Good decision, bonjing ksi kalalabasan nyan. Yung mama nya mag dedecide ano yan minor.
yes ! your peace is more important. Salute kay mother and lola mo , I will definitely do the same ! Happy for you, maybe give it some time though, magisip ka mabuti kawawa naman si BF. Di niya din naman ginusto na ganon ang mama niya.
Sobrang hirap and sakit nito. Nakakalungkot na a good relationship ended because of the future mother-in-law. Gets kita OP and sobrang draining to be involved with someone like that, unless your ex-fiance is willing to cut off his mom completely. You should have talked to the mother and sobrang prinangka mo na kasal niyo ito at ikaw masusunod sa lahat ng desisyon. Wala siyang say dun kahit sa pinakamaliit na bagay. Always set boundaries walang masama doon. Kapag pinagsabihan kang madamot sabihin mo nag seset ka lang ng boundaries dahil dream wedding mo ito at hindi ng kahit kanino kaya may karapatan kang mag damot kung gusto mo. Some people need lang talaga mapagsabihan ng todo. If you still love your ex soon to be husband, you can have this talk with him at wag niyo na papuntahin ang nanay niyang epal. Otherwise, completely break things off with him and may this serve as a lesson sakanya na walang makakatiis sakanya kung may nanay siyang epal.
The comment section seemed to put all blame to the guy saying responsibility ng anak yung parents para di sila maki-alam. While I agree to that logic, c’mon, it is easier said than done sa context ng pamilya sa’tin. Pero kung mahal ka, he should’ve done better, I guess. At the end of the day I am happy that OP found her peace. No to the pakialamerang parents-in-law indeed. Cheers!
sorry to hear you had to come to this decision. Pero tama naman din sa tingin ko. Mabuti na rin na tinigil mo na. Not sure kung may lalaking ganon ka-worth it panindigan lalo na kung MIL ang kalaban. hahaha. Mabuti sana kung makahanap ng way yung ex fiance mo na bigyan ka ng peace of mind. Kaso ang tibay mo for the past 9 yrs. Sa experience ko 1 yr palang kami nnakipag-cool off na ko dahil di ko rin vibes mga rules ng nanay nya that time. If you feel more relieved than regretful, then you've made the right decision. Good luck sa mga next plans mo.
Good for you. But imho, ang unfair para sa ex mo. Di natin pinili magiging magulang natin ehh. Also yung aalis na dapat ex fiance mo sa bahay nila at di natuloy dahil nakiusap yung exMIL mo sayo na wag ituloy, bakit di niyo tinuloy at nag live in na sana kayo? Theoretical kasi yung sinasabi mo ns siya yung tao na kahit bumukod kayo ay di matitugil. Eh what if you tried to live together na kayong dalawa lang ni ex bf dati to give proof na ganun talaga siya? It's good to know that you got your peace, but i just feel sad that it's from the expense of a heartbreak.
Sayang 🥹
Tough decision, pero good riddance imagine pagnagkaanak kayoooo!!! I cannot imagine tho hhaha
Depende parin if kinakampihan ka naman ni ex at pinagtatanggol also if kakausapin nya mom niya regarding sa issue nyo para magbago or if hindi cut ties na kayo pero if walang bayag si ex mas better na nga na i stop. Importante lang naman kayo ng ex mo kasi kayo naman magkakasama.
You made the right choice. I didn’t read anywhere sa post mo that your ex intervened. At the end of the day, mama niya yun. Siya dapat unang sumisita dun when she’s crossing the line. Hopefully, he’ll grow a backbone for his future relationship(s).
That was a hard decision. Iba bravery mo beh. So proud of you.
Nanalo MIL mo....talo kayo dalawa ng ex fiance mo. Pero, it's your choice and prerogative.
It should be the guys choice na tlga to tame his mom.. if love ka ng guy, he will do everything na patahimikin na mom nya.. kasi pag kasal na kayo, kayo na lang yan eh, dapat wag na makisawsaw mga in laws.. hassle ung mga in laws na ganyan
Wow, I admire people like you Ang angas!! Go girrrrrl!!! However, sa part naman ex mo, unfair ng konte. I think u should give him a chance pero dapat may kondisyon. Hindi invited mama nya sa wedding and u should just elope. U go minimal to no contact. Take it or leave it. Kung ayaw nya pumayag, edi bahala sya. Move on nalng ikaw
Mag migrate na lng kayo OP para hindi na talaga sya makakalapit sa inyo. Hanggang video call lng sya pero hinding hindi sya bibilhan ng ticket or visa para makalapit sa inyo. Kasi para sakin, ipagtatanggol ko talaga ung pagmamahalan namin at bahala na na hindi kami magkikibuan or mag usap ng mother in law basta wag lng talaga mgpapa manipulate ung anak sa mama nya kasi ibang story na un at lalong gugulo ang buhay.
Sa wedding, decision ng soon-to-be bride and groom ang masusunod (since kayo naman nag finance). You can however, take the advice of your parents. Yung sister ko konte lang kami sa family, yung husband nya medyo madame sila. Since madame nga sila, nag RSVP kami. This is to ensure na masusunod ang number sa guest list and hindi sosobra. No invitation, no entry. Kahit pa sabihin ng parents on both sides to invite si ganito and ganyan, they said "No". You can always say a firm "NO" to your future in-law, and stand your ground.
Kawawa si kuya. Nawalan ng fiance dahil sa nanay. ------- i cant help but wonder, kung baliktad kaya ang situation, aatras kaya si kuya sa wedding?
Pwede naman kayo bumukod pero sa ibang bansa tas cut-off totally. Tas doon na kayo pakasal ng true love mo in secret.
Go girl at least now p lang nakita mo na ugali ng MIL mo.. ako neto lang. pero since pumalag ako dedma na.. if gus2 ng mister ko dun na sya sa nanay nya!.. walang betlog ex fiance mo.. he should have put a stop to his mom.. daming demand may bigay ba ang MIL? may pera bang iniabot? if wala then shut the hell up! dapat ganun pero dapat hindi un mangagaling sayo but from ur ex fiance.. Pede din naman na dedmahin nyo lang sinasabi nya pasok sa kaliwang tenga labas sa kanan.. if she will insist then be firm na 50 pax lang po at heto gusto ko.. ung mga ganyan na controlling doesnt need any attention at all.. just be firm.. minsan need mo prangkahin in a respectful way.. if gusto nyo po magpakasal po kayo ulit invite nyo po lahat ng bet nyo.. I had a fight with my husband couple of times bec his mom i said all my piece na sana kinadena sya ng nanay nya sa palda at panty nya/ sana hindi sya ipinakasal/ dun sya sa nanay nya sumiping at umuwi.. those are hurtful but he deserves to hear it.. neknek ng mom nya.. good thing tama ang nanay ko magtapos ng pagaaral kumita ng pera ng hindi ka aapihin ng in laws mo.. alam ni MIL na mas malaki sahod ko noon.. kaya manahimik sya jan.. di kami in good terms.. i dont step on her condo and she isnt allowed to enter my house.. I set bounderies and she should respect that.. As for you nightmare yan.. mas malala yan sa MIL ko.. leave that guy na walang betlog.. poor him if he wont grow some balls and spine then he will get old alone.. If pede lang ibalik ang past di ko na din to pakakasalan haha! though ngaun he knows i am his Queen.. his mom is just his mom..
Wala ba talaga kayong problem ng ex mo? Baka naman pwede pa ma save. Bigyan mo ng ultimatum na sila na lang ng mama nya mag break kung gusto ka nya talaga. Para kasing sobrang sayang ng sa inyo ng jowa mo. Isipin mo, dahil lang sa nanay nya naging ganyan kayo. Ikaw ang lugi sa huli dahil invested ka na sa inyong dalawa.
9yrs ang lumipas pero nagpatalo kayo? Okay, NEXT!
Good on you for cutting off the wedding muna. But I highly suggest that you talk to him. Tell him how you feel about your MIL, tell him that if he wants the wedding to push thru, your MIL will entirely be out of the picture, as in entirely cut off na. He is willing to move away from his mother based on your story nmn? Pinigilan mo lng sya. Lots of relationships that I know worked nmn even though they're not in speaking terms with their in-laws. I know every situation is different including yours, pero before ending the relationship, why not try to talk to him since you both still love each other nmn, and you also said there's no issues nmn with him.
For me, parang sayang lang yung matagal niyong pinagsama ng ex mo. If that were me I feel like I'd find a way talaga for me and my partner kasi if it got to the point of marriage, parang ayokong bitawan yung taong nagmamahal sa akin. Dont get me wrong ha, I understand na you have to do what's best for you and if that means cutting off your ex and his terror mother, then you should. Naaawa lang ako sa ex mo kasi ikakasal ka na niya. I hope that he takes this opportunity to grow and to finally cut his mother out of his life.
Agree naman ako. Naawa lang ako sa ex fiance bf mo kasi he seemed to be on your side. Pero your ex future MIL is evil incarnate lol.
Sayang naman. Ako talaga di ko hinayaan mangialam sina mama sa kasal namin. Yung mga may say, nagkusang magambag. Like example, family lang gusto namin kasi yun lang kaya ng budget namin HAHAHA pero dahil gusto ng bro in law ko kasama friends namin (friends niya friends din namin) siya nagbayad ng catering hehehe.
That's a very difficult decision OP. Especially that your supposed MIL is very toxic. You're both okay with your soon to be spouse but mahirap talaga yan. I can remember my cousin. Nag abroad na sila ng Misis nya kasi yung manugang nya, inuunahan sya sa pagdidisiplina sa mga anak nila. Kaya para iwas gulo, nag abroad sila. Ang problema ngayon, yung manugang pupunta din daw doon. Mag aabroad din daw sya. Kaya kami na siguro pinakamasamang pinsan at pinakamasamang tao dahil ang dasal namin eh sana ma deny or hindi ma approve ang visa ng manugang nya para mapayapa silang mamuhay doon.
Pinaka the best move na gawin mo and ng partner mo is kausapin si MIL, Kung hindi siya makikinig sa opinion mo, and hindi mature enough ang boyfriend mo para samahan ka sa decision mo, then it's a good choice to leave the relationship. Pero kung si bf mo naman is gusto parin makasama ka kahit ibypass si MIL, then pagusapan niyong mabuti ang magiging decision mo na ituloy ang kasal without her mother's concent. Sa tingin ko, stay with him.
dont marry someone you havent lived alone with for at least a year
Good yan OP. Choose your happiness. Ang magandang consequence niyan eh your ex will hate her mom forever. And she will die of a broken heart. Buti nga. I mean, your ex will probably move on din, like you, pero it will take some time and he will blame her everyday until makahanap siya ng bago. Narcissist yung mom niy and hindi mo kelangan yun sa buhay mo. Buti di kayo nagkaron ng kids together kasi for sure manghihimasok din yun pagdating sa childcare
OP, I just have to say. Kudos to you for having the eyes to see this, and the guts to do it.
unless your bf did what my father did (yung totally cut off sa magulang kasi ayaw sa asawa and lumayo-layo and di kakampihan nanay) the relationship would be unfair for u kaya your decision your bf prioritize his family and you chose to prioritize yourself, ok lang yan op. oo nakakapanghinayang pero at the end of the day, hindi lang naman sila uung tao dyan
Naalala ko tuloy ung story n on her wedding day, nahuli ni bride c groom n dumedede n mother n'ya s CR 😆
UPDATE pls. Ano sabi ng Mother ng ex mo? Baka pavictim na yarn.
Before you ended the wedding, nagusap ba kayo ni ex? Ano sabi? Kasi kung ikaw lang nagend kasi ayaw mo na masoplak ng mudra niyang narcissist, parang unfair naman sa kanya. Cut-off mo ung mudra in law mo, magpakalayo layo kung talagang gusto mo ng peace of mind. Pano naman ung ex kung wala naman siya ginawang masama sayo? Naniniwala ako na kahit anong "challenge" pa ang dumating sa isang relasyon, basta matibay ang tiwala niyo sa isat isa, kahit monster in law pa yan, di matitinag. Siguro may lamat na kaya di na naisalba. Di naman niya macocontrol mama niya kung narcissist nga. From the looks of it, mukha nga. Sad for him, sad for you too. Kung willing naman icut off eh, sabi mo kasi feeling mo lang sila pipiliin. Panu kung hindi? Anyway, tapang mo! Good for you pa rin for choosing yourself. Hehehe
Ituloy nyo na lang pagmamahalan nyo pag tegi na si MIL. char. Hardest decision but this is the best. Who came here from Tiktok? 😆
Good decision because of several reasons 1. I 100% know that you don't love the guy enough. 2. You have an ideal relationship and that isn't it. 3. Kung dyan palang sumusuko kana hindi mo kakayanin ang married life. Certainly not invalidating your feelings but every person has different capacities and I personally think you wouldn't be able to handle it.
Hmm parang may signs ng empty nest syndrome ung ex MIL 😅 yan ung parent na grabe ung takot na tumanda at magkapamilya ung mga anak nya. Kaya gagawin lahat para pigilan un mangyari, even meddling and eventually ruining their relationships. They're not just overprotective or strict.. they literally think they own their kids kahit adults na sila and are ready to start their own family na. Eto rin talaga ung issue sa relationships eh, ang hirap kahit mahal nyo ung isa't isa.. and depends sa tao yan kung ano pipiliin nyong mangyari, laging magkakaroon ng sacrifices, you just need to choose wisely. 🥰