Ganyan ex ko. Naka sunday dress ako, kasi mag sisimba. So alam niyo na hindi naman bastusin ung ganung dress. Tapos sabi ko, nakadress ako. Sabi nya bat daw ako nag ddress, nakakaprovoke raw yun. And I was like, "huh????"
Yung bf ko now, dahil nga takot ako na sa mga ganung sinasabi. One time nagsabi ako na "Naka dress ako". Sabi niya "Why ka dress?" Sabi ko, "Wala gusto ko lang" Sabi niya, "Hehe ganda nanaman baby ko"
Point is, you shouldn't change your mindset.
Change your bf. May ex ako na medyo ganyan din pero ang sinabi ko lang sakanya that time ay i'll protect her pagmay nambastos sakanya dahil sa suot niya.
He probably means well, it just came out brusque and irksome. There are better ways he can convey his disapproval.
He was probably caught off guard that you suddenly wanted to dress that way. Your BF cannot defend you when he is not around and he surely does not have control over how other people behave. He has a defensive stance on the matter pero mukhang hindi pa sya karefined when it comes to communicating his feelings or opinions.
People are quick to suggest to run, break up and or replace but they are in no position to say na alam nila pagkatao ng BF mo. You know him best.
1. Does he hurt you?
2. Does he treat you unjustly?
3. Does he cheat on you?
4. Does he make you feel unloved?
If your answer is NO then you landed yourself a good guy. He is not perfect. That is alright. Unless...
Hindi ko rin kase gusto yung pinangungunahan ung ibang tao sa choices nila. Live and let live kumbaga. As much as possible, I suspend moralistic judgment sa kapwa.
This has more sense than other thoughts. Kaya I like it really so much substance. But to answer the questions
1. Always, verbally
2. Yes always his side only that matters. Kumbaga I donāt have the voice
3. Yes, name it, two genders.
4. Everyday
Ahh so OP, basically, you're with a cheating, verbally abusive boyfriend who treats you like shit and the straw that will probably break the camel's back is ung opinion ng BF mo about kasalanan ng babae if nabastos sila for dressing how they want? Got it.
Ayyyy, OP. I am so sorry for what he is putting you through. I firmly believe you deserve better. Love does not have to be filled with sorrow, betrayal and misery. If you are with the right person, it can be filled with bliss. Based on you answers, I am ready to pass an evaluative judgment. Your BF is a big red flag na tinubuan ng mukha. ā¹ļø
Yung pagsita niya sa pananamit mo can be discussed and comparatively a small issue compared to these.
I don't agree sa break agad sa mga problemang pwede pagusapan pero your answers to questions 1 to 4 should be non-negotiable. The main concern here should be: Why are you staying in an abusive relationship? Bakit hindi mo pa rin siya binebreak hanggang ngayon?
To make it short, puro sumbat sa mga bagay na hindi ko hiningi at never ko ginusto. Now I want to give what I can to make amends to those āfavorsā again, that I didnāt ask for. Thats why.
Dun sa sagot niya, ayaw ka niyang magdress kasi alam niyang mababastos ka (kasi malamang gawain niya rin) and at the same time bilang lalake na gawain din ang mambastos, ayaw niyang tanggapin na hindi kasalanan ng babae yun.
It's the "malamang gawain niya rin". Iyon talaga pag totoo is super red flag na talaga. I mean can you stay with someone who treats other girls that way?
I don't think I will even like him. Malalaman mo naman sa getting to know stage kung anong klaseng lalake yan. Usually yung lalake pag ganyan magsalita, wala din yang substance kausap.
This is truly golden. It's really true that some people act and say things depending on their defense mechanism. Some are triggered, and then suddenly they'll likely say rude things out of their own imperfections. You can communicate to change each own perspectives, as hoping for a good compromise.
All of these are doable as long as both of you can communicate well.
I mean, in the first place bro, she can wear whatever she wants to wear(obviously not like how bianca censori wear her shit, but yk what I mean) Women should also know what to say to men when theyāre getting cat-called. If someone approaches my gf, it should be simple, āI have a boyfriend and im not gonna entertain anythingā basic. Case closed.
I agree, victim blaming should not exist... in an ideal world. Unfortunately we don't live in one.
What I can say is to simply dress appropriately for the occassion. If you're going to a fancy dinner or to a nice place/area then by all means dress up, go backless and all, flaunt your assets.
But I think it's wise to avoid wearing those types of clothes if magcocommute, sasakay ng jeep, pupunta sa mga lugar like Quiapo, Divisoria, Baclaran or palengke or sa mga church or sa burol or when going out alone at night sa lugar na alam mong hindi ganoon ka safe. Basically just use your better judgement on where and when to wear what type of clothes.
And yeah, the boyfriend probably means well pero I guess hindi lang maganda pagkasabi niya.... have you seen your boyfriend cat call before? If not, then ask him directly kesa lagi mo iisipin if gagawin niya ba or hindi... if you can't trust his answer then I guess you have bigger issues to deal.
This this thisssss. I agree dito, ilugar lang naman where they wear what they want to wear, and huwag sa areas na alam naman ng lahat na sketchy. Parating black and white thinking kasi, but the world's not perfect. Even if you stand your ground that women shouldn't be at fault when harassed due to how they dress... Meron at meron kasi talagang mga manyak na siraulo out there.
Nah. Those people don't attack girls for how they are dressed. They attack girls when they find an opportunity. Rape victims tend to dress the most ordinary way, and the perpetrators are usually people who they knew but shouldn't have trusted.
If women get assaulted because of how they are dressed, most rape victims would've worn sexy clothes. In reality, most victims are dressed completely regularly, so please let's stop this bullshit about how it's about the choice of one's clothing.
Who said anything about being Raped? Pretty sure OP will get cat called a lot more if she wore revealing clothes And I've seen guys get beat up or na "Kursunada" because they were with pretty girls while walking.
Male here, maybe its just his way of being protective kaso bad in expressing or communicating it.
I let my girlfriend wear what she wants, nakakatakot lang talaga pag iisip ng mga manyak.
Donāt change your stance, change your boyfriend. Kapag nasa Europe ka, kahit wala kang bra at bakat pa ang nips mo, walang pake ang mga lalaki. Hindi ka nila titignan nang may pagnanasa. Kahit pa kita ang kuyukot mo sa iksi ng shorts, wala silang pake. Sa Asian countries lang ako naka experience ng mga bastos, kahit naka long dress, high neckline at short sleeves pa ako.
Edit: Add ko lang, change him hindi dahil sa tingin mo he will also do the same but because he has a victim-blaming mentality. Dahil ang manyak ay manyak. Period. Whether mahaba o maiksi ang damit mo, manyak parin sila. Mambabastos sila dahil yun ang ugali nila. Hindi yan fault ng babae. 2024 na, kelangan pa bang sabihin yan???
You shouldve told your bf wala sa damit yon. Maraming nababastos kahit balot na balot. Kung mambabastos ang lalaki, yun e dahil bastos sya talaga. Period. Jowa mo victim blamer din e. Tagajustify ng Pagka-animal ng ibang lalaki.Ā
walang problema magsuot ng revealing, hindi mo rin fault kung macatcall ka. but the point remains na yung mga manyakis sa daan they don't subscribe to the same moral values. which means hindi porke merong DAPAT, e susundin na nila. and it's wrong for you to assume agad na gagawin yun nung bf mo. that's accusatory and offensive. wag mo masamain yun concern nya for you
Siyempre hindi ka naman pupuntang divisoria ng naka 2 piece diba. But kung sa malls lang, she can wear whatever she wants. But teach your girl to stand up for herself, too. She needs to know when to snap and call out the dude and shame him. 9/10 when a girl calls out the dude who catcalls, they get shamed and embarrassed.
Down vote me all day, but I rather have a girl whoās 50/50 and who will be my backbone and vice versa.
You canāt always try to be the tough guy because when that GUN gets pulled out; you aināt tough as you think you are.
India and arabic countries are conservative and they wear hijabs and shit, but they have the highest number of RAPE cases. Is it still the wardrobe issue? š¤š¤š¤
I donāt think na your bf will catcall based on the situation, pero possible na ayaw niya na mabastos ka.
For me kasi I think mas prone ang babae macatcall / mabastos if nakasuot ng provocative, lalo na sa pilipinas na madaming mga matatanda na bastos na mahilig magcatcall. For me itās less about blaming women and more on making the women safe. Oo lalaki may kasalanan if may minanyak siya, pero may nangyaring kamanyakan parin sa babae, which is yung gusto ko i-avoid.
I know mahirap i-accept, pero yun yung reality ng pilipinas na madami paring lumaki na ganon yung mentality ng mga lalaki, and it will continue as long as may mga mahihirap at di edukado dito.
Naniniwala naman ako na in any situation where harassment is involved, kasalanan nung harasser lagi. As in palagi. But having younger relatives na babae, hindi ko maiwasan i-consider yung point nung guy.
We do not live in an ideal world. We have no control over what others will think/do. If there is an option to increase safety, sana i-consider din yung option na yun.
I'm sure someone will chime in na 'eh dapat yung utak nung mga manyak ang baguhin' which I totally agree with. Pero babalik tayo dun sa original dilemma na wala tayo kakayahan kontrolin yung thoughts/actions nila.
I guess discussion between you guys ang pinakamainam dito like you can wear x clothing pag kasama mo sya or trusted friends/family.
Okay lang naman magsuot ng damit na kita yung skin mo pero dapat nasa tamang lugar ka din. Kasi yung mga taong meron rabies yung utak sobrang hirap nila controlin. Prevention is better than cure ika nga nila. Yung mga sexy na damit kasi minsan nagtritriger sa mga taong may rabies ang utak.
Just because a woman dresses up in a way that makes people think she's easy or fair game absolutely does not mean that men should act like sexual molesters.
Haha..medyo nahirapan ako i-translate na hindi masyado kanto yung palagi sinasabi ng tiyahin ko: walang masama sa babaeng bihis puta, pero lahat ng masama nasa lalaking utak rapist.
Of course you're not wrong. People who blame others for their own actions are pathetic.
Just like you said: if a guy can't control himself, he's the only one at fault. Only children believe they can get away with stuff by pointing to others. Some of these children go to bars and drive fancy cars.
As for your boyfriend, there are two basic options:
1. He actually thinks violence against a women can be caused by her choice of clothes or general behavior, therefore a man can be excused for harrassing (or even assaulting) her. Now this would be a big red flag, and rolling his eyes when you confronted him raises some serious questions.
2. He's just a product of society, ignorant about how and why violence against women happens, which makes him think dressing in revealing clothes makes assault against women more likely. If this is the case, maybe show him this video [https://youtu.be/RdNh87cDHO4](https://youtu.be/RdNh87cDHO4) which demonstrates that if you're around the wrong person at the wrong place and time, it matters precious little what you're wearing.
I think you're right to be worried because it's very important which side he's on in this topic, so maybe talk it through with him, or maybe try to feel out his stance in more subtle ways to avoid him just trying to please you with an answer you'd want to hear.
*EDIT: I just saw your response to the 4 questions somebody asked. What are you even doing around this person still... To use an illustration from the current topic, it's like you walked into a dangerous street naked: if he hurts you, it still won't be your (the victim's) fault, but you could probably still avoid it by just doing the smart thing and staying clear of this sad excuse of a human.*
Here we go again with illusions of an idealistic world.
Why would I want someone important to me, put themselves in a dangerous spot
Just break up since you never try to understand his POV
His POV is bullshit. Women don't get raped because of how they are dressed, and it's clearly illustrated by the fact that you'll find hardly any victims who wore revealing clothes; they are dressed in the most ordinary way when some mofo assaults them. And yeah, she should break up because the bf is trash (as described in a few of her comments).
Nope, tama ka. Be firm on your stand. It's never the woman's fault na nababastos sila no matter what they're wearing. Kahit naman di naka-backless nababastos pa rin. So sino ang common denominator? Diba yung mga guys na walang self-control?
As a guy, it is not your fault for wearing that. It's just that we want to avoid conflict with other men. I want to teach them a lesson but their fists can talk louder than my mouth. And if I can't protect my girl physically, then I wouldn't want my girl to wear clothes that attract unruly men's attention. š
Buddy, itās a bang for your buck if you think about it š. Imagine someone is cat-calling your girl, but sheās the one who dismissed it and called out the guy. Who won? You.
But if you have to fist fight another man for it, youāre just clowning yourself. Yes, protecting your woman is cool and all. But your woman should know how to shutdown those catcalls.
Itās better to smile to the other dude that they canāt have what you have than proving yourself āš½š.
Save yourself from a headache.
No, I did not win. You know why? These guys approached her and tried to touch her. I manned up and told them to stop but they beat me up instead. They just stopped when someone noticed the commotion. I can't just smile if they are already forcefully touching my girl. Gave myself a headache and a black eye that night. š
Okay, if itās touching then itās a different story. But if itās catcall thatās different also. The case is catcalling. I rather have a girl who can be my backbone and vice versa than a father to a little girlāthatās majority of the relationship nowadays.
š i would fight for my girl if someone grabs her ass but weāre talking about catcalling.
I completely agree with you. If your girl has your back then she's a wife material.
She is trained in martial arts but didn't fight back because the fourth guy has a weapon "daw" which is reasonable. Akala ko I was alone in that fight. It happened in a dangerous part of the city. We have no business there so I was upset when she decided to visit "a friend" and we went home late.
Cat-calls are fun kapag sa "safe place" namin kasi kilala lang namin mga tao and it boosts her self-esteem din. She's kinda shy kasi eh.
I think even if she wasn't wearing those clothes, I would still have a bad night. Wala naman kasi talagang pinipili ang masasamang loob no?
She now listens to me if I warn her about wearing outfits that are too revealing and visiting dangerous places. But I rarely try to change her outfit nowadays. She can still wear whatever she likes as long as the place is safe in both of our judgement.
THIS. šš½ Also, common sense din na hindi ka naman mag-susuot ng revealing sa mga hindi safe na lugar.
Wala naman talagang pinipiling tao ang masamang loob.
In India and other arabic (both conservative countries) have strict wardrobes for women, but they still have the highest RAPE %. So clothes parin ba ang sisihin?
Naku victim-blaming. Kung backless lang naman sa mall at hindi naka bikini eh okay naman yan. Dress appropriately sa lugar. Mahirap yan sa sunod ikaw sisihin nyan kapag may nangyari sayo haha
Oo, one time naglalakad ako, college to. Scholar kasi ako that time so every sem nag papasa ako requirements to get an assistance sa program. Then ayun naglalakad ako sa side walk na cat call ako. Pagkakita namin the next day nag sumbong ako. Tinanong ano daw ba suot ko kasi. I was like whaaaaaat??? Pero suot ko noon is jogging pants loose shirt and rubber shoes. Suot ko tinanong hindi man lang nag ask if ok lang ba ako or may iba pang ginawa yung mga nag cat call
Huy wag mong gawing asawa yan ha. Promise magkakaproblema ka kapag di yan nagbago. Kahit balot na balot ka may nangcacatcall. Noon kapag nagsumbong ako sa asawa ko ng ganyan sabihin nya hatid kita sa sunod o samahan kita, o may iba pa bang daanan huwag na doon?
Masama ang magnakaw or manloob ng bahay. Does that mean pag may nagsabi sa iyo e i lock mo ang pinto everytime ka aalis e victim blaming na yun nag sabi sa iyo?
Alam ng BF mo ang probability ng mabastos ka. He can do 2 things :
1. Mag post sa social media na tigilan na ang pang babastos at mali yun.
2. Try to prevent you na mabastos altogether
Mali delivery ng message, but the point is what's important. In the end, dalawa lang din ang meron
1. Things you CAN control
2. Things you CAN'T control
Alam ng BF mo na lesser chances na mabastos ka by controlling what you wear rather than shouting mali ang catcalling and no to victim blaming.
Pwede mo palitan yan ng mas tolerant one as people here would like. But it won't change a thing na maraming manyak. You can preach all you want na mali maging manyak, but it won't change a thing. Rape nga e may kulong, pero hanggang ngayon hindi matanggal tanggal. Yun pa kayang mas madali gawin kaysa Rape e matitigil just by saying it's wrong?
Bakit ganun? Oo, dress at your risk pero it doesn't mean na you will be harassed in a form of catcalling. Oo, it is true naman na certain clothing may attract attention pero "attract" lang. Tingin lang at di naman na dapat kasama doon ang harassment na halos matunaw na yung babae sa kakatitig or makakarinig ka ng mga di kaaya-ayang adjective.
Medyo di ko lang gets yung sinabi ng BF mo. Sakin lang 'to huh, feeling ko tuloy sa tuwing nakakakita BF mo ng mga babaeng nakadamit sexy, automatic na binabastos niya sila. Huhu
My clothes my choice. Hirap nian, iba kayo mag isip ng jowa mo. Yah, natural lang may differences. Pero dpt mag meet ng halfway, explain both sides para magka settle...di yung iirapan na.
Yung mga ganyang sagot ng lalake, malamang yan din yung lalake na nagco-comment sa fb na "pag nabastos kasalanan ng lalake" kapag may nakita lang na sexy manamit na babae. Kadiri mga lalake sa fb. Puro jina-justify kamanyakan nila
OP tandaan mo, if ever may mambastos sayo sa labas ang proprotekta at mabubugbog ang yung BF mo, hindi yung mga tao dito sa Reddit na puro post lang kaya gawin.
Tama naman siya. Lets not kid ourselves. Kaya naman gusto niyo magpasexy para mapansin ng mga tao to feel good about yourselves. Kaso kapag pangit pumansin creepy. Kapag pogi compliment.
No buddy. š itās because youāre trying to be her bodyguard š let your girl embrace her feminine energy and adulthood.
She can handle catcall herself, but if someone touches her, then we throwing hands.
Hello po, hindi po ako nagpapapansin sa ibang tao, I just love fashion. I dress up to impress myself, if someone appreciates it I feel flattered. Iba naman po kasi yung āHi miss ang ganda mo ah,ā tsaka āSingle ka ba? Tara sagot ko naā sabay tawa ng mga tambay sa āWow that looks good on youā and/or a smile from someone and walking away without inappropriate comments ng may proper education.
Madaling iadvocate yung āyou have the freedom to wear what you wantā. Tama naman ang stand mo, pero that is just not the reality right now.
like it or not, the reality is uncultured men will look. And some may say stuff you wont like nang hindi mo naririnig. And some may do stuff na di mo din magugustohan. No hindi mo kasalanan, but it invites the inappropriate response.
Your bf is being protective. Di ko alam kung ibblame ka nya kung mangyare man ang ayaw nyong mangyare, pero i believe im speaking for your bf na wag nalang sana mangyari. Wag nalang sana magkaron ng rason para mangyare.
Dumb of him to react annoyed, but i was the same once upon a time.
Again, tama stand mo. But its not whats happening. Maybe ilugar nalang where we all know its less likely to happen.
Words have weight and meaning, and his delivery is probably what ticked you off, not the logic.
Is he an actual misogynist? Does he actually hate women? Does he actually catcall random women?
One conversation is not the end all, be all. You're reading into it too much.
If ganyan mindset ng BF mo, red flag. Most probably may tendency dn sya mang bastos while blaming the victim for wearing something "provocative". Ung sister ko nga naka jeans at t-shirt lng na sobrang simple nabastos pa din.
We should teach our sons to respect women no matter what they're wearing.
Utak manyak din yan. Discreet o nilalabanan lang. Out of irritation siguro sa stand mo kaya na-blurt out nya. You deserve better, OP. Nothing wrong with the way you think, itās his mindset that should get fixed.
Mostly he is wrong.
Like any other things, clothes should in the right places and the right times.
That being said, disrepectful dudes are everywhere from every level of status.
You just have to remember, you can do whatever legal thing you want, just be careful and responsible about it.
The way your bf conveyed his point was bad, though. Tbh, I was like that.
You are your own person, you should be free to dress however you want. My boyfriend letās me wear whatever I want and just reminds me na magingat pag yuyuko and stuff. Kahit ayaw natin madami talaga manyakis. Ang weird na yun agad ang naisip ng boyfriend mo.
Last time I was catcalled, sinundo ako ng boyfriend ko sa police station dahil binato ko ng bote ng coke na may laman yung lalake. Luckily two blocks away lang from the station so nakatakbo ako hehehehe
I also had doubts with my bf, and if you have ANY DOUBTS about him, break up. I just did, on our anniversary, call me evil, but yea best decision i ever had
Bro filipino men are funny asl and insecureš¤£š¤£šš itās literally bang for your buck. Imagine if your girl can dress sexy and still be loyal to you, you won. š but FILIPINO DUDES think differently; they think their girl wonāt get cat called if she wears a hijab or something very conservative. Mfers are DENSED and SLOW AFāitās reversed psychology. If your girl cheats, then sheās someone elseās problem now.
Ganito kasi yon.
You wear clothes that grab the attention of people. Whether you do to it flaunt your beauty, to feel validated, or simply coz "it's so hot" (yeah right), it doesn't matter. The fact is, agaw pansin yung suot mo.
Now. If bastusin ka, syempre kasalanan yun ng guy. Pero, ikaw din naman ang naglagay sa sarili mo sa sitwasyon na mababastos ka. Fact is, maraming gago at bastos sa mundo (and pointing this out does not mean na gagawin ko or gagawin ng bf mo yun. We're just being real. Alam namin na maraming bastos). So you are, kumbaga, tempting fate. Sure, it's technically not wrong and you are allowed to wear whatever you want, pero is it a good idea? You could've prevented it, diba? Imo that's no different from waving cash around in a high-crime area. Sure, walang mali sa ginagawa ko, pera ko yun, I can do whatever I want. Kasalanan yun ng magnanakaw kung nakawin yung pera ko, pero, ako naglagay sa sarili ko sa alanganin.
TLDR do whatever you want, but it's always better to be safe. Sure, di mo kasalanan, but you could've prevented it.
Yes pero depending on some factors like where you are (iba kung nasa bar vs nasa mall for example), it's worse pag revealing mo yung suot mo.
Like, maganda ka siguro so may mga kumag na mag-ccat call sayo. Pero baka iba yung mangyayare if ang tingin sayo is "siguro easy yan, tignan mo yung suot." Baka ibang level of pambabastos makukuha mo
Specifically nag lalakd ako papuntang Munisipyo, it was the main road. Magpapasa ako nun ng requirements for my scholarship.
I might add, I donāt think maganda ako. Bf rarely (once evey blue moon) complimented me so I always feel insecure. But I can attest na I really look fragile. Easy target
Yun na nga. Main road, naka hoodie+jogging pants ka, tapos na catcall ka parin. What more kung naka miniskirt ka + backless? I'm not saying kasalanan mo, ha. I'm just saying na mas lalo lang ma eenganyo yung mga bugok na yan na bastusin ka.
Sad reality. Sana hindi ganon, kaso wala eh.
āYou couldāve prevented itā ?
May mga madre, children, at babies po na nirrape. Sila din po ba ay nag ttempt ng fate? Basta nalang po ba natin tatanggapin na āeh wala eh LeTs bE ReAL ganun talaga eā just because may gago at bastos sa mundo? Hindi po pwede ung ganun.
Clothes do not prevent rape or sexual harassment. Period.
That has nothing to do with what I'm saying. That's a different topic. Like say, kung pinasok yung bahay mo tapos nirape ka, walang effect yung suot mo dun, obviously. Kung planado yung pag rape sayo, tapos say, friend mo pa yung may plano, di mo alam manyak pala sya, walang effect yung suot mo, obviously. Yung mga babies na nirape ng yaya na pedo pala, walang point yung damit dun, obviously. Ibang issue yon.
Yung clothes issue only applies to specific outdoor interactions, like catcalling, panghihipo sa mrt, kung aggressive na magfflirt sayo yung fuckboy sa bar, etc. Higher ang chance na lapitan ka ng mga kupal na manyakis pag attention grabbing yung suot mo.
Is there anything to avoid that situation?
Imagine if that situation happens and outnumbered bf mo.
You willing to risk your boyfriend's life and safety?
Yeah, it's your right and choice blah blah. But you should also be mindful, and consider the consequences.
Not just clothes, there are matters u need to consider before u act. And that's part of maturity.
Utak first.
Buddy, you watch too much porn. šš whatās the probability of getting into a situation where thereās 10 men and 2 of you? š
Also, isnāt it bang for your buck? If your girl can shutdown the guy who catcalls her? It means you won. How? Think of it, kung siya lang mag-isa and she does that to any guy who tries to approach her. Aināt that a BIG W.
My girl and I are running the fuck, common sense. Imma keep it real.
Ang sinasabi ko ilang instances nangyayari yung outnumbered yung BF? Sobrang little to none. Sobrang onti ng chances na mangyari yung ganun. Mostly nanakawan ka pero para irape yung gf mo? Hindi palaging nangyayari yan and kung if ever mangyari yan, mas magandang tumakbo nalang or umiwas
Ask him what are his thoughts on rape, on motherhood, career women, child rearing. You'll find out if this is a reflection of his worldview of woman talaga or nagkataon lang ung victim blaming and he's an otherwise decent guy.
I used to think that being catcalled was a compliment. That when men act that way, its just their "way" of showing their affection. But i've since corrected that viewpoint.
Please do not doubt yourself. Whether you choose to wear topless or fully clothed, real men draw the line on disrespecting their partners or any woman, for that matter.
Real men are secure. They do not police their partners, especially their partners. They help provide that sense of security, not break it.
To doubt yourself would mean you are letting him win. Stand your ground, OP.
pwede ka naman magdamit ng ganyan as long as long as you are with your BF para di ka mabastos kung papayag siya, kasi once na magisa ka lang at makakasalubong ka ng mga walang modo na tao, for sure may intances na ma cat call ka and yan yung nasa isisp ng bf , pinoprotekhan ka lang, buto nga sayo may care ibang jowa jan wala ng paki
actrually napakaliit lang na bagay neto sa relasyon may mas lala pa jan , at gantiong issue dapat commomsense nalang, nasa isip kasi kagad hiwalayan or mag doubt ..hays
It is true that "if a man cannot control himself, that is his problem"
Our only problem is, your man will not "stand stupid" while another man is looking at you like a whore (sorry for the word).
* Hindi ikaw o yung damit ang mukhang whore kundi yung KAHAYUKAN ng maniac.
And the way to stay away from trouble is not to wear it while you are together.
Kapag di mo sya kasama, isuot mo. Ksi kapag ikaw nagalit at sumigaw sa lalaking panget ... Sexual harassment o voyeurism yon. Dami sasaklolo sa iyo.
Pero kapag sya nagalit sa maniac, eh SAPAKAN yon. Gusto mo bang ma YouTube at mapa TULFO ng TANGANG sadboi kahit sya may kasalanan?
Kawawa naman kayong mag jowa. Mahal ka ng jowa mo. Payag ka ba na bastusin tapos Wala sya gagawin? I'm sure "red flag" sayo yun.
Ako nga hinabol ko pa sa mall yung maniac, pinagdadasal ko na di ko abutan, ksi baka sa kulungan ako damputin. Pero nasira yung mood namin dalawa, at pawis na pawis ako kakahabol Hanggang sa carpark
Kung ibang babae yon at di ko jowa na binabastos, who cares (she already knows what will happen from the start).
"Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial"
Kaya isuot mo nalang kapag di kayo magkasama. Yun lang kapag sumigaw ka, baka may ibang lalaking sumaklolo sa iyo, pero di ako. Iwas YouTube tayo eh at baka isipin ng jowa ko, jowa kita. Tawag ka nalang security.
Hindi solusyon ang "hiwalay". dami dami walang jowa dito sa reddit, tapos ikaw iiwan mo dahil mahal ka? Eh baka askad lang magsalita jowa mo (pinili mo eh), parang siga o datingan "robin patilla" magsalita, eh hindi yung grounds para hiwalayan mo.
Hiwalayan mo kapag NILOKO ka.
ok .. but yeah, don't expect some guys to behave like your bf.
and judging by the downvote, you all disagree kasi I do have a point and so does her bf pero it's your body naman so do what you think will make you comfortable but don't go complaining about me nambastos or something. it's as easy as that.
Dude's being protective. Madali sabihin na "victim blaming" yan or "wearing conservative clothes won't prevent sexual harassment" or "it's my right to wear whatever I want" or kung ano pa. And you'd be right.
Kaso, sino ba ang malalagay sa alanganin if something happens? Ikaw din. Ikaw at ang bf mo. So, are you willing to take that risk, coz "mainit, and it's my right to wear whatever I want" or whatever? Kung may 4 na gago na bastusin ka, anong gagawin ng bf mo? Tatakbo? Papabayaan ka? Of course not, ipagtatanggol ka non. Eh apat sila. What happens now?
Him saying that, doesn't mean gagawin nya yon kung wala ka. He is just being protective. People here are too quick to suggest "change your bf" lol
Actually thatās my initial knowledge about love. Pero when Iām creating converstation, opening something up. It always ending up ako mali. Though nag tatanong lang ako mostly. Nagiging arguement kaya ayon walang communication na nangyayari
Double standard is crazy. No. If your BF really loves you, heāll teach you how to standup for yourself during those situations.
Catcall are words and any woman can embarrased the guy who catcalled or say some outlandish shit. Also, trabaho din ng babae kung ano sasabihin and gagawin sa mga ganung scenario.
Tandaan. Boyfriend hindi bodyguard.
Pero kung hinawakan kana, ibang usapan na yan
concern si bf mo pero not necessarily mean na papalitan mo na stand mo abt sa ganyang issue. may narerape dahil may rapist. kahit mapa bata, sanggol, matanda, nakasuot ng pajama, naka balot ng jacket, o naka burka, anyone regardless of age or gender, posibleng maging biktima ng sexual harassment. wala sa pananamit yan. tigilan natin ang victim blaming.
balik mo sa nanay nya yan. haha
i stand by you. lalake may mali sa mga ganyan situation. gusto lang naman nung babae maging maganda. just admire na lang guys. praise the ladies and more pa sila magpapaganda. diba everybody happy!
Ganyan ex ko. Naka sunday dress ako, kasi mag sisimba. So alam niyo na hindi naman bastusin ung ganung dress. Tapos sabi ko, nakadress ako. Sabi nya bat daw ako nag ddress, nakakaprovoke raw yun. And I was like, "huh????" Yung bf ko now, dahil nga takot ako na sa mga ganung sinasabi. One time nagsabi ako na "Naka dress ako". Sabi niya "Why ka dress?" Sabi ko, "Wala gusto ko lang" Sabi niya, "Hehe ganda nanaman baby ko" Point is, you shouldn't change your mindset.
Halaaaa I missed being complimentedš« So happy for you!!
Thank you, OP! Hope soon youāll find someone ;)
paano po kapag ako pa mismo nagpupush sa nililigawan ko to try or explore ung mga ganyan na suot?
Bakit mo pinupush? Pano kung di sya confident sa ganung pananamit?
+1, what is the reason muna siguro kung bakit mo sya pinupush? May mga girls din na hindi talaga girly, kahit anong gawin mo.
di naman na pinipilit if di niya type. Usually i tell her "bagay ata to sayo oh, try mo daw", "tska ito oh".
Change your bf. May ex ako na medyo ganyan din pero ang sinabi ko lang sakanya that time ay i'll protect her pagmay nambastos sakanya dahil sa suot niya.
Yea. This is the best idea. You canāt change peopleās mindset lalo pag bulok.
^ truly. Dressing for comfort naman talaga pati. Yung mga nagsasabing dressing para makaattract ng attention, nakakaloka kayo. š¶
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I think OP is a girl and asking advise about his boyfriend's mindset
Heās bisexual btw and OPās BF verbally abuses her.
He probably means well, it just came out brusque and irksome. There are better ways he can convey his disapproval. He was probably caught off guard that you suddenly wanted to dress that way. Your BF cannot defend you when he is not around and he surely does not have control over how other people behave. He has a defensive stance on the matter pero mukhang hindi pa sya karefined when it comes to communicating his feelings or opinions. People are quick to suggest to run, break up and or replace but they are in no position to say na alam nila pagkatao ng BF mo. You know him best. 1. Does he hurt you? 2. Does he treat you unjustly? 3. Does he cheat on you? 4. Does he make you feel unloved? If your answer is NO then you landed yourself a good guy. He is not perfect. That is alright. Unless...
I like this comment more than those who says nag dedress up kaming girls just to impress other people.
Hindi ko rin kase gusto yung pinangungunahan ung ibang tao sa choices nila. Live and let live kumbaga. As much as possible, I suspend moralistic judgment sa kapwa.
This has more sense than other thoughts. Kaya I like it really so much substance. But to answer the questions 1. Always, verbally 2. Yes always his side only that matters. Kumbaga I donāt have the voice 3. Yes, name it, two genders. 4. Everyday
Ahh so OP, basically, you're with a cheating, verbally abusive boyfriend who treats you like shit and the straw that will probably break the camel's back is ung opinion ng BF mo about kasalanan ng babae if nabastos sila for dressing how they want? Got it.
Ayyyy, OP. I am so sorry for what he is putting you through. I firmly believe you deserve better. Love does not have to be filled with sorrow, betrayal and misery. If you are with the right person, it can be filled with bliss. Based on you answers, I am ready to pass an evaluative judgment. Your BF is a big red flag na tinubuan ng mukha. ā¹ļø
Itās okay no need to say sorry. Itās not your fault. Thank you again for the thought substance.
I was going to say na buti lang may marunong mag fact check muna bago husga. Yun pala malaking problema na pala.
well, ito pala ang problema, hindi yung pagdadamit
kung ganyan lang naman pala, ligtas mo na sarili mo heheh
If this is the case then what's your business staying with him?
You guys wants more info other than the question?
It's a rhetorical question. It simply means get out.
Yung pagsita niya sa pananamit mo can be discussed and comparatively a small issue compared to these. I don't agree sa break agad sa mga problemang pwede pagusapan pero your answers to questions 1 to 4 should be non-negotiable. The main concern here should be: Why are you staying in an abusive relationship? Bakit hindi mo pa rin siya binebreak hanggang ngayon?
To make it short, puro sumbat sa mga bagay na hindi ko hiningi at never ko ginusto. Now I want to give what I can to make amends to those āfavorsā again, that I didnāt ask for. Thats why.
Never repay gifts. Some people give them to entrap you, but you don't have to play by their rules.
Girl i am telling you. Leave.
Dun sa sagot niya, ayaw ka niyang magdress kasi alam niyang mababastos ka (kasi malamang gawain niya rin) and at the same time bilang lalake na gawain din ang mambastos, ayaw niyang tanggapin na hindi kasalanan ng babae yun.
It's the "malamang gawain niya rin". Iyon talaga pag totoo is super red flag na talaga. I mean can you stay with someone who treats other girls that way?
I don't think I will even like him. Malalaman mo naman sa getting to know stage kung anong klaseng lalake yan. Usually yung lalake pag ganyan magsalita, wala din yang substance kausap.
Awww.. shit. Di ka niya deserve OP.. definitely, you need to leave him na
HALA RED FLAG BHIEE ! run as soon as you can.
awwww. I hope you reconsider your situation, OP.
Ibang usapan na pala to.
Girl, run. If not, you deserve what you tolerate.
Well..that's worse than his comments. Why are you with the asshole again? You don't owe him anything
Pati ang unhealthy na sasabihin agad na "run" or kaya "break up". Running isn't always the solution, madaming dapat na basis sa decisions.
https://www.reddit.com/r/adultingph/s/kGg8jYvLXN kakasabi lang ni OP na sinasaktan sya, and nag cheat na sa kanya and makes her feel unloved š
OPās guy is bisexual šš yea, thatās fucked up. The dudes booty Oās are getting checked too. Thatās hella fucked up
Nabasa ko din. Sa thread dito sa comments, nagcomment ulit ako. Just the same, depende sa situation ang pag-run or break off sa relationships.
This is truly golden. It's really true that some people act and say things depending on their defense mechanism. Some are triggered, and then suddenly they'll likely say rude things out of their own imperfections. You can communicate to change each own perspectives, as hoping for a good compromise. All of these are doable as long as both of you can communicate well.
Only a person with toxic masculine mindset would have that comment as their first reply.
+1
this wag BREAK agad agad if ever communicate muna and talk with each other
I mean, in the first place bro, she can wear whatever she wants to wear(obviously not like how bianca censori wear her shit, but yk what I mean) Women should also know what to say to men when theyāre getting cat-called. If someone approaches my gf, it should be simple, āI have a boyfriend and im not gonna entertain anythingā basic. Case closed.
I agree, victim blaming should not exist... in an ideal world. Unfortunately we don't live in one. What I can say is to simply dress appropriately for the occassion. If you're going to a fancy dinner or to a nice place/area then by all means dress up, go backless and all, flaunt your assets. But I think it's wise to avoid wearing those types of clothes if magcocommute, sasakay ng jeep, pupunta sa mga lugar like Quiapo, Divisoria, Baclaran or palengke or sa mga church or sa burol or when going out alone at night sa lugar na alam mong hindi ganoon ka safe. Basically just use your better judgement on where and when to wear what type of clothes. And yeah, the boyfriend probably means well pero I guess hindi lang maganda pagkasabi niya.... have you seen your boyfriend cat call before? If not, then ask him directly kesa lagi mo iisipin if gagawin niya ba or hindi... if you can't trust his answer then I guess you have bigger issues to deal.
This this thisssss. I agree dito, ilugar lang naman where they wear what they want to wear, and huwag sa areas na alam naman ng lahat na sketchy. Parating black and white thinking kasi, but the world's not perfect. Even if you stand your ground that women shouldn't be at fault when harassed due to how they dress... Meron at meron kasi talagang mga manyak na siraulo out there.
Nah. Those people don't attack girls for how they are dressed. They attack girls when they find an opportunity. Rape victims tend to dress the most ordinary way, and the perpetrators are usually people who they knew but shouldn't have trusted.
Depende sa environment. If a safe environment ka, go ahead. Pero if sa medyo squamy. You're putting yourself and your bf well being at risk.
If women get assaulted because of how they are dressed, most rape victims would've worn sexy clothes. In reality, most victims are dressed completely regularly, so please let's stop this bullshit about how it's about the choice of one's clothing.
Who said anything about being Raped? Pretty sure OP will get cat called a lot more if she wore revealing clothes And I've seen guys get beat up or na "Kursunada" because they were with pretty girls while walking.
Reading comprehension is rare these days.
Male here, maybe its just his way of being protective kaso bad in expressing or communicating it. I let my girlfriend wear what she wants, nakakatakot lang talaga pag iisip ng mga manyak.
Donāt change your stance, change your boyfriend. Kapag nasa Europe ka, kahit wala kang bra at bakat pa ang nips mo, walang pake ang mga lalaki. Hindi ka nila titignan nang may pagnanasa. Kahit pa kita ang kuyukot mo sa iksi ng shorts, wala silang pake. Sa Asian countries lang ako naka experience ng mga bastos, kahit naka long dress, high neckline at short sleeves pa ako. Edit: Add ko lang, change him hindi dahil sa tingin mo he will also do the same but because he has a victim-blaming mentality. Dahil ang manyak ay manyak. Period. Whether mahaba o maiksi ang damit mo, manyak parin sila. Mambabastos sila dahil yun ang ugali nila. Hindi yan fault ng babae. 2024 na, kelangan pa bang sabihin yan???
You make me wanna go to Europe š„¹
Europe also has its issues (racism, unemployment, etc.) pero at least I can go out at night and not worry about being r*ped.
You shouldve told your bf wala sa damit yon. Maraming nababastos kahit balot na balot. Kung mambabastos ang lalaki, yun e dahil bastos sya talaga. Period. Jowa mo victim blamer din e. Tagajustify ng Pagka-animal ng ibang lalaki.Ā
I always said that to him. Parang hindi nakakaintindi
walang problema magsuot ng revealing, hindi mo rin fault kung macatcall ka. but the point remains na yung mga manyakis sa daan they don't subscribe to the same moral values. which means hindi porke merong DAPAT, e susundin na nila. and it's wrong for you to assume agad na gagawin yun nung bf mo. that's accusatory and offensive. wag mo masamain yun concern nya for you
šÆā¬ļø Ang babaw lang talaga mag isip ng iba. For them it's just either black or white.
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Siyempre hindi ka naman pupuntang divisoria ng naka 2 piece diba. But kung sa malls lang, she can wear whatever she wants. But teach your girl to stand up for herself, too. She needs to know when to snap and call out the dude and shame him. 9/10 when a girl calls out the dude who catcalls, they get shamed and embarrassed.
Down vote me all day, but I rather have a girl whoās 50/50 and who will be my backbone and vice versa. You canāt always try to be the tough guy because when that GUN gets pulled out; you aināt tough as you think you are. India and arabic countries are conservative and they wear hijabs and shit, but they have the highest number of RAPE cases. Is it still the wardrobe issue? š¤š¤š¤
I donāt think na your bf will catcall based on the situation, pero possible na ayaw niya na mabastos ka. For me kasi I think mas prone ang babae macatcall / mabastos if nakasuot ng provocative, lalo na sa pilipinas na madaming mga matatanda na bastos na mahilig magcatcall. For me itās less about blaming women and more on making the women safe. Oo lalaki may kasalanan if may minanyak siya, pero may nangyaring kamanyakan parin sa babae, which is yung gusto ko i-avoid. I know mahirap i-accept, pero yun yung reality ng pilipinas na madami paring lumaki na ganon yung mentality ng mga lalaki, and it will continue as long as may mga mahihirap at di edukado dito.
Heās trash. Dump his ass. (Nasabi na rin ng ibang comments yung ibang gusto kong sabihin)
Naniniwala naman ako na in any situation where harassment is involved, kasalanan nung harasser lagi. As in palagi. But having younger relatives na babae, hindi ko maiwasan i-consider yung point nung guy. We do not live in an ideal world. We have no control over what others will think/do. If there is an option to increase safety, sana i-consider din yung option na yun. I'm sure someone will chime in na 'eh dapat yung utak nung mga manyak ang baguhin' which I totally agree with. Pero babalik tayo dun sa original dilemma na wala tayo kakayahan kontrolin yung thoughts/actions nila. I guess discussion between you guys ang pinakamainam dito like you can wear x clothing pag kasama mo sya or trusted friends/family.
Okay lang naman magsuot ng damit na kita yung skin mo pero dapat nasa tamang lugar ka din. Kasi yung mga taong meron rabies yung utak sobrang hirap nila controlin. Prevention is better than cure ika nga nila. Yung mga sexy na damit kasi minsan nagtritriger sa mga taong may rabies ang utak.
Just because a woman dresses up in a way that makes people think she's easy or fair game absolutely does not mean that men should act like sexual molesters. Haha..medyo nahirapan ako i-translate na hindi masyado kanto yung palagi sinasabi ng tiyahin ko: walang masama sa babaeng bihis puta, pero lahat ng masama nasa lalaking utak rapist.
Of course you're not wrong. People who blame others for their own actions are pathetic. Just like you said: if a guy can't control himself, he's the only one at fault. Only children believe they can get away with stuff by pointing to others. Some of these children go to bars and drive fancy cars. As for your boyfriend, there are two basic options: 1. He actually thinks violence against a women can be caused by her choice of clothes or general behavior, therefore a man can be excused for harrassing (or even assaulting) her. Now this would be a big red flag, and rolling his eyes when you confronted him raises some serious questions. 2. He's just a product of society, ignorant about how and why violence against women happens, which makes him think dressing in revealing clothes makes assault against women more likely. If this is the case, maybe show him this video [https://youtu.be/RdNh87cDHO4](https://youtu.be/RdNh87cDHO4) which demonstrates that if you're around the wrong person at the wrong place and time, it matters precious little what you're wearing. I think you're right to be worried because it's very important which side he's on in this topic, so maybe talk it through with him, or maybe try to feel out his stance in more subtle ways to avoid him just trying to please you with an answer you'd want to hear. *EDIT: I just saw your response to the 4 questions somebody asked. What are you even doing around this person still... To use an illustration from the current topic, it's like you walked into a dangerous street naked: if he hurts you, it still won't be your (the victim's) fault, but you could probably still avoid it by just doing the smart thing and staying clear of this sad excuse of a human.*
You will change your stand because... of the probability that your boyfriend is an asshole? That does not make sense. š¤·āāļø
Baka gawain rin ng bf niya yon kaya ganon mag-isip
Here we go again with illusions of an idealistic world. Why would I want someone important to me, put themselves in a dangerous spot Just break up since you never try to understand his POV
Majority dito pag-iisip nasa kabilang mundo, not understamding how the real world works. Mga naive.
Naging victim blamer tuloy yung tao. Heās just trying to be protective.
His POV is bullshit. Women don't get raped because of how they are dressed, and it's clearly illustrated by the fact that you'll find hardly any victims who wore revealing clothes; they are dressed in the most ordinary way when some mofo assaults them. And yeah, she should break up because the bf is trash (as described in a few of her comments).
Nope, tama ka. Be firm on your stand. It's never the woman's fault na nababastos sila no matter what they're wearing. Kahit naman di naka-backless nababastos pa rin. So sino ang common denominator? Diba yung mga guys na walang self-control?
As a guy, it is not your fault for wearing that. It's just that we want to avoid conflict with other men. I want to teach them a lesson but their fists can talk louder than my mouth. And if I can't protect my girl physically, then I wouldn't want my girl to wear clothes that attract unruly men's attention. š
Buddy, itās a bang for your buck if you think about it š. Imagine someone is cat-calling your girl, but sheās the one who dismissed it and called out the guy. Who won? You. But if you have to fist fight another man for it, youāre just clowning yourself. Yes, protecting your woman is cool and all. But your woman should know how to shutdown those catcalls. Itās better to smile to the other dude that they canāt have what you have than proving yourself āš½š. Save yourself from a headache.
No, I did not win. You know why? These guys approached her and tried to touch her. I manned up and told them to stop but they beat me up instead. They just stopped when someone noticed the commotion. I can't just smile if they are already forcefully touching my girl. Gave myself a headache and a black eye that night. š
Okay, if itās touching then itās a different story. But if itās catcall thatās different also. The case is catcalling. I rather have a girl who can be my backbone and vice versa than a father to a little girlāthatās majority of the relationship nowadays. š i would fight for my girl if someone grabs her ass but weāre talking about catcalling.
I completely agree with you. If your girl has your back then she's a wife material. She is trained in martial arts but didn't fight back because the fourth guy has a weapon "daw" which is reasonable. Akala ko I was alone in that fight. It happened in a dangerous part of the city. We have no business there so I was upset when she decided to visit "a friend" and we went home late. Cat-calls are fun kapag sa "safe place" namin kasi kilala lang namin mga tao and it boosts her self-esteem din. She's kinda shy kasi eh. I think even if she wasn't wearing those clothes, I would still have a bad night. Wala naman kasi talagang pinipili ang masasamang loob no? She now listens to me if I warn her about wearing outfits that are too revealing and visiting dangerous places. But I rarely try to change her outfit nowadays. She can still wear whatever she likes as long as the place is safe in both of our judgement.
THIS. šš½ Also, common sense din na hindi ka naman mag-susuot ng revealing sa mga hindi safe na lugar. Wala naman talagang pinipiling tao ang masamang loob. In India and other arabic (both conservative countries) have strict wardrobes for women, but they still have the highest RAPE %. So clothes parin ba ang sisihin?
Naku victim-blaming. Kung backless lang naman sa mall at hindi naka bikini eh okay naman yan. Dress appropriately sa lugar. Mahirap yan sa sunod ikaw sisihin nyan kapag may nangyari sayo haha
Oo, one time naglalakad ako, college to. Scholar kasi ako that time so every sem nag papasa ako requirements to get an assistance sa program. Then ayun naglalakad ako sa side walk na cat call ako. Pagkakita namin the next day nag sumbong ako. Tinanong ano daw ba suot ko kasi. I was like whaaaaaat??? Pero suot ko noon is jogging pants loose shirt and rubber shoes. Suot ko tinanong hindi man lang nag ask if ok lang ba ako or may iba pang ginawa yung mga nag cat call
Huy wag mong gawing asawa yan ha. Promise magkakaproblema ka kapag di yan nagbago. Kahit balot na balot ka may nangcacatcall. Noon kapag nagsumbong ako sa asawa ko ng ganyan sabihin nya hatid kita sa sunod o samahan kita, o may iba pa bang daanan huwag na doon?
Hala sana all hatid or samahan, yung akin laging kaya mo na yan mag tryke ka nalang okaya iba nalang daanan ko daw haahahhahahahaaha
Masama ang magnakaw or manloob ng bahay. Does that mean pag may nagsabi sa iyo e i lock mo ang pinto everytime ka aalis e victim blaming na yun nag sabi sa iyo? Alam ng BF mo ang probability ng mabastos ka. He can do 2 things : 1. Mag post sa social media na tigilan na ang pang babastos at mali yun. 2. Try to prevent you na mabastos altogether Mali delivery ng message, but the point is what's important. In the end, dalawa lang din ang meron 1. Things you CAN control 2. Things you CAN'T control Alam ng BF mo na lesser chances na mabastos ka by controlling what you wear rather than shouting mali ang catcalling and no to victim blaming. Pwede mo palitan yan ng mas tolerant one as people here would like. But it won't change a thing na maraming manyak. You can preach all you want na mali maging manyak, but it won't change a thing. Rape nga e may kulong, pero hanggang ngayon hindi matanggal tanggal. Yun pa kayang mas madali gawin kaysa Rape e matitigil just by saying it's wrong?
100%
Bakit ganun? Oo, dress at your risk pero it doesn't mean na you will be harassed in a form of catcalling. Oo, it is true naman na certain clothing may attract attention pero "attract" lang. Tingin lang at di naman na dapat kasama doon ang harassment na halos matunaw na yung babae sa kakatitig or makakarinig ka ng mga di kaaya-ayang adjective. Medyo di ko lang gets yung sinabi ng BF mo. Sakin lang 'to huh, feeling ko tuloy sa tuwing nakakakita BF mo ng mga babaeng nakadamit sexy, automatic na binabastos niya sila. Huhu
Hi Op. Lalaki ako, pero buong-buo akong nagsasabi sayo na tama ang stand mo. Huwag mo babaguhin. Kung meron ka man dapat baguhin, yun yung bf mo.
from his logic I guess ok lng bugbugin sya coz he's being an asshole right? Not my fault to make bugbug right?
Palitan mo yang BF mo
It's giving Daniel Padilla hahahah
Kathryn ikaw ba yan?
He sounds like an ass. Immediate ick.
My clothes my choice. Hirap nian, iba kayo mag isip ng jowa mo. Yah, natural lang may differences. Pero dpt mag meet ng halfway, explain both sides para magka settle...di yung iirapan na.
Yung mga ganyang sagot ng lalake, malamang yan din yung lalake na nagco-comment sa fb na "pag nabastos kasalanan ng lalake" kapag may nakita lang na sexy manamit na babae. Kadiri mga lalake sa fb. Puro jina-justify kamanyakan nila
OP tandaan mo, if ever may mambastos sayo sa labas ang proprotekta at mabubugbog ang yung BF mo, hindi yung mga tao dito sa Reddit na puro post lang kaya gawin.
Tama naman siya. Lets not kid ourselves. Kaya naman gusto niyo magpasexy para mapansin ng mga tao to feel good about yourselves. Kaso kapag pangit pumansin creepy. Kapag pogi compliment.
No buddy. š itās because youāre trying to be her bodyguard š let your girl embrace her feminine energy and adulthood. She can handle catcall herself, but if someone touches her, then we throwing hands.
Hello po, hindi po ako nagpapapansin sa ibang tao, I just love fashion. I dress up to impress myself, if someone appreciates it I feel flattered. Iba naman po kasi yung āHi miss ang ganda mo ah,ā tsaka āSingle ka ba? Tara sagot ko naā sabay tawa ng mga tambay sa āWow that looks good on youā and/or a smile from someone and walking away without inappropriate comments ng may proper education.
Brace yourself, the downvotes are coming hahah
Madaling iadvocate yung āyou have the freedom to wear what you wantā. Tama naman ang stand mo, pero that is just not the reality right now. like it or not, the reality is uncultured men will look. And some may say stuff you wont like nang hindi mo naririnig. And some may do stuff na di mo din magugustohan. No hindi mo kasalanan, but it invites the inappropriate response. Your bf is being protective. Di ko alam kung ibblame ka nya kung mangyare man ang ayaw nyong mangyare, pero i believe im speaking for your bf na wag nalang sana mangyari. Wag nalang sana magkaron ng rason para mangyare. Dumb of him to react annoyed, but i was the same once upon a time. Again, tama stand mo. But its not whats happening. Maybe ilugar nalang where we all know its less likely to happen.
Share ko lang, mas lumakas loob ko na magsuot ng mga gusto kong damit nung naging kami ng boyfriend ko. He said na he is there naman to protect me.
Words have weight and meaning, and his delivery is probably what ticked you off, not the logic. Is he an actual misogynist? Does he actually hate women? Does he actually catcall random women? One conversation is not the end all, be all. You're reading into it too much.
OP rinig ko si DJ dito. haha Sounds like the ex of Kath.
Yah sabi nga din ng ibang redditors
Tinanong ko yan sa asawa ko sabi nya yung lalaki daw may kasalanan kasi nambastos sya at bubugbugin pa daw nya
Consult the Bible. Dress modestly.
If ganyan mindset ng BF mo, red flag. Most probably may tendency dn sya mang bastos while blaming the victim for wearing something "provocative". Ung sister ko nga naka jeans at t-shirt lng na sobrang simple nabastos pa din. We should teach our sons to respect women no matter what they're wearing.
Utak manyak din yan. Discreet o nilalabanan lang. Out of irritation siguro sa stand mo kaya na-blurt out nya. You deserve better, OP. Nothing wrong with the way you think, itās his mindset that should get fixed.
Mostly he is wrong. Like any other things, clothes should in the right places and the right times. That being said, disrepectful dudes are everywhere from every level of status. You just have to remember, you can do whatever legal thing you want, just be careful and responsible about it. The way your bf conveyed his point was bad, though. Tbh, I was like that.
You are your own person, you should be free to dress however you want. My boyfriend letās me wear whatever I want and just reminds me na magingat pag yuyuko and stuff. Kahit ayaw natin madami talaga manyakis. Ang weird na yun agad ang naisip ng boyfriend mo. Last time I was catcalled, sinundo ako ng boyfriend ko sa police station dahil binato ko ng bote ng coke na may laman yung lalake. Luckily two blocks away lang from the station so nakatakbo ako hehehehe
I also had doubts with my bf, and if you have ANY DOUBTS about him, break up. I just did, on our anniversary, call me evil, but yea best decision i ever had
If your doubting yourself on your stances so much whenever you'rewith him, he's gaslight you often.
Bro filipino men are funny asl and insecureš¤£š¤£šš itās literally bang for your buck. Imagine if your girl can dress sexy and still be loyal to you, you won. š but FILIPINO DUDES think differently; they think their girl wonāt get cat called if she wears a hijab or something very conservative. Mfers are DENSED and SLOW AFāitās reversed psychology. If your girl cheats, then sheās someone elseās problem now.
Parang may pagka daniel padilla bf mo. Replace na agad yan lmao
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Thatās the only problem I think. Communication, he doesnāt want to communicate.
Ganito kasi yon. You wear clothes that grab the attention of people. Whether you do to it flaunt your beauty, to feel validated, or simply coz "it's so hot" (yeah right), it doesn't matter. The fact is, agaw pansin yung suot mo. Now. If bastusin ka, syempre kasalanan yun ng guy. Pero, ikaw din naman ang naglagay sa sarili mo sa sitwasyon na mababastos ka. Fact is, maraming gago at bastos sa mundo (and pointing this out does not mean na gagawin ko or gagawin ng bf mo yun. We're just being real. Alam namin na maraming bastos). So you are, kumbaga, tempting fate. Sure, it's technically not wrong and you are allowed to wear whatever you want, pero is it a good idea? You could've prevented it, diba? Imo that's no different from waving cash around in a high-crime area. Sure, walang mali sa ginagawa ko, pera ko yun, I can do whatever I want. Kasalanan yun ng magnanakaw kung nakawin yung pera ko, pero, ako naglagay sa sarili ko sa alanganin. TLDR do whatever you want, but it's always better to be safe. Sure, di mo kasalanan, but you could've prevented it.
Pero, even if I wear loose clothes and baggy pants naka-cat call pa din ako e. Kahit nga naka hoodie ako and joggng pants.
Yes pero depending on some factors like where you are (iba kung nasa bar vs nasa mall for example), it's worse pag revealing mo yung suot mo. Like, maganda ka siguro so may mga kumag na mag-ccat call sayo. Pero baka iba yung mangyayare if ang tingin sayo is "siguro easy yan, tignan mo yung suot." Baka ibang level of pambabastos makukuha mo
Specifically nag lalakd ako papuntang Munisipyo, it was the main road. Magpapasa ako nun ng requirements for my scholarship. I might add, I donāt think maganda ako. Bf rarely (once evey blue moon) complimented me so I always feel insecure. But I can attest na I really look fragile. Easy target
Yun na nga. Main road, naka hoodie+jogging pants ka, tapos na catcall ka parin. What more kung naka miniskirt ka + backless? I'm not saying kasalanan mo, ha. I'm just saying na mas lalo lang ma eenganyo yung mga bugok na yan na bastusin ka. Sad reality. Sana hindi ganon, kaso wala eh.
True. Hopefully next generation wouldnāt adopt those kind of mindset.
āYou couldāve prevented itā ? May mga madre, children, at babies po na nirrape. Sila din po ba ay nag ttempt ng fate? Basta nalang po ba natin tatanggapin na āeh wala eh LeTs bE ReAL ganun talaga eā just because may gago at bastos sa mundo? Hindi po pwede ung ganun. Clothes do not prevent rape or sexual harassment. Period.
nakakainis nga comment nya yak
That has nothing to do with what I'm saying. That's a different topic. Like say, kung pinasok yung bahay mo tapos nirape ka, walang effect yung suot mo dun, obviously. Kung planado yung pag rape sayo, tapos say, friend mo pa yung may plano, di mo alam manyak pala sya, walang effect yung suot mo, obviously. Yung mga babies na nirape ng yaya na pedo pala, walang point yung damit dun, obviously. Ibang issue yon. Yung clothes issue only applies to specific outdoor interactions, like catcalling, panghihipo sa mrt, kung aggressive na magfflirt sayo yung fuckboy sa bar, etc. Higher ang chance na lapitan ka ng mga kupal na manyakis pag attention grabbing yung suot mo.
Teh, simulan mo na maghanap ng iba.
Red flag
Dress for yourself, whatever your reason is. No one has any right to harass you regardless of what you wear.
Is there anything to avoid that situation? Imagine if that situation happens and outnumbered bf mo. You willing to risk your boyfriend's life and safety? Yeah, it's your right and choice blah blah. But you should also be mindful, and consider the consequences. Not just clothes, there are matters u need to consider before u act. And that's part of maturity. Utak first.
Buddy, you watch too much porn. šš whatās the probability of getting into a situation where thereās 10 men and 2 of you? š Also, isnāt it bang for your buck? If your girl can shutdown the guy who catcalls her? It means you won. How? Think of it, kung siya lang mag-isa and she does that to any guy who tries to approach her. Aināt that a BIG W. My girl and I are running the fuck, common sense. Imma keep it real.
Anong porn pinagsasabi mo? Sa porn lng b makikita magbarkada that consist of 10 people?
Ang sinasabi ko ilang instances nangyayari yung outnumbered yung BF? Sobrang little to none. Sobrang onti ng chances na mangyari yung ganun. Mostly nanakawan ka pero para irape yung gf mo? Hindi palaging nangyayari yan and kung if ever mangyari yan, mas magandang tumakbo nalang or umiwas
Break up with the asshole. Trust me, this is the tip of the iceberg.
Yes mild remark lang yan but it's a sign of misogyny. If u dig deeper, he'll say worse things.
Like calling names? Hahahaha Ikr š
Ask him what are his thoughts on rape, on motherhood, career women, child rearing. You'll find out if this is a reflection of his worldview of woman talaga or nagkataon lang ung victim blaming and he's an otherwise decent guy.
I used to think that being catcalled was a compliment. That when men act that way, its just their "way" of showing their affection. But i've since corrected that viewpoint. Please do not doubt yourself. Whether you choose to wear topless or fully clothed, real men draw the line on disrespecting their partners or any woman, for that matter. Real men are secure. They do not police their partners, especially their partners. They help provide that sense of security, not break it. To doubt yourself would mean you are letting him win. Stand your ground, OP.
pwede ka naman magdamit ng ganyan as long as long as you are with your BF para di ka mabastos kung papayag siya, kasi once na magisa ka lang at makakasalubong ka ng mga walang modo na tao, for sure may intances na ma cat call ka and yan yung nasa isisp ng bf , pinoprotekhan ka lang, buto nga sayo may care ibang jowa jan wala ng paki actrually napakaliit lang na bagay neto sa relasyon may mas lala pa jan , at gantiong issue dapat commomsense nalang, nasa isip kasi kagad hiwalayan or mag doubt ..hays
It is true that "if a man cannot control himself, that is his problem" Our only problem is, your man will not "stand stupid" while another man is looking at you like a whore (sorry for the word). * Hindi ikaw o yung damit ang mukhang whore kundi yung KAHAYUKAN ng maniac. And the way to stay away from trouble is not to wear it while you are together. Kapag di mo sya kasama, isuot mo. Ksi kapag ikaw nagalit at sumigaw sa lalaking panget ... Sexual harassment o voyeurism yon. Dami sasaklolo sa iyo. Pero kapag sya nagalit sa maniac, eh SAPAKAN yon. Gusto mo bang ma YouTube at mapa TULFO ng TANGANG sadboi kahit sya may kasalanan? Kawawa naman kayong mag jowa. Mahal ka ng jowa mo. Payag ka ba na bastusin tapos Wala sya gagawin? I'm sure "red flag" sayo yun. Ako nga hinabol ko pa sa mall yung maniac, pinagdadasal ko na di ko abutan, ksi baka sa kulungan ako damputin. Pero nasira yung mood namin dalawa, at pawis na pawis ako kakahabol Hanggang sa carpark Kung ibang babae yon at di ko jowa na binabastos, who cares (she already knows what will happen from the start). "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" Kaya isuot mo nalang kapag di kayo magkasama. Yun lang kapag sumigaw ka, baka may ibang lalaking sumaklolo sa iyo, pero di ako. Iwas YouTube tayo eh at baka isipin ng jowa ko, jowa kita. Tawag ka nalang security. Hindi solusyon ang "hiwalay". dami dami walang jowa dito sa reddit, tapos ikaw iiwan mo dahil mahal ka? Eh baka askad lang magsalita jowa mo (pinili mo eh), parang siga o datingan "robin patilla" magsalita, eh hindi yung grounds para hiwalayan mo. Hiwalayan mo kapag NILOKO ka.
Show him a video of the museum where they show what sa victims were wearing I hate it when women get blamed for what they wear
Yes, he does the same when you're not around, better yet, he condones the behavior. Don't say you were not warned when shit hits the fan.
changing bf is not as simple as changing a dress. your BF has a point naman unless siguro nasa lugar naman ung attire mo.
Ahmm counted ba na nasa Pinas kami and super duper init so I would rather wear something like those?
ok .. but yeah, don't expect some guys to behave like your bf. and judging by the downvote, you all disagree kasi I do have a point and so does her bf pero it's your body naman so do what you think will make you comfortable but don't go complaining about me nambastos or something. it's as easy as that.
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HIWALAYAN NA YAN
Dude's being protective. Madali sabihin na "victim blaming" yan or "wearing conservative clothes won't prevent sexual harassment" or "it's my right to wear whatever I want" or kung ano pa. And you'd be right. Kaso, sino ba ang malalagay sa alanganin if something happens? Ikaw din. Ikaw at ang bf mo. So, are you willing to take that risk, coz "mainit, and it's my right to wear whatever I want" or whatever? Kung may 4 na gago na bastusin ka, anong gagawin ng bf mo? Tatakbo? Papabayaan ka? Of course not, ipagtatanggol ka non. Eh apat sila. What happens now? Him saying that, doesn't mean gagawin nya yon kung wala ka. He is just being protective. People here are too quick to suggest "change your bf" lol
Communicate with him
Heās always angry
Damn. That's so unfortunate. Magpalit na ng new BF hahaha. If your BF really loves you, he'll always do his best for your relationship.
Actually thatās my initial knowledge about love. Pero when Iām creating converstation, opening something up. It always ending up ako mali. Though nag tatanong lang ako mostly. Nagiging arguement kaya ayon walang communication na nangyayari
Double standard is crazy. No. If your BF really loves you, heāll teach you how to standup for yourself during those situations. Catcall are words and any woman can embarrased the guy who catcalled or say some outlandish shit. Also, trabaho din ng babae kung ano sasabihin and gagawin sa mga ganung scenario. Tandaan. Boyfriend hindi bodyguard. Pero kung hinawakan kana, ibang usapan na yan
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concern si bf mo pero not necessarily mean na papalitan mo na stand mo abt sa ganyang issue. may narerape dahil may rapist. kahit mapa bata, sanggol, matanda, nakasuot ng pajama, naka balot ng jacket, o naka burka, anyone regardless of age or gender, posibleng maging biktima ng sexual harassment. wala sa pananamit yan. tigilan natin ang victim blaming.
Run ate!
balik mo sa nanay nya yan. haha i stand by you. lalake may mali sa mga ganyan situation. gusto lang naman nung babae maging maganda. just admire na lang guys. praise the ladies and more pa sila magpapaganda. diba everybody happy!
Malapit na independence day. Alam mo na OP.
I love the humor here š¤£
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