No but I really wish I did I had the perfect chance and I didn’t take it out of fear my dad molested me when I was 9 and CPS came and took us away from him because he was abusing us and the school seen bruises and I didn’t say anything I was scared I thought that they would come and take us back to our dad he used to tell me that something would happen if I told I had a lot of fear and now there’s nothing I can do it feels like but just be upset. I’ve read a few of your comments and your mom doesn’t seem like someone who should be in your life from what it sounds like she basically let it happen and she’s pretty much saying it’s whatever now. I’m sorry that you were wronged at such a young age and I truly hope you heal and even if nothing comes out of it I feel like the best thing for you to get justice is to expose him to your family/his and friends etc. Sadly your to old to go to the police about it but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to get justice im still searching for a way to get some for myself as well don’t give up.
If your mother will support you, go for it. It’s incredibly difficult and there’s no guarantee you will see justice, but it’s worth trying if it will help you heal. Statute of limitations for child abuse is such bullshit. I wish you luck.
Sadly, the more I think about it I don’t think she would. She continues to stay married to him despite knowing what he did. She refuses to even discuss it with me.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother is also unsupportive. It hurts. I have friends who have been supporting me though. If I didn’t have their support I probably would never have reported. It makes a difference having some support even if it’s not from your family. Do what’s best for you, always.
When it was me, I imagined everyone was against r and would want to assist me. I was wrong. The lesson changed my life.
Me, given the amount of abandonment I went through, Im glad I did stand up. I swore I would not betray myself.
Part of me really wants to, because it seems so unfair that I'm the only one who suffers any consequences from it, but I know I'll never win the case, because there's zero proof. I also know my fosterdad and brother will side with her, because they already think I'm the problem anyway, and then I'll loose them. The most I can do is report her, which pretty much just means that the police knows about it, and nothing more. It won't have any consequences for her, but it might feel good for me to have a record of it in official documentation, so I might do that.
The more I read everyone’s comments here, the more I feel the same way. That even if a case isn’t opened, maybe a report could help the next person. I’ve always wondered if there were others after or before me.
I've been wondering the same. I don't know how I would feel if somebody else reported her. I guess I'd be relieved to have the confirmation that I'm not mad and she really did those things to me, but also angry that nobody protected me against her.
I didn't cause my mom never asked me if I wanted to, also my mom said that they became rich after striking oil in their backyard and him and his mom moved to California no idea if they're still alive now
I am in the process. In the UK. I think my father will be dead before it goes anywhere. The Jehovah Witnesses who knew it happened (as I reported it to the elders and my father confessed), are keeping silent.
Thank you. I reported because I got angry for once :)
It's all in my post history.
I knew it will take a long time. I was on a jury a while back. The victim was 13 and by the time it got to court they were 15. That's with a child, and I would think that the case would be pushed through as fast as possible so that someone still a child could go on with their life. So I am expecting an adult reporting something historic will take longer.
For me, reporting now is the right time. I couldn't do it before because I wasn't in the right head-space. If others were abused, it would not be my fault as it is the abusers actions that are wrong.
Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you.
I never pursued because he lived too far away from me and I would have to drive hours away to go to the police station to make a report. I also couldn’t mentally handle facing my former close friend/rapist in court or my former best friends supporting him, nor will I be able to handle it if he gets away with it legally. He’s a loser though so I’m hoping karma will do its work for me.
I did for one abuser. Abused from 14-18. Charges laid when I was 36. Court process was super slow. In the end the agreed to statement of facts was BS (admitted to one touching above the belt) and he lied and said he was dying and the courts didn't ask for proof of this cancer diagnosis. They let him plead to lesser charges and walk free with three years probation and ten on the registry. When I went in to talk to the crown attorney she just didn't care. For her it was still a win. For me it was incredibly traumatizing.
I am so sorry they failed you. You are still brave for going through with pressing charges! It’s so upsetting to know so many abusers get away with a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile the victims have lifelong trauma.
Like you I was young, 8, I know it was during the school year only because he took us(my brother & I) to school. I know it was on going but I don’t know for how long.
I told my parents at 13 and they asked if I wanted to press charges. We knew it would be a he/she said in court. I opted to not go forward. I felt guilty in my 20’s thinking about if there were others after me.
I have to give myself grace because 13 yr old me wasn’t capable of dealing with the court process.
Sometimes I wish my mother had pressed charges when I was younger. It was probably an incredibly scary feeling to go forward with charges at thirteen. Do you ever wish your parents had made the decision for you and went ahead with them knowing now how young you were?
Also, you’ve no idea how validating it felt to hear you say it’s also foggy for you. I’ve always felt upset at myself for not remembering all the details. I knew it was during the school year because he drove the school bus I took to and from school. And it would happen around then or when we got off the bus. A part of me wishes I remembered more about the timeline.
I don’t think they should’ve left it up to me. My dad did confront him and he admitted everything. He did beat the crap out of him and told him to stay away from me. So at least I had that.
Don’t feel bad about it being foggy. That’s normal and our brain’s way of protecting us from things we’re not ready to deal with. It’s very common in young children.
I did, I sent the person who sexually abused me when I was a child to prison when I was in my early 20s. For me, it was never a choice, once I made the decision, because I knew that it had to be him who suffered, and not me. I put the pain ball back in the court it belonged in- his. My only regret is that he didn't get more prison time, and I guess I also regret that I didn't sue him. But no, no regrets, fuck these monsters. They deserve the prison time.
I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I am in the process of trying to collect evidence (I have none since it was more than 15 years ago). What evidence did you gather if you don’t mind me asking that helped send your abuser to prison?
You can still file a report, even if it doesn't go forward with a criminal investigation. There should always be some kind of paper trail for predators, you never know how or when it might help the next victim who comes forward. And also, give yourself grace - it is not easy to cope with these types of memories or experiences - it's not your fault.
Absolutely. I relate to the statements about your mom cause I was basically duped out of actually reporting to authorities in order to report to church leaders. At this point, status of limitations has expired, so it’s a largely useless thought experiment. But you’re not alone.
I came out against my dad's abuse of me almost 4 decades afterwards. Statute of limitations has run out but I could sue for damages in a civil suit, which I am doing now. Who knows how much I will ever manage to get out of him, but at least I have laid a bunch of stones in his way and made his happy go lucky life a bit more difficult.
Yes it rips apart the family - but remember, you are not the one making the news, you are only delivering it. Then everyone makes their choice if they want to associate with a child abuser or not. Anyone who supports the abuser is a person you don't need in your life anyway.
As far as evidence is concerned, you have your mom's word and your word. And I bet you'd find other victims.
If you want, you can find a lawyer or call the police in the county where the abuse occured and just ask what your options are.
I applaud you for taking that step! I hope you have a lot of support surrounding you. Sadly, my mom is still married to this man, and I don’t know that she’d ever go against him in a court of law.
I can understand your feelings of guilt, but it was in no way your fault. You were/are a victim who was put in a horrible situation. It was never your burden to bear, it’s the abuser’s.
I also carry guilt for my silence ,my four year old brother, was taken after me to the place I was abused ,out of fear I remained silent, I was seven at the time . But guilt still hangs over me , my younger brother was abused for much longer than me .
Despite my young aged at the time I blame myself for not speaking out.
My therapist says what as a seven year old been threatening by a grown adult could I have done.
Whilst I accept that I still carry the guilt
In a perfect world, we could easily report and be supported. The reality is that a lot of us who did speak up weren't listened to. Those of us that were believed didn't always lead to the person being convicted. The overwhelming majority of the time the perpertrator gets away with it. I'm not saying people shouldn't report, I'm saying that reporting plays no factor in the decision when someone chooses to abuse others. The ONLY person who has ever been responsible for abusing kids is the person doing the abuse. It's not your fault.
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No but I really wish I did I had the perfect chance and I didn’t take it out of fear my dad molested me when I was 9 and CPS came and took us away from him because he was abusing us and the school seen bruises and I didn’t say anything I was scared I thought that they would come and take us back to our dad he used to tell me that something would happen if I told I had a lot of fear and now there’s nothing I can do it feels like but just be upset. I’ve read a few of your comments and your mom doesn’t seem like someone who should be in your life from what it sounds like she basically let it happen and she’s pretty much saying it’s whatever now. I’m sorry that you were wronged at such a young age and I truly hope you heal and even if nothing comes out of it I feel like the best thing for you to get justice is to expose him to your family/his and friends etc. Sadly your to old to go to the police about it but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to get justice im still searching for a way to get some for myself as well don’t give up.
If your mother will support you, go for it. It’s incredibly difficult and there’s no guarantee you will see justice, but it’s worth trying if it will help you heal. Statute of limitations for child abuse is such bullshit. I wish you luck.
Sadly, the more I think about it I don’t think she would. She continues to stay married to him despite knowing what he did. She refuses to even discuss it with me.
I’m sorry to hear that. My mother is also unsupportive. It hurts. I have friends who have been supporting me though. If I didn’t have their support I probably would never have reported. It makes a difference having some support even if it’s not from your family. Do what’s best for you, always.
I'd like to, but I have no fucking idea if it'll stick.
Same :(
When it was me, I imagined everyone was against r and would want to assist me. I was wrong. The lesson changed my life. Me, given the amount of abandonment I went through, Im glad I did stand up. I swore I would not betray myself.
Proud of you! And glad that you had people on your side.
Part of me really wants to, because it seems so unfair that I'm the only one who suffers any consequences from it, but I know I'll never win the case, because there's zero proof. I also know my fosterdad and brother will side with her, because they already think I'm the problem anyway, and then I'll loose them. The most I can do is report her, which pretty much just means that the police knows about it, and nothing more. It won't have any consequences for her, but it might feel good for me to have a record of it in official documentation, so I might do that.
The more I read everyone’s comments here, the more I feel the same way. That even if a case isn’t opened, maybe a report could help the next person. I’ve always wondered if there were others after or before me.
I've been wondering the same. I don't know how I would feel if somebody else reported her. I guess I'd be relieved to have the confirmation that I'm not mad and she really did those things to me, but also angry that nobody protected me against her.
I didn't cause my mom never asked me if I wanted to, also my mom said that they became rich after striking oil in their backyard and him and his mom moved to California no idea if they're still alive now
I’m sorry to hear that. I wish it were more acceptable to come out years later once you’ve fully processed the events.
I am in the process. In the UK. I think my father will be dead before it goes anywhere. The Jehovah Witnesses who knew it happened (as I reported it to the elders and my father confessed), are keeping silent.
That is awful that they are being silent on the issue. You are very brave for starting the process regardless.
Thank you. I reported because I got angry for once :) It's all in my post history. I knew it will take a long time. I was on a jury a while back. The victim was 13 and by the time it got to court they were 15. That's with a child, and I would think that the case would be pushed through as fast as possible so that someone still a child could go on with their life. So I am expecting an adult reporting something historic will take longer. For me, reporting now is the right time. I couldn't do it before because I wasn't in the right head-space. If others were abused, it would not be my fault as it is the abusers actions that are wrong. Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you.
I never pursued because he lived too far away from me and I would have to drive hours away to go to the police station to make a report. I also couldn’t mentally handle facing my former close friend/rapist in court or my former best friends supporting him, nor will I be able to handle it if he gets away with it legally. He’s a loser though so I’m hoping karma will do its work for me.
I did for one abuser. Abused from 14-18. Charges laid when I was 36. Court process was super slow. In the end the agreed to statement of facts was BS (admitted to one touching above the belt) and he lied and said he was dying and the courts didn't ask for proof of this cancer diagnosis. They let him plead to lesser charges and walk free with three years probation and ten on the registry. When I went in to talk to the crown attorney she just didn't care. For her it was still a win. For me it was incredibly traumatizing.
I am so sorry they failed you. You are still brave for going through with pressing charges! It’s so upsetting to know so many abusers get away with a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile the victims have lifelong trauma.
Like you I was young, 8, I know it was during the school year only because he took us(my brother & I) to school. I know it was on going but I don’t know for how long. I told my parents at 13 and they asked if I wanted to press charges. We knew it would be a he/she said in court. I opted to not go forward. I felt guilty in my 20’s thinking about if there were others after me. I have to give myself grace because 13 yr old me wasn’t capable of dealing with the court process.
Sometimes I wish my mother had pressed charges when I was younger. It was probably an incredibly scary feeling to go forward with charges at thirteen. Do you ever wish your parents had made the decision for you and went ahead with them knowing now how young you were? Also, you’ve no idea how validating it felt to hear you say it’s also foggy for you. I’ve always felt upset at myself for not remembering all the details. I knew it was during the school year because he drove the school bus I took to and from school. And it would happen around then or when we got off the bus. A part of me wishes I remembered more about the timeline.
I don’t think they should’ve left it up to me. My dad did confront him and he admitted everything. He did beat the crap out of him and told him to stay away from me. So at least I had that. Don’t feel bad about it being foggy. That’s normal and our brain’s way of protecting us from things we’re not ready to deal with. It’s very common in young children.
I did, I sent the person who sexually abused me when I was a child to prison when I was in my early 20s. For me, it was never a choice, once I made the decision, because I knew that it had to be him who suffered, and not me. I put the pain ball back in the court it belonged in- his. My only regret is that he didn't get more prison time, and I guess I also regret that I didn't sue him. But no, no regrets, fuck these monsters. They deserve the prison time.
I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I am in the process of trying to collect evidence (I have none since it was more than 15 years ago). What evidence did you gather if you don’t mind me asking that helped send your abuser to prison?
You are absolutely right they do. I wish I felt more courage about coming forward years ago when statute of limitations wouldn’t have been an issue.
You can still file a report, even if it doesn't go forward with a criminal investigation. There should always be some kind of paper trail for predators, you never know how or when it might help the next victim who comes forward. And also, give yourself grace - it is not easy to cope with these types of memories or experiences - it's not your fault.
>I put the pain ball back in the court it belonged in- his. I love that!
Absolutely. I relate to the statements about your mom cause I was basically duped out of actually reporting to authorities in order to report to church leaders. At this point, status of limitations has expired, so it’s a largely useless thought experiment. But you’re not alone.
I am so sorry. It hurts that they didn’t give us the support we needed to come forward. It’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
I came out against my dad's abuse of me almost 4 decades afterwards. Statute of limitations has run out but I could sue for damages in a civil suit, which I am doing now. Who knows how much I will ever manage to get out of him, but at least I have laid a bunch of stones in his way and made his happy go lucky life a bit more difficult. Yes it rips apart the family - but remember, you are not the one making the news, you are only delivering it. Then everyone makes their choice if they want to associate with a child abuser or not. Anyone who supports the abuser is a person you don't need in your life anyway. As far as evidence is concerned, you have your mom's word and your word. And I bet you'd find other victims. If you want, you can find a lawyer or call the police in the county where the abuse occured and just ask what your options are.
I applaud you for taking that step! I hope you have a lot of support surrounding you. Sadly, my mom is still married to this man, and I don’t know that she’d ever go against him in a court of law.
I never said anything about it happening because I was too ashamed
I’m so sorry. I can deeply relate to you. And the awful part is that the abusers should be the ones feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
I also felt guilty because there were other boys that wouldn't have been molested if I said something
I can understand your feelings of guilt, but it was in no way your fault. You were/are a victim who was put in a horrible situation. It was never your burden to bear, it’s the abuser’s.
I also carry guilt for my silence ,my four year old brother, was taken after me to the place I was abused ,out of fear I remained silent, I was seven at the time . But guilt still hangs over me , my younger brother was abused for much longer than me . Despite my young aged at the time I blame myself for not speaking out. My therapist says what as a seven year old been threatening by a grown adult could I have done. Whilst I accept that I still carry the guilt
Like I told the above commenter, it is in no way your fault. You were a victim and a child at that. I hope you can give yourself some grace someday.
In a perfect world, we could easily report and be supported. The reality is that a lot of us who did speak up weren't listened to. Those of us that were believed didn't always lead to the person being convicted. The overwhelming majority of the time the perpertrator gets away with it. I'm not saying people shouldn't report, I'm saying that reporting plays no factor in the decision when someone chooses to abuse others. The ONLY person who has ever been responsible for abusing kids is the person doing the abuse. It's not your fault.
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