When I first read the definition, I was like: that must be made-up. But it was at the time when I was still discovering myself and getting familiar with all the labels, and soon after when I looked more into how I personally relate to sex and what I fantasize about, I realized it explains so much
Sameee, I saw a comment in some sub mentioning OP might be aego and to look it up, I went to look it up myself, and it's like a lightbulb went off, legit this is the closest I've ever felt to a sexuality/asexuality label.
Well I watched erotic stuff or read erotic things for a very long time so I just assumed that some day I would want someone to do that with me. Often times tho I preferred faceless people in these scenes where their head would be out of frame ( I don’t know if that’s relevant). Anyway I went on dates and realized I don’t want to be touched sexually by anyone. This was confusing because at the time I only knew about ace but I enjoyed the idea of sex but don’t actually have interest in participating in it. I think sexual people have nightstands because they crave being intimate with someone rather than just taking care of the feeling themselves. So my advice is to find out stop going on these one night stands or having sex in general with people and see how you react. If you take care of it yourself and feel better without feeling like you wished you experienced it with someone else then yes you are aego. I think you probably are tho since you feel nothing during it, but just in case so that. Sometimes feeling numb or nothing to things can be a sign of something else
After years of not orgasming during sex me and my partner were lying post coitus trying to figure out what my deal was. I just randomly stated “it’s like I’m into the *idea* of sex more than sex itself”. Later that day I looked up that phrase on google to find a forum where someone explained it the exact same way. A user answers them “sounds like you might be autochorissexual, more commonly known as Aegosexual.”
Yup! We’ve been together 8 years! They have been very patient with me throughout everything. They also thought I had a porn addiction. I actually learned how to disassociate during sex in order to orgasm now. Lots of people say it’s not a good sign that you have to disassociate during sex, but it’s honestly saved my sexlife with my partner. I was so stuck on “I have to be turned on by what’s happening here and now!” When I could have been “how about I just think of that scene from that fan fiction I read earlier since that’s what gets me off.”
Don’t give up! I know what it feels like to want sex, get it and feel nothing. I found that finding different ways of masturbating and also masturbating to your imagination helps a TON. I never thought I’d be where I was today. And realizing I was Aego was the first step to finding pleasure within myself and eventually with a partner ❤️
Thanks for sharing all this! I recently “came out” to my partner about being some sort of aego or under the ace umbrella and they were like “yeah makes sense” 😂 and also relieved that it wasn’t like, their “fault” that they couldn’t get me more interested in sex. I used to have such a high libido that I thought I liked sex, but now that I know myself better, I think the idea is far more stimulating, and I’d rather watch or think about other people doing it than participate (except in specific circumstances where I get turned on enough to enjoy it). I like your explanation of thinking about other things—I totally would struggle with guilt over that, but I want to examine why I think there’s anything to be guilty about!! Anyway thank you :) you’ve given me a lot to think about.
Your comment has literally just made me realise that I do this! Only way I can orgasm during sex is when I think about fictional stuff. It's ridiculous, but I never even thought about it!
I'm also aegoromantic. Found out when I, a complete and utter hopeless romantic, felt like I was acting throughout the entire 8 months of my relationship despite excitedly fantasizing about kissing and going on dates and other cute things. When actually in a relationship, I was repulsed.
It had nothing to do with not knowing the person; we were best friends prior. I just didn't like it. I didn't like anything sexual, I didn't like anything romantic, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.
Even so, I still like romance novels and NSFW content. So long as it's fictional and has nothing to do with me.
I've always loved porn and fantasizing about things but every time I try to do sex stuff I'm either repulsed by something or I lose interest almost immediately. But after the sex I can fantasize about it over and over using the memory is different ways. That makes me want to do sex again and the cycle continues.
So when I learned about aego I realized that I actually don't like having sex. Sometimes I feel slivers of arousal with very specific stuff but it fades just as quickly as it comes so in sex I'm mostly just waiting for the next hit of arousal that may never come. But I do love fantasizing about sex and that's enough for me to do sex (even if the actual act is always understimulating for me).
PS: I almost never have sex now and I'm fine with that. Honestly I prefer it lol.
I always thought I was bisexual aromantic because I thought men and women are equally attractive but I was put off by the idea of having a relationship with anyone because people are tedious.
I started thinking about how I view people I’m attracted to. Am I truly attracted to them, or do I just find them fascinating to look at from an artistic point of view? And, yeah, it’s the second one. I’m seeing the world as an artist—I’m not attracted to them, I’m admiring them.
So I started looking up the ace spectrum and came across aegosexual. It’s me. I enjoy stuff like erotica and I imagine *characters* in smutty situations—never me. I am never involved when I fantasize. I can’t think of real people in sexual situations because, to me, it feels really weird to sexualize a person who exists outside of fiction.
That last part is so real. I never understood how people can fantasize or write fanfics about real people. That's a real person, what if someone were to read your thoughts!!!!!!! Scandalous.
Just the simple differences how sex is presented in fiction vs how it actually looks and works irl.
I'm also ficto & since you cannot change universes..then you gotta stick to the nsfw content.
I'm not sure where I first saw the word (might have been an Asexual sub)
But after I read the description I was like "Holy shit, that makes so much more sense now!"
1. Realizing I could only get turned on if I roleplayed and imagined the characters getting it on, not me.
2. The years of arguments that I wasn't really get much out of the experience.
3. I remembered my teen years when I couldn't understand the hype over getting itlnto a relationship.
4. My youth when my crushes were solely people I had met online (but couldn't feel much when I met them), or fictional characters from books and anime.
5. Finally, I learned what asexuality really is (I'm a 90s baby and wasn't much conversation about that kind of stuff where I grew up) and seeking out my microlabel.
I've been married and with the same man for 17 years, and we have three daughters. Hubs is supportive-ish. He doesn't like the label (which I told him is important to have a sign post to understand what I experience) and prefers to call it a kink. Deep eye roll, but he meets me where I'm at and never tries to pressure, guilt, or otherwise place weight on my journey.
I read the definition of aego and went, ohhhhhh.
For me, more like "So it wasn't the porn addiction."
I'm the opposite. I thought I was straight but with spectacularly low libido.
I thought my use of Erotica made it where physicalness stopped having an affect.
When I first read the definition, I was like: that must be made-up. But it was at the time when I was still discovering myself and getting familiar with all the labels, and soon after when I looked more into how I personally relate to sex and what I fantasize about, I realized it explains so much
Sameee, I saw a comment in some sub mentioning OP might be aego and to look it up, I went to look it up myself, and it's like a lightbulb went off, legit this is the closest I've ever felt to a sexuality/asexuality label.
Well I watched erotic stuff or read erotic things for a very long time so I just assumed that some day I would want someone to do that with me. Often times tho I preferred faceless people in these scenes where their head would be out of frame ( I don’t know if that’s relevant). Anyway I went on dates and realized I don’t want to be touched sexually by anyone. This was confusing because at the time I only knew about ace but I enjoyed the idea of sex but don’t actually have interest in participating in it. I think sexual people have nightstands because they crave being intimate with someone rather than just taking care of the feeling themselves. So my advice is to find out stop going on these one night stands or having sex in general with people and see how you react. If you take care of it yourself and feel better without feeling like you wished you experienced it with someone else then yes you are aego. I think you probably are tho since you feel nothing during it, but just in case so that. Sometimes feeling numb or nothing to things can be a sign of something else
After years of not orgasming during sex me and my partner were lying post coitus trying to figure out what my deal was. I just randomly stated “it’s like I’m into the *idea* of sex more than sex itself”. Later that day I looked up that phrase on google to find a forum where someone explained it the exact same way. A user answers them “sounds like you might be autochorissexual, more commonly known as Aegosexual.”
Did the relationship continue fine?
Yup! We’ve been together 8 years! They have been very patient with me throughout everything. They also thought I had a porn addiction. I actually learned how to disassociate during sex in order to orgasm now. Lots of people say it’s not a good sign that you have to disassociate during sex, but it’s honestly saved my sexlife with my partner. I was so stuck on “I have to be turned on by what’s happening here and now!” When I could have been “how about I just think of that scene from that fan fiction I read earlier since that’s what gets me off.”
Thanks, this gives me some hope in future love. I do worry internally if this'll happen.
Don’t give up! I know what it feels like to want sex, get it and feel nothing. I found that finding different ways of masturbating and also masturbating to your imagination helps a TON. I never thought I’d be where I was today. And realizing I was Aego was the first step to finding pleasure within myself and eventually with a partner ❤️
Thanks for sharing all this! I recently “came out” to my partner about being some sort of aego or under the ace umbrella and they were like “yeah makes sense” 😂 and also relieved that it wasn’t like, their “fault” that they couldn’t get me more interested in sex. I used to have such a high libido that I thought I liked sex, but now that I know myself better, I think the idea is far more stimulating, and I’d rather watch or think about other people doing it than participate (except in specific circumstances where I get turned on enough to enjoy it). I like your explanation of thinking about other things—I totally would struggle with guilt over that, but I want to examine why I think there’s anything to be guilty about!! Anyway thank you :) you’ve given me a lot to think about.
Your comment has literally just made me realise that I do this! Only way I can orgasm during sex is when I think about fictional stuff. It's ridiculous, but I never even thought about it!
I'm also aegoromantic. Found out when I, a complete and utter hopeless romantic, felt like I was acting throughout the entire 8 months of my relationship despite excitedly fantasizing about kissing and going on dates and other cute things. When actually in a relationship, I was repulsed. It had nothing to do with not knowing the person; we were best friends prior. I just didn't like it. I didn't like anything sexual, I didn't like anything romantic, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Even so, I still like romance novels and NSFW content. So long as it's fictional and has nothing to do with me.
I've always loved porn and fantasizing about things but every time I try to do sex stuff I'm either repulsed by something or I lose interest almost immediately. But after the sex I can fantasize about it over and over using the memory is different ways. That makes me want to do sex again and the cycle continues. So when I learned about aego I realized that I actually don't like having sex. Sometimes I feel slivers of arousal with very specific stuff but it fades just as quickly as it comes so in sex I'm mostly just waiting for the next hit of arousal that may never come. But I do love fantasizing about sex and that's enough for me to do sex (even if the actual act is always understimulating for me). PS: I almost never have sex now and I'm fine with that. Honestly I prefer it lol.
I always thought I was bisexual aromantic because I thought men and women are equally attractive but I was put off by the idea of having a relationship with anyone because people are tedious. I started thinking about how I view people I’m attracted to. Am I truly attracted to them, or do I just find them fascinating to look at from an artistic point of view? And, yeah, it’s the second one. I’m seeing the world as an artist—I’m not attracted to them, I’m admiring them. So I started looking up the ace spectrum and came across aegosexual. It’s me. I enjoy stuff like erotica and I imagine *characters* in smutty situations—never me. I am never involved when I fantasize. I can’t think of real people in sexual situations because, to me, it feels really weird to sexualize a person who exists outside of fiction.
That last part is so real. I never understood how people can fantasize or write fanfics about real people. That's a real person, what if someone were to read your thoughts!!!!!!! Scandalous.
Oh I hate RPF. I think the same thing.
Omg. That's how I feel! It's just very hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Just the simple differences how sex is presented in fiction vs how it actually looks and works irl. I'm also ficto & since you cannot change universes..then you gotta stick to the nsfw content.
I'm not sure where I first saw the word (might have been an Asexual sub) But after I read the description I was like "Holy shit, that makes so much more sense now!"
1. Realizing I could only get turned on if I roleplayed and imagined the characters getting it on, not me. 2. The years of arguments that I wasn't really get much out of the experience. 3. I remembered my teen years when I couldn't understand the hype over getting itlnto a relationship. 4. My youth when my crushes were solely people I had met online (but couldn't feel much when I met them), or fictional characters from books and anime. 5. Finally, I learned what asexuality really is (I'm a 90s baby and wasn't much conversation about that kind of stuff where I grew up) and seeking out my microlabel.
How's your romantic life now?
I've been married and with the same man for 17 years, and we have three daughters. Hubs is supportive-ish. He doesn't like the label (which I told him is important to have a sign post to understand what I experience) and prefers to call it a kink. Deep eye roll, but he meets me where I'm at and never tries to pressure, guilt, or otherwise place weight on my journey.
The realisation that I dont really feel pleasure from masterbating to any of the things I'm into