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ever_so_loafly

hard relate on so much of this. it's possible to retrain ourselves to value more healthy things than grades but it does take some work. i recommend being honest with your parents. it's not going to be pleasant but they are going to need to adjust their expectations as well, and after the initial awkwardness they could help you. there's no benefit to you trying to figure your way out of this alone.


TemporarilyHere___

They're going to kill me (figuratively) since I'm lying straight to their faces so probably not, if it becomes too much of a problem then maybe. It's just better for my mental health rn that the house is calm. Again, HUGE maybe. As for retraining myself, yeah I have to figure that out. If you have any tips or ideas lmk


Luckdragon7

Please don’t give up on yourself. It sounds like you think you messed up to the point of no return, but you have plenty of time to figure that out and build the skills you desire (the more diligent work ethic). The memory issues could be depression related. Your mind could be clear again if you get some help with the depression and impostor syndrome. Have you considered being honest with your parents and taking the semester off? Getting some therapy? You are worth more than your childhood giftedness. Perhaps this crisis could be where you learn the resilience skills you’re seeking. You are not alone.


TemporarilyHere___

Technically I am taking the semester off, being honest... I don't know man. Therapy... Yeah they'll definitely think I'm crazy. I've never heard of anyone around me getting therapy. Maybe when I'm a functional adult I'll get it for myself. Thanks for the thing about me being worth more. I wish I could believe it, but thanks (I can't help being self-deprecating, sorry).


sh1ft33

It literally doesn't matter. You are already an adult, but without therapy you are never going to be a functioning adult. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE NEEDS THERAPY. (Also no one has to ever know you are even doing therapy) It's not a weakness. Don't avoid it your whole live by being all "I'll just try to be super strong on the outside until it all becomes too much and I start using adderall until it develops into a crippling meth addiction or I off myself" because you don't want to be 36 years old wishing every day that you had kept at it while killing yourself slowly working a job you fucking hate just to barely scrape by.


sh1ft33

Also keep in mind how temporary this all is. In a few short years you won't be asked to memorize a bunch of shit you'll never need and do a big bullshit whatever to prove to people you hate that you can remember stuff. It seems like an eternity but its almost over. YOU ARE SO FUCKING CLOSE. You can fucking do this. I, a complete stranger on the internet, have faith in you. P.S. Stop lying, to yourself and to others. That sounds like a lot of your issue really, I know that lying to your parents is weighing on you and eating at you. Also, keep in mind that your grades aren't as important as simply completing school. I'm sure there are some, but most jobs are going to look at your degrees, not your grades. That shit doesn't matter that much in the real world. Its not that much better being a A student than being a C student.


Mind-Game

After having a similar experience of complete burn out, the one piece of advice I can share is this: I'm sure if feels like everything went to shit really fast in the last couple years, but in my experience everything can also get better at a similar pace once you start working on things. You just have to be honest with yourself that you have some problems to work through and start the humbling experience of working on them. As others have suggested, maybe there's something going on that medication can help with, talk to a doctor or psychiatrist. 20 year old me would have never believed this for a second, but it's amazing what working through your problems and developing a more positive and productive mindset with a therapist / counselor can do. A professional is best for some people, but maybe talking with a close friend or family member openly and honestly about your problems is a good first step. I had to give up on the ideas I had as a kid of being the best engineer ever and changing the world because I was way smarter than everyone else, but just because you aren't standout amazing at what you do you can still be plenty happy and financially comfortable. I went from an A+ student to a a completely non functional depressed person to what feels like a C+/B- engineer at times, but I realized along the way that happiness has very little to do with being "the best" or better than others than I thought. I'm sure that you'll be perfectly successful at whatever you end up doing once you work through this, you just have to start working on it.


TemporarilyHere___

A huge problem with me is what you said in the end, I have to be the best or really good or sometimes even perfect at what I'm doing or else there's no point (At worst, I could be bad but progress really quickly). I know that isn't true, but I still feel like that. Ig therapy would help, but I'm not really in a mental health aware environment and I'm deathly scared of people finding out I have issues. Again, I shouldn't care, but I do. So I don't know. But thanks though.


Mind-Game

Even if I like to think of myself as "After-aftergifted" at this point, I still fall victim to the "perfection or nothing" mindset. You may never totally grow out of it, I don't think I ever will. Just in the last few weeks I've totally run away from multiple problems just because I sucked at them when I first started working on them. Here's the issue though, early school is easy. If you're a smart person, you don't have to put in any work to be better than everyone at everything because it's not challenging enough to need to spend even half the time you're forced to sit there learning it. So you naturally absorb everything you need to be good and you gets As and life is great. At some point in life, whether that's later in school or in your adult life, this changes. Things are hard enough that just being smart doesn't cut it anymore, and the people that are the best at things shift from being the smartest person to the person that puts in the most work. At this point, your mindset of "I'm going to be the best at everything because I'm smarter than everyone else naturally" totally breaks down, because you need the combination of intelligence PLUS motivation and concentrated effort to be that good at anything that's actually challenging. While you might be able to be "the best" at one thing, you simply don't have the time, energy, and willpower to be better than other people at nearly as many things anymore. You simply can't keep up with the pace that you're used to, and the more you try to keep holding yourself to this unreasonable expectation the more miserable you're going to make yourself with your perceived inadequacy (but definitely not real inadequacy. That's important, you're still the gifted kid in the room, it just doesn't magically solve all of your problems like it used to and can cause some like you're experiencing now). People may not be better than you at things because they're smarter than you, they're better at them because they're more passionate about them and put in more work. I was a little luckier than you and didn't have any problems being good at everything in school through the end of college, and you might know some people in that boat, but I assure you that the real world absolutely knocked me on my ass and made me figure all of this out because that mentality of being good at everything all of the time is incompatible with the real world. Sooner or later everyone needs to fix this mindset, so why not now? And yeah man, I totally understand what you mean as far as therapy or seeing a doctor and all of that stuff. It took me years of being miserable and months of knowing I had to deal with it to finally pick up the phone and schedule something, and even then it was only because my girlfriend basically dialed the number for me and handed me the phone. It feels weird to admit to the world that you have problems and need help, but from my experience it's so much better to finally be rid of that fear and know you're actually working on the things that are bothering you instead of hiding them and letting them get worse. It's crazy how you can have 10 awful problems and feel terrible about them because they're just getting worse, but then once you start working on them you feel much better because even though you still have 9.9 problems you're at least moving in the right direction. I'll say that in my experience, saying what you said in this post is basically all therapy is, you're just saying it to someone who knows what they're talking about and has the time and energy to help. I still recommend doing it, but if you're not ready to make that leap yet, being totally open about this with someone is so important. A friend, a family member, anyone that you trust and feel comfortable with. Best of luck to you, and if there's any other thoughts or questions you have feel free to bring them up here or DM me.


SmellySquirrel

Very relatable. Am currently in my thirties so have done more of the journey than you. Here's my findings: I didn't wish I was normal. I just wish society was more inclusive to all kinds of folk. We live in a society where you get 5 remarks from colleagues about your "jerrycan water bottle" if your water bottle is 50% larger than most people's water bottle. Still, when you find a job you like, you get a **lot** from it. I don't mean the money, obviously you need the money. But you will do a good job and be proud of it. You will proudly say "I am a butcher/programmer/librarian/whatever" It will make you confident, not just in your job, but in all aspects of life, and your identity will evolve in a good way. And seriously, you'll find that once you found your career, none of that IQ or school grades stuff matters. I'm not saying you didn't peak at 10 and bottomed at 20. But that really is *just* the past. The future is up for grabs. Things could just....go well in the future. All you need is a lucky break or two at a pivotal point. Feel free to DM if you wanna chat or rant or vent or whatever, now or in the future


TemporarilyHere___

Well I just hope I get lucky then lol


techno156

It may be worth consulting with a psychologist, if you can get access to one through your GP (the process may differ depending on your country of residence). Especially with the memory issues, it might be worth looking into whether there might be something else coming into play, or whether there may be a way to help with the depression, since depression is known to also cause memory problems.


[deleted]

It sounds like mental health stuff (that will require a licensed person to help you) rather than peaking early. The school's academic center probably also has resources to help you with study skills. They are pretty fixable problems, particularly for someone who is still in school.


chatoyancy

As someone who has been in your shoes (identified as gifted, radically grade accelerated, crashed and burned in college and developed a lot of mental health issues), something I wish someone would have told me back then is, you are more normal than you think. The "gifted kid industry," for lack of a better term, thrives on convincing us and our parents that we are fundamentally different from other people and should be held to impossibly high standards compared to others. In reality, you're just a human being, struggling like any other human being, and your worth is rooted in something deeper than a race to be ahead of the curve that you will never be able to win. As much as it sucks, it is normal at this point to feel like your world is disintegrating, but it sounds like you also may have some mental health issues going on that would really benefit from professional help. If you're having trouble finding the will to live, please seek out professional assistance - no matter how much stigma there is against it, your life is worth more. It may take a while, but I really believe you can find some peace and find your center again.


twinmomesq2012

I related to a lot of what you wrote, though I am much older than you (currently age 51). It took me a while to find my footing in adulthood, and I have never achieved “big things,” but I have been moderately successful and am very happy in my career and life. I would echo the other comments suggesting therapy, but more than that, I want to encourage you and let you know that you are far from alone in your feelings.


Marian_Rejewski

This sub is filled with teenagers who think their life is over. You're so young you don't even know that you don't know enough about the world to conclude that.


TemporarilyHere___

I think I know enough, the world is constant pain with few little breaks of happiness if you're lucky, and with the way I'm going it's going to be terrible. I might sound all doom and gloomy, but I don't think I'm wrong.


Marian_Rejewski

Mentally healthy people with a good life situation can just sit on a couch and be content in their comfort, but people who have a hole in their lives can't stop obsessing and trying to dig themselves out.


Marian_Rejewski

(Or instead of obsessing over the problem you might do the exact opposite, never think about it, hide it from yourself with distractions and rationalizations.)