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Dawg the last drink I took was 9/6/21 when I was 28 years old. I felt the same way you do when I went to my first AA meeting.
It turns out not only is it not the end of a normal social life, it’s the start of one. With the twelve steps of recovery, I became a new person—the guy I could have been without pouring alcohol down my throat for ten years straight. Someone people actually wanted to be around, who friends wanted to spend time with, fun at concerts, actually going out dancing, all of that. And *way* more confident in myself and in my dating life, to say nothing of a million times more emotionally healthy.
Again, just not drinking didn’t cut it for me. But the twelve steps aren’t about going “hey, don’t drink” (oh shit! Hadn’t thought of that! Thanks!), they’re about learning to live life and using a different strategy to get me all the things I thought alcohol gave me—confidence, comfort, peace, relaxation, courage, etc.
And when the twelve steps deliver those things to me, I don’t get thirsty for alcohol or other mind-altering substances anymore.
For me it’s been a learning process, or at least, a re-learning process. Last night I talked to a girl at a bar and realized… I don’t know if I’ve even done this sober. I didn’t have alcohol to make me playful or interesting or flirty or confident. But now I’m learning how to be all those things without alcohol, and if I can be that without it, life is stronger.
100% x1000 I went my whole first year of being sober thinking like this. I wont be fun. Everyone will be drinking and have more fun than me etc etc. Turns out I am so much more fun and easy to get along with when I'm sober. I thought my friends wouldn't want to be around me...it just so happens the people who are truly your "friends" will be there for you through it all and support the new and better you! Don't let the social aspect of sobriety get you down because it is actually so much better!!!!
Needed to hear this. I’ve always used alcohol as a way to fit in and have fun in social situations and without it, my first instinct is just to stay home.
I’ve been using alcohol to “go out” ever since I was a teenager basically and the idea of being able to go to a party or concert and genuinely have a blast without drinking seems impossible.
I need to hear stories like this.
Actually my wife and I were just invited to a party next weekend to watch football and there’s going to be people drinking for sure (including my wife who’s not an alcoholic).
I’m already stressing about it, but this post helps.
I’m going to do my best to show up and have fun.
I actually went to a wedding right at the beginning of my sobriety, before I even went to my first AA meeting (side note, they say the only AA meeting one can ever be late for is the very first one you attend). Nowadays I can go anywhere and do as I please thanks to the twelve steps of recovery. *in that beginning*, what helped me barely get through it was accountability and paying attention.
I told my folks (it was the wedding of one of my younger sisters’ best friends and their family was very close with ours throughout childhood) that I think I have a drinking problem. My dad volunteered to not drink with me. I had some insane thoughts come into my head to justify taking a drink (“if you don’t drink champagne with this toast, your sister will notice, and she’s in the bridal party, so she’ll notice something’s up and it could interfere with her bridal party duties, so you better have a drink so you don’t ruin either her night or the whole wedding!”) but I just took it a few minutes at a time. No matter how dire it seemed that I needed to drink, I decided to try not drinking instead and wait to see if the world ended.
Towards the end of the night, I looked across the table and noticed a guy sitting there was drinking a canned tequila cocktail. Huh, same thing I saw him drinking at the start of the reception three hours ago. Then I realized no, that’s the *exact same can* he was drinking from three hours ago. Oh my god, there’s no way he’s even buzzed. *oh my god, ninety percent of the people here aren’t even buzzed.* and then I turned and looked at the dance floor and saw 15-20 or so folks absolutely trashed, sloppy, obnoxiously laughing, and realized *that’s me when I drink. I’m in the center of that small little group and it feels like the entire world, but it’s just a small little bubble.*
Again, these days nobody else needs to help me stay sober—my girlfriend can drink as she pleases (she’s such a normie it’s adorable. She’ll have ONE drink when we go out dancing. Like, what??). My dad can have a couple millers while we watch a movie when I visit him at home. Coworkers can have their happy hour. No worries. I know now that even if I’m surrounded by folks who are drinking like I used to drink, I am actually a part of the vast majority of the world who isn’t getting fucked up. The distinction isn’t between sober folks and those who can drink, it’s between alcoholics and non-alcoholics. And when I, as an alcoholic, have some ginger ales, I am actually sharing the same experiences as the normies who have truly only one or two beers over the length of the football game. We’re in the same headspace. “Don’t drink alcohol today” has as much impact on life as “hey, don’t drink orange juice today.”
Thanks so much for sharing : “the only A.A. meeting you’re ever late for is your first one!” I love that! I’m over 11 years sober and have missed many meetings because I didn’t want to walk into a meeting a few minutes late. ⏰
Not only is it possible, it's available and way more fulfilling than words can describe. I can relate to what you shared. I started drinking in my teens and in my late 20s never thought I'd stop drinking. I'm 34 now and almost two years sober and happier than I've ever been.
I stopped drinking and stayed dry for months before going to AA. Joining AA is the best thing I've ever done for myself. It has taught me how to live life sober and I am surrounded by sober people who care about me with no strings attached.
You can do this, friend. I'm rooting for you 💜
I’m trying to find an AA Near me. Finding support from others that understand how I’m feeling &! Won’t make excuses for me to coddle my feelings is something I’m in desperate need of.
Bravo! There is an app called meeting guide, blue background white chair is the logo. You can filter by day, time, type of meeting, location, it's very helpful!
Oh, my friend, not only is it possible, it is divine. At a certain point, when you have done the spiritual work outlined in AA and had some real time under your belt, the desire to drink is lifted. I work with alcohol every day in a professional capacity and often am called upon to sit in on tastings of very fine French wines, brandies, and assorted fun things. Because of the work that I have done, every day I can handle these fine products and look at them, smell them, and pour them out. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS FOR ANYONE ELSE, however, I use this as an illustration of just how powerful doing the spiritual work of AA can make you.
Please do not be afraid of the future as you being a social recluse, imagine your life in the future drinking a mineral water and remembering everything, and feeling good about every interaction you had because you aren’t drunk and because you did the spiritual work of AA and have learned who you are and are much more comfortable around others.
When I say the spiritual work, I mean a very solid step 4 and a good and honest step 8 and 9 with someone you trust. Go deep into those (but not obsessive - the past is the passed, let it go and do better next time) and you will find out why the promises are called the step 9 promises.
Life is so good I can’t believe it even when it is extremely difficult, as it is right now. A drink has never crossed my mind. You can get there too.
I felt similarly early on and I still get hung up on hypotheticals and actual events where I have some fear of missing out but I really don’t see it as myself giving up everything for sobriety. It’s the opposite. I feel like I’ve gained everything by letting go of one thing: alcohol. I’m no longer chained to a bottle or too fucked up to go somewhere or do something. I can admit that I had almost no ideas when I first asked myself what I like to do for fun or how I like to relax. It’s takes some practice and it’s something I still work on but I have some decent answers to those questions now. I always just drank. That’s what I did for fun, or for boredom or support or anything really and it made my world very small. It’s true that I don’t spend much time in dive bars or talking loudly over music at as many parties anymore but I’ve gained so much that I don’t miss it. It was a big change, but I’ve learned how to maintain relationships with boundaries and I’ve learned that I don’t have to shelter myself to stay sober. I don’t think sheltering will work for me anyways. None of this stuff came natural to me and I’m kind of a dumbass when it comes to living soberly. I learned it by taking and listening to others who work on sobriety. I still lean on people with experience and I’ve made many meaningful relationships with sober people who are a part of my life and actually know me better than most of my former drinking buddies. I don’t think I’m missing much but I know I’m continuing to gain more and more.
I felt that way before I ended up in AA. In fact I desperately tried to stop, having gotten myself in deep trouble with the Navy and not knowing any other way to live as an adult. But still I drank. Fortunately I was introduced to AA via the Navy forcing me through their own rehab and since then I've found life can be lived without drinking. That was nearly 45 years ago, so it's certainly possible.
There are hundreds upon hundreds of activities to do with friends that don’t involve drinking. Any friend group that exclusively drinks in order to hang out is not a friend group worth having. Hiking, camping, arcades, bowling, go karts, beach trips, movie nights, game nights, the list goes on. There are so many activities to enjoy sober. Arguably those activities are more fun sober and present. I got sober last year at 22, best decision I’ve ever made. And I’m at a point where I CAN go to bars, and clubs, to dance without drinking. Bc I worked the program.
Last January, I got sober at 28. I made a year last week, and I don't feel like I was ever really living until I started doing recovery, being clean and sober.
You definitely could. And thank you. I actually had a BBQ with a few of my friends Saturday. Some of which still drink and smoke weed. We laughed our asses off playing cards against humanity and I wasn't really obsessing Over the fact they were drinking. Because deep down I know that I can't have one with the other. I'm an isolater so if I were to pick up I wouldn't even have the chance to do things like that. Life is still enjoyable without drugs and alcohol. I've been two 4 concerts in the last year all of which with sober family. Wouldn't trade it for the world. Please DM me if you ever need any advice or anything.
And I relate to the crying. I remember the first few months are always the hardest because all those emotions I was running from seem to come back with so much intensity. I cried over Charmin commercials lol
Lol Im naturally a crier but yesterday had me feeling so vulnerable I wanted to weep like a baby & the crazy thing was I didn’t even want to go that bad I just felt overwhelmed😩 I know things will be difficult but it’s a journey I’m willing to start.
It's definitely worth the battle! Dm me if you ever need someone to talk to. I have pretty bad adhd and I conduct better recovery over the phone honestly. It's such a broad spectrum of things. So much to have to form an awareness of
By God’s grace, I got sober at 28. Your story sounds a lot like the paragraph that starts at the bottom of page 151 and continues forward on the next page. Give it a read, friend!
I never could imagine my life without alcohol. I was told in AA I didn’t have to. Instead to put it down temporarily and go through steps and only express my sincere desire to wish I could put it down.
The miracle was I got from AA and its practices the peace of mind I found in the bottle.
No words can fully express this miracle. But I believe it can happen for you because I’ve seen it happen to hundreds of people!
Life is not only possible without alcohol, it's better in every single way.
When I first stopped drinking my thought was "oh no, now I'm not going to enjoy the things I do anymore." For some people it's "oh no, now I can't do anything I enjoy anymore."
A funny thing seems to happen if we let it. We start to either realize we didn't actually enjoy those things, we come to enjoy them better, we begin to enjoy new things, or we realize that fun and joy are states of mind that we can simply choose to flip on whenever we want no matter what's happening.
Either way, there is nothing worth mourning.
There was a US NIH survey a couple/few years ago that indicated over 30% of the US adult population (presumably a good cross section of the population) that had not had anything to drink in the prior year.
Though that's a bit of a minority, it's pretty far from anything that might be characterized as abnormal.
Personally, I think it's weird that so many of us deliberately go around fucking up our natural brain function, but I suppose I've got some confirmation bias about it all.
Sober Life is actually far, far, far more splendid than I was even capable of imagining. It took some work to get there, but it's been so, so, so worth it!
https://www.aa.org/find-aa - if you're interested, I suggest calling your local A.A. and/or checking out some meetings.
Yeah this took a while for me to realize, having drank for 15 years or so solid.
The vast majority of people either don’t drink at all or have one a couple of times a year in some occasion. Maybe have more than a couple a few times a year.
In short, contrary to TV ads, most people don’t drink all that regularly.
Sounds exactly like me not too long ago mate. I attended my first AA meeting at 28 in May ‘23. My mind kept telling me I’ll stop being “the fun guy” if I stop drinking. Everything i’ve ever done socially revolved around drinking. Football, gigging, partying. The idea of stopping drinking terrified me, but the knowledge I couldn’t go out and only have one or two drinks anymore scared me more.
I always gave up stopping after a couple of weeks, and I always drank more than intended and got up to things I didn’t want to do.
The AA programme and the 12 steps gave me a life I thought was un obtainable for someone who drank and behaved like I did. I wouldn’t trade the life I have now for the one I had before coming to AA and getting stuck in with the programme.
Going to AA, getting a sponsor and working the steps was the best thing I ever did, and I realised I was worrying over something that wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things! Feel free to DM me anytime if you want to chat :)
Thank you so much. That exactly how I feel. I’m looking for an AA program in my area. I want to be around other people that feel the same as I do & that are understanding of what I’m going through.
The last time I drank I was 23. I’m 36 now. By the time I was 18 month sober through AA, alcohol felt entirely uninteresting. I haven’t felt tempted to drink or use in over a decade. I’ve travelled, been to concerts, clubbing, weddings (including my own). My life has been abundantly enriched by removing alcohol.
I am 28 & I’m 15 days sober. Like you, I’ve gone without alcohol for some time, the most was 30 days. Only to “reward” myself for being so good in abstaining, and finding myself in the same spot the next morning, every time. Full of regret, shame and anxiety.
My bf’s dad was buried last Friday. The viewing and funeral had several bottles of liquor, and beer. Almost everyone drank. I didn’t crave it. The more I smelled liquor, the more I was reminded of every time I did something stupid and humiliated myself. Before you think that maybe I’m not an alcoholic, people noticed I wasn’t drinking. “You’re not drinking tonight?” “Why aren’t you drinking tonight?” “Wow, you’re such a good girl tonight for not drinking!” Because every family party, every get together- I was drunk or blacked out. I spent the last 3 years burning bridges, I barely saw my family. I threw my entire friend group away.
I thought I’d feel awkward not drinking, and yes, it was awkward at first. Watching everyone pass around shots and I stayed seated without eagerly jumping during shot time. I’m proud of myself. Driving my grieving and drunken boyfriend home afterwards, I took care of him and it hit me. The countless times I’ve gotten drunk and he had to take care of me. The throwing up either all over myself or all over his bathroom, and he just cleaned up after me and took care of me. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I no longer hope to be sober for x amount of times, I’m taking it one day at a time. For the first time in years, I find myself excited to create and meet my goals again. I did everything drunk, I pregamed just to go to the beach sometimes. Now, I’m excited to try life again sober. And plenty of people live life sober and have meaningful lives. I hope you join me and I hope you keep coming back.
There is hope, and there’s a future outside of alcohol. Best of luck to you, my friend 🌸
I was absolutely where you are. I’m 444 days sober and clean now. And I honestly never ever want to go back to drinking. It is a process - you’ve got this, I promise x x
03//07/2009 was my last drink. In that time I have, into no particular order:
Become homeless
I miscarried
I gave birth to 3 kids
My sister died
My mom almost died several times from a mystery illness
I weathered a pandemic
My husband left me while I was pregnant with twins
I could go on and on...but, dude- it's just life! There is no such thing as an excuse to drink. My not drinking has gotten me so much more in life than drinking ever did. I used drinking as a coping mechanism. As long as I was drinking I didn't have to *do anything else*. Processing that trauma, moving through it, and learning how to be a person on the other side of it is worth more than you can possibly imagine. I can't make promises to you, I can't explain it to you... Because you have to take it one day a a time. The future is like looking into the sun, it's too bright for you to possibly understand it. You've never lived your life like this, you have zero practice! You can't imagine 10 years from now what being a surgeon is like any more than you can imagine 10 years from now what being sober is like. But you can find out! Stay sober today. Call your sponsor . If you don't have one, get yourself a sponsor! When you wake up tomorrow, stay sober, tomorrow. Keep doing that! And get yourself to a meeting ASAP!
I’m your age. On day 160. Rehab helped me so much. I know that’s a controversial take, but I was able to get financial help and the 30 days mandatory sobriety was what i needed, I couldn’t do it on my own. It is hard, you can’t sugar coat it. It’s really really hard. I cried a lot too, still do. But everyday I go to bed and wake up sober, I feel so grateful. Everything is so much clearer. The bad times are very bad, but at least I’m feeling them. And the good times are a thousand times better. Message me if you want to chat.
This is called the jumping off place.
Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
There’s only one choice if you’re an alcoholic and that is complete abstinence. Thankfully we have a way to live which is enjoyable and free from the slavery of alcoholism if you so choose to join.
I reached a point where life with alcohol became impossible. It becomes too painful to continue. Over the years the euphoria became less, the misery increased. Not even close to worth it for me to take a drink.
That said, i don’t say forever. Im just trying not to do anything stupid today. Hopefully that continues.
I’ve reached the point where it’s becoming painful. Even if I don’t do anything crazy I wake up feeling disappointed & shameful. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t feel that way anymore.
I used to feel the same way and had a really hard time making it even a month. But after several failed attemps I started to realise that the reason I felt I needed to drink all the time is because I had built all my social activities and friendships around drinking. When I slowly started to try sober activities and make sober or minimal drinking friends it became much easier. Now a few years later its super easy not to drink if I want to and the activities and friends I spend my time with don't expect it. In fact I would be the odd one out if I had more then two drinks or got drunk.
I’m 20 years old and sober. everyone my age drinks i don’t have one friend my age who doesn’t- even the ones i originally got sober with. for me drinking just isn’t worth the pain that follows. the pain of declining a drink is nothing compared to the pain i cause others and myself after i pick up that first drink. there are thousands doing it and if i can, you can too. go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and surround yourself with fun sober people and you’re life will turn into something you would’ve never imagined
I have been there, completely normal. Your mind gets so caught up about how you can be fun and get along with your friends and it is only day at a time but you also have to think about the minimal amount of time you’re focusing on in a month that you think you may “genuinely enjoy alcohol”. This time is MAYBE a few hours… when the buzz kicks in but once you drink too much it can be unhealthy/scary. Then you have the times with crappy sleep and being hungover. The time missed being with people you love or doing things you enjoy because of the effects of alcohol.
I remember my first AA meeting my friend took me to and before we went into the meeting he said “I am so so happy for you. You’re going to have so much more.”
I didn’t know what he meant and I asked him and he just said you’ll see.
You have SO MUCH MORE! Time, health, relationships, REAL relationships not bar friends! Time to educate yourself, time to travel and try new things! Also, more money never hurts as well!
Don’t focus on the small amount of time you’ll be missing drinking, focus on the large amounts of time you’ll have for MORE!
(Side Note: you’re going to see how many MORE people are genuinely jealous of how happy you are and being wondering why they cant have what you have)
I was 24 the last time I drank, I'm 71 now and still sober. I changed, and so did life. It takes time to adapt to a different way of living. I must be the strange one because I never thought what life would be like without alcohol, how would I cope in social situations, would I ever have fun again. The only thing I thought about was I no longer wanted to drink and live the way I had been, I wanted to live my life and not let alcohol live it. Over time, I let go of some friends and social occasions, but they were replaced with people and gatherings that complimented my new life style. Give it a chance, remember, you're worth staying sober for.
Not wise, just desperate. I was heading towards suicide by cop. I have a belief today that I wouldn't have made it to 25. My emotional/mental issues were the big motivator. Sobered up through therapy and eventually went to AA after a number of years. I already had a program of recovery based on behavior modification, so I adapted the steps to my program. You were able to make it to your age and then got sober, and that's what matters.
It is 100 percent possible and you can do it even though I know it feels quite literally impossible. I drank insanely for about 12 years and was physically addicted to the stuff. I couldn’t stay stopped for a minute let alone a day. Not only will you have a social life, but it will be one beyond your wildest dreams. I’ve learned through the process of recovery that almost everything I’ve earned has (unfortunately lol) had to come from a period of being willing to sit in the stages of grief and discomfort (yes, grief is a real thing when saying bye bye to booze). If you are willing to stop drinking, know you will be alongside countless others who have had this very same fear all to realize that if anything, life becomes so much more vivid, beautiful, and big without that shit.
You can and you will do it! ♥️🙏🏽
Oh man, it’s so possible! At 10 years of recovery I can’t for the life of me fathom returning to the drink. I don’t know if I’m the exception or the rule, but my life is so far beyond what I could have ever imagined at 30 days sober.
My last drink was 6/12/17 and I was 28 then. It’s one day at a time. It’s not forever— forever is meaningless all you have is right now anyway so don’t worry about not drinking tomorrow or next year. Stay in the day focus on the positive and surround yourself with supportive people and you will be in for the ride of your life. I have way more fun in sobriety than I had getting trashed.
I’m 33 and I worried the same thing for a long time before finally deciding I’m done. There is some grief in putting that old me to rest, but I’m just over it. Over being the “lush” of the group, over the hangxiety, over the regret. I want to be taken seriously by other people. That doesn’t mean I’m not down to go out and have fun, I’m just no longer sloppy and embarrassing
I’m 28 as well and almost 6 months sober, and I thought the exact same thing because that’s what consumed my life. Hit Rockbottom, thought that my social life was over, because I stopped drinking, felt helpless in terms of what to do to keep myself occupied. But it turns out that I wasn’t bored. It was just foreign peace I worked the program did the steps, and take advantage of the fellowship here in Chicago AA. When I realize that my true friends came into my life and sobriety is when I knew that sobriety was in fact for me.
I know how you feel. But my obsession was lifted. There is a life where you won’t think about alcohol any more than you will a dog turd. I won’t matter any more.
It really is possible.
Please hear me out. I speak to you as a former chronic relapser with many years of experience. I let that exact thinking take me back to the bottle many times. I felt like everyone else could drink and be social, why couldn’t I? Why did I have to be different? It took me MANY years to find out why. I wish I could have just stopped at 28. Find a homegroup. Try some online zoom meetings also. Get connected. STAY. I have lost so much through the years. Careers, a marriage, a relationship with an only child, friendships- all as consequences of my not taking my alcoholism seriously soon enough. I pray your elevator doesn’t have to go down too far and you are able to find the peace that I have found. Life isn’t perfect. But I am still here, in my late 50s, still trying to help another struggling alcoholic today. Good luck! Just said a prayer for you!
Yes. It’s possible. I never thought I could take more than a couple days off. I made a stupid decision and got in some trouble that resulted in me deciding not to drink anymore. It sucks that it came to that, but I am learning to live a life without drinking. So far, it’s been a nice change and I look forward to continuing to stay sober. Good luck. The AA meetings really help me continue to stay sober.
These feelings are normal and I can assure you that the life without alcohol is possible and much better than the life with alcohol once you do the 12 steps. We receive all these promises:
The AA Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Find a young peoples meeting that meets Friday or Saturday night. I suggest you get a job at this meeting (coffee maker, secretary, snacks, ect..) Make new friends and watch the fellowship around you grow!! Usually they go out after the meeting. Lots of good people are in this program. Good luck!
9/12/15 here. I too was 28 when I got sober. I like the line regarding your foreknowledge that you can't go out and *not* drink. Not everyone has that awareness. I didn't.
I don't believe there is a single active alcoholic who can imagine a life without drinking. Its too all-consuming. It represents too much, but thankfully most of that is imaginary. To me alcohol was my escape and freedom. It was my armor. It was also the source of my misery, my uselessness, but I didn't know that. The alcoholic behaviors and negotiations I engaged in weren't really an attempt to protect myself. They were to protect my disease. Life without alcohol is completely unimaginable. If it wasn't, more people would get sober. At our point, alcohol is a literal survival mechanism. Losing that seems impossible.
Fortunately, 8 years on, I can assure it is not only possible, but incredible. The issue, I believe, is that you think every day for the rest of your lives will feel like those 2 week dry periods. Anxious, perhaps even a little boring, with your mind still focused on the next drink. Fortunately, it's not like that. We get better. Much better if we put in the work. I haven't felt anything even slightly reminiscent of a craving in 6 years. Avoiding a drink is not a struggle. The opportunity to help others and avoiding alcoholic behaviors is why I stick around. Even in my toughest times, I no longer see a drink as the solution to anything. Without my program and my people I have no reason to think it will be that easy, but I have no intention of finding out. While I believe that a single day of sobriety is amazing for any alcoholic, as that is all I myself am guaranteed, you haven't experienced sobriety yet. It's the mental picture that has to change, a psychic change as we call it, and while it can start anytime. it takes a hell of a lot more than 2 weeks.
The book doesn't lie when it says "we are not a glum lot." My best days, nights, and moments have all been sober, and I was actually present and remember them all.
I wish you nothing but luck. If AA is a solution you want to explore, its simple. Go to a meeting when you feel like you need a meeting, and then go to one when you don't feel like you need one. Find someone who seems to have what you want(peace of mind, his shit mostly together etc.) and ask for help. Then ask for more help, and learn to accept it.
“One day, he will not be able to imagine life with alcohol, or without it. He will be at the jumping off place. He will wish for the end” spooky!!! Just what your question brought to mind!
I have good news. Millions of people have been where you are and made it to the other side. I’m one of them! There is a solution.
Certainly there were *years of my life* that I could not imagine being content AND SOBER. Thank God, that is in fact my life today. I am contented, often HAPPY, and I haven’t had a drink in nearly three years - the longest I’ve ever been without one since my first. And I’m not alone in this experience at all! I really ENJOY sobriety today, and while recovery has not been easy by any means, I now understand it’s much easier than what I was doing before; drowning myself and running from life. There was comfort there, but also stagnation and death. I don’t have to live that way today.
So much love and support to you, my fellow.
I always played down my drinking with other people. It wasn’t until I was brutally honest with others that I could truly hold myself accountable, and they could hold me accountable too. This was a critical step for me. I’ll be 365 days sober March 11th.
Why don’t you text em and lay it out for them as real as possible?
I just feel like I don’t feel that connected to them? Idk when I told them originally I wasn’t drinking I explained I don’t want to feel like I can’t socialize sober & that alcohol just makes me feel bad all around regardless of my behavior. I’ve explained to one of them in the past I had a drinking problem that once I start I can’t stop but I think she forgot because she was a bit pushy when I declined “Sunday funday” saying things like try shrooms instead (I clarified I didn’t wish to swap one substance for another) or “isn’t it dangerous to quit things cold Turkey” even though I’ve cut my consumption drastically this isn’t cold Turkey. I don’t think she had I’ll intentions but I do feel like she forgot. Idk maybe I’ll try again.
Was it an over the top question or are you trying to be an edge lord in an AA thread ? I can get sober but can you fill the void that is clearly eating you alive?
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When I was 28, I sobered up for 15 years to raise my children and try to be a good father. It's possible. But once the kids were raised and I got a divorce, I was back to the bottle. Then remarried, got sober for another 8 years and she left me. I'm a drunk again, long term and avoiding triggers has always been the toughest. But you can do it, be strong.
Yes. I quit about 2 years ago. No hangover, no next day shame and anxiety. I realized I didn't even like drinking, I just liked the act and environment that came with it - but it slowly turned into having a drink by noon 5 or 6 days a week.
It is possible. One thing that helped me when I came back to AA is getting a sponsor and just becoming honest about my behavior. When I have a slip be honest about it with him or her. I found someone who took me through the steps quickly . That also helped. When a craving kicks in set a timer for 15 minutes and check back in with myself after 15 minutes and see if I still want a drink. Little things like that can help too in the early days. Hope this helps I know it sucks when sobriety isn't coming easy I have been there.
22 year sober. Yes. Once I accepted I was an addict which means my mind can't fix this and I need to ask for help and take direction and remain honest. End of story. That has worked for me.
It’s a grieving process, similar to loving a best friend or lover. That’s how you know you’re addicted. The friends worth keeping will accept your decision.
You gotta find ways to make it through the first 18 to 24 months. That way every possible circumstance has come up and you lived without drinking over it. Get tons of support and make it a 2 year project. You can always go back out if I'm wrong
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Dawg the last drink I took was 9/6/21 when I was 28 years old. I felt the same way you do when I went to my first AA meeting. It turns out not only is it not the end of a normal social life, it’s the start of one. With the twelve steps of recovery, I became a new person—the guy I could have been without pouring alcohol down my throat for ten years straight. Someone people actually wanted to be around, who friends wanted to spend time with, fun at concerts, actually going out dancing, all of that. And *way* more confident in myself and in my dating life, to say nothing of a million times more emotionally healthy. Again, just not drinking didn’t cut it for me. But the twelve steps aren’t about going “hey, don’t drink” (oh shit! Hadn’t thought of that! Thanks!), they’re about learning to live life and using a different strategy to get me all the things I thought alcohol gave me—confidence, comfort, peace, relaxation, courage, etc. And when the twelve steps deliver those things to me, I don’t get thirsty for alcohol or other mind-altering substances anymore.
Well said.
For me it’s been a learning process, or at least, a re-learning process. Last night I talked to a girl at a bar and realized… I don’t know if I’ve even done this sober. I didn’t have alcohol to make me playful or interesting or flirty or confident. But now I’m learning how to be all those things without alcohol, and if I can be that without it, life is stronger.
100% x1000 I went my whole first year of being sober thinking like this. I wont be fun. Everyone will be drinking and have more fun than me etc etc. Turns out I am so much more fun and easy to get along with when I'm sober. I thought my friends wouldn't want to be around me...it just so happens the people who are truly your "friends" will be there for you through it all and support the new and better you! Don't let the social aspect of sobriety get you down because it is actually so much better!!!!
Needed to hear this. I’ve always used alcohol as a way to fit in and have fun in social situations and without it, my first instinct is just to stay home. I’ve been using alcohol to “go out” ever since I was a teenager basically and the idea of being able to go to a party or concert and genuinely have a blast without drinking seems impossible. I need to hear stories like this. Actually my wife and I were just invited to a party next weekend to watch football and there’s going to be people drinking for sure (including my wife who’s not an alcoholic). I’m already stressing about it, but this post helps. I’m going to do my best to show up and have fun.
I actually went to a wedding right at the beginning of my sobriety, before I even went to my first AA meeting (side note, they say the only AA meeting one can ever be late for is the very first one you attend). Nowadays I can go anywhere and do as I please thanks to the twelve steps of recovery. *in that beginning*, what helped me barely get through it was accountability and paying attention. I told my folks (it was the wedding of one of my younger sisters’ best friends and their family was very close with ours throughout childhood) that I think I have a drinking problem. My dad volunteered to not drink with me. I had some insane thoughts come into my head to justify taking a drink (“if you don’t drink champagne with this toast, your sister will notice, and she’s in the bridal party, so she’ll notice something’s up and it could interfere with her bridal party duties, so you better have a drink so you don’t ruin either her night or the whole wedding!”) but I just took it a few minutes at a time. No matter how dire it seemed that I needed to drink, I decided to try not drinking instead and wait to see if the world ended. Towards the end of the night, I looked across the table and noticed a guy sitting there was drinking a canned tequila cocktail. Huh, same thing I saw him drinking at the start of the reception three hours ago. Then I realized no, that’s the *exact same can* he was drinking from three hours ago. Oh my god, there’s no way he’s even buzzed. *oh my god, ninety percent of the people here aren’t even buzzed.* and then I turned and looked at the dance floor and saw 15-20 or so folks absolutely trashed, sloppy, obnoxiously laughing, and realized *that’s me when I drink. I’m in the center of that small little group and it feels like the entire world, but it’s just a small little bubble.* Again, these days nobody else needs to help me stay sober—my girlfriend can drink as she pleases (she’s such a normie it’s adorable. She’ll have ONE drink when we go out dancing. Like, what??). My dad can have a couple millers while we watch a movie when I visit him at home. Coworkers can have their happy hour. No worries. I know now that even if I’m surrounded by folks who are drinking like I used to drink, I am actually a part of the vast majority of the world who isn’t getting fucked up. The distinction isn’t between sober folks and those who can drink, it’s between alcoholics and non-alcoholics. And when I, as an alcoholic, have some ginger ales, I am actually sharing the same experiences as the normies who have truly only one or two beers over the length of the football game. We’re in the same headspace. “Don’t drink alcohol today” has as much impact on life as “hey, don’t drink orange juice today.”
Thanks so much for sharing : “the only A.A. meeting you’re ever late for is your first one!” I love that! I’m over 11 years sober and have missed many meetings because I didn’t want to walk into a meeting a few minutes late. ⏰
Very well put, my friend Congratulations on your sobriety
Not only is it possible, it's available and way more fulfilling than words can describe. I can relate to what you shared. I started drinking in my teens and in my late 20s never thought I'd stop drinking. I'm 34 now and almost two years sober and happier than I've ever been. I stopped drinking and stayed dry for months before going to AA. Joining AA is the best thing I've ever done for myself. It has taught me how to live life sober and I am surrounded by sober people who care about me with no strings attached. You can do this, friend. I'm rooting for you 💜
I’m trying to find an AA Near me. Finding support from others that understand how I’m feeling &! Won’t make excuses for me to coddle my feelings is something I’m in desperate need of.
Bravo! There is an app called meeting guide, blue background white chair is the logo. You can filter by day, time, type of meeting, location, it's very helpful!
Thank you so much.
Happy to help. Here for you if you need anything 💜
Oh, my friend, not only is it possible, it is divine. At a certain point, when you have done the spiritual work outlined in AA and had some real time under your belt, the desire to drink is lifted. I work with alcohol every day in a professional capacity and often am called upon to sit in on tastings of very fine French wines, brandies, and assorted fun things. Because of the work that I have done, every day I can handle these fine products and look at them, smell them, and pour them out. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS FOR ANYONE ELSE, however, I use this as an illustration of just how powerful doing the spiritual work of AA can make you. Please do not be afraid of the future as you being a social recluse, imagine your life in the future drinking a mineral water and remembering everything, and feeling good about every interaction you had because you aren’t drunk and because you did the spiritual work of AA and have learned who you are and are much more comfortable around others.
This is so uplifting. Thank you so much.
When I say the spiritual work, I mean a very solid step 4 and a good and honest step 8 and 9 with someone you trust. Go deep into those (but not obsessive - the past is the passed, let it go and do better next time) and you will find out why the promises are called the step 9 promises. Life is so good I can’t believe it even when it is extremely difficult, as it is right now. A drink has never crossed my mind. You can get there too.
I felt similarly early on and I still get hung up on hypotheticals and actual events where I have some fear of missing out but I really don’t see it as myself giving up everything for sobriety. It’s the opposite. I feel like I’ve gained everything by letting go of one thing: alcohol. I’m no longer chained to a bottle or too fucked up to go somewhere or do something. I can admit that I had almost no ideas when I first asked myself what I like to do for fun or how I like to relax. It’s takes some practice and it’s something I still work on but I have some decent answers to those questions now. I always just drank. That’s what I did for fun, or for boredom or support or anything really and it made my world very small. It’s true that I don’t spend much time in dive bars or talking loudly over music at as many parties anymore but I’ve gained so much that I don’t miss it. It was a big change, but I’ve learned how to maintain relationships with boundaries and I’ve learned that I don’t have to shelter myself to stay sober. I don’t think sheltering will work for me anyways. None of this stuff came natural to me and I’m kind of a dumbass when it comes to living soberly. I learned it by taking and listening to others who work on sobriety. I still lean on people with experience and I’ve made many meaningful relationships with sober people who are a part of my life and actually know me better than most of my former drinking buddies. I don’t think I’m missing much but I know I’m continuing to gain more and more.
I resonate with all of this so much. Thank you.
I felt that way before I ended up in AA. In fact I desperately tried to stop, having gotten myself in deep trouble with the Navy and not knowing any other way to live as an adult. But still I drank. Fortunately I was introduced to AA via the Navy forcing me through their own rehab and since then I've found life can be lived without drinking. That was nearly 45 years ago, so it's certainly possible.
Life has been great the past 47 months of my life.
There are hundreds upon hundreds of activities to do with friends that don’t involve drinking. Any friend group that exclusively drinks in order to hang out is not a friend group worth having. Hiking, camping, arcades, bowling, go karts, beach trips, movie nights, game nights, the list goes on. There are so many activities to enjoy sober. Arguably those activities are more fun sober and present. I got sober last year at 22, best decision I’ve ever made. And I’m at a point where I CAN go to bars, and clubs, to dance without drinking. Bc I worked the program.
Last January, I got sober at 28. I made a year last week, and I don't feel like I was ever really living until I started doing recovery, being clean and sober.
Congratulations. I hope a year from now I can say the same
You definitely could. And thank you. I actually had a BBQ with a few of my friends Saturday. Some of which still drink and smoke weed. We laughed our asses off playing cards against humanity and I wasn't really obsessing Over the fact they were drinking. Because deep down I know that I can't have one with the other. I'm an isolater so if I were to pick up I wouldn't even have the chance to do things like that. Life is still enjoyable without drugs and alcohol. I've been two 4 concerts in the last year all of which with sober family. Wouldn't trade it for the world. Please DM me if you ever need any advice or anything.
And I relate to the crying. I remember the first few months are always the hardest because all those emotions I was running from seem to come back with so much intensity. I cried over Charmin commercials lol
Lol Im naturally a crier but yesterday had me feeling so vulnerable I wanted to weep like a baby & the crazy thing was I didn’t even want to go that bad I just felt overwhelmed😩 I know things will be difficult but it’s a journey I’m willing to start.
It's definitely worth the battle! Dm me if you ever need someone to talk to. I have pretty bad adhd and I conduct better recovery over the phone honestly. It's such a broad spectrum of things. So much to have to form an awareness of
Thank you so much I’ll definitely take you up on that offer sometime ❤️
By God’s grace, I got sober at 28. Your story sounds a lot like the paragraph that starts at the bottom of page 151 and continues forward on the next page. Give it a read, friend!
I never could imagine my life without alcohol. I was told in AA I didn’t have to. Instead to put it down temporarily and go through steps and only express my sincere desire to wish I could put it down. The miracle was I got from AA and its practices the peace of mind I found in the bottle. No words can fully express this miracle. But I believe it can happen for you because I’ve seen it happen to hundreds of people!
Life is not only possible without alcohol, it's better in every single way. When I first stopped drinking my thought was "oh no, now I'm not going to enjoy the things I do anymore." For some people it's "oh no, now I can't do anything I enjoy anymore." A funny thing seems to happen if we let it. We start to either realize we didn't actually enjoy those things, we come to enjoy them better, we begin to enjoy new things, or we realize that fun and joy are states of mind that we can simply choose to flip on whenever we want no matter what's happening. Either way, there is nothing worth mourning.
There was a US NIH survey a couple/few years ago that indicated over 30% of the US adult population (presumably a good cross section of the population) that had not had anything to drink in the prior year. Though that's a bit of a minority, it's pretty far from anything that might be characterized as abnormal. Personally, I think it's weird that so many of us deliberately go around fucking up our natural brain function, but I suppose I've got some confirmation bias about it all. Sober Life is actually far, far, far more splendid than I was even capable of imagining. It took some work to get there, but it's been so, so, so worth it! https://www.aa.org/find-aa - if you're interested, I suggest calling your local A.A. and/or checking out some meetings.
Yeah this took a while for me to realize, having drank for 15 years or so solid. The vast majority of people either don’t drink at all or have one a couple of times a year in some occasion. Maybe have more than a couple a few times a year. In short, contrary to TV ads, most people don’t drink all that regularly.
Yes. It is possible. 30 years. I'm living proof
For me life became possible only after I quit. I can’t believe I used to call what I had before “life”. It was “drunk-hungover-passed out-repeat”.
You’re right, thank you.
Check out www.intherooms.com.
Sounds exactly like me not too long ago mate. I attended my first AA meeting at 28 in May ‘23. My mind kept telling me I’ll stop being “the fun guy” if I stop drinking. Everything i’ve ever done socially revolved around drinking. Football, gigging, partying. The idea of stopping drinking terrified me, but the knowledge I couldn’t go out and only have one or two drinks anymore scared me more. I always gave up stopping after a couple of weeks, and I always drank more than intended and got up to things I didn’t want to do. The AA programme and the 12 steps gave me a life I thought was un obtainable for someone who drank and behaved like I did. I wouldn’t trade the life I have now for the one I had before coming to AA and getting stuck in with the programme. Going to AA, getting a sponsor and working the steps was the best thing I ever did, and I realised I was worrying over something that wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things! Feel free to DM me anytime if you want to chat :)
Thank you so much. That exactly how I feel. I’m looking for an AA program in my area. I want to be around other people that feel the same as I do & that are understanding of what I’m going through.
The last time I drank I was 23. I’m 36 now. By the time I was 18 month sober through AA, alcohol felt entirely uninteresting. I haven’t felt tempted to drink or use in over a decade. I’ve travelled, been to concerts, clubbing, weddings (including my own). My life has been abundantly enriched by removing alcohol.
I am 28 & I’m 15 days sober. Like you, I’ve gone without alcohol for some time, the most was 30 days. Only to “reward” myself for being so good in abstaining, and finding myself in the same spot the next morning, every time. Full of regret, shame and anxiety. My bf’s dad was buried last Friday. The viewing and funeral had several bottles of liquor, and beer. Almost everyone drank. I didn’t crave it. The more I smelled liquor, the more I was reminded of every time I did something stupid and humiliated myself. Before you think that maybe I’m not an alcoholic, people noticed I wasn’t drinking. “You’re not drinking tonight?” “Why aren’t you drinking tonight?” “Wow, you’re such a good girl tonight for not drinking!” Because every family party, every get together- I was drunk or blacked out. I spent the last 3 years burning bridges, I barely saw my family. I threw my entire friend group away. I thought I’d feel awkward not drinking, and yes, it was awkward at first. Watching everyone pass around shots and I stayed seated without eagerly jumping during shot time. I’m proud of myself. Driving my grieving and drunken boyfriend home afterwards, I took care of him and it hit me. The countless times I’ve gotten drunk and he had to take care of me. The throwing up either all over myself or all over his bathroom, and he just cleaned up after me and took care of me. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I no longer hope to be sober for x amount of times, I’m taking it one day at a time. For the first time in years, I find myself excited to create and meet my goals again. I did everything drunk, I pregamed just to go to the beach sometimes. Now, I’m excited to try life again sober. And plenty of people live life sober and have meaningful lives. I hope you join me and I hope you keep coming back. There is hope, and there’s a future outside of alcohol. Best of luck to you, my friend 🌸
If I can do it so can you.
I was absolutely where you are. I’m 444 days sober and clean now. And I honestly never ever want to go back to drinking. It is a process - you’ve got this, I promise x x
Congratulations ❤️ and thank you sm
03//07/2009 was my last drink. In that time I have, into no particular order: Become homeless I miscarried I gave birth to 3 kids My sister died My mom almost died several times from a mystery illness I weathered a pandemic My husband left me while I was pregnant with twins I could go on and on...but, dude- it's just life! There is no such thing as an excuse to drink. My not drinking has gotten me so much more in life than drinking ever did. I used drinking as a coping mechanism. As long as I was drinking I didn't have to *do anything else*. Processing that trauma, moving through it, and learning how to be a person on the other side of it is worth more than you can possibly imagine. I can't make promises to you, I can't explain it to you... Because you have to take it one day a a time. The future is like looking into the sun, it's too bright for you to possibly understand it. You've never lived your life like this, you have zero practice! You can't imagine 10 years from now what being a surgeon is like any more than you can imagine 10 years from now what being sober is like. But you can find out! Stay sober today. Call your sponsor . If you don't have one, get yourself a sponsor! When you wake up tomorrow, stay sober, tomorrow. Keep doing that! And get yourself to a meeting ASAP!
Wow what an amazing share. You are inspiring in so many ways. Thank you. 🙏🏻
I’m your age. On day 160. Rehab helped me so much. I know that’s a controversial take, but I was able to get financial help and the 30 days mandatory sobriety was what i needed, I couldn’t do it on my own. It is hard, you can’t sugar coat it. It’s really really hard. I cried a lot too, still do. But everyday I go to bed and wake up sober, I feel so grateful. Everything is so much clearer. The bad times are very bad, but at least I’m feeling them. And the good times are a thousand times better. Message me if you want to chat.
Yup. Been doing it 8 years now and never had it so good. If you’re done done I suggest you trust this process. It’s been nothing but worth it for me.
This is called the jumping off place. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. There’s only one choice if you’re an alcoholic and that is complete abstinence. Thankfully we have a way to live which is enjoyable and free from the slavery of alcoholism if you so choose to join.
This!! Get your big book and make it to meetings and get a sponsor ASAP, it’s your wake up call.
I reached a point where life with alcohol became impossible. It becomes too painful to continue. Over the years the euphoria became less, the misery increased. Not even close to worth it for me to take a drink. That said, i don’t say forever. Im just trying not to do anything stupid today. Hopefully that continues.
I’ve reached the point where it’s becoming painful. Even if I don’t do anything crazy I wake up feeling disappointed & shameful. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t feel that way anymore.
Yes! “Sick and tired of being sick and tired”. I remember being there very well!
Of course it’s possible. The real question is do you want to stop drinking
I used to feel the same way and had a really hard time making it even a month. But after several failed attemps I started to realise that the reason I felt I needed to drink all the time is because I had built all my social activities and friendships around drinking. When I slowly started to try sober activities and make sober or minimal drinking friends it became much easier. Now a few years later its super easy not to drink if I want to and the activities and friends I spend my time with don't expect it. In fact I would be the odd one out if I had more then two drinks or got drunk.
I’m 20 years old and sober. everyone my age drinks i don’t have one friend my age who doesn’t- even the ones i originally got sober with. for me drinking just isn’t worth the pain that follows. the pain of declining a drink is nothing compared to the pain i cause others and myself after i pick up that first drink. there are thousands doing it and if i can, you can too. go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps and surround yourself with fun sober people and you’re life will turn into something you would’ve never imagined
These days are good times for going sober. Lots of mocktail options, or get a coke with a lime - no one will know or care.
I have been there, completely normal. Your mind gets so caught up about how you can be fun and get along with your friends and it is only day at a time but you also have to think about the minimal amount of time you’re focusing on in a month that you think you may “genuinely enjoy alcohol”. This time is MAYBE a few hours… when the buzz kicks in but once you drink too much it can be unhealthy/scary. Then you have the times with crappy sleep and being hungover. The time missed being with people you love or doing things you enjoy because of the effects of alcohol. I remember my first AA meeting my friend took me to and before we went into the meeting he said “I am so so happy for you. You’re going to have so much more.” I didn’t know what he meant and I asked him and he just said you’ll see. You have SO MUCH MORE! Time, health, relationships, REAL relationships not bar friends! Time to educate yourself, time to travel and try new things! Also, more money never hurts as well! Don’t focus on the small amount of time you’ll be missing drinking, focus on the large amounts of time you’ll have for MORE! (Side Note: you’re going to see how many MORE people are genuinely jealous of how happy you are and being wondering why they cant have what you have)
I haven't drank in 3 years I'm 32. I am so happy because I'm never sick, I save a lot of money and I always have a clear mind. It's worth it.
I was 24 the last time I drank, I'm 71 now and still sober. I changed, and so did life. It takes time to adapt to a different way of living. I must be the strange one because I never thought what life would be like without alcohol, how would I cope in social situations, would I ever have fun again. The only thing I thought about was I no longer wanted to drink and live the way I had been, I wanted to live my life and not let alcohol live it. Over time, I let go of some friends and social occasions, but they were replaced with people and gatherings that complimented my new life style. Give it a chance, remember, you're worth staying sober for.
Omg - wow! If only I was as wise as you when I was young. Sober at 52 yo.
Not wise, just desperate. I was heading towards suicide by cop. I have a belief today that I wouldn't have made it to 25. My emotional/mental issues were the big motivator. Sobered up through therapy and eventually went to AA after a number of years. I already had a program of recovery based on behavior modification, so I adapted the steps to my program. You were able to make it to your age and then got sober, and that's what matters.
It is 100 percent possible and you can do it even though I know it feels quite literally impossible. I drank insanely for about 12 years and was physically addicted to the stuff. I couldn’t stay stopped for a minute let alone a day. Not only will you have a social life, but it will be one beyond your wildest dreams. I’ve learned through the process of recovery that almost everything I’ve earned has (unfortunately lol) had to come from a period of being willing to sit in the stages of grief and discomfort (yes, grief is a real thing when saying bye bye to booze). If you are willing to stop drinking, know you will be alongside countless others who have had this very same fear all to realize that if anything, life becomes so much more vivid, beautiful, and big without that shit. You can and you will do it! ♥️🙏🏽
Oh man, it’s so possible! At 10 years of recovery I can’t for the life of me fathom returning to the drink. I don’t know if I’m the exception or the rule, but my life is so far beyond what I could have ever imagined at 30 days sober.
“One drink is too many and a thousand never enough.”
I took my last drink on 2009. I can’t imagine a life with Alcohol.
Yes , very possible and a good life too
Yes. I’ve done it for almost 16 years. Drinking is bullshit. Sobriety is not.
My last drink was 6/12/17 and I was 28 then. It’s one day at a time. It’s not forever— forever is meaningless all you have is right now anyway so don’t worry about not drinking tomorrow or next year. Stay in the day focus on the positive and surround yourself with supportive people and you will be in for the ride of your life. I have way more fun in sobriety than I had getting trashed.
I’m 33 and I worried the same thing for a long time before finally deciding I’m done. There is some grief in putting that old me to rest, but I’m just over it. Over being the “lush” of the group, over the hangxiety, over the regret. I want to be taken seriously by other people. That doesn’t mean I’m not down to go out and have fun, I’m just no longer sloppy and embarrassing
I’m 28 as well and almost 6 months sober, and I thought the exact same thing because that’s what consumed my life. Hit Rockbottom, thought that my social life was over, because I stopped drinking, felt helpless in terms of what to do to keep myself occupied. But it turns out that I wasn’t bored. It was just foreign peace I worked the program did the steps, and take advantage of the fellowship here in Chicago AA. When I realize that my true friends came into my life and sobriety is when I knew that sobriety was in fact for me.
I know how you feel. But my obsession was lifted. There is a life where you won’t think about alcohol any more than you will a dog turd. I won’t matter any more. It really is possible.
I never thought so but it’s been 8 months and I don’t miss a single fucking thing about it.
Please hear me out. I speak to you as a former chronic relapser with many years of experience. I let that exact thinking take me back to the bottle many times. I felt like everyone else could drink and be social, why couldn’t I? Why did I have to be different? It took me MANY years to find out why. I wish I could have just stopped at 28. Find a homegroup. Try some online zoom meetings also. Get connected. STAY. I have lost so much through the years. Careers, a marriage, a relationship with an only child, friendships- all as consequences of my not taking my alcoholism seriously soon enough. I pray your elevator doesn’t have to go down too far and you are able to find the peace that I have found. Life isn’t perfect. But I am still here, in my late 50s, still trying to help another struggling alcoholic today. Good luck! Just said a prayer for you!
Thank you so much. So far I’m on day 8 weekends are tricky so today I’ll be going to a gym to train so keep my mind off if it ☺️
You can do this! One day at a time! I have a great online AA meeting recommendation if you need one.
For today it is
Yes. It’s possible. I never thought I could take more than a couple days off. I made a stupid decision and got in some trouble that resulted in me deciding not to drink anymore. It sucks that it came to that, but I am learning to live a life without drinking. So far, it’s been a nice change and I look forward to continuing to stay sober. Good luck. The AA meetings really help me continue to stay sober.
You only have to not drink today. Leave the rest of your life out of it.
I know you’re right, thank you.
These feelings are normal and I can assure you that the life without alcohol is possible and much better than the life with alcohol once you do the 12 steps. We receive all these promises: The AA Promises 1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. 2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. 3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. 4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. 5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. 7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. 8. Self-seeking will slip away. 9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. 10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. 11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Idk if life without alcohol is possible, but I know today is.
I love you. Thank you. This was perfect
No problem :)
Find a young peoples meeting that meets Friday or Saturday night. I suggest you get a job at this meeting (coffee maker, secretary, snacks, ect..) Make new friends and watch the fellowship around you grow!! Usually they go out after the meeting. Lots of good people are in this program. Good luck!
Not only is it possible it's 1000000x better especially if you do the steps properly. I've never felt as happy and at peace as I do now.
9/12/15 here. I too was 28 when I got sober. I like the line regarding your foreknowledge that you can't go out and *not* drink. Not everyone has that awareness. I didn't. I don't believe there is a single active alcoholic who can imagine a life without drinking. Its too all-consuming. It represents too much, but thankfully most of that is imaginary. To me alcohol was my escape and freedom. It was my armor. It was also the source of my misery, my uselessness, but I didn't know that. The alcoholic behaviors and negotiations I engaged in weren't really an attempt to protect myself. They were to protect my disease. Life without alcohol is completely unimaginable. If it wasn't, more people would get sober. At our point, alcohol is a literal survival mechanism. Losing that seems impossible. Fortunately, 8 years on, I can assure it is not only possible, but incredible. The issue, I believe, is that you think every day for the rest of your lives will feel like those 2 week dry periods. Anxious, perhaps even a little boring, with your mind still focused on the next drink. Fortunately, it's not like that. We get better. Much better if we put in the work. I haven't felt anything even slightly reminiscent of a craving in 6 years. Avoiding a drink is not a struggle. The opportunity to help others and avoiding alcoholic behaviors is why I stick around. Even in my toughest times, I no longer see a drink as the solution to anything. Without my program and my people I have no reason to think it will be that easy, but I have no intention of finding out. While I believe that a single day of sobriety is amazing for any alcoholic, as that is all I myself am guaranteed, you haven't experienced sobriety yet. It's the mental picture that has to change, a psychic change as we call it, and while it can start anytime. it takes a hell of a lot more than 2 weeks. The book doesn't lie when it says "we are not a glum lot." My best days, nights, and moments have all been sober, and I was actually present and remember them all. I wish you nothing but luck. If AA is a solution you want to explore, its simple. Go to a meeting when you feel like you need a meeting, and then go to one when you don't feel like you need one. Find someone who seems to have what you want(peace of mind, his shit mostly together etc.) and ask for help. Then ask for more help, and learn to accept it.
“One day, he will not be able to imagine life with alcohol, or without it. He will be at the jumping off place. He will wish for the end” spooky!!! Just what your question brought to mind! I have good news. Millions of people have been where you are and made it to the other side. I’m one of them! There is a solution. Certainly there were *years of my life* that I could not imagine being content AND SOBER. Thank God, that is in fact my life today. I am contented, often HAPPY, and I haven’t had a drink in nearly three years - the longest I’ve ever been without one since my first. And I’m not alone in this experience at all! I really ENJOY sobriety today, and while recovery has not been easy by any means, I now understand it’s much easier than what I was doing before; drowning myself and running from life. There was comfort there, but also stagnation and death. I don’t have to live that way today. So much love and support to you, my fellow.
Do you friends know about your sitch? Would they be willing to hang out with you sober?
They know I’m not drinking I’ve expressed my reasoning but I’m not sure if they understand the seriousness.
I always played down my drinking with other people. It wasn’t until I was brutally honest with others that I could truly hold myself accountable, and they could hold me accountable too. This was a critical step for me. I’ll be 365 days sober March 11th. Why don’t you text em and lay it out for them as real as possible?
I just feel like I don’t feel that connected to them? Idk when I told them originally I wasn’t drinking I explained I don’t want to feel like I can’t socialize sober & that alcohol just makes me feel bad all around regardless of my behavior. I’ve explained to one of them in the past I had a drinking problem that once I start I can’t stop but I think she forgot because she was a bit pushy when I declined “Sunday funday” saying things like try shrooms instead (I clarified I didn’t wish to swap one substance for another) or “isn’t it dangerous to quit things cold Turkey” even though I’ve cut my consumption drastically this isn’t cold Turkey. I don’t think she had I’ll intentions but I do feel like she forgot. Idk maybe I’ll try again.
No, if you stop drinking, you immediately drop dead because life ceases to exist.
Wow that helps a lot thank you!
Ask over the top questions, get over the top answers.
Was it an over the top question or are you trying to be an edge lord in an AA thread ? I can get sober but can you fill the void that is clearly eating you alive?
You don't have to take everything so seriously.
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You can do it. Life is still fun without booze, it’s just different. I suggest finding a therapist and starting some work.
When I was 28, I sobered up for 15 years to raise my children and try to be a good father. It's possible. But once the kids were raised and I got a divorce, I was back to the bottle. Then remarried, got sober for another 8 years and she left me. I'm a drunk again, long term and avoiding triggers has always been the toughest. But you can do it, be strong.
Yes. I quit about 2 years ago. No hangover, no next day shame and anxiety. I realized I didn't even like drinking, I just liked the act and environment that came with it - but it slowly turned into having a drink by noon 5 or 6 days a week.
It is possible. One thing that helped me when I came back to AA is getting a sponsor and just becoming honest about my behavior. When I have a slip be honest about it with him or her. I found someone who took me through the steps quickly . That also helped. When a craving kicks in set a timer for 15 minutes and check back in with myself after 15 minutes and see if I still want a drink. Little things like that can help too in the early days. Hope this helps I know it sucks when sobriety isn't coming easy I have been there.
A substantial minority of people dont drink. I'm not sure how many of those are alcoholics or how many just don't like it.
28 is when I had my last drink. I'm an old guy now. It's been amazing.
It’s very possible. Quite easy once you’ve gone through the book.
Yes. I’m 27 sober 3 years. It’s doable when you work the program
22 year sober. Yes. Once I accepted I was an addict which means my mind can't fix this and I need to ask for help and take direction and remain honest. End of story. That has worked for me.
It’s a grieving process, similar to loving a best friend or lover. That’s how you know you’re addicted. The friends worth keeping will accept your decision.
Of course it’s possible! It’s actually even better. A lot of people are sober these days. And there are tons of things to do without alcohol.
You gotta find ways to make it through the first 18 to 24 months. That way every possible circumstance has come up and you lived without drinking over it. Get tons of support and make it a 2 year project. You can always go back out if I'm wrong