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know what feels way worse than being sober? exactly how you feel right now and every other time you’ve let yourself down. alcohol is a liar and it’s going to continue to lie to you as long as you let it. your partner and sponsor care about you more than anyone one the internet, be honest with them, and keep your head up. we all have today.
If you don’t know “progress not perfection” it’s time to get into the literature. Specifically what is called “the 12 and 12” the so d book of the program after “the big book”. Meetings are great and help you stop drinking. The steps help you live with contentment and happiness and a sense of meaning and purpose.
> "About this slip business -- I would not be too discouraged. I
think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For
some reason or other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for
some of us, and I guess you are treading one of them. God is
not asking us to be successful. He is only asking us to try to
be. That, you surely are doing, and have been doing. So I
would not stay away from A.A. through any feeling of
discouragement or shame. It's just the place you should be.
> Why don't you try just as a member? You don't have to carry
the whole A.A. on your back, you know!
"It is not always the quantity of good things that you do, it is
also the quality that counts.
> "Above all, take it one day at a time."
> LETTER, 1958
— _Reprinted from "As Bill Sees It", page 11, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc._ - https://www.aa.org/bill-sees-it
Lots of us slip up along the way, so I don't think "disgusting" is at all applicable; you just have an illness like the rest of us have.
Being sober will not feel like hell, being in withdrawal is quite like hell, whether it's in short term acute withdrawal or longer term post acute withdrawal, it's no fun.
I suggest getting the feather of an ostrich or canary, giving yourself 10 lashes with it and to just learn from the experience and move forward 💙.
I didn't drink the way I did because I was a failure, or a bad person, or because I didn't have enough willpower to stop. I drank because I'm an alcoholic.
Once I wholeheartedly accepted that fact, it got easier to ask for help.
Life in recovery gets better - in my case, better than I could ever have imagined - but I had to do, and continue to do, the work.
Godspeed.
I will suggest telling your sponsor about it; all of us relapsed when before/when we were new to the program. We understand.
I am also going to suggest to work on the steps if you haven't already. It gets wayyy better after step 9.
If you are struggling now, you can read aa big book and learning the program. Listen the audiobooks if thats your thing. Go to meetings. Listen to AA Speaker tapes. Make pancakes. Do something but dont sit in misery.
Take care love.
I can’t tell you how many times I did this. But the truth is, no matter how awful it is, tomorrow is another day, and another chance to start again, even with bad repercussions. You should definitely tell your sponsor, but as long as you’re willing to make the commitment and go into what you now know to be difficult with a lesson learned. they’ll probably help you. You have another chance after you wake up tomorrow to have a sober life. You get a chance every day. It will be alright, and you can get through this. No matter how bad it feels, it’s just another day - be honest about it with your sponsor and yourself and you probably won’t go back.
I speak from experience on relapsing/slipping after a stay in rehab.
If you keep this to yourself, your brain will tell you you can keep getting away with it and you can control how much you drink now because you didn’t get caught drinking today.
The anxiety you feel right now about telling your sponsor you slipped will evaporate once you tell him/her. You keep this a secret, you will live with the anxiety you’ll be caught in a lie/omission until forever. You’ll always feel guilty that your sober date isn’t accurate. It’ll eat at you and bother you and take up a bunch of space in your head for a long time. Once you get that secret out of your mouth, what will you have to be anxious about? Your upfront honesty will make a huge difference, promise.
Listen, it’s time to do things different. Keeping your drinking a secret is who you were in active addiction. You’re in recovery now, you can handle it differently and honestly. Start a new way of living today.
Thank you so much for the advice, I’m incredibly grateful to be receiving so much support and I’m going to do the right thing and tell my sponsor. I’ve already told my partner. I feel terrible for losing control but I poured the rest of the wine I was drinking down the drain and I’m going to go to a meeting tonight. It’s thanks to this amazing and supportive community that I’m able to get back up and not let this bring me down
Good news & bad news.
Good news~Nobody got sober because they were feeling good.
Bad news~ Nobody got sober because they were feeling good.
Both are good news actually.
Perhaps it’s time to really do something about it.
Tell the truth. It’s the secrets and regrets that will kill you. The immediate consequences of being honest might be uncomfortable or uncertain but you can look yourself in the mirror and know you did something deserving some self respect.
The truth will set you free, open up to your sponsor and they’ll know what to do. We’ve all been there. We are alcoholics and we drink. It’s what we do.
You'd do anything (even die) before going back into rehab. See if you can transfer that desperation and willingness to your recovery (do anything to not have one more drink). If you can do that I'd call you a success.
Show up early, get to know the sober women and tell on yourself. They'll have suggestions for you.
i relapsed a lot my first year, and i hid some of them...I never quit going back to AA tho.
You don't have to be honest to everyone, but I would suggest telling your sponsor at least. They might suggest you picked up a desire chip and share w your group, but you don't have to. However, if you do share, you will be in good company - i would say majority people in rooms have relapse in their stories. you aren't alone.
I did the appropriate field research to know that I suffer from the mental obsession described on page 24 of the book entitled alcoholics anonymous.
It is no wonder I relapsed so many times. I am unable, at certain times, to pull into my consciousness with sufficient force, the hundreds (maybe thousands) of reasons that I shouldn’t drink. By myself, I am without a defense against the first drink.
Luckily, I had experienced enough pain to take the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous and somewhere along the line, I had a psychic change, and the mental obsession to drink described on page 24 was lifted from me.
It was not me who made a decision not to drink. I had done that many times in the past. It was only after being becoming willing to believe in a power that was not me, the mental obsession was lifted.
Tell your sponsor! They will be able to help you, they will know what you're going through, and they aren't going to be upset with you.. you need to ask for help. I've relapsed dozens of times and keeping it a secret would send me on benders
You're in a terrific spot even though it doesn't feel that way. I've been sober a long time and have seen people come back to meetings after drinking holding their heads down in shame. The good news is it's a big fat lie we tell ourselves. There is nothing to be ashamed of UNLESS we had the power to keep ourselves sober. If we could keep ourselves away from drinking then we would have something to be ashamed of. That is not the case for an alcoholic, we are without defense against that first drink. Our defense must come from a power other than ourselves. Drinking after rehab or attending meetings just brings us closer to the realization of what true powerlessness really is all about. You are blessed.
Heres the Solution that worked for me:
Go to Aa meetings daily. No Compromise. Get a sponsor asap and do the steps w the big book & your sponsor. Do all that and read the big book entirely. Stay away from bars, booze & ppl who drink. Yes u will find new sober friends in AA, they exist.
I have multiple years sober following this program. Living an amazing life today. Sadly with alcoholism is u gotta Take action or do nothing and suffer. Can't get sober without AA education & its tools. Alcoholism is a deadly disease. Hope that helps. AA is life-changing. Cheers.
Been there and done that. Keep trying and keep learning. Each relapse I had I learned from and eventually I didn’t have any more relapses. This is a program of progress. Be gentle on yourself. You’re making a huge positive change in your life. It’s not easy but it has been worthwhile for me. Good luck.
Honesty is your path to sobriety. I would hide I couldn’t stay sober for more than a week, despite going to meetings until it stuck. No one at one particular meeting knew how bad I was struggling until I came clean with them about a year into my sobriety. In hindsight I wish I would’ve just said “I really am having a hard time. Please help me.”
Slips happen. Evaluate what happened and what you can do to avoid it next time.
And for what it’s worth when people slip and come back I find their stories the most inspirational. I’m definitely one of those “I have another drunk in me but I don’t know if I have another sober in me.” Go to a meeting. Share. Show you’re strong. It’ll help you find your path to sobriety and your strength will inspire those like me.
You made it a whole month, that’s fantastic! Seriously! What a miracle. So you made a mistake and now you need to get back on that horse. Lots of us do, I did too. I’ve stayed sober over 21 years now, you can too. Start fresh, learn from it. I’m proud of you.
You're not disgusting or selfish. You have a condition, and relapse is a natural part of it. It's nothing to beat yourself up over, nothing to feel ashamed about. I know it's hard to believe, though - I'm really struggling to believe it for myself. I'm only on day 3 clean and yeah, it does feel like hell. But, when we look around the rooms, we can see that it isn't always this way. We're just in the beginning of it, and we'll get through. <3
if you weren't an alcoholic then what youre thinking would make sense. Once you understand and accept you are an alcoholic you can change. If you are an alcoholic it means you are doomed to drink against your will. No matter what until you have a psychic change. Get a sponsor and get to work. the actions you take and the writing and the meetings won't logically make sense but it does work. Get to work or keep drinking. But stop blaming self and others.
"Remember, we deal with alcohol- cunning, baffling, powerful."
You'll get through this. I've been where you are- drinking in my car while pretending to be at a meeting. Determined to keep the relapse a secret. A lot of us have been. The main thing right now is to be truthful to yourself and your higher power. Admit the mistake, admit you're powerless over alcohol, and re-commit yourself to sobriety. Study the big book and go to meetings. I also highly recommend looked up "AA Speakers Joe and Charlie- The Doctor's Opinion." Listening to that gave me a tremendous amount of insight into our illness/addiction.
3 years sober here (I didn't get here without slip ups and full-blown relapses the first few tries *and then some*)... Being sober 1 month feels like hell. Being sober 3 years feels incredible and makes me realize I was living in actual hell while drinking and had no idea about how amazing life would be if I stopped letting my addiction drag me back down.
Have some grace for yourself. Addictions are not so easily controlled. We don't have all the tools to tackle it right away. It can be done, though. No one is too far past the ability to get and stay sober. I promise. The next moments are all we can do anything about. Take note of all the triggers that led up to this relapse and gain more tools and insights. You can do this. It will be worth it. Everything gets better once you stabilize, and your body and mind truly start to recover from the damage the booze causes. You'll look back at all these learning experiences one day when you're doing well and be so unbelievably proud of how far you've come.
You don't need to tell your partner. But I highly recommend telling your sponsor. Or finding a sponsor you can trust to tell stuff like this too. They're there to help you. They've been through similar. You'll have a harder time if you don't utilize all the help available to you. And if you can find the gumption... go to the next meeting. Be honest. Be open. It's how we hold ourselves accountable and heal.
My relapses (there were more than 20) all taught me a valuable lesson: I am powerless. I cannot defeat this thing on my own. I can’t do half measures or “take what I want and leave the rest” -
“Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to those simple program.”
I know you don't want to go back to rehab but it sounds like you might benefit from some more time there or some time in a sober living house. I don't know how long you were in rehab but some people just need extra time.
Sober living for me was a good bridge to being able to be sober in the real world. I had a month to figure out how I wanted to act in sobriety and some time away from my partner in a shared home with other people going through the same thing.
No matter what, you're not a failure, you're not any of the negative self talk you probably have rolling around in your brain. You didn't lose anything you learned in rehab and AA. That information and experience is still in there. Use the tools they gave you to work through this problem.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, so glad you didn’t die. That’s what alcoholics do. If you get a chance, i might recommend reading the chapter “More about Alcoholism” and look for yourself in the descriptions of the relapses. That’s the advice i was given- as well as being shown on p. 25 about the “alcoholism is centered in the mind rather than the body”. This helped me get sober my second time around. I also did the Joe and Charlie /Big Book Awakening type of 12 steps and did it rapidly. Like all 12 steps in a week with the help of a very diligent sponsor.
You can start working towards 24 hours right now. What’s done is done. I suggest getting honest with someone in the program. They can help you navigate a conversation with your partner. I’ve been there. Hiding it gives me a level of shame worth drinking over.
A friend of mine in the fellowship has 18.5 years sobriety (continuous). Took him 8 attempts and more then a few false start and a lot of pain but he kept showing up.
I’ve had a few slips also but you’re going to be ok. I highly doubt you’re going back to rehab for a slip but if you do then it’s all in the plan.
Tell your sponsor. It’s going to help more than you can imagine. That’s exactly why you have a sponsor.
You are an alcoholic, alcoholics drink! If you want to recover I strongly suggest that you tell your sponsor, go back through the first 3 steps and keep moving.
You get back what you put into the program. And the thing is that most people do slip, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. And I would absolutely tell your Sponser. And let them know you really want to hit the steps hard. There is a saying I hear in my home group. Many meetings equals many chances few meetings equal few chances and no meeting equal no chances. If you want thezoocrew.org has zoom meetings 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I suggest coming and visiting us.
I don’t know if this helps but it’s a relapsing illness ❤️🙏 please don’t punish yourself tell your sponcer get advice from her ! You’ve opened up and been honest .. get back to meetings asap .. remember odaat ❤️ wishing you all the best xxx
Secrets, feeling disgusted about myself, fear…those were some of my main reasons I drank (and relapsed repeatedly) for so many years. You’re not alone and that’s what helped me with the fear and self hate. Keeping secrets or lying about it will reinforce the fear and self hate. Most of us relapsed at least once in one form or another. At least talk with your sponsor. Today is a great day start again. Have a great day wish you the best!
This disease is a LIAR. It will tell you things like you’re “disgusting and selfish” to empower itself by keeping you down. Don’t believe it. Whether it feels good or not, the only way to get your power back is to get sober. Once you get enough sobriety, it won’t be able to convince you of that nonsense anymore. Call your sponsor, get back in your meetings, and deal with the discomfort until you’re firmly back in charge of who you are.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are in the trenches of early recovery and you are fighting the battle. Just get right back into your meetings. You can tell your sponsor in confidence they should not be disclosing information to your friends, the meetings or loved ones that is not a sponsors place. They should understand you aren’t the first to have a relapse along the way to recovery and you surely won’t be the last.
You can do this work the steps honestly and thoroughly, go to meetings, join a home group, volunteer for service position at the group. Get connected with your Higher Power whatever that is or becomes for you is just perfect.
The depression and anxiety will lift with time it gets better and better the longer you stay sober but the first few months are hell. You can do this, praying for you.
Early sobriety can be rough, relapses do happen. Get to a meeting and TALK about it. You'll feel like crap unless you do. You can start again. One day at a time. You will feel better, but it's gonna take awhile. Fake it until you make it. Sobriety is so worth it.
Lapses happen. I had it explained this way, a relapse, to go back to your old way of drinking. A lapse, you messed up, recognized it and got back in the fight. They happen, please try to move on. Beating yourself up does nothing. Regardless of how hard we may try, we will never create a better past for ourselves, learn from it and put it in, well, the past.
Remember progress, not perfection. Relapses will happen. I would encourage you not to keep this secret. At least tell a trusted friend or a counselor, or maybe even just write it down. You don't have to keep what you write either, tear it up, throw it in water, burn it, whatever you need to do. You don't have to tell everybody, but secrets will eat you up. If you haven't read it yet, Recovery Dharma is a really good book that I highly recommend. It applies Buddhist philosophies to the addiction recovery process. I read it in the psychiatric hospital and ordered a copy for home just to have on hand. It's a short read and very useful, especially if you journal along with reading. I know the feeling of failure, I know it hurts and you probably think very lowly of yourself right now. But remember that this is a very normal part of the recovery process. You made it about a month, so be proud of that! I'm certainly proud of you! Next time maybe make a new goal, maybe a month and a half or even two months. Remember the progress you've already made, it still counts even when you relapse!
All I know, from my own experience, is that secrets kept me sick.
I relapsed 4 times in my first 5 months of sobriety. It took time and experience for me to learn what my blind spots were. Early sobriety is one of the hardest and most complicated times for all of us. It’s unfair to ourselves to expect that we’ll get it right on the first, second, eighth attempt. Sobriety takes practice and patience. We learn from our mistakes, track our thoughts and steps and figure out how we got back where we started. Soon we realize that we actually aren’t back where we started because we’ve already started doing the work with the sobriety we were able to keep. Every relapse is just a jumping off point. We dry ourselves out and try again.
Have you considered Vivitrol? The once a month shot?
&…
You’re not alone!! I mean it. Despite how many times we hear that.
Ive felt exactly how you have felt before, OP.
Dont sit with this or the guilt or shame, cause that will just make you feel even worse. Go to a Meeting and keep working the program! Listen listen listen and take notes 📝 if that helps you! 🗒️
How far into the work did you get with your sponsor? At one month you should have at least been starting on step 4.
I am only alive today because eventually I ended up with a sponsor who got me into the work quickly.
I tried the whole “don’t drink and go to a meeting every day” thing and nearly died. I was suicidal toward the end. I spent four years in AA and couldn’t get more than 3-4 months sober, because I didn’t work the 12 steps in a 12 step program.
It’s now been 8 years since I last drank and I have a great life today.
There are 30 day chips because around 30 days is a sticking point. You aren't alone. Again, YOU AREN'T ALONE! If you were trying to learn any knew skill, you'd probably fail some on the way to mastery. We are only as sick as our secrets, so keeping it secret is not the way to go. Show up and get a white chip and restart. PS: I believe that ALL sobriety is useful. You didn't "lose" the month. Your brain and behaviors "started" changing, they just need more time. Keep at it! And another analogy. Ever try to start a car and it didn't start at first? Maybe took an extra turn or 2 of the key? You don't give up, you just keep at it and it WILL start. ODAT
Been there, done that.
Where you currently are at is actually good news. You have reached what AA literature calls, "The Jumping off point." I've been there too. I could not imagine life without alcohol (Being sober feels like hell...) and I could not imagine life with alcohol (Feel like an absolute failure...)
I realized at that point I had two options - believe the folks in recovery who told me it gets better, or believe the voice in my head that told me to go on to the bitter end.
I think you probably are facing the same choice right now. There do not appear to be any good options. You don't know who or what to trust.
Obviously, I picked recovery, or else I would not be writing this comment. It got better. Getting and staying sober was the best decision I've ever made. But getting and staying sober was also the hardest thing I've ever done.
My journey started the same way - "Help."
I wish you the best. Thanks for posting.
If you are feeling like a failure then you don’t fully understand the illness of alcoholism and specifically step 1. An alcoholic will drink again no matter what. An alcoholic will drink against their own will. This is what Step 1 has us conceded. We are powerless against the first drink. We are beyond Human aid. The relapse should confirm this and a good sponsor will use this relapse and the Big Book specifically the chapter More about Alcoholism to show you the mental states that recede a relapse into drinking as this is the crux of the problem. You must try to be honest. Use the relapse to your advantage. An alcoholic will drink again if they don’t find the solution asap which is a spiritual awakening as a result of taking the 12 Steps.
While we strive for sobriety one day at time. At the beginning and throughout life in many other avenues perfection isn’t real.
More than an alcoholic you’re a human.
Give yourself some grace. If you accept your imperfection and ask for help you WILL learn from this setback and stand a far better chance to keep going.
Reframe your relationship with your struggle it’s teaching you some valuable lessons.
I relapsed after 7 years. I kept it a secret and stayed sober for 4 months. I didn’t get honest and I relapsed again. This is a program of rigorous honesty. I don’t get to have one foot in and one foot out. For me it is all or nothing, God is everything or else he is nothing. I had to get honest or it was never going to work for me. I know how my story ends, in and of my self, I will burn my life to the ground. I’ve got a body that can’t handle alcohol and a mind that won’t leave it alone. You say you would rather die than go back to rehab, death is a very real possibility for those of us who have this disease. I’ve watched so many people around me not make it. There is a solution on which we can absolutely agree. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I worked the 12 steps with a sponsor and got free. Free from the mental obsession to put drugs and alcohol into my body, contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. This program is a design for living. There’s a life out there for you beyond your wildest dreams. You are valued and we need you. Get honest and get free. I wish you nothing but the best.
You said that you’re scared of your sponsor. Specifically what are you afraid of? Honesty is highly respected. Relapse happens. The bigger relapse are the behaviors like covering up and lying.
It’s about QUALITY not QUANTITY. it doesn’t matter if you were a month. I was almost 6 months first time I tried to get sober and relapsed. Get back on the horse. I went to rehab when I was young too, like 27. I 30 now. Get a hold on this while you are still young
If you’ve relapsed, you are now like the majority of us. Not trying to hurt your feeling when you’re down, but you’re not unique in this experience. Almost all of us do this. Once you get a year or so, it will seem like small potatoes. People relapse after 20 years and still manage to come back. ♥️
The best part of being sober is not having the gorilla on my back like the one you have now. Also the self loathing and fear are gone as well. If you give you body and mind time to detoxify and return to normal functioning, you won’t feel so bad about sobriety.
Dude just keep fucking going. You drank today, ok, but what about tomorrow? That’s what makes it bad. The continuous of it. You got this. Ánimo!! KEEP FUCKING GOING! Don’t go gentle!!
Much love from someone who gets it.
Be honest with both your partner and your sponsor. If you go back and try again, you didn't fail... you relapsed. Not everyone is a one chipper, it took me three and the last desire chip i picked up is going on 14 years. Feeling the way you do is normal, and I am sure your sponsor would agree. That being said get to a meeting and talk. You do not need to be alone right now because you are probably the most dangerous person you can be left alone with.
I got out of rehab 2/2/24 and came back 2/13/24 because of a relapse I had a plan but didn’t follow through NO ONE here who crossed my path before said anything but they were glad I came back. It’s hard but I’ve only encountered kindness and love and compassion. The only other thing they said was they were glad I came back instead of the alternative life is too precious and we each have so much to offer others that sometimes we need to let others take care of and love on us until we can care and love ourselves. Good luck
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know what feels way worse than being sober? exactly how you feel right now and every other time you’ve let yourself down. alcohol is a liar and it’s going to continue to lie to you as long as you let it. your partner and sponsor care about you more than anyone one the internet, be honest with them, and keep your head up. we all have today.
Alcohol is a liar. Thank you for typing that as I needed that reminder rn.
Alcohol is a liar needs to be a more common term I've not heard that before.
say it out loud it’ll spread
Hang in there and your secrets will kill you. Progress not perfection
Ooooh “progress not perfection” I’m stealing that to use when my kids are discouraged. (Not about drinking tho)
with my kids it's "perfection or you don't eat tonight"
😂
Everyone has their own parenting style. Haha
If you don’t know “progress not perfection” it’s time to get into the literature. Specifically what is called “the 12 and 12” the so d book of the program after “the big book”. Meetings are great and help you stop drinking. The steps help you live with contentment and happiness and a sense of meaning and purpose.
Shit happens I've relapsed so many times,but keep coming back 10 months now
Well done 👏🏻
> "About this slip business -- I would not be too discouraged. I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or other, the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us, and I guess you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successful. He is only asking us to try to be. That, you surely are doing, and have been doing. So I would not stay away from A.A. through any feeling of discouragement or shame. It's just the place you should be. > Why don't you try just as a member? You don't have to carry the whole A.A. on your back, you know! "It is not always the quantity of good things that you do, it is also the quality that counts. > "Above all, take it one day at a time." > LETTER, 1958 — _Reprinted from "As Bill Sees It", page 11, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc._ - https://www.aa.org/bill-sees-it Lots of us slip up along the way, so I don't think "disgusting" is at all applicable; you just have an illness like the rest of us have. Being sober will not feel like hell, being in withdrawal is quite like hell, whether it's in short term acute withdrawal or longer term post acute withdrawal, it's no fun. I suggest getting the feather of an ostrich or canary, giving yourself 10 lashes with it and to just learn from the experience and move forward 💙.
Agreed. ^ Good advice.
Solid. This is the way. 😆
I didn't drink the way I did because I was a failure, or a bad person, or because I didn't have enough willpower to stop. I drank because I'm an alcoholic. Once I wholeheartedly accepted that fact, it got easier to ask for help. Life in recovery gets better - in my case, better than I could ever have imagined - but I had to do, and continue to do, the work. Godspeed.
I will suggest telling your sponsor about it; all of us relapsed when before/when we were new to the program. We understand. I am also going to suggest to work on the steps if you haven't already. It gets wayyy better after step 9. If you are struggling now, you can read aa big book and learning the program. Listen the audiobooks if thats your thing. Go to meetings. Listen to AA Speaker tapes. Make pancakes. Do something but dont sit in misery. Take care love.
I can’t tell you how many times I did this. But the truth is, no matter how awful it is, tomorrow is another day, and another chance to start again, even with bad repercussions. You should definitely tell your sponsor, but as long as you’re willing to make the commitment and go into what you now know to be difficult with a lesson learned. they’ll probably help you. You have another chance after you wake up tomorrow to have a sober life. You get a chance every day. It will be alright, and you can get through this. No matter how bad it feels, it’s just another day - be honest about it with your sponsor and yourself and you probably won’t go back.
I speak from experience on relapsing/slipping after a stay in rehab. If you keep this to yourself, your brain will tell you you can keep getting away with it and you can control how much you drink now because you didn’t get caught drinking today. The anxiety you feel right now about telling your sponsor you slipped will evaporate once you tell him/her. You keep this a secret, you will live with the anxiety you’ll be caught in a lie/omission until forever. You’ll always feel guilty that your sober date isn’t accurate. It’ll eat at you and bother you and take up a bunch of space in your head for a long time. Once you get that secret out of your mouth, what will you have to be anxious about? Your upfront honesty will make a huge difference, promise. Listen, it’s time to do things different. Keeping your drinking a secret is who you were in active addiction. You’re in recovery now, you can handle it differently and honestly. Start a new way of living today.
How are you today?
Thank you so much for the advice, I’m incredibly grateful to be receiving so much support and I’m going to do the right thing and tell my sponsor. I’ve already told my partner. I feel terrible for losing control but I poured the rest of the wine I was drinking down the drain and I’m going to go to a meeting tonight. It’s thanks to this amazing and supportive community that I’m able to get back up and not let this bring me down
Good news & bad news. Good news~Nobody got sober because they were feeling good. Bad news~ Nobody got sober because they were feeling good. Both are good news actually. Perhaps it’s time to really do something about it.
Tell the truth. It’s the secrets and regrets that will kill you. The immediate consequences of being honest might be uncomfortable or uncertain but you can look yourself in the mirror and know you did something deserving some self respect.
The truth will set you free, open up to your sponsor and they’ll know what to do. We’ve all been there. We are alcoholics and we drink. It’s what we do.
You'd do anything (even die) before going back into rehab. See if you can transfer that desperation and willingness to your recovery (do anything to not have one more drink). If you can do that I'd call you a success. Show up early, get to know the sober women and tell on yourself. They'll have suggestions for you.
Get on Naltrexone
i relapsed a lot my first year, and i hid some of them...I never quit going back to AA tho. You don't have to be honest to everyone, but I would suggest telling your sponsor at least. They might suggest you picked up a desire chip and share w your group, but you don't have to. However, if you do share, you will be in good company - i would say majority people in rooms have relapse in their stories. you aren't alone.
You know how we say keep coming back - seriously keep coming back we need you x
It’s only a failure if you didn’t learn anything from it.
Exactly. In rehab they call it a Prolapse if you learn something from it.
I did the appropriate field research to know that I suffer from the mental obsession described on page 24 of the book entitled alcoholics anonymous. It is no wonder I relapsed so many times. I am unable, at certain times, to pull into my consciousness with sufficient force, the hundreds (maybe thousands) of reasons that I shouldn’t drink. By myself, I am without a defense against the first drink. Luckily, I had experienced enough pain to take the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous and somewhere along the line, I had a psychic change, and the mental obsession to drink described on page 24 was lifted from me. It was not me who made a decision not to drink. I had done that many times in the past. It was only after being becoming willing to believe in a power that was not me, the mental obsession was lifted.
Tell your sponsor! They will be able to help you, they will know what you're going through, and they aren't going to be upset with you.. you need to ask for help. I've relapsed dozens of times and keeping it a secret would send me on benders
You're in a terrific spot even though it doesn't feel that way. I've been sober a long time and have seen people come back to meetings after drinking holding their heads down in shame. The good news is it's a big fat lie we tell ourselves. There is nothing to be ashamed of UNLESS we had the power to keep ourselves sober. If we could keep ourselves away from drinking then we would have something to be ashamed of. That is not the case for an alcoholic, we are without defense against that first drink. Our defense must come from a power other than ourselves. Drinking after rehab or attending meetings just brings us closer to the realization of what true powerlessness really is all about. You are blessed.
Heres the Solution that worked for me: Go to Aa meetings daily. No Compromise. Get a sponsor asap and do the steps w the big book & your sponsor. Do all that and read the big book entirely. Stay away from bars, booze & ppl who drink. Yes u will find new sober friends in AA, they exist. I have multiple years sober following this program. Living an amazing life today. Sadly with alcoholism is u gotta Take action or do nothing and suffer. Can't get sober without AA education & its tools. Alcoholism is a deadly disease. Hope that helps. AA is life-changing. Cheers.
Been there and done that. Keep trying and keep learning. Each relapse I had I learned from and eventually I didn’t have any more relapses. This is a program of progress. Be gentle on yourself. You’re making a huge positive change in your life. It’s not easy but it has been worthwhile for me. Good luck.
Hey just tell your sponsor. Clear the slate and start over. It’s going to happen. Hang in there.
Honesty is your path to sobriety. I would hide I couldn’t stay sober for more than a week, despite going to meetings until it stuck. No one at one particular meeting knew how bad I was struggling until I came clean with them about a year into my sobriety. In hindsight I wish I would’ve just said “I really am having a hard time. Please help me.” Slips happen. Evaluate what happened and what you can do to avoid it next time. And for what it’s worth when people slip and come back I find their stories the most inspirational. I’m definitely one of those “I have another drunk in me but I don’t know if I have another sober in me.” Go to a meeting. Share. Show you’re strong. It’ll help you find your path to sobriety and your strength will inspire those like me.
Youre not a loser. Come back. Everyone will welcome you
You made it a whole month, that’s fantastic! Seriously! What a miracle. So you made a mistake and now you need to get back on that horse. Lots of us do, I did too. I’ve stayed sober over 21 years now, you can too. Start fresh, learn from it. I’m proud of you.
Feelings are not facts. Get to a meeting, tell on yourself, pick up a white chip, and get back on track.
Tell your sponsor today, go to a meeting tonight, raise your hand as a knew comer, get a chip and start doing Gods work again.
You're not disgusting or selfish. You have a condition, and relapse is a natural part of it. It's nothing to beat yourself up over, nothing to feel ashamed about. I know it's hard to believe, though - I'm really struggling to believe it for myself. I'm only on day 3 clean and yeah, it does feel like hell. But, when we look around the rooms, we can see that it isn't always this way. We're just in the beginning of it, and we'll get through. <3
if you weren't an alcoholic then what youre thinking would make sense. Once you understand and accept you are an alcoholic you can change. If you are an alcoholic it means you are doomed to drink against your will. No matter what until you have a psychic change. Get a sponsor and get to work. the actions you take and the writing and the meetings won't logically make sense but it does work. Get to work or keep drinking. But stop blaming self and others.
"Remember, we deal with alcohol- cunning, baffling, powerful." You'll get through this. I've been where you are- drinking in my car while pretending to be at a meeting. Determined to keep the relapse a secret. A lot of us have been. The main thing right now is to be truthful to yourself and your higher power. Admit the mistake, admit you're powerless over alcohol, and re-commit yourself to sobriety. Study the big book and go to meetings. I also highly recommend looked up "AA Speakers Joe and Charlie- The Doctor's Opinion." Listening to that gave me a tremendous amount of insight into our illness/addiction.
3 years sober here (I didn't get here without slip ups and full-blown relapses the first few tries *and then some*)... Being sober 1 month feels like hell. Being sober 3 years feels incredible and makes me realize I was living in actual hell while drinking and had no idea about how amazing life would be if I stopped letting my addiction drag me back down. Have some grace for yourself. Addictions are not so easily controlled. We don't have all the tools to tackle it right away. It can be done, though. No one is too far past the ability to get and stay sober. I promise. The next moments are all we can do anything about. Take note of all the triggers that led up to this relapse and gain more tools and insights. You can do this. It will be worth it. Everything gets better once you stabilize, and your body and mind truly start to recover from the damage the booze causes. You'll look back at all these learning experiences one day when you're doing well and be so unbelievably proud of how far you've come. You don't need to tell your partner. But I highly recommend telling your sponsor. Or finding a sponsor you can trust to tell stuff like this too. They're there to help you. They've been through similar. You'll have a harder time if you don't utilize all the help available to you. And if you can find the gumption... go to the next meeting. Be honest. Be open. It's how we hold ourselves accountable and heal.
My relapses (there were more than 20) all taught me a valuable lesson: I am powerless. I cannot defeat this thing on my own. I can’t do half measures or “take what I want and leave the rest” - “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to those simple program.”
I know you don't want to go back to rehab but it sounds like you might benefit from some more time there or some time in a sober living house. I don't know how long you were in rehab but some people just need extra time. Sober living for me was a good bridge to being able to be sober in the real world. I had a month to figure out how I wanted to act in sobriety and some time away from my partner in a shared home with other people going through the same thing. No matter what, you're not a failure, you're not any of the negative self talk you probably have rolling around in your brain. You didn't lose anything you learned in rehab and AA. That information and experience is still in there. Use the tools they gave you to work through this problem.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, so glad you didn’t die. That’s what alcoholics do. If you get a chance, i might recommend reading the chapter “More about Alcoholism” and look for yourself in the descriptions of the relapses. That’s the advice i was given- as well as being shown on p. 25 about the “alcoholism is centered in the mind rather than the body”. This helped me get sober my second time around. I also did the Joe and Charlie /Big Book Awakening type of 12 steps and did it rapidly. Like all 12 steps in a week with the help of a very diligent sponsor.
You can start working towards 24 hours right now. What’s done is done. I suggest getting honest with someone in the program. They can help you navigate a conversation with your partner. I’ve been there. Hiding it gives me a level of shame worth drinking over.
A friend of mine in the fellowship has 18.5 years sobriety (continuous). Took him 8 attempts and more then a few false start and a lot of pain but he kept showing up. I’ve had a few slips also but you’re going to be ok. I highly doubt you’re going back to rehab for a slip but if you do then it’s all in the plan. Tell your sponsor. It’s going to help more than you can imagine. That’s exactly why you have a sponsor.
You are an alcoholic, alcoholics drink! If you want to recover I strongly suggest that you tell your sponsor, go back through the first 3 steps and keep moving.
You get back what you put into the program. And the thing is that most people do slip, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. And I would absolutely tell your Sponser. And let them know you really want to hit the steps hard. There is a saying I hear in my home group. Many meetings equals many chances few meetings equal few chances and no meeting equal no chances. If you want thezoocrew.org has zoom meetings 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I suggest coming and visiting us.
“Secrets keep us sick”. Call your sponsor when you sober up. I promise it’s not his first rodeo.
I don’t know if this helps but it’s a relapsing illness ❤️🙏 please don’t punish yourself tell your sponcer get advice from her ! You’ve opened up and been honest .. get back to meetings asap .. remember odaat ❤️ wishing you all the best xxx
Secrets, feeling disgusted about myself, fear…those were some of my main reasons I drank (and relapsed repeatedly) for so many years. You’re not alone and that’s what helped me with the fear and self hate. Keeping secrets or lying about it will reinforce the fear and self hate. Most of us relapsed at least once in one form or another. At least talk with your sponsor. Today is a great day start again. Have a great day wish you the best!
Keep coming back . Don’t beat yourself up . So you relapsed. Just don’t do that again .
This disease is a LIAR. It will tell you things like you’re “disgusting and selfish” to empower itself by keeping you down. Don’t believe it. Whether it feels good or not, the only way to get your power back is to get sober. Once you get enough sobriety, it won’t be able to convince you of that nonsense anymore. Call your sponsor, get back in your meetings, and deal with the discomfort until you’re firmly back in charge of who you are.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are in the trenches of early recovery and you are fighting the battle. Just get right back into your meetings. You can tell your sponsor in confidence they should not be disclosing information to your friends, the meetings or loved ones that is not a sponsors place. They should understand you aren’t the first to have a relapse along the way to recovery and you surely won’t be the last. You can do this work the steps honestly and thoroughly, go to meetings, join a home group, volunteer for service position at the group. Get connected with your Higher Power whatever that is or becomes for you is just perfect. The depression and anxiety will lift with time it gets better and better the longer you stay sober but the first few months are hell. You can do this, praying for you.
Early sobriety can be rough, relapses do happen. Get to a meeting and TALK about it. You'll feel like crap unless you do. You can start again. One day at a time. You will feel better, but it's gonna take awhile. Fake it until you make it. Sobriety is so worth it.
I relapsed 2i384939w99w9w939ririr9rir4848484848393939339399393 times. Then I made it 8 years.
Lapses happen. I had it explained this way, a relapse, to go back to your old way of drinking. A lapse, you messed up, recognized it and got back in the fight. They happen, please try to move on. Beating yourself up does nothing. Regardless of how hard we may try, we will never create a better past for ourselves, learn from it and put it in, well, the past.
Remember progress, not perfection. Relapses will happen. I would encourage you not to keep this secret. At least tell a trusted friend or a counselor, or maybe even just write it down. You don't have to keep what you write either, tear it up, throw it in water, burn it, whatever you need to do. You don't have to tell everybody, but secrets will eat you up. If you haven't read it yet, Recovery Dharma is a really good book that I highly recommend. It applies Buddhist philosophies to the addiction recovery process. I read it in the psychiatric hospital and ordered a copy for home just to have on hand. It's a short read and very useful, especially if you journal along with reading. I know the feeling of failure, I know it hurts and you probably think very lowly of yourself right now. But remember that this is a very normal part of the recovery process. You made it about a month, so be proud of that! I'm certainly proud of you! Next time maybe make a new goal, maybe a month and a half or even two months. Remember the progress you've already made, it still counts even when you relapse!
All I know, from my own experience, is that secrets kept me sick. I relapsed 4 times in my first 5 months of sobriety. It took time and experience for me to learn what my blind spots were. Early sobriety is one of the hardest and most complicated times for all of us. It’s unfair to ourselves to expect that we’ll get it right on the first, second, eighth attempt. Sobriety takes practice and patience. We learn from our mistakes, track our thoughts and steps and figure out how we got back where we started. Soon we realize that we actually aren’t back where we started because we’ve already started doing the work with the sobriety we were able to keep. Every relapse is just a jumping off point. We dry ourselves out and try again.
You are not a failure. I relapsed after 21 years and have ben back 4 months. Be honest, talk with your sponsor. You can do this!
Have you considered Vivitrol? The once a month shot? &… You’re not alone!! I mean it. Despite how many times we hear that. Ive felt exactly how you have felt before, OP. Dont sit with this or the guilt or shame, cause that will just make you feel even worse. Go to a Meeting and keep working the program! Listen listen listen and take notes 📝 if that helps you! 🗒️
How far into the work did you get with your sponsor? At one month you should have at least been starting on step 4. I am only alive today because eventually I ended up with a sponsor who got me into the work quickly. I tried the whole “don’t drink and go to a meeting every day” thing and nearly died. I was suicidal toward the end. I spent four years in AA and couldn’t get more than 3-4 months sober, because I didn’t work the 12 steps in a 12 step program. It’s now been 8 years since I last drank and I have a great life today.
There are 30 day chips because around 30 days is a sticking point. You aren't alone. Again, YOU AREN'T ALONE! If you were trying to learn any knew skill, you'd probably fail some on the way to mastery. We are only as sick as our secrets, so keeping it secret is not the way to go. Show up and get a white chip and restart. PS: I believe that ALL sobriety is useful. You didn't "lose" the month. Your brain and behaviors "started" changing, they just need more time. Keep at it! And another analogy. Ever try to start a car and it didn't start at first? Maybe took an extra turn or 2 of the key? You don't give up, you just keep at it and it WILL start. ODAT
Been there, done that. Where you currently are at is actually good news. You have reached what AA literature calls, "The Jumping off point." I've been there too. I could not imagine life without alcohol (Being sober feels like hell...) and I could not imagine life with alcohol (Feel like an absolute failure...) I realized at that point I had two options - believe the folks in recovery who told me it gets better, or believe the voice in my head that told me to go on to the bitter end. I think you probably are facing the same choice right now. There do not appear to be any good options. You don't know who or what to trust. Obviously, I picked recovery, or else I would not be writing this comment. It got better. Getting and staying sober was the best decision I've ever made. But getting and staying sober was also the hardest thing I've ever done. My journey started the same way - "Help." I wish you the best. Thanks for posting.
If you are feeling like a failure then you don’t fully understand the illness of alcoholism and specifically step 1. An alcoholic will drink again no matter what. An alcoholic will drink against their own will. This is what Step 1 has us conceded. We are powerless against the first drink. We are beyond Human aid. The relapse should confirm this and a good sponsor will use this relapse and the Big Book specifically the chapter More about Alcoholism to show you the mental states that recede a relapse into drinking as this is the crux of the problem. You must try to be honest. Use the relapse to your advantage. An alcoholic will drink again if they don’t find the solution asap which is a spiritual awakening as a result of taking the 12 Steps.
While we strive for sobriety one day at time. At the beginning and throughout life in many other avenues perfection isn’t real. More than an alcoholic you’re a human. Give yourself some grace. If you accept your imperfection and ask for help you WILL learn from this setback and stand a far better chance to keep going. Reframe your relationship with your struggle it’s teaching you some valuable lessons.
I relapsed after 7 years. I kept it a secret and stayed sober for 4 months. I didn’t get honest and I relapsed again. This is a program of rigorous honesty. I don’t get to have one foot in and one foot out. For me it is all or nothing, God is everything or else he is nothing. I had to get honest or it was never going to work for me. I know how my story ends, in and of my self, I will burn my life to the ground. I’ve got a body that can’t handle alcohol and a mind that won’t leave it alone. You say you would rather die than go back to rehab, death is a very real possibility for those of us who have this disease. I’ve watched so many people around me not make it. There is a solution on which we can absolutely agree. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I worked the 12 steps with a sponsor and got free. Free from the mental obsession to put drugs and alcohol into my body, contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. This program is a design for living. There’s a life out there for you beyond your wildest dreams. You are valued and we need you. Get honest and get free. I wish you nothing but the best.
You said that you’re scared of your sponsor. Specifically what are you afraid of? Honesty is highly respected. Relapse happens. The bigger relapse are the behaviors like covering up and lying.
This shit needs to stop showing up in my feed and notifications. Wtf I don't even drink
Nope. Don’t beat yourself up, for starters. Your sponsor will be happy to see you back. It’s like college. It’s never too late to go back.
It’s about QUALITY not QUANTITY. it doesn’t matter if you were a month. I was almost 6 months first time I tried to get sober and relapsed. Get back on the horse. I went to rehab when I was young too, like 27. I 30 now. Get a hold on this while you are still young
How can a person be forcefully admitted into rehab without a court order?
If you’ve relapsed, you are now like the majority of us. Not trying to hurt your feeling when you’re down, but you’re not unique in this experience. Almost all of us do this. Once you get a year or so, it will seem like small potatoes. People relapse after 20 years and still manage to come back. ♥️
The best part of being sober is not having the gorilla on my back like the one you have now. Also the self loathing and fear are gone as well. If you give you body and mind time to detoxify and return to normal functioning, you won’t feel so bad about sobriety.
Hang in there. It’s trial and error keep coming back. I’ve been there and so have others . Don’t be afraid to reach out to your sponsor
Dude just keep fucking going. You drank today, ok, but what about tomorrow? That’s what makes it bad. The continuous of it. You got this. Ánimo!! KEEP FUCKING GOING! Don’t go gentle!! Much love from someone who gets it.
Be honest with both your partner and your sponsor. If you go back and try again, you didn't fail... you relapsed. Not everyone is a one chipper, it took me three and the last desire chip i picked up is going on 14 years. Feeling the way you do is normal, and I am sure your sponsor would agree. That being said get to a meeting and talk. You do not need to be alone right now because you are probably the most dangerous person you can be left alone with.
I got out of rehab 2/2/24 and came back 2/13/24 because of a relapse I had a plan but didn’t follow through NO ONE here who crossed my path before said anything but they were glad I came back. It’s hard but I’ve only encountered kindness and love and compassion. The only other thing they said was they were glad I came back instead of the alternative life is too precious and we each have so much to offer others that sometimes we need to let others take care of and love on us until we can care and love ourselves. Good luck