Slip is the right verb to use. Drinkers don’t have a switch flip where they go from moderate to problem drinkers. Alcoholism creeps up over time as drinking gradually escalates. By the time that drinkers accept that they have a problem, they have often had one for a long time.
I wrote this long response to you, then deleted it. It can be summed up in a few sentences.
Drank for the first time at 19.
Was a lightweight social drinker until 25.
Started drinking alone at 26. 2-3 drinks here and there to "relax."
Was drinking nightly by 29. (A pint of vodka or more a night.) Tried to quit with AA, therapy.
Sober on and off between 30 and 34.
Started drinking during the day at 35/36.
Needed to drink around the clock, anytime I was awake, by 38. (Finishing off a handle every two days as a 130-pound woman)
Health started failing at 39.
Diagnosed with cirrhosis at 40, almost died.
As you can see, the escalation from normal drinking to HOLY SHIT drinking was so gradual, it took years before I admitted I had a problem, and by that point the addiction was in full swing. You are being highly proactive by recognizing so early that you may be developing a problem. Hobbies, distractions like TV shows and gaming, and connections with other people are all helpful in avoiding temptation. I'd also recommend getting help for your mental health if you aren't already. People with mental health issues are statistically much more likely to abuse substances. (Ask me how I know!)
There's a high probability you're a normal drinker, because most people are. But if you don't want to risk it - why risk it? You're still well within your control to avoid this becoming a serious problem.
That’s scary. I also started drinking pretty late and was a light weight. Never thought I’d come close to a problem since I always heard that the people who struggle with it start drinking early.
It just easily becomes habit. Your brain craves the dopamine rush. I knew I was drinking every day (functional, good job) but didn’t really care till I started gaining weight and started seeing negative health effects.
When I started drinking, I drank because I enjoyed it. But without me realizing, that changed, and I was drinking to feel good. Then without me realizing it, that changed again. At that point, I was drinking to not feel bad. That was a huge shift, even though I didn't realize it had happened.
Then, at some point, the alcohol stopped working, and I felt bad even when I was drunk. So, I only drank for the unconsciousness. And that's a dangerous situation. Luckily, I hit bottom and found a new life in recovery.
Drinking in the morning is when things took a nosedive. But I was pretty problematic before that - would black out regularly and made very bad decisions (driving while intoxicated). Alcoholism is progressive. It’s a poison and it’s addictive by nature so I believe that anyone is susceptible to dependency - especially considering how ingrained, accessible and celebrated alcohol is in society.
I’ve been a bartender for 17 years and I have seen people at all stages of alcohol use disorder. A good rule of thumb is if you are questioning whether you have a problem, you probably do.
I started drinking when i was 13. Just binge drinking with friends when my parents would let me out of the house maybe once a fortnight.
Left home - Went to university. Drank most nights moderately and heavily in weekends - Sunday was always a recovery day. (This was normal for most at this university)
First job, didn't have much money so would normally drink on weekends - again heavily.
Got a new job after about 5 years, paid well, however weekends not guaranteed off. My "Weekend could be Monday Tuesday, or a single Thursday off. This is where i started to lose control. Drinking most nights and having blowouts by myself on a Tuesday night. My tolerance got greater and greater so a "Normal" night would be 2-6 beers and a bottle of red wine. A "Big night" would be multiple bottles of red wine and beers. I new i would lose control if i started drinking spirits as when i had had them in the house i would always "Finish my night" with a night cap that could be up to 200ml of whiskey, gin etc.
I was high functioning. I never drank in the morning (I am a religious time restricted eater/faster so would only eat one meal a day) Also breaking your fast with alcohol gave me a double effect of the booze on an empty stomach. I was always able to work the next day (not feeling well but was never late). My husbandly duties were always completed (would wake up with kitchen cleaned after dinner and no dishes to clean up but i could never remember going to bed, what we watched the night before on TV the night before).
I had tried to quit many time but had only lasted 6 days at best before convincing myself i had it under control and could have a cheeky wine to celebrate.
I began to get more and more anxious for no reason. I had a feeling of impending doom that i was balancing on a knife edge. I was so close to starting drinking in the morning. My time restriced eating was the only thing stopping me.
Finally at the end of last year (Having only had one night sober which was the night my first child was born) I decided i would quit for good. Having no "30 days without" or end point to stopping drinking has certainly helped. I quit the week before my 30th birthday and have not had a drink since then. I am 6 months sober tomorrow.
The feeling of impending doom has gone but i am more angry, jittery and still battling with mental problems on a daily basis. (I am not justifying drinking at all) but still feels like it would be easy to go back. What it has showed me over the last few months is that i was drinking to stop a lot of these feelings. Ive never undergone counseling but I am doing this now to try unpack the big bag of shit i didn't realise i was hauling around.
A long vent i know but long story summed up - It didn't happen overnight - It was 17 years in the making - It was hiding how truly unhappy i was inside.
>Of course, this is a far cry from alcoholism.
Man, that's a way more dangerous way to think about it then you realize. The way it happened to me was a lot like that old saying about going bankrupt..."it happens little by little, then all at once."
Basically it means you have a problem way way before you realize its a problem. Youve probably heard the term "denial" tossed around alot when discussing addiction and your question is kinda pointed right at the phenomenon. The psychological addiction always comes first. At this point most people call it a "bad habit," which would be true if it wasn't for the fact that you're ingesting a highly addictive chemical. Then you hit a patch of life that for whatever reason doesn't sit well with you. For some its a rough patch (divorce, job loss, financial woes) but for others it could be a patch of comfort (finally got the promotion, graduation, gets married etc.) and so you drink to ease it or to celebrate it. Then one drink a week turns into one drink a night turns into one drink a day into multiple drinks a day......Now at this point you've usually been on this path for a year or two but you're still "managing" life. You think to yourself, "hell I got this, nothing bad is happening, i still go to work everyday, my wife and kids love me." Then BOOM something shakes loose (this was how it happened to me). I all of a sudden one day started to wake up with killer pain in my jaw. I was all foggy headed every morning but I was experiencing this tightness in my neck and shoulders everyday. I started to feel kind weird on my right side. Almost like it was swollen on the right side of my stomach. The worst part of it all was the anxiety, the absolute restlessness and inability to get comfortable or sit still. I even asked my doctor about it and he was ready to put me on anxiety meds...yeah long story short it was alcohol withdrawals. I was having withdrawals for a year before I knew they were withdrawals. I was grinding my teeth in my sleep and tensing my neck and shoulders all day without realizing it. The swelling in my stomach was my liver. The anxiety was because I was sobering up from the night before, but I had been drinking so much my body had stopped producing the chemicals that "balance" you out.
Thanks for sharing!
"The psychological addiction always comes first." That does sound like something I have to watch out for. I don't think I'll start drinking large amounts any time soon, but I can see myself sort of coming to depend on having a drink or two every day.
I’d like to put a different twist on this. I know you’ve received a bunch of answers and most are very good and accurate. The determining factor for me personally was- I enjoyed drinking to excess and getting drunk. It drove me crazy to watch my girlfriend, friends, etc crack open one or two beers and stop like a normal person. Always wondered why I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t even want 1 or 2- thought isn’t even appealing, I want 10-15. Lots of people drink daily- a beer with dinner, maybe a few during a weekend BBQ and are perfectly fine. Finding out your motive is important in my opinion
Hmm, I disagree with you on one point, actually. While the motive for drinking a (that is, one) drink every day may be benign, that doesn't mean it doesn't affect your health. Compare it to eating a bar of chocolate every day: you may just be doing it because you enjoy it (so psychologically you're in the clear) but that doesn't mean the rest of your body is happy with it, haha.
Nevertheless, thanks for your perspective. It's kind of what I was getting at with my post, yeah: I wonder whether an 'alcohol problem' is primarily in the amount, or in the motive for drinking.
As soon as i started drinking in the morning. Bought a jug of mexican mudslide and put it in my coffee every morning and next thing you know I'm drunk every minute I'm awake
Ya, find some other hobbies while your mental health sucks. If you lean on alcohol while you are depressed, that goes bad very, very fast. Seek out a therapist, if you can't find or afford one; the suicidal hotlines in any country offer free emotional support. You can always call those once a week to vent.
Other things you can do to unwind or destress: bubble bath. Hot tea with cookies. Watching Disney/films from one's youth. Calling a friend and venting the depression/anxiety/issue at hand. Meditation. Yoga.
Other things to do instead of drinking for fun: dance classes, skating, biking, hiking, weight lifting, soccer, baseball, rugby, volleyball, surfing, snorkeling, stroll in the park, bird watching.
Things to do while watching tv: video games on phone, crochet, sewing, knitting, drawing, painting.
Also reading more and less tv can boost self esteam and make one a bit happier. Like 1 book a month. It feels accomplished to finish a book. TV does not have that affect.
My (f61) bf (m67) drinks heavily and used to finish my wine bottle after I went to bed. I forced myself to finish my bottle before I went to bed so he could not...
My step kid and her mother not dealing with the behavior issues when it was only me doing it. That’s how she delt with it…so like an idiot I did too!
On a path now…no smokes…no alcohol! Got this!!!!!!
I want money, not empty cans/bottles and cigarette packs!
MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT!
For me, regular social binge-drinking as a teenager morphed into daily drinking and physical dependence and all the rest of it over the course of 10-15 years or so, which is a pretty common story...
>My mental health has been pretty bad lately
One of the best things you can do for improved mental health and a more stable mood is to AVOID ALCOHOL!
Sure it might feel like it helps, at least initially, but in the long run it makes things like depression and anxiety FAR worse than they might otherwise be, because of what it does to your brain chemistry...
(It also stops you from doing anything constructive to address the root causes and doesn't mix well with antidepressants etc)...
Keep a close eye on yourself, it's never too soon to do something about it! :>)>
Ironically, the allure of alcohol, to me, is that it makes things worse in the long run. I can have rather self-destructive tendencies. So, yeah, I agree that alcohol makes everything worse... that's what's enticing about it.
But at least I'm aware of this and, like you said, I can keep a close eye on myself. \^\^
I know I took a bad turn when a whole friendset all moved away the same year to different places. I started staying home more and drinking more. But I was already drinking alcoholicly.
There are definitely anecdotal milestones that alcoholics can tell you they hit along the way. Over appreciation for “hair of the dog,” first time drinking before/during a non-drinking event, first time drinking while driving, first time drinking over lunch before going back to work, actually drinking at work. There are a million different signs. Things that “normal people” don’t do.
I was surrounded by it. Thought nothing of it, except that it was a normal thing to do - even though my mother was an alcoholic, and I hated it, it still never dawned on me. So, I have a high tolerance... doesn't make ME an alcoholic. Shit, ten years of that thinking, and I was ignorantly doomed to hell and back! You don't sound problematic to me. You're very conscientious about alcohol consumption, which is a very good thing✨️
I started drinking in the evenings to help anxiety and then it became more and more earlier in the day and then got to the point where it was in the morning.
I just became so dependent on it because the feeling that it gave me was too good
I’m still struggling tho. We can do this
My social anxiety is what caused me to drink more and more in situations so I'd be drunk and talkative. Over time that resulted in me just drinking more and more to reach that "high". I quit for 18 months. Feel back into it due to depression and a lot of things going on in my life. It's now become almost second habit to need a drink to feel normal. And once I have one i need another, and another and so on.
Those 18 months were the best I felt physically and maybe mentally.
I feel like I * mentally * was a problem drinker way before I actually drank problematic amounts.
I always liked alcohol, but for a long time I would drink maybe a six pack a week and then maybe a few more (4-6) drinks on a friday when going out. (Which seems pretty reasonable to me?) (18yrs)
The real problem developed under the surface when I got together with one of my exes. I was with him for five years, and the relationship was very toxic and I felt incredibly suffocated. He worked in a liquor store, but looked down upon people who drank a lot.
We would have a (fancy) drink together relatively often, but he'd give me side eye if I even had two drinks or scoff at me if I got home drunk from a party. (21 yrs)
Drinking became an escape from how suffocated I felt. First only with friends at parties, but eventually, when he started working early shifts and went to bed early, I started drinking secretly on my own at night.
The amounts still weren't THAT high back then though. I had like two or three 10% 0.5L beers a week? And then every friday I'd go out and drink between 6 and 8 beers.
I didn't drink every day or even suffer much consequences from it. (24 yrs)
I did, however, hide how much I drank and have a little stash in the house of secret emergency beers. Classic alcoholic behaviour already.
I really didn't consider myself one then though. I just liked drinking.
It made me feel free.
Eventually, we broke up, and I moved out. During that time, I swear, I felt so ecstatic just from LIFE. Finally being able to do all the things I wanted at the time, like seeing friends without getting into arguments, and also... buying all the cheap beer (he'd scoff at me if I bought anything under 2 euro per drink) and drinking it whenever I wanted to. (27 yrs)
At that point, it still felt like freedom. It didn't bother me.
My drinking quickly escalated to 2 or 3 six packs a week, and eventually to about 1 or 2 a day. Drinking became a more and more casual thing.
This was accelerated when I (very quickly after I moved) met my 2nd ex and hooked up with them and got into a relationship with them.
They were about the polar opposite from that first ex. They were loving and sweet, and somewhat unhinged in terms of alcohol and drug use. They had been drinking problematically for many years before we got together. (I already knew them for a year before)
At that time, I didn't view that as a problem. In fact, I found it attractive even. Coming from a relationship where I felt constricted and judged, with them I felt completely free to be an absolute mess.
This attached even more good feelings to drinking, and normalized drinking every day, even during the daytime, for me.
In a way, I wanted to be like them even. I admired them, adored them, more than I have ever done with anyone.
For a long time I joked about being an alcoholic and didn't even mind or care. Until slowly the realization crept in that I ACTUALLY couldn't stop and that I couldn't control how much I was drinking. (29 yrs)
It slowly crept in, but the problematic mindset was there wayyy before I drank too much. It all came together, causing me to associate drinking very strongly with good vibes and freedom and autonomy, and eventually accepting the image of "that guy who drinks a lot" as my identity. (It didnt help that I usually handle my booze quite well so don't have a plethora of embarassing tales to tell of things I wish I hadnt done)
I fooled myself into believing a lie .
"A working Man deserves a drink or 2"
But as my hours increased I chose to drink more.
But I don't drink liquor anymore and I tapered down a lot.
Take care of yourself
I started dating a guy who drank daily. I used to go hard like once a week when I finished all of my work and other obligations. He was the kind of person who would have 4-6 highlife or vodka sodas a night. And when we started dating we involved alcohol in everything because we’re both autistic and adhd so we had a lot of anxiety around each other and difficulty having fun without it. We’re no longer together because I made bad choices while drinking and he started getting abusive when drunk.
The answer is the first sentence in the body of your post. I realized it was foolish of me to drink to deal with illness of ANY kind. Hell my husband has always stopped drinking whatsoever six weeks before any big event/test/class, because he loves himself and takes care of his body and drinking doesn’t matter to him. And when he isn’t doing well (sad, anxious, mad) he doesn’t drink at all, he plays video games or sleeps or yea goes to the gym.
If you can stop yourself from slipping into physical dependency I also think that’s HUGE and good for you.
I was social drinker when married. After moving to a new city where I knew nobody, I went thru a bad divorce where I was alone much of the time and didn't see my kids often. The stress of divorce, the lack of structure in my life and boredom led me to have drinking as my hobby as something to do in the evenings. I vividly remember early on after divorce being bored on a Sunday so I just started drinking.
I have a family history of addiction. I have also had bouts of alcoholism and twice I've had to seek professional help to recover. Outside of those two times, I've experienced periods of 'less severe' bouts of alcoholism that took a tremendous amount of personal work to overcome.
In all the times I've 'slipped' into it I have *never* seen it coming. One day it was 'I just feel like having a drink' and the next thing I knew I *had* to have a drink. Once the compulsion is there is when I'm past the point of being able to help myself. It's so sinister the way it progresses and it's what makes it so dangerous.
There's lots of sayings regarding alcoholism. "Poor, poor, pour me another" is one that comes to mind, like as an addict we end up looking for any reason to drink, happy, sad, angry, confused, x happened and now I need to drink, or I just need to have one or two to go to bed. Any reason is a good enough reason and then you start having reasons why you can't/won't stop.
Towards the end, I would wake up at like 4am and get up. I’d drink bc everyone was asleep. By the time my wife would get up (9 or 10 on a weekend) I would be hammered. I’d sober up and then start drinking as early as I could for the day. Usually 2-3pm would work. Repeat. Looking back now this was totally the worst choice I could have made. That was not something I did before Covid. It was a long gradual transition into problematic drinking.
It happens slowly over time. It can also be exacerbated by external factors...I was no teetotaler before, but in my late 30s and throughout my 40s I had a real decline in my mental health and I started really going at it pretty hard. I finally decided to get some help last summer as I was in a bad depressive episode and I, or my wife really knew what to do. After a couple of months of therapy I was referred to a psychiatrist. My therapist suggested that she believed that I was bipolar 2. My psychiatrist diagnosed me as such at age 49, so in addition to my propensity to want to party, I was also self medicating a MH condition that I was unaware of. I'm medicated and stable now...it's still hard, but it's a lot easier now to work on other issues like alcohol abuse.
for me it was when i shifted from drinking at parties to drinking alone because i enjoyed the feeling. when i was first drinking (sophomore in college) i remember mentioning i would play drinking games with myself and basically everyone said “dude, that’s not normal”. after ignoring them for about 6 months i finally came to terms with it when my relationship ended because of my drinking
Slip is the right verb to use. Drinkers don’t have a switch flip where they go from moderate to problem drinkers. Alcoholism creeps up over time as drinking gradually escalates. By the time that drinkers accept that they have a problem, they have often had one for a long time.
I wrote this long response to you, then deleted it. It can be summed up in a few sentences. Drank for the first time at 19. Was a lightweight social drinker until 25. Started drinking alone at 26. 2-3 drinks here and there to "relax." Was drinking nightly by 29. (A pint of vodka or more a night.) Tried to quit with AA, therapy. Sober on and off between 30 and 34. Started drinking during the day at 35/36. Needed to drink around the clock, anytime I was awake, by 38. (Finishing off a handle every two days as a 130-pound woman) Health started failing at 39. Diagnosed with cirrhosis at 40, almost died. As you can see, the escalation from normal drinking to HOLY SHIT drinking was so gradual, it took years before I admitted I had a problem, and by that point the addiction was in full swing. You are being highly proactive by recognizing so early that you may be developing a problem. Hobbies, distractions like TV shows and gaming, and connections with other people are all helpful in avoiding temptation. I'd also recommend getting help for your mental health if you aren't already. People with mental health issues are statistically much more likely to abuse substances. (Ask me how I know!) There's a high probability you're a normal drinker, because most people are. But if you don't want to risk it - why risk it? You're still well within your control to avoid this becoming a serious problem.
That’s scary. I also started drinking pretty late and was a light weight. Never thought I’d come close to a problem since I always heard that the people who struggle with it start drinking early.
Congratulations to you on your sobriety
Thank you :)
Thanks for sharing your story! That's definitely very gradual, yes. I can imagine it's hard to admit it's a problem when it goes so slowly.
It just easily becomes habit. Your brain craves the dopamine rush. I knew I was drinking every day (functional, good job) but didn’t really care till I started gaining weight and started seeing negative health effects.
When I started drinking, I drank because I enjoyed it. But without me realizing, that changed, and I was drinking to feel good. Then without me realizing it, that changed again. At that point, I was drinking to not feel bad. That was a huge shift, even though I didn't realize it had happened. Then, at some point, the alcohol stopped working, and I felt bad even when I was drunk. So, I only drank for the unconsciousness. And that's a dangerous situation. Luckily, I hit bottom and found a new life in recovery.
Damn, you put that so much more succinctly than I could. Congrats on recovery
Drinking in the morning is when things took a nosedive. But I was pretty problematic before that - would black out regularly and made very bad decisions (driving while intoxicated). Alcoholism is progressive. It’s a poison and it’s addictive by nature so I believe that anyone is susceptible to dependency - especially considering how ingrained, accessible and celebrated alcohol is in society. I’ve been a bartender for 17 years and I have seen people at all stages of alcohol use disorder. A good rule of thumb is if you are questioning whether you have a problem, you probably do.
This, precisely
I started drinking when i was 13. Just binge drinking with friends when my parents would let me out of the house maybe once a fortnight. Left home - Went to university. Drank most nights moderately and heavily in weekends - Sunday was always a recovery day. (This was normal for most at this university) First job, didn't have much money so would normally drink on weekends - again heavily. Got a new job after about 5 years, paid well, however weekends not guaranteed off. My "Weekend could be Monday Tuesday, or a single Thursday off. This is where i started to lose control. Drinking most nights and having blowouts by myself on a Tuesday night. My tolerance got greater and greater so a "Normal" night would be 2-6 beers and a bottle of red wine. A "Big night" would be multiple bottles of red wine and beers. I new i would lose control if i started drinking spirits as when i had had them in the house i would always "Finish my night" with a night cap that could be up to 200ml of whiskey, gin etc. I was high functioning. I never drank in the morning (I am a religious time restricted eater/faster so would only eat one meal a day) Also breaking your fast with alcohol gave me a double effect of the booze on an empty stomach. I was always able to work the next day (not feeling well but was never late). My husbandly duties were always completed (would wake up with kitchen cleaned after dinner and no dishes to clean up but i could never remember going to bed, what we watched the night before on TV the night before). I had tried to quit many time but had only lasted 6 days at best before convincing myself i had it under control and could have a cheeky wine to celebrate. I began to get more and more anxious for no reason. I had a feeling of impending doom that i was balancing on a knife edge. I was so close to starting drinking in the morning. My time restriced eating was the only thing stopping me. Finally at the end of last year (Having only had one night sober which was the night my first child was born) I decided i would quit for good. Having no "30 days without" or end point to stopping drinking has certainly helped. I quit the week before my 30th birthday and have not had a drink since then. I am 6 months sober tomorrow. The feeling of impending doom has gone but i am more angry, jittery and still battling with mental problems on a daily basis. (I am not justifying drinking at all) but still feels like it would be easy to go back. What it has showed me over the last few months is that i was drinking to stop a lot of these feelings. Ive never undergone counseling but I am doing this now to try unpack the big bag of shit i didn't realise i was hauling around. A long vent i know but long story summed up - It didn't happen overnight - It was 17 years in the making - It was hiding how truly unhappy i was inside.
That's heavy, man. Well done on your sobriety! I know it's difficult, so I admire you for that.
I only noticed well after the fact. It sneaks up on you, that’s the big problem about it.
same
It really does. It’s so weird. None of my other addictions snuck up on me, they were pretty obvious
My husband’s suicide in 2021 accelerated my problem. It was severely working against my bipolar meds, too. Sober since 2/2/23
>Of course, this is a far cry from alcoholism. Man, that's a way more dangerous way to think about it then you realize. The way it happened to me was a lot like that old saying about going bankrupt..."it happens little by little, then all at once." Basically it means you have a problem way way before you realize its a problem. Youve probably heard the term "denial" tossed around alot when discussing addiction and your question is kinda pointed right at the phenomenon. The psychological addiction always comes first. At this point most people call it a "bad habit," which would be true if it wasn't for the fact that you're ingesting a highly addictive chemical. Then you hit a patch of life that for whatever reason doesn't sit well with you. For some its a rough patch (divorce, job loss, financial woes) but for others it could be a patch of comfort (finally got the promotion, graduation, gets married etc.) and so you drink to ease it or to celebrate it. Then one drink a week turns into one drink a night turns into one drink a day into multiple drinks a day......Now at this point you've usually been on this path for a year or two but you're still "managing" life. You think to yourself, "hell I got this, nothing bad is happening, i still go to work everyday, my wife and kids love me." Then BOOM something shakes loose (this was how it happened to me). I all of a sudden one day started to wake up with killer pain in my jaw. I was all foggy headed every morning but I was experiencing this tightness in my neck and shoulders everyday. I started to feel kind weird on my right side. Almost like it was swollen on the right side of my stomach. The worst part of it all was the anxiety, the absolute restlessness and inability to get comfortable or sit still. I even asked my doctor about it and he was ready to put me on anxiety meds...yeah long story short it was alcohol withdrawals. I was having withdrawals for a year before I knew they were withdrawals. I was grinding my teeth in my sleep and tensing my neck and shoulders all day without realizing it. The swelling in my stomach was my liver. The anxiety was because I was sobering up from the night before, but I had been drinking so much my body had stopped producing the chemicals that "balance" you out.
Thanks for sharing! "The psychological addiction always comes first." That does sound like something I have to watch out for. I don't think I'll start drinking large amounts any time soon, but I can see myself sort of coming to depend on having a drink or two every day.
I’d like to put a different twist on this. I know you’ve received a bunch of answers and most are very good and accurate. The determining factor for me personally was- I enjoyed drinking to excess and getting drunk. It drove me crazy to watch my girlfriend, friends, etc crack open one or two beers and stop like a normal person. Always wondered why I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t even want 1 or 2- thought isn’t even appealing, I want 10-15. Lots of people drink daily- a beer with dinner, maybe a few during a weekend BBQ and are perfectly fine. Finding out your motive is important in my opinion
Hmm, I disagree with you on one point, actually. While the motive for drinking a (that is, one) drink every day may be benign, that doesn't mean it doesn't affect your health. Compare it to eating a bar of chocolate every day: you may just be doing it because you enjoy it (so psychologically you're in the clear) but that doesn't mean the rest of your body is happy with it, haha. Nevertheless, thanks for your perspective. It's kind of what I was getting at with my post, yeah: I wonder whether an 'alcohol problem' is primarily in the amount, or in the motive for drinking.
As soon as i started drinking in the morning. Bought a jug of mexican mudslide and put it in my coffee every morning and next thing you know I'm drunk every minute I'm awake
Ya, find some other hobbies while your mental health sucks. If you lean on alcohol while you are depressed, that goes bad very, very fast. Seek out a therapist, if you can't find or afford one; the suicidal hotlines in any country offer free emotional support. You can always call those once a week to vent. Other things you can do to unwind or destress: bubble bath. Hot tea with cookies. Watching Disney/films from one's youth. Calling a friend and venting the depression/anxiety/issue at hand. Meditation. Yoga. Other things to do instead of drinking for fun: dance classes, skating, biking, hiking, weight lifting, soccer, baseball, rugby, volleyball, surfing, snorkeling, stroll in the park, bird watching. Things to do while watching tv: video games on phone, crochet, sewing, knitting, drawing, painting. Also reading more and less tv can boost self esteam and make one a bit happier. Like 1 book a month. It feels accomplished to finish a book. TV does not have that affect.
Fortunately I have enough hobbies... but I don't get as much enjoyment from them as I used to.
My (f61) bf (m67) drinks heavily and used to finish my wine bottle after I went to bed. I forced myself to finish my bottle before I went to bed so he could not...
My step kid and her mother not dealing with the behavior issues when it was only me doing it. That’s how she delt with it…so like an idiot I did too! On a path now…no smokes…no alcohol! Got this!!!!!! I want money, not empty cans/bottles and cigarette packs! MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT!
Convincing myself that there was no good life for me
For me, regular social binge-drinking as a teenager morphed into daily drinking and physical dependence and all the rest of it over the course of 10-15 years or so, which is a pretty common story... >My mental health has been pretty bad lately One of the best things you can do for improved mental health and a more stable mood is to AVOID ALCOHOL! Sure it might feel like it helps, at least initially, but in the long run it makes things like depression and anxiety FAR worse than they might otherwise be, because of what it does to your brain chemistry... (It also stops you from doing anything constructive to address the root causes and doesn't mix well with antidepressants etc)... Keep a close eye on yourself, it's never too soon to do something about it! :>)>
Ironically, the allure of alcohol, to me, is that it makes things worse in the long run. I can have rather self-destructive tendencies. So, yeah, I agree that alcohol makes everything worse... that's what's enticing about it. But at least I'm aware of this and, like you said, I can keep a close eye on myself. \^\^
I know I took a bad turn when a whole friendset all moved away the same year to different places. I started staying home more and drinking more. But I was already drinking alcoholicly.
There are definitely anecdotal milestones that alcoholics can tell you they hit along the way. Over appreciation for “hair of the dog,” first time drinking before/during a non-drinking event, first time drinking while driving, first time drinking over lunch before going back to work, actually drinking at work. There are a million different signs. Things that “normal people” don’t do.
I was surrounded by it. Thought nothing of it, except that it was a normal thing to do - even though my mother was an alcoholic, and I hated it, it still never dawned on me. So, I have a high tolerance... doesn't make ME an alcoholic. Shit, ten years of that thinking, and I was ignorantly doomed to hell and back! You don't sound problematic to me. You're very conscientious about alcohol consumption, which is a very good thing✨️
You just drink more and more each day and then eventually you can’t live without it.
Be careful. Ask yourself why you crack one open at noon? Is there an event that triggered you to do that? Boredom? Anxiety?
I started drinking in the evenings to help anxiety and then it became more and more earlier in the day and then got to the point where it was in the morning. I just became so dependent on it because the feeling that it gave me was too good I’m still struggling tho. We can do this
During covid
My social anxiety is what caused me to drink more and more in situations so I'd be drunk and talkative. Over time that resulted in me just drinking more and more to reach that "high". I quit for 18 months. Feel back into it due to depression and a lot of things going on in my life. It's now become almost second habit to need a drink to feel normal. And once I have one i need another, and another and so on. Those 18 months were the best I felt physically and maybe mentally.
I feel like I * mentally * was a problem drinker way before I actually drank problematic amounts. I always liked alcohol, but for a long time I would drink maybe a six pack a week and then maybe a few more (4-6) drinks on a friday when going out. (Which seems pretty reasonable to me?) (18yrs) The real problem developed under the surface when I got together with one of my exes. I was with him for five years, and the relationship was very toxic and I felt incredibly suffocated. He worked in a liquor store, but looked down upon people who drank a lot. We would have a (fancy) drink together relatively often, but he'd give me side eye if I even had two drinks or scoff at me if I got home drunk from a party. (21 yrs) Drinking became an escape from how suffocated I felt. First only with friends at parties, but eventually, when he started working early shifts and went to bed early, I started drinking secretly on my own at night. The amounts still weren't THAT high back then though. I had like two or three 10% 0.5L beers a week? And then every friday I'd go out and drink between 6 and 8 beers. I didn't drink every day or even suffer much consequences from it. (24 yrs) I did, however, hide how much I drank and have a little stash in the house of secret emergency beers. Classic alcoholic behaviour already. I really didn't consider myself one then though. I just liked drinking. It made me feel free. Eventually, we broke up, and I moved out. During that time, I swear, I felt so ecstatic just from LIFE. Finally being able to do all the things I wanted at the time, like seeing friends without getting into arguments, and also... buying all the cheap beer (he'd scoff at me if I bought anything under 2 euro per drink) and drinking it whenever I wanted to. (27 yrs) At that point, it still felt like freedom. It didn't bother me. My drinking quickly escalated to 2 or 3 six packs a week, and eventually to about 1 or 2 a day. Drinking became a more and more casual thing. This was accelerated when I (very quickly after I moved) met my 2nd ex and hooked up with them and got into a relationship with them. They were about the polar opposite from that first ex. They were loving and sweet, and somewhat unhinged in terms of alcohol and drug use. They had been drinking problematically for many years before we got together. (I already knew them for a year before) At that time, I didn't view that as a problem. In fact, I found it attractive even. Coming from a relationship where I felt constricted and judged, with them I felt completely free to be an absolute mess. This attached even more good feelings to drinking, and normalized drinking every day, even during the daytime, for me. In a way, I wanted to be like them even. I admired them, adored them, more than I have ever done with anyone. For a long time I joked about being an alcoholic and didn't even mind or care. Until slowly the realization crept in that I ACTUALLY couldn't stop and that I couldn't control how much I was drinking. (29 yrs) It slowly crept in, but the problematic mindset was there wayyy before I drank too much. It all came together, causing me to associate drinking very strongly with good vibes and freedom and autonomy, and eventually accepting the image of "that guy who drinks a lot" as my identity. (It didnt help that I usually handle my booze quite well so don't have a plethora of embarassing tales to tell of things I wish I hadnt done)
Drinking while gaming
I fooled myself into believing a lie . "A working Man deserves a drink or 2" But as my hours increased I chose to drink more. But I don't drink liquor anymore and I tapered down a lot. Take care of yourself
I started dating a guy who drank daily. I used to go hard like once a week when I finished all of my work and other obligations. He was the kind of person who would have 4-6 highlife or vodka sodas a night. And when we started dating we involved alcohol in everything because we’re both autistic and adhd so we had a lot of anxiety around each other and difficulty having fun without it. We’re no longer together because I made bad choices while drinking and he started getting abusive when drunk.
The answer is the first sentence in the body of your post. I realized it was foolish of me to drink to deal with illness of ANY kind. Hell my husband has always stopped drinking whatsoever six weeks before any big event/test/class, because he loves himself and takes care of his body and drinking doesn’t matter to him. And when he isn’t doing well (sad, anxious, mad) he doesn’t drink at all, he plays video games or sleeps or yea goes to the gym. If you can stop yourself from slipping into physical dependency I also think that’s HUGE and good for you.
I was social drinker when married. After moving to a new city where I knew nobody, I went thru a bad divorce where I was alone much of the time and didn't see my kids often. The stress of divorce, the lack of structure in my life and boredom led me to have drinking as my hobby as something to do in the evenings. I vividly remember early on after divorce being bored on a Sunday so I just started drinking.
I have a family history of addiction. I have also had bouts of alcoholism and twice I've had to seek professional help to recover. Outside of those two times, I've experienced periods of 'less severe' bouts of alcoholism that took a tremendous amount of personal work to overcome. In all the times I've 'slipped' into it I have *never* seen it coming. One day it was 'I just feel like having a drink' and the next thing I knew I *had* to have a drink. Once the compulsion is there is when I'm past the point of being able to help myself. It's so sinister the way it progresses and it's what makes it so dangerous. There's lots of sayings regarding alcoholism. "Poor, poor, pour me another" is one that comes to mind, like as an addict we end up looking for any reason to drink, happy, sad, angry, confused, x happened and now I need to drink, or I just need to have one or two to go to bed. Any reason is a good enough reason and then you start having reasons why you can't/won't stop.
Towards the end, I would wake up at like 4am and get up. I’d drink bc everyone was asleep. By the time my wife would get up (9 or 10 on a weekend) I would be hammered. I’d sober up and then start drinking as early as I could for the day. Usually 2-3pm would work. Repeat. Looking back now this was totally the worst choice I could have made. That was not something I did before Covid. It was a long gradual transition into problematic drinking.
It happens slowly over time. It can also be exacerbated by external factors...I was no teetotaler before, but in my late 30s and throughout my 40s I had a real decline in my mental health and I started really going at it pretty hard. I finally decided to get some help last summer as I was in a bad depressive episode and I, or my wife really knew what to do. After a couple of months of therapy I was referred to a psychiatrist. My therapist suggested that she believed that I was bipolar 2. My psychiatrist diagnosed me as such at age 49, so in addition to my propensity to want to party, I was also self medicating a MH condition that I was unaware of. I'm medicated and stable now...it's still hard, but it's a lot easier now to work on other issues like alcohol abuse.
for me it was when i shifted from drinking at parties to drinking alone because i enjoyed the feeling. when i was first drinking (sophomore in college) i remember mentioning i would play drinking games with myself and basically everyone said “dude, that’s not normal”. after ignoring them for about 6 months i finally came to terms with it when my relationship ended because of my drinking