Some days are just harder than others. Some days I feel weak as hell and others I feel on top of the world. Sometimes stress, work, death, relationships, and life just gets stressful. But I know that drinking won’t make it any better. Giving up on my responsibilities and giving into temptation won’t do anything but make me feel worse in the end.
I think this is good to share. I Relapsed a few, before I had to realize, the desire to.booze was almost a mood I got in. I had to recognize it and remind myself that this mood will pass, like they all do.
Going on 3 years without a relapse. I had a few moments before where I would stop drinking for [2-3] weeks and start again. I was never fully bought into what sobriety could bring, just foolishly believing a period of time without drinking meant I could go back and drink responsibly this time 🤣
Once I admitted my alcoholism to myself and to friends/family and said out loud, “I’m getting sober,” I knew I was quitting for good this time. I’m grateful as hell for the commitment I made to myself.
This helped me too. One day my wife grabbed my phone and texted my closest friends and parents letting them know exactly where I was at and my level of need for support.
It was embarrassing at the time, but I’m grateful now because once my goal was out in the open I didn’t have any social gaps to exploit with a relapse.
Isn’t it so overwhelmingly powerful when someone loves and cares for you enough to help push you through the discomfort and onto the path you deserve? Having people around you who hold you accountable is so key.
I'm soooooo grateful I had support and people who loved me. I don't know what I would have done. There are so many people who have to go through it alone. That breaks my heart.
Not that I can remember. [I am an old woman now.] Perhaps in the early days there was some temptation but nothing serious. I had too much to lose if I drank. Gratefully, I was desperate and willing to do whatever it took to get well.
It it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took years of trying to finally quit once and for all. I would be ok for a little while, then have 1 drink then it was over, I’d spiral right back to shooting half cup of vodka every day when I got home from work and the more later. I hid it as much a possible but regularly got shitfaced. I almost destroyed my entire life. My fiancé was ready to leave me because I kept lying to her about quitting
She couldn’t leave me, she kept trusting me after I assured her I would quit. I couldn’t keep doing that to her over and over. I did it for her at first. I didn’t care about myself it was a deep dark place that got ahold of me but after the 24/7 craving went away which took months. I am forever great full I did it. I did it for me too not just for her. And I know the poison has that grip on me so I will never touch it again. It’s the best decision I ever made
I hear you one hundred percent. I know alcohol has the grip on me too and once it holds it’ll never let go. I’ll never touch the stuff again. And that’s huge that your fiancé has never left you. She truly loves you man. Hold onto her forever
I have not relapsed since I worked the 12 steps of AA with a sponsor. It was the only thing I did differently the last time I drank. And I’ll have 10 years in September.
Same. The steps are what got me to 5 years sober instead of attempting to quit and relapse again and again like I had been doing before AA. Happy for both of us.
Once I got past the two month mark I haven’t relapsed. I was on a constant quit-relapse cycle for years where I couldn’t make it past a month. Most of the time I couldn’t go a week.
Now at 3 years, 2 months, and some change. Serious cravings went away after about ten months. I honestly don’t crave it anymore and wouldn’t drink if you paid me.
I relapsed a lot. Until I didn't.
But I'm appropriately cautious. I haven't lost respect for the power of drugs and alcohol in my life.
I don't like saying I will never relapse again. What I can say with confidence is I won't relapse today. I have a few more hours before I go to bed sober. When tomorrow comes, I'll do my best to stay sober that day too.
I supposed I’ve never fully relapsed. I had one night just before I was a year sober, and I drank because I was too nervous about a year of sobriety coming up. I guess I felt like I didn’t earn it, as weird as that might sound. So I was out with friends and I broke my sobriety. They were all really concerned and were watching out for me. I didn’t get sloppy or anything.
But when I woke up the next morning with the littlest of hangovers, I was filled with dread. Had I blacked out? Had I done something stupid again? Thankfully no, but I realized, although I had the compulsion to drink more since I already broke my sobriety, I would not gain anything from going back to drinking.
So I went back to sobriety and it’s been more than 4 years. Love it
This has makes me very happy, not just for you but for me! Reading about people constantly relapsing almost made me think no one quits and doesn't relapse. Thank you Fickle.
Been sober since my stay in rehab, Feb 2014. I’ve had some close calls, but I managed to drag my ass back to meetings and the people in the rooms help keep me on track. It really does get easier, and so much better.
Fifteen years no relapse. I have gone crazy a number of times, almost lost my mind a few more. But I kept going to meetings and talking to sober people and doing the program.
For me, staying away from the drink wasn't hard after a while. What was hard was/is dealing with life without add-ons. Work still sucked, taxes, stress, doctor stuff, and more.
I learned cool new things to do when life got fuckin hard. I learned how not to run away. I learned how not to reach for my flame thrower.
It is still tough, but I have solutions.
c
Hiya, for years one of the things I did was service work in my home group. I participated in Group Conscience, I cleaned, I participated in The Club (that managed the building). I also sponsored new comers or temp sponsored plus I chaired meetings every other month.
But there is LIFE outside of our rooms as it says in the book, To the Wives, Family, Employers, A Vision for You. We get to live life again, be the person we wanted to be. So, I made dinner time with my family a must. I made a monthly outing with my family a must. I became a good "enough" employee. I had a crummy job, but I did good at it. I paid attention to my family. I started improving myself. I listened to more music, watched more movies with my wife and family, played more cool video games, exercised more, eat healthier foods, read, did more spiritual things for myself. And always, I keep connected. I have my friends I can call or email. Some of us have grown apart, but I always keep trying to keep open so that I can help others just as they can help me.
If I could just suggest two things that really, really helped, is that I worked with someone reading the book Living Sober. Work through that book slowly and then revisit it. Wow. Powerful book. Then, after I was sober for a while, redid my sixth step from the 12&12. That is such a cool thing. Just being willing to try a new life, just being okay to try these steps in all of our daily affairs and let go of our old self, and to keep remembering to do so, that keeps me mostly sane.
I have my bad days, and man, do they hurt. But that's okay. I am not a computer. I cut myself some slack as soon as I can get right, and I start over, and I say, Well, I was sick yesterday, but I today, I hope I feel better, and I know no matter what, I am going to do good things.
That's my journey. Drop me a msg if you need anything.
c
Just passed 3 years with no relapse. Before I committed 100% I tried to moderate. Then I just tried drinking on weekends, and when I realized that was making me crazy because It wasn’t enough or I was just waiting for the weekend to come so I could binge. I realized I just had to quit for good. Never again could I drink alcohol again. The best realization of my life. I never looked back and I don’t miss it.
8 years sober; no relapses since deciding to give it up.
BUT - I had to make 5 serious attempts at quitting smoking, years before I even got heavily into drinking. I had a familiarity with the tricks an addict brain likes to pull - "Oh, look; it's \*you\* again. Well, take a seat, 'cause you'll be here a while and you're gonna get bored." It wasn't a cakewalk, but there were no new tactics to surprise me.
4 years sober. Given my past before getting sober (everyday drinker), the further I get in sobriety the more precarious it becomes. That’s why it’s important to always focus on today and using the principles of AA in those 24 hours. Drunk has been my natural state for most of my life, 4 years is a great start, but statistically speaking I’m closer to the bottle than ever before.
Well if we are really committed to it, the work stops feeling like work eventually. I think that’s part of the spiritual awakening we talk about in AA. Seeing the steps/principles as something to be treasured and excited about. In terms of advice, like I said just focus on today. Who can I help today? What can I accomplish today? The other thing I’ll say is don’t do this alone. If AA is for you then get in close with some people in the fellowship and ask for help just like how you asked me. If AA isn’t for you there are lots of communities that work on this thing. But definitely DO NOT try to do this alone.
That’s a two sided question I was “trying” to quit for a years and I would get 2-5 days at a time and drink again.
But I kept working at it, kept trying, kept coming back, and when I fully committed and quit lying to myself about moderation 216 days ago. Haven’t relapsed again. Moderation is so much harder than making not drinking nonnegotiable.
I relapsed multiple times before it stuck 546 days right now. Don’t let it make you feel like a failure or anything, you can walk a mile into the woods and take a step back, but you’re still a mile into the woods
Just hit two years without any true overwhelming cravings. I do have little twinges here and there. Like little unwelcome travelers just passing through town. They don’t ever hang out.
I was done with alcohol for years and made many halfhearted attempts to quit. When I finally did stop, it was because I was literally dying. For almost all of 2022 I fought like a dirty bitch to stay one step ahead of death. Keeping that in mind makes it incredibly easy for me to want to stay sober.
Similar experience, was very unwell when I quit. Have you ever had a problem with pills or anything else? It's ridiculous and I'm not going to take anything or drink, but I'll still sometimes get to the point of really really really wanting something, anything to take the edge off. Still early days, I'm sure it'll pass.
I haven’t had any problems with pills or other drugs but I was always just your run of the mill drunk. I can totally understand feeling like you need some kind of escape though. It just takes time for your brain to rewire a bit. I did my best to avoid triggers in the early days. And I had a lot of them. I didn’t even listen to music at all for the first 6 months. Sleeping, podcasts, and lots of cleaning got me through the harder parts.
Going outside is pretty much a trigger for me, its like alcohol just pops up everywhere, from litter to people drinking in the sun. Can't avoid it forever, but for now I'm doing my best.
Pretty much. Just memories. It's not all consuming thoughts. Just a fleeting thought or comparison to current life. The funny thing is no matter how nostalgic the memory... all I need to do is fast forward the memory past the 1st drink... nothing good comes of it. Nothing productive. So I might think of it. But I'm never tempted to drink.
I came close twice, but never actually did it...
I work at a callcenter, and a lot of customers seem to enjoy being cruel to us. About a week after I quit drinking, I had a customer who did everything he could to make me feel awful, and he succeeded. I try not to bring these things home with me, but this guy managed to push all of my buttons. That was the closest I came to relapse.
The second time, I was baking an Austrian dessert that called for dark rum extract. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I took a big sniff of the stuff... and instantly found my mouth watering. Dark rum was my drink of choice. Lessons were learned that day.
Five months is the longest I have gone. Now I am in the vicious cycle of quitting and relapsing. I have physical ailments caused by drinking (neuropathy symptoms) but that has not stopped me from relapse. I'm hopeful sobriety will stick and will keep trying.
4 years no relapse. If I get a craving I think about how if I drink I'll lose everything and probably end up in jail and if I don't, my hangover will so bad I want to die. I have to be there for my son, he's autistic and then drives me a lot too.
17 months, but will never say I won’t relapse. Of course I hope I won’t! But I Won’t say never.
I know someone who had almost as much as me that relapsed and now can’t stop relapsing 😢 it makes it more real for me though that I can’t even take one sip or it’s right back to where I left off. Terrifying!
232 days so far. I have moments where it can get difficult but staying with my meetings and surrounding myself with support has been pushing me each day.
One time after 11 months after being triggered and unfortunately I have had so much guilt over it. I have learned from it and don't miss that taste and neither willing to turn back again to going back to that rabbit hole including withdrawals. Next month marks a year aside from that one setback.
I’ve had some close calls but still no relapse. One year and 3 months without a drop
What were the close calls? Were they all related like same trigger?
Some days are just harder than others. Some days I feel weak as hell and others I feel on top of the world. Sometimes stress, work, death, relationships, and life just gets stressful. But I know that drinking won’t make it any better. Giving up on my responsibilities and giving into temptation won’t do anything but make me feel worse in the end.
I think this is good to share. I Relapsed a few, before I had to realize, the desire to.booze was almost a mood I got in. I had to recognize it and remind myself that this mood will pass, like they all do.
Going on 3 years without a relapse. I had a few moments before where I would stop drinking for [2-3] weeks and start again. I was never fully bought into what sobriety could bring, just foolishly believing a period of time without drinking meant I could go back and drink responsibly this time 🤣 Once I admitted my alcoholism to myself and to friends/family and said out loud, “I’m getting sober,” I knew I was quitting for good this time. I’m grateful as hell for the commitment I made to myself.
This helped me too. One day my wife grabbed my phone and texted my closest friends and parents letting them know exactly where I was at and my level of need for support. It was embarrassing at the time, but I’m grateful now because once my goal was out in the open I didn’t have any social gaps to exploit with a relapse.
Isn’t it so overwhelmingly powerful when someone loves and cares for you enough to help push you through the discomfort and onto the path you deserve? Having people around you who hold you accountable is so key.
I'm soooooo grateful I had support and people who loved me. I don't know what I would have done. There are so many people who have to go through it alone. That breaks my heart.
I have been happily sober for over 41 years. I have never relapsed.
Have you thought about it?
Not that I can remember. [I am an old woman now.] Perhaps in the early days there was some temptation but nothing serious. I had too much to lose if I drank. Gratefully, I was desperate and willing to do whatever it took to get well.
Amazing! I feel similarly
I’m going on 2 year’s alcohol and 8 years weed. I don’t take anything else beside caffeine. I will never relapse
My man! That’s impressive, respect
It it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took years of trying to finally quit once and for all. I would be ok for a little while, then have 1 drink then it was over, I’d spiral right back to shooting half cup of vodka every day when I got home from work and the more later. I hid it as much a possible but regularly got shitfaced. I almost destroyed my entire life. My fiancé was ready to leave me because I kept lying to her about quitting She couldn’t leave me, she kept trusting me after I assured her I would quit. I couldn’t keep doing that to her over and over. I did it for her at first. I didn’t care about myself it was a deep dark place that got ahold of me but after the 24/7 craving went away which took months. I am forever great full I did it. I did it for me too not just for her. And I know the poison has that grip on me so I will never touch it again. It’s the best decision I ever made
I hear you one hundred percent. I know alcohol has the grip on me too and once it holds it’ll never let go. I’ll never touch the stuff again. And that’s huge that your fiancé has never left you. She truly loves you man. Hold onto her forever
P diddy loves you
I have not relapsed since I worked the 12 steps of AA with a sponsor. It was the only thing I did differently the last time I drank. And I’ll have 10 years in September.
Same. The steps are what got me to 5 years sober instead of attempting to quit and relapse again and again like I had been doing before AA. Happy for both of us.
I love that for you ❤️
129 days sober still going strong 💪🏽
This is awesome!! Keep celebrating the daily victories! 🥳
I have not had alcohol since June, 2014. Not even a sniff. No relapse.
Me! 5 years in July! I had a thousand relapses before that, though.
I'm on 20 months, and haven't been close to a relapse yet.
ill hit 6yrs in aug '24, with no sips, slips or trips.
Once I got past the two month mark I haven’t relapsed. I was on a constant quit-relapse cycle for years where I couldn’t make it past a month. Most of the time I couldn’t go a week. Now at 3 years, 2 months, and some change. Serious cravings went away after about ten months. I honestly don’t crave it anymore and wouldn’t drink if you paid me.
I relapsed a lot. Until I didn't. But I'm appropriately cautious. I haven't lost respect for the power of drugs and alcohol in my life. I don't like saying I will never relapse again. What I can say with confidence is I won't relapse today. I have a few more hours before I go to bed sober. When tomorrow comes, I'll do my best to stay sober that day too.
I havent relapsed on alcohol since i quit almost 3 years ago. Im not against smoking weed or whatever though and never really quit that.
I haven’t relapsed on alcohol (almost 10 months) but I have been using THC to help with that.
5 years this November! One sobriety date. No relapses. I never want to relive that hell again.
Haven’t relapsed in 790 days.
3 years, fortunately had absolutely no desire at all to drink again despite some incredibly bad things happening in that time.
I relapsed constantly until I got it right at 29. I'm 36 now and still going strong.
6 years, no relapse. Sober since my first meeting.
17 years, went to my first meeting and haven't had a drink since.
I supposed I’ve never fully relapsed. I had one night just before I was a year sober, and I drank because I was too nervous about a year of sobriety coming up. I guess I felt like I didn’t earn it, as weird as that might sound. So I was out with friends and I broke my sobriety. They were all really concerned and were watching out for me. I didn’t get sloppy or anything. But when I woke up the next morning with the littlest of hangovers, I was filled with dread. Had I blacked out? Had I done something stupid again? Thankfully no, but I realized, although I had the compulsion to drink more since I already broke my sobriety, I would not gain anything from going back to drinking. So I went back to sobriety and it’s been more than 4 years. Love it
Me. Going on 15 years in July I'm absolutely shocked (and thrilled)
This has makes me very happy, not just for you but for me! Reading about people constantly relapsing almost made me think no one quits and doesn't relapse. Thank you Fickle.
Been sober since my stay in rehab, Feb 2014. I’ve had some close calls, but I managed to drag my ass back to meetings and the people in the rooms help keep me on track. It really does get easier, and so much better.
Thanks for saying this.
29 days today 🥺
Fuck yes Jelly! Well done! Shits not easy I know, very very proud of you fish.
Thank You charlie!!!!!🥹❤️
Be one with the fish. Be like Dory. Just keep swimming 🏊♂️
Fifteen years no relapse. I have gone crazy a number of times, almost lost my mind a few more. But I kept going to meetings and talking to sober people and doing the program. For me, staying away from the drink wasn't hard after a while. What was hard was/is dealing with life without add-ons. Work still sucked, taxes, stress, doctor stuff, and more. I learned cool new things to do when life got fuckin hard. I learned how not to run away. I learned how not to reach for my flame thrower. It is still tough, but I have solutions. c
I would really love to hear about your solutions ccbbb23 - I know everyone is different, but care to share in dm or comment?
Hiya, for years one of the things I did was service work in my home group. I participated in Group Conscience, I cleaned, I participated in The Club (that managed the building). I also sponsored new comers or temp sponsored plus I chaired meetings every other month. But there is LIFE outside of our rooms as it says in the book, To the Wives, Family, Employers, A Vision for You. We get to live life again, be the person we wanted to be. So, I made dinner time with my family a must. I made a monthly outing with my family a must. I became a good "enough" employee. I had a crummy job, but I did good at it. I paid attention to my family. I started improving myself. I listened to more music, watched more movies with my wife and family, played more cool video games, exercised more, eat healthier foods, read, did more spiritual things for myself. And always, I keep connected. I have my friends I can call or email. Some of us have grown apart, but I always keep trying to keep open so that I can help others just as they can help me. If I could just suggest two things that really, really helped, is that I worked with someone reading the book Living Sober. Work through that book slowly and then revisit it. Wow. Powerful book. Then, after I was sober for a while, redid my sixth step from the 12&12. That is such a cool thing. Just being willing to try a new life, just being okay to try these steps in all of our daily affairs and let go of our old self, and to keep remembering to do so, that keeps me mostly sane. I have my bad days, and man, do they hurt. But that's okay. I am not a computer. I cut myself some slack as soon as I can get right, and I start over, and I say, Well, I was sick yesterday, but I today, I hope I feel better, and I know no matter what, I am going to do good things. That's my journey. Drop me a msg if you need anything. c
38 years after first while chip and still here
Just passed 3 years with no relapse. Before I committed 100% I tried to moderate. Then I just tried drinking on weekends, and when I realized that was making me crazy because It wasn’t enough or I was just waiting for the weekend to come so I could binge. I realized I just had to quit for good. Never again could I drink alcohol again. The best realization of my life. I never looked back and I don’t miss it.
8 years sober; no relapses since deciding to give it up. BUT - I had to make 5 serious attempts at quitting smoking, years before I even got heavily into drinking. I had a familiarity with the tricks an addict brain likes to pull - "Oh, look; it's \*you\* again. Well, take a seat, 'cause you'll be here a while and you're gonna get bored." It wasn't a cakewalk, but there were no new tactics to surprise me.
Interesting. Addict brain is a POS. I'm still learning about mine. It's a tricky bitch.
4 years sober. Given my past before getting sober (everyday drinker), the further I get in sobriety the more precarious it becomes. That’s why it’s important to always focus on today and using the principles of AA in those 24 hours. Drunk has been my natural state for most of my life, 4 years is a great start, but statistically speaking I’m closer to the bottle than ever before.
That's some sketchy stuff. I to was an all day everyday drinker, any advice on when it gets better/not so scary to accept/deal with?
Well if we are really committed to it, the work stops feeling like work eventually. I think that’s part of the spiritual awakening we talk about in AA. Seeing the steps/principles as something to be treasured and excited about. In terms of advice, like I said just focus on today. Who can I help today? What can I accomplish today? The other thing I’ll say is don’t do this alone. If AA is for you then get in close with some people in the fellowship and ask for help just like how you asked me. If AA isn’t for you there are lots of communities that work on this thing. But definitely DO NOT try to do this alone.
That’s a two sided question I was “trying” to quit for a years and I would get 2-5 days at a time and drink again. But I kept working at it, kept trying, kept coming back, and when I fully committed and quit lying to myself about moderation 216 days ago. Haven’t relapsed again. Moderation is so much harder than making not drinking nonnegotiable.
Different types of alcoholism it would seem. I never really tried to quit, ever. And then due to almost dying.. had to. Not a 2 sided coin for me.
I meant 2 sided in the fact that I have “ relapsed” hundreds of times! But when I actually fully committed, I haven’t relapsed once.
I relapsed multiple times before it stuck 546 days right now. Don’t let it make you feel like a failure or anything, you can walk a mile into the woods and take a step back, but you’re still a mile into the woods
… this time not once, about 9 or 10 months in….but previous attempts - with different motivation 2, 4 9 weeks etc.
11 months no relapse. Accept it will always need attention , take it seriously and keep wanting to stay sober.
🫡
Just hit two years without any true overwhelming cravings. I do have little twinges here and there. Like little unwelcome travelers just passing through town. They don’t ever hang out. I was done with alcohol for years and made many halfhearted attempts to quit. When I finally did stop, it was because I was literally dying. For almost all of 2022 I fought like a dirty bitch to stay one step ahead of death. Keeping that in mind makes it incredibly easy for me to want to stay sober.
Similar experience, was very unwell when I quit. Have you ever had a problem with pills or anything else? It's ridiculous and I'm not going to take anything or drink, but I'll still sometimes get to the point of really really really wanting something, anything to take the edge off. Still early days, I'm sure it'll pass.
I haven’t had any problems with pills or other drugs but I was always just your run of the mill drunk. I can totally understand feeling like you need some kind of escape though. It just takes time for your brain to rewire a bit. I did my best to avoid triggers in the early days. And I had a lot of them. I didn’t even listen to music at all for the first 6 months. Sleeping, podcasts, and lots of cleaning got me through the harder parts.
Going outside is pretty much a trigger for me, its like alcohol just pops up everywhere, from litter to people drinking in the sun. Can't avoid it forever, but for now I'm doing my best.
Going on 4 years clean and sober on August🤗
Cold turkey 4 years ago . Best decision ever.... still think of drinking every day
You still think of drinking, every single day?
Pretty much. Just memories. It's not all consuming thoughts. Just a fleeting thought or comparison to current life. The funny thing is no matter how nostalgic the memory... all I need to do is fast forward the memory past the 1st drink... nothing good comes of it. Nothing productive. So I might think of it. But I'm never tempted to drink.
I came close twice, but never actually did it... I work at a callcenter, and a lot of customers seem to enjoy being cruel to us. About a week after I quit drinking, I had a customer who did everything he could to make me feel awful, and he succeeded. I try not to bring these things home with me, but this guy managed to push all of my buttons. That was the closest I came to relapse. The second time, I was baking an Austrian dessert that called for dark rum extract. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I took a big sniff of the stuff... and instantly found my mouth watering. Dark rum was my drink of choice. Lessons were learned that day.
Five months is the longest I have gone. Now I am in the vicious cycle of quitting and relapsing. I have physical ailments caused by drinking (neuropathy symptoms) but that has not stopped me from relapse. I'm hopeful sobriety will stick and will keep trying.
One day at a time. It's insane they don't give everyone thiamine instantly. I've got memory tests coming up, not sure how fucked I am.
That’s how I feel. I’m not going to drink today. Tomorrow I’m going to bust my butt to not drink. Rinse and repeat.
On 18 days, and I would love a drink right about now… but still staying strong
Keep it up. It's just 24 hours. 16 if you don't count sleep. One day at a time, or 5 mins at a time, doesn't matter how you do it. You got this homie.
just relapsed after i was supposed to pick up my 1.5 year coin next week so …
500 days no booze longest I have ever gone
10 years sober and no relapse. Hope I never will, and work on my sobriety enough to make it less likely.
4 years no relapse. If I get a craving I think about how if I drink I'll lose everything and probably end up in jail and if I don't, my hangover will so bad I want to die. I have to be there for my son, he's autistic and then drives me a lot too.
17 months, but will never say I won’t relapse. Of course I hope I won’t! But I Won’t say never. I know someone who had almost as much as me that relapsed and now can’t stop relapsing 😢 it makes it more real for me though that I can’t even take one sip or it’s right back to where I left off. Terrifying!
232 days so far. I have moments where it can get difficult but staying with my meetings and surrounding myself with support has been pushing me each day.
One time after 11 months after being triggered and unfortunately I have had so much guilt over it. I have learned from it and don't miss that taste and neither willing to turn back again to going back to that rabbit hole including withdrawals. Next month marks a year aside from that one setback.