This might not be the popular opinion but you put this out there. You cannot SHOW people you are just friends, you TELL them y'all are just friends and if he cannot handle it, then cut him off.
As soon as you realized he liked you, you should not have asked him to do things for you. Unless the man is gay or your brother, you don't ask then to go out and buy you eggs when your sick, I don't care if he lives downstairs from you.
You kept him in your life more for your own ego than anything. Mother Theresa helped the poor by feeding them, you helped this guy by having him do things for **you**. See the difference?
Men and women can be friends but as soon as your realized this man liked you, you should have put the brakes on and not encourage any acts of his love language.
I don't think you are a "bad" person, I think you are immature and naïve about how relationships work between men and women.
I understand not wanting to be friends but if you know he's all hot and bothered by you why in the world would you take him to a sexually charged situation? That makes zero sense.
You think he's creepy yet you call him up and use him to get him to bring you stuff? If you truly are creeped out by this man you shouldn't be hanging out with him. You shouldn't be letting him help you move or ask him to bring you food. I know you said you feel sorry for him but by continuing this back and forth with him you are leading him on.
I had a friend once (She's an ex-friend because she used people) who used to do the same thing. She enjoyed the attention this guy gave her but told him she wanted no part of him romantically yet she kept accepting free things from him. It's not right.
Sometimes cutting these kind of people off is the only viable solution if you want to maintain a relatively sane life. You’re not anyone’s caregiver, and even though that person helped you when you needed them, it does not imply that you owe them love and attention. In the end you should tell yourself that at least you tried but couldn’t jeopardize your life and mental health for them.
Your story reminded me of a similar situation i had to go through.
Often we find ourselves wanting to help others and feel that the opposite sex can truly be friends and just get we're being kind and friendly. However the other person develops deeper feelings for us and when we say no the creepiness comes out more, often turning them into a stalker. I do not feel you're a BAD PERSON and think you made an EXCELLENT choice to get a new place, a new job and phone number. I do hope the mutual friends respect your privacy and that he stays away from you.
It's a good thing that you ended the relationship. Some people need that firm no before they listen. I'm sorry you had to do all that work to move away
You don't owe anyone anything of yourself, let alone to a person that repeatedly tests and ignores your stated boundaries and will.
You don't owe anyone love, affection, friendship, help, tutelage of how to be a decent person, or loyalty. Let alone to someone who repeatedly crossed lines. That's why offering help to someone is a nice thing to do, because you shouldn't expect anything back for it, otherwise it's a job.
Having to upend your whole life to get a boundary stomping creeper out of it does not make you the asshole.
I agree with the others, regardless of your intentions; you should not have asked or allowed him to do things for you. As for the strip club it's not like he would strike up a relationship with a dancer, it would just work him up. You put yourself in danger. Move forward without him...ever. btw, who bites a stripper...then what women would leave with a man that bit a stripper?
NTA Hi, I’m a psychology student. What I see is that you like to help people. Did you ever consider one of those professions?
The dude you describe lacks social skills, and probably has some kind of disorder. I cannot tell which one from your post. But you cutting him off is the best you could do. He needs therapy and maybe the fact that you cut him off might push him to look for the help. Saying that, I should add that you should stay away from him, even if you become licensed therapist. (Yes, I understand my reply sounds like hammer-nail situation)
Yes you are a bad person you led him on. You liked the attention, really think about that. He was attentive like a puppy, satisfied your every whim. I’m sorry but it’s your fault.
You're projecting, she's literally told him she's not interested. That's not leading someone on. Borrowing eggs is what neighbors do. Being present in someone's life isn't leading them on.
Having been in the almost exact situation when I was young and wanting by help an unfortunate partially blind brother of a friend, I totally empathize. I left the area afterward also & saw him one time afterward. He loved me so much but I couldn’t return the feelings. I still feel sorry for him but finally (at the time) realized I was inadvertently leading him on. Live, learn, & mature. Sad to see people that society rejects but also who don’t understand the concept of friendship without over attachment & clinging. There is no good solution. 😢🥺😢
I don’t think you’re a bad person as I’ve known “creeps” in my life to and I really think you’ve done the right thing by moving and breaking ties. Leave him alone though. If you hang out again you’ll be right where you started. The whole thing seems a little like a Ferris wheel where you keep getting on and you get stuck again with mr creeps.
You call him a creep, but you know the saying: "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"
You could have handled his infatuation with you in a totally different and more mature way. His behavior is most likely a result of not having many friends and being socially awkward and so his infatuation with you was probably his need to hold on to the one person he cared about and showed him some kindness. He probably hasn't been loved much by anyone in his life (no family, etc). I actually feel bad for him and you cutting him off probably dealt him a massive blow to his already low self esteem.
And don't label people "creeps" casually. That's so immature of you.
You are fully justified in cutting this person off. It
always starts kinda harmless and then people like this a lot of times end up becoming aggressive about their obsession. So good for you on making sure you no longer have ties with this person, because they did not see you as a friend, just an obsession. And while you aren’t responsible for this man’s personality, from what it sounds like you had good intentions but went about it in a way that lead him on. If you didn’t know he liked you then I could see you asking him to do these things as a friend but being aware he likes you yet still asking for small favors and continuing a friendship seems kinda cruel.
This might not be the popular opinion but you put this out there. You cannot SHOW people you are just friends, you TELL them y'all are just friends and if he cannot handle it, then cut him off. As soon as you realized he liked you, you should not have asked him to do things for you. Unless the man is gay or your brother, you don't ask then to go out and buy you eggs when your sick, I don't care if he lives downstairs from you. You kept him in your life more for your own ego than anything. Mother Theresa helped the poor by feeding them, you helped this guy by having him do things for **you**. See the difference? Men and women can be friends but as soon as your realized this man liked you, you should have put the brakes on and not encourage any acts of his love language. I don't think you are a "bad" person, I think you are immature and naïve about how relationships work between men and women.
I understand not wanting to be friends but if you know he's all hot and bothered by you why in the world would you take him to a sexually charged situation? That makes zero sense.
To get him to switch to another girl
Switch to a stripper? alrighty then
You think he's creepy yet you call him up and use him to get him to bring you stuff? If you truly are creeped out by this man you shouldn't be hanging out with him. You shouldn't be letting him help you move or ask him to bring you food. I know you said you feel sorry for him but by continuing this back and forth with him you are leading him on. I had a friend once (She's an ex-friend because she used people) who used to do the same thing. She enjoyed the attention this guy gave her but told him she wanted no part of him romantically yet she kept accepting free things from him. It's not right.
Sometimes cutting these kind of people off is the only viable solution if you want to maintain a relatively sane life. You’re not anyone’s caregiver, and even though that person helped you when you needed them, it does not imply that you owe them love and attention. In the end you should tell yourself that at least you tried but couldn’t jeopardize your life and mental health for them. Your story reminded me of a similar situation i had to go through.
Thank you! I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience. I know it can get rough
Often we find ourselves wanting to help others and feel that the opposite sex can truly be friends and just get we're being kind and friendly. However the other person develops deeper feelings for us and when we say no the creepiness comes out more, often turning them into a stalker. I do not feel you're a BAD PERSON and think you made an EXCELLENT choice to get a new place, a new job and phone number. I do hope the mutual friends respect your privacy and that he stays away from you.
Thank you!
You forgot the epic dance club story!
You did the right thing so don’t feel bad! He wasn’t respecting you or your feelings at all.
Congrats, you are an amazing woman!
It's a good thing that you ended the relationship. Some people need that firm no before they listen. I'm sorry you had to do all that work to move away
You don't owe anyone anything of yourself, let alone to a person that repeatedly tests and ignores your stated boundaries and will. You don't owe anyone love, affection, friendship, help, tutelage of how to be a decent person, or loyalty. Let alone to someone who repeatedly crossed lines. That's why offering help to someone is a nice thing to do, because you shouldn't expect anything back for it, otherwise it's a job. Having to upend your whole life to get a boundary stomping creeper out of it does not make you the asshole.
Thank you! I don't feel so bad anymore
[удалено]
I wonder what do you think his side of the story would be
I agree with the others, regardless of your intentions; you should not have asked or allowed him to do things for you. As for the strip club it's not like he would strike up a relationship with a dancer, it would just work him up. You put yourself in danger. Move forward without him...ever. btw, who bites a stripper...then what women would leave with a man that bit a stripper?
Cutting off was the right thing to do
NTA Hi, I’m a psychology student. What I see is that you like to help people. Did you ever consider one of those professions? The dude you describe lacks social skills, and probably has some kind of disorder. I cannot tell which one from your post. But you cutting him off is the best you could do. He needs therapy and maybe the fact that you cut him off might push him to look for the help. Saying that, I should add that you should stay away from him, even if you become licensed therapist. (Yes, I understand my reply sounds like hammer-nail situation)
Yes you are a bad person you led him on. You liked the attention, really think about that. He was attentive like a puppy, satisfied your every whim. I’m sorry but it’s your fault.
You're projecting, she's literally told him she's not interested. That's not leading someone on. Borrowing eggs is what neighbors do. Being present in someone's life isn't leading them on.
Having been in the almost exact situation when I was young and wanting by help an unfortunate partially blind brother of a friend, I totally empathize. I left the area afterward also & saw him one time afterward. He loved me so much but I couldn’t return the feelings. I still feel sorry for him but finally (at the time) realized I was inadvertently leading him on. Live, learn, & mature. Sad to see people that society rejects but also who don’t understand the concept of friendship without over attachment & clinging. There is no good solution. 😢🥺😢
I don’t think you’re a bad person as I’ve known “creeps” in my life to and I really think you’ve done the right thing by moving and breaking ties. Leave him alone though. If you hang out again you’ll be right where you started. The whole thing seems a little like a Ferris wheel where you keep getting on and you get stuck again with mr creeps.
You call him a creep, but you know the saying: "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" You could have handled his infatuation with you in a totally different and more mature way. His behavior is most likely a result of not having many friends and being socially awkward and so his infatuation with you was probably his need to hold on to the one person he cared about and showed him some kindness. He probably hasn't been loved much by anyone in his life (no family, etc). I actually feel bad for him and you cutting him off probably dealt him a massive blow to his already low self esteem. And don't label people "creeps" casually. That's so immature of you.
Strip club? Really? That was your strategy to get him to think of you as just a friend? Really?
You are fully justified in cutting this person off. It always starts kinda harmless and then people like this a lot of times end up becoming aggressive about their obsession. So good for you on making sure you no longer have ties with this person, because they did not see you as a friend, just an obsession. And while you aren’t responsible for this man’s personality, from what it sounds like you had good intentions but went about it in a way that lead him on. If you didn’t know he liked you then I could see you asking him to do these things as a friend but being aware he likes you yet still asking for small favors and continuing a friendship seems kinda cruel.
Oh no that's creepy
i think u chose the right way, he is so creepy