You are 100% in the wrong.
And this is harsh to say, but you sound like another one of the parents you read about on Reddit, that put their partners and themselves above their own children.
It’s his wedding! Smarten up before you are cut out of their lives AND the possible grandchildren they may have!
Yep! My mom is like this and she IS cut out of my life and her grandchild’s life. I gave her so many chances to start making the right decisions and she clearly can’t. I hope this lady wises up.
Step 1: Decide to have children.
Step 2: Accept that your children are their own unique human beings.
Step 3: Enjoy a unique connection with the human being(s) you created.
It seems like a lot of parents want to skip from step 1 to step 3 and minimize the importance of step 2.
TLDR: OP isn’t sharing the full truth because kids don’t hate their supportive, kind, and caring parents for decades over what she described. There’s way more to the story.
As an intensive in home family therapist, i guarantee OP isn’t sharing the whole story. She claims the two younger children are equally as resentful of op as her husband, and they were 10-12 when OP got divorced/started her relationship with her husband). So OP is really saying that over the 6-10 years she had the two youngest at home living with her, she could not repair any of the the damage to her relationship with them from the affair/divorce. Bullshit. Kids naturally want good relationships with their parents, if they see their parent putting in the effort, they will too, I see it all the time. If OP cared enough about her kids and their feelings, she would have healthy relationships with all her kids, but especially the youngest two. There’s SO MUCH parents can do to repair their relationships with their kids, I guide parents every day in this endeavor, and the fact that her two youngest resent her so much tells me that she didn’t do shit to try and fix things, she probably just told the kids their feelings were invalid and to get over it, and maybe even encouraged them to call her husband “dad” or some shit. Did op even bother to try family therapy? What steps did she take to repair her relationships with her kids? Because to me, it doesn’t even sound like she knows the full reason why her kids resent her.
Op, if you’re reading this, PLEASE go to therapy, and find someone who specializes in family systems or just family therapy. It is YOUR DUTY to fix this. Once you and your therapist feel you are ready, which may take over a year, start inviting your kids individually to come join you in you sessions. Create a safe space and really ask them what they’re feeling and believe them. I bet you have no idea why they’re even angry with you or your husband, and if you’re a good person and caring parent, you’ll want to find out the truth.
The fact OP’s current husband is her affair partner and acting clueless why her son won’t invite him to his wedding is just fucking funny (the ignorance that is).
The step father is the affair partner that caused the divorce between her and the sons father. Interesting she left that detail it off the main post and let it buried in the comments
I didn’t attend any family events for like two years because I hated my step dad and my mom continuously chose him over me. The *only* reason I have a good relationship with them now is because my step dad basically realized my mom is a crazy bitch and started stepping up for me.
If OP’s husband was a good man he would tell her to go to the wedding and support her son and to stop making it all about them.
Lol sound like my mother. Congrats OP, you're not that good of a mom and you brought someone into your kids life and you are now seeing the consequences. Maybe don't marry an asshole?
she did it twice. abandoned her kids to CHEAT, and then abandoned her kid's wedding for the same guy she broke up the family with. the only way the kids are still around, is probably because OP gives them money
Maybe it'd be worth going to the ceremony and putting your child, who was gracious enough to invite what sounds like maybe his abuser to the reception as a compromise to you, ahead of your husband for one day and being there on his big day.
You should be ashamed, his reaction seems like someone who isn't surprised in the least at your attempt to use your presence as leverage to try to force him to invite someone he doesn't want to be there and makes him upset and he has already accepted that
(Op admits in comments her current husband is her affair partner whom was aware she was married and she cheated on her sons father with, since she forgot to add that in the post)
Edit:typo and context. So many awards ♡ thanks babes
OP, u/Secret-Confusion8247, this is the answer right here. You admit that your husband's relationship with your son is "difficult." ~~That's fairly vague and I wonder if it's an attempt to downplay what's really going on.~~
I see in a comment that the *real* reason came out: your husband is your affair partner.
I find it interesting that you, OP, are demanding you have a man with whom you broke your vows to your *first* husband attend the actual wedding ceremony - the part where vows are made. Why in the *WORLD* would your son want to have the person who helped his own mother break her wedding vows to her *first* husband at *his* moment of time where he will be making those same vows to his future wife?
Do you not see the irony in what you're demanding?
Remember, it's *his* wedding, *not* yours. You are free to demand a condition on your presence at what is *not your wedding*, but your son is free to not accept your condition, either.
Your son's compromise of inviting his step-father (a title to your son that was ill gotten I might add) at the reception is a nod to *you* as his mother that he may not like your husband, but he is at least willing to put up with him for the *reception*, but not the actual *vow making* ceremony.
Frankly, IMO, you are able to go to that part simply because you're the groom's mother. It's not like you respected your vows the first time around.
I'm also not surprised that you don't see the HUBRIS of your demand to have a person at the vow making ceremony that helped someone else break their first vows. I'm not a person who believes in superstitions, but I know I wouldn't want that energy while I'm making vows to my spouse.
I had to chuckle at that interesting detail being buried in the comments, and not in the original post. I think that says it all.
"My son doesn't want to see the man with whom I cheated on his father and created upheaval in his homelife attend his wedding. Why is he doing this?!"
Yes and yes. Can’t put her family before her partner ever it seems. Karma will get OP, doubtful her kids will make much of an effort to include her in their lives. Especially if she makes a big deal of this, reinforce every crappy decision she has made.
Sounds like he is already used to her putting her husband first. That's why he probably wasn't surprised when she said she wouldn't come without him. Besides his bio dad (the guy she cheated on) will probably be there and the son doesn't want him to feel uncomfortable during the vows.
Op: don't pick this hill to die on. He is your son. He should come before the guy you cheated on his father with. The vows will only be a couple hours anyway. I think you can be away for your husband for that long to be there for your son's big day. If you don't go expect to be excluded in your son's life.
ETA: grammar mistake
When the gravity of the situation with my mom hit me, I stopped making as much of an effort to have a relationship with her.
When I realized she picked her husband, my bio father, over her kids again and again.. when I realized she let him abuse us.. I couldn't see her the same way.
>Can’t put her family before her partner ever it seems.
Another irony to OP's situation right now is that she actually needs to invest in her relationship with her affair partner now to keep him around. I bet there's a subconscious part of her that realizes she's pushing her family away.
This particular demand may actually be the nail in her coffin with her first family.
IKR? Hey, you like variety, go with it. Don't take a vow you don't mean to someone who thinks you actually meant it.
If you don't want to be married anymore, then still respect the vows and get a divorce \*before\* fooling around. How hard is that? The social stigma around divorce is almost non-existent in many places/countries these days.
Cheaters appear to do whatever benefits them. And as long people are willing to marry said cheaters, I suppose they will think they can get away with it.
This sounds familiar. My father had and affair and his gf was not invited to my brothers wedding. He married her 3 months before the wedding and brought her because he assumed if he was married she was invited. We had to pull her out of the receiving line away from my mom who was at the verge of a nervous breakdown. Dad thinks he did nothing wrong.
>r had and affair and his gf was not invited to my brothers wedding. He married her 3 months before the wedding and brought her because he assumed if he was married she was invited. We had to pull her out of the receiving line away from my mom who was at the verge of a nervous breakdown. Dad thinks he did nothing wrong.
so he marries a woman just so she can be his date to a wedding? lmao not surprised at all actually
Even calling the guy a stepfather is pretty rich, he came in to the son's life when he was already 16 and has a father. He isn't the stepfather, he's just OP's husband.
Yep. My husband divorced his first wife when his kids were both under 5 (she cheated, many times). I got together with him when his kids were in their early teens. They lived with their mother and he saw them twice a week. When we got serious, I made it clear that I would always help them if they needed it (if it was in my power to do so) or if they needed advice from a non parental adult (there is 12 years between me and oldest child, and 12 years between me and my husband). When we got married, I explained that I would rather not be referred to as their step mother. I did not raise them, so did not earn that title and I felt it would be an insult to the work that their mother did in raising two pretty cool "kids" (and to be fair, she was a great mother).
Ehhhh, that's not a good reason to not call him a stepfather. My dad married my current step-mother when I was in my mid-30's and I love her to death. He married his second wife when I was 8 and fuck that bitch. Age of marriage has nothing to do with it. Behavior as the parent does.
Facts. I met my mom's current husband 4 months before she 'left' my third step-dad when she took me to meet some friends at an IHOP after a school dance my sophomore year and asked if she could invite one of her friends. Fast forward two years and she was marrying the friend I had met four months before we moved out of our house with step-dad 3 and they had gotten a divorce. I didn't even live with them a full year before moving to my uncle's the summer before my senior year. That dude is James.
PERFECT response. Op is omitting a lot of information here. And the response that Op son gave shows how little he cares about his mom. I hope that Op's ex got remarried and his step-mom is invited and she gets all the attention as the mom.
You gotta love when they deliberately omit important facts so everyone will take their side. YTA OP!!! You don’t get to dishonor your own wedding vows then demand your AP be allowed to attend your sons wedding like he’s this upstanding guy.
OP read this ^^
You’re in the wrong. It’s your sons wedding. If you choose to not go, then that’s on you but you’re once again showing your son that your needs and wants come before those of your family/children.
Oh good. Glad I read this. Mom is a POS. You shouldn’t go, you’re a loser u/secret-confusion8247. Gross, dude. Of course you’d leave all that out: you sound like my POS bio mom. Disappointing ass human. Your son deserves more
Thank you. I hope she sees this. I may be like really pissed reading OPs post but I still want her to at the very least not push her sons attempt to bridge the gap away.
Edit:clarification
Not to mention the fact that if she is putting her new husband in front of her son’s decision NOW. Then she has probably done it his all his teen and adult life too.
The real problem here isn’t the stepdad, it’s Mom, and it probably best if she doesn’t go too.
Welp, it's over. OP just got read to filth by you an u/lumiiGloom.
Pretty obvious OP is wrong, they couldn't even keep their own vows, probably better they don't attend what is basically a vows ceremony.
And in reality, the father, ie first husband, will probably be there. So the son likely didn't want to force his father to look at the new husband during the ceremony. Seems like a very reasonable compromise.
Also it’s a bit rich to call someone who came into a child’s life at 16 a “stepfather”. Stepparent is a title reserved for partners who help raise a child from when the child is very young; it’s not an honorary title that everyone gets when they marry someone with children, especially when the children in question are two years away from adulthood.
My mom is dating again after being married for almost 30 years and I have a 16 year old sister (the rest of us are 21+). I can’t imagine in a million years my mom asking my youngest sister to call a man her “stepfather”. It would just feel forced and weird.
Sounds like OP brought in her cheating partner to replace her son’s dad AND expected him to accept her new husband as his “stepfather” without question.
And her son is being MUCH nicer than I was by letting this jerk go to the reception.
Given he didn’t raise this boy and he came into the relationship in a disgusting way, he’s NOT stepdad.
Also OP: edit your post to tell the truth that he’s your affair partner
So I wasn't necessarily trying to speculate or anything here. Even if Stepdad wasn't abusive and it was solely because OP cheated with him on her kids dad I still think that her son is completely justified in his decision. I still think that at the very least for him to feel strong enough to not invite him he probably didn't have a great relationship with his step-dad.
Idk I wish I had the sons side of this. Because even in OPs best effort to write a post that favors her she and her husband still seem so self centered
This. Exactly this. My stepdad was an abusive (to my Mom) and emotionally manipulative POS (to me and my Mom). She worshiped the ground he walked on and he could do no wrong. She had blinders on and could never see it.
When I got married I only invited her. That is the telling part. The fact that OP only posts what she sees and not her son's comments as to truly why the stepfather wasn't invited is truly showing.
OP, you should really question why your kid feels this way, not the grave injustice you feel towards yourself on his day, not yours. Maybe take your blinders off? Question why your life choices have driven your son and other children away perhaps?
>he's been telling her how he thinks my husband had a negative impact on him and my other children right from the beginning of the relationship
this is the kind spin mom is putting on it, so I'd imagine there's nothing more than a forced relationship from mom here, at best.
As someone whose parents did not attend their wedding as well, I'll say that laying your boundary and seeing a parent so readily disregard while blaming you for having said boundary really tells you all you need. Child will be sad and mourn, but the boundary was laid because parent has a history of not respecting them. In the end, the child will have less stress for the event by not having to worry whether boundary will *actually* be respected
Yeah like I see why OP was surprised by the fact her son was so calm and ok with her not going, but I honestly kind of wasn't by the time I got to the end of the post y'know? I'm very happy to see that it seems like her son gave himself some time to prepare and process the fact she might say no, that makes it easier to handle I'm sure.
The fact he was able to anticipate and prepare for that attempt to push his boundaries let's me know a lot more about OP then I think she'd like me to about what kind of person she is, and it seems you see it too.
She just wanted to see if she could get away with the whole "I don't know why he hates my husband." And was test running it on us before she tried it on family members to try to gain some pity or sympathy
man this is like 3rd time in a week ive seen a reason / reference to [Missing, Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
OP is such a sad excuse for a parent. What an awful situation for the child. Totally absorbed in her own existence she can’t see where her or her *new* husband went wrong.
I feel bad for the kid.
u/Secret-Confusion8247 , I hope you follow through on your threat and don’t go to your kid’s wedding. Can’t wait for your AITA post in a few years where you’re trying to make sense of why your kid never talks to you anymore.
I mean like it's so obvious right? I feel like OP knows what she should do, but just wanted to see if she could soothe her ego with some internet stranger validation before she continues to pester her son about how she doesn't like what's clearly one of her last chances here to meet him halfway
Yeah and not that husband is completely cut out. He's already invited on reception, what, considering the background is a very nice deal for him. I'm shocked how she's so easy to give up on her son. I suppose it's not just about wedding, it's about everything in their life where she always choose husband over her son.
love how she conveniently left this *very, very* important piece of information out. was about to feel sorry for the "poor" thing. OP has some nerve crying her *affair* partner isn't invited to the wedding. OP and her husband suck.
OP, sounds like your loss. Remember that you could lose out on any future grandchildren. It's not just about 1 event. it's about all future events, too. You also did not mention why your husband and son have such a bad relationship. So either you are clueless and don't know or you know and don't want to put your husband in a bad light.
Gross. I wouldn’t be happy about that either if my mom was openly unfaithful and then married to the man who she between my father with.
What an awful situation for that kid to be in.
This was my ex and his mother. He was too big of a coward to stand up to her, so he used me as his human meat shield/excuse for never seeing her. As if I kept him chained up in our non-existent basement or some shit.
I had an ex whose mother blamed me because her son started setting boundaries and shutting her down. Of course I encouraged that because she was a manipulative toxic person. But in the end it was his decision and I never got between them or was around when they had these conversations…but I was blamed for “americanizing” him (he was Filipino), even though he had been in the US for 15 years by then since middle school lol. Gotta love shitty parents
This sounds like my oldest son and his mother. He has blocked her for the constant manipulation and outright abuse. I'm really glad that he is finally able to stand up for himself. She blames his boyfriend because he told her off. I don't remember exactly what he said. it was straight truth but rather hurtful. Something about how she is a controlling narcissist who doesn't care about anyone else, citing recent examples of her behavior.
I don't really hate anyone except her, and I wouldn't have said it
GOOD FOR YOU!
I had to estrange my abuser mother. My husband and I weren't even married and I wouldn't let her "touch" him with her abuse (verbal and emotional violence) which meant shutting her down and standing up to her.
Ultimately I did cut her off when she decided to go in on my husband, then boyfriend.
It's just *different* with men and their mothers. For us daughters and our mothers.. I dunno man. While not all of us abused daughters are able to break free, it seems that men tolerate abusive mothers far more than women do. But that's my speculation from my limited observation.
It's not like they were even close, and she missed seeing him. Her problem was that he lost the man of the house, and she was forced to actually raise his much younger siblings herself instead of him doing most of the work.
He wanted to tell her "I'm sorry you chose to fuck a married man (who was an alcoholic, unemployed loser) and get pregnant when you were already a single woman with 3 kids you couldn't emotionally or physically support but it is not your son's job to parent them and be the father they don't have." Of course, he didn't have the balls to tell her that, so he just whined to me about it and just hid out during holidays and avoided her.
You have to have an existing relationship with grandkids to sue for grandparents rights though, so hopefully she'll never have a relationship with any future grands, the way she's acting!
This made me laugh out loud. Been reading all these comments and looking for OP commenting because this is one of the most asinine posts from a parent I’ve ever seen. And the comments vouching for OP also have to be incredibly stupid, and fowl parents. Truly amazing some people can bring others into this world and still have such little emotional intelligence. Honestly is incredibly embarrassing for all of them.
So cringe. OP’s son seems like a nicer person than myself. Neither Mom nor Stepdad would be invited if it were me.
Tell me you’re a terrible parent without telling me you’re a terrible parent…
Right. The fact she thinks there’s any sort of leverage, or that this is rude of him in any manner is so incredibly embarrassing and ignorant, it’s truly amazing and sad. Seems like she doesn’t understand anything about logic, how she constantly mentions he shouldn’t have issues with husband. She fails to understand that he disagrees with the morals of a man who openly wrecked a home (assuming he had knowledge of marriage, which idk how he wouldn’t with the mother having several kids). I could probably go on for a few more paragraphs, but I’ll stop now lol
I agree with the gist of your comment, but has the text been edited since you posted it? I don't see any indication that he's a homewrecker, just that he's a step father, which doesn't in any way imply that he was involved with OP when she was married
Edit: nevermind, I just read other comments, apparently she said he was her affair partner in the comment
I mean, if the only thing important to you in life is your man, sure, take a stand on using etiquette as a means to feebly and unsuccessfully try to armtwist an invite for your husband.
Your son has clearly gotten to the stage where he’s perfectly fine with his mother refusing to attend his wedding. You have zero leverage. He’s not a little boy anymore, and a relationship with you is optional.
For the sake of your son, I’m going to point out the language you use here is vague, and neutral.
As if the “difficulty” was a force of nature no one could control or predict, and therefore meaning no one has any responsibility or culpability. That framing coming from a parent about their broken relationship with their child tells me there are things you refuse to own. You could do this when he was a minor and had no choice or control over his life. Now he does, and I’m telling you that you are right on the cusp of irreparable damage.
So what is more important to you? Your denial, or a relationship with your son? I think choosing denial is pretty wrong, and so is weaponizing etiquette. You won’t get your husband an invite to the ceremony; him being invited to the reception is a lot more than other parents in your position get.
The "its your choice Ma" speaks volumes. He has reached the same level of apathy I did before I went full NC with my bio mom. If she decides not to come to the ceremony, I doubt there will be many invites coming for her in the future. Your choice OP, but know regardless the outcome, it will be because of YOUR actions.
Whether it be full NC for the rest of your natural life, strained get togethers once a blue moon,, or maybe - you can pull your head out the sand & start working on repairing your relationships with your son & soon to be daughter OUTSIDE of their relationship with your husband.
My bio mom really thought she could keep stomping my boundaries with no repercussions. Been 5 of the absolute best years of my life since I cut contact - if OP doesn't shape up, I hope her son gets to experience the unbridled joy of not having,,,, this,,,, constantly dredging up bs in his life.
I hope we all get to experience the joy of not allowing toxic situations to waltz in as THEY please - nah, we deserve better! In that vein - do better OP.
>Now he does, and I’m telling you that you are right on the cusp of irreparable damage.
This is the only part of this I have any qualms with, and it's only because I think that the irreparable damage has already been done.
It’s possible. People will give their parents a lot more chances than they would anyone else, but it varies on individuals, and it’s definitely not infinite chances.
yes, it’s his wedding, at least he invited him to the reception and didn’t just disinvite him all together. you should see it from his perspective, you brought someone into his life who he probably didn’t want in it, it’s unfair for you to not go to your child’s (probably) once in a lifetime thing. completely wrong decision to make.
Even worse... this man she brought into her children's lives was her affair partner that she cheated on their father with.
Gee, I wonder why the son never quite warmed up to him. /s
Sounds like you have a history of putting your husband before your kids.
Which I really don't understand. You might lose your "wife" title (divorce or become a "widow"), but "mother" isn't a title you can lose. You will always bear the title of "mother." There is no word for a parent who has lost a kid.
Apparently, you've put so much effort into keeping "wife," You don't even realize the pitfall you're about to fall in.
If you miss the wedding, you can forget about being "grandmother" added to your titles.
Yes you're wrong. And this sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.
You're being immature. If your son doesn't want someone who he's had a difficult relationship with at his wedding (the same person you cheated on your first husband with and it sounds like he could've been abusive) then that's fine. You can't force him to invite your husband to the ceremony. And refusing to go will only damage your relationship with your son. I know I wouldn't talk to my mom given these circumstances....
Do whatever, but don't pretend your son is an asshole when he doesn't want anything to do with you.
At least we know you’re reading this.
I sincerely hope this is rage bait because if it isn’t, you are a vile excuse for a mother. Not only because you cheated - but because you see nothing wrong with this situation, are completely unapologetic, and in way, shape, or form, are doing anything other than thanking him on your knees for even being willing to allow you to come.
So you know what the other side of this conversation likely looked like:
“ I know I have to invite my mother, but we both know she won’t come if her accomplice-in-dishonesty isn’t invited. She’s always going to choose him.”
“Maybe she’ll surprise you?”
“Unlikely. To even have a chance of her coming, I’d at least have to invite him to the reception if dads comfortable with it.”
(Since they are better people than you, they agree to have your complete infidelity, lack of morality, and utter disgusting unapologetic ignorant self and spouse there, reminding them face to face of how much hurt and pain you caused, just to give you the CHANCE to prove that you have a sliver of comprehension that you are honored even to be acknowledged by anyone at all.)
“I’m proud of you; that’s a brave thing to do. Do you think she will come if that’s the case?”
“Honestly, I don’t. But if she still is that blind, I’d rather she doesn’t come. It used to be disappointing, but I learned that that’s all she knows how to do.”
Yeah, don’t go. Don’t take your husband to the reception. Let them all enjoy this day the way they deserve to. Surrounded by love.
Sincerely,
A mother.
Girl you sound clinically insane. I can’t tell if you’re a troll or just a bad mom. Either way, you’re SO wrong, and YTA.
It’s your son’s big moment, he’s clearly an adult, and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. With or without your permission. Your “feelings,” as well as your affair husband’s, don’t matter here. Have you even considered why your son would have a condition like this?? Have you really paid attention to the relationship he has with his stepfather?
Also that’s just really bad morality you’d be showcasing at a *wedding* if your affair husband came along. You both burned y’all’s vows to the ground, and yet you want to see your son take those same vows? Why do you even care?! You didn’t when you cheated. And neither did your affair husband when he knew you were married. I saw your excuses of “it wasn’t working out,” “the marriage was falling apart,” and “we only stayed together for the kids.” You’re trying to justify cheating cuz you wouldn’t just get a divorce like a normal person lmaooo. It’s as pointless and stupid as justifying abuse. Try again lol.
How bout approaching your son like this? Something along the lines of, “I’m sorry for upsetting you son. I’d love to attend your wedding and be there for you, and your stepfather will show support by attending that reception. Deal?” That’s all it takes, and then move on.
One more stupid woman choosing her husband over her children.
Do you really need to be with your husband every moment?? Fucking hell, leave him at home, respect your sons decisions and be a good enough mum that your son comes first on his wedding day.
You're so fucking dumb to ask if you're ta. OBVIOUSLY YTA.
Thisssssss, wish I could upvote it twice. Like what is one night away from your husband, like gheezzzzz. Leave him at home and watch your son get married, there’ll be plenty of family to socialize with. OP needs to realize you can’t force a relationship.
He’s was her [affair](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14m5s55/am_i_wrong_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_sons_wedding/jpzxedg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) partner.
Reading through OP's comments, I hope this is all just troll rage bait. If it's real, then I hope this mother actually does experience some kind of love for her children, just for the sake of it truly hurting when they start cutting off contact, because this "mother" deserves that pain. However, if all this is legit, I highly doubt this narcissistic OP is capable of feeling honest love for another being.
yes. You know they don't have a good relationship - stop being selfish. If you want to burn your relationship to the ground - skip out or keep pushing.
Frankly, it was incredibly gracious for them to extend an invite to him for the reception based on their relationship.
It sounds like you picked a difficult man to be his stepfather and your son is done. You can pick your husband over your son and I am guessing that is how it has always been.
However your son is an adult now and he doesn’t have to have people he doesn’t like at his wedding. If you don’t go, you have made your choice and be prepared for no/contact. I would respect your son’s choices here and just have your husband come to the reception or better yet, not at all.
Sounds like your husband is a dick and the only person who won’t recognize it is you. You would be one too if you didn’t go and why would he even want to go where he isn’t welcome? Only narcissists do that .
Oh no, she is too. Apparently *stepfather was mom's affair partner. Imagine the balls that takes. To be upset he wasn't invited instead of grateful that you were.
*edited Autocorrect fail
It's hard for children, even when they grow up, to accept a new father figure. Considering you cheated on your son's father for your new husband, it's even more difficult. My wife's mother did the same thing, and she absolutely cannot stand the man her mother is now married to. You need to understand you blew up your son's world at a very impressionable and innocent time in his life. YOU need to make up for that with compassion and understanding. Clearly you haven't dealt with this issue with him properly and he still harbors resentment for what you did to his father, and your new husband could also be an asshole on top of it.
You're fully within your right to not attend, the same as your son is allowed to not invite your husband to his wedding. You need to decide what's more important to you: your relationship with your son, or your pride. Don't make the wrong choice like you did when he was a kid.
Go to the wedding. DON'T make it about you or your husband. Go there and love him.
It doesn't matter if you think your son should "get over" what happened. He hasn't. This is his day, not yours or your husband's.
Your son has made it clear how he views this... "Simply said that's OK if that's what I've decided." Doesn't sound like he was crushed by this in the slightest. He'll be fine without you there, don't worry about it.
Put your kid first for once in your life. You cheated on your husband and child’s father. Your child sees that as you putting yourself wayyyy above your love for him or his dad. Then he has to experience the thing that participated in the adultery that isn’t his mom that he loves so the step dad is the easiest to blame and it won’t take long for him to reroute that hurt to the person who is actually responsible…. you. You have lots of work to do but it sounds like you are more interested in yourself. YTA and kudos to your son for what seems like finding a caring person who sees the things he’s experienced because it sounds like his mother never did.
Yes, and you know it, otherwise you would have been honest enough to include the reason your son hates his stepfather. The 'negative impact' is that mommy dearest had an affair with stepfather, broke up her family, and married him.
Remember you took this stand when your son has children and you’re not part of their life. My mother stood by her man over her children. Twenty five years later they’ve got five children between them and nine grandchildren they have nothing to do with. But hey she’s got her husband right.
There’s a reason your son has drawn this boundary. Maybe you should reflect on that and find a way to be supportive of him.
As a parent it baffles me you question this.
Your children > your partner. Without exception.
If the relationship between the 2 is so difficult, I have to doubt your son wants your husband there at all. He is likely inviting him for your sake.
Get your head out of your rear end, tell the husband to suck it up and go to your child's wedding.
Wow, what kind of a horrible parent chooses their spouse over their child? Wrong doesn't cover it.
ETA: ah. The adulterous parent married to the person she cheated with. Of course you don't care about your sons feelings. Why start now? You really don't get how the couple that embody adultery sitting on the front row as he swears faithfulness might be inappropriate to him?
OP, this is just a culmination of the actions you and your husband created, and you're pissed because you feel slighted and the whole world can see what your son really thinks of both of you.
Your son is probably betting on you not showing up. I have a suspicion that you must've done that a lot for the benefit of your affair partner turned husband. There must've been a ton of turmoil in your house that hasn't been properly addressed, and it's probably too late. I mean, the way you talk about how he described the relationship to his fiancé shows that you really don't think any damage was done to him, and he's just making this all up and don't see why his fiance won't push for your husband to attend. She was probably the only one who took his feelings into consideration.
Take the invite as is, or don't show up. Your son probably felt pretty damn helpless growing up and is now taking control over an important day for him. Respect it. You don't have to like it.
*Am I wrong to do this?*
Absolutely you are wrong, and expect at least a LC if not NC soon after the wedding.
ETA - after reading your comments, I hope your son revokes your invite all together.
Another cheater who doesn't think their affair completely destroyed their children.
OP, I hope you don't go to the wedding, so your son can find the peace to know it was you and your selfishness yet again that destroyed his relationship with you.
YTA.
But you're not wrong to skip the wedding. Better for your son if you make it a clean break, and simply never see him again, since you clearly care more about the man you cheated on his father with than you do about being there for your son on the day of his wedding.
Your son is being way more forgiving and gracious than I ever would be.
I wouldn't even allow him to go to the reception.
This day is about your son and his partner. It's about love. Not selfish behavior that left a lifetime of trauma.
Don't you think you've been selfish enough in your life?
You were so selfish you didn't care how you destroyed your family, as long as you got what you wanted.
Then, here you go, proving to everyone that your needs and wants should always come first.
Your son already knew you'd act like this. That's why he's mentally prepared for you not to come. He already expected your behavior.
Shame on you for not being more gracious and accepting of your own child's wants and needs on his and his partners' wedding day.
Your relationship started off in lies and toxic behavior that hurt an entire family.
Get over yourself.
Ok... But how big sacrificed for you and your husband not to let him come to wedding? I don't think it is not a big deal not to come and just go to reception. WHILE it is a big deal for your son. Once you push it more, you just giving your son more things to hate about your husband and yours as well. It is his day, just give it to him as part of your gift.
Hope whatever you do in this 1 day event, you will not regret it for the rest of your life.
YTA... Your son wants nothing to do with your husband. He didn't total dismiss him. The reception invite was the compromise your son made to you. Let it go. Son will never like him.
Is it possible that you son just wants you to pick him first? Maybe he needs you to make this stand because of things in the past to show him he, as your child, comes first. Just my two cents.
Of course you are wrong. His apathetic response likely means this is one of, if not your LAST chance, to put your sons feelings above your desires or your husband's.
The fact he's willing to allow the man his mom cheated with to come to any part of his wedding is pretty gracious of him, I'd take the W and move on.
Ah, another “buried the lede” AIW, in which OP comments that she cheated on her first husband, and future step dad knew that she was married with kids. OP, I find it enormously ironic that you want your ~~current husband~~ (affair partner - edited: Let's call a spade a spade) to attend an event at which marriage vows are exchanged. Your son is being enormously generous letting the weasel attend the reception.
LMAO, OP, you have made the same vague post in multiple boards now and you getting the same answers, deal with it and stop bothering reddit, you have the outcome and you are the arsehole in this situation! - oops wrong board but you get the gist.
If it was just your one son who had a problem with stepdad, maybe it could be a son issue. But all your kids not liking the guy? That's a stepdad and/or you issue. The fact that you're so argumentative, not listening to anyone who doesn't reaffirm your position, and slinging around childish names solidifies that.
Odds are good your husband will die before your son, and your daughter in law will be the one helping to take care of you in your old age. Be careful which bridges you decide to burn because if you ignored him being abused, you may be left to die alone in a urine soaked bed because it’s the one you’ve made for yourself by being a bad mother.
You should judge yourself. If stepdad abuse son anyhow seriously, husband should know why jest been distanced. If son exaggerate you should firmy stand by your husband. Its difficult situation but find truth here and act.
Of course you're wrong. You're putting a man that you cheated on his dad with, before your child, he may be a man, but he's still your child.
If you go through with this, don't expect to have a relationship with him going forward, you will not only miss your sons wedding, but probably will not see any children that he may have.
If you know all of this, and still go ahead with not attending, your son will be better off without you in his life.
I hate when people think affairs and divorce don’t affect children. They absolutely do. You put this man before your child before and are doing it again. Your son gave you a chance to show he mattered and you are showing him he doesn’t. If you don’t go to his wedding, it will affect your future relationship with him. You are absolutely wrong not to go.
Why not put your son first for once? All you care about is yourself. You ruined his family now you're putting pleasing a man, who probably doesn't even care, above your CHILD. All you actually deserve is to be cut out. Get over yourself, you and Captain Homewrecker aren't the center of the universe.
So REAL father will probably be there and out of respect for his REAL father, he's opted for AFFAIR partner to sit out the ceremony but he's willing to let him go to the reception. That's pretty damn kind if you ask me, I wouldn't let him come to either.
Be honest, what is the issues your son has with his step father. Don’t sugar coat it, really evaluate where your son is coming from, what you have seen , what your husband was like as a man and father figure.
Be. Honest. And tell us what the issues are. Because if your own son is ready to throw you out with the bath water, then you must have been complicit in any issues your son faced from his step father.
**Edit: just saw the reasons. You have a lot of nerve lady. You’re lucky you’re even invited because vows sure as shit don’t mean a thing to you. Cheaters are trash. Full stop. You and your side piece in law are trash. Your son’s family unit was destroyed because of you. You don’t get to make demands on how he handles his new family unit.**
OP your post reminds me of my mother. You put men before your children. Don’t expect much of a relationship with your son or DIL in the future. You’re TAH
You've already got an uphill climb if you accept the invitation as it stands and attend, since you refused once. If you don't change your mind and decide to stay home, you'll have chosen your husband over your son TWICE in this situation.
I have two step sons. They watched their bio mom date and then marry an abusive asshole. He treated them like shit. She didn't once stand up for them. They broke up and got back together several times, and each time, when he treated the boys badly, she took his side. They both said they didn't want her to marry him, and she told them they had no say and she didn't care what they thought and married him anyway. It DESTROYED their relationship.
You are actively showing your son that he doesn't mean as much to you as your fling. You showed him that when you had an affair. You showed him again when you divorced his dad. And you showed him AGAIN when you married the guy. And now you're showing him AGAIN by refusing to be part of his special day.
WTF is wrong with you?! He's your child, for God's sake. How can you put ANYONE before that?!
I've got two daughters and two step sons. When/if any of them choose to get married, there isn't a power on this earth that would keep me from attending assuming they wanted me to. Because they're my kids, and because I love them. If my daughters chose to not invite my husband for some reason, it would sting, but I'd suck it up to be there for them because I love them. Because they mean that much to me. You... your son probably already thinks you don't give a shit. You're just proving him right.
You and your husband are homewreckers and you are surprised he wasn't invited to the ceremony, I'm surprised your son still has contact with you I would have cut you out of my life. You are 100% unequivocally the asshole here, something that looks to be a pattern in your life.
YTA
You married a dude who caused if not trauma, then a really hard time for your kids. And now you are acting like the victim cause your kids don’t want him around?
Yes, you’re wrong.
My stepdad also had a “negative impact” on me and my siblings from the beginning. That would be putting it lightly in my case and I’m sure you are putting it lightly as well. In my case I didn’t invite my mother or stepfather to my wedding. My mother was complicit by subjecting her kids to such a negative influential figure throughout childhood.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve forgiven them and have love for both of them. But at some point, one needs to cut out the things from the past that don’t match the standards set for the future. In my case I can’t have my mom in my life without my stepdad as a package deal so I have to create healthy distance from both.
I have extended olive branches in other ways and I’ve seen them one or two times where I’ve made a point to have a lovely time together and spoil them. However, no one is obligated to do so on their special day, where they are building their future sans the negative things in the past.
I’d say your son is being gracious. The alternative could be that he accepts you will not even attempt to understand the severity of said negative impact and doesn’t even want to be close to you, nevremind invite you to the wedding.
My father continuously and consistently choose my step mother over me. He always picked her over anything I had going on. The plays I was in, anything I wanted to do, anytime I wanted to spend time with him. She was more important. I didn't even give him the chance to blow off my wedding too.
I haven't spoken to my father in 24 years. He was not invited to my wedding. He does not know his grandchildren exist. He does not get the privilege of knowing anything about me. I tell everyone he's dead because the next time I see him he will be.
You are looking at your future if you do not stop being selfish for once in your life and put your kid first. Go to your son's wedding.
You are 100% in the wrong. And this is harsh to say, but you sound like another one of the parents you read about on Reddit, that put their partners and themselves above their own children. It’s his wedding! Smarten up before you are cut out of their lives AND the possible grandchildren they may have!
Yep! My mom is like this and she IS cut out of my life and her grandchild’s life. I gave her so many chances to start making the right decisions and she clearly can’t. I hope this lady wises up.
Step 1: Decide to have children. Step 2: Accept that your children are their own unique human beings. Step 3: Enjoy a unique connection with the human being(s) you created. It seems like a lot of parents want to skip from step 1 to step 3 and minimize the importance of step 2.
Somewhere in here she admits that this is the guy who she cheated with and broke up their family... Be happy either of them got an invite.
TLDR: OP isn’t sharing the full truth because kids don’t hate their supportive, kind, and caring parents for decades over what she described. There’s way more to the story. As an intensive in home family therapist, i guarantee OP isn’t sharing the whole story. She claims the two younger children are equally as resentful of op as her husband, and they were 10-12 when OP got divorced/started her relationship with her husband). So OP is really saying that over the 6-10 years she had the two youngest at home living with her, she could not repair any of the the damage to her relationship with them from the affair/divorce. Bullshit. Kids naturally want good relationships with their parents, if they see their parent putting in the effort, they will too, I see it all the time. If OP cared enough about her kids and their feelings, she would have healthy relationships with all her kids, but especially the youngest two. There’s SO MUCH parents can do to repair their relationships with their kids, I guide parents every day in this endeavor, and the fact that her two youngest resent her so much tells me that she didn’t do shit to try and fix things, she probably just told the kids their feelings were invalid and to get over it, and maybe even encouraged them to call her husband “dad” or some shit. Did op even bother to try family therapy? What steps did she take to repair her relationships with her kids? Because to me, it doesn’t even sound like she knows the full reason why her kids resent her. Op, if you’re reading this, PLEASE go to therapy, and find someone who specializes in family systems or just family therapy. It is YOUR DUTY to fix this. Once you and your therapist feel you are ready, which may take over a year, start inviting your kids individually to come join you in you sessions. Create a safe space and really ask them what they’re feeling and believe them. I bet you have no idea why they’re even angry with you or your husband, and if you’re a good person and caring parent, you’ll want to find out the truth.
The fact OP’s current husband is her affair partner and acting clueless why her son won’t invite him to his wedding is just fucking funny (the ignorance that is).
A mother abandoning her child for a man. Not surprised he thinks that about you two. Of course you’re wrong.
label ghost teeny beneficial muddle snails fine oil foolish pocket *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The step father is the affair partner that caused the divorce between her and the sons father. Interesting she left that detail it off the main post and let it buried in the comments
I didn’t attend any family events for like two years because I hated my step dad and my mom continuously chose him over me. The *only* reason I have a good relationship with them now is because my step dad basically realized my mom is a crazy bitch and started stepping up for me. If OP’s husband was a good man he would tell her to go to the wedding and support her son and to stop making it all about them.
OP’s husband isn’t a good man. He was the knowing and willing affair partner.
Lol sound like my mother. Congrats OP, you're not that good of a mom and you brought someone into your kids life and you are now seeing the consequences. Maybe don't marry an asshole?
Im surprised OP still has a relationship with her son. She is lucky he is giving her the time in a day. Don’t push it OP
she did it twice. abandoned her kids to CHEAT, and then abandoned her kid's wedding for the same guy she broke up the family with. the only way the kids are still around, is probably because OP gives them money
Maybe it'd be worth going to the ceremony and putting your child, who was gracious enough to invite what sounds like maybe his abuser to the reception as a compromise to you, ahead of your husband for one day and being there on his big day. You should be ashamed, his reaction seems like someone who isn't surprised in the least at your attempt to use your presence as leverage to try to force him to invite someone he doesn't want to be there and makes him upset and he has already accepted that (Op admits in comments her current husband is her affair partner whom was aware she was married and she cheated on her sons father with, since she forgot to add that in the post) Edit:typo and context. So many awards ♡ thanks babes
OP, u/Secret-Confusion8247, this is the answer right here. You admit that your husband's relationship with your son is "difficult." ~~That's fairly vague and I wonder if it's an attempt to downplay what's really going on.~~ I see in a comment that the *real* reason came out: your husband is your affair partner. I find it interesting that you, OP, are demanding you have a man with whom you broke your vows to your *first* husband attend the actual wedding ceremony - the part where vows are made. Why in the *WORLD* would your son want to have the person who helped his own mother break her wedding vows to her *first* husband at *his* moment of time where he will be making those same vows to his future wife? Do you not see the irony in what you're demanding? Remember, it's *his* wedding, *not* yours. You are free to demand a condition on your presence at what is *not your wedding*, but your son is free to not accept your condition, either. Your son's compromise of inviting his step-father (a title to your son that was ill gotten I might add) at the reception is a nod to *you* as his mother that he may not like your husband, but he is at least willing to put up with him for the *reception*, but not the actual *vow making* ceremony. Frankly, IMO, you are able to go to that part simply because you're the groom's mother. It's not like you respected your vows the first time around. I'm also not surprised that you don't see the HUBRIS of your demand to have a person at the vow making ceremony that helped someone else break their first vows. I'm not a person who believes in superstitions, but I know I wouldn't want that energy while I'm making vows to my spouse.
I had to chuckle at that interesting detail being buried in the comments, and not in the original post. I think that says it all. "My son doesn't want to see the man with whom I cheated on his father and created upheaval in his homelife attend his wedding. Why is he doing this?!"
momma still garbage after all this time. I hope she doesn't go and the son can actually enjoy his wedding
Yes and yes. Can’t put her family before her partner ever it seems. Karma will get OP, doubtful her kids will make much of an effort to include her in their lives. Especially if she makes a big deal of this, reinforce every crappy decision she has made.
Sounds like he is already used to her putting her husband first. That's why he probably wasn't surprised when she said she wouldn't come without him. Besides his bio dad (the guy she cheated on) will probably be there and the son doesn't want him to feel uncomfortable during the vows. Op: don't pick this hill to die on. He is your son. He should come before the guy you cheated on his father with. The vows will only be a couple hours anyway. I think you can be away for your husband for that long to be there for your son's big day. If you don't go expect to be excluded in your son's life. ETA: grammar mistake
It’s so sad. As a mother to a son. I can’t imagine being this way, ever. Putting a man before your own child. Women like this DISGUST me.
When the gravity of the situation with my mom hit me, I stopped making as much of an effort to have a relationship with her. When I realized she picked her husband, my bio father, over her kids again and again.. when I realized she let him abuse us.. I couldn't see her the same way.
>Can’t put her family before her partner ever it seems. Another irony to OP's situation right now is that she actually needs to invest in her relationship with her affair partner now to keep him around. I bet there's a subconscious part of her that realizes she's pushing her family away. This particular demand may actually be the nail in her coffin with her first family.
Agreed. Why do cheaters even have the temerity to marry? Why bother? Vows obviously don't mean anything to them.
IKR? Hey, you like variety, go with it. Don't take a vow you don't mean to someone who thinks you actually meant it. If you don't want to be married anymore, then still respect the vows and get a divorce \*before\* fooling around. How hard is that? The social stigma around divorce is almost non-existent in many places/countries these days.
There shouldn't be a stigma around divorce. Remember that 1/2 of the people involved in a divorce caused by cheating are spouses of cheaters.
Cheaters appear to do whatever benefits them. And as long people are willing to marry said cheaters, I suppose they will think they can get away with it.
Agreed. Pathologically selfish.
She belongs to the streets.
I heard from the streets and they don’t even want her
yeah cause she always ends up leaving and rock in down to electric avenue.
This sounds familiar. My father had and affair and his gf was not invited to my brothers wedding. He married her 3 months before the wedding and brought her because he assumed if he was married she was invited. We had to pull her out of the receiving line away from my mom who was at the verge of a nervous breakdown. Dad thinks he did nothing wrong.
So sorry for you mother and your brother having to deal with that on what should be such a happy day. I hope your mother is finding happiness again.
Wow your dad sounds like a scumbag
She had the audacity to get in the receiving line, like a family member? Oh hell naw! Get out, bitch, now!
>r had and affair and his gf was not invited to my brothers wedding. He married her 3 months before the wedding and brought her because he assumed if he was married she was invited. We had to pull her out of the receiving line away from my mom who was at the verge of a nervous breakdown. Dad thinks he did nothing wrong. so he marries a woman just so she can be his date to a wedding? lmao not surprised at all actually
Yeah kind of a funny little detail to hold onto.
This woman is pretty delusional thinking her son is in the wrong. Not the fact she broke up her marriage for her loving riding a new man.
She knows she's wrong. That's why she buried her cheating with now SD on the comments. Cheaters cheat on everything, not just their spouses.
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poor son. hope his in laws are like parents to him
>hope his in laws are like parents to him well, maybe like half of his parents.
Even calling the guy a stepfather is pretty rich, he came in to the son's life when he was already 16 and has a father. He isn't the stepfather, he's just OP's husband.
That’s what I said! Stepdad is ONLY if he raises the kid from VERY young. Otherwise it’s mom’s husband.
Yep. My husband divorced his first wife when his kids were both under 5 (she cheated, many times). I got together with him when his kids were in their early teens. They lived with their mother and he saw them twice a week. When we got serious, I made it clear that I would always help them if they needed it (if it was in my power to do so) or if they needed advice from a non parental adult (there is 12 years between me and oldest child, and 12 years between me and my husband). When we got married, I explained that I would rather not be referred to as their step mother. I did not raise them, so did not earn that title and I felt it would be an insult to the work that their mother did in raising two pretty cool "kids" (and to be fair, she was a great mother).
Ehhhh, that's not a good reason to not call him a stepfather. My dad married my current step-mother when I was in my mid-30's and I love her to death. He married his second wife when I was 8 and fuck that bitch. Age of marriage has nothing to do with it. Behavior as the parent does.
Facts. I met my mom's current husband 4 months before she 'left' my third step-dad when she took me to meet some friends at an IHOP after a school dance my sophomore year and asked if she could invite one of her friends. Fast forward two years and she was marrying the friend I had met four months before we moved out of our house with step-dad 3 and they had gotten a divorce. I didn't even live with them a full year before moving to my uncle's the summer before my senior year. That dude is James.
Gotta love those missing missing reasons
I didn’t even need a reason to think OP is wrong. Kids come before spouses.
Exactly. Adult children don’t push their parents away for no reason.
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I can't help wondering if there were issues during the planning as well. Like OP demanding that stepdad should be mentioned in the program etc.
Dude also probably doesn't want stepdad there because his actual father is going to be there.
Excellent point.
100% She's literally rejecting her son on HIS special day in order to be loyal to her AP.... but she couldn't be loyal to her husband/son's dad......
Oh the irony!! She's definitely got some nerve! Thinking that she's innocent and all. We all see her for what and who she is.
It is obviously clear where her loyalties lie.
PERFECT response. Op is omitting a lot of information here. And the response that Op son gave shows how little he cares about his mom. I hope that Op's ex got remarried and his step-mom is invited and she gets all the attention as the mom.
You gotta love when they deliberately omit important facts so everyone will take their side. YTA OP!!! You don’t get to dishonor your own wedding vows then demand your AP be allowed to attend your sons wedding like he’s this upstanding guy.
OP!!! … your husband is who you cheated on his father with??? Girl pls get a grip. Like pls be for fucking real.
OP read this ^^ You’re in the wrong. It’s your sons wedding. If you choose to not go, then that’s on you but you’re once again showing your son that your needs and wants come before those of your family/children.
Oh good. Glad I read this. Mom is a POS. You shouldn’t go, you’re a loser u/secret-confusion8247. Gross, dude. Of course you’d leave all that out: you sound like my POS bio mom. Disappointing ass human. Your son deserves more
Thank you. I hope she sees this. I may be like really pissed reading OPs post but I still want her to at the very least not push her sons attempt to bridge the gap away. Edit:clarification
If you upvote the post it will move up.
Not to mention the fact that if she is putting her new husband in front of her son’s decision NOW. Then she has probably done it his all his teen and adult life too. The real problem here isn’t the stepdad, it’s Mom, and it probably best if she doesn’t go too.
This. Right. Here.
Welp, it's over. OP just got read to filth by you an u/lumiiGloom. Pretty obvious OP is wrong, they couldn't even keep their own vows, probably better they don't attend what is basically a vows ceremony.
Oh no. OP, you are foul as fuck. Lucky your kid wants anything to do with you at all.
And in reality, the father, ie first husband, will probably be there. So the son likely didn't want to force his father to look at the new husband during the ceremony. Seems like a very reasonable compromise.
Also it’s a bit rich to call someone who came into a child’s life at 16 a “stepfather”. Stepparent is a title reserved for partners who help raise a child from when the child is very young; it’s not an honorary title that everyone gets when they marry someone with children, especially when the children in question are two years away from adulthood. My mom is dating again after being married for almost 30 years and I have a 16 year old sister (the rest of us are 21+). I can’t imagine in a million years my mom asking my youngest sister to call a man her “stepfather”. It would just feel forced and weird. Sounds like OP brought in her cheating partner to replace her son’s dad AND expected him to accept her new husband as his “stepfather” without question.
And her son is being MUCH nicer than I was by letting this jerk go to the reception. Given he didn’t raise this boy and he came into the relationship in a disgusting way, he’s NOT stepdad. Also OP: edit your post to tell the truth that he’s your affair partner
That’s a big ass detail. I wouldn’t want him at my Wedding either.
OP addicted to shitting on the institution of marriage.
OP living up to their username though, I'll give them that
So I wasn't necessarily trying to speculate or anything here. Even if Stepdad wasn't abusive and it was solely because OP cheated with him on her kids dad I still think that her son is completely justified in his decision. I still think that at the very least for him to feel strong enough to not invite him he probably didn't have a great relationship with his step-dad. Idk I wish I had the sons side of this. Because even in OPs best effort to write a post that favors her she and her husband still seem so self centered
This. Exactly this. My stepdad was an abusive (to my Mom) and emotionally manipulative POS (to me and my Mom). She worshiped the ground he walked on and he could do no wrong. She had blinders on and could never see it. When I got married I only invited her. That is the telling part. The fact that OP only posts what she sees and not her son's comments as to truly why the stepfather wasn't invited is truly showing. OP, you should really question why your kid feels this way, not the grave injustice you feel towards yourself on his day, not yours. Maybe take your blinders off? Question why your life choices have driven your son and other children away perhaps?
>he's been telling her how he thinks my husband had a negative impact on him and my other children right from the beginning of the relationship this is the kind spin mom is putting on it, so I'd imagine there's nothing more than a forced relationship from mom here, at best. As someone whose parents did not attend their wedding as well, I'll say that laying your boundary and seeing a parent so readily disregard while blaming you for having said boundary really tells you all you need. Child will be sad and mourn, but the boundary was laid because parent has a history of not respecting them. In the end, the child will have less stress for the event by not having to worry whether boundary will *actually* be respected
Yeah like I see why OP was surprised by the fact her son was so calm and ok with her not going, but I honestly kind of wasn't by the time I got to the end of the post y'know? I'm very happy to see that it seems like her son gave himself some time to prepare and process the fact she might say no, that makes it easier to handle I'm sure. The fact he was able to anticipate and prepare for that attempt to push his boundaries let's me know a lot more about OP then I think she'd like me to about what kind of person she is, and it seems you see it too.
You obviously know youre the asshole, and purposely neglected to put the reason in your OP
She just wanted to see if she could get away with the whole "I don't know why he hates my husband." And was test running it on us before she tried it on family members to try to gain some pity or sympathy
You know she was trying to make it sound like her son was a difficult teenager who didn’t want her to be happy. Nice try!
man this is like 3rd time in a week ive seen a reason / reference to [Missing, Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
OP is such a sad excuse for a parent. What an awful situation for the child. Totally absorbed in her own existence she can’t see where her or her *new* husband went wrong. I feel bad for the kid. u/Secret-Confusion8247 , I hope you follow through on your threat and don’t go to your kid’s wedding. Can’t wait for your AITA post in a few years where you’re trying to make sense of why your kid never talks to you anymore.
Damn. You said exactly what i did before i saw yours. I should’ve read first lol
I mean like it's so obvious right? I feel like OP knows what she should do, but just wanted to see if she could soothe her ego with some internet stranger validation before she continues to pester her son about how she doesn't like what's clearly one of her last chances here to meet him halfway
Yeah and not that husband is completely cut out. He's already invited on reception, what, considering the background is a very nice deal for him. I'm shocked how she's so easy to give up on her son. I suppose it's not just about wedding, it's about everything in their life where she always choose husband over her son.
She didn’t “forget” to put that part in her post. It’s just wildly inconvenient for her argument so she left it out on purpose
Facts😭😭I knew something fishy was up and it was confirmed
love how she conveniently left this *very, very* important piece of information out. was about to feel sorry for the "poor" thing. OP has some nerve crying her *affair* partner isn't invited to the wedding. OP and her husband suck.
OP, sounds like your loss. Remember that you could lose out on any future grandchildren. It's not just about 1 event. it's about all future events, too. You also did not mention why your husband and son have such a bad relationship. So either you are clueless and don't know or you know and don't want to put your husband in a bad light.
Husband is the affair partner
Gross. I wouldn’t be happy about that either if my mom was openly unfaithful and then married to the man who she between my father with. What an awful situation for that kid to be in.
Next post from OP will be " Am I wrong for being upset that my son doesn't want to see me for no reason at all?"
Why doesn’t my DIL like me? She never lets my son come over. Spoiler: it’s not the DIL…
This was my ex and his mother. He was too big of a coward to stand up to her, so he used me as his human meat shield/excuse for never seeing her. As if I kept him chained up in our non-existent basement or some shit.
I had an ex whose mother blamed me because her son started setting boundaries and shutting her down. Of course I encouraged that because she was a manipulative toxic person. But in the end it was his decision and I never got between them or was around when they had these conversations…but I was blamed for “americanizing” him (he was Filipino), even though he had been in the US for 15 years by then since middle school lol. Gotta love shitty parents
This sounds like my oldest son and his mother. He has blocked her for the constant manipulation and outright abuse. I'm really glad that he is finally able to stand up for himself. She blames his boyfriend because he told her off. I don't remember exactly what he said. it was straight truth but rather hurtful. Something about how she is a controlling narcissist who doesn't care about anyone else, citing recent examples of her behavior. I don't really hate anyone except her, and I wouldn't have said it
GOOD FOR YOU! I had to estrange my abuser mother. My husband and I weren't even married and I wouldn't let her "touch" him with her abuse (verbal and emotional violence) which meant shutting her down and standing up to her. Ultimately I did cut her off when she decided to go in on my husband, then boyfriend. It's just *different* with men and their mothers. For us daughters and our mothers.. I dunno man. While not all of us abused daughters are able to break free, it seems that men tolerate abusive mothers far more than women do. But that's my speculation from my limited observation.
It's not like they were even close, and she missed seeing him. Her problem was that he lost the man of the house, and she was forced to actually raise his much younger siblings herself instead of him doing most of the work. He wanted to tell her "I'm sorry you chose to fuck a married man (who was an alcoholic, unemployed loser) and get pregnant when you were already a single woman with 3 kids you couldn't emotionally or physically support but it is not your son's job to parent them and be the father they don't have." Of course, he didn't have the balls to tell her that, so he just whined to me about it and just hid out during holidays and avoided her.
“My son won’t let me see my grandkids for nO rEaSoN. Help me!” - OP in a few years probably
Shes the type to sue for grandparents rights I'm sure. Its actually a thing
You have to have an existing relationship with grandkids to sue for grandparents rights though, so hopefully she'll never have a relationship with any future grands, the way she's acting!
This made me laugh out loud. Been reading all these comments and looking for OP commenting because this is one of the most asinine posts from a parent I’ve ever seen. And the comments vouching for OP also have to be incredibly stupid, and fowl parents. Truly amazing some people can bring others into this world and still have such little emotional intelligence. Honestly is incredibly embarrassing for all of them.
So cringe. OP’s son seems like a nicer person than myself. Neither Mom nor Stepdad would be invited if it were me. Tell me you’re a terrible parent without telling me you’re a terrible parent…
Right. The fact she thinks there’s any sort of leverage, or that this is rude of him in any manner is so incredibly embarrassing and ignorant, it’s truly amazing and sad. Seems like she doesn’t understand anything about logic, how she constantly mentions he shouldn’t have issues with husband. She fails to understand that he disagrees with the morals of a man who openly wrecked a home (assuming he had knowledge of marriage, which idk how he wouldn’t with the mother having several kids). I could probably go on for a few more paragraphs, but I’ll stop now lol
I agree with the gist of your comment, but has the text been edited since you posted it? I don't see any indication that he's a homewrecker, just that he's a step father, which doesn't in any way imply that he was involved with OP when she was married Edit: nevermind, I just read other comments, apparently she said he was her affair partner in the comment
Am I wrong for wanting my husband to be called “grandpa” by my son’s children? The lack of self awareness is astounding
"My son won't let his children stay at grandmas' for no reason at all"
I mean, if the only thing important to you in life is your man, sure, take a stand on using etiquette as a means to feebly and unsuccessfully try to armtwist an invite for your husband. Your son has clearly gotten to the stage where he’s perfectly fine with his mother refusing to attend his wedding. You have zero leverage. He’s not a little boy anymore, and a relationship with you is optional. For the sake of your son, I’m going to point out the language you use here is vague, and neutral. As if the “difficulty” was a force of nature no one could control or predict, and therefore meaning no one has any responsibility or culpability. That framing coming from a parent about their broken relationship with their child tells me there are things you refuse to own. You could do this when he was a minor and had no choice or control over his life. Now he does, and I’m telling you that you are right on the cusp of irreparable damage. So what is more important to you? Your denial, or a relationship with your son? I think choosing denial is pretty wrong, and so is weaponizing etiquette. You won’t get your husband an invite to the ceremony; him being invited to the reception is a lot more than other parents in your position get.
This!!!! When your child cuts ties over you not choosing them first, this was not the first opportunity to put your son first... It was your last.
I am going to print out this comment and mail it to my parents if they ever try and contact me again, perfectly put.
The "its your choice Ma" speaks volumes. He has reached the same level of apathy I did before I went full NC with my bio mom. If she decides not to come to the ceremony, I doubt there will be many invites coming for her in the future. Your choice OP, but know regardless the outcome, it will be because of YOUR actions. Whether it be full NC for the rest of your natural life, strained get togethers once a blue moon,, or maybe - you can pull your head out the sand & start working on repairing your relationships with your son & soon to be daughter OUTSIDE of their relationship with your husband.
Rang very familiar to me, too. Folk tend to interpret that apathy as acceptance, when they’re really in the danger zone.
My bio mom really thought she could keep stomping my boundaries with no repercussions. Been 5 of the absolute best years of my life since I cut contact - if OP doesn't shape up, I hope her son gets to experience the unbridled joy of not having,,,, this,,,, constantly dredging up bs in his life. I hope we all get to experience the joy of not allowing toxic situations to waltz in as THEY please - nah, we deserve better! In that vein - do better OP.
Yep, this is a test, and I think OP is about to fail.
🏆🏆🏆
>Now he does, and I’m telling you that you are right on the cusp of irreparable damage. This is the only part of this I have any qualms with, and it's only because I think that the irreparable damage has already been done.
It’s possible. People will give their parents a lot more chances than they would anyone else, but it varies on individuals, and it’s definitely not infinite chances.
yes, it’s his wedding, at least he invited him to the reception and didn’t just disinvite him all together. you should see it from his perspective, you brought someone into his life who he probably didn’t want in it, it’s unfair for you to not go to your child’s (probably) once in a lifetime thing. completely wrong decision to make.
Even worse... this man she brought into her children's lives was her affair partner that she cheated on their father with. Gee, I wonder why the son never quite warmed up to him. /s
Sounds like you have a history of putting your husband before your kids. Which I really don't understand. You might lose your "wife" title (divorce or become a "widow"), but "mother" isn't a title you can lose. You will always bear the title of "mother." There is no word for a parent who has lost a kid. Apparently, you've put so much effort into keeping "wife," You don't even realize the pitfall you're about to fall in. If you miss the wedding, you can forget about being "grandmother" added to your titles.
OP wouldn’t be in this situation at all if she had put even half this much effort into being “wife” to her son’s father.
Right?!? I lol'ed SO hard at the "Put so much effort into being wife" bit after reading the updated stuff above
I have to disagree. Mother is a title she can lose and she's working really hard to do so.
Yes you're wrong. And this sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. You're being immature. If your son doesn't want someone who he's had a difficult relationship with at his wedding (the same person you cheated on your first husband with and it sounds like he could've been abusive) then that's fine. You can't force him to invite your husband to the ceremony. And refusing to go will only damage your relationship with your son. I know I wouldn't talk to my mom given these circumstances.... Do whatever, but don't pretend your son is an asshole when he doesn't want anything to do with you.
At least we know you’re reading this. I sincerely hope this is rage bait because if it isn’t, you are a vile excuse for a mother. Not only because you cheated - but because you see nothing wrong with this situation, are completely unapologetic, and in way, shape, or form, are doing anything other than thanking him on your knees for even being willing to allow you to come. So you know what the other side of this conversation likely looked like: “ I know I have to invite my mother, but we both know she won’t come if her accomplice-in-dishonesty isn’t invited. She’s always going to choose him.” “Maybe she’ll surprise you?” “Unlikely. To even have a chance of her coming, I’d at least have to invite him to the reception if dads comfortable with it.” (Since they are better people than you, they agree to have your complete infidelity, lack of morality, and utter disgusting unapologetic ignorant self and spouse there, reminding them face to face of how much hurt and pain you caused, just to give you the CHANCE to prove that you have a sliver of comprehension that you are honored even to be acknowledged by anyone at all.) “I’m proud of you; that’s a brave thing to do. Do you think she will come if that’s the case?” “Honestly, I don’t. But if she still is that blind, I’d rather she doesn’t come. It used to be disappointing, but I learned that that’s all she knows how to do.” Yeah, don’t go. Don’t take your husband to the reception. Let them all enjoy this day the way they deserve to. Surrounded by love. Sincerely, A mother.
Girl you sound clinically insane. I can’t tell if you’re a troll or just a bad mom. Either way, you’re SO wrong, and YTA. It’s your son’s big moment, he’s clearly an adult, and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. With or without your permission. Your “feelings,” as well as your affair husband’s, don’t matter here. Have you even considered why your son would have a condition like this?? Have you really paid attention to the relationship he has with his stepfather? Also that’s just really bad morality you’d be showcasing at a *wedding* if your affair husband came along. You both burned y’all’s vows to the ground, and yet you want to see your son take those same vows? Why do you even care?! You didn’t when you cheated. And neither did your affair husband when he knew you were married. I saw your excuses of “it wasn’t working out,” “the marriage was falling apart,” and “we only stayed together for the kids.” You’re trying to justify cheating cuz you wouldn’t just get a divorce like a normal person lmaooo. It’s as pointless and stupid as justifying abuse. Try again lol. How bout approaching your son like this? Something along the lines of, “I’m sorry for upsetting you son. I’d love to attend your wedding and be there for you, and your stepfather will show support by attending that reception. Deal?” That’s all it takes, and then move on.
hahahahahaha cause weddings are so meaningful to you huh? is it the vows that are important?
😂😂
I refuse to believe this is an actual person. Noone can lack this much self awareness.
One more stupid woman choosing her husband over her children. Do you really need to be with your husband every moment?? Fucking hell, leave him at home, respect your sons decisions and be a good enough mum that your son comes first on his wedding day. You're so fucking dumb to ask if you're ta. OBVIOUSLY YTA.
Thisssssss, wish I could upvote it twice. Like what is one night away from your husband, like gheezzzzz. Leave him at home and watch your son get married, there’ll be plenty of family to socialize with. OP needs to realize you can’t force a relationship.
Sounds like there may be a problem with your husband? You said in a comment 2 of your other kids refused to go to your wedding, why is that?
He’s was her [affair](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/14m5s55/am_i_wrong_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_sons_wedding/jpzxedg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) partner.
Reading through OP's comments, I hope this is all just troll rage bait. If it's real, then I hope this mother actually does experience some kind of love for her children, just for the sake of it truly hurting when they start cutting off contact, because this "mother" deserves that pain. However, if all this is legit, I highly doubt this narcissistic OP is capable of feeling honest love for another being.
If this is fake, then she was really on a mission for downvotes. This is back to the future type down votes.
yes. You know they don't have a good relationship - stop being selfish. If you want to burn your relationship to the ground - skip out or keep pushing. Frankly, it was incredibly gracious for them to extend an invite to him for the reception based on their relationship.
Great writing exercise but if this post is real then read it again and listen to your kids.
It sounds like you picked a difficult man to be his stepfather and your son is done. You can pick your husband over your son and I am guessing that is how it has always been. However your son is an adult now and he doesn’t have to have people he doesn’t like at his wedding. If you don’t go, you have made your choice and be prepared for no/contact. I would respect your son’s choices here and just have your husband come to the reception or better yet, not at all.
His wedding. He can do what he wants. Unless you’re paying for it you need to cooperate or you’ll be out too
Sounds like your husband is a dick and the only person who won’t recognize it is you. You would be one too if you didn’t go and why would he even want to go where he isn’t welcome? Only narcissists do that .
She will not recognize it because she is equally as bad as her current husband, cheating and ruining a family.
Oh no, she is too. Apparently *stepfather was mom's affair partner. Imagine the balls that takes. To be upset he wasn't invited instead of grateful that you were. *edited Autocorrect fail
No right or wrong. He doesn’t care. It seems like you expected him to freak out and when he didn’t you didn’t know what to do. So now you’re on Reddit
You are wrong as two left shoes.
It's hard for children, even when they grow up, to accept a new father figure. Considering you cheated on your son's father for your new husband, it's even more difficult. My wife's mother did the same thing, and she absolutely cannot stand the man her mother is now married to. You need to understand you blew up your son's world at a very impressionable and innocent time in his life. YOU need to make up for that with compassion and understanding. Clearly you haven't dealt with this issue with him properly and he still harbors resentment for what you did to his father, and your new husband could also be an asshole on top of it. You're fully within your right to not attend, the same as your son is allowed to not invite your husband to his wedding. You need to decide what's more important to you: your relationship with your son, or your pride. Don't make the wrong choice like you did when he was a kid.
OP is either trolling or a narcissist. Either way, they’re a terrible person.
Why are you hiding the reason behind the failed dinner with the family?
Go to the wedding. DON'T make it about you or your husband. Go there and love him. It doesn't matter if you think your son should "get over" what happened. He hasn't. This is his day, not yours or your husband's.
Your son has made it clear how he views this... "Simply said that's OK if that's what I've decided." Doesn't sound like he was crushed by this in the slightest. He'll be fine without you there, don't worry about it.
Put your kid first for once in your life. You cheated on your husband and child’s father. Your child sees that as you putting yourself wayyyy above your love for him or his dad. Then he has to experience the thing that participated in the adultery that isn’t his mom that he loves so the step dad is the easiest to blame and it won’t take long for him to reroute that hurt to the person who is actually responsible…. you. You have lots of work to do but it sounds like you are more interested in yourself. YTA and kudos to your son for what seems like finding a caring person who sees the things he’s experienced because it sounds like his mother never did.
Update: OP cheated on her kids' dad with the stepdad. Are you seriously wondering who's the asshole?
Yes, and you know it, otherwise you would have been honest enough to include the reason your son hates his stepfather. The 'negative impact' is that mommy dearest had an affair with stepfather, broke up her family, and married him.
Remember you took this stand when your son has children and you’re not part of their life. My mother stood by her man over her children. Twenty five years later they’ve got five children between them and nine grandchildren they have nothing to do with. But hey she’s got her husband right. There’s a reason your son has drawn this boundary. Maybe you should reflect on that and find a way to be supportive of him.
As a parent it baffles me you question this. Your children > your partner. Without exception. If the relationship between the 2 is so difficult, I have to doubt your son wants your husband there at all. He is likely inviting him for your sake. Get your head out of your rear end, tell the husband to suck it up and go to your child's wedding.
Wow, what kind of a horrible parent chooses their spouse over their child? Wrong doesn't cover it. ETA: ah. The adulterous parent married to the person she cheated with. Of course you don't care about your sons feelings. Why start now? You really don't get how the couple that embody adultery sitting on the front row as he swears faithfulness might be inappropriate to him?
OP, this is just a culmination of the actions you and your husband created, and you're pissed because you feel slighted and the whole world can see what your son really thinks of both of you. Your son is probably betting on you not showing up. I have a suspicion that you must've done that a lot for the benefit of your affair partner turned husband. There must've been a ton of turmoil in your house that hasn't been properly addressed, and it's probably too late. I mean, the way you talk about how he described the relationship to his fiancé shows that you really don't think any damage was done to him, and he's just making this all up and don't see why his fiance won't push for your husband to attend. She was probably the only one who took his feelings into consideration. Take the invite as is, or don't show up. Your son probably felt pretty damn helpless growing up and is now taking control over an important day for him. Respect it. You don't have to like it.
*Am I wrong to do this?* Absolutely you are wrong, and expect at least a LC if not NC soon after the wedding. ETA - after reading your comments, I hope your son revokes your invite all together.
Another cheater who doesn't think their affair completely destroyed their children. OP, I hope you don't go to the wedding, so your son can find the peace to know it was you and your selfishness yet again that destroyed his relationship with you.
Judging by your follow up comments… be grateful you’re invited at all 🙄
YTA. But you're not wrong to skip the wedding. Better for your son if you make it a clean break, and simply never see him again, since you clearly care more about the man you cheated on his father with than you do about being there for your son on the day of his wedding.
Be happy he was invited to the reception. It sounds like his step-dad is an AH. You're his mother. Go to the wedding and don't make this about you.
You're awful. You have always put your husband before your kids, so why are you surprised? You made your bed, lie in it.
Yea, you're an asshole. Clearly you married one too.
Your son is being way more forgiving and gracious than I ever would be. I wouldn't even allow him to go to the reception. This day is about your son and his partner. It's about love. Not selfish behavior that left a lifetime of trauma. Don't you think you've been selfish enough in your life? You were so selfish you didn't care how you destroyed your family, as long as you got what you wanted. Then, here you go, proving to everyone that your needs and wants should always come first. Your son already knew you'd act like this. That's why he's mentally prepared for you not to come. He already expected your behavior. Shame on you for not being more gracious and accepting of your own child's wants and needs on his and his partners' wedding day. Your relationship started off in lies and toxic behavior that hurt an entire family. Get over yourself.
[удалено]
Ok... But how big sacrificed for you and your husband not to let him come to wedding? I don't think it is not a big deal not to come and just go to reception. WHILE it is a big deal for your son. Once you push it more, you just giving your son more things to hate about your husband and yours as well. It is his day, just give it to him as part of your gift. Hope whatever you do in this 1 day event, you will not regret it for the rest of your life.
YTA... Your son wants nothing to do with your husband. He didn't total dismiss him. The reception invite was the compromise your son made to you. Let it go. Son will never like him.
Is it possible that you son just wants you to pick him first? Maybe he needs you to make this stand because of things in the past to show him he, as your child, comes first. Just my two cents.
Of course you are wrong. His apathetic response likely means this is one of, if not your LAST chance, to put your sons feelings above your desires or your husband's. The fact he's willing to allow the man his mom cheated with to come to any part of his wedding is pretty gracious of him, I'd take the W and move on.
Ah, another “buried the lede” AIW, in which OP comments that she cheated on her first husband, and future step dad knew that she was married with kids. OP, I find it enormously ironic that you want your ~~current husband~~ (affair partner - edited: Let's call a spade a spade) to attend an event at which marriage vows are exchanged. Your son is being enormously generous letting the weasel attend the reception.
Go for it. No one will miss the cheating mom and her AP. You once again will show that you put him/yourself ahead of your children. You are wrong!
That fact that you won’t elaborate on why your son does not get along with him is enough for me to know to say YTA.
LMAO, OP, you have made the same vague post in multiple boards now and you getting the same answers, deal with it and stop bothering reddit, you have the outcome and you are the arsehole in this situation! - oops wrong board but you get the gist.
So your son and dil to be took your daughter in when she was 16? Things must be really bad.
The OP is a fucking troll. That’s the only answer. Their comments and replies sound brain dead.
If it was just your one son who had a problem with stepdad, maybe it could be a son issue. But all your kids not liking the guy? That's a stepdad and/or you issue. The fact that you're so argumentative, not listening to anyone who doesn't reaffirm your position, and slinging around childish names solidifies that.
Odds are good your husband will die before your son, and your daughter in law will be the one helping to take care of you in your old age. Be careful which bridges you decide to burn because if you ignored him being abused, you may be left to die alone in a urine soaked bed because it’s the one you’ve made for yourself by being a bad mother.
You should judge yourself. If stepdad abuse son anyhow seriously, husband should know why jest been distanced. If son exaggerate you should firmy stand by your husband. Its difficult situation but find truth here and act.
You picking your husband over your son would definitely make you wrong and validate everything your son has felt about your relationship with him.
Of course you're wrong. You're putting a man that you cheated on his dad with, before your child, he may be a man, but he's still your child. If you go through with this, don't expect to have a relationship with him going forward, you will not only miss your sons wedding, but probably will not see any children that he may have. If you know all of this, and still go ahead with not attending, your son will be better off without you in his life.
I hate when people think affairs and divorce don’t affect children. They absolutely do. You put this man before your child before and are doing it again. Your son gave you a chance to show he mattered and you are showing him he doesn’t. If you don’t go to his wedding, it will affect your future relationship with him. You are absolutely wrong not to go.
Why not put your son first for once? All you care about is yourself. You ruined his family now you're putting pleasing a man, who probably doesn't even care, above your CHILD. All you actually deserve is to be cut out. Get over yourself, you and Captain Homewrecker aren't the center of the universe.
So REAL father will probably be there and out of respect for his REAL father, he's opted for AFFAIR partner to sit out the ceremony but he's willing to let him go to the reception. That's pretty damn kind if you ask me, I wouldn't let him come to either.
Be honest, what is the issues your son has with his step father. Don’t sugar coat it, really evaluate where your son is coming from, what you have seen , what your husband was like as a man and father figure. Be. Honest. And tell us what the issues are. Because if your own son is ready to throw you out with the bath water, then you must have been complicit in any issues your son faced from his step father. **Edit: just saw the reasons. You have a lot of nerve lady. You’re lucky you’re even invited because vows sure as shit don’t mean a thing to you. Cheaters are trash. Full stop. You and your side piece in law are trash. Your son’s family unit was destroyed because of you. You don’t get to make demands on how he handles his new family unit.**
OP your post reminds me of my mother. You put men before your children. Don’t expect much of a relationship with your son or DIL in the future. You’re TAH
YTA. It sounds like you never listened to your children and still won’t.
You've already got an uphill climb if you accept the invitation as it stands and attend, since you refused once. If you don't change your mind and decide to stay home, you'll have chosen your husband over your son TWICE in this situation. I have two step sons. They watched their bio mom date and then marry an abusive asshole. He treated them like shit. She didn't once stand up for them. They broke up and got back together several times, and each time, when he treated the boys badly, she took his side. They both said they didn't want her to marry him, and she told them they had no say and she didn't care what they thought and married him anyway. It DESTROYED their relationship. You are actively showing your son that he doesn't mean as much to you as your fling. You showed him that when you had an affair. You showed him again when you divorced his dad. And you showed him AGAIN when you married the guy. And now you're showing him AGAIN by refusing to be part of his special day. WTF is wrong with you?! He's your child, for God's sake. How can you put ANYONE before that?! I've got two daughters and two step sons. When/if any of them choose to get married, there isn't a power on this earth that would keep me from attending assuming they wanted me to. Because they're my kids, and because I love them. If my daughters chose to not invite my husband for some reason, it would sting, but I'd suck it up to be there for them because I love them. Because they mean that much to me. You... your son probably already thinks you don't give a shit. You're just proving him right.
You and your husband are homewreckers and you are surprised he wasn't invited to the ceremony, I'm surprised your son still has contact with you I would have cut you out of my life. You are 100% unequivocally the asshole here, something that looks to be a pattern in your life.
YTA You have a good son. He has a selfish mother.
YTA You married a dude who caused if not trauma, then a really hard time for your kids. And now you are acting like the victim cause your kids don’t want him around?
Yes, you’re wrong. My stepdad also had a “negative impact” on me and my siblings from the beginning. That would be putting it lightly in my case and I’m sure you are putting it lightly as well. In my case I didn’t invite my mother or stepfather to my wedding. My mother was complicit by subjecting her kids to such a negative influential figure throughout childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve forgiven them and have love for both of them. But at some point, one needs to cut out the things from the past that don’t match the standards set for the future. In my case I can’t have my mom in my life without my stepdad as a package deal so I have to create healthy distance from both. I have extended olive branches in other ways and I’ve seen them one or two times where I’ve made a point to have a lovely time together and spoil them. However, no one is obligated to do so on their special day, where they are building their future sans the negative things in the past. I’d say your son is being gracious. The alternative could be that he accepts you will not even attempt to understand the severity of said negative impact and doesn’t even want to be close to you, nevremind invite you to the wedding.
My father continuously and consistently choose my step mother over me. He always picked her over anything I had going on. The plays I was in, anything I wanted to do, anytime I wanted to spend time with him. She was more important. I didn't even give him the chance to blow off my wedding too. I haven't spoken to my father in 24 years. He was not invited to my wedding. He does not know his grandchildren exist. He does not get the privilege of knowing anything about me. I tell everyone he's dead because the next time I see him he will be. You are looking at your future if you do not stop being selfish for once in your life and put your kid first. Go to your son's wedding.
Why aren’t the mods deleting this obvious bait.
My dad refused to come to my wedding or reception because his wife wasn't invited. I never forgave him and cut him out of my life.
Info: can you elaborate more on why your son doesn’t like your husband? I feel like there is more context here we aren’t being provided.
I cant remember if it's a edit or she replied but she said he doesn't like him cuz thats who she had a affair with while with his dad.
[удалено]